Public and private life of animals

part I. PAGE

INTRODUCTION —

INTERNATIONAL CONGRESS OF ANIMALS ..... I

RESUME OF PROCEEDINGS ....... 4

THE FLIGHT OF A PARISIAN BIRD IN SEARCH OF BETTER GOVERNMENT . . 35

THE LAST WORDS OF AN EPHEMERA . . . . . *75

TEXT-BOOK FOR THE GUIDANCE OF ANIMALS STUDYING FOR HONOURS . 138

THE INCONSISTENCIES OF A GREYHOUND .... . I49

TOPAZ THE PORTRAIT-PAINTER . . . . . . .162

THE FUNERAL ORATION OF A SILKWORM ...... 206

X

Part II. Page

THE QUEEN’S HUSBAND ........ 262

THE LOVE ADVENTURES OF A FRENCH CxVT ..... 282

THE BEAR ; OR, A LETTER FROM THE MOUNTAINS ..... 309

LETTERS FROM A SWALLOW TO A CANARY . . . . . .327

I

THE GIRAFFE’S TABLETS . . . . . . . *353

*

THE CROAKINGS OF A CROW . . . . . . 36 1

AN OLD CASTLE . . . . . . . • 371

THE DUKE AND DUCHESS ....... 373

AN OLD FALCON ........ 375

WHAT ANIMATES THE HEART OF A CHAMELEON .... 377

HISTORY OF THE HOSTS OF THE TERRACE ..... 380

I

I

Part Firrt.

Introduction

INTERNATIONAL CONGRESS OF ANIMALS.

EARY of insult, ignominy, and the constant oppression of man, we, the so-called Lower Animals, have at last resolved to cast off the yoke of our oppressors, who, since the day of their icreation, have rendered liberty and equality nothing more than empty names.

A deliberative Assembly has been constituted, with the

PUBLIC AND PRIVATE LIFE OF ANIMALS.

full sanction of the Great Animal Powers, to whom we look with confidence for that guidance and support which will enable us to carry out the measures framed for our advancement.

The Assembly has been already convoked. Its first sitting took place, on a lovely spring morning, on the green sward of the Jardin des Plantes. The spot was happily chosen to secure a full attendance of the animals of all nations. In justice to ourselves, let it be known that the proceedings were conducted with the harmony and good manners which the brutes have made peculiarly their own.

An Orang-outang, fired by his love of liberty, mastered the mechanism of locks, and at night, while the great world slept, opened the iron gates to the prisoners, who walked gravely out to take their seats. A large circle was formed, the Domestic Animals on the right, the Independent Wanderers on the left, and the Molluscs in the centre.

The rising sun, struggling through the gloom, fell upon a scene at once imposing, and full of great historic interest. No assembly of men that ever met on earth could possibly display a more masterly control of passion than did the non-herbivorous and carnivorous members of their powerful instincts. The Hvsena became almost musical, while the notes of the Goose were full of deep pathos.

The opening of the Congress was marked by a scene most touching. All the members embraced and kissed each other, in one or two instances with such fervour as to lead to the effusion of blood. In the interests of the Animal Kingdom, it must be recorded that a Duck was strangled by an overjoyed Fox, a Sheep by an enthusiastic Wolf, and a Horse by a delirious Tiger. As ancient feuds had existed between the families, these events were clearly referable to the power of ancestral usage, and the joy of reconciliation. A Barbary Duck chanted a solemn dirge over the body of her companion, who had fallen in the cause of freedom. Before resuming her seat, the member for Barbary made an eloquent speech, urging the Congress to overlook the accidents, and proceed with the orders of the day. At this moment an unfortunate Siamese Ambassador Elephant was about to propose the abolition of capital punishment. Being a devout Buddhist, he advocated the preservation of life in every form. Unluckily for his doctrine, he had placed his huge foot on a nest of Field-mice, killing both parents and children. A young Toad

INTRODUCTION.

drawing his attention to the melancholy fact overwhelmed him with remorse.

In simple courtesy to the reader, we must state that the report of the proceedings was obtained from a Parroquet, whose veracity may be trusted, as he only repeats what he has heard. We crave permission to conceal his name. Like the ancient senators of Venice, he has sworn silence on State affairs. In this instance alone he has thrown off his habitual reserve.

resum£ of proceedings.

ONE HOUR AFTER MIDNIGHT.

Nomination of President. — Questions relative to the suppression of man. — The members of the Left vote for war, the Eight for arbitration. — Discussions in which the Lion, Tiger, Horse, Nightingale, Boar, and otherstake part. — The opinion of the Fox, and what came of it.

This publication is edited conjointly by the Ape, Parroquet, and Village- Cock.

The garden paths are thronged with powerful deputies from the menageries of London, Berlin, Vienna, New York, and St. Petersburg. The Congress promises to be the most successful ever held in Paris. The death of a great French author, who devoted his pen to Natural History, has cast a gloom over the garden. The cultured animals wear crape, while the bolder spirits, proudly disdaining such symbols of grief, drop their ears and drag their tails along the ground. Here and there distinguished parties are hotly discussing the formation of the Congress, the framing of rules, and the choice of President. The Wolf sits beneath a tree, intently gazing on the Ape, whose careful attire and well-poised eye-glass proclaims man’s far-off cousinship to his family.

The Chameleon considers the get-up of the Ape a graceful tribute to his human kinsman.

The Wolf suggests that “ to ape is not to imitate ! ”

The Snake in the grass hisses.

An erudite Crow croaks from his perch, “ It would be extremely dangerous to follow in the footsteps of man,” and quotes the well-known line, “ Timeo Dcincios et dona ferentes” He is loudly congratulated on the happy quotation by a German Owl, well versed in the dead languages.

The Buzzard devoutly contemplates the two scholars, while the Mocking-bird jeeringly remarks, “One way of passing for a learned biped is by talking to others of things they do not understand.”

INTRODUCTION.

The Chameleon blushes, and then looks blue. At this moment the Marmot awoke, to pronounce life a dream. “A dream?” said the

Swallow, “nay, rather a journey.” The Ephemera gasped out, “Too brief, too brief/’ and died.

The question of the Presidency brings the scattered groups to the

PUBLIC AND PRIVA TE LIFE OF ANIMALS.

centre of the garden, and to business. When all are seated and expectant, the Ass brays out silence, quite needlessly, as the only audible sound was caused by a Flea sneezing in his ear. His supporters had prepared a speech for him, and his assurance, gravity, and weight obtained him a hearing. It was whispered that the honourable member was about to move that his ancient policy of progressing backward should be steadily kept in view. The orator, so adjusting his ears as to catch the faintest murmur of applause, flourished his tail impressively, and proceeded —

“ Fellow-quadrupeds, and brother brutes of all climes and conditions,, the question of the Presidency of this noble Assembly is one of primary importance. In order to lift the burdens from your backs, as the lineal descendant of Balaam’s ass, I offer myself as candidate for the position, hedged round as it is with difficulty and danger. It is needless to remind you of the hereditary attributes which qualify me for the office of President — firmness verging on obstinacy, patience under affliction, and a rooted determination to kick against all opposition.” Here the speaker was interrupted by the Wolf, who protested against the presumption of this slave of man. Stung to the heart, the honourable Ass was about to indulge his time-honoured habit of kicking up his heels, when he was called to order by the Bear.

“ Brothers,” said the Bear, “let not the heat of party feeling, added to the stifling air of Paris, compel me to return to my native climb, the North Pole. There my suffering has been great, but in the Arctic Circle I can grin and bear it as becomes my nature. Here, in a circle so refined, such brawling is only fit for men whose fiery tempers dry up the fountain of their love.” The Seal trembled at the sound of the dreaded voice.

The Lion roared and restored order, while the Fox unobserved slipped into the tribune, and in a brief but subtle speech so eulogised the Mule — who carried a useful appendage in the shape of a bell — that he was chosen President.

The Mule takes the chair, and the tinkling of his bell is followed by silence broken for an instant by the Watch-dog — who fancied himself at his master’s door — gruffly inquiring, “ Who’s there ? ”

The Wolf casts a scornful glance at the poor confused brute.

The Parroquet and Cat, preparing quills supplied by the Goose,, seat themselves at the table as Secretaries.

The Lion ascends the tribune with imposing gravity; “shaking

INTRODUCTION.

the dewdrops from his mane,” he denounces in a voice of thunder the tyranny of mankind, and continues : “ There is but one way of escape open for all ! Fly with me to Africa, to the sweet solitudes of boundless deserts and primeval forests, where we can hold oui own against the inroads of degenerate humanity ! Far from sheltering walls man is powerless against the noble animals I see around me. Cities arc men’s refuge, and few there are of the lion-hearted among them, if I may use the expression ” [ironical cheers from the Tiger], “ who would meet us face to face in our native wilds.” The speaker concluded with a glowing picture of the proud independence of animal life in Africa.

The Elephant advocated emigration to Central Africa. “ It is a land,” said he, “ where teeth and tusks are excellent passports, and where every traveller ought to carry his own trunk full of water. This latter remark was objected to by the Hippopotamus, who held that water would be more useful if left in swamps and rivers.

Hereupon the Dog protested that nothing could equal city life, and was put down by the Tiger, Wolf, and Hyaena. As for the Tiger, with a terrific howl he leaped into the tribune bellowing out, “ War ! blood ! Nothin? short of the utter extermination of man will establish the security of the Animal Kingdom. Great generals seize great occasions. Did not Eabbits undermine Tarragona? Did not liquor conquer Alexander the Great ? The doom of the human race is sealed, its world-wide sway ended ! The savage despots have driven us from our homes, hewn down our forests, burned our jungles, ploughed up our prairies, scooped out the solid world to build their begrimed cities, lay their railroads, warm their thin blood, roast our flesh for food. Torturing, slaying, and playing the devil right and left, men have trod the skins of my ancestors under foot, worn our claws and teeth as talismans, poisoned us, imprisoned us, dried and stuffed us, and set us to mimic our bold natures beside mummies in museums. Down with them, I say ! Down with the tyrants ! ” Here the orator paused, he caught sight of a tear glistening in the eye of a lamb, his teeth watered, and his claws crept out at sight of this gentle tribute to his eloquence.

“ Well may you weep, sweet one. He, man, robbed your mother of her fleece to clothe his guilty limbs, stole her life and devoured her, head and all. But why recall our wrongs ? Is it not enough that he deprived us of our birthright ? The world was ours before his advent,

PUBLIC AND PRIVATE LIFE OF ANIMALS.

and lie brought with him misery, confusion, death ! ” The Tiger concluded with an appeal to all beasts of prey to fight for liberty.

An old Race-horse, now a poor hack, begged permission to say a few words.

“ Noble beasts, I must confess myself more familiar with sporting life than politics, or with the questions under discussion. I have, in my day, lived in clover ; latterly the neglect and brutality of my human taskmasters have caused me much suffering. I am descended from a noble stock, the bluest blood of the turf circulates in my veins ; but alas ! I disappointed my first owners, and was soon sent adrift on the world. I was yoked in the last Royal Mail on the road, and earned my hay gallantly, until the accursed railways ruined my prospects. I beg humbly to move the abolition of steam traffic, and that the influential members of Congress should send me to grass, that I may end my days in the green fields, enjoying some State sinecure. Depend upon it, no one is more deserving of your sympathy and support than the reduced member of a noble family.”

The President was so moved by this appeal, that he left the chair, announcing an interval of ten minutes.

t CLEARING THE BRAIN FOR ACTION.

The tinkle of the bell summons the delegates to their places, which they take with a promptitude that bears witness to their zeal.

INTRODUCTION.

The Nightingale alights on the tribune, and in a gush of melody prays for bluer heavens and serener nights. He is called to order, as, notwithstanding the purity of his notes, he had proposed no tangible measure of reform. The Ass takes exception to the songster’s low notes, as wanting in asinine richness.

A modest Camel from Mecca proposes that men should be taught to use their legs in place of the backs of higher animals. This proposal is greeted with the applause of equine animals, including the President, who, discovering that the claims of this distinguished foreigner had Teen overlooked, inquires as to the future of Turkish finance.

The Camel replies with much good sense, “ There is one God, and Mahomet is his prophet ! ”

The Pig here gave it out as her opinion that trouble will never end until men are compelled to abjure the faith of Mahomet, respect Pigs, supply unlimited food and drink, and abolish sanitary law, so as to give nature free scope to expand.

An old Boar — accused by his foes of wandering about farmyards — complimented the Pig on her good taste, suggesting, at the same time, that the absence of sanitary law might tend to poison the political atmosphere. Mrs. Pig protested against insinuations calculated to mix up piggeries with politics.

The Fox, who had been taking notes, ascended the tribune and commenced —

“ It is with great satisfaction that I rise to offer one or two remarks on the able speeches of the honourable members of this Congress. Before reviewing the various propositions, I take this opportunity of saying, that never throughout my diplomatic career have I witnessed harmony more perfect. Never has there been a more profound display of unanimity of sentiment than in the wagging tails of this wise assembly. The tail is the chief attribute coveted by man. [‘ Bight you are,’ growled an old Sporting-dog]. That by the way ; to return to business, nothing could be nobler than the proposal of the Lion to establish and defend our animal commonwealth in Africa. It must not, however, be forgotten that that continent is distant, and inaccessible to many useful members of the Congress, industrial animals, who might succumb to savage warfare or malaria.

The allusion of the Dog to the joys of city life is not without interest \ but he is the slave of man. Mark his collar, inscribed with some barbarous name ! ” The subject of comment scratches his ear, and

IO

PUBLIC AND PRIVATE LIFE OF ANIMALS.

IN TROD UCTION.

1 1 the Mocking-bird observes that his ears must have been cropped to imitate man.

“For an instant — carried away by the tide of his eloquence I shared the ardour of the Tiger, and almost lent my voice to the warcry. War is very good for those who escape ; but it leaves in its train orphans and widows to be provided for by the survivors. Therefore it is not an unmixed good, more especially as right does not always

triumph.

“ The reasoning of the Pig is both good and bad, and like that of the Boar, is more calculated to affect pork than progress.

“ I take you all to witness that peace, war, and liberty are alike impossible for all. We are all agreed that evil exists somewhere, and that something must be done. [Loud cheers.] I have now the honour to propose a new, untried remedy. [Great excitement.] The only reasonable, lawful, and sacred course to follow is to struggle for knowledge. Why not take a leaf from human experience, and employ the Press to make known our wants, aspirations, customs, and usages, our public and private life.

“ Naturalists imagine they have done all when they have analysed our blood, and endeavoured to find out the secret of our noble instinct from our physical organisation.

“We alone can relate our griefs, our patience under suffering, and our joys — joys so rare to creatures on which the hand of man has pressed so heavily.” The speaker paused to conceal his emotion. He continued : “Yes, we must publish our wrongs.

“A word to the ladies. The circle which they most adorn is that of home, and to them must we look for information — jotted down in leisure-hours — on domestic subjects. Let them eschew politics. A lady politician is a creature to be avoided. I have further to crave the indulgence of this noble assembly in submitting the following articles — •

“ Article ist. — It is proposed to vote unlimited funds to carry out the ‘Illustrated Public and Private History of Animals,’ the funds to be invested in Turkish Securities and Peruvian Bonds.”

A Member of the Left proposes to take charge of the money-bag.

The Mole suggests that the funds should be sunk in certain dark mining companies, of which he is an active director.

This proposal is negatived by the Codfish, who is of opinion that

PUBLIC AND PRIVATE LIFE OF ANIMALS.

they would be safer at the bottom of the sea, as molehills have hitherto proved unremunerative. A Hen came forward with her Chickens, saying, as she had a number of little bills standing open, and which must be honoured, she would take part of the coin as a temporary loan, and do her best to lay golden eggs.

This suggestion was referred to a select committee, and here the matter dropped.

“ Article 2 d. — The Journal of the Animals must combat ignorance and bad faith, the joint enemies of truth. The entire matter to be edited by competent brutes, in order to disarm criticism.

“Article 30?. — Men must be employed to perform the drudgery of printing.

“ Article 4 th. — The Fox must find an intelligent philanthropic publisher.”

Here the Fox shook his head dolefully, and said he would try. “I have,” he continued, “ imposed on myself the severest task of all, as the profits of publication must, for a long time, be absorbed in corrections, discounts, and advertising.”

A vote of confidence passed in favour of the speaker’s integrity and ability closed the proceedings. Before the Assembly broke up, it was announced, amid loud applause, that the Ape, Parroquet, and Village Cock would enter at once on their duties as Editors in Chief of the “ Public and Private Lives of Animals,” and that the work would open with the “ History of a Hare.”

History of a Hare.

WRITTEN FROM DI Cl' AT I ON BY THE MAGPIE.

Chapter I

In which the Magpie begins.' — Some preliminary reflections by the Author of this history— The Hare is made prisoner.— The Hare’s theory of

One day last week, as I stood on the branch of an old tree, meditating on the closing lines of a poem I was about to dedicate to my race, my attention was arrested by a Leveret running at full speed across a field. He turned out to be a personal friend of my own, great-grandson of the hero of this tale.

“ Mr. Magpie,” he cried, quite out of breath, “ grandfather lies yonder in a corner of the wood. He sent me to call you.”

“Good child,” I said, while I patted his cheek with my wing, “go your grandfather’s errands, but do not run so fast, else you will come to an untimely end.”

“Ah !” he replied, sadly, “love feels no fatigue. But come to one who needs your counsel. My grandfather is ill, bitten by the keeper’s

Repairing at once to the scene of the disaster, I found my old friend suffering intense pain from a wound in his right foot, which he carried slung in a willow-band. His head was also bandaged with soothing leaves brought by a neighbourly Deer.

Blood still flowed, affording fresh testimony of man’s tyranny.

“My dear Magpie,” said the venerable sufferer, whose face, although grave even to sadness, had lost nothing of its original simplicity, “ our lot in this world is, at best, an unhappy one.”

“Alas!” I replied, “we encounter fresh tokens of our misery every day.”

courage.

PUBLIC AND PRIVATE LIFE OF ANIMALS.

“I know,” he continued, “that one ought always to be on one’s guard, and that the Hare is never certain to die peacefully in his form. The campaign begins badly. Here am I, perhaps blind of an eye, and certainly lamed so that a Spaniel might easily outrun me. Worse than all, I am told the shooting begins in a fortnight. I must therefore put my affairs in order, and leave the history of a short, but not uneventful life, to posterity to profit by. When mingling in the ■society of the world, one is constrained to observe a polite and prudent silence, and to disguise one’s true sentiments. But in prospect of death, brought face to face with 'the last enemy, one can never hope to win his clemency by polished lying and hypocrisy. My tale will therefore be unreserved and true. Besides, in bequeathing a valuable history to posterity there is a satisfaction in feeling that one’s influence will live, and prove a real power in the world long after the author’s death.”

I had the greatest difficulty in making him understand that I was quite of his opinion, for during his imprisonment he had become very deaf, and what rendered it still more disagreeable was that he obstinately denied being so. How many times have I not cursed the unnatural life which bereft him of hearing ! I said in a loud tone, “ It is a noble ambition to live one’s life over again in one’s works, and the history you are about to give to the world should enable you to face death calmly, as immortal fame may take the place of life. In any case, the book ought to see the light ; it can do no harm.” He then told me that his troubles had been great. The wound in his right foot had prevented his using the pen. He tried to dictate to his grandchildren, but they, poor little ones, had only learned how to eat and sleep. It had occurred to him to teach his eldest child to commit the story to memory, and thus hand it down from father to son. “ But,” he added, “ oral traditions are never trustworthy ; and as I have no desire to become a myth like the Great Buddha, or Saint Simon, I beg you will act as my amanuensis. My history would then, sir, reflect the lustre of your genius.”

Wishing to invest this, the most important and perhaps the last act of his life, with due solemnity, he retired for a few seconds. Being a learned Hare, he thought it necessary to commence with a quotation.

These two lines by Racine were splendidly rendered by the erudite speaker.

The eldest grandchild left his accustomed sport, and respectfully seated himself on his grandfather's knee. The second, who was passionately fond of stories, pricked up his ears, while the youngest sat up, prepared to divide his attention between the narrative and a •cabbage-leaf he was eating. The old Hare, seeing that I was waiting, began thus —

“My secret, my dear children, is my history. May it serve you as a lesson, for Wisdom does not come to us ; we must travel by long and tortuous ways to meet her. I am ten years old— so old, indeed, that never before, in the memory of Hares, has so long a term of life been granted to a poor animal. I was born in France, of French parents, i6

PUBLIC AND PRIVATE LIFE OF ANIMALS.

in May 1830; there, behind that oak, the finest tree in the beautiful forest of Rambouillet, on a bed of moss which my good mother had lined with her softest fur. I can still recall those beautiful nights of my infancy when simply to live was to be happy, the moonlight seemed so pure, the grass so tender, and the wild thyme and clover so fragrant. Life was to be clouded, but not without its gleams of sunshine. I was gay then, giddy and idle as you are. I had your age, your thoughtlessness, and the use of my four feet. I knew nothing of life ; I was happy, yes, happy ! in ignorance of the cruel fate that may at any moment overtake us. It was not long before I became aware that the days, as they followed each other, were only alike in duration ; some brought with them burdens of sorrow that seemed to blot out the joy from life.

“ One day, after scampering over these fields, and through the woods, I returned to sleep by my mother’s side (as a child ought to do). At daybreak I was rudely awakened by two claps of thunder, followed by the most horrible clamour. . . . My mother, at two paces from me, lay dying, assassinated ! . . . ‘ Run away,’ she cried, and expired. Her last breath was for me ! One second had taught me what a gun was in the cruel hands of man. Ah, my children ! were there no men on earth, it would be the Hares’ paradise. It is so full of riches. Its brooks are so pure, its herbs so sweet, and its mossy nooks so lovely. Who, I ask you, could be happier than a Hare, if the good God had not, for His own wise ends, permitted mail to oppress us ? But alas ! every medal has a reverse face ; evil is always side by side with good, and man by the side of the brute. Would you believe it, my dear Magpie — I have it on the best authority — that man was originally a godlike animal ? ”

“So it is said,” I replied, “and he has himself to thank for his present condition.”

“Tell me, grandfather,” said the youngest; “in the field yonder . were two little Hares with their sister, and a large bird that wanted to prevent them passing. Was that a man?”

“ Be quiet,” said her brother ; “ since it was a bird, how could it be a man ? If you want grandfather to hear, you must scream, and that will frighten the neighbours.”

“ Silence ! ” cried the old Hare, who perceived they were not listening. He then inquired, “ Where was I ? ”

“Your mother had just died, and you had fled.”

i7

“ Yes, to be sure. My poor mother, she was right; her death was only a prelude to my own suffering. It was a royal hunt that day, and a horrible carnage took place. The ground was strewn with the slain ; blood everywhere, on the grass and underwood ; branches, broken by bullets, lay scattered about ; and the flowers were trodden under foot.

B i8

PUBLIC AND PRIVATE LIFE OF ANIMALS.

Five hundred victims fell on that dreadful day. One cannot understand why men should call this sport, and enjoy it as a pastime.

“ My mother’s death was well and speedily avenged. It was a royal hunt, but it was the last ; he who held the gun, I am told, passed once more through Rambouillet, but not as a sportsman.

“I followed my mother’s advice, and, for a hare only eighteen days old, ran bravely ; yes, bravely ! If ever, my children, you are in danger, fear nothing, flee from it. It is no disgrace to retreat before superior force. Nothing annoys me more than to hear men talk of our timidity and cowardice. They ought rather to admire and imitate the tact which prompts us to use our legs, being ignorant of the use of arms. Our weakness makes the strength of boastful men and brutes.

“ I ran until I fell quite exhausted, and became insensible. When I recovered consciousness, judge of my terror ! I found myself no longer in the green fields, but shut up in a narrow prison, a closed basket. My luck had deserted me, and yet it was something to know I was still living, as it is said death is the worst of all evils, being the last. But men rarely release their prisoners. My mind therefore became a prey to bitter forebodings, as I had no notion of what might become of me. I was shaken by rough jolts, when one, more severe than the others, half-opened my prison door, and enabled me to see that the man on whose arm it was suspended was not walking, yet a rapid motion carried us along. You, who as yet have seen nothing, will find it hard to believe that my captor was mounted on a horse. It was man above, and horse beneath. I could never make out why such a strong, noble creature should, like a dog, consent to become the slave of man — to carry him to and fro, and be whipped, spurred, and abused by him. If, like the Buddhists, we were to believe in transmigration after death, it would all come right at last, and we some day, as men, would have our time of torturing animals. But the doctrine, my children, is more than doubtful. I, for one, have no faith in it.