The narrative of Levi Hathaway : giving an account of his life, experience, call to the ministry of the gospel of the Son of God, and travels as such to the present time

Front matter

LiBMRY OF CONGRESS.!

i UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, ^

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Chapter II

In this Chapter, I shall endeavour to inform my reader of the many impressions that I have had on my mind, about preaching the Gospel of Jesus Christ to a perishing world; and of the success in my first improvements. Having related in the former part, how, that in the spring I was eleven years old, it pleased God to impress my mind with a solemn sense of eternal things ; and I now believe at that time he forgave my sins ; but on account of my disobedience, he did not see fit to give me a sealing evidence of it.

In the summer following, my mind was impressed a number of times, that in some future period I should have to range the wude world, and preach the gospel. And amidst all of my careers in sin and folly, I often had solemn impressions of this kind. One in particular, I well remember in the fall of 1810, when living in the state of New-Jersey. Ezra Halsey and myself were sent for to attend a party in a neighbouring town ; and while riding to the place of recreation, the sun began to disappear beyond the western hills, and the decorated heaven seemed to wear an agreeable smile,- while the earth was covered with verdure, and the air perfumed vvith the ripe fruit of autumn. My mind was attracted with the beauty of the scene, and I began solemnly to reflect on my situation, and that of my fellow creatures, who, with me, were engaged in sin. Immediately it came with great solemnity, that in some future period, I had got to forsake all, and range i| the world and preach the gospel. Then my thoughts were, if God wouid forgive my sins, and commit a dispensation of the gospel unto me, cheerfully I would go, and preach the unsearchable riches of Christ, to a world lying in wickedness. But when I came to reflect on my misspent life, it caused me to weep as I passed along the road; and notwithstanding this great visitation of God's spirit on my mind, I turned a deaf ear to his call, and still went on in sin as before.

Soon after I had experienced a sealing manifestation of my sins forgiven, this question cam.e to my mind : Are you now willing to go and preach lo your fellow creaturej: ? My .uiswer wns. yes, Lord. I f^m. At this time I did not realize, os 1 have since done, the import? nee of the work ; but felt willing to obey the Lord, according to the best of my abilities ; believing th it the Lord would enable me to do all that he required of me.

Soon 3fter this, I he;:\rd there wns a reforni'iticn began in Middleborough, at a place called Wrippanucket; I went there, and O, how was my heart rejoiced to find some th?it h^d 1 :)tely experienced religion. I often met with them, raid ei joyed great h -ppiness in i^mproving my little gift p-mong them in pr .yer and exhortation. The reformation w;^s among the Baptists and Presbyterians — but Ihe name was nothing to me, my heart and the young converts was united as the heart of one man ; and we enjoyed the unity of the spirit in the bond of peace, until some of the old professors began to tell them that I was a Smidiitc, (for so they were pleased to call me,) that they ought to be cautious of me, for I held to bad principles. This caused me some very severe tri lis ; but my trust was in God.

About the first of December, I went into the lower p irt of D ^rtmouth, to a place colled Smith's neck, by the sea side, and engaged to keep school three months. I h d not been in my school but a few d -ys, before I was greatly distressed in mind, and inquired of the Lord why I felt thus troubled ? It was manifested to me that I hid done wrong in eng:iging a school, for the Lord had designed another employment for me. Every thing went wrong in the srhooi, and I began to conclude that the people would turn me away in less than a fortnight. In this situation of mind I spent a considerable part of a night in prayer to God for help ; promising him that if he would help me through that school, I would then devote my time in preaching, if the impression continued on my mind." The next day every thing went well, and I have no doubt but what I had immediate assistance from God to help me.

The nearest meeting held by the Christian brethren, was at New-Bedibrd, and I generally met with them on Sundays, and enjoyed many heavenly seasons. But towards the close of my school, was much troubled respecting my dutv. O ! how great the v/ork, and how solemn the undertaking, to he an ambassadour for Christ — to range the world and pray men to be reconciled to God ! I viewed myself to be altogether unqualified for the p'eat employment : yea, I thought that I w^as one of the most ignorant of all the flock of God, and began to conclude that all of the impressions that I ever had felt about preaching, was from satan; and while viewing my insufficiency, my mind sunk for a number of days, so that I was ready to say with Jonah, " it is better for me to die than to live."

One morning, while going to my school, my mind greatly distressed, I walked slowly' along, saw that the warming beams of the sun had melted away the frost on the side of an hill, I stopped, and looked at it with tears in my eyes. At length, lifted up my voice to the Lord, and said, O, that I might flee away like the morning dew, and never be remembered any more. Immediately these words of the poet came into my mind :

*' O, when shall I see Jesus,

And reign with him above ; And from liiat flowing fountain,

Drink everlasting love.

When shall [ he deliver'd

From this vain world of sin, And with my blessed Jesus

Drink endless pleasures in ?

But now I am a soldier.

My Captain's gone before, lie's given me my orders.

And bid me not give o'er -

If 1 continue faithful,

A righteous crown he'll give, And all his valiant soldiers

Eternal life shall have."

When I had repeated these lines, the love of God again [lowed into my heart ; and I felt a greater determination to serve God, at the loss of all things, than I ever did before. I was satisfied that God is not a hard master, and that he requires no impossibilities of his creatures ; and if he called me to preach, he would open my w ay, and qualify me for the important work. I did not know where I should go after my school should end ; but I felt to commit all to the Lord, believing that had he any work for me to do in his harvest, that he would direct me where to go. Soon after this, my mind was sweetly drawn across the river, east of New-Bedford, and it seemed a light shined in that direction. The week following, I heard there was a reformation began in the town of Fair-Haven, in a neighbourhood called Nasquetucket, under the preaching of brother William Whitten, of New-Bedford. In the same direction the light had appeared to me. The Saturday evening after I heard the news, I attended a meeting with brother Whitten in the neighbourhood ; and O, how my heart was animated to see and hear some that had lately been translated into the Kingdom of God's dear Son.

The next week my school ended ; I still d had impressions on my mind, that it was God's will I should preach : — but when I considered my abilities, many times ! doubted whether God would ever call so ignorant a creature as 1 was, to so great a w ork. But I found all the excuses that I made, did not remove the impressions from my mind ; 1 knew of no other way to determine the doubtful case, but to go forward, and improve my gift. I came to this conclusion, that I would hold meetings wdierever the Lord should open the way, for six months, believing that I should then know more plainly what my duty was. There was about thirty hopefully converted in Nasquetucket. In the month of iMay, brother Whitten moved his family into the western part of the state of New -York. I often met with the brethren that he left, and improved my gifts in prayer and exhortation, and many times enjoyed great freedom of mind ; yet, at other times, had great trials. One in particular, I will mention.

About the first of June, such a fear of death came upon me for four days, as I never felt before nor since. I besouoht God verv earnestly that he would deliver me from it. One day, while in the woods crying to God for help, this passage of scripture with power came into my mind : " Who in the days of his ilesh, when he had offered up prayers, and supplications, with strong crying and tears, unto him that was able to save him from death, and was heard in that he feared." Hebrews 5, 7. O ! thought I, if the Son of God feared death so much as to cause him to cry, and to pray, no wonder that his disciples should also fear; and if God delivered him, he also will deliver me. In a moment the fear of death was gone, and I rejoiced again in God, who delivered me from so great fear.

About the first of July, was invited to hold meetings at the Baptist new meeting-house, (so called) in Rochester. I met with the brethren ; yet, at that time, had not confidence enough to go into the pulpit, nor into the Deacon's seat, but improved my gifts in prayer and exhortation, according to the best of my abilities; — nor as yet had pretended to appoint any meeting to preach, any more than by exhortation ; but appointed prayer meetings wherever the doors were opened, and with the brethren at the meeting-house— and soon had the happiness of seeing a revival among the brethren, and a great solemnity on the minds of the unconverted youth. One evening I was requested to appoint a prayer meeting at a Presbyterian sister's, about two miles from the meeting-house ; — brother John Wedon attended with me. It was late before we set out on our way, and while going to our appointment, these words frequently came to my mind : " Fear not, I am with you," which greatly animated my soul to go forward, trusting in the Lord.

When we entered the house, a solemn sense of the situation poor sinners were in, living unreconciled to God, caused my heart to groan within me, when casting my eyes around

on the assembly. I prayed, then attempted

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to deliver an exhortation ; but my mind was so distressed to think of the awful situation of the wicked, that I soon sat down. We had a solemn silence for a few moments, then I arose and went through the assembly, and inquired of each one whether they had an interest in the I ord Jesus Christ? If they said they had, I exhorted them to be more faithful ; if they said they had not, I told them individually the danger they were in^ while living without God in the world. This was a great cross, but was determined to clear myself from the blood of all men. When beginning to make the solemn inquiry, the tears flowed freely from my eyes, and I spoke to several that had a hope in Christ. Then came to a young woman, and asked her if she had any part in Christ ? She arose, and answered, I have not. Did you ever feel the need of religion ? She said she had. How long since you felt a particular desire for it ? She said, since I came into the meeting, for when you began to pray, my mind was struck with great solemnity, and thought it was necessary for me to have religion. This was so singular to me at that time, that I doubted her sincerity ; and asked her if f«he was willing to kneel down before God, and that assembly, and pray for her salvation.'^ She said that she was willing to kneel, if I would pray for her. I then kneeled and prayed, and the weight on my mind left me. Some of the youth were so afraid, that they went into the porch, others out at the door, and so the meeting ended. The young woman went home much distressed in mind. Tlmt night I stayed at the house where the meeting was held ; and while sleeping there, had the following dream : —

I dreamed, that being on a long journey to the west, and calling at a house, found a number of people were collected in a large room, and some in a bed-room adjoining, who w^ere weeping very bitterly ; went up to the door, and saw a young woman lying on a bed in the agonies of death, calling to her father, and saying, father, I am dying, and I want you to promise you will not suffer me to be buried, nor removed from hence, for three days, for I shall then live again. He promised he would not suffer her to be removed ; then she closed her eyes in death. A few moments after, her father directed a young man to go to a carpenter, and ask him to make a coffin for her. With much earnestness I then spoke to the father. Sir, did you not promise that you would not suffer your daughter to be removed for three days ? He answered, yes, but she was not in her right mind, and I therefore made the promise to compose her. I believed she was in her right mind, and therefore tried to persuade her father not to remove her, but to no effect, until I told him that I was on a long journey, yet would tarry the three days and watch with her, if they would let her remain, to which they assented. I took a chair, sat down in the bed-room the three days and nights, without rising out of it.

The sun was about an hour high at night when she died. Many people having heard what had taken place, came to see and to know whether she would come to life. On the third day after her death, several persons came into the room and looked around, and when they saw no alteration in her, they went out of the room, and, with a sneer, said one to another, this fellow is a false prophet. Not a word by me, as yet, had been spoke'n, and I now thought that 1 would not sit and hear their scoffs, and arose in order to go out of the door ; but coming into the square room, among the midst of them, my heart was so grieved for their unbelief, I fell on my knees and prayed to God to raise her to life again. While in prayer, I saw her spirit returning from heaven, and the sight so frightened me, that it stopped my prayer, and I told them that she is come to life ; a woman then stepped to the bed-room door to see ; she started back, being frightened, and said that she had opened her eyes. I told the woman that she would not hurt her. I then went to the bed, took the young woman by the hand ; she arose and stepped on to the floor, and to my great surprise, she was immediately changed into an immortal being ! Then fearing to speak to her, thought that I would watch her as Elisha did Elijah, to see when she ascended to heaven. She then spoke, and said, that for my sake she would tarry a little while, and bid me go out and invite all the people to come and see for themselves. I went and

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invited many, and soon returned. Her hair had become >vhite as the pure wool ; her robe was whiter than sno\v ; and her feet, hands and face, was exceeding white, and as clear as a piece of pure glass. While beholding her, my soul was animated with the love of God, and began to exhort the people to believe on the Lord Jesus Christ. Then I awoke, and behold it was a dream*

I will now return to the 'ounsr woman who was pricked in the heart in the evening meetii'g. She was brought into the liberty of the sons of God, on the third day after she was awakened. Soon after, an appointment was made by a man to preach at the new meeting-house in Rochester, on Sunday. He had preached occasionally for several years, but was too much entangled with the affairs of this life to enjoy much of the divine presence in preaching. I attended the meeting with him ; he was very anxious for me to take a seat with him in the pulpit ; through his anxiety I consented, and was the first time that ever I entered the pulpit. After prayer, he read a passage of scripture, but did not proceed half through his subject before he stopped and told the people diat he could not preach This was a trving time to me, for I thought that if a man of his abilities and understanding of the scriptures was confounded before the people, that I should also be confounded, should I attempt to read any particular passage and expound it. The brethren were very anxious for me to come and meet with them the Sunday after.

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To go back, would be death ; and to go forward, I could but die. Therefore I agreed to attend a meeting there the next first d ty. The time having arrived for my appointment, I found a larger collection than usual ; went into the pulpit, and for the first time read a pissage of scripture, and offered my thoughts upon it. The passage I read is in Isaiah, 62, 12. The Lord gave me much freedom in speaking, and from that time thii reformation began to appear, and it spread to the joy of a great many, and was the first reformation that the Lord QVer made me instrumental of beginning.

I enjoyed great freedom of mind in speaking to this people from time to time, until a number were converted to God, and others seeking Jesus sorrowing. Now I began to look at my own weakness, and to seek for some preacher to help me, instead of looking to the Lord and trusting in him for strength. From th.t time, I lost that sweet enjoyment of that peace and love of God from my heart. And the Lord was pleased to carry on his glorious work among the people by other instruments, while I was left to cry out, *' O, my leanness, my leanness." I could not feel to rejoice but very little in the reformation for several months. In November, went a little journey to Coventry, in the state of Rhode- Island, to visit my brethren there, hoping to find some relief to my mind. Was kindly received by the brethren, held two meetings with them, and enjoyed some freedom of mind. The next morning after attending my second meeting, I awoke very early, was so distressed in mind that I groaned aloud, and thought that I could not live but a short time. Immediately I arose and fell on my knees to pray, and called on the Lord for help, and inquired of him why I v/as so distressed ? While crying before the Lord, a solemn impression came into my mind, to arise and go to the lower part of Rochester, in Massachusetts, called Pine Island, and there preach Christ to the people. Then I prayed to God, if the impression v/as from him, that he would increase it ; and if the impression was not from him, that he would remove it from me. The impression increased, so I feared if I disobeyed, the Lord would destroy me ; and at eleven o'clock the same day, took my staff and set out for to return to Rochester again ; and so soon as I began my return, the peace of God began to flow into my heart.

Saturday, the second day after leaving Coventry, in Rhode- Island, I arrived at my sister's in Rainham, and on Sunday morning went to Dartmouth. But, O, the distress that was on my mind cannot be described. On my way, while travelling through a piece of vv^oods, found myself out of the road among the bushes, which wav to rind the road I knew not, it rained hard, and I sat down and wept, and prayed to the Lord to take me out of the world, for then 1 thought it would be better for me to die, than to live. While I sat weeping, a voice bid me arise and go on my journey., Then said I, Lord I am lost, and know not whicli v/ay to go. The voice bid me look up ;

I looked up and saw the road in sight, and then went on m}^ way ag\nn. Though it rained hard through the day, I did not stop at any house, for 1 was so distressed in mirid that I did not want to see any mortal on e/;rth

Tuesday mornhig felt a Httle more composed, went into the neighbourhood of Pine- Lrilai.d, and got a place for a meeting tliat night. A number of people came out to hear niv messa2:e from the Lord; heiT I held a. number of meetings, and Gud soon began his gracious work among them. On ntw ytrar's day, 1815, a largt r assembly attends d than usu:<l 1 spoke from Hebrews 12, 1., While speaking, God caused a great shaking among the dry bones ; many viewed the necessity of *' breaking off their sins by righteousness, and their iniquities by turning unto the Lord." When I had done preaching, I requested all those who wanted the prayers of the saints, to manifest it by rising up ; about forty arose ; and when I s; w so many rise, my faith failed, and I began again to pray to God to send some preacher that had more experience to take hold in this great work ; and when I began to seek after some minister to come and preach, I felt my spiritual strength to fail.

For the greatest part of six months after I was in great distress of soul, and often promised the Lord if he woidd make me again an instrument of another reformation, I would attend to my own duty, and let oiher persons attend to cheirs. Mv Bible and Concordance were my constant companions ; I spent much of my time in the barns, fields, and groves, reading and praymg to God Some of my brethren at that time feared that I should become insane, and advised me to give over the idea of preaching, for they believed I was deceived. ** Miserable comforters were all of these." But Elders Daniel Hix, Benjamin Taylor, and brother VV illiam Whitten were nursing fathers to me, and m.iy God. reward them ten thousand per cent, in this world, and life everlasting in the world to come. But, amidst all my trials, I felt that the Lord would deliver me again

About the first of Muy following, I began to have a different exercise of mind from what I ever before had ; for, whenever my eyes were closed, to pray in secret, then a vast plain seemed to spread itself before me on every side ; yet I could not see any city, village, house, tree, or shrub, in any direction ; the sun appeared to be pouring forth its scorching rays upon this dreary desert. When on my knees, I often prayed to God to shew me some city, or vilLnge, like Zoar, that I might flee to, and not perish on these plains. Thus was my mind exercised for about two months. Towards the last of June, while attendina: a meetmg on Sunday evening, with my brethren in New- Bedford, I was greatly distressed in mind, and the next morning set out for brother John Gillatt's in Nasquetucket ; and while on the way, all creation looked a^ gloomy as the house oT death ; as 1 drew near his house, I turned aside into a piece of woods to pray. As I 6 closed my eyes in prayer, viewed myself in the midst of the plain before described, and had not prayed long, when, on a sudden, there was a be iutiful village that arose up on the plain, at a distance, and immediately the appearance of water streamed from the sky upon it, like a shower of rain. After the rain, a bright cloud descended and covered the whole village. The love of God then flowed into my heart, and I felt to praise him that he had shewn me a place where he was about to revive his work. The direction the village appeared to be in, from me, I knew, but could not tell the distance. B} what I had seen, was persuaded if it was from the Lord, he would direct me in the way, and if I was obedient, should find it. Then I arose and went to brother Gillatt's house. But before 1 arrived there, my solemn, gloomy feelings, returned again ; and I began to conclude all that I had seen was enthusiasm, and now feared that God would give me over to insanity.

As the sun was sitting, the account given of Abraham, in Genesis 19, 27, 28, came to my mind, and I thought that I would arise and go down to the beach of the sea, which was near, and sit my face towards the west, in the same direction that I savi^ the village, covered with the glory of God, and pray. For I did believe, if what I had seen was from God, he would give a discovery of the same things again. Accordingly, I went, and as I began to pray, vi' wed myself, as before, in the midst of a vast plain ; and soon the village arose up-

On it ; the glory of God, like an exceeding white cloud, followed the rain, and covered it from my sight. I now was more convinced that this was from God ; and the next day began my preparations to go in search of the place.

Wednesday morning I again began to fear that these things were only imaginations, and went into the adjoining wood, and prayed to God that if they were from him, to condescend to give me one more view of them, and I would be satisfied. And the third time in prayer, I had a clear view of those things again. On Thursday morning set out on my way, without telling any person what I had seen, to find the place that God had shewn me. But, O ! the distress of mind, when on my v/ay to Asonet, cannot be described. The weather was very hot, and it seemed that the devils, with all their hellish host, were engaged with their fiery darts to hinder me ; my mind was in complete darkness, and it seemed that I could not raise one desire from the heart, to God for help. I sat down a number of times on my way, and wept before the Lord I arrived at brother Ebenezer Pierce's, in Asonet, about twelve o'clock ; but founxl no peace to my troubled mind, and now concluded I had been altogether deceived, and where to go I did not know.

In the evening went into a grove to pray, to beseech God to save me from delusion and insanity. As I began to pray, in the same direction saw the village, and the glory that was shewn to me before ; then the love of God again filled my heart. The next morning arose, and went to sister Hannah Burt's, in Berkley, but found no ease to my restless mind. While sitting here, I put my face between my hands, and my hands between my knees, and secretly prayed to God to direct me where to go ; and felt my mind impressed to go to my uncle Stephen Hathaway 's, on the west side of Taunton river. Immediately I ^vent down, crossed the river, and went to my uncle's. As I entered his house, my cousin met me, and exclaimed, brother Levi, I am glad to see you, fear not, for the Lord has sent you here. To know what this salutation should mean, I fell on my knees to pray ; and as soon as I began, my heart was filled with the love of God, and the same glory that I saw descend upon the village, which appeared to me when in Fairhaven, now shone all around me.