Act I, Scene I — [1765]…

Act I, Scene I — [1765]

[Enter] FACE, [in a captain’s uniform, with his sword drawn, and] SUBTLE [with a vial, quarrelling, and followed by] DOL COMMON.

Face. Believe ’t, I will.

Sub. Thy worst. I fart at thee.

Dol. Ha’ you your wits? Why, gentlemen! for love——

Face. Sirrah, I ’ll strip you——

Sub. What to do? Lick figs[1766] Out at my——

Face. Rogue, rogue!—out of all your sleights.[1767]

Dol. Nay, look ye, sovereign, general, are you madmen? 5

Sub. O, let the wild sheep loose. I ’ll gum your silks With good strong water, an you come.

Dol. Will you have The neighbours hear you? Will you betray all? Hark! I hear somebody.

Face. Sirrah——

Sub. I shall mar All that the tailor has made, if you approach. 10

Face. You most notorious whelp, you insolent slave, Dare you do this?

Sub. Yes, faith; yes, faith.

Face. Why, who Am I, my mongrel, who am I?

Sub. I ’ll tell you, Since you know not yourself.

Face. Speak lower, rogue.

Sub. Yes. You were once (time ’s not long past) the good, 15 Honest, plain, livery-three-pound-thrum,[1768] that kept Your master’s worship’s house here in the Friars,[1769] For the vacations——

Face. Will you be so loud?

Sub. Since, by my means, translated suburb-captain.

Face. By your means, doctor dog!

Sub. Within man ’s memory, 20 All this I speak of.

Face. Why, I pray you, have I Been countenanc’d by you, or you by me? Do but collect, sir, where I met you first.

Sub. I do not hear well.

Face. Not of this, I think it, But I shall put you in mind, sir;—at Pie-corner, 25 Taking your meal of steam in, from cooks’ stalls, Where, like the father of hunger, you did walk Piteously costive, with your pinch’d-horn-nose, And your complexion of the Roman wash,[1770] Stuck full of black and melancholic worms. 30 Like powder-corns[1771] shot at the artillery-yard.

Sub. I wish you could advance your voice a little.

Face. When you went pinn’d up in the several rags You had rak’d and pick’d from dunghills, before day; Your feet in mouldy slippers, for your kibes;[1772] A felt of rug,[1773] and a thin threaden cloak, 36 That scarce would cover your no-buttocks——

Sub. So, sir!

Face. When all your alchemy, and your algebra, Your minerals, vegetals, and animals, Your conjuring, coz’ning;[1774] and your dozen of trades, 40 Could not relieve your corpse with so much linen Would make you tinder, but to see a fire; I ga’ you count’nance, credit for your coals, Your stills, your glasses, your materials; Built you a furnace, drew you customers, 45 Advanc’d all your black arts; lent you, beside, A house to practise in——

Sub. Your master’s house!

Face. Where you have studied the more thriving skill Of bawdry, since.

Sub. Yes, in your master’s house. You and the rats here kept possession. 50 Make it not strange.[1775] I know you were one could keep The buttery-hatch still lock’d, and save the chippings, Sell the dole beer to aqua-vitae men,[1776] The which, together with your Christmas vails[1777] At post-and-pair,[1778] your letting out of counters,[1779] 55 Made you a pretty stock, some twenty marks, And gave you credit to converse with cobwebs, Here, since your mistress’ death hath broke up house.

Face. You might talk softlier, rascal.

Sub. No, you scarab, I’ll thunder you in pieces. I will teach you 60 How to beware to tempt a Fury again That carries tempest in his hand and voice.

Face. The place has made you valiant.

Sub. No, your clothes. Thou vermin, have I ta’en thee out of dung, So poor, so wretched, when no living thing 65 Would keep thee company, but a spider or worse? Rais’d thee from brooms, and dust, and wat’ring-pots, Sublim’d thee, and exalted thee, and fix’d thee In the third region,[1780] call’d our state of grace? Wrought thee to spirit, to quintessence, with pains 70 Would twice have won me the philosopher’s work? Put thee in words and fashion? made thee fit For more than ordinary fellowships? Giv’n thee thy oaths, thy quarrelling dimensions? Thy rules to cheat at horse-race, cock-pit, cards, Dice, or whatever gallant tincture[1781] else? 76 Made thee a second in mine own great art? And have I this for thanks! Do you rebel? Do you fly out i’ the projection?[1782] Would you be gone now?

Dol. Gentlemen, what mean you? 80 Will you mar all?

Sub. Slave, thou hadst had no name——

Dol. Will you undo yourselves with civil war?

Sub. Never been known, past equi clibanum, The heat of horse-dung, under ground, in cellars, Or an ale-house darker than deaf John’s; been lost 85 To all mankind, but laundresses and tapsters, Had not I been.

Dol. Do you know who hears you, sovereign?

Face. Sirrah——

Dol. Nay, general, I thought you were civil.

Face. I shall turn desperate, if you grow thus loud.

Sub. And hang thyself, I care not.

Face. Hang thee, collier, And all thy pots and pans, in picture I will, 91 Since thou hast mov’d me——

Dol. [Aside] O, this ’ll o’erthrow all.

Face. Write thee up bawd in Paul’s; have all thy tricks Of coz’ning with a hollow coal, dust, scrapings, Searching for things lost, with a sieve and shears, 95 Erecting figures in your rows of houses,[1783] And taking in of shadows with a glass, Told in red letters; and a face cut for thee, Worse than Gamaliel Ratsey’s.[1784]

Dol. Are you sound? Ha’ you your senses, masters?

Face. I will have 100 A book, but rarely reckoning thy impostures, Shall prove a true philosopher’s stone to printers.

Sub. Away, you trencher-rascal!

Face. Out, you dog-leech! The vomit of all prisons——

Dol. Will you be Your own destructions, gentlemen?

Face. Still spew’d out 105 For lying too heavy o’ the basket.[1785]

Sub. Cheater!

Face. Bawd!

Sub. Cow-herd!

Face. Conjurer!

Sub. Cutpurse!

Face. Witch!

Dol. O me! We are ruin’d, lost! Ha’ you no more regard To your reputations? Where ’s your judgment? ’Slight, 109 Have yet some care of me, o’ your republic——

Face. Away, this brach![1786] I ’ll bring thee, rogue, within The statute of sorcery, tricesimo tertio Of Harry the Eighth:[1787] ay, and perhaps thy neck Within a noose, for laund’ring gold and barbing it.[1788]

Dol. You’ll bring your head within a cockscomb, will you?[1789] 115 She catcheth out FACE his sword, and breaks SUBTLE’S glass. And you, sir, with your menstrue![1790]—Gather it up. ’Sdeath, you abominable pair of stinkards, Leave off your barking, and grow one again, Or, by the light that shines, I’ll cut your throats. I’ll not be made a prey unto the marshal 120 For ne’er a snarling dog-bolt[1791] o’ you both. Ha’ you together cozen’d all this while, And all the world, and shall it now be said, You’ve made most courteous shift to cozen yourselves? [To FACE.] You will accuse him! You will “bring him in Within the statute!” Who shall take your word? 126 A whoreson, upstart, apocryphal captain, Whom not a Puritan in Blackfriars will trust So much as for a feather: and you, too, [to SUBTLE] Will give the cause, forsooth! You will insult, And claim a primacy in the divisions! 131 You must be chief! As if you, only, had The powder to project[1792] with, and the work Were not begun out of equality! 134 The venture tripartite! All things in common! Without priority! ’Sdeath! you perpetual curs, Fall to your couples again, and cozen kindly, And heartily, and lovingly, as you should, And lose not the beginning of a term, Or, by this hand, I shall grow factions too, 140 And take my part, and quit you.

Face. ’T is his fault; He ever murmurs, and objects his pains, And says, the weight of all lies upon him.

Sub. Why, so it does.

Dol. How does it? Do not we Sustain our parts?

Sub. Yes, but they are not equal. 145

Dol. Why, if your part exceed to-day, I hope Ours may to-morrow match it.

Sub. Ay, they may.

Dol. May, murmuring mastiff! Ay, and do. Death on me! Help me to throttle him. [Seizes SUB. by the throat.]

Sub. Dorothy! Mistress Dorothy! ’Ods precious, I’ll do anything. What do you mean? 150

Dol. Because o’ your fermentation and cibation?[1793]

Sub. Not I, by heaven——

Dol. Your Sol and Luna——help me. [To FACE.]

Sub. Would I were hang’d then! I ’ll conform myself.

Dol. Will you, sir? Do so then, and quickly: swear.

Sub. What should I swear?

Dol. To leave your faction,[1794] sir, And labour kindly in the common work. 156

Sub. Let me not breathe if I meant aught beside. I only us’d those speeches as a spur To him.

Dol. I hope we need no spurs, sir. Do we?

Face. ’Slid, prove to-day who shall shark best.

Sub. Agreed. 160

Dol. Yes, and work close and friendly.

Sub. ’Slight, the knot Shall grow the stronger for this breach, with me. [They shake hands.]

Dol. Why, so, my good baboons! Shall we go make A sort[1795] of sober, scurvy, precise neighbours, That scarce have smil’d twice sin’ the king came in.[1796] 165 A feast of laughter at our follies? Rascals, Would run themselves from breath, to see me ride, Or you t’ have but a hole to thrust your heads in,[1797] For which you should pay ear-rent?[1798] No, agree. And may Don Provost ride a feasting long, 170 In his old velvet jerkin and stain’d scarfs, My noble sovereign, and worthy general, Ere we contribute a new crewel[1799] garter To his most worsted worship.

Sub. Royal Dol! Spoken like Claridiana,[1800] and thyself. 175

Face. For which at supper, thou shalt sit in triumph, And not be styl’d Dol Common, but Dol Proper, Dol Singular: the longest cut at night, Shall draw thee for his Dol Particular.

[Bell rings without.]

Sub. Who’s that? One rings. To the window. Dol: [Exit DOL.]—Pray heav’n, 180 The master do not trouble us this quarter.

Face. O, fear not him. While there dies one a week O’ the plague, he’s safe from thinking toward London. Beside, he ’s busy at his hop-yards now; I had a letter from him. If he do, 185 He’ll send such word, for airing o’ the house, As you shall have sufficient time to quit it: Though we break up a fortnight, ’t is no matter.

Re-enter DOL.

Sub. Who is it, Dol?

Dol. A fine young quodling.[1801]

Face. O, My lawyer’s clerk, I lighted on last night, 190 In Holborn, at the Dagger. He would have (I told you of him) a familiar, To rifle with at horses, and win cups.

Dol. O, let him in.

Sub. Stay. Who shall do’t?

Face. Get you 195 Your robes on; I will meet him, as going out.

Dol. And what shall I do?

Face. Not be seen; away! [Exit DOL.] Seem you very reserv’d.

Sub. Enough. [Exit.]

Face. [aloud and retiring.] God be wi’ you, sir, I pray you let him know that I was here: His name is Dapper. I would gladly have staid, but——

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Act I, Scene II — [1802]

FACE.

Dap. [within.] Captain, I am here.

Face. Who’s that?—He’s come, I think, doctor. [Enter DAPPER.] Good faith, sir, I was going away.

Dap. In truth, I am very sorry, captain.

Face. But I thought Sure I should meet you.

Dap. Ay, I am very glad, I had a scurvy writ or two to make, 5 And I had lent my watch last night to one That dines to-day at the sheriff’s, and so was robb’d Of my pass-time.[1803] [Re-enter SUBTLE in his velvet cap and gown.] Is this the cunning-man?

Face. This is his worship.

Dap. Is he a doctor?

Face. Yes.

Dap. And ha’ you broke[1804] with him, captain?

Face. Ay.

Dap. And how? 10

Face. Faith, he does make the matter, sir, so dainty,[1805] I know not what to say.

Dap. Not so, good captain.

Face. Would I were fairly rid on ’t, believe me.

Dap. Nay, now you grieve me, sir. Why should you wish so? I dare assure you, I’ll not be ungrateful. 15

Face. I cannot think you will, sir. But the law Is such a thing——and then he says, Read’s[1806] matter Falling so lately——

Dap. Read! he was an ass, And dealt, sir, with a fool.

Face. It was a clerk, sir. 19

Dap. A clerk!

Face. Nay, hear me, sir. You know the law Better, I think——

Dap. I should, sir, and the danger: You know, I show’d the statute to you.

Face. You did so.

Dap. And will I tell then! By this hand of flesh, Would it might never write good courthand more, If I discover.[1807] What do you think of me, 25 That I am a chiaus?[1808]

Face. What’s that?

Dap. The Turk was here. As one would say, do you think I am a Turk?

Face. I’ll tell the doctor so.

Dap. Do, good sweet captain.

Face. Come, noble doctor, pray thee let’s prevail; This is the gentleman, and he is no chiaus. 30

Sub. Captain, I have return’d you all my answer. I would do much, sir, for your love——But this I neither may, nor can.

Face. Tut, do not say so. You deal now with a noble fellow, doctor, One that will thank you richly; and he’s no chiaus: 35 Let that, sir, move you.

Sub. Pray you, forbear——

Face. He has Four angels here.

Sub. You do me wrong, good sir.

Face. Doctor, wherein? To tempt you with these spirits?

Sub. To tempt my art and love, sir, to my peril. ’Fore heav’n, I scarce can think you are my friend, 40 That so would draw me to apparent danger.

Face. I draw you! A horse draw you, and a halter, You, and your flies[1809] together——

Dap. Nay, good captain.

Face. That know no difference of men.

Sub. Good words, sir.

Face. Good deeds, sir, doctor dogs’-meat. ’Slight, I bring you 45 No cheating Clim o’ the Cloughs[1810] or Claribels,[1811] That look as big as five-and-fifty, and flush;[1812] And spit out secrets like hot custard——

Dap. Captain!

Face. Nor any melancholic underscribe, Shall tell the vicar; but a special gentle, 50 That is the heir to forty marks a year, Consorts with the small poets of the time, Is the sole hope of his old grandmother; That knows the law, and writes you six fair hands, Is a fine clerk, and has his ciph’ring perfect, 56 Will take his oath o’ the Greek Xenophon,[1813] If need be, in his pocket; and can court His mistress out of Ovid.

Dap. Nay, dear captain——

Face. Did you not tell me so?

Dap. Yes; but I ’d ha’ you Use master doctor with some more respect. 60

Face. Hang him, proud stag, with his broad velvet head!— But for your sake, I ’d choke ere I would change An article of breath with such a puck-fist![1814] Come, let ’s be gone. [Going.]

Sub. Pray you le’ me speak with you.

Dap. His worship calls you, captain.

Face. I am sorry I e’er embark’d myself in such a business. 66

Dap. Nay, good sir; he did call you.

Face. Will he take then?

Sub. First, hear me——

Face. Not a syllable, ’less you take.

Sub. Pray ye, sir——

Face. Upon no terms but an assumpsit.[1815]

Sub. Your humour must be law. He takes the money.

Face. Why now, sir, talk. 70 Now I dare hear you with mine honour. Speak. So may this gentleman too.

Sub. Why, sir—— [Offering to whisper FACE.]

Face. No whisp’ring.

Sub. ’Fore heav’n, you do not apprehend the loss You do yourself in this.

Face. Wherein? for what?

Sub. Marry, to be so importunate for one 75 That, when he has it, will undo you all: He ’ll win up all the money i’ the town.

Face. How?

Sub. Yes, and blow up gamester after gamester, As they do crackers in a puppet-play. If I do give him a familiar, 80 Give you him all you play for; never set[1816] him: For he will have it.

Face. You ’re mistaken, doctor. Why, he does ask one but for cups and horses, A rifling[1817] fly; none o’ your great familiars.

Dap. Yes, captain, I would have it for all games. 85

Sub. I told you so.

Face. [taking DAP. aside.] ’Slight, that is a new business! I understood you, a tame bird, to fly Twice in a term, or so, on Friday nights, When you had left the office; for a nag Of forty or fifty shillings.

Dap. Ay, ’t is true, sir; 90 But I do think, now, I shall leave the law, And therefore——

Face. Why, this changes quite the case. Do you think that I dare move him?

Dap. If you please, sir; All ’s one to him, I see.

Face. What! for that money? 94 I cannot with my conscience; nor should you Make the request, methinks.

Dap. No, sir, I mean To add consideration.

Face. Why, then, sir, I ’ll try. [Goes to SUBTLE.] Say that it were for all games, doctor?

Sub. I say then, not a mouth shall eat for him At any ordinary,[1818] but o’ the score,[1819] 100 That is a gaming mouth, conceive me.

Face. Indeed!

Sub. He ’ll draw you all the treasure of the realm, If it be set him.

Face. Speak you this from art?

Sub. Ay, sir, and reason too, the ground of art. He is o’ the only best complexion, 105 The queen of Fairy loves.

Face. What! Is he?

Sub. Peace. He ’ll overhear you. Sir, should she but see him——

Face. What?

Sub. Do not you tell him.

Face. Will he win at cards too?

Sub. The spirits of dead Holland, living Isaac,[1820] 110 You ’d swear, were in him; such a vigorous luck As cannot be resisted. ’Slight, he ’ll put Six o’ your gallants to a cloak,[1821] indeed.

Face. A strange success, that some man shall be born to!

Sub. He hears you, man——

Dap. Sir, I ’ll not be ingrateful.

Face. Faith, I have a confidence in his good nature: 115 You hear, he says he will not be ingrateful.

Sub. Why, as you please; my venture follows yours.

Face. Troth, do it, doctor; think him trusty, and make him. He may make us both happy in an hour; Win some five thousand pound, and send us two on ’t. 120

Dap. Believe it, and I will, sir.

Face. And you shall, sir. You have heard all? FACE takes him aside.

Dap. No, what was ’t? Nothing, I, sir.

Face. Nothing?

Dap. A little, sir.

Face. Well, a rare star Reign’d at your birth.

Dap. At mine, sir! No.

Face. The doctor Swears that you are——

Sub. Nay, captain, you ’ll tell all now. 125

Face. Allied to the queen of Fairy.

Dap. Who! That I am? Believe it, no such matter——

Face. Yes, and that You were born with a caul o’ your head.

Dap. Who says so?

Face. Come You know it well enough, though you dissemble it. 129

Dap. I’ fac,[1822] I do not; you are mistaken.

Face. How! Swear by your fac, and in a thing so known Unto the doctor? How shall we, sir, trust you I’ the other matter? Can we ever think, When you have won five or six thousand pound, You ’ll send us shares in ’t, by this rate?

Dap. By Jove, sir, 135 I ’ll win ten thousand pound, and send you half. I’ fac’s no oath.

Sub. No, no, he did but jest.

Face. Go to. Go thank the doctor. He ’s your friend, To take it so.

Dap. I thank his worship.

Face. So! Another angel.

Dap. Must I?

Face. Must you! ’Slight, 140 What else is thanks? Will you be trivial?—Doctor, [DAPPER gives him the money.] When must he come for his familiar?

Dap. Shall I not ha’ it with me?

Sub. O, good sir! There must a world of ceremonies pass; You must be bath’d and fumigated first: 145 Besides, the queen of Fairy does not rise Till it be noon.

Face. Not if she danc’d to-night.

Sub. And she must bless it.

Face. Did you never see Her royal grace yet?

Dap. Whom?

Face. Your aunt of Fairy?

Sub. Not since she kist him in the cradle, captain; 150 I can resolve you that.

Face. Well, see her grace, Whate’er it cost you, for a thing that I know. It will be somewhat hard to compass; but However, see her. You are made, believe it, 154 If you can see her. Her grace is a lone woman, And very rich; and if she take a fancy, She will do strange things. See her, at any hand. ’Slid, she may hap to leave you all she has! It is the doctor’s fear.

Dap. How will ’t be done, then?

Face. Let me alone, take you no thought. Do you 160 But say to me, “Captain, I ’ll see her grace.”

Dap. “Captain, I ’ll see her grace.”

Face. Enough. One knocks without.

Sub. Who ’s there? Anon.—[Aside to FACE.] Conduct him forth by the back way. Sir, against one o’clock prepare yourself; Till when you must be fasting; only take 165 Three drops of vinegar in at your nose, Two at your mouth, and one at either ear; Then bathe your fingers’ ends and wash your eyes, To sharpen your five senses, and cry hum 169 Thrice, and then buz as often; and then come. [Exit.]

Face. Can you remember this?

Dap. I warrant you.

Face. Well then, away. It is but your bestowing Some twenty nobles ’mong her grace’s servants, And put on a clean shirt. You do not know 174 What grace her grace may do you in clean linen. [Exeunt FACE and DAPPER.]

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Act I, Scene III — [1823]

Sub. [within.] Come in! Good wives, I pray you forbear me now; Troth, I can do you no good till afternoon.—

[Enter SUBTLE, followed by DRUGGER.]

Sub. What is your name, say you? Abel Drugger?

Drug. Yes, sir.

Sub. A seller of tobacco?

Drug. Yes, sir.

Sub. Umph! Free of the grocers?[1824]

Drug. Ay, an ’t please you.

Sub. Well—— 5 Your business, Abel?

Drug. This, an ’t please your worship; I am a young beginner, and am building Of a new shop, an ’t like your worship, just At corner of a street:—Here is the plot[1825] on ’t—— 9 And I would know by art, sir, of your worship, Which way I should make my door, by necromancy, And where my shelves; and which should be for boxes, And which for pots. I would be glad to thrive, sir: And I was wish’d[1826] to your worship by a gentleman, One Captain Face, that says you know men’s planets, 15 And their good angels, and their bad.

Sub. I do, If I do see ’em——

[Enter FACE.]

Face. What! my honest Abel? Thou art well met here.

Drug. Troth, sir, I was speaking, Just as your worship came here, of your worship. I pray you speak for me to master doctor. 20

Face. He shall do anything. Doctor, do you hear? This is my friend, Abel, an honest fellow; He lets me have good tobacco, and he does not Sophisticate it with sack-lees or oil, Nor washes it in muscadel and grains, 25 Nor buries it in gravel, under ground, Wrapp’d up in greasy leather, or piss’d clouts: But keeps it in fine lily pots, that, open’d, Smell like conserve of roses, or French beans. He has his maple block,[1827] his silver tongs, 30 Winchester pipes, and fire of juniper:[1828] A neat, spruce, honest fellow, and no goldsmith.[1829]

Sub. He ’s a fortunate fellow, that I am sure on.

Face. Already, sir, ha’ you found it? Lo thee, Abel!

Sub. And in right way toward riches——

Face. Sir!

Sub. This summer, 35 He will be of the clothing of his company,[1830] And next spring call’d to the scarlet;[1831] spend what he can.

Face. What, and so little beard?

Sub. Sir, you must think, He may have a receipt to make hair come: But he ’ll be wise, preserve his youth, and fine for ’t; 40 His fortune looks for him another way.

Face. ’Slid, doctor, how canst thou know this so soon? I am amus’d[1832] at that.

Sub. By a rule, captain, In metoposcopy,[1833] which I do work by; 44 A certain star i’ the forehead, which you see not. Your chestnut or your olive-colour’d face Does never fail: and your long ear doth promise. I knew ’t, by certain spots, too, in his teeth, And on the nail of his mercurial finger.

Face. Which finger ’s that?

Sub. His little finger. Look. 50 You were born upon a Wednesday?

Drug. Yes, indeed, sir.

Sub. The thumb, in chiromancy, we give Venus; The forefinger to Jove; the midst to Saturn; The ring to Sol; the least to Mercury, Who was the lord, sir, of his horoscope, 55 His house of life being Libra; which forshow’d He should be a merchant, and should trade with balance.

Face. Why, this is strange! Is it not, honest Nab?

Sub. There is a ship now coming from Ormus, That shall yield him such a commodity 60 Of drugs——This is the west, and this the south? [Pointing to the plan.]

Drug. Yes, sir.

Sub. And those are your two sides?

Drug. Ay, sir.

Sub. Make me your door then, south; your broad side, west: And on the east side of your shop, aloft, Write Mathlai, Tarmiel, and Baraborat; 65 Upon the north part, Rael, Velel, Thiel. They are the names of those Mercurial spirits That do fright flies from boxes.

Drug. Yes, sir.

Sub. And Beneath your threshold, bury me a loadstone 69 To draw in gallants that wear spurs: the rest, They ’ll seem[1834] to follow.

Face. That ’s a secret, Nab!

Sub. And, on your stall, a puppet, with a vice And a court-fucus,[1835] to call city-dames: You shall deal much with minerals.

Drug. Sir, I have. At home, already——

Sub. Ay, I know, you ’ve arsenic, 75 Vitriol, sal-tartar, argaile,[1836] alkali, Cinoper:[1837] I know all.—This fellow, captain, Will come, in time, to be a great distiller, And give a say[1838]—I will not say directly, But very fair—at the philosopher’s stone. 80

Face. Why, how now, Abel! is this true?

Drug. [Aside to FACE.] Good captain, What must I give?

Face. Nay, I ’ll not counsel thee. Thou hear’st what wealth (he says, spend what thou canst), Thou ’rt like to come to.

Drug. I would gi’ him a crown.

Face. A crown! and toward such a fortune? Heart, 84 Thou shalt rather gi’ him thy shop. No gold about thee?

Drug. Yes, I have a portague,[1839] I ha’ kept this half-year.

Face. Out on thee, Nab! ’Slight, there was such an offer— Shalt keep ’t no longer, I ’ll gi’ it him for thee. Doctor, Nab prays your worship to drink this, and swears 89 He will appear more grateful, as your skill Does raise him in the world.

Drug. I would entreat Another favour of his worship.

Face. What is ’t, Nab?

Drug. But to look over, sir, my almanac, And cross out my ill-days.[1840] that I may neither Bargain, nor trust upon them.

Face. That he shall. Nab: 95 Leave it, it shall be done, ’gainst afternoon.

Sub. And a direction for his shelves.

Face. Now, Nab, Art thou well pleas’d, Nab?

Drug. ’Thank, sir, both your worships. 99

Face. Away. [Exit DRUGGER.] Why, now, you smoaky persecutor of nature! Now do you see, that something ’s to be done, Beside your beech-coal, and your cor’sive[1841] waters, Your crosslets,[1842] crucibles, and cucurbites?[1843] You must have stuff brought home to you, to work on: 105 And yet you think. I am at no expense In searching out these veins, then following ’em, Then trying ’em out. ’Fore God, my intelligence Costs me more money than my share oft comes to, In these rare works.

Sub. You ’re pleasant, sir.—How now! 110

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Act I, Scene IV — [1844]

FACE, SUBTLE. [Enter] DOL.

Sub. What says my dainty Dolkin?

Dol. Yonder fish-wife Will not away. And there ’s your giantess, The bawd of Lambeth.

Sub. Heart, I cannot speak with ’em.

Dol. Not afore night, I have told ’em in a voice, Thorough the trunk, like one of your familiars. But I have spied Sir Epicure Mammon——

Sub. Where? 5

Dol. Coming along, at far end of the lane, Slow of his feet, but earnest of his tongue To one that’s with him.

Sub. Face, go you and shift. Dol, you must presently make ready too. 10

[Exit FACE.]

Dol. Why, what’s the matter?

Sub. O, I did look for him With the sun’s rising: marvel he could sleep! This is the day I am to perfect for him The magisterium, our great work, the stone; And yield it, made, into his hands; of which 15 He has, this month, talk’d as he were possess’d. And now he’s dealing pieces on’t away. Methinks I see him ent’ring ordinaries, Dispensing for the pox, and plaguy houses, Reaching his dose, walking Moorfields for lepers, 20 And off’ring citizens’ wives pomander[1845] bracelets, As his preservative, made of the elixir; Searching the ’spital, to make old bawds young; And the highways, for beggars to make rich. I see no end of his labours. He will make 25 Nature asham’d of her long sleep; when art, Who’s but a step-dame, shall do more than she, In her best love to mankind, ever could. If his dream last, he’ll turn the age to gold. [Exeunt.]

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Act II, Scene I — [1846]

[Enter] SIR EPICURE MAMMON and SURLY.

Mam. Come on, sir. Now you set your foot on shore In Novo Orbe;[1847] here’s the rich Peru: And there within, sir, are the golden mines, Great Solomon’s Ophir! He was sailing to ’t Three years, but we have reach’d it in ten months. 5 This is the day wherein, to all my friends, I will pronounce the happy word, BE RICH; THIS DAY YOU SHALL BE SPECTATISSIMI.[1848] You shall no more deal with the hollow die, 10 Or the frail card; no more be at charge of keeping The livery-punk[1849] for the young heir, that must Seal, at all hours, in his shirt: no more, If he deny, ha’ him beaten to ’t, as he is That brings him the commodity; no more Shall thirst of satin, or the covetous hunger 15 Of velvet entrails[1850] for a rude-spun cloak, To be display’d at Madam Augusta’s, make The sons of Sword and Hazard fall before The golden calf, and on their knees, whole nights, Commit idolatry with wine and trumpets: 20 Or go a feasting after drum and ensign. No more of this. You shall start up young viceroys, And have your punks and punkettees, my Surly. And unto thee I speak it first, BE RICH. Where is my Subtle there? Within, ho!

[FACE, within.] Sir, 25 He’ll come to you by and by.

Mam. That is his fire-drake,[1851] His Lungs, his Zephyrus, he that pulls his coals, Till he firk[1852] nature up, in her own centre. You are not faithful,[1853] sir. This night I’ll change All that is metal in my house to gold: 30 And, early in the morning, will I send To all the plumbers and the pewterers, And buy their tin and lead up; and to Lothbury For all the copper.

Sur. What, and turn that, too?

Mam. Yes, and I’ll purchase Devonshire and Cornwall, 35 And make them perfect Indies! You admire now?

Sur. No, faith.

Mam. But when you see th’ effects of the Great Med’cine, Of which one part projected on a hundred Of Mercury, or Venus, or the Moon, 40 Shall turn it to as many of the Sun;[1854] Nay, to a thousand, so ad infinitum; You will believe me.

Sur. Yes, when I see ’t, I will. But if my eyes do cozen me so, and I Giving ’em no occasion, sure I’ll have 45 A whore, shall piss ’em out next day.

Mam. Ha! why? Do you think I fable with you? I assure you, He that has once the flower of the sun, The perfect ruby, which we call elixir, Not only can do that, but by its virtue, 50 Can confer honour, love, respect, long life; Give safety, valour, yea, and victory, To whom he will. In eight and twenty days, I’ll make an old man of fourscore, a child.

Sur. No doubt; he’s that already.

Mam. Nay, I mean, 55 Restore his years, renew him, like an eagle, To the fifth age; make him get sons and daughters, Young giants; as our philosophers have done, The ancient patriarchs, afore the flood, But taking, once a week, on a knife’s point, 60 The quantity of a grain of mustard of it; Become stout Marses, and beget young Cupids.

Sur. The decay’d vestals of Pickt-hatch[1855] would thank you, That keep the fire alive there.

Mam. ’T is the secret Of nature naturiz’d ’gainst all infections, 65 Cures all diseases coming of all causes; A month’s grief in a day, a year’s in twelve; And, of what age soever, in a month. Past all the doses of your drugging doctors, I ’ll undertake, withal, to fright the plague 70 Out o’ the kingdom in three months.

Sur. And I ’ll Be bound, the players shall sing your praises then, Without their poets.[1856]

Mam. Sir, I ’ll do ’t. Meantime, I ’ll give away so much unto my man, Shall serve th’ whole city with preservative 75 Weekly; each house his dose, and at the rate——

Sur. As he that built the Water-work does with water?

Mam. You are incredulous.

Sur. Faith, I have a humour, I would not willingly be gull’d.[1857] Your stone Cannot transmute me.

Mam. Pertinax Surly, 80 Will you believe antiquity? Records? I ’ll show you a book where Moses, and his sister, And Solomon have written of the art; Ay, and a treatise penn’d by Adam——

Sur. How!

Mam. Of the philosopher’s stone, and in High Dutch. 85

Sur. Did Adam write, sir, in High Dutch?

Mam. He did; Which proves it was the primitive tongue.

Sur. What paper?

Mam. On cedar board.

Sur. O that, indeed, they say, Will last ’gainst worms.

Mam. ’T is like your Irish wood ’Gainst cobwebs. I have a piece of Jason’s fleece too, 90 Which was no other than a book of alchemy, Writ in large sheepskin, a good fat ram-vellum. Such was Pythagoras’ thigh, Pandora’s tub, And all that fable of Medea’s charms, 94 The manner of our work; the bulls, our furnace, Still breathing fire; our argent-vive,[1858] the dragon: The dragon’s teeth, mercury sublimate, That keeps the whiteness, hardness, and the biting; And they are gather’d into Jason’s helm, 99 Th’ alembic, and then sow’d in Mars his field, And thence sublim’d so often, till they’re fix’d. Both this, th’ Hesperian garden, Cadmus’ story, Jove’s shower, the boon of Midas, Argus’ eyes, Boccace his Demogorgon,[1859] thousands more, 104 All abstract riddles of our stone.—How now!

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Act II, Scene II — [1860]

MAMMON, SURLY. [Enter] FACE, [as a Servant.]

Mam. Do we succeed? Is our day come? And holds it?

Face. The evening will set red upon you, sir; You have colour for it, crimson: the red ferment Has done his office; three hours hence prepare you To see projection.

Mam. Pertinax, my Surly. 5 Again I say to thee, aloud, BE RICH. This day thou shalt have ingots; and to-morrow Give lords th’ affront.—Is it, my Zephyrus, right? Blushes the bolt’s-head?[1861]

Face. Like a wench with child, sir, That were but now discover’d to her master. 10

Mam. Excellent witty Lungs!—My only care is Where to get stuff enough now, to project on;[1862] This town will not half serve me.

Face. No, sir? Buy The covering off o’ churches.

Mam. That ’s true.

Face. Yes. Let ’em stand bare, as do their auditory;[1863] 15 Or cap ’em new with shingles.

Mam. No, good thatch: Thatch will lie light upo’ the rafters, Lungs. Lungs, I will manumit thee from the furnace; I will restore thee thy complexion, Puff, Lost in the embers; and repair this brain, 20 Hurt wi’ the fume o’ the metals.

Face. I have blown, sir, Hard, for your worship; thrown by many a coal, When ’t was not beech; weigh’d those I put in, just To keep your heat still even. These blear’d eyes Have wak’d to read your several colours, sir, 25 Of the pale citron, the green lion, the crow, The peacock’s tail, the plumed swan.

Mam. And lastly, Thou hast descried the flower, the sanguis agni?

Face. Yes, sir.

Mam. Where ’s master?

Face. At ’s prayers, sir, be; Good man, he ’s doing his devotions 30 For the success.

Mam. Lungs, I will set a period To all thy labours; thou shalt be the master Of my seraglio.

Face. Good, sir.

Mam. But do you hear? I ’ll geld you, Lungs.

Face. Yes, sir.

Mam. For I do mean To have a list of wives and concubines 35 Equal with Solomon, who had the stone Alike with me; and I will make me a back With the elixir, that shall be as tough As Hercules, to encounter fifty a night.— Thou ’rt sure thou saw ’st it blood?

Face. Both blood and spirit, sir. 40

Mam. I will have all my beds blown up, not stuft; Down is too hard: and then, mine oval room Fill ’d with such pictures as Tiberius took From Elephantis, and dull Aretine But coldly imitated. Then, my glasses 45 Cut in more subtle angles, to disperse And multiply the figures, as I walk Naked between my succubae.[1864] My mists I ’ll have of perfume, vapour’d ’bout the room, To lose our selves in; and my baths, like pits 50 To fall into; from whence we will come forth, And roll us dry in gossamer and roses.— Is it arrived at ruby?——Where I spy A wealthy citizen, or [a] rich lawyer, Have a sublim’d pure wife, unto that fellow 55 I ’ll send a thousand pound to be my cuckold.

Face. And I shall carry it?

Mam. No. I ’ll ha’ no bawds But fathers and mothers: they will do it best, Best of all others. And my flatterers Shall be the pure and gravest of divines, 60 That I can get for money. My mere fools, Eloquent burgesses, and then my poets The same that writ so subtly of the fart, Whom I will entertain still for that subject. The few that would give out themselves to be 65 Court and town-stallions, and, each-where, bely Ladies who are known most innocent, for them,— Those will I beg, to make me eunuchs of: And they shall fan me with ten estrich tails A-piece, made in a plume to gather wind. 70 We will be brave, Puff, now we ha’ the med’cine. My meat shall all come in, in Indian shells, Dishes of agate set in gold, and studded With emeralds, sapphires, hyacinths, and rubies. The tongues of carps, dormice, and camels’ heels, 75 Boil’d i’ the spirit of sol, and dissolv’d pearl (Apicius’ diet, ’gainst the epilepsy): And I will eat these broths with spoons of amber, Headed with diamond and carbuncle. My foot-boy shall eat pheasants, calver’d salmons,[1865] 80 Knots,[1866] godwits, lampreys: I myself will have The beards of barbel[1867] serv’d, instead of salads; Oil’d mushrooms; and the swelling unctuous paps Of a fat pregnant sow, newly cut off, Drest with an exquisite and poignant sauce; 85 For which, I ’ll say unto my cook, There ’s gold; Go forth, and be a knight.

Face. Sir, I ’ll go look A little, how it heightens. [Exit.]

Mam. Do.—My shirts I ’ll have of taffeta-sarsnet,[1868] soft and light As cobwebs; and for all my other raiment, 90 It shall be such as might provoke the Persian, Were he to teach the world riot anew. My gloves of fishes and birds’ skins, perfum’d With gums of paradise, and Eastern air——

Sur. And do you think to have the stone with this? 95

Mam. No, I do think t’ have all this with the stone.

Sur. Why, I have heard he must be homo frugi,[1869] A pious, holy, and religious man, One free from mortal sin, a very virgin.

Mam. That makes it, sir; he is so. But I buy it; 100 My venture brings it me. He, honest wretch, A notable, superstitious, good soul, Has worn his knees bare, and his slippers bald, With prayer and fasting for it: and, sir, let him Do it alone, for me, still. Here he comes. 105 Not a profane word afore him; ’t is poison.—

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Act II, Scene III — [1870]

MAMMON, SURLY. [Enter] SUBTLE.

Mam. Good morrow, father.

Sub. Gentle son, good morrow, And to your friend there. What is he is with you?

Mam. An heretic, that I did bring along, In hope, sir, to convert him.

Sub. Son, I doubt You ’re covetous, that thus you meet your time I’ the just[1871] point, prevent[1872] your day at morning. 6 This argues something worthy of a fear Of importune and carnal appetite. Take heed you do not cause the blessing leave you, With your ungovern’d haste. I should be sorry To see my labours, now e’en at perfection, 11 Got by long watching and large patience, Not prosper where my love and zeal hath plac’d ’em. Which (heaven I call to witness, with your self, To whom I have pour’d my thoughts) in all my ends, 15 Have look’d no way, but unto public good, To pious uses, and dear charity, Now grown a prodigy with men. Wherein If you, my son, should now prevaricate, And to your own particular lusts employ 20 So great and catholic a bliss, be sure A curse will follow, yea, and overtake Your subtle and most secret ways.

Mam. I know, sir; You shall not need to fear me; I but come To ha’ you confute this gentleman.

Sur. Who is, 25 Indeed, sir, somewhat costive of belief Toward your stone; would not be gull’d.

Sub. Well, son, All that I can convince him in, is this, The work is done, bright Sol is in his robe. We have a med’cine of the triple soul, 30 The glorified spirit. Thanks be to heaven, And make us worthy of it!—=Ulen Spiegel!=[1873]

Face. [within.] Anon, sir.

Sub. Look well to the register. And let your heat still lessen by degrees, To the aludels.[1874] 35

Face. [within.] Yes, sir.

Sub. Did you look O’ the bolt’s head yet?

Face. [within.] Which? On D, sir?

Sub. Ay; What’s the complexion?

Face. [within.] Whitish.

Sub. Infuse vinegar, 40 To draw his volatile substance and his tincture: And let the water in glass E be filt’red, And put into the gripe’s egg.[1875] Lute[1876] him well; And leave him clos’d in balneo.[1877]

Face. [within.] I will, sir.

Sur. What a brave language here is! next to canting.[1878] 45

Sub. I have another work you never saw, son, That three days since past the philosopher’s wheel, In the lent heat of Athanor;[1879] and ’s become Sulphur o’ Nature.

Mam. But ’tis for me?

Sub. What need you? You have enough, in that is, perfect.

Mam. O, but—— 50

Sub. Why, this is covetise!

Mam. No, I assure you, I shall employ it all in pious uses, Founding of colleges and grammar schools, Marrying young virgins, building hospitals, And, now and then, a church.

[Re-enter FACE.]

Sub. How now!

Face. Sir, please you, 55 Shall I not change the filter?

Sub. Marry, yes; And bring me the complexion of glass B. [Exit FACE.]

Mam. Ha’ you another?

Sub. Yes, son; were I assur’d Your piety were firm, we would not want The means to glorify it: but I hope the best. 60 I mean to tinct C in sand-heat to-morrow, And give him imbibition.[1880]

Mam. Of white oil?

Sub. No, sir, of red. F is come over the helm too, I thank my maker, in S. Mary’s bath. And shows lac virginis. Blessed be heaven! 65 I sent you of his faeces there calcin’d: Out of that calx, I ha’ won the salt of mercury.

Mam. By pouring on your rectified water?

Sub. Yes, and reverberating in Athanor. [Re-enter FACE.] How now! what colour says it?

Face. The ground black, sir. 70

Mam. That’s your crow’s head?

Sur. Your cock’s comb’s, is it not?

Sub. No, ’t is not perfect. Would it were the crow! That work wants something.

Sur. [Aside.] O, I look’d for this, The hay’s[1881] a pitching.

Sub. Are you sure you loos’d ’em In their own menstrue?[1882]

Face. Yes, sir, and then married ’em, 75 And put ’em in a bolt’s-head nipp’d to digestion, According as you bade me, when I set The liquor of Mars to circulation In the same heat.

Sub. The process then was right. 79

Face. Yes, by the token, sir, the retort brake, And what was sav’d was put into the pellican, And sign’d with Hermes’ seal.

Sub. I think ’t was so. We should have a new amalgama.

Sur. [Aside.] O, this ferret Is rank as any polecat.

Sub. But I care not; Let him e’en die; we have enough beside, 85 In embrion. H has his white shirt on?

Face. Yes, sir, He’s ripe for inceration, he stands warm, In his ash-fire. I would not you should let Any die now, if I might counsel, sir, For luck’s sake to the rest: it is not good. 90

Mam. He says right.

Sur. (Aside.) Ay, are you bolted?

Face. Nay, I know ’t, sir, I ’ve seen th’ ill fortune. What is some three ounces Of fresh materials?

Mam. Is ’t no more?

Face. No more, sir, Of gold, t’ amalgam with some six of mercury.

Mam. Away, here’s money. What will serve?

Face. Ask him, sir. 94

Mam. How much?

Sub. Give him nine pound: you may gi’ him ten.

Sur. Yes, twenty, and be cozen’d, do.

Mam. There ’t is. [Gives FACE the money.]

Sub. This needs not; but that you will have it so, To see conclusions of all: for two Of our inferior works are at fixation, 100 A third is in ascension. Go your ways. Ha’ you set the oil of Luna in kemia?

Face. Yes, sir.

Sub. And the philosopher’s vinegar?

Face. Ay. [Exit.]

Sur. We shall have a salad!

Mam. When do you make projection?

Sub. Son, be not hasty, I exalt our med’cine, By hanging him in balneo vaporoso, 105 And giving him solution; then congeal him; And then dissolve him; then again congeal him; For look, how oft I iterate the work, So many times I add unto his virtue. 110 As, if at first one ounce convert a hundred, After his second loose, he ’ll turn a thousand; His third solution, ten; his fourth, a hundred; After his fifth, a thousand thousand ounces Of any imperfect metal, into pure 115 Silver or gold, in all examinations, As good as any of the natural mine. Get you your stuff here against afternoon, Your brass, your pewter, and your andirons.

Mam. Not those of iron?

Sub. Yes, you may bring them too; 120 We ’ll change all metals.

Sur. I believe you in that.

Mam. Then I may send my spits?

Sub. Yes, and your racks.

Sur. And dripping-pans, and pot-hangers, and hooks? Shall he not?

Sub. If he please.

Sur. —To be an ass. 124

Sub. How, sir!

Mam. This gent’man you must bear withal. I told you he had no faith.

Sur. And little hope, sir; But much less charity, should I gull myself.

Sub. Why, what have you observ’d, sir, in our art, Seems so impossible?

Sur. But your whole work, no more. That you should hatch gold in a furnace, sir, As they do eggs in Egypt!

Sub. Sir, do you 131 Believe that eggs are hatch’d so?

Sur. If I should?

Sub. Why, I think that the greater miracle. No egg but differs from a chicken more Than metals in themselves.

Sur. That cannot be. 135 The egg’s ordain’d by nature to that end, And is a chicken in potentia.

Sub. The same we say of lead and other metals, Which would be gold if they had time.

Mam. And that Our art doth further.

Sub. Ay, for ’t were absurd 140 To think that nature in the earth bred gold Perfect i’ the instant: something went before. There must be remote matter.

Sur. Ay, what is that?

Sub. Marry, we say——

Mam. Ay, now it heats: stand, father, Pound him to dust.

Sub. It is, of the one part, 145 A humid exhalation, which we call Materia liquida, or the unctuous water; On th’ other part, a certain crass and viscous Portion of earth; both which, concorporate, Do make the elementary matter of gold; 150 Which is not yet proprio materia, But common to all metals and all stones; For, where it is forsaken of that moisture, And hath more dryness, it becomes a stone: Where it retains more of the humid fatness, 155 It turns to sulphur, or to quicksilver, Who are the parents of all other metals. Nor can this remote matter suddenly Progress so from extreme unto extreme, 159 As to grow gold, and leap o’er all the means. Nature doth first beget th’ imperfect, then Proceeds she to the perfect. Of that airy And oily water, mercury is engend’red; Sulphur o’ the fat and earthy part; the one, 164 Which is the last, supplying the place of male, The other of the female, in all metals. Some do believe hermaphrodeity, That both do act and suffer. But these two Make the rest ductile, malleable, extensive. And even in gold they are; for we do find 170 Seeds of them by our fire, and gold in them; And can produce the species of each metal More perfect thence, than nature doth in earth. Beside, who doth not see in daily practice Art can beget bees, hornets, beetles, wasps, 175 Out of the carcases and dung of creatures; Yea, scorpions of an herb, being rightly plac’d? And these are living creatures, far more perfect And excellent than metals.

Mam. Well said, father! Nay, if he take you in hand, sir, with an argument, 180 He ’ll bray you in a mortar.

Sur. Pray you, sir, stay. Rather than I ’ll be bray’d, sir, I ’ll believe That Alchemy is a pretty kind of game, Somewhat like tricks o’ the cards, to cheat a man With charming.

Sub. Sir?

Sur. What else are all your terms, 185 Whereon no one o’ your writers ’grees with other? Of your elixir, your lac virginis, Your stone, your med’cine, and your chrysosperm, Your sal, your sulphur, and your mercury, 189 Your oil of height, your tree of life, your blood, Your marchesite, your tutie, your magnesia, Your toad, your crow, your dragon, and your panther; Your sun, your moon, your firmament, your adrop, Your lato, azoch, zernich, chibrit, heautarit, 194 And then your red man, and your white woman, With all your broths, your menstrues, and materials Of piss and egg-shells, women’s terms, man’s blood, Hair o’ the head, burnt clouts, chalk, merds, and clay, Powder of bones, scalings of iron, glass, And worlds of other strange ingredients, 200 Would burst a man to name?

Sub. And all these, nam’d, Intending but one thing; which art our writers Us’d to obscure their art.

Mam. Sir, so I told him— Because[1883] the simple idiot should not learn it, And make it vulgar.

Sub. Was not all the knowledge 205 Of the Aegyptians writ in mystic symbols? Speak not the scriptures oft in parables? Are not the choicest fables of the poets, That were the fountains and first springs of wisdom, Wrapt in perplexed allegories?

Mam. I urg’d that, 210 And clear’d to him, that Sisyphus was damn’d To roll the ceaseless stone, only because He would have made ours common. (DOL is seen) [at the door.]—Who is this?

Sub. God’s precious!—What do you mean? Go in, good lady. Let me entreat you. [DOL retires.]—Where ’s this varlet?

[Re-enter FACE.]

Face. Sir. 215

Sub. You very knave! do you use me thus?

Face. Wherein, sir?

Sub. Go in and see, you traitor. Go! [Exit FACE.]

Mam. Who is it, sir?

Sub. Nothing, sir; nothing.

Mam. What ’s the matter, good sir? I have not seen you thus distemp’red: who is ’t?

Sub. All arts have still had, sir, their adversaries; 220 But ours the most ignorant.— FACE returns. What now?

Face. ’T was not my fault, sir; she would speak with you.

Sub. Would she, sir! Follow me. [Exit.]

Mam. [stopping him.] Stay, Lungs.

Face. I dare not, sir.

Mam. How! pray thee, stay.

Face. She ’s mad, sir, and sent hither— 225

Mam. Stay, man; what is she?

Face. A lord’s sister, sir. He ’ll be mad too.—

Mam. I warrant thee.—Why sent hither?

Face. Sir, to be cur’d.

Sub. [within.] Why, rascal!

Face. Lo you!—Here, sir! Exit.

Mam. ’Fore God, a Bradamante, a brave piece.

Sur. Heart, this is a bawdy-house! I ’ll be burnt else. 230

Mam. O, by this light, no: do not wrong him. He ’s Too scrupulous that way: it is his vice. No, he ’s a rare physician, do him right, An excellent Paracelsian, and has done Strange cures with mineral physic. He deals all With spirits, he; he will not hear a word 236 Of Galen; or his tedious recipes.— FACE again. How now, Lungs!

Face. Softly, sir; speak softly. I meant To ha’ told your worship all. This must not hear.

Mam. No, he will not be gull’d; let him alone.

Face. You ’re very right, sir; she is a most rare scholar, 241 And is gone mad with studying Broughton’s[1884] works. If you but name a word touching the Hebrew, She falls into her fit, and will discourse So learnedly of genealogies, 245 As you would run mad too, to hear her, sir.

Mam. How might one do t’ have conference with her. Lungs?

Face. O, divers have run mad upon the conference. I do not know, sir: I am sent in haste To fetch a vial.

Sur. Be not gull’d. Sir Mammon. 250

Mam. Wherein? Pray ye, be patient.

Sur. Yes, as you are, And trust confederate knaves and bawds and whores.

Mam. You are too foul, believe it.—Come here, =Ulen=, One word.

Face. I dare not, in good faith. [Going.]

Mam. Stay, knave.

Face. He ’s extreme angry that you saw her, sir. 255

Mam. Drink that. [Gives him money.] What is she when she ’s out of her fit?

Face. O, the most affablest creature, sir! so merry! So pleasant! She ’ll mount you up, like quicksilver, Over the helm; and circulate like oil, A very vegetal: discourse of state, 260 Of mathematics, bawdry, anything——

Mam. Is she no way accessible? no means, No trick to give a man a taste of her——wit—— Or so?

[Sub. within.] =Ulen!=

Face. I ’ll come to you again, sir. [Exit.]

Mam. Surly, I did not think one o’ your breeding 266 Would traduce personages of worth.

Sur. Sir Epicure, Your friend to use; yet still loth to be gull’d: I do not like your philosophical bawds. Their stone is lechery enough to pay for, 270 Without this bait.

Mam. Heart, you abuse yourself. I know the lady, and her friends, and means, The original of this disaster. Her brother Has told me all.

Sur. And yet you ne’er saw her Till now! 275

Mam. O yes, but I forgot. I have, believe it, One o’ the treacherous’st memories, I do think, Of all mankind.

Sur. What call you her brother?

Mam. My lord—— He wi’ not have his name known, now I think on ’t.

Sur. A very treacherous memory!

Mam. O’ my faith—— 280

Sur. Tut, if you ha’ it not about you, pass it Till we meet next.

Mam. Nay, by this hand, ’t is true. He ’s one I honour, and my noble friend; And I respect his house.

Sur. Heart! can it be That a grave sir, a rich, that has no need, 285 A wise sir, too, at other times, should thus, With his own oaths, and arguments, make hard means To gull himself? An this be your elixir, Your lapis mineralis, and your lunary, Give me your honest trick yet at primero, 290 Or gleek,[1885] and take your lutum sapientis, Your menstruum simplex! I ’ll have gold before you, And with less danger of the quicksilver, Or the hot sulphur.

[Re-enter FACE.]

Face. Here ’s one from Captain Face, sir. (To SURLY.) 295 Desires you meet him i’ the Temple-church, Some half-hour hence, and upon earnest business. Sir, (whispers MAMMON) if you please to quit us now, and come Again within two hours, you shall have My master busy examining o’ the works; 300 And I will steal you in unto the party, That you may see her converse.—Sir, shall I say You ’ll meet the captain’s worship?

Sur. Sir, I will.— [Walks aside.] But, by attorney, and to a second purpose. Now, I am sure it is a bawdy-house; 305 I ’ll swear it, were the marshal here to thank me: The naming this commander doth confirm it. Don Face! why, he ’s the most authentic dealer I’ these commodities, the superintendent To all the quainter traffickers in town! 310 He is the visitor, and does appoint Who lies with whom, and at what hour; what price; Which gown, and in what smock; what fall;[1886] what tire.[1887] Him will I prove, by a third person, to find The subtleties of this dark labyrinth: 315 Which if I do discover, dear Sir Mammon, You ’ll give your poor friend leave, though no philosopher, To laugh; for you that are, ’t is thought, shall weep.

Face. Sir, he does pray you ’ll not forget.

Sur. I will not, sir. Sir Epicure, I shall leave you. [Exit.]

Mam. I follow you straight, 320

Face. But do so, good sir, to avoid suspicion. This gent’man has a parlous head.

Mam. But wilt thou, =Ulen=, Be constant to thy promise?

Face. As my life, sir.

Mam. And wilt thou insinuate what I am, and praise me, And say I am a noble fellow?

Face. O, what else, sir? 325 And that you ’ll make her royal with the stone, An empress; and yourself King of Bantam.

Mam. Wilt thou do this?

Face. Will I, sir!

Mam. Lungs, my Lungs! I love thee.

Face. Send your stuff, sir, that my master May busy himself about projection. 330

Mam. Thou ’st witch’d me, rogue: take, go. [Gives him money.]

Face. Your jack, and all, sir.

Mam. Thou art a villain—I will send my jack, And the weights too. Slave, I could bite thine ear. Away, thou dost not care for me.

Face. Not I, sir!

Mam. Come, I was born to make thee, my good weasel, 325 Set thee on a bench, and ha’ thee twirl a chain With the best lord’s vermin of ’em all.

Face. Away, sir.

Mam. A count, nay, a count palatine——

Face. Good sir, go.

Mam. Shall not advance thee better: no, nor faster. [Exit.]

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Act II, Scene IV — [1888]

FACE. [Re-enter] SUBTLE and DOL.

Sub. Has he bit? has he bit?

Face. And swallow’d, too, my Subtle. I ha’ given him line, and now he plays, i’ faith.

Sub. And shall we twitch him?

Face. Thorough both the gills. A wench is a rare bait, with which a man No sooner ’s taken, but he straight firks mad.[1889] 5

Sub. Dol, my Lord What’s-hum’s sister, you must now Bear yourself statelich.

Dol. O, let me alone, I ’ll not forget my race, I warrant you. I ’ll keep my distance, laugh and talk aloud; Have all the tricks of a proud scurvy lady, 10 And be as rude ’s her woman.

Face. Well said, sanguine![1890]

Sub. But will he send his andirons?

Face. His jack too, And ’s iron shoeing-horn; I ha’ spoke to him. Well, I must not lose my wary gamester yonder.

Sub. O, Monsieur Caution, that will not be gull’d? 15

Face. Ay, If I can strike a fine hook into him, now!— The Temple-church, there I have cast mine angle. Well, pray for me. I ’ll about it. (One knocks.)

Sub. What, more gudgeons![1891] 20 Dol, scout, scout! [DOL goes to the window.] Stay, Face, you must go to the door; ’Pray God it be my anabaptist—Who is ’t, Dol?

Dol. I know him not: he looks like a gold-end-man.[1892]

Sub. Gods so! ’t is he, he said he would send—what call you him? The sanctified elder, that should deal 25 For Mammon’s jack and andirons. Let him in. Stay, help me off, first, with my gown. [Exit FACE _with the gown_.] Away, Madam, to your withdrawing chamber. Now, [Exit DOL.] In a new tune, new gesture, but old language.— This fellow is sent from one negotiates with me About the stone too, for the holy brethren 31 Of Amsterdam, the exil’d saints, that hope To raise their discipline[1893] by it. I must use him In some strange fashion now, to make him admire me.

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Act II, Scene V — [1894]

SUBTLE. [Enter] ANANIAS.

Where is my drudge? [Aloud.]

[Enter] FACE.

Face. Sir!

Sub. Take away the recipient, And rectify your menstrue from the phlegma. Then pour it on the Sol, in the cucurbite, And let ’em macerate together.

Face. Yes, sir. And save the ground?

Sub. No: terra damnata 5 Must not have entrance in the work.—Who are you?

Ana. A faithful brother,[1895] if it please you.

Sub. What ’s that? A Lullianist? a Ripley?[1896] Filius artis? Can you sublime and dulcify? Calcine? Know you the sapor pontic? Sapor stiptic? 10 Or what is homogene, or heterogene?

Ana. I understand no heathen language, truly.

Sub. Heathen! You Knipperdoling?[1897] Is Ars sacra, Or chrysopoeia, or spagyrica, Or the pamphysic, or panarchic knowledge, 15 A heathen language?

Ana. Heathen Greek, I take it.

Sub. How! Heathen Greek?

Ana. All ’s heathen but the Hebrew.

Sub. Sirrah my varlet, stand you forth and speak to him Like a philosopher: answer i’ the language. Name the vexations, and the martyrizations 20 Of metals in the work.

Face. Sir, putrefaction, Solution, ablution, sublimation, Cohobation, calcination, ceration, and Fixation.

Sub. This is heathen Greek, to you, now!— And when comes vivification?

Face. After mortification. 25

Sub. What ’s cohobation?

Face. ’T is the pouring on Your aqua regis, and then drawing him off, To the trine circle of the seven spheres.

Sub. What ’s the proper passion of metals?

Face. Malleation.

Sub. What ’s your ultimum supplicium auri?

Face. Antimonium. 30

Sub. This ’s heathen Greek to you!—And what ’s your mercury?

Face. A very fugitive, he will be gone, sir.

Sub. How know you him?

Face. By his viscosity, His oleosity, and his suscitability.

Sub. How do you sublime him?

Face. With the calce of egg-shells, 35 White marble, talc.

Sub. Your magisterium now, What ’s that?

Face. Shifting, sir, your elements, Dry into cold, cold into moist, moist into hot, Hot into dry.

Sub. This is heathen Greek to you still! Your lapis philosophicus?

Face. ’T is a stone, 40 And not a stone; a spirit, a soul, and a body: Which if you do dissolve, it is dissolv’d; If you coagulate, it is coagulated; If you make it to fly, it flieth.

Sub. Enough. [Exit FACE.] This ’s heathen Greek to you! What are you, sir? 45

Ana. Please you, a servant of the exil’d brethren, That deal with widows’ and with orphans’ goods, And make a just account unto the saints: A deacon.

Sub. O, you are sent from Master Wholesome, Your teacher?

Ana. From Tribulation Wholesome, 51 Our very zealous pastor.

Sub. Good! I have Some orphans’ goods to come here.

Ana. Of what kind, sir?

Sub. Pewter and brass, andirons and kitchen-ware. Metals, that we must use our med’cine on: 55 Wherein the brethren may have a penn’orth For ready money.

Ana. Were the orphans’ parents Sincere professors?

Sub. Why do you ask?

Ana. Because We then are to deal justly, and give, in truth, Their utmost value.

Sub. ’Slid, you ’d cozen else, 60 An if their parents were not of the faithful!— I will not trust you, now I think on it, Till I ha’ talk’d with your pastor. Ha’ you brought money To buy more coals?

Ana. No, surely.

Sub. No? How so?

Ana. The brethren bid me say unto you, sir, Surely, they will not venture any more 66 Till they may see projection.

Sub. How!

Ana. You ’ve had For the instruments, as bricks, and lome, and glasses, Already thirty pound; and for materials, They say, some ninety more: and they have heard since, 70 That one, at Heidelberg, made it of an egg, And a small paper of pin-dust.

Sub. What’s your name?

Ana. My name is Ananias.

Sub. Out, the varlet That cozen’d the apostles! Hence, away! Flee, mischief! had your holy consistory 75 No name to send me, of another sound Than wicked Ananias? Send your elders Hither, to make atonement for you, quickly, And gi’ me satisfaction; or out goes The fire; and down th’ alembics, and the furnace, 80 Piger Henricus, or what not. Thou wretch! Both sericon and bufo shall be lost. Tell ’em. All hope of rooting out the bishops, Or th’ anti-Christian hierarchy shall perish, If they stay threescore minutes: the aqueity, Terreity, and sulphureity 86 Shall run together again, and all be annull’d. Thou wicked Ananias! [Exit ANANIAS.] This will fetch ’em, And make ’em haste towards their gulling more. A man must deal like a rough nurse, and fright Those that are froward, to an appetite. 91

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Act II, Scene VI — [1898]

SUBTLE. [Enter] FACE [in his uniform, followed by] DRUGGER.

Face. He ’s busy with his spirits, but we’ll upon him.

Sub. How now! What mates, what Bayards[1899] ha’ we here?

Face. I told you he would be furious.—Sir, here ’s Nab Has brought you another piece of gold to look on; —We must appeass him. Give it me,—and prays you, 5 You would devise—what is it, Nab?

Drug. A sign, sir.

Face. Ay, a good lucky one, a thriving sign, doctor.

Sub. I was devising now.

Face. [Aside to SUBTLE.] ’Slight, do not say so, He will repent he ga’ you any more.— What say you to his constellation, doctor, 10 The Balance?

Sub. No, that way is stale and common. A townsman born in Taurus, gives the bull, Or the bull’s head: in Aries, the ram,— A poor-device! No, I will have his name 14 Form’d in some mystic character; whose radii, Striking the senses of the passers-by, Shall, by a virtual[1900] influence, breed affections, That may result upon the party owns it: As thus—— 19

Face. Nab!

Sub. He first shall have a bell, that’s Abel; And by it standing one whose name is Dee,[1901] In a rug[1902] gown, there’s D, and Rug, that ’s drug And right anenst him a dog snarling er; There’s Drugger, Abel Drugger. That ’s his sign. And here ’s now mystery and hieroglyphic! 25

Face. Abel, thou art made.

Drug. Sir, I do thank his worship.

Face. Six o’ thy legs[1903] more will not do it, Nab. He has brought you a pipe of tobacco, doctor.

Drug. Yes, sir; I have another thing I would impart—— 29

Face. Out with it, Nab.

Drug. Sir, there is lodg’d, hard by me, A rich young widow——

Face. Good! a bona roba?[1904]

Drug. But nineteen at the most.

Face. Very good, Abel.

Drug. Marry, she’s not in fashion yet; she wears A hood, but ’t stands a cop.[1905]

Face. No matter, Abel.

Drug. And I do now and then give her a fucus[1906]—— 35

Face. What! dost thou deal, Nab?

Sub. I did tell you, captain.

Drug. And physic too, sometime, sir; for which she trusts me With all her mind. She’s come up here of purpose To learn the fashion.

Face. Good (his match too!)—On, Nab.

Drug. And she does strangely long to know her fortune. 40

Face. God’s lid, Nab, send her to the doctor, hither.

Drug. Yes, I have spoke to her of his worship already; But she ’s afraid it will be blown abroad, And hurt her a marriage.

Face. Hurt it! ’t is the way To heal it, if ’t were hurt; to make it more 45 Follow’d and sought. Nab, thou shalt tell her this. She ’ll be more known, more talk’d of; and your widows Are ne’er of any price till they be famous; Their honour is their multitude of suitors. 49 Send her, it may be thy good fortune. What! Thou dost not know?

Drug. No, sir, she ’ll never marry Under a knight: her brother has made a vow.

Face. What! and dost thou despair, my little Nab, Knowing what the doctor has set down for thee, And seeing so many o’ the city dubb’d? 55 One glass o’ thy water, with a madam I know, Will have it done, Nab. What ’s her brother? a knight?

Drug. No, sir, a gentleman newly warm in ’s land, sir, Scarce cold in his one and twenty, that does govern His sister here; and is a man himself 60 Of some three thousand a year, and is come up To learn to quarrel, and to live by his wits, And will go down again, and die i’ the country.

Face. How! to quarrel?

Drug. Yes, sir, to carry quarrels, As gallants do; to manage ’em by line. 65

Face. ’Slid, Nab, the doctor is the only man In Christendom for him. He has made a table, With mathematical demonstrations, Touching the art of quarrels: he will give him An instrument to quarrel by. Go, bring ’em both, 70 Him and his sister. And, for thee, with her The doctor happ’ly may persuade. Go to: ’Shalt give his worship a new damask suit Upon the premises.

Sub. O, good captain!

Face. He shall; He is the honestest fellow, doctor. Stay not, 75 No offers; bring the damask, and the parties.

Drug. I ’ll try my power, sir.

Face. And thy will too, Nab.

Sub. ’T is good tobacco, this! What is ’t an ounce?

Face. He ’ll send you a pound, doctor.

Sub. O no.

Face. He will do ’t. It is the goodest soul!—Abel, about it. 80 Thou shalt know more anon. Away, be gone. [Exit ABEL.] A miserable rogue, and lives with cheese, And has the worms. That was the cause, indeed, Why he came now: he dealth with me in private, 84 To get a med’cine for ’em.

Sub. And shall, sir. This works.

Face. A wife, a wife for one on ’s, my dear Subtle! We ’ll e’en draw lots, and he that fails, shall have The more in goods, the other has in tail.

Sub. Rather the less; for she may be so light She may want grains.

Face. Ay; or be such a burden, 90 A man would scarce endure her for the whole.

Sub. Faith, best let ’s see her first, and then determine.

Face. Content: but Dol must ha’ no breath on ’t.

Sub. Mum. Away you, to your Surly yonder, catch him.

Face. Pray God I ha’ not staid too long. 95

Sub. I fear it. [Exeunt.]

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Act III, Scene I — [1907]

[Enter] TRIBULATION [WHOLESOME] and ANANIAS.

Tri. These chastisements are common to the saints, And such rebukes we of the separation Must bear with willing shoulders, as the trials Sent forth to tempt our frailties.

Ana. In pure zeal, I do not like the man; he is a heathen, 5 And speaks the language of Canaan, truly.

Tri. I think him a profane person indeed.

Ana. He bears The visible mark of the beast in his forehead. And for his stone, it is a work of darkness, And with philosophy blinds the eyes of man. 10

Tri. Good brother, we must bend unto all means That may give furtherance to the holy cause.

Ana. Which his cannot: the sanctified cause Should have a sanctified course.

Tri. Not always necessary: The children of perdition are oft times 15 Made instruments even of the greatest works. Beside, we should give somewhat to man’s nature, The place he lives in, still about the fire, And fume of metals, that intoxicate The brain of man, and make him prone to passion. 20 Where have you greater atheists than your cooks? Or more profane, or choleric, than your glass-men? More anti-Christian than your bell-founders? What makes the devil so devilish, I would ask you, Sathan, our common enemy, but his being 25 Perpetually about the fire, and boiling Brimstone and arsenic? We must give, I say, Unto the motives, and the stirrers up Of humours in the blood. It may be so, When as the work is done, the stone is made, 30 This heat of his may turn into a zeal, And stand up for the beauteous discipline Against the menstruous cloth and rag of Rome. We must await his calling, and the coming Of the good spirit. You did fault, t’ upbraid him 35 With the brethren’s blessing of Heidelberg, weighing What need we have to hasten on the work, For the restoring of the silenc’d saints,[1908] Which ne’er will be but by the philosopher’s stone. And so a learned elder, one of Scotland, 40 Assur’d me; aurum potabile being The only med’cine for the civil magistrate, T’ incline him to a feeling of the cause; And must be daily us’d in the disease.

Ana. I have not edified more, truly, by man; Not since the beautiful light first shone on me: 46 And I am sad my zeal hath so offended.

Tri. Let us call on him then.

Ana. The motion ’s good, And of the spirit; I will knock first. [Knocks.] Peace be within! [The door is opened, and they enter.]

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Act III, Scene II — [1909]

[Enter] SUBTLE, [followed by] TRIBULATION and ANANIAS.

Sub. O, are you come? ’T was time. Your threescore minutes Were at last thread, you see; and down had gone Furnus acediae, turris circulatorius: Limbec, bolt’s-head, retort, and pelican Had all been cinders. Wicked Ananias! 5 Art thou return’d? Nay, then it goes down yet.

Tri. Sir, be appeased; he is come to humble Himself in spirit, and to ask your patience, If too much zeal hath carried him aside From the due path.

Sub. Why, this doth qualify! 10

Tri. The brethren had no purpose, verily, To give you the least grievance; but are ready To lend their willing hands to any project The spirit and you direct.

Sub. This qualifies more!

Tri. And for the orphans’ goods, let them be valu’d, 15 Or what is needful else to the holy work, It shall be numb’red; here, by me, the saints Throw down their purse before you.

Sub. This qualifies most! Why, thus it should be, now you understand. Have I discours’d so unto you of our stone, 20 And of the good that it shall bring your cause? Show’d you (beside the main of hiring forces Abroad, drawing the Hollanders, your friends, From th’ Indies, to serve you, with all their fleet) That even the med’cinal use shall make you a faction 25 And party in the realm? As, put the case, That some great man in state, he have the gout, Why, you but send three drops of your elixir, You help him straight: there you have made a friend. Another has the palsy or the dropsy, 30 He takes of your incombustible stuff, He ’s young again: there you have made a friend. A lady that is past the feat of body, Though not of mind, and hath her face decay’d Beyond all cure of paintings, you restore 35 With the oil of talc: there you have made a friend; And all her friends. A lord that is a leper, A knight that has the bone-ache, or a squire That hath both these, you make ’em smooth and sound With a bare fricace[1910] of your med’cine; still 40 You increase your friends.

Tri. Ay, ’t is very pregnant.

Sub. And then the turning of this lawyer’s pewter To plate at Christmas——

Ana. Christ-tide, I pray you.

Sub. Yet, Ananias!

Ana. I have done.

Sub. Or changing His parcel[1911] gilt to massy gold. You cannot 45 But raise you friends. Withal, to be of power To pay an army in the field, to buy The King of France out of his realms, or Spain Out of his Indies. What can you not do Against lords spiritual or temporal, 50 That shall oppone[1912] you?

Tri. Verily, ’t is true. We may be temporal lords ourselves, I take it.

Sub. You may be anything, and leave off to make Long-winded exercises; or suck up Your ha! and hum! in a tune. I not deny, 55 But such as are not graced in a state, May, for their ends, be adverse in religion, And get a tune to call the flock together: For, to say sooth, a tune does much with women And other phlegmatic people; it is your bell. 60

Ana. Bells are profane; a tune may be religious.

Sub. No warning with you? Then farewell my patience. Slight, it shall down; I will not be thus tortur’d.

Tri. I pray you, sir.

Sub. All shall perish. I have spoke it.

Tri. Let me find grace, sir, in your eyes; the man, 65 He stands corrected; neither did his zeal, But as your self, allow a tune somewhere, Which now, being tow’rd[1913] the stone, we shall not need.

Sub. No, nor your holy vizard,[1914] to win widows To give you legacies; or make zealous wives 70 To rob their husbands for the common cause; Nor take the start of bonds broke but one day, And say they were forfeited by providence. Nor shall you need o’er night to eat huge meals, To celebrate your next day’s fast the better; 75 The whilst the brethren and the sisters humbled, Abate the stiffness of the flesh. Nor cast Before your hungry hearers scrupulous bones;[1915] As whether a Christian may hawk or hunt, Or whether matrons of the holy assembly 80 May lay their hair out, or wear doublets, Or have that idol, starch, about their linen.

Ana. It is indeed an idol.

Tri. Mind him not, sir. I do command thee, spirit (of zeal, but trouble), To peace within him! Pray you, sir, go on. 85

Sub. Nor shall you need to libel ’gainst the prelates, And shorten so your ears[1916] against the hearing Of the next wire-drawn grace. Nor of necessity Rail against plays, to please the alderman Whose daily custard you devour; nor lie 90 With zealous rage till you are hoarse. Not one Of these so singular arts. Nor call yourselves By names of Tribulation, Persecution, Restraint, Long-patience, and such like, affected By the whole family or wood[1917] of you, 95 Only for glory, and to catch the ear Of the disciple.

Tri. Truly, sir, they are Ways that the godly brethren have invented, For propagation of the glorious cause, As very notable means, and whereby also 100 Themselves grow soon, and profitably, famous.

Sub. O, but the stone, all ’s idle to ’t! Nothing! The art of angels, nature’s miracle, The divine secret that doth fly in clouds From east to west: and whose tradition 105 Is not from men, but spirits.

Ana. I hate traditions; I do not trust them——

Tri. Peace!

Ana. They are popish all. I will not peace: I will not——

Tri. Ananias!

Ana. Please the profane, to grieve the godly; I may not.

Sub. Well, Ananias, thou shalt overcome. 110

Tri. It is an ignorant zeal that haunts him, sir: But truly else a very faithful brother, A botcher,[1918] and a man by revelation That hath a competent knowledge of the truth.

Sub. Has he a competent sum there i’ the bag 115 To buy the goods within? I am made guardian, And must, for charity and conscience’ sake, Now see the most be made for my poor orphan; Though I desire the brethren, too, good gainers: There they are within. When you have view’d and bought ’em, 120 And ta’en the inventory of what they are, They are ready for projection; there ’s no more To do: cast on the med’cine, so much silver As there is tin there, so much gold as brass, I ’ll gi’ it you in by weight.

Tri. But how long time, 125 Sir, must the saints expect yet?

Sub. Let me see, How ’s the moon now? Eight, nine, ten days hence, He will be silver potate: then three days Before he citronise.[1919] Some fifteen days, The magisterium[1920] will be perfected. 130

Ana. About the second day of the third week, In the ninth month?

Sub. Yes, my good Ananias.

Tri. What will the orphans’ goods arise to, think you?

Sub. Some hundred marks, as much as fill’d three cars, Unladed now: you ’ll make six millions of ’em—— 135 But I must ha’ more coals laid in.

Tri. How?

Sub. Another load, And then we ha’ finish’d. We must now increase Our fire to ignis ardens;[1921] we are past Fimus equinus, balnei, cineris,[1922] And all those lenter[1923] heats. If the holy purse Should with this draught fall low, and that the saints 141 Do need a present sum, I have a trick To melt the pewter, you shall buy now instantly, And with a tincture make you as good Dutch dollars As any are in Holland.

Tri. Can you so? 145

Sub. Ay, and shall bide the third examination.

Ana. It will be joyful tidings to the brethren.

Sub. But you must carry it secret.

Tri. Ay; but stay, This act of coining, is it lawful?

Ana. Lawful! We know no magistrate: or, if we did, 150 This ’s foreign coin.

Sub. It is no coining, sir. It is but casting.

Tri. Ha! you distinguish well: Casting of money may be lawful.

Ana. ’T is, sir.

Tri. Truly, I take it so.

Sub. There is no scruple, Sir, to be made of it; believe Ananias; 155 This case of conscience he is studied in.

Tri. I ’ll make a question of it to the brethren.

Ana. The brethren shall approve it lawful, doubt not. Where shall ’t be done?

Sub. For that we ’ll talk anon. Knock without. There ’s some to speak with me. Go in, I pray you, 160 And view the parcels. That ’s the inventory. I ’ll come to you straight. [Exeunt TRIB. and ANA.] Who is it?—Face! appear.

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Act III, Scene III — [1924]

SUBTLE. [Enter] FACE [in his uniform].

Sub. How now! good prize?

Face. Good pox! Yond’ costive cheater Never came on.

Sub. How then?

Face. I ha’ walk’d the round Till now, and no such thing.

Sub. And ha’ you quit him?

Face. Quit him! An hell would quit him too, he were happy. ’Slight! would you have me stalk like a mill-jade, 5 All day, for one that will not yield us grains? I know him of old.

Sub. O, but to ha’ gull’d him, Had been a mastery.

Face. Let him go, black boy! And turn thee, that some fresh news may possess thee. A noble count, a don of Spain (my dear 10 Delicious compeer, and my party[1925]-bawd), Who is come hither private for his conscience And brought munition with him, six great slops,[1926] Bigger than three Dutch hoys,[1927] beside round trunks,[1928] 14 Furnish’d with pistolets,[1929] and pieces of eight,[1930] Will straight be here, my rogue, to have thy bath, (That is the colour,[1931]) and to make his batt’ry Upon our Dol, our castle, our cinqueport, Our Dover pier, our what thou wilt. Where is she? She must prepare perfumes, delicate linen, 20 The bath in chief, a banquet, and her wit, Where is the doxy?

Sub. I’ll send her to thee: And but despatch my brace of little John Leydens[1932] And come again myself.

Face. Are they within then?

Sub. Numb’ring the sum.

Face. How much?

Sub. A hundred marks, boy. [Exit.]

Face. Why, this is a lucky day. Ten pounds of Mammon! 26 Three o’ my clerk! A portague o’ my grocer! This o’ the brethren! Beside reversions And states to come, i’ the widow, and my count! My share to-day will not be bought for forty——-

[Enter DOL].

Dol. What? 30

Face. Pounds, dainty Dorothy! Art thou so near?

Dol. Yes; say, lord general, how fares our camp?

Face. As with the few that had entrench’d themselves Safe, by their discipline, against a world, Dol, And laugh’d within those trenches, and grew fat 35 With thinking on the booties, Dol, brought in Daily by their small parties. This dear hour, A doughty don is taken with my Dol; And thou mayst make his ransom what thou wilt. My Dousabel;[1933] he shall be brought here, fetter’d 40 With thy fair looks, before he sees thee; and thrown In a down-bed, as dark as any dungeon; Where thou shalt keep him waking with thy drum; Thy drum, my Dol, thy drum; till he be tame As the poor blackbirds were i’ the great frost, Or bees are with a bason; and so hive him 46 I’ the swan-skin coverlid and cambric sheets, Till he work honey and wax, my little God’s-gift.[1934]

Dol. What is he, general?

Face. An adalantado,[1935] 49 A grandee, girl. Was not my Dapper here yet?

Dol. No.

Face. Nor my Drugger?

Dol. Neither.

Face. A pox on ’em, They are so long a furnishing! such stinkards Would not be seen upon these festival days.— [Re-enter SUBTLE.] How now! ha’ you done?

Sub. Done. They are gone: the sum Is here in bank, my Face. I would we knew 55 Another chapman who would buy ’em outright.

Face. ’Slid, Nab shall do’t against he ha’ the widow, To furnish household.

Sub. Excellent, well thought on: Pray God he come.

Face. I pray he keep away Till our new business be o’erpast.

Sub. But, Face, 60 How camst thou by this secret don?

Face. A spirit Brought me th’ intelligence in a paper here, As I was conjuring yonder in my circle For Surly; I ha’ my flies[1936] abroad. Your bath Is famous, Subtle, by my means. Sweet Dol, 65 You must go tune your virginal, no losing O’ the least time. And—do you hear?—good action! Firk like a flounder; kiss like a scallop, close; And tickle him with thy mother-tongue. His great Verdugoship[1937] has not a jot of language; 70 So much the easier to be cozen’d, my Dolly. He will come here in a hir’d coach, obscure, And our own coachman, whom I have sent as guide, No creature else. (One knocks.) Who’s that? [Exit DOL.]

Sub. It is not he?

Face. O no, not yet this hour.

[Re-enter DOL.]

Sub. Who is’t?

Dol. Dapper, 75 Your clerk.

Face. God’s will then, Queen of Fairy, On with your tire; [Exit DOL.] and, doctor, with your robes. Let’s despatch him for God’s sake.

Sub. ’T will be long.

Face. I warrant you, take but the cues I give you, It shall be brief enough. [Goes to the window.] ’Slight, here are more! 80 Abel, and I think the angry boy, the heir, That fain would quarrel.

Sub. And the widow?

Face. No, Not that I see. Away! [Exit SUB.]

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Act III, Scene IV — [1938]

FACE. [Enter] DAPPER.

Face. O, sir, you are welcome. The doctor is within a moving for you; I have had the most ado to win him to it!— He swears you ’ll be the darling o’ the dice: He never heard her highness dote till now.[1939] 5 Your aunt has giv’n you the most gracious words That can be thought on.

Dap. Shall I see her grace?

Face. See her, and kiss her too.— [Enter ABEL, followed by KASTRIL.] What, honest Nab! Hast brought the damask?

Nab. No, sir; here ’s tobacco.

Face. ’T is well done, Nab; thou’lt bring the damask too? 10

Drug. Yes. Here ’s the gentleman, captain, Master Kastril, I have brought to see the doctor.

Face. Where’s the widow?

Drug. Sir, as he likes, his sister, he says, shall come.

Face. O, is it so? Good time. Is your name Kastril, sir?

Kas. Ay, and the best o’ the Kastrils, I ’d be sorry else, 15 By fifteen hundred a year.[1940] Where is this doctor? My mad tobacco-boy here tells me of one That can do things. Has he any skill?

Face. Wherein, sir?

Kas. To carry a business, manage a quarrel fairly, Upon fit terms.

Face. It seems, sir, you ’re but young 20 About the town, that can make that a question.

Kas. Sir, not so young but I have heard some speech Of the angry boys,[1941] and seen ’em take tobacco; And in his shop; and I can take it too. And I would fain be one of ’em, and go down And practise i’ the country.

Face. Sir, for the duello, 26 The doctor, I assure you, shall inform you, To the least shadow of a hair; and show you An instrument he has of his own making, Wherewith, no sooner shall you make report 30 Of any quarrel, but he will take the height on ’t Most instantly, and tell in what degree Of safety it lies in, or mortality. And how it may be borne, whether in a right line, Or a half circle; or may else be cast 35 Into an angle blunt, if not acute; And this he will demonstrate. And then, rules To give and take the lie by.

Kas. How! to take it?

Face. Yes, in oblique he ’ll show you, or in circle;[1942] But ne’er in diameter.[1943] The whole town 40 Study his theorems, and dispute them ordinarily At the eating academies.

Kas. But does he teach Living by the wits too?

Face. Anything whatever. You cannot think that subtlety but he reads it. He made me a captain. I was a stark pimp, 45 Just o’ your standing, ’fore I met with him; It ’s not two months since. I ’ll tell you his method: First, he will enter you at some ordinary.

Kas. No, I ’ll not come there: you shall pardon me.

Face. For why, sir?

Kas. There ’s gaming there, and tricks.

Face. Why, would you be 50 A gallant, and not game?

Kas. Ay, ’t will spend a man.

Face. Spend you! It will repair you when you are spent. How do they live by their wits there, that have vented Six times your fortunes?

Kas. What, three thousand a year!

Face. Ay, forty thousand.

Kas. Are there such?

Face. Ay, sir, 55 And gallants yet. Here ’s a young gentleman Is born to nothing,—[Points to DAPPER.] forty marks a year Which I count nothing:—he ’s to be initiated, And have a fly o’ the doctor. He will win you By unresistible luck, within this fortnight, 60 Enough to buy a barony. They will set him Upmost, at the groom porter’s,[1944] all the Christmas: And for the whole year through at every place Where there is play, present him with the chair, 64 The best attendance, the best drink, sometimes Two glasses of Canary, and pay nothing; The purest linen and the sharpest knife, The partridge next his trencher: and somewhere The dainty bed, in private, with the dainty. You shall ha’ your ordinaries bid for him, 70 As playhouses for a poet; and the master Pray him aloud to name what dish be affects, Which must be butter’d shrimps: and those that drink To no mouth else, will drink to his, as being The goodly president mouth of all the board. 75

Kas. Do you not gull one?

Face. ’Ods my life! Do you think it? You shall have a cast commander, (can but get In credit with a glover, or a spurrier, For some two pair of either’s ware aforehand,) Will, by most swift posts, dealing [but] with him, 80 Arrive at competent means to keep himself, His punk, and naked boy, in excellent fashion, And be admir’d for ’t.

Kas. Will the doctor teach this?

Face. He will do more, sir: when your land is gone, (As men of spirit hate to keep earth long), 85 In a vacation,[1945] when small money is stirring, And ordinaries suspended till the term, He’ll show a perspective,[1946] where on one side You shall behold the faces and the persons Of all sufficient young heirs in town, 90 Whose bonds are current for commodity;[1947] On th’other side, the merchants’ forms, and others, That without help of any second broker, Who would expect a share, will trust such parcels: In the third square, the very street and sign 95 Where the commodity dwells, and does but wait To be deliver’d, be it pepper, soap, Hops, or tobacco, oatmeal, woad,[1948] or cheeses. All which you may so handle, to enjoy To your own use, and never stand oblig’d. 100

Kas. I’ faith! is he such a fellow?

Face. Why, Nab here knows him. And then for making matches for rich widows, Young gentlewomen, heirs, the fortunat’st man! He’s sent to, far and near, all over England, 104 To have his counsel, and to know their fortunes.

Kas. God ’s will, my sister shall see him.

Face. I ’ll tell you, sir, What he did tell me of Nab. It ’s a strange thing— (By the way, you must eat no cheese, Nab, it breeds melancholy, And that same melancholy breeds worms) but pass it:— 109 He told me, honest Nab here was ne’er at tavern But once in’s life.

Drug. Truth, and no more I was not.

Face. And then he was so sick——

Drug. Could he tell you that too?

Face. How should I know it?

Drug. In troth, we had been a shooting, And had a piece of fat ram-mutton to supper, That lay so heavy o’ my stomach——

Face. And he has no head 115 To bear any wine; for what with the noise o’ the fiddlers, And care of his shop, for he dares keep no servants——

Drug. My head did so ache——

Face. As he was fain to be brought home. The doctor told me: and then a good old woman——

Drug. Yes, faith, she dwells in Seacoal-lane,—did cure me, 120 With sodden ale, and pellitory[1949] o’ the wall; Cost me but twopence. I had another sickness Was worse than that.

Face. Ay, that was with the grief Thou took’st for being cess’d[1950] at eighteen-pence, For the waterwork.

Drug. In truth, and it was like 125 T’ have cost me almost my life.

Face. Thy hair went off?

Drug. Yes, sir; ’t was done for spite.

Face. Nay, so says the doctor.

Kas. Pray thee, tobacco-boy, go fetch my suster; I’ll see this learned boy before I go; And so shall she.

Face. Sir, he is busy now: 130 But if you have a sister to fetch hither, Perhaps your own pains may command her sooner; And he by that time will be free.

Kas. I go. [Exit.]

Face. Drugger, she’s thine: the damask!—[Exit ABEL.] Subtle and I Must wrastle for her. [Aside.] Come on, Master Dapper, 135 You see how I turn clients here away, To give your cause dispatch; ha’ you perform’d The ceremonies were enjoin’d you?

Dap. Yes, o’ the vinegar. And the clean shirt.

Face. ’T is well: that shirt may do you More worship than you think. Your aunt’s a-fire, 140 But that she will not show it, t’ have a sight of you. Ha’ you provided for her grace’s servants?

Dap. Yes, here are six score Edward shillings.

Face. Good!

Dap. And an old Harry’s sovereign.

Face. Very good!

Dap. And three James shillings, and an Elizabeth groat, 145 Just twenty nobles.[1951]

Face. O, you are too just. I would you had had the other noble in Maries.

Dap. I have some Philip and Maries.

Face. Ay, those same Are best of all: where are they? Hark, the doctor.

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Act III, Scene V — [1952]

FACE, DAPPER. [Enter] SUBTLE, disguised like a priest of Fairy [with a strip of cloth].

Sub. [in a feigned voice.] Is yet her grace’s cousin come?

Face. He is come.

Sub. And is he fasting?

Face. Yes.

Sub. And hath cried “hum”?

Face. Thrice, you must answer.

Dap. Thrice.

Sub. And as oft “buz”?

Face. If you have, say.

Dap. I have.

Sub. Then, to her cuz, Hoping that he hath vinegar’d his senses, 5 As he was bid, the Fairy queen dispenses, By me, this robe, the petticoat of Fortune; Which that he straight put on, she doth importune. And though to Fortune near be her petticoat, 9 Yet nearer is her smock, the queen doth note: And therefore, even of that a piece she hath sent, Which, being a child, to wrap him in was rent; And prays him for a scarf he now will wear it, With as much love as then her grace did tear it, About his eyes, (They blind him with the rag.) to show he is fortunate. 15 And, trusting unto her to make his state, He’ll throw away all worldly pelf about him; Which that he will perform, she doth not doubt him.

Face. She need not doubt him, sir. Alas, he has nothing But what he will part withal as willingly, 20 Upon her grace’s word—throw away your purse— As she would ask it:—handkerchiefs and all— She cannot bid that thing but he’ll obey.— If you have a ring about you, cast it off, Or a silver seal at your wrist; her grace will send (_He throws away, as they bid him._) 25 Her fairies here to search you, therefore deal Directly[1953] with her highness: if they find That you conceal a mite, you are undone.

Dap. Truly, there’s all.

Face. All what?

Dap. My money; truly.

Face. Keep nothing that is transitory about you. 30 [Aside to SUBTLE.] Bid Dol play music.—Look, the elves are come

DOL. enters with a cittern.

To pinch you, if you tell not the truth. Advise you. They pinch him.

Dap. O! I have a paper with a spur-ryal[1954] in’t.

Face. Ti, ti. They knew’t, they say.

Sub. Ti, ti, ti, ti. He has more yet.

Face. Ti, ti-ti-ti. I’ the other pocket?

Sub. Titi, titi, titi, titi. titi. 35 They must pinch him or he will never confess, they say. [They pinch him again.]

Dap. O, O!

Face. Nay, pray you, hold: he is her grace’s nephew Ti, ti, ti? What care you? Good faith, you shall care.— 39 Deal plainly, sir, and shame the fairies. Show You are innocent.

Dap. By this good light, I ha’ nothing.

Sub. Ti, ti, ti, ti, to, ta. He does equivocate she says: Ti, ti do ti, ti ti do, ti da; and swears by the light when he is blinded.

Dap. By this good dark, I ha’ nothing but a half-crown 44 Of gold about my wrist, that my love gave me; And a leaden heart I wore sin’ she forsook me.

Face. I thought ’t was something. And would you incur Your aunt’s displeasure for these trifles? Come, I had rather you had thrown away twenty half-crowns. [Takes it off.] You may wear your leaden heart still.—How now! 50

Sub. What news, Dol?

Dol. Yonder’s your knight, Sir Mammon.

Face. God’s lid, we never thought of him till now! Where is he?

Dol. Here hard by. He’s at the door.

Sub. And you are not ready now! Dol, get his suit. [Exit DOL.] He must not be sent back.

Face. O, by no means, 55 What shall we do with this same puffin[1955] here, Now he’s o’ the spit?

Sub. Why, lay him back awhile, With some device. [Re-enter DOL with FACE’S clothes.] —Ti, ti, ti, ti, ti, ti. Would her grace speak with me? I come.—Help, Dol! Knocking without.

Face. (speaks through the keyhole.)—Who ’s there? Sir Epicure, My master’s i’ the way. Please you to walk 60 Three or four turns, but till his back be turn’d, And I am for you.—Quickly, Dol!

Sub. Her grace Commends her kindly to you, Master Dapper.

Dap. I long to see her grace.

Sub. She now is set At dinner in her bed, and she has sent you 65 From her own private trencher, a dead mouse, And a piece of gingerbread, to be merry withal, And stay your stomach, lest you faint with fasting: Yet if you could hold out till she saw you, she says, It would be better for you.

Face. Sir, he shall 70 Hold out, an’t were this two hours, for her highness; I can assure you that. We will not lose All we ha’ done.——

Sub. He must not see, nor speak To anybody, till then.

Face. For that we’ll put, sir, A stay in’s mouth.

Sub. Of what?

Face. Of gingerbread. 75 Make you it fit. He that hath pleas’d her grace Thus far, shall not now crinkle[1956] for a little.—— Gape, sir, and let him fit you. [They thrust a gag of gingerbread into his mouth.]

Sub. ——Where shall we now Bestow him?

Dol. I’ the privy.——

Sub. Come along, sir, 80 I must now show you Fortune’s privy lodgings.

Face. Are they perfum’d, and his bath ready?

Sub. All: Only the fumigation ’s somewhat strong.

Face. [speaking through the keyhole.] Sir Epicure, I am yours, sir, by and by. [Exeunt with DAPPER.]

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Act IV, Scene I — [1957]

[Enter] FACE and MAMMON.

Face. O, sir, you ’re come i’ the only finest time.——

Mam. Where ’s master?

Face. Now preparing for projection, sir. Your stuff will be all chang’d shortly.

Mam. Into gold?

Face. To gold and silver, sir.

Mam. Silver I care not for.

Face. Yes, sir, a little to give beggars.

Mam. Where ’s the lady? 5

Face. At hand here. I ha’ told her such brave things o’ you, Touching your bounty and your noble spirit——

Mam. Hast thou?

Face. As she is almost in her fit to see you. But, good sir, no divinity i’ your conference, For fear of putting her in rage.——

Mam. I warrant thee. 10

Face. Six men [sir] will not hold her down. And then, If the old man should hear or see you——

Mam. Fear not.

Face. The very house, sir, would run mad. You know it, How scrupulous he is, and violent, ’Gainst the least act of sin. Physic or mathematics, 15 Poetry, state,[1958] or bawdry, as I told you, She will endure, and never startle; but No word of controversy.

Mam. I am school’d, good =Ulen=.

Face. And you must praise her house, remember that, And her nobility.

Mam. Let me alone: 20 No herald, no, nor antiquary, Lungs, Shall do it better. Go.

Face. [Aside.] Why, this is yet A kind of modern happiness,[1959] to have Dol Common for a great lady. [Exit.]

Mam. Now, Epicure, Heighten thyself, talk to her all in gold; 25 Rain her as many showers as Jove did drops Unto his Danaë; show the god a miser, Compar’d with Mammon. What! the stone will do ’t. She shall feel gold, taste gold, hear gold, sleep gold; Nay, we will concumbere gold: I will be puissant, And mighty in my talk to her.— [Re-enter FACE with DOL. richly dressed.] Here she comes, 31

Face. To him, Dol, suckle him. This is the noble knight I told your ladyship——

Mam. Madam, with your pardon, I kiss your vesture.

Dol. Sir, I were uncivil If I would suffer that; my lip to you, sir. 35

Mam. I hope my lord your brother be in health, lady.

Dol. My lord my brother is, though I no lady, sir.

Face. [Aside.] Well said, my Guinea bird.

Mam. Right noble madam——

Face. [Aside.] O, we shall have most fierce idolatry.

Mam. ’T is your prerogative.

Dol. Rather your courtesy. 40

Mam. Were there nought else t’ enlarge your virtues to me, These answers speak your breeding and your blood.

Dol. Blood we boast none, sir; a poor baron’s daughter.

Mam. Poor! and gat you? Profane not. Had your father Slept all the happy remnant of his life 45 After that act, lien but there still, and panted, He ’d done enough to make himself, his issue. And his posterity noble.

Dol. Sir, although We may be said to want the gilt and trappings, The dress of honour, yet we strive to keep 50 The seeds and the materials.

Mam. I do see The old ingredient, virtue, was not lost, Nor the drug money us’d to make your compound. There is a strange nobility i’ your eye, This lip, that chin! Methinks you do resemble One o’ the Austriac princes.

Face. [Aside.] Very like! 56 Her father was an Irish costermonger.

Mam. The house of Valois just had such a nose, And such a forehead yet the Medici Of Florence boast.

Dol. Troth, and I have been lik’ned 60 To all these princes.

Face. [Aside.] I’ll be sworn, I heard it.

Mam. I know not how! it is not any one, But e’en the very choice of all their features.

Face. [Aside.] I ’ll in, and laugh. [Exit.]

Mam. A certain touch, or air, That sparkles a divinity beyond 65 An earthly beauty!

Dol. O, you play the courtier.

Mam. Good lady, gi’ me leave——

Dol. In faith, I may not, To mock me, sir.

Mam. To burn i’ this sweet flame; The phoenix never knew a nobler death.

Dol. Nay, now you court the courtier, and destroy 70 What you would build. This art, sir, i’ your words, Calls your whole faith in question.

Mam. By my soul——

Dol. Nay, oaths are made o’ the same air, sir.

Mam. Nature Never bestow’d upon mortality A more unblam’d, a more harmonious feature; She play’d the step-dame in all faces else: 76 Sweet madam, le’ me be particular——

Dol. Particular, sir! I pray you, know your distance.

Mam. In no ill sense, sweet lady: but to ask How your fair graces pass the hours? I see 80 You’re lodg’d here, i’ the house of a rare man, An excellent artist, but what ’s that to you?

Dol. Yes, sir; I study here the mathematics. And distillation.

Mam. O, I cry your pardon. He ’s a divine instructor! can extract 85 The souls of all things by his art; call all The virtues, and the miracles of the sun, Into a temperate furnace; teach dull nature What her own forces are. A man, the emp’ror Has courted above Kelly;[1960] sent his medals 90 And chains, t’ invite him.

Dol. Ay, and for his physic, sir——

Mam. Above the art of Aesculapius, That drew the envy of the thunderer! I know all this, and more.

Dol. Troth, I am taken, sir, Whole with these studies that contemplate nature. 95

Mam. It is a noble humour; but this form Was not intended to so dark a use. Had you been crooked, foul, of some coarse mould, A cloister had done well; but such a feature, That might stand up the glory of a kingdom, To live recluse is a mere solecism, 101 Though in a nunnery. It must not be. I muse, my lord your brother will permit it: You should spend half my land first, were I he. Does not this diamond better on my finger 105 Than i’ the quarry?

Dol. Yes.

Mam. Why, you are like it. You were created, lady, for the light. Here, you shall wear it; take it, the first pledge Of what I speak, to bind you to believe me.

Dol. In chains of adamant?

Mam. Yes, the strongest bands. 110 And take a secret too.—Here, by your side. Doth stand this hour the happiest man in Europe.

Dol. You are contented, sir?

Mam. Nay, in true being, The envy of princes and the fear of states.

Dol. Say you so, Sir Epicure?

Mam. Yes, and thou shalt prove it, 115 Daughter of honour. I have cast mine eye Upon thy form, and I will rear this beauty Above all styles.

Dol. You mean no treason, sir?

Mam. No, I will take away that jealousy. I am the lord of the philosopher’s stone, 120 And thou the lady.

Dol. How, sir! ha’ you that?

Mam. I am the master of the mastery.[1961] This day the good old wretch here o’ the house Has made it for us: now he ’s at projection. Think therefore thy first wish now, let me hear it; 125 And it shall rain into thy lap, no shower, But floods of gold, whole cataracts, a deluge, To get a nation on thee.

Dol. You are pleas’d, sir, To work on the ambition of our sex.

Mam. I am pleas’d the glory of her sex should know, 130 This nook here of the Friars is no climate For her to live obscurely in, to learn Physic and surgery, for the constable’s wife Of some odd hundred in Essex; but come forth, And taste the air of palaces; eat, drink 135 The toils of empirics, and their boasted practice; Tincture of pearl, and coral, gold, and amber; Be seen at feasts and triumphs; have it ask’d, What miracle she is; set all the eyes Of court a-fire, like a burning glass, 140 And work ’em into cinders, when the jewels Of twenty states adorn thee, and the light Strikes out the stars that, when thy name is mention’d, Queens may look pale; and, we but showing our love, Nero’s Poppaea may be lost in story! 145 Thus will we have it.

Dol. I could well consent, sir. But in a monarchy, how will this be? The prince will soon take notice, and both seize You and your stone, it being a wealth unfit For any private subject.

Mam. If he knew it. 150

Dol. Yourself do boast it, sir.

Mam. To thee, my life.

Dol. O, but beware, sir! You may come to end The remnant of your days in a loath’d prison, By speaking of it.

Mam. ’T is no idle fear. 154 We ’ll therefore go with all, my girl, and live In a free state, where we will eat our mullets, Sous’d in high-country wines, sup pheasants’ eggs, And have our cockles boil’d in silver shells; Our shrimps to swim again, as when they liv’d, In a rare butter made of dolphins’ milk, 160 Whose cream does look like opals; and with these Delicate meats set ourselves high for pleasure, And take us down again, and then renew Our youth and strength with drinking the elixir, And so enjoy a perpetuity 165 Of life and lust! And thou shalt ha’ thy wardrobe Richer than Nature’s, still to change thyself, And vary oft’ner, for thy pride, than she, Or Art, her wise and almost-equal servant.

[Re-enter FACE.]

Face. Sir, you are too loud. I hear you every word 170 Into the laboratory. Some fitter place; The garden, or great chamber above. How like you her?

Mam. Excellent! Lungs. There’s for thee. [Gives him money.]

Face. But do you hear? Good sir, beware, no mention of the rabbins.

Mam. We think not on ’em. [Exeunt MAM. and DOL.]

Face. O, it is well, sir.—Subtle! 175

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Act IV, Scene II — [1962]

FACE. [Enter] SUBTLE.

Dost thou not laugh?

Sub. Yes; are they gone?

Face. All ’s clear.

Sub. The widow is come.

Face. And your quarreling disciple?

Sub. Ay.

Face. I must to my captainship again then.

Sub. Stay, bring ’em in first.

Face. So I meant. What is she? A bonnibel?

Mam. I know not.

Face. We’ll draw lots: 5 You ’ll stand to that?

Sub. What else?

Face. O, for a suit, To fall now like a curtain, flap!

Sub. To th’ door, man.

Face. You ’ll ha’ the first kiss, ’cause I am not ready. [Exit.]

Sub. Yes, and perhaps hit you through both the nostrils.[1963] 9

Face. [within.] Who would you speak with?

Kas. [within.] Where ’s the captain?

Face. [within.] Gone, sir, About some business.

Kas. [within.] Gone!

Face. [within.] He ’ll return straight. But, master doctor, his lieutenant, is here.

[Enter KASTRIL, followed by Dame PLIANT.]

Sub. Come near, my worshipful boy, my terræ fili, That is, my boy of land; make thy approaches: Welcome; I know thy lusts and thy desires, 15 And I will serve and satisfy ’em. Begin, Charge me from thence, or thence, or in this line; Here is my centre: ground thy quarrel.

Kas. You lie.

Sub. How, child of wrath and anger! the loud lie? For what, my sudden boy?

Kas. Nay, that look you to, 20 I am aforehand.

Sub. O, this is no true grammar, And as ill logic! You must render causes, child, Your first and second intentions, know your canons And your divisions, moods, degrees, and differences, Your predicaments, substance, and accident, 25 Series extern and intern, with their causes, Efficient, material, formal, final, And ha’ your elements perfect?

Kas. What is this? The angry[1964] tongue he talks in?

Sub. That false precept, Of being aforehand, has deceiv’d a number, 30 And made ’em enter quarrels oftentimes Before they were aware; and afterward, Against their wills.

Kas. How must I do then, sir?

Sub. I cry this lady mercy; she should first Have been saluted. (Kisses her.) I do call you lady, 35 Because you are to be one ere ’t be long, My soft and buxom widow.

Kas. Is she, i’ faith?

Sub. Yes, or my art is an egregious liar.

Kas. How know you?

Sub. By inspection on her forehead, 39 And subtlety of her lip, which must be tasted Often to make a judgment. (Kisses her again.) ’Slight, she melts Like a myrobolane.[1965] Here is yet a line, In rivo frontis,[1966] tells me he is no knight.

Dame P. What is he then, sir?

Sub. Let me see your hand. O, your linea fortunae makes it plain; 45 And stella here in monte Veneris. But, most of all, junctura annularis.[1967] He is a soldier, or a man of art, lady, But shall have some great honour shortly.

Dame P. Brother, He ’s a rare man, believe me!

[Re-enter FACE, in his uniform.]

Kas. Hold your peace. 50 Here comes t’ other rare man.—’Save you, captain.

Face. Good Master Kastril! Is this your sister?

Kas. Ay, sir. Please you to kuss her, and be proud to know her.

Face. I shall be proud to know you, lady. [Kisses her.]

Dame P. Brother, He calls me lady, too.

Kas. Ay, peace: I heard it. 65 [Takes her aside.]

Face. The count is come.

Sub. Where is he?

Face. At the door.

Sub. Why, you must entertain him.

Face. What will you do With these the while?

Sub. Why, have ’em up, and show ’em Some fustian book, or the dark glass.

Face. ’Fore God, She is a delicate dabchick! I must have her. [Exit.]

Sub. [Aside.] Must you! Ay, if your fortune will, you must.— 61 Come, sir, the captain will come to us presently: I ’ll ha’ you to my chamber of demonstrations, Where I ’ll show you both the grammar and logic, And rhetoric of quarreling; my whole method Drawn out in tables; and my instrument, 66 That hath the several scales upon ’t shall make you Able to quarrel at a straw’s-breadth by moonlight. And, lady, I ’ll have you look in a glass, 69 Some half an hour, but to clear your eyesight, Against you see[1968] your fortune; which is greater Than I may judge upon the sudden, trust me. [Exeunt.]

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Act IV, Scene III — [1969]

[Enter] FACE.

Face. Where are you, doctor?

Sub. [within.] I ’ll come to you presently.

Face. I will ha’ this same widow, now I ha’ seen her, On any composition.

[Enter SUBTLE]

Sub. What do you say?

Face. Ha’ you dispos’d of them?

Sub. I ha’ sent ’em up.

Face. Subtle, in troth, I needs must have this widow. 5

Sub. Is that the matter?

Face. Nay, but hear me.

Sub. Go to. If you rebel once, Dol shall know it all: Therefore be quiet, and obey your chance.

Face. Nay, thou art so violent now. Do but conceive, Thou art old, and canst not serve——

Sub. Who cannot? I? 10 ’Slight, I will serve her with thee, for a——

Face. Nay, But understand: I’ll gi’ you composition.[1970]

Sub. I will not treat with thee. What! sell my fortune? ’T is better than my birthright. Do not murmur: Win her, and carry her. If you grumble, Dol 15 Knows it directly.

Face. Well, sir, I am silent. Will you go help to fetch in Don in state? [Exit.]

Sub. I follow you, sir. We must keep Face in awe, Or he will overlook us like a tyrant. [Re-enter FACE, introducing] SURLY like a Spaniard. Brain of a tailor! who comes here? Don John!

Sur. Senores, beso las manos a vuestras mercedes.[1971] 21

Sub. Would you had stoop’d a little, and kist our anos.

Face. Peace, Subtle!

Sub. Stab me; I shall never hold, man. He looks in that deep ruff like a head in a platter, Serv’d in by a short cloak upon two trestles. 25

Face. Or what do you say to a collar of brawn,[1972] cut down Beneath the souse,[1973] and wriggled with a knife?

Sub. ’Slud, he does look too fat to be a Spaniard.

Face. Perhaps some Fleming or some Hollander got him In d’Alva’s time; Count Egmont’s bastard.

Sub. Don, 30 Your scurvy, yellow, Madrid face is welcome.

Sur. Gratia.

Sub. He speaks out of a fortification. Pray God he ha’ no squibs in those deep sets.[1974]

Sur. Por dios, senores,[1975] muy linda casa!

Sub. What says he?

Face. Praises the house, I think; 35 I know no more but ’s action.

Sub. Yes, the casa, My precious Diego, will prove fair enough To cozen you in. Do you mark? You shall Be cozened, Diego.[1976]

Face. Cozened, do you see, My worthy Donzel,[1977] cozened.

Sur. Entiendo.[1978] 40

Sub. Do you intend it? So do we, dear Don. Have you brought pistolets[1979] or portagues, My solemn Don? [To FACE.] Dost thou feel any?

Face. (Feels his pockets.) Full.

Sub. You shall be emptied, Don, pumped and drawn Dry, as they say.

Face. Milked, in troth, sweet Don. 45

Sub. See all the monsters; the great lion of all, Don.

Sur. Con licencia, se puede ver a esta senora?[1980]

Sub. What talks he now?

Face. Of the senora.

Sub. O, Don, This is the lioness, which you shall see Also, my Don.

Face. ’Slid, Subtle, how shall we do? 50

Sub. For what?

Face. Why, Dol’s employ’d, you know.

Sub. That ’s true. ’Fore heav’n I know not: he must stay, that ’s all.

Face. Stay! that he must not by no means.

Sub. No! why?

Face. Unless you ’ll mar all. ’Slight, he ’ll suspect it; And then he will not pay, not half so well. 55 This is a travell’d punk-master, and does know All the delays; a notable hot rascal, And looks already rampant.

Sub. ’Sdeath, and Mammon Must not be troubled.

Face. Mammon! in no case.

Sub. What shall we do then?

Face. Think: you must be sudden.[1981] 60

Sur. Entiendo que la senora es tan hermosa, que codicio tan a verla como la bien aventuranza de mi vida.[1982]

Face. Mi vida! ’Slid, Subtle, he puts me in mind o’ the widow. What dost thou say to draw her to ’t, ha! 65 And tell her ’t is her fortune? All our venture Now lies upon ’t. It is but one man more, Which on’s chance to have her: and beside, There is no maidenhead to be fear’d or lost. What dost thou think on ’t, Subtle?

Sub. Who, I? why—— 70

Face. The credit of our house too is engag’d.[1983]

Sub. You made me an offer for my share ere-while. What wilt thou gi’ me, i’ faith?

Face. O, by that light I’ll not buy now. You know your doom[1984] to me. E’en take your lot, obey your chance, sir; win her, 75 And wear her—out for me.

Sub. ’Slight, I’ll not work her then.

Face. It is the common cause; therefore bethink you. Dol else must know it, as you said.

Sub. I care not.

Sur. Senores, porque se tarda tanto?[1985]

Sub. Faith, I am not fit. I am old.

Face. That’s now no reason, sir.

Sur. Puede ser de hazer burla de mi amor?“[1986] 81

Face. You hear the Don too? By this air I call, And loose the hinges. Dol!

Sub. A plague of hell——

Face. Will you then do?

Sub. You ’re a terrible rogue! I’ll think of this. Will you, sir, call the widow?

Face. Yes, and I’ll take her too with all her faults, 86 Now I do think on ’t better.

Sub. With all my heart, sir; Am I discharg’d o’ the lot?

Face. As you please.

Sub. Hands. [They shake hands.]

Face. Remember now, that upon any change You never claim her.

Sub. Much good joy and health to you, sir, 90 Marry a whore! Fate, let me wed a witch first.

Sur. Por estas honradas barbas[1987]——

Sub. He swears by his beard. Dispatch, and call the brother too. [Exit FACE.]

Sur. Tengo duda, senores, que no me hagan alguna traycion.[1988] 95

Sub. How, issue on? Yes, praesto, senor. Please you Enthratha the chambratha, worthy don: Where if you please the fates, in your bathada, You shall be soak’d, and strok’d, and tubb’d, and rubb’d, And scrubb’d, and fubb’d,[1989] dear don, before you go. 100 You shall in faith, my scurvy baboon don, Be curried, claw’d, and flaw’d,[1990] and taw’d,[1991] indeed. I will the heartlier go about it now, And make the widow a punk so much the sooner, To be reveng’d on this impetuous Face: 105 The quickly doing of it is the grace. [Exeunt SUB. and SURLY.]

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Act IV, Scene IV — [1992]

[Enter] FACE, KASTRIL, and Dame PLIANT.

[Face.] Come, lady: I knew the doctor would not leave Till he had found the very nick of her fortune.

Kas. To be a conntess, say you?

[Face.][1993] A Spanish countess, sir.

Dame P. Why, is that better than an English countess?

Face. Better! ’Slight, make you that a question, lady? 5

Kas. Nay, she is a fool, captain, you must pardon her.

Face. Ask from your courtier to your inns-of-court-man, To your mere milliner; they will tell you all, Your Spanish jennet is the best horse; your Spanish Stoop is the best garb;[1994] your Spanish beard 10 Is the best cut; your Spanish ruffs are the best Wear; your Spanish pavin the best dance; Your Spanish titillation in a glove The best perfume: and for your Spanish pike, And Spanish blade, let your poor captain speak.— Here comes the doctor.

[Enter SUBTLE with a paper.]

Sub. My most honour’d lady, For so I am now to style you, having found By this my scheme,[1995] you are to undergo An honourable fortune very shortly, 19 What will you say now, if some——

Face. I ha’ told her all, sir, And her right worshipful brother here, that she shall be A countess; do not delay ’em, sir; a Spanish countess.

Sub. Still, my scarce-worshipful captain, you can keep No secret! Well, since he has told you, madam, Do you forgive him, and I do.

Kas. She shall do that, sir; 25 I ’ll look to it; ’t is my charge.

Sub. Well then: nought rests But that she fit her love now to her fortune.

Dame P. Truly I shall never brook a Spaniard.

Sub. No?

Dame P. Never sin’ eighty-eight[1996] could I abide ’em, And that was some three years afore I was born, in truth. 30

Sub. Come, you must love him, or be miserable; Choose which you will.

Face. By this good rush, persuade her, She will cry[1997] strawberries else within this twelve month.

Sub. Nay, shads and mackerel, which is worse.

Face. Indeed, sir!

Kas. God’s lid, you shall love him, or I ’ll kick you.

Dame P. Why, 35 I ’ll do as you will ha’ me, brother.

Kas. Do, Or by this hand I ’ll maul you.

Face. Nay, good sir, Be not so fierce.

Sub. No, my enraged child; She will be rul’d. What, when she comes to taste The pleasures of a countess! to be courted—— 40

Face. And kiss’d and ruffled!

Sub. Ay, behind the hangings.

Face. And then come forth in pomp!

Sub. And know her state!

Face. Of keeping all th’ idolators o’ the chamber Barer to her, than at their prayers!

Sub. Is serv’d Upon the knee!

Face. And has her pages, ushers, 45 Footmen, and coaches——

Sub. Her six mares——

Face. Nay, eight!

Sub. To hurry her through London, to th’ Exchange.[1998] Bet’lem,[1999] the China-houses[2000]——

Face. Yes, and have The citizens gape at her, and praise her tires,[2001] And my lord’s goose-turd bands,[2002] that rides with her! 50

Kas. Most brave! By this hand, you are not my suster If you refuse.

Dame P. I will not refuse, brother.

[Enter SURLY.]

_Sur. Que es esto, senores, que non se venga? Esta tardanza me mata!_[2003]

Face. It is the count come: The doctor knew he would be here, by his art.

Sub. En gallanta, madama, Don! gallantissima! 56

_Sur. Por todos los dioses, la mas acabada Hermosura, que he visto en ma vida!_[2004]

Face. Is ’t not a gallant language that they speak?

Kas. An admirable language! Is ’t not French? 60

Face. No, Spanish, sir.

Kas. It goes like law French, And that, they say, is the court-liest language.

Face. List, sir.

_Sur. El sol ha perdido su lumbre, con el Resplandor que trae esta dana! Valga me dios!_[2005]

Face. H’ s your sister.

Kas. Must not she make curt’sy. 65

Sub. ’Ods will, she must go to him, man, and kiss him! It is the Spanish fashion, for the women To make first court.

Face. ’T is true he tells you, sir: His art knows all.

Sur. Porque no se acude?[2006]

Kas. He speaks to her, I think.

Fact. That he does, sir. 70

Sur. Por el amor de dios, que es esto que se tarda?[2007]

Kas. Nay, see: she will not understand him! Gull, Noddy.

Dame P. What say you, brother?

Kas. Ass, my suster, Go kuss him, as the cunning man would ha’ you; I ’ll thrust a pin i’ your buttocks else.

Face. O no, sir. 75

_Sur. Senora mia, mi persona muy indigna esta Allegar a tanta hermosura._[2008]

Face. Does he not use her bravely?

Kas. Bravely, i’ faith!

Face. Nay, he will use her better.

Kas. Do you think so?

Sur. Senora, si sera servida, entremos.[2009] 80 [Exit with Dame PLIANT.]

Kas. Where does he carry her?

Face. Into the garden, sir; Take you no thought: I must interpret for her.

Sub. Give Dol the word. [Aside to FACE, who goes out.] —Come, my fierce child, advance, We’ll to our quarreling lesson again.

Kas. Agreed. I love a Spanish boy with all my heart. 85

Sub. Nay, and by this means, sir, you shall be brother To a great count.

Kas. Ay, I knew that at first. This match will advance the house of the Kastrils.

Sub. ’Pray God your sister prove but pliant!

Kas. Why, Her name is so, by her other husband.

Sub. How! 90

Kas. The Widow Pliant. Knew you not that?

Sub. No, faith, sir; Yet, by the erection of her figure,[2010] I guess’d it. Come, let ’s go practise.

Kas. Yes, but do you think, doctor, I e’er shall quarrel well?

Sub. I warrant you. [Exeunt.]

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