Psychology of sex : how to make love and marry

Front matter

terers tenes

Power to Create and Achieve

Books that Tell You How to Win Life’s Battle—that Help You Reshape Your Destiny—that Build Courage— Teach Constructive Thinking—Mould Character —Help You Build Mental Activity—that Teach You How to Conquer Self and Others — Knowledge that Helps You Do Mere and Be More.

Dedication

This book is lovingly and gratefully dedicated to the thousands of right-thinking people who are big enough and broad enough to consider one of the greatest questions of the ages, namely, the sex relationship—and who, in their quest are anxious to solve the life problem for a greater enjoyment of the married or unmarried state.

The pitfalls which have wrecked the lives of millions before us will be eradicated when man and woman understand one another. We shall go far toward achieving this happy consummation if both sexes strive through mutual sympathy, forbearance and co-operation to bring about a harmonious understanding of the mental, physical and spiritual forces active in the social state.

Davi V. Bus.

Table Of Contents

Sex Bere ty Essential to Married Happ ness

Should ‘‘Likes”’ or eee ial Marry?

How to Select One’s Mate Blondes or Brunettes—Lips

Preface

The human race in every respect is as yet only in swaddling clothes, but when it comes to questions of sex, intelligence and sex knowledge in the United States, it has not yet had its ‘‘eight days of presentation in the temple.’’

This book therefore, contains valuable information for the reader of either sex and in particular for husband and wife. No young person anticipating marriage, ought ever to take that solemn and holy step without first having read this volume. The tragedies every day enacted in and out of the divorce courts are sad commentary upon the necessity of this knowledge being grasped by those who have already launched their matrimonial bark upon the sea of life.

Any home that is marred by inharmony, by fault finding, by disagreement or misunderstanding should first turn to this book before any steps looking to separation between husband and wife be taken.

Ninety per cent of all divorces could be prevented if the information contained in this book and in Practical Psychology and Sex Life, by i

12 PREFACE the author, were in the hands of married people and were religiously followed.

These facts if coupled with an understanding of character analysis and of the type whom each should marry, will solve absolutely a great majority of all marriage problems.

This is a companion book to ‘‘Practical Psychology and Sex Life.’’? Every person, man or woman, whether contemplating marriage or not, and every married person ought to familiarize himself or herself with the principles outlined in these volumes.

Introduction

It has been said that both the medical profession and the legal profession have made the statement that 99 per cent of the divorces are due to improper conception of what should be the sex relationship between husband and wife. I know in my own practice more counsel has been sought, both for personal happiness and for health because of faulty sex practices and misunderstanding of the sex relationship than for any other one cause.

Indeed some of the world’s authorities on Sexology assert that without a single exception, every divorce has to do in some way with sex relations, meaning of course, inharmony, mismating and misunderstanding between husband and wife in their sexual intimacies. Other good authorities contend that at least one-half of all the world’s misery, sorrow, troubles, grief, pain, anquish, trials and tribulations, are due directly to inharmonious sexual relations, while Freud, the father of psycho-analysis, claims that all sickness has to do in one way or another with the love impulse, libido. Freud has been greatly misinterpreted in many quarters by well meaning people who over emphasize what he writes about sickness and sex. I think it is fair to Freud to say that his ideas that all illness has to

14 INTRODUCTION do with sex love, affection and impulse are essentially sound.

So you see that the major part of human happiness depends upon correct sex adaptation.

The normal adjustment of the sexual practice therefore in a regulated life, in marriage, is the big desideratum. If most of the human happiness is wrecked upon the shoals and reefs of ignorance of proper sexual relations, it is apparent that this book, which not only teaches how to select one’s physical, mental and spiritual mate, but also teaches the way to have sexual harmony, is of utmost value to the human family, not only for those who are contemplating marriage and those who have been married and do not get along well together, but also for those who have not yet thought of the marital state.

This book has been written with a view to giving safe, sane and scientific knowledge along sex lines so that the great percentage of divorces will be reduced and unhappy homes be restored to harmony, peace and joy forever.

There will be many things in this book which to the untutored will at first seem rather frank, not to say startling in the actual information they impart. The strange thing about man is that when it comes to reproduction of the species,

INTRODUCTION 15 the care and development of the sex instinct and sex life, he knows less about himself than he does about animals.

“Hitherto we have not been ashamed to talk about the breeding of horses, cows, bull-dogs and hogs, but when it comes to the discussion of human eugenics and the scientific procreation of the highest life of all of God’s creation, we have been deaf, dumb and blind.

I have for several years been giving special lectures on sex, scientific reproduction, procreation, and sane sex living in general. Now and then, of course, there is a prude in my audience. Out of the hundreds who hear me each time I give this lecture, it is expected that occasionally I will find some who take offense, but this much I know, if I see prudery is stamped on their faces, I feel assured that those persons are living an irregular sex life themselves and. probably guilty of the grossest kind of sex irregularities. There is nothing immoral or unmoral, there is nothing indelicate, indecent or wrong in the proper function of sex unless our thinking makes it so, and the person who is afraid to discuss or listen to a discussion on safe and sane sexual science in my estimation is hiding

16 INTRODUCTION his or her loose and immoral sex irregularity behind the guise of prudery.

I repeat that I think most prudes are sex irregulars themselves. This prudery has been so carried to extremes, as I have pointed out elsewhere, that man knows less about his sex functions than any other animal.

In the lower animal kingdoms, sex acts merely as instinct, but with man, instinct is not enough. With the lower animals it is purely a response to nature’s command to procreate, and when the spell of the season for mating seizes the female of the species, that is the all absorbing thing in her life, but with man it is different. But how many know this? I dare say not two per cent of people, married or otherwise, have even a half-way understanding of how sex should function in their lives.

We recommend that all married people, newly weds or forty-year-old weds, read this book together. There may, however, be some sections which it would be better for the man to let the sensitive wife read by herself.

In Practical Psychology and Sex Life I show that it is possible for most all married persons —no matter how long ago their marriage took place or what the difficulty in their sex life, can

INTRODUCTION 17 participate in the sexual act with enhanced satisfaction and enjoyment.

I also show that this relation can be lived and practiced up to the age of one hundred without loss of youth, buoyancy and charm.

In the same book I show that if the married pair does not have proper sexual union; if one has pleasure only at the expense or pain to the other, it is nothing but masturbation for both. In Practical Psychology and Sex Life, I show that there must be the proper preparation of both body and mind long in advance. If instructions there given are followed out, both husband and wife may participate in the sexual union to mutual enjoyment, for an hour, two hours or more. Improper sexual union leads to weakness, physical and otherwise, and this in turn is responsible for the great number of divorces which occur between the tenth and the twelfth year of married life.

It is not my purpose, in this book to reiterate what has been said in another volume, but to take up from the point we left off in Practical Psychology and Sex Life, a second angle of the greatest function of life and the sound readjustment of sexual hygiene.

PSYCHOLOGY OF SEX HOW TO MAKE LOVE AND MARRY

Chapter I

Hard as our good ‘‘purity’’ moralists try to evade the question and deny the fact that there is, back of all love making and all home building, a sex urge, the fact yet remains that this is true, despite the fact that eighty per cent probably of our good, religiously raised women emphatically deny that there is anything in their whole physical nature which has attracted them to their husbands and led them to the marriage altar. I say, despite the fact that they loudly deny that there exists any physical attraction at all, the truth remains that if you were to remove the physical attraction, there would be no marriages.

To say that we have progressed somewhat in our sexual evolution to have reached the stage of monogamy, is to say a whole lot, after all. We are working toward the goal where there will be not only no more harems, but no more polygamy.

This can only come, however, by education. As long as there is not a harmonious relationship existing between the husband and wife sexually, just so long may we expect that man will be polygamous. But when the light comes and each person understands his and her own physical makeup and will play the game of sexology fairly, polygamy will have been anulled forever.

There can be no paradise so perfect as is to be found in a home where both husband and wife live a rounded out trinity of love—mentally, spiritually and physically.

This is not the case, I believe, in ninety per cent of the homes in America. We have been reared in ignorance, in our prudery we have been proud of our ‘‘innocence’’ until the average man and woman goes to the marriage altar as ignorant of important facts as a child upon entering the first grade in school.

What would be thought of sending a man out into professional life without giving him training and preparation? What should we think of turning a great bank over to a novice who knows nothing about currency, banking, monetary rules or exchange laws? What should we think of turning into our public schools next season, when the doors open for the coming year, a drove of unprepared men and women to teach the youth of America?

Absurd! Foolish! Impossible! we exclaim.

Aye, ’tis true, but my dear reader, it is just as foolish, just as absurd, just as impossible to countenance a betrothal, be present at the marriage ceremony, throw our rice and old shoes at the ‘‘happy couple,’’ and expect them to be proficient in their sexual relationship without any training, as to think we could have any other professionally competent people without training.

What of instinct, you say? Away with your instinct. Instinct teaches a cat how to take care of her kittens, but instinct does not teach the average father and mother how to raise a family, else we should have no prodigals, no jails, no drunkards, no rakes, no spendthrifts, no whitehaired sorrowful mothers and no tottering, disappointed fathers, because of the way-wardness of their boys and girls.

Tf instinct had as much to do in the family of man as it has in eats, we might grant something to instinct in matters of sex, but it has not.

There is a great difference between man, who has been taught to use his mind and reason, and the lower animals. Despite the fact that man is an animal, there is a great gulf between man and any of the lower animals, and that gulf never can be bridged by our ‘‘purity leaguers’ ’’ instinct.

For instance, this book is going to explain to young married people how coitus (sexual intercourse) should be properly effected.

Those who have a knowledge of the scientific side of sexual relationship know that there are over forty positions in which the sex act can be practiced and participated in for giving the greatest amount of life, health and strength in mind and body.

How many positions does the ordinary couple in America know? I daresay one or two, and at that they are repulsive to the woman, unsatisfying to the man and are positions which bring pain and agony to the wife and half satisfaction to the husband. They are, moreover, such ‘‘instinctive’’? unnatural positions that eighty per cent of your women have some form of female trouble, all due to a misunderstanding of sexual science.

Instinct! Ye purveyors of morality clap-trap. What do you care about the suffering of womankind so long as your narrow-minded ignorance prevents women from understanding how sexual intercouse should be practiced. Continue your ‘‘“instinetive’’ advice and you will continue to have a race of polygamous men with women sitting at home wondering why they have lost their power over their husbands, with the divorcee courts grinding out a greater number of divorces each year, and the children having been born in a hodge - podge, catch-as-catch-can-happen-chance way, sitting at home and asking their mother why it is that the father is not there.

Ye ‘‘instinct’’ propagandists look around you and read the record of your divorce courts, see the slime of your red-light districts, read the stories of the multitude of prostitutes and of the men who, married or unmarried, patronize the halls of infamy.

There you have it, ye moral ‘‘instinctive purity’’ propagandists. Wretchedness on every hand, all because there has been no training in the domain of sex.

But, I repeat, there is no paradise in the world and there is no heaven on earth that is equal to that pure home where husband and wife mutually participate in mental, spiritual and physical delights.

For the teme being the man who gets his sexual gratification from many women (I say for the time being), gets a greater physical thrill by giving chase to other women and experiencing a change of sexual pasture, bug this does not last long. Mark you, there is no sexual enjoyment equal to that where both the man and the woman live sexually one for the other and the longer they remain faithful to one another, the more luscious are the fruits of the sexual tree.

When a man first breaks away from his marriage vows and goes ‘‘elsewhere’’ there is exhilaration in the hunt for other women and the following of the chase (for man is a natural hunter) but this thrill does not last and in the end all is vanity and ashes of sexuality are found in the place of a flower garden. This is the reason that many an old bachelor and many an old he-vamp at the age of forty or forty-five wants to ‘‘settle down’’ and have a pure woman for his wife.

But, without the proper sex training and knowledge of physical attraction and non-attraction in woman and man, and without the performance of coitus in the right manner and place and under the proper conditions, monogamous physical happiness does not increase as years pass, but decreases.

Not only does the woman become cold and the man indifferent, but the time actually comes when neither can inspire the old time love thrill as in the youthful days of physical desire and another home has been smashed by the hammer of the purity-morality propagandists.

The purpose of this book is to help the husband and wife to get their lifelong mutual love, respect and happiness, and find complete satisfaction in _ each other without any desire for other men and women.

Someone has said ‘‘there is plenty of love outside of marriage—there is not enough love in marriage.’’

The directions in this book, if properly followed, will bring the love from the outside in and keep the love inside from getting out.

To love one soul for its beauty, grace and truth is to open the way to appreciate all beautiful, true and gracious souls, and to recognize spiritual beauty, wherever it may be.

Chapter II Sex Harmony Essential To Married Happiness

This is a common sense book consisting of scientific recommendations in the interest of the sanctity of the home, the holiness of matrimony and a reconstructed sex life and practice.

If the statistics which we have been told are correct, namely, that eighty per cent of the men of this day are or have been infected with one or other of the social diseases, it is a trenchant commentary upon the polygamous practices among the male members of this generation.

I am convinced not only that men of this generation, but the young men of the coming generation have seen enough of the polygamous life and its deadly trail of wrecked lives, infected bodies and broken hopes to eliminate this evil. Polygamy, whether practiced openly or secretly, can produce nothing but death—death of the sex life, death of ambition and death of love.

The very man who has indulged in a polygamous experience is the first man after a few years or a few months of this deadly practice to cry out against it.

The man who has practiced that secretly for ten or twenty years is the one who will take the stand at a stag party and announce in sonorous voice that the end of polygamy is vanity—all is vanity. Therefore, experience both of young men and the older men verify the fact that polygamy is not what it is cracked up to be.

I am sure that all men of today want to get rid of the old secret polygamous life. All they need is proper education along these lines, with the proper education of the women, to stamp upon the head of the serpent polygamy and crush it unto death. And the way this will be accomplished will be by following out the rules as outlined in ‘‘Practical Psychology and Sex Life’’ and in this book.

As the women of the race have been taught to think sexual union immodest and immoral so that they cannot respond in a proper marital sex expression, the married man loses the zest for ideal cohabitation and in a few months or years he launches out in new sex adventures. And is so disgusted with his home relationship that another polygamous man has been made.

A man cannot continue to have proper sex union with his wife if she is repellant, unresponsive or cold. When there is no enjoyment for

28 PSYCHOLOGY OF SBX both, both become either repellant or disgusted. Then the man seeks his sex gratification elsewhere and another polygamous man has been added to the row of the millions before him. And, a woman cannot continue to have satisfactory sex union if the husband is ignorant and inconsiaerate of her physiology and feelings. Most women today do not know that there is in their makeup at least two rising tides of the sex urge each month.

In order to effect a reconstruction of the whole marital sex relationship, man must first consider the physiology of his wife. The wife in turn will do well to consider the strong sex impulse of her husband. The two together, considering each other’s feelings will be able in the course of a very short time to make it possible for the wife to realize and to know and to even anticipate the season during the month when her sex life will be at high tide or low ebb.

Owing to our ignorance of this question, man has deprived himself of the glamour, of the glow, of the romance, of the joy and of the pleasure which accrues from a proper understanding of the woman’s physical makeup. She, likewise, because of ignorance, has never been able to understand herself. It, therefore, has been of very recent discovery that woman possesses these sex rhythmic tides.

This means that there is no pleasure for the wife and that the husband loses the very thing which he has believed so necessary for his physical, mental and spiritual development.

He blames his wife’s ‘‘coldness’’ instead of his own lack of art. Then he seeks elsewhere for the things she could have given him had he known how to win them. And she, knowing that the shrine has been desecrated, is filled with righteous indignation, though, generally she is as blind as he as to the true cause of what has occurred.

I repeat that a man does not want this to occur. Both man and woman when they enter upon the solemn sea of matrimony enter their bark and launch upon the uncharted sea of life experience with the ambition, desire and longing for perfect happiness. But perfect happiness in married life can only be consummated and experienced by a mutually agreeable sex relationship.

Man is as guilty as woman in permitting himself to go ‘‘elsewhere.’? He and the wife are both guilty because of ignorance. A woman cannot be forced to enjoy marital union at all times and a man is so constituted that continued restraint from sexual indulgence snaps for him the cord of marital love. Therefore, it is most important that each should understand the physiological construction of the other.

It behooves both man and woman to try to understand each other’s makeup and to profit thereby. Only by each one understanding the other, can the sure road leading to the greatest happiness be found.

We are going to explain in a part of this book the three rhythmic sex tides in woman when her husband and lover can approach her so that both may have mutual enjoyment in union.

Some women have three, and others two distinct rhythmic sex tides during the month. At such a time if a woman has not been interfered with, she responds to the enjoyment of her husband. The man also has rhythmic sex tides when he also will have a fuller enjoyment of the sex relationship. This must be borne in mind by both husband and wife as they enter upon the holy bond of spiritual and physical sex union.

Man has so long considered that his wife should be his mistress, that he has expected too much from her and so has forced his own opinions and his own feelings so much to the fore front that the rhythmic sex tides of his wife have not only been interfered with but deadened.

“‘Due to mis-teaching of the centuries and a misunderstanding of the real sex life and function, we have gradually grown into a race of

' sex prudes filled with mock sex modesty as well as ignorant silliness and because of this mock chastity, many married people try to ignore the sex impulse, the sex gratification and the sex

_ influence.

‘“<They try to dam up the fertilizing tide of life,

_ but though they are unconscious of what they are doing, they tend to reduce the richness and beauty of marriage.’’

Whether people of this attitude of mind realize

- it or not, there is a pull or a sex attraction under- _ lying the mental and spiritual attraction in marriage. This is true in the life of every man and woman who has ever gone to the sacred altar of marriage—if they were normally sexed and married for love. Deliberately to ignore this and to

_ refuse to recognize it is to rob both husband and wife of the spiritual and mental companionship which both desire, expect and should have in order to secure the greatest amount of marital happiness. For mental and spiritual completeness is reached only through a harmonious and mutual sex enjoyment.

It is, unfortunately, true, that some people still believe the sexual instinct is for reproductive purposes only. They contend we should never indulge in sexual intercourse unless it be for the purpose of bringing a child into the world. The act performed without such aim in view is stigmatized by them as carnal lust, as a sin. Some even say that such an act is equivalent to an act of prostitution. To argue the question with such people would be sheer waste of time.

Monogamy (marriage with but one woman) is, when a couple understand one another spiritually, mentally and physically, beyond a doubt, the ideal way of living. Yet I dare say there are not ten per cent of the married people in America at least (other countries have shown more sense in educating their people in sex matters than has our own) who really enjoy to the full their mental, spiritual or physical relationship.

For, mark you, there cannot be the highest enjoyment of mental or spiritual experience beween a husband and wife unless there is the greatest amount of enjoyment in their sex life.

While the majority of men are not satisfied with one mate, the number of women who are not so satisfied is exceedingly small.

It may be early in this book to make such a statement as I am about to make. The average woman will think that I am pro-male, that I am “‘just like a man,’’ that I have no consideration for her feelings, for her makeup, for her sensibilities. JI assure my women readers, however, that if they follow the teachings of this book, they will see that I am their true friend. I am not yielding the man any more license than he should have, neither am I condoning the short-sighted, whimsical behavior of ‘‘contrary’? women. I am playing the game fairly with both sexes. Follow me through and you will agree.

Dr. W. J. Robinson of New York City has, no doubt, given more general counsel and explicit advice and treated more men and women in matters of sex than any other living physician. He says that while ‘‘I believe that man has a pelygamous nature, I also believe the most frequent cause for a married man visiting prostitutes or having a mistress or lady friends, is found in the wives themselves. Many wives drive their husbands to other women and are alone responsible for their suffering, for the cooling of their husband’s affection, perhaps even for their desertion.’’

I am not boob enough to think that a woman ean become a mere sexual machine. I recognize the: rights of women, and a few of the rights of 2 men, but I am convinced that nearly every normally sexed woman can be so wooed and loved and prepared (if she will drop her prudish notions about ‘‘decency’’ and that sex acts are wrong and ‘‘sinful’’) that she can indulge in mutually pleasurable coitus with her husband as often as any reasonable and sensible man may desire. Of course, if you marry a brute or an impractical, unreasonable passionate lord of creation, who wants to exert his lordship, that is a different thing. A man may expect too much, just as a woman may give too little. In Sex Tides in Men and Women in this volume, I make it very clear that there are times when some women are unable to give themselves to the whims and calls of their husbands, and the man who expects and demands this of his wife, is steering his matrimonial bark directly to the shoals of disaster. On the other hand, in the same chapter, we point out the way to know the time and season when the good wife can respond to the sex call of her mate.

The purpose of this book is to instruct both the men and the women so that one shall not demand more than the other can give, or be sexually superior in mind and lord it over the other. If wisely read, this book will start every married man and woman who have not got along well together—whether they are just married or have been married twenty-five years—on the right path to marital happiness.

But before we take up this phase of marital experience, I think it would be better if we begin at the beginning with courtship then with marriage and what happens after marriage.

Chapter III Should ‘‘likes” Or ‘‘opposites’’ Marry?

Proper blending of color of skin, eyes, nostrils and hair. |

Our temperaments are made up of many cardinal conditions, five of which are:

The Electric The Magnetic The Mental The Acid The Alkaline

Married happiness depends upon how well these five different points of temperament harmonize in the contracting couple.

When I was a minister and a Prude of Prudes, regarding the sex, there was a certain physician in the city in which I was a pastor, who took delight in shocking me with information about sex attraction. I used to think it was pure devilment as much as anything else but now I understand that he did it for praiseworthy reasons. He was trying to rattle the dry bones in my prudish cranium and awake my sleeping consciousness to a scientific understanding of sex life.

I used to listen with due courtesy but always found an excuse to slip out before his most enlightening recitations were begun. He was a man and a leader along sex lines far more advanced even than most of the physicians who had made a close study of sex relationship, attraction and antipathy. When he, therefore, told me if people were properly mated physically, mentally and spiritually, there was a more acute sex sensation, a more aesthetic mental and physical enjoyment, I thought it was all folderol and got out of his reach as quickly as I could.