Our deportment; or, The manners, conduct, and dress of the most refined American society, comprising rules of etiquette, social forms and ceremonies, forms of letters, invitations, etc., also suggestions on home culture and training

Front matter

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Chapter II. MANNERS

Good manners as an element of wordly success— Manner an index of character- The true gentleman— The true lady — Importance of tritles— Value of pleasing- manners— Personal appearance enhanced and fortunes made by pleasing manners — Politeness the outgrowth of good manners - 2(1

Chapter III. INTRODUCTIONS

Acquaintances thus formed Promiscuous, informal and casual introductions — Introduction of a gentleman to a lady and a lady to a gentleman- Introduction at a ball -The manner of introduction - Introducing relatives -Obligatory introductions- Salutations after introduction— Introducing one's-self- Letters of introduction— How they are to be delivered — Duty of a person to whom a letter of introduction is addressed — Letters of introduction for business purposes 31

Chapter IV. SALUTATIONS

The salutation originally an act of worship — Its form in different nations— The bow, its proper mode -Words of salutation— Manner of bowing— Duties of the young to older people -How to avoid recognition •• Etiquette of handshaking — Kissing as a mode of salutation ■ The kiss of friendship -The kiss of respect - 43 vi CONTENTS.

Chapter V. ETIQUETTE OF CALLS. page

Morning calls — Evening calls — Rules for formal calls - Calls at summer resorts— Reception days- Calls made by cards -Returning the first call— Calls after a betrothal takes place— Forming new acquaintances by calls — The first call, by whom to be made — Calls of congratulation — Visits ol condolence- Keeping an account of calls —Evening visits -"Engaged" or "not at home" to callers -General rules relative to calls— New-Year's calls 53

Chapter VI. ETIQUETTE OF VISITING

General invitations not to be accepted- The limit of a prolonged visit —Duties of a visitor— Duties of the host or hostess— True hospitality — Leave-taking — Invitations to guests — Forbearance with children - Guests making presents -Treatment of a host's friends 70

Chapter VII. ETIQUETTE OF CARDS

Visiting and calling cards — Their size and style — Wedding cards — Leaving cards in calling— Cards for mother and daughter Cards not to be sent in envelopes to return formal calls—Glazed cards not in fashion— P. P. C. cards -Cards of congratulation— When sent —Leave Cards in making first calls of the season and after invitations—Cards of condolence— Bridegroom's card 7G

Chapter VIII. CONVERSATION

Character revealed by conversation— Importance of conversing well- Children should be trained to talk well -Cultivation of the memory—Importance of remembering names — How Henry Clay acquired this habit — Listening — Writing down one's thoughts — Requisites for a good talker —Vulgarisms— Flippancy— Sympathizing with another — Bestowing compliments — Slang— Flattery — Scandal and gossip -Satire and ridicule —Religion and politics to be avoided — Bestowing of titles — Interrupting another while talking— Adaptability in conversation— Correct use of words— Speaking one's mind — Profanity — Display of knowledge— Double entendres -Impertinent questions— Things to be avoided in conversation— Hobbies— Faultfinding— Disputes ...''-., 8a

CONTENTS. vii

Chapter IX. DINNER PARTIES. page

Dinners are entertainments for married people— Whom to invite — Forms of invitations — Punctuality required — The success of a dinner party — Table appointments— Proper size of a dinner party

— Arrangement of guests at table — Serving dinner a la Russe — Duties of servants— Serving the dishes — General rules regarding dinner— Waiting on others— Monopolizing conversation— Duties of hostess and host— Retiring from the table— Calls required after a dinner party Returning hospitalities— Expensive dinners not the most-enjoyable— Wines at dinners 105

Chapter X. TABLE ETIQUETTE

Importance of acquiring good habits at the table— Table appointments for breakfast, luncheon and dinner— Use of the knife and fork— Of the napkin— Avoid fast eating and all appearance of greediness —General rules on the subject 121

Chapter XI".

RECEPTIONS, PARTIES AND BALLS.

Morning receptions— The dress and refreshments for them— Invitations — Musical matinees— Parties in the country— Five o'clock teas and kettle-drums — Requisites for a successful ball— Introductions at a ball— Receiving guests— The number to invite— Duties of the guests

— General rules to be observed at balls — Some suggestions for gentlemen — Duties of an escort — Preparations for a ball — The supper— An after-call required 127

Chapter XII. STREET ETIQUETTE

The street manners of a lady— Forming street acquaintances— Recognizing friends in the street— Saluting a lady— Passing through a crowd— The first to bow— Do not lack politeness— How a lady and gentleman should walk together- When to offer a lady the arm- Going up and down stairs — Smoking in the streets — Carrying packages— Meeting a lady acquaintance— Corner loafers— Shouting in the street— Shopping etiquette— For public conveyances— Cutting acquaintances— General suggestions - 143 viii CONTENTS.

Chapter XIII. ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES. page

Conduct in church — Invitations to opera, theatres and concerts — Conduct in public assemblages — Remain until the performance closes— Conduct in picture galleries — Behavior at charity fairs— Conduct at an artist's studio - - - ' - - - - - - 155

Chapter XIV. TRAVELING ETIQUETTE

Courtesies shown to ladies traveling alone— Duties of an escort— Duties of a lady to her escort— Ladies should assist other ladies traveling alone— The seats to be occupied in a railway car— Discretion to be used in forming acquaintances in traveling - 165

Chapter XV. RIDING AND DRIVING

Learning to ride on horseback— The gentleman's duty as an escort in riding — How to assist a lady to mount— Riding with ladies- Assisting a lady to alight from a horse— Driving— The seat ot honor in a carriage— Trusting the driver 172

Chapter XVI. COURTSHIP

Proper conduct of gentlemen and ladies towards each other — Premature declaration of love— Love at first sight— Proper manner of courtship— Parents should exercise authority over daughters— An acceptable suitor— Requirements for a happy marriage— Proposals of marriage— A gentleman should not press an unwelcome suit— A lady's refusal— A doubtful answer— Unladylike conduct toward a suitor— The rejected suitor— Asking consent of parents— Presents after engagement— Conduct and relations of the engaged couple — Lovers' quarrels— Breaking an engagement ... - 177

Chapter XVII. WEDDING ETIQUETTE

Choice of bridemaids and groomsmen or ushers— The bridal costume —Costumes of bridegroom and ushers— Presents of the bride and bridegroom— Ceremonials at church when there are no bridemaids or ushers— Invitations to the ceremony alone — The latest ceremon-

CONTENTS. ix

PAGE

ials —Weddings at home — The evening wedding — " At home" receptions— Calls— The wedding ring- Marriage ceremonials of a widow— Form of invitations to a reception — Duties of invited guests— Of bridemaids and ushers — Bridal presents — Master of ceremonies— Wedding fees— Congratulations— The bridal tour - 193

Chapter XVIII. HOME LIFE AND ETIQUETTE

Home the woman's kingdom — Home companionship — Conduct of husband and wife— Duties of the wife to her husband— The wife a helpmate— The husband's duties 206

Chapter XIX. HOME TRAINING

First lessons learned at home— Parents should set good examples to their children— Courtesies in the home circle— Early moral training of children— The formation of their habits— Politeness at home- Train children for some occupation— Bad temper— Selfishness — Home maxims -- 214

Chapter XX. HOME CULTURE

Cultivate moral courage — The pernicious influence of indolence- Self respect— Results of good breeding at home— Fault-finding and grumbling— Family jars not to be made public— Conflicting interests—Religious education— Obedience— Influence of example— The influence of books - ----223

Chapter XXI. WOMAN'S HIGHER EDUCATION

Its importance— Train young women to some occupation— Education of girls too superficial— An education appropriate to each sex — Knowledge of the laws of health needed by women— Idleness the source of all misery— A spirit of independence— Health and life dependent upon a higher culture— Cultivation of the moral sense 231

Chapter XXII. THE LETTER WRITER

Letter writing as an indication of good breeding— Requirements for

Contents

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correct writing— Anonymous letters— Note paper to be used— Forms of letters and notes — Forms of addressing notes and letters— Forms of signature— Letters of introduction— When to be given— Notes of invitation and replies thereto— Acceptances and regrets— Formal Invitations must be answered— Letters of friendship— Love letters —Business letters and correspondence— Form of letter requesting employment— Regarding the character of a servant —Forms tor notes, drafts, bills and receipts 240

Chapter XXIII. GENERAL RULES TO GOVERN CONDUCT

Attention to the young in society— Gracefulness of carriage— Attitude, coughing, sneezing, etc.— Anecdotes, puns, etc. — A sweet and pure breath— Smoking— A good listener— Give precedence to others— Be moderate in speaking— Singing and playing in society— Receiving and making presents— Governing our moods— A lady driving with a gentleman — An invitation cannot be recalled— Avoid talking of personalities— Shun gossip and tale bearing— Removing the hat- Intruding on privacy— Politeness— Adapting yourself to others- Contradicting— A woman's good name — Expressing unfavorable opinions —Vulgarities — Miscellaneous rules governing conduct —Washington's maxims - 258

Chapter XXIV. ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS

How and when they are celebrated — The paper, cotton and leather weddings— The wooden wedding— The tin wedding— The crystal wedding— The silver wedding— The golden wedding — The diamond wedding— Presents at anniversary weddings -Forms of invitations, etc. - - - 277

Chapter XXV. BIRTHS AND CHRISTENINGS

Naming the child— The christening— Godparents or Sponsors— Presents from godparents— The ceremony— The breakfast -Christening gifts The hero of the day— Fees - 283

Chapter XXVI. FUNERALS

Death notices and funeral invitations— Arrangements for the funeral

CONTENTS. xi

PAGE

—The house of mourning— Conducting the funeral services— The pall bearers— Order of the procession— Floral and other decorations —Calls upon the bereaved family— Seclusion of the family - 288

Chapter XXVII. ETIQUETTE AT WASHINGTON

Social duties required of the President and his family— Receptions at the White House — Order of official rank — Duties required of members of the cabinet and their families— How to address officials -The first to visit - - - 295

Chapter XXVIII. ETIQUETTE OF FOREIGN COURTS

Foreign titles— Royalty— The nobility— The gentry— Esquires— Imperial rank— European titles— Presentation at the court of St. James— Those eligible and ineligible for presentation — Preliminaries- Presentation costumes 301

Chapter XXIX. BUSINESS

The example of a merchant prince— Keep your temper— Honesty the best policy— Form good habits— Breaking an appointment— Prompt payment of bills, notes and drafts— General suggestions - - - 308

Chapter XXX. DRESS

Requirements for dressing well*— Perils of the love of dress to weak minds— Consistency in dress— Extravagance— Indifference to dress —Appropriate dress— The wearing of gloves— Evening or full dress for gentlemen— Morning dress for gentlemen — Evening or full dress for ladies— Ball dress— The full dinner dress— For receiving and making morning calls- Morning dress for street — Carriage dress -Promenade dress and walking suit— Opera dress —The riding dress— For women of business— Ordinary evening dress — For a social party— Dress for the theatre, lecture and concert— Archery, croquet and skating costumes— Bathing dress— For traveling— The bridal costume— Dress of bridemaids — At wedding receptions — Mourning dress— How long mourning should be worn - - - 313 xii CONTENTS.

Chapter XXXI. COLORS AND THEIR HARMONY IN DRESS. page

The proper arrangement of colors— The colors adapted to different persons— Material for dress— Size in relation to color and dress— A list of colors that harmonize 334

Chapter XXXII. THE TOILET

Importance of neatness and cleanliness— Perfumes— The bath— The teeth and their care— The skin— The eyes, eyelashes and brows— The hair and beard— The hands and feet 344

Chapter XXXIII. TOILET RECIPES

To remove freckles, pimples and sunburn— To beautify the complexion — To prevent the hair falling out— Pomades and hair oils— Sea foam or dry shampoo— To prevent hair turning gray— To soften the skin— To cleanse the teeth— Remedy for chapped hands— For corns and chilblains, etc. 365

Chapter I

KNOWLEDGE of etiquette has been defined to be a knowledge of the rules of society at its best. These rules have been the outgrowth of centuries of civilization, had their foundation in friendship and love of man for his fellow man — the vital principles of Christianity — and are most powerful agents for promoting peace, harmony and good will among all people who are enjoying the blessings of more advanced civilized government. In all civilized countries the influence of the best society is of great importance to the welfare and prosperity of the nation, but in no country is the good influence of the most refined society more powerfully felt than in our own, "the land of the future, where mankind may plant, essay, and resolve all social problems." These rules make social intercourse more agreeable, and facilitate hospitalities, when all members of society hold them as binding rules and faithfully regard their observance. They are to society what our laws are to the people as a political body, and to disregard them will give rise to constant misunderstandings, 2 Q31 engender ill will, and beget bad morals and bad manners.

Says an eminent English writer : " On manners, refinement, rules of good breeding, and even the forms of etiquette, we are forever talking, judging our neighbors severely by the breach of traditionary and unwritten laws, and choosing our society and even our friends by the touchstone of courtesy." The Marchioness de Lambert expressed opinions which will be endorsed by the best bred people everywhere when she wrote to her son : " Nothing is more shameful than a voluntary rudeness. Men have found it necessary as well as agreeable to unite for the common good ; they have made laws to restrain the wicked ; they have agreed among themselves as to the duties of society, and have annexed an honorable character to the practice of those duties. He is the honest man that observes them with the most exactness and the instances of them multiply in proportion to the degree of nicety of a person's honor."

Originally a gentleman was defined to be one, who without any title of nobility, wears a coat of arms. And the descendants of many of the early colonists preserve with much pride and care the old armorial bearings which their ancestors brought with them from their homes in the mother country. Although despising titles and ignoring the rights of kings, they still clang to the " grand old name of gentleman." But race is no longer the only requisite for a gentleman, nor will race united with learning and wealth make a man a gentleman, unless there are present the kind and gentle qualities of the heart, which find expression in the principles of the Golden Rule. Nor will race, education and wealth combined make a woman a true lady if she shows a want of refinement and consideration of the feelings of others.

Good manners are only acquired by education and observation, followed up by habitual practice at home and in society, and good manners reveal to us the lady and the gentleman. He who does not possess them, though he bear the highest title of -nobility cannot expect to be called a gentleman; nor can a woman, without good manners, aspire to be considered a lady by ladies. Manners and morals are indissolubly allied, and no society can be good where they are bad. It is the duty of American women to exercise their influence to form so high a standard of morals and manners that the tendency of society will be continually upwards, seeking to make it the best society of any nation.

As culture is the first requirement of good society, so self improvement should be the aim of each and all of its members. Manners will improve with the cultivation of the mind, until the pleasure and harmony of social intercourse are no longer marred by the introduction of discordant elements, and they only will be excluded from the best society whose lack of education and whose rude manners will totally unfit them for its enjoyments and appreciation. Good manners are even more essential to harmony in society than a good education, and may be considered as valuable an acquisition as knowledge in any form.

The principles of the Golden Rule, "whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them," is the basis of all true politeness, — principles which teach us to forget ourselves, to be kind to our neighbors, and to be civil even to our enemies. The appearance of so being and doing is what society demands as good manners, and the man or woman trained to this mode of life is regarded as well bred. The people, thus trained, are easy to get along with, for they are as quick to make an apology when they have been at fault, as they are to accept one when it is made " The noble-hearted only understand the noble-hearted."

In a society where the majority are rude from the thoughtlessness of ignorance, or remiss from the insolence of bad breeding, the iron rule, u Do unto others, as they do unto you," is oftener put in practice than the golden one. The savages know nothing of the virtues of forgiveness, and regard those who are not revengeful as wanting in spirit ; so the ill-bred do not understand undeserved civilities extended to promote the general interests of society, and to carry out the injunction of the Scriptures to strive after the things that make for peace.

Society is divided into sets, according to their breeding. One set may be said to have no breeding at all, another to have a little, another more, and another enough ; and between the first and last of these, there are more shades than in the rainbow. Good manners are the same in essence everywhere, — at courts, in fashionable society, in literary circles, in domestic life, — they never change, but social observances, customs and points of etiquette, vary with the age and with the people.

A French writer has said : " To be truly polite, it is necessary to be, at the same time, good, just and generous. True politeness is the outward visible sign of those inward spiritual graces called modesty, unselfishness and generosity. The manners of a gentleman are the index of his soul. His speech is innocent, because his life is pure ; his thoughts are right, because his actions are upright; his bearing is gentle, because his feelings, his impulses, and his training are gentle also. A gentleman is entirely free from every kind of pretence. He avoids homage, instead of exacting it. Mere ceremonies have no attraction for him. He seeks not to say any civil things, but to do them. His hospitality, though hearty and sincere, will be strictly regulated by his means. His friends will be chosen for their good qualities and good manners ; his servants for their truthfulness and honesty ; his occupations for their usefulness, their gracefulness or their elevating tendencies, whether moral, mental or political."

In the same general tone does Ruskin describe a gentleman when he says : " A gentleman's first characteristic is that fineness of structure in the body which renders it capable of the most delicate sensation, and of that structure in the mind which renders it capable of the most delicate sympathies — one maysay, simply, ' fineness of nature.' This is, of course, compatible with heroic bodily strength and mental firmness ; in fact, heroic strength is not conceivable without such delicacy. Elephantine strength may drive its way through a forest and feel no touch of the boughs, but the white skin of Homer's Atrides would have felt a bent rose-leaf, yet subdue its feelings in the glow of battle and behave itself like iron. I do not mean to call an elephant a vulgar animal ; but if you think about him carefully, you will find that his non-vulgarity consists in such gentleness as is possible to elephantine nature — not in his insensitive hide nor in his clumsy foot, but in the way he will lift his foot if a child lies in his way, and in his sensitive trunk and still more sensitive mind and capability of pique on points of honor. Hence it will follow that one of the probable signs of high breeding in men generally will be their kindness and mercifulness, these always indicating more or less firmness of make in the mind."

Can any one fancy what our society might be, if all its members were perfect gentlemen and true ladies, if all the inhabitants of the earth were kindhearted ; if, instead of. contending with the faults of our fellows we were each to wage war against our own faults? Every one needs to guard constantly against the evil from within as well as from without, for as has been truly said, "a man's greatest foe dwells in his own heart."

A recent English writer says : " Etiquette may be defined as the minor morality of life. No observances however minute, that tend to spare the feelings of others, can be classed under the head of trivialties ; and politeness, which is but another name for general amiability, will o 41 the creaking wheels of life more effectually than any of those unguents supplied by mere wealth and station." While the social observances, customs and rules which have grown up are numerous, and some perhaps considered trivial, they are all grounded upon principles of kindness to one another, and spring from the impulses of a good heart and friendly feelings. The truly polite man acts from the highest and noblest ideas of what is right

Lord Chesterfield declared good breeding to be " the result of much good sense, some good nature and a little self denial for the sake of others, and with a view to obtain the same indulgence from them." Again he says : " Good sense and good nature suggest civility in general, but in good breeding there are a thousand little delicacies which are established only by custom."

Chapter II

(fit OT^ one ^i ua ^y °^ * ne mm d and heart is more rafial important as an element conducive to worldly flSlffi success than civility — that feeling of kindness and love for our fellow-beings which is expressed in pleasing manners. Yet how many of our young men, with an affected contempt for the forms and conventionalities of life, assume to despise those delicate attentions, that exquisite tenderness of thought and manner that mark the true gentleman.

Manners as an Element of Success.

History repeats, over and over again, examples showing that it is the bearing of a man toward his fellows which, more than any other one quality of his nature, promotes or retards his advancement in life. The success or failure of one's plans have often turned upon the address and manner of the man* Though there are a few people who can look beyond the rough husk or shell of a fellow-being to the finer qualities hidden within, yet the vast majority, not so keen-visaged nor tolerant, judge a person by his appearance and demeanor, more than by his substantial character. Experience of every day life teaches us, if we would but learn, that civility is not only one of the essentials of high success, but that it is almost a fortune of itself, and that he who has this quality in perfection, though a blockhead, is almost sure to succeed where, without it, even men of good ability fail.

A good manner is the best letter of recommendation among strangers. Civility, refinement and gentleness are passports to hearts and homes, while awkwardness, coarseness and gruffness, are met with locked doors and closed hearts. Emerson says: " Give a boy address and accomplishments, and you give him the mastery of palaces and fortunes whereever he goes ; he has not the trouble of earning or owning them ; they solicit him to enter and possess.

In every class of life, in all professions and occupations, good manners are necessary to success. The business man has no stock-in-trade that pays him better than a good address. If the retail dealer wears his hat on his head in the presence of ladies who come to buy of him, if he does not see that the heavy door of his shop is opened and closed for them, if he seats himself in their presence, if he smokes a pipe or cigar, or has a chew of tobacco in his mouth, while talking with them, or is guilty of any of the small invicilities of life, they will not be apt to make his shop a rendezvous, no matter how attractive the goods he displays.

22 OUR MANNEBS.

A telling preacher in his opening remarks gains the good will of his hearers, and makes them feel both that he has something to say, and that he can say it, by his manner. The successful medical man inspires in his patients belief in his sympathy, and confidence in his skill, by his manner. The lawyer, in pleading a case before a jury, and remembering that the passions and prejudices of the jurymen govern them to as great an extent as pure reason, must not be forgetful of his manner, if he would bring them to his own way of thinking. And how often does the motto, " Manners make the man," govern both parties in matters of courtship, the lady giving preference to him whose manners indicate a true nobility of the soul, and the gentleman preferring her who displays in her manner a gentleness of spirit.

Manner an Index of Character.

A rude person, though well meaning, is avoided by all. Manners, in fact, are minor morals ; and a rude person is often assumed to be a bad person. The manner in which a person says or does a thing, furnishes a better index of his character, than what he does or says, for it is by the incidental expression given to his thoughts and feelings, by his looks, tones and gestures, rather than by his words and deeds, that we prefer to judge him, for the reason that the former are involuntary. The manner in which a favor is granted or a kindness done, often affects us more than the deed itself. The deed may have been prompted by vanity, pride, or some selfish motive or interest; the warmth or coldness with which the person who has done it, speaks to you, or grasps your hand, is less likely to deceive. The manner of doing any thing, it has been truly said, is that which stamps its life and character on any action. A favor may be performed so grudgingly, as to prevent any feeling of obligation, or it may be refused so courteously as to awaken more kindly feelings than if it had been ungraciously granted.

The True Gentleman.

Politeness is benevolence in small things. A true gentleman must regard the rights and feelings of others, even in matters the most trivial. He respects the individuality of others, just as he wishes others to respect his own. In society he is quiet, easy, unobtrusive, putting on no airs, nor hinting by word or manner that he deems himself better, or wiser, or richer than any one about him. He never boasts of his achievements, or fishes for compliments by affecting to underrate what he has done. He is distinguished, above all things, by his deep insight and sympathy, his quick perception of, and prompt attention to, those small and apparently insignificant things, that may cause pleasure or pain to others. In giving his opinions he does not dogmatize ; he listens patiently and respectfully to other men, and. if compelled to dissent from their opinions, acknowledges his fallibility and asserts his own views in such a manner, as to command the respect of all who hear him. Frankness and cordiality mark all his intercourse with his fellows, and, however high his station, the humblest man feels instantly at ease in his presence.

The True Lady.

Calvert says : " Ladyhood is an emanation from the heart subtilized by culture ; " giving as two requisites for the highest breeding transmitted qualities and the culture of good training. He continues: " Of the higher type of ladyhood may always be said what Steele said of Lady Elizabeth Hastings, 'that unaffected freedom and conscious innocence gave her the attendance of the graces in all her actions.' At its highest, ladyhood implies a spirituality made manifest in poetic grace. From the lady there exhales a subtle magnetism. Unconsciously she encircles herself with an atmosphere of unruffled strength, which, to those who come into it, gives confidence and repose. Within her influence the diffident grow self-possessed, the impudent are checked, the inconsiderate are admonished; even the rude are constrained to be mannerly, and the refined are perfected; all spelled, unawares, by the flexible dignity, the commanding gentleness, the thorough womanliness of her' look, speech and demeanor. A sway is this, purely spiritual. Every sway, every legitimate, every enduring sway is spiritual; a regnanc}^ of light over obscurity, of right over brutality. The only real gains ever made are spiritual gains, — a further subjection of the gross to the incorporeal, of body to soul, of the animal to the human. The finest, the most characteristic acts of a lady involve a spiritual ascension, a growing out of herself. In her being and bearing, patience, generosity, benignity are the graces that give shape to the virtues of truthfulness."

Here is the test of true ladyhood. Whenever the young find themselves in the company of those who do not make themselves feel at ease, they should know that they are not in the society of true ladies and true gentlemen, but of pretenders ; that well-bred men and women can only feel at home in the society of the well-bred.

The Importance of Triples.

Some people are wont to depreciate these kind and tender qualities as trifles; but trifles, it must be remembered, make up the aggregate of human life. The petty incivilities, slight rudenesses and neglects of which men are guilty, without thought, or from lack of foresight or sympathy, are often remembered, while the great acts performed by the same persons are forgotten. There is no society where smiles, pleasant looks and animal spirits are not welcomed and deemed of more importance than sallies of wit or refinements of understanding. The little civilities, which form the small change of life may appear separately of little moment, but, like the spare pennies which amount to such large fortunes, in a lifetime, they owe their importance to repetition and accumulation.