Young people's problems

Front matter

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SILENT TIMES.

Prefatory Note

The most important of all lessons are those which teach us how to live. There come points and experiences in every young person's life when a word may give help, save from mistake, and make the way plain and clear. It is in the hope of throwing light on some of the questions which are sure to arise in young people's lives, that these chapters have been written. It is not claimed that all the "problems" are here considered ; but perhaps those eager to make life beautiful and rich will find a little help in some of these pages.

J. R. M.

Contents

CHAPTER PAGE

I. Helping with the Problems 7

II. What am I here for? 13

Chapter I. Helping With The Problems

Earnest young people have many problems. Life is all new to them. It is a voyage over new seas. It is a pilgrimage through a new country. At every point they are reminded, " Ye have not passed this way heretofore." Every day brings its new questions. At every step a new mystery arises, and they cannot rest until it has been solved for them. They are continually seeing things they have never before seen, and each new thing holds a new problem for them. They are meeting experiences through which they have never before passed ; and they long to understand the meaning of them, and to know how to meet them.

The world seems familiar and commonplace to some who have been in it for a long time ; 7

YOUNG PEOPLE'S PROBLEMS.

but it is a world of exhaustless wonders to the young, whose hearts are alive and whose minds are alert. A child that asks no questions is not a normal child ; questions are signs of mental health and activity. A young person with no problems is either too dull of mind to be moved by anything beautiful or new, or too indolent to think or to try to answer the questions that evermore arise.

Young people's problems cover the whole of life. Beginning with the child's eager, curious questions about everything, they include the most serious matters of existence. What am I ? Where did I come from ? Where am I going ? What am I in this world for ? What shall I do with my life ? How shall I treat other people ? What are my relations to God ? How shall I endure temptation, and contend against the evil influences which surround me on every hand ? How can I grow into sweetness and beauty of character ?

These, and a thousand questions like these, are forever arising in the mind of the earnest, thoughtful young man and young woman. They are questions, too, which should be answered. The very life depends upon finding the right answers.

No more important service can be rendered

HELPING WITH THE PROBLEMS, 9

to young people than wise help in meeting and answering life's questions, great or small. It must indeed be wise help, to be valuable, — else it were better not to try to help at all. Bad advice has wrecked many destinies. It is important that those who are set for the guidance of the young shall themselves know well the way, and shall be able to give wise counsel to such as seek it of them. Happy are the young people who are in natural, familiar relations with older friends of tried experience and sound judgment, who are able to answer their questions, to throw light upon their perplexing problems, and to guide them wisely in this world's tangled paths. Many go down in defeat and failure for the want of such true and safe help.

One of the dangers of such friendship, however, is too much advice. No doubt some young people are sorely hurt in this way. The very gentleness of the love that watches over them becomes a peril to them. One of the mistakes of home-life in many families is too much government. The best way to help the young is not to solve their problems for them, but thoughtfully to help them to consider and answer their own questions. When a child brings home from school a hard example in arithmetic, the worst help is to work the example for him. The same is tru^ of all difficulties and perplexities of young persons. It is unkindness to them to do their thinking, choosing and deciding for them. It only makes them less able for meeting life's responsibilities when a little later they must face them alone, with no one who can give them counsel. Our best friend is not he who does the most things for us, but he who makes us self-reliant, who helps us to think and choose for ourselves, who inspires us ever to do our best. One of the tasks ancN tests of wise older friendship is self-restraint, self-repression, in the mVter of advising and leading younger people. We are not to be dictators, but inspirers.

Of course, if we have had longer or wider experience, we have learned much about life and about the world, which should fit us for guiding others. But the help which others can get from our experience is limited. Really every one must learn his lesson for himself, from his own experience, must make his own experiments, must be taught by his own mistakes, must grow wise through his own reading thinking, and living. Young people must, in the end, work out their own problems; and he is very foolish who, even in kindness of heart, tries to do it for

HELPING WITH THE PROBLEMS. II

them. Yet there is a way of giving them help which is wise and may do good. We may stimulate, encourage, suggest, cheer, strengthen, and thus make their lives nobler and richer.

In proposing to consider young people's problems, the writer has no thought of doing much more than help his readers to consider their own problems. Some of them probably fail to do even this. They seem not to realize that there are any problems in living. They never think below the surface of things. They are ruled by the present moment and by passing impulses and impressions. They have never learned to think through the questions which arise, but are content to let others think for them, or to follow blindly the moods of the passing experience.

For such as these the best service that can be given will be their awakening to the consciousness of the seriousness of life. For life is serious. We hear much said about how serious a thing it is to die ; but really it is a much more serious thing to live. The dead are through with life's struggles ; but for those who still remain in this world there must be continuous struggle, toil, and burden-bearing. Life is very serious, and should be met with earnest thought.

There are many young people, however, who already understand how important it is to give deep thought to life's questions, so as to make wise decisions and right choices. They wish to make the most they can of their life, to avoid mistakes, and to find the best things. Perhaps it may be possible to give true brotherly help to some of these, if not in the way of setting down specific directions, which it is not always practicable nor even desirable to do, at least by throwing a little light upon the path, which may make it somewhat plainer or clearer for their inexperienced feet.

The writer claims no special ability as an adviser of young people, and no particular right to their confidence, save that he has an earnest desire to help them find the right way, and is willing to tell them what he himself has learned in his own experience.

Chapter II. What Am I Here For?

Perhaps one of the earliest of young people's problems most frequently is, living itself. What am I in this world for ? What should I do with my life ? What was God's thought for me when he made me, and sent me here ? How can I find out?

Frankly it must be confessed, however, that many young people do not ask these questions in any very definite form. Not many consciously take up the problems of life in such serious fashion as this. Nor would it be well if they were to do so. The most wholesome life is the least self conscious. Too much introspection, looking in upon one's self, is not wise. Youth ought to be without care.

But while many do not consider life's great questions in any very definite way, every earnest young person thinks more or less seriously about what he will do with his life. He passes through a period of uncertainty and questioning before his mission becomes clear and plain to him. He has visions of beautiful things which he hopes some day to realize. He dreams dreams of the years before him, and sees himself achieving and attaining things which are honorable and worthy. But he has his days of deep thought, and sometimes of sore perplexity, before at last the goal appears shining before him, bright and unmistakable.

Much of this thinking is done for young people in their early years by those who have the direction of their training and education. Fortunate are they who have wise parents and good teachers, not who will decide for them, but who will give them proper direction and influence them aright. They have opportunities which others who are less favored lack. But whether they make anything worth while of their opportunities depends altogether upon themselves. Many young persons, with splendid privileges, do nothing with their life ; while others, with everything against them at the beginning, grow into fine character and great usefulness. The difference is in the persons themselves, and in the way they take hold of life. Here is where the responsibility of young persons themselves comes in. What will they make of their opportunities ? What will they bring out of their privileges ?

WHAT AM I HERE FORI

" What am I here for ? " Your being here is no accident ; there is divine design in it. God thought about you, and then made you, and sent you into the world for a purpose. There is a place he wants you to fill. There is a work he wants you to do. Something in the great divine plan for the world depends upon your filling your place and doing your work with fidelity. Other things will go wrong if you disappoint God by not fulfilling your mission. Even God will not do your work for you. It is a great step toward success to get deep into the heart the conviction that God has a plan for our life, something he made us to do. Goethe writes, —

What shap'st thou here at the world? 'tis shapen long ago ;

The Maker shaped it, he thought it best even so ;

Thy lot is appointed, go, follow its behest;

Thy way is begun, thou must walk, and not rest ;

For sorrow and care cannot alter the case ;

And running, not raging, will win thee the race.

How shall I learn what my mission is — what place God made me to fill, what bit of work is just my own ? There really is nothing mysterious in this problem. No one need ever spend a moment in anxious questioning about it. There is a very easy way to find out what our mission js. If we simply do well the little duty of each day as it comes, we will be carrying out God's thought and plan for our life, and at the end will find that we have finished the work which God gave us to do.

No one must ever imagine that his mission is some fine, ethereal service, unlike any common work of common people. Most likely it is something very commonplace. The lowliest people, those who work in the humblest places, are sent of God just as truly as those who write immortal poems or sit on thrones.

Nor must you imagine that if God made you for some definite place and work, he will lift you into your place, and put the work into your hands in some supernatural way. God never did that for anybody. Even Jesus spent thirty years in diligent study and hard work, in preparation for the three years of wonderful ministry for which he was specially sent into the world. Whatever fine or distinguished thing you may have been born to do, you must be trained for it in the common days and in the common ways.

You must begin by being a diligent, dutiful child. Some of those who read these words are in school. School-life is important. Those who loiter over their lessons, or neglect, or miss

WHAT AM I HERE FOR?

them, are dropping stitches which some day will cause sad ravelling out. Napoleon, when once visiting his old school, said to the pupils, " Boys, remember that every hour wasted at school means a chance of misfortune in future life." Thousands of men and women have failed of their mission in life because they neglected their lessons in school.

Wellington said that the battle of Waterloo was won on the cricket-field at Eton. He meant that the training he had received there as a cricketer made him ready for fighting the great battle which decided so much for the world. We never can over-estimate the importance of preparation in the early days. All life depends upon it. Neglect then means failure by and by.

What young people are sent into the world to do now, in their youth, is to study, to work, to be faithful in lowly duty. What larger, greater task may come for them after a while they do not know, nor need they care to know. God's plan for them these happy days is unrelaxing diligence in the things that come to their hands. Doing these things well will train them for doing the greater things which the future may give them to do. Diligence in the school will fit them for places of responsibility in business.

Good cricket-playing will prepare them for win ning victories on great battle-fields.

"What am I in this world for?" You are here to do God's will, and to fulfil his purpose for your life. This purpose he will make known to you, but only day by day, as you go on. If you do to-day's work, whatever it is, faithfully, as well as you can, that will be a little of God's will done, a fragment of God's plan for your life filled out ; and then it will prepare you for doing next day's part of that plan when it is put into your hand.

There is an education, a building of character, going on in you all the while, even in the commonest, dullest, routine task-work. In the daily details of household tasks or office-work, you are learning patience, promptness, carefulness, diligence, power to endure. It may irk you to have to obey rules, to go always by the clock, to rise at the same hour every morning, to answer calls and bells ; but out of this wearisome drudgery you will get the fine things of character which will make you strong, noble, richhearted, helpful to others, stable and secure for men to lean upon.

But remember always that you will never fill the place God made you to fill, nor do the work he has .set down for you in his plan, unless you

WHAT AM I HERE FOR? 1 9 learn the lessons he appoints for you in the days of your youth. Wasted youthful days mean failure in life.

" The day has ended and the sun has set, Unfinished is the task I planned to do ; I sit and ponder o'er with deep regret

The golden sunlight vanished from my view.

And thus full oft, at last, when life doth close, And toil is ended for the restless feet,

And for the busy hands the long repose, The cherished work of life is incomplete.

O Thou, who knowest all from sun to sun,

From birthday morning to death's evening chill,

Look on thy children, with their tasks undone, In loving kindness, and forgive them still."

Chapter III. The Home Relation

Perhaps the home relation should present no problem for young people. It would not if homes were perfect. But the best homes on earth are only schools, with the lessons only partially learned. It is important that careful attention be given to these lessons now, for the opportunity to learn them will soon be gone. It is a serious misfortune for any one to go out from his home without having mastered the lessons which mean so much to him in preparation for life.

It is not always easy for young people to accept their place in the home, and adjust themselves to its limitations. It may as well be confessed frankly trrat the spirit of independence is usually strong in the breast of youth. Many young people chafe under the restraints of parental authority. They see no reason why they should submit. Some yield only after a struggle, and always with ill grace. Others do not yield at all, continually maintaining a spirit 20

THE HOME RELATION.

of rebellion, which mars the harmony and the happiness of the home, and leaves them undisciplined in character, and unready for the duties and responsibilities that await them when they leave the home door.

It should be clearly understood by all young people that parental authority is a divine ordinance. The Bible teaches that children shall submit themselves to their parents. One of the Ten Commandments expressly says, " Honor thy father and thy mother." To honor includes full and unquestioning obedience, while it implies also far more than mere formal obedience; it asks for love and respect, also homage.

Jesus set the example for all ideal human life, and the honor he gave to his home and to his parents is the example for all young people in their home. It was after he had' had a vision of his higher relation to his Father in heaven that he went back with his parents to Nazareth, and continued subject to them. He found his heavenly Father's business for eighteen years longer in the lowly duties df the home relation. The submission of Jesus to parental authority and to home restraints shows that there is nothing unworthy in such subjection, but that, on the other hand, such recognition of authority is most fitting and beautiful.

The problem of the home relation is entirely solved in most instances when children have accepted their divinely appointed place in the family. Sometimes, however, there are special and peculiar conditions in a home which appear to young people themselves to make it impossible for them to live sweetly and happily in the relation in which they find themselves. Not all family government is ideal. There may be too much of the monarchical. Or there may be in the parents a lack of that self-mastery which is essential in those who would rule others well. Or there may be an utter absence of any true, discipline — a home without government of any kind. Or there may be no religious life in the home ; it may be thoroughly worldly, or even sinful.

In such cases the question may arise in the mind of a thoughtful young person who is trying to live worthily, "How can I do my part in the home where there is such failure on the part of others to do their part ? " To this question the answer in general is, that no want of faithfulness in others can exempt us from the duty of being faithful, or change our duty in the slightest degree. One sin never excuses another. One's neglect of duty never absolves / another from duty. You will do most toward

THE HOME RELATION, 2$ correcting the faults or evils in your home by being all the more careful in your own life. If one member of the household is touchy, easily provoked, or is always saying or doing something to irritate the others, the way to make the very worst of the matter is for you to be like tinder, flashing up under every slightest provocation. The best way, however, to cure the fault in others is for you to be patient, forbearing, ready by fine tact to turn the opportunity for bitterness into humor — giving always the soft answer that turneth away wrath.

The art of living together, even within the sacred precincts of a home, is one that has to be learned ; it does not come naturally. Home life is a splendid school for self-discipline. No one can have his own way altogether ; there must be constant mutual concession. The young people of the household must learn that they, too, have to yield their preferences many times. Not only are there other people, but the other people are very close to them, and the law of love must ever hold sway in all the relations.

Young people usually have to learn to be thoughtful ; thoughtfulness is not, in many persons at least, a natural grace. They are apt to speak out their feelings without thinking whom their words may hurt. They are apt to assert their rights without reference to the rights of others, and to follow their own hasty impulses without asking how their acts may affect those who are bound up with them in love's covenants.

The lesson of thoughtfulness well learned will solve many of the most serious problems of home life. Thoughtfulness includes the whole of the wonderful lesson of love taught by St. Paul in his immortal thirteenth chapter of First Corinthians. Love suffered! long and is kind. Love envieth not, vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not its own, is not provoked, taketh not account of evil, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

The lesson is put in another form in our Lord's life-motto : " Not to be ministered unto, but to minister." Any one who puts himself on a pedestal, a little throne, in the home, and demands attention, honor, homage, service, from the others, is going to be a serious troubler of the home life. Love's way is to seek not to be helped, but to help ; not to be honored, but to honor ; not to be waited upon, but to serve others in all loving ways. Those who have this aim pervading all their desire help to make

THE HOME RELATION. 25 the home life sweet and gentle. The spirit of serving is the spirit of Christ. We should train our hands to gentle ministries, our feet to errands of love, and our lips to encouraging speech.

The problem of the home-making is for the young people, the growing up or the grown-up children, quite as much as for the parents. They can mar all the beauty and all the good which the father and mother make with so much toil and care. One selfish son or daughter ofttimes destroys the peace and happiness of a whole household. On the other hand, one thoughtful, self-forgetful son or daughter may become the sweetener of the family life, sharing burdens, lightening cares, giving cheer, filling the house with song. Let the young people therefore accept their responsibility, and faithfully and gladly do their part in making the home. In trying to make happiness for others they will find the surest way of making happiness for themselves.

There is need for most careful thought on this subject. The home life is peculiarly sensitive to every influence from within. We do not seem ready to take as much from our own as we do from those outside. We are apt not to manifest the same self-control in our household relations that we do in our business life or our mere social relations. This very sensitiveness of the home hearts makes it all the more important that we should ever be exceedingly careful in all that we do and say within our own doors. Our own should get always the best we have to give. What one writes of Christian life in general is especially true of Christian life within the home doors: —

The hands that do God's work are patient hands, And quick for toil, though folded oft in prayer; They do the unseen work they understand And find — no matter where.

The feet that follow his must be swift feet, For time is all too short, the way too long; Perchance they will be bruised, but falter not, For love shall make them strong.

The lips that speak God's words must learn to wear Silence and calm, although the pain be long; And, loving so the Master, learn to share His agony and wrong.

Chapter IV. About Your Mother

She is the first friend you ever had. When you came into this great world as an utter stranger, not knowing any one, never having looked into any face, you found love waiting for you. Instantly you had a friend, a bosom to nestle in, an arm to encircle you, an eye to watch you, a hand to minister to your helplessness and need. Your mother received you eagerly, took you into her deepest heart, and began to live for you.

You never can know what you owe to your mother. It was a long while before you even knew what she was doing for you. In your helpless infancy she sheltered you and cared for you in unwearying patience and gentleness. She nursed you through your colics, your teething, your whooping-cough, your measles, and all the other ills which infancy is heir to. She walked the floors with you nights, trying to soothe your pains and quiet your bad tempers. She gave up her days to you, teach- 27

YOUNG PEOPLE'S PROBLEMS.

ing you how to walk, how to talk, how to use your hands, your eyes, your ears, and giving you your first lessons in loving, in praying, and in everything beautiful.

You do not know, you never can know, all that your mother has done for you. It was not easy, either, for her to do it. She never complained, for love does not count the cost of its serving and sacrificing ; but there was serious cost nevertheless. Some of the lines you see in her face these days are marks left by the toil and care which she gave so freely to you — price-marks of her unselfish love. Perhaps she is not so beautiful as she used to be — has wrinkles, and a tired look, and seems older, with more gray hairs. Not so beautiful ? Ah, she is more beautiful just because of these lines and traces and furrows. They are love's handwriting. They are like the soldier's scars — honorable, because they tell what she has suffered, sacrificed, endured, for love of you.

Now, what about this mother of yours? Do you think you appreciate her at her true worth ? Do you think you are returning to her in the worthiest way the love which she has lavished upon you through the years ? Do you think you are proving yourself worthy of such

ABOUT YOUR MOTHER. 29 unselfishness, such self-forgetfulness, such loving and serving unto the uttermost ? It is very beautiful when a mother is old and feeble, or sick, to see her children ministering to her in sweet love, without thought of cost, without stint of sacrifice, doing all they can to comfort, bless, and brighten her old age. Often this picture is seen. When the children were in their infancy the mother's hands ministered to them in countless ways ; now they are giving back a little of the love, paying a portion of the debt they owe to her. Heaven must look down with gladness upon such holy scenes.

But not all loving mothers are sick or infirm ; sometimes they are strong and active, but lonely. Are you good to your mother when she is not an invalid ? Some of us wait until our friends are sick before we show them the best that is in our heart. One said to-day — a sick woman — that she Lad never dreamed she had so many friends, or that they loved her so much, until she fell alarmingly ill — the doctor said she might not recover. Then the love poured out. Everybody she had ever known came to ask for her, and to express sympathy with her in her suffering, or to offer service.

This was very beautiful. But it would have been better if some of the love had been shown before, when she was well and strong, carrying burdens and dispensing good. It would have made life easier and sweeter for her. It would have put into her heart courage for even better and richer serving.

If your mother were to grow very sick to-morrow, there is nothing you would not do for her gladly and cheerfully. She would be most grateful to you, too, for your gentle kindness. But think how much of this ministry of love you might render now, though she is not sick. For example, you can give her your fullest confidence, and keep up a close and intimate friendship with her. Some young people drift away from their mother. They do not give her their heart's confidence as they used to do in their childhood. They hide things from her. They resent her questions when she would know about their companionships, their friendships, their pleasures, their plans of life.