How we raised our baby

Front matter

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Chapter I. THE ARRIVAL

"\^E were married in Illinois, and I, Robert Matthews, brought my wife to New York. Though my acquaintances were many, it was long before Lena could feel exactly " at home," for she had lived for years with her parents in the old homestead. The youngest of seven children (some of whom had left to provide homes for themselves — the rest had " passed over to the majority,") every wish had been gratified. She undoubtedly had been petted, as the youngest will be, but she was not " spoilt." Inherited vigor of intellect, bodily energy, and a sunny disposition, sustained a not very strong body.

My salary was a moderate one, but enough for two and a servant. The little money I had saved before marriage served to plainly furnish a small house. The cupboard, with the neatly arranged shelves, showing to the best advantage our little

IO OUR COMFORTS.

stock of dishes and cooking utensils ; the new blackwalnut clock, the bright carpets and polished furniture ; the array of towels, napkins, sheets and pillowcases in our linen closet; the round table in our sitting-room, with its bright crimson cover ; our collection of books — all pointed to comfort. We were comfortable. For the first year little was planned for the future. The present was sufficient in its happiness. The ease with which we accommodated ourselves to circumstances, as I look back now, was wonderful.

On Bridget's day out, the meals were none the worse for Lena's cooking. If we had griddle-cakes, we ate in the kitchen, Lena and I taking turns in supplying each other with hot cakes. (And, let me say here, that such light, hot, delicious, digestible cakes are not easily obtained, when the servant or dumb-waiter is compelled to carry them from room to room.)

Concerts, lectures and entertainments we enjoyed occasionally, as the funds could be spared. Read-

MY IGNORANCE. II ing, visiting, and receiving visitors, who naturally wished to see the " young couple," occupied our time — till the baby came. Mrs. Billings, our stylish neighbor, on hearing of the arrival, sent over her maid to inquire "how Mrs. M. was." Little Mrs. Jones, down the street, with a houseful of care and armsful of babies, stopped in "just« to see if she couldn't be of service ;" and of great service she was, putting things to rights and preparing breakfast for me, and some tea and panada for Lena. Bridget had left us in the lurch — anticipating the " arrival ;" and I, wholly ignorant of what ought to be done, had failed to solicit Doctor Namen's services in advance, as I should have done several weeks previously, and, at the last moment almost, was compelled to call in Doctor Lyons, who lived close by. Lena bore up bravely, with the assistance and encouragement of the doctor, but she was much exhausted, and here was a little crying baby to be washed, dressed and fed.

By this time the sun had begun to throw his morn-

12 THE DOCTOR.

ing rays into the room, and the doctor, saying that bright light should not shine into the eyes of the little one, else they might become sore, put out the gaslight, and closed those shutters which directed the sun's rays into the baby's face, leaving space for sunlight to reach other parts of the room, and advised nothing to be given to the infant to eat till the mother would feel strong enough to nurse it, unless the child was very hungry, shown by crying and sucking of fists.

" If your wife was strong enough, Mr. Matthews, I should desire her," he said, " to attempt to nurse for her own and the baby's sake, within one hour after its birth. This early nursing hastens the milk, acts — from the so-called ' colostrum ' particles which the secretion contains at this time — as a laxative to the child, and prevents sometimes serious hemorrhages with the mother. In one sense you are fortunate in not having a nurse at this time — you are saved meaningless or hurtful suggestions. The ignorant woman believes in giving molasses and water, or a little gin,

"beware of widows." 13

etc. The more intelligent (?) will advise some medicine. Our best nurses come from the Schools for Nurses — connected with our hospitals. But few in number as yet, their services command a price too costly to the man with a small salary. If I had been aware of your situation, I might have found you a reliable woman, willing to work and follow out directions ; but you must obtain some one for a day or two, till I can look around."

The doctor kindly waited while I started out to hunt up a nurse ; met our washerwoman at the door ; and she, saying she would send up her sister, the Widow Flynn, a woman who had raised a family of her own, I was thoroughly satisfied, and reported at headquarters up-stairs. " Beware," said the doctor, as he took up his hat to leave — " beware of widows, and of those who found their ability to care for children on having ' raised a family.' "

Mrs. Jones came in soon after, and, while she was in the kitchen, the widow arrived. I answered the bell, and ushered a large, muscular, stolid-faced woman into the bedroom.

14 THE FIRST BATH.

Depositing a forlorn-looking, enameled cloth bag upon the floor, she took off a musty-smelling shawl and bonnet, and, seating herself, asked for the baby, some water, a towel and a piece of soap. 1 handed her the baby, wrapped up in a shawl, as carefully as I could, for handling a baby under such circumstances is, for a novice, a very delicate business.

At this point I left the room for my breakfast, and Mrs. Jones appeared with the panada. She afterward told me that she found that the widow had soaped the child and was then rubbing it briskly with a rather coarse towel. The little one was screaming and my wife complained of feeling so tired that Mrs. Jones merely suggested that if a little oil were rubbed over the body and a softer towel used, the baby could be cleansed sufficiently for the first washing. Mrs. Flynn replied that " she ought to know — hadn't she had nine children of her own ; and where could any one point to finer children ? — and she would thank people to let her alone." Well, thought I, they are

BABY ASSERTING ITSELF. I 5

the sturdiest, dirtiest set of youngsters I have set my eyes on — and is mine to be like them? Heaven forbid ! As I entered our bedroom, the first disagreement that had entered into our home, was quite apparent. There sat the nurse, with the baby dressed lying on her capacious lap, and, with a teaspoon, she was endeavoring to feed it some thin arrowroot. She had already given the molasses and gin. Lena, weak as .she was, was protesting — urged the importance of doing as the doctor had said, and baby was seconding it all by screams, the like of which I had never heard before. Finally all was quiet.

Urging upon my wife the necessity of attempting to nurse, with regularity if possible, every two or three hours, as the doctor had suggested, 1 left for a few hours' business, procured a servant and sent her to the house. Billings met me, and was surprised that I should have an addition u so early in married life. It was not considered exactly the thing." Jones, the man of large family, congratulated me warmly, but rather overdid it, I thought l6 COMPLIMENTS.

when he wished me many happy returns of the day.'' But he was not to blame, for he was overworked, and did not always apply ideas correctly.

At any rate, I started homeward quite proud — had sent telegrams to mother and mother-in-law ; but I found my poor wife in tears, because she did not seem to have anything, and she u did wish to nurse her baby, because it was right, and better for mother and child." In this dilemma, what could I do but send for the doctor? What he said and did we shall see.

Chapter 1 1.

THE DOCTOR.

$)ID I say that I sent for the doctor? No; / went for him. The day that had begun so fairly as to weather, disappeared in gloom and sioppiness, and by the time I reached the office — though the doctor lived but a short distance off — my spirits lowered into S3^mpathy with the surrounding darkness. I was but little surprised to find that the doctor was not " at home," and so mechanically walked in, sat down, and waited quietly for ten minutes — very impatiently for the next fifteen. It occurred to me, then, that doctors ought to 6e ready when you wanted them.

Here was a family at home — new member probably screeching, wife crying, and the widow determined to carry her point. The thought of such a scene, to a man accustomed hitherto to peace and quietness, irritated me, even though I then heard

1 8 WAITING the doctor enter. Instead of coming- directly to me, as I expected he would, he really sat down and talked with a forlorn-looking woman, in a faded shawl, rusty dress, and a bonnet that could only have been new years before. The woman had a child in her arms — a sickly one, to be sure, and the woman was in the office when I came — but then, here was my family wanting the doctor. This must be a " charity" case, of course — while I was ready, just at that time at least, to pay almost any amount for advice ; but the woman got up to leave, and, as she thanked the physician, and the little one held out a puny hand and feebly said " Good-by," it did seem as if sometimes it might " be more blessed to give than to receive."

For a moment I had almost forgotten my own anxiety in the little humane sympathy which will at times ruffle the surface in spite of one's determination not to be overcome.

Having inquired as to my errand, and receiving the statement that affairs were decidedly squally at

THEIR BABY. iy

264 Tenth Street, Doctor Lyons and I started. It is all very well to say " Don't anticipate trouble ;" but a man who has left but a little while before his new baby trying to concentrate all its features into one unsightly bunch in the centre of the face, by puckering lines, radiating in all directions from the common centre, and whose voice rang out with alarming clearness/ but with little variation in note — whose wife, before known to possess self-control, was now completely unstrung — is not in a condition to be calm. Then there was that nurse standing guard. What if the baby shouldn't get natural food—how was it going to live, and what would my wife do ? Down at the office that day Salter had called, congratulated me of course, sat down, and, as if it might be useful for me to know, told of their first baby — how it didn't nurse, because it couldn't get anything, how they tried every food that was recommended by the neighbors and friends, and still it grew weaker and weaker, until, finally, a " kind Providence removed it from its sufferings by death." After thinking over

20 ANOTHER MOTHER,

all this, and of what Billings had said, it did seem rather tough to have one's family increased so soon, and then to run such a chance of losing the new comer as appeared to be opening up.

Lost in reverie, I was aroused by the Doctor saying :

" Did you notice that woman's face when she thanked me ?"

I had seen that it was clearly cut, with none of those swollen or discolored rounded spots so indicative of intemperance in eating or drinking. It was pale, the cheeks were somewhat sunken, though on them appeared for a moment or two a faint flush, as she rose to leave. The eyes and eyelids did their share in thanking. All this I had noticed, but it left no lasting impression.

" That woman," said the doctor, " was one of the brightest, prettiest woman, ten years ago, that you ever saw ; but, unfortunately, she had been brought up in luxury — had no settled purpose in life, except to get married. Her daily life consisted in dressing

SPERMACETI BABY. 21 and redressing, eating, receiving calls and going to parties and entertainments, she was naturally smart, and had her physical development been encouraged even a tenth part as much as her mind had been forced, she would have been in a different condition of life now. When she played croquet it was like an automaton. When she endeavored to skate she be-, came tired, and with a pain in her side sat down to rest. Horseback-riding was ' too severe ■ ; outdoor sports blistered her hands, tanned or freckled her face, and there wasn't anything pleasant in taking a a walk for health. Like a fragile plant deprived of sunshine and air, she had grown, but was pale, of lax fibre, and showed few signs of vital energy. To make a long story short, she married the same style of a man. The baby that was born to them was a pale, sickly-looking sort of a child, such as a friend of mine used to call a ' spermaceti baby.' Though the mother tried very hard to raise the child, yet it soon showed its poor heredity. Rickets developed, the bones were soft and bent, the ligaments at the joints

22 WORKING.

were feeble and relaxed, the ribs sinking in at the angles interfered with breathing, the appetite was poor. At the end of two years the child died of inflammation of the lungs. When the second one was born, two years afterward, the parents were poor. Soon the father died, and here is this woman battling against poverty and hereditary defects, in the hope that she may be able to keep this child alive. Poverty has helped her more than she imagines, however, for if she had been able to give the delicacies that once she could command, this child would have followed the other. By being able to control the food of mother and child, through our diet dispensary, and by having the mother come frequently for advice, I believe that the boy will pull through. Certainly the mother is stronger than she once was. It is suprising to see how much there is to the worker even in the midst of poverty, when there is something and somebody to work for."

By this time we had reached my door. Though it was dark, still, and the sidewalk was dotted with

SYMPATHY. 23 puddles of water, and the walking was disagreeable — yet, in spite of the general discomfort surrounding me, my heart was light with sympathy for the poor woman who was battling against such odds. This feeling developed into the belief that I must help her.

It was extremely pleasant, therefore, to me, in this state of mind, to find the baby asleep, though I saw that the doctor had perceived the odor of the nurse's gin when we entered the room.

Mrs. Flynn had been aroused with difficulty by repeated ringings at the door-bell, and she showed unmistakable evidences of having taken some of the medicine which she had recommended for the " poor baby's little stomach." As she sat herself down it did seem as if her natural vigor of purpose was fortified for aggressive work.

Leaving her there, the doctor passed to the bedside and assured my wife that there was nothing to dread at present — that it might be five days before she could nurse the child properly; but probably

24 DISTURBING THE WIDOW.

only two or three. A few words of encouragement, given in his quiet way, served to calm Mrs. Matthews, and in a little while she was fast asleep.

" As there are no more calls on my list, and it is so disagreeable out of doors, let us go into another room, after I have turned down the light somewhat," said the physician, " and we can then talk over this whole matter without disturbing the little one or its mother. Do you know, Mr. Matthews, that you will have to disturb that widow? Discharge her to-morrow. A woman who can't keep awake, who carries bottles in her handbag, who takes gin as a beverage — isn't just the person to leave in charge of your wife and baby. I know you did the best you could under the circumstances, but, now that we know the woman, the sooner she is disposed of the better.

" Nothing like promptness here. I have seen so many accidents happen to other men's wives from ignorant nurses, that I don't care to risk your wife with this one. Educate women for nurses, pay them living wages, and hold them responsible — that's my

THE NEIGHBOR S BABIES. 25

belief. If you don't feel like sending- her off, I will do it in the morning" when I call, and will see to it, also, that you have a reliable woman very soon afterward. These women who have raised so many children, and who are fond of describing the method, are too dogmatic to suit me. They imagine that all children are, or ought to be, constructed alike.

" Why, there was that kind neighbor of Mrs. Bond's, on the next block to you, who insisted upon giving Mrs. Bond's little one some patent food, because her children had been raised on it. The baby couldn't take it, didn't want it ; threw it up, made all sorts of faces, and after all I found that the neighbor's babies hadn't been raised very far, for most of them died early. You must look into these matters at the outset. Friends and neighbors will crowd in upon you before long, and it requires a level head to know how to manage. Find out that a baby isn't a mere machine ; get all the solid information you can from reliable sources, and then go ahead. In a day or two I will loan you some first-rate

26 MRS. FliYNN SNORES.

books, and command me whenever you wish advice. A word more before I go. This wife of yours is not strong, but she is sensible and willing to do all she can, and will work beyond her strength. Now help her. You will say that you didn't suppose the father will have much to do in raising a baby. Yes, I know that idea is very often practically carried out, but it isn't right. There are many ways in which you can help her to raise the child, without having to tend the baby yourself, and there is no reason why the woman should do everything. It is well enough to have your wife's mother come here, and you must have a good nurse for two or three weeks, but don't rely entirely on either. So good-evening."

The night was passed in comparative quiet. Baby and wife slept, so did Mrs. Flynn, but not quietly — for ever and anon I was aroused from my slumber by a series of short grunting sounds which always ended in what I felt sure was an unusually vigorous snore.

A LITTLE GIN. 27

It was with pleasure, therefore, that I was aroused from this restless, uneasy sleep, by the approach of daylight. Very soon after breakfast, which I attempted to prepare, the doctor came.

For ten minutes there was some loud talking in the sitting-room, and when the widow came out it was evident that her self-conceit had been wounded. I paid her, and as she tied on her bonnet and pinned her shawl, her fingers seemed to grasp these objects a little more tightly than there was necessity for.

" It's very strange, seems to me, that you can't know when you are well off. A woman who has raised a family like my own to be turned off at a moment's notice ! A little gin ain't so bad as you all mal<3 out. You will see the time when you will be glad to stop his stomach-ache with it. Well, no matter. Doctor Lyons will be sorry for all this !■■'

And so she went out, and, as she did so, the doctor ushered in Mrs. Lawrence. She was a little body, but, when she had spoken kindly to my wife, kissed

28 MY MOTHER-IN-LAW.

the baby, smoothed the pillows, cleaned and aired the room, I was confident that all was going smoothly ; so I sent for my mother-in-law.

Chapter III THE MOTHERS-IN-LAW

■y^TITH our new nurse and new servant, home prospects seemed to brighten. To be sure, Katie somehow or other couldn't brown the biscuits just right, and the coffee failed at times to emit any aroma, or on other occasions it was undoubtedly burnt, but the blame was laid upon the " new-notioned French coffee-pot," and so satisfied was our domestic with the good things she did accomplish, that she was very cheery. In fact, she was a typical specimen of a healthy, robust Irish girl, willing to work, and not at all afraid of it.

I felt sure that I did not over-estimate my wife's ability to manage household matters when she would be well, and it did not seem as if there could be any clashing. The nurse did so nicely, too. Her methods were so simple, and yet effective. Mrs. M

30 CAUSE AND EFFECT.

and the baby thrived — the one on good, solid, substantial food, which she was able to take by the third day, and the other on the results, milk. The little one did not need much food apparently, for it slept most of the time, but made good use of what it did take. At the end of a week, thanks to the good care and food, Lena felt very much like " being at work." What a strange procedure it was, not many years ago even, to feed a woman on slops simply because a baby had been born. Our little family seemed to appreciate the present age, and so comparative comfort was restored. It could be only comparative, for baby had a way of rousing us at night, demanding attention just as the evening paper was to be read, or of tuning up in the midst of a conversation. It was certainly a new experience. The neighbors began to pour in upon us, too, especially the female element, in a way unheard of before, in our quiet quarters. Mrs. Billings showered congratulations upon my wife in one moment, while in the next she " hoped that baby wasn't going to tie her down, for

OUR NEIGHBORS. 31 there was so much going on — the fair and raffle at Rev. Mr. Barnaby's church, the opening of a new and immense variety store — and then a new nursery was to be founded, for the care of dear little children. And," said the energetic, inconsistent lady, "Mrs. Matthews, we expect you to be one of our managers. It will be such a pleasure for you to care for the little ones, now that you have one of your own."

Our next-door neighbor Mrs. Percy, was gruff in exterior, but with a kindly heart. Her offers of assistance seemed to us at first not to be reliable, but as we knew more of our friend, as she came to be, her goodness revealed itself in motherly care and solicitude. She was the only woman of our acquaintance, by-the-way, who did not believe or state that the dear baby was " just like its father or mother," as the case might be. " Little difference does it make, Mrs. Matthews,'' she would say, " what your baby looks like : handsome is that handsome does ; or, as my old father used to say (and lie was somewhat of a natural-born doctor), give your youngsters good

32 THE FINICKY MRS. LAZELLE.

sound underpinnings, and then Avhat goes on atop of them will stand and look well enough.' 5 Then there was the finicky Mrs. Lazelle, who lived four doors down, good by nature, willing to help, but she was not a favorite with any one, so far as I could see. Her trials, according to her own statement, were more severe than those of other people. Her husband, kind as any man could be, when they were married, now that four children had come, neglected her, was absorbed in his business, and then he didn't attempt to control the children an}^ more, etc., etc." You have all heard the same story repeated again and again, and so did we; but then added to ours were little bits of gossip, and any number of querulous

complaints. Whether Mr. L was such a man as

his wife portrayed, and she such a faithful and painstaking wife, as her story revealed, I did not know at the time, though I have had occasion since to become intimately acquainted with both of them.

Among the young unmarried ladies who were we'. come was a Miss Oley, given to good works. Al-

THE UBIQUITOUS MISS OLEY. 33

ready had her name been " handed in '' as a " manager " in the newly proposed institution for the young, though she was at the time a faithful worker in the Diet Dispensary cause, a leading member of her Church, corresponding secretary for the Mission Society, teacher of an evening "ragged school,' ' founder of an afternoon sewing school, originator ot fetes, festivals and entertainments, and a friend of the poor and unfortunate. Her enthusiasm was contagious, and already my wife was, unawares, laying plans for future usefulness. It was a study to watch Miss Oley's eyes fairly sparkle as she enumerated the advantages to be obtained by this new nursery. They already seemed real, so vividly were they outlined.

On the tenth day after the baby was born, my mother-in-law, Mrs. Vincent, arrived by the eight o'clock morning express train, and in a short time after trunk, bundles, and parcels were stowed away in the " spare room," and a breakfast had been eaten, she was thoroughly at home. Her coming seemed to straighten out the little inequalities apparent in a

34 MY MOTHER-IN-LAW.

house which had been without a housekeeper's care for nearly two weeks.

The nurse, faithful as she was, could not look into the details of house management, and neither did Katie desire her to, for she had confidence in herself; and then it was extremely inconvenient to be interrupted in the midst of a conversation with Joe, the butcher's boy, or to be asked to do this or that just as her cousin (?) Tom Mullins had called to spend the evening.

As Mrs. Vincent assumed charge, the machinery began to move. Joe loitered less at the basementdoor, and remembered that he was needed at the shop ; Tom failed to call as often as before, and took good care to leave at ten P. M. sharp, the time Mrs. V. closed the house for the night ; meals were promptly served, and the iood was well selected and well cooked ; the cleanliness about the house was as of old, and I could see in everything that was done ways that reminded me of Lena, yet it was not Lena who sat opposite me at the dining-table, but a

GO BUY A COW.'

tall woman, with features sharpened and pinched by age, with hair just turning to gray, whose eyes, though dimmed, yet were capable of glistening with animation, and bespoke a latent power in the owner. Her manner was dignified and precise, and were it not for the fact (known to myself) that she had allowed Lena to have her own way, over and over again, I should have supposed that she was always severe. I knew that she was determined at times, though I had never witnessed any exhibition of will — but that was to come.

" Robert," she said, on the morning of the seven teenth day, after breakfast, "I do not believe that Lena will be able to nurse her child. The poor little thing needs more now than it did, and Lena never was very strong, and now that she has begun to walk around, there seems less nourishment than ever, but we will see what can be done. I think that the poor girl ought to have a wet-nurse, or you must buy a cow or a goat ; for they do say that in New York water is put into all the milk you get, and I guess a good many other things, too, go in.''

36 grandma's indulgence.

I knew very well, from what my wife had said from time to time, that baby was more restless, and was much harder to take care of than before. I also knew that somebody was walking up and down the floor at night with it, and it seemed strange that all this should have occurred within a week.

Baby didn't sleep in its crib any longer at night, but a grandma '' took care of it, so 1 learned. Having read some time before a book on " The danger to the young of sleeping with the old," the whole subject was so fresh in my mind, that I felt rather alarmed, but I did not care to say anything. It was an item, too, not to have the crib used, which I had spent so much money for.