Mother's Remedies Over One Thousand Tried and Tested Remedies from Mothers of the United States and Canada (part 4 of 5)
How can I do this? Give at first one feeding of plain milk and barley gruel daily; later two feedings, then three feedings, etc. For example, suppose one infant was being fed with modified milk as formula 4 or 5, series 3, six feedings daily. The plain milk diluted with boiling water would take the place of one such feeding at first, then two, three, four, etc., feedings. Such changes to be made at intervals of two weeks. Proportions of milk and barley gruel should be, at first, about five and one-half ounces milk, two and one-half ounces barley gruel; later six ounces milk, three ounces barley gruel and then seven ounces milk, two ounces barley gruel until plain milk is alone used, and this can usually be reached at twelve to thirteen months. For five months' infants a pinch of soda may be added to each feeding when the lime-water is omitted. It is not generally necessary, however.
Do some infants dislike the milk after the milk sugar has been omitted? Yes; for such 1/4 to 1/2 teaspoonful of granulated sugar may be added for a time to each feeding and gradually reduced.
RULES FOR USING THESE FORMULAS.
They are only for healthy infants. Begin always with a weak formula, especially with an infant previously nursed at the breast, with one just weaned and with infants who have poor digestive powers, or whose digestive powers are unknown. Should the first formula tried be too weak the food can be strengthened every three or four days until the right formula is found. If the food is made too strong at first an attack of indigestion is liable to follow.
How shall I increase the strength of the food? This should be done very gradually. Do not advance more than one formula in the given series. It is frequently better to make the increase in half steps. Say when it is from three to four, give three and one-half, and then four.
How rapidly can I increase the quantity of food? This should not be more than one-fourth ounce in each feeding, one to one and one-half to two ounces daily.
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When should the amount of food be increased? An increase may be necessary every few days in the early weeks, but the same formula is often continued for two or three months during the later months.
What signs in the infant demand an increase? The infant is not satisfied, does not gain in weight, but it has good digestion--that is, it does not vomit and has good stools.
When should I not increase the food? So long as the child is satisfied, gains four to six ounces weekly, even when the quantity and strength of the food is considerably below the average.
Should you then increase the food if the child seems somewhat hungry, but still gains from eight to ten ounces weekly? It is not always a safe rule to be guided by the appetite.
How can I know whether to increase the strength or the quantity of the food? In the early weeks it is well first to increase the strength, the next time the quantity of the food, then the strength, then the quantity, etc. The quantity chiefly should be increased after the fourth or fifth month.
Should a slight stomach discomfort or disturbance follow after the food has been strengthened, what shall I do? If the disturbance is marked and continues and the infant does not seem able to accustom itself to the new food, you should go back to the weaker one and the next increase should be smaller.
Should I be worried if the gain in weight for the first few weeks of artificial feeding is slight, or even no gain? Not as a rule; if the infant loses no weight, sleeps well, is comfortable, does not suffer from vomiting, nausea, colic, you can feel sure the baby is doing well and is becoming used to his new food. As his appetite improves and his digestion is stronger the food may be increased every few days. Then the weight will soon increase.
Is constipation likely to occur from such a weak food? This is very often seen owing to the fact of their being little residue in the bowels, so if he has a daily stool, even if it is small and dry, it need not cause worry as it soon passes away with the using of stronger food.
What circumstances indicate that the food should be reduced? When the child becomes ill from any causes, or when there are any marked symptoms of indigestion.
How can I reduce the food? If there is but a slight disturbance and the daily food has been prepared, pour off one-third from each bottle just before each feeding and replace this quantity of food with boiled water; if the disturbance is more severe, immediately dilute the food at least one-half and also reduce, at the same time the quantity given; for a severe attack of indigestion, omit the regular food altogether and give only boiled water until a doctor has been called.
How shall I return to the original formula after it has been reduced for a disturbance of digestion? The increase must be very gradual after the immediate reduction. After a severe attack of indigestion, the milk should not be made more than one-fifth the original strength, and ten days or two weeks should elapse before the original strength food is given and, as stated, there should be a gradual slow increase.
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ABOUT ADDING OTHER FOODS TO MILK.
How long shall I continue the modified milk? Usually for about six months; but if the infant is doing well you can continue it for ten or eleven months. If the infant has trouble in digesting cows' milk other foods can be added at three or four months or even at the beginning.
What food can I first use? Barley, oatmeal, arrowroot, and farina.
Is it better to make them from the flour? Yes, they are more simple to prepare from the flour.
How shall I cook them? Cook them separately, and when used they take the place of some of the boiled water.
(For another way, see former pages.)
How shall I prepare barley gruel water? Take one teaspoonful of the flour and rub it up with a little cold water, and then stir this into a pint of boiling water; add a pinch of salt and boil it fifteen minutes; strain if it is lumpy. Oatmeal gruel is made the same way, only using two teaspoonfuls instead of one.
Barley Jelly.--One rounded tablespoonful of the flour, mixed with a little cold water, is added to one pint of boiling water containing a pinch of salt; cook twenty minutes in a double boiler and strain. A thinner gruel (barley water) is made by using half of the quantity of flour.
How much of the gruel can I use? If prepared by the last method one-sixth to one-half the total quantity of food; if the barley water is used it can be used in greater quantity if desired, as it is weaker by half.
Which one shall I use? Barley and oatmeal are generally used; oatmeal is more laxative.
What is their value as infant foods? Their chief value is to prevent the curd from coagulating in the stomach in hard masses, thus rendering it more digestible.
Would you advise this addition for all infants? No, for it does not agree with them all, and so it cannot be recommended for all infants.
Can I give anything more during the first year? Beef juice, white of an egg, and orange juice.
How and when may I use the beef juice? It may be begun at ten or eleven months in infants who are strong and thriving well. Two teaspoonfuls may be given daily, diluted with same amount of water, fifteen minutes before the midday feeding; in two weeks it may be doubled; and six teaspoonfuls can be given, in four weeks. Two or three tablespoonfuls is all that can be given a child of one year.
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Is beef juice of value in delicate pale infants? Yes, of much value, and it is more important for them, and it may sometimes be given them at five or six months in one-half the quantity mentioned.
When shall I give the white of egg (albumen) or albumin water? When the conditions are similar to those requiring beef juice especially in infants who digest the proteids (curd) with difficulty. You can give the one-half of the white of one egg at six months, and soon the entire white of one egg can be given.
What is the best way of preparing this? By coddling the egg.
Describe the way of preparation? Place a fresh egg with the shell on in boiling water and immediately remove all from the fire. The egg cooks slowly in the water for seven or eight minutes as the water gradually cools, and the white part becomes like jelly. Give the white with only a pinch of salt--it can be easily separated from the yolk.
When can I give orange juice? Usually about the eleventh or twelfth month, and it should be given about one hour before the feeding. You can begin with two teaspoonfuls at first, then one tablespoonful at a time, and later three or four tablespoonfuls. Orange juice is very good when constipation exists--strain it always, and it must be always fresh and sweet.
OVER NURSING.
Mothers who have a very large supply of milk are very likely to overfeed their babies if the milk is of good quality. This will drain the mother's strength. Some mothers allow their babies to nurse to relieve the uncomfortable feeling. If the infant vomits the surplus immediately they are not injured. Where the baby does not vomit, the surplus food passes into the bowels and causes colic and green and yellow gassy stools. If the mother's milk is too rich, only, and not too much and the baby vomits, this can be corrected by giving the baby some boiled water before each meal. The baby will not nurse so much then.
OVER-FEEDING.
What do you mean by this term? The infant gets too much food, and this is chiefly done at night.
Can I depend upon the infant's natural desire for food as to the quantity to be given? Not always, the habit of over-eating is frequently acquired, and is frequently seen in infants with a good digestion.
What harm results from over-feeding an infant? The food lies in the stomach or bowels, undigested, ferments, and causes gas and colic, and if the over-feeding is long continued, serious trouble arises. The baby becomes restless, fretful, irritable, sleeps badly, stops gaining weight and may lose weight.
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LOSS OF APPETITE.
What may cause this? Over-feeding or the use of milk too rich in fat.
What can I do for this trouble? If the child is well, offer food to him at regular hours only. Do not coax or force him to eat even though he takes only one-half or one-third of his usual quantity. Lengthen the intervals between the feedings. It may be necessary with a child under a year old to reduce the number of feedings to three or four in twenty-four hours. Give water at more frequent intervals, weaken instead of strengthening the food.
FOODS FOR SPECIAL CONDITIONS.
Some infants with weak digestive powers, and those suffering from various forms of indigestion, have often much trouble in digesting the fat of milk. To meet such troubles a series of formulas are given obtained from plain milk.
FOURTH SERIES-Formulas containing four per cent fat: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Plain Milk 5 oz. 6 oz. 7 oz. 8 oz. 9 oz. 10 oz. 12 oz. 14 oz. *Milk Sugar 1 oz 1 oz. 1 oz. 1 oz 3/4 oz. 3/4 oz. 1/2 oz. 1/2 oz. Lime-water 1 oz. l oz. 1 oz. 1 oz. 1 oz. 1 oz. 1 oz. 1 oz. Boiled water 14 oz. 13 oz. 12 oz. 7 oz. 6 oz. 5 oz. 2 oz. 0 oz. Barley Gruel. 0 oz. 0 oz. 0 oz. 4 oz. 4 oz. 4 oz. 5 oz. 5 oz. ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- 20 oz. 20 oz. 20 oz. 20 oz. 20 oz. 20 oz. 20 oz. 20 oz.
*(Milk sugar is not counted in totals.) If more than twenty ounces are needed get the proportions by adding one-fourth, one-half, three-quarters, or double each ingredient.
Why does an infant so often vomit some of its food soon after feeding? The quantity may be too large or too rich food, the baby may feed too fast, the hole in the nipple may be too large, the clothing too tight, or you may press upon its stomach in moving the baby.
What are the causes of and changes needed for stomach troubles? It is usually a symptom of indigestion and is frequently caused by too much fat or sugar.
How can I remedy this? Reduce the fat or sugar, and increase the lime-water. Avoid the formulas made from the top-milk, or cream and milk. Those made from the seven per cent milk are not so likely to cause trouble; but you had better, if the symptoms are severe, use formulas of the fourth series.
What symptoms indicate that the baby is getting too much fat (cream)? Vomiting and yellow, foul, greasy, or ropy stools.
How much shall I reduce the milk sugar? Use only one-half ounce to twenty ounces of food or leave it out altogether.
How shall I know when to reduce the sugar, etc.? When there is excessive formation of gas in the stomach, causing distention and pain, or belchings of gas, and often a sour stomach. Reduce the amount of sugar and increase the lime-water one and one-half to two ounces in twenty ounces of food, increase intervals between the meats one-half hour and give less quantity.
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What food usually causes habitual colic? This is due to gas accumulating in the bowels, and is usually caused by the want of digestion of the proteids (curd).
How shall I overcome this? Use a weaker formula. Use formula 4 or 3 of first series; or use partially pasteurized milk, or use barley water instead of plain water.
If curds regularly or frequently appear in the stools, what changes shall I make? This usually accompanies colic, so use means just described--reduce the proteids (skim milk).
How shall I modify the milk for chronic constipation? This is difficult to overcome, and it is more frequent when infants are fed upon a plain milk diet, variously diluted, than when seven or ten per cent milk is used and diluted to a greater degree. But you cannot use food containing more than four per cent fat, that is, eight ounces of ten per cent milk or twelve ounces of seven per cent milk in twenty ounces of food. In some cases ordinary brown sugar in one-half the quantity can take the place of milk sugar, or Mellin's food, malted milk or cereal milk can be used in the place of the milk sugar. Milk of magnesia can be used for lime-water as before directed. Orange juice can be given to infants over nine months old.
What modifications should I make in very hot weather? The proportion of fat (top-milk or milk and cream mixed) should be less and when it is very hot, for a short period, it should be much less. Use seven per cent milk in place of ten per cent, that is, formulas from the second series, or plain milk, in place of the seven per cent milk, fourth series.
If a child has good digestion, but gains very little or no weight, what changes in the food should I make? Increase the quantity of the food if the child seems hungry; or increase the strength of the food, if the child will not take a greater quantity; do not coax or force the baby to eat, give him more sleep; fresh air, etc.
If there is no modified milk that will agree with the baby, what shall I do? If the infant is under four or five months old, a wet nurse would likely succeed. If a wet nurse cannot be obtained or if the child is older use some of the substitutes for cows' milk, like Borden's Eagle Brand, canned or condensed milk. This is better to use when the trouble is in the bowels and shows colic, gas, curds in the stools, constipation, or diarrhea. If it is due to indigestion it shows in vomiting, etc.
How shall I use condensed milk? The directions are on the bottle. But if the baby is three or four months old, and has symptoms of indigestion, dilute its food with sixteen parts of boiled water, or sometimes barley water if there is no constipation. As the symptoms improve it can be made stronger, one to fourteen, one to twelve one to ten, one to eight, such changes to be made gradually.
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How long can I use the condensed milk? Generally for a few weeks only as the sole food, then give one feeding a day of modified milk, for instance, No. 3 or 4 of the series; later two feedings and gradually increase until the milk feeding is entirely used.
Why can I not continue to use condensed milk? It is very low in fat and proteids and has much sugar in it; children who take this food for sometime often gain rapidly in strength and weight, yet have not much resistance, and they are very prone to develop rickets and scurvy.
Suppose baby is teething, has a cold, sore throat, etc., what change shall I make? Dilute the food for two or three feedings by using boiled water in place of an ounce or two of food; this much to be removed from the bottle before being given; if it is necessary to continue for several days, use a weaker formula.
What changes shall I make in this for serious acute sickness? For, diseases with fever like measles, bronchitis, pneumonia, etc., dilute the food and reduce the fat (cream from top-milk). Give the food at regular intervals, but not so often. Do not force food in the early part of acute sickness.
Suppose baby has acute gastritis, what changes shall I make? Stop all food and give boiled water, only, for ten or more hours, then try barley water or whey, but do not give any milk for at least twenty-four hours after all vomiting has ceased. When you again begin the modified milk use a small quantity with a low proportion of fat, and you can secure this by using a formula from the fourth series. You may also double the proportion of lime-water.
If baby is attacked with intestinal indigestion accompanied by loose bowels, what food shall I give? If it has but two or three passages daily, lower the proportion of fat (cream, etc.), in the manner above directed, and boil the milk for five minutes. Dilute it still more if curds are present in the stools.
But suppose the attack is more severe? If there is fever and the passages smell badly and are more frequent, stop all milk and use the diet given for acute gastritis. (Acute indigestion).
Do other conditions besides the food influence digestion? Yes, use proper clothing, keep warm feet, regular habits, fresh air. Clean bottles and food, given at proper intervals and temperature, quiet surroundings and absence of excitement are needed.
What common mistakes are often made in modifying milk and feeding infants? Never fail to follow the directions given for removing the top-milk. Remove all the top-milk of any given strength in making a formula, and not only the number of ounces needed for the formula. By using rich Jersey milk as if it were more common milk. The formulas given are based upon about four per cent fat. Food is very often increased too rapidly, particularly after stomach and bowel indigestion. The food in an infant of three or four months old attacked by acute indigestion should seldom be given in full strength for two weeks afterwards, only half steps should be taken like two to two and one-half, etc. Another mistake, when indigestion symptoms show the food is not reduced quickly enough; reduce the food immediately by at least one-half.
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How to prepare cows' milk at home; what is needed? Feeding bottles, rubber nipples, an eight-ounce graduated measuring glass, a glass funnel, a brush for bottles, cotton, alcohol lamp, a tall quart cup for warming bottles of milk, a pitcher for mixing food, a wide mouthed bottle of boric acid and one of bicarbonate of soda, a pasteurizer, and later a double boiler for cooking cereals will be needed.
What kind of bottles shall I buy? A cylindrical graduated bottle with a wide neck holding about 8 ounces. This makes washing them easier. You should have as many bottles for use as the baby takes meals a day (ten at first).
How shall I care for the bottles? Rinse them, as soon as the child is through nursing, with cold water, and let stand filled with cold water and a little bicarbonate of soda in the water. Before using them again wash them thoroughly with the bottle brush and hot soap suds and place them for twenty minutes in boiling water.
What kind of nipples are best? Straight ones which slip over the neck of the bottle, of black rubber, and the hole should only be large enough for the milk to drop rapidly when the bottle is held upside down.
How shall I care for the nipples? Boil new ones for five minutes at first. After using rinse them carefully in cold water and keep them covered in a glass containing a solution of borax or boric acid. Turn them inside out once a day and wash thoroughly with soap and water.
(There is a slight difference in the directions given by different authorities as to cleaning bottles and nipples, but the general way is the same.)
What kind of cotton shall I use for corking the bottles? Refined non-absorbent cotton is best, but the ordinary absorbent cotton will do.
Which is the best--an alcohol lamp, or the Bunsen burner? The Bunsen burner is the best, cheaper and simpler if there is gas in the house. Should you use the lamp, put it upon a table covered with a plate of zinc or tin, or upon a large tin tray. The French pattern is the best.
Give special directions now for preparing the food according to any of the given formulas? The hands must be clean, as well as everything else--food and utensils. First dissolve the milk sugar in boiling water, filtering, if necessary, then add to the boiled water and sugar the milk, cream, and lime-water, mixing all in the pitcher; a sufficient quantity for twenty-four hours is always prepared at one time. Divide this in equal quantities into the number of feedings for the twenty-four hours and cork the bottles with the cotton cork and cool the bottles rapidly, after having been pasteurized by standing first in tepid and then in cold water, and then place in an ice chest at 50 degrees F.
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FEEDING DIRECTIONS.
How shall I prepare the bottle at feeding time? Take one from the ice chest, warm it by placing it in warm water deep enough to cover the milk in the bottle. Then thoroughly shake it, remove the cotton cork, and adjust the nipple.
How shall I know that the temperature of the milk is correct? Pour a teaspoonful from the bottle before adjusting the nipple, and taste it, or pour a few drops through the nipple upon the inner surface of the wrist. It should feel quite warm, but not quite hot; or a baby thermometer may be placed in the water where the milk stands, and the temperature should be between 98 and 100 degrees F.
How can I keep the milk warm while the baby is feeding? Slip over the bottle a warm flannel bag with a draw-string.
What position should a child be in when feeding? During the first few months, except at night, it had better be held in the arms; later it can lie on its side in the crib, but the bottle must then be held by the nurse until it is emptied, or the baby will nurse and sleep, and nurse and sleep, etc.
How much time shall I give the baby for one feeding? Not longer than twenty minutes. Take the bottle away then and do not give it until the next feeding. Keep a sleepy baby awake, when well, until the food is taken, or remove the bottle.
Can I play with the baby after feeding? Never. It may cause vomiting and indigestion. Baby should lie quietly and sleep if possible, or at least not be disturbed.
FEEDING INTERVALS.
How often shall I nurse or feed baby during the first month? Ten times in twenty-four hours at intervals of two hours during the day and two times at night.
Why can I not feed baby oftener? Because it takes nearly two hours to digest a meal at two months, about two and one-half hours at five or six months, and if another meal is given before the former meal is digested, vomiting and indigestion will result. The following schedule is given by one authority on children for healthy infants for the first year:
Night No. Quantity Quantity Interval feedings of for for between 10 P. M. feedings one 24 meals to in 24 feeding, hours, by day. 7 A. M. hours. ounces. ounces. 2d to 7th day 2 hrs. 2 10 1 to 1-1/2 10 to 15 2d to 3rd week 2 hrs. 2 10 1-1/2 to 3 15 to 30 4th to 5th week 2 hrs. 1 10 2-1/2 to 3-1/2 25 to 35 6th to 8th week 2-1/2 hrs. 1 8 3 to 5 24 to 40 3d to 5th Month 3 hrs. 1 7 4 to 6 28 to 42 5th to 9th month 3 hrs. 0 6 5 to 7-1/2 30 to 45 9th to 12th month 4 hrs. 0 5 7 to 9 35 to 45
This schedule is for healthy children. The smaller amounts are required by smaller children with weak digestion; the larger amounts are required by large children with strong digestion. The interval is from the beginning of one feeding to the beginning of the next feeding.
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How soon can I make the intervals at two and one-half hours? Generally at five or six weeks.
When may I increase it to three hours? Usually at eight weeks or two months.
When should I lengthen the interval between feedings? When there is poor stomach digestion.
How is this shown? By habitual vomiting or regurgitation of food long after nursing is finished; also when the baby has a very poor appetite so that it always leaves some of its food.
When can I shorten the intervals? It is not generally advisable to feed any baby oftener than given by this schedule.
REGULAR FEEDING.
How can I teach baby to take regular meals? By commencing at birth to feed at exactly regular hours every day.
Shall I awaken baby to feed it? Yes, for a few days. In a short time he will waken at the same hours himself.
Should this regularity extend through the night? Only up to nine or ten o'clock. After ten let him sleep as long as he will.
How soon can baby go without food from 10 p. m. to 7 a. m.? At four months usually and always at five or six months; night feeding causes restlessness and poor sleep.
STERILIZED MILK.
What do you mean by sterilizing milk? It means to heat milk so as to destroy the germs.
Does cows' milk contain germs? Yes, even if it is handled faultlessly; but when carelessly handled the number of germs is enormous.
Are all of the germs injurious? Most are harmless or cause only the souring of the milk.
What other germs are occasionally present? Typhoid fever, diphtheria, scarlet fever, cholera, tuberculosis and many forms of diarrhea germs.
Do I need to sterilize milk under all circumstances? When you cannot obtain it fresh in warm weather. Hence during warm weather in cities and towns; when you do not know that the cows are healthy or that the milk has been cleanly handled; when milk is kept over twenty-four hours, especially if there is no ice at hand. When there are epidemics of typhoid fever, scarlet fever, diphtheria, or any form of bowel disease accompanied by diarrhea.
How many methods of heating milk are there? First, sterilizing, in which the milk is heated to 212 degrees F., for one hour or one and one-half hours. Second, pasteurizing, when you heat the milk to 155 degrees or 170 degrees F. for thirty minutes.
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Will the temperature of 155 degrees F. for one-half hour be sufficient to kill the germs of the diseases mentioned above? Generally.
How long will milk so treated keep on ice? Heated to 212 degrees F. for an hour will keep for two or three weeks; that heated (pasteurized) to 155 degrees F. will keep for two or three days.
Is cows' milk as digestible when sterilized? No, and it should be modified for infant feeding the same as milk not heated.
When milk is heated for an hour to 212 degrees F. (sterilization), is it injured in any way? It is rendered harder to digest, and is more constipating; scurvy may be caused if it is used as the sole food for a long time. It is so objectionable that the method is not recommended for general use.
When should I heat it 212 degrees F.? For use on long journeys of days traveling. Then you should heat for one hour upon two successive days, leaving the cotton stoppers in the bottles.
Does heating milk to 155 degrees F. for one-half hour injure it in any way? It does not affect the taste or make it more constipating. The unfavorable effects, if any, are slight. Get clean and fresh milk and the effects will be really of no account.
What pasteurizer would you recommend. Freeman's or Walker-Gordon.
What shall I do with the milk after it has been pasteurized? Cool it quickly by placing the bottles in cold water--never leave them in the room where pasteurized, and never place them, when warm, in an ice chest.
Why this caution? Because it requires from two to four hours to cool them in the air, or in the ice box, and during that time a good many undeveloped germs may mature and injure the keeping properties of the milk. You can cool the bottles of milk in cool water in from ten to twenty minutes if you change the water frequently, or if ice is put into the water.
What is modified milk of the laboratories? It is milk containing fat, sugar, proteids, etc., in definite proportions put up, usually, according to a physician's directions.
PEPTONIZED MILK.
What is peptonized milk? Milk that has been partially digested.
What part of the milk has been digested? The proteids (curd).
Does this alter its taste? No, if it is peptonized for only ten minutes, but if it is fully peptonized the milk has a bitter taste.
How can the bitter taste be avoided in partly peptonized milk? At the end of ten or fifteen minutes place the milk in a sauce-pan and raise it quickly to the boiling point; this kills the ferment so that the milk will not become bitter when it is warmed for feeding; or the milk can be cooled rapidly by placing the bottles first in cool and then in ice water; but in this way the ferment is not destroyed, and the milk may become bitter when warmed for feeding.
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How is milk peptonized? By the action of a peptonizing powder composed of a digestive agent known as the extractum pancreatis and bicarbonate of soda. This is added to the plain or diluted milk. This agent can be bought in tubes or tablets, and is the active ingredient of the peptogenic powder.
Will you describe the process? Place the plain or modified milk in a clean glass jar or bottle, and then rub up the peptonizing powder or tablet with a tablespoonful of milk, and add it to the milk and shake the bottle. Place the bottle in a large pitcher or basin of water of about 110 degrees F., or as warm as the hand can bear comfortably, and allow it to remain for ten to twenty minutes if you wish to peptonize the milk but partially; or if you wish it completely peptonized let it remain for two hours.
Is it better to peptonize the whole day's supply, or each bottle separately just before feeding? If you peptonize the whole day's supply at once raise the milk to the boiling point after it has been peptonized; if only the one feeding do not peptonize it more than ten minutes before feeding for the ferment will work while the child is feeding. It can be done either way.
Is not the completely peptonized milk distasteful? Not so in the case of young infants; older infants will take a few feedings without objection, but it cannot be used for children much older than five months.
How much of the agent should be used? For a single feeding of four ounces one may use one-eighth of a tube with a weak formula of milk or one-sixth with a stronger formula. For one pint of plain milk five grains of the extract and fifteen grains of bicarbonate of soda will be needed. This amount is usually put up in one tube or tablet. Less will be required in weaker formulas of modified milk.
What advantages has peptonized milk? Partially peptonized milk assists greatly in digesting the curd of milk. Young infants sometimes have trouble in digesting the curd. When completely peptonized it is good in attacks of acute indigestion.
How long may I give it? It may be used for a few days when completely peptonized; when partially peptonized it can be used for two or three months, and when you wish to give other food, leave off its use gradually by shortening the time of peptonizing and lessening the quantity of the powder used.
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FEEDING DURING THE SECOND YEAR
How many meals should a child have during the second year? Five.
Shall I prepare the milk for all day at one time? It is better to prepare the milk for all day during the second and third years. If you wish to modify it by adding cream, water, etc., prepare as done during the first year, and later when only plain milk is used, the quantities needed for the different feedings should be put into one or two bottles, pasteurized or not as necessary. In this way the different feedings are kept separate. Prepare the food as soon as possible in the morning alter the milk has been received.
FOR A HEALTHY CHILD OF TWELVE MONTHS.
6:30 a. m. or 7:00 a. m.--Milk, six to seven ounces, diluted with two or three ounces of barley or oatmeal gruel, and taken from a cup after thirteen months.
9:00 a. m.--One to two ounces of orange juice.
10:00 a. m.--Milk two parts, oatmeal or barley gruel one part, and from ten to twelve ounces in all may be given in a cup.
2 :00 p. m.--One or two ounces of beef juice, or the white of one egg, slightly cooked, and later an entire egg or mutton or chicken broth, four to six ounces.
6:00 p. m.--Same as 10 a. m.
10:00 p. m.--Same as at 6:30 a. m., except the milk can be taken from the bottle.
How long can this schedule be given? Until the fourteenth or fifteenth month, and then you can give the cereals thicker and with a spoon.
Can I give other fruit juices at fourteen or fifteen months? Orange juice is the best, but the juice of ripe peaches, red raspberries or strawberries in the order given, is good. Strain all carefully through muslin, for the pulp or seeds might cause serious trouble. You may now give one to four tablespoonfuls of the orange or peach juice, and about one-half the quantity of the others.
When shall I give the fruit juices? One hour before the second meal.
What diet shall I give between fourteenth and eighteenth months?
6:00 to 6:30 a. m.--Eight to ten ounces of plain milk from a cup.
8:00 to 9:00 a. m.--Juice of one-half orange strained.
10:00 a. m.--One, or later two or three tablespoonfuls of oatmeal or barley jelly, hominy cooked at least three hours, and on which you may put a little top-milk; a pinch of salt; no sugar and cup--about six ounces--of milk to drink; crisp dry toast, one piece.
2:00 p. m.--Beef juice one to two ounces, a soft boiled; coddled or poached egg, and a tablespoonful of boiled rice, or mutton or chicken broth, four ounces; one or two pieces of stale bread or zwieback; and if most of the teeth are present, one scant teaspoonful of scraped rare beef, slowly increased to one tablespoonful, alternating with two ounces of beef juice and a salt-boiled or coddled egg. (Some advise a little prune jelly, apple sauce, a baked apple or junket as a dessert). No milk, but little water can be taken.
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6:00 p. m.--Two tablespoonfuls of thoroughly cooked farina, or cream of wheat or granum, or arrow-root, on which is a little top-milk; salt, but no sugar, and eight ounces of warm milk which may be taken from the bottle.
10:00 p. m.--Warmed milk and eight to twelve ounces if necessary, by bottle.
How shall I prepare the beef? Take round or sirloin steak and scrape it with a large spoon on both sides, so that you obtain the pulp only, salt it a little, and place it with a very tiny piece of butter in a saucer, cover it with another saucer, remove the cover from the boiling teakettle, and place the saucer in its place; let it steam until it is just heated through, as it must look rare when done, Give at first one teaspoonful and gradually work up to one tablespoonful, but do not begin this diet in midsummer. Give baby plenty of water to drink between meals, boil and cool.
A diet for the eighteenth month to end of twenty-fourth month? Follow the same order. For most children milk at 10 p. m. is desirable; but if a child sleeps during the whole night it is not necessary to wake it at 10 p. m. for the feeding.
6:00 or 6:30 a. m.--Warmed milk ten to twelve ounces.
9:00 a. m.--Two or three ounces of fruit juices.
10:00 a. m.--Cereals similar to the last schedule; they need not be strained, but well cooked; crisp, dry bread, zwieback, warmed milk one cup.
2 :00 p. m.--Beef juice and one egg or broth and meat; beef-steak, mutton chop or roast beef scraped, very stale bread or two pieces of zwieback; one or two tablespoonfuls of prune pulp, or baked apple and water, but no milk.
6:00 p. m.--Farina, cream of wheat, or arrow-root well cooked with milk, salt, but no sugar; or milk or stale bread and milk.
10:00 p. m.--If required, ten to twelve ounces of pure milk.
What fruits may I give during this period? If the child has a weak stomach, only the fruit juices mentioned, but strong children may have in addition, baked apple, apple-sauce and prune pulp. Stew the dried prunes without sugar until they are very soft, and put all the fruit through a strainer thus removing all the skin; you may give one to two tablespoonfuls of this at one time. No cream should be given with the baked apple, and very little sugar with the apple-sauce These are very good for constipation, Remember to give water freely between the feedings, especially in warm weather. From one to three ounces may be given at one time either with a spoon, glass or bottle. Boil the water daily and cool. Do not allow it to stand in the room, but give fresh water to the child each time.
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SCHEDULE FOR THREE-YEAR-OLD CHILD.
7:30 a. m.--Cereal well cooked (over night) or at least for three hours, A larger variety of food can now be given and given as before with thin cream, salt, but little sugar. One glass of warm milk, a soft boiled, coddled or poached egg; bread very stale or dry, one slice with butter.
10:00 a. m.--One cup of warm milk, with a cracker or a piece of stale bread and butter.
2:00 p. m.--Soup, four ounces, or two ounces of beef juice. Meat: chop, steak, roast beef, lamb or chicken; white potato, baked or boiled rice. Green vegetables: Tips of asparagus, string beans, peas, spinach, all cooked until they are very soft, mashed or preferably put through a sieve, and only one to two teaspoonfuls at first. Desserts: Cooked fruit, baked or stewed apple, stewed prunes, water, but no milk.
6:00 p. m.--Cereal: Farina, cream of wheat, or arrow-root, cooked for at least one-half hour with plenty of salt, but no sugar; or milk toast; or old bread and milk or stale or dry bread and butter and a glass of milk.
BABY'S SECOND SUMMER.
Nearly all mothers dread baby's second summer. If the baby is born at such a time that he cuts his double teeth during the hot weather, and if it is attended by indigestion and fever, there is really some cause for worry, because the digestive organs during the hot weather are more difficult to manage than during the colder months; otherwise, if you feed your baby carefully and properly, and with the regularity that you did in the early months, there is no reason to dread the second summer, Mistakes are made by mothers and grandparents especially. They permit the child to come to the table and eat of the food prepared for adults. Sometimes it is only a little, but that little will gradually grow larger; and even that little may be enough to upset baby for weeks and then the illness that follows is in reality due to the parents' own foolishness when it is laid to the credit of the second summer, or regarded as "a mysterious dispensation of Providence." Do not give anything to baby between its regular meals but water; crackers, zwieback, and bread are prohibited between.
DIET OF OLDER CHILDREN-FOURTH TO TENTH YEAR.
Give the largest meal at midday and a light supper at night, very much like that recommended for the third year. For a few years you can give milk once between breakfast and dinner, or dinner and supper, and permit no other food between meals, but give water freely.
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MILK AND CREAM.
What part of the diet should milk form now? Nothing can take its place, and it should be an important part of the diet. Most children can take and digest milk.
Why is this of so much advantage? Because it possesses a higher nutritive value than any other food, for the amount of work required of the digestive organs, and it is very especially adapted to a child's diet. It must be clean and fresh and not too rich.
What essential point should I consider in its use? The Jersey cow gives too rich milk, and it must be greatly diluted. Children who digest milk with difficulty should take it diluted about four parts milk, one part water, a little salt or bicarbonate of soda should be added. Do not give milk at meals when fruits, especially if they are sour, are allowed.
How much milk can I allow to advantage? For an average child with good digestion, you can allow one and one-half pints to one quart daily, including what is also used upon cereals and in other ways. Two quarts are too much, for a mixed diet will do better.
How much cream can I allow? Older children do not need so much fat as do infants, and cream, especially when very rich, often produces indigestion. It is a common cause of the coated tongue, foul breath, and pale greasy stools, or biliousness so-called. Will not cream overcome constipation? It does so in some degree in infants, but not so much so in older children; and if it produces the above given symptoms it should not be given.
EGGS.
What is the value of eggs in the diet of this period? They form a very valuable food. They must be fresh and only slightly cooked, being either soft-boiled, poached or coddled. Fried eggs and omelets are prohibited.
Is the white or yolk more digestible? Generally the white in most children. This is a very digestible proteid and can be used to great advantage even in the latter part of the first year.
Do eggs often cause biliousness? Very seldom if they are carefully prepared and fed.
How often may I give eggs to the child? Most children at this period will be able to take one egg for breakfast and one for supper, with relish and advantage; however, some few children cannot eat them at all.
MEAT AND FISH.
What kinds of meat can I give to my child? Beefsteak, mutton-chop, roast beef, lamb, boiled chicken and fish, such as shad or bass.
What points should I consider in feeding meat? Most meats should be rare, scraped or finely divided, as a child will not chew it properly. Boiled or roast beef is best; fried meats should not be given to a child.
How often can I give meats? Only at the midday meal, at this period.
Do you think it causes nervousness in children? Not unless too much is given and too often.
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What meats should be forbidden? Ham, bacon, sausage, pork, liver, kidney, and all dried and salt meats; also mackerel, cod and shell fish. A child should not eat any of these until after the tenth year.
Are gravies healthy and nutritious? Beef juice or so-called "platter gravy" from a roast is very nourishing and desirable, but many of the gravies that are thickened are harder to digest and too much is given. Only a small quantity should be allowed.
What about vegetables? Baked, boiled or mashed potatoes may be given first, but never fried. After the sixth or seventh year baked sweet potato, turnips, boiled onions and cauliflower, all well cooked, may be given moderately. They must be thoroughly cooked and mashed. This is the great trouble.
Can I give canned vegetables? Peas, and asparagus of the best brands can be used. They are often better than stale green vegetables.
What vegetables should be prohibited? Any that are eaten raw such as celery, radishes, onions, cucumbers, tomatoes or lettuce; corn, lima beans, cabbage, egg plant, even when well cooked; none of these should be given to a child under ten years old.
Can I give vegetable salads? As a rule none should be allowed at this period. They are difficult to digest and create great disturbances in children of all ages.
CEREALS.
What points should I consider in selecting and preparing these? They must be properly cooked and not used in excess. He should not make a meal of them because he is fond of them, and eat two or three saucerfuls at once. Proper cooking is essential. Oatmeal, hominy, rice, wheaten grits need two hours' cooking at least, in a double boiler; cornstarch, arrow-root, and barley should be cooked twenty minutes or more. All the market preparations need cooking.
How should they be eaten? Usually with milk or milk and cream; plenty of salt, no sugar or very little--one-half teaspoonful to a saucer--syrups or butter and sugar are prohibited.
What broths and soup do you recommend? Meat broths are generally to be preferred to vegetable broths, mutton and chicken usually being the best liked. Almost all plain broths can be given. Those thickened with rice, barley or cornstarch make a good variety, especially with milk added. Tomato soup should not be given to young children.
BREAD, CRACKERS, AND CHEESE.
What forms of bread can I give? Stale bread cut thin and freshly dried in the oven until it is crisp is very useful, also the unsweetened zwieback. Fresh bread should not be eaten. Gluten, oatmeal, or graham crackers, or the Huntley and Palmer breakfast biscuits, stale rolls or corn bread which has been cut in two or toasted or dried to a crisp form a sufficient variety.
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What kinds of breadstuffs should be prohibited? All hot breads, all fresh rolls, buckwheat and other griddle cakes, all fresh sweet cakes, especially when covered with icing and those containing any dried fruits. Lady finger (stale) or a piece of sponge cake is all that can be allowed to children up to seven or eight years old.
DESSERTS.
Can I give any desserts to young children? Mistakes are very often made here. Junket, plain rice pudding without raisins, plain custard, and not more than once a week, a small amount of ice cream are all that can be allowed up to six or seven years.
What are prohibited? Pies, tarts, and pastry of every kind and jams, syrups, and preserved fruits; nut candy and dried fruits.
Can I give a little? No, for it develops a taste for this sort of food, and then the plainer food is taken with less relish. The little is soon likely to become a great deal.
A child has an instinctive desire for sweets, why not satisfy it? A child's fondness for sweets is not a normal instinct. A free indulgence in desserts and sweets by young children produces more digestive disorders than any other causes. It is a growing tendency and hard to control as the child grows older. The only safe rule is to give none in early childhood.
FRUITS.
Are fruits an important or essential part of children's diet? Very important, and they should be begun young. They have a splendid effect upon the bowels. They should be carefully selected, especially in large cities. A greater latitude can be all owed in the country where fruit is fresh.
What fruit can I safely give to children up to five years? Generally only cooked fruits and fresh fruit juices.
What kind of fruit juices can I use? That from fresh, sweet oranges is best. The fresh juice of grape fruit, peaches, strawberries, and raspberries may also be used.
What stewed fruits may I use? Stewed and baked apples, prunes, pears, peaches and apricots.
What raw fruits should be avoided? The pulp of oranges or grape fruit, also cherries, berries, bananas and pineapple.
What care should be exercised in regard to the use of fruits? In hot weather they should be used with greater care, and in children who are easily attacked with intestinal indigestion.
What symptoms suggest that I should avoid fruits? Looseness of the bowels or a tendency thereto, with discharge of mucus, or frequent attacks of colic (abdominal pain) or stomach-ache.
At what meals should fruits be used? If the fruit juice is given upon an empty stomach early in the morning, it works more actively upon the bowels, than when given later.
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Is it wise to give cream or milk with sour fruits? No, it is not wise, it is best to give it at midday when no milk is taken as a dessert. The quantity should always be moderate.
Can I give anything besides water and milk to drink? Cocoa, if made very weak, almost all milk is often useful as a hot drink. Tea, coffee, wine, beer and cider are all prohibited under puberty. Lemonade and soda water should not be given until the tenth year at least.
INDIGESTION IN OLDER CHILDREN.
Different ways in which indigestion shows itself in children? First as an acute attack which lasts for a few days only; second, as chronic disturbances which may last for weeks and months.
Which is the most serious? Chronic indigestion, for it often goes on for months and even years unchecked, because it is not recognized.
The symptoms of acute indigestion? Vomiting, pain, diarrhea of undigested food, often fever and prostration.
What are the common causes? Over eating or indulging in improper food or too hearty eating when very tired.
Is it sometimes the forerunner of some acute general sickness? Yes.
How shall I treat acute indigestion? Give castor oil to clean out all undigested food from the bowels. Vomiting usually frees the stomach of food; stop food for from twelve to thirty-six hours, only boiled water being allowed. Let the stomach rest.
Can I then begin with the former diet? No, give at first only broth gruel, very much diluted milk or whey. Increase the diet slowly as the appetite and digestion improve, but this should consume a week or ten days in most cases before the full diet is resumed.
Give the symptoms of chronic indigestion (dyspepsia) in children? Disturbed sleep, tired, grinding teeth, fretfulness, loss of weight and flesh, gas in the stomach and bowels, pain in the bowels, bloated bowels, constipation or loose bowels with mucus in the stools, foul breath, coated tongue, poor appetite, capricious appetite. Some may think worms are present.
Common causes of chronic constipation? Bad system of feeding, prolonged use of improper food or improper methods of feeding, such as coaxing the child to eat, rapid eating, eating between meals, child selects his own food and lives largely upon one article of diet; indulgence in sweets, desserts, pies, etc. Improperly cooked foods especially oatmeal, and vegetables and eating sour or stale fruits. Exclude articles of diet which are known to be hard for children to digest.
How shall chronic indigestion be treated? Remove all causes such as bad foods, habits, etc.
Is it curable? In most cases, but the rules for feeding must be carefully followed for a long period. Medicine will not cure such cases unless the proper food is given in a proper way. That is better than medicine.
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How long must this proper feeding continue? For months, and with many children for two or three years.
Is medicine of any use? It will relieve the symptoms, but the main thing is proper feeding.
SLEEP.
Should a baby sleep with anyone? No, young infants have been smothered by their mothers. It is also a frequent temptation to nursing at night, and this is injurious to both mother and child.
How long does baby usually sleep at first? About nine-tenths of the time.
How should his bed be prepared? The mattress should be firm and soft, the pillow, of hair and very thin; you should change his position so as not to sleep always in the same position.
How many hours should baby sleep at six months? About two-thirds of the time.
How long should the daily nap be continued? Until about four years old.
How shall I put baby to sleep? Darken the room and have quiet. The child's hunger should be satisfied and make him generally comfortable and lay him in the crib while still awake.
Can I rock him to sleep? No. It is a bad habit and, he will readily acquire it. It will be hard to break, and besides it is useless and some times an injurious one. The same may be said of sucking a rubber nipple or pacifier, and all other devices to put baby to sleep.
What principal things disturb baby's sleep? Quiet, peaceful sleep is a sign of perfect health, and disorders of sleep may be produced by almost anything that is wrong with the child. Food and feeding cause disturbed sleep. It may come from chronic indigestion due to improper food. In bottle-fed babies it is often due to over-feeding. In those who nurse it may be due to poor food and hunger. Feeding three or four times during the night makes a restless baby. It may also be due to nervous causes such as bad habits due to faulty training, as when the nursery is light and the baby is taken from its crib whenever it cries or wakes, or when contrivances for producing sleep have been used. Any excitement in a nursing mother or child before sleeping time will cause wakefulness. Romping play just before bedtime and fears aroused by stories and pictures are causes, and children who inherit a nervous constitution are special sufferers from this cause. Cold feet, insufficient or too much clothing, want of pure fresh air in the sleeping room. Tonsils or adenoids may interfere with breathing in older children. Rousing a sleeping child from a good sound sleep, is a frequent cause of poor sleep. If a pregnant woman keeps herself in as good condition as possible, not only physically, but also mentally, she will not be likely to have a nervous baby; and if a baby is not born nervous there is no reason, at all, why it should not sleep well, for sleep is then its most normal condition, nine-tenths of the time. It will then depend upon the food and training it is given. The training many babies receive is enough to make them poor sleepers.
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Unnecessary handling.--Babies are wakened from sleep to show to friends who wish to see them at almost any and all hours. They are handled, petted, and made restless. Sleep is their normal condition and they ought to be given the opportunity nature demands. They are only to be aroused from sleep for nurse, bathing and clothing, and immediately placed in their crib, covered comfortably and warmly with all light shut away from their eyes and quiet about them. They will soon wake of their own accord for meals.
Rocking baby.--Rocking and shaking cause an increased flow of blood to the brain, and this should be avoided, for it of itself will cause sleeplessness. The brain during sleep is comparatively empty of blood; warm feet and cool head tend to produce sleep. Rocking, etc., is unnatural, and baby is made to receive and enjoy the natural. If the baby is sick the mother may take it in her arms and sing to it and coddle it carefully, but it is then sick. If it is trained properly from the beginning, rocking to sleep will be unnecessary; walking with the baby is of the same nature. See that your baby has warm feet and legs and body and a cool head, with comfortable clothes and good careful feeding, and it will sleep. Singing lullabies are soothing, but they do no good at first as the baby is deaf. Such lullabies are good when baby is sick and nervous, and then the mother is allowed and expected to hold and quiet baby. Sleep perhaps as much or more than any other item of nursery regime, depends on habit and mild but decided purpose. A lack of firmness in the early months of the baby's life may not only render its early years a burden to itself, but an annoyance, if not a nuisance to the entire household. Baby's habits are quickly and easily formed, but hard to correct. Dr. Tooker says: "An infant is as plastic as moist clay, you can mold it to your will. But you must have a will and a purpose and a plan, and make your judgment and your duty law."
But suppose baby will not sleep, but continues cross and wakeful and peevish; can I not give medicines to produce sleep? Never. If baby is wakeful and refuses to sleep, there is something wrong with your training, his clothing, covering, or his food, or he may be sick, he may not get enough food, etc., or he may have worms. If everything is all right and you have trained your baby right from his birth, he will sleep. Find out the cause and remove it. All soothing syrups, cordials, and quieting medicines contain opium in some form, and all experienced physicians realize the danger of giving these mixtures to babies. Babies have been killed by medicines which were declared to contain neither opium nor anything else injurious. They are often used. Remember that opium, laudanum and paregoric are dangerous for babies and old people. Careful proper training, allowing plenty of sleeping time, no waking at wrong hours, warm feet, legs and body, cool head, proper modified food, and especially mother nursing, with mother careful with herself, will give a good baby in nine out of ten cases.
Will children ever sleep too much? Not if they are healthy; you must remember a newly-born baby sleeps nine-tenths of the time; excessive sleeping may indicate disease of the brain.
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EXERCISE.
Is exercise necessary for infants? Yes.
How can it be obtained? A young baby usually gets its exercise by screaming, waving its arms, kicking, etc. It is a good plan to let baby lie in the center of a large bed, and with his long skirts drawn up, allow him to kick his little legs about for twenty or twenty-five minutes twice each day or one-half hour once a day. His clothing ought to be loose for this exercise. If the room is all right you can remove all clothing except his shirt, stockings and napkin; change his position sometimes and let him lie on his stomach for awhile. Of course this exercise cannot be taken after a meal and before the fourth month. Take a large clothes basket, put a blanket and some large pillows in it and prop baby up in a half sitting position for a little while each day, beginning with fifteen minutes, then one-half hour, and you can also at this time (fourth month) play with baby for a short time every day, but never just before bedtime, and the best time is just after his morning nap. Do not toss him in the air to make him laugh or crow; he is too tender and delicate for that. When baby is older and in short clothes, place a thick quilt upon the floor and allow him to tumble as he will; a fence two feet high which surrounds a mattress, makes an excellent place, or a box for this young animal to exercise his arms and legs without danger of injury. Before you put baby to sleep at night give him a warm sponge bath with a fresh band and shirt and he will sleep.
When, if ever, is crying useful in a baby? The cry expands the lungs of a new-born baby, and he should use his lungs a few minutes daily in order to keep them well expanded.
How much crying daily is necessary? Twenty to thirty minutes is not too much.
What kind of a cry is it? Loud and strong and infants get red in the face with it. Some call it a scream. It is exercise for baby and necessary for its health.
When is the cry abnormal? When it is very long and too frequent. It is not strong, but rather of a moaning or worrying nature or only a whine.
What causes such crying? Habit, temper, pain, hunger, illness.
What is the indulgence or habit cry? This is the cry of infants who cry to be rocked, or carried about, for a bottle to suck, etc.
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Temper cry? This is loud and strong and is usually accompanied by kicking, stiffening of the body, bending backward and is usually quite violent.
Pain cry? This is generally strong, sharp and quick, but not usually continuous, the features contract, legs draw up and the baby plainly shows symptoms of distress,
Hunger cry? This is a continuous fretful, pitiful cry, not strong and lusty,--baby looks hungry.
The cry of illness? This is moaning, fretful, easily aroused to crying. This can be distinguished even from a little distance before seeing baby, if you have heard it once. A baby who cries to get things stops when he gets them.
If baby cries at night what shall I do? See that he is comfortable, clothing all smooth under and about him, with warm feet and hands, and clean unsoiled napkin. If he is all right, let him cry. If it is habitual, find out the cause.
If baby cries from temper or habit what shall I do? Let him cry it out, you must conquer him or he will make of your life a burden. Be sure first it is habit or temper and then conquer him. I have seen many babies who cried from cause and I have also seen those who needed conquering.
But will not crying cause rupture? Not in young infants if the band is properly applied and not under any conditions after one year.
HOW TO LIFT A CHILD.
Grasp the clothing below the feet with the right hand and slip the left hand and, arm beneath the infant's body to its head. It is then raised upon the left arm and its head is upon your arm or chest. This supports the entire spine and there is no undue pressure upon the chest or abdomen, as is often the case when baby is grasped around the body or under the arms.
How shall I lift a child who is old enough to run about? Place your hands under the child's arms, at the arm-pits and never by the wrists.
Can I injure the child lifting it by its hands or wrists? Yes, it often injures the elbows or shoulder joints.
TEMPERATURE.
Normal temperature of an infant? This varies more than it does in adults. In the rectum it varies from 98 degrees F. to 99.5 degrees F., and a temperature in the rectum of 98 degrees F. or of 100 degrees F. is not of much importance unless it continues.
Where should I take the temperature of infants and young children? First the rectum, next the groin, the first is from one-half a degree to a degree higher than that of the groin.
How long should the thermometer be left in place? Two minutes in the rectum and five minutes in the groin.
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What meaning has the different temperature in a young child? 100 degrees F. to 102 degrees F. means a mild illness.
One hundred four degrees F. or over means a serious illness. The duration of the fever is more important. Slight causes often produce a high temperature in all young children which lasts for a few hours. There is then not much cause for alarm unless the temperature continues high or is accompanied by important symptoms of illness.
Is high temperature a more serious symptom in a young child than in an adult? No, for young children are very sensitive to conditions which produce fever and the thermometer often gives an unduly high idea of the severity of the symptoms. The same cause which would produce a temperature in an adult of 102 degrees F. or 103 degrees F. would likely produce a temperature of 104 degrees or 105 degrees F. in a child.
NERVOUSNESS.
What are the principal causes of nervousness in young infants and in children? The brain is a delicate structure at this time, and it grows rapidly, and during the first year of life grows as much as during all the rest of life. This needs quiet and peaceful surroundings and infants who are naturally nervous should be left almost alone, and few people should see them. Such babies should not play much. The poor little baby is often so tried by the attentions given him by older people that he does not know what to do, and as one author, a lady, says: "If he could speak he would beg for a quiet hour, and be perfectly happy if left alone with his own little hands and toes for his sole amusement." Babies of the very poor are less nervous than those of the wealthy and this is generally due to the fact that their mothers are too busy to constantly entertain and bother them. Children are better companions for babies than adults. Such little attentions given by the parents and relatives make sleepless and nervous babies very often. Playing with them before time and out of season, makes them not only nervous and irritable, but causes indigestion and allied diseases.
TOYS.
It is instinct for baby to put everything in its mouth. However, toys should be chosen that are smooth, easily washed and which cannot be swallowed. Avoid toys with sharp points like corners, or loose parts, small objects that can be pushed into the nose or ear or swallowed, such as coins, marbles, buttons, safety pins, beads, painted toys and those covered with hair or wool. Infants frequently swallow such wool or hair.
KISSING.
What objections are there to kissing babies? They are many and serious. No one, at least, outside of the immediate family has any right to kiss baby. Tuberculosis, diphtheria, syphilis and many other diseases are given by kissing. If infants are kissed at all, they should be kissed upon the cheek or forehead.
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FOREIGN BODIES.
If in the throat, examine and remove with the finger. If it has gone into the stomach, give plenty of dry food, such as bread, potatoes, but do not give an emetic or cathartic. An infant should have its usual food. A cathartic would hurry the foreign body too rapidly through the intestines, and in this way do harm. In the usual way it becomes coated with fecal matter and usually passes the intestines without causing any injury.
What shall I do if it is in the ears? If you can easily remove it with your fingers or small hair pin or crochet hook, do it. If not, take the baby to a physician. If it is a corn, bean or pea, do not wet it, or it will swell and become larger.
What if it is in the nostril? Place baby upon the table with its face toward a good light and use a hair pin bent right and pass this slowly and carefully behind the object, and pull slowly forward; or compress the empty nostril and have the child blow the nose strongly. If not removed easily, see a physician.
COLIC.
This is a very common disturbance in children, and is always due to disturbed digestion. It occurs in both nursed and bottle-fed babies, and may appear in the healthiest baby from error in the last meal, or error of diet or habit in the mother. Some mothers cannot under any circumstances secrete good nourishing milk, suitable for their children, and continued stomach and bowel disturbances with colic and emaciation follow its use. Such mothers should not nurse their baby.
What are the causes of colic? As before stated, it is due to indigestion
What causes indigestion? In nursing babies this may be due to some irregularity in the health or habits of the mother, or change in her dieting, and if the colic is not persistent the cause is not hard to find. Worry, trouble, sorrow, anger, overwork, and errors of diet in the mother often cause this trouble or the child may nurse too fast, too long, too much, or too often, or the milk may be too rich. If so, give baby an ounce of hot water before nursing. Hand-fed children are too often over-fed, and this produces indigestion.
What are the symptoms of colic? The child screams sharply; the cry comes suddenly and returns every few minutes; he draws up his legs and feet; the muscles of his face contract and he has other signs of pain. The belly is usually hard and tense.
What can I do for colic? First warm his feet and hands by placing them against a hot-water bag, or holding them before the open fire, turn him on his stomach, letting him lie on a hot-water bag or hot piece of flannel; pat his back gently to help up the wind and give him a little hot water with a medicine dropper and a few drops of essence of peppermint may be added to the water. If the colic continues, put ten drops of turpentine into a half teacupful of warm water, and inject this slowly into the rectum, and at the same time gently rub the abdomen so as to start the wind. If the wind is in the stomach, give him one-half a soda mint tablet dissolved in a tablespoonful of very warm water, or a little soda. If the attacks are frequent, the foods are too strong; use less cream or milk and more water. Regulate the mother's diet carefully if the baby nurses, and she should take some exercise out of doors, if possible, and try not to be nervous. Cereals, cocoa, milk, eggs, gruels made of corn, oatmeal; most fruits, not tart, and vegetables, with some meat, make a good diet for a nursing mother. The bowels must move freely every day at least once.
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MOTHERS' REMEDIES.--1. Wind Colic, Yarrow Tea for.--"Steep the yarrow tea the same as for catnip tea or any ordinary herb, and give as often as necessary." This is a remedy that has been very much used, and will help in a great many cases. It is perfectly harmless, and no one need have any fear of trying it.
2. Colic, Camphor Cure for.--"One drop of camphor in a teaspoonful of water. This remedy worked like a charm with my little girl." This acts quickly, and is sure to give relief as it warms up the stomach.
3. Wind Colic, Castor Oil for.--"Give large doses of castor oil." Colic, as we all know, is frequently caused by fermentation of the food in the stomach and bowels, and castor oil is one of the best known cathartics in a case of this kind. This can be given to small babies, in small quantities of course.
4. Wind Colic.--A New York mother sends in the following relief for:--"Give enough essence of wintergreen in water to make it taste for a small babe, and more according to age. For mine I give 1/4 to 1/2, cup of warm sweetened water. I have always used this remedy, as it was recommended to me by my mother. It is better than peppermint as it is not so binding."
5. Wind Colic, a Good Herb Remedy for.--Add enough water to one ounce of snake root to make one-half pint." Give in doses according to the age of the child. This is a good remedy, and has been used by many mothers with good success.
6. Wind Colic.--A doctor in New York sends in the following remedy for.--"One-half teaspoonful sweet spirits of nitre in one-third glass of water, for baby. Increase the dose for older children or adults. This warms the stomach, and is highly recommended."
7. Wind Colic, Cloves for.--"Make an infusion of 1 or 2 ounces of cloves. Cloves are warming, cordial and strengthening; they expel wind, and are good for the colic." This treatment has been known to give many a fretful baby a good night's sleep, and will be found very useful in homes where babies have this disease.
[610 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]
PHYSICIANS' TREATMENT.--Temporary relief is obtained in attacks of colic by emptying the bowels of irritating materials, either by an enema or medicine. Peppermint, anise seed, catnip are effective, but may be harmful if continued long. Gin and whisky, warm, are good when the gas is in the stomach and upper bowel. It is always best to mix them with a solution like the following:
Bicarbonate of soda 40 grains Aromatic spirits of ammonia 30 drops Enough peppermint water to make 2 ounces
Put one teaspoonful in a cup of hot water for a child one year old.
The following is good to move the bowels:
Bicarbonate of soda 40 grains Aromatic syrup of rhubarb 4 drams Syrup of senna 5 drams Syrup of orange 1 ounce
One teaspoonful two or three times daily is needed in sour gassy stomach, with constipation or foul smelling stools. Fortunately such medicine is not often needed if the mother is careful, or baby is carefully bottle-fed. When there is vomiting with the colic and the stools contain curds the food is too strong. The nursing baby should be given one ounce of warm water before nursing, and the food for the bottle-fed baby should be made weaker by going back one formula. Sometimes peptonizing the food for a short time will do. This is very good when the proteids (curds) are hard for the baby to digest.
EARACHE.
Many young babies suffer from this trouble without the cause being even suspected. It may come after a cold, an attack of bronchitis or pneumonia, and sometimes during teething. It often accompanies scarlet fever and measles. The child screams, presses his head against his mother or nurse, pulls at his ear as if it hurt him. If you press in front of the ear the baby jumps as if in great pain and cries aloud. The pain is likely to be continuous and prolonged.
What can I do for it? Heat is the best remedy. Wash out the ear with a hot solution of boric acid fifteen to twenty grains to the ounce of water, and then apply heat in various ways. Have the child lie with the painful ear against a covered hot water bag or heat a flannel over a lamp and place it against the ear, changing it often to keep it hot. A bag of hot salt or bran is also very good. Laudanum and oil should not be used unless ordered by a physician. As soon as possible after the first attack of pain the baby should be examined by a doctor and unnecessary deafness is often avoided by such action. For a more extended account, see General Department. Fomentations applied are often beneficial, especially of hot water.
(See Earache, Mothers' Remedies, etc. under General Department).
[ALL ABOUT BABY 611]
CROUP.
This disease is treated fully in the general department; only a general outline is given here. This is a disease dreaded by most mothers. It is more distressing than dangerous. Its appearance is sudden and generally at night. The baby may have had a slight cold or have been exposed to a bad wind or it may have come on without any known cause.
Symptoms.--They are known to almost everyone. There is a hard, dry, barking, hoarse cough, generally with difficulty in breathing to a greater or less degree with a distressed look.
(For Mothers' Remedies, see General Department.)
Treatment.--If the child has eaten a big supper, it is well to give a simple emetic, such as warm mustard water, alum and molasses, or goose grease, or melted lard. Wring out pieces of flannel in hot water and put them on the child's throat as hot as he can bear them and change them often to keep them hot. Make a tent by spreading a sheet over an opened umbrella over the crib then place a croup kettle or teakettle close to the crib, directing the steam under the sheet into the tent so that baby may inhale the vapor, taking care not to burn him. This affords much relief. If necessary give ten drops of syrup of ipecac until vomiting occurs; a teaspoonful of castor oil should also be given and if the baby is constipated, give an enema of soapsuds and water. Keep the child indoors the next day.
CONSTIPATION IN BABIES.
MOTHERS' REMEDIES.--1. Constipation, Olive Oil Treatment for.--"Rub the abdomen with a firm yet gentle motion from left to right with pure olive oil. This is what the doctor told me to do for my babe of three years." This treatment will be found very beneficial as the olive oil is very strengthening and the rubbing will always give relief.
2. Constipation, A Pleasant Treatment for.--"One-half teaspoonful olive oil, one-half teaspoonful orange juice, three times a day after feeding."
3. Constipation, Prunes a Medicine for.--"Abate heat and gently open the bowels by the use of prunes. These should be fed to children more often. This would often prevent sickness. A very useful way of administering prunes as a medicine is to simmer for one-half hour, a few in water enough to cover, with 1/2 oz. senna leaves; remove the prunes, allow to dry and let the child eat them when needed. This is very good."
4. Constipation, Soothing Syrup Made by a Mother in New York for.--"One- half ounce spearmint, one-quarter ounce lady's slipper, one-half ounce rhubarb, one-quarter ounce cinnamon powder; pour one-half pint boiling water on the whole, mix and let stand to boil fifteen minutes, strain and sweeten well with syrup or honey. Give a teaspoonful every half hour, diminishing as the pain subsides." This will be found very beneficial in children, and may be used without any fear whatever, as it is perfectly harmless.
5. Constipation, Figs as a Medicine for.--"Grind up equal amounts of figs and senna leaves, put in closed jar and eat dry when needed." This will be found especially good for children, and most of them like it.
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CONSTIPATION may be caused by many things, inheritance, malformation of the rectum and other parts, errors of food in the mother and in bottle-fed babies.
What is the treatment? If the baby is nursed and the mother is constipated, she should at once change her habits and diet. She should exercise in the open air at least two hours every day, and have a movement daily, even if she must take some mild laxative.
What should she drink and eat? She should drink plenty of water, and pure rich milk, cocoa, eat oatmeal and cornmeal gruels. She should not drink tea or coffee. She can eat fruit, most green vegetables and some meat, but not much starchy food. Baby may not get enough residue in his bowels. Give him one or two meals daily of modified milk made up of oatmeal gruel instead of barley, and give him plenty of water between his meals. One teaspoonful of cream in a little hot water given before nursing is often beneficial, or one or two teaspoonfuls of beef juice may be given night and morning, After six months a little orange or prune juice may be added.
BOTTLE-FED BABIES.
Add a little more top-milk or cream to each bottle than the formula gives; do not pasteurize the food unless it is necessary; do not use lime-water, but bicarbonate of soda in proper strength in its place, as lime-water is often very constipating. Malted food may be added to each bottle for some time. If necessary, stimulate the rectum mildly; this can be done by holding the baby over a small chamber at exactly the same time after a meal each day and insert into the bowel a small cone of oiled paper, or use a small castile soap suppository. This may form a habit in a few days. Suppositories of gluten are very beneficial if used in the morning. The child should not be allowed to go longer than twenty-four hours without a passage. A enema made up of one or two tablespoonfuls of sweet oil may be given with a bulb syringe, or an ounce of warm water to which has been added one-half teaspoonful of glycerin, or one-half pint of warm soap-suds. Do not give it every day; massage the baby's abdomen. Your hand should be warm. Begin at the right side groin and make a series of circular movements with your fingers, lightly at first, and then press down harder as the baby becomes accustomed to it; work your way up gradually to the ribs, then across to the ribs on the left side, and down to the left groin. This can be done twice daily for eight or ten minutes at a time, and always at the same time of day, but never soon after a meal. Olive oil may safely be given for constipation to a baby,--from twenty drops to one teaspoonful one or two times daily, but castor oil should not be given for constipation, as after a time it leaves the baby more constipated than ever. Sometimes inserting your finger, well oiled, into the rectum, will produce a passage. For older children, decrease the amount of white bread, toast, potatoes, and give green vegetables, oatmeal, and graham bread instead, with plenty of proper fruit twice daily; raw, scraped apples are sometimes the best fruit to use.
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DIARRHEA. (For Older Children).
What shall I do for this trouble? Rid the system of the irritating matter by giving the baby one teaspoonful of castor oil. Then stop all solid food and give boiled water if there is only a moderate looseness. Keep the child perfectly quiet. If the attack is more severe and attended by fever and vomiting all food and milk should be stopped at once in children of all ages, and only broth, barley water or some thin gruel given. Castor oil is required for a severe attack. If the patient is an infant the milk should be diluted or stopped. In severe attacks with vomiting or frequent foul stools, stop all food for at least twelve hours and all milk for a longer time, and the bowels should be freely moved by a cathartic. Give plenty of water to drink.
Food.--Albumin water is often better than plain water or anything else. To make it stir the white of an egg into a pint of cold water. See that they are well mixed, add a pinch of salt and strain. Give baby one teaspoonful every one-half hour, and if he vomits all other food, give two ounces every two hours; barley gruel, wheat flour gruel, mutton broth may be given also.
MOTHERS' REMEDIES.--1. Inflammation of the Bowels, Poultice of Hot Mush for.--"Wrap the child in a poultice of hot mush. Place the poultice over the abdomen." A poultice of this kind retains the heat, and is very good for inflammation of the abdominal cavity, and would help to take away the soreness and bloating in the bowels that is always present in this disease.
2. Bowel Trouble, a Good Tonic for.--
Powdered rhubarb 1 heaping teaspoonful Soda 1/4 teaspoonful Sugar 1 teaspoonful Peppermint essence 1/2 teaspoonful Hot water 1/2 cup (scant)
Dose:--One-half teaspoonful every hour until bowels show signs of right color.
The soda and the peppermint will tone up the stomach and relieve any trouble present there, while the rhubarb will act on the bowels and carry off all impurities.
3. Bowel Trouble, Rhubarb and Licorice for.--"Compound tincture of rhubarb one ounce bicarbonate of soda 1 dram, fluid extract of licorice 1 dram, pure water 6 ounces. Give from one to two teaspoonfuls according to the age of the child." This will be found a very good treatment for this trouble, and one that has been thoroughly tried.
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RICKETS.
You should always be suspicious if your baby has no teeth at the end of the first year. A hearty baby should have six or eight, and if the soft spot in the head just above the forehead is as much open as it was for months previously you should be doubly suspicious. This soft spot should be closed in a well-nourished infant between the fifteenth and twentieth months. If in addition to this the child sweats about the head whenever it sleeps, cries whenever it is handled (unless it has scurvy or rheumatism) and does not like to play, the indications of rickets are very nearly conclusive. Rickets is a constitutional disease showing itself in different ways.
At what age does it usually occur? Between six months and two and one-half years.
What are the causes of rickets? Improper food, or inability to absorb the food, unhygienic conditions. Nursing babies who have a healthy mother are not troubled with this disease unless she nurses too long into the second year. Starchy foods, too little milk or other animal food, taking the infant to the family table and allowing it to eat whatever it wants, these are the most common errors in baby feeding which very often result in rickets. Babies who are brought up on condensed milk, or other foods that contain little fat are likely to have rickets. Insufficient clothing, damp and badly ventilated buildings, a lack of out-door air and sunshine, and inherited constitutional weakness, are other causes.
When do the most marked symptoms usually occur? Between the sixth or fifteenth months.
What are the symptoms? Such children are likely to be nervous and irritable; child's head sweats profusely at night, so much so that the pillows are very wet. The chest is poorly shaped and frequently has depressions at the sides, and little nodules or "beads" in the ribs where the ribs and breast-bone join. The child's head is also peculiar. It is often very flat on the top and measures more around than a normal child at the same age. The forehead stands out and the sides and top are flattened. The soft spot in the skull is large and late in closing. He is late in cutting his teeth. His abdomen is generally large and prominent, pot belly; his muscles are soft and flabby, and his wrists and ankles are enlarged a little later. He takes cold easily. He is pale and anemic, although he may be plump and fat, and when he begins to walk his legs bend easily, and he will have bow-legs. When he sits, his back will look as if curved and this alarms his parents, who may think his spine is diseased.
Is such a disease curable? Yes, if taken in time; you can arrest its progress.
Do they ever die of rickets? Very seldom, but they do not stand other diseases very well.
[ALL ABOUT BABY 615]
When and what shall I do for it? If you recognize the condition, have the baby attended to immediately by a physician. The food should be changed--such children require fats; very little starchy or sweet foods allowed. A baby ten to twelve months old can suck a piece of boiled bacon for a few minutes every day. Fruit juices can be given early, raw meat juice once a day. Give him his tub bath daily, and if he is apt to take cold easily he should have a little cold water dashed over his chest and spine, followed by a gentle brisk rubbing to start up the circulation. Sun baths are beneficial. Place the baby directly in the sun with his back to it, for an hour every day. Give him plenty of air and sunshine, both indoors and outdoors.
Medicine.--Cod liver oil is an excellent remedy with the hypophosphites. Cod liver oil alone with calcarea phosphoricum 3X (homeopathic) is splendid treatment also. The whole treatment must be continued for months--calcarea phos. four times daily.
SCURVY.--This disease is sometimes seen in infants. It attacks infants who have been fed for a long time on a proprietary food or else on milk that has been over sterilized. Nursing children seldom have it, or those who have been properly fed on modified cows' milk. Babies who are delicate and poorly nourished are more subject to it. The first symptoms a mother notices is that it seems to hurt very much when his legs are touched; sometimes both hurt, and then again only one is painful; at other times the arms will be most painful and again both arms and legs seem to pain alike. So it goes on; the joints enlarge somewhat and sometimes little red spots appear just under the skin and very often the gums will become red and spongy; this is especially noticeable around the incisor teeth of the upper gums, if they have already appeared. Rheumatism is very rarely seen so early and with that, there is generally fever.
Treatment.--A cure is soon affected. Stop the patent food at once, or if the milk has been sterilized, it must be discontinued and the baby put on unsterilized milk diluted to the proper strength for his special age. Strained juice of an orange should be given him every day; if under six months he can have the juice of one-half an orange; over that the juice of one orange. This is given in intervals during the day. Beef juice is good, about two ounces in twenty-four hours. Smaller amount if necessary. Improvement is noticed twenty-four to forty-eight hours after treatment.
MALNUTRITION. (Marasmus).--Marasmus is a term applied to infants who grow thinner and thinner. No matter how much or little they eat there is a constant wasting or fading away of the body.
What are the causes? Syphilis, tuberculosis, chronic vomiting, persistent loose bowels, poor assimilation of the food. Marasmus is really a later and more severe form of malnutrition.
Symptoms.--He looks shriveled, the skin is dry, eyes are sunken, anemia is marked, the belly is much distended, while the other parts of the body seem to be all bones and no flesh; he is constantly whining and fretful, has a tired and anxious expression most of the time; under six months it is hard to cure.
Treatment.--A physician is needed to watch over and prescribe, no set rule can be given. Sometimes cod-liver oil or iron is needed. It needs constant care and watching to cure this trouble.
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CONVULSIONS.--Young children are more subject to convulsions than older people. Convulsions may be due to brain trouble, but an overloaded stomach is the first thing a doctor thinks of, and so the mother should remember what was eaten that might be unusual.
First Thing for the Mother to do? Undress the baby and put him to bed in a quiet room, and place an ice bag on his head, or wring cloths out of ice water or very cold water and place them on baby's head, and change often to keep them cold. Warm the feet with a hot water bag. If the doctor can not be present soon, give baby a mustard foot bath in bed; use two tablespoonfuls to a gallon of water, some advise stronger. If the convulsions are severe wring towels out of mustard water and place a rubber sheet on the bed and wrap the child's body and feet in the hot wet towels until the parts are quite red, and afterward cover the body with warm flannels. Have plenty of hot water ready, so the doctor can give a full tub bath when he comes, if he thinks it necessary. If the child can swallow, give him a teaspoonful of castor oil; or if the convulsions continue, wash out the bowels or give an injection as soon as possible.
When is a hot bath needed and useful? If the convulsions have continued until the pulse is weak, the face is very pale, the nails and lips blue, the feet and hands cold: it will do good by bringing the blood to the surface and relieve the brain, heart and lungs.
How shall I give it? Use a thermometer to see that the temperature of the water is not over 106 degrees F.; if no thermometer is handy put your arm into the water to your elbow. It should feel warm, but not so hot as to be uncomfortable. Put one-half teacupful of powdered mustard in the tub. Place the baby in the tub, body all covered, and hold the head out of the water; keep him in the bath for five to ten minutes; wrap him in a blanket and put into bed without drying.
The following is given to prevent convulsions:--
Bromide of Potash 1/2 dram Chloral Hydrate 15 grains Simple Syrup 2 ounces Mix thoroughly.
Give one teaspoonful every hour, while the baby is nervous or feverish. For one-year-old child.
MOTHERS' REMEDIES.--1. Convulsions, a Grandmother's Remedy for.--"Dip the feet and limbs in warm water; give dry salt in mouth." Care should be taken not to give too much salt as you may choke the child. Also apply cold cloths to the head, to draw the blood from the brain.
[ALL ABOUT BABY 617]
2. Convulsions, Hot Mustard Water for.--"Put patient in tub of hot mustard water, with cold cloths to the head," The hot mustard water draws the blood from the head to the feet and the cold cloths assist in doing good by keeping the blood away from the head. This is, an old, tried and effective remedy,
3. Convulsions, Old Tried Remedy for.--"Put patient in hot bath; give castor oil and rub vigorously." The castor oil does good in cases where the bowels are too loose or constipated, as the case may be, by carrying off the impurities, and the hot bath equalizes the circulation, relieving the convulsion.
4. Convulsions, A New York Mother's Remedy for.--"Chloroform one-half dram, tincture of cardamom, one-half ounce, spearmint water, two and one-half ounces. Shake well and give one-half teaspoonful in water to child one year old, smaller children a proportionate dose." The chloroform is very quieting, and the tincture of cardamom and spearmint act on the bowels. This combination will quiet the child, and in that way relieve the trouble.
(See "Convulsions" in General Department for Mothers' Remedies).
INFLAMMATION OF THE BRAIN.
What are the early symptoms of brain diseases? Temperature is usually very high, 104 degrees F. and over. There is stupor or delirium, and vomiting is common; light hurts the eyes; the child jumps and starts at the slightest noise, unless the hearing is affected. There is often a squint, the eyes may be turned upward, and the lids may be only half closed during sleep. The pupils are dilated or contracted, Sometimes one pupil is larger than natural, while the other is smaller.
What can I do for these symptoms? Cold to the head, either by ice bags or cold water cloths. The room should be dark and quiet. No food given unless ordered, and then bland and very little at a time. A doctor should always be called for such symptoms; castor oil to move the bowels should be given or an enema of soap-suds and water. This helps to draw the blood from the brain, also keep the feet warm and head cool.
SCALD HEAD (in Babies) Milk Crust.--This is often due to neglect in regularly removing the free secretion, or due sometimes to an inflammation of the little sebaceous follicles of the skin. It occurs on the scalp most. The hair should be cut short, and soften the crusts with warm olive oil, or vaselin may be left on the scalp over night, then wash off the crusts with warm water and castile soap. An ointment can be made of vaselin or cold cream, and two per cent resorcin, and applied after the crust is resumed. Spread on linen and hold it in place by a thin cap, wash this off every day with olive oil and apply the salve fresh. Water should not be used oftener than once a week--oxide of zinc ointment is also good.
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MOTHERS' REMEDIES.--l. Cleaning Baby's Head, Common Lard for.--"Nothing is better than common lard. Grease the head good at night, using plenty of lard, especially if very heavily coated. Let stand over night, the lard softens the coating so you can take a fine comb and remove it. Comb from the forehead back. You need never have any scale on the baby's head." Care should be taken in using a fine comb, as it will very often make a child's head very sore.
2. Scald Head, An Experienced Mother's Remedy for.--
"Boracic acid 2 drams Salol 2 drams Balsam Peru 1 dram Carbolic acid 20 drops Vaselin 1 ounce Lanoline 1 ounce Mix."
Then wash the head thoroughly with castile soap, and apply the above morning and night, and use internally the following:--
Iodide Potash 192 grains Fluid Extract Stillingia 1 ounce Fluid Ext. Prickly Ash Bark 1/2 ounce Fluid Ext. Yellow Dock 1 ounce Compound Syrup Sarsaparilla, q. s 8 ounces Mix."
Take about one-half teaspoonful from two to four times a day, according to the age of the child. If this treatment is kept up faithfully, you will be sure to obtain a cure.
TEETHING.--There are twenty teeth in the first set. There is sometimes slight fever, restlessness, sleepless nights, maybe loss of appetite and some indigestion. If signs of indigestion are seen, give less food, and replace same with boiled water. If he is a nursing baby give him an ounce of boiled water before nursing and nurse him only ten to fifteen minutes. If he is restless at night give him a warm sponge bath, and if there is any fever, add one teaspoonful of bicarbonate of soda to a basin of tepid water. If the gums are very much congested and swollen and the child suffers, they may need to be lanced. Sometimes the teeth come earlier, but generally between the fifth and ninth months. They appear usually as follows:--
2 lower central incisors 6 to 9 months (often earlier) 4 upper incisors 7 to 10 months 2 lower lateral incisors 12 to 14 months 2 anterior upper molars 12 to 16 months 2 anterior lower molars 12 to 16 months 2 upper canines (eye teeth) 18 to 24 months 2 lower canines (stomach teeth) 18 to 24 months 2 lower and 2 upper posterior molars 24 to 30 months
During the first year the child should cut six teeth; next six months, six or more; at two years he should have sixteen; at two and one-half years twenty. About the sixth year the permanent teeth are cut and follow closely after the shedding of the milk teeth.
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TEETHING.--PERMANENT TEETH, USUAL ORDER.
4 first molars 6 years 4 central incisors 7 years 4 lateral incisors 8 years 4 first bicuspids 8-1/2 to 9 years 4 second bicuspids 10 years 4 canines 11 or 12 to 14 years 4 second molars 12 to 13 years, (12 to 15) 4 wisdom teeth 18 to 25 years (17 to 25)
HICCOUGH.--Some infants are very liable to hiccoughs. It is generally a matter of little importance. It is a spasmodic contraction of the diaphragm, often caused by gas or wind or too much food in the baby's stomach. It is very annoying, and should not be allowed to go on indefinitely. Pat the baby gently, but suddenly, on the back, or give him a little hot water in which there are a few grains of sugar or a drop of essence of peppermint. See that he does not feed too fast or suck an empty bottle.
ENLARGED GLANDS.--Cutting teeth or sometimes a bad cold or other things cause the glands at the sides of the neck to swell and enlarge. This does not always give any discomfort to the baby, but it annoys and worries the mother. Frequently the enlargement will soon disappear of itself, but sometimes the gland grows larger, gets quite hard and often much inflamed--matter or pus will then form, and a discharge soon follows.
Treatment.--If the gland keeps on enlarging, a doctor should be seen, and if it needs lancing he can do so at the proper time, and save the neck from a bad scar. Medicine can also be given that will sometimes stop it. Syrup of iodide of iron three to ten drops, three times a day for a one-year-old child is good; cod-liver oil should be given to pale, thin children for a long time.
BED-WETTING.--If a child continues to wet the bed after he is three years old, something should be done for this annoying habit. The child should be examined by a doctor; circumcision will often effect a cure in boys; or pin worms may be the cause of the trouble; a stone in the bladder, or any trouble that makes him nervous, or it may be due to habit.
Treatment.--Scolding will not do any good. The child should not drink any fluids after four in the afternoon. He should not have any bread and milk or water for supper, but instead have bread and a dry cereal, with a little stewed fruit; sometimes a child needs a tonic. It is a tedious trouble to treat and it takes a long time to gain control of it. The mother must have a large stock of patience and co-operate with the doctor. The child should pass urine before retiring, have the foot of the bedstead elevated, not too warmly covered so as to become restless. His suppers should not be hearty, bowels should be regular. The following is a good remedy:--Tincture of belladonna; give five drops at bed-time and increase the dose, drop by drop, each night until it produces a fine scarlet rash upon the skin. This should be marked "poison" and only given under the care of a doctor. It is a good remedy, but it must be watched.
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HIVES.--Hives, or urticaria, is often seen in young children, It is generally caused by indigestion. It is not a serious disease, but it is uncomfortable and makes a baby cross. The eruption is bright red in color, and appears in blotches or wheels.
Treatment.--Give the child a laxative like magnesia or citrate of magnesia, or epsom salts and cream of tartar, of each two ounces. Dose, one-half teaspoonful in water every three hours until the bowels move freely. (One-year-old).
To relieve the itching.--Sop the spots with warm water, and a little soda, or an entire bath can be given of this if the eruption is extensive.
RUPTURE in a Baby. (Navel).--Take a strip of oxide of zinc adhesive plaster about one and one-half inches wide and long enough to reach three-fourths around the baby's body. Fasten one end of this to one side of the abdomen and with the other hand gently push the rupture back; bring the skin on either side of the navel together so that it will meet and hold the rupture. Bring the plaster tightly across the abdomen, across the navel and attach it firmly to the other side; change this dressing every few days and continue treatment until healed.
COLDS in Babies.--Many babies seem to take cold without any cause. It is often due to the fact that the room is too warm, or they are clothed too warmly; they get easily overheated and feel the slightest draught of air. If it is in his nose and it is stopped up, twist a piece of cotton on a small wooden piece like a tooth-pick and dip it into olive oil and put it into the nostrils a short distance. If necessary, buy a nose syringe with a soft rubber tip, and use it twice daily. The following solution is good: one-half teaspoonful of boric acid powder, one ounce of glycerin, and eight ounces of warm water. Mix. Place the child on your lap, head against your chest, bend his head well forward and syringe one nostril and then the other. Camphor cream is a good remedy. For a cough and much wheezing use a mustard plaster. Take one part mustard, six parts flour and mix it into a smooth paste with a little cold water, spread it between two layers of muslin, warm it and moisten with a little water if necessary, and put it on the upper part of the breastbone. Leave it on only long enough to redden the skin (five to six minutes). Put it on just before baby goes to bed. A drop of camphor every three hours is often good for a cold at the beginning. Aconite in small doses is also very good.
[ALL ABOUT BABY 621]
MOTHERS' REMEDIES. Colds, Catnip Tea for.--"Give a little sweetened catnip tea, then grease well with camphor and lard." This is a very simple and effective remedy, especially for small babies.
(See "Colds" under General Department for more Mothers' Remedies,)
Early signs of sickness.--When a baby who persistently refuses his food is drowsy at unusual times, fretful, feverish, and is uncomfortable, the mother should look in baby's mouth, for sore throat or tonsils, or on his body for rashes. Undress the baby and put him to bed in a quiet room away from the rest of the family, and if he is hot and restless give him a sponge bath with one teaspoonful of bicarbonate of soda to a basin of luke-warm water. Give him also an enema to move his bowels, especially if they are not regular. Dilute his usual food with water or barley water to one-half the usual strength. If he is old enough to eat solid food, stop it. A dose of a teaspoonful of castor oil is safe to give until the doctor comes. Give him water to drink for he is thirsty. Take his temperature.
CARING FOR BURNS, BRUISES, CUTS, WOUNDS, ETC., IN BABY.
For Burns.--Keep away the air from the burn. Dust soda on the burn if the skin is not too much broken, and wrap it up in clean linen. Olive oil, linseed oil, is better, or cream should be put on if it is more severe. Then a layer of clean linen and then a thin layer of cotton wool. It must not be too warmly dressed. An ointment called pineoline is excellent for burns.
For a bruise or bump.--Apply cloths hot or cold,--you can do this with flannel wrung out of very cold or hot water. Ice may be wrapped up in cotton and put on the part.
Cuts.--Wash it with clean cold water, and bind it up with clean linen. If it bleeds much, let it bleed for a few seconds, and then stop it with a pad of clean linen pressed firmly on the part and held there until it stops.
SPLINTERS.--Remove them and dress as for any other wound.
POISONING.--Children will get hold of poison, and mother had better have antidotes, etc., to use in case of necessity. Rat poison, fly poison, matches, etc.
Treatment.--First use emetics; mustard and luke-warm water or one teaspoonful of alum in a glass of luke-warm water; a little salt and warm water; ten to fifteen drops syrup of ipecac, and then warm water. For fly poison, give one-half ounce of olive oil in same amount of lime-water, and repeat it every five or six minutes, for five or six doses, and then white of an egg, and keep child warm. Antidote for arsenic is freshly precipitated, sesquioxide of iron. Go to druggist and tell him to prepare it; tell him what it is wanted for, and give this in doses of an ounce at a time as the oil was given.
For poisoning from sucking matches.--Vomit the child freely, but do not give anything oily, as milk or egg, as this dissolves the phosphorus.
[622 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]
Oxalic acid is sometimes used for cleaning purposes, and mistaken for epsom salts. Give an emetic and lime-water.
For carbolic acid.--Give an emetic, and then white of an egg and epsom salts.
Overdose of soothing syrup.--Keep baby awake, slap with wet towel, etc.; or walk him about if he is old enough, inject strong black coffee in the rectum. Keep up the strength with stimulants.
PROPRIETARY FOODS.
These foods are sometimes of temporary use. As many of them contain very little fat, they may be used in cases of illness where fat cannot be borne. Some of these contain malt sugar, and when the baby is constipated this kind is useful when added to milk. Others can be made up of water only, and are useful and handy where it is impossible to obtain fresh milk. In cases of diarrhea the flour foods made up with water are very useful. Milk at that time acts as a poison. Some of the best foods on the market are the following--Condensed milk, Mellin's food, Horlick's Malted milk, Nestle's food, Imperial granum, Just's food, Carnrick's soluble food, Ridge's food, peptogenic milk powder, Lactated food, Eskay's, Albumenized food, cereal milk, Borden's food.
For constipation in a child.--One to two teaspoonfuls of Mellin's food, added to each bottle of his usual modified milk formula will often help a great deal. As soon as the bowels move naturally it should be gradually diminished until after four or six weeks, the child can do without it.
Condensed milk and Malted milk.--These can be prepared with water only, and so are best to use on a long journey. Give the baby one or two meals daily a week or two before the journey. Discontinue when at the end of the journey.
Imperial Granum.--This is often useful in acute diarrhea, when milk cannot be given. Mix the proportion as given on the box with water into a smooth paste, then add a pint of boiling water and boil for fifteen or twenty minutes.
Peptogenic Milk Powder.--This may be used for a short time during or after acute illness; you can add it to the formula used as directed on the package.
[NURSING DEPARTMENT 625]
NURSING DEPARTMENT Including Care of the Sick and the Sick Room
FOODS, FORMULAE, DELICACIES FOR SICK ROOM, HOW TO PREPARE THEM; DIET IN FEVERS AND OTHER DISEASES, SECURED FROM TRAINED NURSES, PHYSICIANS AND HOSPITALS.
Every Phase of Nursing Given in Detail and in Plain Mothers' Language, including Latest Sanitary Care and Science.
VENTILATION.--The sick room should be ventilated without any draught hitting the patient. The patient's bed should be placed out of the line of air currents. If this is not possible he must be protected by means of screens, the head of the bed being especially guarded. That draughts are dangerous is founded on fact no less than is the modern idea that an abundance of fresh air is necessary and helpful. A nurse has been guilty of gross neglect of duty when the patient contracts pneumonia through exposure to too severe currents of air. A simple way to ventilate a private room is to raise the lower sash of window six inches and place a board across the opening below; the air will then enter between the two sashes and be directed upward, where it becomes diffused and no one in the room is subjected to a draught. In a room where there is only one window a pane of glass may be taken out and a piece of tin or pasteboard may be so placed that the current will be directed upwards; or a window can be opened in an adjoining room which fills with fresh air and the door of the sick room opened afterwards to admit the air; or, the patient may be covered up, head and all, for a few minutes two or three times a day, while all the windows are thrown open, The room should be thoroughly warmed before it is so thoroughly ventilated.
[624 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]
TEMPERATURE OF THE ROOM.--This should be regulated by a thermometer suspended at a central point in the room. The temperature should be regulated according to the nature of the disease and the comfort of the patient. In fevers it should be lower, varying from 55 to 60 degrees F., but in bronchial troubles it should be kept about 70 degrees F. The mean temperature should be kept about 60 degrees to 70 degrees. It should be raised or lowered gradually, so that the patient will not be overheated or chilled.
LIGHT.--The patient should have plenty of light and sunshine, but do not let the sun or light shine directly upon the face.
CARE OF THE DISCHARGES (Excreta).--This is very important. Sputa, dirty vessels, soiled dressings and linen are prolific sources of impure air.
Sputum Cups.--These should be of glazed earthenware, without any corners or cracks and provided with a simple moveable cover when in use. They should be sterilized for one hour in every twenty-four hours.
Bed Pans and Urinals.--These should be washed out thoroughly. Allow boiling hot water to run on them for some time before they are put away after being cleansed.
Soiled Dressing and Linen.--These should be received in covered basins or in paper bags and at once carried away and destroyed or disinfected, or put in a metal dressing can and closely covered until the contents can be cared for at the earliest possible time. Vomited matter or the discharges from the bowels and the urine should always be covered in the vessel either with a lid, towel or rubber cloth. The rubber is better than the cloth as it keeps in the odor and can be scrubbed and disinfected.
If the patient is too sick to use a sputum cup, the expectoration can be received in a paper handkerchief or a piece of cheese cloth and placed in a small paper bag and burned at once.
SOILED AND STAINED LINEN.--These should be put away in a covered receptacle that contains enough disinfectant solution to keep them moist. They are removed as soon as possible to the wash room to be cleaned and sterilized.
Sterilization.--This term is usually employed when heat is used to sterilize.
Disinfection.--This is the term used when chemicals are relied upon to purify (sterilize).
Heat and Chemicals are much aided by sunshine, light and fresh air, especially that of high dry climates.
[NURSING DEPARTMENT 625]
The germs (bacteria) are destroyed by dry or moist heat, the latter used in the form of steam. Dry heat is not so penetrating and requires a longer time and some goods are destroyed when exposed in it long enough to destroy the germs.
In order to destroy these organisms it is thought to be necessary to expose whatever is to be sterilized to the steam at 200 degrees F. for three successive days for thirty minutes or more each day, and during the interval to keep them in a room with a temperature of 60 degrees F.
A SIMPLE METHOD OF STERILIZING.--Put the articles (small articles) in an ordinary kitchen steamer; closely cover it and place it over a pot of boiling water. If you wish you can add two parts of carbonate of sodium to each ninety-eight parts of water.
Germicides are chemicals used to destroy germs.
Disinfectants are chemicals used to arrest and prevent their development. These disinfectants should always be fresh.
Carbolic acid is one of the most efficient and most frequently employed of the known chemical disinfectants. It comes to us in the form of white crystals and dissolves in water, glycerin, or alcohol.
Watery solutions cannot be made stronger than five per cent. Solutions weaker than this will not destroy all germs, but on account of its irritating qualities the weaker solutions are employed when used for the skin and mucous membranes. How to make a five per cent or one to twenty solution:
A bottle containing the crystals is placed in hot water until they are melted (or you can buy this dissolved product). Then take one part of the acid and add it to nineteen parts of boiling water and shake this vigorously until all has been thoroughly dissolved and mixed. To make a 1, 2, 3 or 4 per cent solution, you take 1/100 or 1/50 or 1/33 or 1/25 of acid.
Corrosive Sublimate or Bichloride of Mercury.--Tablets can be bought at any drug store containing the desired strength, and are better to use. This is a powerful irritant poison and must be used carefully. Tablets of the strength of 1-1000 and 1-2000 are most often employed for germicide action. The weaker solutions 1-5,000 or 1-10,000 were used to wash out the cavities. It is not now used much for that purpose; it stains clothing and corrodes instruments.
Milk of Lime is considered very valuable and safe to use in vessels to receive evacuations from the bowels. It should be freshly made or it is useless. Equal parts should be stirred up with the contents of the bed pan and this must be let stand at least one hour. This is the best way to disinfect stools.
To Prepare Milk of Lime.--The milk of lime is made by adding one part of slaked lime to four parts water.
Chloride of Lime (Chlorinated lime) is also a very good disinfectant. It has a bad odor and unless it is very fresh, is not reliable.
[626 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]
Boric acid disinfectant. This property is not very marked, but it is not irritating. The standard solution is five per cent. The weaker solutions are used to clean cavities, for superficial wounds, and to wash out the bladder.
The standard or saturated solution is made by using one part of the acid in crystal form to nineteen parts of water; or, this saturated solution can be easily made by putting a large quantity of the crystals in a filter and pouring the quantity of boiling water over them slowly until all are dissolved. Strain the solution to get rid of the excess of crystals or it can be allowed to cool when the liquid can be poured off.
Normal salt solution is made by using one teaspoonful of salt to a pint of water.
CARE AND DISINFECTION OF AN INFECTED ROOM.--Carpets, upholstered furniture, hangings, bric-a-brac, or any personal clothing, the color of which may be destroyed by disinfection, should have been removed from the room at the beginning of the disease.
DAILY CARE OF THE ROOM BY THE NURSE.--The furniture should be wiped off with a damp cloth and the floor swept with a broom covered with a damp cloth wrung out of a 1-20 (five per cent) carbolic acid solution; besides this the floor must be rubbed thoroughly with a damp cloth every second or third day. If the disease is contagious a damp sheet kept moist should be hung in the line of the air currents. Cloths that are used daily should be washed in hot soap suds and when not in use left to soak in carbolic acid solution 1-20 (five per cent).
After the patient has recovered from an infectious disease he should receive a hot soap and water tub or sponge bath, thorough washing of the hair and irrigation of the ears included, followed by a thorough sponging with a one per cent carbolic acid or corrosive sublimate (1-10,000) solution. The finger-nails and toe-nails should be cut close and cleaned underneath.
A nasal douche is given, and the mouth should be washed with listerine or a saturated (five per cent) solution of boric acid. The patient is then wrapped in clean sheets or clothes and taken in another room. Then the bedding and clothing are made ready for sterilization.
DISINFECTION OF THE ROOM.--Brush off the mattress, wrap it in a damp sheet wrung out of a twenty per cent solution of carbolic acid, and send to the sterilizer. The clothes are steamed and sent to the wash room. When there is no sterilizer the bed must be soaked in a 1-20 (five per cent) carbolic solution, afterwards boiled and the mattress ripped apart and boiled or burned.
[NURSING DEPARTMENT 627]
DISINFECTING THE ROOM.--Arrange all articles that are left in the room so as to expose them the best to the fumigating substance. To disinfect with formalin, close the room tightly, seal all cracks and openings with paste and paper. Place an alcohol lamp in a metal dish in the center of the room. Put in a receptacle over the lamp three fluid ounces of a forty per cent solution of formaldehyde; have a dish of water in the room for some time; moisten the air of the room, light the lamp and then close the room up tight for twenty-four hours, until the dust has settled; then enter gently so as not to disturb the dust and wipe off everything in the room with a cloth wrung out of a corrosive sublimate (1-1000) solution. Floors, woodwork, furniture, bedstead must be so washed or wiped, and use for crevices pure carbolic acid, applying it with a brush. The walls should be washed down with the 1-1000 corrosive sublimate solution. Then leave the windows wide open. Sulphur fumigation is not considered so certain in its results.
HOW TO TREAT SPUTUM FROM TUBERCULOUS PATIENTS.--Sputum is dangerous when it is dry. The sputum cups should be of china or paper, so that they may be either boiled or burned. There should be no crevices. The cup should be kept covered and the sputum moist so that none of the germs on the sputum becoming dry may escape into the air of the room. The china vessel should be frequently cleaned and, before the contents are thrown away, the germs must be destroyed by putting the sputum in a two per cent solution of carbonate of soda for one hour. The paper cups and contents must be burned before the contents have time enough to become dry. In infectious diseases, all discharges from the nose, mouth, bowels and bladder should be received in a china vessel containing carbolic acid or milk of lime.
In Diphtheria the expectoration, discharge from the nose and vomited matter should be received in paper napkins and burned at once in the room, or if this is impossible, boiled before being taken from the room.
Use the same treatment for the discharges in Scarlet fever. Two sets of cups should be kept and boiled in the soda solution before being used. All vessels, tubes or cups that are used for the mouth in diphtheria, syphilis, or cancer should be kept in a 1-40 solution of carbolic acid and boiled before being used by another patient.
Bed-pans used in cases of cancer, dysentery, typhoid fever and, in short, in all infectious diseases, are to be soaked in a 1-20 (five per cent) carbolic acid solution and boiled before again coming into general use.
Sheets and clothing stained with typhoid fever discharges must be washed out at once, or soaked in a disinfectant solution and steamed before being sent to the laundry. Also the bedding and clothing in any infectious or malignant disease should always be put to soak, at once, in a 1-20 (five per cent) carbolic acid solution, or else steamed or boiled before being brought again into general use.
The urine needs the same attention as the bowel discharges in typhoid fever.
Coughing in diphtheria, lung tuberculosis, scarlet fever, etc., sets free infectious germs. These may be received in the person of the attendant, or on the bedding and furniture. Care should be taken when attending such cases.
[628 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]
CARE OF THE MOUTH AND TEETH.--A weak solution of borax or listerine is very good. One-half ounce of listerine to a glass of water to be used by the patient as often as he desires to rinse his mouth. Lemon juice in solution is very good. For cracks in the mouth, vaselin or cold cream is good. A few drops of oil of peppermint can be added, or oil of wintergreen.
For spongy and sore gums.--A few drops of tincture of myrrh added to pure water may be used. Colorless golden seal in the same way is pleasant and successful.
Cloths for washing the teeth and mouth are made in small squares of gauze or old linen. They are best to use since they can be burned immediately after being used. Wrap one of the squares around the first finger, dip it into the mouth-wash and insert in the mouth. Go over the whole cavity, the cloth being passed along the gums and behind the wisdom teeth, thence over the roof of the mouth, inside the teeth and under the tongue. Use more than one piece for all this. This is very necessary in typhoid fever. If the tongue is badly coated, it can be soaked and gently scraped. A good mouth-wash for general use is the following:
Glycerin 1 dram Soda 10 grains 5% solution of Boric Acid 1 ounce
BED SORES. Prevention and care of.--Very fat flabby people or thin emaciated patients are liable to suffer from bed sores. They result from constant friction or pressure on a certain spot or spots and when the body is poorly nourished. Moisture, creases in the under sheets, night gown, crumbs in the bed and want of proper care and cleanliness also are causes.
Bed-sores due to pressure occur most frequently upon the hips and lower back, the shoulders and heels; those from friction, in the ankles, inner parts of the knees, or the elbows and back of the head. In patients suffering from dropsy, paralysis or spinal injuries, or when there is a continuous discharge from any part of the body, the utmost care must be taken to prevent bed sores.
Treatment. Preventive.--Cleanliness and relief from pressure. Bathe the back and shoulders with warm water and soap night and morning and afterwards rub with alcohol and water equal parts. Dust the parts with oxide of zinc or stearate of zinc powder, or bismuth mixed with borax; all are good. If there is much moisture due to sweating or involuntary stools or urine, castor oil should be well rubbed in addition. The sheets must be kept smooth and dry under the patient.
[ NURSING DEPARTMENT 629]
Redness of the skin may be the first symptom of this trouble. This may be followed by a dark color under the skin, and when the cuticle finally comes off the underlying tissues are found broken down and sloughing. Any skin scraped or worn off--abrasion--should be carefully washed and a small pad of cotton smeared with olive oil and stearate of zinc placed over it and kept there with collodion painted over it; or white of egg painted over the sore is sometimes very beneficial; also equal parts of castor oil and bismuth make an excellent dressing. Rubber rings or cotton rings over the part relieve the pressure. Changing the position is often beneficial.
Treatment of the Sore Proper.--Sponge with clean soft cloths, with a solution of boric acid or one per cent solution of carbolic acid and the cavity packed with iodoform gauze, or iodoform, or aristol ointment, over which apply a layer of borated cotton. Dress the sore daily. If it sloughs apply hot boric acid dressings every four hours and follow with an application of castor oil and balsam of Peru. When it is better treat as any other sore.
BATHS.
A hot bath temperature is from 100 to 112 degrees F. or higher. A warm bath temperature is from 90 to 100 degrees F. A tepid bath temperature is from 70 to 90 degrees F. A cool bath temperature is from 65 to 70 degrees F. A cold bath temperature is from 33 to 65 degrees F.
The entire bath should not last longer, when given in bed, than fifteen or twenty minutes. A few drops of water of ammonia or a little borax will help much in getting the patient clean and disguise the bad odor of the perspiration. A little alcohol or Eau de Cologne will be found refreshing. Cold damp towels should never be employed here. The water should be pleasantly warm and changed a few times during the bath. A glass of hot milk can be taken after the bath is given, if the patient feels exhausted, and if the feet are cool a hot fruit can is applied.
Foot Baths in Bed.--The patient should lie on her back, with the knees bent and place her feet in the tub, which is placed lengthwise in the bed on a rubber sheet spread across the lower part of the bed for protection. A mustard foot bath can be given the same way except that the knees and foot bath are enclosed in a blanket. These are often given for severe colds, with head symptoms (headaches), when it is desired to draw the blood from the head. Hot water alone will do this, but the mustard hastens the action. The mustard should be mixed with a small amount of water before being added to the bath. The amount will depend upon the sensitiveness of the patient. The feet may remain in the bath for fifteen to twenty minutes, the water kept at the same temperature or made warmer by adding more hot water from time to time. They are wiped gently afterward and tucked snugly in blankets.
[630 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]
Hot Bath, Hot Air, Vapor, and Steam Bath.--Given for sweating purposes. Fill the tub half full of water at 100 degrees F. and draw it to the bedside if necessary. Lift the patient into the tub and gradually increase the temperature by the thermometer to 110 degrees and 112 degrees F. Maintain it at this point for twelve or fifteen minutes. After this the patient is lifted out into a prepared bed on which a long rubber is spread with three or four hot blankets over it; these are wrapped all around the patient, tucked in closely about the neck and watched continually to see that no air enters. Give plenty of water to drink, as it promotes perspiration and helps in that way to cast off the impurities. Keep this up for an hour if possible, and then the patient is gradually uncovered, sponged under a blanket with alcohol and water and the wet blankets removed. Cloths wrung out of cold water are applied to the head during this bath. The pulse should be closely watched for any indication of faintness, when the patient should be put to bed, immediately. This bath should not be given during menstruation or pregnancy.
Warm Baths (90 degrees to 100 degrees F.) are frequently given to children for convulsions. They should be placed in the tub and cold applied to the head, while the body is washed and rubbed.
Local baths and packs.--For sprains, a foot bath. For menstrual pain, a sitz bath. The patient sits in the bath with only the thighs and part of the body immersed, while the upper part of the body and the feet are protected with blankets. Sitting on a cane-seated chair over a steaming pail with a blanket around the neck and body gives a good bath for pain during menstruation.
Salt-water bath. Tonic action.--Nine to fourteen pounds of sea salt to fifty gallons of water will redden the skin and give an exhilarating effect.
Dry Salt Bath sent us with Mothers' Remedies.--"To a basin of water put a big handful of salt, take a Turkish towel and soak it in the salt water, wring out and let dry. The salt will adhere to the towel. Use to rub the body. A tepid bath should be taken next day to remove the salt."
Starch bath.--Add eight ounces of laundry starch to each gallon of water. This allays skin irritation.
Bran bath.--Put the bran in a bag and allow this to soak in warm water for an hour before being used; or it may be boiled for an hour and then the fluid drained and added to the bath water.
Sponge bath.--Water and soap should be ready. Clothes to be put on, well aired and at hand. Then remove the patient's clothes and wrap him in an old blanket, expose only the part being washed at a time, wash and dry this part. Begin with the face and neck, then the chest, abdomen, arms and back, and lastly the lower extremities. Warm the water at least twice. Then put on his clean, well aired clothes and into a clean bed, and the patient will bless you.
[NURSING DEPARTMENT 631]
Alcohol sponge bath.--This is given the same way, only sixty per cent alcohol is used and the parts are allowed to dry themselves.
Tub bath (common).--Prepare everything as to heat, etc. Then carry the patient or assist him to the tub. Soap him all over and pour water over him from a large pitcher. The temperature of the water depends upon the disease. One person should continually rub the patient in typhoid fever to keep up the circulation while the water is being poured over him. A hot drink is given before and after these baths and the patient is wrapped immediately in warm flannel.
Patients are frequently put into a tub with a water temperature of 85 to 90 degrees, and then the water temperature decreased by adding cold water. This bath must be carefully given.
The cold pack.--It is used to reduce fever, delirium and extreme nervousness and to induce sleep. Cover the bed with a rubber sheet or oilcloth, and over this a blanket. Wring a sheet out of cold water and place this over the blanket. Lay the patient on this sheet and wrap it around him so that every surface has the wet sheet next to it. Tuck the sheet in well at the neck and feet. Fold the outer blanket over the patient and tuck it in. Lay a wet towel over the head, or he can be enveloped loosely in blankets and allowed to remain twenty minutes to an hour, only ten to fifteen minutes by the tucked-in method and then dried and put to bed.
The hot pack.--This is given in the same manner except that the patient is wrapped first in a blanket wrung out of boiling water. More covering is put over the patient than in a cold pack, and something cold is applied to the head.
EXTERNAL APPLICATIONS.
General and Local.--For dry heat, for warmth alone, hot bags, bottles and cans are used. Hot flannels are sometimes used for inflamed joints. Make the flannel very hot, wrap in heated paper or cloth and apply quickly; cover all with a layer of cotton, wool and oiled muslin.
For neuralgia and earache, salt bags are used.
Fill flannel bags with salt, heat as hot as can be borne, and cover it so as to retain the heat after it is applied to the ear.
For moist heat.--This is more penetrating and has a more pronounced effect than dry heat. It also hastens suppuration when it cannot be prevented in acute inflammation like quinsy, etc.
For local pains, fomentations, stupes and poultices are used. Poultices are best for deep-seated pain or continuous inflammation.
[632 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]
Linseed meal poultice.--Stir the meal slowly and evenly in boiling water; boil this mixture for several minutes and stir briskly all the time, and when thick enough it is well beaten with a spoon to remove lumps. If this is properly done it will be a light smooth paste, just stiff enough to drop away from the spoon. Use a muslin or coarse cloth and spread the poultice on this to the depth of one-half inch, leaving one inch space to turn in. Put vaselin over the surface, thin, and cover with a thin layer of gauze or thin cloth. Turn the edges over and roll in a towel to keep it warm and carry to patient. Keep them warm,--one should never be removed until another is ready to be put on. The skin should always be wiped dry before another is applied. Oiling the poultice prevents irritation of the skin and pimples. Cover the poultice loosely if possible with a layer of cotton-wool and oiled muslin to retain the heat and moisture longer. It should be changed every three hours at least. Apply hot and never keep on when it is cold. It should never be used a second time.
Starch Poultice.--This is used in skin diseases for its soothing properties. Mix the starch first with a little cold water and then add enough boiling water to make a thick paste, which is then spread on muslin covered with a layer of gauze.
The Jacket Poultice. For lung affections.--Two layers of thin muslin are shaped so as to fit closely around the neck and under the arms and come over the chest and back, low enough to cover the lungs. Three sides are now closed, and the prepared linseed is poured into the bag and regularly distributed. Close the open end and then apply. Cover it with wool and oiled silk and keep in place with safety pins or tapes which are tied under the arms and over the shoulders. When changing the poultice be careful not to expose the patient. A cotton-wool jacket should be worn a few days after the poultice has been discontinued.
Cold is applied either by means of the cold bath or by compresses, pack, sponging, coils or ice.
Cold Compresses are made by using two or three thicknesses of lint or linen wrung out of cold water or ice water and applied over the inflamed part, and changed frequently. A little vaselin may be rubbed on to prevent the skin from becoming irritated. They are very useful where little weight can be borne. If iced compresses are used a small block of ice partially wrapped in flannel is placed in a basin; there should be two compresses, one of which is kept on ice while the other is on the patient.
Compresses are very good in the early stage of tonsilitis, quinsy, sore throat, laryngitis and croup.
Ice-bags (India Rubber).--With these, cold can be best applied and with less trouble. These are made in different shapes. For instance helmet-shaped to fit the head and long and narrow for the spine.
Crush the ice in small pieces and mix in it a little common salt,--never fill the rubber bags more than half full; expel the air as much as possible by pressing before screwing on the top. Always place a layer of lint, cotton or thin cloth between the skin and the bag. The extreme cold is not only painful but liable to irritate the skin, and may cause frost-bites. Its effect should be watched carefully. Sometimes the weight causes discomfort. In such cases suspend the bag. For the head, fasten a bandage to the neck of the bag and pin the two ends to the pillow just high enough to allow the cap (bag) to barely touch the head. Care should be taken to refill the ice-bags before the ice has melted. At times a piece of ice is wrapped in moist lint or old linen and passed gently over the head in order to cool the head.
[NURSING DEPARTMENT 633]
For Appendicitis.--There should be quite a thickness of cloth between the ice bag and the skin. The latter must not become too cool. In this disease this bag is a great reliever of the pain and generally used.
Ice Poultices.--In some cases these are better than the ice bag for the reason that they fit the body better. They are usually made of two parts of crushed ice to one of linseed meal or bran, together with a small amount of salt. Make two bags of oiled silk,--one should be smaller than the other. Close all sides but one, with adhesive plaster. Fill the smaller bag two-thirds full of ice, close and slip it into the larger bag.
Ice Water Coils.--These can be bought. They can also be made from rubber tubing. Sew this upon a piece of rubber cloth in circles about one inch apart for five or six rounds; leave a yard or two of tubing at each end to be used as a siphon, A large pan of ice water is raised above the patient into which one weighted end of the tubing is placed, with a funnel inserted into it, covered with gauze to prevent clogging, while the other end is laid in a second basin on the floor which receives the water. The upper pan must be kept filled. This is very good for delirium in brain fever, etc., when applied to the head and also good for bleeding from the bowels in typhoid fever. The stream of water can be regulated if necessary by a stop-cock.
Lotions.--Lotions are medicated moist applications, and may be either hot or cold.
Counter--Irritants are agents applied externally to produce irritation or inflammation in order to relieve a diseased condition in an adjacent or deep-seated part of the body. Mustard foot-bath relieves pain in the head by drawing the surplus blood away from the head. The mildest mustard counter-irritant is the mustard poultice. It can be made with one part mustard to six of linseed meal. Never use boiling water with mustard.
Mustard Poultice.--Use of ground mustard, one-fourth to one-eighth of the amount of meal used. Make into a paste and stir this into the linseed, after it has been prepared for the poultices. The white of an egg is used in this poultice as it may keep the poultice from blistering.
Yeast Poultices.--These stimulate ulcers, gangrene and sloughing conditions. Mix eight ounces of soft yeast with as much water. Add enough flour to make a sponge, but not too stiff. It should be kept warm until fermentation begins; then apply every day. Finely powdered charcoal can also be added.
[634 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]
For Soothing Effect.--Hop bags or bran bags, dipped in hot water, may be applied, protected and kept in place with a bandage.
Spice Poultice.--This is very good for pain in abdomen in children especially. Equal parts of ground cinnamon, cloves, allspice and ginger, one-quarter part cayenne pepper, if needed very strong. Place all together in a flannel bag and spread equally. Wet with alcohol or brandy. When dry, re-wet. This is a mild warming dressing.
Spice Poultice from a Stanlyton, Va., Mother.--"Take one teaspoonful each of mustard, ginger, black pepper, cinnamon, cloves, nutmeg, or as many ground spices as one has in the kitchen; mix them well in a bowl while dry, adding boiling water slowly and stir constantly until it is of the consistency of soft putty; spread between soft thin cloths and apply to the affected parts as hot as the patient can bear it. When it is cool heat it again and apply."
Mother's Flour and Water Poultice.--"Make a thick poultice of flour and water; bake soft and apply hot. Have another ready for change, if necessary. This is good for any pain."
Poultice of Peach Tree Leaves from our Mother's List.--"Put a handful of peach leaves in a vessel and let boil well; add enough meal to thicken, spread between thin muslin cloth and apply to parts affected. This is a splendid poultice."
Mild Plaster for Children.--"Two teaspoonsful of flour, three teaspoonsful of mustard, a little fresh lard and a few drops of turpentine, Mix up with warm water."
Fomentations.--This is the best way to apply moist heat, but it is troublesome, as they should be changed very frequently, at least every ten minutes when heat is required. They should never be left on until they are cold and clammy. Sheets of lamb's wool make the best material. Cut these layers into sizes required and encase them in a gauze cover over which is put a layer of oiled silk. Coarse old flannel or an old blanket will do well. Take two layers of the flannels, dip in the boiling water and wring. Two should be at hand. Dry the skin first and then put on the flannel. It should be covered with enough material to keep in the heat and moisture. Hops, etc., can be put into the water.
Turpentine Stupes.--This is prepared the same way, except turpentine is added. After the flannel has been wrung out, add from ten to twenty drops of turpentine, or add two or three teaspoonfuls of turpentine to one pint of boiling water and put the flannel in it and wring out and apply. Put a towel over the stupe. This is especially for gas in the bowels.
Mustard Stupe.--Put a tablespoonful of mustard in one pint of hot water. Make a paste of the mustard before it is put into the hot water, to avoid forming lumps; never use boiling water. Wring the flannel out after it has been in this solution and apply to the part.
[NURSING DEPARTMENT 635]
Mustard Plaster.--This is made of different strengths, depending upon the length of time it is desired to keep it on and the sensitiveness of the skin.
1. Equal parts of mustard and flour. 2. One of mustard and two of flour. 3. One of mustard and three or four of flour. White of an egg added makes it better and not so blistering.
A paste is made with warm water and spread between the layers of muslin and left on no longer than ten minutes. When the skin is red remove the plaster. This is used when you wish a quick counter-irritation.
Mustard Plaster.--This is made stronger, 1 to 2 to 3 parts meal.
Mustard leaves or Sinapisms may be bought at a drug store. They are no better than you can make. Use plasters.
Capsicum and Belladonna Plasters.--May be bought. In applying, heat the back of the plaster slightly; the face of the gauze is pulled off and the plaster placed where wanted. To remove soak first with alcohol.
Spice plaster.--Mix two teaspoonfuls each of ginger and cloves with a teaspoonful of cayenne pepper, one tablespoonful of flour, enough brandy or water to make a paste. Spread this between two layers of muslin.
For Turpentine and Mustard Stupes see above.
Tincture of iodine, chloroform and liniments are also counterirritants, also castor oil, and pure tartar emetic, and cartharides.
Cupping, Wet and Dry.--This is sometimes used to relieve inflammations of the eye, lung or kidney, or even muscular pains like lumbago. Wine-glasses will do as well as any you can buy.
Dry cupping.--Take a piece of wire, wrap a small piece of cotton about the end, dip this in alcohol, light it and swab the inside of the glass, remove and apply the glass. The heat causes the air to expand and it is driven off and the partial vacuum formed is filled by the skin and tissues over which the glass is placed. The edges of the cup must not be warm enough to burn the patient. Six or seven cups may be applied at one time and allowed to remain five minutes, after which they are removed by pressing the flesh around the edge and inserting the finger there so as to let in the air.
Linseed meal poultices can be applied afterwards to keep up the work begun.
Wet cupping.--Scrub the skin with hot water and soap, wash off with a five per cent (1-20) carbolic acid solution. Make a few cuts over the parts desired with a clean knife and apply the cup prepared in the way above directed. Remove the blood and check the bleeding, if necessary, by sponging. Place a pad on the part and hold this in place by a bandage or adhesive strap.
Blistered Skin. To dress.--Puncture the lower part with a clean instrument and catch the fluid on absorbent cotton. Dress it with oxide of zinc ointment or vaselin on lint or clean linen and strap on. It is best not to remove the skin from a blister at the first dressing.
[636 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]
HOW TO DETERMINE THE DOSE FOR CHILDREN.
We have endeavored to always give the dose throughout this book as we recognized the lack of accurate and detailed information regarding the administering of medicines as one of the weak features in practically all home medical books. If we have overlooked a few instances we wish to provide for such omissions by giving the table of doses generally used by nurses as a basis for determining the dose of any medicine she may be using for a particular age.
Rule usually followed.--For children under twelve years of age. Make a fraction. Use the age of the child for the upper number, numerator. The number below the line, denominator, is twelve, added to the age of the child. For example: If your child is two years old you would begin by placing two as numerator, thus 2/, then you add 2 + 12 = 14 and place 14 below the line and you have 2/14 or 1/7. You then take 1/7 of the adult dose for your two-year-old child. If the dose for an adult is 21 drops, a child of two years is given 3 drops, etc.
DOSE IN DROPS FOR DIFFERENT AGES.
If the dose is a spoonful or 60 drops for an adult, the other doses would be correct for the ages given below:
21 and over 60 drops 15 years about 33 drops A few more or less if robust or weakly 12 " " 30 drops " 10 " " 27 drops " 8 " " 24 drops " 6 " " 20 drops " 5 " " 17 drops " 4 " " 15 drops " 3 " " 12 drops " 2 " " 8 drops " 1 " " 4 drops "
Exceptions to this rule are calomel and castor oil, when half an adult dose can be given between 12 and 18.
Opium is dangerous to children and old people and should be administered by a physician or trained nurse.
"Lest We Forget." COMMON TABLES OF MEASURES. APOTHECARIES' WEIGHT.
Apothecaries' Weight is used in prescribing and mixing medicines
Table.
20 grains equal 1 scruple 3 scruples " 1 dram 8 drams " 1 ounce 12 ounces " 1 pound
The pound is the same as the pound Troy. Medicines are bought and sold in quantities by Avoirdupois Weight.
[NURSING DEPARTMENT 637]
1 grain equals 1 drop or 1 minim 60 grains or drops " 1 teaspoonful 1 teaspoonful " 1 fluid dram
8 drams (or 8 teaspoonfuls) make 1 fluid ounce 2 tablespoonfuls make 1 fluid ounce
1/2 fluid ounce is a tablespoonful 2 fluid ounces is a wineglassful 4 fluid ounces is a teacupful 6 fluid ounces is a coffee cup 16 ounces (dry or solid) is a pound 20 fluid ounces is a pint
MEDICINE CHEST.--More important than the furnishing of the house is the medicine chest. If you are beginning housekeeping let this be your first consideration. Do not put it off because it is a little trouble and costs a few dollars. Yon would not think of leaving your front room or your "spare room" half furnished. Your health is of vastly more importance than the looks of your best rooms. There may come a time when you cannot secure the doctor for several hours or get into a drug store. Be prepared for this emergency and either fix up a home-made box with shelves, etc., or buy a regular medicine chest; in either case have a lock to it and the key where you can find it but where the children cannot reach it.
We give below a few of the necessaries and you will of course add to this list. One mother writes that she went to the store and bought several tiny little bells and tied one of these bells around the neck of each of the bottles in her medicine chest that contained poison. There was no danger of her getting the wrong bottle in the dark. Contents of the Medicine Chest.
Ten cents worth of Alum. A small bag of Burnt Alum. A small bottle of Castor Oil. A small vial of Bichloride of Mercury Tablets. A box of Boric Acid Powder. A $mall bottle of Glycerin: A bottle of Extract of Witch-hazel A small bottle of Syrup of Ipecac. A bottle of Whisky and one of Brandy. A box of English Mustard. Medicine glass. A small box of Cold Cream. Soft rubber Ear Syringe. A Clinical Thermometer. An Eye Stone. A pad, pencils, and labels. A small bottle of Carbolic Acid. A roll of Adhesive Plaster. A small box of Pineoline Salve. A bottle of Arnica.
Hung near the chest should be a fountain syringe with the rubber catheter for use in irrigating the bowels and a hot water bag.
[638 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]
HOW TO CARE FOR THE DEAD.
The limbs should be straightened before the body becomes stiff (rigor mortis). The eyes should be closed and the jaws held in position by means of a support placed firmly under the chin; for this a roller bandage or a small padded piece of wood is generally used. Of course if the person has worn false teeth, and they have been taken out during the last hours, they should be replaced immediately after death. The nostrils, mouth, rectum, and vagina should be packed with absorbent cotton to prevent the escape of discharges after death. After this bathe the body, if so desired by the relatives, with a two per cent watery solution of carbolic acid, and if there are any wounds they should be covered with fresh cotton and neatly fastened with a bandage. The hips may be enclosed in a large triangular binder; the knees are held together by a broad bandage; the hair should be brushed smoothly, and finally stockings and a simple nightgown should be put on. If the case be one of the infectious diseases, wrap the body in a sheet wrung out of a five per cent watery solution of carbolic acid and this sheet should be kept damp.
The room where death occurs should be tidied and regulated to make it look natural and comfortable. The undertaker can be sent for as soon as desired by the family. But if such care as directed has been given, the undertaker need not be hurried.
ENEMA.--Enemata (Injections).--There are various methods used for injecting fluids into the body. When they are introduced into the intestines, we speak of giving enemata (enema is the singular). They are named according to their purpose.
1. Simple laxative or purgative enemata.
2. Nutritive enemata for the purpose of nourishment.
3. Sedative enemata for local or systemic quieting effects.
4. Astringent enemata to check bleeding and diarrhea, like hot water, ice water, solution of alum or nitrate of silver.
5. Emollient (soothing) enemata for soothing irritated and painful mucous membrane; starch and drugs are also used.
6. Antispasmodic enemata to relieve flatulence such as the turpentine enemata.
7. Anthelmintic (against worms) for destroying worms; salt, turpentine and quassia are used.
8. Antiseptic or germicidal enemata used in dysentery.
9. Stimulating enemata, like hot water, hot strong coffee, hot whisky and water, salt water.
10. To relieve thirst, water one pint or normal salt solution (one dram to a pint of water) and injected high up.
[NURSING DEPARTMENT 639]
ENEMATA are given either high or low.
A high enemas thrown high up into the bowel.
A low enema is injected into the rectum only, through a hard rubber tip to a syringe.
Directions.--There are many ways of giving a simple enema.
Position.--A good way is to place an adult patient on his left side, with the knees bent up close. Protect the bed with a rubber sheet and towel under the patient. The basin of water can be placed on the rubber sheet and the enema given under cover.
Amount.--An adult person will take one to four pints. A child one-half to one pint. For an infant about two ounces will do.
What material? A simple enema can be made with good castile soap or good brown soap and water, temperature about 95 degrees F. When ready for use make into a good suds.
Syringe.--Use a bulb syringe, see that the syringe is filled full to the nozzle before the nozzle is put into the bowel. Any air left in the syringe will pass into the bowel and cause pain. Oil the nozzle with vaselin or sweet oil and then gently put the nozzle into the rectum. It is better to introduce an oiled finger through the sphincter muscle and pass the nozzle along the finger and gently into the bowel. It should be in the bowel two or three inches. Do not attempt to force the nozzle through any obstruction. Introduce the water slowly in a gentle and steady stream. The main object is to distend the rectum by means of the water, thereby producing reflex stimulation. The worm-like movement of the bowels results, thus bringing about an evacuation. The patient should retain it for ten or fifteen minutes to get the best results. A folded towel placed against the anus will assist the patient in resisting the desire to expel the water. A large amount should be given in one-half hour if the first one does not produce the desired result.
Sometimes a laxative enema is necessary.--Olive oil or glycerin or castor oil may be used.
For olive oil, six ounces may be given in a hard rubber syringe; this is seldom successful unless followed by a soap suds enema in one-half hour.
Glycerin enema, one-half ounce with equal quantity of warm water 95 degrees F., and give with a hard rubber syringe. This generally proves successful, without an additional soap suds enema.
For infants and children the contents of a straight medicine dropper will be sufficient.
Glycerin irritates the mucous membrane, and it is best that we add an equal amount of olive oil.
If these enemata fail it will be necessary to use purgative enemata. These are made by adding drugs, such as turpentine, rochelle or epsom salts or castor oil in certain proportions to the simple enema. In giving castor oil and water it is necessary first to mix the oil with the yolk of an egg and then add the warm soap suds.
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1. Formula.--
Castor Oil 2 ounces Turpentine 1/2 ounce
Mix thoroughly and inject with hard rubber syringe, followed in one-half hour by a quart of soap-suds.
2. Formula.--
Turpentine 1/2 ounce Rochelle Salts 1 ounce
Mix with warm soap-suds, one pint.
The buttocks and anus should be washed off with warm water after turpentine has been used in the enema.
3. Molasses and Laxative Enema.--Mix from two to ten ounces, according to age, with one pint of soap suds and inject slowly.
Nutritive Enemata.--Food is given by the bowel when the stomach cannot retain it. It is then called Nutritive Enemata. They should be given only from four to six times in twenty-four hours and the quantity given at one time should not exceed four ounces. It must be introduced high up in the bowel, about ten inches, and therefore they should be given through a rectal tube made of heavy rubber one-quarter inch in diameter and at least eight inches of it should be inserted in the bowel. After it has been oiled the tube is gently inserted in a backward, upward, direction and a glass funnel is attached to the outer end. The enema has been already mixed in a small pitcher and gently poured (very slowly) into the funnel, which is then raised so that the contents will go slowly through the tube into the bowel. The patient is protected from drops by a folded towel underneath him. Then the tube is slowly withdrawn. The tube should then be cleansed by allowing warm water to run through it, and then kept in a one per cent solution of boric acid. Food given by enemata should be very nourishing and concentrated. The following are excellent formulas:
Formula 1.--
One whole Egg Table Salt 15 grains Peptonized Milk 3 ounces or 3/8 of a cup Brandy 1/2 ounce
Formula 2.--
White of two Eggs Peptonized Milk 2 ounces or 1/4 of a cup
The whole amount should never exceed four ounces. The addition of salt aids the absorption of the egg. Brandy, and whisky are very irritating and should be given only every other time.
The fresh raw milk can be used, if it is impossible to have it peptonized.
After a nutritive enemata the patient should lie quietly on his back for twenty or thirty minutes.
[NURSING DEPARTMENT 641]
Turpentine enemata for distention may be given according to the following formula:
Mucilage of Acacia 1/2 ounce Spirits of Turpentine 10 drops
This should be administered high up in the bowel.
Astringent Enemata. To check diarrhea.--They should be given slowly and injected high up, and they should be retained as long as possible.
Starch and Laudanum.--Boil the starch as if to be used in the laundry and dilute with luke-warm water, until it is thin enough to pass through a tube. Take of this three ounces. This can be given alone in mild cases; but if there is much pain and straining add ten to fifteen drops of laudanum to the starch water or thirty to forty drops of paregoric. This dose is for an adult.
Stimulating Enemata. 1. Black coffee.--One-half to one pint of strong coffee, injected as hot as possible. It should be strained before using. This is frequently given in poison cases.
2. Salt Enemata.--Two teaspoonfuls to one quart of hot water is mildly stimulating; one-half to one ounce of brandy or whisky may be added.
DOUCHES.--By this term is generally meant a jet of fluid directed with a certain amount of force upon a limited external or internal surface, for cleansing, stimulating purposes and to relieve inflammation. Three common douches are the ear (aural), the vaginal and the rectal.
The Vaginal Douche. For cleansing.--A one per cent solution of carbolic acid is often used in one to three quarts of water.
To allay inflammation.--A hot solution of the temperature of 105 degrees to 115 degrees is given, and three or six quarts may be used. Allow the stream to flow before the nozzle is inserted so as to have the warm temperature instead of cold at the start, and the nozzle should be introduced up towards the posterior vaginal wall. The fountain syringe bag should not be raised more than six to twelve inches above the patient who is lying down with her hips raised on pillows and her knees drawn up. Medicines can be used in all the douches.
Rectal douche.--This is to relieve piles and reduce inflammation. Hot or cold as needed. A rectal tube or fountain syringe is used.
Ear (aural) douche.--This is used for earache and inflammation. Salt or boric acid is generally used in the warm water. It should be allowed to flow in slowly and gently.
How to use a bed pan.--When you are placing the pan, you should slip one hand under the buttocks and then place the flat end of the pan under the buttocks. It should always be warm. Raise the patient in the same way before attempting to remove it. Do not pull it out.
[642 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]
TEMPERATURE (Fever).--A thermometer is necessary in taking the temperature. They can be bought for from fifty cents up. The temperature is taken by putting the thermometer under the tongue, in the arm-pit and in the rectum. For children it should be placed in the rectum or in the arm-pit or groin. Allow it to remain from two to five minutes. This depends upon the time limit of the thermometer. The normal temperature is 98-6/10 degrees F. This varies, some people are normal at times at 99 or 98 degrees. The temperature in the arm-pit is lower by 3/10 of a degree, but that in the rectum is 1/2 degree higher than that taken in the mouth. The normal point on the thermometer is marked by an arrow. The mercury in the tube must always be down to that at its highest point, before the thermometer is placed and the highest point the mercury goes indicates the height of the temperature (fever). If you take it in the rectum, that should be free from feces. Oil the thermometer and gently insert it into the bowel for one and one-half inches and hold the stem.
Under the Tongue.--Place the point under the tongue and instruct the patient to close his lips over the thermometer. He can also hold the stem with his fingers, It should never be taken here right after a cold drink. Unconscious patients may bite through the instrument, so care must be taken with them.
Arm-pit.--Wipe the part thoroughly dry and place the point directly in the arm-pit. Then place the elbow against the body and the hand on the chest pointing to the opposite shoulder. When ready to take it out move the arm away from the body and take the thermometer away gently for it sticks sometimes and you will cause pain if you draw it away quickly. The instrument should be cleansed in tepid mild salt solution.
PULSE.--Average in men, sixty to seventy. In women, sixty-five to eighty. Children ninety to one hundred to one hundred and twenty. Different authors vary. In men it is generally seventy to seventy-two. In women seventy-two to seventy-five.
It is better taken sitting. It is faster when walking, slower when lying down. I always take the pulse in the left arm unless there is a deformity there. I use my right hand with the third finger toward the elbow. By using the first three fingers you can find out different things about the pulse. Some people are very nervous and such an one will make your arm ache when feeling the pulse. The pulse should be regular, even beats, in health. Sometimes you can feel it best on the temple or on the neck.
RESPIRATION (Breathing).--In an adult the average is eighteen per minute. In a child the average is twenty to twenty-four. Respiration is the act of taking in (inspiration), and giving out (expiration) air by the lungs.
THE TONGUE.--This is coated in dyspepsia and fevers,--some healthy persons always have a coated tongue.
[NURSING DEPARTMENT 643]
In Ulcers of the stomach there is no coating.
In high fevers, the tongue may also be red and cracked as well as coated in some parts.
A dark brown or blackish coating indicates a serious condition in acute diseases.
Strawberry tongue is seen in Scarlet Fever.
Cankered tongue and month may be due to local conditions, or to stomach, liver and bowel disorders.
In Peritonitis the tongue is generally dry and red (beefy).
Cholera Infantum.--At first coated, then dry and reddish.
Constipation.--Tongue is generally coated.
Biliousness.--Yellowish dirty coating.
DIET
FOODS AND DRINKS FOR THE SICK ROOM.
DIET.--The importance of diet and its relation to the needs of the system in disease can hardly be overrated. One should not only know what kind of food to give, but how much and how often it should be given to get the best result. Food should be given in small quantities in acute diseases and at regular intervals. It will digest better. The food should never be left in the sick room after a patient has finished with it. This applies to all kinds of food, but especially to milk, for it absorbs impurities from the air more readily than any other kind of food. How often do we see milk standing in a sick room and uncovered; how often is it placed in an ice box uncovered. I have often wondered how such people could eat some foods I have seen prepared for them in such a careless way and with no attempt to make it appear tempting to their poor appetite. Foods should be given just as regularly as medicines, when so ordered, especially in long wasting diseases like typhoid fever.
The kind of food.--Under each disease directions for the kind of food, time, and quantity have been given. In diseases like typhoid fever, special care must be given. It is better in that disease to give too little than too much food and the proper kind of food must be given. I shall never forget the death of a minister in my childhood days. I was about four years old. This minister was loved by everyone and when he died of typhoid fever, everyone was grieved and shocked and they could not understand why God should take such a useful man away. It made a great impression upon me. I found out more about the "why" afterwards. This minister was in the convalescent stage and very hungry. He wanted a genuine boiled dinner. That is bad enough for a well man. The doctor forbade it, but the family gave him the dinner and the result, of course, was fatal. It could not be otherwise. We often blame God for our own sins. Many people are killed by kind friends. I have seen it more than once. Peanuts, popcorn, and candy have caused many convulsions in children and some deaths.
It is generally allowable to give a little liquid food every two hours in acute diseases. It should be given at regular intervals in the conscious or unconscious patients, especially in long continued diseases.
[644 MOTHERS' REMEDIES ]
LIQUID DIET.
1. Cream soups; tomato, pea, corn, celery, rice, spinach, asparagus, potato.
2. Gruels; oatmeal, cornmeal, cream of wheat, flour gluten (for diabetes).
How to Albuminize Fruit Juices.--Into a cup of lemonade, orangeade, grape juice, etc., put white of an egg slightly beaten, mix thoroughly, strain and serve.
The following may or may not be albuminized.
3. Fruit juices; lemonade, orangeade, unfermented grape juice, currant, berry juice.
4. Milk; peptonized milk, albuminized, buttermilk, malted milk, and milk porridge.
5. Stimulating drinks; tea, coffee, cocoa.
6. Broths; beef broth, mutton broth, chicken broth, bouillon, consomme, oyster broth, clam broth, oyster soup, clam soup, beef tea, and beef juice.
7. Eggs; raw eggs and egg-nog.
8. Cooling and nourishing drinks; oatmeal water, rice water, barley water and toast water. Ices and ice cream may be included in the liquid diet list.
SOFT DIET.--This diet includes everything in the liquid diet list, and the following additional foods:
1. Bread: soft bread; dry toast; milk, water or cream toast, brown bread (after the first day on soft diet).
2. Eggs: poached, soft-boiled and shirred.
3. Cereals: all cooked for some hours; cornmeal, oatmeal rice, sago, wheaten grits and cream of wheat.
4. Desserts: junket, custards, milk puddings, rice, thoroughly cooked, tapioca, jellies, baked and stewed apples, prunes whipped and stewed, ices and ice cream.
[NURSING DEPARTMENT 645]
CONVALESCENT DIET.--This includes everything in the liquid and soft diet lists and the following in addition:--
1. Breads: wheat, rye, Boston brown and graham bread and biscuits.
2. Meats: broiled steak, mutton, fish, game and fowl, or stewed fowl. Also calf's head, calf 's brains, shell fish and oysters.
3. Eggs, as in soft diet.
4. Drinks as in soft diet.
5. Vegetables: tomatoes, green peas, string beans, potatoes (Irish and sweet), lettuce, cresses, asparagus, onions, celery, spinach and mushrooms.
6. Desserts: custards, creams, jellies, ripe fruits and stewed fruits. No pastry or rich puddings.
FOODS FOR DIFFERENT MEALS FOR THOSE WHO CAN EAT, BUT WHO DO NOT HAVE MUCH APPETITE.
Breakfast; drinks: tea, coffee, cocoa, milk or albuminized fruit juices; cereal with cream; eggs; omelet, scrambled or poached on a piece of round toast, or soft boiled in a hot cup; muffins or gems.
Dinner; broiled porterhouse or tenderloin steak; baked potatoes; bread or rolls; pretty salad, as apple salad in apple case; custard baked in souffle dish; tea, cocoa or milk.
Supper; broiled squab, raw oysters or meat balls, asparagus tips on toast, fresh or stewed fruit, bread cut in fancy shapes.
Foods that may be taken together.--Meat; eggs: soft boiled, poached, shirred or baked; potatoes, baked, boiled or mashed; fruit sauce and ices may go with the following: stewed tomatoes, salad, spinach, or cucumbers, acid drinks, etc., any foods prepared with vinegar.
Meats, vegetables cooked in milk, or served with cream sauce, cream soups and eggs prepared with milk may be given with fruits, vegetables, drinks, etc., containing no acids.
Foods that should not be taken together.--Any food prepared with milk should not be given with lemonade, tomatoes, salads containing much vinegar or any foods served with vinegar or lemon juice.
Diets in Fevers.--Furnished us by a Trained Nurse in a Hospital.
May Take--
Foods.--Soups, clear or thickened with some well-cooked farinaceous substance, mutton, clam or chicken broth, beef tea, peptonized milk, panopepton with crushed ice.
Drinks.--Pure cold water, toast water, lemon or orange juice in cold water, jelly water, cold whey; all in small quantities sipped slowly.
Must Not Take--
Any solid or vegetable food or fruit until so directed by the physician in charge,
[646 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]
Diet in Debility sent us from one of our Leading Hospitals.
May Take--
Soups.--Any broth thickened with farinaceous material, chicken or beef soup containing chopped meat, rich vegetable soups, whole beef tea.
Fish.--All fresh fish, boiled or broiled, raw oysters.
Meats.--Beef, mutton, chicken, game, boiled ham, lamb chops or cutlet, broiled bacon, tender juicy steak, hamburger steak.
Eggs.--Soft boiled, poached, scrambled, raw with sherry wine.
Farinaceous.--Cracked wheat, rolled oats, mush, sago, tapioca, hominy, barley, macaroni, vermicelli, rolls, biscuits, cakes, whole wheat bread, corn bread, milk toast, dry toast, brown bread.
Vegetables.--Nearly all perfectly fresh and well cooked.
Desserts.--Custards, egg and milk, rice or apple pudding, baked apples, fruit jams, jellies, cocoa junket, marmalade, sweet fruits, calf 's foot jelly.
Drinks.--Cocoa, chocolate, milk hot, cold or peptonized, pure water, plain or aerated, wineglassful of panopepton.
Must Not Take-
Hashes, stews, cooked oysters or clams, pork, veal, thin soups, turkey, salt meats, except ham and bacon, cabbage, cucumbers, turnips, carrots, squash, spices, pickles, vinegar, pies, pastry, bananas, pineapples.
DISHES FOR THE SICK ROOM.
Oatmeal Gruel.--Boil one part oatmeal and two parts water in double boiler two hours; strain through gravy strainer, add one quart sweet cream, a little sugar, pinch of salt. Do not make it too sweet.
Raspberry Shrub.--Place red raspberries in a stone jar and cover them with good cider vinegar, let stand over night, next morning strain and to one pint of juice add one pint of sugar, boil ten minutes, bottle hot. When desiring to use place two tablespoonfuls full of the liquid in a glass of ice water; very nice.
Root Beer.--Take blackberry root, black cherry bark, spruce boughs, wintergreens, sarsaparilla roots; steep in a large vessel till all the goodness is out; strain, and when lukewarm put in a cup of yeast, let work, bottle up, sugar to sweeten.
Cream Toast.--Toast a piece of light bread and moisten it with hot water; butter and then put on a layer of sweet cream on top and place in oven a moment. This is easily digested.
Lemon Jelly.--On one box gelatine pour 1 pint cold water and let stand one or two hours. Then put on 4 cups of granulated sugar, squeeze juice of 4 lemons with the grated rind of one. When gelatine is dissolved, pour over it one quart boiling water and stir. Pour this over sugar and lemon juice and stir thoroughly until all is dissolved; strain. Put fruit in if desired--turn into molds, cool until firm.
[NURSING DEPARTMENT 647]
Baked Custard.--One quart milk. 4 eggs beaten light (separately). 5 tablespoons sugar, mixed with the yolks; nutmeg and vanilla. Scald but do not boil the milk, add, gradually, yolks and sugar, then add whites and flavor. Pour into dish or cups, set in pan of hot water, grate nutmeg over top and bake until firm. Eat cold.
Mountain Dew.--Yolks of two eggs, 3 crackers (rolled),--four if small. 1 pint milk, pinch of salt, cook in double boiler. Beat whites of two eggs stiff, add 3/4 cup sugar, lemon extract for flavor. Set in oven and brown. This will serve four people.
Raspberry Vinegar.--Equal parts of red and black raspberries, wash them and cover with cider vinegar, let stand over night. Strain and to each pint of juice take 1 lb. white sugar and boil 15 minutes. Bottle ready for use. To drink use about 2 tablespoons in glass of ice water.
Milk Porridge.--l tablespoon each of cornmeal and wheat flour wet to a paste with cold water, cook in two cups boiling water twenty minutes, then add 2 cups milk and cook a few minutes, stirring often.
Lemon Velvet.--l qt. milk, 2 cups sugar, juice of 2 lemons. Chill the milk, then add the sugar and lemon mixed, and freeze like sherbet.
Ice Cream.--Mix 3 cups sugar and 2 tablespoons flour and stir into 2 qts. hot milk until flour is cooked. When cool add 1 qt. cream, whipped, and one tablespoonful vanilla. Freeze.
Sago Custard.--Soak 2 tablespoons sago in a tumbler of water an hour or more, then boil in same until clear. Add a tumbler of sweet milk; when it boils add sugar to taste, then a beaten egg and flavoring.
Crust Coffee.--Toast bread very brown, pour on boiling water, strain and add cream and sugar. Good for stomach and diarrhea.
Cream Soup.--One pint boiling water, one-half cup of cream, add pieces of toasted bread and a little salt.
Cinnamon Tea.--To 1/2 pint fresh milk add stick or ground cinnamon, enough to flavor, and white sugar to taste; bring to the boiling point and take either warm or cold. Excellent for diarrhea in children or adults.
Barley Water.--Add two ounces pearl barley to 1/2 pint of boiling water; simmer five minutes, drain and add 2 qts. boiling water, add two ounces of sliced figs, and two ounces of raisins; boil until reduced to one quart. Strain for drink.
Arrowroot Custard.--One tablespoonful of arrowroot, one pint milk, one egg, two tablespoons sugar. Mix the arrowroot with a little cold milk and beat in the egg and sugar, pour into the boiling milk and scald until thickened, flavor and pour into cups to cool.
Odors.--A few drops of oil of lavender poured into a glass of very hot water will purify the air of the room almost instantly from cooking odors; the effect is especially refreshing in a sick room.
[648 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]
Dainty Way to Serve Egg on Toast.--Pile the well-beaten white of an egg on a slice of buttered toast, which has been softened with hot water. Make a hollow in the white and drop the yolk therein. Set in the oven to cook the egg.
Oatmeal Gruel.--Pour boiling water over a cupful of rolled oats, stir and let stand a moment, then strain off the liquid. Season with sugar and a little cream if desired. Especially good for children.
Prepared Flour for Summer Complaint.--Take a double handful of flour, tie up in a cloth and cook from three to six hours in a kettle of boiling water. Take out and remove the cloth and you have a hard, round ball. Keep in a dry, cool place. Prepare by grating from this ball into boiling milk enough to make it as thick as you desire, stirring it just before removing from the fire with a stick of cinnamon to give it a pleasant flavor. Salt the milk a little. This is very good for children having summer complaint.
Chicken Broth.--Take the first and second joints of a chicken, boil in a quart of water until tender, season with a very little salt and pepper.
Fever Drinks--Pour cold water on wheat bran, let boil one-half hour, strain and add sugar and lemon juice. Pour boiling water on flaxseed and let stand until it is ropy, pour into hot lemonade and drink.
Egg Gruel.--Beat the yolk of an egg with one tablespoonful sugar, beating the white separately; add one cup boiling water to that yolk, then stir in the whites and add any seasoning. Good for a cold.
Diabetic Bread.--Take one quart of set milk or milk and water, one heaping teaspoonful of good butter, one-fifth of a cake of compressed yeast beaten up with a little water, and two well-beaten eggs. Stir in gluten flour until a soft dough is formed; knead as in making ordinary bread; place in pans to raise, and when light bake in hot oven.
Lime Water.--Into an earthen jar containing hot water stir a handful of fresh unslaked lime. Allow it to settle; then decant the clear fluid and bottle it. Water may again be added to the lime, and the mixture covered and allowed to stand to be decanted as needed.
Vanilla Snow.--Cook one-half cup of rice. When nearly done add one-half cup of cream, small pinch of salt, beaten white of one egg, one-half cup of sugar, flavor with vanilla. Pile in a dish and dot with jelly. Serve with sugar and cream.
Omelet.--One egg, white and yolk beaten separately; two tablespoons milk, one-third teaspoon each of flour and melted butter, a little salt. Add the beaten white last. Pour in small spider in which is a little melted butter (hot) and cook over moderate fire. When it thickens and looks from under the edges, fold it over and slip it on a hot dish.
[NURSING DEPARTMENT 649]
Almond Milk.--Blanch one pound of sweet and two of bitter almonds that have been soaked in cold water for twenty-four hours. This is done by pouring boiling water over the almonds when, after a few minutes, they can easily be pressed out of their hulls. Grind the almonds in a mill or pound them in a mortar; mix with a half-pint of warm milk or water and allow the mixture to stand two hours after which strain through a cloth, pressing the juice out well.
Brandy and Egg Mixture.--Rub the yolks of two eggs with half an ounce of white sugar; add four ounces of cinnamon water; one coffee-spoonful of white sugar.
Cold Eggnog.--Beat up an egg; add to it two teaspoonfuls of sugar, a glassful of milk and a tablespoonful of brandy or good whisky; mix thoroughly.
Hot Eggnog.--Beat up the yolk of one egg; add a teaspoonful or two of sugar and a glassful of hot milk; strain and add a tablespoonful of brandy or old whisky, or flavor with nutmeg or wine.
Egg Broth.--Beat up an egg and add to it half a teaspoonful of sugar and a pinch of salt; over this pour a glass of hot milk and serve immediately. Hot water, broth, soup, or tea may be used in place of milk.
Egg Cordial.--Beat up the white of an egg until light; add a tablespoonful of cream and beat up together, then add two tablespoonfuls of sugar and a tablespoonful of brandy.
Caudle.--Beat up an egg to a froth; add a wineglassful of sherry wine, and sweeten with a teaspoonful of sugar; if desired flavor with lemon peel. Stir this mixture into a half-pint of gruel; over this grate a little nutmeg and serve with hot toast.
Albumin Water.--Beat the white of one egg until very light and strain through a clean napkin. Add six ounces of water. If intended for an infant a pinch of salt may be added. A teaspoonful or more of sugar and a teaspoonful or more of lemon juice, orange juice, or sherry wine may be added to enhance its palatableness. This drink may also conveniently be made by placing all the ingredients in a lemon-shaker, shaking until thoroughly mixed and then straining. Serve cold.
Apple Water.--Pour a cupful of boiling water over two mashed baked apples; cool, strain, and sweeten. Serve with shaved ice if desired.
Currant Juice.--Take an ounce of currant juice or a tablespoonful of currant jelly. Over this pour a cupful of boiling water (use cold water with the juice) and sweeten to taste.
Lemonade.--Take the juice of one lemon or three tablespoonfuls of lemon juice; add from one to three tablespoonfuls of sugar and a cupful (six ounces) of cold water. Serve with cracked or shaved ice if desired.
[650 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]
Syrup for Cough of Long Standing.--"Five cents worth of flax seed, a little rock candy, two tablespoons of best brandy and a lemon makes the finest cough syrup in the world. Steep flaxseed a short time, strain and add rock candy to sweeten, then juice of one lemon and the brandy. One physician says it is as good as anything he can put up."
Syrup of Lemons for Fever Cases and to Disguise the Taste of Bad Medicines.--"Boil for ten minutes a pint of lemon juice, strain, add two pounds of brown sugar and dissolve. When cold add two and one-half ounces of alcohol. A fine addition to drinks in fever cases and good to disguise the taste of medicines."
Lemonade.--Pare the rind from one lemon, cut the lemon into slices, and place both in a pitcher with an ounce of sugar. Over this pour a pint of boiling water and let it stand until cold. Strain and serve with cracked ice.
Albuminzed Lemonade.--Shake together a cupful of water, two teaspoonfuls of lemon juice, two teaspoonfuls of sugar, and the white of an egg. Serve at once.
Orangeade.--Cut the rind from one orange; over the rind pour a cupful of boiling water; then add the juice of the orange and a tablespoonful of sugar; cool, strain, and serve with shaved ice if desired. If this is too sweet, a tablespoonful of lemon juice may be added.
Imperial Drink.--Add a teaspoonful of cream of tartar to a pint of boiling water; into this squeeze the juice of half a lemon, or more if desired; sweeten to taste and serve cold. This drink is most useful in fevers and nephritis.
Flaxseed Tea.--Add six teaspoonfuls of flaxseed to a quart of water; boil for half an hour; cool, strain, sweeten, and if desired flavor with a little lemon juice.
Mulled Wine.--One-fourth of a cupful of hot water, one-half inch of stick cinnamon, two cloves, a tiny bit of nutmeg, one-half cupful of port (heated) two tablespoonfuls of sugar. Boil all the ingredients except the wine and sugar for ten minutes; then add the wine and sugar, strain, and serve very hot.
Grape Juice.--Pluck Concord grapes from the stem. Wash and heat them, stirring constantly. When the skins have been broken, pour the fruit into a jelly bag and press slightly. Measure the juice and add one-quarter the quantity of sugar. Boil the juice and sugar together and then pour into hot bottles; cork and seal with paraffin or equal parts of shoemaker's wax and resin melted together. Less sugar may be used.
[NURSING DEPARTMENT 651]
Oatmeal, Barley or Rice Water. From the Grain: Use two tablespoonfuls of grain to a quart of water. The grain should have been previously soaked over night or at least for a few hours. When required for an emergency the soaking may be dispensed with and the grain boiled for five minutes instead. The water in which the grain was soaked should be poured off and fresh water added before cooking. The grain should be boiled for several hours, water being added from time to time to keep the quantity up to a quart. Strain. This makes a somewhat thin, watery gruel. From prepared flours: Various brands of prepared grain flours are on the market, such, for example, as Robinson's Barley flour. These are all somewhat similar in preparation. From two rounded teaspoonfuls to a tablespoonful of the prepared flour is added to a pint of boiling water and this is boiled from fifteen to thirty minutes and then strained. No previous soaking is required.
CEREALS AND CEREAL GRUELS.
Either the grain itself or the specially prepared flour may be used. When the grains are used they should be spread on a clean table and all foreign substances removed. If the whole grains be used, it is well to wash them, after picking them over, with two or three changes of cold water. Cereals are best cooked in a double boiler. The lower part should be filled about one-third full of water and, if more is added during the soaking, it should always be boiling hot. The cereal should be boiled over the fire for ten or fifteen minutes. The water should be boiled first and then salted. The cereal is added gradually and the whole stirred to prevent it from burning. It should then be placed in the double boiler and steamed until thoroughly cooked. Cereals, like other starchy foods, require thorough cooking. Most recipes allow too short a time. Oatmeal, especially, should be mentioned. It develops a better flavor if cooked for three hours or more, and is better when it is prepared the day before and reheated when used. It should be just thin enough to pour when taken out of boiler, and when cooled should form a jelly.
Any cereal mush may be thinned with water, milk or cream and made into a gruel, or the gruel may be made directly from the grain or flour. Gruels should be thin, not too sweet nor too highly flavored, and served very hot. Milk gruels should be made in a double boiler. Gruels can be made more nutritious by the addition of whipped egg, either the white or yolk or both, and the various concentrated food products.
When cereal flours are used, the flour should be rubbed to a smooth paste with a little cold water and added slowly to boiling water, stirring constantly until it is thoroughly mixed.
[652 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]
LENGTH OF TIME TO COOK CEREALS.
Cornmeal mush: Boil 10 minutes, then steam for 3 hours or more. Oatmeal: Boil 10 minutes, then steam for l-1/2 hours or more. Irish oatmeal: Boil 10 minutes, then steam for 8 hours or more. Wheatena: Boil 10 minutes, then steam for 10 hours or more. Gluten mush: Boil 30 minutes. Steamed rice: Steam for one hour. Boiled rice: Boil for twenty minutes or until soft.
Arrowroot Gruel.--Dissolve half a teaspoonful of sugar and a quarter of a teaspoonful of salt in a cupful of water and heat. Mix half a teaspoonful of arrowroot flour with a little water and add to the heated water. Boil for twenty minutes, stirring constantly; then add a cupful of milk, bring to a boil, strain, and serve hot.
Barley Gruel.--Proceed as above, using a tablespoonful of Robinson's Barley flour instead of arrowroot.
Oatmeal Gruel.--As above, but use oatmeal, and boil for half an hour or longer before adding the milk.
Farina Gruel.--Proceed as in making arrowroot gruel, using instead a tablespoonful of farina, and boil ten minutes before adding the milk.
Cracker Gruel.--Brown the crackers, and reduce to a powder by means of a rolling-pin. Add three tablespoonfuls of the powdered crackers to half a cupful of milk and half a cupful of boiling water; cook for ten minutes; then add one-fourth of a teaspoonful of salt and serve.
Cornmeal Gruel.--Take a tablespoonful of cornmeal and moisten with a little cold water. Stir this into a pint of boiling water to which a pinch of salt has been added. Cook for three hours in a double boiler, or for thirty minutes directly over the fire. In the latter case it must be stirred constantly.
Gluten Gruel.--Mix a tablespoonful of gluten flour with one-fourth of a cupful of cold water and stir this into one cupful of boiling salted water. Cook directly over the fire for fifteen minutes; then add one clove and cook over boiling water for a half hour.
Tapioca Jelly.--Soak a cupful of tapioca of the best quality in a pint of cold water for two hours; when soft, place in a saucepan with sugar, the rind and juice of one lemon, a pinch of salt, and another pint of water; stir the mixture until it boils; turn into a mold and set away to cool; if desired, a glassful of wine may be added.
Chestnut Puree.--One pound of chestnuts (not horse-chestnuts) are peeled, and boiled in water until the second (inside) skin comes off easily. The chestnuts are placed in a sieve until all the water drains off. They are then washed in a dish and afterwards passed through a sieve. Melt three ounces of butter in a stew-pan on the fire, add a little salt and sugar,--enough to cover the point of a knife, and then the chestnuts. Stew them for half an hour, stirring frequently; pour in enough bouillon so that the mush does not get too thick.
[NURSING DEPARTMENT 653]
Brown Bread.--Take one-half cupful scalded milk, one-half cupful of water, one teaspoonful of salt, one-half teaspoonful of butter, one-half teaspoonful lard, two tablespoonfuls of molasses, one-half cupful of white flour, sufficient graham flour to knead, and three-quarters of a yeast cake dissolved in one-quarter of a cupful of lukewarm water. Prepare the same as white bread. Instead of graham flour, equal parts of graham flour and white flour may be used in kneading.
Whole Wheat Bread.--Dissolve a quarter of a yeast cake in a tablespoonful of lukewarm water. Pour half a cupful of hot water over half a cupful of milk and when lukewarm add the yeast and half a teaspoonful of salt. To this add a cupful of whole-wheat flour and beat for five minutes. Cover and allow this to stand in a warm place for two hours and a half. Then add whole-wheat flour gradually, mixing the mass until it can be kneaded. Knead until elastic; shake and place in baking pans. Cover and allow to stand in a warm place until it doubles in bulk. Prick the top with a fork and bake for one hour. The oven should not be as hot as for white bread.
Cream-of-Tomato Soup.--One can tomatoes, one-fourth teaspoonful soda, one-half cupful of butter, one-third cup of flour, 3-1/4 teaspoonfuls of salt, one-half teaspoonful of white pepper, one quart of milk. Stew the tomatoes slowly one-half to an hour, strain and add soda while hot; make a white sauce and add the tomato juice. Serve immediately.
Cream-of-Celery Soup.--One and one-half cupful of celery, one pint of water, one cupful of milk, one cupful cream, two tablespoonfuls of butter, one-half cupful of flour, one-half teaspoonful of salt, one-eighth teaspoonful of white pepper. Cook the celery in the boiling water until very soft; strain and add the hot liquid; make a white sauce and cook until it is thick cream.
Cream-of-Potato Soup.--Three potatoes, two cupfuls milk, one-half cupful of cream, yolks of two eggs, one teaspoonful of salt, pepper, one-half teaspoonful of onion juice. Cook the potatoes until soft, drain, mash, add the hot liquid, and strain; add the beaten yolks and seasoning. Cook in a double boiler until the egg thickens, stirring constantly. Serve immediately.
Oyster Stew.--One cupful of milk, one pint of oysters, one-fourth teaspoonful of salt, one tablespoonful of butter, pepper. Heat the milk. Cook and strain the oyster juice. Add the oysters, which have been rinsed, and cook until the edges curl. Add seasoning, butter and hot milk. Serve at once This soup may be thickened with a tablespoonful of flour cooked in butter as for white sauce.
Peptonized Milk.--Cold Process.--Mix milk, water and peptonizing agents, and immediately place the bottle on ice. Use when ordinary milk is required. This is particularly suited for dyspeptics and individuals with whom milk does not, as a rule, agree. The flavor of the milk remains unchanged.
[654 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]
Peptonized Milk.--Warm Process.--Put in a glass jar one pint of milk and four ounces of cold water; add five grains of extract of pancreas and fifteen grains of bicarbonate of soda. After mixing thoroughly, place the jar in water as hot as can be borne by the hand (about 115 degrees). This should be heated for from six to twenty minutes. At the end of this time it may be placed upon ice until required. The contents of one of Fairchild's peptonizing tubes may be used in place of the pancreas extract. If the milk is to be kept for any length of time, it should be brought to a boil, to prevent the formation of too much peptone, which renders the milk bitter.
Hot Peptonized Milk.--Mix together the usual peptonizing ingredients and add a pint of fresh cold milk; after thoroughly shaking the bottle, place it on ice. When needed pour out the required amount, heat it, and drink it as hot as it can agreeably be taken. If required for immediate use, the ingredients may be mixed together in a saucepan and slowly heated to the proper temperature.
Peptonized Milk Punch.--In the usual milk punch recipes the specially peptonized milk may be used in place of ordinary milk. Take a goblet one-third full of finely crushed ice; pour on it a tablespoonful of rum and a dash of curacao, or any other liquor agreeable to the taste. Fill the glass with peptonized milk; stir well, sweeten to taste and grate a little nutmeg on top.
Peptonized Milk Gruel.--Mix with a teaspoonful of wheat flour, arrowroot flour, or Robinson's barley flour with half a pint of cold water. Boil for five minutes stirring constantly. Add one pint of cold milk and strain into a jar; add the usual peptonizing ingredients, place in warm water (115 degrees) for twenty minutes, and then put upon ice.
Junket or Curds and Whey.--Take a half-pint of fresh milk; add one teaspoonful of Fairchild's Essence of Pepsin and stir just sufficiently to mix. Pour into custard cups and let it stand until firmly curdled. It may be served plain or with sugar and grated nutmeg. It may be flavored with wine which should be added before curdling takes place.
Junket with Eggs.--Beat one egg to a froth, and sweeten with two teaspoonfuls of white sugar; add this to a half-pint of warm milk; then add one teaspoonful of essence of pepsin and let it stand until curdled.
Milk Punch.--Shake together in a lemonade-shaker a glass of milk, a tablespoonful of rum, brandy, or good old whisky and two teaspoonfuls of sugar. After it has been poured into a glass a little nutmeg may be grated over the top.
Whey.--Take a half-pint of fresh milk heated luke-warm (115 degrees), add one tablespoonful of essence of pepsin and stir just enough to mix. When this is firmly coagulated, beat up with a fork until the curd is finely divided and then strain. For flavoring purposes lemon juice or sherry wine may be added.
[NURSING DEPARTMENT 655]
Cream of Tartar Whey.--Add a heaping teaspoonful of cream of tartar to a pint of boiling water. Strain, sweeten to taste, and serve cold.
Wine Whey.--Cook together a cupful of milk and half a cupful of sherry wine. As soon as the curd separates, strain and sweeten. This may be eaten hot or cold.
Milk Mixture.--This is made of cream, two parts; milk, one part; lime water, two parts; sugar water, three parts (seventeen and three-fourths drams of milk sugar to a pint of water).
Milk-and-Cinnamon Drink.--Add a small amount of cinnamon to the desired quantity of milk and boil it. Sweeten with sugar and add brandy if desired.
Albuminized Milk.--Shake in a covered jar or lemonade-shaker, a cupful of milk, a tablespoonful of lime water and the white of an egg. Sweeten, flavor as desired and serve at once.
Milk-and-Cereal Waters.--A most valuable method of preparing milk for invalids with whom it disagrees is to mix equal parts of milk and thoroughly cooked barley, rice, oatmeal, or arrowroot water and boil them together for ten minutes. This may be served plain, or flavored by cooking with it a cut-up raisin, a sprig of mace, or a piece of stick cinnamon, which should be strained out before serving.
Irish Moss and Milk.--Soak about two tablespoonfuls of Irish moss for five minutes and wash thoroughly in cold water. Add to a cupful of milk and soak for a half an hour; then heat slowly, stirring constantly, and then boil for ten minutes, preferably in a double boiler; strain, pour into cups and cool. This may be served while hot and may be rendered more nutritious by the addition of the white of an egg stirred into it just before serving.
Eggs.--Eggs and all other albuminous food should be cooked at as low a temperature as possible in order to avoid rendering them tough.
Soft-Cooked Eggs.--Place in a pint of boiling water, remove from the fire, and allow to stand for eight or ten minutes. If the egg is very cold to start with it will take a little longer.
Hard-Cooked Eggs.--Place in water, bring to a boil and then set on the back part of the stove for twenty minutes.
Eggs should be served as soon as cooked and the dishes should be warm and ready.
Rules for Custards.--The eggs should be thoroughly mixed but not beaten light, the sugar and salt added to these, and the hot milk added slowly. Custards must be cooked over moderate heat; if a custard curdles, put it in a pan of cold water and beat until smooth. Custards should always be strained.
[656 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]
Soft Custard.--Take a pint of milk, the yolks of two eggs, two tablespoonfuls of sugar, and a pinch of salt. Mix all except the milk in a bowl. Heat the milk to the boiling-point and add, stirring constantly. As soon as mixed, pour into the saucepan in which the milk has been heated and cook from three to five minutes, stirring constantly until it thickens. Strain and pour into a cold bowl and flavor with from half to one teaspoonful of vanilla, a teaspoonful or more of sherry, or other flavoring material as desired. Custards may be cooked to advantage in a double boiler.
Soup Stock.--To make stock, use a chicken or several pounds of bones with some meat attached, or a pound of lean meat and one quart of water. Cut-up vegetables may be added as desired. For flavoring add a sprig of parsley and of celery, a peppercorn, a small onion, and a scant teaspoonful of salt. Any of the flavoring vegetables may be omitted as desired or others added. The meat should simmer for several hours, until but half the quantity of water remains. Then add the other ingredients, simmer half an hour longer, strain and cool. Remove the fat.
Chicken Broth.--Take one pound of chicken and a pint of cold water. Clean the fowl, cut it into pieces, and remove the skin. Separate the meat from the bone and chop the meat very fine. Place with the bones (if large they should be broken) in the water and soak for an hour. Cook over hot water for four or five hours at a temperature of 190 degrees. Strain and add salt. Water must be added from time to time to keep the quantity up to a pint. Remove the fat. If the broth is to be reheated use a double boiler.
Meat Broth: Beef, Veal, Mutton, or Chicken.--Cover one pound of chopped lean meat with one pint of water, and allow it to stand for from four to six hours. Then cook over a slow fire for an hour until reduced to half the quantity. Cool, skim, pour into a jar and strain.
Veal Broth.--Pour a pint of water on a half-pound of finely chopped lean veal and allow it to stand for three hours. Boil for a few minutes, strain and season with salt.
Clam or Oyster Juice.--Cut the clams or oysters into pieces and heat for a few minutes in their juice. Strain through muslin and serve while hot. In straining great care must be taken that sand does not pass through the muslin. The juices should be diluted and may be frozen.
Clam Broth.--Wash three large clams very thoroughly, using a brush for the purpose. Place in a kettle with a half a cupful of cold water. Heat over fire. As soon as the shells open, the broth is done. Strain through muslin, season and serve.
Mutton Broth with Vegetables.--Allow one pound of neck of mutton to each pint of water; add carrots, turnips, onions, and barley; let all simmer together for three hours.
[NURSING DEPARTMENT 657]
Mutton Broth Without Meat.--Cook two "shank-ends" in a pint of cold water, and vegetables as directed in the foregoing recipe; simmer for three hours and strain.
Beef Tea.--Cut up a pound of lean beef into pieces the size of dice; put it into a covered jar with two pints of cold water and a pinch of salt. Let it warm gradually and simmer for two hours, care being taken that it does not at any time reach the boiling point.
Beef Tea with Oatmeal.--Mix thoroughly one tablespoonful of groats with two of cold water; add to this a pint of boiling beef tea. Boil for ten minutes, stirring constantly, and strain through a coarse sieve.
Beef Juice.--Broil quickly pieces of the round or sirloin of a size to fit the opening of a lemon squeezer. Both sides of the beef should be scorched quickly to prevent the escape of the juices, but the interior should not be fully cooked. As soon as they are ready pieces of meat should be squeezed in a lemon squeezer previously heated by being dipped in hot water. As it drips the juice should be received into a hot wine glass; it should be seasoned to the taste with salt and a little cayenne pepper, and taken while hot.
Cold Beef Juice.--Cover one pound of finely chopped lean beef with eight ounces of cold water and allow it to stand for eight or ten hours. Squeeze out the juice by means of a muslin bag; season with salt or sherry wine and drink cold or slightly warmed. It may be added to milk, care being taken that the milk be not too hot before the juice is added.
Raw Meat Juice.--Add to finely minced rump steak cold water, in the proportion of one part of water to four parts of meat. Stir well together and allow it to stand for half an hour. Forcibly express the juice through muslin, twisting it to get the best results.
Beef Essence.--Chop up very fine a pound of lean beef free from fat and skin; add a little salt, and put into an earthen jar with a lid; fasten up the edges with a thick paste, such as is used for roasting venison in, and place the jar in the oven for three or four hours. Strain through a coarse sieve, and give the patient two or three tablespoonfuls at a time.
American Bouillon (American Broth).--Place in a tin vessel that can be sealed hermetically alternate layers of finely minced meat and vegetables. Seal it and keep it heated in a water bath (bainmaire) for six or seven hours and then express the broth.
Bottle Bouillon.--Cut beef, free from fat, into squares. Place these in a stoppered bottle, put the bottle in a basin of warm water, heat slowly, and boil for twenty minutes. There will be about an ounce of yellowish or brownish fluid for each three-quarters of a pound of meat used. The flavor is that of concentrated bouillon.
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Methods of preparing raw beef.--Meat given raw should always be perfectly fresh and very finely divided. Scrape the meat with a sharp knife, which will separate the coarser fibers. If the resulting mass is stringy pass through a fine sieve. This may be seasoned with salt and pepper and served on toast, crackers or bread and butter. It may be rolled into small balls and swallowed. These may be flavored as desired. They may also be slightly browned by rolling about rapidly in a hot saucepan, care being taken not to change any but the outside of the ball, and that but slightly. Scraped beef may be served as a liquid or semi-solid food. Mix it with an equal quantity of cold water until it is quite smooth. Place in a double boiler and cook until thoroughly heated, stirring constantly. Add a little salt and pepper and serve at once. This may be made thicker by adding less water.
Raw-beef Soup.--This is made by chopping up one pound of raw beef and placing it in a bottle with one pint of water and five drops of strong hydrochloric acid. This mixture is allowed to stand on the ice over night and in the morning the bottle is placed in a pan of water at 110 degrees and kept at about this temperature for two hours. It is then placed in a stout cloth and strained until the mass that remains is almost dry. The filtrate is given in three portions daily. If the taste of the raw meat is objectionable, the meat may quickly be roasted on one side and the process completed in the manner previously described.
Barley Gruel with Beef Extract.--One-half teaspoonful of "Soluble Beef," two cupfuls of hot water, one tablespoonful of barley flour, one saltspoonful of salt. Dissolve the beef in the hot water, and mix the flour and salt together with a little cold water. Pour the boiling stock on the flour and cook for ten minutes. Strain, and serve very hot.
Beef Broth with Poached Eggs.--Prepare the broth in the proportion of half a teaspoonful of "Soluble Beef" to one cupful of hot water and add a poached egg.
A Nutritive Drink for Delicate Women and Children.--This is made by mixing one-fourth to one-half teaspoonful of "Soluble Beef," five ounces of boiling water and one-half ounce of cream; season with salt and pepper to suit the taste.
Beef Broth with Grain.--Take one teaspoonful of "Soluble Beef," one quart of water, one tablespoonful of rice, and salt to taste. Dissolve the "Soluble Beef" in the hot water and add the well-washed rice. Simmer slowly until dissolved and absorbed by the rice, adding more beef broth if too much boils away. If not entirely dissolved the broth should be strained before using.
Beef Tea Egg-Nog.--This requires one-eighth teaspoonful of "Soluble Beef," one-half cupful of hot water, one tablespoonful of brandy, and a pinch of salt. Beat the egg slightly and add the salt and sugar. Dissolve the "Soluble Beef" in the hot water, add to the egg and strain. Mix thoroughly, adding wine, and serve.
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Chicken Jelly.--Half a grown chicken should be well pounded, and boiled in one quart of water for two hours until only a pint remains; season and strain. Serve hot or place on ice, where it will jelly.
Veal-bone Jelly.--Place ten pounds of veal bones and ten quarts of water or weak bouillon over the fire and bring to just a boil. Skim and add two pounds of barley and a little salt. Simmer for five or six hours and then strain. If too thick dilute, before serving, with bouillon. Stir in the yolk of an egg in a cup and serve.
Meat Jelly.--This is made by cooking good boneless, lean beef on a water bath with a little water for sixteen hours or until it becomes gelatinized. Of the artificial preparations on the market for making bouillon the most reliable is Leibig's Extract of Meat (10:250 gm.) or Cibil's Bouillon (one teaspoonfnl to 250 gm.), Inaglio's Bouillon Capsules are also very convenient. If it is desired to make a bouillon more nutritious one teaspoonful of meat peptone may be added.
Jelly for Dyspeptics.--Remove the skin and meat from one calf 's foot; wash the bone and place in cold water on the stove; when it begins to foam skim off the refuse which gathers on top. After rinsing off the scum with cold water put the bones into a pot with one-quarter kilo of beef or half an old hen, one-quarter liter of water, and little salt, and boil slowly for from four to five hours. Pour the jelly thus formed through a fine sieve and place overnight in a cellar. Next morning remove the fat and clarify the cold jelly by adding one egg with its shells mashed, beating and stirring steadily. Then, with the addition of a little cornstarch, subject the whole to a temperature not over 60 degrees F., or the white of the egg will curdle. Constantly beat and stir. If the jelly begins to get grainy, cover and let it cool until the white of the egg becomes flaky and separates. Then strain again several times until it becomes perfectly clear; add 5 gm. of extract of meat, pour the jelly into a mold, and let it cool again. The gravy from a roast may be utilized and is very palatable. It must be stirred in while the mass is still warm and liquid. This jelly is usually relished with cold fowl, but spoils easily in summer; it must therefore be kept on ice.
Gluten Bread.--Mix one pound of gluten flour with three-fourth of a pint or one pint of water at 85 degrees. (With some of the prepared flours--Bishop's, for example--no yeast is required). As soon as the dough is mixed put it into tins and place them immediately in the oven; should be made into small dinner rolls and baked on flat tins. The loaves take about one and one-half hours to bake, and the rolls three-fourths of an hour. Either are easily made. The addition of a little salt improves the bread. (When any special brand of flour is used, the directions that accompany it should be followed closely).
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A GENERAL DESCRIPTION OF THE FOUR LEADING SCHOOLS OF MEDICINE: ALLOPATHY, HOMEOPATHY, OSTEOPATHY AND ECLECTICISM.
ALLOPATHY.--Literally the word Allopathy means "other suffering," from the Greek "allos" meaning other, and "pathos" meaning suffering. A more liberal translation would be,--other methods of treating suffering. The term was first used during the latter part of the eighteenth century by Hahnemann, the founder of the Homeopathic School, to distinguish the ordinary or regular practice of medicine as opposed to Homeopathy.
Notwithstanding the comparatively recent origin of the term, however, the methods and theories of Allopathy are based empirically upon the results of the practice of medicine since the time of Galen, and logically upon the scientific facts disclosed by modern research and study. In its broad and popular sense, Allopathy is the preservation of health and the treatment of disease by the use of any means that will produce a condition incompatible with the disease.
The application of the theories and methods of this "old school" necessitates a thorough knowledge of anatomy, pharmocology, pathology, bacteriology, physiology and other sciences. At the present time much stress is also laid upon the means for the prevention and the eradication of diseases and their causes. The inefficiency of drugs is recognized and besides the articles of the Materia Medica the "regular" physician makes use of antitoxins, vaccines, surgery, electricity, baths, etc., in treating diseases. Everyday examples of their methods may be seen in the use of quinine in Malaria, antitoxins in Diphtheria and vaccines in Smallpox, etc.
HOMEOPATHY.--This school was founded by Hahnemann, who lived in Germany over a hundred years ago. Everyone now admits that he was a great scholar. In translating a materia medica he was very much struck with the article on cinchona, where it seemed to state that taken continuously in large doses it would produce all the indications of ague. He tested other remedies in the same way and finally announced his law "Similia Similibus Curantur."
Definition given by a Medical Dictionary of Homeopathy.--"A system of treatment of disease by the use of agents that, administered in health, would produce symptoms similar to those for the relief of which they are given." For instance, ipecac given in large doses, will produce certain kind of vomiting. If the same kind of vomiting, with the other symptoms agreeing, occurs in disease ipecac would be given for the trouble.
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But if the vomiting was produced by ipecac, that same medicine would not be given to stop it, but treatment given for an over dose of the drug, ipecac. According to the principles of Homeopathy a medicine is selected which possesses the power (drug diseases) of extinguishing a natural disease by means of the similitude of its alterative qualities, (similia similibus curantur); such a medicine administered in simple form at long intervals, and in doses so fine as to be just sufficient without causing pain or debility, to obliterate the natural disease through the reaction of vital energy.
A great many medicines are used in this way by all schools, but the "regular" school claims it is not an universal law. Some homeopathic doctors claim that the antitoxin treatment for diphtheria, etc. is an application of the homeopathic law. The poison that produces the diphtheria is taken and from this by a thorough and precise process the serum is made and injected into the body of a person who has diphtheria.
Hydrophobia is successfully treated in the same way. A homeopathic doctor has a right to use any sized doses he wishes, but he claims experience has proven that large doses are not often necessary and that the medicine usually acts better attenuated.
ECLECTICISM.--An eclectic physician is a member of a school or system that claims to select "that which is good from all other schools."
This school uses very few mineral remedies, but uses many vegetable remedies. They have introduced a great many vegetable remedies into medical practice and very many of them are useful.
The homeopathic school has benefited very much by the experience of the eclectic system. This school uses remedies in large and small doses. Many of them use the homeopathic attenuated drugs.
OSTEOPATHY.--"The name 'Osteopathy' is made up of two Greek words: 'Osteon,' which means 'bone,' and 'pathos,' which means suffering (to suffer). 'Pathy,' our English equivalent for this word, by usage has come to mean "a system of treatment for suffering or disease. Hence, viewed strictly from its derivation, this term, Osteopathy, would carry only the meaning of bone suffering, 'bone disease' or 'bone treatment.'"
Definition.--"Osteopathy is that science of treating human ailments which regards most diseases as being either primarily produced or maintained by an obstruction to the free passage of nerve impulses or blood and lymph flow, and undertakes by manipulation to remove such obstruction so that nature may resume her perfect work."
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Explanation.--"While it is a distinctive theory of osteopathy that disease conditions, not due to a specific poison, are traceable to mechanical disorder in the body, or some part of it, and that the correction of such disorder is not only the rational treatment, but is necessary to the restoration of a permanent condition of health, yet as a palliative treatment appropriate manipulations are occasionally employed to stimulate or inhibit functional activity as conditions may require. Osteopaths also employ such rational hygienic measures, common to all systems of healing, as has been proven of undoubted value, and take into account environmental influences, habits and modes of life, as affecting the body in maintaining or regaining health."
The "American School of Osteopathy" is located in Kirksville, Missouri.
The course of study required is of three years duration, of nine months each, and the degree of D. O. (Doctor of Osteopathy) is given to the graduates.
OPERATIONS.
There has been a great change in regard to operations among the laity of late years. There is much less opposition and prejudice. The people are being educated to the necessity for operating in many diseases. A great deal of the opposition was due to the doctors themselves. There have been doctors who would operate at every opportunity. Some doctors could not treat a woman for diseases of the womb and ovaries without suggesting that an operation was necessary. There have been a great many healthy organs removed, or at least organs that could have been saved by proper treatment. Fortunately such doctors are becoming less in number and there is more discrimination being used. On the other hand there has also been too much conservatism. Many persons have spent years in suffering who could have been relieved by an operation. Years ago a person suffering from terrific attacks of gall stone colic continued to suffer all their natural life. Now an operation is performed and relief is obtained at very little risk to life. The same is true of cancers, tumors, etc. These, if taken early, can be removed safely and successfully in very many cases and lives saved and suffering relieved.
If an operation is needed the family should go to their family physician, in whom they have confidence. He can do the operation or direct the family as to what surgeon to choose. Bad results of operations are, sometimes, due to the operator. It is the duty of the family to choose a competent and honest surgeon. There are plenty of them all over the world,--and very few competent surgeons operate simply for the money they receive. As a rule they earn all and more than they are paid. There are more surgeons today than ever and they are also more competent, for our medical schools prepare them in the hospitals for that kind of work.
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The surgeons connected with our hospitals, public and private, are doing a great work in relieving the ills of humanity, others in private practice are doing great work. Here and there one is found who operates only for the money, but persons who employ such a doctor are usually entitled to the results they receive. Your family physician, even if he is not a surgeon, is the best person to consult when an operation may be necessary. He will send you to some honest and competent man. Operations usually should be performed as early as possible. In malignant disease the operation must be done early. This applies to cancers of the lip, face, tongue, breast, womb, ovaries, stomach and the abdominal cavity.
Then again, operations are far less dangerous now than before the days of aseptic and antiseptic surgery. Cleanliness on the part of the surgeon, nurses and patient is the first law of success in all operations. Any case that becomes infected through fault of the surgeon or attendants is no longer looked upon as a thoroughly successful operation, even though the patient recovers.
As in other branches of medicine, there are now many specialists in surgery. In the major operations it is best to employ a specialist, but in the minor cases the "family doctor" should be competent. If he does not care to perform the operation himself he can advise and direct you in selecting a competent surgeon. Always seek his advice early; do not wait until the patient is weak or dying before you decide to allow the operation, as then the chances are it cannot help. If you are in doubt as to the necessity of the operation consult more than one surgeon. There is a possibility of a wrong diagnosis in some cases.
SPECIAL OPERATIONS.
ADENOIDS.--Should be removed early when they obstruct the breathing. In another part of the book the reasons are given. The same advice is given for tumors and malformations in the nose passages. Such conditions should not be allowed to go on until the parts are permanently deformed or diseased. These operations are done very frequently and successfully now, and many people are saved years of worry and suffering. For more extended account see department of nose and throat.
APPENDICITIS.--There has been a great deal of discussion about this disease. It is no doubt true that many healthy appendices have been removed, but it is also true that many lives have been saved by operation. There is more discrimination now than formerly in this disease. Blood tests, etc., aid in telling when an operation is necessary in acute cases. There is very little danger in a chronic case if the operation is done during the interval of the attacks.
CATARACT.--The operation for this trouble is gloriously successful and the blind are daily recovering their sight through this operation.
MASTOID.--Operations on the Mastoid cells are frequently performed now and save many lives. When there is swelling behind the ear or there is much pain there a careful examination should be made. Chronic cases of Mastoid disease usually demand this operation.
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OVARIES, TUMORS OF THE.--The operation for tumors is very successful. If the ovary is simply enlarged by congestion, medicine will frequently reduce it; but when the enlargement is due to a tumor, it should be removed if it continues to enlarge. Sometimes there is cancer of the ovary. If so, it should be operated upon early. Tumors of the womb, such as fibroids, are often observed. They sometimes require removal if they grow large. The symptoms will indicate when an operation is needed. These tumors often grow so large as to necessitate the removal of the womb.
PERINEUM AND CERVIX.--The perineum and cervix are sometimes torn during labor and should be immediately repaired. The perineum is the support for the organs of generation and if it is not solid the ovaries, tubes, womb and vagina will sag and fall. Neglect of this simple operation at the proper time results in backaches, headaches, etc. Many women have suffered for years and doctored for other complaints when proper attention to the real trouble would have saved all that expense and pain. Your physician should be requested, in advance, to attend before he leaves to any laceration that may occur during labor. At this time it causes little or no pain. If postponed until next day or later it would be painful and require an anesthetic. Many cases of cancer are caused by neglected lacerations.
PILES.--It is often necessary to operate both for external and internal piles. The result is usually complete relief and cure.
CANCERS.--Cancers should be operated on early. A sore on the womb, lip or tongue, or lump on the breast that continues for a little time without getting better, is dangerous. It may soon spread in the surrounding tissue and general system. Operations on the womb and breast, performed in time, are very successful. Such tumors or sores should not be neglected. A lump in the breast should be examined early. The womb should be examined if there is a discharge from the vagina that continues. In such a case the family doctor can determine what should be done. A sore on the lip, tongue, face, etc., that continues and refuses to heal should cause suspicion and be shown to a physician.
PLEURISY.--"Water in the chest" sometimes follows pleurisy. This, if not absorbed, must be drawn off and is quite easily done. After some cases of pneumonia the lung does not clear up properly and pus forms in it. An operation is sometimes necessary to evacuate it. This should be performed before the patient becomes very much exhausted. Some people allow it to continue too long and thus lessen the chances of recovery when an operation is at last performed.
SQUINT.--There is no need for any person being cross-eyed if attention is early given to the trouble. Sometimes properly fitted glasses will correct this trouble, but an operation is often necessary and is very successful and not serious or painful.
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TRACHEOTOMY AND INTUBATION.--The operation of tracheotomy, opening of the wind-pipe, is performed where there is choking from a foreign body in the wind-pipe or when it has become suddenly closed in diseases such as croup and diphtheria. It is always an emergency operation and is only resorted to when it is evident that unless severe measures are taken the patient will choke to death. Intubation is more frequently practised in disease when the breathing has become difficult owing to the growth of membrane in the larynx. A tube of the proper size is placed in the wind-pipe and allowed to remain there until the disease has lost its force and the membrane no longer obstructs the air passage. This tube allows the patient to breathe freely as it furnishes an opening for the air and an attendant notices the change immediately. Intubation should be performed before the patient has become weak.
TONSILS.--A person who is subject to enlarged tonsils should watch them carefully. If they contain pus for any length of time they should be removed, for they not only obstruct the breathing, but are a menace to the health. Enucleation is usually the best method of removal. Enucleation means the operation of extracting a tumor in entirety after opening its sac, but without further cutting. Removal of the tonsils is a simple operation, usually not requiring the use of anesthetics and most physicians advise the removal of an enlarged or troublesome tonsil.
CALCULI OR STONES.--Calculi or stones are removed from the gall bladder, gall ducts, kidneys, ureter and bladder by operations, when it has been ascertained that the patient cannot "pass them." Many physicians prefer to locate the calculus by use of the X-rays before deciding to operate, and there can be no doubt as to the wisdom of this. In these, as in all operations, success depends largely upon the general condition of the patient. They are not considered dangerous operations, but the final decision as to their necessity should rest, in each case, with a competent physician or surgeon.
KIDNEYS, STOMACH, PROSTATE, ETC.--Little can be said in this brief paragraph concerning the many operations that are now performed upon the different organs. What applies to one applies, in general, to all. Operations are now performed, and successfully, for pus in the kidney, floating kidney, etc. Ulcers and cancers are removed from the stomach and reproductive organs. In some cases it has been necessary to remove the organs in their entirety. Pieces of the intestines have been removed with gratifying results in cases of ulcers and injuries. Enlarged prostate nearly always necessitates an operation before relief can be expected. It is impossible here to say much concerning the chances for recovery in each individual case, since they are decided by the strength and temperament of the patient, the care and skill of the surgeon and nurses, and whether the patient has submitted to the operation soon enough in the course of the disease. Let it suffice here to say that the majority of the above-mentioned operations are successful and result in the relief and often the complete recovery of the patient.
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THE HOT SPRINGS OF ARKANSAS.
Government Ownership.--The ownership and control of the Hot Springs of Arkansas by the United States Government is absolute, and its endorsement of them for the treatment of certain ailments is unequivocal. After due investigation, congress took possession of the springs in the year 1832, and it retained around them a reservation ample to protect them from all encroachments, It was the first National park reservation of the country. They are set apart by this act as "A National Sanitarium for all time," and "dedicated to the people of the United States to be forever free from sale or alienation."
The Army and Navy Hospital at Hot Springs.--In the year 1883 the United States Government built a hospital known as the army and navy hospital at Hot Springs, Arkansas, on the Southwestern slope, near the base of Hot Springs mountain, since which time the soldiers and sailors of the army and navy have been sent there for treatment for such ailments as the waters may reasonably be expected to cure, or relieve. In his circular for the guidance of the officers of the army in sending the sick there, the surgeon-general of the United States enumerates the ailments for which the sick should be sent to the army and navy hospital at the Hot Springs. It says, "Relief may be reasonably expected at the Hot Springs in the following conditions: In the various forms of gout and rheumatism after the acute or inflammatory stage; neuralgia, especially when depending upon gout; rheumatism, metallic, or malarial poisonings, paralysis, not of organic origin; the earlier stages of locomotor ataxia; chronic Bright's disease (early stages only), and other diseases of the urinary organs; functional diseases of the liver; gastric dyspepsia, not of the organic origin; chronic diarrhea; catarrhal affections of the digestive and respiratory tracts; chronic skin diseases, especially the squamous varieties, and chronic conditions due to malarial infection." Approved, GEO. H. TORNEY, Surgeon-General U. S. Army. J.M. DICKERSON, Secretary of War.
Privileges of Ex-Soldiers of the Civil and Spanish-American Wars.--Honorably discharged soldiers of thc Civil war, and the Spanish-American war, can obtain admission to the army and navy hospital at Hot Springs in the following manner, and under certain conditions:
First.--Write to the Surgeon-General, United States Army, Washington, D. c., for blank applications and instructions.
Second.--Upon receiving the blank application, fill it out properly, and return it to the Surgeon-General, when, if there is room in the hospital, he will forward to the applicant papers entitling him to admission to the hospital. The conditions are that such ex-soldier shall pay forty cents per day during the period he remains at the hospital. Such payment entitles him to board, lodging, baths, medical treatment and medicine.
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Free Baths for the Indigent People of the United States.--By act of congress approved December 16th, 1878, the government maintains a free bath house for the indigent people of the United States of both sexes. No baths will be supplied except on written applications made on blanks furnished at the office of the bath house, making full answer to the questions therein propounded: then if the applicant is found to be indigent, in accordance with the common acceptations of the word, the manager will issue a ticket good for twenty-one baths, which may be reissued on the same application if necessary. The daily average of baths given at the free bath house for the year 1909 was more than six hundred.
The government is very broad and liberal in construing the meaning of the word indigent; and the fact that the applicant for free baths has some property, seems not to act as a bar to the privilege of free baths. Ninety per cent of the patients admitted to the Army and Navy Hospital are either cured or relieved. Taking into consideration the large number of old civil war veterans treated at the hospital, whose ailments have become chronic, this is a very remarkable showing.
Physicians' and Medical Regulations.--The United States Government, through the interior department, regulates and controls the practice of medicine in connection with the hot waters. A local federal medical board passes on the applications of physicians who wish to prescribe the hot waters. All who meet the requirements of the board are placed on the accredited list. Copies of this list are hung in all the bath houses and only those whose names appear thereon are permitted to prescribe the hot waters. For the benefit of visitors these lists are also kept at the office of the superintendent of the reservation near the Army and Navy Hospital. These regulations apply only to those who take medical treatment. Others get the baths without formalities of any kind. In addition to the Army and Navy hospital and the government free bath house, there are twenty-five bath houses operated by private parties, eleven of which are situated along the western base of Hot Springs mountains on the government reservation, and fourteen are on private property at various other points throughout the city. The relations of all the bath houses to the government are the same. They each pay the water rental to the Interior Department of the United States. The government's interests are looked after by a superintendent of the reservation, who is appointed by the President of the United States. He has charge of all improvements going on, on the reservation and enforces all government rules and regulations concerning the bath houses.
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Cost of Living at Hot Springs.--Hot Springs is not located in a good agricultural section, and it is not a manufacturing city; therefore, the boarding and lodging of visitors is their only source of income. Upon nearly every house in the city is displayed the notice that board is furnished, or furnished rooms are for rent, with or without light housekeeping. A few places furnish board and lodging for $4.50 per week; the most general charge, however, is from $5.00 to $6.00 per week. Renting rooms, arranged for light housekeeping, is the cheapest method of living at Hot Springs. The above prices are intended to show the minimum cost of living.
Where to obtain additional reliable information relating to baths, board, etc., at Hot Springs, Arkansas.--First. Apply to the superintendent of the United States reservation, corner of Central and Reserve Avenues, Hot Springs.
Second. The business men of the city have an organization known as the "Business Men's League," which is intended and prepared to furnish reliable information by letter or personal application to the secretary and managers of the Business Men's League. Persons visiting Hot Springs should not rely upon advice, information, or propositions from strangers either on the train or in the city.
MEDICAL USES OF SOME COMMON HOUSEHOLD ARTICLES.
SALT (Sodium Chloride).--This common household article is used in a great many different ways. In cooking it is used to season foods. The absence of salt gives rise to a bad state of the system, with the formation of intestinal worms. If used too freely, it produces in some persons excess of blood and corpulency. Salt renders the food more palatable in many instances and thus increases the flow of the gastric juice. Salt increases the flow of saliva also. For pin-worms, solution of salt injected is often effective.
Constipation.--One teaspoonful to a glass of water taken on arising is very good for some people troubled with constipation. For dyspepsia it tones the stomach and aids in digestion in some cases. Salt alone in teaspoonful doses will produce vomiting and is good after a spree or to empty the stomach in convulsions and poisoning. Mustard given with it makes it more effective. A salt solution is frequently injected into the rectum to keep up the strength after operating and it is also frequently put into the breast for same purpose.
A gargle and astringent in sore throat. For this purpose it is often of use and successful. Taken dry in teaspoonful doses it is often given in bleeding from the lungs. It is often used as an antiseptic to cleanse sores and wounds. Teaspoonful to a half pint of water. On bites of insects strong salt water or applied dry is often very good. In bites of snakes and animals dry salt applied freely upon the wound is often of value. It draws away some of the poison and also helps to burn out and cleanse the wound.
Fomentations.--Used in this way it is good for sprains and bruises.
Baths.--One pound of salt to four gallons of water forms a suitable salt water bath acting as a tonic and excitant to the skin.
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Ague.--Homeopathic doctors claim that salt in the attenuations will cure some cases of ague.
Abuse of Salt.--Too much use of salt will cause a great many troubles. It produces a peculiar eruption on the skin, sore eyes, etc.
Want of Salt.--Domestic animals need it and may die for the want of it. Some animals may become sterile if deprived of it.
LEMON.--Lemons, owing to their pleasant flavor and agreeable acidity, are very useful in a sick room. The rind yields an oil of great fragrancy. Each lemon yields two to eight drams of acidulous juice and contains seven to nine per cent of citric acid, besides phosphoric and malic acids, in combination with potassa and other bases. Half an ounce of lemon juice should neutralize twenty-five grains of bicarbonate of potassium, twenty grains of bicarbonate of soda or fourteen grains of carbonate of ammonia. The rind of lemon when fresh, besides the oil above mentioned, contains a bitter crystalline glucoside.
Hesperidin.--Uses. Lemon juice applied to the surface of the skin removes freckles, moth spots, sunburn, pruritus, and ink-stains.
Internally.--This is a very good remedy to cure scurvy. It is a constant companion of sea-goers and scurvy is seldom seen when the regulation ration of lemon-juice is used regularly. It also cures the scurvy skin trouble or the form of muscular pains felt in scurvy.
Chronic Rheumatism.--In some cases several ounces of lemon-juice administered daily affords marked relief, and it is also sometimes useful in acute rheumatism. Lemonade is a useful drink during convalescence, as it increases the urine and reduces its acidity.
Hot lemonade is useful as a sweating agent to break up colds in their beginning. It satisfies the thirst and is very grateful to a stomach that is not normal. It makes a very pleasant drink in many cases of sickness.
ONION (Allium Cepa).--It is supposed that the onion is a native of Hungary. It is now found over the whole civilized world. It contains a white, acrid, volatile oil holding sulphur in solution, albumen, much uncrystallizable sugar and mucilage, phosphoric acid both free and combined with lime, citrate of lime. The Spanish onion contains a large proportion of sulphur and thus may be satisfactorily used in those cases where sulphur is needed. The action of the volatile oil enhances that of sulphur. Spanish onion boiled and eaten freely at bed-time is an excellent laxative. Moderately used the onion increases the appetite, promotes digestion, but in large quantities it causes flatulence, uneasiness in the stomach and bowels. The juice mixed with sugar is useful in cough, colds, and croup where there is little inflammation. Roasted or split it is excellent as a local application in croup, tonsilitis and earache. Boiling deprives the onion of its essential oil.
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SODA (Bicarbonate of Soda).--Uses. It is used in stomach fermentation and in sick headaches arising from this condition. Useful in acidity of the stomach. Good for gas in the stomach. It is good as a local application to enlarged acute tonsils applied in powder. It is also used in preparing different articles of food. The best to get is the bicarbonate of soda at a drug store.
SULPHUR.--This is an important constituent in certain native mineral waters. On the bowels it acts as a mild laxative. It is very good in certain skin diseases and for itch in the form of an ointment it is often used. It is useful in chronic acne, and for lice, itch, barber's itch, etc. It is frequently used as a disinfectant after infectious diseases. Burning sulphur in a room destroys bed-bugs, chicken lice, etc.
TURPENTINE (Terebinthina).--Uses. It is a valuable counter-irritant in peritonitis, bronchitis, pneumonia, lumbago, pleurodynia, etc. Turpentine stupes are frequently used in abdominal inflammation, for flatulence and for bloating in typhoid fever. It is a valuable constituent of a great many liniments. Used in excess it produces bloody urine, painful urination and inflammation of the kidneys. The free use of barley water, hot bath and purgative relieve its bad effects.
VASELIN.--Under the name of Petrolatum is sold a semi-solid substance derived from certain kinds of petroleum called cosmoline or vaselin. It has very soothing powers and does not become rancid and is used as a soothing dressing in sores, boils, and skin affections. It is frequently used as a base for ointments. Fluid or liquid petrolatum is much used now in the form of a spray in the treatment of acute and chronic catarrh and after irritant applications to the nasal cavities. It is put up now in tubes and is much cleaner and purer. It is very soothing and healing when used in this pure form.
ALCOHOL (Spirit of Wine).--Alcohol is a liquid composed of ninety-one per cent by weight of ethylic alcohol and of nine per cent by weight of water. Alcohol dissolves alkaloids, fatty and resinous substances, and is largely used as a menstruum in obtaining the active principles of drugs in an available form for administration. It is the basis for spirits, tinctures and elixirs; spirits being solutions of volatile substances in alcohol; tinctures, solutions of active principles of plants, generally obtained by maceration and percolation. An elixir is a cordial flavored with orange and syrup, used as a vehicle for other remedies and as a stomachic.
Its action is very extensive. It is used extensively in medical preparations. It is a good application to prevent bed-sores. The addition of one dram of alum to a pint makes it more effective. Hot applications relieve pain in face neuralgia, cold in the face or toothache. It is often used after bathing in full strength or diluted to rub on the body to prevent taking cold. It stimulates the digestive organs, nervous system and the circulation. It is much used in snake-bite. Its constant use is a menace, as all know. It should never be taken for disease unless prescribed by a reputable physician.
[MEDICAL USES OF COMMON ARTICLES 671]
ALUM (Alumen).--Dried alum is an astringent and mild "burner" for growths such as "proud flesh." The glycerite of alum is useful in tonsilitis or pharyngitis when it is not acute. In solution it condenses tissue by coagulating their albumin and acts as an astringent.
Uses of the Strength.--One dram to a pint of whisky and water aids in checking sweating in consumption when applied with a sponge. It is a good injection for the whites. A cotton plug soaked in alum often stops nosebleed by inserting it in the nostrils, or a solution may be thrown or snuffed into the nostrils. It is also good as a gargle for tonsilitis and sore throat.
Emetic for Croup.--Put a heaping teaspoonful in thirty-two teaspoonfuls of water or syrup and give a teaspoonful every fifteen minutes until vomiting is produced. It is often used stronger when quick action is desired. It is a mild astringent and thus used to check mucous discharges from the bowels, etc. Burnt powdered alum is often used to destroy "proud flesh."
BORAX (Sodium Borate).--This drug as it appears in commerce of America is derived entirely from natural deposits found on the shores of lakes of California and Nevada. This is purified.
Action.--It is antiseptic in its action. It renders the urine alkaline.
Gargle.--It is used as a gargle in sore mouth and throat in dose of a dram to a pint of water. It is very good used as a wash for fetid sweating, especially of the feet. It is often used in combination in catarrh of the nose. It can be combined with soda for this purpose in dose of one dram of each to two pints of pure water and used in an atomizer.
CAMPHOR.--This is distilled from the wood and bark of the camphor tree, cinnamomum camphora, which grows chiefly in China and Japan. It should be kept in closed bottles.
Uses.--It is good for cold in the head in the early stages. It may be snuffed up the nostrils in fine powder, or put in boiling water and the fumes inhaled. It is good used as a liniment in neuralgia, stiff neck, rheumatism and for boils and sores. Used in the form of camphor ice it is very good for sores, cuts, boils, etc. It is often of use to smell when one feels faint. It is one of the ingredients in many liniments. Its external use as spirits of camphor is extensive.
CASTOR OIL (Oleum Ricini).--This is derived from the beans of Ricinis Communis, a plant in the United States.
Action.--It is bland and unirritating in its action as a purge and generally acts in four to five hours.
Uses.--It is used whenever irritant materials such as bad food, putrid flesh, decaying vegetables have been eaten, to move the bowels. It is good in diarrhea produced by above causes and others, such as corn, peanuts, cherry stones, berries. It is apt to produce piles and constipation if used constantly. It is often given in the form of capsules containing from one-fourth to one teaspoonful. Dip the capsules in water, as this renders them slippery and are easily swallowed. Dose is from one to six teaspoonfuls.
[672 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]
OLIVE OIL. Sweet Oil (Oleum Olivae).--This is expressed from the ripe fruit.
Action and Uses.--It is a lubricant. It is added to poultices as an emollient in pneumonia and skin diseases. Internally, olive oil is nutritious and laxative, and a purgative in infants in doses of one teaspoonful. In adults it is a useful remedy in many irritant poisons, excepting phosphorus. It is given in large doses for gall stones, three to six ounces at a dose.
GINGER (Zingiber).--Ginger is the rhizome of Zingiber Officinale, a plant of Hindostan, Jamaica and other tropical countries.
Action: It is an agreeable carminative and stimulant, in easing the secretions and stimulating the wavelike movement of the bowels. It acts as an irritant to the bladder and urethra.
Uses.--It is put in laxative pills to prevent griping and to disguise the taste of the salines. It is useful in dyspepsia of aged persons and also good in flatulence and diarrhea. For menstrual cramps, due to suppression from exposure to cold it is useful as a warm tea and also for colds. It is also used in the spice plasters.
HONEY (Mel).--This is a saccharine fluid deposited in combs by the honey bee (Apis Mellifica).
Action: It is slightly laxative and a pleasant article of food. Honey and water is used as a gargle and to relieve cough, dryness of the mouth and fauces. When used as a gargle it increases the secretion of the mucous membrane and so relieves the congestion. It is apt to disorder the stomach when used too freely. Honey mixed with lemon juice and water is very good for a cough, especially the tickling kind.
LARD (Adeps).--This is a common household article known to all. It is frequently used as the basis for ointments and cerates and in domestic practice as a lubricant. Tincture benzoin added to it prevents it from becoming rancid. It can be used in corrosive poisoning as an antidote except where phosporus and carbolic acid have been swallowed. It is also used in preparing articles of food. It has more penetrating power than petrolatum or vaselin. Washed lard, beaten up with an equal quantity of lime-water, and a few drops of oil of bitter almond, thymol, or carbolic acid added, is splendid for burns; stiffened with yellow wax it forms the simple ointment often used. It softens the hard skin and reduces its heat, when the natural secretion is suppressed. It also softens and removes scabs and lessens and prevents the effect of irritant discharges. The simple lard ointment relieves the intense heat and itching of the skin in scarlet fever. Dissolved and given in large doses it causes nausea and vomiting.
[MEDICAL USES OF COMMON ARTICLES 673]
MUSTARD (Sinapis).--Mustard flour, two tablespoonfuls to a glass of water, acts as an emetic. If given largely it produces violent gastritis, and chronic gastritis is often set up by its constant use in excess. It should not be used in acute dyspepsia and bowel irritation.
External: It is applied for colic due to flatulence and for acute inflammation of different organs and is also good when applied to the nape of the neck in headache, neuralgia, etc. Lint soaked in limewater and olive oil relieves the excessive burning from the plaster. Mustard foot baths made by using one handful of ground mustard to half pail of hot water is useful in colds, sleeplessness, headache, convulsions, dysmenorrhea.
CREAM OF TARTAR (Potassii bitartras).--Uses: It is useful in kidney diseases to remove dropsy. In large doses of four teaspoonfuls it acts as a watery purge. It is useful where the urine is thick and alkaline to make it clear and normal. It is sometimes combined in equal parts with epsom salts to move the bowels, especially when an action on the kidneys is also necessary. It is given in teaspoonful doses before breakfast for prickly heat; it is cooling to the blood and is one of the old home remedies.
VINEGAR (Acetic Acid).--Vinegar contains from six to seven per cent acetic acid. Dilute acetic acid contains six per cent pure acetic acid. The pure or glacial acetic acid is a crystalline solid at 59 degrees F., takes up moisture readily so should be kept in well stoppered bottles. Acetic acid is a strong corrosive poison; if taken internally, causes vomiting, with intense pain, followed by convulsions and fatal coma. If the acid remains in the stomach for some time it may eat its way through the stomach wall. In cases of poisoning by acetic acid, milk or flour and water should be freely given and vomiting produced. Weak alkalies should also be given as antidotes. Glacial acetic acid is used as an application to cancer of the skin, ulcers, warts, growths in the nose, ringworm, lupus (Jacob's Ulcer) and other ulcerous growths. Vinegar or dilute acetic acid is given to check night sweats and to relieve diarrhea. It is also used in treating painter's colic after the constipation has been relieved, as an antidote to poisoning by caustic alkalies; externally to prevent bed sores, relieves headaches, checks moderate bleeding from leech bites, superficial wounds, nosebleed and in post-partum hemorrhage. It inhibits the growth of micro-organisms. Cases of catarrhal, membranous and diphtheric croup are benefited by the vapor of vinegar diffused through the sick room. A compress saturated in vinegar and placed over the nose until consciousness returns is recommended to prevent or relieve vomiting, nausea and headache following the inhalation of chloroform.
[676 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]
UNCLASSIFIED MOTHERS' REMEDIES
Received Too Late to Place in Proper Departments
Burns, Lime Water and Sweet Oil for.--"Put unslaked lime about the size of a hen's egg in three pints of water and strain; add one cup of sweet oil, shake and keep burn moist. Will heal without scar or scab." This is highly recommended by physicians.
Burns, Charcoal for.--"Powered charcoal put on thick. This gives quick relief," It is an antiseptic poultice and keeps air from burned surface.
Burns or Scalds, Grated Onions for.--"Grate onions and mix two parts pulp with one part salt; apply twice or three times a day, changing as soon as onions are wilted." The onions are very soothing and keep the air from the affected parts.
Burns, an Easily Prepared Remedy for.--"Spread pure lard, or any unsalted grease over burned surface: cover thickly with flour and wrap with soft cloth after pain has ceased. Remove the flour and spread again with lard or vaselin. Sprinkle over with boracic acid powder and wrap up." This is an old tried remedy and one we all know to be good. The grease helps to lessen the smarting, while the boracic acid is a good antiseptic and keeps the air out.
Bunions, Pulverized Salt Petre for.--"Five cents worth of pulverized saltpeter put into a bottle with sufficient olive oil to nearly dissolve it. Shake well and apply to parts night and morning."
Blisters from Burns or Scalds, White of Egg for.--"Apply immediately the white of an egg. Keep the part from being exposed as much as possible to the air." White of egg is soothing and forms a coating while blistered part is healing, also protects it from air.
Bites from Insects, Simple Remedies for.--"Tolerably strong solution carbolic acid and water. An onion cut in two and rubbed on will also do." Carbolic acid is an antiseptic; onion is soothing and helps to draw out poison by acting as a poultice.
Catarrh, Burnt Alum for.--"Burn alum and power finely or buy prepared burnt alum at the drug store and use as a snuff eight or ten times daily. Ten cents' worth will last a long time. My mother used this remedy and believes that she has cured her catarrh entirely with it." Alum is an antiseptic, is cleansing, as well as an astringent remedy.
Catarrh, Bad Case Cured by the following: "Inhale fumes of iodine crystals. This was given me by a friend, who claimed it cured a bad case of catarrh." Use moderately.
[UNCLASSIFIED MOTHERS' REMEDIES 675]
Catarrh, Borax and Camphor for.--"Inhale three times daily equal parts of borax, camphor and salt." These ingredients should be powdered very finely and a pinch of the powder snuffed carefully several times a day. This is a very simple but effective remedy.
Catarrh, Pure Lard for.--"Take a bit of pure lard size of a pea and draw it up each nostril every evening. It will require about a year of constant use." The grease helps to keep the affected parts moist and relieves any congestion present. Anyone suffering with this disease should make it a point to use grease in some form every night. It gives great relief.
Cancer, Yellow Dock Root for.--Scrape narrow leaf yellow dock roots and steep in cream to make a salve and apply externally. Add a little alcohol if you wish to keep it for sometime."
Colds.--
"Dover's Powders 20 grains Capsicum 15 grains Camphor 10 grains Quinine 25 grains"
Mix. Make up into about 20 capsules or powders. Take one every 2 or 3 hours. This is recommended as a sure cure for colds. Keep bowels open with small doses of salts or oil.
Coughs and Colds, Mullein Remedy.--"Steep Mullein leaves in fresh milk. Drink of it just before going to bed. This makes a soothing drink."
Cough Syrup, an Easily Prepared Remedy for.--
"Fluid Wild Cherry Bark 1/2 ounce Compound Essence Cordial 1 ounce White Pine Compound 3 ounces"
Dose: Take twenty drops every half hour for four hours and then from one-half to one teaspoonful three or four times a day, children less according to age.
Constipation, Bran as a Cure for.--"Take each night two dessertspoonfuls of bran. Take a spoonful at a time and chew it slowly and thoroughly and swallow." This simple remedy has been known to cure cases of long standing if kept up faithfully for a while.
Constipation, an Old Tried Remedy for.--"One ounce of cream of tartar and two ounces of salts; pour quart of boiling water over mixture and stir till dissolved; drain off and take a wineglassful every morning." The cream of tartar is a good blood purifier and the salts carry off all impurities in the system and in that way relieve the constipation.
Constipation, an Effective Remedy for.--"Chop fine a half-pound seeded raisins and one ounce of senna leaves together; mix with a half ounce powdered sulphur in air-tight jar. Chew a piece the size of a walnut every night."
Constipation, Baby, Juice from Prunes for.--"Give baby a teaspoonful of juice from cooked dried prunes whenever a laxative is needed." This remedy will be found useful, not only for infants, but older children as well. When old enough let them eat the pulp as well as the juice.
[676 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]
Cramps, Turpentine for.--"A cloth dipped in turpentine and applied will relieve cramps in the limbs," Any one suffering with this difficulty will find the above treatment very beneficial.
Croup, Quick Cure for.--"A quantity of raw linseed oil should always be at hand in a family where the children are subject to croup. It is an unfailing remedy, and for quick results it beats anything else which can be given for that dread disease. Half a teaspoonful is a dose, unless the child is choking very badly; then give a teaspoonful. It acts two ways. In the first stage of croup, where there is not much mucus, it is loosened and carried off through the bowels. In the second stage it causes vomiting, but, unlike ipecac, it leaves no soreness of the throat as an after difficulty. It is rarely necessary to give more than one dose, when the child will get relief and go to sleep again. This simple remedy is one that is within the reach of every mother, and one that can be kept on hand at all times; and, while it is in the house the dreaded croup need cause no terrors."
Croup, Salt Water for.--"A handful of salt in a basin of cold water. Wring towel out of this solution and apply over the throat. Cover with warm flannel, keep patient warm." This simple but effective remedy has been known to give relief many times and has been thoroughly tried by a great many mothers.
Chapped Hands, an Inexpensive Remedy for.--"One-fourth ounce gum tragacanth, one-fourth ounce boracic acid, one ounce glycerin, one and one-half ounce alcohol, five cents' worth best white rose perfume. Soak gum in pint of rain water for thirty-six hours; let warm slowly until heated. Remove from the stove, strain through a cheese cloth, add the other ingredients, stir well and bottle."
Cholera Infantum, Chickweed For.--"Chickweed boiled and sweetened in milk. This cured my daughter when an infant. This recipe has been used by me and my mother and proved effectual." The above remedy is an inexpensive one and easily prepared. It will be found excellent for this trouble.
Dog Bite, Home Treatment for.--"Apply common salt." Salt eats and draws poison out. Use it freely.
Drunkenness, Chocolate for.--"Give patient all the chocolate he can or will eat. This cured one man I know."
Diphtheria, a Marine City Mother Gives the Following Cure For.--"One-fourth pound loaf sugar, one-fourth pound gum kino, one-fourth ounce alum; put in a covered porcelain dish on stove in a quart of soft water. Simmer down to one pint, gargle the throat every fifteen minutes, or for small children use a swab. Bandage the throat with onion poultices; this recipe has relieved when used as directed; was used by my mother and proved effectual."
[UNCLASSIFIED MOTHERS' REMEDIES 677]
Dropsy, Chestnut Leaves for.--"A tea made of chestnut leaves taken freely instead of water." These leaves can be purchased at any drug store in five-cent packages. Prepare the same as ordinary tea, only stronger.
Eczema, Lard and Sulphur for.--"Melt lard and sulphur. When cool add a little alcohol to keep sweet." This combination is very soothing to the parts affected.
Eczema, Gasoline for.--"Bathe the affected parts in gasoline; be careful not to use the liquid where there is fire or lamps."
Erysipelas, Antiseptic Wash for.--
"Hyposulphite of Soda 8 ounces Carbolic Acid (200 drops) 3-1/3 drams Soft Water 1 pint"
The above wash has very strong recommendations as a local application. It was secured from a family that had used it at different times for twenty years. The family seemed to be susceptible to erysipelas and this medicine had been used for three generations, grandfather, son and grandson. In fact, it was the only remedy that helped their case, although many others had been tried. The entire prescription would cost about fifteen cents.
Fishbone, Choking from.--"Raw egg, taken soon as possible." It helps to carry bone out of throat and is a remedy ready at hand.
Goitre, a Good Remedy for.--
"Iodine 1 dram Iodide of Potassium 4 drams Soft Water 4 ounces
Apply night and morning. Rub on with feather or soft brush all around, as well as immediately on the lump." This is a counterirritant and often used for goitre.
Goitre, Iodine for.--"Blister with iodine. Heal with sweet cream, paint and blister again. This wore my sister's goitre away. It took time but was worth it." It should produce redness instead of a blister.
Headache, Lemon Juice and Coffee for.--"A teaspoonful of lemon juice in a small cup of black coffee will relieve." This is an old tried remedy and one that will be found beneficial.
Inflammatory Rheumatism, Salt Petre and Sweet Oil for.--"One ounce salt petre pulverized, one pint sweet oil. Rub parts affected."
Ingrowing Toenail, Home Treatment for.--"Cut a notch in the top of the nail with a penknife, scrape the nail from base to top."
Ingrowing Toenail, a Good Canadian Remedy for.--"Paint part under flesh with four parts caustic potash, six parts warm water. Paint part and scrape with piece of glass or sharp knife. Repeat till thin enough to break off." The caustic potash makes parts soft.
[678 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]
Ingrowing Toenail, Camphor for.--"Cut part growing in with sharp knife and put camphor on intruding part. This eases the pain and prevents second growth."
Indigestion, Egg Shells for.--"Brown egg shells in oven and crush till very fine with a rolling pin, then take a teaspoonful at meal times three times a day."
Inflammation of the Bowels, a Grandmother's Remedy for.--"Raw linseed oil and bean poultice. Use as hot as can be borne; keep repeating until relieved. This recipe has been used by my mother."
Kidney Trouble, an Easily Prepared Remedy for.--"Steep plantain leaves into strong tea. Take half cup every night. This has been found good for kidney trouble." Also good for ivy poisoning, burns, scalds, bruises, and to check bleeding; pound leaves to a paste and apply to parts.
La Grippe, Red Pepper Treatment from a Canadian Mother for.--"Take a bottle of alcohol, put enough red pepper in it so that when four drops are put in a half cup of water it is strong. This is what I always break up my grippe with." Peppers thus prepared stimulate and warm up the stomach and bowels and increase the circulation.
Rheumatism, Liniment Sent Us from Gentleman in Canada (says he paid $7.00 for it).--
"Capsicum Powdered 1 ounce Camphor 1/2 ounce Oil Hemlock 1/2 ounce Spirits Ammonia 1/2 ounce Chloroform 1/2 ounce Oil Turpentine 1/2 ounce Oil Wormwood 1 dram Potassium Nitrate 1 dram Add Alcohol to make 12 ounces
Good Liniment.--"Sweet oil, turpentine, hartshorn, equal parts. Keep corked."
Liniment, Sprains, Etc.--English Black Oil.
"Tanner's Oil 1 pint Oil Vitriol 1 ounce Spirits of Turpentine 1 ounce Beef 's Gall, contents of 1 gall
Put oil vitriol in tanner's oil, let stand twelve hours and not cork tightly, then add balance."
Lumbago, Ointment for.--
Vaselin 1 ounce Belladonna 15 grains Salicylic Acid 1 dram Sodium Salicylate 1 dram
Apply. Also good to rub on bunions."
[UNCLASSIFIED MOTHERS' REMEDIES 679]
Neuralgia, Soothing Ointment for.--"One ounce of laudanum, baking soda to make paste." Apply to parts and cover with flannel." Its virtue is in its soothing and quieting action.
Pain or Rheumatism, Tansy and Smartweed for.--"Boil handful each of tansy and smartweed together till strong tea is made. Dip cloths in the hot tea and apply." Good local and quieting application.
Pain, Horseradish Poultice for.--"Grate and make poultice. Apply to part where pain is." Makes a good drawing poultice and a counterirritant.
Pains, Liniment to Relieve.--
"Peppermint 1 ounce Oil of Mustard 1/2 ounce Vinegar 1 pint White of one egg.
Beat egg and stir all together."
Pain, Vinegar and Pepper for.--"Hot flannel cloths wrung from vinegar, to which a pinch of cayenne pepper has been added, applied hot to any part of the body, will relieve pain." This is very good. This remedy is always at hand and can be prepared quickly. It will most always give relief.
Palpitation of the Heart, Salt Baths for.--"Stop drinking tea and coffee. Add sea salt to water when bathing. This cured me and I have not been bothered for four or five years." Good when palpitation is due to nervousness.
Piles.-
"Extract Belladonna 15 grain Acetate Lead 1/2 dram Gum Camphor 1 dram Gallic Acid 15 grains Acetanilid 20 grains Vaselin 1 ounce Mix.
In protruding, itching and blind piles this ointment will give almost instant relief; if kept up several days it will promote a cure."
Poison Ivy, Buttermilk and Salt Heals.--"Add considerable salt to buttermilk and bathe poisoned parts in it frequently."
Poison Ivy, Lead Water and Laudanum Relieves.--"Application of cold lead water, made in proportions of two drams of sugar of lead, half an ounce of landanum to half a pint of water and applied by means of cloths. The patient should eat a cooling, light diet and use a good saline cathartic, such as rochelle salts, etc."
Poison Ivy, Excellent Cure for.--"Copperas mixed with sour milk; put in all the copperas the milk will dissolve. I knew of a very bad case to be cured by this after a few applications. Care should be taken not to let it get on the clothing, as it burns badly."
[680 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]
Poisonous Wounds, Ammonia Application for.--"Strong spirits of ammonia applied to the wounds of snake bite or rabid animals is better than caustic. It neutralizes the poison and is an excellent remedy."
Oak Poison, Gunpowder and Lard for.--"Mix small quantity of gunpowder and lard and apply. One application cured me." This is an old, tried, standard remedy.
Milk Poison, Popular Remedy for.--
Yellow Poplar Bark 4 ounces Wild Gooseberry Roots 4 ounces Slippery Elm Bark 4 ounces
Put in an earthern vessel with two quarts of water; put over a slow fire and simmer to one pint, then strain and add it to one gallon of the best rye whisky and give one wineglassful for the first dose, and thereafter give two tablespoonfuls every two hours. Move the bowels by pink and senna tea. Poultice the bottom of the feet with blue flag swamp root mashed fine to the consistency of a poultice. For the vomiting associated with the disease give one teaspoonful wild deer horn in a little water obtained by filing or grinding the horn of a wild deer. As this is not always to be obtained, a tablespoonful of pulverized chalk is good, or a little cold tea may be given. This recipe has been known to save many persons' lives, when the doctors had given up in despair. When the patient becomes sufficiently improved to warrant it, the dose may be decreased, but it should be taken quite a long time to kill the poison or counteract the poison in the system."
Poor Circulation, Alcohol Rub for.--"Rub vigorously night and morning with good whisky. Don't stop for a week or so after patient looks and feels well." Rubbing with alcohol would probably be preferred.
Ruptures, Herb Remedy for.--"Make a poultice of lobelia and stramonium leaves, equal parts, and apply to part, renewing as often as necessary." This poultice acts by relaxing the muscles, but in severe cases no application will do any good and the doctor should be consulted.
Rheumatism, Mountain Leaf Tea for.--"Tea made of mountain leaf taken frequently cures rheumatism." Rheumatism, Beef Gall for.--"Two beef galls in pint bottle, fill bottle with whisky. Apply often."
Salt Rheum, a Well-Tried Remedy for.--"Teaspoonful of red precipitate to two tablespoonfuls of lard. Anoint the parts affected." This recipe has been used by my mother and myself and proved effectual.
[UNCLASSIFIED MOTHERS' REMEDIES 681]
Snake Bites, Simple Poultice for.--"Poultice of hops or salt and grease; grease is to keep salt together. Hops are always kept to be used in berry season." As a poultice it draws the poison out.
Snake Bites, Onions and Salt for.--"Good drawing poultice for snake bites is an onion and a handful of salt pounded together. We also use this for a common poultice."
Stings, an Old, Tried Canadian Remedy for.--"For the bee sting I put soda on and dampen it with honey." An old-time remedy and seems to do the work. Soda is an antiseptic and cleansing remedy. If no honey at hand, dampen soda with water.
Stings from Nettles, an Inexpensive Remedy for.--"Rub the affected parts, if of nettles, with berry juice and let dry. This is what I always do during the berry season." Berry juice is quieting and soothing; it contains tannin. It would be handy to use and is recommended.
Stye, Common Tea Leaves for.--" After steeping tea gather out a small handful of the steeped leaves, lay them in a cloth as you would any poultice, and apply warm over the stye." It is the tannin in the tea that cures the stye, although clear tannin bought at the drug store does not seem to do the work as well. Black tea may be preferable.
Splendid General Salve.--
"Resin 4 ounces Beeswax 4 ounces Lard 8 ounces Honey 2 ounces
Boil slowly until melted, then remove and stir until cold."
Scrofulous Difficulties, a Good Remedy for.--"A tea made of ripe dried whortleberries and drank in place of water is an excellent remedy."
Sore Eyes, Camphor and Breast Milk for.--"When a tiny baby has sore eyes, add one-half drop of camphor to a teaspoonful of breast milk; bathe the eyes several times a day." Breast milk alone applied to the eyes of an infant is very healing, but the addition of camphor improves it.
Sore Throat, Mustard Plaster for.--"Mustard plaster applied on outside of the throat. I know it is good--have tried it." Care should be taken not to allow the plaster to remain on too long as it will blister.
Stammering, a Canadian Mother's Treatment for.--"I always stop my boy when I hear him stammering and make him say the words by syllables. I find he is getting much better." The above is one of the best plans and should be tried.
Sweating, to Cause.--"Wet flannel cloth in vinegar, lay it on a hot soapstone and wrap in cloth. Take it to bed and you will sweat." This creates a steam and of course will produce sweating very quickly.
[682 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]
Sweating, to Cause.--"Hot cornmeal mush applied as a poultice to parts, will cause sweating."
Splinter, to Extract.--"When a splinter has been driven deep into the hand, it can be extracted without pain by steam. Nearly fill a wide-mouthed bottle with hot water, place mouth of the bottle over splinter and press tightly. The suction will draw the flesh down, and in a minute or two the steam will extricate the splinter and the inflammation will disappear."
Toothache, Benzoin for.--"Compound tincture of benzoin applied on batting to tooth,"
Toothache, Oil of Cinnamon for.--"Oil of cinnamon rubbed on gum and on cotton batting and put in hollow tooth."
Weak Back, Turpentine and Sweet Oil for.--"Take one part of turpentine to two parts of sweet oil, mix together and apply to back several times a day. It is well to massage the back at night with this mixture just before retiring. Always apply warm."
Weak Back, Liniment for.--
"Tincture of Cayenne Pepper 1/2 ounce Spirits of Camphor 2 ounces Tincture of Arnica 1-1/2 ounce
No better liniment; is an excellent remedy to bathe the back with; will not blister."
[MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 685]
MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS FOR OUR GREAT MIDDLE CLASS AS WELL AS OUR BEST SOCIETY
Correspondence, Cards and Introductions, Dress for Different Occasions, Weddings, Christenings, Funerals, Etc., Social Functions, Dinners, Luncheons.
Gifts, "Showers," Calls, and Hundreds of Other Essential Subjects so Vital to Culture and Refinement of Men, Women, School-Girls and Boys at Home and in Public.
By MRS. ELIZABETH JOHNSTONE
"The small courtesies sweeten life, the greater ennoble it."
The social code which we call etiquette is no senseless formula. It has a meaning and a purpose. It is the expression of good manners, and good manners have been rightly called the minor morals. This is true in the sense that they are the expression of the innate kindness and good will that sum up what we call good breeding. As to its importance, Sir Walter Scott once said that a man might with more impunity be guilty of an actual breach of good morals than appear ignorant of the points of etiquette.
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Every social custom has a foundation established by usage as a recognition of social needs, and intended to prevent rudeness and confusion; intended also to make polite society polite. We must conform, according to our circle, to social conventions as thus established, since they are the ripened results of long and varied experience in what is most suitable and becoming. Not to observe them is to advertise our ignorance and expose ourselves to criticism.
Importance of Knowledge.--That the importance of a knowledge of social customs is widely felt is proved by the pathetic letters addressed to the editors of women's magazines and departments, asking for information to enlighten ignorance. Such letters range from the naive inquiry of the unsophisticated girl as to whether it is "proper" to allow her "gentleman friend" to kiss her good night, up to the plaint of the novice who doesn't know how to make her spoons and forks come out even at a dinner-party. Here in America, where circumstances may lift a family from poverty and obscurity to wealth, with a position to win in a few brief years, the first great anxiety of those not "to the manor born" is to learn how to comport themselves in their new situation, and educate their children in correct behavior.
Good manners are a necessary equipment of both men and women. In many circles, success is impossible without such equipment. An agreeable manner, a knowledge of what to do and when to do it, is indispensable to the woman in society, and any man who meets other men in a business way will willingly bear testimony to the reluctance with which he approaches the gruff, brusque man, whose manners are patterned after those of Ursa Major. The man whose manners are agreeable may be as ugly as Caliban, yet please everybody.
Moreover, there is no weapon so effective against the rude and ill-mannered as a calm politeness--a courtesy which marks the person who can practise it as superior to the one who cannot. For one's own peace of mind, one should learn the art of good manners.
A Matter of Habit.--Manners, like everything else in life, must be learned by rule, the only possible exception being in the case of those who have been brought up in what we call our best society, where what to do and how to dress and behave have been matters of habit from earliest childhood. When once the rules of etiquette are firmly fixed, they become instinctive and are obeyed unconsciously. The individual then has "good manners." No one can be easy and graceful who must stop to think how to do things. Familiarity with form breeds ease and grace of manner. Therefore those who would be letter perfect must practise the rules of good form at all times and places. Manners cannot be put on and off like a garment. Moreover, as has just been said, the politeness that comes of such observance is the best possible armor against the rudeness or boorishness of the ignorant and untrained.
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Many books on etiquette are written, most of which are intended for those in fashionable society who have a number of servants and entertain both extensively and expensively. Other writers take too much for granted; they presuppose a knowledge of the subject which the novice who needs instruction does not possess. This department is intended for those who desire to add to their knowledge of social forms, who do not wish to appear ignorant and awkward, and who, in a more limited social sphere, still wish to entertain properly and pleasantly, and comport themselves in correct form.
CONCERNING INTRODUCTIONS.
The first and most positive rule in regard to introductions is that a man is introduced to a woman; never the reverse, no matter how distinguished the man may be.
The best form is the simplest. "Mrs. A., allow me to introduce Mr. B." If the introduction has been solicited, the hostess may say "Mrs. A., Mr. B. desires the honor of knowing you." If either party resides in another city, she may mention the fact, or any other little circumstance that may aid the two to enter into conversation. The woman does not rise when a man is introduced, but if she is standing may offer her hand. To say "How do you do" is much better form than "Glad to know you" or "Pleased to meet you,"
The person who performs an introduction should be careful to choose an opportune moment. Do not interrupt a conversation to introduce another party, unless, as hostess, you feel it has continued so long that it is time the talk became more general. It is not courteous to simply acknowledge an introduction, and not exchange a few words.
Women and Introductions.--In introducing women, the younger is introduced to the older; if nearly of the same age a distinction is immaterial. Young girls are introduced to matrons, and the younger matrons to those older.
If a woman is seated when another woman is introduced she should rise and offer her hand, and then invite the new acquaintance to a seat near her where they may converse. If a man has been talking with the lady who rises, he should rise also and remain standing until they are seated, when he may bow and take himself away unless requested to remain. Generally, this is the proper moment to leave.
When Calling.--If making a call, and another visitor enters, the lady of the house rises to greet her and introduces any other guests who may be present. A man must rise and find a scat for the newcomer, but the women bow without rising. If only one guest is present, she should rise if the hostess and latest caller remain standing, or if a change of seats seems desirable. Introductions of this kind are semi-formal; they do not establish a later acquaintance unless both are agreeable; the social intent is to bridge over a situation that might seem awkward. However, many pleasant friendships have been made by such casual encounters at the house of a mutual friend.
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On the other hand, if two women who are not on friendly terms happen thus to meet and are introduced, it would be a most grievous breach of etiquette not to acknowledge the introduction courteously and exchange a remark or two. Neither has a right to embarrass a hostess by airing a private animosity under the roof of a friend--or in society generally.
General lntroductions.--The only "collective" introduction possible is that of a speaker or essayist to an audience. At a club meeting or other assemblage where a stranger is present as guest of honor, the members should request the hostess or the president of the club to present them severally.
Men and lntroductions.--Men seldom ask introductions. They have the privilege of speaking without them. A man's title should always be given him in an introduction. A man must request permission before bringing another man to be introduced to a woman or to a friend's house. In the latter case he will present his companions to the lady of the house and any of the family who are present; if others arrive, the hostess should introduce him to them.
After an introduction, the man waits for the woman to recognize him at their next meeting. She should bow, even if she does not care to establish an acquaintance. A casual introduction between women may not be recognized afterwards, though a slight bow is more courteous.
A Few Things Not To Do.--Do not introduce a person as your "'friend." It is not supposed you will introduce anyone who is not a friend. Moreover, in certain circles the term friend is employed in naming a companion, secretary, governess or managing housekeeper to one's guests. In this connection it may be mentioned that one should not speak of "visiting a friend" or "staying at a friend's house." Name the person referred to; or if you do not wish to do so, do not allude to the circumstance. Naturally, one visits only friends.
The indistinctness with which people who introduce often pronounce a name is not infrequently the cause of awkwardness. The failure to hear is no fault on the part of those introduced, but rather a mishap chargeable to the person who brings them together. In this case, try to think of something besides "I didn't catch the name;" that is so cut and dried. Say rather, "I'm sorry, but I didn't understand Mrs. A. when she presented me." Forgetting a name in the act of introducing someone is a much more grievous failure; it speaks for your own social unaccustomedness, and is a poor compliment to the person you introduce. Do not attempt an introduction unless you are sure of your names.
One of the society woman's most necessary accomplishments is the ability to remember names and fit them to the individual to whom they belong. It is an art she should sedulously cultivate.
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It is not etiquette, but misplaced politeness, to perform what may be termed casual introductions--as in accidental encounters. Never introduce on the street, unless your acquaintance is to join you. Don't introduce in a street car or any public conveyance. In "our best society"--so-called--it is not considered good form to introduce people in church. People do not go to church for social purposes. In village neighborhoods and the less fashionable city churches, this rule is often violated in the vestibule, where acquaintances linger to greet each other and introductions are not infrequent. But in the body of the church--the space set apart for purposes of worship--an introduction is wholly out of place.
Try to remember family relationships and feuds, that you may not attempt to introduce those at enmity with each other. A woman once introduced, at a crowded function, two sisters who had not recognized each other for years, and afterwards exulted in having "made them speak." Their manners were far superior to hers.
In Company.--At a reception or dinner-party it is perfectly proper for those who have never been introduced to converse with each other without such formality. The roof under which they meet confers the privilege. Indeed, it is often the greatest kindness to speak to a shy person or one who evidently has few acquaintances present, relieving his embarrassment and putting him at ease. Not to reply courteously to such overtures is great rudeness. The story is told of a prominent society woman who addressed a stranger at such a function and actually received no reply. Later, the hostess brought up the strange person and introduced her. Then she explained that, not having been properly introduced, she felt she could not respond. The society woman quietly remarked, "Oh, was that the trouble? I thought you were deaf and dumb."
The late H. C. Bunner and the more recently deceased T. B. Aldrich cherished an aversion for each other. They were not acquainted, but disliked each other on general principles, both being engaged in literary work. They happened to meet at an entertainment where Bunner was in the house of his friends and Aldrich an outsider. Bunner's native kindliness and courtesy made it impossible for him to see anyone uncomfortable in a friend's house. He introduced himself, carried Aldrich to his host's "den," and over a cigar and a glass of "Scotch" began a friendship that was ended only by death.
School Girls' Etiquette.--Etiquette is not so formal among school girls, though its form remains the same. Propinquity in classes, and the being thrown together by mutual aims and interests, excuses informal friendliness. In some women's colleges there are what may be termed "unwritten laws"--school traditions--never set down in books but handed on from class to class. Thus a member of a lower class would not take precedence of a Senior, either on entering or leaving a room, or at table. She would introduce her friends, even her parents, to the Senior and to any member of the Faculty instead of the Senior to them. These little matters of punctilio have to be learned by observation, or by the grace of some friendly classmate who happens to be conversant with them.
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CARD AND CALLING ETIQUETTE.
For Women.--Card etiquette has been jocosely termed "going into society in a pasteboard way." Yet cards have a very essential part in the social regime. They are the expedient resorted to by the woman with a large circle of acquaintances and many engagements, for keeping herself in mind.
A card represents a visit, or acknowledges a courtesy in the way of an invitation, There are well-defined rules which regulate the use of cards, familiarity with which is necessary to all who have social aspirations. And the questions most frequently asked by the novice relate to whom and when they should be sent or left.
A General Rule.--Though calling has, in a degree, "gone out of fashion," the general rule is that a woman should call on her friends and acquaintances once a year. This signifies the desire to continue the relationship. If she finds her friend at home she gives her name to the maid and at the conclusion of the visit leaves her card on a table or some convenient place. If her friend is out, the maid receives her card on a tray. In each case a visit has been paid and the card is a reminder that the obligation has been discharged. At this call, if it is the first, or expected to be the only one of the year, a married woman leaves one of her cards for each lady in the family, and one of her husband's for each lady and one for the man of the house. One card, of her husband's may include several grown daughters. If she calls again during the season, she may leave her own cards only, though she should acknowledge an invitation received by her husband by leaving his cards. Cards are never to be handed to the lady of the house or any member of the family.
After Social Functions.--Now here is the law as regards leaving cards after social functions: After receiving invitations to receptions, dinners, luncheons, card parties or evening entertainments, calls are to be made within a week after the event, whether one has accepted or not. However, in some localities, it is thought correct to leave cards at the time if one attends the function, or send them if not attending. It is safest to ascertain the local custom in advance. The correct etiquette is to call afterwards.
An invitation to a church wedding necessitates sending cards to those in whose name the invitation was issued and to the newly wedded pair. The same is true of announcement cards. Cards for an afternoon tea do not require reply; those present leave their own cards and those of any member of the family who was invited but did not attend.
After Absence.--Another use of cards is when one returns home after a long absence. Cards with one's address are sent to previous acquaintances, as a notification that the sender wishes to resume her social relations. In case of a friend's illness, one should call to make personal inquiries, leaving a card on which is written "To inquire." After a death, cards may be left or sent, on which it is correct to write "With sincere sympathy." After the funeral, cards are sent by those bereaved to those who have thus manifested regard, with the words "With thanks for kind inquiries" or remembrances.
Thus we see cards are not meaningless, but indicate courtesy, kindly interest and regard.
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For Men.--Whereas the married man may discharge some of his social obligations through his wife, the bachelor has no such resource. In response to every invitation, accepted or otherwise, he must pay a visit, leaving cards. Unless he does this, his invitations will soon cease.
A man may pay Sunday afternoon visits, as he is not supposed to be at leisure during the week. An evening call indicates greater intimacy. If he calls upon a young lady he must leave two cards, one for her and one for her mother.
Letters of Introduction--Letters of introduction are never presented in person. The man must call and leave the letter, with his card, but on no account enter the house. The next step is to be taken by the recipient of the letter.
At a Hotel.--If a man calls on a lady at a hotel he sends up his card and waits in a reception room. It is not permissible to write on his card the name of the member of the family whom he wishes to see. That is to be the subject of later inquiry.
Styles in Cards.--Styles in cards vary, both for men and women. Usually the stationer will be a reliable guide as to size and style of engraving. A printed or written card should never be used, nor, according to strict etiquette, should acceptances, regrets or informal invitations be written on cards. Use note paper.
A woman's card should be of medium size and nearly square. Plain script, Old English or Roman are the only letterings used. Engraved plates, once obtained, may be used a long time. The street address, if used, is at the lower right-hand corner. This can be changed on one's plate, if necessary, by ways known to the maker. Men's cards are much smaller than women's, and must be engraved. The name is always prefaced by "Mr."
Use of Names.--A married woman uses her husband's full name on her cards. A widow who happens to be the oldest representative of the family may have her cards engraved without her own or her husband's name, as "Mrs. Astor;" this signifies her place as social head of the family. A clergyman's card may have Rev. as a prefix; a physician's Dr., never M. D. A young girl is always Miss, and pet names are without social recognition. For a year after she enters society a girl has her name engraved beneath her mother's; where there are several daughters "out," "The Misses Smith" may be engraved under the mother's name. A widow may act her pleasure as to using her Christian name or her late husband's on her card; the latter is customary. It would be a social convenience to use the Christian name, as with the prefix "Mrs." widowhood would be indicated.
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THE ETIQUETTE OF CALLS.
As has been said, a woman is expected to call on her friends once a year at least. The "Day at Home" has rather gone out of fashion. It imposed an obligation on the hostess which often proved irksome, interfering with engagements she might wish to make. If, however, one has "a day," her friends should so far as possible observe it.
Time and Manner.--The time limit of a call is fifteen or twenty minutes, not to exceed the latter. This is the protection society affords us from bores. We can endure even the most tiresome of visitors for fifteen minutes.
If one does not wish to see callers, the maid or whoever answers the door should be so informed; the conventional "Not at home" being perfectly proper; it is merely a polite way of saying it is not convenient to receive anyone. But for the maid to say "I will see, if Mrs. A is at home," and return to say she is not at home or not receiving, is a grave discourtesy. Nor should one keep a visitor waiting while she makes an elaborate toilette; better say "Not at home." The call counts as a visit whether the lady is at home or not, and must be returned. It is not customary to invite a visitor to be seated, to come again, or urge a longer stay. It is supposed she will take the initiative in these particulars; and too, that the fact that the two exchange visits warrants a certain wontedness of habit. Still, among intimates it is by no means unusual for the hostess to say "Do come again soon; I always enjoy you so much I should be glad to see more of you," or for the departing visitor to say: "I shall hope to have the pleasure of seeing you at my home soon."
Men's Demeanor.--A man calling upon a lady either takes his hat and stick into the reception room with him, or deposits them in the hall; she does not instruct him what disposition to make of them. He removes his overcoat of his own volition, or retains it, as he pleases; the lady does not suggest its removal. This is the strict letter of etiquette. As a matter of fact, many a man would feel snubbed, and the hostess that she failed in cordiality, if she failed to invite him to lay aside his coat. One must be governed by the customs of one's circle. It is safe to say that unless it is a first call, which is the most formal, in our middle social stratum a man expects, if he is welcome, to be asked to remove his overcoat.
A man waits for the woman to invite him to call, since it is her privilege to choose her acquaintances. Such an invitation should not be given too hastily, nor too soon after a first introduction. It is well not to show too much eagerness to cultivate the acquaintance, and the woman should be reasonably sure that the man is desirous of having the pleasure. If invited, he should avail himself of the permission within a short time, by way of showing his appreciation of the compliment. Young girls do not invite young men to call on them; this is their mother's prerogative.
It is more correct in these days when everyone has a telephone, to call up and inquire whether it will be convenient for the lady to receive callers, unless, of course, one is paying duty calls, in which case a card discharges the obligation.
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"Pour Prendre Conge."--In taking leave, it is well not to wait until one has exhausted the conversational gamut, and "that awful pause" in which neither seems to have anything to say, occurs. And having risen, do not "stand upon the order of your going;" do not linger for last words, or begin a fresh topic at the door, keeping your hostess standing and perhaps detaining her from other guests. "Parting is such sweet sorrow" in some cases that it becomes awkward and embarrassing because so prolonged. Especially does it seem difficult for the youth who has not yet attained the aplomb which makes him at ease in society, to "tear himself away." Remember that a too abrupt departure, though regrettable, is better than one too prolonged.
Girls' Manners.--When the young girl accompanies her mother on a calling expedition, she waits for the latter to take the initiative in regard to departure. She must allow the older person to precede her in entering and leaving, and she must be careful not to monopolize the conversation. Good manners give precedence to age.
"P. p. c."--The social novice is sometimes puzzled by "P. p. c." written in the lower corner of a card. The letters stand for the French phrase, "Pour prendre conge"--to take leave. Such cards are sent when one is to be absent from home for a considerable period. They are left to be mailed after departure. Thus the intending traveler is not incommoded by well-meant but ill-timed calls at an hour when she is most busy. "P. p. c." cards intimate the acquaintance is to be resumed on the sender's return.
The custom of turning down the corner to signify the call was made in person is now entirely obsolete.
First Calls.--It is desirable, when making a first call, to meet the lady called upon, and it is best to have been properly introduced. In the case of a stranger, the oldest or most prominent member of the social circle of the town should call first. A polite expedient by which a newcomer makes entree into the society of a new place of residence is by sending her cards to those whom she wishes to know. These are, if possible, to be accompanied by the card of some well-known friend, who thus becomes her social sponsor.
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A first call must be returned, and within two weeks at the outside. Not to return such a call is a gross breach of etiquette. Even if one does not wish or intend to keep up the acquaintance the return call must be made. After this call she may act her pleasure. If a newcomer extends an invitation to an older resident, she should at once leave cards and send a regret or an acceptance. If the invitation comes through a friend, and she is unacquainted with the hostess, she must call soon; but if the call is not returned, or another invitation extended, she must understand the acquaintance is ended. The newcomer may invite her late hostess to some affair at her own house, and if the invitation is accepted, may understand the acquaintance is established.
A stranger often finds her social progress slow unless she has acquaintances in her new location who can help place her where she wishes to be. The easiest way is to identify herself with some church, attend regularly, and the pastor calling on the new member of his congregation and finding her acceptable, will ask some of the ladies of the church to call. These calls should be returned within two weeks; it would be a discourtesy to the pastor not to acknowledge them.
INVITATIONS.
The Formal Invitation.--A dinner-party is the most formal and most important of all social functions. We may invite all our acquaintances to a ball or a reception. We may select more carefully for our teas and luncheons, but the dinner is reserved as the greatest compliment to be paid those we wish to honor. Therefore an immediate acceptance or regret must be sent, and nothing but illness, accident or death should prevent us from presenting ourselves. If such obstacles intervene, immediate notice should be given the hostess, that she may supply the place at her table thus made vacant.
Do not write you will "try to come;" that you will come but your husband will not be able to do so, or in any way make your acceptance conditional. Your hostess may wish to invite another couple; she must know who will be present that she may arrange her table accordingly. Nothing is so annoying to a hostess as to be obliged to rearrange her table because of some slight excuse on the part of a guest who has once accepted,
Do not forget that an invitation to dinner is the highest social compliment, and value it accordingly; also answer at once.
Formulas for Invitations.
The formula for a dinner invitation is this:
Mr. and Mrs. John Henry Smith request the pleasure of Mr. and Mrs. George Brown's company at dinner, 127 Blank Avenue. on March fifteenth at seven o'clock.
This invitation may be written on note paper or engraved on a card.
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The correct form of reply is this:
Mr. and Mrs. George Brown accept with pleasure the polite invitation of Mr. and Mrs. John Henry Smith for dinner on March fifteenth, at seven o'clock.
If the dinner is in honor of guests, the formula may be:
To meet Mr. and Mrs. William Dash, Mr. and Mrs. John Henry Smith request the pleasure of Miss Anderson's company at dinner, on Wednesday, January twenty-sixth, at seven o'clock. R. S. V. P. 91 East Ninety-fourth street.
If the invitation must be declined, this form may be observed:
Mr. and Mrs. Brown regret that owing to a previous engagement they are unable to accept Mr. and Mrs. John Henry Smith's very kind invitation for Tuesday evening, March fifteenth.
Any other reason, as illness, proposed absence, or the like, may be substituted for a "previous engagement."
In acknowledging invitations it is better to err on the side of over-politeness than the reverse.
If a dance or theatre party is to follow the dinner, words indicating the fact are written across the lower part of the card or in the lower left-hand corner.
"R. s v. p." stands for the French phrase, "Respondez, sit vous plait,"--meaning that a reply is desired.
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Replies.--The reply to an invitation should be in the same form as the invitation; thus if in the third person the reply should also be made in the third person. Such invitations are the most formal. The reply is to be addressed according to the wording of the invitation: thus if Mr. and Mrs. John Henry Smith issue it, address the reply to them; if Mrs. John Henry Smith's name alone appears, address it to her. The same rule applies to a wedding invitation. The acknowledgement is sent to the parties issuing the invitation, not to those to be married.
Must Not Ask Invitations.--It is not allowable to ask for an invitation to a dinner, a luncheon or a card party for a guest or friend. These are functions arranged for a definite number of guests; to include another person is not possible. If your hostess knows you have a guest, she will, if her arrangements make it practicable, include her; if not, there is no slight to you or your guest. The presence of a guest does not excuse one from a dinner, luncheon or card party, the invitation having been already accepted. Provide some pleasure for your friend, or leave her to a quiet evening at home.
In case a guest drops out at the last moment, as sometimes happens, one may ask a very intimate friend, a relative, or some member of the family to fill the vacant seat. Such a "last minute" invitation is no compliment: one knows she is simply a substitute, but good sense and kindliness should prompt the recipient to help out in the dilemma, which may happen to her next time.
Other Particulars.--Dinner invitations are issued in the name of the host and hostess, so also those for luncheons to which both men and women are invited. Invitations to teas, card and garden parties, "at homes," balls, and women's luncheons are in the name of the hostess alone.
Guests should present themselves punctually at the hour named in a dinner or luncheon invitation, allowing themselves just time to remove wraps, etc., before the meal is announced. It is almost unpardonable to be late.
Invitations are sent to people in mourning after the month following bereavement, not because acceptance is expected, but as a compliment, except that cards for dinners, luncheons and balls are not sent. Wedding cards and announcements, and cards for large general receptions are sent. During the year of mourning people thus remembered send cards with a narrow black border in acknowledgment.
Unless an entertainment is exclusively for women, an invitation to a married woman should include her husband. That he is personally unknown to the hostess does not matter.
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INFORMAL INVITATIONS.
Invitations by telephone are permissible for informal affairs, but why a woman should spend hours at the telephone, calling up various parties and losing her temper over "Central's" dilatoriness when she could sit comfortably at her desk and write notes, is difficult to understand.
Whereas the formal luncheon invitation simply substitutes the word "luncheon" for "dinner," the informal invitation is written in the first person and requires a reply in the same form. It may be said again that the response should follow the form of the invitation; this is an invariable rule. This model is usually employed:
My dear Mrs. Henderson: Will you and Mr. Henderson dine with us informally on Tuesday evening, January twenty-seventh, at half-past six o'clock? Trusting we may have the pleasure of seeing you, I am, Yours sincerely, Mary Bronson.
In reply the recipient will write:
My dear Mrs. Bronson: Mr. Henderson and I accept, with much pleasure your very kind invitation to dine with you on Tuesday evening, January twenty-seventh, at half past six o'clock. Yours sincerely, Helen Henderson.
If the invitation is for luncheon, that word is substituted; afternoon written in the place of evening, and Mr. Henderson is left out. In an acceptance, one should repeat the date and hour, that no mistake may occur. If the invitation must be declined, it is not correct to explain the nature of the engagement or whatever reason occurs for refusal. We say we "are unable to accept," not that we "will not be able;" the refusal rests in the present.
An invitation sent by mail is enclosed in an envelope addressed to Mr. and Mrs. A., and then in an outer envelope bearing full name and address. Informal notes of invitation are written on one's best note-paper and no outer envelope used.
Afternoon Tea.--The afternoon tea is a favorite method of paying off social debts. Elaborate refreshments are not served. Tea is poured at the dining table, by some friends asked to do so--it is thought quite a compliment to be asked "to pour" For a very informal "at home" the hostess may have a small table at hand and herself offer a cup of tea to her visitors. For such a small affair she sends her visiting card with the date written in the lower left hand corner. If many guests are expected servants must be at hand to remove soiled dishes and replenish the tea and cakes.
In acknowledgment of invitations, it is highly improper to send your card with "regrets" written on it. An invitation is a courtesy offered; it must be received courteously. You regret you "must decline the pleasure" of accepting somebody's "kind--or polite--invitation."
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The Verbal Invitation.--Verbal invitations do not count for much. "Come and dine with us some day" has no standing among invitations. The day and hour must be named if it is to be reckoned with. And then--suppose the hostess forgets she has given the invitation, or she prepares for a guest who does not come! Except among very intimate friends the verbal invitation should be looked upon with great caution. A verbal invitation should be followed by a note repeating it.
WEDDING INVITATIONS AND ANNOUNCEMENTS.
The number of wedding invitations often must conform to the size of the church or the house, and to the character of the wedding. If it is to be a large one, cards are usually sent as liberally as possible. An invitation to the church may not invite to the reception at the house afterwards, which may necessarily be limited because of the size of the house or the means of the family. No guest receiving cards for the church should let herself feel aggrieved because of failure to receive the other. Answers to invitations should invariably be sent; many omit this, not thinking it necessary, but why not?
Announcement cards are sent to everyone you know, or, more properly, to all those whom you wish to recognize socially. It is quite correct to send them to people you know but slightly. They are mailed immediately after the wedding. They imply no obligation in the way of gift or reply. If an "at home" card is enclosed, calls are expected.
Correct Form.
Wedding invitations of course must be engraved. The following form is employed:
Mr. and Mrs. Lawrence Harmon request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Harriet to Mr. Harrison Richard Ames on Thursday, the sixth of January, at twelve o'clock. Church of the Messiah.
If the wedding is at home, the street and number are given in place of the church.
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If the bride has no mother, the invitations are issued in the name of the father; if no father, the mother's name is used. If an orphan, invitations are issued in the name of the nearest of kin in the town where the wedding occurs. If a married sister and her husband issue, the words "their sister" are used. If a girl has a stepfather her own name is engraved in full. Announcement cards follow the same rules as to who issues them, and are couched in these words:
Mr. and Mrs. Hughson Smith announce the marriage of their sister Bettina to Mr. James Rhodes Grayson, on Monday, the tenth of January, Nineteen hundred and ten, at the Church of the Messiah, in the City of Cleveland.
For a home wedding, this formula is correct:
My dear Mrs. Jennings: My daughter Julia is to be married to Mr. George Bronson Holmes on Monday, the tenth of January, at twelve o'clock, and it will give Mr. Brush and myself much pleasure if you and Mr. Jennings will come. Yours sincerely, Eleanor Graves Brush.
For informal church weddings, with small reception to follow, or for a simple home wedding, most people prefer to use the engraved cards, but personal notes may with perfect propriety take their place. For a home wedding, the above formula is correct.
The Bridegroom's Family.
In inviting the bridegroom's parents by note, the mother may write: "Will you and Mr. Holmes come to the quiet informal wedding of my daughter Julia and your son on Monday," etc. Such invitations are written by the mother. Other members of the family are included by adding "you and Mr. Jennings and your daughter will come." Written invitations may follow the form of the engraved, but for a small wedding at home, which will be of course more or less informal, the personal form seems more in keeping.
Other Items.
Formal wedding invitations and announcements are addressed, one to the head of the family, Mr. and Mrs. Jones; one to Miss Jones, or to The Misses Jones, if there are several daughters, and one to each young man of the family.
Note that the year is given in an announcement, but not in an invitation. Announcements are engraved on note-paper, as in the case of invitations.
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A double wedding, which requires two ceremonies, also requires two sets of invitations and announcements.
It is quite correct for a girl who has been employed in an office to send an announcement of her marriage to her former employer, but if he is married, it must be addressed to "Mr. and Mrs." So-and-So.
Do not abbreviate in writing notes of invitation, nor permit it on engraved invitations. Doctor, Judge, Reverend, are to be in full. Mr. before a man's name is the only abbreviation permitted. The names of the month, day, year, and of the street or avenue are written out in full.
DINNERS AND LUNCHEONS
FORMAL DINNERS.
"A fig for your bill of fare; show me your bill of company,"
As has already been remarked, we ask our "dear Five Hundred" to our balls and receptions, reserving our dinner invitations for those whom we particularly wish to compliment. The dinner we provide is by no means of the comfortable "pot-Iuck" kind. It is, in society, an elaborate and expensive form of entertainment. A dinner to eight people, not specially elaborate and without wines, rarely costs the giver less than $25 or $30, and may easily run much higher. It requires delicacies for the palate, flowers and bonbons and other decorations for the table, and ceremonious serving. The finest of linen, cut glass and silver adorn it, and the repast may easily be prolonged through two or more hours. Such a dinner is served in courses; begins with an appetizer, extends through soup, fish, joint, salad and dessert courses at the very least, and ends with coffee, served at the table or in some other apartment--the library or drawing room--where the guests converse over their cups.
Such a meal cannot be prepared or served without competent service in the kitchen and dining-room. The cook must know how to prepare every dish in the best manner, and have it ready at the right moment; the waiter must be experienced and noiseless. The hostess must have such perfect confidence that everything will progress in perfect and proper order that she can give her full attention to the guests,
Serving the Dinner.--Let us suppose a dinner for eight people is to be served. The ceremonious dinner, the world over, is served a la Russe, that is, according to the Russian fashion. By this fashion nothing but the covers--a term which includes the china, silver and glass at each plate--flowers, dishes of bonbons, salted nuts and olives, occasionally small cakes, are on the table when the guests are seated,
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The hostess has inspected the table, after it is laid, seeing that everything is correct, Silver must have had a fresh polish, the cut glass must shine and sparkle, There must be plenty of light, yet no glare; to prevent this, ground glass globes on the electric lights are preferred. The hostess herself will arrange the place cards, separating married people, and in so far as possible so seating her guests that each may be pleased with his or her neighbor. The centerpiece is of flowers; for this never choose a strongly scented flower like hyacinths or narcissi. The heat, the odor of the food, combined with the scent of the flowers, may induce lethargy, so that the dinner may be "garnished with stupidity."
There must be a service plate at each place. These are to be as handsome as you can afford. At the side of this is laid the dinner napkin, within which a roll is folded. The guest removes the napkin, unfolding it for use. The waitress removes the service plate and puts down another on which is a grapefruit, vermouth, or other kind of cocktail. This plate and glass removed, there comes another plate, and little dishes of caviarre are passed. These plates also disappear, others are substituted, and soup is served. After the soup is eaten the soup plates are removed, leaving the other plates, and celery and radishes and salted nuts and olives are passed, not necessarily all, but at least two, say celery and olives; nuts and radishes. If the little individual almond dishes are used, of course the salted nuts will not be passed.
These plates are again changed when the fish is served, the rule being that at no time during the dinner must a guest be without a plate before him until the table is cleared for dessert. Moreover, the waitress, in placing plates that have a monogram or heraldic device for decoration, must so place the plate before each guest that the design faces him. In taking up the plates, one is taken up with the right hand while with the left the waitress replaces it with another; one plate is never placed upon another.
The fish, meat, and other courses are served from the pantry, the portions being arranged for convenience in helping, and garnished with parsley or lemon. The dish is passed first to the guest seated at the host's right hand, next to the one on the left, and afterwards in regular rotation, irrespective of sex. All service is at the left; this leaves the guest's right hand in position to help himself. The waitress holds the dish upon a folded napkin on the flat of her hand, and low down. Vegetables are passed in the same fashion.
You will see how much depends upon having well trained servants at such a dinner. The service must be without haste, yet without delay; there must be no clatter of china and silver, no awkwardness in removing plates, etc. The waitress must be quick to refill glasses or supply whatever is needed.
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The Help Required.--A dinner to twelve or fourteen guests cannot be served properly without two or three waiters--usually men at such large dinners--and additional help in the kitchen. So much thought and anxiety are required for the success of a home dinner party that it is small wonder many prefer to add a little to the expense, in cities at least, and order a dinner for the requisite number at hotel or club, where the responsibility rests with the management after the details of the menu are settled. Such a dinner is less of a compliment to one's guests than the entertainment at one's own home, however; and why should one possess stores of beautiful and expensive furnishings without their use?
One dinner generally means another a short time afterwards, since in selecting the small number who can be entertained one must necessarily leave out others who have equal claims to hospitality and whose sense of being slighted must be appeased. And if the hostess is socially prominent she may find herself embarked on a course of entertainments that will tax her time and her funds to a considerable degree.
Invitations to a dinner must be sent at least two weeks in advance. As has already been stated, an immediate and unconditional acceptance or regret is demanded.
Precedence.--At these formal dinners, the question of precedence engages the hostess's attention, If all the guests are about on equal terms, the host takes out the oldest or most prominent lady, seating her at his right. The other, guests are paired off according to the hostess's ideas of social propriety or congeniality. No man ever takes his wife in to dinner. The place of honor for men is at the hostess's right hand. Dinner cards, legibly written, are placed on the napkins. The men draw out the chairs and seat the ladies, then seat themselves. Generally, at a small dinner, the hostess tells each man before leaving the drawing room, whom he is to take out: at large functions, he finds in the men's cloak room an envelope addressed to him containing the lady's name. He seeks out his partner and gives her his arm when dinner is announced.
Be Prompt.--It is almost unpardonable for a guest to be late at a dinner. The arrival should be within fifteen minutes of the time named on the invitation, never earlier. The hostess must be ready in ample time, and must appear calm and untroubled. Nervousness bespeaks the novice in entertaining. Generally, however, even if the affair passes off without any contretemps she is ready to say "Thank heaven it's over!"
Now this is not to say that one may not serve a good and very enjoyable dinner or luncheon to a few friends, without as much trouble and expense as are here indicated. This is simply to state how such meals are served, formally and informally. Knowing the proper procedure one may adopt as much or as little as her circumstances and style of living warrant.
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THE INFORMAL DINNER
The informal dinner resembles the formal, save that fewer courses are served, the menu is simpler, and the decorations less elaborate. The serving is on the same order--a la Russe. If one is fortunate enough to have a maid who combines the experience of a waitress with the qualities of a good cook, by ingenious planning it is possible to serve six persons acceptably in the approved fashion.
But there are thousands of households in which but one maid is kept, and in this case what may be termed "the family dinner" will be found better, because there will be no endeavor to do more than one can accomplish with the means at her command. Better by far serve well and simply than attempt something more elaborate and fall short in it.
Family Dinners.--At the family dinner, the grape fruit or oyster cocktail, or the raw oysters which form the first course, is on the table when the guests are seated. The grape fruit may be served in glasses, like the cocktail. If oysters are served, the maid passes the condiments. She then removes these plates, replacing them with service plates as she does so, and brings in the soup. This the hostess serves and the maid carries about. While this is being eaten--celery or olives being passed after the guests are helped--the maid slips out in the kitchen to dish up the vegetables unless these are already in the warmer. Returning, she removes the soup-plates, never taking more than two at a time. She then brings on the joint or roast, placing it before the host, who proceeds to serve it. (If oysters are served first, a fish course is generally omitted; indeed, so many courses tax one's resources too severely.) The maid carries about the dinner plates, removing the service plate with the right hand and placing the other with the left. She then passes the vegetables. The serving begins with the lady at the host's right hand. If the piece de resistance is a turkey, white and dark meat and a portion of dressing are placed on each plate; gravy and the vegetables, then cranberry or currant jelly, are passed. Here the waitress should refill water glasses.
The plates are then removed for the salad course, and the table cleared. This should be ready on the plates, and kept where it will be perfectly cold. While this is being brought on, the hostess will start dishes of salted nuts and bonbons down the table, the guests passing them. After the salad the plates are removed and the dessert brought in. This may be a mould of ice cream or a pudding; pie is seldom or never served. This the host or hostess serves. The coffee service may be brought in, and the hostess pours it; little cakes or wafers, or mints, are usually passed with it; then the maid is excused from further service. The hostess always gives the signal for leaving the table by a slight nod toward the lady on her husband's right, and rising.
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Requirements.--A dinner of this kind requires a serving-table or sideboard where china and silver may be in readiness. Such an aid is even more indispensable where the hostess serves the meal herself. Many very enjoyable "company dinners" are served where the hostess is also the cook, and she and her husband serve. If one has daughters they should be taught how to serve, and may rise from the table to change plates and bring in courses with perfect propriety. In such case, the soup is served at the table and, as it is awkward to pass without spilling, some one should carry it about if more than two or three guests are present. The roast or fowl is carved by the host; vegetables are on the table and are passed from hand to hand. After this course the hostess, or the daughter delegated to do this, clears the table and brings in the salad. The dessert follows. Coffee is occasionally served with the meat course, but it is better to bring it on with the dessert. Cups, etc., should be in readiness on the side table, to be transferred to the table. There should be an apparent absence of formality at such a meal, though everything should progress in regular order, systematically, quietly, without orders or clash. Above all things, see that everything likely to be wanted is at hand; nothing looks worse than someone jumping up to get some article that has been forgotten. If dishes, spoons or forks must be washed during the progress of the meal, have warm water ready in the kitchen, wash them quickly, and wipe them out of cold water; then their heat will not betray your limited resources.
Setting the Table.--The "best cloth" and napkins are brought out for the dinner party. The cloth must be laid with mathematical exactness, its center exactly on the center of the table. The centerpiece, almost invariably of flowers, only occasionally of fruit, is also exactly placed. This should be low; it is awkward not to be able to see one's vis-a-vis, and the hostess should be able to command an uninterrupted view of her table, so that if the waitress omits any service she may by a glance direct her to supply it. The arrangement should be graceful and pretty, and, in summer, garden flowers may be used with propriety. The flowers give the keynote of the color scheme; dinner cards, bonbons, ices and creams and the decorations of the small cakes usually served with the dessert, conform to it. Candelabra are less used than at one time, but are by no means "out." A handsome silver candelabra may be used as a centerpiece, its base banked in flowers. On a square or oblong table, candlesticks with shades give a touch of color that relieves the whiteness of napery and glass.
There is a plate--your handsomest--at each place; a napkin squarely folded and lying flat; a row of forks at the left, oyster fork outside, then fish fork, dinner and salad fork, four in all, laid in the order in which they will be used. Knives are at the right of the napkin, always two, a large and a small one. Fashion has re-introduced the steel-bladed knife for the meat course; it is surprising to notice how much more tender meat is than it used to be when we tried to cut it with the silver knives. The soup-spoon is laid at the top of the plate. The salad fork may be brought in with the salad if preferred, spoons with the dessert and coffee. Grape fruit is eaten with an orange spoon, laid at the right. No "fancy folding" of napkins is permissible. The glasses stand at the top of the plate, a little to the right. Small cut glass or fancy dishes containing the relishes are placed near the corners of the table within the circle of plates if the table is square; if it is round they are so arranged so as to balance each other in the form of a square. There may be two of nuts and two of stuffed olives or of bonbons. Individual salt cellars are at the top of the plate; a roll is folded in the napkin, sometimes laid on the bread-and-butter plate, which is placed at the left. Such rolls should be small and well-baked. At formal dinners no butter is served, and the plates are omitted. Finger bowls are brought in after the ices or the pudding. They are on a small plate on which is a doily, and the fruit knife, if to be used, is on the plate. The guest lays bowl and doily at his right, lifting the two together, the plate being for fruit, if any is served. If no fruit, the bowl is left on the plate.
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LUNCHEONS.
The luncheon is a less elaborate function than the dinner, but ranks next it in point of compliment and display. The "stand-up" or buffet luncheon is much less popular than formerly, in fact even at the so-called buffet luncheons the guests are now seated at small tables accommodating four. Invitations are sent out ten days or two weeks in advance, and require prompt replies.
Formal Luncheons.--Save in a less elaborate menu, the formal luncheon differs very little from the dinner, except that the latter is at seven o'clock, and the luncheon almost invariably at one. The menu generally begins with grape fruit, served in glasses on small plates and doilies, and on the table when the guests are seated. An orange spoon is used. The table is set as for dinner, save that less silver is laid. Bouillon, served in bouillon cups, with a spoon on the saucer may follow. Then may come lobster a la Newburg; sweet-breads and peas; salad; ices and coffee. In place of the sweet-breads one may serve squab on toast, fillet of beef, or broiled chicken; peas, beets, and potatoes cut in balls and cooked in deep fat may accompany anyone of these. The meat, cut in portions, and surrounded by mounds of the vegetables, is often served from a large platter, from which the guests help themselves. The hostess is served first; this is, that, in case any unfamiliar dish is served, she may show how it is to be handled. The lady on her right is next in order of serving. The same etiquette in regard to serving, changing plates, etc., is observed as at the dinner, save that the rolls are on bread-and-butter plates instead of being folded in the napkin. The decorations, ornamental dishes, candies, and the like are used as at a dinner.
Minor Particulars.--The roast never figures at a luncheon; the courses consist largely of what are called entrees, the idea being that the repast is of a lighter character than a dinner. The salad is a special feature; it may be chicken, Waldorf, fruit, or any kind preferred, but must be carefully studied in its relation to the other dishes.
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The guests keep on their hats during the luncheon, removing the gloves as they are seated; at an informal luncheon the gloves are removed in the dressing room.
Very often bridge or some other card game follows the luncheon. If not, guests are not expected to remain more than half an hour after leaving the table.
The luncheon--never say lunch--is a favorite form of entertainment for girls. In this case the dishes served are light and delicate. Mushrooms on toast, oyster patties or croquettes, a salad, and ices; the menu prefaced by grape fruit and bouillon, are often thought sufficient for a girl's luncheon. Sweets are served freely for them.
It is no longer thought correct to go to extremes in carrying out a "color scheme." Sandwiches are not tied up with ribbons, nor cakes colored to correspond with the preferred hue. Flowers, ices, and the decorations on the small cakes passed with the dessert are quite sufficient. Candles, if used, should have shades to correspond.
Large Luncheons.--The large luncheon has few friends these days; it is too heterogeneous an affair. Those invited feel it is an easy way of paying off social obligations; few find it entirely enjoyable. There is more or less of a crush; one experiences difficulty in finding a table and being served; it is not appetizing to note evidences that others have eaten at the same table and departed. And one is likely to be seated with the wrong people and thus miss much that belongs with and makes pleasant the smaller affair.
No woman need hesitate at inviting a few friends to have luncheon with her. She may prepare a simple meal, and if it is nicely served and she herself gives the cordiality and the conversational impetus that "keeps things going," her guests will find it enjoyable. She may adopt as much of the regular method of serving as befits her home and its resources, but she must make her table as beautiful as possible, and she must not serve "stewed hostess."
TABLE ETIQUETTE.
We have seen how a table should be laid and a meal served; now let us see how it should be eaten:
There is no situation in which one's good breeding is so much in evidence as at the table. For that reason, mothers should begin to train their children in infancy to correct usage. As soon as a child is able to hold a spoon and fork, he should be taught how to hold them properly, and the training should be continued until the right habit is established.
One should not be seated until the lady of the house is seated, unless especially requested to do so. Children should observe this rule as rigidly as that which requires the removal of the hat on entering the house.
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At the Table.--On being seated, the napkin is unfolded and laid across the lap. It is more correct to only unfold one-half, that is, open it at the center fold. One is not supposed to require further protection than from the accidental crumb. On no account should it be used as a bib, or be tucked in the dress or waistcoat.
Grape fruit is eaten from an orange spoon. If oysters are served raw, they must not be cut but eaten whole.
Soup must be taken from the side of the spoon, quietly, with no hissing or other sound, nor should the spoon be so full that it drips over. The motion of the spoon in filling it, is away from instead of towards the person; and tilting the plate to secure the last spoonful is bad form. Crackers are never served with soup: croutons--small squares of bread toasted very hard and brown, or small H. & P. biscuits are passed. These are never put into the soup, but are eaten from the hand. Neither soup nor fish should be offered the second time.
Fish is generally eaten with a fork and a bit of bread, though silver fish knives are in occasional use. The entree which follows the fish should be eaten with the fork only. A mouthful of meat is cut as required; it is never buried in potato or any vegetable and then conveyed to the mouth. Vegetables are no longer served in "birds' bath-tubs," as some wit once called the individual vegetable dishes, but are cooked sufficiently dry to be served on the plate with the meat. All vegetables are eaten with the fork, so also jellies, chutney, etc., served with the meat course.
Using the Fork.--The fork laid farthest from the plate is to be used for the first course requiring such a utensil; the others are used in their order. The knife is held in the right hand; by the handle, not the blade. The fork should not be held like a spoon, or a shovel, but more as one would hold a pencil or pen; it is raised laterally to the mouth. The elbow is not to be projected, or crooked outward, in using either knife or fork; that is a very awkward performance. The fork should never be over-burdened. The knife is never lifted to the mouth; it is said that "only members of the legislature eat pie with a knife nowadays." The handle of neither knife or fork may rest on the table nor the former be laid across the edge of the plate.
Tender meat, like the breast of chickens, may be cut with the fork. A bone is never taken in the fingers, the historic anecdote about Queen Victoria to the contrary notwithstanding. The table manners of the twentieth century are not Early Victorian. Olives and celery are correctly laid on the bread-and-butter plate. The former is never dipped in one's salt cellar; a small portion of salt is put on the edge of the plate; both are eaten from the fingers.
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Vegetables, Fruits, etc.--Green corn is seldom served on the cob at ceremonious dinners. If it is served, it is to be broken in medium-sized pieces and eaten from the cob, a rather messy process, and one not pretty to observe. The fastidious avoid it. If eaten, the piece is held between the fingers of one hand. To take an unbroken ear in both hands and gnaw the length of it suggests the manners of an animal never named in polite society.
It is correct to take up asparagus by the stalk, and eat it from the fingers, but the newer and more desirable custom is to cut off the edible portion with knife and fork. Lettuce is never cut with a knife; a fork is used, the piece rolled up and conveyed to the mouth.
Hard cheese may be eaten from the fingers; soft cheeses, like Neufchatel, Brie, and the like, are eaten with the fork, or a bit is spread on a morsel of bread and conveyed to the mouth with the fingers.
A soft cake is eaten with a fork. The rule is that whatever can be eaten with a fork shall be so eaten.
Roman punch and sherbets require a spoon. Berries, peaches and cream, custards, preserves, jellies, call for the spoon. Strawberries are often served as a first course in their season. They are then arranged with their hulls and a portion of stem left on, dipped in powdered sugar and eaten from the fingers. A little mound of the sugar is pressed into shape in the center of the small plate and the berries laid around it.
Peaches, pears, and apples are peeled with the fruit knife, cut in quarters or eighths, and eaten from the fingers. Bananas are stripped of the skin, cut in pieces with a fork and eaten from it. Oranges are cut in two across the sections and eaten with an orange spoon. Plums, like olives, are eaten by biting off the pulp without taking the stone in the mouth. Pineapple, unless shredded or cut up, requires both knife and fork; it is usually prepared for more convenient eating. Grapes, which should be washed by letting water from the faucet run over them and laid on a folded towel until the moisture drips off, are eaten from behind the half-closed hand, which receives the skins and seeds, then to be deposited on the plate.
If the small cup of coffee--the demi-tasse--is served, the small after-dinner coffee spoon is necessary. Cream is seldom served with the black coffee--cafe noir--with which a meal concludes, cut loaf sugar is passed.
The Spoon.--The spoon must never be left in the cup, no matter what beverage is served. Most of us have seen some absent-minded individual (we will charitably suppose him absent-minded instead of ignorant), stir his coffee round and round and round, creating a miniature whirlpool and very likely slopping it over into the saucer; then, prisoning the spoon with a finger, drink half the cup's contents at a gulp. To do this is positively vulgar. Stir the coffee or tea very slightly, just enough to stir the cream and sugar with it, then drink in sips. To take either from the teaspoon is bad form. Bread is broken, not cut, and only a small portion buttered at a time. Do not play with bread crumbs or spoon, etc., during the progress of a meal. Leave knife and fork on the plate, handles side by side, when it is passed for a second helping, and at a conclusion of a course, or the meal, lay them in the same position, points of the fork upward.
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Finger Bowls.--When finger bowls are brought, the tips of the fingers are dipped in the bowl and dried on the napkin. Men may lift the moistened fingers to the lips; women seldom do this, but wipe the lips with the napkin. At any function the napkin is not folded, but laid at the side of the plate at the conclusion of the repast. If a guest for a day or so, or for more than one meal, note what your hostess does with her napkin and follow her. If a guest at only one meal, never fold the napkin. Be careful not to throw it down so carelessly that it is stained with coffee, fruit, or fruit juices; your hostess will thank you for your consideration.
Be ready to rise when your hostess rises; you do not push your chair into place; simply rise and leave it. Rise on the side of your chair so you will not have to go around it in following your hostess to the drawing room.
RECEPTIONS.
When invitations are sent out for a reception, the recipient dons her handsomest afternoon gown for the occasion. This may be a dressy tailored suit; by this is meant one not severely simple; or she may wear some handsome trained gown under a long coat. Small cards for presentation at the door are sometimes enclosed with invitations to a large reception or buffet luncheon, since "the pushers" have been known to present themselves at such functions without having been invited. These cards are handed to the man who opens the carriage door. An awning extends from the door to the curb, and strips of carpet are laid under it, A maid opens the door and directs guests to the dressing room, where wraps are laid aside, hats and gloves being retained.
Receiving.--The hostess stands near the door of the drawing room, welcoming her guests with hand and smile. Next to her stand the ladies who receive with her. During the hour of arrival there is seldom opportunity for more than a word of greeting, and one should not linger but pass on down the line. A reception is often given to some visiting stranger, who is introduced by the hostess.
The guests then circulate through the rooms, greeting acquaintances, and drifting eventually to the dining room, where refreshments are served. They may stay as long as they find it agreeable, within the hours named on the card of invitation, but people seldom stay more than an hour.
The hostess remains near the door after the rush is over to greet the belated guest and bid adieu to those who are leaving.
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Decorations.--It is usual to decorate the rooms with flowers, and the services of the florist as well as the caterer are required if it is a large affair. Cards are usually left, as a token that one has been present, but in this case a card is manifestly not a visit, since it would be absurd for a woman to invite fifty, a hundred, or even five hundred people, who would expect her to call on them afterwards. Cards are sent by those who do not attend, on the day. A reception given for forty or fifty people is less formal, perhaps, but requires flowers--in less profusion--and refreshments. The awning may be dispensed with if the day is fine, but seldom is. The door must be promptly opened, and the maid remains at her post during the affair if there are many guests, to open it for those who leave as well as those who arrive.
HOSPITALITY IN THE HOME.
"There is an emanation from the heart in genuine hospitality which cannot be described, but is immediately felt, and puts the stranger at once at his ease." --Washington Irving.
Were we to look up the meaning of the word hospitality in the dictionary, we would find it defined as the act of receiving and entertaining guests kindly, generously, and gratuitously, without expectation of reward.
According to such a definition, much that passes for hospitality in the social realm does not deserve the name. Society is a give-and-take arrangement, somewhat resembling the gift exchange we practise at Christmas. If you do not give you do not get; if you do not entertain you are not invited, unless it is understood that circumstances prevent your doing so. Then one is asked for what one can contribute in the way of good company, promotion of gayety, and the like. One "pays her way" by being agreeable, well gowned, popular. Thus, in a way, much social hospitality is merely social bargaining. The woman who feels indebted to her circle--or circles, for these impinge upon each other--gives a large reception or "at home." She can seldom do more than welcome the coming and speed the parting guest. Her greeting is "So delighted to see you here;" her farewell, "Good-bye; so glad you were able to come." Her guests have greeted each other in much the same casual fashion, have had some refreshments warranted to destroy their appetite for dinner; have shown a handsome gown and hat--and perhaps had the former injured in the crush. One is reminded of Bunthorne's "Hollow! Hollow! Hollow!!"
Real Hospitality.--Quite different is this from what we offer when we invite our friends to visit us. Here is genuine hospitality--the receiving and entertaining gratuitously those whose companionship we enjoy. One of the chief joys of having one's own home is the pleasure of being able to welcome one's friends and afford them the privilege of enjoying it also. An invitation of this kind means we are willing to incommode ourselves, incur expense, and give a measure of our time to the entertainment of those of our friends whose society we wish to enjoy familiarly. Thus it seems that an invitation to visit a friend in her home is a compliment of no mean order, although Nicole says: "'Visits are for the most part neither more nor less than inventions for discharging upon our neighbors somewhat of our own unendurable weight."
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Short Visits.--Visits are of much shorter duration than in those "old times" people talk about so enthusiastically--and would find so tiresome were they to return again. Then visitors stayed week after week; were urged to remain longer when they proposed departure. The story goes of a Virginia planter who invited an old war-time friend to visit him. At the end of a month the major proposed departure. His host objected so strenuously that he agreed to stay another month. And so it went on, the guest regularly proposing to leave, the host hospitably insisting on his remaining, until in the end the old veteran died in and was buried from his friend's house. This, however, is an example not to be emulated in these less hospitable days.
There is a saying, "Short visits make long friends," that is worth consideration by those who visit. Probably the truth of the saying has been so often attested that it has given rise to the custom of specifying the date of arrival and departure of a guest when giving the invitation. It has become to be understood that the vague, indefinite invitation "Do come and see us sometime," means nothing. No one would think for a moment of taking it in good faith. If the giver wishes to entertain her friend she will ask if it will be convenient for her to visit her at a certain specified date. Nothing less counts. An understanding of this might save the unexperienced from the awkwardness of making an unwelcome visit.
The Unexpected Visit.--Nothing is worse form than "the surprise visit." Generally you do surprise your hostess and very often most disagreeably. A housekeeper does not enjoy an intrusion--for such it is--of that kind any more than you would be pleased to have a chance caller rush unannounced into your private rooms. Even among relatives and the most intimate friends, there is nothing to justify the unexpected arrival. Nothing so strikes terror to a woman's soul as the thud of trunks on the piazza and the crunch of wheels on the gravel, meaning someone has "come to stay."
Such an arrival is a piece of presumption on the part of the visitor. She assumes she will be welcome at any time she chooses to present herself. This may be true; but at the same time there is an obligation of courtesy which requires her to consult her friend's convenience. Instead, she consults her own and utterly ignores that of her hostess, who is thus forced into entertaining her.
[710 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]
The Inopportune Arrival.--Many awkward and sometimes amusing anecdotes are told in connection with the inopportune visit. Thus not long ago the newspapers chronicled the plight of a woman who undertook to surprise an acquaintance from whom she had not heard for several years. She was driven to their house and dismissed the carriage. A strange face met her at the door, and she learned that her friend had removed to another city nearly a twelvemonth before. "Served her right" will be everybody's verdict.
Suppose one arrives unexpectedly and finds the friend's house full of other and invited company. Then, if ever, she ought to feel herself "a rank outsider." If she is tactless enough not to give notice of her intended arrival, she probably has not the good sense to depart as quickly as possible. The man of the house may have to sleep on the parlor sofa, or the children on the floor, and ninety-nine times out of a hundred the whole family will wish her in Halifax.
Or she may arrive to find some member of the family ill, or house-cleaning or repairing in progress, or the house in the hands of the decorators. Indeed, so many unforeseen accidents may occur to make her visit an unpleasant memory, both to herself and her hostess, that only the most selfish and inconsiderate of women will so violate the social conventions as to make "surprise visits."
Visits That Save Expense.--Something equally reprehensible is the visit we pay to a friend in town where we have business or desire a pleasure trip, and do not propose to have it cost us much of anything. We force hospitality on our acquaintances in order to save hotel bills. They know it, and they feel about it just exactly as we would in their places--that is, that it is an imposition on good nature and a mean and selfish thing to do.
"We gave up our house and went to boarding simply because my health and my husband's salary were inadequate to the demands made upon them by our out-of-town relatives and acquaintances, who used us as a restaurant and hotel. There was seldom a week when we did not give ten or twelve meals and two or three nights lodging to people better able to pay for them than we were to furnish them. So we gave up housekeeping." This is an actual experience.
WEEK-END VISITS.
The "house-party," as the week-end visit is now often styled, is a comparatively recent addition to social entertainments. It is a fashion imported from England, and a very good one. It is the "from Saturday to Monday" visit, and so universally recognized that during the summer extra trolley cars and railroad trains are in use to convey resorters and their guests to summer homes in the country.
Invitations to a house-party are given several weeks in advance, and great care should be taken to invite those who are congenial and will "mix well," since where a few are thrown together congeniality is absolutely essential to success. The invitations are informal; the length of the visit definitely fixed; even the train by which the visitor is expected to arrive and leave is mentioned, that there may be no misunderstanding.
[MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 711]
The Invitation.--One may write to her friend: "Won't you give us the pleasure of entertaining you from Friday afternoon to Monday? The 3:45 train will bring you here in time for tea. There is to be a musical in the evening; an automobile ride is planned for Saturday afternoon, to show you the beauties of our vicinity, and there is to be the usual Saturday evening dance at the hotel. A train leaves here at 10:30 Monday morning, which will take you back to the city in ample time for lunch. Hoping to have the happiness of seeing you on Friday, I am," etc., etc.
This not only suggests to your friend at what time she is expected to arrive and depart, but gives her an idea of what she should bring with her in the way of clothes. One should always take her prettiest gowns that will be suitable to the entertainments proposed for her pleasure--for a hostess naturally wishes to have her guests make a good appearance. From four to six is the number generally asked to a small house-party, since the usual summer cottage has few guest rooms. The guests are, if possible, evenly divided as to sex, and a hostess may, with perfect propriety, arrange that the men of the party shall be lodged at a hotel, coming over to breakfast with their entertainer.
Amusements.--Some amusements are always provided for the visitors at a house-party. Often a dinner-party is planned for Sunday, in which several other guests are included. Men who cannot leave business for even a week-end often come out Sunday for a dinner and a breath of country air. Now that automobiles are as plenty as black-berries the railroad train can be ignored. Young people living in the country should take advantage of this method of entertaining their city friends, who will find the change delightful in summer, and will gladly reciprocate by inviting them to the city during the social season. Remember that a hearty hospitality, a sincere joy in seeing your friends, and the fresh milk, eggs and fruits you can offer will do much toward counterbalancing your lack of "city conveniences."
The Hostess's Arrangements.--The hostess should arrange to have the guests met at the station. She will naturally try to have them arrive by the same train, is possible; but she must see that their baggage arrives at the house nearly as soon as they do, that they may at once remove the soil of travel and dress for the evening meal. She may or she may not meet them at the station, according to her own convenience, but she must be ready to receive them when they arrive at the home. If the journey has been long, a cup of tea may be offered; otherwise they are at once shown to their rooms. The hostess does this for her women guests, the host or a servant for the men.
If a visitor is so unfortunate as to miss her train she should immediately telegraph or telephone her hostess, explaining the accident, and saying she will arrange to have herself conveyed from the station to the house on her arrival by a later train. Of course, the hostess will not permit this, but will send some vehicle to meet the next train.
The matter of guest rooms and their conveniences, proper furnishings, etc., will be taken up in a later section.
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What Is Expected of Guests.--One does not invite guests to make them uncomfortable, therefore it is best not to expect them to rise for an early breakfast. If they are expected to present themselves, as late an hour as possible should be named. But they may be served with coffee, rolls, fruit and any other easily prepared breakfast dish whenever they please to arise, being given to understand that a substantial breakfast is the price of the extra "forty winks." Guests at a house-party are expected to entertain themselves, among themselves, to a considerable extent. They may walk, or row, or play croquet or tennis, or read or gossip or play cards, while the hostess attends to her domestic duties. If the party is large, or if but one or no servants are kept, the women should quietly attend to their own rooms, making up the bed and picking up their own belongings. Whether they may do this or not depends upon circumstances of which they must judge.
The most enjoyable house-parties are given in these roomy old houses with broad verandas, surrounded with lawn and garden. But this need not deter those having less delightful surroundings from offering their best to their friends. It is not so much the elegance of what we offer as the manner in which it is offered that makes our friends remember their visit with pleasure.
Dress at Week-End Visits.--Women wear a simple tailored suit while traveling, with white waist or silk skirt to match. If the weather is warm, white duck, pique or linen skirts with white shirts are worn mornings; afternoons, foulard, or some of the fine and dainty fabrics suited to the season. For evening, nothing is prettier than white for the young--and, indeed, "everybody wears white." By change of accessories, the same white gown may be made to do for the two evenings. If an automobile trip is part of the entertainment, one should take an ulster or long loose coat and veil.
The woman's greatest trouble is to carry a second hat--something she may need under some circumstances, though the fashion of going bareheaded helps considerably. But if the entertainment includes a garden party, a tea or reception, she must have a hat. The trunk is uncalled for, and the suitcase is disobliging. What shall she do?
Her best plan will be to have a becoming shape covered with black tulle or malines, and a made bow attached to it to travel in. On arrival, she will detach the bow and pin on a couple of plumes, an aigrette, or flowers, converting it into a dress hat.
Men's Wear.--The man wears the ordinary business suit for travelling, sack or cutaway. He wears in the country in the morning a suit of flannel, tweed or cheviot, a straw hat and tan shoes. His shirt may be of striped madras or linen, with a white collar. The cutaway coat is correct for ordinary afternoon wear, with a white waistcoat, white shirt and four-in-hand tie. This takes the place in summer of the frock coat, which is the formal day wear. He will seldom, if ever, have occasion for a dress suit at a week-end visit in summer. Of course, the size of the party and the gayeties in which one will participate have a bearing on the dress question, but the tendency is for men's dress to be more comfortable and less formal in summer, especially in the country.
[MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 713]
THE DUTIES OF A HOSTESS.
The woman who is entertaining guests must remember two things: that she must not neglect them, and that she must not tire them out with too much attention. There is a "happy mean" to be attained, which is the climax of pleasure and comfort to both.
One woman makes her visitor feel that "the domestic veal" has been slaughtered in her behalf. The usual manner of living and habits of life have been put aside that she may be "entertained." Elaborate meals are planned; there is a straining after hospitality which defeats its own purpose and makes the visitor uncomfortable, because the hostess has so manifestly incommoded herself. The fussy hostess puts too much endeavor into her entertainment.
On the other hand, there is the hostess who announces her intention of regarding her visitor as "one of the family," "making no fuss" on account of her being in the house. This sounds much better than it works out in actual practice. Unless we are prepared to modify our routine in accordance with our friend's pleasure and convenience, at least to some extent, we should not invite her. We do not ask people to our houses to make them more uncomfortable than they would be at home. A visit is in the nature of a holiday, or vacation, to the visitor; we are to see to it that she is deferred to and efforts made to please her.
The Visitor's Comfort.--It is hospitable to consult her tastes in the matter of food. It is uncomfortable for both hostess and guest if the principal dish at dinner is something the latter dislikes. Nor should we ask her to conform to the family breakfast hour if we know she is unaccustomed to early hours, or is very much fatigued. In that case it is best to say that the early breakfast is a family necessity and that she will not be expected to appear at it, but may have her coffee and toast in her own room or down stairs at the hour at which she wishes to rise. This, though it may necessitate the preparation of a tray to be sent up, is really a convenience to the hostess, who is then left free to attend to her domestic duties. As some one has said, "It is not hospitality to ask a guest to your rooftree and expect her to find sufficient delight in being there and doing as you do." Very often she would be far more comfortable at home, physically at least. Remember your object in inviting people is to make them happy. Unless you are willing to make some sacrifices to do this, do not invite them.
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Preparing for Company.--An expected guest should always be met at the station by some member of the family. The guest room should be in readiness, closet and bureau drawers vacated for her use. The bed should be freshly made up, the bedding having been properly aired. It would seem that no one would offer a visitor a bed that has not been changed and aired after having been slept in, yet guests, exchanging experiences, acknowledge it has been done--let us hope through inadvertence, though it is really inexcusable.
There should be plenty of fresh towels and water; a fresh cake of soap, a candlestick and matches, and a waste paper basket. On the dressing-bureau there should be a spotless spread, a pincushion well stocked with pins, hand mirror, comb and brush. The guest will bring her own, but may need to use these before her luggage arrives. The brush and comb should have been washed after a previous using.
A lounge, preferably placed at the foot of the bed if there is room; a light quilt or blanket for use upon it; an easy chair, and a clock in good working order are desirable furnishings. Writing materials should be provided. Some careful and painstaking hostesses include a small writing desk, well stocked with paper, pens and ink, postage stamps, even picture postal cards already stamped and ready to be addressed. A new magazine and a few books, and a little basket containing thimble, needles, scissors and several spools of cotton complete the conveniences arranged for the guest. A potted plant, or a few flowers in a vase, give a personal touch that bespeaks the hostess's solicitude for the pleasure of her friend.
There is no more delicious flattery than that of having one's personal tastes remembered and recognized.
The Visitor's Entertainment.--The entertainment of a guest is, of course, dependent on the hostess's means, mode of life, social standing, the season of the year, and whether one lives in town or in the country.
She will ask some of her friends to call on her guest; she will give a little entertainment for her, at cards, or a tea, or a reception, according to circumstances. No doubt her friends will include her visitor in their invitations during her stay. She will take her friend to see the sights of her home city if she is a stranger; she may give a theatre party, or at least take her friend several times. She will pay her guest's carfare, unless the other anticipates her, and pay for the theatre tickets. It will be perfectly correct for the guest to "stand treat" by inviting her host and hostess to accompany her to concert or play, paying for the seats herself.
The Hostess's Invitations.--It often happens that a hostess has invitations not extended to her visitor. She may have accepted; before her guest's arrival, an invitation to dinner, card party or luncheon. In neither of these may she ask to have her guests included. They are formal functions for which arrangements are made long in advance. She may say to an intimate friend who is giving a musical or an "At home" or any informal affair, that she has a visitor staying with her, and the friend will no doubt extend an invitation to the latter. It is proper for host and hostess to accept invitations in which a guest is not included if they make some provision for her pleasure during their absence.
She may be asked to invite some friend to dine with her, or someone provided to take her to the theatre. Nor has she a right to feel affronted at being left at home.
One thing must be carefully avoided, the hostess must not let her guest feel, for one moment, that she is the cause of inconvenience or trouble. Even if she is, the fact must be sedulously concealed. Bear with the annoyance until the visit ceases; then do not invite her again. It is the hostess's privilege to invite; having invited she must not allow her equanimity to be disturbed.
[MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 715]
THE OBLIGATIONS OF A GUEST.
If it is the duty of the hostess to be attentive to the comfort of her guest, there is quite as much obligation resting on the guest to show a disposition to be pleased and to make herself agreeable. Some women--young girls more particularly--seem to think too much cannot be done for their entertainment. They make themselves burdensome by their wish to have "something doing" all the time. The visitor who conveys the impression that she is neglected unless some festivity is in the immediate future easily becomes tiresome.
The guest should accommodate herself to the ways of the family. Especially should she be punctual at meals and ready on time when going out with her friends. Her host may acquire a dislike to her if she keeps him waiting. She should always be neatly dressed, never appearing at the breakfast table in kimona or dressing-jacket if men will be present. She should respect the privileges of the host, not occupying his easy chair, appropriating the newspaper or the best position round the lamp. She should give as little trouble as possible and be especially careful about scattering her belongings about the house. This particularly applies to young girls, who are apt to be careless in this respect. It annoys a hostess to find Missy's rubbers kicked off in the hall, her hat on the piano, and a half eaten box of candy on the parlor sofa.
About Being Thoughtful.--She should be careful to avoid injury to any of her hostess' pretty things or her furnishings. The story is told of a girl who, conducted to her hostess's beautiful guest room, furnished with the utmost daintiness in white, threw her umbrella and dusty coat on the spotless counterpane, exclaiming: "What a lovely room!" It was not lovely when she left it. The wall was defaced by marks made by scratching matches; the bureau scarf was blackened by the curling-iron; there were ink spots on the hemstitched sheets where she had written letters in bed, and something that would not come out was spilled on the table cover. It does not show that you are accustomed to nice things to be so negligent and careless; it shows you are not accustomed to them and do not know how to treat them; and it makes you a visitor the hostess is glad to get rid of, and never invites again.
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The guest, young or old, should take herself out of the way part of the time; she shouldn't be always in evidence. Let her go to her own room and write letters, read, or take her work out of doors; in other words, show an ability to entertain herself which releases her hostess from that responsibility for the time being. This is much better than having one's friend in one's constant presence.
Outside Acquaintance.--If one is staying with a friend and has other acquaintances in the same place she will naturally expect them to call on her. If her callers are strangers to her hostess, they should ask for her. The hostess may see them or ask to be excused with equal propriety. The guest is at liberty to accept outside invitations which do not include her hostess, but should always consult her in reference to them. She has no right to invite any of her friends to a meal without first mentioning her wish to her hostess and securing a cordial acquiescence. She must not make a convenience of her friend's house, and if a girl or young woman, she must not receive there any man or woman of whom her parents disapprove. This is disloyal to them, and an imposition upon her hostess.
Other Points to Observe.--If a visitor can play, sing, recite, tell stories, or in any way contribute to the pleasure of her friends or other guests, she should comply cheerfully with requests that she do so. On the other hand, she should not monopolize the piano. She should enter readily into any plans proposed for her entertainment; even though they may not be especially agreeable, she should subscribe to the kindly intent.
The question as to how much assistance the visitor should volunteer in case her hostess keeps but one servant, or does her own work, is dependent upon circumstances. She certainly shouldn't follow her hostess all over the house with offers of help: "Can't I do this?" "Shan't I do that?" Let her quickly and unostentatiously render such small services as are helpful without being obtrusive. She may care for her own room; she may fill the vases with flowers; she may tell stories to the children or take them for a walk, but she must carefully respect the hostess's privacy and not intrude in the rear regions where the domestic rites are performed, without her hostess's permission. And whatever aid she renders she should give according to her hostess's method, not her own.
A visitor should carefully avoid any comment on the cook's failures, should such occur; she must not criticise the children's manners: nor reprove them; nor should she criticise the chance caller or visitor, who is a friend of her hostess, but not of her acquaintance. Above all she must avoid comparisons. If she has been visiting more wealthy people it is not good form to wax eloquent over the elegance of their establishment or their more expensive mode of entertaining.
[MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 717]
Concerning Departure.--If there has been no time named as the length of her visit, she should take an early opportunity to mention now long she will remain "if perfectly convenient." And it is almost invariably a mistake to remain beyond the date named. Better go, and have your departure regretted, than linger to find the later days give a flat ending and you and your hostess alike relieved at parting.
It is customary, on leaving, to give a small fee to the maid who has cared for one's room, and to the waitress, if one is employed. Anyone who has rendered personal service is generally remembered. A dollar is usually given at the close of a week's visit: something depends upon the style of the household. Men generally tip the chauffeur.
After having been received as a guest in a family it is the height of incivility and bad manners to criticise their mode of living, discuss the peculiarities of any member, or make unkind remarks in reference to a slight, real or fancied, or any negligence or oversight. Having eaten your hostess's salt, there is an obligation of silence imposed, unless one can speak in terms of praise.
At Home Again.--Immediately after one's return home it is obligatory to write what is sometimes called "the bread-and-butter letter"--that in which one expresses her pleasure in the visit and her appreciation of the hospitality received. A serviceable form for this follows:
My Dear Mrs. Blank: I wish to tell you at once how much I enjoyed my visit to your charming home and how truly I appreciate all you did to make my stay so pleasant. I shall always remember my good times with you, and especially that most delightful picnic to Ferndale.
With kind remembrances to Mr. Blank and to Lois, who helped so much to make me happy, believe me, Yours most sincerely, Mary Annesley.
This recognition of hospitality enjoyed must on no account be omitted.
VISITING ETIQUETTE FOR GIRLS.
The best personal asset a girl can have is "nice manners;" they will contribute more to her lasting popularity than beauty or wealth. Girls sometimes wonder how it happens that a girl they have regarded as "too homely" to be accounted dangerous, still carries off the matrimonial prize of "her set." Ten chances to one it is because she has that charm of manner that makes a man overlook her physical deficiencies. Her manners, in such case, are the spontaneous expression of a kind and generous disposition, aided, of course, by a familiarity with the social code that prevents awkwardness. She has ease, and that puts others at their ease; she is companionable; and not being engrossed by her own good looks, she has had time to cultivate the intellectual graces.
[718 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]
Nothing is more becoming to a young girl than respect and deference to her elders. If for no other reason than that it gives observers an unfavorable opinion of her manners, she should avoid any disrespect or rudeness toward her parents or older sisters. The young girl is often negligent in this respect. Her own ego is exaggerated, owing to her youth and inexperience; she thinks
"What there is to know, I know it; What I don't know isn't knowledge;"
and is much inclined to dub her own mother "old-fashioned." So she contradicts her, precedes her in entering a room, takes the easiest chair, monopolizes the conversation, and in other disrespectful ways endeavors to assert her own importance. Instead of crediting her with more social experience, bystanders consider her a very crude and untrained young person.
Deference to Age.--One reason why convent training is so highly esteemed in our best circles is because girls are taught such beautiful manners. No convent-bred girl would think of showing the slightest disrespect to an older person. They are taught all the little matters of etiquette that contribute to gentle and refined manners. A lady staying at a large summer hotel noted the charming manners of a young Southern girl, especially in regard to the unfailing deference paid to her mother and aunt. She rose when they addressed her and remained standing during the conversation. When the aunt came to the breakfast table the girl rose, standing until the elder lady was seated; if her mother entered one of the reception rooms she excused herself if conversing and advanced to meet her, finding a seat for her and perhaps asking permission to introduce an acquaintance. And it was all done so easily, so naturally, that it was plainly seen there was no affectation, but the unstudied courtesy due to good-breeding.
On the other hand, girls who undertake to show their respect for their seniors sometimes overdo the matter. No elderly person likes to be "fussed over." She doesn't want someone continually thrusting a cushion behind her shoulders or insisting on providing a foot-stool. The unwelcome service provokes a little resentment. One must have an intuitive sense of what to do and when to do it, and tact enough to perform a trifling service without the appearance of saying "See me! how polite I am!" As young men should rise when an elderly woman enters the room, so a young girl may pay the same pretty deference to her mother or an acquaintance. She should be careful not to take precedence of older women, not to interrupt them when speaking, and to render any small service unobtrusively.
[MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 719]
THE YOUNG GIRL'S SOCIAL AFFAIRS.
There is no special code of etiquette for girls. Why should they be trained in one code, only to discard it for another when they enter society? Their etiquette is simply more informal. Until they are "out," they do not give formal invitations. Their functions are chiefly luncheons, invitations being given by telephone or personal notes, and the menu more simple. They may give theatre parties, but never without a chaperon. They do not invite young men to call on them; that is their mother's duty. They do not send written invitations to young men; these are in the mother's name. Thus:
My Dear Mr. Smith: My mother wishes me to say that it will give her much pleasure if you will spend Friday evening, March tenth, with us, quite informally. We hope to see you at eight o' clock. Yours sincerely, Mary Gray.
Such an invitation presupposes the presence of other guests. If for cards, or music or games, mention may be made of the proposed entertainment.
A girl should not receive calls from young men without the presence of some member of the family, her mother by preference, at some time during the evening. A young man should not feel that the girl he calls upon is not properly looked after by her parents.
The Girl and the Chaperon.--Youth scorns the chaperon, regarding her as superfluous. "I can look out for myself," is the young girl's motto. Yet scandal has dimmed the fair name of many a girl through her disinclination to submit to proper chaperonage. The chaperon is much more of a social necessity in the East than she is in the South and West. If a girl proposes to "look ant for herself," there are some things she must carefully abstain from doing. She must not go to a restaurant with a young man alone; she must not travel about with him alone, even if she is engaged to him; she must not go "on excursions" unattended, nor go for a ride with a man and stop anywhere for refreshments; indeed, she should not accept such an invitation unless another couple or another girl are included in the party. This is not prudery; it is protection; and any young man's acquaintance is not desirable if he objects to such arrangements. He would not permit his sister to do what he asks some other man's sister to do. A young man loses in respect for a girl if she holds herself cheap.
If a girl receives invitations of the character just mentioned, it is far better to say frankly "My father (or mother) does not allow me to accept," than to make excuses or plead previous engagements time after time.
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The Girl and the Young Man.--Do not ask a young man to call on the occasion of your first meeting. Young people often meet and make each other's acquaintance when the girl's mother, whose place it is to give the invitation to call, is not present. After several meetings the girl, having ascertained the young man's antecedents, may say, if he seems desirous of the invitation, "'My mother will be glad to know you," or "Mother and I will be pleased to have you call some evening." The young man should acknowledge the compliment by calling at an early date, and should meet the girl's mother, The girl does not suggest when he shall call, though she may mention that she receives calls on a certain evening. She must not give him her card; if he is not sufficiently interested to remember her address he probably does not intend to call.
It is not correct for girls to suggest a walk, ride, hint a wish to dance or row, or tacitly invite a tete-a-tete. Let those who wish such favors ask for them. The girl who shows herself most anxious for young men's attentions generally receives fewest. Despite "the woman's movement," man still insists on his privilege of taking the initiative.
About Gifts.--It is not correct form for a girl to receive presents from young men, aside from flowers, candy and an occasional book or piece of music. In some circles, to offer a girl a piece of jewelry would be considered insulting. Not until he is engaged to her may a man offer expensive presents. This rule, it is lamentably true, is often violated by a certain order of young persons, who rather boast of the gifts of their gallants, and are thus the object of rather unkind criticism.
As a rule, a girl makes a mistake when she sends a gift to a young man. It is generally something that is as superfluous to him as a fifth wheel to a wagon, and it entails an irksome sense of obligation. It is presumed, if he has been very courteous and shown her many attentions, that it has been his pleasure to do so, and her gracious acceptance and pleasure in them is sufficient reward. A girl may give Christmas and birthday gifts to her fiance, but he should not give her any article of wearing apparel except gloves.
The Telephone.--A girl should be chary of calling up her young men acquaintances by telephone. If forced to do so, she should make her communication as brief as possible. It is annoying to a young man to be called from his business to answer social or "nonsense" calls--the latter when some idle, ennuied or "smitten" girl takes a notion she would like to chatter to somebody awhile. It exasperates an employer to have his men called from their duties to answer such calls, and fellow employees are likely to "guy" the man about his "mash." The "note habit" is just about as bad, though not quite as annoying, as the telephone habit, because a man can carry such missives in his pocket unopened.
A wise girl will not give her photograph to any young man until she is engaged to him. What nice girl would care to see her picture neighbored by ballet dancers and footlight favorites in a young man's rooms! She will be equally careful about corresponding with men, writing to but a few intimate and long-known friends, making her letters bright and gay, but carefully avoiding any warmer expressions of regard than those warranted by the friendship. Many a girl has bitterly regretted the affectionate missives sent to some young man who made "werry fierce love" to her for a time, and whose regard afterward cooled. When the man she truly loves comes along, she would give her most precious jewel to get those letters into her hands again. It is a great deal safer not to write them.
A young woman, receiving back her letters at the close of a mistaken engagement, once said:
"I sat down on the floor and read them over, and I tell you I was proud of myself. There wasn't one I wouldn't have been willing to have my father read--and you know what I think of my father!"
[MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 721]
THE DEBUTANTE.
A large number of young girls enter society without formal introductions. After leaving school, they assume their social responsibilities with no formality. It is seldom that a girl enters the social world under eighteen, or over twenty-two. The early appearance implies no college career; the later, that, she has spent several years at college or finishing school.
Increasingly, however, it is becoming the custom to introduce the young aspirant for social recognition at some function given in her honor. This may be a ball, a reception, a "coming-out party," a dinner, a tea, at which the debutante is introduced to the older members of the circle in which she will move. Whereas her associates heretofore have been young folk of her own age, she now meets the people of all ages who constitute what we call society. Her circle of acquaintances will be much enlarged, and her breeding will be judged by the manner in which she accepts her new obligations.
A Grave Mistake.--The greatest mistake the debutante can make is to treat with carelessness and lack of respect the matrons, young or old, to whom she is introduced. In the arrogance of her youth and ignorance she may think them "old frumps" and devote herself to her mates in age and inexperience. But the "old frumps" hold the trump cards; she will be dependent on them for invitations to many pleasant little functions, especially those exclusive affairs to which it is an honor to be invited, and if she is not personally agreeable, there will always be some one else to take the place that might have been hers, for a chaperon often influences a young man's invitations. Moreover, by her disrespect for age and position she advertises her lack of good breeding and social training.
Her Dress.--The debutante dresses in white at her "coming-out party," as a rule; white being supposed to typify her virginal attitude in the social realm. The mother receives her guests with her daughter standing at her side. It is not uncommon for two girls of about the same age who are close friends to be introduced at the same function. The celebrant's friends send flowers; sometimes the number of bouquets is so great that a screen is arranged behind her on which they are displayed. Girls pique themselves on the number of such tributes.
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If Not a Belle.--But suppose a girl is not pretty enough, nor rich enough, nor attractive enough to become a social success. She will suffer countless mortifications. In society, as in business, "Nothing succeeds like success." If she is popular, she will have a very happy time as debutante. If she is not "a success," her chaperon will despair of her. She will be partnerless when other girls have too many; she will have to retire to the dressing-room, deeply humiliated because unescorted to the supper-room. She will be a wall-flower while others dance. Young men are very selfish; unless a girl has some claim to consideration, personally, or they expect invitations through her parents, they often will selfishly neglect her.
What shall she do in such a case? She will be happier and more contented to give up the losing fight, find some sphere that is congenial, and determine to adorn it. There are many kinds of belles; she may make herself a belle of the home, a belle in out-door sports, a queen of the chafing-dish. Far better these humbler triumphs than neglect and unhappiness in the social world.
A girl looks forward to her debut with many joyous anticipations, but often finds her second social season a happier one than her first. She is more sure of herself, less shy and reserved; little things--the small mistakes made through ignorance--do not worry her so much; she has gained ease and grace of manner, having shed her self-consciousness.
THE ETIQUETTE OF BALLS.
"Dinner dances" have largely taken the place of balls, the latter having seemingly passed into the hands of clubs and assemblies or being known as "subscription dances." One must have a very large house, with ball-room, to give a ball successfully, so it is customary to engage private apartments at some fashionable restaurant or hotel, where there are accommodations for such an affair.
Invitations are formal, and of course engraved. If a debutante is to be presented her card may or may not be, but usually is, enclosed with the invitation. The patronesses of a subscription dance are entitled to invitations which they send to their friends, enclosing their card. The word "ball" never appears on an invitation; its nature is indicated by "Cotillion," the fashionable name for what was called "the German." The hostess or hostesses stand near the entrance to the ball-room, and should see that the guests receive a fair amount of attention. The supper is provided by a caterer, of course. Two orchestras, playing alternately, provide music; they are screened behind palms and other plants. Balls generally begin about eleven o'clock, the hour named on the cards being half after ten, and everybody waiting in the hope that someone else may arrive earlier. General dancing is in order until supper is served; afterwards the cotillion is danced.
At the dinner dance, the cotillion is preceded by a dinner, given by the hostess at her own house, or by several hostesses at some restaurant, where each presides over a table. Dinner and subscription dances are much favored by the younger set, as the hostesses act in the capacity of chaperons, and the company is gayer.
To bid one's hostess good night--or good morning--and express one's pleasure in her entertainment is obligatory.
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GARDEN PARTIES.
Jupiter Pluvius apparently has a grouch against garden-parties, so often does he shake his sieve with deliberate intent to spoil the affair, which is after all, merely afternoon tea out of doors. The hostess anxiously consults "the probabilities" as to weather, and if storm threatens must hastily convert her garden fete into an in-door function. If blessed with a bright day, a garden party is a pretty affair. The women wear beautiful light gowns, en train by preference, and their flower-laden hats and gay parasols contribute to the charm of the scene.
The garden-party is the special prerogative of the out-of-town hostess. She has the lawn and the trees without which a party of this character cannot be undertaken. Invitations may be formal, or the hostess may use her card with the hour and the date and "Garden Party" written in the lower left hand corner. If guests from a distance are expected to arrive by train or trolley they must be notified of the train or car which will be met by carriages or automobiles she provides.
The hostess receives on the lawn, and hats are retained. Games, like lawn tennis, archery, croquet, should be provided. Guests wander about and entertain each other, and seek the refreshment tables when so inclined. The supper may be served under a tent or in the house. Seats are provided, and rugs spread on the grass. No matter if the weather is unfavorable the guests are expected to present themselves, as the hostess will quickly transform her out-door fete into an in-door affair in case of rain.
Refreshments.--A hostess is not expected to use her best china and linen at a garden party. She should have an ample supply of napkins, plates, cups and silver, but the expense of hiring them from a caterer is offset by the danger of breakage and loss.
She may serve salads, sandwiches, cakes, ices and ice creams, fruit, and claret cup; or sandwiches, cakes, ice cream and lemonade and fruit punch. Hot tea should be provided for those who prefer it, especially if rain drives the guests in-doors. The young matrons are invited to pour it. The maids should remove soiled dishes and napkins promptly, and keep the tables looking fresh. Music is usually provided.
AT SMALL ENTERTAINMENTS.
Many small, informal entertainments are more enjoyable than those larger affairs given for the purpose of paying off social debts. Good will and jollity prevail, and people "go in for a good time."
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Card Parties.--The most stringent rule of etiquette at a card-party is to be punctual, that the tables may be filled up in good season. The second rule is to keep good-natured, even if your partner fails to return your lead or trumps your ace. Some people make themselves very disagreeable over cards, and are avoided as partners. If unfortunate enough to be paired off with such a person, at least control your own annoyance.
Never descend to the meanness of telegraphing information, hinting at your preferences in the way of trumps, overlooking a neighbor's hand, or taking any unfair advantage. A prize thus won is no honor. Nor do such violations of good breeding pass unnoticed.
At the Party.--If one accepts an invitation to a card party she is supposed to have sufficient proficiency to play the game proposed with some degree of credit; otherwise she should promptly send regrets. Invitations may be formal or informal, or the hostess may send her card with "Bridge, at half after two o'clock," or "Euchre," or "Five Hundred," written upon it. Replies are to be sent at once. Many such invitations are given by telephone. The guests are assigned to tables by the hostess, the names being written at the top of the scorecards. Two packs of cards are on each table, and small pencils attached to the score-cards. Playing begins when all are present. Or the hostess may fill the tables as the guests arrive, begin playing at the stated time, and assign late comers to places as they come in. Hats are kept on at an afternoon card-party. The usual limit for playing is two hours. The "progressive" fashion requires the providing of two prizes, the first prize and a consolation prize for the person having the lowest score. If prizes are given at each table they should be duplicates. These prizes are wrapped up in tissue paper and tied with ribbons, and are to be opened at once, displayed, and the hostess cordially thanked. It is not good form to be ostentatiously generous in the matter of prizes, nor should guests show themselves too eager to win.
It is customary to engage card tables and chairs for such an entertainment. The refreshments are served on these tables. Punch is sometimes served while the game is in progress.
Very often the hostess invites some of her friends who do not play cards to come in for refreshments at half after four or five o'clock.
Refreshments should not be too elaborate for either afternoon or evening card-parties. Sandwiches, coffee, and small cakes, or ices and cake, for the afternoon; salad of some kind with coffee, olives, and some sweet or fancy wafer, for evening. Men enjoy an oyster stew served hot in the dining room.
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YOUNG GIRLS' PARTIES.
Until a girl is formally launched in society, her parties are of the simplest and most informal kind. She will invite a few friends to tea, or to a card-party, giving informal invitations and confining them to her school friends and most intimate acquaintances. Games, music, and the like are the usual amusements. Properly chaperoned, she may give a small theater party.
Birthday Party.--The largest of her social functions will probably be her birthday party. For this, her birthday flower will be chosen for decorations. Her young friends may give her little presents. Once in a season she may be invited to a small dance given for some schoolmate. This she will attend, prettily and simply gowned, and properly chaperoned. On no account will she go alone in a carriage, or with a young man alone. If she is a well bred girl she will not pique herself in dancing every dance, nor "split the dances" into fragments to please those who wish to dance with her. She will be careful not to romp nor laugh too loud; nor to permit herself to be held too closely in dancing, nor be served too often with punch.
"STAG" DINNERS.
The woman who wishes to give her husband a birthday party or anniversary will not go amiss if she makes it a "stag dinner"--that is, a dinner for men only.
To this she invites as many of his men friends as she can accommodate, and provides a good, substantial meal, without any "frills." It need not be elaborate if everything is good of its kind, well cooked and served hot. The menu may include oysters, roast fowl, two vegetables, several relishes, and an entree, with some simple dessert and good coffee. She will also see to it that the cigars are of the proper excellence. It is optional whether she sits at the table till the coffee and cigars are served, or stays in the kitchen to superintend the serving. Red is the most appropriate color for decorations, since a man's ideas of color are usually rather crude. Men always enjoy a dinner of this kind. The evening may conclude with cards.
A stag card-party sometimes takes the place of a dinner; it is followed by a substantial supper.
THE MUSICAL AND INFORMAL TEA.
At a musical, guests are seated, the hostess remaining near the door to welcome late arrivals. If these arrive while a selection is in progress, they stand till it is finished, then find seats. Guests do not leave their seats during the intermission, but converse with those in the vicinity. Refreshments are always served. Hats are removed.
For a very informal tea the hostess sends her card with the date and hour written across the lower corner. If a friend is staying with her, she may write "to meet Mrs. A." at the top. She will offer a cup of tea and cakes or wafers to each comer, or may ask some friend to do so for her, leaving her free to mingle with her visitors. Simplicity and informality characterize this form of receiving friends.
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ETIQUETTE FOR CHILDREN.
"The future destiny of the child is always the work of the mother." --Bonaparte.
Children reflect the manners of their homes. As they learn to talk after the fashion of their parents' speech, so they learn to be polite by example, aided by training, and in both cases the habit of youth persists in greater or less degree all through life.
To train children properly requires patience and persistence, but to have polite children, and to feel that they know what to do and how to do it when they begin to go out, is certainly a great source of satisfaction to a mother, on whom the burden of training falls.
The secret of success is beginning early. Before the baby is three years old he should be in process of training. When he comes into the use of spoon, knife and fork, he should be taught how to hold these properly, and how to feed himself. He should never be permitted to play with his food; out of that baby habit comes the later playing with crumbs, holding the fork in the hand when not eating, drinking tea from a spoon, and other little gaucheries resorted to in embarrassment or preoccupation. It is not necessary to wait until a child is ten or twelve years old before teaching him not to interrupt a conversation, and to make his wants known quietly and without iteration, nor yet that your yea means yea, and your nay, nay.
First Lessons.--The mother's first lesson is usually in regard to taking off his hat or cap. Teach him to remove this as soon as he enters the house, as soon as he begins to go out of doors alone, and the habit will become life-long. It is very charming to see a child of either sex rise to open the door for a visitor, or stand while she talks to him. One often sees boys of seven, nine and eleven years of age occupying the seats in a car while the ladies stand. No mother should permit this.
Whether a child should say "father" and "mother," or use the more babyish form of "papa" and "mama" is a matter of parental choice, but the preference in some circles is for the former. A blunt "yes" or "no" is not thought polite from a child; he should say "yes, father," "no, mama," "yes, Mrs. Smith." "Ma'am" as a form of address is quite obsolete.
Most parents make the mistake of believing their children as absorbingly interesting to other people as they are to them, and bring them forward so prominently that they become tiresome. A good rule is for the mother to allow children to greet the visitor and then send them away to their play. The spectacle of a little child primly seated on a chair and "taking in" the conversation with eyes and ears is not wholly edifying; while to allow a child to hang on a visitor or monopolize the attention makes the youngster a nuisance.
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CHILDREN'S PARTIES.
There is nothing children love better than a party. It takes so little to make them happy that the exertion is well repaid by their pleasure. A few games, a light supper, an inexpensive souvenir, and they have had "a perfectly splendid time."
For children from five to twelve, the best hours for a party are from three to half past five. This gives time for all to return home by six o'clock. Few mothers wish to have their children out evenings at that age. Where the children are old enough they should write their own invitations. They should receive their guests themselves, the mother standing in the background to see that they do it properly and to second their welcome. The little host or hostess should early learn the lesson that she must study the pleasure of her guests, not her own, and be taught the courtesies required of her.
Games.--The first thing is the games, which are suitable to the children's age. Little ones play romping games, like "Cat and Mouse," "London Bridge," etc.; those a little older enjoy a peanut hunt or a peanut race, or supplying the donkey with a caudal appendage. Many novel games are possible. Or the children may be asked to a doll's party, or an animal party. To the one they bring their favorite doll; to the other their teddy bears and cotton elephants.
Supper.--The supper should be simple. Sandwiches, cocoa, jellies, and fancy cookies not too rich. After the supper they may dance "Sir Roger de Coverley," or some simple form all know, and then little souvenirs may be distributed in a way that leads to a hunt. Notes are written and put in a bag; each child takes one; the note directs where to look. All rush pell mell to that spot. There they find directions to look somewhere else, and finally each gets a little card or a note directing a search at some particular place, say in a basket in the hall or in the dining room, where each finds and unwraps a little gift. Or a large paper sack filled with wrapped bonbons is hung between folding doors, each child blindfolded in turn, given a cane and instructed to hit the sack if he can. Presently the paper is broken and the youngsters scramble for the contents. Each little guest should thank the giver of the party and the mother for the pleasure enjoyed. The little host or hostess should stand where they can make their adieus, for it is no longer proper to "take French leave" on any occasion except "a crush."
Games for Older Children.--Older children enjoy a peanut hunt, or a spider party where they follow a twine through a labyrinth of loopings and find a small prize at the end, or a book party, where each guest represents the title of some book. Thus Ouida's "Under Two Flags" could be very easily represented. Young folks always enjoy "dressing up," and any hostess can either find directions for some form of fancy dress, or invent something new for herself. St. Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, May Day, the Fourth of July, Hallowe'en, have their traditional decorations, and games, and suggest their own refreshments. Elaborate refreshments have rather gone out of style.
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CONCERNING ENGAGEMENTS.
A marriage engagement is one of the most serious contracts into which young people can enter, second only to actual marriage. It is not to be lightly entered upon. It is no credit to a girl to have been several times affianced; indeed, it almost invariably occasions unfavorable comment. There may be reasons for breaking one engagement, but when it comes to the second, Mrs. Grundy makes remarks, and is inclined to blame the girl, either for too great haste to wed, or for being fickle and capricious,
A girl should be very sure of herself before she gives her promise. She must respect the man, and have faith and confidence in him, and not permit herself to be carried away by considerations of wealth and position. If there is anything about him she dislikes, she may be sure dislike will become aversion after marriage, unless she has a genuine affection for him.
Parental Wishes.--She should not engage herself without consulting her parents. Where can she find better advice than from those who have cared for her so long and faithfully? Where there is parental disapproval, a girl should show her respect for her parents' opinion by avoiding a hasty decision. Men know men much better than women can ever know them; and the opposition of a father or older brother should have due consideration.
In these days and in this country, young women take their matrimonial affairs into their own hands. "In the good old times" the young man asked the consent of the girl's parents before he was sure of her sentiments toward him; he asked permission to woo, and if in his eagerness he forestalled the etiquette of the occasion she modestly referred him to her parents, first indicating her consent would accompany theirs. In the twentieth century the young people too often settle the matter between themselves, and announce their intentions to wed quite regardless of their parents' sentiments on the subject. So many youthful attachments are really youthful follies that the girl who submits her wishes to her parents' counsel often has reason to consider herself fortunate. Girls, however, almost invariably regard parental opposition as unreasonable; actually it is often founded on a better understanding of their temperaments and the character of the young men in the case than they imagine--or in many cases can be made to see.
A manly man will approach the father of the girl he wishes to make his wife, state his prospects, and ask the father's consent. If withheld, he will not urge the girl into a hasty marriage, but will wait until the opposition has diminished. In case this does not happen, the girl has at least had an opportunity to learn her own mind. Many who have married against their parents' wishes have lived happily; it must be admitted that others have not. Delay, at least, gives time for reason to outweigh romance.
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It is especially awkward for the girl if the parents of her fiance do not approve his choice. In such case she should give ample time for their disapproval to have whatever effect it may on the young man's feelings towards her. Some girls refuse to enter a man's family unless made welcome.
No girl should engage herself to a man she has known but a short time; certainly not without searching inquiry into his reputation in his former place of residence. No man can reasonably object to such inquiries; indeed, he should welcome them; invite them by furnishing credentials. No matter how violently in love a girl may be, she should not throw prudence and discretion to the winds.
ANNOUNCEMENT OF ENGAGEMENTS.
An engagement may be announced soon after it is entered upon, or not until several weeks before the marriage. Usually the engagement is known to the two families some time in advance of the later formal announcement. This is to save the girl embarrassment in case it is broken off. Should this happen, the young man takes the blame upon himself, declaring the young lady discarded him. Only an out-and-out cad would intimate to anyone that he "threw her over."
The announcement of the engagement comes through the girl's family; the man waits until it is their pleasure to make it known. The usual way is for the girl and her mother to write notes to relatives and close friends. The man, of course, will know when this is done, and may send notes to his relatives and friends, or acquaint them by word of mouth, at the same date. No special form is employed for such notes; they are always informal and familiar.
How Disclosed.--Sometimes a girl announces her engagement to her most intimate girl friends at a small tea or luncheon her mother or some relative gives for her. In this case the decorations are suggestive. Heart-shaped place cards, decorated with the entwined initials of the two parties; pink flowers, banked in heart-shape and pierced with silver arrows, for a centerpiece, and sandwiches and cakes in heart shape, the latter decorated in pink, are often used. At each plate may be a small cluster of pink carnations, tied with narrow ribbons, one end connecting with an arrow in the centerpiece. When these are drawn out some appropriate sentiment is found attached, which is read aloud by the guest.
Any novel form may be employed in communicating the joyous intelligence. Midway the repast some friend previously selected for the honor may propose a health to the two who are betrothed; someone may ask a moment's indulgence while she reads an interesting paragraph from a letter, or a mock telegram may be delivered. Congratulations are in order; sometimes the fiance has been held in reserve, and is brought in to share with his fiancee the good wishes of her friends.
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All who receive notes are expected to call in person or send letters of congratulation. Flowers are often sent, and dinners, theater parties, and other entertainments given for the young couple. Engagement gifts are often given; china being a favorite choice, though any gift is in order.
After the Announcement.--Immediately upon the announcement of the engagement the parents of the young man call upon his fiancee and her mother, whether previously acquainted or not. His family takes the initiative in the exchange of hospitality which follows. Calls are to be returned within a week. In case the man's family live at a distance, the members should at once write cordial, kindly letters to the girl, to which she must reply within a few days. She should not "gush" but should show her desire to know them, and a cordial and friendly feeling. The prospective mother-in-law may invite the girl to visit her. She should remember that no matter how welcome the alliance she is under inspection, as it were, and do her best, through courtesy and tact and friendliness to create a favorable impression.
The Girl's Behavior.--The engagement ring is not worn until the engagement is announced. If the young man's means permit, it is usually as handsome a diamond solitaire as he can afford. No womanly girl would wish her fiance to go in debt to purchase her ring. Should it be less handsome than she had hoped or expected, she should not give the slightest evidence of disappointment. That would seem mercenary and grasping. Nevertheless, a girl does doubtless get much more joy out of her engagement ring than she does out of her wedding ring.
Though a girl may receive from her affianced gifts of jewelry, silver, etc., as well as the bonbons, books and flowers she was privileged to accept before her engagement, it is not in good taste for him to offer any article of wearing apparel to her. He is not to buy clothes for her until after their marriage. Nothing that cannot be returned to him uninjured in case the engagement is broken is really correct for her to receive.
She will naturally receive many notes, letters, etc., from her fiance, especially if he is called out of town often, or resides in another city. The inexperienced, very-much-in-love girl is quite likely to write very ardent and affectionate letters. Leave that to the man. If she knows her Thackeray she will remember the rose-colored billet-doux poor Amelia used to write to her George, and which lay unopened day after day, and will model her missives upon the style of Lucy Snowe's to the Professor--"a morsel of ice, flavored with ever so slight a zest of sweetness." Let her make them bright, chatty, kindly, but not too tender.
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Length of Engagement.--As for the length of an engagement, it is often argued that if one has made a mistake, it is much better to find it out before marriage than after. A prolonged engagement, however, is not advisable. It embarrasses a girl to be asked "When is it going to be?" and be obliged to make evasive answers. Thc old saying "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" often proves untrue. The long engagement is a strain, undoubtedly. A year is quite long enough for the two to demonstrate their fidelity and for all necessary preparations.
Breaking Off.--If the two develop incompatibility, after being convinced it is irreconcilable the only thing to do is to sever the tie. This is often heart-breaking if caused by the infidelity of one party, and always humiliating, especially to the girl. To spare her as much as possible, the man assumes the breaking-off was her act. He never allows himself to speak of her save in terms of the most perfect respect. The presents, letters, pictures, are returned, and Cupid retires discomfited. The girl's mother writes to her friends and tells them the engagement is broken; no reason is given and no person of tact or knowledge of social forms will inquire why or ever allude to the matter to either of the parties to the engagement or their parents.
"Being engaged" does not relax etiquette. It does not justify a journey or an excursion together, nor appearance in public places unchaperoned. Lovers refrain from caresses or evidence of their devotion in the presence of others; in short they should conduct themselves with decorum.
The Wedding Trousseau.--In case everything goes well when the wedding day is set it is the custom to announce the engagement in the society columns in the newspapers. The trousseau is nearly ready, the linen chest is filled, the details of the wedding settled. It is not customary now for the expectant bride to have dozens and dozens of undergarments, to be laid aside, turn yellow and go out of style. One dozen of each garment is an ample supply for the average bride; even half a dozen new garments of each kind have been known to answer every purpose. She should have a moderate supply of shoes, corsets, gloves, petticoats, both silk and cambric, and handkerchiefs. Fashions change so rapidly now that it is foolish to lay in a great stock of gowns. The supply of these must be in accordance with her social position and its requirements. After she is married, she will find her table-cloths and napkins, sheets, and pillow slips and towels a much greater source of satisfaction than a lot of passe gowns and wraps. Her silver and linen are marked with the initials of her maiden name. These initials are always embroidered on the latter.
The supply of table and bed-linen will depend upon the size of her house and the style in which she lives. Six sheets and six pillow and bolster slips are allowed to each bed, and twelve towels, half of them bath towels, to each bedroom. She should have dinner and lunch cloths, with napkins to match; it is usual to allow a dozen napkins to each cloth. It is good economy to purchase all these in a good quality. The dinner cloths and napkins should be of double damask, so called. The very large dinner napkins--seven-eighths of a yard square--are less in favor than the medium, three-quarter size. A fairly ample supply of comforts, down and silk quilts, and blankets, is often acquired by purchase before marriage.
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WEDDING FESTIVITIES.
Very soon after the wedding invitations are out, the bride's friends bestir themselves and a number of entertainments are planned in her honor. These are dinners, luncheons, teas, and theatre parties, the latter often prefaced by a dinner at the house of the hostess. Often these include the bridal party--bridesmaids and "best man." To dinners and theatre parties the bridegroom-to-be is invited; luncheons and teas are given by the bride's friends to her. The bridegroom's bachelor friends frequently give a dinner for him--a farewell to the man so soon to rank as "Benedict, the married man."
These functions in honor of the bride are exclusive, rather than general, invitations being restricted to familiar friends. The bride's relatives are the entertainers. At such functions the bride expectant may wear one of the gowns of her trousseau. Because of these entertainments, which are really quite a tax on the girl's strength and vitality, the trousseau should be complete and the wedding preparations well under way before they begin. Most of them seem to be crowded into the week or ten days preceding the ceremony.
Engagement "Showers."--"The shower"--an entertainment that is somewhat on the order of an informal tea at which each guest brings some gift to the bride--has been called "provincial." It has a recognized place in middle class society, at least, and may be made an enjoyable function. No two "showers" are alike, hostesses vieing with each other in the endeavor to present something original and attractive. The linen shower is one of the most popular, each guest bringing some contribution to the bride's linen chest. These are the more valued if the handiwork of the giver, and some girls always have a bit of work in progress which may, when finished, be their offering at a linen shower.
Only intimate friends are asked to a linen shower and the occasion is entirely informal. The invitations may be couched in this form:
My Dear Miss Ames-- I am giving a linen shower for our mutual friend, Miss Gray, who is to be married next month, and would be very glad to have you with us. I am asking a few friends for luncheon on Thursday, January sixth, at one o'clock, and hope you will be able to come. As the "shower" is to be a surprise to Miss Gray, please do not mention it should you see her. Very cordially, Helen Brown.
The invitation should be promptly answered. Usually, the nature of the entertainment is not known to the guest of honor until she arrives; sometimes not until she is seated at the table.
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How Presented.--The more unique the method of presentation the more amusing the surprise of the guest. The gifts are to be neatly wrapped up in white tissue paper, tied with ribbons, the card of the giver being enclosed. Often some sentiment is written on the card, or an original rhyme; this the recipient reads aloud when the gift is unwrapped.
At one long remembered shower, the centerpiece was a white linen parasol, beautifully embroidered and the gift of the hostess. This, open, was fastened upright, the block of wood which held it being hidden under asparagus plumosus interspersed with pink roses. Under this were arranged the several packages. Between each course the guest of honor was requested to draw and open a parcel, the remainder being opened before leaving the table. At another luncheon the gifts were brought in by a boy dressed as a messenger, one at a time, as if just delivered. The surprise of the guest at the first delivery greatly amused her friends. One guest contributed a handsome lunch cloth, another the napkins to match, each marked with embroidered initials. An embroidered white linen handbag, for use with a white gown, was enclosed in a box about a foot square; within this was another, neatly wrapped and tied, which, opened, contained another and still another, keeping expectancy at its height. The "Jack Horner pie" has been used, and the "showered" girl has been handed a white satin ribbon and been bidden to follow where it led her, discovering at the end the pile of presents.
Gifts for a linen shower may include towels of all kinds, the monogrammed damask and initialed guest towels, embroidered linen pillow slips; centerpieces, doilies, bureau scarfs and many other textile gifts suggest themselves. The "kitchen shower" suggests the useful; the handkerchief shower is dainty.
Refreshments.--The refreshments at such an entertainment may be as simple as one likes, unless the invitations are for a luncheon; in that case they should be more elaborate. Chocolate and sandwiches with cake and ices; sandwiches, cake and coffee, are allowable. The guests are seated at a table, which should be decorated with pink and white flowers. Pink carnations are beautiful for this use. The guest of honor is seated at the hostess's right hand and is served first. She must thank those who have presented the gifts individually, and express to her hostess her pleasure in the entertainment and her gratitude for the trouble she has taken for her.
WEDDING PREPARATIONS.
The Expense of a Wedding.--It may be said at the outset that no wedding should be more costly than the financial standing of the bride's family warrants. If the bridegroom's family is wealthy, and that of the bride in very moderate circumstances, there will be many to intimate that the bridegroom "put up for it." The intimation is a sneer, because the bride's family should pay all the expenses of a wedding. If the expense is manifestly beyond the resources of the bride's father, society lifts its eyebrows.
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Of course her wedding is the one pageant in which the girl is the central figure--the admired of all beholders. It is quite natural for her to wish it to be beautiful, to look lovely herself, and not to go empty-handed to her husband. But no sensible girl will have a grand wedding if its cost will put her father in debt. If Mary's music lessons must be intermitted, or John's entrance into college postponed because of her trousseau and her wedding, she should assume some of the sacrifice herself and be content with a more modest outfit and a simple ceremony. Thousands of thoughtless girls leave their families to recover slowly from the financial strain of their wedding. It is selfish and inconsiderate for a girl to say, "You will never have to do it again for me," or "I shall be no further expense to you." That may be true, but it is no justification.
Nor is it permissible for the bridegroom to furnish any part of the bride's trousseau. If she is poor, and is to marry into wealth, good taste and public opinion counsel her to confine her wedding preparations to what she or her family can pay for. Let her make ready a simple wedding dress and going-away gown, or be married in the latter, and take with her to her new home only her under linen and the treasured keepsakes of her maiden days. As soon as she is wife, her husband may lavish silks and laces and furs upon her, but not before.
The Bride's Privileges.--It is the province of the bride to name the wedding day, subject of course to the insistence of her fiance, who will urge an early date. She decides whether her wedding shall be formal or informal, at church or at home. She chooses the clergyman who shall perform the ceremony, the bridegroom notifying him of her desire. Her family issues--and pays for--the wedding invitations and announcement cards. It is customary to ask the bridegroom to make out a list of those of his relatives and friends to whom he wishes these sent. The bride names her attendants, decides upon their number and if a bridal procession is contemplated, consults with them as to their gowns and the accessories. Here she is in duty bound to consider the expense to be incurred by those invited to take part in the affair, unless she is prepared to pay for their gowns herself; this however is seldom done. If she desires her attendants to wear some particular adornment which will be of no use to them afterwards, as a fancy muff or boa, she should pay for it herself. She may endeavor to arrange with her dressmaker to make their gowns if she can obtain a reduction on account of their being made alike, or the large order placed. To be invited to serve as bridesmaid is often an expensive compliment, as it usually involves a new gown and hat, the latter always being worn at a church wedding.
If the bride decides to have but one attendant, the latter is usually styled her maid-of-honor, and may be her sister or her most intimate friend. If she has more than one maid she should include the bridegroom's sister, if he has one. If a matron-of-honor is to participate, she should be a friend or sister of the bride who has been recently wedded. The bridesmaids are chosen from her unmarried friends.
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Who Pays?--The question is often asked, "Who pays, for" this, that or the other item.
The bridegroom provides the marriage certificate, the wedding ring, pays the clergyman, and for the carriage in which he drives away with the bride. He sends a gift and the bouquet to the bride; usually gives gifts of jewelry to the bridesmaids and the best man, and often includes the ushers.
The bride's family pays for the wedding cards, pays the florist and the caterer, the expense of opening the church and the service of the sexton; the music, carriages for the bridal party, in short, the bills are for the family to pay. Where a wedding is very elaborate, the details are sometimes turned over to a "manager," who sees to everything, and receives a fat fee for his services.
The Wedding Gown.--Choice of a wedding gown depends upon the style of the wedding. At a church wedding it is as handsome as the bride can afford. Any girl is excusable for wishing her wedding to be "an occasion," and her bridal attire as beautiful as possible. White is suitable, and there are so many fabrics in that color that all purses can be accommodated. The gown may be of satin, crepe de chine, messaline, lace or chiffon, or of simple white organdie; all are appropriate for a church wedding. With any of these a veil should be worn. Two and a half yards of tulle will be sufficient; other accessories are white kid gloves, white slippers and white silk hose, if white is worn. White is suitable for the most elaborate church wedding and for the simplest ceremony at home. The gown is made en train, as a rule; always so for a church wedding, and always with high neck and long sleeves.
A bride may elect to be married in a traveling dress. For this some pretty light color, as light gray, champagne, tan or biscuit color is chosen. A hat must be worn with such a costume, and for a young bride is by preference trimmed with flowers. It is correct to carry flowers--not a shower bouquet, however--with such a gown, which is to be changed for a plainer one for actual travel. For this dark blue, brown, or gray are suitable colors; gloves match, and the hat is inconspicuously trimmed. It is the bride's greatest desire not to look "just married."
Later Wear of the Wedding Gown.--The wedding gown is worn at the more formal of the post-nuptial entertainments. The trousseau should include an evening dress and wrap. For the former, black lace, chiffon cloth or net will prove the most serviceable, and almost universally becoming. A traveling gown, a handsome suit for visiting, receptions, etc., a pretty gown for receiving at home, and several house gowns will be needed. Kimonas, bath-robes, dressing-jackets, are included in the less ornamental parts of the trousseau.
A girl often invites her intimate friends to inspect her wedding finery, rejoicing in their admiration. The privilege of such a view is highly valued.
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Bridal Flowers.--Orange flowers are reserved for the bride, and she never wears any other in her hair, at least no other that are artificial. She may carry any flowers, she prefers; the florists make all seasons alike. Often an order is given months in advance for the bride's favorite flower to grace her wedding, and the florist forces it to bloom at the appointed time. White roses and carnations can be had at almost any season; sweet peas, white lilacs, lilies of the valley, are less easy to procure. The "shower bouquet" has many narrow white satin ribbons falling from it to the foot of the skirt, and knotted at intervals round flower sprays.
The rarest of bridal flowers are the orchids, so costly that only the rich may have them, though a few orchids, two or three, are sometimes put with lilies of the valley, or Roman hyacinths, intermixed with stephanotis or stevia, for the bridal bouquet. Bridesmaids may carry large clusters of flowers tied with ribbons, the flowers suiting their costumes. Or, if they all wear white, American Beauties may be chosen. The usual preference is for flowers in more delicate hues.
The Widow's Bridal Attire.--A widow does not wear white at her second wedding, nor a veil, nor does she have bridesmaids. Her usual choice is to be married in a handsome traveling gown of some light color, wearing hat and gloves to match. The material may be silk or broadcloth for a church wedding. She wears her wedding ring up to the day of her second marriage. Though she may have no bridesmaids she may have a matron-of-honor, some married friend, who wears a street or reception dress, with suitable hat and gloves.
A woman who has entered her fourth decade does not, as a rule, wear white when married.
It is no longer customary for a woman to go into semi-retirement preceding her marriage. She does not parade herself; no lady would do that, but she accepts invitations and appears at all the fetes planned for her up to the wedding day. As a result, she is often very tired and fagged before the event.
The Man's Wedding Garments.--One of the most frequent inquiries made of the editors of women's departments in magazines relates to the proper attire for the bridegroom. "When is it correct to wear a dress suit?" and "What should the bridegroom wear at a day wedding?"
"The dress suit," so called, is the man's evening clothes. Naturally, then, he will not don his evening attire until evening--after or for a six o'clock dinner,' This should dispose of the question of "the dress suit." For a man to wear evening clothes at a noon wedding would be as absurd as for a woman to appear in a ball dress at that hour.
For a day wedding a man wears a black frock coat and gray trousers; his waistcoat may match the coat or be of white duck or marseilles, white shirt with standing collar, and tie of the fashionable cut in pearl gray or soft white silk. Pearl-colored kid gloves are worn, and a silk hat. The overcoat is black. A boutonniere of white flowers is usually worn.
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The above is the correct dress for best man and ushers at a day wedding, in church or at home.
For a formal evening wedding, full evening dress is worn by bridegroom, best man and ushers. The suit is of fine black worsted, silk faced as to the coat. The waistcoat may be of the same material, or white duck or marseilles may be worn. A fine white linen shirt with standing collar, and pearl or white enamel studs, white lawn tie, white or pearl-gray kid gloves stitched in the same color, and patent leather pumps complete the attire. A black overcoat, single breasted, and silk hat are the additions for out-of-door wear.
The Bride's Mother.--The bride's mother wears a handsome reception dress. Black with much jet and lace, pearl gray, mauve and lavender are favorite colors for her. White gloves are worn. Mourning attire should never be seen at a wedding. If the bride's mother, or any of the family, are in mourning, it must be laid aside for the occasion. Black may be worn, but it must be lightened with white lace, jet, or other accessories that will take it out of the conventional garb of grief. Guests of course gown themselves handsomely.
THE FORMAL CHURCH WEDDING.
Let us suppose that the church has been decorated with flower and palms, arranged by experienced hands to form a background for the bridal party. The seats for the respective families have been roped off with wide white satin ribbons; those on the right for the bridegroom's family, those of the left for the bride's. The bridegroom and the best man are with the clergyman in the vestry; the bridesmaids have assembled at the bride's house, and have entered their carriages; the relatives, including the bride's mother, and guests are in their seats. The carriages containing the bridesmaids precede that of the bride to the church; they alight and await her in the vestibule. The bride, accompanied by her father, arrives. The bridal procession is quickly formed, the vestibule doors having been closed by the ushers on the arrival of the wedding party. At the signal the organ breaks into the familiar strains of the wedding march; the clergyman, followed by the groom and best man, enter from the vestry, and stand on the chancel step facing the guests, awaiting the bride, the bridegroom being slightly, in advance.
The ushers, walking two and two, lead the way up the aisle; the bridesmaids follow at a distance of ten or twelve feet, also walking in pairs; then comes the maid-of-honor, walking alone. She is followed by the bride, leaning on the arm of her father or nearest male relative. At the chancel the ushers separate to right and left, remaining below the chancel step; the bridesmaids separate in the same manner, but ascend the chancel step. The maid-of-honor places herself at the left of the place left for the bride, in readiness to hold her bouquet and remove her glove. The bridegroom descends the chancel step, meeting the bride. The two place themselves before the clergyman, the bride standing on the bridegroom's left; the best man stands at the right of the bridegroom a step or two in the rear.
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The Bride's Father.--The place of the bride's father is at the left somewhat in the rear. As the clergyman asks: "Who giveth this woman to be married to this man?" he steps forward and places the bride's right hand in that of the clergyman, who in turn places it in that of the bridegroom. The father steps aside, and as the bridal procession forms to retire after the ceremony, he joins his wife and escorts her from the church.
At the proper moment the maid-of-honor removes the bride's glove and takes her bouquet. The best man gives the ring to the bride, who passes it to the clergyman; the latter gives it to the bridegroom, who places it on the bride's finger, holding it there while repeating the formula, "With this ring I thee wed," etc. The significance of this transfer is the forming of a circle, to indicate the endlessness of the contract.
Another Form.--A form sometimes introduced is for the bridal party to stand below the chancel while the clergyman reads the service up to and including the sentence, "If any man can show just cause," etc. After the customary moment's pause, there being no unseemly interruption, the party ascends the chancel step and the ceremony proceeds.
The order of the procession after the ceremony is this: The just married pair lead the way, the wife taking her husband's arm; the maid-of-honor follows; then the bridesmaids, after them the ushers. Such is the conduct of a church wedding, a thousand times repeated. The ceremony is often rehearsed a night or two previous to the event, to make sure each will be familiar with his or her part.
The Best Man's Duties.--The best man has charge of the ring. At the conclusion of the ceremony he disappears into the vestry, where he places the wedding fee, enclosed in an envelope, in the clergyman's hands. He then hastens to his carriage and is driven to the house, where he assists in the reception of the guests, and takes the maid-of-honor or the bridesmaid to luncheon. Or he may escort the maid-of-honor from the church.
The best man also sees to it that the agitated bridegroom's clothes are in order, packs his suitcase, orders the baggage to be called for, buys the tickets for the wedding journey and sees that they are in the bridegroom's possession, and orders the carriage in which the newly wedded pair drive to the station. He takes as many of the details of the affair as possible off his friend's mind and hands, and stands by manfully to the last. The best man should fully acquaint himself with the duties of his position before assuming it The sexton of the church takes the groom's hat from the vestry to the vestibule, and hands it to him at the door.
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Duties of Ushers.--An usher escorts each lady to her seat, giving her his arm. The guests should stand during the ceremony, rising as the procession enters, and remaining in their seats until it has retired. The ushers often pass ribbons along their seats, not removing them until the bridal party and the relatives have left the church. Having seen the bridal party to their carriages, the ushers return to escort the relatives to theirs, and then hasten to the house, where they meet the guests on arrival and escort them, severally, to the receiving party. The bride's mother welcomes them first; they are then presented to the newly married pair. The bride offers her hand; the guest wishes her much happiness, congratulates the bridegroom, shaking hands the while, greets the maid-of-honor and the bridesmaids with a smile and bow, and passes on, making way for the next.
The Wedding Reception.--The wedding reception follows the ceremony, guests coming at once from church to the house. There should be no undue haste in presenting one's self; the party requires a little time to arrange itself in proper order for receiving. At a day wedding reception women lay aside wraps, retaining their hats. At an evening reception they remove both, and wear full dress.
After greeting the bride and groom, as indicated in the preceding paragraph, the refreshment room is sought. If the reception is a large one, a buffet or "stand-up" repast is often served, though it is more desirable to provide small tables seating four people. If these are not furnished the men may assist the ladies, though the service should be adequate. No tea, coffee, or chocolate is poured at the table.
Refreshments.--The refreshments may be simple or elaborate. The table is laid in the dining-room, and decorated with flowers. On it are the refreshments, and plenty of napkins, plates and silver, in piles. Bouillon, creamed oysters or oyster patties; salads, cold salmon or lobster with mayonnaise dressing, ices and cake are suitable. Usually one hot dish is passed. Or one may serve a salad, ice cream and cake, with punch. If wine is offered it is always champagne.
The wedding cake, neatly packed in white boxes bearing the monogram of the bride and groom and tied with white satin ribbon, is arranged on a table in the hall, and each departing guest takes a box. Wedding cake is no longer sent.
Going Away.--When the last guest has been greeted, the bridal party may be served with refreshments. Their supper is laid in a private room, and they are seated, a most welcome rest after the fatigue of the ceremony and the reception. The bride then retires to change to her traveling dress; the bridegroom, who has had his valise sent to the house in the morning, retires for the same purpose. The maid-of-honor accompanies the bride; the best man assists the groom, and packs his suit worn during the ceremony, either to be taken with him or to be sent to his home.
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At the time agreed upon the bridegroom awaits the bride at the head of the stairs. Adieus to the family are said in the bride's room and should be brief. The bridesmaids and ushers are awaiting the departure in the hall. Half way down the stairs the bride throws her bouquet. The bridesmaid who catches it will be married next, according to the old superstition. The bride and groom enter their carriage amid a shower of rice or confetti, the carriage door bangs; the caterer has removed the debris of the feast; the maids have restored the house to its wonted order and the wedding is over--all except paying the bills.
Guests at a wedding do not remain until the departure of the bride. They congratulate, partake of refreshments, chat a few minutes with friends, and depart.
At a church wedding it is customary--and usually necessary to keep out the uninvited--to enclose small cards which are presented at the church door to ensure admittance. If the reception is large, the same thing is sometimes done as a measure of protection.
Calls after Wedding.--It is expected that the guests at a wedding breakfast or reception will call on the mother of the bride within three weeks after the marriage, and upon the bride on one of her "At Home" days, or soon after her return from the wedding journey, if no days are specified.
Cards bearing the date of the bride's "At Home" days, or "At Home after"--a certain date, are enclosed with the announcement cards, or the date named on the card. If sent they must be ready to mail immediately after the wedding.
THE HOME WEDDING.
While the home wedding is modeled in its essentials along the lines of the church wedding, much less formality is observed. The invitations to the church wedding are always in the third person and engraved. Those for the home wedding, though often following the same formula, may be informal notes in the first person, written by the bride's mother.
Correct Attire.--It is sometimes supposed that a bride married at home may not wear a veil nor be "given away." On the contrary, if she wears white she may with perfect propriety wear a veil, and the Episcopal marriage ceremony always, and nearly all other forms of the service include the giving away, as implying parental sanction and consent. The "giving away," then, is customary, even at the simplest home wedding.
If the bride wears a traveling dress she has a maid-of-honor, the one attendant being so-called. The groom is attended by his best man. There are usually two ushers, though these may be omitted, The maid-of-honor wears some pretty costume which is in keeping with that of the bride. If the latter wears white, the attendant also wears white with colored trimmings. If the bride wears a veil, the maid wears a hat; the veil being the head covering of the bride.
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The bridegroom wears a black frock coat, gray trousers, white waistcoat and tie, silk--not lawn, gray or white gloves, and patent leather shoes at a day wedding, The ushers are similarly attired, save that they may wear black waistcoats. Silk hats are worn.
Minor Particulars.--The bridegroom and best man will require a room. The clergyman expects a room where he may don his surplice or gown. The ushers may also require a room.
The bride's mother receives the guests, her father remaining with his daughter to conduct her to the room where the ceremony is to be performed. A mother may perform this office if the father is not living. After placing his daughter's hand in that of the clergyman, the father steps back a pace or two, awaiting the end of the service. Wedding music is played when the party is ready to enter, and may be continued, very softly, through the ceremony; it must not overpower the voices of the participants.
Guests should arrive at the hour named, leave wraps in hall or dressing room, and descend to the parlors. It is not expected that all will be seated, though a few chairs are provided for the elderly. The ushers stretch two lengths of white ribbon from end to end of the room, making an aisle for the little procession.
The clergyman, groom, and best man enter and take their places at one end of the room, when the music begins. Then come the ushers, next the maid-of-honor, walking alone; then the bridesmaids, if any, followed by the bride on the arm of her father. The groom steps forward to receive her and the two face the clergyman. The best man stands on the bridegroom's right. The maid-of-honor will hold the bride's bouquet and her glove, if this is removed; the ring is in the custody of the best man.
Etiquette to be Observed.--At the close of the ceremony the clergyman congratulates the pair and steps aside. They face about and the bride's mother is the next to offer her good wishes, then the groom's parents. The guests then extend felicitations. It is thought in better taste to wish the bride happiness and congratulate the groom, it being supposed that he is the most fortunate in having been able to secure such a prize.
It is no longer customary for everyone to kiss the bride; she is not compelled to suffer to that extent.
The best man assists the ushers--whose first duty is to remove the white ribbons--in escorting guests to the bride and groom. His duties are the same as those of the best man at a church wedding.
The maid-of-honor stands at the bride's left as she receives.
The bride and bridegroom lead the way to the dining room, the best man offering his arm to the maid-of-honor.
The bride's father escorts the bridegroom's mother, the guests follow in such order as is convenient, and the bride's mother and the bridegroom's father are the last.
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If only twenty-five or thirty guests are present the wedding breakfast is preferably served at small tables. The clergyman and his wife, who should always be invited, are seated at the bride's table. So also the maid-of-honor, the best man, the ushers, and the parents of the pair, with sisters and brothers if convenient. Or, the bride's table may be reserved strictly for the bridal party.
The bride may cut her own cake if she chooses, or the wedding cake may be dispensed in boxes as at the reception following a church wedding.
The departure of the newly wedded pair is on the order already indicated.
After the Wedding.--It may be said here that the "horse play"--for it is nothing else--sometimes indulged in as "an after clap" to a wedding, in which practical jokes are played on the pair, is not only unkind and ill-bred, but in most execrable taste. To placard the luggage "Just married;" to tie white ribbons on it and the carriage in which they are driven away; to substitute a suitcase packed with the things a man doesn't want on his journey for one containing what he does, is not at all "smart."
Why should some coarse, ill-bred persons, whether they have or have not been favored with invitations, strive to embarrass and make uncomfortable those to whom the situation is already sufficiently trying? Why, after so much pains and expense have been employed to make the occasion beautiful and impressive, should the "practical joker" take it upon himself to spoil it all by an ill-timed "pleasantry" which is the acme of rudeness and discourtesy? It is a curious character that can enjoy perpetrating what are really outrages upon other people's sensibilities.
Wedding Gifts.--Very soon after the wedding invitations are out the presents begin to pour in. The fashion of gift giving on such an occasion is not as prevalent as at one time; it was overdone, carried beyond the limits of good taste, and of course a reaction was inevitable. Some men profess to share the feeling of the Scandinavian immigrant who was so deeply affronted at the offerings made by his bride's friends--as if he were not able to furnish his home with the necessary articles--that in his Berserker rage he was with difficulty restrained from casting gifts and donors together into the street.
Generally speaking, only relatives and intimate friends send gifts, though there is no interdict as regards others who may wish to testify to their interest in the bride in this way. An ostentatious gift from a person not in the family is in bad taste. The words "No presents" on wedding invitations are in the worst possible form.
An invitation to a church wedding and not to the reception precludes the necessity of making a gift; indeed, it would be thought rather "pushing" to send one.
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What to Give.--The flat silver is generally given by the bride's family. In order to avoid duplicates, it is best for the friends and relatives to consult together in regard to their gifts. It is not thought good form to offer articles of wearing apparel. Anything the bride's immediate family has to offer in this line is best included in the trousseau. Cut glass, silver, bric-a-brac, napery, books, pictures, fans, rugs, clocks, handsome chairs and tables, are things that may be chosen with propriety.
The question of the correct form of marking silver and napery often comes up. The rule is to have it engraved with the initials of the bride's maiden name--not the single initial of her family name, as is sometimes ignorantly done--because it is her own private property. If a wife dies, the silver bearing her name is packed away for the future use of her child, especially if it is a girl. The second wife would be forbidden by good taste and convention, from using the first wife's silver.
Acknowledgments.--Wedding gifts are usually packed where they are bought, and sent direct from the shops. The card of the donor is enclosed, within a tiny envelope. It is a rule that the wedding gift must be acknowledged immediately, before the marriage, and by a personal note from the bride. This is not always possible, but the note should be written at the earliest moment the bride's engagements will permit. Such notes are always in the first person, and should be pleasant and cordial. The writer must be careful to render thanks for the article sent. Amusing mistakes sometimes happen; thus a lady who had sent a pair of handsome candlesticks was mystified by expressions of gratitude for a silver berry spoon she had not sent.
A cordial form of acknowledging a gift is this:
12 Canton Avenue. My Dear Mrs. Bruce: The beautiful cut glass vase sent by you and Mr. Bruce has just arrived, and I hasten to thank you most sincerely for your kind thought of me. It will be a constant reminder of your goodness to Mr. Waters and myself, and a most lovely ornament to our new home. Gratefully yours, Marion Moore. July tenth, nineteen hundred and nine.
The wedding gifts may or may not be displayed, according to the personal preference of the bride. They are commonly shown to intimate friends. A room is given up to their display. Cards are to be removed.
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Wedding Decorations.--At a church wedding it is customary, and wisest, to put the matter of decorating the church and house into the hands of a florist, who can furnish the palms and others plants required for the chancel, and carry out any color scheme desired. He has the paraphernalia requisite to effective disposition of flowers. Usually large clusters of foliage and flowers, ribbon tied, are attached to the pews reserved for the relatives; often they are arranged the entire length of the aisle, The mantels in the house are banked with flowers, southern smilax is used in profusion, and flowers are arranged upon the tables at which the supper is served.
At a church wedding in the country the bride's friends must come to the rescue, and their gardens be robbed to beautify church and home. Flowers may be sought in the fields. Large jars of daisies, wild ferns, tall grasses, autumn tinted boughs, or in the blooming season, boughs of fruit trees, can be used most effectively. At one pretty home wedding the decorations were boughs of the wild crab-apple in bloom, pink and pretty, and kept so by having the stems inserted in bottles of water, suspended by wires and concealed by other foliage. A large screen sometimes forms a background for the bridal party. If covered with wire netting flowers can be very easily attached.
Walls are not festooned; "wedding bells" and canopies are out of date. The most approved setting is tall palms, ferns on standards concealed by a lower grouping, with a few potted plants in bloom to relieve the sombreness of the green. Large flowers like lilies, hydrangeas, chrysanthemums and peonies are most effective. Tulips are often employed at a spring wedding. One little country girl made good use of ordinary field clover in decorating her home for her marriage.
After a wedding, the flowers are often sent to the hospitals, or to those who are known to be ill, at the request of the bride.
THE SIMPLEST OF WEDDINGS.
Now, although we have told how the church wedding and the ordinary home wedding are conducted, it does not follow that one may not have a much simpler and yet a pretty wedding, with less "pomp and circumstance" and consequent expense.
Wherever a girl has a home, she should be married from it. This is her due, as "daughter of the house."
She may make the simplest possible preparations; may be married in her best dress, not new for the occasion. She may omit all attendants, and invite less than half a dozen of her friends; she may receive them herself and at the appointed hour simply stand up and be married to a blushing young man in a business suit, and afterwards cut her own cake, and then proceed to her new home, which may be a little flat or a cottage. But she should have the ceremony performed by a clergyman in her father's house.
If she has no parents, no home, merely a room in a boarding house, she and her affianced may go to a clergyman's house and be married there. The church and the law should sanction the rite; therefore she will not permit herself to be married by a magistrate or a justice of the peace.
As for "sneaking off" and being married without the knowledge of one's parents, this is both disrespectful and unkind--a poor return for their care of her.
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WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES.
The fashion of celebrating a succession of wedding anniversaries has passed its high tide and is on the wane. Nevertheless, the custom is not out, by any means. The tenth, twenty-fifth and fiftieth anniversaries, known as the tin, silver, and golden, are those most frequently observed.
The first anniversary of the wedding day gives occasion for a paper wedding; the second is cotton; the third leather. The fourth is omitted; the fifth is the wooden wedding; next to be observed is the tin, celebrating the close of the first decade. The next skip is to the china, when twenty years have elapsed; and the quarter century of wedded happiness is recognized in the silver wedding.
The wooden and tin weddings are occasions of great hilarity, and mean a general frolic. The former began years ago with the gift of a rolling-pin and a step-ladder. The gifts are of those practical, useful articles that replenish the kitchen, though handsome gifts are of course easily selected. Carved wooden boxes, handsome picture frames, articles of furniture, are at the service of those who choose to pay their price.
Invitations to a wooden wedding are sometimes written or printed on birch bark or thin strips of wood, or are engraved on cards which imitate wood in appearance. The refreshments have been served on wooden plates procured from the grocer. So far as possible the wooden idea is carried out.
Tin Weddings.--Gifts for the tin wedding are of course in that material, and there is a wide range of choice. The tinsmith is often called upon to manufacture fantastic articles, anything to raise a laugh. Thus one couple were adorned, the wife with a set of tin curls, the man with a tin hat. A tin purse enclosing a check for "tin" was once presented to a tin bride on the occasion of her tin wedding. The freakish fancy of one's friends is generally much in evidence at a tin wedding. As at the wooden wedding, the bride cuts a wedding cake decorated with a monogram formed of the initials of her own and her husband's name, and the year of the wedding and of its anniversary. Refreshments may be served from tin dishes, and the guests provided with tin plates.
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The Silver Wedding.--Cards for a silver wedding are printed in silver, or in black on silvered cards--the former being in better taste. The form--which may be used for all with the variation of but one word--that designating the nature of the anniversary, is as follows:
1885 Mr. and Mrs. Smith 1910 request the pleasure of your company on Thursday, February the twenty-fourth, at eight o'clock. Silver Wedding. George Smith Anna Hall
As the couple who celebrate are generally in the prime of life, and their friends of about the same age, a silver wedding is usually a very enjoyable function. The many beautiful articles now made in silver afford a wide range of choice in the way of gifts, both valuable and in those inexpensive trifles that please everybody because so artistic. Silverware is marked with the initials of the married pair, often enclosed in a true lover's knot. Toilet articles, pomade jars, silver jewelry, spoons, silver parasol and umbrella handles, picture frames in silver, rings and bracelets, besides the manifold pieces for table use, offer a wide individual range in choice and price.
The supper at a silver wedding is quite elaborate. The bride that was cuts a wedding cake in which a silver piece is baked; the person who gets it being expected to live to celebrate his or her silver wedding. Speeches are made, often an original poem read, and not infrequently the health of the pair pledged in a glass of wine.
Golden Weddings--Occasions for the celebration of fifty years of union are much rarer than any other. Nor are they wholly joyful. The aged couple are looking from "life's west windows" at a fast declining sun. A few short years and it must set for them. The festivities are usually planned and carried out by their descendants, who so far as possible summon to the celebration the friends of "Auld lang syne," the clergyman who performed the ceremony and any of the bridal party yet alive, and the dearest friends of the present. Invitations in the conventional form are printed in gold letters; often a monogram formed of intertwined initials is placed between and a little above the years at the top of the invitation. The wedding cake has a yellow frosting, or if in white, the monogram and the years--1860-1910--are in yellow to represent gold.
Gifts in this precious metal are naturally circumscribed, but a gold coin is apropos, particularly if Fortune has been chary of her favors. In the seventh and eighth decade people have small use for bijouterie.
A golden wedding must be a sad anniversary to the participants. When they were wedded, they were looking forward, joyously; now they recall the past, its losses and trials and misfortunes. They remember the children who are dead, or far away; or the prosperity once theirs, but now fled. Few old folks would care to celebrate their golden wedding; it is usually some well-meaning grandchild who sees in it "an occasion." Often, too, the excitement, the fatigue, the unusual strain on mind and body, result in illness which sometimes proves fatal.
The Courtesies of the Occasion.--There is no formal etiquette for any of these anniversaries. Friends, as they arrive, are greeted by members of the family; then, in the case of the elderly celebrants, are conducted to them as they sit side by side, and presented. Failing eyesight and dulled ears demand this. The congratulations are offered, and good wishes for the future. If any speeches are made, they should be brief, that neither the old couple or their guests be over-fatigued. The stay should be brief.
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Gifts.--Gifts for the anniversary wedding are sometimes sent the day previous, sometimes carried in person. Anything fantastic is generally presented at the gathering, to contribute to its hilarity. The silver wedding gifts are nearly always sent in advance, and are displayed on a table, the cards of the donor usually being left on them. The recipients are to tender their thanks in person or by note.
Every effort should be made to have these festivities joyous. Especially should the wife subdue her emotion if the review of the years since her bona fide wedding day have seen the loss of beloved children. She must stifle her sad recollections for the sake of her guests.
The members of the bridal party, the more honored guests at the first wedding, the clergyman who officiated, are sought as welcome guests at the anniversary. The bride that was wears something she wore on the first occasion. If the wedding dress and the bridegroom's suit have been preserved they are worn--and wonderfully quaint they often look, so great the change in fashion.
CHRISTENING CEREMONIES.
"Our birth is nothing but our death begun, as tapers waste the moment they take fire." --Young.
The arrival of the stork with the new baby is an event of vast family interest, especially if it is the first visit of the bird to the domicile. In America it is not customary to announce a birth in the newspapers, as is often done in England, especially among the nobility. The personal friends of the parents receive the visiting card of both, or of the mother only, to which is attached a small card bearing the baby's full name and the date of his arrival. These are enclosed in an envelope, this again in an outer one, and mailed.
It is proper for those thus notified to call at an early date to inquire as to the well-being of mother and babe. As it is not customary for the mother to receive any but a very few of her nearest relatives under at least three weeks, callers should not be expected to see her, but are to leave cards. A note of congratulation is often sent instead of calling, and offers to the ingenious and witty an excellent chance for the display of delicate pleasantry. Thus it is entirely proper to address the note to the baby, and congratulate him on having chosen such charming parents, and such a lovely home. Flowers are not infrequently sent to the mother, and little gifts--soft booties, little gold pins for sleeve and neck, little crocheted or knitted sacks, or dainty bibs--to the baby.
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The Ceremony.--The baby is usually christened when it is six or eight weeks old. Clergymen prefer this should be done at the church, and generally arrange to perform several baptisms at the same time--Children's Day being a favorite time. Otherwise, the christening usually takes place after the congregation is dismissed at the conclusion of a service. Only those interested and a few specially invited friends remain for it. There is no objection, however, to having a child christened at home, when the affair is made one of more festivity.
Most young married people prefer to have the clergyman who married them christen their first baby, when practicable.
Sponsors.--The baby's sponsors are chosen, by the parents' agreement, from among their relatives and close friends, almost always those of their own communion. The request is preferred verbally or by personal notes. A boy has a godmother and two godfathers; a girl two godmothers and a godfather. Occasionally this rule is broken and a godmother alone chosen for a girl, and one godfather for a boy. Godparents are supposed to stand in a more intimate relation to their godchildren than to others, and to take a more personal interest in them, especially in case of the parents' death. It is a serious relation, involving a certain religious responsibility, and is not to be lightly entered into.
The godparents are expected to make christening gifts to the child on his baptismal day. They are usually in the form of silver cups, porringers, silver spoons, forks, etc.; these should be solid, never plated ware. If the babe is named for one of its godparents, the latter is expected to do something handsome in the way of a christening gift. Sometimes a bank account is opened in the child's name, the sum deposited being left at interest until he becomes of age.
Church Christenings.--At a church christening, the babe is dressed in its handsomest robe and cap. Formerly the robes were very long and miracles of lace and embroidery; at present the finest of linen lawn or batiste, with a little real lace at neck and sleeves, and a bit of fine French embroidery, is thought in better taste, even in the case of the very wealthy. And many a blessed baby is given his name in a simple little lawn robe with no embellishment beyond a little tucking--done by the mother's own hands, perhaps.
The nurse carries the child into the church. Sponsors and parents group themselves around the font, which is often decorated with white flowers. The godmother has the privilege of holding the babe until it is time to lay him in the clergyman's arms, the cap having been removed. The parents make the responses; after the naming the godmother takes the little one again, holding him until the close of the service. She should not wipe away any of the water placed on the child's head. A good baby is expected not to cry during the ceremony, and one advantage of an early christening is that the little fellow is less liable to be alarmed at strange surroundings.
The same forms are observed at a home christening, the hour being usually in the afternoon.
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A luncheon to which the clergyman and the christening party, and a few friends if desired, are invited, customarily follows the church ceremony--unless several children of other families are baptized at the same time--and always follows the home christening. It is not unusual to make some recognition of a clergyman's services at a church christening, and always is in order at the home rite, though it is not expected as a clergyman counts on his wedding fee.
If church or house is decorated for a christening, white flowers only are employed, in conjunction with palms and ferns to relieve them. White lilies are particularly beautiful. The table is adorned with white flowers; the cakes and bonbons are white. Any desired refreshments may be served, those for afternoon tea being suitable. That old-fashioned beverage known as caudle is never served at any other time. It is dispensed in bouillon cups.
MOURNING ETIQUETTE.
Conduct of Funerals--
So brief the span between our birth and death that the etiquette of burial may fittingly follow that of the christening ceremony. It might be supposed that the funeral, especially the private, could be conducted without formality. But informality often means disorder, and simplicity without order is confusion. There is no time where lack of order and system so grate on one's nerves as at a funeral. The less "fuss" on such an occasion the better, and for that reason, the routine of meals should go on as usual, though no one seems to have the heart to eat them. Still, it is in a way a comfort to most people to feel the chain of accustomed habit; it brings a trifling sense of relief.
Save in the case of a person who has been prominent in the public eye, there is no excuse, or reason, for any but a private funeral. Time was when not to hasten to the house of death was thought unkind; not to attend the funeral of an acquaintance a mark of disrespect. We have changed all that. We do not expect the uninvited to attend our weddings and receptions, why should they come at times of much more intimate and personal emotion--those times when we can hardly endure the words and presence of those we love best? What the sensitive have endured at the hands--or tongues--of well-meaning but clumsy sympathizers--not infrequently curious as well as sympathetic--only those who have suffered can relate. In addition to the natural grief experienced, the members of the family are usually worn out with nights of watching and days of anxiety; it is a fresh strain to be obliged to see people, relate sick-room details and listen to stereotyped condolences.
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The Undertaker.--Cases are rare where there is not some "next friend" who is competent to see the undertaker, and arrange details with him. In fact, the undertaker may well be put in charge. He should be competent and experienced. A clumsy, fussy undertaker is an affliction.
The undertaker will obtain the physician's certificate as to the cause of death, without which in many cities a burial permit cannot be issued. He will secure the necessary permit, see to the preparation of the grave, and the purchase of a lot if necessary, arrange the house for the funeral, furnish the bearers, and secure the requisite number of carriages; and, before the family returns from the cemetery, have the funeral paraphernalia out of the house, so that the maids or whoever is left in charge can restore the rooms to their wonted order. Everything possible is done to spare the grief-stricken.
The Duties of the Next Friend.--The actual duties devolving upon the person representing the family include ascertaining their wishes as regards the officiating clergyman and his notification of their desire and the hour of the funeral; for music, if any is desired; the selection of a casket, and determining the number of carriages to be ordered. A written list of relatives and friends who will go to the cemetery, arranged in order of their relationship, four in a carriage, is given the undertaker for his guidance in assigning those present to their places. The friend of the family will accompany the undertaker to the cemetery if a lot must be purchased, or he may go alone, the undertaker receiving his instructions from the cemetery authorities. If any special position is desired for the new grave, this will be definitely stated. With this knowledge, an undertaker will conduct a burial so quietly and decorously that as a bereaved wife once remarked, it was "a real comfort to have John buried." She did not quite mean what she implied, however.
Where means suffice, a black cloth-covered casket with silver mountings is chosen. If the interment is in a vault, a metallic casket is obligatory. The child's casket is white; that for a young person is white or pearl-gray.
It is no longer necessary to call on friends and neighbors to bear the dead to their last resting-place, though it may be done. Honorary pall-bearers are chosen among the associates of the dead in case he is a prominent personage; the active may be relatives, or undertaker's assistants. A child is sometimes borne by his or her little school friends, though it seems a pity to call on children for such offices.
The House Funeral.--At the house funeral the family remains upstairs, or is seated in the room with the casket, the former more customary. The clergyman stands at the head of the casket, or in the doorway, that his voice may be heard. At the conclusion of the service, those not going to the cemetery quietly disperse; the carriages drive up; the undertaker in a low voice assigns the relatives to them in proper order, and the cortege moves off. At the grave, the remainder of the solemn service is read, the casket lowered, and all is over.
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That dreadful custom known as "viewing the remains," by which those present file past the casket for a last look at the dead, is obsolete. The bereaved take their farewell before any arrivals; those who desire to behold the face of the dead do so as they enter, then are seated in another room. Sometimes the casket is closed before the funeral.
Church Funerals.--The church funeral is more dignified, perhaps, but much less common than a few years ago. Good taste counsels that our leaving, like our arrival in this world, be a purely family affair. Those who attend a church funeral are in their seats when the cortege arrives. The organ is softly played as the casket is borne up the aisle, the clergyman preceding it; its rests before the chancel, the clergyman reads the burial service from the step, the mourners, who have followed the casket, being seated in the front pews. The procession retires in the same order, the congregation dispersing afterwards.
Flowers.--Flowers are usually ordered the day before the funeral, to arrive in the morning, that they may be fresh. Cards are removed before they are taken to the cemetery. Colored flowers, preferably those of pale tints, are admissible, though American Beauties are not infrequently sent. Wreaths of galax leaves are often ordered for the funeral of an elderly person; sometimes half of the wreath is of the leaves and the remainder of flowers. Wreaths and sprays are almost invariably sent by private individuals, the stereotyped "emblems" like "the broken wheel," "gates ajar," etc., being the offerings of clubs, or other organizations to which the deceased may have belonged. Where there is a great quantity of flowers, the loose sprays are often sent to the sick in hospitals, only enough to cover the grave being reserved. The visitor to a cemetery could find it in his heart to wish that when the beauty of these floral offerings has departed, the sodden remnants might be speedily removed. They speak so forcibly of forgetfulness.
MOURNING GARMENTS.
The custom of wearing mourning after a bereavement is almost universal. Even the poorest endeavor to show their grief by donning a few shreds of black, while among the well-to-do an entire new wardrobe is felt to be obligatory. However our religion bids us look forward to a more perfect existence in the beyond, however truly death may be a relief from pain and suffering, custom, that makes cowards of us all, must be followed. Often too, mourning garb is but the visible evidence of the gloom that oppresses us spiritually. In spite of our faith, our sense of loss and loneliness is best expressed in sad raiment and abstinence from pleasures. Often it would be kindness to the living to go our way as usual, but that is not in harmony with our hearts.
Mourning is in a manner a protection to a woman. Strangers respect her sorrow and refrain from the jocular. Behind her crepe she may defy intrusion. But it often becomes a hardship to the young.
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"I missed all my youth," complained a middle-aged woman. "We were a large family. A brother died when I was sixteen and we went into mourning and shut ourselves away from entertainments. Then my father died; next a sister, and another brother, so that, looking back, I can remember but one gown I had, between the age of sixteen and thirty-one, that was not black--and the one exception never had a chance to get worn out."
The Expense of Mourning.--Mourning, however, is sometimes a distraction. In deciding about trimmings and the width of crepe hems many a woman forgets her woe, for a time at least. Mourning wear is expensive, and to clothe a whole family in black totals no inconsiderable sum. Many families have been financially swamped through the expenses of an illness, a burial, and the conventional mourning. In this instance, as in the case of weddings, all these things should be regulated by common sense. A costly casket, a profusion of flowers and a long funeral procession merely gratify a foolish and ostentatious pride on the part of the survivors, and often entail a heavy burden on the father or husband.
It is quite customary to borrow the black garments worn at the funeral. These should be returned immediately after the funeral, with a message or note of thanks.
It is well to look over one's wardrobe to see what garments may be colored for use during the period of mourning. The art of the dyer has made such progress that very satisfactory results are obtained, and quite wealthy people do not hesitate to resort to this expedient.
Mourning Wear.--Crepe, ugly, expensive and easily ruined by dust and dampness, is no longer indispensable to a mourning outfit. If used at all, it is in the form of hems or narrow bands on face veils and as borders or facings, on gowns. Even widows, who wear the deepest mourning, no longer wear crepe veils.
All dress materials for mourning wear have a dull finish. Henrietta, imperial serges, tamese cloth and nun's veiling are the standard fabrics. A lusterless silk is sometimes employed, also crepe de chine.
Crepe is used as a trimming only during the first period of mourning. Hats have almost entirely replaced bonnets, except for elderly widows, who often adopt the close-fitting Marie Stuart bonnet, with the white ruche inside the brim. A long veil of fine silk nun's veiling is worn with this, with a tulle or net face veil with a narrow fold of crepe. Veils of crepe or nun's veiling are not worn over the face except at the funeral.
Hats with crepe folds and trimmings, with veils arranged to fall in folds in the back are usually selected; with them is worn a plain net face veil. Dotted veils are not mourning. Black furs, lynx, fox or Persian lamb are worn.
Many women wear narrow lawn turn-over collars and cuffs; they are hemstitched, with no other decoration. Black-bordered handkerchiefs are no longer carried; if, however, one's woeful trappings must extend to this detail, the narrower the edge the better.
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Either black glace kid or suede gloves are worn. Shoes and slippers must be in a dull kid finish.
All white may be worn in summer during the later period of mourning, but combinations of black and white are not mourning; thus a white dress with black ribbons is not correct.
Jewelry (in gold), ostrich feathers, velvet, lace, satin, and jet trimmings, except in dull jet, are barred. One may wear a diamond or pearl ring or two, but no colored jewels set in rings. Some women have outer shells made in black enamel to enclose diamond ear-rings they are accustomed to wearing.
If one wears mourning, she should hold to the correct form. If, however, she elects to wear black, more license is permitted her. Whatever is done, should be consistent. Thus if she simply adopts black she may have a net or all-over lace yoke in a gown, may wear hats with wings and quills or fancy feathers in black, or black flowers--which are botanical monstrosities--whereas in correct mourning she could not.
The Period of Mourning.--The length of time during which mourning is to be worn has been considerably shortened of recent years. Widows formerly wore deep mourning-crepe, bombazine, etc., for two years, and "second mourning" for another year. Now, even among the most rigid sticklers for form, two years is the limit, and there is a tendency to diminish this period. Eighteen months of woe inconsolable; six months of grief assuaged. Nor are all recreations debarred the widow, as formerly; she may go to concerts, small entertainments, even to matinees, after some months have elapsed. This is as it should be. Many women have settled into gloom and despondency which have darkened their homes because there has been nothing to lift them out of their low frame of mind.
For a parent, a grown son or daughter, the conventional period is two years, one year of deep mourning. For a young child a mother wears black for a year. The same time suffices for a brother or sister. Six months answers for grandparents; three for an uncle or aunt. Often one does not wear mourning except for husband, child or parent.
Young girls need not wear mourning as long as an adult does, nor do they wear crepe, unless it be a hat with crepe trimmings, or one with ribbon bows and face veil with crepe border. It seems as unnecessary as it is unkind to put young children into black.
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French Mourning.--The French, with characteristic cheerfulness, greatly abridge the mourning attire, dividing it into three grades, deep, ordinary and half-mourning. For the first only woolen materials in black are employed; the second, silk and woolen; the third gray and violet. The wife laments her husband for a year and six weeks,--six months of deep mourning; six of ordinary, and six weeks of gray and violet melancholy. The bereaved husband, on the other hand, is let off with six months of sorrow, three in deep mourning, three in ordinary; he has not to pass through the gray-and-violet stage at all.
Six months is also the period for parents, evenly divided between deep and ordinary. One gets off with two months for brother, sister or grandparent, and three weeks suffices for a mere uncle or aunt. Good taste decrees mourning should be discarded gradually. From black one may go to quiet costumes in dark colors, gray being an approved hue.
Mourning for Men.--Custom sets more lightly upon men than upon women in the matter of mourning. Here, as elsewhere, the details of etiquette devolve upon women. A widow would incur censure if she married within two years after her husband's death; indeed, if her marriage followed soon after the expiration of that term, Mrs. Grundy would infer some surreptitious courting had been going on. A man, however, may marry again after a year has elapsed. A widower would abstain from society and the theater for six months. A parent is mourned for a year.
The correct attire for men is a black suit, black gloves and tie of grosgrain or taffeta silk, and a black band upon his hat. The tailor adjusts this hat band with scrupulous nicety to the depth of his affliction. It is deepest for a wife; it diminishes mathematically through the gamut of parents, children, brothers or sisters.
The widower is not expected to wear mourning for two years, unless he prefers to do so. If he goes into the niceties of the garb he will wear black enamel shirt studs and cuff buttons, and a plain black watch fob. After a year he may wear a gray suit, retaining the black accessories.
The custom, followed in some circles, of wearing a black band on the left coat sleeve, is to be emphatically condemned. The place for the band is on the hat. If not placed there, let it be nowhere. On a gray or tan coat the effect is startling. The custom of wearing such a band as emblem of mourning for a fellow member in a lodge, or any organization, whether worn by man or woman, is more honored in the breach than the observance. Better drape the departed member's seat in black, or hang crepe on the charter than follow this foolish fad.
The Duties of Friends.--Where there is sickness in a family, friends call to make inquiries or to proffer assistance. Kindness counsels that such calls should be brief; often duties press heavily upon the well, and the time spent in receiving visitors may be sadly needed for rest, or for other duties. To stay to a meal or to take children on such a visit is inconsiderate, to say the least. If help is needed, give it quietly, unobtrusively, and as efficiently as possible. A little service rendered by a thoughtful neighbor is always appreciated, whereas the person who goes "a-visiting" where there is sickness comes near being a nuisance.
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In town, friends call at the door to make inquiries. Unless very intimate, they do not expect to see any member of the family. Cards are left, and it is correct to write "To inquire" on the card. If death follows, cards are properly left, either before the funeral or within a week after the event. Upon these may be written "with deepest sympathy." One does not ask to see one of the family. Cards of this character are often sent by mail, and are acknowledged within three weeks by sending one's visiting card with narrow black edge and envelope to match. Across the top of the card is written "With grateful appreciation of your sympathy," or "It is a comfort to feel that we have your sympathy in our loss." Cards are sometimes especially engraved for this purpose. Such cards have a mourning border and are enclosed in an envelope and mailed. One's visiting card, with narrow black edge and black-bordered envelope, is sent in acknowledgment of invitations to weddings, receptions, etc. If a note is necessary in reply to an invitation, it is written on note-paper having a narrow mourning border, and follows the customary formula, the border being an indication of the reason it is declined.
In case the request "Kindly omit flowers" is made in the obituary notice, the wish of the family should be observed.
Letters of condolence should be written as soon as possible. Friends should not be afraid to intrude. If they feel a sincere sympathy it should be allowed expression, for such tributes, coming from the heart, are always grateful to the stricken. Answers to such letters should not be expected; it is customary to acknowledge them by a card, as above mentioned.
Friends who send flowers should be thanked, either by note, or word of mouth.
THE ETIQUETTE OF CORRESPONDENCE.
"Letters should be easy and natural, and convey to the persons to whom we send just what we would say if we were with them."--Chesterfield.
They say nobody has time to write letters these days, and yet the post office department handles millions of them each year. True, they are not the formal, lengthy, somewhat stilted epistles of a century ago, when a lad began his home letters "Honoured Parents," and your correspondent announced, "I take my pen in hand to inform you," etc. The letter of today, however, is not less the messenger of good-will and remembrance than it was in those days. It remains largely the bulletin of business and of family affairs.
The postman's bag! What may it not contain? News of birth or tidings of death, of lover's vows made or broken, of achievements or misfortunes. Every letter is like a new day; we cannot tell what its message may be.
It is no mean accomplishment to be able to write a good letter.
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The Essentials.--The first essential to letter-writing is to have something to say, and the ability to say it well. This is a talent that may be cultivated. The next requisite is good paper. Better curtail in some other item and allow yourself good, plain, heavy paper and envelopes. Avoid all fancy papers, whether in tint or design. Plain white or cream laid paper is always good form. Whatever the vagaries of the stationer, the plain white, fine quality paper is to be preferred. The intertwined initials of the writer are often placed at the top of the first page, either in the center or at the left-hand corner where the water-mark used to be. These are done in gold or silver, or some pale tint. Just now, the street address of the writer is often engraved across the flap of the envelope. The form of the latter, whether square or oblong, varies according to the passing fashion. Whichever is used, the letter sheet is folded once to fit it. Sealing-wax is little used at present; if at all, the "blob" of wax is small, only large enough to receive the impress of a single initial on the seal.
Use a good black ink. Violet and purple inks are as passe as colored stationery. There is a certain writing-fluid, bluish when first used, and turning black after a few hours' exposure, that is standard.
Write legibly. Handwriting may or may not be an index of character, but it certainly does indicate certain attributes. A cramped, slovenly, awkward handwriting is naturally associated with a careless and uneducated person; whereas a free, graceful and trained hand indicates culture and refinement in the writer. We say again, write legibly. Nothing is more exasperating than certain examples of modern fad-writing, where one might as well attempt to translate a page of Chinese script. Despite the typewriter, one should endeavor to be a good penman, because the typed letter or note is inadmissible in polite society, being reserved for the world of business. Avoid also the microscopic calligraphy with a fine pen; it is very trying to your correspondent's eyes, unless she happens to have a reading-glass conveniently near.
Take pains to make your signature easily decipherable. Remember that while a word may be puzzled out by the context, or by the analogy of its letters to others, the signature has no context, and is often so carelessly written that the letters composing it are indistinguishable. One should be particularly careful in this respect where writing business letters or letters to strangers.
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Letter Forms--Ceremonious letters, and notes in the first person are addressed to My dear Mrs. Smith. If Mrs. Smith is a friend or an acquaintance, she is addressed as "Dear Mrs. Smith." This is the American custom, and is an exact reversal of the English. which is, by the way, being more generally adopted in our society. "My dear" certainly seems to the uninitiated, at least, more intimate and familiar than "Dear." A business communication to a stranger begins--
Mrs. Joseph Smith, Dear Madam:--
There are shades of courtesy to be observed in signing letters. "Sincerely yours" is a little more formal than "Yours sincerely;" "Yours with much regard" is more familiar than "Yours sincerely." "Yours truly" is for the business letter; "Yours affectionately" for the family or those to whom we are much attached. The rule has been to capitalize all the words of the address, but only the first word of the conclusion, as "My Dear Friend Mary" and "Yours sincerely," but of late this rule seems to be broken in regard to the address, which is now often written "My dear Mrs. Smith."
Abbreviations.--Abbreviations are always incorrect. The month, day and date must be spelled out; the street number and the year are correctly indicated in numerals. The year is sometimes spelled out on formal invitations, but is regarded as an affectation in private correspondence. To indicate a date in numerals, as 3: 18: '12, is bad form. "Street" is not shortened to "St." and "Avenue" is to be spelled out. The city and state should be written in full. "Cal." and "Col." are often wrongly read by busy railway clerks, and your Colorado letter goes to California.
The character and (&) is never to be employed. "Hon.," "Dr." and "Rev." are permissible on an envelope; "Rev. Father" is incorrect; write "Rev." We do not use "Esq." in America as much as it is used in England, where it is always employed in addressing a letter to an equal, "Mr." being reserved for tradesmen. Here we use "Mr." almost entirely. Christian names are not abbreviated in an address; one should write "George" or "Charles" rather than "Geo." or "Chas."
What Not to Do.--A woman is never to be addressed by her husband's title, either verbally or in writing. "Mrs. Dr. Smith" is "Mrs. Lewis Smith"; "Mrs. Judge Morris" is "Mrs. Henry Pond Morris." Of course she would not think of signing herself "Mrs. Dr. Smith." She should sign herself by her own name, "Marion Morris." If necessary to convey the information, she may, in a business note, place Mrs. in brackets, before her name, or after signing her own name, write below it, "Mrs. Henry Pond Morris." This is never done in a social note. Often, upon her marriage a woman includes her maiden name in her signature, thus, "Marion Ames Morris." A hyphen is not used. The four-storied name, as "Marion Helen Ames Morris," is too cumbersome for common use.
A woman uses her husband's full name on her cards. The man, in signing himself, writes his full name "Henry Pond Morris" or "R. P. Morris," rather than "Henry P. Morris."
The postscript has been laughed out of existence. If a few words must be added the "P. S." is omitted. Dodging about on the pages, from first to third, then to second and fourth, is to be avoided. Don't write across your written pages; a plaided letter is so difficult to decipher that one is justified in destroying it unread. One is supposed to have sufficient letter paper on hand. A half sheet should never be used as a means of eking out an epistle. Don't send a blotted, smeared letter.
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Placing the Stamp.--Several years ago silly girls occasionally inquired through the newspapers as to "the significance" of the postage stamp when placed in certain positions on the envelope. One paper made reply that to place it anywhere but on the upper right hand corner of the envelope indicated that the sender was a first-class idiot. The answer was widely copied and the inquiries ceased. The stamp is placed there for convenience in canceling, that being done by a machine in all but the smaller offices.
The last item to be remembered is, spell correctly, though it is one of much importance. A mis-spelled word is a grievous error in a letter--worse than a blot. Keep a dictionary on the desk; when in doubt look up the word, and then take pains to fix it in mind so as to have no further trouble with it.
When to Write.--Notes of invitation should be promptly answered. So should business letters. As for friendly letters, were they answered at once, by both parties, the exchange would be so brisk that too much time would be thus occupied. One may let a reasonable time elapse before replying; this depending upon the intimacy. Friends whose time is much taken up with other cares, but who do not wish to lose touch with each other, not infrequently agree to exchange letters at certain dates or anniversaries. Both may write simultaneously, or one write and the other reply.
Make it a point to re-read the letter you are about to answer, and take pains to reply to any questions your correspondent may have asked. Nothing is more maddening than to make several important inquiries and find them wholly ignored while your friend tells you how busy she is, how many engagements she has in the future, how tired she is, and prefaces these uninteresting details with a long apology for her silence. Who was it said "An apology is a mistaken explanation"?
Postal cards are not considered in correspondence. They are to be used only for business, or where one is traveling and wishes to inform her friends of her whereabouts. The picture or souvenir postals are largely used for this purpose. But the postal card, in correspondence, is like a call when the lady is out and you do not leave your card--it doesn't count.
In regard to love-letters, bear in mind what Rousseau says:
"To write a good love-letter you ought to begin without knowing what you mean to say, and finish without knowing what you have written." Then, having unbosomed yourself, don't send it.
Care in Writing.--It is well to remember, that once you have dropped a letter into the box, it is no longer yours. It belongs to the person to whom it is addressed. If you have been indiscreet, the matter is out of your hands. Therefore, be careful what you write. You cannot tell what use your correspondent may make of it. Your friend may be trustworthy, but careless; some one may be dishonest enough to read it; it may be lost. It is a good plan to write nothing you would not be willing to have read before a roomful of people who know that you wrote it.
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Avoid personalities. Don't commit your unflattering opinions of other people to paper. The letter is a witness whose veracity is unquestioned.
Don't read your letters to others, unless they are family letters in which all may rightly have a share. A letter is a private communication.
Keeping Letters.--It is a bad plan to keep old letters, especially if they are of a personal nature, or if they contain confidences or secrets. When the owner dies, there is no knowing to what use they may be put. One regrets the publication of the private letters of great men and women, showing, as they so often do, the foolish, silly, conceited side of a character we have admired. Private letters are often disillusioning, or betray the presence of the skeleton of the family, unhappiness or disgrace.
The safest way is to keep a letter till it is answered, then destroy it, This does away with a lot of useless lumber.
Letters of Congratulation and Condolence.--It is not possible to give forms for letters of this character. They are meaningless unless they come from the heart, and should be characterized by sincerity. Nevertheless, they should be written, and promptly, as also letters of acknowledgment of gifts, favors offered, and the "bread-and-butter letter"--the missive you write to your hostess after a few days' visit. Letters of condolence are especially difficult to write. One so fears to wound instead of comforting. If one can offer some quotation that has been a personal help in time of sorrow, it is often gratefully appreciated. But because we "don't know what to say" we must not omit writing. The letter is often a greater kindness than the call, which is a tax upon the strength of the mourner.
"The path of sorrow, and that path alone, leads to the land where sorrow is unknown; no traveler ever reached that blessed abode who found not sorrows in his road."
"Wherever souls are being tried and ripened in whatever commonplace and homely way, there God is hewing out the pillars for His temple."
Do not think you must write a long letter. A few well chosen phrases, sincere expressions of feeling, are more grateful to one who grieves. One may say:
My dearest Friend:-- It is with sincerest sorrow I have just heard of your great bereavement. I cannot hope to comfort you; God only can do that, but I want to say how deeply and tenderly I feel for you in your sad affliction. Believe me, most faithfully yours,
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On the other hand, if we must congratulate, we may write:
I have just heard of your engagement to Mr. Blank, and wish to be among the first of your friends to express my sympathy with you in your happiness. I have known Mr. Blank for some time, and greatly admire his many good qualities. I am sure you are very happy with him, and will be more so as you grow together in marriage. Hoping good fortune and joy may always be your portion in life, and present bliss an earnest of more in store for you, I am, Most sincerely yours,
MANNERS FOR MEN.
"Politeness and good breeding are absolutely necessary to adorn any or all other good qualities or talents."--Chesterfield.
Though what we call society is largely vested in women, and women's customs regulate etiquette, men are by no means exempt from the necessity of knowing and practising what we call good manners. A man can have no greater charm than that easy, unstudied, unconscious compliance with social forms which marks what we call "a man of the world"--the man who knows what a good manner requires of him in any situation, and does it quietly and with the grace of habit.
There has been no time in the history of the world when good manners counted for more than at the present. This is true of both men and women. It is so true that in certain fields it is practically impossible to succeed without their aid. The value of a pleasing manner can hardly be overestimated. Such a manner is as far from the self-assurance and presumptuous familiarity which some men assume under the idea that these are impressive, as night is from day.
Value of Courtesy.--Courtesy has a commercial value, and exerts no little influence upon a man's success in business. Polite attention and readiness to oblige bring customers again and again, where their lack would send people to rival houses.
We can forgive, in the intellectually great, or in the man of affairs who has done things worth doing, a lack of social training that would not be endured in a man with no such claim. Yet this is not saying that the great man would not command more unqualified admiration were he to practise the social graces instead of ignoring them. The truth is, the fact that we have to overlook the absence of these graces induces a more critical attitude toward his achievements. Great though he be in spite of his lack of courtesy, we feel he would have been greater had he known and practised the art of gentle manners.
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The Manners of the Gentleman.--These "gentle-manners," that make the "gentle man" are an indispensable requisite to success in society. They testify to a man's good breeding, to his social affiliations; they "place him." They often bring a man many things that wealth could not.
The rich boor is despised in spite of his money. The poor man may be popular because of his pleasing personality and his fine manner.
Men sometimes profess to despise those refinements that are associated with good manners, saying they detest affectations. But these things are not to be affectations. They should be the outward expression of inward kindness and good-will and unselfishness. The cultivation of good manners is a duty; somebody has said that "the true spirit of good manners is so nearly allied to that of good morals that they seem almost inseparable." John G. Holland says somewhere: "Young men would be thoroughly astonished if they could comprehend at a glance how greatly their personal happiness, popularity, prosperity, and usefulness depend on their manners." Emerson remarked that,--"Manners should bespeak the man, independent of fine clothes. The general does not need a fine coat."
A Matter of Training.--It may be that politeness is instinctive with some, but with most men (women also), it is a matter of training and habit, and careful discipline. In process of time courtesy becomes perfectly natural, so gracefully spontaneous it seems to be.
Here is where the mother's work in the early training of her sons comes in. Taught from childhood, by example and precept, the observances that make for good manners, the young man wears them as easily and as unconsciously as he does his clothes.
Politeness an Armor.--There is no better armor against rudeness and discourtesy than politeness. The individual is impervious to slights and snubs who can meet them with the courtesy which at once puts the common person in his proper place as the inferior.
A woman is shocked and repelled by disagreeable manners in a man, manifested in discourtesy toward her, by an awkward manner, coarse speech, incivility, neglect of the little attentions she expects of a man and which men of breeding render as a matter of course. A woman is more likely to fall in love with a homely man of pleasing address than with an Adonis so clad in self-complacency that he thinks politeness unnecessary, or one who does not know its forms.
THE ETIQUETTE OF THE HAT.
The first rule a man should observe in regard to his hat is never to wear it in the presence of women, save in the open. If mothers would take the trouble to train their small sons to rigid observance of the rule of removing their head covering the moment they enter the house there would, be fewer adults guilty of this particular discourtesy, which is at once the greatest and the most common. One occasionally sees a man wearing his hat and preceding a woman down the aisle of a theatre.
The expression, "tipping the hat," is a vulgarism. A man doesn't "tip" his hat, he raises it quite off his head.
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The Coachman's Salute.--The semi-military salute--raising the hand to the hat as if to lift it, but merely approaching the forefinger to the brim--is a discourtesy to a woman. Such a salute would bring a reproof in military circles; it is objectionable among men. Actually it is the manner in which a man-servant acknowledges an order from his master or mistress, and is not inaptly called "the coachman's salute."
A man wears his hat on the street, on the deck of the steamboat, in a picture-gallery or promenade concert-room. He removes it in a theatre, the opera-house, and the parlors of a hotel.
When to Raise the Hat.--Men raise their hats to each other on the street. They extend the same courtesy to all members of their family, of both sexes. A well-bred man raises his hat to his little daughter, as he would to his wife.
On the street, a man must wait for a lady to recognize him, but should be ready to remove his hat simultaneously with her greeting, raising and replacing it quickly. The fashion of removing the hat after meeting a lady is absurd. How does she know the courtesy has been extended?
When a man is with a lady who recognizes an acquaintance, he must raise his hat, whether he knows the individual or not. He should, however, keep his eyes straight ahead, not looking at the person.
If he meets a man walking with a lady whom he does not know, he waits the man's recognition.
A man removes his hat in an elevator if women enter or are already inside. This rule is often ignored in large public buildings.
If a woman bows to a man in any place where it is his privilege to wear his hat, he removes his hat and does not replace it while she is talking with him. This rule applies everywhere except on the street. "A gentleman of the old school" will stand bareheaded on the street if exchanging a word or two with a lady; in such case she may request him to replace his hat.
A man when driving or motoring cannot remove his hat. He bends forward slightly and touches his hat brim with his whip, held upright, in the first case, and raises his hand to the visor of his cap in the latter.
At Other Times.--When he is able to render some slight service to a woman whom he does not know, she will thank him with a slight inclination of the head and a smile, and he should raise his hat. When he relinquishes his seat in the street car, he should give the lady a chance to acknowledge his courtesy, and then raise his hat.
Men raise their hats and stand uncovered as a funeral cortege passes into the church or from a house, and at the grave.
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They also stand uncovered when the United States flag is borne past, or the national hymn--the "Star Spangled Banner"--is played in public, at a military review, etc.
When a man passes a lady in the corridor of a hotel, or on the stairway, he should raise his hat.
When he takes leave of a lady, the same act of deference is expected.
Hat and Coat When Calling.--When calling, the man looks after his own hat, overcoat and stick. His hostess does not offer to relieve him of them, nor suggest the removal of his coat. He deposits his hat and stick on table or seat in the hall before entering the drawing-room, and takes off his overcoat if his call is to be prolonged. Or, he may take them all with him into the drawing room if his call is to be brief. In any event, it is his business to dispose of them according to his own pleasure.
RULES FOR PRECEDENCE.
A man precedes a woman in going down-stairs and follows her in going up. This is that he may be in readiness to catch her should she fall.
He allows a woman to precede him on entering or leaving a room, and should open the door for her.
On entering a hotel dining-room the man may precede the lady to the table assigned them, on the occasion of their first meal, standing until she is seated. Afterwards, he may follow her as the head-waiter leads the way. Sometimes he permits her to precede him in the first case.
The question is sometimes asked who should follow the usher on entering church or theatre. The rule above stated obtains. The woman follows the usher; the man follows her.
The man allows the lady to enter the carriage first, but descends before her that he may assist her to alight. The same rule prevails in regard to entering and leaving a street car, etc.
ABOUT SMOKING.
The old rule of good manners: "A gentleman does not smoke in the presence of ladies," is many times violated in these modern times. There is a story of an elderly woman who, being asked if smoke was offensive to her, replied: "I do not know. No gentleman has ever smoked in my presence." The woman of today is more likely to answer "Oh, dear no! I love the odor of a good cigar." The truth is the cigar has become such a constant and apparently necessary adjunct to a man that to banish it is in effect to banish the man. And women prefer to endure the smoke rather than have the man absent himself. There are very few cafes and restaurants where men do not conclude their repast with a good cigar, even when entertaining ladies.
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Where Not to Smoke.--Nevertheless, there are times and places when and where a man should not smoke. When he is about to meet a lady he knows he removes his cigar before removing his hat and bowing. If he wishes to join the lady, walking a short distance with her, he throws away his cigar before doing so. He does not smoke, when driving with a lady, unless possibly in the country. He should not smoke when walking with her--but he often does, with her full consent and permission. In fact, women, as has been said, are responsible for men's lapses in the way of smoking.
A guest does not smoke in his host's house unless especially invited to do so, by his host, not some younger member of the family or another visitor.
At a dinner party at which ladies are present, men do not smoke until the ladies have left the dining-room.
It is a bad form to smoke when anyone is singing, unless in those free-and-easy places of amusement where "everything goes."
About Expectoration.--No man should smoke, anywhere or at any time, who cannot smoke without using a cuspidor. It is a practice so much worse than smoking, so thoroughly abominable in itself, that no man with any claim to good breeding or good manners permits himself to indulge in it.
In most homes, nowadays, men are permitted to smoke "all over the house." It is better, wherever possible, to let the man have a "den" where he may smoke with his friends. The practice of smoking in bedrooms is reprehensible; the air one will breathe through the night should not be vitiated.
BACHELOR HOSPITALITY.
"A bachelor's life is a splendid breakfast; a tolerably flat dinner; and a most miserable supper."
Being a bachelor does not excuse a man from certain forms of hospitality. Many "society men" live in apartments, at the present time, and may entertain the ladies who have favored them with invitations; in fact, it is expected that a man who has often been entertained will reciprocate in some fashion.
If a bachelor's quarters are too restricted for any other form of entertaining, he may give a theatre party, followed by a supper at some cafe. Or he may do this without the theatre party. Of course, such an entertainment is expensive, but he must remember that the ladies who have entertained him have spent a good deal of money on their fetes.
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The Bachelor and the Chaperon.--The first thing the bachelor must do is to secure a chaperon. She must be a married woman of unimpeachable reputation. Having done this, he invites the other members of the party, first submitting his list to her approval. The usual number is six, three men and three women, or two men and four ladies. Two men may join forces to entertain a quartet of ladies, or more, and thus halve the expense. The carriage or taxicab is sent first to the residence of the chaperon; the host accompanies it or may meet it there. The other ladies are called for, the other men generally meet the carriages at the theatre. The host sits next the chaperon at the theatre and at the supper, placing her on his right.
If a supper is to follow, and it almost always does, the host has reserved a table at the hotel or cafe and has perhaps ordered flowers and a special menu in advance. He has also settled the account, so that he has only to cross the waiter's palm with silver at the conclusion of the repast, in acknowledgment of faultless service.
Cheaper Ways of Entertaining.--In summer there are cheaper ways in which a bachelor may payoff his social obligations. Most bachelors belong to clubs, where they may give luncheons or suppers. There are roof-gardens and outdoor vaudeville, open-air concerts, etc., that may be made pleasurable occasions. He may charter a yacht, in company with several friends, and entertain a dozen or half score ladies with a sailing party. At all these, however, he must provide a chaperon.
A very pleasant and informal way for a bachelor to entertain is to invite some of his more intimate women acquaintances to afternoon tea at his apartments. For this he writes personal notes or gives verbal invitations. He asks some married, lady to assist him, placing it in the light of a favor to himself. She must arrive early, and remain until the last guest has left. The host pays the chaperon special deference, asking her to pour the tea, and either escorting her home or ordering a carriage for her.
Elaborate refreshments are not necessary at such an affair. Sandwiches, cakes, tea, served in the American fashion or a la' Russe, are sufficient. The chaperon presides at the refreshment table. All things needed for the refreshment of the guests may be ordered from a caterer. If the affair is in the evening, chocolate and coffee may be served instead of tea, or cakes, coffee and ices.
The Bachelor's Chafing Dish.--If the circumstances of the bachelor permit, he may give a chafing-dish supper, presiding over the manufacture of a Welsh rarebit or lobster a la Newburg, making the coffee himself in a machine. This might take the place of the supper at a restaurant after the play. After such a supper, or a dinner in his rooms, the host escorts the ladies to their carriages, and accompanies the chaperon to her home.
If none of these methods of entertaining chance to be within the man's means--for many poor men of pleasing address are social favorites--he may fall back on the pretty compliment implied in sending flowers or bonbons, remembering that matrons as well as "buds" appreciate such attentions.
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In Village Society.--In small towns and in the country, the young man would ridicule the idea of having a chaperon along. He seldom considers the question of repaying social invitations, or paying calls after an entertainment. He should be careful to show courtesy to the host and hostess, to dance with the latter and her daughter at a dancing party, and may escort mother and daughter or the mother and some one of her friends, to a lecture or concert. Generally he ignores all claims of this character. But he should not.
Should He Offer His Arm?--A man seldom offers a woman his arm nowadays, unless she is so elderly or infirm that she needs the support. For a couple to walk arm in arm in daylight is decidedly provincial. For a man to take a woman's arm is a liberty not permissible unless she is a member of his family. He should offer his arm if holding an umbrella over her at night, on a poorly lighted street or a country road at night. A woman, unless very infirm or ill, should not walk arm-in-arm with a man in daylight.
The Outside of the Walk.--A man usually walks on a woman's right, in order to protect her if necessary, It looks absurd, however, for him to be dodging around her to keep on the outside of the walk unless some danger is to be encountered.
Minor Matters of Men's Etiquette.--A man should not carry a girl's parasol; he should however assume any parcel she may be carrying.
When a man escorts a woman to her home it is not correct for him to linger at the door. He should accompany her up the steps, ring the bell and wait until she is admitted. If the hour is at all late he should not enter, even though invited.
It is extremely bad form for a man to speak of a woman by her Christian name while talking to casual acquaintances. Though long acquaintance may sanction the familiarity at home, or among intimate friends, to all outsiders she should be Miss.
The custom of leaving the theatre between acts is inexcusable. If a man is escorting a lady, he is guilty of great rudeness if he leaves her,
Cards and Calls.--If calling on a lady who is visiting a person who is a stranger to him, he must ask for her hostess, sending up a card for her as well as for his friend. If calling with a lady, he should wait for her to give the signal for departure.
The man who attends an afternoon tea should leave a card for each lady mentioned in the invitation, and for the host, whether the latter was present or not. He must send the same number of cards if unable to be present, enclosing them all in an envelope which fits the cards, addressing it to the hostess, and mailing it so that it will be received on the day of the function. He must call upon his hostess within two weeks after an invitation to a dinner or ball.
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In attending a tea or afternoon reception, the right-hand glove must be removed before entering the drawing room, as it is bad form to offer a gloved hand to one's hostess on such occasions.
If, when calling on a lady, another visitor arrives, the first comer must not attempt to "sit him out." He should make his adieux within a reasonable time after the second arrival, even though a friend in more intimate standing.
Bad Habits.--A man should carefully avoid mannerisms, such as twisting his mustache, fussing with his tie, fidgeting with some little article taken from a table, as a paper knife, etc. These awkwardnesses are the outcome of nervousness. He should strive at all times to be simple, at ease, and unconscious of himself. If he tries to "show off" he makes himself obnoxious.
Picking the teeth, chewing a toothpick, cleaning the finger nails in company, are gross violations of propriety.
The Car Fare Question.--A girl occasionally appeals to writers on social forms to find out when she should permit a man to pay her car fare. It is expected that he will pay for her if he is escorting her, and she should allow him to do so without comment. If they happen on the same car by chance she should pay her own fare. If the man anticipates her, handing the change to the conductor and saying "For two," she should thank him simply and let the matter pass. Really, it is not entirely good form for a man to pay a woman's fare under such circumstances, unless she has difficulty in finding her purse, or her change. Then he may say "Allow me" and pay for her. If she finds her money she may return the amount, and he should take it without protest.
THE ETIQUETTE OF DRESS.
"The best possible impression that you can make with your dress is to make no impression at all; but so to harmonize its material and shape with your personality that it becomes tributary in the general effect, and so exclusively tributary that people cannot tell after seeing you what kind of clothes you wear."--Holland.
MEN'S DRESS.
A man--lucky creature--is not expected to change his clothes as frequently as a woman must. He wears morning dress until dinner, unless he is to attend some afternoon function, like a wedding or a reception. Dinner is now almost universally at six or half after six o'clock. Before that hour, save in the exception noted above, he wears a business suit, a derby or "soft" hat, tan shoes if he prefers them, or laced calf-skin shoes with heavy soles. The coat may be sack or cutaway. Such an outfit is correct for traveling wear. A white shirt, or one of striped madras, is worn, with a white linen collar. The tie is usually a four-in-hand in some dark shade.
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The cutaway coat is correct for church wear. In summer it largely takes the place of the frock coat, which, with the silk hat, is usually "out of season," so to speak, from about the middle of May until about the same time in September. Straw or felt hats are worn.
Tweed flannel and cheviot suits are favorite summer wear for men, Flannel trousers, white with flannel shirt and leather belt, constitute the usual wear for tennis, golf, etc., and blue cheviot or serge for yachting.
Afternoon Wear.--For formal afternoon wear the double-breasted frock coat of black worsted, with waistcoat of the same or of white duck, is reserved, dark gray pin-stripe trousers are worn with it, patent leather shoes, gray gloves, silk hat and standing linen collar. The standing collar is for formal wear. This attire is suitable for all social affairs between noon and evening.
After dinner evening clothes--the "dress suit"--are worn. This has been fully described in the chapter on wedding etiquette, under the head of correct dress.
Incongruity in Dress.--A man must avoid incongruities in dress. Tan shoes are inadmissible with formal afternoon dress. They do not accompany a silk hat. A lawn tie is never worn save with evening clothes, nor a turn-down collar with them. Gloves should be inconspicuous. A man's hands encased in bright tan gloves make one think of sugar-cured hams.
The Tuxedo is a dinner coat, hence never seen before six o'clock; it must not be worn at a theatre party, or if a man escorts ladies. It may be worn in summer at informal dinners, and at summer hotels. Silk hat, white waistcoat, or white lawn tie are not correct wear with a Tuxedo.
APPROPRIATE DRESS FOR WOMEN.
The real beauty of dress resides in being suitably gowned. Suit the attire to the time and place. Fashion prescribes and regulates styles; etiquette settles the appropriate garb for the occasion. Every detail, from shoes to hat, should be harmonious and suited to the occasion and consequently to the hour of the day. But how many, many violations of this rule we see! Ostrich feathers worn with shirtwaists; low shoes on the street; dressy hats in the morning; jewels at breakfast--all inappropriate and unrelated!
The correct street wear in the morning in the winter is a tailored suit with medium sized hat in felt or beaver, walking shoes, and rather heavy gloves in glace kid. More elaborate suits or gowns in fine smooth cloth or velvet are worn at afternoon functions, for calling and receptions. One does not choose light or showy colors for these if she must walk or take a street car. Ostrich feathers can be worn on the velvet or satin hat that accompanies this costume, which is completed by patent leather shoes and white or pearl-gray gloves.
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When Decollete Gowns are Worn.--High-necked and long-sleeved gowns are worn at every daytime function.
At balls, cotillions, formal dinners, evening parties, and in the large cities in opera boxes, decollete gowns may be worn.
No "nice" woman wears a low gown when dining at restaurant or hotel. The neck may be cut low, under a lace yoke, unlined, and the sleeves finished from the elbow with lace. Hats are worn.
One chooses a handsome velvet or other dressy material for a dinner dress, and wears with it her rarest jewels. Good taste and modesty forbid too lavish a display of shoulders. As a rule, in our average social life, the unlined lace yoke and collar and lace sleeves are preferred for dinner wear, the decollete gown being reserved for balls and cotillions.
Young girls' dancing gowns are never cut very low; the "Dutch" neck and the slightly low round cut being preferred. A string of pearls, a fine gold chain and locket, or gold beads, which have been restored to favor, are the usual ornament.
For theatre wear, where one is not to occupy a box, one may wear a handsome reception gown, or a handsome bodice and skirt. Shirt and lingerie waists are not appropriate theatre wear, unless one patronizes some second-class house of amusement.
Wearing the Hat.--The rule to bear in mind as to the wearing of hats is this: At all daytime affairs, hats are kept on. At all evening affairs--musicales, concerts, receptions, the play, they are removed.
Tea-gowns and negligees are for the boudoir; the kimona is for the bedroom.
Gloves are removed at a luncheon or dinner. Of course they would not be kept on at a card-party or a tea. One may retain them at a stand-up supper.
Ornaments.--An abundance of ornament is in bad taste. Don't be one of the See-me-with-'em-all-on type. A cheap ornament spoils a handsome costume, better none at all; too many ornaments, even if good, look tawdry.
At a certain fashionable summer hotel a young woman was seen dancing in high shoes and wearing a demi-trained lingerie gown over a petticoat of ordinary walking length. She was certainly "the observed of all observers," but hardly the object of admiration.
The Debutante's Dress.--The debutante usually wears white on the occasion of her introduction to society. The material should be light and youthful--crepe de chine, some soft white silk like messaline, chiffon or organdie being the usual choice, made with high neck and long sleeves if the affair takes the form of an afternoon reception. Only a ball or cotillion permits a low gown, and then the gown is not "low" in the usual sense: it is merely cut out modestly in the neck and the sleeves are short. In the afternoon her mother, who presents her, wears a handsome reception gown; her young friends, who "assist," wear light colored, dressy gowns of chiffon, net, etc. At such an affair guests remove wraps but retain hat and gloves.
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Dressing on a Modest Allowance.--The woman who wishes to be well dressed but must produce that effect on a moderate allowance, must be particularly careful in her purchases. She should confine herself to two colors, of which black will be one. She must choose conservative styles as well as colors, and above all, she must study very closely the relationship of her purchases in order to avoid incongruities. A hat may be beautiful and becoming and within her means, yet a very unwise purchase because it will not harmonize with or be suited to the costume with which it is to be worn.
Neat gloves and good shoes are items of dress not to be disregarded by the woman who wishes to look well dressed. Shabby gloves are ruinous to a well-dressed appearance.
DRESS FOR ELDERLY WOMEN.
The woman who has been "dressy" in her youth must curb her fancy as she grows older, and carefully avoid things that are "too young" for her. She may "love pink" or pale blue, and because she could wear it when a girl, unwisely clings to it in her fifth and sixth decades. A bedizened old woman dressed in a fashion suitable for one twenty years younger, is a sight more pitable than admirable. She must not permit the milliner or costumer to convince her that she is still young enough to "wear anything" but must try to have sense enough to distinguish what is suitable from what appeals to her because she would have looked well in it in her youth.
Ermine furs, for instance, are absurd on a woman of forty-five or fifty. The dead white brings out the yellow in her complexion and the faded color of eyes and hair. A very light "dressy" hat makes the wrinkles more obvious.
The Suitable.--Dark, unobtrusive colors, relieved by white lace at throat and wrists, hats modest in size and coloring, set off gray hair and matronly figure far better than showy and more youthful garb. No elderly woman should attempt to wear brown; somehow it kills her complexion if she is sallow. Black, very dark blue, the softer shades of gray, are generally becoming if relieved with white. Lavender and mauve can be becomingly worn by those dear old white-haired ladies who have pretty complexions. The lemon-colored lady must avoid them. We must remember Joubert's saying: "In clothes fresh and clean there is a kind of youth with which age should surround itself."
Materials must be as handsome as can be afforded; soft wool materials may be chosen, cashmere, henrietta, voile, make up suitably. In summer most old ladies can wear white to advantage.
Simplicity should be the guide as to styles. Leave the fussy and elaborate to younger women, and adopt a dignified simplicity.
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DUTIES OF A CHAPERON.
"The art of not hearing should be learned by all." Young America flouts the chaperon. The young girl of the middle class guesses she can "look out for herself," and knows "how to behave." Very often she doesn't know, and sadly demonstrates her lack of the knowledge of life and good sense that would enable her to avoid situations that create gossip. In European society the chaperon is indispensable and has an acknowledged and honored position. In America, young women ridicule the idea and young men are decidedly impatient of her presence. And yet in our more conventional circles it is understood that she is a protection to the girls in her charge, and an oft-needed restraint on young men who are inclined to be too free and familiar.
Mothers as Chaperons.--A mother is her daughter's best chaperon. Very often her health, her home duties and her own lack of social experience unfit her for such a duty. In that case, she should be glad to put her girls in charge of some more experienced woman. If all young men were honest and honorable and temperate, the unchaperoned girl would meet with fewer embarrassments. Think of the awkward plight of a girl should the carriage or the taxicab break down as she is returning home, or the miserable state of the girl whose escort at play or party has taken too much wine! These things don't often happen, some one says. They do happen--far more frequently than the world at large is aware.
Chaperon's Lot Not Easy.--The duties of a chaperon are so onerous that she deserves much gratitude, rather than revilement, for undertaking them. She must stay at balls and parties when she would infinitely prefer her bed; she must frequent places of amusement that are tiresome to her but agreeable to her young charges; she must remain in the parlor, or in the adjacent room separated only by draperies from it, while the girt entertains men callers, and no woman enjoys being "gooseberry;" she must check too high spirits and prevent "loud" behavior. And she will many times know that her presence is resented, and sad to say, endure slights in the discharge of her duties.
Chaperons a Social Help.--Nevertheless, if girls only knew it, the chaperon may be very helpful and aid them materially in having a good time. She should be a woman of wide acquaintance, accustomed to good society. Then she will introduce the girls under her charge to nice men whom they should know, and to partners for the dance; see that they are invited to nice places, and that they are correctly dressed. She must have tact combined with dignity, and be able to reprove little lapses in decorum so tactfully that youth will not take umbrage. She must make her charges like her, and win and hold their respect. And it is very important that she should know what not to see--"the art of not hearing"--yet she should never overlook anything vital, It will be seen that she should be a person of infinite tact, good nature and courage.
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The Chaperon of the Motherless Girl.--Nowdays, the wealthy widower, instead of putting his young daughter at the head of the household, secures some woman of good reputation and social standing as his daughter's chaperon. She is, practically, the feminine head of the house, and in so far as possible, takes a mother's place with the girl. She sees to it that the girl has proper companionship and does not make undesirable acquaintances. She accompanies her on shopping expeditions, travels with her, attends theatres and parties with her, takes the head of the table if the girl gives a luncheon, and everywhere strives to make life pleasant for her young charge, giving up her own pleasure and convenience for that purpose.
Even the young woman of twenty-five or twenty-seven, at the head of her father's household, or living in a hotel, should have a companion.
Avoid Espionage.--And yet, with all this responsibility, the chaperon must avoid anything like espionage. She must not open letters; she must not be prying and inquisitive; she must not give reasons for the girl she chaperons to regard her as "a dragon."
A giddy, flirtatious chaperon is a disadvantage to a girl. She is so desirous of securing attention and having a good time herself that she neglects her charge. Often she undertakes chaperonage chiefly or entirely in order to go about herself. Such a chaperon is worse than none at all.
The Girl and the Chaperon.--A girl should remember that her chaperon stands in the relation of a mother to her for the time being, therefore any disregard of her chaperon's suggestions or wishes is the same as disregarding her mother's. No well-bred girl ever does this--well, at least not publicly. If her chaperon gently intimates that it is time to go home, that she is dancing too many times with the same man, or "sitting out" too long, she should cheerfully comply with the hint. She should not vanish with an escort, leaving her chaperon and others--to wonder at her absence, but at the close of every few dances, before the beginning of another, ask to be taken to her chaperon. There her next partner will naturally look for her.
She must at all times treat her chaperon with the utmost respect and deference, remembering the lady is bestowing a favor by taking charge of her, and that it is often at her parents' request.
At a theatre party, bachelor's tea, sailing party, excursion, etc., one married woman is sufficient chaperon.
The girl who works, the art and music student, may look after herself, but the society girl must submit to the thralldom of the chaperon.
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The Chaperon in Middle Class Society.--While the rules of etiquette are intended to be of general application, there are certain relaxations in middle class society not permissible in more fashionable circles. This is the case as regard the chaperon. Many young men on moderate salary would not feel they could afford to buy a ticket to the theatre or concert for a chaperon, or order a carriage. But is a girl then to be denied permission to accept the invitation? Under such circumstances middle class etiquette requires that the young man shall be well known to the family as a person of good habits and reputation. The girl, however, is not supposed to accept an invitation to a supper afterwards. She may go to a dancing party at a private house or a club in case proper chaperons are provided for the affair and they almost invariably are. But it is better taste for a party of young people to go together under the care of a chaperon.
When a girl receives a young man visitor, her mother should always meet him. She should enter the parlor, be introduced if he is a stranger, converse for fifteen or twenty minutes, and excuse herself, leaving the young people to their tete-a-tete. No girl ever loses a young man's estimation through being properly looked after.
Under no circumstances should the young girl be allowed to accompany a young man on an excursion without a chaperon. She should not motor with him alone; another pair of young people should go with them unless a chaperon is included.
GOOD FORM IN SPEECH.
"It isn't so much what you do; it is how you do it. Not so much what you think as how you clothe your thoughts that enables you to make a pleasant impression."
Good breeding is shown in the use of words, quite as much as in manners. Correct use is evidence of culture and personal refinement.
Use of Slang and Colloquialisms.--Slang, we are often reminded, is common--meaning vulgar. And yet, there are some slang phrases that are so expressive, and convey so much meaning in few words that the temptation to use them is irresistible. Much use of slang, however, is very undesirable, indicating lack of refinement. We may be colloquial, but must eschew the vulgar.
Among the words that are bad form we find "folks," used instead of "family" or "relatives." "Ain't" is one of the most common improprieties of speech and one that has no standing whatever in good language. "Gentlemen friend." "lady friend," are vulgarisms. We should not speak of young men as "fellows."
We should say "shops" instead of "stores," and "station" instead of "depot." A depot is a place where provisions and stores are accumulated. Just how it came to be applied to a railway station is an etymological puzzle. The use of "learn" for "teach" is incorrect. "Pupil," "student" and "scholar" are often used interchangeably, but incorrectly so. "Pupil" refers to the younger classes in a school.
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Those in the most advanced grade of a high school, and those in college are students; while scholar signifies those who are learned and out of school. "Dresser," "bureau" and "dressing case" are incorrectly applied to a chest of drawers. "Vest" for "waistcoat," and "dress suit" for "evening clothes" are incorrect. "Visitors" is in better taste than "guests." "Got" is a word often used superfluously and always inelegantly. "I have it" sounds much better than "I have got it"; leave out "got" wherever you can. As for "gotten"--it ought to be unspeakable.
"Don't" for "doesn't" is, perhaps the most common grammatical error. "I don't," "you don't," "they don't,' are correct. "Don't" is a contraction of "do not." You wouldn't say "he do not," "she do not," would you? Then don't say "he don't," or "she don't."
As a rule the simpler the speech the better. "Residence" for "house," "peruse" for "read," "retire" for "going to bed"--all these and their like sound stilted.
The use of French words and phrases is to be avoided, both in writing and speaking. Generally they are mispronounced--as in the case of the very affected lady who spoke of "Mrs. Brown, nee Smith," pronouncing "nee" as if spelled "knee."
Form of Address.--To acquaintances, a woman speaks of "my husband"; to friends, she calls him by his Christian name. To servants, he is "Mr. Smith." This is a rule often violated, so often in fact, that few are aware of the impropriety of saying "Mr. Smith" to friends and acquaintances. The man employs the converse of the rule; it is "my wife" to acquaintances, etc. To speak of a daughter as "Miss Mary" or "Miss Jane" to anyone but a servant is insulting, placing the person thus spoken to on a par with an inferior. If formality is desirable one should say "my daughter Mary." The same rule applies to a son.
It has already been said that we do not address a wife by her husband's title. He is Dr. Brown; she is Mrs. Brown. Mrs. General, Mrs. Judge, are not current in polite circles.
We do not use "Sir" in addressing equals. Children no longer say "sir" or "ma'am" to their parents, but "Yes, father," or "No mother." Ma'am is seldom heard now except from old-fashioned servants. Maids and men-servants say "yes, Mrs. Smith," or sometimes, "No, madam."
Courtesy in Conversation.--"Things said for conversation are chalk eggs," said Emerson. There are many chalk eggs on the market. Most of us feel that to "be sociable" we must talk incessantly. True, there are sometimes dreadful pauses in conversation when no one seems able to think of anything to say, and the longer the pause the more vacuous one's mind.
What passes for conversation at receptions, dinners, ordinary social affairs, is merely chatter made up, of persiflage and repartee. One must be able to furnish it, however, for small talk is conversational "small change," without which it is not easy to "do business." Lacking it, one is like Mark Twain's man with the million dollar check and not change enough to buy a postage stamp.
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SUBJECTS OF CONVERSATION.
No one can tell another person what to talk about. Advice on that subject is valueless. There are some things we may do, however, to make ourselves agreeable in conversation. We may study the art of expressing ourselves clearly,--saying what we wish to say without circumlocution. Some people seem to begin in the middle of a subject and talk both ways.
Avoid personalities in your conversation. Don't talk about yourself; nobody is interested in your personal perplexities and troubles. Don't recite your "symptoms" nor tell what the doctor says, nor what diet he has prescribed. Nothing, positively nothing, is so tiresome. Don't indulge in animadversions upon the absent, nor make sarcastic remarks about them.
Try to discover some subject in which your companion is interested, and get him to talking. Then show yourself a good listener. A woman may get the reputation of being bright and clever if she will simply show herself a good listener. To do this, she must give her attention to the person who is talking. She must seem interested. Her eyes must not wander around the room; she must not take up picture or book and glance over it; her questions must be intelligent and to the point. Then, unless the speaker is a well-known bore, she need never suffer under the imputation of being neglected in society, and she will be thought courteous and intelligent.
Discourtesies.--To interrupt a speaker, to take the words out of his mouth and finish the sentence for him, to broach a new topic, irrelevant to that in hand, unless the latter is in danger of leading to thin conversational ice,--all these are discourtesies.
To yawn while listening to anyone; to show lack of interest in a story or anecdote that is being told, or let the attention wander, is marked impoliteness. We are not to remind a speaker that his story is an old one, or that he has told it before.
Some Things to Avoid.--A man should avoid raving over the perfections, the beauty or chic of one woman to another. He shouldn't talk golf to one who doesn't know the language of the game, nor discourse on music to the unmusical. Above all, he shouldn't undertake to entertain the whole company, nor introduce a topic in which he only is interested or informed. The more serious questions of life are barred in society; people wish to be amused, not instructed. An inveterate talker, especially one of a didactic turn, is a bore. So is the man who puts a hobby through its paces. Avoid exaggerations in conversation, also extravagances, such as "beastly this" or "awfully that," also avoid over emphasis. Don't talk in italics.
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The Speaking Voice.--A clear, distinct enunciation should be cultivated. The voice need not--should not--be raised above the ordinary conversational level to make one perfectly understood, if only one speaks clearly. This is something that can be cultivated. So also a discrimination in the use of words, so that which most nearly expresses the meaning of the speaker comes to him readily.
A pleasant voice is a charm, either in man or woman. A noted teacher of singing once remarked that the cultivation of the speaking voice is a positive duty, and possible to almost everyone. Certainly a harsh, squeaky, shrill or affected tone of voice may be improved by care and endeavor.
CHURCH ETIQUETTE.
Surely the church is the place where one day's truce ought to be allowed to the vanities, the dissensions and animosities of mankind.--Burke.
The church is sometimes sarcastically referred to as "the social stepping-stone." It is a fact that the newly made rich and the vulgar often choose a church attended by the people of fashion whose acquaintance they most desire, rent a high-priced pew, and become prominent through their benefactions and their services in church work. They are "taken up," after a time, in a fashion, and unless too socially impossible through lack of good breeding, may, from "fringers," become "climbers." "I might go to that church for a hundred years and no one would notice me," bitterly complained a woman who had undertaken the social uplift via the church. The woman in question defeated her own object. She dressed in the extreme of style; she always came in late, with much rustle of silk and rattle of bangles; her hair was "touched up" and her face rouged. The well-bred and refined members condemned her on these grounds. Nevertheless, where a stranger comes who bears the hall-mark of culture and refinement, the church connection is often an aid to social habilitation, though it should never be sought as such.
Friendly Advances.--Friendly advances generally come from pew neighbors. Respond to them courteously but without undue eagerness. Do not expect your pastor to become your social sponsor with his congregation, and remember that though he will probably call after letters of church membership are presented, you have no claim upon his family, nor the families of any of the church officers through acquaintance in business life. This is often a grievance to people from smaller towns who, moving to a city, expect the families of their business associates to assist them socially. Two men may be partners for ten years without their wives knowing each other by sight, if they chance to move in different social circles.
Demeanor.--One should dress quietly at church, give attention to the service and the clergyman, and not linger unduly in the vestibule to gossip or greet friends. To notify the usher if one's pew will not be occupied is a courtesy if the preacher is popular and the church crowded. To be disagreeable in case strangers are shown to one's pew, or mistakenly seated there, is unkind and unchristian. Giggling, smiles, exchange of smiles or bows in the church proper are regarded as bad form.
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NEIGHBORHOOD ETIQUETTE.
Neighborliness is a quality little exercised in cities, where one may live next door to people for years and merely know their names. Some people prefer not to know their neighbors, fearing undue familiarity on their part. The relationship may be a very pleasant one if both parties observe certain restraints. It is not well to become too intimate. Nobody wants a neighbor running in at all hours, with or without an errand. Sometimes to sit on the back porch with a book or paper seems to invite a neighbor to "run over" and the hour's rest or mental recreation is given over to small talk.
A neighbor has no more right to enter without knocking than any other caller, whether by kitchen or front door. It is an intrusion, a disregard of the reserve that should characterize neighborly intercourse. No matter how friendly, friendship will last longer where the forms of decorum are observed.
Borrowing.--The exchange of "kitchen-kindnesses" should be ventured upon rarely. By these is meant the plate of cookies or biscuit or doughnuts we send our neighbor on baking-day. Some families prefer their own cooking. A woman who had been annoyed by many unsolicited donations of this kind, persisted in though unreciprocated, finally piled the sent-in biscuit rather ostentatiously on the garbage can in full sight of her neighbor's window. Other hints had failed, this was effective--a rather violent remedy, but after all not undeserved. In case of illness, where one has no maid, or the family must care for the sick, a fresh cake or a tasty dessert may be offered, and will seldom fail of appreciation. Knowing the circumstances, one need not hesitate over the proffer of a neighborly kindness.
There is little excuse in the city for the borrowing of kitchen staples which is the bane of some country neighborhoods. A borrowing neighbor is an affliction--a nuisance which unfortunately doesn't come under the jurisdiction of the Board of Health.
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CARRIAGE ETIQUETTE.
A story is told of a certain great lady who visited at the court of a reigning monarch on a secret matrimonial mission. The monarch had three daughters; the emperor of her own country had a marriageable son. Before overtures were made for an alliance, the lady was to see the three princesses and decide which one should be honored by the proposal. It was her whim to rely upon "the carriage test." She watched the young princesses as they alighted from the royal carriage. The oldest one descended clumsily, displaying too much of the royal lingerie. The second skipped out, disdaining the step. The third descended gracefully and with dignity, and Cupid's ambassador decided she would make the most fitting empress.
At certain finishing schools, lessons in deportment include training in how to enter and leave a vehicle gracefully. Stepping out on the right-hand side, the right foot is placed on the step, the left naturally falls on the ground. Entering, the left foot is first advanced. In this way the other foot clears the body of the carriage without awkwardness.
Minor Items.--The rule that the owner of the carriage occupies the right-hand seat even when accompanied by a guest, is almost universally observed. The only exception seems to be when the guest is a person of unusual distinction.
To place one's carriage at the disposal of a friend is a great courtesy, and should never be abused by the recipient. In case of accident the occupant should pay the bills for repairs, or at least urge that she be allowed to do so.
If a lady invites a friend to pay calls with her, dropping her companion to call on some acquaintance while she goes on to see a friend of her own, the lady thus favored must not keep her waiting on her return, more than the few moments necessary to make her adieux.
CIVILITY IN PUBLIC.
One is shocked, often, at the prevalence of rudeness in human intercourse. People who are courteous in the drawing-room are sometimes horribly uncivil in public. They crowd and jostle and elbow in thc endeavor to secure better places for themselves, violating every canon of politeness. Women have fainted, gowns have been ruined and valuable articles lost in "crushes" incident to gatherings in "our best society."
Many people carry an umbrella with utter disregard of the eyes and headgear of the passing crowd. Closed, it is tucked under the arm, the ferrule projecting behind on a level with the face of a pedestrian. They go through a heavy door, pushing it open for themselves and letting it swing back against the next comer. They step in advance of those who have prior claim to be shown to seats, and accept civilities and service without so much as a "Thank you." They endeavor to obtain "something for nothing" by piling their luggage into seats they have not paid for on the train; on the boat they fortify themselves in a circle of chairs that are "engaged"--generally to hold their wraps and lunch-boxes, while others look in vain for seats.
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Rude Tourists.--Tourists have a reputation for a disregard of the rights of others, which makes them obnoxiously uncivil. They enter a church where worshipers are kneeling and audibly criticise the architecture and decorations, or the faith to which it is consecrated. They comment flippantly on great pictures in art galleries, and snicker over undraped statues, evincing the commonness of their minds and their lack of knowledge of art. But one of the worst lapses of decorum is to sit in a theatre and anticipate the action of the play, or the development of a musical number, by explanations to a companion. To do so may show familiarity with the play or the score, but it also shows a painful lack of good breeding, and a disregard of others' rights to peaceful enjoyment. On a par with this is the incivility of a person who undertakes to accompany a soloist with his (or her) own little pipe, to the annoyance of those who prefer to listen to professional rather than amateur efforts.
Of course all these rude people excuse themselves by saying they "get left" if they don't "rush," and that they "paid for their seats," as if this atoned for their disregard of those who, equally with themselves, have paid for a pleasure spoiled for them by the greed or impertinence of their fellow men--and women.
Telephone Etiquette.--"Central" could disclose how discourteous many women who pique themselves on their good manners can be when they are "calling down" the tradesman who has made a mistake in filling their order. And how often a party line is held for a lengthy "telephone visit" while others wait their really important affairs because the "line's busy!"
The manners of the public need reforming. Civility is a public good. Without it, we would be barbarians. It is the practical application of the Golden Rule to everyday life. To lay aside our own courtesy because we are in a crowd, or among people who do not know us, reduces us below the level of those who are not versed in the social requirements, because we know them and should practise them, whereas they do not know.
DUTIES AND DRESS OF SERVANTS.
In many large and well-to-do households in this country only one maid, the "girl for general housework" is engaged, the mistress and her daughters assisting with the lighter parts of the work. In such case each must have a certain definite portion of the daily duties and be responsible for its performance. Very few maids are capable enough to do all the work of a good sized family without assistance, even though the linen be sent to the laundry.
The One Maid.--Where but one maid is kept she must rise early and put in a couple of hours' work before breakfast, airing the house and perhaps putting in order and dusting the living rooms, then preparing breakfast. She will probably serve it unless everything is put on the table, in which case she may busy herself in the kitchen, washing the rougher dishes used in preparing the meal. The mistress of each household must make out her own schedule for the week, according to the convenience of the family.
The maid is supposed to have her dress changed by three o'clock. She will wear a simple but neat cotton gown about her work, mornings; in the afternoon she will put on a black dress with white apron, collar and cuffs. She is expected to keep a clean apron in the kitchen to slip on if summoned to the door before luncheon. She should never answer the bell with her sleeves rolled up. The mistress provides the white apron with shoulder pieces, the linen cuffs and collar worn by the maid of all work in the afternoon and evening. These are the mistress's property, remaining in the family through the changes of servants. So many girls object to the cap that it is seldom seen save in very formal establishments. If worn, the mistress furnishes it.
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Instructing the Maid.--If the mistress finds her maid's education in her duties is deficient, she should teach her to open the door wide, as if the visitor were welcome; to have her tray ready to receive cards; to be informed as to whether the mistress is at home or not that she may answer the visitor's inquiry at once. She is to usher the visitor into the drawing room or parlor, take the card to her mistress and return to say that "Mrs. Blank will be down in a few minutes," never alluding to her mistress as "she," as some ill-trained girls do.
If a lady who keeps but one maid entertains at all she must instruct the girl in the proper serving of meals. In the first place, everything that is necessary for the service must be ready; there must be no getting out of extra silver or china at the last moment, with its upsetting confusion. The menu must be so carefully planned that most of the food to be served can be prepared beforehand. For a six o'clock company dinner, the soup may be hot in the kettle; the fowl or joint in the oven; the entree waiting the finishing touches on the back of the range, the vegetables in the warmer, and the dessert in the ice-box. All the china and silver being in readiness and the table properly laid, the maid slips into her black dress and apron, and presents herself at the drawing-room door, announcing "Dinner' is served."
The Maid's Serving.--The guests being seated, she brings in the soup tureen, uncovers it, taking the cover to the pantry as she goes for the hot soup plates. She then stands at the left of the mistress with a tray, covered with a doily, in her left hand, a folded napkin under the tray; takes the soup plates as they are filled, passing them to the left of each guest, taking the plate from the tray with the right hand. She then removes the tureen. Removing the plates she takes them from the left side of the guest. The roast is brought in and served in the same manner as the soup; the vegetables are passed, each guest helping himself from the dish. The salad is usually served on the plates upon which it has been arranged. After the salad the table is cleared and the crumbs brushed with a napkin upon a plate or tray, and the dessert brought on for the hostess to serve, The latter starts the little dishes of bonbons or salted nuts on their travels, guests passing them along.
Chocolate is a good beverage to serve on such occasions; it can be made in the morning, or even the day before, and heated without in the least impairing its quality.
Given a capable, willing girl, one anxious to learn and not too self-conscious, a woman may entertain two or three or four guests very adequately if she will plan her menu carefully and see, personally, that everything is in readiness. She should, however, avoid any overelaboration. Better a simple meal well prepared and served than a more pretentious one that fails in these particulars.
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Duties of Waitress and Cook.--Where two maids are kept they are waitress-- "second girl" or "housemaid," sometimes so-called--and cook. The housemaid--we will so style her--opens and airs the house and dusts and arranges the rooms before breakfast. She serves the breakfast, clears the table and washes the dishes taken from it. She then proceeds to the bedrooms, putting them in order, dusting, making beds, etc. She will probably have fine lingerie waists, etc., to wash and iron on certain mornings. She does the sweeping, unless there is a man to take out and beat the rugs, and wipes up hardwood floors. She must clean the silver once a week and rub up brass; keep the pantries in order, clean the bathrooms, wait on table, answer the bell, both the door bell and her mistress's bell, and usually assist the latter in dressing. She is expected to do part of the family mending, keeping table linen and bed linen in good condition, and in some households is expected to wash and iron the napkins and dish-towels, unless a laundress is employed.
The Cook's Work.--The cook must prepare the meals, and put the food into the proper dishes and these in the pantry, ready for the waitress, who is not expected to enter the kitchen during the service of a meal. She washes the dishes used in the kitchen and the meat dishes from the table; she must keep the kitchen and its adjuncts, including back stairs, refrigerator, back porch and closet in order. Her mistress plans the meals with her, and she is expected to make good and economical use of left-overs. She often does the ordering by telephone, and sees to the milk, ice, etc., as they are delivered.
Should Understand Duties.--Most of the difficulties between servants arise from misunderstanding of and friction about their respective duties. It is best to have a definite and thorough understanding as to the work expected of each before engaging her. Both cook and housemaid have one afternoon and one evening each week and every other Sunday afternoon. When one is off duty the other must necessarily assume part of her work. Some mistresses allow a girl the afternoon and evening of one day; others give one afternoon, and the evening of another day, requiring the cook to return to prepare dinner on her "day" and the maid to come back to serve it on hers. If afternoon and evening go together the cook is expected to leave everything in readiness for the evening meal; the cook, on the housemaid's day out, must wait upon the table.
Servants always respect a mistress who knows her rights, exacts them, and respects her servant's rights. She should permit no familiarities; at the same time she must not regard her household assistants as mere machines, beyond her sympathy, Good mistresses make good servants.
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The Nurse.--The nurse must wash and dress the children; keep their clothes in order, washing and ironing the finer articles; eat with them, keep the nursery in order; sleep in the room, or in a room adjoining them with the door open, and take care of them when they are ill. A nursery governess teaches them, and is excused from the laundry work and from keeping the nursery in order.