The Confessions of Gerald Estcourt

Chapter I

As soon as I had recovered the first shock of my father's death, I began to wonder that we had neither seen nor heard anything of Lady Mary. It appeared almost incredible that the telegram should have miscarried, and yet such an accident was the only solution of the mystery that my sisters and I could accept. We came to the conclusion that some cross-country tele graph office was at fault ; and in consequence, I wrote my mother a long letter, detailing the circumstances of our bereavement, and our regret that the message had never reached her, thinking that the mere knowledge of its having been sent would be a comfort to her. I begged her VOL. II. B not to make any plans until the funeral was over, when I would pay her a visit at Guildford, and have a talk over her future prospects. Until that had taken place, of course it was impossible for me to leave the house, had I had any inclination to do so.

My sisters and I were not allowed much leisure to indulge our grief. As soon as the news of my father's decease had flown round the family, the heads of the different branches arrived from far and near, and took up their residence at Grasslands, to attend the funeral and hear the will read. I had imagined that the week during which a corpse lay in the house was usually one of silent hasty meals, and a divided household ; but I found it widely different. My sisters and I were naturally dis inclined to issue many orders, or to enter with much zest into anything which went on ; but I had begged my uncles and cousins to consider the house as their own, and they took good care to take me at my word. Eating appeared to go on at all hours of the day : so did loud and ordinary conversation ; and although decency forbad their showing themselves beyond the grounds until the funeral had taken place, they managed to make the time pass by strolling about the stables and farm, and pricing the crops and stock.

My uncle Jabez had been one of the first to arrive. Strange to say, this brother of my father's, notwithstanding his curt and even rude behaviour, possessed more interest for me than any of the others. It had been matter of surprise to most of Mr. Jabez Estcourt's family that he had never married, particularly as he was supposed to be very rich ; I say, supposed, because it was impossible to judge of his real income from the establishment he kept. He resided in a small cottage at Richmond, and his household consisted of two servants, a man and his wife, who did all that he required. Thence he journeyed daily to his business, and was never known to entertain, or suffer himself to be entertained by, any one — except his im mediate relations. From these facts, my uncle Jabez had gained the character of being very " close."

And it was an interesting speculation amongst the Estcourts, who should eventually inherit the wealth which they concluded he must be accumulating. I was, of course, after my poor father, the next male heir; but I had met with so little favour during my lifetime at the hands of my crusty uncle, that I do not suppose I was even entered on the category of their " eligibles." The next brother in age was William Estcourt (the father of my friend Joshua), whose eldest son was called " Jabez, " and with respect to whom, therefore, great hopes were entertained. Young Jabez had accompanied his father to Grasslands, and made good use of his opportunities whilst there ; following his senior uncle about like a shadow ; offering him his aid on every occasion, and receiving the most bearish refusals in the most lamb-like spirit ; as it appeared to me, he would have taken a blow, or a kick from him.

My uncle Abel, who was a long thin man of willowy appearance, and seemed as though he had no bone in bis back, and the expression of whose mouth suggested the idea that he had just swallowed an emetic, worried me greatly at first by introducing the subject of my soul and my father's soul M'henever he could command an audience ; but after I had given him one or two sharp replies, he discontinued the practice, and took to the less expressive one of sighirg to tbe ceiling whenever the conversation threatened to lean towards the forbidden topic. My uncle Joshua, as far as his character was concerned, appeared to be a duplicate of my uncle William; he was just such another hard-headed man of busi ness, who had lived so long in the world of City and 'Change, that he had no sympathy left with anything that might not immediately influence the rise and fall of the money market.

They had wives and children, both of them, but they never mentioned either; they were men who had the greatest dislike to acknowledge any feeling deeper than such as concerned their monetary affairs ; they bottled up their domestic affections for home use, and doubtless occasionally forgot to uncork them even then. My great consola tion was in the presence of Lord Portsdowne and George Lascelles, Jack not having been able to attend. My cousin George was what he had ever been, all affection and sympathy ; and when my uncle wrung my hand and told me that as long as he lived I should never want a father, the tears were in his eyes. Had it not been sor Dr. Percivale and these two I scarcely know how I should have passed through that week with decorum. They were constantly obliged to entreat me to be more forbearing : to remember what lay upstairs ; to think that these, my visitors, were his nearest relations ; his own flesh and blcod.

But it was this thought that rendered my task of courtesy so difficult to perform. Mr. Logan was there also with his son, who I believe would not have dared to show himself within the walls of Grasslands without the protection of his father's countenance ; and Mrs. Logan came in their train, and would have her finger in every pie, from the dressing of my father's body for the grave to the laying out of the dessert for dinner, averring openly and without hesitation that she found the household at sixes and sevens ; that nothing had been looked after as it ought to have been ; that there had been shame ful neglect somewhere ; and in her opinion, poor dear Sampson must have been positively robbed. I was going to make some reply to her remarks, when Lord Portsdowne laid his hand upon my arm, and I refrained.

"No doubt of it," said Mr. Logan, de cisively ; "but I am afraid there is little chance of matters being mended now." OF GERALD ESTCOSRT. 7 " Not under the future regime" rejoined his wife, spitefully ; -' however, that is nothing to us. I can only grieve, as I look around, to see how my poor brother permitted his extravagant tastes to outrun his prudence. There was no one to restrain or advise him, no one !" and as she spoke she glanced at the pictures which hung round the room. " I imagine a man has a right to spend his money as he chooses," I said quickly. " Sampson was always extravagant," observed my uncle William ; " from a boy he never denied himself any luxury to which he had taken a fancy : it's a habit which, sooner or later, must lead to embarrassment." " And, since he imagined that he had acquired such a name for his books," resumed my aunt, " he seems to have thought nothing good enough for him ; and sor the matter of that " (looking towards the spot where I stood, biting my lips in my endeavours to keep quiet) "to have reared his family in much the same idea; a great error, as will prove itself some day, if I am not mistaken."

" My father's legacy came in very opportunely DEE CONFESSIONS for Sam," said my uncle Joshua ; "he couldn't have kept on in the style he was living much longer, without it. But Sampson was always for outside show ; he'd rather have the flimsy thing he called fame, because it makes a man talked about, than a solid fortune. I hope those who come after him may prove to have better sense." Lord Portsdowne's warning touch was of no more avail ; I stepped forward, with eyes that, if they could, would have flashed fire upon the mean defamers of the name once borne by the body now dead upstairs. " I'll thank you," I commenced, addressing the company in a most determined manner, "as long as you remain under this roof to refrain from carelessly handling the name of my father, or discussing the motives or consequence of any of his actions.

He was worth every one of you put together, a thousand times over ; and if he has left me nothing else, I have inherited from him sufficient courage to stand up for those I love, whether they be dead or alive. And I tell you all, that I will not listen to a single slur cast upon his character, either openly or by covert insinuation. If you cannot praise, you can at least be silent." I did not leave my position after this heated address ; I stood and looked round the room for an answer, but none came. My uncles Joshua and William looked foolish ; Mrs. Logan even seemed to think that they may have gone too far. At last, in rather a nervous manner, she said that " really, offence seemed to be very quickly taken ;" and at the sound of her voice, the men took courage to observe, that the de ceased having been so nearly related to them selves they had considered they were at liberty to talk about his doings, particularly as they had mentioned nothing but what all the world knew.

"Possibly!" was my answer; "but this is neither the time nor the place to recall anything but his many virtues. De mortuis nil nisi bonum. It is well for us all to remember the words, since we cannot tell how soon we may require the remembrance for ourselves. My father was, at all events, not related to all here ; and if I look upon your remarks as uncalled for I have considered those of others as imperti nent." This I said addressing the Estcourts, but glancing towards Mrs. Logan, who shuffled about uneasily for a few seconds, and then made some excuse to leave the room. My aunt sniffed palpably, and said : Thank goodness she didn't understand Latin, or any such rub bish. My uncle William remarked, that it was " early days" for me to take up '** Sampson's trick of preaching," and my uncle Joshua looked from one to the other as if he had quite for gotten what the sentence I had quoted meant, and did not like to expose his ignorance by asking.

Mr. Jabez Estcourt was not present at this little scene, having ridden over to Wiversdale early that morning. A short time afterwards he returned, bringing intelligence which drove all other thoughts from our minds. His mode of telling his news and his brothers' mode of receiving it, was so characteristic of the men, that it deserves to be recorded. It was late on an October afternoon, and cold for the time of year, and when my uncle Jabez entered the dining-room at Grasslands, where all but my sisters were assembled, he walked straight up to the fireplace, and spreading out his coat-tails, commenced to warm himself in the good old British fashion. One of his brothers moved his chair an inch or two back wards to make room for him, but no one spoke except myself. " Had a cold ride, I suppose, uncle Jabez ?"

"Yes," he replied, in the "grumpiest" of tones. "All well at the Manor?" To this question he vouchsafed no answer but a grunt, and taking out a toothpick from his pocketbook, began deliberately to pick his teeth. " How's my mother ?" growled uncle Wil liam. " Dead !" Mrs. Logan let the piece of work upon which she was occupied fall from her hands, and dropped, open mouthed, into a chair. My uncles Joshua and William looked at their brother for a minute as if to make sure he was not joking ; but as he went on steadily picking his teeth, they came to the conclusion that he was in earnest. " When ?" ejaculated the first "Three, o'clock." " Humph !" said the second, filially. " My mother dead .'" exclaimed Mrs. Logan, who had at last found her tongue; "never, Jabez ! When did it happen ? why didn't they send for me ?

Sarah and Susan must have known it was coming on. What were they thinking of? Dear me ! to think she should be gone, and I wasting the precious moments here ; — Gerald, can I have the carriage to return to Wiversdale to-night ?" "Certainly," I replied, only too glad at the prospect of getting rid of her ; and in another hour she had taken her departure. Little by little the details of my grandmother's death were, as it were, squeezed out of my uncle Jabez. It appeared that she had been failing ever since her interview with my dying father ; had taken to her bed as soon as she had returned to the Manor, and slept away the remainder of her life. The circumstance, at her extreme age, was not to be wondered at ; but the way in which her family received the intelligence sur prised all but themselves.

" D — n it," exclaimed Lord Portsdowne, bringing his fist down on the table in his hearty manner, " if I thought that George there, or any of my children, would come to sit still in their chairs when they heard their dear mother was gone, even if she lived to one hundred and eighty, I'd throttle them, Gerald, and that's the truth. It disgusted me, my boy. No wonder poor Mary couldn't get on with these people ;" and then remembering whose people they were, the dear old fellow stopped short, blushing. ''Never mind, uncle," I said, "you and I are not the ones to discuss the subject, tie was not like the rest ; you know that well enough, and yet my mother couldn't get on with him. It has been a mystery to me all my life, and it will never be solved now." Before we went to rest that night my uncle Jabez requested to speak to me, and became quite communicative.

My father had now been dead four days ; he was to be laid in the family vault at Wiversdale, and the funeral had been fixed to take place at the end of the week. He wished to know if I would delay the ceremony for another couple of days, so that the mother and son might be interred together. I was quite willing to do so ; no amount of respect that I could pay my dead father appeared too great to me, and I believed that what I had consented to he would have wished himself. It was therefore arranged that the funeral cortege from Grasslands should set out at a certain hour for Wiversdale, to be joined there by the other party, and that the burials should take place at the same time, after which the mourners should return first to Wiversdale Manor to hear my grandmother's will read, and thence to Grasslands to listen to that of my father.

On the appointed day, everything happened as had been ordered ; and my uncle Jabez and myself, as chief mourners, followed the remains of our respective parents to the grave. The combined funerals had attracted a large number of us together, and a numerous party was afterwards assembled at Wiversdale, the only members of which, specially supporting myself, were my uncle Portsdowne, George Lascelles, Dr. Percivale, and my late father's solicitors. I had not any interest in my grandmother's will; I knew that it did not concern me, and had no wish that it should ; for the use of the manor and its belongings had only been bequeathed to her, during her lifetime, and her personal possessions were the only things she had to leave away. Hearing the will read, therefore, was a mere form, until the lawyer came to that part which disposed of her jewelry, and the few hundreds she had laid by since my grandfather's death.

My uncle Jabez inherited everything, from the manor and its acres down to the coal scuttle and the hearth-broom ; and the surplus money was left to my unmarried aunts. As I was listlessly hearing the trinkets next particular ized, and feeling that I cared nothing if my aunt Anne or my aunt Sarah got the emerald earrings, I was roused by the sound of my own name. "Mr. Gerald Estcourt," said the lawyer, bowing towards me — Lord Portsdowne touched my arm. " Eh, what ?" I said, starting out of my reverie, with a sigh. " Your name is mentioned, Gerald." " To my grandson, Gerald Estcourt, the Castlemaine diamond ring, with my love," read the lawyer, deliberately. "That must be a mistake," exclaimed my uncle William, hurriedly. " Jabez, that ring should be yours, or mine." "No mistake, sir," said the lawyer, blandly, " the legatee is distinctly stated."

Now, the ring erst-while in my grand mother's possession, and known as the "Castle maine diamond," v/as looked upon by the Est court family in very much the same light as the English regard the Kohinoor. It was a remark ably large and valuable stone for private property, and had established quite a name for itself in the county. That my grandmother should leave it, or indeed anything, to me, had never entered my head for a moment. I was wonderfully surprised then, and pleased into the bargain. My relations were also wonderfully surprised, but not so much pleased, which made all the difference. "I dispute the bequest," continued my uncle William, speaking loudly ; " I never heard of such a thing. That's a family jewel, sir : a ring which has been in our possession for centuries, and always descended from son to son.

It should have been left to my eldest brother here, or to myself, not to a boy who cannot know the value of it, and will probably make ducks and drakes of it with the rest of his property." "It is of no use becoming heated about it, Mr. Estcourt," replied the lawyer quietly ; " I had the honour of drawing up this will for your late respected mother, and I know that Mr. Gerald Estcourt, and no one else, was intended to become the owner of the Castlemaine diamond. The young gentleman in question, if I mistake not, will in due course be the head of the family, and therefore, for my own part, I can conceive no fitter recipient of the family heirloom. Whatever our separate opinions, however, we have no power to alter this paper," tapping tbe parchment as he spoke, " which is as succinctly drawn up as any will I ever had to do with."

"It's the only thing he shall take out of this house then," exclaimed my uncle, becoming infuriated by the lawyer's complacency, "and that I'll swear. My eldest brother is not one to be cajoled and deceived into leaving away his possessions from his lawful heirs to any upstart who may think it worth his while to wheedle himself at tbe last moment into his good graces — - — " VOL. II. c "William, hold your tongue," growled my uncle Jabez, who had witnessed this scene with apparently the most perfect indifference. As the former proceeded with his address, I rose to my feet, preparatory to answering his charges, but Lord Portsdowne whispered to me to keep silence. " Throw his dirty ring back in his face, Gerald, and let the matter be ; it's not worth the owner of Grasslands disputing about." But it was not the ring I cared for, my possession of which was safe enough ; it was my character for open dealing which was in danger.

" I am not aware to whom you allude, Mr. Estcourt," I said, advancing into the centre of the room, "when you speak of upstarts ' wheed ling themselves into your mother's good graces at the last moment; you cannot certainly mean myself, for every one here knows that instead of doing too much to win my grandmother's favour, I did perhaps too little ; and the fact of her remembering me in her will is scarcely less startling to me than that the bequest should have been accompanied with her ' love.' My uncle, Lord Portsdowne, advises me to refuse the legacy, since it gives such evident dissatis faction to the rest of the family, but I do not feel disposed to take his counsel. I am a man now, and able to judge for myself; and my own opinion is, that my grandmother showed her good sense in leaving it to me, and that the Castlemaine diamond will be more appropriate on the finger of the future Mrs. Gerald Estcourt than on that of any other lady of the family."

So saying, I resumed my seat, and the lawyer proceeded to' read out the rest of the legacies, which were small but very equally divided. I could not, however, help hearing the various remarks which followed my speech, amongst which, " insolent puppy," from my uncle William, " the impudence of him," from Mrs. Logan, and a prolonged growl from old Jabez were most apparent. When the reading of the will w*as concluded, I asked the lawyer at what date the Castlemaine diamond had been bequeathed to me. I thought that it must have been since my father's death, or, at all events, since I had last arrived at Grass lands ; but to my astonishment I found that my grandmother's will had been drawn up five years before, and not touched since. At the very period, then, when our disagreements had been most frequent, and I had imagined this strange old woman liked me least, she had settled to leave me her most valuable possession.

The thought softened me greatly. The reading of the will at Grasslands was almost as much a form as it had been at Wivers dale. My father had summed up its contents in the few words he spoke to me on his death-bed ; with the exception of ten thousand pounds to Emmeline, whose marriage was not so wealthy as those of her sisters, and an injunction that the allowance he had been used to make Lady Mary should be continued until her death, everything was left unreservedly to me. I had never yet been sufficiently interested to inquire of what income I should eventually become possessed ; I now found that, all burthens to the estate complied with, I was the owner of a clear three thousand a year, the rest of my father's annual expenditure having been defrayed by the pro ceeds of his writing. But three thousand a year, backed by such a place as Grasslands, was no mean heritage for a young fellow of my age to come into.

Lord Portsdowne said something to this effect as, the rest of my uncles having taken their departure, he kindly congratulated me on my prospects. I listened patiently until he had finished his harangue, and then my eyes went wearily round the empty room, and I seemed to feel for the first time that his presence could never fill it more. " I would give it all," I exclaimed, pas sionately, ' ' a thousand, thousand times over, to hear his voice once again." I attempted to leave the room with dry eyes as I spoke, but my uncle's kind hand was placed upon my shoulder, and I sat down at the table and cried like a child instead.

Chapter II

In another week Grasslands was shut up again. My sisters had hurried away for change of scene, Lord Portsdowne and George Lascelles had returned to London, and I was on my way to Guildford. A clumsy ugly hatchment frowned from the front of the hall ; the chief apartments were locked up ; the shutters closed ; and the old place left to as deep repose as was its late master in the vault at Wiversdale. I arrived at Guildford late in the afternoon. The town, never a lively one, looked more cheerless than ever; the leaves were already stripped off the few trees which adorned its environs, and a steady rain had been falling for some days. The stuccoed front of the terrace where my mother still lived was green and black from the damp and the smoke ; and as I came in sight of it again, I thought I had never seen a more melancholy-looking place.

Lady Mary and Miss Estcourt were not at home, so the servant who opened the door informed me. I was surprised at the intelligence, for I had given them ample notice of my arrival ; but poor Marguerite was always to be seen, and in another minute I was seated by her side. This patient sister of mine had not improved in health during the last few years ; on the contrary, the spinal weakness from which she suffered had greatly increased, but she had grown so used to-a recumbent position that her spirits were more equable than they had been when she was first laid upon her back. Our meeting was necessarily a sad one, for Mar guerite was an affectionate girl, and the fact of her never having seen .her father since she could remember him, appeared, instead of lessening, to have rather aggravated her distress at the news of his death.

" If I had only known him, Gerald, for ever so short a time," she exclaimed, weeping — " if I had the slightest memory of his face, by which to think of him, I should be so thankful ; but when I attempt to recall his features it is all a blank, and I can't help fancying that when we meet again we shall not know each other." I combated this idea as well as I could, and told her what her father had said on his death bed, respecting his wish to see her and Lilias before he died. " But I don't see how you could have gone to him, my dear girl," I continued, "even had the message reached you. By the way, I must make some inquiries about that telegram whilst I am here ; there must have been gross carelessness somewhere, for my mother never to have received it. I know that there was no mistake on the Dorsetshire side."

Marguerite coloured a good deal whilst I was speaking, and the circumstance directed my attention to herself. She was lying on the sofa, fully robed, and on observing more closely, I saw that the material of which her dress was com posed, although black, was of a very ordinarv texture, and totally untrimmed by crape or any ofthe outward signs of deep mourning. " This is surely very slight mourning for the occasion, Marguerite," I said, touching the folds of her skirt. I was, of course, dressed in the deepest myself; and although I was aware that black crape and bombazine are often adopted by those who have no sorrow in their hearts, so long as the custom is an acknowdedged one in society the neglect of it must imply a certain want of respect to the deceased. My sister blushed still deeper, and said that she thought it was.

" But I am not able to look after such things myself, dear Gerald, as you know, and am obliged to wear whatever mamma thinks fit to buy me. I remonstrated with her, but it was of no use. She said it would be absurd of me to load my dress with crape for a person I had never seen, and I had no choice in the matter." "And do Lilias and my mother permit the same objection to apply to themselves?" I asked, *' for there might be some excuse for you, Marguerite, since you never go out." " Lily's dress is the fac-simile of mine," she replied ; "and as for mamma's, why, you'll see it, Gerald, presently, and then you can judge for yourself." " Lilias, at all events, is old enough, and able to follow her own inclination," I said, warmly. "Lilias is led in everything by mamma," replied Marguerite. " Marguerite, tell me," I exclaimed, as a sudden suspicion struck my mind, " did that telegram ever reach my mother ?"

" Oh ! ask her yourself, Gerald, pray don't ask me ; it is all so miserable and so wretched ; I cannot bear to think of it." I refrained from further questioning, as she desired me ; but her evasion raised some very bitter thoughts in my heart, and as I heard my mother's footsteps in the hall, I rose to my feet, with a stern determination, should my suspicions prove correct, to tell her what I thought of her behaviour. She entered the room, accompanied by Lilias, and saluted me in the most off-hand manner, as if nothing unpleasant had occurred since we had last met, or rather as though we had parted the day before, and had only to relate the adventures of the intervening twelve hours to one another. I saw at a glance that both she and my sister had on dresses and mantles which might have passed for ordinary costume, that Lady Mary wore no widow's cap, and that white flowers mingled with the black net and silk of which Lilias' bonnet was com posed.