The prosy romance : a lady teacher and a rich bachelor try to harmonize their views on love, logic, religion and sociology

Contents

Chapter Page

1 The Lady School Teacher has a Marriage Proposition 5

2 Wrangling Over Bad Habits 14

II. Wrangling Over Bad Habits

" Good-evening, Dash; glad to see you."

"I cherish all the greetings you have to offer, Lina ; I think I never felt more buoyant. The thought of being alone with you this evening has taken me into a realm of happiness which has given me a new interest in every living, moving, growing thing. I know, beyond the shadow of doubt, I am more deeply in love with you than I have ever been with any woman."

"Well, you seem able to go direct to your favorite theme without preliminary. Ah, Dash, you have been stimulating with wine again. Am I to learn that you have a complete list of bad habits?"

"I do not know that the list is complete, but I am willing that you shall know every bad habit I have, and taking a little wine at regular intervals does not seem to me to be a bad habit. I was created to stint at nothing. I believe in enjoying everything good, — in moderation, of course. I do not indulge in excesses. You must not accuse me of intemperance. I never was in better shape, physically or mentally. I dwell mostly on the good and the beautiful. You are connected with my thoughts more than anything else lately. Your pretty face has been a source of pleasure to me since my automobile started for this place one hour ago. The way I sped over the nice roads was exhilarating. The influence of the Havana cigar, together with the drink of port wine which I took before starting, made my trip enjoyable, but the completion of my enjoyment I expect to have in your society."

"It seems to me, Dash, you are rather more demonstrative than is usual in advances complimentary, although I confess I do not know much about the advances of impulsive young men."

"You are too dear to me to expect any straight-laced, memorized compliments. I shall talk to you extemporaneously ; a man in earnest does not need notes to compliment a woman like you ; so you must not expect formality. I would like to hold your hand while I tell you how you have taken possession of my hopes and desires."

"Mr. Blank, when you win an intimacy there is time enough to be demonstrative. You had as well confine yourself to words; words which are not animated by wine nor flavored with Havanas. I hoped to bring you into a philosophical discussion on the important social and political questions of this age. I am no giddy girl yearning for compliments. I am a grown woman, with a knowledge of right and wrong which you cannot swerve. — Did you see anything startling among your tenantry today?"

"Yes, I did. I took dinner at Mrs. B.'s. She wanted me to suggest the kind of furniture her husband should buy for the new house which I have about completed on the farm near Plainville. Her husband seemed anxious, too ; so we all three examined the catalogue of Carson, Pirie, Scott & Co., Chicago. I felt a little out of my element, but I was surprised to see the kind of furniture she had selected for a three-roomed house. She wanted a center table that was listed at $48, a set of chairs at $24, a bedstead at $36. I did not want to pass opinion on her selection, but she insisted ; so I told her I thought she was a little extravagant in her selection. Moving such furniture from place to place in rented houses would be a hardship to renters in their circumstances. She flew into a fit of anger, talked loudly and indecently ; said I was like all the other men — thought a woman shouldn't have anything nice to look at — and finished by saying she was going to have them anyhow, if it took a team to buy them. I felt embarrassed, and Mr. B. looked it. Mr. B. is a nice man, but could not pay his rent in full this year, but I found out the reason why : his wife does not know any more about economy than a hen knows about arithmetic. I saw two of the children out in the yard hauling a muddy dog in a $15 baby wagon and a tortoise head-comb trampled into the mud. Three silver knives and two forks were in the path to the well. A silk umbrella was being made the connecting romping-stick between a seven-year-old girl and a big husky pup. The girl let loose of her end when I met them in the path, and the pup victoriously shook the umbrella like he would shake a rat. There were clothes-pins on the ground in every direction, and two rocking-chairs were in the yard; had been left out in the rain overnight. One of these had a rope fastened to the front end of the rockers, and the little girl got into the chair and asked a brother to take hold the rope and give her a ride. There was a general appearance of waste and extravagance all about the yard. No man could succeed with such a woman for a wife. I have traced the poverty here to its source. There will not be rent enough collected on this place to pay taxes, yet I am going to let this family stay. There was something in my experience today to excite the mirth of a monkey."

"Did you get excited?"

"Now I do not like to be side-tracked in that style."

"0, excuse me, please; it was impudent in me to ask that question; I did not mean any offense. What was your mirthprovoking experience?"

"I took dinner at Mrs. B.'s. Mr. B. was not at home, and I wanted to see him before I left, so she and her children and myself ate dinner together. She told me how well she had been reared, and if she had not done it I never would have found it out. She never had to do dirty work, wash, do the dishes and the like, and it did mortify her so to be married to a man who had no management or business capacity. She first apologized for the dinner, but it was more because her husband was a poor provider than from lack of skill on her^part that she made the apology. At her girlhood home there was never anything but harmony in the family management. Her mother was a society woman and her father was a business man who could buy a dish for ten cents and sell it for a dollar. 'Papa was the real thing, he was,' and she, herself, was the Belle of Hill Town. When she made her debut all the young men in the country wanted to go with her. All this gush she gave me before her husband arrived and before we looked at the furniture catalogue. She was suddenly reminded of her twenty-five-dollar set of furs the pup had found in the yard where the children had left them, and remarked that they were the only evidences left of her refined girlhood. She then grilled Mr. B. I do not like to think of her as a wife, and it amused me greatly to think what a refined girl she must have been."

"I knew her when she was a girl, and it puzzled me that Mr. B. should choose a girl like she was when there were so many sensible, good-looking girls in his neighborhood. Girls, too, who had been raised on a farm. She was always extravagant. She one time bought a pair of spectacles, trimmed in gold, paying $20 for them. That was about the time she got her expensive furs. Gaudy? Well, she was a perfect personification of tinsel gaudiness. But she is not to blame. She is one of the many ridiculous products of excessive wealth. Her father was a grafter and her mother a society woman who doted on $40 hats, diamond rings, and $100 gowns; who never gave a thought to the earning or purchasing value of a dollar. She believed her mission, if she ever gave the matter any thought at all, was to dress and entertain. She was what was considered a fortunate woman, married a rich man who traveled and had a fine income. He had inherited great wealth, and married this girl because of her pretty face and form, and lavished his wealth on her every desire. She may have been naturally weak along practical lines of thought, but I believe if she had had responsibilities and hardships to contend with she would have raised a better girl. The mother is trying to pose as one high-born and the girl is hindered as a wife and mother by the luxurious extravagance under which she grew to womanhood. That husband of hers must be weak in management. But whydo you keep a renter who is so shiftless?"

"I'm doing it just as an experiment, and to convince you that you are wrong in contending that the poverty on rented farms is traceable to an unjust system of land tenure. Will you take a ride in my new automobile? It will only take two hours to see many of my fine farms. I hope the day is not far off when I can say our farms."

"Yes, I'll go with you to see your farms. You are a puzzle to me, Dash. There are so many bright, vivacious, pretty, young girls here in this place, most of whom would be glad to go with you anywhere, and here you are insisting on an old maid being your life companion. Why are you so unlike other men?"

"For the same reason that you are unlike other women. The woman I seek for a wife knows how to preserve her health and strength. She does not patronize the ridiculous fads of fashion. Her desire to be good is greater than her desire to be popular. She knows the weaknesses of her sex well enough to avoid the pain and misery resulting therefrom; and above all else she is kind-hearted and generous, well qualified to be a wife and mother, and possessing mental powers which will keep any good man in the narrow path of^rectitude."

"You seem most complimentary when you are smoking. I would rather see you perfectly moral than to hear the nice things you say about me. I have come to think so much about you lately, Dash, that I am restless and uneasy, fearing that I may not act wisely. If I could get you to quit using wine and tobacco I believe the other reformations I desire would come as a consequence of these bad habits being abandoned. My observation of men has taught me that intoxicants and tobacco are injurious to the moral, mental, and physical welfare of the race. You speak of my being generous : I am not and never shall be generous enough to marry a man addicted to these bad habits. Think of what happened in Topeka not long ago. Mrs. Boyer shot and instantly killed by a man under the influence of liquor, who was seeking her hand in marriage. It is not my desire to commence a long lecture, but it is my desire to have you know that I am not generous enough to bad habits to marry them, be they ever so perfectly wrapped up in the person of a wealthy, intelligent, influential, popular man. Prohibition in Kansas was the greatest blessing that ever came to the State, and if tobacco were put under the prohibitive laws the next greatest blessing could be accomplished. The high price and scarcity of human food would be solved in a great measure if these awful habits were forced out of our civilization. I shall not exact any promises from you. A promise is a weak thing compared with a conviction, and if I cannot convince you that these habits are wrong, I shall not ask you to quit them."

"Lina, you never used tobacco nor drank wine; your observation upon which you base your conclusions is confined to a few cases where the temperaments of the individuals may have been the cause of the awful deeds. There is so much to consider when we go to tracing the cause of crimes. I might say that Thomas Edison, the greatest inventor of this age, was kept in a tranquil state of mind by keeping a chew of tobacco in his mouth while inventing the telephone, and make as good a point for the use of tobacco as you made against liquor in referring to the murder in Topeka. I might also refer you to Victor Murdock or Uncle Joe Cannon as having been powerful in legislative halls because they were addicted to these popular habits which you call bad habits. I am not ready to admit that prohibition of the use of liquor and tobacco would be panaceas for social and political diseases. Some of the ablest statesmen have used both. I use tobacco as a means of enjoyment. A kind of tranquil feeling comes to me when I am in good health from using it in both forms.

When I am. sick I have no desire to use it or anything else. As to wine, I have divine authority for using it. Refer to the scriptures : Judges ix, 13; Deut. xiv, 26; Gen. xlix, 11; Ps. civ, 15."

"Ah, Dash, you make a smooth argument for these modern curses, but intuitively I feel that you are wrong. However, we will drop the matter for the present and take the automobile ride. Ed. Howe, the editor of the Atchison Globe, says an old maid is never satisfied till she becomes reconciled. I am satisfied to be a 'spin,' as Mr. Howe defines her, rather than violate conclusions of morality. You have some traits I admire. Your honesty makes you worthy of my friendship."

"I infer, then, that my morality, without considering my honesty, would not hold you as a friend, eh?"

" Be calm, Dash ; I do not want to offend you. Your morality alone would not secure me as a companion to ride with you over your fine estates. It is because I believe it possible that you may come to look upon morality and social economy with more enlightened views that I desire to retain your friendship."

"Miss Lina Gona, I cannot believe that you are beating back my advances as a suitor because of my weakness in using tobacco and wine. There must be something else. Something connected with the death of that dear little girl whose body lies mouldering in yonder cemetery. I have a letter written one week before she died, the contents of which would surprise you. It would prove to you that I am not guilty of anything you may suspect. In this letter I am requested never to reveal its contents, and but for one reason I would have destroyed it long ago. You, no doubt, were honest when you hinted that you were posted on talk secretly circulated among relatives at the time of her death. No one dared to make the accusation. From you, and you only, djd I ever hear anything direct. Do you want me to show you this letter which I promised by a reply to the letter soon afterwards, never to reveal?

I have it in a private drawer in the bank. If I had not known that you suspected me I would have destroyed it."

"No, Dash, I do not want you to break any promises to prove to me that you are a moral man in the case of that unfortunate girl. She being my niece, of course made you think there was a possibility of the case being investigated by a prosecution. I am glad to know that you are prepared to prove your honor. I never could believe to my entire satisfaction that you were immoral, mean and dishonest along that line of action. It is only your personal habits in regard to wine and tobacco that I had reference to in today's talk. If I were your wife, or expected to be, I should want to see that letter. Something more startling than has yet been discovered will have to come up before I could believe you harmed little Allit."

"I feel better since you have been more explicit. I think you are in search of an ideal for a husband which will be hard to find. I have noticed that men who have no bad habits are poor, sickly, weak, over-pious, effeminate specimens who do not do much in the manly walks of life. I think your ideal man is a missionary."

"I think it very ungenteel in you to try to belittle missionaries. 'Manly walks of life/ indeed! There are Mr. Roosevelt and Mr. Bryan, who do not have these bad habits. You surely cannot say that either of these are weak, poor, over-pious, effeminate specimens who do not do much in the manly walks of life. Be candid, now."

"Ah, well, hang it all! I shall not say anything detrimental to Roosevelt except his use of the word disinterested, in his American Ideals. I think he is about as near perfection as a man can be — judging, of course, from what I have read and heard. I confess I did not think of him when I made the sweeping assertion. But really, does neither he nor Bryan use tobacco? I've heard his daughter does."

"If either of them uses tobacco I never heard of it."

"Guess you are running a bluff on me. I do not see how Roosevelt could have been so popular among the cowboys and rough riders and be free from those habits. I got the impression somewhere — think maybe it was from reading memoirs of Andrew Jackson, who smoked a cob pipe — that to be a Democrat in good standing was to smoke, drink, chew and be willing to fight on small provocation. I'm willing to admit that I am not versed on the habits of presidents and preachers, having never associated with them, but I have known preachers to indulge in these habits. Maybe, though, they were not the kind out of which good missionaries are made. I would like to know exactly what kind of a man you want for a husband. I do not believe the Ideal you are looking for is in the Republican or Democratic parties. Perhaps he is a Socialist?"

"No, sir, he is not a Socialist, though I must confess I do not know anything about Socialists."

"Oh, now I have it. He is a Prohibitionist."

"Yes, he will have to be a Prohibitionist ; but that is not all he will have to be. Some of Roosevelt's qualities, some of Bryan's qualities, some of your qualities, too, he will have. You are honest enough, cheerful enough, large enough, generous enough, healthy enough, handsome enough, wealthy enough, — yes, too wealthy, but you have not developed or acquired the moral habits that I admire, and until you do you'll never be a husband of mine. I am very cheerful about the kind of man I want, but I have never seen him yet. I am not like a silly girl in her teens claiming she does not want a man, when she knows very well she desires a good, worthy man more than anything else. I was once a silly girl in her teens ; so speak from experience as well as observation on this theme. — We had better go for that ride, Dash, and drop this habitual wrangling, for I expect this will be the last ride or 'joy trip' as some call it, that we will take together this fall."

"Why, what's up now? Why are you going to cut out the joy trips? I have been looking forward to these as chief sources of pleasure. If you knew how dear you were to me at times you would not be so indifferent ; maybe you would reconsider."

" ' At times' ! Now a new query has come into my imagination. If you had said 'at all times' I would have been more impressed with the quality of your devotion, which, I am now convinced, requires a very thorough analysis. You may discover, too, some day, that there is more pleasure in pursuit than possession. I am not intending to avoid you or entirely desert you, Dash, but have made up my mind to spend the winter in Topeka. I have friends there who have promised me lucrative employment."

"Lina, you can spring more surprises upon a fellow than any one I have known. Would you mind telling me what kind of employment? Surely you have not secured a political pull on the pay-rolls of the State?"

"I have not decided yet just what I shall do, but I am quite sure whatever I do will be respectable. This is in reply to your mild insinuation about a political pull. There is nothing more honorable than good service on the pay-rolls of the State, regardless of any opinion Mr. Dash Blank may have."

"Well, I may as well tell you that I am really sorry you intend leaving here. I shall be lonesome, Lina, very lonesome. There is no one among my many lady friends here who can entertain me like you can. Would you be willing to stay if I gave up my bad habits?"

"No, Dash, I do not ask you to make any sacrifice for me. I am making none for you. If you did anything of the kind it would be in the nature of a promise, not from conviction. If I cannot convince you that these habits are wrong you will never succeed in quitting them. You need to be lonesome, Dash, very lonesome ; it may develop you into a perfect man. I'll correspond with you. Your letters, I'm sure, will be very interesting. Besides, absence may lead to endearment. I must admit I am about half in love with you. I'm getting impatient for that ride."

"If this is to be the last ride I shall have with you this fall, I would like to make it a long one. I would enjoy being out at least half the night, the weather is so perfect — a full moon and just cool enough to be pleasant.

" A new thought has come into my mind. I want you to name my new automobile ; give it one short and sweet like your own. I think Lina Gona is about the prettiest name I ever heard ; still, it is not suitable for an automobile. The name need only be known to you and me, limited to our correspondence, in which I expect to be greatly enthused. Name it something easy to write and easy to spell."

"How would 'It' do, with a capital I?"

"You couldn't have done better if you had taken a month, for it is really ' It.' How well you have done in this naming business. If ever I should have anything else to name I am going to apply to you. Remember this, will you?"

"I surely shall."

"Dear Lina, I am aware that I shall have to study man and his relations to society more closely and thoroughly than I ever thought of doing if I expect to retain your good-will. I see plainly a courtship can be maintained with you only as a sacred business proposition, in which you propose to analyze every action and its motive. You have impressed me more seriously on this subject than I was aware of before you talked of going to Topeka to spend the winter. You will probably go into high society there and drop me altogether because I am not polished in manners and matters of dress and address."

"No, Dash, I am not going to Topeka with the expectation of entering into what you term high society. I do not believe men are any better in high society toward the women with whom they form attachments than men are in what you might wrongfully call low society. That society where virtue, kindness, gentleness, in short, where a high standard of morality is cherished, is the best society. It may be, and often is, where poverty prevails. However, I am glad to see you so serious on this subject. Life and all the mysterious connections which tend to make us regard each other with a deep feeling of respect, move us to make the highest kind of resolutions. I have resolved to give you every chance and plenty of time to prove what you are. I think a woman is foolish who marries a man to make him good. I have seen enough of that kind of foolishness to convince me that most of the divorces are traceable to such marriages. — But say, are we never going to take that ride?"

"Sure! Now, It may surprise you by proving itself an Ideal — searching for ideals being one of your fads. I'm sure it is competent for the occasion of showing an Ideal Woman how to enjoy an Ideal Ride. I am trying to give you a Capital Compliment, suitable to your Capital Conclusion of choosing the Capital City in which to enjoy yourself a few months."

"I am not an idealist, though I get some genuine pleasure from my imagination, and I think you have a mistaken idea of the meaning of the word ideal. Those things of which you speak are all real, not ideal. If you had used the word perfect, perhaps you would have come nearer saying what }^ou meant, but I am not a perfect woman."

III. Searching The Capital

Tofeka, Kansas, Nov. 6, 1910.

Mr. Dash Blank: I am going to omit the Dear Sir after this, because of its formality. I desire to be informally friendly with you as long as I live. I expect you will occupy my thoughts as much as any other person as long as I remain in Topeka. I have secured a room in the western part of Topeka, about half-way between the Governor's Mansion and the Capitol Building, where I can have just such seclusion as I desire, having access to the public libraries, and can have the full enjoyment of this splendid modern civilization. Here is what Ruby Kirt McLean has to say in the Daily Capital: "For many years Kansas has enjoyed comparative cleanliness of politics, due to the absence of the saloon vote. Herds of men voting for the lowest and worst form of government are unknown in the Sunflower State. No longer is the saloon a factor in the development and growth of cities in Kansas. What have been the results of prohibition in Kansas? The direct and immediate ravages committed by the saloon as a social sore are unknown to our people. No city in the Union the size of Topeka, unless it is having an evanescent boom, is growing more rapidly or substantially than Topeka. More actual building is going on here than in Kansas City, Mo., and the Capital City is fast becoming the great convention city of the West. A prohibition State surrounded by non-prohibition States, it has gained more in population than any State adjoining it. In ten years Kansas has increased her wealth more than a billion dollars. Tax-rolls show a greater wealth per capita in Kansas than any other State. Employers of large forces of labor, such as the Santa

Fe Railway, state that better results are obtained from employees in Kansas than from any other section of the country.

Yesterday being one of the most beautiful days I have ever known — possibly it was because I thought of your being in love with me made it so beautiful — I concluded it was a good time to climb to the top of the dome on the Capitol Building. When looking out over this splendid city, I thought of you wondering if I were going to Topeka to get into high society. There were several ladies and gentlemen in the balcony of the dome, who were there when I arrived. I assure you I went up alone ; however, I entered into the very highest society possible. These people were sociable and friendly, like all the Topekans with whom I have become acquainted. I became unusually happy.

The Washburn College and all the important, magnificent buildings were shown to me, pointed out separately. I am already more in love with Topeka than all your farms in western Kansas.

The new Topeka Daily Capital building, east from the northeast corner of the State Capitol grounds, is really the prettiest thing in sight. I was taken through all the departments of this marvelous printing plant, which Arthur Capper has about completed, by an old gentleman whom the management furnishes especially to show visitors through, for a stranger would get lost and not know how to get out.

Mr. Capper has put in a new $30,000 printing-press. These are the publications known as the Capper Publications : Farmers Mail and Breeze, Topeka Daily Capital, Kansas Weekly Capital, Missouri Valley Farmer, Nebraska Farm Journal, and The Household.

While looking out over this most beautiful of Kansas cities, I had an exquisite sense of the greatness of Kansas and her people. It seems to me there is a chance to get very near perfection in civil government, having this splendor as a central incentive. What splendid enthusiasm would go abroad over the State if every school boy and girl could visit this Capitol Building, examine its contents, and admire its architecture. It must be seen to be appreciated. The State Library in the third story and the Historical Library in the fifth story are as completely arranged and orderly conducted as can be, and this can also be truthfully said of all the departments so far as I have examined.