Sickness, its trials and blessings

Preface

The writer of this book has herself been tried by long years of sickness, and has asked a friend who has had the privilege of ministering to her, to certify his belief, as a clergyman, that these pages are not inconsistent with the teaching of the Church of England, directing her obedient children to the Holy Scriptures — the fountain of true consolation, and showing how to apply them.

It was a careful study of the Service for the Visitation of the Sick that first taught her the meaning and the blessings of sickness ; and her desire has been, if it may please God, to be instrumental in pointing out to others the same sources of consolation.

It only remains to say, that it is not intended that every part of this book should apply to every case; but it is hoped that something may be gained by many sufferers, in a great variety of cases, from the experience of one who has been

VI

PREFACE.

called to pass through various stages of trial. Something too of consolation may be found from the discovery that others have felt the same ; and something perhaps of additional sympathy obtained for the sick, by the more particular acquaintance of those around them with the nature of their trials.

It is chiefly through the instrumentality of these trials that the Lord’s people are made like unto Himself. And they are ‘‘ never so truly happy,” as when they are learning in that which one of our martyred , Reformers called “ Christ’s Own Sweet School.”

The name of an individual clergyman can give no authority, scarcely any recommendation, to this book; but it is added at the request of the writer, in token of assent to all that she has written.

F. 0. MASSINGBERD. '

St. Leonard’s-on-Sea, March 20, 1850.

CONTENTS,

PAET I. — MATTNEE OE LOOKING NEON SICKNESS.

SECT. PAGE

Introduction 1

1. First Impressions of a

Long Sickness .... 7

2. Sickness, a Hidden

State ; Trials are to be expected in it . . 10

3. Twofold character of

Sickness 13

SECT. PAGE

4. The seeming length

of Sickness 14

5. Lessons which various

Illnesses are meant to teach 16

7. Probability of Reco-

very 22

Part II. — Trials And Temptations Oe Sickness. Personal Trials

1. Pain 25

3. Loss of the Powers of

Mind 38

4. The Nearness of Life 44

9. Taking Opiates 63

11. Nights 68

13. Disappointments and

Discouragements.. 78

16. Absence of Work, and

Overtasked Strength 96

RELATITE TRIALS.

1. The Family and

Friends 106

2. Letters 115

4. Medical Advice and

Medical Visits .... 122

TEMPTATIONS.

1. That no one can Sym- 3. Impatience 1^2

pathize 137 4. Considering Symptoms 143

Vill

Contents

PABT III. — DUTIES AND EESPONSIBILITIES OF SICKNESS.

SECT. PAGE

SECT. PAGE

Appendix

PART 1.

MANNEE OF LOOKING UPON SICKNESS.

INTEODUCTION.

Each one knows that he must die alone. How few realize that, for the most part, it is God’s appointment that each one should live alone, and mffer alone ! Each one must ‘‘ bear his own burden V’ feel his own incommunicable grief, which ‘‘often lies like lead upon the heart, or like ice within the heart.” Solitude and a sense of isolation are not peculiar to sickness. They who walk abroad in .the busy world have their own “ loneliness of heart,” and find it “ truly hard to bear.” This deep, weary sense of isolation is a call to the sick to sympathize with, and better to understand the trials of those in health. There is in every heart more or less craving for sympathy ; a restless craving in those who have not learned where to turn for true sympathy, and that “One only and only One is enough ” to satisfy all their yearnings. There are few who do not think it hard that their lot of woe is not more borne by others.

1 Gal. vi. 5.

B

Introduction

They think it ought to be ; they expect it ; they crave for it ; they “ cry out in their pangs that their lot is hard and peculiar, that it is not so with others. They go on crying, till so loud and constant becomes their voice, that they do not, except occasionally, hear “ the still small voice’’ which is speaking to them, and saying, Listen to me.” When they do listen, it tells them that their lot is not peculiar, but the common lot of all ; that each one after his own manner (or rather, that manner that God sees fitted to his character) is living alone ; some more, some less so ; that there is a meaning in it all, an absolute necessity; that those who do ‘‘hear the rod, and who hath appointed it®,” then cease to be alone in their loneliness ; that the whole end is to drive them away from creatures, from themselves, from all earthly cravings, and to drive them to seek for God alone, and to dwell in Him. The lesson is the same in all cases, but there are different ways of learning it. The path in which each man walks is untrodden by any other; he cannot judge of its roughness, or how many thorns there may be in it. No one can fully see the extent and details of the trial which another is called to bear. One comes near and says words of sympathy for one part of the trial ; another for some other part ; a third sees no trial in it at all ; a fourth thinks it must be much less trying than some other form of suffering, or than his own. No one but the sufferer sees it in all its bearings and forms of inward suffering; no one else feels the acute pain of heart and all its throbbings. Each one leaves some disappointment behind, or else makes the snfferer say, “ I should be quite alone, or at least only very imperfectly understood, if I had my fellow- 2 Isa. xxvi. 17. ® Mic. vi. 9.

INTRODUCTION.

s sufferers only to depend on. Each one seems wrapped in his own sorrow ; his eyes too intently fixed on it to see mine, except very dimly. I must ‘appeal to the world where all things are understood,’ and to Him who ‘ weigheth the spirits.’ ”

The weight of life, the burden of doing, are hard to bear; still more so, perhaps, when borne in conjunction with sickness. The weary longing for work : the toilsome days which all seem spent for self, and in which you seem never to do any thing for others, but merely to add very much to their .burdens ; and you grow sadder and more hopeless as time goes on and brings no relief. As each morning dawns, it seems but to open another day of selfishness. It seems to you that you could do something, what you cannot exactly tell, where to turn for work vou do not know. Your friends, perhaps, think you unfit for any exertion ; in their kindness, as they suppose, they do every thing for you, remove all work from you, tell you that you ^ are not wanted, that there are plenty of people who can supply your place. They mean it in true kindness, but you do not see it so ; you think that if they would only find some niche for you, you should be very thankful.

That thought of being necessary to no one is part of your weary burden. You cannot truly see the love which has led your friends to speak and act thus. Wait a little, do not writhe, lie still; do not say, “I am cut off from work, there is nothing left for me to do, no place to fill up : ” if it be so at present it may not always be so. Do not lose the blessing of your present state in reaching after something either future or imaginary. Seek to find out what are your present duties : at least there are some. Do not ask to have your world enlarged ; but fulfil your present duties ; do your

INTRODUCTION.

present work. You may help and be a great blessing to your attendant, even if you cannot speak much ; if she sees you meek and patient, submissive to your trials, bearing pain patiently, receiving the various circumstances of life cheerfully, not murmuring or repining, she may learn a lesson which may sink deep into her heart, and bring forth fruit another day.

Y oil have relative duties also ; perhaps you have parents, or brothers, or sisters, or children in the house with you. The mere receiving them cheerfully, making them feel that they are always welcome, that you are ever ready to bear their burdens, and to sympathize with them, to share their joys as well as their sorrows, may make your sick room the “ place of blessing’" to all the household ; the very house may be blessed for your sake : because the God who has thus linked you to the “ prisoners and captives,” can make “ you and the places round you a blessing^.” In this busy, bustling world, many ^‘seek some place of refreshment,” where they may leave behind them the jarring of this life, and draw nearer to reality. Do not then say that you have no work ; but lie still and let Him work in you to will and to do of His good pleasure Ask Him to make you so like unto Himself, that others may “ take knowledge of you that you have been with J esus ®.” Seek continually to refresh yourself in Him, and then to water others, to “ comfort them with the comfort wherewith you are comforted of God^” You have a great work to do, to ‘‘ deny yourself and worldly lusts and “ to walk humbly with God ®.” This work is ‘‘ laudable, glorious, and honourable ; ” do not despise it, do

* Ezek. xxxiv. 26. ^ Acts iv. 13.

INTRODUCTION.

not think scorn of it, lest in doing so you be ‘‘found replying against God';” lest you tempt Him to withdraw it from you. Besides, even if it were true that you have nothing to do, no outward worh^ you have one stone at least in the Temple to polish and keep in its place : this time is given you in which to do it ; look on it as a time of preparation for something, although you know not for what ; it may be for life, or it may be for death. Do not pass it by ; do not waste it in murmuring, or by crying out for some change. He who sees your heart, knows that it is ^ery trying to you ; and “ He is very pitiful and of tender mercy but He sees that you need just this very discipline, and He will give you no other, until this has done the work for which He sent it.

At this very moment, many other persons are suffering, in mind, body, and estate, just as you are suffering. They have the same trials, the same temptations, though you know them not, and they know nothing of you ; nor are you ever likely to meet until the day when “the secrets of all hearts shall be opened

How you suffer is very important to them, for you insensibly affect them, though you do not indeed exactly know Iioid; but this you know, that every member of the Body is necessary to, and affects, the whole Body. Surely a realization of this truth would not only take away the loneliness of sickness, but would also prevent the feeling of life being a useless thing, and of trial and sickness being meant only for individual sanctification. “ I believe in the communion of Saints,” and so I am not alone, I cannot be ; my trials are not mine alone ; my conflicts and my temptations are those

2 James v. 1 1.

INTRODUCTION.

of some other member of Ohrist*’s Church. In fighting, I fight for them as well as for myself ; in overcoming, weaken Satan's power over them, as well as over myself. ‘‘ No temptation hath happened but such as is common to man k" Surely no sick person should ever say, ‘^Mine is the hardest of all trials to bear, the most difficult form of suffering." How can he tell, unless he had tried all? And be it the hardest, why then it is the most blessed for himself, and the most helpful for his sick and suffering brethren.

These thoughts truly realized would by degrees remove the feeling of isolation which is so common and so painful in sickness ;

“ Who hath the Father and the Son,

May be left, but not alone.”

FIRST IMPRESSIONS OF A LONG SICKNESS.

Sickness has come upon you. You are beginning to know that you may not hope that it will pass away ; that it is likely to be a life-long sickness. You are depressed and cast down because of it. You say, that your ‘‘whole head is sick, and your whole heart faint ^ that it seems to you “ a land of darkness, as darkness itself ; and of the shadow of death, without any order, and where the light is as darkness^.”

When first one enters into sickness it does not seem so dark. God deals with us very gently: He does not let us see the way before us. “ He hides the full length of the way, lest we should faint or turn aside.’’ He gives us every alleviation and comfort ; to such a degree, oftentimes, as to make that most pleasant, which would otherwise prove almost insupportable. He showers upon us the kindness and love of friends — their sympathy, their tenderness, their anxiety. It seems as if every thing centred in us, as if we were the only objects of their life. All this is very delightful to us ; all our wishes are anticipated ; all our desires fulfilled, almost before we had framed them. We seem to have learned that our friends have a depth of love to us that we never knew before ; that we are of value and importance to them, such as we never dreamed of ; that their very happiness hangs on our lives ; they seem to 1 Isa. i. 5. * Job x. 22.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS live in us. It is well worth the counterbalance of a great deal of pain and suffering to realize such wonderful blessings. We seem introduced into a new world, where there is only love and kindness, and consideration and sympathy ; from which all the frets, and trials, and vexations of daily life are excluded. Friends sympathize — are very sorry for our trial. What know we of trial ? we never had such attention and love shown to us before. And why? Because it is all gathered up into a span ; and it is supposed that the hour is soon coming when love and tenderness can no longer be shown.

But the first danger of the illness subsides. For a while there is joy and gladness in all hearts, because you seem to be returning to health. But God has appointed otherwise for you; it is not His good pleasure to give you health, but the prospect of a long-during, probably a life-long, sickness.

And now, for the first time, you begin to be aware of the real trials of sickness. At first, when the novelty of the state has passed away, and a dreary unchanging prospect lies before you, it seems “ full of sorrow,"" and not '‘"‘few days,"’ for it seems as if they would never end. Years of suffering ; 0 how the heart sinks at those words ! What, is there no prospect of diminution? Nay, rather of increase. It is in vain to say, “ My soul is weary of my life^;"" ‘‘my soul chooseth death rather than my life ; I loathe it ; I would not live alway This will not do ; this will not lighten the “heavy burden” which you feel is “too grievous to be borne.”

Yet do not say, “Hold your peace, let me alone, ... let come on me what will \"" Do not

3 Job X. 1. * Job vii. 15, 16. ^ Job xiii. 13.

OF A LONG SICKNESS, say, “ There is no hope for it is not so. Your present state is one full of trials, of temptations, of sorrow, and of much present darkness and uncertainty ; but believe that it is full of blessings also — full of comforts, and mercies, and duties, and enjoyments ; believe that though now it may seem to you as ‘‘ one who mocks ” that speaketh, that if you will ‘‘apply your heart to instruction, and"’ open “your ears to the words of knowledge^,” the time is not far distant when you will see the “ bow in the clouds,” and learn who set it there, and perceive each day a “ rainbow in every storm.” For though now you “ see not the bright light that there is in the clouds, yet the wind passeth over and cleanseth them ®.” It will be to you as “ the clear shining after rain ^” And what if the rain must come first? Fear not, the water-floods shall not drown you, for the Lord will be with you.

You have often tried to think of the blessings of sickness apart from its trials. This cannot truly be done, because the blessings so much arise out of, or are connected with, the trials. You often think that the pain in itself would not be hard to bear ; that the trial of it is, its interference, as you think, ^ with your duties, and with the comforts of others. You may be sure that it does not interfere with your duties. What God calleth you to, that He gives you strength to meet. Not that you have Yhe strength previously, or in yourself ; but that if He calls you to any work. He gives the measure of strength required at the time, and for that thing.

However it may seem to interfere with the actual comfort of other people, yet they need the trial of your sickness as much as you do ; and it

® Isa. Ivii. 10. ^ Prov. xxiii. 12.

® Job xxxvii. 21. 2 Sam. xxiii. 4.

SICKNESS, A HIDDEN STATE.

will, in its measure, be as truly a blessing to them as to you. Leave all this to God ; trust also in Him, and He will bring it to pass

II. Sickness, A Hidden State ; Trials Are To Be Expected In It

The longer sickness is continued to any one, the more truly does he learn that sickness is a hidden state. Much even of that portion of your life, which in health would be seen and shared by others, is from henceforth shut up ; shut out from all eyes, save of ‘‘Him who seeth in secret You will often have to learn that few persons understand your state at all ; that even those who earnestly desire to do so, make great mistakes, which often give you great and (as you are apt to think) needless pain. Perhaps, if you bear in mind your own previous ignorance of the state, how day by day hidden things are revealed to you, you will wonder less that others do not know the lengths, and breadths, and depths, and heights of your trial. Each one must pass through it to know the way, and to be enabled to point out the road, and its turnings and way-marks, to others. Beware, therefore, of expecting too much ; of taking it as a matter of course that every one sees and knows your trials, and ought to avoid adding to them. Do not be looking out for this kind of understanding; do not expect to meet with it often ; and thus you will be spared much bitter disappointment and sorrow of heart.

Doubtless, if some of your trials were seen and ^ Ps. xxxvii. 5. ^ Matt. vi. 6.

SICKNESS, A HIDDEN STATE.

known, your friends would try to remove them. How many blessings you would lose thereby! O how these little pricks reveal the thoughts of the heart You could not spare them; do not wish them away, for ‘‘ He doth not willingly afflict or grieve^"” you. He would therefore remove them, unless He saw that they were necessary for you. Do not say, ‘‘ 0 ! but these trifles which are so much to me, and yet could be so easily removed, can do no good ; they are too little to effect any thing ; they do but produce vexation and stir up evil.” Well, then, if they can produce so much evil, why cannot they produce an equal measure of good ? Their very character of trifles it is, that makes them useful ; they try you secretly, insignificantly, and yet sharply. Think of the crown of thorns borne for you. Did that cause no suffering I Y et, what are thorns ?

It is no use hiding from yourself that you are from henceforth to be tried. Face it all; look fully at it ; expect suffering ; receive it as your daily portion ; and when you say, Give us this day our daily bread remember that you are asking for your daily portion of suffering : yet never forget also that you are asking for your daily portion of strength, which you will surely receive.

It is best to look upon sickness as a state wholly different to any that you have ever yet known ; as involving a wholly different set of trials, temptations, duties, and blessings ; as not to be judged of, or treated like a state of health. Look upon each little thing as a trials i, e. as meant to try you, to ‘‘humble you, and prove you, and show you what is in your heart, whether you will keep His commandments, or no®.”

3 Lam. iii. 33. * Matt. vi. 11. « Deut. viii. 2.

12 SICKNESS,' A HIDDEN STATE.

It is a painful thing truly to feel as in a cage ; and it offers the constant temptation to beat your wings against the sides of it ; but stay on the perch quietly, and you will not feel the bondage and imprisonment of your cage. And after all, it is God who has shut you in ; and therefore you are safe there, and there only.

You must not expect that sickness will ever become a pleasant thing, a state without great and manifold trials. But would you wish that this should be the case ? What blessing could you expect from any state without trial? What could you learn from it ? How would it liken you to your Master, who was made perfect through suffering ® ?’’ “ Whom the Lord lomth He chasteneth^ would you wish, therefore, to be deprived of this token of His love? You will do well to resolve not to expect or desire this.

Face the whole trial; do not shrink from acknowledging to yourself that sickness is full of trial, and ever will be so, as long as it lasts ; and that^it is meant to be so, and that as soon as you get used to any portion, so that it ceases to iry,^ it will cease to bless, and then the God of love will change it for some other form of discipline.

“He Himself went not up to joy, but first He suffered pain ; He entered not into His glory, before He was crucified. So truly our way to eternal joy is to suffer here with Christ ; and our door to enter into eternal life is gladly to die with Christ, that we may rise again from death, and dwell with Him in everlasting life®.”

® Heb. ii. 10. ^ Heb. xii. 6.

* Service for the Visitation of the Sick.

TWOFOLD CHARACTER OF SICKN^ESS. 13

III. Twofold Character Of Sickness

If we look upon sickness as our own private property, and having reference only to ourselves, it becomes so. The lessons are then merely personal ; and so are the blessings. W e should never lose sight of the twofold character of sickness. It is personal ; meant for individual profit, to make thee ‘‘a partaker of His holiness®’’ who chastens thee. It is intended to make thee like thy Lord ; to increase all graces in thee ; to “ add strength to thy faith and seriousness to thy repentance ‘ to make that repentance real, and deep, and earnest, as never before ; to mould thy will to God’s will ; to dissolve thee, until thou art lost in Him. It is for thy correction^ punishment for past and present sin. It is to change the aspect of earth, and of all creatures. To show them in their true character. — To show them in contrast with God ; to show what they can do — and what He can do for thee; their distance — His nearness ; their incompetency — His completeness ; their one-sided knowledge and judgment of thee — His perfect knowledge and inspection of thee.

Let this personal character of sickness never be lost sjght of ; for every sickness is a chastisement, and it comes home into the very heart, saying.

Thou art the man®.”

But the other view of it should never be forgotten. It is not for thyself alone, but for the whole Church ; ‘‘ The whole Church is fitly framed together by that which every joint suppliethV’ They who are well could not go on without those

® Heb. xii. 10. ^ Service for the Visitation of the Sick.

14 THE SEEMING LENGTH OF SICKNESS.

who are sick, any more than those who are sick could go on without those who are well. In many things they need them. They need to have this embodying of a large part of the life of our Lord ever before their eyes. They need to be reminded of death and of judgment. They need the ballast of suffering to keep them steady. They need to learn hereby that “man walketh in a vain show, that he is disquieted in vain\’*’ They need that what is kind and sympathizing and gentle in them should be drawn forth, and thus developed. They need to see life real and in earnest, with all its gloss stripped off ; what it comes to ; what they must come to. They need this voice to say to them, “ Be ye also ready : for in such an hour as ye think not the Son of man cometh®.”

To show them all this is one office of sickness. If thus you look upon sickness as a work, a mission, one to which God has called you, although you seem called only to suffer, you will not look upon it as a lonesome lot.

IV. The Seeming Length Of Sickness

“A LIFE-LONG sickness!” what a dreary thought! It seems as if it were said to be unending : yet “ What is your life ? It is even as a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away®.” Medical men may speak of its lasting “an indefinite time,” for its length is undefined to them ; but “ with God are the issues of life and of death.” He will daily and hourly, yea, moment by moment, apportion to you your lot of suffering,

* Ps. xxxix. 6. ® Matt. xxiv. 44. ® James iv. 14.

THE SEEMING LENGTH OF SICKNESS. 15

and the strength to carry you through it. You have not to bear the whole length of your illness now at this time, but minute by minute ; do not increase your present suffering, by adding to it the future burden. He knows how best to deal with you. Fear not, for All these things are in His hand ; and He lays them on, not all at once, but little, by little, to prepare us for greater trials. We never have more than we can bear. The present hour we are always able to endure. As our day, so is our strength. If the trials of many years were gathered into one they would break us down ; therefore, in pity to our little strength. He sends first one, then another, then removes both, and lays on a third, heavier, perhaps, than either ; but all is so wisely measured to our strength, that the bruised reed is never broken. W e do not sufficiently regard our trials in this continuous and successive view. Each one is sent to teach us something, and altogether they have a lesson which is beyond the power of any to teach alone. But if they came together we should break down, and learn nothing. The smoking flax would be put out, and we should be crushed ‘ into the dust of death.’’’ ^

There is no other way to look at the path which lies before you, for it seems a long and wearisome way, and without an end. At least the end is so far distant, so incalculable, that it seems to you endless. You are told that your sickness is not a mortal one, and yet may be of many years’ duration. But even supposing this to be no mistake, it need not be this particular sickness which is appointed to take you to the ‘‘ rest that remaineth.” Some fresh thing may come any day ; and however slight it may seem. He who sends it can make it to be His messenger, and it may bring the