Charlie. A waif's history, told by himself

Front matter

■ ■ ■ CHARLIE A WAIF'S HISTORY, TOLD BY HIMSELF. BY MRS. WOODWARD, author of ' mertonsville park," "edith vivian's experience of the world," "will she be happy?" "ellen clinton," "mr. faversham's new year's guest," etc., etc. IN THREE VOLUMES. VOL. III. mBmtbmt : SAMUEL TINSLEY & CO., 31, SOUTHAMPTON STREET, STRAND. iS8o. [All Rights Reserved.'] CONTENTS OF VOL. III. CHAPTER PAGE". I. BETWEEN LIFE AND DEATH - - - 1 II. ONE TAKEN AND ANOTHER LEFT - - 18 III. AN UNEXPECTED VISITOR 44 IV. A DIFFICULT PATH - - - - - 69 V. I MAKE A STRANGE AND STARTLING DIS- COVERY - 90 VI. DO YOU NOT LOVE MY DAUGHTER? - - 112 VII. THIRTY THOUSAND POUNDS - - - 140 VIII. MESSRS. SLOW AND SWIFT - - - 163 IX ANOTHER LINK IN MYSTERY'S CHAIN - 184 X. ENGAGED 205- XI. CONCLUSION - - - - - - 22 T CHARLIE. *«< CHAPTEE I. BETWEEN LIFE AND DEATH.

" 'Tis past : the great struggle is o'er, The war of my bosom subsides ; And passion's strong current no more Impels its impetuous tide." " But oh, the folly of distracted men Who griefs in earnest, joys in jest pursue !" In course of time I received answers to both the letters I had Avritten. The vicar's arrived first, and contained the very decidedly expressed opinion that it was only right and proper for me to wish to have vol. in. Charlie. the mystery of my birth cleared up ; and that during my absence from England he should consider himself authorised to act for me, and intended therefore to lose no time in laying the matter before his legal adviser, and asking his advice as to the steps which it would be advisable to take by way of obtaining the information I so earnestly desired, and setting my mind at rest on a question of such serious importance to myself.

Mr. Whitworth, on the contrary, strongly urged me to allow the matter to drop. I had no real evidence, he said, to show that this stranger was in any way personally con nected with me ; and the mere fact of the two rings being the same was not sufficient of itself to identify him as having been actually acquainted with my mother ; while as to the emotion he had betrayed at the sight of my own features, and the subsequent interest he manifested in learning my history, it might be accounted for in more ways than one, and was no positive proof that if wrong had been done he must necessarily have been a party to it. Altogether, it struck me that this reason ing was very weak and illogical ; the whole argument being nothing more or less than a sort of begging the question, quite different to anything which I should have expected from so clear-headed and intellectually minded a man as Mr. Whitworth ; and I smiled rather sadly as I laid down the long and closely Avritten epistle, feeling in spite of myself somewhat chilled and disappointed.

Chapter II. One Taken And Another Left

" Thou faileth not ! above wants, cares, and sighing, A Father's love divine, all need supplying, Us guideth still upon our homeward road, That faileth not." " Thou faileth not ! 'bove havoc, wand'ring, straying, A Shepherd's eye, once closed in death, surveying, Eestores, and comforts still, with staff and rod, That faileth not." " And there are lines not always faded, Which speak a mind not all degraded, Even by the crimes through which it waded." I do not believe I ever prayed so earnestly for any one in my life, as I did for poor Edmund Stafford, that he might be spared to repent of his wickedness, and amend his ways. It seemed so terrible to think of his being cut off just then in the very midst of his sins ; to be sent drifting, as it were, away into the darkness, Avithout a single ray of comfort or consolation, without knoAvine. even whither he was going, or being con scious that he was going at all !

The very idea made me shudder and turn pale, and urged me on to redouble my OAvn feeble efforts to see that the doctor's orders were faithfully carried out, and no means left untried which might tend ever so remotely to conduce to his ultimate recovery. Still it all seemed labour lost ; no change for the better appeared in his symptoms ; no perceptible improvement could be discerned in his condition ; and the state of semi-stupor which at length took the place of his previous wild and incoherent ravings, so far from being a hopeful sign, was, the doctor informed me, rather indicative he feared that the end Avas drawing near, so utterly weakened and pro strated had he become, with no apparent 34—2 Charlie. power of rallying, no capability of shaking off an attack Avhich had already lasted far longer than his previous ones, and was marked, moreover, by the gravest and most discouraging features, which rendered the case in consequence a very critical and complicated one.

One memorable night — how vividly even yet I can recall the scene ! — I prepared to keep my lonely watch, with the doctor's significant words ringing in my ears : " You must not be astonished if he should pass away without any return to conscious ness, as it not unfrequently happens that this sort of stupor terminates in death." Was it indeed so . I sadly asked myself, as I fixed my eyes Avith mournful wistfulness upon the still white face ; should I never again receive from him a single glance of recognition, or hear him utter one sensible or coherent word ? Oh ! it Avas very hard to realise ! very dark and mysterious ! Alto gether I felt just then as if I was passing through a sort of hideous nightmare : a dread ful terror oppressed me, strangely mingled with an infinite pity, a deep and intense yearning after the soul of this poor unconscious self-destroyer ; and at last the whirl of contradictory emotions became so great and unendurable, that I gave utterance to an irrepressible groan, and sinking on my knees, tried to calm and tranquillise my perturbed and restless spirit by holding a brief period of communion Avith One who is at all times touched with the feeling of our infirmities, and ever ready to hold out a comforting and sustaining hand when He sees our faith waver and our spirits fail.

And what a privilege it is to be thus able, at any moment, to take advantage of the sure word of promise, and cast our cares, be they many or few, great or small, relating to our OAvn affairs or those of others, upon Him, the gracious burden-bearer, the brother born for adversity, and feel and knoAV, not as a vague, far-away possibility, a doubtful problem Avhich has never yet been solved, but a sure and certain reality that He does hear, and save, and help ! That coming to Him weak, He makes us strong; empty. Charlie. 22 He fills us with His own peace ; sorroAvful and in tears, He sends us away with a smile upon our lips and a song in our hearts. Ah, yes, dear reader, it is well worth trying the experiment sometimes, just as I did that night, when half distracted with grief, and temptation, and doubt, and despair I cast myself at His feet, and tried to show Him all that Avas in my heart.

And presently the darkness disappeared, the mental chaos subsided, and with a sort of new-born hopefulness I suddenly remembered the oft-repeated saying : ' Man's extremity is God's opportunity,' and proceeded forthwith to plead with trembling earnestness for my poor friend's life. Almost without being aAvare of the fact, I spoke aloud — forgetting in the excitement of the moment that I Avas not alone — but I could never afterwards recollect the words I used, neither could I tell how long I remained absorbed in this solemn exercise. I think, however, it must have been a con siderable time, judging from the feeling of faintness and exhaustion Avhich came over me when I at length rose from my knees, and mechanically took possession of my old seat near the bed, without once glancing toAvards its motionless occupant.

Scarcely had I seated myself Avhen I started up again in the Avildest amazement ; all my Aveakness and prostration lost sight of in the exquisite thrill of pleasure Avhich agitated my frame, on hearing a low but perfectly distinct voice pronounce my name ! And, as I eagerly bent over the wasted form, I met poor Edmund's eyes fixed full upon me, Avhile a glimmering smile flickered over the pale face, and he feebly put out his hand, as if with the intention of grasping one of mine, and murmured, quite consciously : " You dear old fellow !" " Hush !" I said, scarcely able to restrain my emotion, and yet realising most intensely the danger of saying or doing anything to agitate or excite him ; " you must not attempt to talk yet. Just drink this," and I brought forward a cup containing some nourishing decoction which had been recom mended by the doctor ; " it will do you good."

Charlie. 24 I put it to his lips as I spoke, and without another word he obeyed me, and a few minutes later he had fallen into a deep sleep, from which he did not awaken until the morning was far advanced. " Can this be the beginning of the end ." I mused, a sudden reaction from hope to fear coming across me as I watched this lengthened slumber, and remembered Avhat Dr. Elmslie had said about the probability of his passing signlessly away. But no ! the breathing became regular and natural, and by degrees the poor wan face assumed a less statuesque and deathlike ex pression, so that I gradually shook off my mis givings, and maintained my watchful post at his side, ready to respond to any further gleam of consciousness on his part, and administer a fresh supply of nourishment the very moment he should again be in a position to receive it.

When he did at last reopen his eyes, a very cursory examination served to show me that he was perfectly sensible. For hours he made no attempt to speak, but lay back on his pillow weak and feeble as an infant. Still, I had every reason to hope that the crisis had been safely passed, and a flood of the deepest thankfulness poured into my heart Avhen the doctor subsequently confirmed me in this opinion. " There is a very decided improvement," he observed, in his grave, thoughtful tones, as I folloAved him out of the room at the close of his visit, and eagerly asked him Avhat he thought of his patient ; " and if he has no relapse he will do Avell. Still, you must exercise the greatest care, you know," he added, in a cautionary manner, " as any return of the unfavourable symptoms would be fatal."

" You scarcely expected him to recover ?" I remarked, rather hesitatingly. " Expected !" he replied, Avith a curious little smile. " Well, no ! far from it. I should not haA^e been in the least surprised if I had found him gone this morning." " God is very good !" I murmured reve rently. Dr. Elmslie looked scrutinisingly at me as Charlie. 26 I said this, opened his lips as if about to make some rejoinder, then closed them again, and with an abrupt movement of the head, intended for a parting salute, he Avent on his Avay, leaving me to pursue my reflections in silence and alone. The first thing I did after his departure Avas to seek the privacy of my own apart ment, where I remained for a little while offering up my grateful thanks for the wonderful mercy which had been vouch safed to my poor erring friend.

Then I once more returned to Mr. Staf ford's room, and made arrangements Avith Clarkson, the valet, to remain on duty for the next few hours, giving him full instruc tions as to the precise manner in which the invalid must be treated in the meanwhile, and finally I Avent to obtain a brief period of much-needed repose. Mind and body had both been sadly over taxed of late, and I had sometimes feared lest the strain Avould prove too much for me, and I should find myself laid up with some unfortunate illness, which would oblige me, in spite of my wishes to the contrary, to re linquish my close attendance upon my sick friend. Now, thank God, the worst was over ! and my own relief Avas so profound, my pleasure so unfeigned and intense, that I felt already quite a neAv man. All my past anxieties, and the terrible ordeal I had lately gone through, the long-protracted period of agonising suspense, Avere, not exactly for gotten, but suddenly merged in a great and overwhelming sense of freedom and inexpres sible thankfulness.

No gloomy forebodings with regard to the future came to damp my present joy ! I somehow took it for granted that the matter had been transferred into wiser hands than mine, and in any case I had firmly resolved that directly Edmund Stafford should be sufficiently convalescent to enable him to return to England and enter upon his new duties as his father's successor, my OAvn con nection Avith him should terminate. All that man could do, by Avay of trying to keep him out of the reach of temptation, Charlie. 28 I had done ; my mission, therefore, was so far ended, and from henceforth his prospects would be entirely changed ; and Avith fresh pursuits and new engagements, his estate to manage, tenants to look after, and numerous country occupations to engross his time and attention, he would have a very good opportunity afforded him of starting afresh ; and if not — if this last solemn warning should be unheeded and disregarded, there would, I instinctively knew, be no remaining chance for him, no hope of repentance or reformation, as his already broken constitution must in evitably succumb to another similar attack to that from Avhich he had been so mercifully and miraculously rescued.

For several succeeding days he con tinued in a very weak and enfeebled con dition, and his progress towards recovery was, as might naturally be expected, exceedingly slow. Still he did improve ; and by-and-by Avas permitted to leave his bed, and essay his strength by taking a few uncertain turns up and down the room. One thing surprised me, hoAvever. He seemed for a considerable time so wrapt up in his OAvn thoughts, that I had a good deal of difficulty in getting him to respond even to the most trifling and commonplace remarks ; Avhile as for starting a conversation himself, or appearing to be interested in any thing that Avas going on around him, he might have been both blind and dumb for all the apparent notice he took either of my doings, or those of any other person. Sometimes I wondered Avhether this peculiar taciturnity on his part — -so totally different to his old state of effervescing gaiety and love of talking — Avas indicative of some unusual mental disquietude, and I watched him rather anxiously, not quite liking to force his confidence, as it Avere, by introducing the subject of my own accord, and yet wishful, if I could do so without arousing his sus picions, to discover what it was which had produced so apparently a depressing effect upon him, and made him so preternaturally absent and distrait — so grave, preoccupied, and silent, and reserved.

Charlie. As it was part of my duty to open and read his letters, and in most cases to answer them, I had used my own discretion in replying to the telegram announcing Sir Stafford's dangerous illness, and urging him to lose no time in returning to England. I did not communicate direct either with Lady Stafford or her daughters, having no particular faith in their wisdom and discern ment, but addressed myself to the family doctor, a man whom I knew and respected greatly, and Avho was, I was well aware, entirely in the baronet's confidence, and fully acquainted with all his misguided son's errors and vices. At first I merely informed him that illness prevented Mr. Stafford from immediately setting out, and promised to write particulars by post — which I subsequently did, and received by return the melancholy news of the dear old man's death, accompanied by a kind and sympathising letter from his medical friend, heartily approving of the cautionary measures I had adopted, and telling me that he had allowed Sir Stafford to suppose that his errant son was already on his way home, in obedience to his latest request.

And in this faith he actually passed away. None of these particulars had I as yet made Mr. Stafford — now, of course, Sir Edmund — acquainted Avith, as I feared what effect the blow might have upon him while he remained in his present moody and dejected state. Still, I was very uneasy at having to act toAvards him with such Avant of candour, especially as I could not be at all sure that some untoward circumstance might not suddenly arise, and reveal the truth to him without any preparation or Avarning — a contingency which I was most anxious to avoid. Every day I rose from my bed with the full determination that before the evening should have arrived I Avould certainly break the mournful intelligence to him ; but it invariably happened that something or other in his own manner, some added shade of Charlie. gloom or reserve, some impatient mono syllabic response to the first prelusive words I spoke on the subject, shook my resolve, and made me put off the unpleasant task for a short time longer, until he should appear in a more suitable frame of mind to listen to me.

As a rule, he never cared to trouble himself personally with anything in the shape of cor respondence. His letters, therefore, were very easily disposed of, otherwise he might soon have gathered from them Avhat had happened, without any intervention on my part, as all kinds of business communications were every day reaching him, and not unfrequently I found myself puzzled to know how to treat them Avithout consulting him on the sub ject. At last, however, I was constrained to speak out, and this is how I did it. All my efforts to rouse him, and awaken his curiosity had failed ; every attempt I made to lead the way gradually to the serious topic of his father's death had been hitherto frustrated, and my quiet hints that directly he felt One Taken and Another Lest. 33 strong enough to give me his attention I wanted to bring forward certain important subjects for his consideration, met by the short remark that he could not be bothered just then with anything in the shape of business ; the only course, therefore, Avhich seemed open to me was to come to the point at once, and tell him frankly precisely Avhat I meant.

Accordingly, I plunged one morning boldly into the subject, by saying, significantly : " I have bad news for you, Edmund ; are you able to bear it ." " Bad news ." he repeated, somewhat absently ; " what do you mean ¥' "Simply this, my dear fellow," I answered, trying to keep my own voice as steady as possible, " your father was taken ill about the same time as yourself." " My father ." he exclaimed, rousing him self, and gazing at me with a neAvly awakened expression of interest. " Yes ; I am so sorry," I went on, slowly and sorrowfully. vol. in. Charlie. 34 " It's nothing very important, I hope ." he remarked, rather uneasily. I shook my head as I responded, in a low meaning tone : " Indeed, I'm afraid so ; in fact, to tell you the plain truth, there's no hope." " No hope !" gasped out my companion, turning deadly pale.

" Oh, Charlie ! you never mean to tell me that he's really gone ?" and he looked searchingly into my face. I bowTed my head assentingly, but made no verbal answer to this plain question, and the next moment the poor fellow's eyes were hidden, and something like a sob broke from his pale lips. " My dear felloAv ! I'm so grieved for you," I observed, after a while, laying my hand sympathetically upon his shoulder ; " I did not like to tell you, but it was really needful that you should know." "Yes, yes," he hurriedly responded, "of course ! 1 understand ! only it is so hard," here his lip quivered, and the thin white face grew a shade more ghastly ; " now, too, when I thought, I hoped, I might be a comfort to him, instead of " He paused abruptly, and covered his face with his hands ; and I could see that every feature was quivering Avith agitation.

" It's very sad, no doubt," I soothingly remarked, after allowing him to remain undisturbed for a few minutes ; " but, sooner or later, we have all to go through something of the kind " " Tell me, Charlie," here he suddenly started up, and seized my Avrist Avith by no means a gentle grasp, " did he knoAV of this last attack — did it hasten his end ?" " No, oh no," I energetically assured him ; " far from it ! he fancied, indeed, that you were on your Avay home." " Thank God for that !" and he flung him self wearily back in his chair, and once more closed his eyes. Presently he spoke again, in a low sub dued voice : " Poor father ! I have never been any thing but a trouble and a curse to him ; and noAv, just when I was hoping I might be 35—2 Charlie. some little comfort for the future, he is suddenly taken away from me ; how do you make that out, Charlie ."

" I cannot pretend to explain it," I replied, amazed and relieved at hearing him thus indirectly hinting at his own future refor mation ; "all we have to do is to submit to God's mysterious dispensations, and try to believe that He knows best." " Oh, it is easy for you to talk," he cried, Avith a sudden paroxysm of passionate grief, " you who have never done anything to be ashamed of." " You are mistaken," I emphatically re joined, " I have done a thousand things, of which I am heartily ashamed." " But not like me," was the gloomy retort, while the slight form writhed in a sort of spasmodic anguish. " Oh, I would give the Avorld, if I could only live my life over again." This, then, was the secret of his late depression ! this the cause of his silence and gloom ! Ah ! how my heart yearned over him as be thus spoke, showing that his long-blinded eyes were opened at last to a sense of his OAvn sinfulness.

" The past is no longer ours," I answered encouragingly, " but there is the present and the future ; and if it is true that Ave always may be Avhat we might haA-e been " " But it's not true," he broke in hoarsely ; " Avould to God it were ! How is it possible for my sullied life ever to be made pure and clean ? — how can my shattered constitution ever be repaired . and how can I get back that peace of mind Avhich might still have been mine, had I not allowed myself to become so deeply entangled in the meshes of evil ?" " We must of course up to a certain extent expect to reap as we have sown," I admitted ; « still " " I have been thinking it all over," inter rupted my companion, without even appearing to listen to my Avords, " ever since that night — do you remember it ? — Avhen I suddenly came out of my stupor and heard you praying for me.

Never before had I realised the enormity of my guilt or the extent of Charlie. 38 my danger. Now I can do both ; and oh, Charlie, you don't know how miserable I am ! Even if I do turn over a new leaf, as you have been always urging me to do, there will be the old blurred and blotted pages continu ally staring me in the face." " But you need not trouble about that," I eagerly explained ; " God says He will not remember our former sins ; and if He for gets, that is everything. It doesn't hurt us I think, to remember, sometimes, Avhat we have been, and what Ave ought to have been, as it helps to keep us humble." " Humble ?" he repeated, in accents of utter heart-brokenness ; " ah, you don't know how I hate myself! how bitter and remorse ful I feel Avhenever I reflect upon my own wasted — and far Avorse than wasted — life.

If my father only had been spared," he went on mournfully, " I might have tried to make up to him in some slight measure for all the pain and anxiety I have caused him ; but in telling me of his death you have taken my last hope from me." Here he covered his face with his hands, and almost groaned in the bitterness of his spirit. " You have lost a kind and loving father, it is true," I observed after a while ; " but is not God far kinder and more loving . and have you not sinned against Him to a far greater extent than you ever did against any mere human being ?" " Ah, yes, I know Avhat you mean," he answered dejectedly ; " but that very fact of itself makes my own case all the more hopeless. If my poor father had lived, he might have forgiven me, but " A melancholy shake of the head filled up the sentence.

" Is God less merciful than man ." I asked, in a low suggestive tone. He started slightly, and looked at me Avith a sudden intelligent flash, just as if he under stood the inference I Avanted him to draw, and would fain take comfort in the thought if he only dared. At length he said, slowly and question ingly : " How could I have the presumption to Charlie. 40 expect Him to forgive, after all my aggravated offences ? the only wonder is that He has allowed me to go on so long unpunished." "Ah, yes!" I assented; "He knew that sooner or later you Avould repent, and so He spared you." " Do you really think that ?" asked my friend, in an eager anxious voice ; " isn't it too late ." " Too late — no !" 1 fervently responded. " Why did He raise you up from the gates of death, except to shoAV you that Avhat He had done for your poor [body, He Avas able and willing also to do for your soul . and more, far more," I added earnestly, " for the body must sooner or later die, but a saved soul means everything which we could Avish or desire, both for time and eternity."

" Oh, if I could only feel that He Avould forgive," was the agitated reply; "it seems too much to expect after all these years of folly and sin ; I don't deserve anything but condemnation and punishment !" "If we only had our deserts we should none of us be saved," I reminded him ; " but we are distinctly told in the Bible that Christ came to bring not the righteous, but sinners to repentance ; and often, those who are forgiven much, love and serve the more." I fancied this gave him a little encourage ment, but he did not pursue the subject further just then, neither did I. He had said quite enough to satisfy me that he was thoroughly in earnest in thus deploring his past life of reckless dissipation. Never before had I seen him in this contrite and repentant frame of mind ; for, though he had on several previous occasions given way to spasmodic fits of penitence, and even gone the length sometimes of faithfully promising to give up his evil habits, he had been actuated by none of the deep humility and self-accusing regret which at present charac terised him, and when he did chance to con fess himself in the wrong, it was done in so careless and defiant a manner, that it almost seemed as if he was inclined to take credit to himself for the admission, and instead of being really ashamed of his conduct, felt Charlie. 42 rather as if he ought on the whole to be proud of it.

I do not mean to infer that he had been entirely free from certain seasons of gloom and depression, during which he had taken the darkest and most doleful view of his own condition ; but there had on these rare occasions been no sense of personal guilt, only a kind of morbid reactionary movement taking temporary possession of body and mind after some unusually exciting period of so-called pleasure and feverishly stimulating amuse ments. The cases, therefore, were not in any wise similar ; and as I compared the past with the present, as I witnessed the growing serious ness of my erewhile frivolous companion's manner, and noted the humble, yet withal resolute spirit which he manifested, and the anxiety AAuth Avhich he sought to break off all those pernicious habits which had so long and tenaciously clung to him, until they had become quite a second nature, I thanked God and took courage, nothing doubting that the Avork of reformation Avhich had so evidently been begun Avould go on and in crease, until he might be able with truth and sincerity to say : " Old things have passed away ; all things are become neAv." Charlie. 44