Digby Grand; an autobiography

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XXVI. Settled at Last

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AN AUrOBIOGRJPHT CHAPTER I

"THE MORNING OF LIFE"

" Grand and Buffler to stay ! " says the " prepostor " of the Lower Eemove-Eemove, as he darts into our hall of learning on his humane errand. Eight well do Grand and BuiSer know what that simple sentence indicates ; and ere the messenger of Fate, in the shape of a short and dirty lower boy colleger, or " tug," has departed, they evince by a simultaneous hitching of the waistband, and wistful expression of countenance, their very disagreeable anticipation of the discipline to follow. Gravely the construing proceeds, as it has proceeded from time immemorial within those classic walls, and whatever " Henry's holy shade " might think of it, I can imagine the pagan ghost of heathen Horace would be somewhat aghast, could his repose in the realms of Pluto be disturbed by the blundering schoolboy's version of his polished stave.

Let us hear how Bullock-major renders the dreaded Ode. Justum et tenacem propositi virum, begins the muchenduring master, giving to the thrilling stanza that harmonious roll which shows that much and often as his favourite has been naurdered to his unwilling ear, he still clings to him with all a scholar's devotion — " Justum," etc. — " Bullock-major, go on ! " Up starts the electrified disciple, with all the readiness of a professor, but deep are the misgivings at his heart, and clouded the impression on his brain ; for Bullock-major, though as stalwart " a stroke " as ever feathered an oar round Lower Hope, and as straight a bowler as ever skimmed the emerald sward of the lower shooting-fields, is yet modestly aware of his own deficiencies, and has a wholesome horror of being, like Grand and Buffler, "in the bill." At it he goes, however, with changeless intonation and nasal twang — " Virvm, the man" — pause — " justum, just" — pause — " et tenacem, and tenacious " — (Bravo, Bull ! says the next boy on the form, a scapegrace of some eleven summers) — "propositi " — a solemn pause — dark grows the master's brow — "Go on, sir, propositi" — Bullock grows desperate : "propositi, of his proposition." Hear him, melodious minstrel of Home's palmiest days ! — " Sit down, sir ! — put him in the bill — next boy go on." And the unfortunate Bullock-major embarks in the same boat with Buffler and myself.

Ah ! those were glorious days, notwithstanding the "bill," and all its horrors; some of the happiest hours that I, Digby Grand, have spent in my chequered career, were passed at dear old Eton ; with just enough of school and school discipline to make the relaxation of play delightful, with every kind of amusement the heart of boy could desire — with boating, cricket, football, hockey, paper-chases, and leaping parties, or as we call them " levies " — and above all, with that abundance of congenial society, and those cordial friendships, so deKghtftil to youth. No wonder that the old Etonian's heart still warms when he catches sight of the walls of " College " — no wonder that he remembers, with a vividness after years can never obliterate, each characteristic of the long past scene. The dreaded Hawtrey, "my tutor," by turns loathed and beloved; "my dame," an object now of ridicule, now of affection ; Windsor Bridge, Mother Tolliday, the weary and well-informed Spankie himself; the "ticks up-town," the "sock-shop," the triumphs on the water, won with sculls and oar — the glories of the sward, when an Eton eleven sacked the second-best team of the Marylebone Club — all and each of these images are clung to and remembered in many a varied scene and distant land ; ay, such early impressions as these will return to the imagination of the wanderer, even when the dearest and holiest ties of home are for a time forgotten. But let me also look back through the long vista of years gone by — let me live once more in memory the joyous days of spring, when the heart was merry and the step was light, — when the breeze of morning kissed an open brow, as yet unseamed by care, and lifted clustering locks, unthinned, unbleached by time — when to-morrow was as though it would never be, and to-day was all in all — without a care, without a fear, save of the consequences of some youthful scrape, ending in the fatal catastrophe of corporal punishment.

I was brought up a " dandy " — that was the word in my younger days. From the time I left the nursery, the first lesson inculcated on my youthful mind was, " Digby, hold up your head, and look like a gentleman." " Mister Digby, don't dirty your boots, like the poor people's children." I lost my mother when still a baby; so my ideas of her are chiefly drawn from her portrait in the dining-room — a fair and beautiful woman, with large melancholy eyes and nut-brown hair : I presume it was from her that I inherited those glossy locks, on the adornment of which I have spent so much time and trouble, that would have been far better bestowed on the cultivation of the inner portion of my skull. My father. Sir Peregrine Grand, of Haverley Hall, was what is emphatically called a gentleman " of the old school " ; that is to say, his weaknesses were those of drinking a great deal of port at a sitting, swearing considerably even in ladies' society, and taking an inordinate quantity of snuff; but then he was adorned with all the shining virtues that so distinguished this same " old school " : he eschewed cigar-smoking as a vice filthy in the extreme. His morals were as loose as those of his neighbours, but his small-clothes were a great deal tighter. He had his hair dressed by his valet regularly every morning — and then he knew his position so well, and he took care every one else should know it too. Nevertheless, though an ill-judging, he was an indulgent father to me ; and I do believe his dearest wishes were centred in myself, his only child. Not that he thought much of my morals or my intellect, but he took care that I should be a good horseman and an unerring shot ; and as some fathers would wish their children to be distinguished in the different walks of public life — as warriors, authors, orators, or statesmen — so was it poor Sir Peregrine's dearest hope that " Digby should be a man of fashion — by Jove ! the sort of fellow, sir, that people are glad to see, and a man that knows his position, Dr. Driveller — that knows his position, sir. I recollect many years ago, when I was a young fellow, the women called me Peregrine Pickle; I could do what I liked then, anywhere, and with any of them, but I never forgot my position, sir — never forgot my position."

"Very true, Sir Peregrine," said the worthy doctor, who would have assented equally to the most preposterous proposition, if made by my father, — " very true ; when Digby leaves Eton, he must go into the army."

" But not the Line, papa ! " says the precocious urchin alluded to. " Fortescue-major, at my tutor's, says the Line is very low, and most Eton fellows go into the Guards. I shall go into the Guards, papa."

" Hold your tongue, Digby, and hand me the biscuits. Doctor, ring the bell, and we will just peep into another bottle of port."

Such was the substance of our usual conversation after dinner when I was at home for the holidays, and such it might have remained, without ever approximating the desired end, had it not been for an accidental circumstance, which procured me a friend whose energy urged upon my father the necessity of taking some steps with regard to my entrance into life, and through whose instrumentality I obtained a commission in her Majesty's service.

Everything at Haverley Hall was conducted upon a scale, to say the least of it, of lordly magnificence ; and as during my boyhood I never knew a wish ungranted, or a request refused, which had for its object the further circulation of the coin of the realm, my boyish idea naturally was, that my father's resources were inexhaustible, and that, to use a common expression, " money was no object." How could I tell the lengthy conferences in his

'THE MOBNING OF LIFE' 13

private room from which our old man of business, Mr. Mortmain, used to emerge with a darkened brow and a drooping chin — had for their object the furtherance of supplies, and for their argument the still-to-be-solved problem of making two and two equal to five ; — how could I tell that from sheer mismanagement and love of display, year after year a goodly rent-roll was diminishing, and a fine property alienating itself from its natural possessor ? Come what might, Sir Peregrine must have three servants out of livery, to say nothing of a multitude of giants in plush and powder. Though he seldom or never got upon a horse, the stables must be filled with a variety of animals, good, bad, and indifferent. Hating standing about in the cold more than anything, he was not by any means a constant attendant at Newmarket; and when there, wished himself anywhere else in the world ; but that was no reason why every list of acceptances, for every doubtful event on the Turf, should not be adorned by the name -of one of his race-horses, selected from a string which he never saw, but of whose length he might judge by that of his trainer's bill. One of my first scrapes as a boy was not remembering how " Euclid " was bred, having confounded that gallant animal with a mathematician of the same name. As for going out in a carriage with less than four horses. Sir Peregrine would rather have walked, gout and all, than compromised " his position " by such a proceeding ; and as all his ideas with regard to dinners, entertainments, housekeeping, etc., were upon the same scale, it would have required, indeed, the fortune of a millionaire to support this style of magnificence.

From my father's increasing indolence as he grew into years, the management of the shooting and the stables came into my hands at an age when the achievements of most boys are limited to an occasional rabbit slaughtered by favouritism with the keeper's gun, or a stolen ride on the unwilling pony, that goes to the post, carries the game, and does the odd jobs; but long ere I had mounted the tailed coat and stiff cravat of incipient manhood, I could knock over wild partridges right and left, and ride my own line to a pack of fox-hounds, as well as many who.

although double my age, had perhaps less experience in these accomplishments. Before I left Eton, I used to make my own horses, as the term is ; and as my father never grudged me anything I desired, in the way of extravagance, I had but to gain over the trainer, to obtain as a gift any of his thorough-bred horses, that in our united wisdom we should choose to condemn as too slow for racing. I always found this species of request, as involving no immediate outlay of ready money, to be

f ranted most willingly; and it was after a gift of this escription that I sallied forth one morning in early spring for the purpose of riding a four-year-old, fresh from Newmarket, over every fence that should come in my way, and thereby perfecting him as a hunter against the ensuing season. Oh ! the delight of a glorious gallop over grass, on a fine morning, the easy swing of the free-going animal beneath you, to which every muscle and joint of the horseman instinctively adapts itself; the fresh and exhilarating breeze, created by the rapid motion; the constant change of scene as you scour along over upland and meadow; the "middle-distance," as painters call it, wheeling into ever- varying beauty: then the reflective flattery, reciprocated by the flying pair ; the " how well I ride you, and how well you carry me ; " the association of ideas, and recollections of the many good runs you have seen, and the many more you hope to see, if you are a hunting man, — as, ten to one, if you really enjoy this sort of thing, you are, — all this makes a morning gallop one of the pleasantest sensations experienced by youth and health ; and it was with a full appreciation of its delights that I sent the four-year-old along on the morning in question, solitary, and, as I thought, unseen. I sped my flight like a sea-bird on the wing. Everything was most successftil at flrst; my young horse was in the best of humours, and appeared to enjoy his lesson as much as his instructor. We bounded over the park-rails like a deer ; we disposed of the Ha-ha — an ugly obstacle enough — in our stride ; we went in and out of a rough, tangled, double hedge, that skirted the plantation on the hill, as cleverly as if our united ages had been double their real amount ; and when, flushed with success, I turned his head for the vale, a fine grass line of extensive pastures, I felt as if nothing could stop us.

But horses, like men, may be somewhat too thin-skinned; and as I neared the high-road, I spied a strong overgrown fence, through the thorns and briars of which we should have to force our way ; and thick, tangled, and dark was the forbidden leap. I went at it fast, thinking the pace might send us through like a bullet ; but, rapidly as we approached, my young horse, when within a stride of the fence, came round upon his haunches with a quickness all his own, and which might have unhorsed many a tolerable equestrian. One more chance I gave him, and then proceeded to coercive measures. The blood of his ancestors was roused, and the battle began in right earnest — the rider applying whip and spurs with sustained vigour — the animal backing, rearing, and plunging, in a manner that threatened soon to put a period to the contest in the downfall of one or both. At last I forced him into the fence : and as he fell upon his head into the road, and recovered himself without unhorsing me, I found myself face to face with an elderly man in undress uniform, whom I immediately recognised as General Sir Benjamin Burgonet, commanding the district, accompanied by a young aide-de-camp, likewise in the livery of her Majesty.

" Well saved, my lad, and devilish well ridden too," said the jolly General, a large heavy man, with a red face and double chin, perfectly resplendent with good living and good humour. " Got a good horse there for a light weight ; and I'll be bound to say, you make him go. I've been watching you," added he, as if that fact alone made me worthy of knighthood on the spot. I took off my hat with my best Eton air, and introduced myself to the General as young Grand ; adding, that I had the honour of meeting him at a review last year, and concluding by a cordial invitation to breakfast, at which meal I was sure Sir Peregrine would be delighted to see him. It turned out that the General was returning from some duty of inspection, and being an old friend of my father, was actually on his way to pay him a visit ; nor, although he had breakfasted once, was the jolly commandant loth to indulge in a second morning meal.

As we rode into the grounds, I communicated to my companion the desire I had long entertained of entering her Majesty's service ; and ere we reached the Hall, the old officer, who had taken a great fancy to me in consequence of the exploit he had so unexpectedly witnessed, made me a faithful promise that he would use all his iafluence with my father to induce him to consent to my leaving Eton immediately and entering the army, and that his own interest, which was great at the Horse Guards, should be strenuously exerted to procure me a commission.

His visit produced the wished-for effect, and instead of returning to Eton, I remained at home, nothing loth, as may be supposed. It was barely a month after the General's visit that his promises were redeemed, and his exertions on my behalf crowned with success. I shall not easily forget the day ; it was one of our large dinner-parties, when the host of country neighbours came flocking to Haverley, like eagles to the slaughter. My father was very great during these solemnities, and royalty itself could not be more magnificently condescending than was Sir Peregrine to his humbler guests. These dinners, like the tides, and other important evolutions of Nature, depended chiefly on the moon, as our roads, like all county highways and byways, were most execrable, and the different tea-boys and helpers, who ofiiciated as bodycoachmen on these occasions, were apt to diverge into fancy driving, after their liberal potations of Haverley ale, heaven knows how many " strike to the bushel," to use a professional term for extreme potency. Then in order that the "convives" might get home before "morning should appear," dinner was ordered at six precisely, at which hour the good folks would punctually assemble to go through agonies of shyness by daylight in the drawing-room. On the day in question, my father appeared earlier than usual in that apartment, and I saw by the care with which he was dressed, and his determination to be ready to receive his company — for the earlier guests had not yet arrived — that the character of courteous host was to be acted to perfection. He was still a fine-looking man, though bent and shrunk, and must have been very handsome in his youth. tHis thin white hair was powdered, and his deep white neckcloth folded with a precision it had cost his valet twenty years to acquire. His black pantaloons fitted tightly as a glove on those well-turaed limbs, which had not yet lost their grace and symmetry. He was still vain of his foot, and huge bunches of black ribbon, tying the low-cut shoe, made its proportions appear even tinier than those which Nature had accorded. A voluminous white waistcoat covering a portly figure — for still the waist increases as the shoulders fall — and an enormous frill, completed my father's " get-up." And as he stepped forward from the hearth-rug, to welcome Mrs. Pottingden, the doctor's lady, with the air of a sovereign receiving a princess, he looked what he really was — a gentleman of the old school.

Mrs. Pottingden wore a turban, and was mightily afraid of my father. She rejoiced in six daughters, who went out two by two; and these were the two gawky ones.

My father says he is "glad to see Mrs. Pottingden looking so well, and her charming girls ; " and being slightly deaf, does not hear the good lady's reply, that "the weather is beautiful," and " Averley," as she calls it, " looking charmingly as she came up the approacii ; " for the sound of wheels going round to the stables is again heard, and our most pompous of butlers announces, "Major and Mrs. Ramrod ! and Miss Arabella Ramrod ! " and the same salutations are again exchanged, with this difference, that the new arrivals vote the weather cold and disagreeable, and ask after Sir Peregrine's gout. The latter inquiry is high treason, only Mrs. R. had forgotten it was so ; but my father is courtesy and blandness itself, for the sound of wheels is continually heard from every description of vehicle — landau, chariot, brougham, dog-cart, and nondescript conveyance with a pair of shafts and a head ; and Mr. Soames, the butler, is breathless with the numerous announcements he is compelled to make. The Hickses, and the Johnstons, and the Longs, and old Lady Daubeney, and Admiral Portfire, and Squire Harpole of " the Hills," and fat Mr. Sheepskin, the lawyer, and little Mr. Stubbles, the curate — in they pour, ready and willing to pay their

18 DIOBT GBAND

court to Sir Peregrine, and make play at the good things with which his table is so well provided. Heaven defend me from marshalling such a party in to dinner; bad enough is it when the order of precedence is duly emblazoned on the veracious page of Burke or Debrett; but who shall endeavour to cope with the difficulty of giving satisfaction, when Mrs. Ramrod's indignation is roused at the affront put upon her in following Mrs. Hicks in to dinner, when everybody knows that Mrs. Hicks's uncle is only a barrister, whereas her (Mrs. Ramrod's) grandfether was a Master in Chancery ? (poor Ramrod ! you will have it all to-night ere sleep visits your pillow) ; then, again. Admiral Portfire ought to have taken Mrs. Long, who is a baronet's daughter, instead of making a rush for Mrs. Johnston, whose only qualifications are youth, beauty, and good humour, as that ancient mariner well knew when he secured her companionship at the dinner-table. In short, there was no end to the outrages on all the decencies of precedence; and as I knew my father piqued himself much on his management of proprieties on such occasions, and his knowledge of every one's " position," I anticipated with dread the irritable discussion that would arise on the morrow, when we talked over the events of the preceding evening.

But they settle down, for the present, over soup and sherry; and, through the Babel-like confusion that prevails, I catch my father's courteous tones, as he bows his shining head now to deaf old Lady Daubeney, now to voluble Mrs. Long, while he slices the turbot, and dispenses the precious pearls of his condescension in due share to every guest. He is telling a story of the Prince of Wales and Carlton House to Lady Daubeney ; and she thinks, good soul, that he is discoursing of an eminent firm in the city, which has lately failed, and sits — listening it can hardly be called in one so devoid of hearing — with an expression of interest and commiseration upon her countenance which is perfectly irresistible.

Sir Peregrine, though pompous, is seldom at fault, and he cleverly diverts his conversation to his fair neighbour on the other hand, leaving the old lady perfectly satisfied with the share she has borne in the dialogue. And now little Mr. Stubbles, commiserating her isolated position, and emboldened by sherry, hazards a remark across the table, to the effect that " the weather to-day was remarkably cloudy for the time of year." The attention of the company is forcibly arrested by her ladyship's loud and irritable interrogative, and poor Mr. Stubbles, in rising confusion, repeats his unfortunate discovery. Again the old lady " begs his pardon, she did not quite catch what he said ; " and the victim, ready to sink with shyness, a third time publishes his meteorological observation. He has at length succeeded in exciting her curiosity, and, leaning back, she desires one of the stately footmen standing behind her chair to fetch her ear-trumpet out of the drawing-room. The instrument arrives, and Stubbles is again placed on the rack. I never saw a man blush so blue. The old lady adjusts her acoustic auxiliary with the nicest care, and repeats her inquiry : and when Stubbles, wishing that the earth would yawn and swallow him, has stated, for the fourth time, his observation about the clouds, my well-bred father himself cannot resist a laugh at the " Humph " of disgust and disappointment with which the old lady receives the washy substitute for what she hoped would prove a real "bran-new bit of news." That dinner, which my young impatience thought interminable, at length came to a close; and as I was ruminating, half asleep, over my claret, and feigning an interest in the lively poor-law discussion carried on across me, by my neighbours on either side. Major Ramrod and old Hicks, the door opened, and Soames, walking gravely round the table, presented me with an important-looking missive, adorned with a huge official seal; above the address I read, with an indescribable thrill of excitement, the talismanic words, " On Her Majesty's Service." The whole thing flashed upon me in an instant, and long ere I had deciphered the formal announcement from the adjutant of the 101st Regiment of Foot, informing me that " the Queen had been graciously pleased to appoint me to an ensigncy in that distinguished corps," and that he, the adjutant, "had the honour to remain my obedient humble servant," I was aware that the transformation had taken place, and the bumper of '19, filled by a mere schoolboy,

20 DIGBY GBANB

would be emptied by an officer in Her Majesty's Service. I passed the letter down to my father with an air of military carelessness, and strove to preserve a beconaing bearing of unmoved stoicism, during the congratulations that followed from all present. They drank my health, and success to me in my profession ; and I went to bed that night feeling more thoroughly " the soldier," than any veteran that ever obtained his long-expected medal as a receipt in full for the wounds and dangers of a hundred fights.

A gallant and distinguished regiment was the 101st Foot, and a well-drilled and efficient dep6t did they possess, then quartered in the north of Scotland, the regiment itself being scattered over some five hundred miles of frontier in Canada West ; and as I drove into the barrack-gates, and marked the alert sentry, the lounging guard, and the smart non-commissioned officers hurrying about, my Eton impudence was impressed with a feeling of respect for my future corps ; and with a bashfulness the fifth form had not totally eradicated, I walked up to a tall erect sergeant, who was pacing to and fro on the parade, and requested to be informed which were the adjutant's quarters. His quick eye had detected my name on the portmanteau, then being lifted off my post-chaise, and ere he replied, he drew himself up still more, and saluted his officer. That salute made a man of me ; and I am convinced I grew two inches during my conversation with this respectful warrior, as he ushered me into the presence of my former correspondent and obedient servant. Lieutenant and Adjutant Tompion, who, with Major O'Toole, the commanding officer, was poring over a large interlined volume in the orderly-room. I took it all in at a glance ; the boarded floor, the deal table, the stand for measuring recruits, the extreme bareness of walls and furniture, the few articles of necessity, looking, as in fact they were, capable of being packed up in five minutes, the only litter consisting of two or three single-sticks, a pattern knapsack, and the orderly-room clerk, a sort of knighttemplar, half warrior and half scribe. From these my astonished eyes travelled over the persons of commanding officer and adjutant; the former a jolly-looking round little man, close-shaved and clean, in most unmistakable plain clothes, having nothing military-looking whatever about him : the latter a gaunt weather-beaten officer, with enormous hands and feet, clad in a threadbare blue coat, and much-worn pair of scales, without sword or sash, or any offensive weapon, save a stupendous pair of brass spurs, and whose duty seemed to consist in keeping one of his huge fingers pressed on the folio before him, and agreeing cordially with the Major in all his proposals.

" Oh, Mr. Grand ! " says the Major ; " how do you do, sir ? We expected you yesterday. Hope you have had a pleasant journey. Tompion, you wrote to Mr. Grand to say when he was to join ? "

" Yes, sir ; I wrote to inform Mr. Grand his leave would be out on the 31st."

I apologised for the mistake, saying I understood I was not to join till the 1st.

"Never mind," said the Major; "when you have been with us a little longer, you will find out we always get as much leave as we can, so you have only begun on the usual system. But I see my horses waiting. Good morning, Mr. Grand; we shall see you at mess, at half-past seven ; no occasion to come in uniform, as I suppose your baggage is only just arrived. We shall not trouble you much with drill for a day or two, till you are fairly settled. Tompion, you will show Mr. Grand his quarters, and anything worth seeing about the barracks; I leave him in your hands. Good morning ! " and the jolly Major swaggered off for his afternoon ride.

" Come," thought I, " these are very pleasant people I have got amongst ; I think I shall like it. And now to see what sort of a fellow Lieutenant and Adjutant John Tompion is." Accordingly as I walked across the barrack-yard with my new acquaintance, I endeavoured, by asking him a few questions as to the customs of the service, to gain some little insight into my new profession ; but no ; Tompion, though an excellent adjutant, and as steady a drill as ever overlooked the " awkward squad," blundering through the "goose-step," had not an idea beyond his own duty, and that of the sergeant-major. I gave him a capital cigar, one of a lot that I had bought from Hudson, for the express purpose of joining with, and I thought he was disposed to look upon me in a more favourable light after this demonstration ; but it was with a sort of dull surprise, as that of one who should see a child unbreeched handling a dice-box, or Tom Thumb struggling with an eighteen-foot salmon-rod; and I have no doubt that I must have appeared a mere baby in the veteran eyes of Lieutenant Tompion, who had been twenty-five years in the service, working his way, without friends or purchasemoney, up to his present position. Be that as it may, he seemed relieved to hand me over to the attention of the quarter-master, a much fatter and more communicative individual, to whose good-nature and activity I owed the comfort of getting my things unpacked, and my bran-new goods and chattels shaken down, for the first time, in my own barrack-room.