Madame Pantalon

Chapter 1

Two FRIENDS. CAPTAIN DE VABEAUPONT AND His CABIN BOY

ON the Place de la Bourse, nearly opposite the Vaudeville theatre, that at the time of which we write, the year 1867, had not as yet been removed to its new home in the Chaussee-d'Antin, two young men met, looked at each other in surprise, stopped suddenly, and heartily shaking hands exclaimed at one and the same time, —

"Why, Adolphe!"

"Frederic!"

" What a lucky chance ! "

"So it is ; why, for six months I haven't caught sight of you ! Where have you been hiding ? "

" My dear fellow, I've been hidden in Russia, and very well hidden from head to foot in furs, to guard me from the intense cold, I can assure you."

" And what were you doing in Russia ? You are not an actor, you are not a painter, ah, I had forgotten that you were a doctor ! An amateur physician, that is to say, for I believe you have not had much practice as yet, although you have received your degree."

Vol. XXI i

" Yes, I have received my degree ; but I have come into some property, which obviates the necessity of my following medicine, except in my leisure moments. As for that, travel is very useful to one who wishes to seek prescriptions to preserve the health of his friends or his patients."

"You were always fond of going about and seeing different countries; you are a regular tourist."

" Somewhat of a tourist, but that is beginning to pass. I am getting close on to thirty, I think I shall attain that age next month, and the desire for travel lessens as one grows stouter."

" By Jove ! I ought to know how old you are, since we were born in the same year and month, and even on the same day, I think. Yes, my dear Frederic Duvassel, we shall be thirty on the twentyfirst of next month."

" Really ! You are sure it isn't twenty-nine ?"

" No, it really is thirty."

"You dear old Adolphe Pantalon! you look as young as possible, with your light hair, blue eyes, and roseleaf skin; and you'll continue to look so for some time to come."

" I am sure I hope so ! You with your dark hair and eyes, pale skin and romantic features, heaven knows how many successful love affairs you have had."

"They were not all successful; some of them turned out very badly indeed, I assure you ! "

"It was probably some intrigue of that nature that took you to Russia ? "

" Not at all, I went there to settle an estate and collect some outstanding debts. That business being settled, I should have liked to explore the country, which is very interesting, very picturesque; but I have a brother here, younger than myself by ten years — "

" Oh, yes, little Gustave ! "

" My dear fellow ! little Gustave is over twenty years of age ; he's a very handsome lad, not very tall, but well-built; he has a charming disposition, as gentle as a lamb, and is as timid as a young lady — that is to say, as a young lady who is timid. But he is still rather childish, rather simple, even, and that is why he needs a guide, a mentor; so, to give him self-confidence, in which he is rather lacking, I am going to have him travel. In four days we leave for England, thence we shall go to Italy; in fact, I want Gustave to learn something of people, society, manners, by visiting other countries. Will it profit him? It pleases me to think it will; at any rate, it can do him no harm. Why, what are you thinking of now, Adolphe? you don't seem to be listening to me, and, strange as it may seem, I like people to listen when I am talking to them. There are some people who care nothing about that, and who, provided they can talk, do not notice whether their audience pays any attention to them or not ; you may answer them at cross purposes, but they still go on. They are like those others who, at a social gathering, sit down to the piano and keep on singing when everybody is engaged in private conversation — those people sing and talk for themselves."

" I am listening, my dear fellow ! yes, yes, I heard all you said; but I have a good many things on my mind."

" Well, you have rather a strange expression ; but I am reassured, since you look cheerful rather than sad."

"Ah, I am going to give you some very astonishing news; however, it is nothing but what's quite natural."

" The deuce ! you rouse my curiosity. Let's hear your news."

" I am going to be married, my dear fellow."

" You are going to be married ? is it possible ? already ! "

" Already, you say, why, at thirty years of age, there's no already about it."

"You are going to marry, and why should you do that ? You are a lawyer, you have a fortune, and you were so happy."

"Yes, but I marry in the hope of being further so — and then a good many people have said to me, ' Pantalon, why don't you marry? you ought to marry, it gives a young man an assured position in society.' '

" Some people are always meddling with what does not concern them. I'll wager the ones who said that to you were married."

" Why do you think that ? "

" Oh, because — well, never mind ! If it is all settled, I hope you've done well. And whom are you going to marry ? "

" Mademoiselle Cesarine Ducrochet."

" By Jove, where did you pick her up ? "

"In society, in very good company indeed. You don't suppose I am marrying blindly. Mademoiselle Cesarine is the daughter of an honorable merchant ; she early lost both parents and was brought up by a maternal uncle, M. de Vabeaupont, a retired sea captain, who is very rich, has never been married, and who worships his niece, to whom he will leave all his fortune, and to whom he will give a hundred thousand francs on her marriage."

" That's something. And how old is the young lady ? "

"Twenty-five."

" Twenty-five ! a hundred thousand francs dowry, heiress to a very rich uncle — she must be very ugly, or deformed."

" Not at all. She is tall, well-built, and has very fine features. What made you think she was ugly?"

" Because I don't understand how, with such a fine dowry and so many advantages, she is not married before twenty-five."

" You will understand it perfectly when you learn that Mademoiselle Cesarine was brought up at her uncle's chateau, where, since she was ten years old, she has done as she pleased. M. de Vabeaupont, who is very old, and laid up with gout a great part of the year, has never opposed his niece in anything, even allowing her to choose her own masters when she desired any ; being thus left to herself, you can comprehend that Cesarine has become rather — how shall I express it? — rather mannish. She rides on horseback, uses weapons and takes gymnastic exercises just like a man — perhaps does these things better than some men."

" Devil take it ! Devil take it ! "

" What makes you say that ? "

" Tell me the rest."

"Then she got the idea of studying law, the code, of learning Latin — she speaks Latin, my dear fellow ! "

" That will make your domestic life felicitous : When you wish to kiss your wife, she will say to you, l Non possumus.' '

" As you may well imagine, that was only a passing fancy — she will soon forget all that. In fact, used as she had become to following her own will alone, Cesarine did not care to marry and exchange her liberty for a bond which would give her a master."

"She was right."

" She refused all the matches which were offered her, and they were not a few. But her uncle ended by getting vexed about it, and he told her that he should like to see his grandnephews and grandnieces about him. For the first time he would not give way to her, he would be obeyed, and he took his niece into society, saying to her, * Take whom you wish for your husband, but take some one.' Then it was that I met her."

" And you, of course, made a conquest of the fair Cesarine ? "

" It seems so ; and, by Jove, I didn't take much pains to do it, for you know I'm not very skilful with women — some one told me that she thought I looked like a good fellow."

"So you do, in fact."

"Also that that pleased her better than the more pretentious manners of bigger swells than I."

" As for you, you fell in love with this damsel straightway, I suppose ? "

"In love ! oh, by Jove ! no. I liked her, thought her very good-looking. She's dark, very dark, in fact, hair, eyes, skin, even, which has a rich warm tinge ; her mouth is stern and I think she has a little mustache, but not enough to be unbecoming. In fact, she is a fine-looking person, but one dare not joke with her for fear his pleasantries may be ill-received."

" Well, that will be some sort of a guaranty that your wife will be faithful."

" My wife faithful ? " resumed Adolphe, with an air of indifference, " Oh, I shall never be uneasy as to that ; in the first place, I am not of a jealous disposition. I have presented my sister Elvina to Cesarine, who liked her very much and has undertaken to finish her education."

" Why, of course, you have a sister! How old is she now ? "

" She is almost seventeen, and is very pleasing ; after my mother's death I sent her to boardingschool ; but when I am married to Cesarine, my sister will live with us, that is settled."

" When is this famous marriage to take place? "

" Tomorrow, my dear fellow, at the latest."

" So soon as that ? "

" And you will come to my wedding ? I shall count on you."

" You invite me because you happened to meet me — thanks awfully."

" As a proof to the contrary, look at this list of persons I was going to invite today — you head it."

" That's so ; well, then, I will come to your wedding. After all I am glad it takes place tomorrow, as I leave in four days. But how about my brother Gustave ? "

" You will bring him with you, of course ; one can never have too many dancers at a wedding. Will you come to the dinner? "

" Oh, no, a wedding feast is a family affair, and, when one knows neither the bride's nor the bridegroom's people it's rather a bore."

" Well, I won't press you, for I am of your opinion, it is not entertaining to a stranger, and then Uncle Vabeaupont, the old sailor, is not always amiable ; he swears like a trooper, and his talk is seasoned with I don't know how many nautical terms ; when he has the gout he is worse than ever. At four o'clock in the morning we shall have a special little supper."

" At four o'clock ! that's very late. When are you going to withdraw with your wife."

"My dear fellow ; it is my wife who has settled it all ; I only follow her instructions."

"What! already? Come, that's doing very well; now I know that she regulated everything I see that all will go on as it should."

" Now I must leave you, I'm pressed for time, as you may imagine ; I am so afraid of forgetting something, and on the occasion of one's marriage one is sure to forget something. My affianced has charged me with so many commissions. Bouquets, orange-flowers — let me see, what did she say about them ? "

" That she did not want any ? "

" The idea ! she wants a great many, on the contrary, and that is easily understood ; when a woman waits to be married until she is twenty-five she's entitled to an extra large bouquet."

" Then if a young lady marries at sixty she is entitled to a whole orange tree in a box. But, one moment ! what is the address of the restaurant where you are to hold the wedding festivities ? if you want me to come I must know that."

" How stupid I am ; it will be just like me to forget I am married tomorrow. My dear fellow, my wedding festival takes place at Bonvalet's, Boulevard du Temple ; they have some fine rooms, where people may dine and dance very comfortably."

" At Bonvalet's, very well ; at eleven o'clock my brother and I will be there."

" That is too late ; Cesarine has settled that otherwise. The dinner is to be at five o'clock precisely — that's the uncle's dinner time. At seven o'clock every one will change their dress, and the ball will begin at nine o'clock, because uncle wants to see the dancing and he goes to bed at midnight — do you understand ? "

" Very well, but as I don't care to dance before the uncle, I shall come as late as I can. Good-by, till tomorrow."

Before going to this wedding, reader, let us become further acquainted with the person who is to become Madame Pantalon, and with her uncle, the former captain of a frigate, Hercule de Vabeaupont.

We have little to add to the portrait of the bride which has been drawn for us by her future husband. Mademoiselle Cesarine was a beautiful woman, tall, but well-proportioned, rather strong, rather fat for her age, a Juno rather than a Venus.

Her features were regular, her nose aquiline and very slightly curved after the fashion of a bird's beak ; her eyes were lively, bold and capable of a calm, unflinching gaze. Her hair and eyebrows were quite black, she was a very dark woman. In her manner and walk there was something masculine ; however, when she chose to smile and make herself agreeable one thought her quite feminine. Mademoiselle Cesarine Ducrochet had an imperious disposition, everybody must do as she wished. At bottom she was not bad, but she would not yield, even when she was in the wrong — in the first place, she never thought she was in the wrong.

Her uncle had so often repeated to her that she had more mind than anyone else, that she believed herself a genius, and she was not sensible ; but in answering a malicious speech or uttering an impertinence she was never at a loss. This kind of wit is very common among women, the most stupid of them are sometimes sparkling.

Hercule de Vabeaupont was sixty-five years of age. He was a big man, thin, with strongly marked features, a piercing eye, and a voice which resembled thunder. But age and numerous wounds had quite changed him.

The captain was round-shouldered and could hardly walk, his gray hair still covered a part of his forehead, and his mustache was quite white, but his voice had hardly lost its vigor, and when his anger was roused it still had the threatening reverberations which had made his seamen obey his commands.

The sole passions of M. Vabeaupont's life were glory and the pleasures of the table ; he had been a mighty fighter, had given chase to pirates and had brought many a corsair low.

He had only left the sea, the theatre of his exploits, when vanquished by age and the gout, which now gave him no truce, and had then retired to a very fine property, a kind of small chateau, which he possessed at Bretigny, a little village in Picardy, in the neighborhood of Noyon.

But the old captain did not retire to his domain unaccompanied, he took with him his cabin boy, who was also his protege and whom he loved as much as he was capable of loving anybody, and to whom he was thus attached because he had almost brought him up, and people usually become attached to those to whom they do good ; it would only be right that this attachment should be reciprocated by the person benefited ; however, there are nearly as many ungrateful persons as there are benefactors.

Here it was not so ; a little boy, who might have been seven or eight years old, had been found on a pirate ship which the captain had captured. Who was he ? whence did he come ? whom were his parents ? This was what they could not find out, and it made them a little uneasy. The child was pleasing and they carried it to the captain, who was then quite a young man, but who, with all his bravery, had a weakness for children ; on seeing this one, he exclaimed, —

" And who is this midget ? "

" No one knows, captain, we found him in the chief pirate's room. Probably his father was killed during the combat."

" Well, we'll keep him, we'll make a man of him. Can he talk ? "

"A jargon that no one understands."

" Come here, little one, what is your name ? "

The child did not answer ; but he began to laugh, and snatching from a sailor's hand a goblet containing a little rum, he put it to his lips and swallowed the contents without making a grimace.

This action delighted the captain ; he took the little boy in his arms and jumped him on his knee.

" Devil take it ! you'll be a fine fellow," said he, " the rum didn't even make you wink. Come, I shall keep you, you shall be my cabin boy. I attach you especially to my person. What is today ? "

" Captain, it's carnival time and this is Lundi- Gras ! "

" Really ? well, there's a name all ready made. Little fellow, you shall be called { Lundi-Gras.' Do you hear, you others ? Now take Lundi-Gras away, clean him, rig him out as a cabin boy and teach him his new duties. I have an idea we shall make something of him."

This was how the captain, who was still young, received M. Lundi-Gras, who since that time had never left his captain, whom he obeyed as the most faithful dog obeys his master. But the little cabin boy, whose face at first had been round and saucy, soon became a great, blowsy fellow, whose very frequent use of rum gave him a careless and even rather brutal expression.

Lundi-Gras became very fat, but did not grow tall, and remained a dwarfish man, which did not prevent his doing his work well and always being there to execute his captain's orders. The latter, who was very tall, when he talked to his cabin boy leaned upon him as though he were a cane. The captain placed his hand on Lundi's shoulder, and if he walked made the man walk before him, as if he held a bamboo, and the cabin boy, being used to this manoeuvre, lent himself to it with equanimity.

Lundi-Gras was twenty years younger than the captain, so when the latter was obliged to say good-by to his frigate at the age of sixty, his cabin boy was only forty. But, thanks to the rum, which he frequently abused, and to the sun, which had tanned his skin, M. Lundi-Gras looked almost as old as his captain.

His corpulence added to his unpleasant appearance. As he was very fat indeed, his cheeks hung in folds, like awnings drawn up at the window ; his nose, shaped like a chestnut, was almost hidden in the folds of his cheeks, and his big, stupid eyes made him look like one of those grotesque masks which architects sometimes put on the fa9ade of a theatre.

M. de Vabeaupont, who had not wished to be separated from his cabin boy, had taken Lundi- Gras to his little chateau, saying to him, —

" You shall never leave me again, you shall lead the life of a pasha here. You shall have nothing to do but eat, sleep, drink, and be always at my orders, ready to obey me at the first word ; does that suit you ? "

" It suits me well, captain."

" And as one has to do something to pass the time when one can no longer fight, you shall play a game with me when it suits me."

"Yes, captain."

" What games do you know ? "

" Dominos, captain."

" That is something ; but it is not sufficient. Can't you play cards ? "

"I can play beggar-my-neighbor."

"That isn't a game. Can't you play piquet? "

" No, captain."

" I'll teach you ! Every man should know how to play piquet."

" I know how to play drogue J and pied de boeuf.2 ''

" That's good ! I'll teach you to play piquet.

1 Drogue. A game of cards in vogue among soldiers j the loser has to place and keep a forked stick on his nose. * A child's game.

You shall try not to get tipsy so often. And when my gout allows me we will go a-hunting."

"Yes, captain."

Everything was done as M. de Vabeaupont had planned.

They installed themselves at the chateau in Bretigny, a vast dwelling which had more than twenty rooms, without the servants' offices. These rooms were not all in good repair, but it was easy to restore them. The manor was something like those ancient castles which are found in such profusion in English romances. It was flanked by two towers, to which had been given the highsounding names of the north tower and the south tower. On each of these towers there was still a culverine which must have dated from the time of King John, and which had not been used since then.

But the garden was very large, there was a piece of water, a grotto, a little lake ; then a wood, which covered about three acres and might have passed for a park, adjoined the garden.

The village of Bretigny was not large, but the inhabitants were well-to-do, and poverty was unknown.

The peasants were strong and hearty, the women pleasing, the children fat ; and they all had a cheerful expression which did one good to see. Only there they used cider as the ordinary drink of the country ; wine was an extra. The bigwigs of the place alone had cellars ; but that mattered little to the inhabitants of the chateau, where the cellars were always amply replenished; for, like all gouty people, the captain was exceedingly fond of good wine.

Unfortunately, his gout had not diminished, perhaps because of the great care M. de Vabeaupont took to stock his cellar.

He had not been able to go hunting, and was obliged to content himself with playing a game of dominos with his cabin boy, to whom he endeavored to impart the principles of the game of piquet, but who could not comprehend it and could not get it into his head that quinte and quatorze made ninety-four.

The captain showed much obstinacy, however, and every evening after dinner he had a bowl of punch made and placed on the card table at which he seated himself, saying to Lundi-Gras, —

" Come, sit down there, opposite me, take the cards and try to pay attention ; I have got it into my head that you shall learn piquet."

" I ask nothing better, captain."

"Then remember what I have told you. Let's see, have you discarded ? "

" No, captain, I was waiting for you to order me."

"There is no need for me to order you, you ought to do it. Take your five cards."

" There you are, captain."

" Now, how many cards have you in your hand ? "

" I have twelve, captain."

" Well, of all the stupid animals ; I meant how many cards of your suit — of your color, have you ? "

"Of my color — wait; I have seven black and five red."

" Why, bless my portholes ! Can't you distinguish between diamonds and hearts, clubs and spades ? "

" I meant to tell you, captain, but these ladies are dressed in the same colors and that mixed me up."

" But a heart doesn't in the least resemble a diamond."

" Oh, excuse me, it was because I had a friend who used to make flaming hearts for his sweetheart and those of the other men, and he always made his hearts like diamonds, he said that was the proper way."

"Go to the devil with your hearts and diamonds! Let's see, how many dames have you ? "

" I haven't any, captain, I have always made it my duty to take pattern by you, so I remained a bachelor."

" Confound it; I was speaking of the game, how many queens have you ? if you like that better."

" Oh, the queens on the cards ? I have four of them."

" Well, that scores you fourteen more."

" Fourteen — the four ? Never, captain ; it's just as if you had four bottles of champagne in the cellar, and you told me to bring up fourteen, it would be impossible."

" What an ass ! decidedly I shall never make anything of you."

The lesson ended thus.

But the time was commencing to seem long when five months after their settling at Bretigny came a little niece, aged ten, who, suddenly bereft of her parents, had come to claim the protection of the captain, her uncle.

This protection was willingly accorded, and the old seaman was delighted with his niece when he found she had all the tastes, all the likings of a boy.

The little girl immediately evinced a haughty, independent disposition, and a will which nothing could daunt. When her uncle begged her to do something which did not please her, she was not afraid to answer him, —

" No, I shan't do that."

" And why not, may I ask, mademoiselle ? "

" Because I don't want to."

" But, triple portholes ! if I order you to do it ? "

" A thousand portholes, if you like ; I shan't do it any the more for that."

Then the captain would shout with laughter, and give his niece a little tap on the cheek, as he exclaimed,—

" You ought not to wear petticoats ; you are worthy to be a sailor, you have enough determination ; that's right, I like it. Do as you please, learn all that you wish to know, have what masters suit you, I give you free scope. Only, learn piquet, so you may sometimes play with me, since that idiot Lundi-Gras can't get it into his head."

Mademoiselle Cesarine had learned to ride on horseback, to handle weapons, to draw a bow, to skate, to swim, to jump over ditches; and at twelve years of age she could beat her uncle at piquet, draughts, backgammon and chess.

The captain was foolishly fond of his niece ; he wanted her, at this early age, to be the head of his house. It was she who gave the orders to the servants ; and Lundi-Gras, who obeyed her as implicitly as he did his master, sometimes made a mistake and called her " captain."

But, despite her love of gymnastics and horseback exercise, little Cesarine at the age of fifteen found Bretigny too dull in the winter, and wished to go and spend a few months in Paris. The captain would have preferred to remain constantly at his estate, but he understood that he could not continue to keep a young girl, who would soon be of marriageable age, so far from society.

He hired a very handsome apartment in Paris, where they installed themselves for the winter, and the captain being wealthy, he received a great many calls and invitations in that city.

Cesarine was fifteen and looked as if she were eighteen. People complimented M. de Vabeaupont on his niece, and the latter, proud of the admiration she attracted and the attentions that were showered upon her, took a taste for society and wanted her uncle to give dinners and evening parties. This was not very amusing to the captain ; but his niece wished it, and so it had to be.

However, Cesarine's success was not long lived ; people soon saw that this damsel had not a plastic disposition. At parties, if they played some little games she would insist on those of her own choice and would not take part in any others ; she was rather unamiable, and her answers were at times very impertinent.