Wit, humor and pathos

Preface

" I have the honor," said General Butler, at the Medical-Lego dinner at Delmonico's — "I have the 'ionor of knowing three of the greatest liars — the greatest living liars in America."

" Wr j are they ? " asked the venerable Sam Ward, as he dropped a chicken partridge to listen to the General.

" Well, sir," said the General, as he scratched his head thoughtfully, " Mark Twain is one, and Eliar Perkins is the other two!"

Arise and sing!

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Contents

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New York Religion ...--•- 3

Eli's Baby Story ------- 3

I

" Hundreds of little Italian boys are kept by old hags on Cherry and Baxter streets, just to steal and beg. If they come home at night without having stolen or begged certain sums, the poor little fellows -are whipped and made to go to bed on the floor without any supper. Most of these boys turn out pick-pockets, and eventually go to the Island or to Sing Sing as burglars and housebreakers. One little fellow who has lived on Cherry street for seven years didn't know what the Bible was, and he told us he had never heard of Christ." — N. Y. Times.

But " the Rev. Mr. Van Meter, who established the second Five Points Mission House, has raised funds enough to establish a Protestant mission church in Rome. He writes that three more Italian subjects have been rescued from Popery and converted to the Protestant faith, and that he is deeply solicitous for further contributions from brothers and sisters in the cause to help on the glorious work and enable them to build a snug little marble parsonage for the residence of the American missionaries." — Five Points Mission Report.

II

"Mrs. Mary Thomas testified this morning that Mrs. Hurley turned her out of the Girls' Lodging House on a stormy night to die in the Fifth Street Station House, and Sergeant Snyder swore that on the morning of the 1 8th of March he found Mary lying sick on the floor in the station house. She was in distress, and said :

" ' For God's sake, have some one do something for me!' and in the midst of her crying and mourning she gave birth to a child." — N. Y. Herald.

But

" the private stables of Mr. Belmont, Bonner, and many other gentlemen are made of black walnut, beautifully furnished, and nicely warmed. The horses are clothed in soft, white blankets, and fed and cleaned with the regularity of clockwork. I am endeavoring to have all other animals well cared for, too, and to accomplish this I caused the arrest of a private coachman to-day, and detained the carriage in front of A. T. Stewart's, because the driver had driven tacks in the side of the bridle, which pricked and chafed the horse, compelling him to keep his head straight. If cars are overloaded the horses will be stopped, and the people will have to walk." — Mr, Humane (?) Bergh's Letter.

III

" A woman, who up to the time of our going to press had not been identified, was found dead yesterday morning on a doorstep in Thirty - fourth street.

The deceased evidently wandered from some of the poorer wards in search of employment, and from her emaciated condition it is probable she had not tasted food for several days. It is thought that poverty and starvation caused her death. The body, scantily clothed in a few rags, lies unclaimed in the Morgue." — N. Y. Sun.

But "Mrs. Livingstone's elegant and fashionable reception and german, at her palatial Fifth avenue mansion on Monday evening, was too gorgeous for description. Many of the ladies' toilets came from Worth's, and cost fabulous sums, and the flowers which draped the rooms — all rare exotics — must have cost a small fortune. Among the guests sparkling with jewels was Mrs. Lawrence, whose bridal trousseau, when she was married last week, is said to have cost

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$7,000. The rare and expensive wines which cheered the occasion, some of them costing as high as $20 per bottle, astonished even the co?inoisseurs."—IIome Journal.