Etiquette, the American code of manners; a study of the usages, laws, and observances which govern intercourse in the best circles of American society

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Preface

THE editor of The Ameeican, like many another editor of a fashionable journal, has been for some time the recipient of innumerable letters, all of which have for their burden the request that he will enlighten the writers as to some vexed question of etiquette. These letters come from young ladies in the West and East ; from young housekeepers who are beginning, far from the great cities, the first arduous attempts at dinner-giving ; from young men who are rising in the world, and who are beginning to aspire toward that knowledge of society from which they have been debarred by a youth of industry : from elderly people, to whom fortune has come late, but whose children begin to wish to know how to take their places in the gay world ; from all parts of the country, in fact, come these letters, too many of them to be answered individually. Therefore, in order not to ignore them, but to answer them collectively, he has caused to be written a series of ii. PREFACE.

articles, called "The American Code of Manners," which he now collects into a book, hoping that, by this means, his many correspondents may be answered, or, at least, assured that he is not indifferent to their requests. The most that can be claimed for this book is, that it is not the result of either ignorance or inexperience. It has not been written hastily or without some thought. Many, indeed all, well-known books of etiquette have been carefully read and consulted by the writer, much good advice has been asked and taken, and yet, no doubt, it is still very far from being what the writer would fain have made it — an unerring guide to good manners.

Books of etiquette may be divided into three classes — those which are written by people who know nothing of society, or who, at best, have only been permitted a glimpse of its coarser manifestations at a watering-place ; or by those who seek to avenge their anger at not having been admitted to the arena, by abusing it ; or those which are written by people who know so mu-m of society, that they forget the steps by which they have risen, and who fail, as some grammarians do, tc

PREFACE. ill.

give the learner the first principle, without which all subsequent teaching is in vain.

Many books of etiquette are as useless as Ollendorff 's French Grammar, which gives the scholar phrases which he can never use, as u Have you the cotton nightcap of the shoemaker," instead of telling him how to ask for his dinner, or teaching him how to form a sentence. The experts of society are, on the contrary, as certainly skilled in the laws which govern that great world as are the officers of the army in the regulation code. Officers of the army know not alone the art of war, but they know the etiquette of the camp — the proper dress, the salute due to each officer. It is a study. No man can enter the army from the ranks of civil life, without committing some flagrant solecism which, to a regularly-educated officer, would be impossible.

So with the uninformed writers upon fashion —their errors are endless and ridiculous. Nor would we claim that a book of etiquette can be written which shall be perfect, even by an expert ; for etiquette is cumulative, changeful and uncertain. " The fashion of this world passeth away." We can, at best, but remotely fix the

JV. PREFACE.

manners of the time we live in ; people differ about trifles. The manners of the West are not the manners of the East. There will never be a faultless code of manners written, although it may be spoken, understood and felt. We have a thousand refinements and fashions now which were to our ancestors unknown. We have lost, too, much which they had gained. Our hours, dress, houses, are vastly different from theirs. Their bows and courtesies were better than ours, and our children's children, again, will have another set of manners and customs differing from ours. But for the moment, we have done the best we can to help those who wish to inquire into the etiquette of our best society. We have hinted at some national mistakes in the last few chapters, for no one can learn anything until he has been told wherein he is wrong ; and, in some respects, the young American is very wrong.

The mischievous tendencies of our society are many, and always tend to lower the tone of good manners. The vulgar worship of wealth, the imitating of foreign vices and follies, contempt of the domestic virtues, impoliteness of young men, and the fast and immodest manners of young

PREFACE. T.

women, should all be taken into consideration in the efforts which some well-intentioned people are making to introduce a perfect American Code of Manners. Until these faults are wholly mended, we need never hope to have an elegant society. The aristocratic code in Europe retains always a certain semblance of decency, no matter how dissolute and vicious society may be. With us, the manners of our people must proceed from their morals ; and, as we have no queen, no court, no nobility, to set our fashions, we must set them ourselves.

Hoping that this little book will answer some doubts and solve some problems ; that it will encourage the modest ?„nd rebuke the rude ; that it will, at least, write its initial motto on some refined and questioning natures, we offer it as a tribute to that ideal society which shall be when the American Code of Manners is the expression of an American code of morals, as high, as true, as unselfish and as courteous as that last speech of Sir Philip Sydney, on the battle-field, to the dying soldier, when he gave him his cup of cold water : " Take it, my friend ; thy necessities are greater than mine."

VI. % V PKEFACE.

I

Ikjnay almost be .said that politeness is a fo?- getfmness of self, a recognition of the rights of othe|s ; and yet so indefinable is manner, so indescribable is that grace, that aroma of good society, which comes from a long and intimate knowledge of the customs and the conversation of educated, refined and polished people, that any attempt to define the exact shade of demeanor which should be assumed, in order to fit a person to enter into it, would be like attempting to draw the^shape of the wings of the wind, or to define the warmth and the size of the sunbeams.

t^ood manners and a knowledge of correct etiquette must, therefore, depend largely upon the learner. The teacher can do but little. A few certain rules there are, and they are plainly stated in this book. A few general principles — certain gulfs to be avoided, certain hills to climb, the general geography of etiquette — have been pointed out ; but the quiet by-ways and lovely flowered lanes which lead into the heart of the best society — these must be explored, always, by the light of such lantern^ as tact, sense, perseverance, and an. interest in the subject.

The Author.

Contents

PAGES

INTRODUCTORY 7 to 10

A New Departure — A Distinctive Class — Society a Convention — Marie Antoinette— The Polite Man the Firmest— The Enfranchised Woman— Woman makes Etiquette— Chivalry of American Men— Our Young Countrywomen Abroad— A Spoiled Child- Respect for Those in Authority— A President's Reception— Solecisms — Unconscious Solecisms- Anecdote of General Jackson— American Etiquette Not Slavish.

CHAPTER 1 20 to 31

The Young Man Who Desires to Enter » Society.

Old Story of George the Fourth— Young Man from the Pla ns— The Necessity of Letters of Introduction — Gentlemen's Evening Dress— The l*rjiaee of Wales — The Care of the Hand — Rings-^BH^a4re Party — Eastern and Western EtiquetbiftHrerinng' Dress— Neatness— Driving Out— The -Hgpr^vement of Mind— Clubs— Sir Walter Raleigli-| The Proper Form of a Note.

Chapter II

A Young Lady's ENjj^HHfarc^SociETY. Dresses from Paris— Clgj^Bptlfe- T>J^etings^-A Presi^** - ^ dent's Wife—" Ees^|%Tir Parents"— 1 Young^,* Schoolmistress— igramthern Lady— A Chaperon—" French ProvejjjjpTho.. Complexion— Strong Bferfumes— ClearJppIs the'Foundation of Elegances- Cold and WJ&m Baths-Tiealth— The Mother First in Everytbpg— An English- Governess— A Sj)anis4i * Duennalfi Tri^,Clmpero«^Inviting People to

First

PTer Own Manners — Lord | l

V1U. CONTENTS.

Houghton— The Voice, Not Too Loud— At the Theatre — Love and Marriage — Respecting a Real— Introducing a Daughter— The Etiquette of the Ball-room.

CHAPTER III 45 to 57 A Young Couple on their Entrance into Society

Bringing a Young Lady from Another City— At Sea — How to Begin— The Crucial Test— A Jaded Man of Fashion — The Second Danger — Push — Mrs. Leo Hunter— "If She is Wise"— Sending Cards— Dinners — Evening Receptions — A Young Married Woman— A Foolish Fear— Patience as a Handmaid — Not Ashamed of Poverty — A Young Couple Too Devoted in Public— The Duty of Yv r riting Notes— The Husband's Duty— Butterflies and Bees— Good Management — The Duties of a Y'oung Couple to Older People.

CHAPTER IV 58 to 70

Dinners Large and Small — their Etiquette, Number of Courses and Limitations.

Importance of Dinner Engagements — Form of Card and Acceptance— "R. S. Y. P : '— A Good Dinner Giver — Dinners Better Cooked at Home — Hiring Waiters— Gas, Candles, L&mps— Composure — Congenial Company— The Essentials of a Perfect Dinner—The Grecian Vase.

CHAPTER 7 71 to 82

State Din. ters, Formal Dinners and Famous Dinners.

The Russian Din ler — General Washington — A Splendid Picture— Ti e Host Enters First —How to F/se Napkin and Fork— Customs in Germany— The Epergne — Flowe/s— A Round Table — Five Minutes Grace for the Tai 1y— A Boutonniere and Card— To be Agreeable at T 'bio— Instructing Servants— The

COS TEXTS. IX.

Butler— The Host— Women Taught to Carve— Not Too Crowded Diplomatic Dinners— Colored Cooks —Dinner Cards— Health.

CHAPTER VI 83 to 94 Receptions, Teas, Luncheons

The Proper Dress at the Reception— Conveniences and Drawbacks— Form of Invitation— Cards Left —Tea at Four o'clock- The Departure from the Original Idea— Form of Card- Numerals— Young Gentlemen Should Make an Evening Call— Dancing at Day Receptions— Music— The Table— Evening Parties— At Homes— Reception to a Distinguished Person— The Pre-eminence of the Hostess— Musical Parties— A Sensible Reformation— The Etiquette of the Ball-room— Gentlemen in the Supper-room.

CHAPTER VII 95 to 106

Who Should Bow First'? Who Should Speak First? Who Should Call First? A Sliding Scale— Earl do Grey and Ripon— Nbuveaux liiches—Who Shall Bow First ?— Etiquet te in Washington—To Get On in Society— Serene Courtesy— A Social Leader— Snobs— introducing People— A Truly Hospitable Hostess— The Etiquette of the Hat— Exclusiven ess— Lady Waldegrave— Cutting an Acquaintance— Adventurers— Social Marauders —The Sieve at the Door— Kind Inquiries— The Jeunesse Doric.

CHAPTER VIII 107 to 118 Conduct in a Crowd

A Matinee— Presence of Mind— Frankness Mistaken for Boldness— A Fancy Fair— Eccentricity— La dy Bulwer— Quarreling in Public— A Woman Chivalrous in Friendship— Not to Talk Too Well— The Fortress of Fashion— A Safety-Gauze Mask— Never Observe a Slight— How to Live Amid the Contests of Society— Be Grave and Decorous— A Salutation and its Language— The Manners of Young Women Apt to beToo Careless— The Duty of a Leader of Society— IN ever Advertise Your Failures.

X. CONTENTS.

CHAPTER IX 119 to 131

The Etiquette of Weddings, of Calls of Congratulation and of Sympathy. The First Intimation of an Engagement— Wr on g Done to Young Ladies— A Premature Suimise— An Engagement Ring— Money an Important Factor- Giving of Bridal Gifts— Want of Delicacy— Silverware— Form of Card— Etiquette of the Engaged Pair— Bridesmaids— The Bride's Mother— The Leaving Home— Throwing the Slipper— Old Welsh Tradition—The Honeymoon— Widows' Weddings- Calls of Sympathy.

CHAPTER X 132 to 145 American Mistakes

The American Girl in Europe— Sardou's Uncle Sam- Rich Uneducated Americans in Europe— Peculiarity of our Political System— Non-Conventionality — Ignorance of the Cobweb Wall of Etiquette — Mr. Motley and the Young American Heiress — All Americans of the Same Social Rank in the Eyes of Foreigners— The Innocent Women Who Shock Europe—The American Adventuress an Original Type— Mrs. Henry V. Clams— The Relation of Mother to Daughter— An American Disability— The American Colony in Europe — A Clifford, a Howard, a Conde— Patronage— Foreigners Who Make Good Husbands— American Snobbery.

CHAPTER XI 146 to 157

Social Observances Toward Foreigners and Toward Our Own Great People. Avoiding a Slavish Imitation— The Norroy King at Arms— Shaking Hands— The French Princes— A Little Concession to Old World Etiquette— How to Treat the President— Notorious Lion Hunters- Snobs Thrusting Themselves In— Flies in Ointment—Cold Lunches and How to Make Th em- Morning Entertainments, Reasons Against Them— Giving of Titles— Never Abuse the Appearance of Intimacy— American Women Avoiding the Insignia

CONTENTS. XI.

of Rank— The Toad -stools— Find Out if Your Prince be Genuine— Lord Houghton— The Dean of Westminster.

CHAPTER XII 158 to 169 Young People at a Watering Place

Mistaking Notoriety for Fame— Bathing Presses- Conspicuous Dress— Flirtation— Observing Foreigners—Americans Gregarious— Each One Should be on Guard— Young Married Women— Flirtations of Married Men— Married Flirts— Excessive Liberty Permitted to American Youth— Too Youthful Marriages—Young Engaged Couples at a Watering Place— Speaking Without an Introduction— Young Men Should Not Push— Great Carelessness in Giving Letters— Mock Countesses and Undesirable Adventuresses—The Bad Manners at a Watering Place- Scandal— Good Hotels— Newport.

CHAPTER XIII ....170 to 181 A Haughty Hostess

A Mock Dignity —Insulting Manners of Certain New York Women— Lady Holland— 111 Temper and Bad Manners— The Duties of a Hostess— An Anecdote from Life— A Married Lady All Powerful— Particularity of Invitations— A Strange Mistake— A Rural University Form— A Hostess an Enormous Social Power - Never Reprove Servants Before Company — Punctuality the Courtesy of Kings — Mrs. Earlybird— Mrs. Heavyfeather — English Women Charming Hostesses— "Noblesse Oblige'"— No Instinct of Hospitality— Ignorance— Avoid the Vulgarity of Rudeness.

CHAPTER XIY 182 to 193

The Etiquette of Cards.

The Alpha and Omega— A Clearing-house for Cards —Lady's Card — Gentleman's Card — The Etiquette of a First Call— Giving an Entertainment— First Invitations— When to Return a Call— Men Should Dress for Dinner and an Evening Call— Watering

XU. CONTENTS.

Place Etiquette— Where Cards Should be Left— New Year's Calls— How Cards Should be Engraved —A Persistent Ignoring of Rules— Betrothals in Europe—Calling* Hours in New York— Who to Leave Cards For— Sending Visiting Cards by Post- Where Shall Cards be Sent to a Young Couple Married in Church— The Card a Medium for Invitations.

CHAPTER XV 194 to 206 Flirtation and Increasing Fastness or , Manner

Flirtation of Married Women After Their Daughters are Grown Up— Fastness of -Manner— A Woman Improving Her Fashionable Position by Her Flirt a tions— Fast Girls— Short-lived Succe sses— Flirtation the High Road to Notoriety— Elderly Vanity— Mrs. Feather cap— Scrabbling for a Position— Ladies in the Highest Sense Professional Beauties— Result of Flirtatious Manners — The "Brand on the Forehead "—The Ignis- Fatuus- 1 he Perfect American Woman— The Christian Church and the Institution of Chivalry— Delilah— The Rod of Empire— Talking Too Loud— The English Voice.

CHAPTER XVI 20T to 218 The Manners of Young Men

n ;ie Good Manners of the Best— The Englishman a Finer Man at Sixty— Arsene Houssaye on the Young Frenchman — Fop and Dandy of the Past- Young Men Should Study Manners— American Savages— A Splendid National Peculiarity— A Doubtful Man — Brutality of Manner — The Admirable Crichtons of To-day— Young Men Should Avoid Boasting— A Serious Flirtation With a Married Woman— A Bloodless Duel- The Valuable Addition to Society— Enamel on Gold— Mine, cle Remusat —The Frank Smile— The Courteous Bow.

CONTENTS. Xlll.

CHAPTER XVII 219 to 229 Real and Conventional Breeding

Slight Distinction Between the Two Breedings— The Grand Ceremonials of Court — Mr. Everett and the Duchess of Kent— A Gentleman at Heart— Englishmen Daring to be Rude — All American Women "Duchesses — " Costume de Voyageur" — Mr. Longfellow— Politenesss of Italian Ladies— Talking Slang — Neither Real nor Conventional Ladies — The carefulness of the Real Gentleman— Neatness— Artificial Observances— Imposing Unpopular Opinions on One's Host.

CHAPTER XVIII 230 to 241 The Ethics or Dress

The Worldly Wisdom of Old Polonius— The Empress Eugenie— The Luxury of Queen Bess Outdone— Is Dress Worth the Trouble it Costs?— New Yoik Dressmakers— Seamstresses in the House— A Growing Taste for Plain Clothes— Dress Made to Dignify the Human Body— The Ox Who Strove to Gambol with the Gazelle — Lord Byron — The Ethics of Dress Should Express Sex— The Puritan Fathers— A Mother Should Dress Better than Her Daughter- Allowing the Hah- to Become White.

CHAPTER XIX 242 to 252 An American Returned from Europe

Nationality — Britannia Ware — Green Travelers — No American Can Be Nationalized Abroad— The Question of Liveries— Beau Brummel— An American Should Not Abuse His Country— The Bien, Eire of New York— An Affected Habit of Speech— Cowper — The Good Influence ot a Returned Traveler — The Need of Good Servants— The Italian Marquis —The Collector— The Americans a Musical People — The Glib Talkers — A Judicious Economy — Mr. Ccbden— What Part of European Civilization to

Copy.

XIV. CONTENTS.

CHAPTER XX 253 to 265 The Money Marriage Market

Calculating Romeos — Respectable Fortune Hunters —Mere Adventurers— French Marriages— False Etiquette of the Age — Pursuit of an Heiress in a Largo City— A Gilded Turveydrop— A Woman Marrying for Money— A Portionless Lady Sarah— Elegant {Synonyms for Rich Men's Vices— All Rich Marriages Wot Unhappy—- A Positive Moral Obligation— r i he Sleek Lazy Horse and the Full-blooded Racer— The Selfish Existence— A Coid-blooded Snob— A Robber Baronees— Butchers in Disguise — " Please, dear Juliet, Give Me a Ducat "—The " MaHaye de Convenance."

CHAPTER XXI 266 to 377 Recognition and Salutation

"Be Careful Not to Bow Too Low"— The Quick Recognition— Cultivating a Manner — "ISEsprU d'Escalier"—A Pleasant Bow— A Poor Memory for Faces— The Social Barometer— A Conventional Bow— Genial arid Cordial Salutations and Their Power— To Meet One's Fate Half-way— A Stentorian Voice— Saluting the Dead— An Unkind Salutation — Captain Jackson — Kind and Polite Salutations at Home— The Reverse— A " Malade Imaginaire"* — Yankee Plainness— A Respect for Superiors.

CHAPTER XXII 278 to 287 The Arab Law of Hospitality

The Etiquette of Being a Guest— An English Country House— Punctuality — Arab Maxims — Respecting the Fireside—" Rede the Rede of the Old Roof Tree' 1 — Breakfast an informal Meal— Dinner and its Laws— Suggestions as to Subjects to be Avoided —The Family Dog— The Servants— Never Join in Family Quarrels— Self-love— Visiting, a Slavery— Too Independent People Cannot be Guests- Punctuality and Graciousness.

CONTESTS. XV.

CHAPTER XXIII 288 to 298 Characteristics of Different Cities

Washington a Cosmopolitan Foreign City— Mrs. Fish —New York— Respectable Aristocracies— Philadelphia and Boston— Daniel Webster— The "Athens of America"— Charles Calvert— Lord Baltimore— New- Orleans, the "Paris of America"— Adventurers- Predatory Arabs— Never Hastily Accept a Verbal Invitation— Never Trifle with a Dinner Invitation —Newport— A Clearing-bouse tor Cards— .Exclusive People— Description of New York.

CHAPTER XXIV 299 to 3il The Morals of Fashion

The Married Flirts — What Does Fashion Mean? — Picking One's Way through the Excesses — Madame do Sevigne— The Prince of Wales— The Morals of Fashion— A Fashionable Charity— Making All Sorts of People — Noble Women of Fashion — Effete Young Men of Fashion— Fashion at Her Best— Natural Powers of Fascination— The Stuff of which Fashion is Made— The Subtile Influence which Rules the World — Scott, Dickens and Byron Subject to the Influence of Fashion.

CHAPTER XXV 312 to 322 Several Kinds of Exclusiveness

in Aristocracy of Self-made Men— Mrs. Mont Blanc —Mrs. Gushing Stream— Mrs. Lindenmere— Exclusiveness Another Name for Snobbery— Exclusive - ness in Religion — Helping a Woman of Fashion— The Bold Ideas Govern the World— A Wise Exclusiveness— Inviting Those who are Congenial— To Form a Salon — Nouveau Eiche — Copying English Insolence — Advising a Young Person Not to Choose His Friends from a Worldly Point of View— Objectionable Men and W^omen Getting Into Society— An Ideal Exclusiveness.

XVI. CONTENTS.

CHAPTER XXVI 323 to 334 Breeding, Cultivation and Manners

Good Breeding Putting Nature Under Restraint— A Well-bred Woman— Bad Manners of Fashionable Young Men — No Cultivation — A Rich Wife — A " Dig" — The Age a Revolutionary One — An Admirable Crichton Possible— The Fast Girl of the Period — The Varied Education of the Well-bred — Making the Heart Eight— To Have Nothing Left of a Great Ancestor but His Bad Manners— The Storys— The Astors— A Pretty " old Lady"— An "Old Gentleman" — The Manners of the Past Founded on Respect for Others.

CHAPTER XXVIT . .335 to 346

The Duties or Americans to Society.

The Political Embarrassment— Bardwell Slote— The Polished Man from Boston— The Ladies of the White House —Insolent Independence — Manners the Open Sesame— Raising the Tone of Society —Solecisms— Camel' s-hair Shawls and Ear-rings in Traveling— A Disdain of Privacy— A Social Conscience — Young Wives in Europe— A Quaint, Old-fashioned Politeness — American Manners Should Have Originality— The Power of an American Girl — ' he Belle of the Season— The Manners of the Old World.

CHAPTER XXVIII 347 to 356 The Use of Certain Words

A Genteel Thing" — 'I Love Melons" — American Use of Pronouns— Adoption of Slang— Teaching reclamation— Exaggeration— Reserve in Conver- ? ation — "A Very Fine Gentleman" — The Word " Vulgar "—Good Manners the Garments of Every Day— "Thank You" and " Thanks "— " Good Afternoon " — A Decay in the Art of Conversation —Puns Should be Avoided— Reading and Good Taste.

CONTENTS. XVII.

CHAPTER XXIX 357 to 367 DINNERS AND BREAKFASTS ONCE MORE CON- SIDERED

From Whom to Accept Invitations— Etiquette of Waiting, of Introducing— Good Manners at Table— " When Fingers and When Forks !"— Not Waiting for Others— Finger Bowls— American Taste for Ice Water— The Best Moment for Story Telling— Composure at the Table — Dejeuner a la Fourchette — Breakfasts at Twelve— Sunday Dinners and Teas- Wedding Breakfasts— Home Breakfasts— Sidney Smith — Morning Dress — A Formal Luncheon — Simplicity in Dress the Mark of a Gentleman.

CHAPTER XXX 36S to 379 Teas, High Teas and Calls

A Call cle Bigueur— The Freedom of Five. o'clock Tea— High Teas and Their Delights— A Buffet Entertainment—No Formal Calls Made on Sunday— A Chapter on "Cards "—Practical Hints— The Alpha and Omega of Chivalry— The Necessity of Replying Quickly to Invitations — The Giving of Titles — Avoid Quarrels in Public — " After Supper" — A Lady Giving a Young Man a Chance to Get Away— Giving Him His Conge— Never to Intrude on a Tete-a-tete— Invite More People to a Bail than You Expect— The Conduct of Young Gentlemen after a First Invitation.

CHAPTER XXXI 3S0 to 392 A Few Last Words on Etiquette

Letters of Introduction— Calling Hours in Different Cities — Ladies 1 Dress — The French Fashion of Leaving Cards — Not Customary to Introduce Residents of the Same City— The First Calls of the Season— After a Fir it Invitation— A Gentleman Must Call or Send a Card Before Expecting an Invitation —Disrespect an L T npardonable Vulgarity— Disputed Points of Etiquette— A Servant's Mistakes—" When Maya Man Wear His Hat?"— Taking One's Husband's Arm— The Manners of the Theatre and the Concert-room— The Etiquette of Mourning— Congratulatory Visits.

THE AMERICAN CODE OF MANNERS.

INTRODUCTORY.

A S everything in a republic is chaotic and .JLJL uncertain at first — as it is, from its very inception, a "new departure;" as we are just now beginning to test the virtues and the evils of universal suffrage, so it is not astonishing that our observance of etiquette has been chaotic, uncertain and occasionally absurd. It would naturally be the last thing to right itself in a nation so vast as ours, with a population made up of every other nationality, and with that "glittering generality" incorporated into our Declaration of Independence "'that all men are created equal"

For no greater mistake was ever penned than that last statement. A man may be born to great freedom as to his political opinions, but he is not free ; he may be equally trammeled by riches as by poverty. He is not the equal of some other man who has more brains, more health, more vigor than he has. The world is always full of inequalities. We may call it luck, or tact, or knack, or fate, or what we will— some people are always superior to some other people, and always will be. As we look at the world through eighteen Christian centuries, we see that in every capital, every country town, there has been a high, well-to-do, distinctive class, setting the fashions, holding the power, being looked up to ; and we see, also, another class — those who are looking up. Of course, the distinctions of rank, title and grade are abolished in this country. And here we have our own great distinction, which is that every American man and every American woman can, if they are educated, refined, and know how to behave themselves, enter on an equality the society of princes. Still the fact remains that, until they do achieve a certain knowledge of the rules of etiquette, they are not presentable in the drawing-room of a well-bred lady in any part of the world.

Society is like a convention, a town meeting, a trades union, a caucus. Did it not have

TEE AMERICAN CODE OF MANNERS. \)

certain rules it would relapse into chaos, and those rules are, by common consent, called by one generic term —Etiquette.

To obtain a knowledge cf etiquette has been the study of clever men at various courts of Europe, sometimes for a lifetime. It grew to be so absurd and overloaded at certain courts in the last century that nature was stifled behind it. and occasionally a lively little queen or an impulsive king overthrew it with something not very unlike a kick. Indeed, Shakespeare makes King Henry, as he woos the fair Katherine of France, say with delightful elegance, "Nice customs courtesy to great kings;" but still, so important was this state and etiquette in the minds of the 'common people, that, no doubt, Marie Antoinette drew down the wrath of the French people by her impatience at its stringency, and her childish lore of fun, her " descampativos " in the gardens of Versailles, were misinterpreted by the lookers-on, and those who were accustomed to " that Divinity which doth hedge a king " were thus disillusioned and injured by her lawlessness.

The human mind is very fond of authority ; it likes precedent. More than half the world wishes to be told what to do, and the attitude of looking up Is said by scuix>tors to be the most graceful one which the human form can adopt. Now it is a mistake to suppose that a man loses his independence when his manners take on courtesy. Far from it. The rulers of the world have, in nearly ail instances, been men who were polite, deferential, modest. Courtesy of manner is often but another form of self-respect. The polite man is very apt to be the firmest, the most inaccessible of men. He does not tell his secrets, or wear his heart upon his sleeve. His elegance of demeanor is like the ice of Mont Blanc ; it keeps climbers at a distance, unless they have a strong purpose to gain. Kough men, uncivil men, have sometimes an idea that they would lose their force and independence if they became polished. Far from it. They would thus put on an armor of proof.

Certain enfranchised women think that they gain fame and power by abolishing good manners ; but this is a mistake so profound, so deep and so lasting that it will right itself without further comment. The power of a woman is in her refinement., gentleness and elegance ; it is she

THE AMERICAN CODE OF MANNERS. l\

who makes etiquette, and it is she who preserves the order and the decency of society. Without women > men soon resume the savage state, and the comfort and the grace of the home are exchanged for the misery of the mining camp.

In America we have the foundation of good manners, in the great chivalry of the men. No men have so profound a respect for women ; and this is the beginning of the "best etiquette. Politeness, which Sidney Smith said was one of the Christian graces, should flow from the heart, and a tenderness and protection, extending from the weaker to the stronger, is the corner-stone of good manners. From the captain of a western steamboat to the roughest miner in California, from north, south, east and west, we hear but one voice. Women are to be protected, respected, supported and petted. There is no such paradise for women as the United States of North America.

In Paris, the headquarters of elegance, the rottenness of an old civilization has undermined this loyalty to the ideal woman. In London there is a brutality and coarseness, perhaps partly underlying the English character, perhaps proceeding from overcrowded streets and tenements, which descend with heavy hand upon the poorer women, and which reach by atmospheric pressure the women of every grade,

Now, having thus the splendid reality of all grace, ail courtesy, all chivalry in the character of our men, we have to look at the character of our women, who are the recipients of this loyal and royal bounty.

A lady who had held a high position as wife of a foreign Minister at various courts of Europe once said that she never ceased to wonder at the talents of her own young countrywomen. w They have intuitions of elegance," w T as her comment. She thought that their native refinement, quick intelligence, an apprehension of the necessities of a new position, were almost miraculous. " A young German countess," said she, "with sixteen quarterings, wiU come from her secluded chateau to the court at Berlin, awkward, embarrassed and gauc?ie. It takes a season to make her at her ease. A young American lady will come from a New England town, or a Western city, and she will be at her ease, and perfect mistress of etiquette in a month."

Now this is another advantage which grows out of an American code. With its many disadvantages it lias this great advantage, the young American lady feels herself to be the equal of any crowned head in Europe. So long as this does not become bumptiousness it is an advantage. When it does become an excuse for rudeness, or bad manners, it is a very great disadvantage.