The American comedy

Chapter I

SKY VIEW is a typical American village. It is built along Main Street, which begins down by the river and finally loses itself in a country highway over the hill. There are other streets, but they are little more than lanes or byways, while Main Street boasts a sidewalk and is curbed and guttered. It is the center of the business and social Hfe of the town. Here is the village bank, a potent force in village affairs, even if it is housed in a onestory frame structure which looks ready to tumble down. Here is the doctor's office and the blacksmith's shop; the village hotel, a ramshackle old building which seldom, houses a guest; the editor's office, a sacred place in the eyes of the village folk, where In dull hours of the day a few worthies who belong to the Inner circle play dominoes and discuss the latest news. Here Is the Post Office, a busy place when each mall arrives. On one side of the Post Office Is a butcher's shop and on the other side Is a lawyer's office; while here and there on either side of the street are the grocery stores, not like the grocery stores of the large town or city, which are only out for business, but rather headquarters for the men of the place, who meet there evenings to exchange the latest gossip and to discuss the topics of the day.

Sky View Is the metropolis of Poquogg County. Poquogg County Is so rough, so full of rocks, with mountains and hills and lakes all jumbled together In such hopeless confusion, that It Is considered by local wiseacres to have been the last part of the earth that was made. The wonder is that there is any room within its confines for farms or fields or even roads. Its people have long been famous among the neighboring counties as horse jockeys, peddlers, charcoal burners and auctioneers, but their lasting fame will rest upon their devotion to Politics. Politics is their ruling passion. Any Poquogg County farmer will leave his haying to go to a political meeting. To take no interest in Politics is a disgrace. To neglect to vote is to Invite social ostracism.

The county has played an Important part in the Politics of the country. Her political leaders have held high places in the national councils of their Parties. Her favorite sons have won honor in the Legislature of the State, In the Congress of the Nation, and one served with distinction as Governor and later entered national Politics as a member of the Cabinet.

In Sky View, Poquogg County's outlet on the river, and which in all things political reflects the spirit of the county, Nathaniel Whittleback began his career. He came of Yankee and Dutch parentage. His father when a youth left the Whittleback homestead In Connecticut for the West, but got no farther than Sky View. Here he fell In love with the only daughter of lo THE AMERICAN COMEDY

old Peter Vanderwert, tavern-keeper and riverman. After their marriage he became a prosperous wood dealer, went Into Politics, held successively the offices of Justice of the Peace, Sheriff, and County Clerk, and met an untimely death by parading In the rain to celebrate a victory of his Party at a national election. Meeting his death In this way he was regarded as a martyr to Politics, and was forever held in high esteem by all the people of the county.

Young Whittleback seemed to inherit few of his father's traits of character, taking more after his Dutch ancestry, and while in later years, when he had become famous, some old residents discovered that he had been remarkable even as a child, the truth Is that his boyhood was not unlike that of the average boy of a country town. He graduated from the village school, made the usual sight-seeing excursions to neighboring cities, went into the wood business with his father, and gave no promise of ever rising above the level of an ordinary country merchant. Upon his father's death he found himself in possession of a com-

THE AMERICAN COMEDY ii

fortable fortune, which was augmented on the death of his mother by the legacy which he received from the Vanderwert estate.

In build he was not unlike his Yankee forbears, tall and angular; but all his movements were made with slowness and deliberation. This would have given him an appearance of age had it not been counteracted by his round, smooth face, an inheritance from his Dutch ancestors, from whom he had also inherited an amiable disposition and a habit of taking things as they came. Although at the entrance to middle life, he was still unmarried, a condition of affairs for which we must confess our inabihty to offer a convincing excuse. Being in comfortable circumstances financially, he was disposed to take the world very easy. He was not actively interested in Politics. This caused him to be regarded as unique, but was not in his case taken as a fault. Indeed, instead of lessening his popularity, it gave him an added distinction as a man who dared to be, or who was, at any rate, different from the other citizens of the community.

With this brief introduction we present him to the mercy of our indulgent readers, merely asking that, like all honest jurors, they withhold their judgment until the record of his deeds is finally submitted to them.

Chapter II

AS you walked up Main Street in Sky View you saw just beyond the Post Office a building which attracted attention by the large black letters painted across its front: the SKY VIEW HOME CLUB. It was the home of the Club's dozen members, with Its own steward and Its own cook, who boasted he could cook the best meal in the county, and where It was worth one's while to live. The membership was restricted to twelve, and there was always a large waiting list, for the Club played an Important part In village affairs and had a famous cellar, as well, and its " Hall " with its great fireplace where the members gathered evenings was the dream of every unmarried man in Sky View, and of some married ones for that matter.

A score or so of years before this history begins a number of gentlemen who had no homes and who had grown weary of leaving the village hotel for the boarding houses, only to return to the hotel again, in the hope of improving their condition, and as a protest against hotels and boarding houses in general and those of Sky View in particular, determined to build a home of their own where they would be untroubled by inquisitive landladies or obtrusive chambermaids.

No sooner had their determination got abroad than it raised a storm of protest, not only from the unattached females of the community, but from those matrons who ruled over the destinies of homes. The Sewing Circle held several sessions to consider the matter, and even went so far as to insert a protest in The Clarion. If the male world should evolve such a scheme of life as this and carry it out, they declared, women must take a back seat.

But the men persisted: They rented a large but somewhat dilapidated building on Main Street, made extensive improvements, and on the day of the formal opening of their home effectually overcame all opposition to their plan by giving a reception to the women of the village. Men who would invite women to their home and treat them to such bountiful refreshments could not be so bad after all, and as only twelve could belong to the Club any way, they surely could not undermine the foundations of society.

So all opposition melted away, and the Sky View Home Club now numbered some of the leading men of the village among its members : Here lived Hon. Henrick Scouten, Postmaster and Repubhcan leader of the county; Jerome Alexander Tubbmann, Sky View's leading attorney; the president, Solomon Costaine, a rich old bachelor, who had continued to live a bachelor in spite of all the wiles of all the designing females of the township; Mr. Dusenbury, who was regarded with great awe because of his learning; and Joshua Harbin, one of Sky View's leading merchants, who held mortgages on more places than you could count; — men who will play no small part in this history, and with whom Mr. Whittleback, who later became a member of the Club, thought it an honor to associate.

Chapter III

MRS. BUSH always maintained that but for her the " reform movement " never would have begun and Mr. Whittleback never would have become famous.

Mrs. Bush was a widow who kept a small confectionery store opposite the Post Office. She was tall and slim and wore spectacles. Because she was near sighted and slightly stooped she gave you the impression of being always on the lookout to discover something. She was reputed to know the history of every inhabitant of the village and her store was the clearing house for all the news of the vicinity.

Mrs. Bush had two grievances : The manner of living indulged in by the members of the Home Club, and the corruption which she claimed existed in the village government. Coming down stairs one morning and finding that her store had been broken into during the

i6 night, she decided to unburden her mind to Mr. Harbin, the only member of the Club with whom she had any acquaintance.

" Have you got your interest money ready, Mrs. Bush? " Mr. Harbin inquired as soon as she opened the door of his office.

Mr. Harbin was not a handsome man. He had a pinched, drawn face, and a wolfish eye, and everybody who owed him money was afraid of him. Mrs. Bush did not regard him as particularly eligible, he loved money too well; nevertheless, she gave him her choicest smile and asked him how he was.

" Times are hard, Mrs. Bush. It's a hard world anyway. The world has gone mad in a great rush for money and if a man is to keep up with the world he has to be going, going, going, all the time."

" You're always complaining, Mr. Harbin. But I've come down this morning to make a complaint myself."

A complaint ! In the name of all the money in the world for what could Mrs. Bush 'complain about Joshua Harbin? He went to church every Sunday and read his Bible every day. What had he done?

Then Mrs. Bush told him what had happened.

And furthermore, she continued, she was robbed in other ways than that, and not only she, but all the rest of the people. Money was raised to clean the streets, which were never cleaned. Who got the money? Money was raised to feed the prisoners in the jail, but there were never any prisoners in the jail. Who got the money? Money was raised for a policeman to patrol the streets nights. Why didn't he do it?

When she paused to take breath, Mr. Harbin asked why she complained to him. Why did she not complain to the village President or the Board of Trustees?

Because, she said, they were all linked in together. Mr. Harbin knew that as well as she did, if he wasn't too busy making money to think of it, and if Mr. Harbin didn't know it, some of those men who belonged to this Home Club knew it, and she had made up her mind to complain to the Club. Everybody was saying what a great Club It was and she would see what it would do.

She then asked Mr. Harbin if he would report her complaint to the Club.

Mr. Harbin said he would, but he could not say it would result in any good. He was himself so busy he could not attend to such matters, and he supposed every other member was in like position.

*' And you might tell 'em, too," Mrs. Bush said as she turned to go, " that letting the Public's affairs take care of themselves isn't any more than is to be expected from men who go off and live by themselves and let good women who would make good wives live by themselves."

Chapter IV

THE Hon. Henrick Scouten was a smiling, smooth-faced man, with pink cheeks and blond hair. The business of his life was to strengthen the Poquogg County Republican Organization, of which he was the leader, to get patronage for its members, and to increase the majorities of Republican candidates at every election. He was always doing people favors, not that he cared about helping any one, but because it might win votes for his Party. He sought the respect of the community, for that would add to his political strength and continue him as postmaster. He always had good words and bland smiles and hearty handshakes for every one. He had a very confidential way of talking, as though you were the one person in the world whom he considered worthy to share his confidence, yet he seldom stated anything positively; he simply suggested.

You might talk with him for a day or a week, but you would not find out anything he did not wish you to know.

He called upon Mr. Whittleback the morning following the receipt by the Home Club of Mrs. Bush's complaint, which Mr. Whittleback had been selected to investigate, and asked how the Investigating Committee was getting on. Mr. Whittleback said the Committee was ready for business.

" Good," said Mr. Scouten. " I have a proposal to make. I asked to have you appointed as the Investigating Committee. I've been watching you for some time and I think you're the man we want — I mean for The Organization. You know in Politics we're always looking for available men. Everybody has always wondered why you never went into Politics. Now is the time. The village President is fighting The Organization, and we need a strong man to run in his place. There have been some irregularities going on. The thing to do is for you to discover and expose them and then run for President yourself. You will be elected without question."

Mr. Whittleback thought that would depend somewhat on who was nominated against him.

" No, everything will be easy sailing, for you will have The Organization with you and that is the main thing. Of course In this matter I represent The Organization."

"What Is The Organization?" inquired Mr. Whittleback.

" Now, Mr. Whittleback," replied Mr. Scouten, laughing, " don't ask too many questions. That's one thing you have to learn in Politics. All that will come in good time, but it's enough to know now that my proposal comes from The Organization."

" There is only one thing which would induce me to run for office and that is the hope that I might be of service to the people."

" That sentiment, Mr. Whittleback, does you much credit. It is this opportunity I offer you. Political organizations are good things if for no other reason than that they are always finding new men to serve the people and I think the people will never have cause to regret that we have chosen you."

And Mr. Whittleback, believing that an acceptance of Mr. Scouten's proposal would give him a chance to serve the people, said yes, and entered with enthusiasm upon the work of investigation.

Chapter V

MR. WHITTLEBACK had been as attentive to public affairs as the average citizen. An honest man himself and dealing honestly in his own business, when he saw a man elected to office he assumed he would conduct the Public's affairs as honestly as his private affairs. The conditions he found existing in Sky View opened his eyes to the need of the Public taking an interest in its affairs. When he found that one hundred dollars had been appropriated every year to feed prisoners In the village jail, and also learned that there had been no prisoners confined in the jail for three years, It was apparent that the keeper of the jail had money which belonged to the Public. When he found the village had been paying a thousand dollars yearly to have the garbage removed, and that the village President had sold this garbage to the railroad under a private contract, he coneluded the President had been taking the Public's money. It was only with the greatest difficulty that Mr. Whittleback could learn these facts, and others of similar character, for old Peter Sosser, the village clerk, had a system of bookkeeping all his own, which nobody could understand without his help, and he was not disposed to render Mr. Whittleback any assistance. Mike Rafferty, Sky View's only policeman, had long been paid a yearly sum to patrol the streets at night, yet he was never known to be on duty more than once a month.

Mr. Whittleback was shocked to find such dishonesty and negligence in public servants who were known to be honest and careful in their private affairs, but he was no less surprised to find how unconcerned the Public had been about the management of Its business. And he had been no less indifferent than the rest. He had paid his taxes, read The Clarion^ voted his Party ticket, listened to speeches on Honesty delivered by the Party's orators, but he had never bothered to find out whether or not the Public's money was being properly spent or whether or not public servants were doing their duty.

Mr. Whittleback was a very different man from Mr. Harbin. That gentleman knew nothing about public affairs, for he cared nothing about them; he could see no profit in bothering with them; seldom did he avail himself of the privilege of voting, unless a proposition came up to increase taxes to make an improvement, when he always voted no. But Mr. Whittleback bitterly regretted his neglect of public affairs. To be sure, he had been no worse than his fellow citizens, and yet he concluded it was almost a crime for a citizen to take no interest in public affairs, for if the Public paid more attention to its affairs there would be fewer men enriching themselves because of the Public's Ignorance.

Now Mr. Whittleback would atone for his neglect, he would do all in his power to reform conditions, and as the first means to this end he would bring the facts he had discovered to the attention of the people. The editor of

The Clarion would surely be glad to print them.

The editor was very sorry, but the village officials were customers of his and he could not afford to lose their patronage by printing anything which would reflect upon their administration. He would be very glad, however, to sell Mr. Whitdeback space and to insert his discoveries in the form of advertising matter. This method Mr. Whittleback was obliged to adopt, for The Clarion was the only newspaper In the village.

Now Mr. Whittleback's greatest surprise was in store for him, for the publication of his discoveries aroused the anger of many respected citizens w^ho thought their business might be interfered with. Several brick makers in towns farther down the river threatened to buy no more wood of him. Many of Sky View's " representative citizens " refused to speak to him; others abused him for doing that which, they said, would break up the Party and give not only the village election but the succeeding county election to the Democrats;

while others ridiculed the whole proceeding. In this last class was the distinguished Mr. Tubbmann. This did not trouble Mr. Whittleback very much, for Mr. Tubbmann was nominally a Democrat, until it began to be rumored that he was to be employed to reply to Mr. Whittleback's charges. This was so important a matter that Mr. Whittleback went to the Post Office to consult Mr. Scouten about it.

" Glad to see you, Mr. Whittleback," said Mr. Scouten, giving him a hearty handshake, and leading him into his private office. *' Sit down and have a cigar."

Mr. Whittleback began at once on the subject of Mr. Tubbmann and the investigation.

" How long has the investigation been going on, Mr. Whittleback?"

" Three weeks."

" And they're berating you and laughing at you and threatening you and everybody is talking about it? "

" Yes, I'll be blessed if they aren't going for me at a great rate. I'm an outcast.

Instead of being a public benefactor you would think I was a public enemy."

"The Public is becoming interested. It's a good symptom. The most difficult thing is to get the Public interested in its own affairs. It's time, though, to get a recruit. Let's go see Tubbmann."

Chapter VI

MR. Tubbmann was the most picturesque man in Sky View. It was not so much because of his imposing figure, his great head of curly white hair, or his fine face and clear blue eyes; it was the distinctive way in which he carried himself, with, the head erect and the eyes always gazing oli into space, his manner of doing the most trivial things as though they were the most important, and the most important things as though they were the most trivial, that made him the most unique character in the village. Whenever he passed along the street with his stately stride, swinging his right hand forward with a determined air, people looked out of their windows and said: "There goes Mr. Tubbmann. What a fine walk he has," or, " What a splendid appearance he makes," and they wondered why he had never become Governor or Senator or even President.

Mr. Tubbmann always claimed to be engaged on an Important case. When Mr. Scouten and Mr. Whittleback entered his office he had his table full of books, but he was pacing up and down the floor wondering what he could do to remedy the low state of his finances. He said, " Good morning, gentlemen," and condescended so far as to shake hands.

'* I know you're a busy man, Mr. Tubbmann," said Mr. Scouten. " But Mr. Whittleback and I had a little matter we wished to discuss with you."

Mr. Tubbmann motioned them to take seats, but still continued to pace the floor.

" You know, Mr. Tubbmann," Mr. Scouten continued, " we're all trying to serve the Public."

Mr. Tubbmann stopped suddenly, turned to Mr. Scouten and exclaimed: " Serve the Public! Why, there Isn't one man in six who's in Politics to serve the Public."

" Don't be too hard on us politicians, Mr. Tubbmann."

*' Hard on you ! Do you think I was born yesterday, Scouten? Do you think I don't understand the present political system? Do you think I don't know that the Public's welfare is considered only so far as it adds to the welfare of the Parties?"

" Well I'll be blessed ! " ejaculated Mr. Whittleback.

"Are you ambitious to serve the Public, Whittleback? " Mr. Tubbmann continued, turning to that gentleman. "If you are, you don't want to be travelling around with Scouten.'*

"We came here this morning, Mr. Tubbmann," interposed Mr. Scouten, " to see if you would make a little deal with us in the matter of Politics."

" Come into the back room," responded Mr. Tubbmann, as he led the way into his private office and handed out a box of cigars. " Sit down and make yourselves at home."

" In the first place, Mr. Tubbmann," continued Mr. Scouten, after the cigars were lighted, " would you have any scruples about supporting a man who was not of your Party? "

"Scruples!" rejoined Mr. Tubbmann, with

THE AxMERICAN COMEDY 33

a flourish of his right arm. " Scruples ! Why, they're both run the same, aren't they? They both play the game the same way."

''There, that's settled. Now, Mr. Tubbm.ann, from what we have been hearing we have come to the conclusion that you don't think much of this investigation."

" No," replied Mr. Tubbmann with emphasis. " A lot of nonsense."

" There's no denying the fact that there are things that need investigation," said Mr. Scouten. " A Republican might as well get the credit of these reforms as some Democrat. Why can't Mr. Whittleback become popular by reforming his own Part}^? Then when he's nominated for village President he will be elected. Now if you will give Mr. Whittleback your support in this investigation and help elect him, we will appoint you village counsel."

Mr. Tubbmann said he could hardly attend to any extra work, being engaged on a very important case just then, but if he could render any service to his friends it could never be said of Jerome Alexander Tubbmann, a member of the Bar for thirty years, that he had failed to do so.

*' This President and these Trustees haven't been representing the people," interposed Mr. Whittleback with vehemence. " Why should we have to wait until election day to get them out of office? They should be removed at once."

" Pass an ordinance permitting the people to vote office holders out of office If they aren't satisfied with them," replied Mr. Tubbmann.

" A fine suggestion, Mr. Tubbmann, a fine suggestion. That shall be one of my recommendations. And not only in this village should that be possible, but all over the State."

" Go to the Capital and have a Bill passed making it a law throughout the State. You can do that before the Legislature closes this spring," said Mr. Tubbmann, and gave his right arm a magnificent flourish, as though the passage of the Bill were a very simple matter.

" Another fine suggestion," exclaimed Mr. Whittleback with enthusiasm. " Mr. Scouten, this is encouraging."

*' Yes," replied that gentleman. *' It's time you had some encouragement, Mr. Whittleback. Now I think it's time to have a public meeting. I would like to have you attend the public meeting, Mr. Tubbmann, and say something nice about our friend here."

" There won't be any trouble on that line, Scouten. We'll make Whittleback just as great a man as you say."

"Thank you, Mr. Tubbmann," said Mr. Scouten, " and congratulations also. You are Mr. Whittleback's first recruit."

Chapter VII

THE public meeting had been so well advertised that the Town Hall was filled to overflowing long before the hour it was announced to begin. There were Democrats and Republicans, women and children, visitors from the interior of the county, district leaders of both Parties. Some came to laugh, others to gibe, but most came from mere curiosity. The village band occupied a portion of the platform and kept the audience in good humor until the hour arrived. Then the members of the Sky View Home Club ascended the platform and took the seats which had been reserved for them. Their appearance was greeted by a cheer from Mr. Scouten's lieutenants, who were stationed about the hall. A few minutes later when the band had stopped and all was quiet in came Mr. Whittleback escorted by Mr. Scouten and Mr. Tubbmann. A thunder of applause greeted his entrance. The members of the Club stood up and hurrahed for him, the band played, " See the Conquering Hero Come," and the children waved flags and shouted at the top of their voices. No one was more surprised at this demonstration than Mr. Whittleback himself. He had let Mr. Scouten make the arrangements for the meeting. " The only thing you will have to do," Mr. Scouten had told him, " will be to make your report and give your recommendations." If Mr. Whittleback was surprised at the demonstration, the crowd were no less surprised to see the Hon. Henrick Scouten and Jerome Alexander Tubbmann as his escort, and their surprise was not diminished when Mr. Tubbmann came to the front of the platform and began to address them.

" My friends," he exclaimed, running the fingers of his right hand- rapidly through his hair, " we meet here to-night as citizens." Applause by the lieutenants. " We're American citizens. I would rather be a citizen of America than of any other countr}^ under the sun. We don't have to have a King and Lords and Dukes to govern us. We govern ourselves." More applause. " When it comes to a question of citizenship, Fm not a party man, I'm an American." Again the lieutenants led the cheering in which the audience joined. He then paid a fine tribute to the Sky View Home Club and explained that when a complaint had been made to the Club in regard to village affairs, the Club had appointed as a committee to investigate " that distinguished citizen of our village, who is ever willing to sacrifice his own comfort to the good of the Public, Nathaniel Whittleback." Such cheering and shouting Mr. Whittleback had never before heard in all his life, and to think that it was all for him. " We have met here to-night," Mr. Tubbmann continued, " to hear his report. Whom will you have for your chairman?"

Mr. Scouten was nominated amid applause, for the Democrats in the audience were too much surprised at Mr. Tubbman's speech to make a nomination. There were a dozen seconds and Mr. Scouten was elected by acclamation.

" Fellow citizens," he said, coming forward, *' I am glad to see so many of you here to-night. It speaks well for the cause of American llbert}^"

The lieutenants began to cheer, but Mr. Scouten checked them by a wave of his hand.

It was not to be expected, he continued, that evils would not creep into popular government, but when wrongs were discovered they should be righted, no matter where found, and the people were Indebted to the man who discovered them.