Joseph Vance

Front matter

JBHMH*«

JOSEPH

VANCE

Chapter V

OF JOE'S VERY FIRST VISIT TO POPLAR VILLA. OF ITS DRAINS AND THEIR STENCH. OF HOW JOE SAW HIS FIRST REAL YOUNG LADY AT HOME. HOW SHE KISSED JOE, AND JOE LIKED IT. OF A PEAR TREE THAT LIVED THENCEFORWARD IN JOE'S MEMORY. OF HIS RETURN HOME 35

Chapter VI

SHOWS HOW MR. VANCE OBTAINED CAPITAL AND PLANT. ALSO HOW

HE CREATED CONFIDENCE - 46

Chapter VII

CONCERNING A BARREL-DRAIN WHICH DID NOT EXIST, OF REPAIRS TO THE NURSERY CHIMNEY AND HOW JOE WENT UP IT. ALSO WHAT A GOOD WASHING HE HAD .60

iii iv CONTENTS

Chapter VIII. Page

HOW JOEY HAD MISS LOSSIE'S ARM HOUND HIM WHILE HE SAW BOOKS. MISS VIOLET CORRECTS HER SISTER. MISS LOSSIE'S TONGUE. HOW JOE WENT HOME AND HEARD PROM PORKY OP THE BEAK. HOW MR. VANCE HAS ANOTHER JOB, ALL DUE TO THE MAGIC BOARD . • .55

Chapter IX

HOW JOEY PAID ANOTHER VISIT TO POPLAR VILLA, AND HOW HE SHOCKED MISS VIOLET. HOW HE WENT UP INTO THE LIBRARY AND SAT ON DR. THORPE'S KNEE AND DID EUCLID. HOW HE WEPT ABOUT MISS LOSSIE. HOW DR. T. OFFERED HIM AN EDUCA- TION. AND OP THE SAD COLLAPSE OF PETER GUNN, TESTE PORKY OWLS 63

AN UN-ACADEMICAL SUNDAY MORNING. CONCERNING HIS FATHER'S NEW HOUSE. JOE'S WALK TO POPLAR VILLA, BUT NO MISS LOSSIE. HE TELLS HIS SCHOOL EXPERIENCES. ANTHROPOPHAGI. HE WILL FOLLOW LOSSIE, EVEN TO HAMPSTEAD. . , . . . 105

Chapter XV

HOW JOE WALKED AND 'BUSSED TO LOSSIE IN HAMPSTEAD. HOW A LITTLE GIRL TALKED TO HIM, WHO PREFERRED DROWNING TO HANGING. HOW LOSSIE LIT JOE'S HEART UP J AND OF THE SPENCER MENAGE. LOSSIE MAKES JOE TROT ST. WITHOLD OUT AT THE FIRS ON HAMPSTEAD HEATH. HOW GLAD JOE WAS HE HAD TOLD NO MORE ABOUT HIS SCHOOL NIGHTMARE. . . Ill

CONTENTS v

Chapter XVI. Page

JOE'S FATHER'S HAT AGAIN. AND HOW HIS MOTHER DIED. A LET- TER OF LOSSIE WRITTEN A YEAR AFTER. OF HIS FATHER'S GRIEF AND HIS OWN. THE STORY OF HIS FATHER'S COURTSHIP TOLD TO JOE — OF THE PURE CAIRN MAGORRACHAN MOUNTAIN DEW, AND HOW JOE LAY AWAKE BECAUSE OF THE SAME 128

Chapter XVII

*N INEXCUSABLY LONG LETTER OF MISS LOSSIE'S — IT TELLS HOW SHE ADVOCATED THE CAUSE OF TEMPERANCE MORE SUCCESSFULLY THAN POOR MR. CAPSTICK, WHOSE INTENTIONS WERE GOOD, BUT WHO WAS LACKING IN TACT. AND OF HOW MR. VANCE POURED THE CAIRN MAGORRACHAN MOUNTAIN DEW ON THE PARLOUR FIRE. . 141

Chapter XVIII

A TALE OF JOE'S PUGNACITY AT SCHOOL. OF HIS FATHER'S ABSTINENCE. MUCH ABOUT HIS NAMESAKE JOEY, WHICH WE WOULD OMIT IF WE COULD DO WITHOUT IT. OF THE RAPIDITY OF HIS FATHER'S RISE. OF HOW HE SAW NOLLY, BUT THE OTHER DAY, AND COULD NOT SPEAK WITH HIM. OF HOW LOSSIE IS STILL LIVING, IN ITALY. . 151

Chapter XIX

HOW DR. THORPE VISITED JOE AT OXFORD, AND HOW THAT VISIT ENDED THE FIRST MOVEMENT OF JOE'S LIFE ON A DISCORD. OF HIS PAINFUL DOUBLE IDENTITY 161

Chapter XX

LETTERS OF LOSSIE, VERY IMPORTANT. GENERAL DESPREZ. HOW SHE TOLD ABOUT JOE — HOW THE GENERAL WANTED TO MARRY LOSSIE — FULL DETAILS OF ALL HE SAID, BUT NO STAGE DIREC- TIONS. HOW JOE'S TRAGEDY BURST SUDDENLY ON LOSSIE, AND SHE ORDERED THE GENERAL TO THE RESCUE 173

HOW CHRISTOPHER VANCE & CO/S MR. MACFARREN GAVE NO SATISFAC- TION. AND HOW A SUBSTITUTE WAS FOUND FOR HIM. TO DR. THORPE FOR CONSOLATION. OF AN EMPTY WHISKEY BOTTLE. 199 vi CONTENTS

Chapter XXIV. Paob

JOE'S DUPLEX GEAR DISCOMFORTS HIM. JUSTICE TO PINDAR. HOW JOE WENT TO LYNMOUTH WITH A READING PARTY, AND INVITED MASTER JOSEPH THORPE. THE LATTER GOES UNDER A SEA-ROCK. JOE AFTER HIM. HOW A LIFE WAS SAVED FOR ONE WHO COULD NOT USE IT FOR GOOD 205

Chapter XXV

HOW JOE WOULD HAVE TAKEN A BETTER DEGREE BUT FOR CHESS. HOW HE PATENTED HIS SPHERICAL ENGINE. HIS DIFFICULTIES WITH THE BRITISH ENGINEER. OF HOW HE IS CHEATED AND HIS FATHER COMES TO THE RESCUE 211

Chapter XXVI

THE FERRET IS BIBULOUS. HOW JOE WENT TO PLAY CROQUET WITH HIS DAUGHTER. OF HER GLORIOUS BEAUTY AND ITS EFFECT ON ONE OF JOE'S INDIVIDUALITIES. HE TALKS TO A FLAT JANE. OF A GUST OF ABBOT AN8ELM, AND JOE'S MEETING WITH AN OLD FOE, WHO IS FIANCE TO THE FERRET'S DAUGHTER. JANE IS SOMEBODY TOO. HE GOES HOME LINKED WITH HIS FOE. . . 217

Chapter XXVII. How Joe's Father Had Been Matchmaking, And How He Exceeded

HIS ALLOWANCE. HOW GOOD A DAUGHTER-IN-LAW WOULD BE FOR HIM. JOE IS NOT IN LOVE WITH THE FLAT JANE. HOW HE WROTE WHO SHE WAS TO LOSSIE ; A FOOLISH LETTER. OF THE SPHERICAL ENGINE. HOW HE MET FLAT JANE AGAIN AT THE FERRET'S. AND GOT DANGEROUSLY CONFIDENTIAL. . . . 226

Chapter XXVIII

JOE HEARS FROM FLAT JANE. HOW HIS FATHER SMELT A RAT. HOW JOE SPENT AN EVENING AT FLAT JANE'S FATHER'S, AND TOOK A BOOK TO HER LATER. OF THE OLD LIBRARY. JANE GETS AT JOE. BUT SHE IS VERY NICE. SHE CLEARS JOE'S MIND UP GREATLY. JOE IS A FOOL — WHY NOT BE FRIENDS ? HE TALKS WITH DR. THORPE, WHO RATHER LOVES JANE BY REPORT. JOE PERHAPS LOVES HER TOO, AND IS A FOOL AGAIN. 238

Chapter XXIX

HOW TWO FIANCES READ MRS. LUCILLA DESPREZ'S ANSWER TO JOE'S LETTER. OF PERTURBATION THEREAT. OF HOW JOE*S FATHER FOUND AND READ IT TOO. HE WILL NOT BE AN ENCUMBRANCE. OF ANOTHER LETTER FROM JANE. JOE IS BROKEN QUITE OFF. . 249

Chapter XXX

JOE COULD BEAR TO LOSE JANEY. OF THE SPHERICAL ENGINE AND HIS NEW PROVISIONAL. AND PRING. HOW JOE'S FATHER WILL BUILD HIM AN ENGINEERING WORKSHOP. THE MACALLI8TER

CONTENTS vii

PAGE

KEPEATER, AND JOE'S PARTNERSHIP WITH BONY. MRS. BONY*S BABY. MR. BONY ON ENGAGEMENTS, AND HOW HE DID IT. OP A CONFESSION OF PHEENER'S. AND HOW OLD VANCE GOT VERY DRUNK. EHEU I JOE GOES TO SEEK SOLACE FROM DR. THORPE. 258

Chapter XXXI

BUT DR. THORPE WAS IN TROUBLE HIMSELF, FOR THAT BEPPINO IS IN DISGRACE. NOLLY'S OPINION ABOUT BEPPINO'S FRIENDS. HOW BEPPINO WAS THRASHED. A PASSIONATE ADMIRATION. BEP REALLY VAIN OF IT. HOW JOE WAS UNFEELING TO HIM. HOW PHEENER TOOK AWAY THE BOTTLE 270

Chapter XXXII

HOW JOE MET JANEY AGAIN. HE IS LEFT ALONE WITH HER AND FEELS QUEER. HOW HE WILL WRITE IT ALL TO LOS8IE. MATCH- MAKING JEANNIE. THEY ARE ALONE SOME MORE. A RAPPROCHE- MENT ON BONY-JEANNIE LINES. HOW JOE'S WALK HOME WAS HAPPY. 285

Chapter XXXIII

BUT HE DIDN'T WRITE THE LETTER TO LOSSIE. MR. VANCE'S DISGUST AT THE RECRUDESCENCE OF THE WIDOW. HOW HE TOLD DR. THORPE, AND THERE WAS SOMETHING AFTER ALL ! BUT JEANNIE WILL PROVIDE FOR NOLLY. JOE'S WANT OF LITERARY SKILL

JERKS HIS TALE OUT OF GEAR. '* 1 '"' 296

Chapter XXXIV

AND, AFTER ALL, LOSSIE'S LETTER PASSED HER IN MID-OCEAN ! OF HOW JOE AND JANEY READ HIS FATHER'S LETTER AT POPLAR VILLA, AND HOW LOSSIE CAME UNEXPECTEDLY ON TWO HAPPY LOVERS IN THE TWILIGHT. IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN THE ELDEST MISS FLOWERDEW ! DR. THORPE JOINS THEM ; BUT HOW ABOUT

HIS HEART? HOW JOE AND JANEY WERE MARRIED. BUT NO ONE CAN PLAY JANEY'S PIANO NOW 306

Chapter XXXV

OF THE NEW FACTORY IN CHELSEA. OF THE BACKSLIDING OP OLD MR. VANCE. HOW JOE DREAMED A STRANGE DREAM, AND ITS INTERRUPTION. OF THE GREAT FIRE, AND HOW MR. VANCE WAS RESCUED. BUT SPRAINED. SO FAR AS CAN BE ASCERTAINED, FULLY COVERED BY INSURANCE. AN OLD BURNED BOARD, WITH WRITING ON IT. . . , t. 317

Chapter XXXVI

OF A BRAIN-WAVE THAT WENT TO INDIA. AND OF AN OPTICAL DE- LUSION. HOW JOE TOOK THE NEWS TO DR. THORPE, AND BEP- PINO WAS A BORE. AUNT IZZY TOO DEAF FOR ANYTHING. DR. THORPE AND JOB WALK TO CHELSEA 335 viii CONTENTS

Chapter XXXVII. Page

A CONFERENCE AND A GROWING ALARM. HOW THE WHISKEY-BOTTLE HAD CAUSE TO CHUCKLE. THE CHEQUE BOOKS DID IT, OF COURSE — WANTED THIRTY-THOUSAND POUNDS. ALSO HOW A BANK SMASHED — AND HOW A BIG BAD DEBTOR OWED A BIG BAD DEBT. CHRISTOPHER VANCE & CO. INSOLVENT 344

Chapter Xxxviii

JOE'S FATHER DOES NOT IMPROVE MUCH. BUT HE IS HIS OLD SELF STILL, AND ENJOYS A SURPRISE HE HAS TREASURED FOR HIS FAMILY. HOW HE HAD BOUGHT A TRINKET IN BOND STREET. THE NEW LIMITED CO. IT STARTS ILL ; BUT GOOD FORTUNE BRINGS BACK AN OLD BOARD TO HELP THE BOARD OF DIRECTORS. 353

Chapter XXXIX

JOE'S FATHER SLIPS DOWNHILL. PETER GUNN CROPS UP. AND AT LAST OLD VANCE KNOWS THE STORY OF THE BOTTLE-END. HE REACHES THE BOTTOM OF THE HILL, AND GOES ELSEWHERE. BUT THE BOARD 18 STRONG AND PHEENER IS DESERVEDLY RICH, AND ALL 18 WELL. SO JOE HAS TIME FOR REMINISCENCE, AND REMEMBERS HOW HE MET PORKY OWLS AGAIN, AND DIDN'T KNOW HIM 360

Chapter XL

THIS CHAPTER IB REALLY ALL DEVOTED TO DR. THORPE'S OPINIONS, ALTHOUGH IT PRETENDS NOT AT THE BEGINNING. BETTER SKIP THEM. A QUOTATION FROM TENNYSON. JANEY AND JOE MAKE EACH A PROMISE TO THE OTHER. 367

Chapter XLI. A Chapter That Had To Be Written 382

CHAPTER XLIL

JOE 18 A WIDOWER. A TENANTLES8 OLD HOUSE. HOW HE WENT TO DR. THORPE ; AND OF A CHILD THAT WAS SAVED ON THE WRECK. THE SYMPATHY OF BEPPINO. A GOOD IDEA I WHY NOT TAKE BEPPINO TO ITALY? 390

Chapter XLIII

HOW JANEY'S PIANO WAS TO BE KEPT IN TUNE. FRAU SCHMIDT. THE WALDSTEIN SONATA. THE FRAU MISLEADS BEPPINO. WHO MI88 SIBYL FULLER PERCEVAL WAS. THE GOLDEN BEAD IN THE HUMAN CRUCIBLE. THE KINCARDINE8IIIRE JOINT-STOCK BANK.

HOW ABOUT THE DOCTOR'S HEART ? .... 403

CONTENTS ix

Chapter XLIV. Page

BEPPINO AS A MARINER. PARIS AT PARIS. THE JOURNEY TO ITALY. IDOMENEO PELLEGRINI. BUT NO JANEY NOW. BEPPINO CARRIES OFF JOE'S TRUNK TO FLORENCE ; WHEREOF THE ENGRAVED NAME CAUSES MUCH APPREHENSION 415

Chapter XLV

JOE'S RETURN HOME. MR. SPENCER AND COMTE. HIS BAD NEWS ABOUT DR. THORPE'S AFFAIRS. A FORGOTTEN TRUST FUND. THE

DOCTOR BANKRUPT. LOSSIE'S RETURN FROM INDIA. . . 423

Chapter XLVI

LOS8IE— SHE HAS NO PATIENCE WITH DR. THORPE'S VICTIM. BEPPINO AND MISS FULLER PERCEVAL. A MYSTERIOUS LETTER FROM FLORENCE. BEPPINO'S EXPLANATIONS. THE CENOTAPH IN PORTUGAL. JOE CARRIES THE TURK PAST THE DOCTOR'S LI- BRARY DOOR. O GRAVE I WHERE IS THY VICTORY? . . 431

JOE GOES TO FIESOLE. AND HEARS ALL ABOUT BEPPINO'S WILD OAT. HE GETS HIS LETTERS, AND ADOPTS HIS BABY. HIS MIXED TALE TO LO88IE. HE IS WALKING ON A TIGHT-ROPE, BUT FOR LOS- SIR'S SAKE 466

Chapter LI

A LETTER FROM A MAN OF THE WORLD. THE GENERAL'S SATCHEL. JOE ARRANGES FOR HIS START TO BRAZIL. BUT HE GOES TO SEE CRISTOFORO AGAIN FIRST. HOW HE TOOK A WALK AT FIESOLE, WITHOUT JANEY. AND HOW HE HEARD THE WALDSTEIN SONATA ON THE TUSCAN HILLS. HOW CRISTOFORO TICKLED. . . 473 x CONTENTS

Chapter LII. Page

HERR PPLEIDERBR DISAPPROVES OP BRAZIL. HOW JOE, TEARS AFTER, WENT TO LOOK FOR POPLAR VILLA, AND GRASS THEN

GREW WHERE TROY TOWN STOOD. HOW BEPPINO'S SECOND SON (OR THEREABOUTS) WAS BORN. THE NEED OF BROWNING. OF

A VILLA FOR LO8SIE AT SORRENTO, NOT FLORENCE. HOW THE GENERAL NEVER UNDERSTOOD THE DOCTOR, MORE'S THE PITY ! JOE'S LAST HAPPY EVENING IN ENGLAND. HOW HE CALLED ON AUNT IZZY. AND OF MR. SPENCER. NOLLY SEES JOE OFF AT EU8TON. THE SEA, ONCE MORE ! 481

Chapter LIII

WHAT JOE HAS BEEN DRIVING AT. HE HAS CRI8TOFORO OUT TO HIM IN BRAZIL. HOW THE GENERAL DIED LIKE A HERO AT MAIWAND. LOS8IE GOES TO FLORENCE. A PLEASANT LETTER FROM HER AT VILLA MAGONCINI. ANOTHER, WITH A PLEASANT POSTSCRIPT. JOB TAKES A RIDE AND SHOOTS A HALF-BREED. ACCIDENT TO CRISTOFORO. JOE'S ANSWER TO THE LETTER. MORE CORRE- SPONDENCE, TERRIBLE TO JOE. ALL IS ENDED. "THIS IS FOR L08SIE." 492