The new gospel of peace

Front matter

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State of Indiana through the Indiana State Library

Chapter I

I. The Mystery. 2. War i?i the Land of Unculpsalm. 5. Phernandi-wud. 10. Seeketh a partner. 17- Searcheth the Scripture. 19. Findeth something to his advantage. 24. And walketh slantijidicularly. 25. Is brought before the Judge. 27. Shotveth his Innocence.

THE mystery of the new gospel of peace. 2. In the days of Abraham, when there was war in the land of Unculpsalm, and all

Ver. 1. The author with striking brevity announces his great theme. This teaches us how much can be said in a few words. Compare the ancient writer in this respect with the moderns, — with Milton for instance; much to Milton's disadvantage. Milton's intentions were good, however. The author tells us that his book is a mystery; by which he means that it is not easy to be understood ; perhaps that he did not understand it himself. His candor might well be imitated by some later writers.

Ver. 2. Investigation and conjecture are equally baffled in the attempt to discover the situation of the land of 1 the people fought with weapons of iron, and with ships of iron

3. (For there came a man out of the country beyond the North Sea, a son of Tubal Cain, and joined himself unto the people of Unculpsalm, and made unto them ships of iron, with towers upon the decks thereof, and beaks upon the prows thereof, very mighty and marvellous) ,

4. There went out one who preached a new gospel of peace. And it was in this wise.

5. It came to pass in those days that in the country of Mannatton, in the city which is

Unculpsalm, in which the events related in this book took place. The scholiast suggests that as the Iangkies are said to have worshipped an idol called the almightj Dahl Lar, thej probably dwelt upon the plains of Shinar. The conjecture is ingenious and plausible, but hardly sound.

Ver. 3. A son of Tubal Cain. More properly a disciple of Tubal Cain, who, we are told, was the instructor of every artificer in brass and iron. But the word son used in this sense is one of the traits of the Eastern origin of this book. Thus, Tubal Cain's half-brother was Jubal, who, we are told, was the father of all such as handle the harp and organ, by which we are not to understand that all those whom we see daily handling the organ are the actual progeny of Jubal. For he lived before the flood, when the original race of organ-grinders seems to have been happily drowned.

Ver. 5. Pkema?idiwud. The persistent but futile attempts of various purblind critics to show that this book is a political satire upon events of the present day are brought to naught in the case of this the most prominent if not the most important character in the book. No such called Gotham, that is over against Jahrzee, as thou goest down by the great river, the River Hutzoon, to Communipah, there was a man whose name was Phernandiwud.

6. And he was a just man, and a righteous ; and he walked uprightly before the world.

7. But when he was not before the world his walk was slantindicular.

8. And he loved the people.

9. And Phernandiwud said within himself, Of a truth I love the people ; but am I not one of the people ; yea, verily, am I not number one of the people? and shall I not therefore first love myself ?

10. So Phernandiwud first loved himself, and the rest of the people after himself.

1 1 . Now in the days when Phranclinn ruled the land (he that was captain of a thousand in the armies of Unculpsalm when they went down to Mecsicho) , Phernandiwud sought unto himself a partner, even a partner with shekels ; and he found a man whose name was Marahvine.

person as Phernandiwud is known in this or any other country. The desperate shifts to which the maintainers of the theory in question are put, appear in their attempt to connect this personage with a Mayor of New York, and Member of Congress, who was sued for falsifying his accounts, and who escaped criminal process because it was commenced one day too late according to law. How flimsy the theory which depends upon such evidence for its support !

12. And Phernandiwud said unto Marahvine : Lo, there is gold in the land of Kalaphorni ;

13. And the gold of that land is good.

14. Now behold, thou art rich, and thy servant is poor ; but thy servant is cunning in merchandise, diligent and crafty in business. Let, therefore, my lord furnish me of his gold and his silver, and I will buy merchandise and ships, and trade with the men of Kalaphorni and get great gain, a hundred, yea even two hundred fold, and we shall divide the spoil.

15. So they traded with the men of Kalaphorni, and got great gain, a hundred and two hundred fold. But Phernandiwud divided not the spoil ; for he was not before the world.

16. So his walk was slantindicular.

17. And he communed within himself, and

Ver. 12. The Land of Kalaphorni. Where this land was is no less uncertain than the locality of the land of Unculpsalm. It appears, however, to have had a strange influence upon the social state of the land of Unculpsalm. For there are traces of an order of women in the latter known as Kalaphorni widows. Whether they were regarded as widows because their husbands had gone before them into the land of promise, but not of performance, is now beyond the reach of conjecture.

Ver. 14. Divide the spoil. Not a felicitous rendering; for spoil refers rather to warlike than to mercantile affairs. Yet the Hebrews, we are told in their sacred writings, spoiled the Egyptians by purely business transactions. In the Iangkie tongue the word means strictly plunder.

said : Is it not written in the Scripture (for he was a just man and a righteous, and searched the Scripture daily,

18. Saying, peradventure I shall find therein something to my advantage) ,

19. That a certain steward made unto himself friends of the mammon of unrighteousness, by saying to one man, who owed his lord an hundred measures of oil, Take thy bill and sit down quickly and write fifty ; and to another who owed an hundred measures of wheat, Take thy bill and sit down quickly and write fourscore ?

20. And did not the lord of that steward commend him because he had done wisely ; because the children of this world are wiser in their generation than the children of light?

21. And am not I, even I, Phernandiwud, a child of this world, and wise in my generation ? Yea, verily. And I will take my bill and sit down quickly ; and where Marahvine oweth me fourscore shekels, I will write an hundred ; and where I owe him an hundred, I will write fifty.

22. And is it not written that we shall be as wise as serpents and as harmless as doves? Therefore will I be as wise as a serpent unto Marahvine, and as harmless as a dove unto myself.

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23. Then Phernandiwud took his bill and sat down quickly, and where Marahvine owed him fourscore shekels he wrote an hundred, and where he owed Marahvine an hundred he wrote fifty.

24. So his walk was slantindicular.

25. But it came to pass after many days that Marahvine discovered how Phernandiwud had searched the Scripture to his advantage. And he brought him before the judge, and would have convicted him at the mouth of two witnesses ; and, moreover, the writings were against him.

26. But there was a statute in Gotham that no man should be held guilty before the law save for that which he had done within six years, but that after six years he should go free.

27. So Phernandiwud said unto the judge : Lo, what Marahvine saith that thy servant hath

Ver. 23. He wrote fifty. The great wisdom of Phernandiwud and his readiness to profit by scriptural example are strikingly manifest in this transaction. The axiom in morals, that there is a great deal of human nature in man, and that history therefore repeats itself, is illustrated by a comparison of these events, which occurred centuries ago, with those recorded in the recent well-known case of Henry Sheldon, George E. Byxbie, William H. Sheldon, and Levi Chestnutwood, assignees of Edward E. Marvine, against Fernando Wood, which will be found reported at some length and commented upon in the New York newspapers of November, 1854.

done was done, by his own showing, six years and three hours ago. Therefore thy servant is guiltless. I pray thee, therefore, declare thy servant guiltless, and let him go.

28. And he did so. And Phernandiwud went out from before him justified in his wisdom and his innocence.

Chapter II

I. The Pahdees. 2. They govern Gotham. 6. Phernandiivud maketh frie?ids of the Pahdees. 9. Who make him Chief Ruler of the City. 11. A?id together they devour the substance of the Men of Gdtham. 15. The Watchmen of Gotham removed from the rule of Phernandiivud. 16. Who gathereth together the Hittites and the Hammer ites. 19. And conceiveth ivith the Mystery of the New Gospel of Peace.

NOW, it came to pass that in the City of Gotham were many Pahdees, like unto locusts for multitude. And they were not of the land of Unculpsalm, but came from an island beyond the great sea ; a land of famine and oppression. And they knew nothing. They

Ver. 1. Many Pahdees. These people, in whose hands the Gothamites seem to have entirely placed the government of their city, appear to have been of an entirely different race from the Iangkies and the Phiretahs and the other people of Unculpsalm. There is no record of such another transfer of power in all history. As to the island whence they came, see Book IV. Chap. ix. A slight clue is given to the origin of this story by the name Gotham and the course of the people in regard to the Pahdees. This shows that these men of Gotham were evidently of the same race as the three wise men of Gotham who went to sea in a bowl. As that bowl must have been a punch-bowl, it plainly prefigures the rule of the Pahdees in Gotham.

read not, neither did they write, and like the multitudes of Nineveh, many of them did not know their right hand from their left.

2. Therefore the men of Unculpsalm who dwelt in Gotham troubled themselves little to govern the city, and paid the Pahdees richly to govern it for them.

3. For the men of Gotham were great merchants and artificers, trading to the ends of the earth ; diligent and cunning in their business, wise and orderly in their households ; and they got great gain, and the fame of their wisdom and their diligence was spread abroad. Wherefore they said, why shall we leave our crafts and our merchandise, and our ships, and our feasts, and the gathering together of our wives and our daughters, and our men-singers and our women-singers, to give our time to ruling the city ?

4. Behold, here are the Pahdees who know nothing, who read not, neither do they write, and who know not their right hand from their left, and who have never governed even themselves, and who will be glad to govern the city in our stead.

5. Wherefore the men of Unculpsalm who dwelt in Gotham went, the one to his craft, the other to his ships, and the other to his merchandise ; and the Pahdees governed Gotham.

6. Now Phernandiwud saw that the men whom the Pahdees appointed to be officers in Gotham fed at the public crib, and waxed fat, and increased in substance. Moreover, so great and mighty was the city of Gotham that they who ruled it were powerful in the land of Unculpsalm ; stretching out their hands from the North even unto the South, and from the East even unto the West ; but most of all were they powerful with the men of the South.

7. And Phernandiwud said within himself, Shall I not feed at the public crib, and wax fat, and increase in substance, and become a man of power in the land of Unculpsalm ?

8. So he made friends unto himself among the Pahdees, and of certain men of Unculpsalm who had joined themselves unto the Pahdees, and who called themselves Dimmichrats.

9. And he became a great man among them. And they made him chief ruler of the city. And it was of the Pahdees that he was first called Phernandiwud.

10. Now, when Phernandiwud was chief ruler of Gotham, the Pahdees, and the men of

Ver. 6. The officers appointed by the Pahdees fed at the public crib. A striking example of the wisdom of Solomon's saying: "The ox knoweth his owner and the ass his master's crib."

Ver. 10. The Watchmen of the City. The tendency of history to repeat itself, which has been already mentioned, and which this book so often illustrates, is shown in the

Unculpsalm which were also Dimmichrats, did what was right in their own eyes ; and they worked confusion in the city, and devoured the substance of the men of Gotham. And the watchmen of the city were as clay in the hands of Phernandiwud.

ii. For he said, I will have a one man power ; and the one man shall be me, even me Phernandiwud; and the Pahdees, and the Dimmichrats, and the watchmen of Gotham, shall do my will ; and after they have done my will, they may do what is right in their own eyes, and work confusion, and devour the people's substance.

12. And the men of Gotham were amazed and confounded ; and they said one to another,

13. Behold, we are held as naught by Phernandiwud and them that are under him, and he will destroy us and our city.

14. But they could not cast him out, because of the Pahdees, and the men of Unculpsalm which also were Dimmichrats.

course of events which attended the establishment of the Metropolitan Police Department in New York, only a few years before the first publication of The New Gospel of Peace. The two stories are such perfect counterparts, although they refer to different countries and to periods so far separated, that it has even been supposed, by those who mistake the character of this book, that it was written after the occurrence of the events just referred to. A warning to all shallow critics.

15. Wherefore they said, we will pray the governor and rulers of the province to take the watchmen of the city from under his hand, and put in other watchmen who shall guard the city, and the country round about the same ; and he shall no longer work confusion, and devour our substance, and destroy our city.

16. Wherefore the watchmen were taken from under his rule, and there were appointed other watchmen, whose captains were not Pahdees and followers of Phernandiwud.

17. But Phernandiwud, because he loved the people, and himself first, as number one of the people, withstood the watchmen which the governor and the rulers of the province -had appointed. And he gathered together his watchmen and much people of the Pahdees, and of the men of Unculpsalm which also were Dimmichrats,

18. Hittites, so called, because they hit from

Ver. 18. The scholiast would have it that this passage is corrupt, and that Hammerites is but another form of Amorites, due to the fact that the ancient manuscript was copied by a scribe of the men of Jonbool, who spelled phonographically. This conjecture is plausible and ingenious, but somewhat too fanciful. Its author was probably led by the presence of the name of the other tribe, the Hittites, into supposing that these people were those whom the Jewfe drove out of Palestine. This supposition, however, somewhat antedates the probable period when the events recorded in this book took place. It is proper to record, however, a tradition that its author was an High Vite.

the shoulder, and Hammerites, because they brake the heads of all them that set themselves up against them.

19. And the watchmen of Phernandiwud, and the Pahdees, and the Hittites and the Hammerites, fought with the watchmen appointed by the governor and the chief rulers of the province, doing in this the will of Phernandiwud. And they fought many times, and they brake each the heads of the other : yet was neither vanquished.

20. And when the judges of the province saw this, they declared unto the governor, that by the great law of the province, he could march an army upon Phernandiwud, and his watchmen, and his Pahdees, and his Hittites, and his Hammerites, and put them to the sword.

21. And when Phernandiwud read this declaration of the judges, he saw that there was an end of his rule over the watchmen, and of his one man power in Gotham ; and he said unto the watchmen, and to the Pahdees, and the Hittites, and the Hammerites, Get you to your houses, I have nothing more to give unto you.

22. But he charged the cost thereof unto the city.

Ver. 2. Phernandiwud charged the cost thereof unto the city. Here we have an example of great constancy, of singleness of purpose, and of faithfulness unto the end, 2

23. And this was the first time that Phernandiwud conceived in his mind the mystery of the new gospel of peace.

which is truly edifying. But the same virtues, which were followed by blessings in patriarchal days, are equally sure of recompense of one kind or another now. Let us, therefore, all emulate the righteousness of Phernandiwud, that, like him, we may all have our reward.

Chapter III

I. The War in the land of Unculpsalm. 3. The Great Covenant. 5. The greatness of the land of Unculpsalm. 7. Provoheth the hatred of Kings and Oppressors. 8. The Niggahs. 11. And the Covenant concerning them. 14. The Niggahs. 16. There arise me7i of Belial. 19. The Tshivulree. 22. And what the Tshivulree did to the me?i of Belial. 24. The Dimmich ra ts join themselves unto the Tshivulree. 26. The Everlasting Niggah. 27. Philip of Athens, a Priest of Beelzebub. 29. Isaiah thrusteth him out of the Tabernacle. 31. But the Men of Belial prevail. 35. A?id the spirit Bah Bohn possesseth their disciples. 39. The Phiretahs and Prestenbruux.

NOW the war in the land of Unculpsalm was in this wise. 2. The people were of one blood, but the land was in many provinces. And the people of the provinces joined themselves together and cast off the yoke of a stiff-necked king who oppressed them beyond the great sea. And they said, let us have no king, but let us choose from ourselves a man to rule over us ; and let us no longer be many provinces, but one nation ; only in those things which concern not the nation let the people in each province do what is right in their own eyes.

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3. And let it be written upon parchment and be for a covenant between us and our children, and our children's children forever — like unto a law of the Medes and Persians which altereth not.

4. And they did so. And the Great Covenant became the beginning and the end of all things unto the men of Unculpsalm.

5. And the men of Unculpsalm waxed great and mighty and rich : and the earth was filled with the fame of their power and their riches ; and their ships covered the sea. And all nations feared them. But they were men of peace, and went not to war of their own accord ; neither did they trouble or oppress the men of other nations ; but sought each man to sit under his own vine and his own fig-tree. And there were no poor men and few that did evil born in that land : except thou go southward of the border of Masunandicsun.

Ver. 5. There were no poor men and few that did evil born in that land. This land of Unculpsalm seems to have been a most singular place. Almost the whole of the poverty, the ignorance, and the crime to be found in it, except south of the border of Masunandicsun, seems to have come to it from other countries. This is strange enough ; but what is most extraordinary is that the people of that land, the virtue and the intelligence of whose fathers had made it great and happy and powerful, gave to this foreign element of its population, ignorant, criminal, and without substantial interest in the country, an equal share of political power, which these foreigners, herding together in clans or tribes,

6. And this was noised abroad ; and it came to pass that the poor and the down-trodden, and the oppressed of other lands left the lands in which they were born, and went and dwelt in the land of Unculpsalm, and prospered therein, and no man molested them. And they loved that land.

7. Wherefore, the kings and the oppressors of other lands, and they that devoured the substance of the people, hated the men of Unculpsalm. Yet, although they were men of peace, they made not war upon them ; for they were many and mighty. Moreover they were rich and bought merchandise of other nations, and sent them corn and gold.

8. Now there were in the land of Unculpsalm Ethiopians, which the men of Unculpsalm called Niggahs. And their skins were black, and for hair they had wool, and their shins bent out forward and their heels thrust out backward ; and their ill savor went up.

9. Wherefore the forefathers of the men of Unculpsalm had made slaves of the Niggahs, and bought them and sold them like cattle.

10. But so it was that when the people of the land of Unculpsalm made themselves into one nation, the men of the North said, We will

used in a solid body under the direction of demagogues, so that they held the balance of power in the land. So foolish a scheme of politics is not elsewhere recorded in history.

2* no longer buy and sell the Niggahs, but will set them free ; neither shall more be brought from Ethiopia for slaves unto this land.

ii. And the men of the South answered and said, We will buy and sell our Niggahs ; and moreover we will beat them with stripes, and they shall be our hewers of wood and drawers of water forever ; and when our Niggahs flee into your provinces ye shall give them to us, every man his Niggah ; and after a time there shall no more be brought from Ethiopia, as ye say. And this shall be a part of the Great Covenant.

12. And it was a covenant between the men of the North and the men of the South.

13. And it came to pass that thereafter the men of the South and the Dimmichrats of the North and the Pahdees gave themselves night and day to the preservation of this covenant about the Niggahs.

14. And the Niggahs increased and multiplied till they darkened all the land of the South. And certain of the men of Unculpsalm who dwelt in the South took their women for concubines and went in unto them, and begat of them sons and daughters. And they bought and sold their sons and daughters, even the fruit of their loins ; and beat them with stripes, and made them hewers of wood and drawers of water.

15. For they said, Are not these Niggahs our Niggahs? Yea, even more than the other

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Niggahs ? For the other Niggahs we bought, or our fathers, with money; but these, are they not flesh of our flesh, and blood of our blood, and bone of our bone ; and shall we not do what we will with our own ?

16. But there arose men in the northern provinces of the land of Unculpsalm and in the countries beyond the great sea, iniquitous men, saying, Man's blood cannot be bought with money ; foolish men, saying, Though the Niggah's skin be black and his hair woolly, and his shins like unto cucumbers, and his heels thrusting out backward, and though he has an ill savor not to be endured by those who get not children of Niggah women, yet is he a man ; men of Belial, which said, All things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them ; for this is the law and the prophets.

17. And the slaves were for a reproach throughout all the world unto the men of the South, and even unto the whole land of Unculpsalm. But by reason of the Great Covenant and the laws of the provinces, the men of the North had naught to do in this matter.

18. But the men of the South which had Niggahs (for there were multitudes which were of the tribe of Meenouites, which had no Niggahs, and they were poor and oppressed) heeded it not; for they were a stiff-necked generation. And they said, we will not let our Niggahs go free ; for they are even as our horses and our sheep, our swine and our oxen ; and we will beat them, and slay them, and sell them, and beget children of them, and no man shall gainsay us. We stand by the Great Covenant.

19. Moreover we are Tshivulree.

20. Now to be of the Tshivulree was the chief boast among the men of the South, because it had been a great name upon the earth. For of olden time he who was of the Tshivulree was bound by an oath to defend the weak and succor the oppressed, yea, even though he gave his life for them. But among the men of the South he only was of the Tshivulree who ate his bread in the sweat of another's face, who robbed the laborer of his hire, who oppressed the weak, and set his foot upon the neck of the lowly, and who sold from the mother the fruit of her womb and the nursling of her bosom. Wherefore the name of Tshivulree stank in the nostrils of all nations.

Ver. 20. This is another of the many passages that refute the notion as to the modern origin of this book. Indeed, it increases the obscurity that involves that subject. For where, even in ancient times, and among pagan people, do we read of such cruelty as the selling of the child away from the mother ? As to the prevalence of such a practice in this Christian land and among this enlightened people, it is not to be thought of, and indeed it has always been denied.

21. For they were in the darkness of a false dispensation, and had not yet learned the mystery of the new gospel of peace.

22. And when the Tshivulree found within their borders those men of the North, iniquitous men which said that man's blood cannot be bought, and men of Belial which said, Do ye unto all men as ye would have all men do unto you, they seized upon them and beat them with many stripes, and hanged them upon trees, and roasted them with fire, and poured hot pitch upon them, and rode them upon sharp beams, very grievous to bestride, and persecuted them even as it was fitting such pestilent fellows should be persecuted.

23. And they said unto the men of the North, cease ye now to send among us these men of Belial preaching iniquity, cease also to listen unto them yourselves, and respect the Great Covenant, or we will destroy this nation.

24. Then the men of Unculpsalm which called themselves Dimmichrats, and the Pahdees, seeing that the Tshivulree of the South had only one thought, and that was for the Niggah, said, We will join ourselves unto the Tshivulree, and we will have but one thought with them, even the Niggah ; and we shall rule the land of Unculpsalm, and we shall divide the spoil.

25. And they joined themselves unto the Tshivulree ; and the Tshivulree of the South, and the men of the North, which called them selves Dimmichrats, and the Pahdees ruled the land of Unculpsalm for many years ; and they divided the spoil. And they had but one thought, even for the Niggah.

26. Wherefore he was called the everlasting Niggah.

27. Now, about these days came Philip, from the New Athens, a priest of Beelzebub, and he taught in the Tabernacle at Gotham.

28. And Philip had many words, but only one thought ; and that, like the thought of the men of the South, was for the Niggah. But he respected not the Great Covenant. And he said unto the people, ye ought to set the Niggah free.

29. And it came to pass that when he was teaching in the Tabernacle, one Isaiah entered (not the prophet, but he who was captain of a band of the Hammerites), and protested unto

Ver. 28. Philip had many tvords> but only one thought. His name is written Phillips in the original. There may be a slight corruption of the text ; or possibly there were two of the name ; or the writer may have meant to convey the thought that Philip's devotion to one thought caused him to take sometimes one and sometimes another position upon all other subjects, and so to be in fact two men ; one or another according to circumstances.