A history of New York from the beginning of the world to the end of the Dutch dynasty

Book I

CONTAINING DIVERS INGENIOUS THEORIES AND PHILOSOPHIC SPECtTLATIONS, CONCERN- ING THE CREATION AND POPULATION OF THE WORLD, AS CONNECTED WITH THE HISTORY OP NEW YORK.

Chap. I. — Description of the World 29

Chap. II.— Cosmogony, or Creation of the World ; with a multitude of excellent theories, bj which the creation of a world is shown to be no such difficult matter as common folk would imagine 38

Chap. III. — How that famous navigator, Noah, was shamefully nicknamed ; and how he committed an unpardonable oversight in not having four sons — With the great trouble of philosophers caused thereby, and the discovery of America 49

Chap. IV. — Showing the great difficulty philosophers bave had in peopling America— and how the Aborigines came to be begotten by accident — to the great relief and satisfaction of the Author. . . 57

Chap. Y.— In which the Author puts a mighty question to the rout, by the assistance of the Man in the Moon — which not only delivers thousands of people from great embarrassment, but likewise concludes this introductory book 65

Book II. Treating Op The First Settlement Of The Province Of Nieuw-nederlakdt8

Chap. T. — In which are contained divers reasons why a man should not write in a hurry— Also of Master Hendrick Iludson, his disiv CONTENTS.

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covery of a strange country — and how he was magnificently rewarded by the munificence of their High Mightinesses 85

Chap. II. — Containing an account of a mighty Ark which floated, under the protection of St. Nicholas, from Holland to Gibbet Island — the descent of the strange Animals therefrom — a great victory, and a description of the ancient village of Communipaw. 98

Chap. III. — In which is set forth the true art of malcing a bargain together with the mii-aculous escape of a gi-eat Metropolis in a fog — and the biography of certain heroes of Communipaw 106

Chap. IV. — How the heroes of Communipaw voyaged to HeU-gate,

and how they were received there 115

Chap. V. — How the heroes of Communipaw returned somewhat wiser than they went — and how the sage Oloffe dreamed a dream — and the dream that he dreamed 128

Chap. VI. — Containing an attempt at etymology — and of the founding of the great city of New Amsterdam 134

Chap. VII. — How the people of Pavonia migrated from Communipaw to the island of Manna-hata — and how Oloffe the Dreamer proved himself a great land-speculator , 137

Chap. VIII. — Of the founding and naming of the new city — of the City Arms ; and of the direful feud between Ten Breeches and Tough Breeches 141

Chap. IX. — How the city of New Amsterdam waxed great under the protection of St. Nicholas and the absence of laws and statutes — how Oloffe the Dreamer begun to dream of an extension of Empire, and of the effect of his dreams 148

Book III

IN ^VHICH tS EECORDED THE GOLDEN REIGN OF WOUTER VAN TWILLEB.

Chap. I. — Of the renowned WouterVanTwiller, his unparalleled virtues — as likewise his unutterable wisdom in the law-case of Wandie Schoonhoven and Barent Bleecker — and the great admiration of the public thereat 158

Chap. II. — Containing some account of the grand council of New Amsterdam, as also divers especial good philosophical reasons why an Alderman should be fat — with other particulars touching the state of the province 167

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Chap. III. — How the town of New Amsterdam arose out of mud, and came to be marvellously polished and polite — together with a picture of the manners of our great-great-grandfatliers 179

Chap. IV. — Containing farther particulars of the Golden Age, and what constituted a fine Lady and Gentleman in the days of Walter the Doubter 188

Chap. V. — Of the founding of Fort Aurania — Of the mysteries of the Hudson — Of the arrival of the Patroon Killian Van Rensellaer ; his lordly descent upon the earth, and his introduction of club-law 195

Chap. VI. — In which the reader is beguiled into a delectable walk,

which ends very differently from what it commenced 199

Chap. VII. — Faithfully describing the ingenious people of Connecticut and thereabouts — showing, moreover, the true meaning of liberty of conscience, and a curious device among these sturdy barbarians, to keep up a harmony of intercourse, and promote population 205

Chap. VIII. — How these singular barbariaiis turned out to be notorious squatters. How they built air-castles, and attempted to initiate the Nederlanders in the mystery of bundling 213

Chap. IX. — How the Fort Goed Hoop was fearfully beleaguered — how the renowned Wouter fell into a profound doubt, and how he finally evaporated 219

Book IV. Containing The Chronicles Of Tub Keign Op William The Testy

Chap. I. — Showing the nature of history in general ; — containing furthermore the universal acqviirements of William the Testy, and how a man may learn so nmch as to render himself good for nothing , 227

Chap. II. — How William the Testy undertook to conquer by proclamation — how he was a great man abroad, but a little man in his own house 234

Chap. III. — In which are recorded the sage projects of a ruler of universal genius — The art of fighting by proclamation — and liow that the valiant .lacobus Van Curlet came to be foully dishonored at Fort Goed Hoop 239

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Chap. IV. — Containing the fearful wrath of William the Testy, and the alarm of New Amsterdam — how the Governor did strongly fortify the City — Of Antony the Trumpeter, and the windy addition to the armorial bearings of New Amsterdam 345

Chap. V. — Of the jurisprudence of William the Testy, and his admirable expedients for the suppression of poverty 251

Chap. VI. — Projects of William the Testy for increasing the currency — he is outwitted by the Yankees — The great Oyster War. . 357

Chap. VII. — Growing discontents of New Amsterdam under the government of William the Testy 263

Chap. VIIL— The edict of William the Testy against Tobacco— Of the Pipe Plot, and the rise of Feuds and Parties 366

Chap. IX. — Of tlie folly of being happy in the time of prosperity — Of troubles to the South brought on by annexation — Of the secret expedition of Jansen Alpendam, and his magnificent reward 273

Chap. X. — Troublous times on the Hudson — How KiUian Van Rensellaer erected a feudal castle, and how he introduced club-law into the province 377

Chap. XI-. — Of the diplomatic mission of Antony the Trumpeter to the Portress of Rensellaerstein — and how he was puzzled by a cabalistic reply , 281

Chap. XII. — Containing the rise of the great Amphictyonic Council of the Pilgrims, with the decline and final extinction of William the Testy .,, i 286

Book V

CONTAINING THE FIRST PART OF THE REIGN OF PETER STUYVESANT, AND HI9 TROUBLES WITH THE AMPHICTYONIC COUNCIL.

Chap. I. — In which the death of a great man is shown to be no very inconsolable matter of sorrow — and how Peter Stuyvesant acquired a great name from the uncommon strength of his head . . . 293

Chap. II. — Showing ho^ Peter the Headstrong bestirred himself among the rats and cobwebs on entering into office ; his interview with Antony the Trumpeter, and his perilous meddling with the currency 303

Chap. III. — How the Yankee League waxed more and more potent ; and how it outwitted the good Peter in treaty-making 307

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Chap. IV. — Containing divers speculations — showing ttiat a treaty of peace is a great national evil 31 i

Chap. V. — How Peter Stuyvesant was grievously belied by the great council of the League ; and how he sent Antony the Trumpeter to take to the council a piece of his mind 323

Chap. VI. — How Peter Stuyvesant demanded a court of honor — and what the court of honor awarded to him 329

Chap. VII. — llow " Drum Ecclesiastic " was beaten throughout Connecticut for a crusade against the New Netherlands, and how Peter Stuyvesant took measures to fortify his Capital 333

Chap. VIII. — How the Yankee crusade against the New Netherlands was baffled by the sudden outbreak of witchcraft among the people of the East 339

Chap. IX. — Which records the rise and renown of a Military Commander, showing that a man, like a bladder, may be puffed up to greatness by mere wind ; together witli the catastrophe of a veteran and his queue 345

Book VI

CONTAINING THE SECOND PAKT OF THE REIGN OF PETER THE HEADSTRONG, AND HIS GALLANT ACHIEVEMENTS ON THE DELAWARE.

Chap. I. — In which is exhibited a warlike Portrait of the Great Peter — of the windy contest of General Van Poffenburgh and General Printz, and of the Mosquito War on the Delaware 355

Chap. II. — Of Jan Risingh, his giantly person and ci-afty deeds ; and of the Catastrophe at Fort Casimir 363

Chap. III. — Showing how profound secrets are often brought to light ; with the proceedings of Peter the Headstrong when he heard of the misfortunes of General Van Poffenburgh 371

Chap. IV. — Containing Peter Stuyvcsant's Voyage up the Hudson,

and the wonders and delights of that renowned river 380

Chap. V. — Describing the powerful Army that assembled at the city of New Amsterdam — together with the interview between Peter the Headstrong and General Van Poffenburgh, and Peter's sentiments touching unfortunate great men 389

Chap. VI. — In which the Author discourses very ingeniously of himself — after which is io be found much interesting history about Peter the Hcadstrons: and his followers 398

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Chap. VII. — Showing the great advantage that the Author has over his Reader in time of Battle — together with divers portentous movements ; which betol^en that something terrible is about to happen 40.0

Chap. " VIII. — Containing the most horrible battle ever recorded in poetry or prose ; with the admirable exploits of Peter the Headstrong 417

Chap. IX. — In which the Author and the Reader, while reposing after the battle, fall into a very grave discourse, after which is recorded the conduct of Peter Stuy vesant after his victory 430

Book VII

CONTAINING THE THIRD PART OF THE REIGN Or PETER THE HEADSTRONG — HIS TROU- BLES WITH THE BRITISH NATION, AND THE DECLINE AND FALL OF THE DUTCH DYNASTY.

Chap. I. — How Peter Stuyvesant relieved the Sovereign People from the burden of taking care of the nation ; with sundry particulars of his conduct in the time of peace, and of the rise of a great Dutch aristocracy 441

Chap. II. — How Peter Stuyvesant labored to civilize the community — how he was a great promoter of holidays — how he instituted kissing on New- Year's Day — how he distributed fiddles throughout the New Netherlands — how he ventured to reform the Ladies' petticoats, and how he caught a Tartar 449

Chap. III. — How troubles thicken on the province — how it is threatened .by the Helderbergers — The Merrylanders, and the Giants of the Susquehanna 455

Chap. IV. — How Peter Stuyvesant adventured into the East Country, and how he fared there 459

Chap. V. — How the Yankees secretly sought the aid of the British Cabinet in their hostile schemes against the Manhattoes 467

Chap. VI.' — Of Peter Stuyvesant's expedition into the East Country,

showing that, though an old bird, he did not understand trap . . . 470

Chap. VII. — How the people of New Amsterdam were thrown into a great panic, by the news of the threatened invasion ; and the manner in which they fortified tJiem,3elves 476

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Chap. VIIL — How the Grand Council of the New Netherlands were miraculously gifted with long tongues in the moment of emergency — showing the value of words in warfare 481

Chap. IX. — In which the troubles of New Amsterdam appear to thicken — showing the bravery in time of peril, of a people who defend themselves by resolutions 486

Chap. X. — Containing a doleful disaster Of Antony the Trumpeter — and how Peter Stuyvesant like a second Cromwell, suddenly dissolved a Rump Parliament 496

Chap. XI. — How Peter Stuyvesant defended the city of New Amsterdam for several days bv dint of the strength of his head. . . . 503

Chap. XII. — Containing the lignifled retirement, and mortal surrender of Peter the Headstrong 511

Chap. XIII. — The Author's reflections upon what has been said 519

NOTICES

^THICH APPEARED IN THE NEWSPAPERS PREVIOUS TO THE PUBLICATION OF THIS WORK.

From the Evening Post of October 26, 1809. DISTRESSING.

Left his lodgings, some time since, and has not since been heard of, a small elderly gentleman, dressed in an old black coat and cocked hat, by the name of Knickerbocker. As there are some reasons for believing ho is not entirely in his right mind, and as great anxiety is entertained about him, any information concerning him left either at the Columbian Hotel, Mulberry Street, or at the office of tliis paper, will be thankfully received.

P. S. Printers of newspapers would be aiding the cause of humanity in giving an insertion to the above.

From the same, November 6, 1809.

To the Editor of the Evening Post :

Sir, — Having read in your i)aper of the 26th October last, a paragraph respecting an old gentleman by the name of Knickerbocker, who was missing from his lodgings ; if it would be any relief to his friends, or furnish them with any clue to discover where he is, you may inform them that a person answering the description given, was seen by the i)assengers of the Albany stage, early in the morning, about four or Ave weeks since, resting himself by the side of the road, a little above King's Bridge. He had in his hand a small buntlle, tied in a red bandana handkerchief ; he appeared lo be travelling northward, and was very much fatigued and exhausted.

A TRAVELLER.

From the same, November 16, 1809.

To the Editor of the Evening Post :

Sir, — You have been good enough to publish in your paper a paragraph about Mr. Diedrich Knickerbocker, wlio was missing so strangely some

si xii NOTICES.

time since. Nothing satisfactory has been heard of the old gentleman since ; but a very curious kind of a written, book has been found in his room, in his own handwriting. Now I wish you to notice him, if he is still alive, that if he does not return and pay off his bill for boarding and lodging, I shall have to dispose of his book to satisfy me for the same. I am, sir, your humble servant,

SETH HAND ASIDE, Landlord of the Independent Columbian Hotel, Mulberry Streeto

From the same, November 28, 1809.

LITERARY NOTICE.

Inskeep & Bradford have in press, and will shortly publish,

. A HISTORY OP NEW YORK,

In two volumes, duodecimo. Price Three Dollars.

Containing an account of its discovery and settlement, with its internal policies, manners, customs, wars, &c., &c., under the Dutch government, furnishing many curious and interesting particular never before published, and which are gathered from various manuscript and other authenticated sources, the whole being interspersed with philosophical speculations and moral precepts.

This work was found in the chamber of Mr. Diedrich Knickerbocker, tiic old gentleman whose sudden and mysterious disappearance has been noticed. It is published in order to discharge certain debts he has lei/ behind.

From tJw American Citizen, December 6, 1809.

Is this day published

By Inskeep & Bradford, No. 128 Broadway.

A HISTORY OF NEW YORK,

(Containing same as above.)

HE following work, in which, at the outset, nothing more was contemplated than a temporary je^i d" esprit, was commenced in company with my brother, the late Peter Irving, Esq. Our idea was, to parody a small handbook which had recently appeared, entitled "A Picti;re of New York." Like that, our work was to begin v/ith an historical sketch ; to be followed by notices of the customs, manners, and institutions of the city ; written in a serio-comic vein, and treating local errors, follies, and abuses with good-humored satire.

To burlesque the pedantic lore displayed iu certain American works, our historical sketch was to commence with the creation of the world ; and we laid all kinds of works under contribution for trite citations, relevant, or irrelevant, to give it the proper air of learned research. Before this crude mass of mock erudition could be digested into form, my brother departed for Europe, and I was left to prosecute the enterprise alone.

I now altered the plan of the work. Discarding all idea of a parody on the "Picture of New York," I 1 1

2 THE AUTHOR'S APOLOGY.

determined that wliat had been originally intended as an introductory sketch, should comprise the whole work, and form a comic history of the city. I accordingly moulded the mass of citations and disquisitions into introductory chapters, forming the first book; but it soon became evident to me, that, like Robinson Crusoe with his boat, I had begun on too large a scale, and that, to launch my history successfully, I must reduce its proportions. I accordingly resolved to confine it to the period of the Dutch domination, which, in its rise, progress, and decline, presented that unity of subject required by classic rule. It was a period, also, at that time almost a terra incogiiita in history. In fact, I was surprised to find how few of my fellow-citizens were aware that New York had ever been called New Amsterdam, or had heard of the names of its early Dutch governors, or cared a straw about their ancient Dutch progenitors.

This, then, broke upon me as the poetic age of our city ; poetic from its very obscurity ; and open, like the early and obscure days of ancient Rome, to all the embellishments of heroic fiction. I hailed my native city, as fortunate above all other American cities, in having an antiquity thus extending back into the regions of doubt and fable ; neither did I conceive I was committing any grievous historical sin in helping out the few facts I could collect in this remote and forgotten region with figments of my own brain, or in giving characteris-

THE AUTHOR'S APOLOGY. 3

tic attributes to the few names connected with it which I might dig up from oblivion.

In this, doubtless, I reasoned like a young and inexperienced writer, besotted with his own fancies ; and my presumptuous trespasses into this sacred, though neglected region of history have met with deserved rebuke from men of soberer minds. It is too late, however, to recall the shaft thus rashly launched. To any one whose sense of fitness it may wound, I can only say with Hamlet, —

Let my disclaiming from a purposed evil Free me so far in your most generous thoughts. That I have shot my an'ow o'er the house. And hurt my brother.

I will say this in further apology for my work : that, if it has taken an unwarrantable liberty with our early provincial history, it has at least turned attention to that history and provoked research. It is only since this work appeared that the forgotten archives of the province have been rummaged, and the facts and personages of the olden time rescued from the dust of oblivion, and elevated into whatever importance they may virtually possess.

The main object of my work, in fact, had a bearing wide from the sober aim of history ; but one which, I trust, will meet with some indulgence from poetic minds. It was to embody the traditions of our city in an amus-

4 THE AUTHOR'S APOLOGY.

ing form ; to illustrate its local humors, customs, and peculiarities ; to clothe home scenes and places and familiar names with those imaginative and whimsical associations so seldom met with in our new country, but which live like charms and spells about the cities of the old world, binding the heart of the native inhabitant to his home.

In this I have reason to believe I have in some measure succeeded. Before the appearance of my work the popular traditions of our city were unrecorded ; the peculiar and racy customs and usages derived from our Dutch progenitors were unnoticed or regarded with indifference, or adverted to with a sneer. Now they form a convivial currency, and are brought forward on all occasions ; they link our whole community together in good-humor and good fellowship ; they are the rallying points of home feeling, the seasoning of our civic festivities, the staple of local tales and local pleasantries, and are so harped upon by our writers of popular fiction, that I find myself almost crowded off the legendary ground which I was the first to explore, by the host who have followed in my footsteps.

I dwell on this head, because, at the first appearance of my work, its aim and drift were misapprehended by some of the descendants of the Dutch worthies ; and because I understand that now and then one may still be found to regard it with a captious eye. The far greater part, however, I have reason to flatter myself.

TEE AUTHOR'S APOLOGY. . 5

receive my good-liumored picturings in the same temper in which tl^ey were executed ; and when I find, after a lapse of nearly forty years, this hap-hazard production of my youth still cherished among them, — when I find its very name become a "household word " and used to give the home stamp to everything recommended for popular acceptation, such as Knickerbocker societies, Knickerbocker insurance companies, Knickerbocker steamboats, Knickerbocker omnibuses, Knickerbocker bread, and Knickerbocker ice, — and when I find New Yorkers of Dutch descent priding themselves upon being "genuine Knickerbockers," — I please myself with the persuasion that I have struck the right chord ; that my dealings with the good old Dutch times, and the customs and usages derived from them, are in harmony with the feelings and humors of my townsmen ; that I have opened a vein of pleasant associations and quaint characteristics peculiar to my native place, and which its inhabitants will not willingly sufier to pass away ; and that, though other histories of New York may appear of higher claims to learned acceptation, and may take their dignified and appropriate rank in the family library, Knickerbocker's history will still be received with good-humored indulgence, and be thumbed and chuckle d over by the family fireside. W. I.

T was some time, if I recollect right, in the early part of the autumn of 1808, that a stranger applied for lodgings at the Independent Columbian Hotel in Mulberry Street, of which I am landlord. He was a small, brisk-looking old gentleman, dressed in a rusty black coat, a pair of olive velvet breeches, and a small cocked hat. He had a few gray hairs plaited and clubbed behind, and his beard seemed to be of some eight-and-forty hours' growth. The only piece of finery which he bore about him was a bright pair of square silver shoe-buckles ; and all his baggage was contained in a pair of saddle-bags, which he carried under his arm. His whole appearance was something out of tlie common run ; and my wife, who is a very shrewd body, at once set him down for some eminent country schoolmaster.

As the Independent Columbian Hotel is a very small house, I was a little puzzled at first where to put him ; but my wife, who seemed taken with his looks, would needs put him in her best chamber, which is genteelly set off with the profiles of the whole family, done in black, by those two great painters, Jarvis and Wood ; and commands a very pleasant view of the new grounds on the Collect, together with the rear of the Poor-House and Bridewell, and a full front of the Hospital ; so that it is the cheerfullest room in the whole house.

During the whole time that he stayed with us, we found him a very worthy good sort of an old gentleman, though a little queer in his ways. He would keep in his room for days together, and if any of the children cried, or made a noise about his door, he would bounce out in a great passion, with his hands full of papers, and say something about " deranging his ideas " ; which made my wife believe sometimes that he was not altogether comj)os. Indeed, there was more than one reason to make her think so, for his room was always covered with scraps of paper and old mouldy books, laying about at sixes and sevens, which he would never let anybody touch ; for he said he had laid them all away in their proper places, so that he might know where to find them ; though for that matter, he was half his time worrying about the house in search of some book or writing which he had carefully put out of the way. I shall never forget what a pother he once made, because my wife cleaned out his room when his back was turned, and put everything to rights ; for he swore he would never be able to get his papers in order again in a twelvemonth. Upon this, my wife ventured to ask him what he did with so many books and papers ; and he told her that he was " seeking for immor-

ACCOUNT OF TEE AUTHOR. 9

tality " ; whicli made her think more than ever that the poor old gentleman's head was a little cracked.

He was a very inquisitive body, and when not in his room, was continually poking about town, hearing all the news, and prying into everything that was going on : this was particularly the case about election time, when he did nothing but bustle about from poll to poll, attending all ward meetings, and committee rooms ; though I could never find that he took part with either side of the question. On the contrary, he would come home and rail at both parties with great wrath, — and plainly proved one day, to the satisfaction of my wife and three old ladies who were drinking tea with her, that the two parties were like two rogues, each tugging at a skirt of the nation ; and that in the end they would tear the very coat off its back, and expose its nakedness. Indeed, he was an oracle among the neighbors, who would collect around him to hear him talk of an afternoon, as he smoked his pipe on the bench before the door ; and I really believe he would have brought over the whole neighborhood to his own side of the question, if they could ever have found out what it was.

He was very much given to argue, or, as he called it, philosophize, about the most trifling matter ; and to do him justice, I never knew anybody that was a match for him, except it was a grave-looking old gentleman who called now and then to see him, and often posed him in an argument. But this is nothing surprising, as I have since

10 ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOB.

found out this stranger is the city librarian ; "who, of course, must be a man of great learning : and I have my doubts if he had not some hand in the following history.

As our lodger had been a long time with us, and we had never received any pay, my wife began to be somewhat uneasy, and curious to find out who and what he was. She accordingly made bold to put the question to his friend, the librarian, who replied in his dry way that he was one of the literati, which she supposed to mean some new party in politics. I scorn to push a lodger for his pay ; so I let day after day pass on without dunning the old gentleman for a farthing : but my wife, who always takes these matters on herself, and is, as I said, a shrewd kind of a woman, at last got out of patience, and hinted that she thought it high time "some people should have a sight of some people's money." To which the old gentleman replied, in a mighty touchy manner, that she need not make herself uneasy, for that he had a treasure there, (pointing to his saddle-bags,) worth her whole house put together. This was the only answer we could ever get from him ; and as my wife, by some of those odd ways in which women find out everything, learnt that he was of very great connections, being related to the Knickerbockers of Scaghtikoke, and cousin-german to the congrassman of that name, she did not like to treat him uncivilly. What is more, she even ofiered, merely by way of making things easy, to let him live scot-free, if he would teach the children their letters ; and to try her

ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR. H

best and get her neiglibors to send their children also: but the old gentleman took it in such dudgeon, and seemed so affronted at being taken for a schoolmaster, that she never dared to speak on the subject again.

About two months ago, he went out of a morning, with a bundle in his hand, and has never been heard of since. All kinds of inquiries were made after him, but in vain. I ^^-rote to his relations at Scaghtikoke, but they sent for answer, that he had not been there since the year before last, when he had a great dispute with the congressman about politics, and left the place in a huff, and they had neither heard nor seen anything of him from that time to this. I must own I felt very much worried about the poor old gentleman, for I thought something bad must have happened to him, that he should be missing so long, and never return to pay his bill. I therefore advertised him in the newspapers, and though my melancholy advertisement was published by several humane printers, yet I have never been able to learn anything satisfactory about him.