The father's book; or, suggestions for the government and instruction of young children, on principles appropriate to a Christian country

Dedication

TO THOSE

ON WHOSE

PATRIOTISM, INTELLIGENCE, SOUND JUDGMENT, AND CHRISTIAN PRINCIPLE,

Preface

It is the object of this volume to suggest to the father of a family, principles and methods for the instruction of children, in intellectual, moral and religious truths, and for training them up to usefulness and happiness here and hereafter.

It would be difficult, in so small a work, to say all that might be usefully said, on government or intellectual instruction alone ; but when moral and religious training are to be added, it cannot be expected that every point should be considered at large. The author has therefore chiefly insisted on such views as he thinks most need to be impressed upon the minds of fathers of the present day. Fashion has a greater influence on the education of the young than most parents suppose ; and as many prevailing doctrines and practices are lamentably wrong, the father must not be surprised if he should be called upon, in the following pages, to pursue a course opposite to that adopted by many persons around him.

11 PREFACE.

It will be perceived that this volume inculcates the great value of a good domestic education ; and I trust that such suggestions as will be here found on this subject, together with those reflections which the reader will make, may impress upon his mind the high importance of a father's duties towards his children. The author has seen reason to rate them very highly, in the course of his intercourse with different ages and classes of society. He has seen men who had enjoyed the advantages of good examples and instruction at home, overcoming obstacles of almost every kind, and acquiring knowledge and influence of great value to themselves and others. On the other hand, many cases might be mentioned, where the instructors of our best literary institutions have struggled in vain against the evil principles and habits which neglected or ill guided young men have brought with them from their parental roof, and which have proved predominant through their lives.

Among the influences of home, those exerted by the example of parents are frequently alluded to in this volume ; as they are important in physical and intellectual, as well as in moral and religious matters. The father is advised to form useful habits in his children, both of action,

PREFACE. HI

thought, feeling and speaking ; as the practice of our habits in one form and another, consti^ stutes almost the^whole of our lives ; and the object of education is to affect our lives in the best possible manner.

Although so large a share of the care of children devolves upon the mother, let the father be careful not to underrate his own duties or influence. There are few who do all they might for the physical, intellectual, moral and religious education of their children ; and when the importance of their own proper task is considered, and the improper influences by which they are too often induced to neglect it, they must acknowledge it is their duty to make new exertions in behalf of their children.

On whatever topics we may write with the hope of benefiting society, we must confess that a large share of all the good the philanthropist would aim at may be secured by him who shall induce parents to entertain just views of their duty towards their children, and to pursue such methods in training them as shall most tend to make them wise and good, intelligent members of society, and faithful servants of God. The advantages afforded to most parents by society in America, receive, as they merit, particular attention in this book ; and it is hoped that the

IV PREFACE.

modes here pointed out, by which the good father may avail himself of the varied social machinery around us, w^ill induce him to regard this interesting subject as it deserves.

Those who may view in a different light from the author, the duty of making many sacrifices for the good of our children, and who may think that this book recommends unnecessary deviations from some of the opinions and practices current in society, will perhaps still find useful suggestions in different chapters, by which they and their children may be benefited.

Before any father closes this book and dismisses the subject, with the thought that he has no time to attend to the education of his children, let him consider these few concluding lines. A half hour stolen from his morning sleep may accomplish vast things in a year ; and the author has endeavored particularly to show, in some of the succeeding pages, in what manner short moments of leisure, and even the time occupied at meals, may be made useful in education, with both enjoyment and benefit to the parent as well as the child.

JSTeiv York, June 2, 1834.

CHAPTER I. Page

THE YOUNG FATHER. Ignorance of the principles of a good education often arises from neglect of those who have experience, and might teach — What is your system of education ? — Questions. - - - 9

Chapter II

PRINCIPLES OF EDUCATION. Our opportunities for adopting the best principles in Education— General indifference— Ideas to be embraced—False principles to be rejected— Domestio arrangements to be made for the benefit of our children— Planning and building a house- Furniture — The influence of good taste in these points and in dress —Questions for a Father. ^'i

Chapter III

YOUNG CHILDREN. Treatment of young infants— Reflections and studies appropriate to the father during the early infancy of his child- Crying — Improper excitement — How to counteract fretfulness and passion in young infants— First step in discipline— Signifying desires by kisses — Anecdote — Early language — Importance of the means of expression to the mind— Signs— Anecdote. .... - 27

Chapter IV

THE HEALTH OF CHILDREN. Some knowledge of the human system desirable, and a few medicines — A good system of food, exercise, early rising, &c. best — Diet— Various exercises appropriate to the health of body and mind. 37

Chapter V

RELIGIOUS INSTRUCTION. At what age is it to be commenced?— How is it to be conveyed ?— Force of example— Anecdotes to prove early rehgious instruction possible— Reasons for undertaking it. - . - 44

Chapter VI

RELIGIOUS INSTRUCTION— co«fo"«Med. The importance and interest of human physiology, or the knowledge of our own frames — The science of the soul superior to every branch of natural history, &c. — The dawning of intellect— The first appearance of the affections— The acquisition of ideas— Errors of opinion concerning the time to commence religious instruction — A plan recommended for early teaching the fundamental principles of the Christian religion— Parents responsible for the religious doctrines they inculcate, 55

VI CONTENTS.

Page.

Chapter VII

A FAMILY ON THE SABBATH, The father's morning interview with his son— Their prayer, and study of the Scriptures— Principles in religious instruction— Sunday occupations for children — School— Church. 6S

Chapter VIII

PLAYTHINGS, SPORTS, AMUSEMENTS AND EXERCISE, They should be connected with something useful, as far as possible— Exciting games to be avoided — Kites, connected with useful principles — Games of chance to be shunned — Small mechanical and agricultural tools for children — The care of domestic animals and fowls — Humane feeling thus to be fostered — A knowledge of natural history, drawing, &c. to be substituted for cruel field sports — Walking— Riding on horseback— Health injured by injudicious treatment at school, 87

Chapter IX

AMUSEMENTS— co/z/mwetZ. Witnessing "useful labor— Learning useful arts— Instrumental music— Story of a boy who visited a fife-maker— Manual labor. 96

Chapter X

FAMILY GOVERNMENT, The knowledge possessed by children- Allowance to be made for their ignorance of language, irritability, &c.— Corporeal punishments— Punishments in general— Regular hours and habits— Dangers of young men— Precautions, 108

Chapter XI

INTELLECTUAL INSTRUCTION. Education begins early— Importance of domestic education, and our facilities for exercising it, especially in the middle and most sensible ranks of society— The father's instructions in conversation at table— The wonders of water— Other subjects, - - 120

CHAPTER XIL

INTELLECTUAL INSTRUCTION— con^znwecZ, Conversation in general — Points to be guarded against in conversation — Books in a family library— Impure and frivolous works to be excluded— Fiction— Great objects of instruction — The father may write for the instruction of his children — Learning good prose and poetry by rote — Domestic instruction in geography, natural history, arts, common life, &c. — Children's compositions, journals, &c. 132

Chapter XIII

SOCIETY, AND ITS INFLUENCE ON EDUCATION, Advantages offered by the state of society in our own country— Public celebrations- Training days— Exhibitions of children— Celebrations appropriate to an intelligent, virtuous and Christian people— Duty of fathers in fostering literary societies— Safeguards against intemperance and crime— The neighborhood— How to be regarded—Habits of loving neighbors— Petty jealousies— Social intercourse— Influence of Sabbath Schools, religious and charitable associations, on families, - - - • - - - 145

CONTENTS. Vll

Page.

Chapter XIV

MUSIC, POLITENESS, PUNCTUALITY, &c. The cultivation of music in tlie family — Vocal music — Its importance as a means of discipline and instruction, as well as a source of enjoyment — Nature prompts to the cultivation of vocal music— Almost every child capable of learning to sing — The musical machinery of the throat — Singing schools useful, and vforthy of patronage — Musical instruments for children— False views of ■ politeness— Good Manners — Practical training — Systematic beneficence — Example— Instances to illustrate. 157

Chapter XV

VARIOUS TOPICS. System— Honesty— Punctuality in paying debts- Independence— Illustration— Caution to wealthy parents— Book-keeping — Public offices — Servants— Terrifying children. - - - - - 171

Chapter XVI

SCHOOLS. Their importance to the peace and good order of the neighborhood and society— Sending children to public schools — A father's duty towards them — General principles to be observed in establishing and conducting schools— Branches to be taught, and principles of teaching- Ornamental branches— Modes of government and instruction— Means of exciting interest in schools— Lyceums— Conclusion. - - - - 186

THE FATHER'S BOOK.

Chapter I. The Young Fjcther

The young father — Ignorance of the principles of a good education often arises from not consulting those who have experience, and might teach — What is your system of education ? — Questions.

How interesting it is to an experienced father, to see a young man just entered upon the duties of that relation, if his character be such as to encourage hopes of his faithful devotion to them ! He can not only sympathize with him in the joy with which he receives into his arms the first-born child which his Maker has committed to his care, and the tender and sublime sentiments which mingle at that peculiar moment of his life ; but he can foresee something of the course of instruction which begins from this period, and reahze the beneficial though laborious and self-denying task on Avhich he is entering.

An experienced parent, looking upon a young father, is reminded of the more tender tie which now binds him to the wife of his bosom, and contemplates, with reflections of his own, the sphere of warm affections in which the tender babe is to be nurtured. He recollects, however, with regret and solicitude, how often all this love has been unavailing, and failed to 9.

secure its objects from evils of various kinds, and looks forward with doubt and fear of the issue of that training" which this infant shall receive from these hands. And similar feelings are often awakened by the sight of children at different ages and under various circumstances. Ind.eed, a parent who has ever faithfully attended to the important subject of education, can hardly banish from his mind, for a single day, or even an hour, at any subsequent period of his life, reflections on its difficulties, and the evil consequences of negligence or failure.

On6 reason why the evil consequences of bad education are so often to be lamented, is, that those who have to practise the duties of parents, receive little instruction from those who might give it. Every generation, and every parent, is left too much alone to learn this most important science. Of course each must begin at the first principles, and grope unassisted and unenlightened over the ground where so many have strayed and fallen, because they too were unaided. It has often happened that parents have supposed themselves to have arrived at great discoveries in the plan or method of governing or treating children, when they have ascertained that some person, who might have communicated the same, and more, in a few words, had practised it long before.

We avail ourselves of the experience of others, in every other department of human knowledge ; why should we not do so in that of domestic education, and in the important and responsible work of giving a right direction to the opening minds of the young immortals, committed to our trust 1

THE YOUNG FATHER. 11

The science and practice of education become to parents matters of. prime necessity. Next to the bread, clothing, and warmth, necessary to the life and health of their offspring, the way of teaching and governing them is imperatively important.^ — Thousands and millions of parents are attempting the task every 5^ear, in different countries and under different circumstances, on different principles and with different success. Children are rendered, by different systems, Hottentots, Brahmins, European princes, and citizens of America, with all the traits respectively belonging to their various situations. To us it is of vast importance to learn how we may best train up our children to occupy the spheres in which we may place them, in the best manner. The world is not without books on the subject of education : we know how the Spartan mothers made their children Lacedemonians, and how Bonaparte trained the youth of France to fight for himself: but what book is to be found which points out briefly and intelligibly to a Christian father in the United States, the way in which he can instil into his child the knowledge, the sentiments, and the habits, which shall render him, in a republican country, an useful citizen — in an intelligent community like ours, imbued with that knowledge, and that alone, which it shall be best for him to possess, — -and under the government of a great and holy God, a faithful, happy, and acceptable servant 1

Some parents in our country have succeeded in producing a portion of these results ; a few have been blessed with success in all : and as we have only to inquire, to observe, and to reflect, to arrive at some great and ruling principles in education, it will not be thought presumptuous, if an attempt be made in the succeeding pages, to lay some of them before such fathers as may consult this volume for suggestions useful in the task they have to perform.

To the newly married man I would remark as a friend, that he is interested in making his house, from the beginning, the abode of harmony, intelligence and refinement. These are all necessary to his happiness, and have much to do with his usefulness and respectability in life. They aie also the natural results of virtue, and the evidences of a good education received, as well as pledges that a good one will be conferred on such as are trained beneath that roof. Much relating to manners, demeanor, conversation, &c. may often be learnt by the husband and wife from each other ; and whatever may have been their circumstances before marriage, it is generally the case that each comes with some habits or opinions worthy of adoption, as well as with those which may be advantageously exchanged for others. With proper views and feelings, the young family may be soon regulated according to the best principles which have prevailed in both those from which the pair have proceeded. 'A spirit of mutual concession cannot be too early adopted by the husband and wife, and much is already effected when this has been decided on.

But beside this, it may be suggested to the young and affectionate husband, that he has now a new motive to urge him to the improvement of his character ; — the happiness of her who has generously

THE YOUNG FATHER. 13

confided her prospects to his hands. His respectabiUty and usefulness in life also demand that he should examine into himself, ascertain his faults and failings, and begin at once the task of daily correcting them. The better he governs "himself, the more easy it will be to exercise a proper control at home, and an useful influence abroad ; to conciliate the respect and acquire the confidence of others, both, of which are necessary to his success in any business in which he may engage.

One very important form of self-government, is that which enables us to moderate our desires and expectations in relation to wealth and show. Many a family has been ruined by the Avant of this virtue in the father ; and many more have been, and no doubt now are, suffering in various other ways from the same cause. It is every thing to the prosperity and peace, the usefulness, and often the respectability of a family, whether they live within or beyond their income. If within it, time is their friend ; if not, he is their enemy, for he will be heaping up a load of debt, yearly, monthly and daily.

No family was ever well conducted without religion. If you have never thought seriously of it, reflect now, when you are beginning to act on a wider scale than ever before ; and determine to introduce family prayers night and morning. Let not the first day pass without praying with' your family ; if you feel any unwilhngness now, you will feel twice as much hereafter. — Begin now, or ten chances to one you never will. You may feel a little backwardness ; .but when once the habit is formed, you will feel as 2* backward at the neglect of it. That diffidence — 1| what is it 1 where will it be to-morrow ]

[ could wish that the youthful fathers into whose hands this book may fall, should be in the possession of every advantage for the immediate and full application of the highest principles it is prepared to suggest for the education of their children. And perhaps the easiest Avay in which any one may satisfy himself how things actually are situated around him,; is to recal the feelings of childhood, and suppose himself introduced into the family. Would he find himself received at the door with those kind words and looks of welcome which ingratiate the favor of children, and predispose them to receive every good influence 1 Or might the harshness, moroseness, or expression of indifference, habitual in too many families, check his feelings or wound his sense of propriety ] Would he find the fireside and the family board the sphere of harmony, cheerfulness, affection, intelligence, taste and piety 1 If so, he would perceive the evidences of their presence and their prevaihng influences, not merely in words, but in tones, looks, and actions appropriate. The topics of conversation, the manner of treating them, the objects for which the names of neighbors, friends and strangers, were mentioned, would all show in some degree the motives of the speakers, and disclose the standard of the parents' taste, discipline and character, be it high or low. The order of the household, the size of the apartments, the nature and arrange^ ment of the furniture, may all convey even to the mind of a child some correct ideas of the relative estimate

THE YOUNG FATHEE.

in which the master and mistress hold things of real vakie, and those of trifling importance. If the parents, insteadof indulging in selfish, narrow feelings, towards those who are supposed : to be above or below them, show that their views are friendly, enlarged and intelligent, every one present will share in the knowledge they collect from day to day, and sympathize in their feelings.

In a well regulated family, where the best principles of government are adopted, and the wisest means employed for promoting the physical, moral, and intellectual culture of the children ; and, as a consequence, good order, kind feeling, and happiness prevail ; — it will usually be found that the parents have had in mind some family in which they have witnessed the same happy effects resulting from a similar course. Perhaps that family was the much loved home of their own childhood.

As the good farmer and merchant make occasional examinations into the general state of their business, that they may correct any error and remedy any defect before it be too late, so should the parent sometimes honestly examine his feelings and his system of education, by questions like the following. — To a young father, who has opportunity to ask himself such of these questions as apply to his own case, the process will be of a most interesting nature.

For what object was this child given me 1

What is it capable of becoming ]

Why have many children been less good, and wise, and happy, than they might have been ?

Might I have been wiser or better if I had beer, differently educated 1

What should be the character and conduct of a father, if he would have his child well educated] [in wisdom, temper, language, habits, religion — towards his children, wife, friends, neighbors, strangers, the institutions of society, and his Creator ?]

In what am I most deficient 1

What must be the influence of such defects on my child?

How may they be corrected ?

Why do I not better understand my duties to my family ?

How can I best learn them 1

Are the interests of my children of sufficient consequence to justify or to demand great sacrifices on my part 1

What should be the principal objects to be aimed at in domestic arrangements 1

What in my business ; and ought it so to engross me as to make me a stranger to my children ?

How may society be rendered useful in aiding the father in the education of his children?

Chapter II. Principles Of Education

Our opportunities for adopting the best principles in Education — General indifference — Ideas to be embraced — False principles tO be rejected — Domestic arrangements to be made for the benefit of our children — Planning and building a house — Furniture — The influence of good taste in these points and in dress — Gluestions for a Father.

There is no reason why we should not enter upon the education of our children on the best possible principles practised or known in the world. Our circumstances in a country so distinguished by many blessings, have not been so distinctly regarded as they deserve, in relation to the advantages they offer us in the prosecution of this interesting task ; nor have the public^ or even good men in general, been duly impressed with the duties they owe to their neighborhood and the nation, in laboring to multiply and increase those advantages.

A state of war throws many impediments in the way of education ; and still more unfavorable to it is the open prevalence of disorder, lawlessness and gross immorality in the community around us. In various ways also the division of society into distinct ranks, is unfavorable to the training of children ; as well as general ignorance, poverty, superstitions, &C.5 from all which we are nearly if not wholly free.

We have peace, intelligence, and prosperity around us, with republican institutions. Christian ordinances, and all the operations of an active, moral, intelligent and growing people. The means necessary for the comfort of our families and the instruction of our children, how abundantly are they within our reach; and if we were but wise and faithful, in understanding and availing ourselves of those most apphcable to our wants, what results might we not see !

It is unfortunate that many persons^ not engaged in training children, feel indifferent to the great subject. All are interested in the prevalence of the best system of education. Our country cannot long be safe without it. And, of all branches of education, that in the family is the most important, because the most influential on individuals and society. A distinguished Mexican, Mr. Pedraza, late President of the United Mexican States, once remarked with great truth, that if our families were such as they should be, we should need no schools. So indispensable to the happiness and security of our country is family education, that he who may ■ devise the best system for conducting it, will be more worthy of a splendid reward from the nation, than the inventor of any process for separating gold from ore, or, if it were possible, for converting stones into precious gems. Any country is poor and miserable, which calls not its children its jewels.

And if every person in the country has a real interest in the state of family education, how deeply . ought a good father to feel himself concerned for hia own children ! He will not consider any labor too great that may enable him to understand the task he has to perform. He will consider such reflection, reading and perseverance, as may be needed, but light, when compared with the mortification, the disgrace, and the self-reproach, which result from a vicious or neglected education. He will be attentive in time to such -suggestions as are calculated to save him from any fatal error, in laying his plans or prosecuting them. Let him then exercise his reason in determining on the true principles, and fairly weigh such opinions, and reflect on such examples, as are presented to him. Let him neither reject the results of other men's experience, nor adopt their views without understanding what they are founded upon.

In choosing a system of education, we ought to resolve,

1. That its principles shall be the highest.

2. That they shall be conveyed in the best, that is, in the true manner, by example more than by precept, and by the influence of every circumstance which we can properly call to our aid.

3. That the standard shall be the word of God, reason and conscience.

And, on the other hand, we must, from the commencement, reject those great errors under which so many children are educated.

1. That children are incapable of learning any thing useful at five, three, two years, or even twelve or eight months.

2. That great and solemn subjects necessarily lose their importance or seriousness in the view of children by frequent or familiar contemplation.

3. That children are blameworthy whenever they do not act, speak or feel, as would be becoming in their elders. Their nature renders them restless and changeable ; and their ignorance of language and the rules of society, often lead them to say and do, innocently, what would be improper or even wrong in their parents.

4. That there is but one particular way in which knowledge, morals or religion, can be taught them ; and that useful instruction and good deeds may not be mingled with their childish employments.

5. That their minds never spontaneously seek for improvement.

But there are other subjects to which the father should pay serious attention, and on which it is of vast practical importance that he should early adopt not merely sound opinions, but sound habits.

The various external circumstances of our situation exert an important influence in aiding or counteracting, our plans for the domestic education of our children. Now it often happens, that a great many of these circumstances are not under our control. So far, however, as we can control them, it will be the part of wisdom for us to consider, how will the happiness of my family be affected 1 and what influence will this or that have upon the formation of the characters of my children ? — rather than to inquire, whether w^e shall be able to make a greater or less show in the eyes of our neighbors.

In choosing a residence, and particularly in building a house for our own use, we should have the comfort and education of our children prominently before us. It may be too large, for our income, our convenience, or our character. Improvidence and ambition have built many a palace for disappointment and misery to pine in. Many a father may date the decline of his prosperity from the period of his occupying a large house, v^here additional furniture, a higher style of living, and of course increased expenses, have turned the current against him. And when fatal or prolonged pecuniary difficulties assail a father who bows not in humility to avoid them, what a flood-gate of adversity is opened upon his family ! The aspiring head of ambition is often the first mark for the bolt of ruin. Some families nobly arise from an overthrow, and dignify mediocrity, and even poverty, by cheerfully submitting to them. But how much safer to the character, as well as to the property, it is, never to incur the hazard of such misfortunes as moderation may avoid !

Gay visitors may admire spacious rooms and lofty staircases ; but those who have to traverse them find both care and labor unnecessarily increased. An intelligent, virtuous and harmonious family, desire not to be . separated by very wide space ; and it is insulting to the heart as well as the understanding, of a friend, to usher him into a house where intellect and feeling are shrivelled in proportion to the unusual extension of the halls and apartments. And thus it is that the ambitious, on entering magnificent habitations, often expose themselves to ridicule, by rendering their personal defects more conspicuous. A gentleman, after listening impatiently to a description of a splendid mansion erected by a man of no 3 taste or refinement, very naturally inquired — " Well, does he know how to live in it ]"