The Women of England, their social duties, and domestic habits. Second edition

Preface

. At a time when the pressure of stirring events, and the urgency of public and private interests, render it increasingly desirable that every variety of labour should be attended with an immediate and adequate return ; I seel that some apology is necessary for the presumption of inviting the attention of the public to a work, in which I have been compelled to enter into the apparently insignificant detail of familiar and ordinary life. The often-repeated truth — that " trifles make the sum of human things," must plead my ex cuse ; as well as the fact, that while our libraries are stored with books of excellent advice on general conduct we have no single work containing the particular minutiae of practical duty, to which I have felt myself called upon to invite the con sideration of the young women of the present a2

PREFACE.

. day. We have many valuable dissertations upon female character, as exhibited on the broad scale of virtue ; but no direct definition of those minor parts of domestic and social intercourse, which strengthen into habit and consequently form the basis of moral character. It is worthy of remark also, that these writers have addressed their observations almost exclusively to ladies, or occasionally to those who hold a subordinate situation under the influence of ladies ; while that estimable class of females who might be more specifically denominated women, and who yet enjoy the privilege of liberal education, with exemption from the pecuniary necessi ties of labour, are almost wholly overlooked. It is from a high estimate of the importance of this class in upholding the moral worth of our country, that I have addressed my remarks especially to them ; and in order to do so with more effcot, I have ventured to penetrate into the familiar scenes of domestic life, and have thus en deavoured to lay bare some of the causes which

PREFACE.

. frequently lie hidden at the root of general con duct. Had I not known before the commencement of this work, its progress would soon have convinced me, that in order to perform my task with candour and faithfulness, I must renounce all idea of what is called fine writing ; because the very nature of the duty I have undertaken, restricts me to the consideration of subjects, too minute in them selves to admit of their being expatiated upon with eloquence by the writer — too familiar to pro duce upon the reader any startling effect Had I even felt within myself a capability for treating any subject in this manner, I should have been willing in this instance to resign all opportunity of such display, if, by so doing, I could more clearly point out to my countrywomen, by what means they may best meet that pressing exigency of the times, which so urgently demands a fresh exercise of moral power on their part to win back to the homes of England, the boasted felicity for which they once were famed.

PREFACE.

. Anxious as I am to avoid the charge of unneces sary trifling on a subject so serious as the moral worth of the women of England, there is beyond this a consideration of far higher importance, to which I would invite the candid attention of the serious part of the public, while I offer, what appears to me a sufficient apology, for having written a book on the subject of morals, without having made it strictly religious. I should be sorry indeed, if, by so doing, I brought upon myself the suspicion of yielding for one moment to the belief that there is any other sure foundation for good morals, than correct religious principle ; but 1 do believe, that, with the Divine blessing, a foundation may be laid in very early life, before the heart has been illuminated by Divine truth, or has experienced its renovating power, for those domestic habits, and relative duties, which in after life will materially assist the developement of the christian character. And I am the more convinced of this, because we sometimes see, in sincere and devoted Christians, such peculiarities of conduct

PREFACE.

. as materially hinder their usefulness — such early formed habits, as they themselves would be glad to escape from, but which continue to cling around them in their earthly course, like the clustering of weeds in the traveller's path. It may perhaps more fully illustrate my view of this important subject, to say that those who would train up young people without the cultivation of moral habits, trusting solely to the future influence of religion upon their hearts, are like mariners, who, while they wait for their bark to be safely guided out to sea, allow their sails to swing idly in the wind, their cordage to become entangled, and the general outfit of their vessel to suffer injury and decay; so that when the pilot comes on board, they lose much of the advantage of his services, and fail to derive the anticipated benefit from his presence.

All that I would venture to recommend with regard to morals, is, that the order and right government of the vessel should, as far as is possible, be maintained, so that when the hope of

PREFACE.

. better and surer guidance is realized, and the heavenly Pilot in his own good time arrives, all things may be ready — nothing out of order, and nothing wanting, for a safe and prosperous voyage. It is therefore solely to the cultivation of habits that I have confined my attention — to the minor morals of domestic life. And I have done this, because there are so many abler pens than mine employed in teaching and enforcing the essential truths of religion; because there is an evident tendency in society, as it exists in the present day, to overlook these minor points ; and because it is impossible for them to be neglected, without serious injury to the Christian character. . SARAH STICKNEY ELLIS. Pentonville, Feb. 1839. CONTENTS.

Chapter I. Characteristics Of The Women Op England

Every country has its peculiar characteristics, not only of climate and scenery, of public institutions, government, and laws ; but every country has also its moral characteristics, upon which is founded its true title to a station, either high or low, in the scale of nations. The national characteristics of England are the perpetual boast of her patriotic sons ; and there is one especially, which it behoves all British sub jects not only to exult in, but to cherish and maintain. Leaving the justice of her laws, the extent of her commerce, and the amount of her resources, to the orator, the statesman, and the political. economist there yet remains one of the noblest features in her national character, which may not improperly be regarded as within the compass of a B A woman's understanding, and the province of a woman's pen.

It is the domestic character of England — the home comforts, and fireside virtues for which she is so justly celebrated. These I hope to be able to speak of without presumption, as intimately associated with, and dependent upon, the moral feelings and habits of the women of this favoured country. It is therefore in reference to these alone that I shall endeavour to treat the subject of England's nationality ; and in order to do this with more precision, it is necessary to draw the line of observation within a narrower circle, and to describe what are the characteristics of the women of England. I ought, perhaps, in strict propriety, to say what were their characteristics ; because I would justify the obtrusiveness of a work like this, by first premising that the women of England are deteriorating in their moral character, and that false notions of refinement are rendering them less influential, less useful, and less happy than they were.

In speaking of what English women were, I would not be understood to refer to what they were a century ago. Facilities in the way of mental improvement have greatly increased during this period. In connexion with moral discipline, these facilities are invaluable ; but I consider the two excellencies as having been combined in the great est perfection in the general average of women who have now attained to middle, or rather advanced age. When the cultivation of the mental faculties had so far advanced as to take precedence of the moral, by leaving no time for domestic usefulness, and the practice of personal exertion in the way of promoting general happiness, the character of the women of England assumed a different aspect, which is now beginning to tell upon society in the sickly sensibilities, the feeble frames, and the useless habits of the rising generation.

In stating this humiliating fact I must be blind indeed to the most cheering aspect of modern society, not to perceive that there are signal in stances of women who carry about with them into every sphere of domestic duty, even the most humble and obscure, the accomplishments and refinements of modern education; and who deem it rather an honour than a degradation to be per mitted to add to the sum of human happiness, by diffusing the embellishments of mind and manners over the homely and familiar aspect of every-day existence. Such, however, do not constitute the majority of the female population of Great Britain. By far the greater portion of the young ladies (for they are no longer ivomen) of the present day, are dis tinguished by a morbid listlessness of mind and body, except when under the influence of stimulus, a constant pining for excitement and an eagerness to escape from every thing like practical and indi vidual duty.

Of course, I speak of those whose minds are not under the influence of religious principle. Would that the exception could extend to all who profess to be governed by this principle I Gentle, inoffensive, delicate, and passively amiable as many young ladies are, it seems an ungra cious task to attempt to rouse them from their summer dream ; and were it not that wintry days will come, and the surface of life be ruffled, and the mariner, even she who steers the smallest bark, be put upon the inquiry for what port she is really bound — were it not that the cry of utter helpless ness is of no avail in rescuing from the waters of affliction, and the plea of ignorance unheard upon the far-extending and deep ocean of experience, and the question of accountability perpetually sounding, like the voice of a warning spirit, above the storms and the billows of this lower world — I would be one of the very last to call the dreamer back to a consciousness of present things.

But this state of listless indifference, my sisters, must not be. You have deep responsibilities, you have urgent elaims ; a nation's moral wealth is in your keeping. Let us inquire then in what way it may be best preserved. Let us consider what you are, and have been, and by what peculiarities of feeling and habit you have been able to throw so much additional weight into the scale of your country's worth. In order to speak with precision of the charac teristics of any class of people, it is necessary to confine our attention as much as possible to that portion of the class where such characteristics are most prominent; and, avoiding the two extremes where circumstances not peculiar to that class are supposed to operate, to take the middle or inter vening portion as a specimen of the whole.

Napoleon Buonaparte was accustomed to speak of the English nation as a " nation of shop keepers ;" and when we consider the number, the influence, and the respectability of that portion of the inhabitants who are, directly or indirectly, connected with our trade and merchandise, it does indeed appear to constitute the mass of English society, and may justly be considered as exhibiting the most striking and unequivocal proofs of what are the peculiar characteristics of the people of England. It is not therefore from the aristocracy of the land that the characteristics of English women should be taken ; because the higher the rank, and the greater the facilities of communication with other countries, the more prevalent are foreign manners, and modes of thinking and acting common to that class of society in other countries.

Neither is it entirely amongst the indigent and most laborious of the community, that we can with propriety look for those strong features of nationality which stamp the moral character of different nations ; because the urgency of mere physical wants, and the pressure of constant and necessary labour, naturally induce a certain degree of resemblance in social feelings and domestic habits, amongst people similarly circumstanced, to whatever country they may belong. In looking around, then, upon our " nation of shop-keepers," we readily perceive that by dividing society into three classes, as regards what is com monly called rank, the middle class must include so vast a portion of the intelligence and moral power of the country at large, that it may not improperly be designated the pillar of our nation's strength, its base being the important class of the laborious poor, and its rich and highly ornamental capital, the ancient nobility of the land.

In no other country is society thus beautifully proportioned, and England should beware of any deviation from the order and symmetry of her national column. There never was a more short-sighted view of society, than that by which the women of our country have lately learned to look with envious eyes upon their superiors in rank, to rival their attainments, to imitate their manners, and to pine for the luxuries they enjoy ; and consequently to look down with contempt upon the appliances and means of humbler happiness. The women of England were once better satisfied with that instrumentality of Divine wisdom by which they were placed in their proper sphere. They were satisfied to do with their own hands what they now leave undone, or repine that they cannot have others to do for them. A system of philosophy was once promulgated in France, by which it was attempted to be proved that so much of the power and the cleverness of man was attributable to his hand, that but for a slight difference in the formation of this organ in some of the inferior animals, they would have been entitled to rank in the same class with him.

Whatever may be said of the capabilities of man's hand, I believe the feminine qualification of being able to use the hand willingly and well, has a great deal to do with the moral influence of woman. The personal services she is thus en abled to render, enhance her value in the domestic circle, and when such services are performed with the energy of a sound understanding, and the grace of an accomplished mind — above all, with the disinterested kindness of a generous heart — they not only dignify the performer, but confer happiness, as well as obligation. Indeed, so great is the charm of personal attentions arising spon taneously from the heart, that women of the high est rank in society, and far removed from the necessity of individual exertion, are frequently observed to adopt habits of personal kindness towards others, not only as the surest means of giving pleasure, but as a natural and grateful relief to the overflowing of their own affections.

There is a principle in woman's love, that ren ders it impossible for her to be satisfied without actually doing something for the object of her regard. I speak only of woman in her refined and elevated character. Vanity can satiate itself with admiration, and selfishness can feed upon services received; but woman's love is an ever flowing and inexhaustible fountain, that must be perpetually imparting from the source of its own blessedness. It needs but slight experience to know, that the mere act of loving our fellow-creatures does little towards the promotion of their happiness. The human heart is not so credulous as to continue to believe in affection without practical proof. Thus the interchange of mutual kind offices begets a confidence which cannot be made to grow out of any other foundation ; and while gratitude is added to the connecting link, the character on each side is strengthened by the personal energy required for the performance of every duty.

There may exist great sympathy, kindness, and benevolence of feeling, without the power of bringing any of these emotions into exercise for the benefit of others. They exist as emotions only. And thus the means, which appear to us as the most gracious and benignant of any that could have been adopted by our heavenly Father, for rousing us into necessary exertion, are permitted to die away, fruitless and unproductive, in the breast where they ought to have operated as a blessing and a means of happiness to others. It is not uncommon to find negatively amiable individuals, who sink under a weight of indolence, and suffer from innate selfishness a gradual con traction of mind, perpetually lamenting their own inability to do good. It would be ungenerous to doubt their sincerity in these regrets.

We can b2 therefore only conclude, that the want of habits of personal usefulness has rendered them mentally imbecile, and physically inert; whereas, had the same individuals been early accustomed to bodily exertion, promptly and cheerfully performed on the spur of the moment, without waiting to ques tion whether it was agreeable or not, the very act of exertion would have become a pleasure, and the benevolent purposes to which such exertions might be applied, a source of the highest enjoyment. Time was when the women of England were accustomed, almost from their childhood, to the constant employment of their hands. It might be sometimes in elaborate works of fancy, now ridiculed for their want of taste, and still more frequently in household avocations, now fallen into disuse from their incompatibility with modern refinement.

I cannot speak with unqualified praise of all the objects on which they bestowed their attention, but, if it were possible, I would write in characters of gold the indisputable fact, that the habits of industry and personal exertion thus acquired, gave them a strength and dignity of character, a power of usefulness, and a capability of doing good, which the higher theories of modern education fail to impart. They were in some instances less qualified for travelling on the continent without an interpreter ; but the women of whom I am speaking seldom went abroad. Their sphere of action was at their own firesides, and the world in which they moved was one where pleasure of the highest purest order, naturaUy and necessarily arises out of acts of duty faithfully performed. Perhaps it may be necessary to be more spe cific in describing the class of women to which this work relates.

It is, then, strictly speaking, to those who belong to that great mass of the population of England which is connected with trade and manufactures, as well as to the wives and daughters of professional men of limited in comes ; or, in order to make the application more direct, to that portion of it who are restricted to the services of from one to four domestics, — who, on the one hand, enjoy the advantages of a liberal education, and, on the other, have no pretension to family rank. It is, however, impossible but that many deviations from these lines of demarca tion must occur, in consequence of the great change in their pecuniary circumstances, which many families during a short period experience, and the indefinite order of rank and station in which the elegances of life are enjoyed, or its privations endured.

There is also this peculiarity to be taken into account, in our view of English society, that the acquisition of wealth, with the advantages it procures, is all that is necessary for advancement to aristocratic dignity; while, on the other hand, so completely is the nation dependent upon her commercial resources, that it is no uncommon thing to see individuals who lately ranked amongst the aristocracy, suddenly driven, by the failure of some bank or some mercantile speculation, into the lowest walks of life, and compelled to mingle with the laborious poor. These facts are strong evidence in favour of a system of conduct that would enable all women to sink gracefully, and without murmuring against providence, into a lower grade of society. It is easy to learn to enjoy, but it is not easy to learn to suffer.

Any woman of respectable education, possessing a well-regulated mind, might move with ease and dignity into a higher sphere than that to which she had been accustomed; but few women jjjfcfjf e .hjmds have been idle all their lives, can feel •thfelnsejpes compelled to do the necessary labour of a household, without a feeling of indescribable hardship, too frequently productive of a secret murmuring against the instrumentality by which she was reduced to such a lot. It is from the class of females above described, that we naturally look for the highest tone of moral feeling, because they are at the same time removed from the pressing necessities of absolute poverty, and admitted to the intellectual privileges of the great ; and thus, while they enjoy every facility in the way of acquiring knowledge, it is their still higher privilege not to be exempt from the domestic duties which call forth the best energies of the female character.

Where domestics abound, and there is a hired hand for every kindly office, it would be a work of supererogation for the mistress of the house to step forward, and assist with her own ; but where domestics are few, and the individuals who com pose the household are thrown upon the consideration of the mothers, wives, and daughters for their daily comfort, innumerable channels are opened for the overflow of those floods of human kindness, which it is one of the happiest and most ennobling duties of woman to administer to the weary frame, and to pour into the wounded mind. It is perhaps the nearest approach we can make towards any thing like a definition of what is most striking in the characteristics of the women of England, to say, that the nature of their domestic circumstances is such as to invest their characters with the threefold recommendation oi promptitude in action, energy of thought, and benevolence of feeling.

With all the responsibilities of family comfort and social enjoyment resting upon them, and unaided by those troops of menials who throng the halls of the affluent and the great, they are kept alive to the necessity of making their own personal exertions conducive to the great end of promoting the happiness of those around them. They cannot sink into supineness, or suffer any of their daily duties to be neglected, but some beloved member of the household is made to feel the consequences, by enduring inconveniences which it is alike their pride and their pleasure to remove. The frequently recurring avocations of domestic life admit of no delay. When the performance of any kindly office has to be asked for, solicited, and re-solicited, it loses more than half its charm. It is therefore strictly in keeping with the fine tone of an elevated character, to be beforehand with expectation, and thus to show, by the most delicate yet most effectual of all human means, that the object of attention, even when unheard and unseen, has been the subject of kind and affectionate solicitude.

By experience in these apparently minute asfairs, a woman of kindly feeling and properly dis ciplined mind, soon learns to regulate her actions also according to the principles of true wisdom, and hence arises that energy of thought for which the women of England are so peculiarly distin guished. Every passing event however insig nificant to the eye of the world, has its crisis, every occurrence its emergency, every cause its effect ; and upon these she has to calculate with precision, or the machinery of household com fort is arrested in its movements, and thrown into disorder. Woman, however, would but ill supply the place appointed her by providence, were she en dowed with no other faculties than those of promp titude in action, and energy of thought. Valuable as these may be, they would render her but a cold and cheerless companion, without the kindly affections and tender offices that sweeten human life.

It is a high privilege, then, which the women of England enjoy, to be necessarily, and by the force of circumstances, thrown upon their affections, for the rule of their conduct in daily life. " What shall I do to gratify myself — to be admired — or to vary the tenor of my existence ?" are not the questions which a woman of right feeling asks on first awaking to the avocations of the day. Much more congenial to the highest attributes of woman's character, are inquiries such as these : " How shall I endeavour through this day to turn the time, the health, and the means permitted me to enjoy, to the best account ? Is any one sick, I must visit their chamber without delay, and try to give their apartment an air of comfort, by arranging such things as the wearied nurse may not have thought of.

Is any one about to set off on a journey, I must see that the early meal is spread, or prepare it with my own hands, in order that the servant, who was working late last night, may profit by unbroken rest. Did I fail in what was kind or considerate to any of the family yesterday ; I will meet them this morning with a cordial welcome, and show, in the most delicate way I can, that I am anxious to atone for the past. Was any one exhausted by the last day's exertion, I will be an hour before them this morning, and let them see that their labour is so much in advance. Or, if nothing extraordinary occurs to claim my attention, I will meet the family with a consciousness that, being the least engaged of any member of it, I am consequently the most at liberty to devote myself to the general good of the whole, by cultivating cheerful conversation, adapting myself to the prevailing tone of feeling, and leading those who are least happy, to think and speak of what will make them more so."

Who can believe that days, months, and years spent in a continual course of thought and action similar to this, will not produce a powerful effect upon the character ; and not upon the individual who thinks, and acts, alone, but upon all to whom her influence extends ? In short the customs of English society have so constituted women the guardians of the comfort of their homes, that, like the Vestals of old, they cannot allow the lamp they cherish to be extinguished, or to fail for want of oil, without an equal share of degradation attaching to their names. In other countries, where the domestic lamp is voluntarily put out, in order to allow the women to resort to the opera, or the public festival, they are not only careless about their home com forts, but necessarily ignorant of the high degree of excellence to which they might be raised.

In England there is a kind of science of good house hold management which, if it consisted merely in keeping the house respectable in its physical character, might be left to the effectual working out of hired hands ; but happily for the women of England, there is a philosophy in this science, by which all their highest and best feelings are called into exercise. Not only must the house be neat and clean, but it must be so ordered as to suit the tastes of all, as far as may be, without annoyance or offence to any. Not only must a constant sys tem of activity be established, but peace must be preserved, or happiness will be destroyed. Not only must elegance be called in, to adorn and beautify the whole, but strict integrity must be maintained by the minutest calculation as to lawful means, and self, and self-gratification, must be made the yielding point in every disputed case.

Not only must an appearance of outward order and comfort be kept up, but around every domes tic scene there must be a strong wall of confidence, which no internal suspicion can undermine, no external enemy break through. Good household management, conducted on this plan, is indeed a science well worthy of attention. It comprises so much, as to invest it with an air of difficulty on the first view ; but no woman can reasonably complain of incapability, because nature has endowed the sex with perceptions so lively and acute, that where benevolence is the impulse, and principle the foundation upon which they act, experience will soon teach them by what means they may best accomplish the end they have in view. They will soon learn by experience, that selfish ■ ness produces selfishness, that indolence increases with every hour of indulgence, that what is left undone because it is difficult to-day, will be doubly difficult to-morrow; that kindness and compassion, to answer any desirable end, mu3t one be practical, the other delicate, in its nature; that affection must be kept alive by ministering to its necessities; and, above all, that religion must be recommended by consistency of character and conduct.

It is the strong evidence of truths like these, wrought out of their daily experience, and forced upon them as principles of action, which renders the women of England what they are, or rather were, and which fits them for becoming able instru ments in the promotion of public and private good ; for all must allow, that it is to the indefatigable exertions and faithful labours of women of this class, that England chiefly owes the support of some of her noblest and most benevolent institutions ; while it is to their unobtrusive and untiring efforts, that the unfortunate and afflicted often are indebted for the only sympathy— the only kind attention that ever reaches their obscure abodes, or diffuses cheerfulness and comfort through the solitary chambers of suffering and sickness — the only aid that relieves the victims of penury and want— the only consolation that ever visits the desolate and degraded in their wretchedness and despair.