Leila Ada, the Jewish convert: an authentic memoir

Front matter

RoAe Book ColltctioYi

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PPH|H

Chapter I

Introduction — Leila's Character and Pursuits — The Mishna — The Talmud 9

CHAPTER XL Leila accompanies her Father to the Holy Land — Their Journey— Cologne— The Rhine — The Juras — Geneva — Chillon — Lausanne — Gibbon 24

CHAPTER IIL The Journey continued — Bernese Oberland — Simmenthal — Staubbach— Wengern Alp— An Avalanche— The Simijlon.... 26

CHAPTER IV.

The Journey continued — Milan — Verona — Venice— Ferrara — Bologna— The Apennines — Florence— Rome— The Coliseum —Naples 47

CHAPTER V.

The Journey continued— Athens — Mistra — The Morea— Sparta — The ^gean Sea — Constantinoide GO

CHAPTER VL

The Journey continued— Antioch — Jerusalem — Account of the Holy Land — The Return Home— Alexandria— Malta — A

Tempest ''^

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IV CONTENTS.

PAGE

CHAPTER VII.

Leila's Conversion 82

CHAPTER VIII.

Leila's Letter to her Father 92

CHAPTER IX.

Leila's Letter to her Father concluded 108

CHAPTER X.

Conversations between Leila and her Father — Leila is sent to her Uncle 121

CHAPTER XL

Treatment of Leila by her Uncle^Her Trials — Character of Leila's Cousin 143

CHAPTER XIL The Final effort to Reclaim her — Cut off from her Nation — Her acquaintance with Miss H, — Returns to her Father — "How soon we fade !" 151

CHAPTER XIIL Evanishings 167

CHAPTER XIV.

"We all do fade as a Leaf" 193

CHAPTER XV.

Leila's Dying Hours — The Closing scene 203

CHAPTER XVL Leila's Poems, &c 208

INTRODUCTORY REMARKS.

The young lady wlio is the subject of this memoir waSj as its title indicates, a Jewess by birth. The majestic beauty of the religion of Jesus has, in all ages, obtained its finest representatives from the house of Israel : and among the many lovely examples of sublime attainment in the divine life made by Hebrew Christians, Leila Ada is not one of the least conspicuous. What she appears in the record of her now presented, that she was in real life, a pure, holy, humble Christian — a Christian hallowed, sublimed, etherealized by the influences of the Holy Spirit.

Leila is a character of undoubted loveliness : but she is not in the ver?/ least degree an ideal. We have been scrupulously exact in our descriptions and comments throughout. We have written from knowledge obtained through personal acquaintance of the dearest kind.

Leila was one of those fair and flower-like natures, which at intervals rise to cheer us along the dusty highways of life; but she was a plant which flourished in 1^ ■ (v)

VI INTRODUCTORY REMARKS.

the shade, and her real worth was known to very few. Her natural abilities were of the highest order, and she had cultivated them with the strictest care ; so that had God seen it fitting to spare her life and call her to a more public situation, she would have occupied no humble position among those nobled-souled and intellectual women who are an honour to our country. She was one'of the loveliest flowers that ever gleamed in the cold atmosphere of a world of sin ; a flower fragile in its pensile form, delicate in its tender purity, spiritual in its beauty ; too frail to live amidst these tempestuous clouds of earth, and only at home in the kindlier soil and among the stormless skies of " the better land.''

All Leila's papers are given verbatim et literatim. "Write incorrectly she could not. A thoughtful, reflective mind she always had. Although her language is in some places difi'use and inartificial, we could not feel at liberty to alter it. We felt (and perhaps our feeling may be smiled at — let it be even so,) that Leila would never have consented to any similar mode of procedure while she lived; to be truthfully exact was always the rule of her conduct ; and that if she was cognisant of our occupations now that she was in the skies, she would regard such disguise with even less allowance still. It is almost unnecessary for us to say that she never expected anything she wrote would be given to the world.

INTRODUCTORY REMARKS. Vli

We have writteOj we trusty with a single heart — with a pure intention that Grod may be glorified. To him Leila was indebted for whatever she was. That in every respect she fully realized the picture of her which we have drawn, we are assured. We say this from a calm, unprejudiced, deliberate judgment. Were we to speak as we feelj we should be at once inclined to say, that her sweet Christianity could be estimated at its proper value only in the hearts of those who knew her while she was upon the earth — that any attempt to give in writing an adequate idea of her character must of necessity fall short.

Finally, we again repeat that we have nowhere written one word, look, or expression which is not most exact to the truth. Our dear relative, Miss H. {the Miss H. whose friendship with Leila is noticed in the Memoir itself,) once said to us — ^' Sucli a life, and s,uch a death ! You cannot possibly give it a beauty which it did not really possess.^'

London, July, 1853.

CHAPTER I.

INTRODUCTION — LEILA'S CHARACTER AND PURSUITS — THE MISHNA-—

THE TALMUD.

The West of England abounds in scenes of quiet and picturesque beauty. Its shores are girded by tall gray cliffs, bold headlands, numerous islets, and large caves hollowed out and draped with sea-weeds by the musical waves of the Atlantic ; while the inland scenery is rich in hills and valleys, dells and dingles, woods and meadows, combined in forms of surpassing loveliness. Crystal streamlets wind amongst quivering aspens ; and glide, breaking into fall and rapid, and murmuring with a sweet complaining eloquence as though they were of life.

Amidst one of the sweetest of these scenes, and near the southern coast of Cornwall, there is an ancientlooking mansion, soft and tranquil in its elegant simplicity, and removed far away from the smoke and stir of earth. It stands in a deep but most lovely valley, between a line of picturesque eminences. Embosomed amid lofty and luxuriant trees, and surrounded by a verdant lawn thickly dotted with beds of rich flowers, it impresses the mind as the very repose of peace and beauty. Several of the windows are partially hidden by festoons of luxuriant ivy; while roses, jessamines, and other sweet-scented plants and creepers, have thickly interlaced the open trellis-work of the balcony which encloses the door.

IMany a time and oft have we wandered at sunrise over the velvet green sward, and in the noble gardens attached to the house, seeking to learn the life, the freshness, the purity, the joy of this little Eden. And then we went on to the side of the clear streamlet, and sat down by its little gushing waves. Each had its own separate being ; they varied in form — one pure and glassy reflected an unbroken sunbeam ; another dashed it into a thousand glittering spangles, but they all came from the same deep fountain. They all rejoiced in the same light; they all hasted on their happy race to the same wide ocean. And ever, as they flowed, soft voices like a spirit-melody met our ears ; purity, life, and joy, must produce sweet tones of harmony.

A romantic and shady road encircles the valley, and passing in front of the house, enters an avenue of giant oaks, which grow upon the borders of a luxuriant forest. Between this avenue, and a double row of chestnut and walnut trees which mark the margin of the lawn in that direction, runs the beautiful little river to which we have just adverted. Towards the east a lofty hill throws up its huge body — its sloping sides covered with lovely orchards, and long rich grass, and flocks of sheep.

Several pretty nests of trees grow in the little park which adjoins the house, and beneath them are some tastefully arranged seats. And often, after wearying herself in frolics with the goat and her kid, that lived in a small paddock separated from the lawn by a ring fence, the subject of this memoir has reposed herself upon one of these seats, and gazed upon the loveliness of nature, and watched the majestic glories attendant upon the setting sun.

Before taking possession of this mansion, A. T ,

Esq., had buried the wife of his youth; and on coming to this charming retreat, he and an only and lovely daughter, named Leila, lived in comparative seclusion from the world. He knew no happiness independent of his child, for all his enjoyment consisted in promoting her interest and gratification. She was, indeed, the very being to excite the most tender lavishment of paternal love. Beauty surrounded her as a mantle, but her cultivated mind, and amiable disposition, threw around her an influence superior to any of the shortlived fascinations of the body. In her conduct and manner there was a freshness of innocence, and a winning grace which could not fail to arrest the interest of every beholder. She was highly accomplished, and could read and write several languages with fluency. The idol of her fond father, he loved her tenderly — a feeling which she as tenderly reciprocated. Being of the seed of Abraham, he had educated her in the strictest principles of the Jewish ritual, and felt the most intense satisfaction in witnessing her early seriousness and devotion. To her religion he thought her an ornament.

For our slight knowledge of the early part of Leila's life, we are principally indebted to a series of papers written by herself, and entitled, " Keflections.'' A few references to it are also made in her diary and correspondence. From these sources we learn that a leading characteristic in the earliest development and exercises of her mind, was an ardent thirst for truth. It is also evident that from her earliest years she felt the drawings of the Holy Spirit, and had an anxious desire for her eternal salvation. And it is painful, yet pleasing, to witness the deep struggles of a soul whose whole wish is simply to be a true and accepted servant of the living God, yet surrounded by the exclusive spirit and deadening influences of Judaism. It never appears, however, that through the whole course of her childhood, and the first years of more thoughtful youth, she had any misgiving respecting the truth of the Jewish belief. Her conviction, upon this point, was doubtless heightened, in her maturer years, by her deep acquaintance with the Eastern writings. From her conversation and reflections it is evident that the fanciful and mystic lore of these, joined to a supposition that she observed coincidences in approaching changes, greatly strengthened her belief in the approaching advent of the ^' Murdah,'' or ^^ Good One'' — the Messiah of the Scriptures. But the dawn of a brighter day was coming.

Her character, even in childhood, was thoughtful and reserved ; she was always disposed to be grave rather than gay. In adverting to this phase of her disposition, we cannot do better than use her own language ; we therefore extract from her diary the following reflection : ^* I enjoy solitude much ; my heart delights in its own company, and finds this a richer enjoyment than any which can be had in busy life. It is an important matter to feel in no way embarrassed, because excluded from the bustling joy of social life. Really^ I am in no way indebted to external sources of amusement • in contemplating God, in nature, I have opened a mine of happiness which is indescribable. Indeed, I am rather unsocial ; I do not like company ; I am quite miserly in selecting the sources of my happiness. To hold sweet converse with my own heart, and sit in my dear closet, with my pen and my book, are the greatest delights I "can enjoy. I do not know that I could wish for a large diffusion of all and exactly this feeling ; if universally indulged, it might cast a shade of moroseness over our fireside enjoyments. Being natural to me, however, I cannot avoid it ; and, really, it makes me very happy."

At sixteen years of age she began to keep a diary, or, rather, prescribe rules for her conduct, and note her experience, by way of meditation and reflection ; for, it does not appear, that she began to keep a regular diary till she had nearly completed her seventeenth year. Her diary and reflections were designed to be a secret correspondence with her own heart, and certainly were never written with any expectation that they would meet the eye of man. Extracts from these portraitures of her inmost soul, will more justly display her character than anything which could be said by any other person.

Among this interesting collection of papers, we find the following prayer. It is powerfully descriptive of the feelings and aspirations of her heart at a very early age, for it is dated at the commencement of the new year, 18 — , when she had just completed her thirteenth year : —

^' 0 thou great and adorable Jehovah ! fountain of love! listen to the prayer of a sinful, rebellious child; 2 hide not thyself from my supplications. May thy Spirit illuminate my dark, benighted soul ; may it dispel the gloom which now casts down my spirit, and guide my petition aright.

"I adore thee for the countless blessings which to the present time, thou hast bestowed upon me ; and for thy care, which has preserved my existence amid these numberless mercies. But when I look into my heart, and see its depravity ; when I think on the ungrateful return I have made thy love, I am abased — I am prostrate in the dust.

^' Thou, who permittest me to address thee as my God, and my Creator, thou seest my state ; thou knowest me altogether. 0 that I could express half that I feel of love to thee, who hast done so much for me. O Grod, I am proud, self-willed, worldly-minded, and I cannot be happy j but thou hast inspired ardent desires for thyself; answer me according to thy word — thy word which is truth itself — eternal as thy duration — O that on it my soul may repose. 0 that thy love may refresh my spirit, and cause my eyes to overflow with tears of joy, in the conviction that tJiou lovest me. Then how poor and mean will be all earth-born joys; then will my soul rejoice in its freedom, and exult in its immortality.

<^The dissolving universe shall one day proclaim that the hour of retribution is at hand ; and the great arcana of nature, in which I love to trace thy finger, shall melt before the piercing glance of thine avenging eye. 0, that through thee I may be enabled to hail the moment, as that of my complete happiness.

" On this commencement of another year, I enter into a solemn covenant with thee, to dedicate myself to thee. Show me what thou wouldst have me to be and do, and I will pray earnestly for thy assistance, that I may fulfil thy will. O, that thou wouldst arise, and by thy glorious beams scatter my spiritual darkness. Grrant me thy aid, that I may not swerve from my resolution. Enlarge and bless my soul ; and let me be happy from a constant walking in thy fear. Amen."

We have every reason to suppose that at this period Leila's belief in her religion was unshaken ; yet from this her earliest record of thoughts and imaginings, written at the time she felt them, we may see that she was now earnestly in pursuit of that in which she afterwards found solid happiness. We can perceive an enthusiastic longing of the spirit, and a deeply wrought effort of the soul, which when the veil fell from her eyes, abundantly prepared her to press into the liberty of the children of God.

Although the children of Israel profess to receive the Old Testament Scriptures as divine, yet they greatly neglect their study, and as a consequence are involved in gross darkness. But while they have cast Moses and the Prophets into the shade, they have introduced an enormous rival to divine revelation, under the pretence that it is a comment upon the Law of Moses. This they call the Mishna, or oral law.

The Mishna is divided into six orders : — the first order treats of the vegetable world ; the second of feasts ; the third of women; the fourth of damages; the fifth of holy things ; and \h.Q sixth of purifications.

The Mishna was published to the world in 1698, in six folio volumes, by Sui-enhusiuS; of Amsterdam. The principal part of these volumes is occupied by the comments of translators and rabbis.

We will give an account of the Mishna by Kabbi Moses Ben Maimon. This Moses Ben Maimon was one of their ablest doctors. He was physician to the Sultan of Egypt, lived in the twelfth century, and was enthusiastically engrossed in the philosophy of Aristotle. From the initials of his name the Jews call him E-ambam : he is the writer of their creed and liturgy ; and they have a saying, that from Moses to Moses there is no one like Moses. Of the Mishna he gives the following account : — " All the precepts of the law were given by Grod to Moses, our master, together with an interpretation of what the authentic text signified. Moses, going into his tent, first related to Aaron the text and the interpretation ; he rising and going to the right hand of Moses. Eleazar and Ithamar, the sons of Aaron, came and heard the same that had been before dictated to their father ; so that he heard it twice. Then came the seventy elders, and at last the whole people heard the same. They all committed to memory the text and the interpretation, which Aaron had heard many times, and hence arose the written law, and the oral law — 613 precepts together with their interpretations : the precepts inscribed in the books — the interpretations handed down by word of mouth.

^' Moses dying left these interpretations to Joshua, and he again to the elders, and they to the prophets, who handed them down from one to another without any dissent, till the time of the men of the great synagogue, who were Haggai, Zechariah, Malachi, Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael, Azariah, Ezra the scribe, Nehemiali, Hacaliah, Mordecai, and Zerubbabel the son of Shealtiel, with others to the number of one hundred and twenty. But the last of the men of that sacred company was the first of the wise men mentioned in the Mishna, Simeon the Just, at that time high priest. After whom it came in process of time to our Rabbi, the holy, who was the phoenix of his age and the unique glory of that time, a man in whom God had accumulated such virtues that he merited to be called by his contemporaries, our Rabbi, the holy, whose name was Judah, so that it was said, ' From the days of Moses to the Rabbi, we have never seen law and nobility together, and from the time that he died, humility and the fear of sin ceased •/ and so rich was he that it used to be said, ' The groom of the stables of Rabbi was richer than Sapor king of the Persians/ He, tracing his doctorial genealogy up to Moses, composed the Mishna, partly from the traditions from the lips of Moses, partly from consequences elicited by argument in which there is unanimous consent, partly from conclusions in which there is a difference arising from two modes of interpretation (for they have thirteen modes of interpreting) ; so that sometimes our Rabbi says, ' Such a one affirms this, such another says that.' "

There being such various modes of interpretation has given rise to numberless dissensions among the Jews. From Simeon the Just to the year 150 of the Christian era, Judah mentions ninety-one wise men, as handing down to him their decisions.

The Mishna is said to be an oral law, received from the lips of God, and intended as an . exponent of hir written law. But we should transgress the purity 2'^ whicli religion demands, were we to quote some of its puerile and absurd follies. If those who penned it set about their work with an intention to shock common sense, and load the Jewish religion with contempt, they could scarcely have acquitted themselves better. And let no one suppose that our strictures are unkind : any one at all acquainted with the Mishna, will at once perceive them to be within the bounds of that' charity and pity, which we owe to those who err. Indeed, it were but too easy to quote passages which would justify our severest censures.

But withal, the Mishna is surrounded with a degree of obscurity and hardness, owing to its orientalisms, and a considerable pervasion of a sort of Hebraeo-G-recism in its structure. This obscurity has given rise to another commentary, called the Gremara, or completion. One Gemara, written in Palestine, forms with the Mishna, the Jerusalem Talmud, and another, written at Babylon, composes the Babylonish Talmud. Thus the Mishna, which the Jews declare to be God's own interpretation of his law, requires interpretation from man, and the whole together forms a mighty work of twelve folio volumes. These are the volumes which contain the whole of the Jewish divinity ; for, dishonouring to God, they have almost completely withdrawn the Jews from the study of Moses and the Prophets.

In common with the rest of her nation, the Talmud formed the basis of Leila's religious education. Of the Old Testament she knew comparatively little. It is far from certain, indeed, that she knew a great deal of the Talmud. For this there were causes : — first, she did not like its study ; she telb us in her Reflections, that while believing in its divinity, as she was instructed, she experienced a smothered dislike to many of its forms, observances, and precepts. *a felt it,'' she says, " smouldering at the bottom of my heart long before I had moral courage to permit a single thought upon it. I shuddered at my suspicions as blasphemous, yet 1 could not conquer them. But as the Spirit of God opened my eyes, I felt no difficulty in fully avowing my severest thoughts upon the inane, absurd, debasing studies of the Talmud. I felt no compunction while I openly declared to my own heart that it was an impure, stupid fabrication, composed by fallen and sinful man." What a volume is contained in these few thrilling sentences ! Would the sons of Jacob speak out, how many would tell us the same story ? Impossible it is but that among them there are thousands who, while they dare not repudiate the Talmud, are conscious of a feeling of offence at its impurities, and absurdities. Secondly, her father, although strictly a Jew in belief and profession, gave himself little trouble about their requirements and observances, and, therefore, was very far from pressing them upon his daughter.

But a mind constituted like that of Leila, eagerly thirsting after truth, could not be always content without strictly examining the Old Testament Scriptures ; those Scriptures which all her nation believe in, as the pure word of God. Her first intentions to study them (for certainly she had previously read them, especially the Psalms) are expressed among the earliest entries in her diary, and bear date when she was about seventeen years old. We extract the passage : ^' I have read the Talmud, and have dipped into the learning of the East, and while my heart has been intent in the prosecution of these studies^ I have comparatively neglected the blessed word of God — the majestic Scriptures. The result of my reading is a strong opinion that the advent of the Messiah is probably near ; yet, while I have been consulting the writings of men, I have greatly neglected the prophecies which relate to him. Why then do I profess to my heart that I have formed an opinion, when I have neglected the great test, the predictions of the Scriptures ? 0 Lord, forgive my thus dishonouring thee. As I now determine that in thy strength I will give myself to the earnest, simple, devout reading and study of thy holy word, I ask of thee, I beseech of thee, illuminate my soul, and guide my judgment aright.

^' 0 Lord, my G-od, thou knowest my heart, and thou knowest how ardently I pant to be thine accepted servant ; yet, alas I I am in bondage ; yet alas ! I am not happy. Oh, that I could pour out my eyes in tears for my sins ! It is they, which like a mountain, cast down and oppress my spirit. I find no comfort but in aspirations after thee ; and thou knowest I am sincere — at least I believe I am sincere ; if not I beseech thee rectify my heart. 0 that I knew how I might please thee ! for then should I be at rest. Forgive me for the time that is passed : guide me, and teach me, and assist me in the future. 0 that thou wouldst visit me according to the word which thou hast declared unto my fathers ! Amen."

Leila was fully aware of the necessity of acting on a digested plan, that all her time might be used to some purposes of good. A considerable portion of it was devoted to reading, and other endeavours for the improvement of her mind ; and this was to her a source of pleasure which she highly valued — far more so, indeed, than the empty frivolous pursuits of many of her own age and sex. That she might have every help to strictly fill each moment, she drew up an arrangement in writing. In this she apportioned to every hour its occupation, and to it she endeavoured to rigidly adhere. '^ I strive," she says, in her diary, '^ to occupy every moment well; I do this, not simply because it is my interest, but also, and I hope and believe chiefly, because it is my duty.''

At about the same time she also formed a series of resolutions for the regulations of her conduct ; and the mind which could make and act upon them, must have had in it all the elements of greatness and efficiency ; it must have possessed a character deservedly esteemed and revered. They are worthy the imitation of every one, especially the young, and we cannot forbear copying them here : —

" For the regulation of my life, and balancing my conduct, I resolve :

" 1. That the salvation of my soul shall be my first and great concern.

^' 2. That I will never be ashamed of my religion, but will always avow it when and where it shall seem proper so to do.

*'3. That I will always carefully speak the truth; never indulge in the very least equivocation, but always .be both verbally and substantially correct ) and to this end I will carefully watch the meaning of all I utter.

" 4. That I will always be ready to confess a fault, or ask forgiveness for it, no matter what the character or position of the person against whom I have offended.

" 5. That I will do nothing to another which I should object to their doing to me. That I will never do anything which if I saw it committed by another would cause him or her to fall in my esteem.

^' 6. That as far as in me lies, I will never do nor he anything upon which I cannot expectingly and confidingly ask the blessing of God.

'^ 7. That when I have fixed a principle in my mind I will never abandon it, whatever occurs, unless I am convinced that it is a wrong one, or would involve me in bad consequences.

" 8. That in fulfilling a clear duty, or in the pursuit of a good and proper object, I will never allow myself to be overcome by any trials or difficulties whatever.

"9. That I will daily study the Scriptures.

'^10. That I will encourage meditations upon death and eternity.

"11. That I will live to God, with all my might while I do live. That I will strive never to engage in anything which I should shun, if assured I was living the last hour of my life.

'^12. That I will decide nothing which is brought before my judgment, until I have thoroughly examined it on every side. That what I have once decided, shaU be fixed and irrevocable. That I will take nothing for granted, but that I will endeavour to discover what is truth in reference to the smallest principles.

" 13. That upon all occasions I will discountenance improper levity and conversation, in whatever company I may be.

" 14. That I will carefully guard my temper, and never show the least symptom of impatient emotion;

not even by an altered tone of voice, or expression of countenance. That I will do this even if from physical causes I feel fretful and uneasy : no one else should suffer on this account.