Joe Miller's complete jest book; being a collection of the most excellent bon mots, brilliant jests, and striking anecdotes in the English language

Introduction

From time immemorial a brilliant wit has been regarded by his less splendidly endowed fellows as an uncrowned king. He is raised to a seat among the elect, and posterity continues to repeat the bright and keen sayings of him who, mayhap, has been dust for ages. The influence of such men has been immense, whether for good or evil, and it is perhaps fortunate that the gift of ready retort has been granted to but few.

The war of words is unending, and, like the knights of old who were always armed cap-a-pie and ready to break a lance on any occasion, so the brilliant mind is always on the alert, ready to tilt with friend or foe, and woe to the one giving an opening for cut or thrust. To be able to seize on the instant the wordy weapon of a rival, and, by the apt twisting of one of his own phrases, or, by the merest change in one of his own expressions, to so alter the whole tenor of his remark as to ward off his attempted ridicule and turn the laugh against him, — this is Wit.

Any fool, given time and topic, can, by laborious effort and much travail, whittle out something that might pass as a witticism. But onty the most brilliant minds can, on the spur of the 3

4 INTRODUCTION

moment, skirting the aggressor's prepared pit of ridicule, turn his badinage against himself and lead him to his own undoing.

How easy it would be for all to be witty to-morrow or the day after, if the occasion would only wait.

There is no weapon more feared by man than ridicule, and no wounds are deeper and heal more slowly than those caused by the tongue. Voltaire was more feared than any man in Europe on account of his caustic wit and cutting tongue.

Point out a man capable of coining a real jeu d'esprit, and you will have before you the possessor of a brilliant mind : it matters not whether he be educated or uneducated, prince or peasant, billionaire or beggar, the mind rises superior to adversity and shines with no uncertain lustre.

Many witticisms have their origin from the lowliest sources, but only the brilliant mind is capable of a genuine bon-mot.

To draw the line between wit and vulgarity requires the nicest discrimination. Only too often the line is overstepped, and what is intended for wit descends to vulgarity and obscenity.

To such men as Fox, Curran, Supple, Parr, Parson, and a host of others, we are under lasting obligations for their legacy of brilliant repartee, witty sa}'ings and inimitable bon-mots.

The jests contained in these volumes were compiled by the versatile John Mottley in 1739. and were published under the title Joe Miller's

INTRODUCTION 5

Jvst Book. They form a complete collection of the facetiae of those times.

This old Jest Book, popular for so many years, is now extremely rare in its original form. This scarcity is due greatly to the fact that numberless copies have been literally " thumbed out of existence." From the ashes of the past this famous book is now resurrected and once again brought to general notice, in full confidence that like another Phoenix, tried by the fire of time, it will renew its youth and afford the same pleasure and profit to the readers of to-day that it did to those of long ago.

Those who are well acquainted with the humourous literature of other countries as well as that of our own, must confess that if our jest books, both ancient and modern, were stripped of all that is borrowed, the number of jokes we could really claim would be small indeed. Perhaps the best joke in the whole book is in its name, Joe Miller's Jest Book. Joe Miller (1&4&-1738) was a comedian of the most tad- ^ turn disposition, and it is a well authenticated fact that he was never known to originate a jest or utter a bon-mot; and yet we have the strange anomaly of a man so little given to humour, fathering the most popular jest book ever published, and being the reputed author of every bon-mot of past generations.

Gathered from all corners of the globe within these covers, the reader will find the wittiest sayings, the most brilliant jests and the subtlest

6 INTRODUCTION

repartee of the men who have made history. In the two volumes herewith presented without abridgment, and with no additions, the reader will find a reprint of the best edition in existence of this old book.

In its hundred or more years of popularity, an index has never before been attempted, and in the preparation of one for this edition, no pains have been spared to classify the jests so that they can be readily referred to. It has been found necessary to index a number of paragraphs under the head of " Miscellaneous," as there was nothing distinctive in them under which they could be classified.

No reader can open these pages without finding something to instruct, much to interest and more to amuse him. He will be surprised at the number of jests which, decked out in new apparel, have only recently been dished up to him as something entirely original, and before he has reached the end of these volumes he will be very much of the opinion that

" There is nothing new under the sun." Andrew G. Dickinson, Jr.