Mrs. Dane's defence; a play in four acts

Front matter

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MRS. DANE'S DEFENCE

ACT IV. Scene— The Same, on the following Saturday Evening

The following is a copy of the playbill of the first performance of Mrs. Dane's Defence at Wyndham's Theater, London :

On Tuesday, October qth, 1900, at 8.15, and following evenings at 8.30, Will be presented an Original Play, in Four Acts, entitled,

MRS. DANE'S DEFENCE.

By Henry Arthur Jones.

Sir Daniel (Mr. Justice)

Carteret Mr. Charles Wyndham

Lionel Carteret (his adopted

Son) Mr. Alfred Kendrick

Canon Bonsey Mr. Alfred Bishop

Mr. Bulsom-Porter .... Mr. E. W. Garden

Mr. James Risby Mr. Charles Thursby

Fendick (a private Inquiry

Agent) Mr. Stanley Pringle

Adams (Butler to Lady

Eastney) Mr. Reginald Walter

Wilson (Butler to Sir Daniel) Mr. Charles Terric

Mrs. Dane Miss Lena Ashwell

Mrs. Bulsom-Porter . . . Miss Marie Illington

Janet Colquhoun .... Miss Beatrice Irwin

Lady Eastney Miss Mary Moore

SYNOPSIS OF SCENERY

Act I

Scene — The Blue Drawing-room at Lady Eastney' s, SuNNiNGWATER. A vcry brightly-fumished room in a country house about twenty miles from London. A conservatory all along stage at back, entered by doors. French windows, right, opening upon veranda and lawn. Door up stage, left, leading into large drawing-room. This door opens off and is partly covered with a curtain. When it is open, a buzz of conversation as from a reception is heard. Fireplace down stage, left. Time : after dinner on a night in July. The doors are all open. A violin is played off left, as if it were two rooms away. Mrs. Bulsom- Porter, a lady of forty-five, enters left, showing great irritation. She seats herself, right, on sofa, and fans herself. A moment or two later, Mr. Bulsom-Porter enters by the same door. He is a flabby, affable, easy-going English gentleman about fifty. He looks round cautiously to see that he is not followed, then closes the door softly and comes up to his wife.

BuLSOM-PoRTER. (A qtitcf, dmu'ling, goodhumoured utterance. ) It's a mystery to me, Henrietta, that we can't arrange to celebrate these little domestic battles on our own domestic hearth.

Mrs. Bul.-P. I warn you that if you continue

A I to pay such marked attention to that woman, I shall tell the whole neighbourhood her history.

BuL.-P. You will please hold your tongue about Mrs. Dane. Jim says that he is mistaken, and that she is not the lady he knew in Vienna.

Mrs. Bul.-P. He is only saying that to shelter her. The fact is, she is leading Jim by the nose, the same as she is leading you and young Carteret ; and it only remains to be seen which of the three will be her victim.

BuL.-P. Well, I trust I shall be the lucky fellow, but I'm afraid the odds are on Lionel Carteret, and I shall come in a bad third.

Mrs. Bul.-P. At least you might have the good taste to try and hide your infidelities !

BuL.-P. My dear, you may depend, when I have any, I shall. Now, suppose we get back to the others ?

Mrs. Bul.-P. You wish to get back to that woman ?

BuL.-P. I wish to get back to Lady Eastney and the other guests.

Mrs. Bul.-P. You admire this Mrs. Dane?

BuL.-P. (cordially, going off left), Very much indeed.

Mrs. Bul.-P. (stopping him). Why do you admire her ?

BuL.-P. Because she has a pretty face, a soft voice, and a charming manner.

ACT I MRS. DANE'S DEFENCE 3

Mrs. Bul.-P. Of course ! Mere physical charms! What horribly disgusting minds men must have !

BuL.-P. We have ! Give us up ! Wash your hands of us, and let us go our own v^icked ways. (Going.)

Mrs. Bul.-P. (still stopping him). To what extent do you admire her?

BuL.-P. To the extent of very much preferring her company to yours when you're in one of these unreasonable jealous fits. Now, will you oblige me by returning to the drawing-room ?

(He opens the door, left. Enter by it Mr, James Risby, an ordinary Englishman about thirty-five.)

Mrs. Bul.-P. I shall not speak to that woman

BUL.-P. Hush !

(Closes door sharply after Risby.)

RiSBY. My dear aunt, Fm leaving for Paris to-morrow morning, and before I go I want to put you right on a little matter.

Mrs. Bul.-P. You mean Mrs. Dane?

Risby. Exactly. When I first saw her at Sir Daniel Carteret's a fortnight ago, I thought I recognized her

Mrs. Bul.-P. You did recognize her.

Risby. T was mistaken.

Mrs. Bul.-P. You told me she was the Miss Hindemarsh who was connected with a disgraceful scandal in Vienna five years ago. I particularly watched your manner, and I'm sure you were speaking the truth.

RiSBY. I was speaking the truth — as I supposed. And therefore my manner carried conviction. But I am now speaking the truth when I tell you I was mistaken. I trust my manner carries equal conviction.

(Looking at her very fixedly.)

Mrs. Bul.-P. {Looks at him very fixedly for a few moments.) No, Jim; I do not and cannot believe you.

RiSBY. Fm sorry. However, the fact remains, my dear aunt, that I have inadvertently injured a very charming woman

Mrs. Bul.-P. Of course! A very charming woman ! That's the reason you withdraw your accusation.

RiSBY. I made no accusation. And if you have repeated what I told you in the strictest confidence about Mrs. Dane, I must beg you to put the matter right at once. For if you give me as your authority I shall have to explain that I was mistaken, that consequently you were mistaken, and further, that from this moment, you are fully aware that you are mistaken.

ACT I MRS. DANE'S DEFENCE 5

Mrs. Bul.-P. I'm not fully aware that Tm mistaken.

BuL.-P. What does it matter whether you're mistaken or no? Suppose Mrs. Dane is Miss Hindemarsh, what then ?

Mrs. Bul.-P. What then? Do you consider her fit to mix in the society of your wife?

BuL.-P. I daresay she's as fit as nine out of ten of the women you meet if the truth were only known. {To Risby.) What was the exact story of this Miss Hindemarsh ?

Risby. Oh, the eternal trio! Dramatis personcB, Mr. Horace Trent, charming, devoted, middle-aged husband ; Mrs. Horace Trent, charming, devoted, middle-aged wife ; Felicia Hindemarsh, charming, devoted, youthful governess to their children and companion to Mrs. Trent; the whole forming a truly happy family, who passed the autumn at the Italian lakes, and returned by Vienna at the time I was an attache there five years ago. During their stay in Vienna, charming, middle-aged wife discovers a liaison between charming, middle-aged husband and charming, youthful governess ; and instead of sensibly packing ofif missy with a month's salary and saying no more about it, charming, middle-aged wife, being a neurotic creature, commits suicide. Charming, middle-aged husband is naturally horrified, and also refrains from doing the sensible thing — in fact, goes out of his mind, and is at present in an asylum in the north of England. Missy does the sensible thing and disappears. The story is hushed up as far as possible, but the moral remains : "Upon the verge of such a tragedy may any one of us poor innocents be treading at this moment." {Takes out zvatch.) Adieu, auntie. I have to catch an early train to town to-morrow morning.

Mrs. Bul.-P. You are sure Mrs. Dane is not Miss Hindemarsh?

RiSBY. Quite sure.

( The violin ceases and there is some applause. )

Mrs. Bul.-P. She doesn't resemble Miss Hindemarsh ?

RiSBY (after a pause). There is a slight resemblance. Perhaps I should say a considerable resemblance.

Mrs. Bul.-P. (after looking at him -fixedly for a moment). Jim, I shall fully inquire into this Mrs. Dane's antecedents

BuL.-P. What for? What business is it of yours to rake up old scandals? It's five years ago, and — —

Enter, left, Mrs. Dane, a pretty, soft-voiced, dark little zvoman about twenty-eight. They show some embarrassment at her entrance. With

ACT I MRS. DANE'S DEFENCE 7

some little hesitation Mrs. Dane comes up to Mrs. Bulsom-Porter.

Mrs. D. Lady Eastney has a great find in her new violinist, don't you think ?

Mrs. Bul.-P. (coldly). Really, I didn't hear her. (Going left.) Ah, I see she is going to play again. Alfred (to Bulsom-Porter) I very much want you to hear this. (Goes off, turning, comes back a step.) Alfred, come and listen. I want to decide whether we shall engage this lady for our garden party.

(She waits at door, left, till he comes up, then goes off. Bulsom-Porter follows reluctantly, exchanging a little shrug and grin with Risby. After they have gone off there is a little pause. The violin begins again and the buc2 of conversation in the next room ceases. Risby goes to door, left, closes it. Mrs. Dane has been zmtching him a little furtively. Having' closed the door he comes np io her.)

Risby. My dear Mrs. Dane, when one has inadvertently made a mistake, the best way is to own up at once.

Mrs. D. Yes ? Who has made a mistake ?

RiSBY. I have — a stupid, ill-natured, idiotic mistake. You remember when I first met you ?

Mrs. D. {glances at him very quickly). At Sir Daniel Carteret's, a fortnight ago.

RiSBY {after a slight pause). Yes. Do you know I thought then that we had met before ?

Mrs. D. Indeed ? Where ?

RiSBY. In Vienna five years ago.

Mrs. D. I have never been in Vienna.

RiSBY. No. The second time I saw you I was convinced I was mistaken. But in the meantime — I scarcely know how to confess my folly — I had thoughtlessly told my aunt, Mrs. Bulsom- Porter, that I recognized you.

]Mrs. D. I've noticed that Mrs. Bulsom-Porter seems to avoid me. You must have told her I was some very wicked person. Whom does she suppose me to be ?

RiSBY. You have some resemblance to a Miss Felicia Hindemarsh

Mrs. D. Who is she ?

RiSBY. She was connected with an unfortunate afifair in Vienna five years ago. {Pause. )

]\Irs. D. And does Mrs. Bulsom-Porter really think I am this — ^this Miss what's-her-name ?

RiSBY. I have assured her you are not.

Mrs. D. Thank you. What would you advise me to do ?

ACT I MRS. DANE'S DEFENCE 9

RiSBY. I am obliged to leave for Paris to-morrow morning on my way to Switzerland. If you find yourself in any difficulty, write to me and I AVill reply in such a way that there can be no doubt.

Mrs. D. Thank you. You're very good.

RiSBY. Not at all. I can't tell you how vexed I am to have made such a horrible mistake. But having- made it, I thought it better to put you on your guard. Good-bye. (Offering hand.)

Mrs. D. Good-bye.

(He goes a fezu steps; then returns.)

RiSBY. Mrs. Dane, if you think of passing the winter away from Sunningwater, I have the most delightful little villa near Mentone — untenanted — I should be pleased to place it at your disposal.

Mrs. D. No, thank you. Why should I leave Sunningwater?

RiSBY. Is there anything I can do for you before I start ?

Mrs. D. Will you tell Sir Daniel and Mr. Carteret that I am not this lady ?

RiSBY (after a moment or two's deliberation.) Believe me, it will be better to let the matter drop entirely, unless it is raised by others. (He goes to door left, opens it, looks off.) Lady Eastney is busy. I'll slip round by the conservatory and send her a little note of adieu. Again, good-bye.

Mrs. D. Good-bye. I may always reckon you my friend ?

RiSBY. (Shakes her hand warmly.) Rely on me.

{Exit by conservatory. She watches him off; then in anxious deliberation walks up and down the room for a few moments.)

Enter, left, Lionel Carteret, a fresh, bright, enthusiastic, clear-complexioned English lad of twenty-four. He closes the door after him.

Lal. Mrs. Dane, if I ask you a question will you answer me truthfully instead of telling me a polite fib ?

Mrs. D. {after showing a little alarm). Ask me the question.

Lal. You seem to be keeping out of my way, trying not to give me a chance of speaking to you alone. {She shows delight when she sees his drift. ) And the other night at our place you were so different; you seemed to like my company. Have I offended you ?

Mrs. D. No.

Lal. Then why have you changed ? For you have changed.

Mrs. D. Perhaps I was a little foolish last Wednesday.

ACT I MRS. DANE'S DEFENCE ll

Lal. No! no! You don't know what I felt that night! I waited outside youF window till past midnight, then I tramped about the country till three, then the birds began to wake and sing and I whistled back their songs to them ; then I went down to the river and had a swim ; then I came back to the house and plundered the larder and ate up everything in it; then I went to the stables and saddled Moon Daisy, and galloped her all round the park; then I came back and had another breakfast, and then I kept just mad with happiness all the rest of the day !

Mrs. D. {She has listened with great delight, keeping her face away from him.) I see I was very foolish.

Lal. No. Why?

Mrs. D. Believe me, a friendship between us wouldn't be for your good.

Lal. It isn't friendship I want.

Mrs. D. {Delighted.) What else can it be? You're twenty-four. Vm twenty-seven. That means many years between us, and there will be more as we grow older.

Lal {shaking his head). You will always be the same age that I am — the very same day, the very same hour.

Mrs. D. {She smiles and shakes her head.) But you know nothing of me?

Lal. I know you as you know yourself.

Mrs. D. (a little cautiously). Do you? How?

Lal. My heart has told me all.

Mrs. D. Perhaps your heart has spoken falsely.

Lal. You shan't persuade me that you aren't exactly what I want you to be.

Mrs. D. (Shozvs great delight.) Perhaps my best self isn't very far from that. But then we have so many different selves, haven't we ?

Lal. You have but your own self, and that is the one I know.

Mrs. D. Then that is the particular self you must always believe me to be. It will do no harm when we are parted.

Lal. Parted ?

Mrs. D. Did you notice Sir Daniel looking at us down the table at dinner? He was thinking, "I must get Lionel away from Mrs. Dane." And he has made up his mind to do it.

Lal. He won't wish to part us when he knows how much I love you.

Mrs. D. You haven't told him ?

Lal. No. The truth is, a year ago I thought I was in love with Miss Colquhoun. But Lady Eastney and my father said she was too young.

Mrs. D. So it was broken ofif ?

Lal. We were to wait a year, and then if we were both of the same mind, we were to be formally engaged.

ACT I MRS. DANE'S DEFENCE 13

Mrs. D. And is Miss Colquhoun of the same mind?

Lal. Janet? I don't know. I only know it would be a sin to be engaged to her while I love you as I do.

Mrs. D. Vm afraid of Sir Daniel.

Lal. Why?

Mrs. D. I suppose his reputation frightens me.

Lal. They say he's the pleasantest judge that ever hanged a man.

Mrs. D. Mr. Risby was telling us about some famous cross-examination — something about a forger.

Lal. Oh, Kettleby, the forger-murderer. On the morning of his execution Kettleby said that to have heard my father's cross-examination of his witnesses was very well worth being hanged for.

Mrs. D. Then do you wonder I'm rather afraid of Sir Daniel ?

Lal. You needn't be. In private he's the dearest, kindest-hearted man. And when he knows that the happiness of my whole life depends upon you, I'm sure he won't withhold his consent.

Mrs. D. He isn't your own father ?

Lal. No, but if he were I couldn't love him more than I do.

Mrs. D. But if he doesn't think me suitable ; if after consideration he says "No" ?

Lal. Then I'll marry you and disobey him..

Mrs. D. Are you sure of yourself?

Lal. Try me.

Mrs. D. (after some consideration). No. Vm very proud and happy to be loved as you love me. But I won't come between you and your father.

Lal. But if I can get his consent ?

Enter, left. Sir Daniel (Mr. Justice) Carteret, about fifty-five. A pause of embarrassment. Sir Daniel is sauntering off at back.

Mrs. D. We are missing all the music

SirD. {Turns.) It's worth hearing. Mademoiselle Lemonier is just going to play.

Mrs. D. Thank you. I want to hear her

{Exit Mrs. Dane, left. Lal is following her.)

Sir D. Lal ! (Lal stops. Sir Daniel closes the door, left. Piano faintly heard through follozving scene.) I've spoken to Sir Robert Jennings to take you out as assistant to him on this new Egyptian railway.

Lal. I'd rather not leave England just now, sir.

Sir D. {very firmly). I wish it.

Lal. Why, sir ?

Sir D. {very affectionately putting his hand on Lal's shoulder) . My dear boy, to stop you from making an unhappy fool of yourself.

Lal. In what way, sir ?

ACT I MRS. DANE'S DEFENCE 1$

Sir D. When I came up to London to read for the bar, I fell very desperately in love with my landlady*s sister, a lady some six years older and some two stone heavier than myself. She was in the mantle business and wore a large crinoline. I used to call her my Bonnie Louisa. My father got wind of it, came up to town and promptly shattered our applecart ; sent Bonnie Louisa flying to Paris, and packed me off on a judicial commission to India.

Lal. I don't see the point of the story, sir.

Sir D. Twelve years after, I happened to be coming down the Edgware Road on a Sunday morning, and I met Bonnie Louisa with a husband and five children, sailing along the pavement, all in their Sunday best.

Lal. Still, I don't see the point, sir.

Sir D. I did ! I hurried to church and devoutly thanked Heaven that my father had had the sense and courage to do for me what I'm trying to do for you to-night. (Very firmly.) Now my boy, you'll take this post under Sir Robert Jennings.

Lal. I can't leave her, sir. I love her so much.

Sir D. But a year ago you loved Janet Colquhoun.

Lal. I thought I loved Janet. I'm sure I love Mrs. Dane.

i6 MRS. DANE'S DEFENCE act i

Sir D. My dear Lai, in a year you'll be sure you love somebody else, and you'll think you loved Mrs. Dane. ("Lal shakes his head. Sir Daniel shakes his more vigorously still.) Yes, yes, my boy. Bonnie Louisa, Janet Colquhoun, Juliet Capulet — the divine illusion is always the same — and it always ends unhappily.

Lal. It always ends unhappily ?

Sir D. Or in bathos, which is far worse. Rather than that, let us be thankful when the redhot plough-share is driven right through our hearts, or when we have the pluck to drive it through ourselves. Now, Lal, I want you to leave England at once.

Lal. I'm very sorry. I can't, unless — unless Airs. Dane goes with me. (Sir Daniel looks astonished and indignant.) I've asked her to be my wife. (Sir Daniel stands perplexed, hurt.)

Sir D. You might have told me first, Lal.

Lal. Forgive me, sir. I meant to, but my heart was so full, and the words slipped out. You're angry with me ?

SmT). {very kindly). No, my boy. {Pause.) Has she accepted you ?

Lal. She will — if you consent.

Sir D. How long have you cared for her?

Lal. From the very first day I met her.

Sir D. Two months ago. Has she told you anything of her people ?

ACT I MRS. DANE'S DEFENCE 17

Lal. No.

Sir D. Circumstances ? position ?

Lal. No.

Sir D. Where she has lived all her life ?

Lal. She happened to say that she had spent some years in Canada.

Sir D. Come, that's something. There was a Mr. Dane — who was he ?

Lal. I don't know.

Sir D. Hasn't she mentioned him?

Lal. Naturally not.

Sir D. Naturally not. Still there was a Mr. Dane, and he remains a factor in the situation. Has she told you her age ?

Lal. Twenty-seven.

Sir D. Twenty-seven? I should have said a year or so older.

Lal. She wouldn't tell me a lie.

SirD. No?

Lal. a woman doesn't tell a lie to the man she loves. Why do you smile?

Sir D. My dear Lal, fifty women out of a hundred have no notion of what truth means, and don't bother about it. The other fifty have the rudiments of a truth-sense in various stages of development, and will generally tell the truth where their own Interests don't clash. But in matters of love, there isn't one woman in a hundred — there isn't one woman in a thousand, that,

B i8 MRS. DANE'S DEFENCE act i

when she's put to it, won't lie right and left, up and down, backwards and forwards, to the man she loves, for the man she loves, with the man she loves, about the man she loves, to gain her ends, and keep the man she loves.

Lal. You have a very low opinion of women, sir.

Sir D. I have a very high opinion of them — in matters of strategy.

Lal. You won't stand in my way, sir? Think, sir, has there never been a time in your life when you would have thrown up everything, just for the right of calling one woman your own ?

Sir D. {is moved by his appeal; takes the hand he is holding out; shakes it warmly.) I won't stand in your way, Lal.

Lal. Thank you, sir. You've always been better than a dozen fathers to me.

Sir D. I won't stand in your way — unless there's some good reason why you shouldn't marry her.

Lal. What reason can there be? You don't know anything against her ?

Sir D. No. Still it's a little strange that she has lived in Sunningwater some months and nobody seems to know anything about her. Have you said anything to Janet ?

Lau No. I thought it better to let her guess

ACT I MRS. DANE'S DEFENCE 19

— from my manner. You know, sir, there was no engagement between us.

Sir D. I'm sorry. I hope this business won't twist poor little Janet's heartstrings.

Enter, left, Lady Eastney^ about thirty, bright, fashionable, handsomely dressed. Lal goes up to back.

Lady E. Sir Daniel ! Playing truant here ! Everybody will be putting the worst interpretation upon it.

Sir D. What interpretation ?

Lady E. That I've accepted you at last, and that you've come in here to repent and think of the best way of getting out of it. {Calls to Lal.) Lionel! {He comes down.) The young people are getting up a dance ! Look ! Janet is posing against that pillar in an attitude of maiden-meditation fancy-free. Go and ask her to dance with you.

Lal {confused). I'm very sorry, Lady Eastney — will you tell her, sir? And will you tell Miss Colquhoun ?

{Exit hurriedly, right. Lady Eastney looks at Sir Daniel for an explanation. )

Sir D. It seems that Lal didn't know his own mind last year.

20 :\IRS DANE'S DEFENCE act i

Lady E. He s going to throw over my Janet for Mrs. Dane ?

Sir D. I'm very sorry (looking left). Here's Janet coming to look for him. I think you should tell her.

Lady E. Help me.

Enter Janet Colouhoun^ ah out eighteen ^ with a slight Scotch accent, she saunters towards right.

Lady E. Aren't you going to dance, Janet? Janet. I'm thinking I won't to-night. Lady E. But what are all the young men doing ? Hasn't anybody asked you ?

Janet. Oh, I'm not standing out for want of partners, but I thought there were plenty of them in there to tumble over each other, so I'd just get a breath of cool air outside.

( Going right. Lal Carteret passes outside and takes no notice of her. She Pushes tip, shozvs for a moment that she is very much hurt, then conquers her feelings, and zvith great effort controls herself during the remainder of the scene.) Lady E. Janet darling, go and have a dance, and don't think anything more about him.

Janet. Him?! Him?! Which him? (Pointing off to where Lionel Carteret has just gone

ACT I MRS. DANE'S DEFENCE 21

by. Very contemptuously.) That him? Oh, there are plenty of other *'hims" in the world, and I'll have a good conceit of myself and not trouble about any of them.

Lady E. {very tenderly). Then you've forgotten all about your little flirtation a year ago ?

Janet. Flirtation ?

Lady E. With Mr. Carteret.

Janet. A year's a long time, isn't it? {To Sir Daniel.) I suppose Mr. Carteret has forgotten all about it too. Has he ?

Sir D. I'm afraid Lai is very much like many other young men.

Janet. You mean he makes love to every girl he meets, and then breaks his word to all of them?

Sir D. No ! No ! But perhaps he was a Httle too hasty a year ago.

Janet. Is there any harm done?

Sir D. Not unless you have taken it too seriously.

Janet. Didn't he wish me to take it seriously?

Sir D. He did at the time.

Janet. But now he doesn't ?

Sir D. He's grieving to think that he has caused you pain.

Janet. Poor fellow! Poor fellow! Do call him in and tell him that I'll try and not break my heart over him. (Lal passes the door of veranda.) Mr. Carteret. {Lal enters ^ right.) Sir

Daniel and auntie have just reminded me that we were very fooUsh a year ago. I've seen so Httle of you lately that I'd forgotten all about it. Perhaps you've been grieving about it

Lal. Janet !

Janet. Ah, you have ! You won't take it too much to heart if I ask you not to think anything more of our — our flirtation? I was only seventeen. At seventeen one may change one's mind. I've changed my mind, Mr. Carteret.

Lal. If I've caused you any pain you'll forgive me ?

Janet. Forgive you ? ! And I thought you'd be just breaking your heart for me ! Aren't you breaking your heart ?

Lal. Miss Colquhoun, I know I've behaved badly.

Janet (mocking a Scotch peasant's dialect). Dinna fash yourself. Ye're a braw laddie, but I'll just mak up my mind to do without ye. (A little contemptuous curtsey to him. ) Now ! Will you dance with me just once for auld lang syne, and then I'll not trifle with your feelings any longer, Mr. Carteret?

Lal. If you wish. (Gives her his arm. Exeunt, left.)

Lady E. I'm very angry with Lionel.

SirD. Why?

ACT I MRS. DANE'S DEFENCE 33

Lady E. For not seeing where his happiness Hes, after I'd planned it out so carefully for him.

Sir D. Is there any knowing where married happiness lies for other people, or even for ourselves ?

Lady E. Apparently not. The happiest marriage I've ever known was between my old governess of forty-six, and a young piano-tuner of twenty-two. We all went down on our knees, and begged her to see the monstrous unsuitability of it ; but she wouldn't ! She would marry the man, and the result is she has lived happily every afterwards !

Sir D. Give me your advice. Lai wants to marry this Mrs. Dane

Lady E. I can't quite forgive her for taking him away from Janet, and I can't quite forgive Lionel.

Sir D. Don't be hard on him. Help me to do the best for the boy. I don't want him to make a mess of his life as I've done of mine.

Lady E. Have you made a mess of your life ?

Sir D. Yes, so far as women are concerned.

Lady E. H'm. {Looks at him very critically.) You seem to have thrived very well on it. It can't have been a very unpleasant process. I wonder how many poor women have been sacrificed in the — scrimmage ?

Sir D. None, I hope. At least — {deep sigh)

I've had one great love story. Shall I tell you about it ?

Lady E. I should love to hear, if it isn't too sad and too sacred.

Sir D. I've never told this to anyone. I wouldn't tell it to you except — except that you know I would gladly give you the right to ask me for some knowledge of my past attachments.

Lady E. I have already the right to ask you, the right of friendship, and the right of a woman's curiosity. ( Goes to door, left, looks oif.) I think I can leave them for five minutes, and I've really done my duty to them to-night. (Closes door, left.) Now, begin ! Don't spare yourself. Don't shock me ; and skip nothing of vital interest.