The boy's own guide to good principles, habits and manners

Front matter

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Introduction

TO PARENTS, GUARDIANS AND TEACHERS.

Tins volume is intended more especially for boys between the ages of ten and sixteen years, though perhaps it will be found not altogether unsuitable for those who have not yet reached, or have advanced a little beyond, this stage of youth. The aim of the writer has been, to hold up the character and habits of the well-behaved boy, as a model for the imitation of his readers, and to point out the various dangers, temptations and trials peculiar to this most interesting and critical period of life. The complaint has been made, — and, it appears to us, not entirely without reason, — that the moral wants of lads have received less attention than those of most other classes of the community. Hitherto, there seems to have been less direct and specific efFurt made in their behalf than the exigencies of the case demand. In too many instances, iv

INTRODUCTION.

it is to be feared, their heads have been educated at the expense of their hearts ; readiDg and spelling have been deemed of more importance than justice and virtue, and the ability to recite a good lesson been more highly praised than the accomplishments of good behavior.

As a natural result of this neglect, our ears have become weary with complaints of ill-bred and ungovernable lads, — of youthful immorality, and precocious vice, and juvenile crime. This is especially true of our large towns and cities, where we have grown but too familiar with the sight of " pale, haggard-looking boys, trying their best to break their fathers' hearts ;" and where a conscription, more terrible than that of Poland, is decimating our fairest households, and annually sweeping into the ranks of vice and crime, with startling regularity, no small proportion of the youthful strength and beauty of the land. The Rev. Orville Dewey, of Washington, in a recent discourse on Obedience, which has been published, and has attracted considerable attention throughout the country, remarks : —

" Are you not struck with the new character which childhood and youth are putting on among us 7 Think of such a fact as this ! According to the

INTRODUCTION.

V presentment of a Grand Jury this year, in one of our cities,* four-fifths of the complaints have been against minors ! and full two-thirds of all the complaints for crime acted on, during a late law-term, have been against persons between the ages of fourteen and twenty-one ! But it is not necessary to go so far for examples. In this very service which we now hold, it will not be strange, if some rude sounds from without shall give disagreeable evidence of the state of manners around us. I have lived two years in the cities of Continental Europe — Catholic cities — and, I say advisedly, that I witness every Sunday ten times as much noise and disorder in these streets, as I ever witnessed there. There is a lesson upon our danger, in large print, to be read by nightly conflagrations ; f and it must be read and acted on, or worse will come. And it is not in cities alone, but all over the country, I see the evils of an undisciplined youth. It must be disciplined. Age, and manhood, and paternity, and magistracy, must speak to it, and must be heard." Another American writer, who has recently traveled

* New York.

t The allusion is to frequent fires in the city of Washington, commonly attributed to boy-incendiaries. 1* vi

INTRODUCTION.

extensively in Europe, asserts that the juvenile depravity of New York exceeds any thing he witnessed abroad. Nor are all these victims of early ruin the children of the vicious, the ignorant and the emigrant. There are, alas, too many Elis, and Samuels, and Davids, and Josiahs, among us, in our secluded villages as well as great cities, whose sons walk not in the ways of their fathers, but " go astray after other gods." The evil is wide-spread and general, and calls imploringly for a remedy. Should this volume contribute, in the humblest degree, to this desirable end, — should it assist some parent or teacher in inculcating those pure and lofty principles which are the only safeguard against temptation, — should it aid some lad in the acquisition of good morals and good manners, and help him to escape the manifold dangers that beset the pathway of early life, — the purpose for which it was written will have been answered, and great will be the reward of

The Author.

Contents

CHAPTER PAGE

L INTRODUCTORY ON RECEIVING

ADVICE 1

Chapter I

INTRODUCTORY. ON RECEIVING ADVICE.

Starting right — The author only an adviser — What he expects to do — Oliver in the city — How he found his way about — Advice a substitute for experience — Application of the illustration — Gaining experience without advice — Its danger— The true way to acquire wisdom— Impatience of advice — No guide needed in the path of sin — How advice should be received — Its importance — Yielding to good advice not unmanly—A noble trait.

My Dear Young Friends : —

Your experience, brief as it is, has doubtless taught you, that even in the smallest undertakings of life, a great deal depends upon starting right. A good ending can hardly be expected 1

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from a bad beginning. At the outset, then, of my little book, I must see that you start right in its perusal. To secure this desirable object, perhaps I ought to say a few words on the manner of receiving advice ; for I hardly need remark, that, while talking with you on the principles and habits you are about to adopt, I shall only act the part of an adviser. I do not come with the authority of the parent or the teacher, but shall only aim to influence your course by good counsel and advice. It is of the first importance, therefore, that we understand each other as to the manner in which this advice shall be given and received.

As to my part, in this mutual contract, I will only say, that I shall fancy before me a group of respectful and attentive lads, to whom I shall address such counsels as I deem most important, in such a manner as I think will be most likely to secure their attention and assent. I shall try to give no bad or even doubtful or useless advice ; but in all faithfulness and affection, shall strive to point out the good and the evil in the characters and dispositions of youth.

Some years ago a boy named Oliver went from the country to Boston, to engage in the service of a merchant. At first, his duties consisted princi-

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jDally in carrying packages and messages to various parts of the city, and he was greatly puzzled to find his way about, so numerous and so crooked were the streets. Sometimes, before starting, he would look at a map of the city which hung in the store, and endeavor to trace out his course ; at others, his employer would direct him minutely as to the way. By keeping in mind the information thus obtained, and with the aid of the little signs containing the names of the streets which he found at most of the corners, he generally managed to find the place he sought ; and if he was ever in doubt, an inquiry addressed to some passer-by would soon set him right. Thus, in a few weeks, all the difficulties vanished, and in sending him on an errand, it was only necessary to give him the name and number of the street, and he would find it by the shortest route.

Oliver's difficulties, you will perceive, arose entirely from his want of experience ; and he found a temporary substitute for this, in advice. The map, the street signs, and the directions which he received, were all so many forms of advice, and aided him in his travels, and saved him from many fruitless steps, until he obtained a knowledge of the streets, or, in other words, gained experience.

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When you came into the world you were situated very much as Oliver was when he began to live in the city. All around you were avenues and paths, leading in every direction ; some to virtue, and some to vice ; some to usefulness, and some to w T orthlessness ; some to sorrow, and some to happiness. You cannot always remain in the spot where you were born, but after the period of infancy, you must begin to walk in some of these roads, although you know very little about them. Now will you go forth into the world and blunder your way about, into the good and evil, until you acquire experience ? or will you accept the advice of those who know something of the way, and follow their directions ? The first would be a very slow process. It would require many years to obtain a general experience of the world in this way. In our country the law supposes that twenty-one years are necessary to give a boy sufficient experience to act for himself ; and it is not till he reaches that age, that he is legally released from the control of his parents, or permitted to vote. Should a boy go forth into the world, to explore it for himself, without any assistance from experienced persons, I suppose he would need more than twenty-one years to complete his work. But this is a very small objec-

ON RECEIVING- ADVICE.

tion, compared with, another which I must bring against such an experiment. So great are the dangers to the inexperienced, on every hand, that the person who should determine to acquire experience without the aid of others, would almost inevitably be ruined in the attempt. The paths of sin and vice are most enticing to the natural heart ; and should he enter but one of them, he would soon be led into others, — for they are all closely connected.

But you may save yourself all this trouble and danger, and in time acquire a valuable experience, too, by occasionally taking a little good advice from those who are better acquainted with the world than you are. Consult your chart, look at the signs upon the street corners, and inquire the way of others when you are in doubt, and the right path will soon become clear. The Bible is the chart ; your parents and religious friends are those of whom you should inquire for more particular instructions ; and, if you please, you may consider my humble counsels as " street signs," put up at the corners, to guide the young stranger into the right path, and to warn him from those avenues that lead to death.

I am sorry to say, that the young are sometimes impatient of advice, though I hope the remark will apply to none of you. They think too highly of their own ability to distinguish betweeen good and evil, and do not like to have any one interfere with their choice. This arises from ignorance and inexperience — exactly those imperfections which make advice very necessary in their case. Those who are most restless under good advice, are always the very persons who need it most. If a boy is fully bent on pursuing the way of sin, he will need no advice to enable him to find that way, or to follow it to the end. Like some of the most frequented routes through the great deserts of the east, he will find his course marked by a white line of bleached bones, ever extending before and behind him — the sad relics of those who have perished on the dismal road he is treading. But if he aspires to the path of rectitude and virtue, he will often feel the need of advice, which will be to him as the beacon to the mariner, or the guide-book to the traveler.

Advice should be received by youth with respectful attention, when it comes from those who are wiser and older than themselves. Mere politeness requires this, for it would be uncivil not to listen when addressed by superiors. But

ON RECEIVING ADVICE. 7

you must not stop here. Having listened to counsel with, patience, you should follow and obey it, unless it is plainly contrary to the Bible, or to your conscience, or to your own past experience. " We may give advice," says Franklin, " but we cannot give conduct." This last and all-important requisite must depend wholly upon yourself.

Could you look into the secret histories of the best and most eminent men that have ever lived, you would find that much if not all of their excellence was owing to their heeding wise counsels in their youth. And on the other hand, you will find that our prisons and resorts of vice are crowded with those who scorned advice in their early years. Let it, then, be the determination of every lad who reads these pages, to open his heart to whatever good advice may be offered for his consideration. Without this the book can accomplish no useful purpose. And what I ask for myself, I would also bespeak for your parents, your teachers, your elder brothers and sisters, and all who may wish to advise and counsel you.

It is a great mistake to suppose that there is any thing unmanly or humiliating in being guided by the advice of others. We all, at times, stand

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in need of advice. The lawyer seeks the advice of the mechanic, about the mending of a carriage, or the building of a house ; and the mechanic goes to the lawyer, to be advised about the legality of a deed or a contract. The advice of the clergyman and the physician is sought by the old and the wise, not less than by the young and unlearned ; and sometimes a whole nation is swayed and controlled by the advice of the farseeing statesman. As wise a man as David once had occasion to say to a woman, " Blessed be thy advice ;" 1 Sam. 25 : 33 ; and his wise son says 9 to us, " Hear counsel, and receive instruction, that thou mayst be wise in thy latter end." Prov. 19 : 20. There is nothing mean-spirited or unmanly in this — on the contrary, it is the mark of a noble mind, to appreciate and profit by good advice. Let my readers bear this in mind, as they follow me through the successive pages of this book ; and if they find any hint, caution or counsel worthy of being heeded, let them see to it that no unworthy motive prevents their compliance with it. " With the well-advised is wisdom." Prov. 13 : 10.

Chapter II. Principles And Habits

A definition— Eelation between habits and principles — Habits determined in early life— Linnaeus, Moliere, Franklin and Girard— Habits acquired gradually — How they grow upon us — The Scotch thistle — Slavery to evil habits — Southey's description — No evil deed can be recalled — The nail holes in the wall — Mirabeau's regrets — Force of early habits — Alexander, Lord Loughborough and Franklin — Nothing can fill the place of good habits — Mrs. Adams' advice to her son — Lord Brougham's testimony — The critical period of life — Importance of good principles in early life — The boys out at sea — Weeds in the heart, and their remedy.

Those of my readers who have studied the Latin language, will remember the word habeo, the meaning of which is, " to have, to hold." It is from this word that our English substantive habit is derived. The primary or most direct meaning of habit, is a garb, or dress ; but this is not the sense in which the word is used at the head of this chapter, though this definition will help us towards the one we are seeking. Our moral or immoral habits may perhaps be termed the garb of the mind, as they are closely allied to it, though not strictly a part of it. They are something that we " have or hold," but which we were not born with. To give an exact definition, a habit is " a disposition, or condition of the mind or body, acquired by custom or a frequent repetition of the same act." It has been truly said, that " man is a bundle of habits," and yet we are not born with them, neither are we compelled to assume them against our will. We adopt our habits knowingly and willingly, or else we suffer ourselves to fall into them, without caring for or noticing the matter at all. In either case we are responsible for the result.

Now we know that every thing has a source or origin. The springs or sources of the various moral habits just alluded to, are what we call principles. This word is also derived from a Latin term, signifying the beginning, or original, and is used to express that which is believed, whether true or not, and which serves as a rule of action. Our principles are the source and origin of all our deeds. When a man deceives, cheats or injures another, we say he is a man of bad principles ; for one whose principles are good could not fall into these evil habits. The boy who is not very particular about his principles, but who means to clo as he pleases, without regard to the golden rule of right, will inevitably become the victim of vicious habits. Our principles are the foundation stones of our characters, and if they are not firm and sound, the whole edifice will be weak. To vary the figure, our principles may be compared to the roots of a tree, unseen, but the source of life ; while our habits are like the branches, conspicuous to the world, but dependent upon the roots for their existence. The reader will please to remember this latter comparison, as he reads the present chapter ; and when the word habit is used, he will keep in mind the root as well as the branch. " As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he." Prov. 23 : 7.

Most of our habits, and, indeed, the foundations of our characters, are determined in early life. Indeed, it may be said to be the great business of childhood and youth to form habits, and a most important business it is. The work is often done before we are aware of the importance of the results we are accomplishing. A poor Swedish clergyman had a little flower garden, in which he cultivated all the flowers which his means or his taste could select. Into his flower garden he introduced his little son from

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infancy ; and this little garden undoubtedly created that taste in this child which afterwards made him the first botanist and naturalist of his age, if not his race; for it was the celebrated Linnaeus who was thus brought up from infancy among flowers. A French gentleman was very fond of taking his little grandson with him to witness the plays at the theatre. The lad thus acquired such a taste for the stage, that in after life, though educated to the science of law, he forsook his profession, and devoted his life, first to acting and then to writing plays. This lad was Moliere, one of the most celebrated of French poets. I do not mention him to commend his profession, but simply to illustrate the power of early habit ; for the principle is the same, whatever the habit may be. Whether we aim at fame, wealth, learning, or excellence of character, we must form habits agreeable to the object sought or we shall fail. The studious habits which Franklin formed when an apprentice-boy, made him in after life the philosopher and statesman. The formation of early habits of frugality and self-denial, made Grirard the richest man of his times. History is full of similar illustrations of the power of early habit.

The process by which we form our characters,

PRINCIPLES AND HABITS.

is generally a slow one. Neither a bad nor a good habit can be formed in a day ; for a habit, like a great cable, is composed of a multitude of little strands, all united and twisted together. A habit of lying is not formed, until there have been many falsehoods uttered. A habit of politeness is the result of many separate acts of courtesy and kindness. " All the steps between two distant cities are small, one by one," says Rev. Dr. Cheever, " but the journey is a great thing. All the revolutions made by the wheels of a great steamer are small, one by one, but the motion is mighty, and the progress great. All the coral insects of the sea are helpless and almost invisible, one by one, yet the aggregate of their individual work and deposit may construct islands and continents, that shall rise from the ocean to remain till the globe perishes. All the evaporations from the sea and the land are in particles of moisture, insensible one by one, yet the streams that water the earth, the sounding cataracts and mighty rivers, are sustained by the process. All the thoughts, words, and actions of a man may be minute and common-place, undistinguished, each by each, for any thing remarkably good, or remarkably evil ; and yet, the result is character for eternity."

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But we should remember that, although our habits are formed early, and often imperceptibly, because by slow degrees, yet they are continually growing upon us. The boy who has just conquered the disgust which nature implanted in his being against that filthy weed, tobacco, has only to persist in its use a little while, and it will not only cease to be disagreeable to him, but will actually become pleasant to his taste ; and after one or two years' regular use of the weed, he will find it very hard to live without it. So it is with all immoral habits. They are like certain plants, the roots of which spread in the earth so fast that the husbandman cannot extirpate them. He may cut them down and dig them up, and think he has subdued them, but soon they spring up again, to mock his efforts, and to vex his soul.

Some years ago a Scotch emigrant to Van Dieman's Land carried with him to that distant colony a package of thistle-seed. The thistle, you know, is the national emblem of Scotland, as the rose is of England, and the shamrock of Ireland ; and when the Scotchman and his friends saw this familiar emblem of their native land blooming around their new homes, they almost wept with joy over the recollections it brought to their hearts of their fatherland. " The seed,"

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says a colonist, " was liberally supplied to friends far and near, and soon the down was seen soaring over the hills of Tasmania, bearing the seed in its flight, and the thistle was no longer a stranger in this our adopted country. But, mark the result ! The thistle soon manifested herself an usurper, and took possession of the soil, to the exclusion of the native grasses and herbs. In a few years the colonists began to take the alarm. Large paddocks were overgrown with the pernicious weed, and not only was the pasture land destroyed, but, in some cases, the land became inaccessible to man or beast, and in autumn the seeds mount in the air, looking like snow, and I have seen the grass perfectly white with the down. The mischief is irreparable, and the thistle will never be extirpated in Van Dieman's Land, while the curse pronounced upon the land for Adam's sake is inflicted."

Bad habits are the thistles of the heart, and each particular indulgence in them is a seed, from which will spring a new crop of weeds. A few years ago, a little boy told his first falsehood. It was a little, solitary thistle seed, and no eye but God's saw him, as he planted it in the mellow soil of his heart. But it sprang up, — 0 how quickly ! — and in a little time another, and

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another, and yet another seed dropped from it into the ground, each in its turn bearing more thistles and more seeds. And now his heart is all overgrown with this bad habit — he is a confirmed liar, and it would be as difficult for him to cease entirely from falsehood, as it would be for the gardener to clear his land of the noxious thistle, after it has gained a footing in the soil.

Of all men, the most contemptible and the most miserable is the slave of bad habits. He is truly a slave, for there is no servitude on earth like his. He is, like Mazeppa, lashed to the back of a furious horse, and borne away into the wilderness of sin and woe. His misery is aggravated by the consideration that he bound himself, little by little, and with silken cords, to his steed, then a gentle beast, but now rushing and plunging like a mad demon into the vortex of ruin. This furious steed is a passion, a lust, or a habit, but it was once only a little seed, and might have been easily crushed. Who can subdue it now ? Thus do the silken cords of sin become at last the strong net and the scourge of him who dallies with them. And this enables us to understand the Scripture declaration, that it is as difficult for those to do good " that are accustomed to do evil," as for the Ethiopian to change his skin, or

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the leopard his spots* Jer. 13 : 23. The poet Southey describes the struggles of such a man with terrible vividness, in the following lines :

" For from his shoulders grew Two snakes of monster size, Which ever at his head Aimed their rapacious teeth, To satiate raving hunger with his brain. He, in the eternal conflict, oft would seize Their swelling necks, and in his giant grasp Bruise them and rend their flesh with bloody nails,

And howl for agony ; Feeling the pangs he gave, for of himself Co-sentient and inseparable parts The snaky tortures grew.'*

But even if a man succeeds perfectly in breaking away from the dominion of habit, this cannot repair the mischief he has done. There is an old maxim, " What is done, cannot be undone," the full force of which he must realize. Some one has illustrated this truth in the following striking though rather fanciful manner : " A crime committed enters on a new state of being. Released from its secret dungeon, a human heart — freed from the fetters of restraining will that bound it there, it breaks upon the light and flies, with it, through immeasurable space, twelve millions of miles each minute. Who shall catch it ? Who

2*

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shall recall it ? Who shall shut it up in its prison-house again, as the expanded genius, Solomon, was reduced into his cauldron ? The atom of light, that saw the crime, can never die ; but will be a tale-bearer forever. Its wave, ever hurrying, will break on shore of distant suns and stars, and systems of almost fabulous remoteness. When myriads of years shall have waned, it will dash at full speed, into some point of space with the ' Last news from Earth! ' The twentieth part of a second, that tells the tale, will bear it, in undiminished flight, ten thousand miles farther on its infinite way. Xo remorse, no entreaty, no courier of repentance, can change the laws of light. The freighted atom, like a true carrier, will be a faithful and never-flagging messenger to the end of time. The blood-spot and the tear may struggle and mingle together, but ' What's done can't be undone.' " Xo, the evil deed may be repented of, and the angel of mercy may blot out the record in the great book of judgment, but it can never be recalled, or undone.

And there is another fact to be observed here. Should we have strength to break away from the power of habit, it will not only be impossible to undo our past misdeeds, but we must actually bear with us to the grave the scars of the wounds

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which they have left in our souls. In heaven, these willall doubtless be healed ; but they will remain with us on earth, to remind us of our folly, to mortify our hearts, and, perhaps, to impair our usefulness. The boy who drove" a nail into the wall every time he committed an evil, deed, and drew one out when he performed a good act, discovered this sad truth. In time, the nails which once thickly studded the wall were all drawn out, but the black and ugly holes were left, to remind him of his evil deeds. Nero could not wipe out the infamy which fell upon his name for burning Rome, by rebuilding the desolate city. The French statesman Mirabeau, who had abandoned himself to immoralities in his younger clays, once exclaimed, in a tone full of deep affliction and repentance, " Alas ! how much the immorality of my youth now injures the public interests ! " and he declared to an intimate friend that he would pass through a furnace seven times heated, to purify the name of Mirabeau. But it could not be. These errors of his youth were like the figures which boys sometimes prick into their flesh with Indian ink, and which remain as ineffacable as ever, after every particle of the body has been changed again and again.