Discourse on domestic piety and family government...

Preface

At the repeated solicitation of friends, whose judgments were respected, the following "Discourse" was commenced, with a view, simply, of preparing for publication a sermon of ordinary length, on the subject of domestic piety; but before we were aware, it had increased on our hands, so as to extend quite beyond that limit We had then either to lay it aside and dismiss the undertaking altogether, or to change its form. For a time, we chose the former, and laid the whole matter by; till, on the pressing renewal of those requests, it was resumed, and is now given to the reader in its present form.

With this brief explanation, it is committed to its fate in the world, accomi

PREFACE.

panied with the hope that it may be read with candor and care, by all into whose hands it may come; and that Providence may so direct, that it may contribute something to the only object had in view in its publication; namely, the glory of God, in the well-being and salvation of mankind. J. H. P- Cincinnati, 0., January, 1851.

DISCOURSE

ON

DOMESTIC PIETY.

Part I

"And if it seem evil unto you to serve the Lord, choose you this day whom ye will serve ; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell : but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord," Joshua xxrv, 15.

The portion of holy Scripture recited above, as our motto, suggests alike the topics for discussion and arrangement of the discourse. A sketch of its history can not fail to furnish some items of deep interest for thought and reflection. 'And, first, it will be seen, that no degree of zeal or fidelity, in the performance of a part of our duties, can procure exemption from the obligations to discharge the whole; and that private virtues and personal excellences can, by no means, atone for delinquencies in regard to relative duties and public trusts. Some of the incidents in the history of Moses are admonitory exemplifications of these facts. He was the agent, selected by divine Wisdom, to deliver the children of Israel from their bondage and degradation in Egypt, and to conduct them to the possession of the promised inheritance — the land of Canaan. By a train of providences, which none but a Being of infinite perfections could organize and control, he was admirably prepared for, and, under the special call of God, entered upon this arduous, but honorable work.

By the solemn announcement of the Divine message to Pharaoh, repeated rebukes for his infidelity, and a series of stupendous miracles, such as the world had never witnessed before, he subdued the tyrant, rent the yoke of bondage, disinthralled the oppressed — liberated the people of God. But, notwithstanding his divinely-attested fidelity in all this work,

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he was, by the murmurings and rebellion of the people at the waters of strife, betrayed into indiscretion of words and action, by which he forfeited the honor and privilege of consummating his mission by settling Israel in the promised land. God said, "Thou shalt not go over to possess the land, but shalt die on this side Jordan;" and, at the appointed time, Moses was called to the summit of Nebo, there died, and his Maker buried him, doubtless, by the ministry of angels ; and his lonely sepulcher remains unknown to man to this day — solemn warning to all, but especially those to whom are committed, in any degree, the interests of others, that they should constantly keep the fear of God before their eyes, as indispensable to the perfecting of his work in their own hearts, and performing his work in their lives.

We may see, secondly, how egregiously men mistake, in supposing that the prosperity of the Church can hardly survive the withdrawal of their aid, and that even the Divine plans can scarcely be accomplished without their agency. But God is not straitened for means or instruments to effect the purposes of his providence or grace.

Hence, while Moses was hastening to the grave, and his people yet in the wilderness, divine Wisdom was preparing his successor ; and when death had gathered him to his fathers, Joshua was called and qualified to take his place before all Israel, and to inherit the honor of finishing the work which was left incomplete by his less patient predecessor. Admonished by the solemnities of the past, and fully alive to the interests of the future, he commenced the duties of his high trust with fear and trembling, but with an abiding and unbounded confidence in the Divine assistance.

He marshaled the people to the work, divided the waters of the Jordan, led them over dry shod, demolished Jericho, subdued their enemies, and divided the land by lot among the tribes of Israel.

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As a public character, having accomplished the work assigned him, with unimpeachable fidelity to God and to the state, and now about to retire from this official relation, he assembled "all the tribes of Israel to Shechem, and called for the elders of Israel, and for their heads, and for their judges, and for their officers; and they presented themselves before God." Here he addressed them; and his address comprises an epitome of their own history, from the father of Abraham, to the hour of their interview ; * but, particularly, the providences of God toward them, in all the vicissitudes through which they had been called to pass ; in all of which, Divine chastenings marked their rebellion, and Heaven's blessings crowned their obedience.

And with these facts fresh in their memory, and these points distinctly stated, he appealed to them in the language that lies before us: "Choose you this day whom you will serve, whether the gods, or idols of the antediluvians, or the idols of the Canaanites in whose land yon dwell; or whether yon will serve God, yonr divine benefactor, who has not only given yon your being, but crowned it with so many mercies and blessings."

And, as every honest and consistent man will do, he added to instruction the force of example, and distinctly stated the present purpose of his own heart, in regard to the conduct of his future life : "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."

This discourse will be divided into several parts ; but, that we may have a gen- * eral view of the arrangement before us, at once, we here state the particulars that will engage attention in the investigation of the subject. We inquire,

L Who constitute our household, or family ? And,

II. "What is implied in "me and my house serving the Lord." Consider,

III. Some of the motives that should induce us to serve the Lord with our house; or carefully to cultivate, and

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ii

CONSTANTLY TO PRACTICE, DOMESTIC PIETY.

In conclusion,

IV. An APPEAL TO ALL CONCERNED, WITH REGARD TO THE INCALCULABLE CONSEQUEN- CES INVOLVED IN THESE TOPICS. And,

I. As the domestic relations were the first, and most specific, ordained of Heaven in regard to man, and human society in all ages, so its obligations and duties, more than all others, involve the universal interests of the human family for time and eternity. To understand the force of these facts, in relation to the family as a whole, it is necessary that we have a distinct view of the parts of which it is constituted. In prosecuting this inquiry, it will be seen that the constituent parts of the household include particularly,

1. The head and governor of the family — the Imsband, the father. He, by the organization of human society and Divine appointment, stands first, and highest, in authority ; and his responsibilities are in exact proportion to the distinguished position assigned him, by unerring "Wisdom, in this interesting miniature empire — his own beloved domestic charge. And each member has a right to look up to him, in his elevation, as a living example of all that is worthy of imitation, in order to render home peaceful, the domestic relations sacred, life useful and happy, death tranquil, and to prepare for heaven, as the final home of the whole fami]y. This is true of all who sustain this relation, in every condition of life. It applies, with equal force, to the great, the opulent, the learned, the elevated, the refined, and honorable, as to those in the common walks of life — the illiterate, poverty-stricken, and obscure; as well to those who wear the distinctions of office, and are clothed with authority to rule, as to those who are inferiors, and bound to serve or obey ; as well to those who are living regardless of the claims of Jesus Christ, as to his most devoted disciples. No delinquencies, in this exalted relation, can possibly absolve from its divinely-ordained obligation.

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It is lamentably true, however, that many who occupy this position in their household, either never reflect seriously on the importance of the trust they have assumed, or attempt to excuse themselves from its duties because of the want of gifts, experience, time, or something unpropitious in their business, or circumstances. But all this — every thing of the kind— comes too late. God will not be mocked. He has provided for, and authorized, this relation in human society, and has appointed its duties and obligations, its comforts and care, its objects and interests, for the present and the future world; and those w T ho enter upon the relation of husband, and head of a family, do, by the appointment of God, most deliberately and of choice, assume all the responsibilities and duties that he has attached to this sacred union. And he who makes this choice with any other feelings, or views, either dissembles before God, or is ignorant of what he is doing, or has done, and will, most likely, strew his path through life with sorrows, plant his dying pillow with thorns, plunge his soul at last into perdition, and drag a ruined family with him to the same hopeless prison. Let all who sustain this relation, think of their obligations — think of the good or evil they can, and will, do, in regard to the highest interest of their families. Another and not less important member of the household, is

2. The governess in the family — the wife, the mother. By Divine arrangement, she stands next, and nearest to the husband in regard to authority, dignity, and duties ; and so indissoluble are their relations, responsibilities, and interest, that the infinite Author of their being, and the boundless source of all their blessings, has pronounced them "one."

All that has been said, in regard to the husband, applies with equal force to the wife in her relations to him, to God, and to each member of her family. In his absence, all the cares and duties pertain-

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ing to the order, peace, well-being, and piety of the household devolve on her; and as in the case of the husband in his place, so there is no circumstance that can release, or absolve, the wife in her proper sphere, from those obligations and duties, which God has assigned her in the domestic charge . She may, indeed, shrink from them, and, in her neglect, attempt to excuse herself; but, in entering into this union, she also voluntarily assumed all the responsibilities and cares which God has attached to it, in the case of the wife and mother. And although she may close her eyes against, and succeed to some extent in dismissing, those solemn truths from her mind, in life, if they do not aggravate her anguish in the hour of death, they will meet her in the final judgment as fearful proof of her delinquency on earth, and her utter unfitness for heaven. Let all, therefore, who sustain this relation, remember the importance of their position, the dignity of their character, the promise of Divine grace, the power of living faith, and the rewards of heavenly glory ; and let them, in the name and strength of Him whom they are called to serve, meet their obligations with firmness, and discharge their duties with faithfulness, in sure and certain hope of a blessed immortality at the right hand of God. But, furthermore,

3. " Me and my house" includes, in a special manner, our children. As parrents, next to the salvation of their own souls in heaven, the highest and most important trust confided to them, by the Almighty, is the well-being and salvation of their dear children.

And as they sustain relations to, and have a control over, them which are committed to none others, they can, and will, exert an influence in their families that others can not — an influence that will not only affect their interests and happiness in time, but through all eternity. Therefore, God requires of parents, and nothing less will meet his claims upon them, that they unremittingly exert all

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this authority and influence for the well-being and, especially, the salvation of their children.

Hence the Divine injunction, "Train up your children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." Parents have fearful responsibilities resting upon them, in regard to their children, which, it is to be feared, are but too little felt or appreciated by many. How few, comparatively, give evidence that their hearts are as deeply penetrated with a sense of the worth of the immortal souls of their children, or that they desire, and are laboring for, their salvation in heaven, as ardently as they desire, and are striving to secure, and promote, their comfort and happiness in this world ! The children constitute an important and interesting portion of the household ; and their moral and spiritual interests can not be neglected by parents but at the peril of their own eternal salvation. And this is not all; for u me and my house " implies and includes,

4. AU who are connected or associated 2 with the family, temporarily in business, or othervnse : such as clerks, journeymen, apprentices, laborers, and all that are in our employment receiving remuneration for their services, mingling as boarders, in part or in whole, with the domestic charge. To this view some, even professing godliness, take exceptions, on the ground,- that we are not to obtrude oiir religion, or religious services, upon others, and, especially, those who are not of our order, or members of our families permanently. Others object, that it will interrupt their business to require attendance on, and conformity to, the worship of God in their families, by all those in their employment; while others try to diminish their responsibilities, and circumscribe their duties on other grounds, and for other reasons, equally frivolous and not less offensive to God.

Heads of families may succeed, by these and various other means, in partially satisfying their conscience, and in excusing themselves for the neglect of

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the solemn duties, and sacred obligations, which God has affixed to the position in society which they have voluntarily assumed by entering upon this relation ; but it is self-deception of the most fatal character, creating a partial peace that will only aggravate the discovery of their fearful delinquency, when it may be too late to repair, or prevent, the evils inflicted on themselves and others, both in this and the eternal world.

It is a pernicious error, that, because we pay men for their services, and though for the time being we take them into our families, we are to have no control over, concern for, or responsibility about, their morals, and the salvation of their immortal souls. This unchristian view of the subject has, no doubt, laid the foundation for the final ruin of multitudes of youth, and young men, of the most promising talents. Such have left the home of their childhood, and the restraints and instructions of kind parents, and have gone into shops, stores, counting-houses, and other

DISC0UBSE ON departments of business, and have become members of other families, who, instead of acting on the principle, with a single eye to the Divine glory, " as for me and my house" — including all its members, whether permanent or temporary — "we will serve the Lord," seem to have no higher rule of action than that of rendering the services of this portion of their families most available in dollars and cents, without any regard to the honor of God in the salvation of their precious souls. This, however, is but the commencement, and forms only a very small part, of the evil ; for, not only are such persons, at a period of life w T hen restraint, care, and advice, are most needed, turned loose upon the corrupt tide of circumstances, to be, almost certainly, borne away, by loss of character, ruin of reputation, and recklessness of moral principle, to endless perdition, but their example and influence can not fail to corrupt the minds and morals of, at least, the younger members of the family with whom they asso-

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ciate, and thereby lay the foundation for them to pursue a similar course of folly and crime in time, and to endure a corresponding weight of sorrow in eternity. But, indeed, it is impossible to observe even the form of godliness in our families, much less can we "serve the Lord, acceptably, with our house," when our clerks, apprentices, and those in our employ, are not required to observe and conform to the decent order and decorum, that become the worship of God, in the domestic circle.

There are two important facts that, in settling this question, can not be too carefully considered. First. God has made it the imperative duty of the united heads of families to exclude, as far as possible, all influences and examples that would depreciate the importance, solemnity, or dignity of the worship of God in their house, or that would, either directly or indirectly, vitiate the minds, or morals, of any of its members. But these obligations can never be met, the evils prevented, and the blessings secured, but by requiring all connected with the family, in business or otherwise, to conform to the reasonable requirements of the word of God in the worshiping household. Secondly. The Author of our being has so constituted man, and organized human society, that each individual is, immediately or remotely, dependent on good society for his safety, comfort, and happiness, as far as circumstances and human instrumentalities are concerned; consequently, each one is bound, by obligations as clear and strong as are the interests involved, while he is enjoying the protections and benefits of a healthy state of society, not only not to infringe the rights of others, or the best interests of society, but to conform in all things, where conscience is not violated, to principles which will best promote his own and the well-being of all others in this and the future world. All these high and sacred interests are involved in sound domestic piety, which can be maintained only by the

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strict observance of the Divine rule — " as for me and my house," as already explained, "we will serve the Lord."

It is not an experiment yet to be settled whether men can prosecute lawful business operations on strictly Christian principles. This has been go fully demonstrated, as to exclude all doubt. And the man who engages in a business, which conflicts with any moral precept of the Bible, or that will not allow him time to, or in the regular pursuit of which he can not, faithfully worship and serve God, with all his house, does it at his peril, and fearfully offends against Heaven. If this reasonable, Scriptural principle, of serving God domestically, were strictly observed, who can estimate the happy results to mankind that would follow in this life, and in the world to come ! Each individual, whatever may be his age or circumstances in life, has to be a member of some family, either permanently or temporarily, and if all heads of households were to serve the Lord with their domestic charge, all men would be brought, to some extent, under moral and religions influence.

It can not be too deeply inscribed upon the heart of every one, that no family can disregard the responsibilities of their relations, and neglect this incalculably-important duty of domestic religion, without incurring the displeasure of God here ; " for the curse of the Lord is in the house of the wicked," and the endless curse of his violated law hereafter; for "these shall go away into everlasting punishment," in the day of final judgment and irrevocable retribution.

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Part II

"For I know Mm, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord, to do justice and judgment; that the Lord may bring- upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him," Genesis xvni, 19.

II. What is implied by "me ajstd my

HOUSE SERVING THE LoKD?"

This is an inquiry of no ordinary character. In its full sense, it comprehends all that constitutes and belongs to internal and experimental, external and practical religion, in the members, individually, and also in their associated relations, as a pious and devoted family. It implies the observance of all the ordinances of the Gospel — the humble and faithful use of all the public and private means of grace. The proper authority of the united head, and due subordination of all the members of the household, must be clearly defined, well understood, and steadily maintained, as absolutely indispensable in this great work. Hence, it devolves on parents to take a special supervision of their families in regard to the interests of their souls, by restraining them from every thing forbidden in the word of God, and that would prevent, or vitiate, the proper observance of the means and institutions connected with their peace and piety on earth, and their salvation in heaven. Also, to provide the facilities for, and as far as their authority and influence extend, to secure the attendance of all their house on the instituted means of religion, according to their capacities and conditions in life. And how will parents, who make these things second to any others in this world, be able to meet the fearful consequences of their folly and crime in the final judgment? But the great work now under consideration is of such surpassing importance, as not only to justify, but to require a more particular examination of its several parts. And,

First. It implies domestic, or family government. This neglected, will render all other efforts to serve God, domestically, vain and wholly unavailing. Where

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there is piety such as Heaven approves — religion that God will own and honor — either in individuals or families, there must be order. But where there is no regular government in the house, either by those to whom authority is confided neglecting to use it, or by their using it improperly, there can be no order, such as the service of God and religion require. And who, that has given attention to the subject, can suppress the conviction that there is a fountain of evil here of most fearful magnitude, which is daily sending forth its corrupting streams into almost every department of human society, both civil and religious ? And who is prepared to affirm that a great amount of the disorders abroad in community, the state, the nation, if not throughout the world, is not traceable, directly or indirectly, to this wicked and ruinous source — the neglect of order and proper government in the domestic charge? How many families are there that have no established order or rules of government whatever! Each

DISCOUESE ON one, from the father down to the youngest member, rules in turn, or rather wields a kind of domestic despotism, for the time, as the excitement of anger, pride, or some other passion, prompts and prevails. But this confusion in the family circle is by no means the worst feature of the case. There are many others, to present which, and fully to acquit our conscience before God, requires great plainness of discussion. And, however unpleasant the truth, the whole truth may be, and whatever exceptions may be taken now to the manner of exhibiting it, we have no fears that any will dare to bring it as a charge against us when we meet at the bar of final judgment.

In presenting this subject in its true character, the chief embarrassment is the fearful amount of evidence in support of the fact that there are parents — and O, their number who can tell ! — who make no ordinary pretensions to piety, but whose government, in their family, if it deserves the name, is little less than a system of

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falsehood, fraud, and deception ; which is constantly exerting a demoralizing influence on the hearts and lives of their children, whom they profess tenderly to love, and for whose temporal interests they manifest a laudable zeal and diligence. When the disorders of an ungoverned household irritate and provoke the impatient and angry feelings of the parents — which is always the case, more or less, in such families — that excitement becomes the principle of action and government, for the time being, and displays itself, either in precipitate and indiscreet correction, the effects of which pass off with the occasion, or, which is most generally the case, in threats of severity or violence, which are never intended to be fulfilled. Humiliating as it may be, we will furnish a specimen of the folly and falsehood of such mistaken, not to say- wicked, parents. To restrain their children from wrong, or to induce obedience, they will proclaim : " I will correct you till there is scarcely life left in you " I will break your bones

"I will almost skin you;" or, "Mr. B. will cut off your ears;" "He will bleed you;" or, "He will take you home with him;" with a host of similar declarations. What is all this but falsehood ? And how soon do children learn it to be such, and treat it in like manner ! They soon know that these declarations are never to be executed, and they soon learn to treat with contempt the parents who have so grossly abused the authority with which God has invested them. And, doubtless, seeds of misrule, insubordination, and evil are, by these means, sown, that will ripen into domestic misery in time, and hopeless wailing in eternity ! When these excitements subside, and in families where they seldom or never occur, there is frequently a false kindness, and excessive indulgence prevailing^ which are little, if any, less derogatory to the dignity of parents, the purity of religion, the peace of the family, the salvation of its members, and the glory of God, than those evils just mentioned. Those parents seem to

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think that their children are either so faultless that they do not require restraint or correction, or they are so delicate and interesting that neither can be administered. They substitute a practical indifference to duty and domestic order for pious patience, in the midst of confusion — • the result of their own delinquency. They have virtually yielded the control of their charge, and most generally the children govern.

If such parents would have peace and order in the house, it must be purchased. If they would be obeyed, it must be the reward of wages, at least promised, if never paid. For example : a child cries ; friends and visitors are present ; the peace of the house is destroyed ; confusion and mortification redden the cheeks of the delinquent parents ; they have lost their influence to restrain, and to restore peace and order in their household ; the little hero triumphs and glories in his victory ; the last resort of the degraded parents is to effect a treaty and purchase a temporary peace.

And the means are as incompatible with piety as the principle is on which they propose to secure the end. " Now," say they, " if you will hush and be good, you shall have some money, and may go to Mr. D.'s shop and buy candy or, " I will give you some sugar," "Buy you another toy," or, " You may go to Mr. G.'s, and see them." "When services are required, a similar process must be resorted to. But are these promises made with solemn reference to truth, and an honest purpose to perform them? Their subsequent conduct will furnish the answer. "When reminded of their promises by the children, they affect to have forgotten them; insist that the claimant is mistaken — is crazy, and does not know what it is talking about ! All this — and happy the parent who can plead not guilty — is but a species of hypocrisy and fraud. It commences with falsehood and a design to deceive. It is to make promises never to be redeemed ; to excite hopes not to be realized, expectations only to be disappointed. The minor members,

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thus deceived, mortified, and provoked, soon begin to imitate those examples, and lessons of dissimulation and deception; supposing, no doubt, that if the parents can set the examples, it will be no great evil for the children to follow them.

Another branch of this evil is seen in the conduct of those parents who, alike regardless of their own dignity and duties, the safety and well-being of their children, the order and peace of other families, will send their children, or allow them to go to the streets, the fields, or their neighbors', just to get rid of their noise and trouble at home. Who can estimate the criminality of such parents, whose imperative duty it is to teach their offspring to love and practice truth, honesty, virtue, and holiness, as the only means of happiness here and salvation in heaven; thus corrupting the minds and morals of their dear children, by those unpardonable practices, which tend, inevitably, to disgrace on earth, and to perdition in hell ? or, what apology can be offered for such gross parental delinquency? O, deluded par ents, yon are purchasing temporary release from domestic cares, at a fearful price ! It will cost you a good conscience, the favor of God, and heaven itself; and the bitter pains of the second death will be the wages of such wickedness, unless speedy repentance and thorough reformation avert the justly-merited and long-provoked calamity.