No Humdrum Life for Me. A story of an English home

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NO HUMDRUM LIFE FOR ME " WHEN .SHE RECOVERED CONSCIOUSNESS SHE WAS IN ANOTHER ROOM LYING ON A SOI A." Frontispiece.] [p. 368. No Humdrum Life for Me. a Storg os an Englisb 1bome. By MRS. f. KENT SPENDER, Author of "A Waking," "Mr. Nobody," "Her Oojji Fault," etc., etc. Xonoon, 1892: H UTC HINS O N S- CO., 25, PATERNOSTER SQUARE. " Our life, with all it yields of joy and woe, And hope and fear, . . . Is just our chance o the prize of learning love. How love might be, hath been indeed, and is ; And that we hold thenceforth to the uttermost Such prize, despite the envy of the world, And having gained truth, gained love : . . . The love that tops the might, the Christ in God." Roeert Browning. " All delight— not of pleasure, which is quite a different thing — will be found, when thoroughly examined, to consist in the rendering and receiving of love and the services of love.

Hence the great and fortunately inextinguishable fountains of delight in the relationship of man and woman, and of parents and children." Coventry Patmore. TO MY DAUGHTER HILDA, IN REMEMBRANCE OF THE HAPPY DAYS WE HAVE SPENT TOGETHER. CONTENTS. PAs-E

. . . 225

Part II. Chapter

I. AN ALPINE DISASTER 243

CHAPTER II. ALL

A MISTAKE CONTENTS. 9

CHAPTER III. PAGE HOW THE TWO YEARS HAD PASSED AT TORLISH

. 267

CHAPTER IV. THE RECTOR SLEEPS

283

CHAPTER V.

"mother's is wonderful" 295

CHAPTER VI. THE NEW RECTOR BECOMES

A FRIEND . . . 305

CHAPTER VII. THE UNEXPECTED RESULTS OF

A PAPER CHASE . 317

CHAPTER VIII.

A VILLAGE SCHOOLMISTRESS 333

CHAPTER IX. JAMES NEWTON SPEAKS AGAIN

.... 343

CHAPTER X.

A MUSICAL PARTY AND WHAT CAME OF IT . .

INTRODUCTION.

.

INTRODUCTION.

. The summer day was hot and sultry. All the insects were astir and merry from excess of sunshine ; all the flowers were blowing. It was the sort of weather which in the midday heat makes tired workers long for a whiff of sea air or a mountain breeze. Above the hanging woods which shut in the valley of Oakdale could be seen the purple outlines of moor and sea ; but in the valley itself the atmosphere was oppressive, though there was plenty of shade in the garden of Mrs. Stirling's school. " Ladies' CoUege " it was called in the large gold letters which figured on the door-plate of the house, though the pandering to modern methods — in a mild attempt to reconcile the older fashions with the new — could be recognised by a further statement in huge etters that the " Ladies' College " was for the " Higher Education of Women."

The garden itself was prettily laid out with a tennis lawn, shrubberies, and beds filled with geraniums and calceolarias; and the girls were just now wandering about the gravel walks, conning their recitations for the " breaking-up " on the following day. It mattered little that these recitations were generally voted a bore by all who were not next of kin, and tried the patience of the numerous friends who accompanied the parents to the breaking-up. They had to be gone through, and would be as important a feature of the day's proceedings as the show of water-colour drawings and the programme for viohn or piano. " What a heavenly day ! You girls are right to come into the garden and enjoy it," said one of the governesses, smihng benevolently as she passed the group of sixth-form girls coUected under one of the gnarled old historic trees, a few of which still lingered in the valley, and formed a distinctive feature of Mrs. Stirling's garden.

The governess, who looked strong minded, and wore her hair short, knew that these girls had assembled there for a purpose, and that most of them would be leaving on the morrow. But as the purpose was one with which she did not sympathise, a custom which, as she told hersetf, was " more French than English, and would be honoured in the breach rather than in the observance," she hurried briskly on. She had hardly disappeared before a group of pretty children, dressed in white, was seen to be advancing. They had been chosen from the younger classes in the school. As they came nearer they moved in a semi circle with a sort of dancing movement, which had evidently been studied. A child at either end held a

INTRODUCTION.

. garland of flowers- — the one of summer roses, and the other of laurel leaves. As the children advanced to two of the elder girls, who pretended to be indifferent to their approach, the roses were placed on the dark tresses of a girl named Pauline, whose hair was coquettishly arranged on her delicate little head, and whose perfect profile, of a type which is sometimes seen in Algiers, rather Greek than English or French, had never ceased to be the admiration of her schoolfellows. She was rather over the middle height, and was obhged to stoop to allow the little ones to adjust the flowers, with a device attached on a slip of paper, " For the fairest " ; whilst the same ceremony had to be undergone in the case of a com panion, whose blooming face and bright eyes showed no symptoms of overwork, but who had been selected to bear the laurel crown, with its accompanying motto, " For the cleverest."

A curious study was that afforded by the physiognomies of the two girls whilst the little ceremony, time-honoured in Mrs. Stirling's school, and most certainly expected by both of them, was taking place. "This can't be meant for me," said the Beauty, with a little simper, half-conscious and half-disdainful, as both her hands went up to prevent any chance dis arrangement of her raven locks; while Ruth Calderwood, who knew better how to preserve her composure, remarked with a smile, " It is nothing to be clever ! " Yet the proud smile on the face of the one and the flush of triumph on the brow of the other behed the studied words, and the children who began to laugh had no cause for feehng themselves shghted by the coldness of their reception. " It is only the accustomed thing ; they have been taught to do it, and they look forward to the time when they too may win the wreaths," said Ruth, as she also put her sunburnt fingers up to her auburn hair, and tried to disentangle it from the laurel leaves which had already roughened it.

"I suppose I shall not be obliged to wear this foolish thing. One day I may win the laurel ; but even then I would not wear it." " Small chance of that, my dear, unless you were to write a novel which would startle the world, Uke ' Waverley,' or a poem like Aurora Leigh, or — or paint a picture Uke Rosa Bonheur," said a fat girl who was standing near, and who had abihty enough, though she did not care to exert it. " Meanwhile, he thankful and wear your crown, even if Mrs. Stirling is senti mental, and began this fashion when parents used to be sentimental too ; just as she started that queer fashion of the garland of portraits of successful pupils which hangs in her private room, and where you are to figure, my dear, after you have taken all the prizes which ought to have been divided between the honourable members of the sixth form to-morrow."

" It is not my fault if none of you chose to exert yourselves ; it makes me feel as if I am not fairly entitled to them," protested Ruth, as she dangled the garland in her hand. " We should none of us have had a chance against you," declared the fat girl, with her lazy china-blue eyes fixed admiringly on her friend rather than on the *<

INTRODUCTION.

. 17 proud Pauline. " Take the goods which the gods provide for you, and be thankful that you are not flat chested or stooping-shouldered like most clever girls, but have your fair share of good looks, in spite of carrying away all the prizes." " Ah ! you are crumpUng it with your fingers, you are spoiling aU the leaves, and you may have to wear it to-morrow, Ruthie ! " cried a gawky maiden of sixteen, who came up at that moment, whose dress was not long enough for her spindle-shaped legs, and whose sharp elbows increased the appearance of angles everywhere. " What a pity, dear ! / would not crumple it." " No, you will never have the chance, or of the roses either ; the fairies don't endow every one with gifts in their cradles ! " laughed one of the out-spoken girls, unconscious of the cruelty of her youth.

" Well, but if there were a wreath for being goody, trust Clary for getting it — even before her sister." " ' Be good, sweet maid, and let who wiU be clever,' " mocked another satirical voice, whilst Clara, with a feeling of tightening in the muscles of her throat, and making a wild effort to swallow down a ball which threatened to interfere with respiration, fled discomfited from the scene of her sister's triumph. # # # * * Some ten or eleven hours afterwards all was silent in the "College for Young Ladies." The night was sultry as the morning. The tired servants were re posing after the fatigues of the day of preparation for the unusual festivities which were to come on the morrow. In the pantry, under cover of the darkness was a sight to awaken enthusiasm in the mind of epicurean girlhood.

Long rows of raised pies, whipped syllabubs, and strawberry creams had been prepared for the delectation of the guests who were to arrive on the morrow. In the principal dormitory the light had long been extinguished. Nothing had interrupted the silence but the gentle friction of the sheets as one or two girls, who were more restless than the others, turned continually in their beds. Once or twice there was a gentle sigh, but no one dared as yet to speak ; for there had been mysterious creakings as usual on the stairs, and the wakeful girls had fancied that they could detect the sound of whispering voices. Till the last footstep had died away it was safer to lie still, for it would have been a pity to spoil things on the last night of all by getting into disgrace. Presently, when all was silent as the grave, a voice, carefully modulated, asked, — " Ruth, are you asleep ?

" At the sound of the familiar name a few heads popped above the bedclothes, and two or three of the girls, repressing yawns, sat determinately upright ; for in the early hours of the night, when Mrs. Stirling's pupils were supposed to be, as that lady elegantly and classically expressed it, " in the arms of Morpheus," Ruth Calderwood, who was styled the " Schmerazade of the bedroom," had been in the habit of reciting to them verses and stories of her own composing, and the audience had ever proved itself indulgent, but never critical. No ; who could sleep in this heat ? Girls, it is as

INTRODUCTION.

. 19 stifling as the Black Hole of Calcutta," answered the girl, who rose, as if accustomed to distinguish herself by acts of bravery, and stole cautiously with naked feet across the room, boldly opening one of the windows, and letting in a delicious smell of honeysuckle. " There, that is better ! But," she added, in the decisive tones which she had been accustomed to use amongst her schoolmates, as she crept back to her bed, "if you think I am going to tell you a story this last night you are one and all of you mistaken ; I have due respect for the orgies of the morrow, when everything will be topsy turvy, and people in the neighbourhood will be coming in shoals to listen to the French play. It is your French play, Pauline ; you know, as well as the rest of us, that it has been chosen because the Beauty will be able to shine in it."

" Yes ; no wonder she can jabber French when she lived so long abroad ; but Mother Stirling always likes to show her off," murmured another girl, with whom PauUne L'Estrange was no favourite. " Don't you wish you could talk it too without that horrible English accent ? " asked Pauline complacently. She knew well enough that her character had never appeared in an attractive light at school, but that a halo of adventure had surrounded her on account of her foreign travel. It was partly with a view to keeping up her impor tance in that respect that she answered, — " / am wide awake, and as I sha'n't have the opportunity of having a good talk with Ruth Calderwood after to-night, seeing I am starting almost directly for the Continent, I advise the rest of you to settle to sleep." A few of the inmates of the dormitory took the hint, nothing loth, and turned their heads again on their pillows ; but others listened stealthily as Ruth, who was never daunted by PauUne's high opinion of her own importance, asked what her plans might be for the future.

For it was no secret that Pauline's mother was a widow with limited means, and that, as her daughter had often complained, it was as difficult to get pocket money out of her as to bleed a stone. " Oh, / shall marry," answered Miss L'Estrange with assurance ; " I have no idea of teaching, and should not know enough to be more than a nursery governess. The little wretches would have to be pitied who would have vie to teach them, and for my part I wish all the children were born grown up. /shall marry. Mother says it is as certain as anything. She means to travel about from place to place, and she says that at hotels and pensions one most certainly meets all sorts and conditions of young men. One takes one's choice." " And I," said Ruth, stung by something in this assertion to a contradictory speech, " am equally determined never to marry.

The women who are worth anything in this age are those who refuse to entangle themselves with the ties of marriage." " Then you're a goose, in spite of all your pretended cleverness," responded the other girl, promptly and spitefully. " Mother says the right way is for every woman to be married." "Just hsten to her! And when the number of

INTRODUCTION.

. 21 women is so much larger than that of the men ! I do call that good ! " came from another pair of red Ups, whose owner prided herself on being good at statistics. And a ripple of laughter ran round the room, gently accompanied by sounds, not of ladyhke breathing, but of loud unmistakable snoring. " Nora is snoring again ! Shall I get up and turn her over, or throw a pillow at her ? " suggested some body else. " No ; leave her in the ' arms of Morpheus.' It is her tonsils which are in fault, poor soul ! " " Then she should have them cut off. It is bad enough when people make a noise like the droning of bees, but this is like the lowing of a belated cow," interposed a would-be wag, whose own tones were getting suspiciously sleepy. " You would snore if you were as fat as Nora. She should try ' Banting,' or ' Eno's Salts,' or whatever it is they advertise to make stout women thin.

If she keeps as big as that in the waist she will never get a sweetheart. Her legs are too short ; she will be just like a dumpling when she gets a little older," said Pauhne, condescendingly. " Most Ukely she won't trouble about whether she gets a lover or not," continued the ill-advised wag, yawning as she spoke ; " you see, most of us mean to imitate Ruth. We belong to that superior class who will never be sold in a Babylonian market, never let ourselves be tied by a Gordian knot — never " Whatever else she might have intended to say was abruptly interrupted. "Wait till you are asked, my dear," interposed PauUne, in her sharpest tones. " I was speaking of other people — Ruth — and " " Your lovely self ! " cried the wag, suddenly waking into life. And without more ado, being no longer in terror of the governess, she sat up in bed and began to sing, " My face is my fortune, sir, she said."

Again the ripple of laughter went round the room, as some of the others faintly took up a chorus. It was too much for Pauline's temper. " I'm ashamed of you all ! I am glad I am going away from you ! " she cried, with an angry outburst of sobs. " I told you to settle to sleep, and leave me to talk for the last time to Ruth. Are we not the elder ones, and the winners of the wreaths ? Have you any right to insult us ? " " Come, come ! You are going a little too far," said Ruth, who was the arbiter of many disputes. " I do think you brought it on yourself. And if you are the least grateful to me for teUing you stories in the past, I must say that / cannot allow such low ideas to be uttered. Women should stick by women. If the sex is degraded, it is often because women say such things about themselves and each other."

Had it been daylight it would have been seen that the brown eyes flashed with anger, and the girls knew the look, which became Ruth well. They could not see it now, but they could, as it were, hear it in the vibra tions of the tones of her full rich voice. But by this time Pauline had recovered her equanimity, and deter mined to turn the tables with an appeal to the few who still remained awake amongst the audience,

INTRODUCTION.

. 23 " I say it, and I repeat, it — Ruth Calderwood is a goose. She is nearly nineteen; she has finished her education, why should she trouble herself any more with books ? Why should she settle down to teach her sisters ? Teaching sisters " (in a tone of scorn) " is really worse than anything. It must be a horrid bore to have to teach any one, but large families are dreadful." Ruth's sense of self-respect kept her from pursuing the subject. She was rather ashamed of speaking about the necessary education of her younger sisters, and could not help noticing the scarcely-veiled in solence of Pauline's tone. School-girls are accustomed to speak so freely to each other, that it did not occur to her to resent the temerity of the speech ; but she wished to put a stop to it, and grew restive when Pauline continued, — " It is not as if she were obliged to do it.

Now," she added, dropping her voice, " I had a meaning in what I said. I happen to know " This was beginning to be interesting, but fortunately nearly every one was now fast asleep, and, interesting as it was, it was too much for Ruth's patience. " Whatever you know, may I beg of you to keep your information to yourself?" was her answer, in a peremptory voice. " It is my turn, Pauline, to be ashamed of you, talking stuff like this to the girls, when you know that marriage is not the end and aim of existence." " My mother says- " Wiat does she say ? " asked Ruth, almost fiercely, beneath her breath, knowing full well that the mother was generaUy declared to be rather odd and flighty, though people pitied her for the sacrifices she made for her daughter. " Do not speak loudly — don't let the others hear it— we have no right to be talking so late at all; but if you have any gossip to teU me, speak out once for all."

"Why, you need not flare up so. It was only that my mother remarked how men as young as Tom Somerton hardly know what they like and what they don't Uke, when they have seen so few girls. Experience has not taught them how many love affairs there may be in the world." " You mean ? " " I mean nothing," said the other in whispering tones, " but that it is very natural your people should think it an eligible affair for you, who have so many brothers and sisters, and, like me, so little money. There, you see, you need not flare up ! " " Not though you speak as if my people had planned it?" " Did I say that ? " answered Pauline, keeping up the appearance of trying to be loyal. " I am sure I didn't mean it. How you do catch up my words ! I am not answerable for the gossip, and after all there is nothing to make you uneasy.

You are not half so old as I am, though people say we are the same age — you are such a child." " At eighteen, or nearly nineteen, one is not a child," said Ruth, making a desperate effort to recover her self-possession ; " and you can tell all the gossips

INTRODUCTION.

. 25 who have jumped to such conclusions that I have some thing else to do with my life besides thinking of such silly trifles. I hate all such talk." " Yes ; I knew you would not be so easily moulded into what your people wish. You are a rebelhous young woman, but you must not be too cruel." Whether or no the words were intended to sting, they brought a quiver to the other girl's lips, and a rush of colour to her cheeks, which was hidden by the merciful darkness. " Mould ! Who talks of moulding me ? I am not a doll, may I remind you ? My life is my own, however people may talk of me. I hope to make it a useful one." Pauline smiled. Had it been daytime the smile would have been studiously indifferent, but now she had some difficulty in keeping it from breaking out into a laugh. " You and I," she said, " are certainly too old to be moulded, and too old, really, to have been kept at school, — / because my education had been neglected and you because you were so anxious to learn a good deal.

But I am sure I am a thousand times worse off than you are," she added, with another pettish outburst, raising her tones in unconscious excitement. " When my father died, and left mother and myself, we did not know at first what we could possibly do. Before his death we were quite rich, and had always been accustomed to the best society. I was never very strong at the best of times, and nothing would induce me to work for my living." " Never mind, Beauty ; you shall marry your prince, and he will supply you with chestfuls of dresses. I always liked the thought of those dresses much better than the Beast," said the fat girl, in a voice which was meant to be consolatory, had it not been too sleepy to be inspiriting. She had actually ceased snoring, and caught some of the last words of the conversation.

But the pale rays of the early dawn were creeping in through the window panes before sleep came to Ruth Calderwood. Pauhne's gossip had set her thinking. Her life, with its unknown mysteries, its attractions and its difficulties, lay aU before her. What would it bring her ? Of one thing she was determined, she would not be idle, and her life should not be humdrum, it should be stirring and exciting. The sheets felt as if they had pin-pricks in them as she drew them round her neck in search of sleep, with irritating recollection of Pauline's speeches. And she was not only angry with her schoolmate, but with good natured, innocent Mrs. Stirling. Had her parents only sent her to a High School, for instance, she would have had no difficulty in getting first-class certificates. She would certainly have gained a scholarship, and would have distinguished herself either at Girton or Somer ville.

Whereas, now, how would Mrs. Stirling's laurel wreath or the prizes of the morrow help her to get her daily bread ? The girl had suddenly realised that she lived in an age of competition, and not of old-fashioned sentimen tality. For the first time she was indignant with the arrangement by which a kind-hearted woman had offered

INTRODUCTION.

. to take herself and her sister, as the daughters of a neighbouring clergyman, at lower terms than she had charged for her other pupils. " It ought never to have been," said Ruth to herself ; " now that I am beginning my own life I will be independent." PABT I.

Chapter I. Speaking In Haste

CHAPTER I. SPEAKING IN HASTE.

" Alone alone ! Oh the joy to stray O'er this heathery moor, where the wild thyme blows, To toss all regrets to the clouds away, While the pulses beat fast and the glad heart glows. The daisies are pied on the flowery leas, The west wind is breathing its songs to the trees ; On the purple hill-tops the soft shadows pass, And the dragon-flies skim o'er the flowery grass." "Two floweries!" said the girl to herself, unconsciously repeating Jefferies' criticism of Wordsworth ; " this will never do ! Let me see, what could I put instead ? Dragon-flies ought to be near water." And she cudgelled her brains in vain for a better expression. " Dank meadow-grass," " lush meadow-grass," one after another was dismissed as impossible. And the would be poetess drew a deep sigh. " It's poor stuff," she said again to herself, " and I think Mrs. Stirling puts it rather too strongly when she goes out of her way to tell folks I am a genius.

I can rhyme, and so every one can. ' Most birds sing at dawn,' as Mrs. Browning said. And yet — and yet — Mr. Hendon, who knows such a lot of poetry, ought to be a judge, and I can't help remembering what he said when he did not even know NO HUMDRUM LIFE FOR ME. that I was near. I wish I could have told him that I overheard by an accident ; it would have been more straightforward, but then it would have seemed so conceited." She pushed back the hair, some tendrils of which had straggled forward, but which she always wore wreathed back with sublime contempt for the towsy fringes which were the fashion of the day, and glanced discontentedly at the lines which she had just written in a slapdash handwriting, and which an adept at cahgraphy would hardly have been able to decipher. She comforted herseU with the thought that geniuses always wrote badly.

Shakespeare, for instance, as if one could think of him as ever stopping to consider the handwriting, or cudgelling his brains to find a rhyme ! But then she remembered that some one else had defined genius as a " capacity for taking infinite pains." The difficulty was to find the exact direction in which these " infinite pains " were to be taken. At school she had shown an unusual quickness at figures, and her love of music was so great that it was a passion ; but on a summer's day like this, of such indescribable beauty that glens and moor and distant sea were all alike bathed in the splendour of the sunlight, it seemed more natural to leave piano and books, and to yield herseU to an ecstasy of dehght in the open air. If only the flighty, purposeless dreams which chased one another through her busy little brain could be utilised, she felt how thankful she should be.

But the big Newfoundland dog which crouched down by her side seemed to sympathise with her sense of iH, I WONDER IF HEAVEN CAN BE MUCH MORE BEAUTIFUL !" [p. 33, bewilderment and discontent, as, balancing the pencil for a moment in her little sunburnt hand, she sprang suddenly to her feet, and began scrambling over some of the boulders half embedded in golden gorse and opening heather. The day was too hot for running, though time had been when Ruth Calderwood, a riotous, unkempt creature, bounding over these soli tudes, would have given little consideration to its heat. But Nep gave a bark of delight, and trotted solemnly by her side, as on this, one of the first days of her freedom from school, she climbed about, looking round her, and wondering how it would be possible to describe that whiff of fragrance in the air which but lately had been scented with hawthorn, and now was spicy with a scent of pine trees, to say nothing of the honeysuckle, the peppermint, and wild roses.

Then there was a hum of bees, a sleepy song as of birds which had chanted merrily in the morning, and were too happy to leave off, though their little throats were tired. The sea in the distance seemed to be smitten by the sun into a thousand sparkling jewels, and reminded her of the sea of glass in the Book of Revelations, on which the angels walked in the glory of that rainbow light about the throne of God. " Oh, I wonder if heaven can be much more beau tiful ! There must be life — life everywhere — there as well as here," thought the girl, as she listened to the music of a little stream trickling down the high conical hill to the northwards, which gave its name to Torlish, and which blended with the indescribable hum caused by myriads of insects. " They are talking to the flowers. I like to flunk that the flowers are alive as well as they.