Charles Random: or Lunatics at large

Front matter

VOL. I. London : A. and G. A. Spottiswoode, New-street-Square. ; OK, LUNATICS AT LARGE. BY T H 0 M A S WHITE. " Quid loquor ? aut ubi sum ? quæ mentem insania mutat ? " Vibg. IN THREE VOLUMES. VOL. I. LONDON: LONGMAN, BROWN, GREEN, AND LONGMANS. 1855. TO THE RIGHT HONOURABLE VISCOUNT MAHON. AIy Lord, I beg to express my sense of the honour which you have done me, by permitting me to dedicate these volumes to your Lordship. Without involving your literary taste in whatever fate may befal them, I feel that they cannot come before the public Avith greater advantage, than under the sanction of a name so distinguished as your Lordship's in tbe literature of our country. I have the honour to be, My Lord, Your Lordship's obedient and humble servant, THE AUTHOR VOL. I. a

Introduction

. Dean Swift, in an article entitled " Alad men made useful," laments the loss of talent Avhich the world suffers by the incarceration of lunatics. Taking his reader to Bedlam, he points in succession to various characters who are, by their madness, peculiarly fitted to fill im portant offices in society. Here is your lawyer, — there your soldier ; this is a patriot, — that a statesman. But he does not introduce him to a lover ; judging, perhaps, that when a man, though at large, enacts that character, he becomes sufficiently mad for the purpose. introduction. VIII Now my own experience corroborates this opinion. From what I have felt in myself and seen in others I conclude that love is madness ; and the critics, who may read this work, will, I am sure, confirm the alternative in its title : they Avill allow that I have justly described my lovers as "lunatics at large." C. R. Dogwasb, October, 1854.

Chapter I

All father, Sir John Random, Bart., had one son too many, and fate maliciously made me the supernumerary. The family estate was so much encumbered, that it was deemed necessary to provide for my eldest brother, Jack, in the army. George took the family living ; Tracey became a barrister ; Harry Avent to sea ; and poor I opened my eyes in search of a fifth profession. The judicious reader Avill understand that I was the pet, Avhen I tell him, that I was allowed to reach the mature age of eighteen before any thought Avas taken as to how I should VOL. 1. B be placed in life. To my education at a public school I owe it, that the insane indulgence of my parents did not entirely unfit me for the battle of life. There I soon found my level, and learned to depend upon myself. Yet there is one fault in such establishments.

The reAATards are generally bestowed on merit, irrespective of connections, a custom which, having no existence in the outer Avorld, tends to prepare young gentlemen for many disappointments Avhen they leave the scholastic roof. The o-ood people who are endeavouring to assimilate our educational establishments to the wants of the present age will, perhaps, take this fact into their serious consideration. By the help of a little talent I made my way at Eton very satisfactorily, until I reached the ripe age of sixteen years, but having by that time learnt quite enough, I insisted upon leaving. For two years I was permitted to occupy myself exc'usively with field sports, under the admiring eye of my fond father, himself a mighty hunter. At the end of that time the Sikh war broke out, and opened to my view a career of glory and quick promotion.

It was in vain that my father told me that all his in terest had been expended upon Jack. " Look at me at Eton, father, I" " 'Tis very different in the army, my boy." " But in time of war they could not keep me back, if I distinguished myself. Father, I must and will go out, and, if you Avon't buy me a commission, I'll en list as a private." Aly mother's fears for my safety were a greater obstacle to the enjoyment of my whim, than my father's good sense ; but I triumphed at last, and was sent off to seek my fortune under the rising sun. B Throughout that bloody contest I sought promotion wherever danger mocked me Avith its promise, but I soon learned that even in actual wrarfare, interest Avas still supreme. I saw men, Avho had barely sufficient pluck to carry themselves de cently in the hour of danger, contrive to step over me when the fighting was done, by the poAver of family connection.

I received six wounds, and was re- Avarded with three medals ; but, though my name Avas honourably mentioned, promotion came not. I found myself, at the end of the war, in the same position I occupied at its commencement ; judging, therefore, that I might get my troop and the liver complaint in the course of twenty years, I sold out and returned home. 1 now took to reading Swift, and called the world a " sham." This Avas so clear an indication of clerical talent, that my parents yielded to my desire of entering the Church. I went to Cambridge, took a good degree, and was "japanned" on the strength of a curacy, value fifty pounds per annum. " Charley," said my father, as Ave Avere assembled at breakfast, on the morning of my departure for the scene of my future labours, " you have noAV entered a service Avhence there is no selling out, so you must stick to your profession, and go in for a bishopric."

" I hope," said my sister Charlotte, aged sixteen, " that vour reverence won't wear ' a horrid bob Avig ' when you become a lord spiritual ; a bishop in curls and whiskers would be such a novelty." " Ah ! but," said Jack, who, Avith Tracey, was a visitor at the hall, " it has been arranged by the bishop, that Charley shall dock both hair and B whiskers before he enters upon duty, lest he should drive all the ladies mad." " I hope he will," said she. " Aiind what I say, Charley, Lady Helen Courtley, whom Captain Harper Avas telling us about, is to fall in love with you, and you are to marry her." " Don't talk such nonsense, Charlotte," said my mother. " Your brother can't hope for such an alliance, but it would be a very suitable match ; he " " But, mother," said Jack, " would it not be almost throwing himself away, with his brilliant prospects, — fifty pounds a year, paid quarterly ?

" " Hold your tongue, Jack. What I was going to say is this, make a good match, if you can, but don't let any pretty face lead you into marriage, unless she is provided with fortune." " Have it in evidence," said Tracey, " that her property is not confined to her crochet needles, and " " That she goes Avell in harness," added Jack, " quiet to ride or drive." " You be hanged," said I ; "no doubt it is fine " " Come, my boy," said the governor, " leave these scoffers to the stinsrs of their own consciences ; I want a word with you before you go." I followed him into the library, and, as he took his arm chair, I noticed a very unusual degree of seriousness in his manner. " It is a great source of grief to me," said my father, " that you have not had the same opportunities as your brothers, but, under the circumstances, I don't know that I could have done more for you.

I could not, remembering the an tiquity of my family, — I could not, I say, bring you up to trade. It may be a B foolish pride, but it seems to me a duty, incumbent on every gentleman, to extend, as far as possible, the influence of the aristocracy. This can never be done by sending our sons into the commercial Avorld ; such a course is to raise up foes from among our own household. I " " Yes, father, yes. I am quite cognisant of your views on this subject." " I think you were Avrong in leaving the army, because you Avill find all pro fessions the same ; and now that you are in the Church, I must warn you against nourishing expectations of preferment from your OAvn unaided talents. Your mother's hint was based in real wisdom. Try and find your fortune in matrimony ; it is certainly the only trump in your hand.

I'm not very fond of thinking of unpleasant things, much less of talking about them, but it is my duty to tell you that the estate is heavily incumbered, so much so, that I can scarcely keep the creditors at bay. Here are fifty pounds, and, as you love me, don't draw upon me oftener than you can help." " Father," said I, " I know I have not done Avell" " Let bygones be bygones, Charley. I am not reproaching you. We will look forward " " So we will, father, and Avhen I next come to you about money, it shall be to assist, not " " God bless you, my boy," cried he, bursting into tears. " God bless you, Charley." I had heard my father sing many a time, and a jolly round voice he had ; I seldom missed his laugh, but to have fancied him in tears Avould have ap peared a mere wantonness of imagination : he Avas the most jovial of baronets.

I felt exceedingly shocked, and I believe B blubbered too. I did more and better ; I determined to relieve him from any further expense on my account, voAving to myself that I would live on bread and Avater rather than add to his diffi culties. Late in the day the coach stopped at the principal inn in Oldborough. The house looked pleasant, and the larder, a prominent object, appeared well stocked. The landlord bustled forward with a smile of welcome, and did all in his poAver to lure me in. I was, however, inexorable. I was going to the vicar's, and should most probably stay there. I thought at the time he seemed consoled. I found the vicar in bed, and occupied with a large account-book. " Good morning, Air. Random. You find me a poor invalid." I expressed my concern, and took a seat by his bedside.

" My extreme Aveakness renders me unequal to conversation. I must say, in a few words, that I trust everything to you, and I am sure, from your testi monials, you will do all that is right and proper. Aly housekeeper has engaged rooms for you at Airs. Teacrib's. She is a respectable person, wife of the clerk. Should anything happen affecting the rights of the living, which I now hold rather for the benefit of my successors than myself, you will, of course, put yourself in immediate communication Avith me. With this exception, I leave everything to your judgment (I was four and-twenty years of age, as he kneAv), and your own feelings will, I am sure, prompt you to relieve me from those anxieties to which my strength is totally unequal." So saying, he rang his bell, and, having squeezed my hand with tAvo fingers, he delivered me into the charge B of his housekeeper, who ushered me down stairs and out of the house.

This Avorthy gentleman, Avho received eight hundred a year, was able to sup port himself and a housekeeper, and give his curate, on whom the wdiole duty devolved, the munificent stipend I have already named. Crestfallen and savage I returned to the inn, and I am sure the host exchanged glances with the Avaiter, Avhen I intimated my intention of taking up my abode there for the night. A good dinner soon restored me, and, as I wished to learn something of the place, I invited Boniface to take a glass of Avine with me. His information, condensed, amounted to this: The town was wealthy and populous, surrounded by gentlemen's seats, and blest, or otherwise, by a cavalry barrack. The parish church had been served for years by journeymen curates, the vicar having been an invalid during the greater part of his incumbency.

He Avas described as a marvel of avarice. There Avas also a district church, pre sided over by a very popular man, to Avhom all the Ioav churchmen looked up. Politics Avere a fruitful source of dis turbance, whenever religious dissensions Avere partially hushed, so that bones of contention were never AA^anting in this happy place. Here, and under the circumstances related, I sat down to make my fortune. The first step, of course, was to re commend myself as a preacher ; but, having tried in vain to produce a sermon, Avith any pretensions, of the sort I had been in the habit of hearing, I ventured to give an opinion of the world in my own style. When 1 first mounted the pulpit there was a general rustle of expectation. Some looked curiously to detect the tremor consequent on a first ap pearance, but I had faced the Sikh horse men, and was not particularly frightened.

I took my text from Jotham's parable, recorded in the book of Judges, — "The trees went forth on a time to anoint a king over them." I must confess I had selected this passage because it left room for wondering what the sermon Avould be about. As I anticipated, they all pricked up their ears to hear, and I proceeded to inform them, in my own offhand way, that they, like the trees of the parable, were trusting their hopes and their fears to the shade of a bramble, while the cedars of Lebanon spread their branches in vain ! After twenty minutes had been spent in the amiable endeavour to render them uneasy, I brought my harangue to a close, and retired to the vestry. Here I held a levee for the benefit of the principal inhabitants, each Avhom tendered his advice. One re commended me to preach down Evan gelicalism, another Puseyism, another Deism, another Socialism, until my brain was filled with a perfect chaos of "isms."

They all complimented me on my sermon, for each naturally considered it peculiarly adapted to his neigh bour. Aly landlady informed me, after my return home, that Mrs. Col. Grub, a great authority, had pronounced it to be clever, sparkling and pickant. I at once became popular, not more on account of my eloquence, than the fact of my being well-connected, young and unmarried. It rained invitations ; the cards that were left at my lodging would have rebuilt the Pavilion at Brighton. I was so pleased with the position I had thus obtained, that I Avrote home to thank my parents for having permitted me to try the Church, which was, as I averred, the only profession in Avhich a man of sense could be happy. I told them of all my glory, — the kindness of the ladies, the civility of the gentlemen, the respect of the poor ; I described the pic-nics, the flower-shoAvs, the archery meetings, the dinner parties, the soirees and the balls.

I really think I was quite happy for a month. But, alas ! that the cup of life, even in the hand of a fifty pounds curate, should contain the inevi table bitter. I found, to my consternation that I was getting into debt. The vicar, referring everything to me, turned a deaf ear to all applications, and, if I ventured to beg a subscription, he invariably pleaded the multitude of demands on his purse — from whom he did not think it necessary to mention. By this means I was often compelled to relieve, from my own slender purse, many of the sad cases want that were continually coining under my notice. Day after day I thought of my father, and determined to put a stop to my almsgiving, and every shilling extracted by some pitiful tale was to be positively the last. But the poorer I became the more compassionate I grew, till, at last, it Avould have required a princely fortune to have prevented my relieving every miserable object that crossed my path.

Aleanwhile, like other generous souls, I had neglected to pay my bills. They came in at the end of three months, and were duly folded and indorsed. That was not, perhaps, doing much towards their liquidation, but it was all I could do. For a Aveek I was in pur gatory. No invitations came, and I was conscious that every one was discussing the fact, so disgraceful in a clergyman, that I could not pay my debts. I even dreaded lest I should be turned out of my lodgings ; but Airs. Teacrib had not yet given way to despair. One crumb of hope remained; — I had em ployed myself upon a novel, and the manuscript had been transmitted to my brother, with directions to offer the copy right for sale. But Saturday-morning's post brought a letter that swept away this my last hope ; the work had been offered to each of the principal publishers in turn, and had been unanimously rejected by all.

Poor heart ! poor heart ! how near to breaking wert thou on that me morable morning ; but thou wert a stout piece of leather, and survived to bear many a hard strain. Though it was summer I was shivering with cold, yet I dared not ask Airs. Teacrib to light a fire, lest she should ask me for the rent. I would not apply to my natural father, and had not yet learned to seek Him who was in hea\-en. I sat down to compose my sermon for the morroAV, and from the depths of my oavii misery I Avrote of human woe. If the composition were clever, it Avas certainly neither sparkling nor pickant; and more than once during its delivery I caught myself illustrating my sombre views by an unmistakeable sigh. The men looked seriously savage j but women are always pitiful, unless you have Avounded their vanity.

The family of the Earl of Oldboro' usually sat far back in their private gallery, but on this occasion, I observed a young lady come and take her seat in the front, shortly after the commencement of the sermon. She was amazingly beautiful, but Avith an expression of pride in her countenance almost repulsive. It was the Lady Helen Courtley, Avhom my sister expected to fall in love with me. The rest of the day was too busy to admit of grief; I was christening and burying till evening, and then I Avas called upon to visit a poor woman, who was said to be dying in Paradise-lane, a locality inhabited by the outcasts of society. With a heavy heart I repaired to the house of mourning. House of mourning ! Alas ! how many houses of mourning did I see in that Paradise-lane ! Every house Avas a house of mourning.

True, there Avas no weeping ; but it was because the misery of its inhabitants was deeper than the fount of tears. True there was laughter ; but it was the laughter of those Avho had become so tho roughly imbued Avith misery, that every act became alike its index. In a room destitute of furniture, on a heap of straw, lay a father dead and a mother dying, while a fair young girl, a lady, though in rags, knelt by the miserable pallet, gently chafing that mother's breast. They were not alone. Air. Alason, the town missionary employed by the dissenters, had already come to their assistance. He was a man of middle age, attired in a shabby, semi clerical costume. His features were square ; his face pale, Avith an expression of enthusiasm which repelled familiarity. " I have sent to the relieving officer," said he ; " but it is an urgent case, and admits of no delay.

This woman is sinking from Avant and exposure. It appears they have been on the tramp for a fortnight, and, being unable to proceed, found refuge here yesterday at noon. They are entirely destitute, and," he added, in an under tone, and pointing to the girl, " one can only wonder Iioav she, Avith her gentle nurture, has been able to bear up ! " " Had I not better go for a doctor ? " I asked. " There is only one who would come, and he, I know, is from home, beside the parish doctor, Avho must haAre an order before you can make him stir. No. I have some experience in these cases, and have already administered stimulants." I smelt the ether, and I noticed that the girl frequently suspended her rubbing to administer tea-spoonfuls of brandy and water, from a pocket-flask. " I want now blankets and hot-water bottles, and presently a little arrow-root."

" Well, I'll get whatever you want. Where's a likely place in this vile rookery ? " " There's a public house just above ; but perhaps I'd better go," said he, feeling the woman's pulse, and preparing to reassume his coat, which he had spread over her. " Nonsense, my dear sir, I'll go.'' And I started. The public house was soon found. It was a blaze of light, and sent forth a confused uproar. There were music and dancing, oaths and screams, and laughter. Bullies croAvded the doorway, and a mob of soldiers, shop-boys, young farmers seeing life and courting death, filled the interior. In one room dancing was going forward to the music of a French organ ; in another was a party of nigger melo dists, braying in chorus to a delighted company. Well might they listen to the rapid rattle of the " bones," there was rottenness in their own.

Through this crowd I pushed my way, half-suffocated by the fumes of tobacco and spirits, which filled the entire building, and, ad dressing a hideous hag within the bar, I said, " I am the clergyman of this parish." Here a shout from the people, who were crowding round me, drowned my voice. The woman in the bar paused in the act of draAving a glass of gin, and peered at me with her blood-shot eyes. " What do you want, sir ? " said she. I explained my want and its cause. She replied curtly, that she had no blankets to spare ; that the house Avas full, and she could not attend to me. I must do the others tbe justice to say, that, when they heard my story, their insolence ceased, and AAras changed to looks of sympathy. One of them folloAved me out, and returned me my Avatch. Paradise-lane was a long row of dila pidated cottages facing the common, with the barracks at one end and the London road crossing the other ; the public house reared its head aloft, in the centre, like the evil genius of the place.

I remembered that there were some respectable houses in the London road, not far from the top of this lane, and thither I bent my steps. I soon found tAvo pretty cottages, standing to gether ; but they looked too respectable to lend blankets for a pauper's cleathbed. I hesitated, Avith my hand on the gate of the first. " They can but refuse," said I, as I entered the garden. The house door was open, and at it stood a girl whom Raphael would have loved to paint. She was elegantly attired in evening dress, showing bare arms and shoulders, and Avore jauntily on one side of her head a velvet riding-hat and feather. As I approached, a small spaniel, who was nestled in her arms, sprang at me, with an amiable disposi tion to bite. " Down, Dido, down," said a most musical voice. " What is your pleasure, sir ?

Aly dog thinks you an intruder." For a moment I looked at her in silence. She was eminently beautiful; but the vol. i. c absorbing attraction was her person ; it was the line of beauty fully developed. She was of the middle height, and proba bly about eighteen. The large, rounded arms, tapered to diminutive hands, Avhich might have served a sculptor for models ; the throat was massive, the shoulders sloping, and the bust full ; and, as she stood, with one tiny foot coquettishly displayed, heel and toe, before the other, you saw the high-arched instep, and the neatly-turned ancle, and imagined Iioav gracefully she Avould dance. Her complexion was delicate, fair and ruddy ; she had round, laughing, blue eyes with long silken lashes, finely pencilled eye brows, a slightly Roman nose, and a delicious mouth.

Her rich broAvn hair hung in heavy masses upon her neck and shoulders, as if lately released from combs and pins. Her forehead was good, and showed that, though beautiful, she Avas no fool. The suspicion of a frown upon her brow contrasted pleasantly with her merry eyes, and gave a decided character to her face. "I have taken the liberty," said I, pulling off my hat " Why ! 'tis our parson," said she, surprise and pleasure dancing in her blue orbs. " Aly dear young lady " " Pray come inside, Air. Random, this is an honour I did not expect." " I hope you won't think my visit an impertinent intrusion, but" " Not at all ; it is very agreeable ; but I must foreAvarn you not to speak any language but that of praise ; I have such a good opinion of myself." " I don't need the caution, I assure you ; but my coming was entirely a ■" Here my vocabulary got into c disorder, and I felt that I Avas blushing to the tips of my ears.

" You need not be alarmed," said she, showing her white teeth. "I'm not at all dangerous." But the smile which played round her mouth, and revelled in her eyes, scattered the assertion to the winds. " Don't stand blushing there, but unburden your mind, if there's any thing on it." I narrated, as briefly as I could, the occasion of my coming. She scarcely Avaited to hear me to the close, but, saying she Avould give me all I wanted, left the room. The interval of her absence, though short, enabled me to observe the elegance of the apartment. It was luxuriously and tastefully furnished, without being croAvded like a broker's shop, according to the general practice. You may, in a great measure, learn the character of persons by the objects Avith Avhich they surround themselves : I shall therefore be particular in my description.

There was an open piano covered with music, a harp and a tam bourine. An embroidered couch gave a bed to the spaniel, and place for a heap of novels and magazines, " Punch " being numerously represented therein. Between the windoAvs and reaching from floor to ceiling Avas a pier-glass, guarded by an elegant console, on which was placed a beautiful statuette of Cupid and Psyche. In front of this stood a vis a-vis, a couple of guitars being set up to represent the two friends avIio should have sat there. In one window was a handsome writing table and a high backed chair, very suitable for the agony of composition, and in the other a non descript fabrication of mosaic, appro priated to needlework, though the gorgeous lounging chair, and ottoman c beside it, forbade the idea of any kind of work.

Over the mantelpiece hung a female portrait, while a couple of easy chairs, one on either hand, completed the requirements for a delightful fire side. The rest of the furniture was appropriate, and littering about the room were a couple of ornamented battledores, a skipping rope, a bow case and quiver, a pair of dumb-bells, and a gold-mounted ridingwhip. I was standing before the portrait, lost in admiration, when I be came conscious that the beautiful original was at my elbow. " Do you consider it a good likeness?" said she, with a smile no painter could have caught. " Arery far from it," said I, suddenly discovering that the lines Avere hard, the flesh cloudy, and the eyes dull. " Oh ! that is not civil," she replied laughing. "It was painted by a very eminent artist ; — but I am quite ready.

You will let me come and help." " With pleasure, if you wish it." She had exchanged her hat for a neat cottage-bonnet, and was wrapped in a large Indian shawl. In her hand she held a basket, much too large and heavy, I Avas confident, for her to carry. "I'll carry the basket," said I, hooking my stick through the handles, and SAving ing it over my shoulder. " Oh ! no, Air. Random, don't let people see you carrying a basket ! " " Why not ? I'd carry you too, if it were necessary." Her merry eyes laughed an ansAver, though she kept a very straight face. " What are young men made of, made of, made of? " Here was I, Avho had come like a charitable soul, on an errand of mercy for a dying pauper, falling in love with a girl c I had knoAvn ten minutes, and whom, in my own mind, I suspected to be an inveterate flirt.

A female servant, with a huge bundle, tied up in blankets, followed us, as we sallied forth. " I have heard you were a dragoon," said she, " before you took orders. Is it true ? " " Perfectly true. I served through out the Sikh Avar, and received six wounds." " How shocking ! But tell me, — did you ever kill anybody ? " " Just a few ; but I'm not at all dangerous." " I'm not so sure of that. Did you never deceive any poor girl who had given you her heart." " I don't think I was ever entrusted with so precious an article. I was the soldier of Alars, not A'enus, and my military life was spent in breaking heads instead of hearts. While carpet-knights were besieging fair ladies at home, I was quietly cutting blackamoors' throats abroad." " You horrid man ! I'm half-afraid of you." " No need," said I, " I'm quite tame at present.