A journal of the life, gospel labours, and Christian experiences, of that faithful minister of Jesus Christ, John Woolman

Front matter

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Chapter I

His birth and parentage; with some account of the operations of Divine grace on his mind in youth — His first appearance in the ministry — And his considerations, while young, on the keeping of slaves.

I have often felt a motion of love to leave some hints in writing of my experience of the goodness of God: and now, in the thirty-sixth year of my age, I begin this work.

I was born in Northampton, Burlington county, West Jersey, in the year 1720; and before I was seven years old, I began to be acquainted with the operations of Divine love. Through the care of my parents, I was taught to read near as soon as I was capable of it: and as I went from school one seventh-day, I remember, while my companions went to play by the way, I went forward out of sight, and sitting down, I read the 22nd chapter of the Revelations. "He showed me a pure river of water of life, clear as crystal, proceeding out of the throne of God and of the Lamb/ 5 &c. and in reading it, my mind was drawn to seek after that pure habitation, which I then believed God had prepared for his servants. The place where I sat, and the sweetness that attended my mind, remain fresh in my memory.

This, and the like gracious visitations, had that effect upon me, that when boys used ill language, it troubled me; and, through the continued mercies of God, I was preserved from it. The pious instructions of my parents were often fresh in my mind when I happened to be among wicked children, and were of use to me.

My parents having a large family of children, used frequently, on first-days after meeting, to put us to read in the holy scriptures, or some religious books, one after another, the rest sitting by without much conversation; which I have since often thought was a good practice. From what I had read and heard, I believed there had been in past ages, people who walked in uprightness before God in a degree exceeding any that I knew, or heard of, now living: and the apprehension of their being less steadiness and firmness amongst people in this age than in past ages, often troubled me while I was a child.

A thing remarkable in my childhood was, that once as I went to a neighbour's house, I saw, on the way, a robbin sitting on her nest, and as I came near she went off, but having young ones, flew about, and with many cries expressed her concern for them. I stood and threw stones at her, till one striking her, she fell down dead. At first I was pleased with the exploit; but after a few minutes was seized with horror, as having in a sportive way, killed an innocent creature while she was careful for her young. I beheld her lying dead, and thought those young ones for which she was so careful, must now perish for want of their dam to nourish them; and after some painful considerations on the subject, I climbed up the tree, took all the young birds, and killed them; supposing that better than to leave them to pine away and die miserably: and believed in this case, that scripture proverb was fulfilled, " The tender mercies of the wicked are cruel.'' I then went on my errand, but, for some hours, could think of little else but the cruelties I had committed, and was much troubled.

Thus He whose tender mercies are over all his works, hath placed a principle in the human mind which incites to exercise goodness towards every living creature; and this being singly attended to, people become tender-hearted and sympathizing; but being frequently and totally rejected, the mind becomes shut up in a contrary disposition.

JOHN VVOOLMAN'S JOURNAL. 15

About the twelfth year of my age, my father being abroad, my mother reproved me for some misconduct, to which I made an undutiful reply; and the next first-day, as I was with my father returning from meeting, he told me he understood I had behaved amiss to my mother, and advised me to be more careful in future. I knew myself blameable, and in shame and confusion remained silent. Being thus awakened to a sense of my wickedness, I felt remorse in my mind; and getting home, I retired and prayed to the Lord to forgive me; and do not remember that I ever after that, spoke unhandsomely to either of my parents, however foolish in some other things.

Having attained the age of sixteen years, I began to love wanton company: and though I was preserved from profane language and scandalous conduct, still I perceived a plant in me which produced much wild grapes. Yet my merciful Father forsook me not utterly, but at times, through his grace, I was brought seriously to consider my ways; and the sight of my backslidings affected me with sorrow: but for want of rightly attending to the reproofs of instruction, vanity was added to vanity, and repentance to repentance: upon the whole, my mind was. more and more alienated from the Truth, and I hastened towards destruction. While I meditate on the gulf towards which I travelled, and reflect on my youthful disobedience, for these things I weep, mine eye runneth down with water.

Advancing in age, the number of my acquaintance increased, and thereby my way grew more difficult. Though I had heretofore found comfort in reading the holy scriptures, and thinking on heavenly things, I was now estranged therefrom. I knew I was going from the flock of Christ, and had no resolution to return; hence serious reflections were uneasy to me, and youthful vanities and diversions my greatest pleasure. Running in this road I found many like myself; and we associated in that which is reverse to true friendship.

But in this swift race it pleased God to visit me with sickness, so that I doubted of recovering: and then did darkness, horror and amazement, with full force, seize me, even when my pain and distress of body was very great. I thought it would have been better for me never to have had a being, than to see the day which I now saw. I was filled with confusion; and in great affliction, both of mind and body, I lay and bewailed myself. I had no confidence to lift up my cries to God, whom I had thus offended; but, in a deep sense of my great folly, I was humbled before him: and at length, that Word which is as a fire and a hammer, broke and dissolved my rebellious heart, and then my cries were put up in contrition; and in the multitude of his mercies I found inward relief, and felt a close engagement, that if he was pleased to restore my health, I might walk humbly before him.

After my recovery, this exercise remained with me a considerable time; but, by degrees, giving way to youthful vanities, they gained strength, and getting with wanton young people I lost ground. The Lord had been very gracious, and spoke peace to me in the time of my distress, and I now most ungratefully turned again to folly; on which account, at times, I felt sharp reproof, but did not get low enough to cry for help. I was not so hardy as to commit things scandalous; but to exceed in vanity, and promote mirth, was my chief study. Still I retained a love and esteem for pious people; and their company brought an awe upon me. My dear parents, several times, admonished me in the fear of the Lord, and their admonition entered into my heart, and had a good effect for a season; but not getting deep enough to pray rightly, the tempter when he came found entrance. I remember, once having spent a part of the day in wantonness, as I went to bed at night, there lay in a window near my bed, a bible, which I opened, and first cast my eye on the text, "we lie down in our shame, and our confusion covers us." This I knew to be my case; and meeting with so unexpected a reproof, I was somewhat affected with it, and went to bed under remorse of conscience; which I soon cast off again.

Thus time passed on: my heart was replenished with mirth and wantonness, while pleasing scenes of vanity were presented to my imagination, — till I attained the age of eighteen years; near which time I felt the judgments of God in my soul, like a consuming fire; and looking over my past life, the prospect was moving. I was often sad, and longed to be delivered from those vanities; then again my heart was strongly inclined to them, and there was in me a sore conflict: at times I turned to folly; and then again sorrow and confusion took hold of me. In a while, I resolved totally to leave off some of my vanities; but there was a secret reserve in my heart, of the more refined part of them, and I was not low enough to find true peace. Thus for some months, I had great troubles; there remaining in mean unsubjected will, which rendered my labours fruitless: till at length, through the merciful continuance of heavenly visitations, I was made to bow down in spirit before the Lord. I remember one evening I had spent some time in reading a pious author; and walking out alone, I humbly prayed to the Lord for his help, that I might be delivered from all those vanities which so ensnared me. Thus being brought low, he helped me; and as I learned to bear the cross, I felt refreshment to come from his presence: but not keeping in that strength which gave victory, I lost ground again; the sense of which greatly afflicted me: and I sought deserts and lonely places, and there with tears did confess my sins to God, and humbly craved help of him. And I may say with reverence, he was near to me in my troubles, and in those times of humiliation opened my ear to discipline.

I was now lead to look seriously at the means by

which I was drawn from the pure Truth, and learned

this, that if I would live in the life which the faithful

servants of God lived in, I must not go into company

2* as heretofore in my own will; but all the cravings of sense must be governed by a Divine principle. In times of sorrow and abasement, these instructions were sealed upon me, and I felt the power of Christ prevail over selfish desires, so that I was preserved in a good degree of steadiness; and being young, and believing at that time, that a single life was best for me, I was strengthened to keep from such company as had often been a snare to me.

I kept steadily to meetings; spent first-days afternoon chiefly in reading the scriptures and other good books; and was early convinced in my mind, that true religion consisted in an inward life, wherein the heart doth love and reverence God the Creator, and learns to exercise true justice and goodness, not only toward all men, but also toward the brute creatures — that as the mind was moved by an inward principle, to love God as an invisible, incomprehensible Being; by the same principle it was moved to love him in all his manifestations in the visible world — that, as by his breath, the flame of life was kindled in all animal sensible creatures, to say we love God as unseen, and at the same time, exercise cruelty toward the least creature moving by his life, or by life derived from him, was a contradiction in itself.

I found no narrowness respecting sects and opinions; but believed, that sincere upright-hearted people, in every society, who truly love God, were accepted of him.

As I lived under the cross, and simply followed the openings of Truth, my mind, from day to day, was more enlightened; my former acquaintances were left to judge of me as they would, for I found it safest for me to live in private and keep these things sealed up in my own breast. While I silently ponder on that change which was wrought in me, I find no language equal to it, nor any means to convey to another a clear idea of it. I looked upon the works of God in this visible creation, and an awfulness covered me: my heart was tender and often contrite, and universal love to my fellow-creatures increased in me. This will be understood by such who have trodden in the same path.

Some glances of real beauty may be seen in their faces, who dwell in true meekness. There is a harmony in the sound of that voice to which Divine love gives utterance, and some appearance of right order in their temper and conduct, whose passions are regulated; yet all these do not fully show forth that inward life to such who have not felt it; but this white stone and new name is known rightly to such only who have it.

Now though I had been thus strengthened to bear the cross, I still found myself in great danger, having many weaknesses attending me, and strong temptations to wrestle with; in the feeling whereof I frequently withdrew into private places, and often with tears besought the Lord to help me, whose gracious ear was opened to my cry.

All this time I lived with my parents, and wrought on the plantation; and having had schooling pretty well for a planter, I used to improve it in winter evenings, and other leisure times; and being now in the twenty-first year of my age, a man, in much business at shop-keeping and baking, asked me if I would hire with him to tend shop and keep books. I acquainted my father with the proposal; and, after some deliberation, it was agreed for me to go.

At home I had lived retired; and now having a prospect of being much in the way of company, I felt frequent and fervent cries in my heart to God, the father of mercies, that he would preserve me from all taint and corruption; that, in this more public employment, I might serve Him my gracious Redeemer, in that humility and self-denial with which I had been, in a small degree, exercised in a more private life. — The man who employed me, furnished a shop in Mount Holly, about five miles from my father's house and six from his own; and there I lived alone, and tended his shop. Shortly after my settlement here,

I was visited by several young people, my former acquaintances, who knew not but vanities would be as agreeable to me now as ever; and at these times, I cried to the Lord in secret for wisdom and strength; for I felt myself encompassed with difficulties, and had fresh occasion to bewail the follies of time past, in contracting a familiarity with libertine people. — And as I had now left my father's house outwardly, I found my heavenly Father to be merciful to me beyond what I can express.

By day I was much among people, and had many trials to go through; but in the evenings I was mostly alone, and may with thankfulness acknowledge, that in those times the spirit of supplication was often poured upon me; under which I was frequently exercised, and felt my strength renewed.

In a few months after I came here, my master bought several Scotch men-servants, from on board a vessel, and brought them to Mount Holly to sell; one of which was taken sick, and died. In the latter part of his sickness, he, being delirious, used to curse and swear most sorrowfully; and the next night after his burial, I was left to sleep alone in the same chamber where he died. I perceived in me a timorousness: I knew, however, that I had not injured the man, but assisted in taking care of him according to my capacity; and was not free to ask any one, on that occasion, to sleep with me. Nature was feeble; but every trial was a fresh incitement to give myself up wholly to the service of God; for I found no helper like him in times of trouble.

After a while, my former acquaintances gave over expecting me as one of their company; and I began to be known to some whose conversation was helpful to me. And now, as I had experienced the love of God, through Jesus Christ, to redeem me from many pollutions, and to be a succour to me through a sea of conflicts, with which no person was fully acquainted; and as my heart was often enlarged in this heavenly principle, I felt a tender compassion for the youth who remained entangled in snares like those which had entangled me. From one time to another, this love and tenderness increased; and my mind was more strongly engaged for the good of my fellow-creatures. I went to meetings in an awful frame of mind, and endeavoured to be inwardly acquainted with the language of the true Shepherd: and one day, being under a strong exercise of spirit, I stood up, and said some words in a meeting; but not keeping close to the Divine opening, I said more than was required of me; and being soon sensible of my error, I was afflicted in mind some weeks, without any light or comfort, even to that degree that I could not take satisfaction in any thing. I remembered God, and was troubled; and, in the depth of my distress, he had pity upon me, and sent the Comforter. I then felt forgiveness for my offence, and my mind became calm and quiet, being truly thankful to my gracious Redeemer for his mercies. And after this, feeling the spring of Divine love opened, and a concern to speak, I said a few words in a meeting, in which I found peace; this, I believe, was about six weeks from the first time. — And as I was thus humbled and disciplined under the cross, my understanding became more strengthened to distinguish the language of the pure spirit which inwardly moves upon the heart, and taught me to wait in silence sometimes many weeks together, until I felt that rise which prepares the creature to stand like a trumpet, through which the Lord speaks to his flock.

From an inward purifying, and steadfast abiding under it, springs a lively operative desire for the good of others. All the faithful are not called to the public ministry; but whoever are called to it, are called to minister of that which they have tasted and handled spiritually. The outward modes of worship are various; but wherever any are true ministers of Jesus Christ, it is from the operation of his spirit upon their hearts, first purifying them, and thus giving them a just sense of the conditions of others.

This truth was early fixed in my mind: and I was taught to watch the pure opening, and to take heed, lest, while I was standing to speak, my own will should get uppermost, and cause me to utter words from worldly wisdom, and depart from the channel of the true gospel ministry.

In the management of my outward affairs, I may say with thankfulness, I found Truth to he my support; and I was respected in my master's family, who came to live in Mount Holly within two years after my going there.

About the twenty-third year of my age, I had many fresh and heavenly openings, in respect to the care and providence of the Almighty over his creatures in general, and over man as the most noble amongst those which are visible. And being clearly convinced in my judgment, that to place my whole trust in God was best for me, I felt renewed engagements, that in all things I might act on an inward principle of virtue, and pursue worldly business no further than as truth opened my way therein.

About the time called christmas, I observed many people from the country, and dwellers in town, who, resorting to public houses, spent their time in drinking and vain sports, tending to corrupt one another; on which account I was much troubled. At one house in particular there was much disorder; and I believed it was a duty laid on me to go and speak to the master of that house. I considered I was young, and that several elderly Friends in town had opportunity to see these things; but though I would gladly have been excused, yet I could not feel my mind clear.

The exercise was heavy: and as I was reading what the Almighty said to Ezekiel, respecting his duty as a watchman, the matter was set home more clearly; and then, with prayers and tears, I besought the Lord for his assistance, who, in loving kindness, gave me a resigned heart. Then, at a suitable opportunity, I went to the public house; and seeing the man amongst much company, I went to him and told him I wanted to speak with him; so we went aside, and there, in the fear and dread of the Almighty, I expressed to him what rested on my mind; which he took kindly, and afterward showed more regard to me than before. In a few years afterwards he died, middle-aged; and I often thought, that had I neglected my duty in that case, it would have given me great trouble; and I was humbly thankful to my gracious Father, who had supported me herein.

My employer having a negro woman, sold her, and directed me to write a bill of sale; the man being waiting who bought her. The thing was sudden; and though the thoughts of writing an instrument of slavery for one of my fellow-creatures felt uneasy, yet I remembered I was hired by the year; — that it was my master who directed me to do it, — and that it was an elderly man, a member of our society who bought her; so, through weakness, I gave way, and wrote it; but, at the executing it, I was so afflicted in my mind, that I said before my master and the Friend, that I believed slave-keeping to be a practice inconsistent with the christian religion. This in some degree abated my uneasiness; yet, as often as I reflected seriously upon it, I thought I should have been clearer, if I had desired to be excused from it, as a thing against my conscience; for such it was. — Some time after this, a young man, of our society, spoke to me to write a conveyance of a slave to him; he having lately taken a negro into his house. After a short pause, I told him, I was not easy to write it; for though many kept slaves in our society as in others, I still believed the practice was not right; and desired to be excused from doing the writing. I spoke to him in good will; and he told me, that keeping slaves was not altogether agreeable to his mind; but that the slave being a gift made to his wife, he had accepted of her.

Chapter II

His first journey on a religious visit, into East Jersey, in company with Abraham Farrington — His thoughts on merchandizing, and his learning a trade — His second journey, with Isaac Andrews, into Pennsylvania, Maryland, Virginia, and North Carolina. — His third journey, with Peter Andrews, through part of West and East Jersey — Some account of his sister Elizabeth, and her death — His fourth journey, with Peter Andrews, through New York and Long Island, to New England — And his fifth journey, with John Sykes, to the Eastern Shore of Maryland, and the Lower Counties on Delaware.

My esteemed friend Abraham Farrington, being about to make a visit to Friends on the eastern side of this province, and having no companion, he proposed to me to go with him; and after a conference with some elderly friends, I agreed to go. So we set out on the 5th day of the 9th month, in the year 1743; and had an evening meeting at a tavern in Brunswick, a town in which none of our society dwelt; the room was full, and the people quiet. — Thence to Amboy, and had an evening meeting in the court-house; to which came many people, amongst whom were several members of assembly, they being in that town on the public affairs of the province. In i)0th these meetings my ancient companion was enlarged to preach, in the love of the gospel. Thence we went to Woodbridge, Rahway, and Plainfield; and had six or seven meetings in places where Friends' meetings are not usually held, being made up chiefly of Presbyterians; and my beloved companion was frequently strengthened to publish the word of life amongst them. As for me, I was often silent through the meetings; and when I spake, it was with much care, that I might speak only what Truth opened. — My mind was often tender, and I learned some profitable lessons. We were out about two weeks.

Near this time, being on some outward business in which several families were concerned, and which was attended with difficulties, some things relating thereto not being clearly stated, nor rightly understood by all, there arose some heat in the minds of the parties, and one valuable friend got off his watch. I had a great regard for him, and felt a strong inclination, after matters were settled, to speak to him concerning his conduct in that case; but I being a youth, and he far advanced in age and experience, my way appeared difficult: but after some days deliberation, and inward seeking to the Lord for assistance, I was made subject; so that I expressed what lay upon me, in a way which became my youth and his years: and though it was a hard task to me, it was well taken, and, I believe, was useful to us both.

Having now been several years with my employer, and he doing less at merchandize than heretofore, I was thoughtful of some other way of business; perceiving merchandize to be attended with much cumber, in the way of trading in these parts.

My mind, through the power of Truth, was in a good degree weaned from the desire of outward greatness, and I was learning to be content with real conveniences that were not costly; so that a way of life free from much entanglements, appeared best for me, tho' the income might be small. I had several offers of business that appeared profitable, but did not see my way clear to accept of them; as believing the business proposed would be attended with more outward care and cumber than was required of me to engage in.

I saw that a humble man, with the blessing of the Lord, might live on a little; and that where the heart was set on greatness, success in business did not satisfy the craving; but that commonly with an increase of wealth, the desire of wealth increased. There was a care on my mind so to pass my time, that nothing might hinder me from the most steady attention to the voice of the true Shepherd.

My employer, though now a retailer of goods, was by trade a tailor, and kept a servant man at that busi- 3 ness; and I began to think about learning the trade, expecting that if I should settle, I might by this trade, and a little retailing of goods, get a living in a plain way, without the load of great business. I mentioned it to my employer, and we soon agreed on terms: and then, when I had leisure from the affairs of merchandize, I worked with his man. I believed the hand of Providence pointed out this business for me, and was taught to be content with it; though I felt, at times, a disposition that would have sought for something greater: but through the revelation of Jesus Christ, I had seen the happiness of humility, and there was an earnest desire in me to enter deep into it; and, at times, this desire arose to a degree of fervent supplication, wherein my soul was so environed with heavenly light and consolation, that things were made easy to me which had been otherwise.

After some time, my employer's wife died. She was a virtuous woman, and generally beloved of her neighbours: and soon after this he left shop-keeping; and we parted. I then wrought at my trade as a tailor; carefully attended meetings for worship and discipline; and found an enlargement of gospel love in my mind, and therein a concern to visit Friends in some of the back settlements of Pennsylvania and Virginia; and being thoughtful about a companion, I expressed it to my beloved friend Isaac Andrews, who then told me that he had drawings to the same places; and also to go through Maryland, Virginia, and Carolina. After considerable time passed, and several conferences with him, I felt easy to accompany him throughout, if way opened for it. I opened the case in our monthly meeting, and Friends expressing their unity therewith, we obtained certificates to travel as companions; his from Haddonfield, and mine from Burlington.

We left our province on the 12th day of the 3rd month, 1746, and had several meetings in the upper part of Chester county, and near Lancaster; in some of which the love of God prevailed, uniting us together in his service. Then we crossed the river Susquehannah, and had several meetings in a new settlement, called the Red Lands; the oldest of which, as I was informed, did not exceed ten years. It is the poorer sort of people that commonly begin to improve remote deserts: with a small stock they have houses to build, lands to clear and fence, corn to raise, clothes to provide, and children to educate; that Friends, who visit such, may well sympathize with them in their hardships in the wilderness: And tho' the best entertainment such can give, may seem coarse to some who are used to cities, or old settled places, it becomes the disciples of Christ to be content with it. Our hearts were sometimes enlarged in the love of our heavenly Father amongst these people; and the sweet influence of his spirit supported us through some difficulties: to him be the praise.