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\ 1816

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Memoir of the Rev. Richard Cecil l

Letters from Mr. Cecil to his Son 112

LETTER I. MY DEAREST LOVE — Bath— 1792

I am settled in comfortable lodgings, and not worse than

when I wrote last ; but I find I must endeavour to keep business

from my mind, particularly that of which has already filled

me with anxiety ; but I shall endeavour to believe, rest, and pray it away. I know God will do best: but still I cannot divest myself of my feelings, which will take some years from my life.

I thank you, my Jewel, for your kindest letter. I had hardly time to read it, because the post goes so early from Bath, and scarcely gives me time to write : but I shall read it several times over ; and I hope profit by what you have written, and which I have read with many tears.

If I find difficulties arise about the waters I shall consult Dr. Frazer : for I do not mean to do things by halves. It has cost me something more than money to come hither ; and I would have all the benefit.

There is not any thing under the sky I could so well spare as company just now. I am not able to bear any. There is nobody on earth, in my present circumstances, who would not be a burden to me — except yourself. Travelling, no doubt, would be of use to my health ; and I could very pleasantly rove about the country for a time, had I one person, now in London,

LETTERS FROM MR. CECIL TO MRS. CECIL.

with me But I must not continue this strain, though I could

fill a sheet or two with such things very spontaneously : for I assure you 'tis not difficult to me to write love letters to you; But I think, on many accounts, it is better to know such things exist, and offer themselves without force, than to let them run till nobody knows where they may stop.

Ah! my precious Jewel, wives and husbands wont do alone. Let us rightly understand the difference between passion and substance; but substance is not here! " He builds too low, who builds below the skies !"

Farewell ! and believe me, notwithstanding these truths, to be

Yours most affectionately,

B.C.

Letter II

I said just now, to a young Clergyman who boards in the house,

" Ah ! Mr. I am going to enjoy a satisfaction you are sadly

deprived of— I am going to write to my wife" —

I preached some time ago a sermon at St. John's which I am now forced to recollect for myself—/ will bring her into the wilderness. I am now clearly under a peculiar dispensation —like what I then described the wilderness to be. So painful has my stomach been of late, that I thought it my duty to go under the care of Dr. Frazer. He has put me into the bath, and directed the hot-pump to be applied to the pit of my stomach, which is the only thing I have found of service yet.

But this is also a spiritual case, which no man can understand for me, but which I think I understand. I am going down the valley of humiliation, where the Christian's feet are apt to stumble : but I have not lost my way. I know where i am ; and I know God is with me. So the valley is not so dark as it might be. I could fill twenty letters with reflections like these, but I fear lest I should hurt your feelings by them ; and, therefore, I will stop.

I told Dr. F. my history— how I lived— studied— preached— my anxieties — incessant thoughtfulness, &c. In short, that he might not be deceived and thereby mislead me, I gave him the most faithful account of myself. He has however deeply convinced me, that I must lead another life in future ; which> on every account, I find it my bounden duty to do, if it please God to recover me, for I do not expect many more warnings. Moreover, I am so sincere (at least under my burden) that I do hereby empower you to watch over me, and to keep me to my most decided and determined principles : for if I recover here, I am persuaded if I do not alter many things, I shall soon be as bad, and probably worse than ever.

My Dearest Creature, I ought to say MANY kind things to you ; but my spirits are too weak and low now, to say anything that is not very general. Be assured, however, that you are almost the only temporal subject I think of (though I think of that very often.) Worldly matters I have thought very little of indeed: which I esteem a mercy, mixed with my difficulties. I mean to strive very much to keep them more out of my mind, on my return, than I have done — and take you more into their place. The arrangements you are making, you will find difficult : moreover I am afraid you will hurt yourself in this affair, and then what good will my room do me 1 At any rate, you must not attempt it yourself. It does not signify : nothing of the sort signifies.

I have no prospect of going round by — — on my return. All undertakings to a sick man are dreadful in contemplation. At present, my highest earthly project and prospect, is to sit quietly down with you in some little country retirement: and yet I know so much of myself, that take away my present pain and weakness, and my old spirit would return ; and I should be driving after my point as usual. But Now — it is quiet — ease — and my wife!

If I do not gain wisdom by this business, the fool has been brayed in a mortar, but it is clear nothing will drive his foolishness from him.

t H

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LETTERS FROM MR. CECIL TO MRS. CECIL.

While I am so poorly, and in this tender state, I shall write to you every day, because I should expect it of you, and it will be a satisfaction to you ; but then I cannot undertake to write so long a letter as this is, which I began for my own satisfaction as well as yours. I set out with saying that I am in a wilderness ; but it is said in the passage, / will speak comfortably to her, and give her vineyards from thence. Now you must join with me in praying that this may be my case. I cannot question your affection for me ; but this will be the best way of shewing it. I shall not forget you when I call upon my best friend ; who has often heard me for you, in your trying hours. Oh, that we both might unite with one heart in that high and heavenly pursuit ; and thereby soon meet the end of pain, sickness, and sorrow.

But now, if my paper did not, my feelings would put an end to this letter.-

Letter III. My Dearest Love

I should have written to you before, but for the accidental time of our arriving at different places after the post was gone, which made it next to impossible. Not that I have anything to write about, being a mere traveller, without a new idea : as it would be no new idea to say I am with very kind and pleasant friends, and that it has been fine weather, &c. The first and second night are generally a time of melancholy with me, after I leave home — and so it has been now. I am sick of the hurry ; and see every thing in so futile a point of view, that I turn Indian, and think there is no wisdom but in quiet, and no place eligible but home. Nevertheless I have found prodigious advautage already from the journey.

After being so much alone in the ordinary course of my life, and in the element of reflection, I can scarcely support a behaviour suited to continual society. I have been this morning so reserved at breakfast and before, that I was forced to make a declaration in my own defence, that I had not met a single unpleasant circumstance since I came out. I felt an unusual desire of solitude, and therefore behaved awkwardly silent; which, in general, is an unpleasant, and has a suspicious appearance. I mention this, that you may the better understand the nature of this part of my character, and which is certainly growing upon me, but which has in it not a single grain of dissatisfaction ; but is rather the nest, which a thinking melancholy mind will naturally be forming for its repose —

We yesterday saw Battle Abbey — a wonderful scene, for situation and fine antiquity ! I have not met hitherto with anything equal to it. We climbed last night a vast hill to examine the ruins of an old castle; and to-day I feel quite satisfied. I want to see no more sea — hills — fields — abbeys— or castles ! I feel vanity pervading every thing — but ETERNITY and its concerns ! and perceive these things to be suited to children very little older than my own. Before I go to I am

in full determination, so far as I perceive it to be the will of God, not to return back thither the next Sunday. I have accordingly prevailed with my friends to leave me on Monday, that I may devote the whole day to affording spiritual assistance to such as

will receive it : and then, on Tuesday, I hope to see Lady . ;

and, on the Saturday following, your dear self.

You remember my value and admiration of my beautiful silver

pencil given me by and this morning, according to very

old experience, I felt the little idol thrown down. I suppose I lost it on the hills. I hope the next I have made will be a bungling job, and then I shall keep it. Let us remember our children are pencils !

But it is time to slop. There is indeed, something very mean in the spirit's ever exhausting itself about the case which contains it : and, though particulars of this sort are of interesting magnitude to a wife, they are insipid and unworthy to others.

I could have wished, however, to shew you a few scenes I have passed, which would have been pleasant varieties for the moment,

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LETTERS FROM MR. CECIL TO MRS. CECIL.

and which could you have seen them would have given me double pleasure ; — but no matter — they are vanity — While I remain, with ^an affection that is not vain,

Your's, R. C.

LETTER IV. MY DEAREST LOVE — ; Little James Street

I am just come home; and, having rested a little, it somehow or other came into my head, that 1 would sit down and write you a letter: not about nothing, as you proposed ; but about something, even your very great kindness to me in my late illness. I am, indeed, not very apt to express my feelings, but I HAVE them very keen, both to good and evil ; and the last to a great fault, for which I desire to humble myself very low before God, and very sincerely before you and all I know. But alloy belongs to human excellence: even the great generosity of your temper, and the exquisite tenderness of your affectionate feelings, therefore, sometimes suffer an eclipse, that should very transiently appear in this letter. In this respect, I will write a letter about nothing.

I think I cannot see you before Sunday, without deranging my affairs ; and therefore particularly request you and the children may be in town on Saturday morning. Though I miss your present society, which is always so pleasant to me; yet I rejoice that I part with it so much to the advantage of your health and spirits.

Letter V

my dear love- As I told you I should write but once a week, I don't know whether you expect a letter so soon ; but I always wish to be better than your expectation.

LETTERS FROM MR. CECIL TO MRS. CECIL.

You know I am a very bad out-of-doors man : and therefore have always wanted to come back the first day ; and, after that, counted the number of days till I expect to return. It is exactly so now : for, though I have had fine weather, and nothing unpleasant has occurred, and I have spent this day in new and most pleasant company, and we have been seeing fine sights: yet I tell you my dispensation is so far from being at an end, that I still view every thing under a melancholy aspect, and read nothing but a sentence of death written on every thing, because deeply impressed on my mind. But nobody here, I am sure, discovers it: yet I feel it some relief to say it to you.

This sentence of death, I am compelled to say, works well. It works with me, as the Apostle tells us it did with him — That we shoidd not trust in ourselves, but in God. I perceive clearly, that the refiner sits watching his gold during the process, and makes the fire merely purifying. I am only sorry, that, while I see no end to this process, I should so much wish to see the end. I do not yet take pleasure in infirmities and distresses, as St. Paul did ; but I am trying to learn.

It was with much difficulty we reached here on Tuesday. At ftoyston we heard of a curious Cave, which we stopped to see. It was made by a pious Lady, several hundred years ago ; who thought, like a pious friend of ours, that it was better to shut herself up in a hole than enjoy the fresh air. She therefore got down by a long ladder into this subterraneous Chapel ; and, with her own hands, has carved the walls all round into saints, crucifixes, and scripture histories, and was buried in the midst of them.

Tell brother — — , whom you will see in a few days, I have read the letter. It is a flagrant attack, that has been made upon him ; it will disturb him— but labour, want, and pain are the beaten roads to greatness. The Lord said to Abraham, Get out — get out, to a land that I will shew thee!

I have been much with Mr. . He is a very extraordinary

man — for sense, learning, and piety. He talks away upon the immense satisfaction, which a pleasant wife affords her husband;

LETTERS FROM MR. CECIL TO MRS. CECIL.

and undertook to say to-day, that I should not hesitate a moment to give up a kingdom to retain mine. Now a kingdom is so poor a thing, that I think he might be right — but what would it have been, have he said a pine-apple?

Thursday morning 1 thought it best to leave off last night,

w hen a vein of nonsense was opened ; and therefore begin again this morning to add a line before we set off. I have had a good night, and now feel willing to go on. This shews how things are to us, as we are in ourselves. I have been thinking of many expressions of Rutherford's this morning, before I was up. I feel one the burden of the song — " / lay my head to rest on the bosom of Omnipotence!" While I can keep hold of this, it shall be a fine day, whether it rains, hails, or shines-

Letter VI. My Dear Love

I really cannot believe I am under a moral obligation to write on Wednesday, that you may read on Thursday, when I hope to see you on Friday. But, please to remember that this is among many other things, which I have done ; not according to mine, but according to your opinion and desire. I say — set this down as one among others, that I may not so much stand in the book as a debtor but creditor.

I got down better than I expected, though not well. I have been to see your sister, who is very thankful that the Gospel is likely to meet her so advantageously in the Church. Indeed I hope it will be highly beneficial to many.

Tell my little daughter I have given her a great character, which she must strive to maintain. Also tell her mamma, that I have been describing the lamentable state of idolatry in her heart — old idols — new idols — and which there is now every opportunity of enjoying while I am away to make room. But, while I am away and make room, and leave more leisure, I pray that you may be able to improve it by praying for yourself and for me. Time is short, and every real and imaginary idol will soon be taken away ; and then let us seriously consider what will be left: or, as the Prophet asks, What will ye do in the end thereof?

Letter VII. My Dearest Love

Though you have two letters of mine unanswered, and though I have nothing to say, yet I will take a few moments, which ought to be embraced for recollection, to write to you. So that you will do well to recollect, that this letter comes neither from a sense of duty, nor a matter of business— but from a pure desire of pleasing you : and you will recollect, that I would rather preach two Sermons, than write one letter.

And now what shall I say 2 — I think what I began with is the best subject — recollection. Martha — Martha— thou art careful and troubled about many things; but one thing is needful; and that one, needful as it is, will be forgotten, if we do not set aside a portion of our time for the purpose. I feel that all I know and all I teach, will do nothing for my own soul, if I spend my time, as most people do, in business or company — even the best company. My soul starves to death in the best company ; and God is often lost in prayers and ordinances. Enter into thy chamber, said he, and shut thy door about thee! Some words in Scripture are very emphatical. Shut thy door means much : it means — shut out, not only nonsense, but business— not ouly the company abroad, but the company at home : It means — let thy poor soul have a little rest and refreshment ; and God have opportunity to speak to thee in a small still voice, or he will speak in thunder.

You and I, my Love, ought to understand this, who have heard the loud voice so often, in so many ways. I am persuaded the Lord would have spoken more softly, if we would have shut the door: nor do I believe the children would have fallen into the fire nor out of the window, in the mean time. Let us, I say, think 6f this : for who can tell what the next loud call may say 1 It has called for our children already, and it may next call for us.

But I will not press this subject, for I recollect your spirits are weak. However, go into thy chamber, and shut the door— and pray for me, that, after I have preached so often to this people, I may not be left to undo in private, what I am labouring to do in public.

Be sure, while I ask you never to forget me in your prayers, that you are never forgotten in mine — such as they are (and which I often fear are more calculated to affront God than please him :) but pray I must, and I know that I do not pray in vain, nor can you-

Letter VIII. My Dear Love

I know you will be most happy to hear that my health keeps improving. You know I am subject, at the best (especially after studying hard) to feel sinkings and distressing depressions, that are quite foreign to my natural animation : but I know nothing of them, since I have been out of town. This is a complete argument, that I am better for coming. This help to my spirits is also increased, by the satisfaction I have in my mind, at all

times, that it was the will of God I should come ^-

This a beautiful place, and has fine air: but as for study, which I promised myself in so still a place and with such a good library, it is impossible. My determinations are as strong as most men's, as you know : and, if I lived constantly here, I would put them in full execution, whatever was the consequence; but, for a sojourner of two or three weeks, he has but one part or project, and that is to be packing up, and getting off as fast as he can for his poor soul's sake.

LETTERS FROM MR. CECIL TO MRS. CECIL.

Every thing I see every where tends to prove and fix me in my religious views and principles. I see but one difficulty, and that is to determine whether careless men are more fools or madmen. Verily, that, which is done, says the Psalmist, on earth, God doth it himself: and, verily, that, which he doth, he doth by the Gospel; for where it is not in influence, there is nothing but tearing up the bowels of the earth to cast in the face of heaven. Collieries and Founderies, with the tremendous blasts which they force into them day and night, resemble nothing but Hell ; and the men in every respect suit the place, which at night makes the country seem on fire for miles round. The horrid yells they make when an operation takes place, joined to the roaring of the flames and engines, is up to any thing in poetry or imagination ; and, therefore, as you must understand, met my mind and detained my attention, when the Ladies and some of the Gentlemen were glad to retire. But the worst is, in these scenes and in the chambers of the most delicate work, all— all is wickedness — boys and girls — men and women, mixed and half-naked — corrupt and corrupting. This is a moral stench, as well as a natural one ; and I have lived to deplore a great manufactory on many solid grounds. Yet have I plainly discovered some dirty greasy angels — men whose black faces beam with heavenly light. Had I seen these assume wings, and become white as snow, and mount toward heaven, I should not have felt that half so great an act of power had been put forth.

The Lord clothe you with his Divine Power! I will pray earnestly for you : but remember it is our joint work ; and it shall prevail, till we shall need to pray no more, and I no more remain your affectionate Husband, but your fellow-Heir, and Brother, in everlasting life.

R.C.

Letter IX. My Dear Love

Pleasing is a nice art: it requires nice pencilling: daubing wont do. Shade after shade— neither one thing nor another,

LETTERS FROM MR. CECIL TO MRS. CECIL.

but every thing makes a picture. A man must neither be contented, when his wife is absent, nor discontented. His family must be in peace, that his wife may be happy : but she is very unhappy, if it is ! Woe betide her, if her servants are well and peaceable, and her children well and asleep — Husband contented with his lot, &c. &c. ! Unfortunately for you, this is the case, and you are much to be pitied — but let this be your consolation, that there are unhappier women on earth. To be serious — what I wrote respecting our quietism was to make you quiet, happy, and satisfied: it was to make you enjoy better your present moment. We are not so well without you as you seem to think. I can assure you that whatever be the case of servants — or children, who are too young to distinguish between their right hand and left, and to whom friends and enemies are the same — I can assure you, with the greatest truth, that, with you, I have often wished to share some of my most pleasant moments — and that ought to suffice a wife. — —

Letter X. My Dear Love

I don't know if there is not something absurd, in my writing you a letter, which perhaps you will not receive many hours before I should see you myself: but, as I did not write, as I intended, on Friday, I thought you might be uneasy if the post did not deliver one on Monday. I have rode 66 miles to-day ; and am too much tired for any company except yours; for that would contribute, at this moment, to my rest, as well as pleasure. Indeed you have become too necessary to me, and sometimes occupy my mind in too vivid a degree ; and perhaps it is expedient that this should be abated, and ought to be

Well — I have said this, to let you see I am capable of meeting your ideas, more than (from the interference of clogs and impediments) some are ready to suppose. However, affliction has made me, under divine influence, a much softer creature than heretofore ; and I think others will perceive it, as well as you.

I am sensibly alive to your regard and affection toward me, which has been only too great ; and demands a return, which the quantity of bone put into my frame is too apt to prevent me from properly making : this must be my excuse to my sweet wife when I grieve her.

The subject of self-denial has much occupied my mind of late. It is a matter that cannot be too often considered, that real happiness, health, order, peace, and beauty depend on self-denial. If nature, in its wild state and wishes and indulgent sensualities, is to be humoured, a dose of poison is brewing — a scourge for the fool's back is preparing — like drunkards, who sit down in good humour to tipple, but soon proceed to black eyes.

" No man e'er found a happy life by chance, Or yawn'd it into being with a wish."

Even the kingdom of heaven suffereth violence, and the violent only take it by force. So that perfect peace must be won by perpetual war— and the health of the spirit by the death of the flesh. There are, indeed, some who pretend to have discovered a cheaper way of obtaining these things ; but I never yet met with one who could show his bargain : so that I have fresh evidence of my old maxim— That religion will cost us something, but the want of it infinitely more.

I say, however, these things, as much to call my own mind to recollection as yours. And we cannot assist one another too much in this way

LETTER XI. MY DEAREST LOVE — Little James Street

We are all led more by our feelings than our judgments, and sometimes even than our duty : and therefore I gratify mine in writing to you, when I should be otherwise employed ; and, even though I think it probable I shall deliver the .letter myself to-morrow morning— but I have suffered much last night on your account, or rather on my own. Dr. U. said some things last

LETTERS FROM MR. CECIL TO MRS. CECIL.

night on the danger of such complaints as yours ; and, though it was but general conversation, I began to make something out of it. You kuow what the cruel ingenuity of the imagination is, so that I lay awake last night ; or, I may say, stood on a precipice from which I did not dare to look down, and from which, like a man fixed by enchantment, I could not remove.

You must know how fondly we imagine, that, if we were present with a sick friend, they would, somehow or other, be in less danger. This is constantly my feeling, for my anxiety abates when I see you ; especially since you seemed to go forward.

I have always felt, that, if I could see my children taken to Abraham's bosom — then I should wish you not so much to call it their death as their esc A.PE — and comfort myself; but I do not feel this respecting you. I am too much interested : and always recur to the consideration " What must / do] Whither must / go ? " — and this thought so much affects me, that, considering I ought to prepare for public service, I ought not to write nor think any more at present on the subject.

Letter XII. My Dearest Love

In all things that respect your present journey, your health is to be first considered, and then your pleasure. I shall again say, let not my desire to see you prevent your enjoying either to the utmost of your wish or judgment: but, when I say this, do not suppose I therefore am unconcerned whether you come home or no. I have never had such a feeling for a moment since you left me; and I pray God nothing may ever arise to cause it to exist, for any unhappy interval, however short. Come horn whenever you see it proper: and, if I can give you anothe journey with myself this year, I will. You may depend upo it I shall be doubly watchful over the children, and be ve faithful to my promise to tell you truly the state of affairs.