The pilgrimage of a pilgrim : for forty years, as he journeyed to, and through, and from the partialist church, into and through sixteen years' experience in the Universalist ministry, and not done yet

Front matter

THE

PILGRIMAGE OF A PILGRIM,

AS HE JOURNEYED TO ; AND THROUGH, AND FROM, THE PAR- TJALIST CHURCH, INTO AND THROUGH SIXTEEN YEARS' EXPERIENCE IN THE UNIVERSALIST MINISTRY — AND NOT DONE YET.

Dedication

To her whose lap sustained him in infancy — whose hand led him in childhood — whose tongue taught him in youth — whose lips counselled him in manhood — whose eye beamed on him with tenderness — whose care cured him in sickness — whose voice soothed him in sorrow — whose smiles filled him with gladness, and whose pure, deep, holy, watchful affection ever was, and still is, above and about him for his highest good: to his beloved and honored Mother — his only surviving parent — is this " Pilgrimage " most respectfully dedicated, as a small tribute of the esteem and affection of her absent son, Abraham.

Introduction

This volume is prepared and sent forth by on« who, , for many years, deeply realized the keen awfulness of a sincere faith in the dreadful doctrine of unending woe. In infancy it was impressed upon his tender mind, "grew with his growth, strengthened with his strength," and produced its baneful fruits.

It poisoned the purest fountain of youthful pleasures, scathed and seared the tender plants of joy, that strove, in vain, to flourish in his early pathway ; and if, perchance, some beauteous buds of hope appeared, desiring to unfold their lovely leaves, those leaves were scattered by its ruthless blast, and, instead of fragrance sweet, a sulphurous smell remained.

It haunted him by day, tormented him by night, flashed forth in vivid dreams, awakened him from sleep, mingled in all his thoughts, and, like an evil genius from infernal regions, pursued him with its hateful presence.

But the great God — blessed be His name! — "delivered him from evil," raised him from the horrible pit of falsehood and delusion, and placed him on the mount of Faith, and Hope, and Joy. Here, now, he firmly stands, — here he has stood for years, — with heart enlarged, with hand outstretched, with- voice upraised, to urge, persuade, by all the power of Heaven's own Word, his wandering fellow-men to disbelieve, reject, renounce forever,

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INTRODUCTION.

the most loathsome doctrine that ever cursed the world, and receive the holy truth that maketh free indeed.

It is to aid in the high object of bringing souls from darkness into light, that this " Pilgrimage " is written. To aid, not only by the truths which it contains, and which God grant may be conveyed to many hearts, inspiring hope, and faith, and confidence, and love ; but, also, to aid the Pilgrim writer in his constant journeyings from town to town, from state to state, to preach the gospel of the blessed kingdom, and enable him to satisfy the worldly wants of the dear loved ones he leaves at home, and to " owe no man anything, but to love one another." Reader, remember this — "forget it notP

There are, -'tis true, some things recorded in this Pilgrim-book, that have not much to do with sacred truth : such, for instance, as the writers time and place of birth, his father's family, and when he lived, and where and how, and other trifling facts, which some, perhaps, may think unworthy to be read. If you think so, dear reader, pray don't read them ; they are not for you, but others.

The author doubts not that this work has imperfections of style, of taste, of order, and of learning ; still, he submits it to the Christian world, believing that it has a hallowed mission to perform, and that its good will more than overcome its ill ; and praying that its readers may have grace and wistlom to treasure up the good in honest hearts — the evil, when they see it, cast away.

A. N.

Salisbury ', Mass.. September, 1848.

Chapter I

His birth and birthplace — Some account of his parents, and others- Receives baptism — Early instruction and its impressions — The catechism and the rod — Hears preaching, awful — Goes to heaven and hell in the visions of night — Fortunately escapes from both — Reflections. . " Pa^e 9

Chapter II

Wealth of one Abraham, and poverty of another — Attends school — Initiated into the arts and sciences of fishing and fowling — Narrow escapes from death — Receives a severe injury — Rum drinking, tobacco eating, smoking and profanity — Anecdotes of the latter — Comments. • 2i

Chapter III

Removes to the East — Births and death — Funeral sermon — Anecdote — Letter to a sister on intemperance and marriage — Extracts from a fisherman's diary, in rhyme — " The Fisherman's Dream," poetical — More poetry .32

Chapter IV

S;ttlement of Rev. D. D. Tappan — Excitement — Church, the "devil's cradle," and the minister in the "gall of bitterness" — Protracted meeting — Revival, how made — Pledging — Revivals, how made and how managed — Mr. Tappan on the "judgment seat" — Author's views of religion — Increased excitement — Is converted, and labors zealously — Dr. Edwards' sermons — Excitement declines — Joins the church. . . . • • .... 46

Chapter V

Labors from house to house — Lives and learns — Conversation with a widow — God's goodness — Opposition in meeting — School- master's speech — Prayer of Jesus — Subject of prayer examined — Preaching and praying — Visits Poland and Minot — Meets with opposers — Tells stories to avoid argument — Doubts the doctrine he professes — Trinity — Justice of God — Unpardonable sin — Convict's despair wrong. 63

Chapter VI

Fears he shall be a Universalist — Strives against it — Interesting meeting — Bible points down, and minister up — Receives more viii CONTENTS.

light, and becomes more alarmed — Asks advice of a female saint-- Conversation — Made willing to investigate — Becomes a Universalist

— Rejoices in the truth — Punishment in futurity — Visits Gloucester

— Hears Universalism — Church becomes alarmed — Is tried for heresy, and suspended — Writes a book — His father's suspension — A curious letter 79

Chapter VII

Visits Rev. H. Ballou — Is advised to preach — Studies with Rev. S. Cobb

— Preaches in Annisquam and other places — Extract from a sermon — Visits Cape Cod — Preaches in Saco. Me. — Spends a winter in Annisquam — Urged to remain — Farewell sermon — Removes to Cape Cod

— Opposition — Success of the cause — Churches built — Singular incident at a funeral — Extends his operations — More opposition — Method of treating it — Elder Wood's conduct — Meeting disturbed by converts — Affairs in Brewster — Exciting conferences — Ministerial experience — Amusing incident — Happy death — Temperance matters

— Opposition and fall of Rev. S. Ewer and others — Creeds against conduct, and conduct against creeds — Pilgrimage on the Cape ends. 209

Chapter VIII

Removes to Marblehead — Installation — Successful efforts — Sabbath School, Conferences, &c. — Support of clergymen — Duties of ministers and people — Dissatisfaction — Dismission — Reflections — Bitter opposition — Scene in a Baptist vestry — Visit to Nantucket and Martha's Vineyard — Extracts from Journal — Ichabod Norton, Esq. — Preaches to Gay Head Indians — Taunton, Mass 243

Chapter IX

Removes to Fall River— " Tip and Ty " excitement — Goes to New London — Singular occurrence, very — "Excitement in the city — Method of managing meetings with a Methodist minister — Goes to Rhode Island — Character and opposition of the people — Amusing interview with a black-eyed woman — Sabbath schools — Protracted meetings — Origin of the i: Book of Abraham" — Ninety people baptized at once

— Gov. Dorr and the Suffrage war — Three soldiers secreted by an elder

— The author threatened with arrest — Removes to Canton — to Salisbury — Missionary labors — Missionary letter 270

Chapter X

Author's family record — Opposition of relatives, and encouragement of friends — Sickness and health, poverty and wealth — Much to say, but no room to say it — " Come, and bring the baby" — End of the " Pilgrimage." . . 303

Poetical Selections.

THE PILGRIMAGE OF A PILGRIM, FOR FORTY YEARS.

Chapter I

His birth and birthplace — Some account of his parents, and others — Receives baptism — Early instruction and its impressions — The catechism and the rod — Hears preaching, awful — Goes to heaven and hell in the visions of night — Fortunately escapes from both — Reflections.

In attempting- to record my own biography, I find myself utterly unable to speak from personal knowledge of the very first fact customary to be mentioned, although all accounts agree that I was present when it transpired. I have taxed my mind to recall the circumstance, but still it is entirely unremembered. I am hence compelled to be so much like others as to depend upon the statements of my seniors as to when and where I took my first peep into this most singular and curious world.

I dislike to boast of my relations, whether past or present, as it is a habit I never indulged in ; and besides, very likely, it would have been an improvement if some of therii had been better even than they were. Bat then — and I want to say it very modestly — some of my very near relations were so far on the right side of disrespectable, that I can depend upon their statement that I was born on Sunday, Dec. 28, 1806, in that part of the town of Gloucester, Mass., called Cape Ann, in that part of Cape Ann now called Rockport, and in that part of Rockport called Halibut Point ; or as near this Point as a house could be found to be born in ■ — said house being a two-storied, gambrel-roofed, antiquated building, owned in whole, and occupied in part, by Mr. Joshua Gott, a brave revolutionary soldier, since deceased.

But, I suppose, dear reader, as I was born on a • point you will expect me naturally to come to a point, and to keep to a point, even if I have to be pointed in my observations. Well, you are right, and shall not be disappointed. The testimony of my relatives as to the when and where of my birth, is confirmed by the fact that I have not the most remote remembrance of being born at any other time, nor in any other place.

I should have been the first-born only for the fact that I found two sisters at home on my arrival ; but I contrived not to be offended about it, as it was neither my fault nor my business. However, I was the first-born son, and should have been the last but for certain events that took place afterwards.

I was destined to be one of a numerous family. But there are, perhaps, as many advantages as inconveniences in such an arrangement. Children in large families are not as liable to be injured by indulgence as in small ones, and they probably are better prepared for the disappointments of life. But be this as it may, members were added in rapid sue-

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cession, until there were no less than ten sisters in the family, and five brothers !

My parents, especially my father, welcomed each particular one when it made its first visit, just as though they had no other, and the dear little stranger had come a long journey on foot and alone, out of pure compassion, just to please and accommodate them. And then what a list of proper names had to be hunted up from the Bible, dictionary, and spelling book, to distinguish all these little members of the tribe of Abraham !

What I should have been called, if my careful mother had not given me the same old-fashioned name that my father's mother gave him, I sh\ill probably never be informed.

Both of my grand-fathers were of direct English descent. The name of one was Jonathan, the other Gustavus, and the name of their father was Jonathan. They were own brothers, and of course my parents were own cousins, and of the same surname.

The children of Jonathan were ten, — five sons and five daughters ; and the children of Gustavus and Abigail his wife, were ten, — five sons and five daughters.

At the age of nine months I was baptized, or christened, by Rev. Ezra Leonard, pastor of Annisquam parish, unto which parish we were considered as belonging. Mr. Leonard was then Orthodox, (so called,) but he afterwards became a preacher of Universalism, and continued firm in the faith of that doctrine until his decease. I heard him preach several times in the course of my youth, and attended school which he taught, a term or two.

Rev. Mr. J ewett's meeting, (Orthodox,) at Sandyhay, being nearest, my father took his name from the list of Annisquam parish, and allowed himself to be taxed for the support of Mr. Jewett, to whose meeting we children were sent, and sometimes to Sabbath school.

I have beard Mr. J.ewett preach a great many times, and can remember very distinctly, though then quite young, with what awful and terrifying earnestness he would lay down the case of a poor sinner, after he had dispatched his " ninthly and lastly," wad come to "improve upon the subject."

This was usually the hottest portion of the whole discourse, and designed to make both saints and sinner- tremble for their safety. I think I can remember distinctly of hearing him assert that there were " infants in hell not a span long," and that the seats upon which we sat would be " swift witnesses against us at the bar of God."

I listened to all he said with the utmost reverence and most implicit faith, and his dreadful sentiments sank deeply into my tender mind, for, though of a lively, ardent temperament, 1 was still of a reflecting, thoughtful, religious turn.

At home my mother carefully taught us the " Assembly's Shorter Catechism," and, as a crazy pedler used to say, other " good books about the devil." A portion of the Sabbath was usually devoted to this arork. She also learned us many hymns, the substance and theology of which may be ''summarily comprehended" in the following example : —

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H There is beyond the sky A heaven of joy and love, Where all good children, when they die, Go to that world above.

" There is a fiery hell, And everlasting pains, "Where sinners must with devils dwell, In darkness, fire, and chains."

We were all taught the Lord's prayer, and required to repeat it night and morning. Before going to bed, we would come around our mother, place oui selves in a devotional attitude, raise our little hands together, and say our hymns and offer our prayers.

I believe my mother had much more true religion even at that time than very many who profess to have enough to secure them a passport to the upper kingdom. Hers was sincere, unostentatious and true, performed in the hallowed secrecy of her family, without any profession thereof before the church or the world. She had a book of sermons, prayers, and hymns, which professed to be adapted to the capacities of children, from which she frequently read to us. Impressions of good were made upon our tender minds by her instructions, that have never passed away. I think she would have attended church constantly had she been conteniently circumstanced.

My father, like a large majority of those about him, never attended church, but he used to read to us from the Bible, and sometimes question us from the book containing the catechism. At any rate, he used to hold the little switch stick, or point to ' it, as it hung in its place over the mantle-piece, to 2 keep us in order, whilst we were being catechized by my mother.

I remember this fact very distinctly, and the more so, as on one occasion a little stick, which served the doable purpose of keeping us in order and whipping the cat, when she had the misfortune to misdemean herself, was among the little sticks that were somewhere else. I was a very little boy, and do not exactly wish the reader to infer that I had any hand in its absence. However, the fact was discovered before we had finished reciting, and I was sent out to procure another. I took one from a willow tree that was always willing to discount in a case of necessity, and having neatly and carefully cut it to the pith on either side, carried it to my father.

He took the stick, and I took my place, and, in order to have its virtues tested upon me first of all, I soon laughed outright when I should have been silent. I laughed aloud because I knew the weight of the stick would be in proportion to the enormity of the offence, and I wished him to make quite a demonstration, as it would be the first, as well as the last, from that deceitful weapon. Down came the stick upon my guilty cranium, and just as I began to feel its force, and just as my father thought his hasty prediction, that I should "laugh the other side of my mouth," was to be fulfilled, lo arid behold ! the stick was divided in twain, as if by magic, and by far the longest portion thereof fell to the floor. He instantly saw through the trick, and l as quickly saw, by the expression of his large, bright, blue, laughing eyes, that his assumed gravity was dethroned, and that he considered the

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joke too good to be lost. We could always read the uppermost feelings of his soul through his telltale eyes, and when they brightened with an unofFended smile, it was a favorable symptom. On this occasion we all laughed heartily, and I think, for once, it did more good than a whipping. But the . stick was usually kept more to be seen than felt, and all the stick-whipping that my father did to his children was neither much injury nor benefit.

I very much doubt whether the nature and disposition of a child were ever improved, or its filial affection and willing obedience increased, by whipping ; and the same remark will apply to scolding. I am not surprised by the small amount of veneration possessed by the Rev. John Murray for either his father* or his father's religion, when I consider how much, according to his own account, " father whippe'd John." I confess I have not much faith in the government or practice of those parents or teachers, who adopt as a motto,

"'Tis education forms the common mind, And with a twig to teach we are inclined."

But to return. My parents were believers in the common theology, and so firmly was it instilled into the minds of their children, that I had not a single doubt of its truthfulness. And, although I was happily unaddicted to some of the evil habits practised by some other boys, and notwithstanding I repeated my prayers every night, and also every morning, unless I forgot to, or was particularly hurried, still I was frequently under dreadful apprehensions lest God would not love me, and I should be burned forever and ever.

Many a time have I listened to Mr. Jewett, in almost breathless anxiety, and watched his open lips, while from them issued the most dreadful anathemas on the impenitent, and thought, Oh ! that I were as certain of salvation as he is ! There stands one who is sure of being an " angel of God in heaven !" . Oh, how much I fear that God will be so intent upon saving him, that he will neither stop nor stoop to notice a poor little boy like me ! Yes, and then when I stand there trembling before the Judge, almost afraid to look up. and just about to despair, he, that great minister, will be a " swift witness against me at the bar of God," for he says he will ! Oh, how I do wish he would happen to be somewhere else about that time, and if he cannot tell the Lord I have been a good boy, and help save me, not tell him of every little bad thing I did, and make me be lost forever! Oh, dear me' I would speak to him sometime 'about it, and tell him not to go, only I'm afraid to, for he is a great man, and God loves him, and he looks awfully !

I remember, once in particular, when such thoughts passed rapidly through my young mind, and there was another boy, about my age, in the same large, square, old-fashioned pew, perfectly heedless of what was being said, and endeavoring to catch the flies that were sporting in the glorious sunshine that came smiling in through the window ! I wondered how he could be so careless when his soul was in danger, and the minister himself was going to tell the great God how bad he was. I do not now approve of his carelesness in the house of God, but it was a happy thing for the little fellow not to learn any theological lesson,

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rather than a bad one, and not to hear the minister tell about any God, rather than about one who would serve poor little children infinitely worse than he served the little flies that he crushed between his fingers, after having cruelly torn their wings and legs off.

Not only by day, but many and many a night, have I been tormented with the dreadful doctrine of fire and brimstone. " I saw in the night visions" of the "joys of heaven and pains of hell." If I had been a good boy throughout the day, learned my lesson well, obeyed my mother faithfully, and been very kind to my little sisters, I usually dreamed of going to heaven — a most beautiful place, hung about with gorgeous drapery, and filled with angels and good folks — where I saw God and the Saviour, who looked smilingly upon me, and let me go upon the right hand.

But if I had disobeyed, or neglected my duty in any essential respect, as soon as my prayer was said, and my eyelids closed in sleep, I began to witness the coming of the day of judgment. A trumpet, " louder than ten thousand thunders," uttered its appalling voice, and I, with the great whole of the human race, was summoned, instantly, before a frowning and offended Deity, to witness a " God in vengeance and a world on fire." Soon the wrathful sentence issued from the burning throne, " Depart, ye cursed, into everlasting fire ! " And I was plunged, with very many others, some smaller, even, than myself, into a horrid pit of liquid flames, and, by infernal fiends, scourged and tormented, and whelmed deep beneath the 2* burning billows of almighty wrath, while the direful Judge was frowning in the distance, exulting" in our suffering, mocking at our calamities, and laughing at our fears, as we, poor, helpless creatures, writhing and shrieking in utter agony, sank, tumbled, fell, pursued by howling demons, down, down, down, beneath the wrath and curse of God forever ! And all this demon-like contrivance, and these infernal modes of torture — all this magnificent display of the huge artillery of heaven — all this discharge of red-hot thunderbolts of wrath, just to crush the budding hopes, to blast the peace of mind, and punish properly, a poor frail boy, who chanced, perhaps, to disobey his mother, but never injured God in all his life !

But, usually, when I felt the scalding flames curling and creeping around my cringing body, and rushing down my throat at every indrawn breath, the agony w r as past endurance, and, with a desperate effort to shriek aloud, my eyes would open, and the vision vanish. A cold sweat would stand upon my brow, and an unearthly shuddering seize my frame. I would repeat my prayers, and thank my God I had escaped from hell, then try again to be composed, and sleep.

Again the dreaded vision would reappear; again an angry God would fling me into the pit ; again the liquid flames w T ould curl around me, and again, in agony, would I awake from sleep and try to pray. And many a night have I arisen, frightened, from my bed, hastened to my mother's room, awakened her from sleep, and, tremblingly, implored admission to her bed, where 1 could feel quite safe, and rest secure, beneath maternal care.

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Oh gracious God ! can it be thy pure, religious truth that thus weaves horrid visions for a tender child, and makes him, though compelled to call thee good, loathe and dread thy nature and thy deeds ? Can it be that thou, who hast revealed thy love as greater than the love a mother bears her child, hast made a place infinitely cruel, beyond all thought, in which to burn thy helpless, hopeless creatures, and crush them down beneath eternal wrath ? No, it cannot be ! it cannot ! It is supremely dreadful to teach young minds the doctrines I was taught. It is the grossest slander that can be uttered against the great Creator. It gives to him a character, which, if ascribed to the imaginary prince of the infernal pit, would make a purple blush come mantling to his cheek.

So much have I been made to suffer from this hateful doctrine, so many doubts and fears have crushed my joys and hopes in days gone by, that I may be excused for uttering words of warmth and earnestness when dwelling on this hateful and unwelcome subject. Would a good parent, if his child ask bread, give him a serpent? Then why,, when he desires and needs the sincere milk of God's own word, feed him with the gall and wormwood of endless sorrow — the poisonous doctrine of fire and brimstone ? Heaven knows, and so do I, that parents, if well informed, would not impose such falsehoods upon their children's ears.

But our dear parents have been deceived, and have learned to us, as truth, the greatest falsehood that old satan ever made. And my heart is pained within me, even now, to think that there are parents still teaching to their children, with most devout intention, this doctrine that so dishonors God, depraves the heart, destroys the peace, and, in many a case, darkens the brightest intellect and dethrones the reason.

It grew with my growth, and strengthened with my strength, for many years. True, from the mere force of habit, it did not always appal my mind, and haunt me in my dreams, as when I first reflected seriously upon its hideous features. Still it was always in my heart, doing its fearful work in secrecy and silence. I wished most ardently it might be false, but yet I had no doubt as to its truth. I thought that God had made it so, and we could do no more than to submit. Thus passed away the morning of my life, for fourteen years and more.

Chapter II

Wealth of one Abraham, and poverty of another — Attends school — Initiated into the arts and sciences of fishing and fowling — Narrow escapes from death — Receives a severe injury — Rum drinking, tobacco eating, smoking and profanity — Anecdotes of the latter - - Comments.

The ancient Abraham, who dwelt upon the plains of Mamre, was the possessor of " very much cattle ;" but my father, though he possessed the name, was minus all the cattle ; nevertheless, he was the undisputed possessor of very many children. The ancient namesake sometimes seemed almost overburdened with his riches, but I never heard my father complain of any such personal inconvenience, and the probability is, that he had no more wealth than he found a necessary and immediate use for. In fact, this is according to my very definite remembrance ; therefore, he could not accomplish many . things which he might have done had circumstances been otherwise.

It is no disgrace to be honestly poor, though it is sometimes an inconvenience. My father found it so, for he was unable to educate his children according to his wishes. There were so many of us that it would have required a decent fortune to accomplish it. However, he did the best he could ; or at least he thought. he did. He sent us to the district school whenever he could do so conveniently; but I believe no one of us ever went to school to learn the alphabet, or the " a, b, abs." We always learned these at home. When or where I learned to read, I have no recollection, not the faintest. I have taxed my mind severely to remember, if possible, when I learned to " read in reading," but in vain. I have been told that I could point out all the letters in the alphabet, when their names were called by another, before I could pronounce the name of any except 0.

The first time I remember being in school was at the commencement of a term. A new master was employed, who was a strange? to us all. I sat upon a low front seat, with other boys, all, or nearly so, older and larger than myself. In due time, the master called us up, singly, to test our several abilities, and define our positions. One after another marched out, and as the master pointed, with the blade of his penknife, to the letters of the alphabet, they gave utterance to the sounds of A, ah ; B, ah, &g. &c. I was the smallest and bashfulest, and therefore the last of the little urchins to " go out and read."