How we learned to help ourselves

Front matter

HOW WE LEARNED TO HELP OURSELVES. CHESTEB CATHEDRAL. HOW WE LEARNED TO HELP OURSELVES. BY lalla McDowell. LONDON : THE CHRISTIAN BOOK SOCIETY, n, ADAM STREET, ADELPHI, W.C. Hazell, Watson, and Viney, Printers, London and Aylesbury. CONTENTS. CHAP. PAGE I. THE SHOCK • I II. OUR FIRST EFFORTS II III. MY FIRST ATTEMPTS AS A COOK 1 8 IV. SAYING GOOD-BYE TO AN OLD FRIEND . . -25 V. I MAKE A FRIEND 37 VI. I LEARN TO KEEP HOUSE 45 VII. I GIVE A RIDING LESSON 55 VIII. A SERIOUS CONVERSATION 66 IX. A DISAGREEABLE ADVENTURE 78 X. MY FIFTEENTH BIRTHDAY 90 XI. A DIFFICULTY IO9 XII. OUR VISIT TO SUTTON PARK 119 XIII. SUNDAY AT SUTTON .,,.... 129 f xiy. 7,vo old friends i44 XV. PLEASURE '53 XVI. THE ACCIDENT J59 XVII. ALONE ON THE DEEP '7°

Chapter I. The Shock

I SUPPOSE my father must have been what is con sidered a rich man two years ago, for though we have lived as long as I can remember in Sea Point, which is a large handsome house standing in extensive well wooded grounds, still in my eyes at least it does not now wear the same aspect it did in those past days. It does not look as grand ; but then that may be because it is certainly not as well kept. I don't know that after all I do not like the present time best. Father and mother have not changed ; they are and always were the dearest, kindest, and best of parents. I No, it is only our rich surroundings that have dis appeared — not one by one either, but by a sudden and most unexpected wrench — leaving us quite alone, father, mother, sister Helen and myself, in our dear old home by the sea.

I cannot exactly tell you how it all came about, for we children saw nothing, heard nothing, until the storm burst upon us. In those days we lived much in the school-room with Miss Rogers, our governess, seeing mother only at stated times. The house was often full of visitors, and she went out a great deal, always dressed, I thought, like a queen. I remember Helen and I used to talk about her and wonder in our childish way if Queen Victoria was half as pretty or as grand. It was the spring of 1860. There had been a great deal of talk and preparation for a visit father and mother were going to pay some great people, connections of mother's, in London. Such lovely dresses had come home for her from Madame B.'s, been tried on, shown to father, and then packed up ready for the London visit. They had arranged to start on a Monday afternoon.

Mother had bid us good-bye before we went for our usual walk with Miss Rogers ; she would be gone, she told us, long before we returned. Father had given us his good-bye kiss when he left home for the office in the morning. Mother was to meet him in time for the afternoon train. Great was our surprise when we came in to see the pile of luggage still in the hall. "Mother has not gone," I cried, rushing into the drawing-room in search of her. She was not there. "Where's mother?" I called to Jane our housemaid, who came along the hall at the moment. "Don't make such a noise, Miss Rose," she said. " Your mamma is in her own room ; the master is with her. She is not going to London." I did not wait for more ; I flew upstairs two steps at a time, not heeding Miss Rogers, who called me to come back.

When I opened the bedroom door, I saw father standing in the window, one arm round mother's neck. Her face was turned towards me. I started back, she looked so terribly white ; but I heard her say in a cheer ful, almost happy voice, " Don't trouble about it more than you can help, darling. We can manage very well. I don't mind in the least, if you are only well, and try to bear this loss with true resignation. Trust in our Father, who knows what is best for us." I saw something was wrong, and stood in the door way, uncertain what to do. Mother smiled at me : " Run away, dear," she said, "and come back to me here in half-an-hour ; I will then tell you why I am not going to London." I left the room at once, closing the door softly. I felt some blow had fallen upon us : I had never seen such a look on mother's face before : father had not moved when she spoke.

I ran down to the garden— I could not bear to be questioned by Miss Rogers and Helen just then— and sat down under an old apple tree, from which showers of pink and white blossoms were falling. Another time I should have helped them down by giving the tree a good shake, but I was quiet now, and tried to imagine what could be the matter. Just then the gardener, wheeling a full barrow, came past where I sat, Jane the housemaid walking by his side. Neither of them noticed me. And I heard him say, — " Did she say we must all leave directly ? " " Yes," said Jane, " she will give a month's wages and board. Poor mistress ! I offered to stay a while, but she said she thought it best not. Dear me, what a world of ups and downs it is ! " " Aye," said Tom. " Poor master ! he's the one to feel the blow, for her sake and the children's. Well, we have just to look out for other places."

They passed beyond my hearing, leaving me nearly distracted with anxiety. Would that half-hour never end ? Again and again I took out the little gold watch which, with its beautifully wrought chain, had been my thirteenth birthday present, and as I watched the hands LLELP OURSELVES. move slowly — oh how slowly ! — the thought struck me for the first time, how rich and dainty everything was about me. I had never known anything but wealth, and had hitherto taken all it gave as a matter of course. That weary half-hour dragged to an end at last, and then it was with very sober, quiet steps I mounted the stairs to mother's room, dreading I knew not what. I found her still standing at the window looking out to sea, just as I had left her half an hour before, but she was alone this time ; father had gone back to town.

I had wrought myself up to a high state of excite ment, and one look at her dear pale face was enough to overthrow the little composure I had left. I ran across the room, threw my arms about her, and burst into a very torrent of tears. " My dear child," said mother, soothingly, and folding her arms round me, " there is nothing to cause such grief as this. I can tell you everything in very few words." She paused, as if to command her voice that trembled a little, then went on : " Father has lost all his money." " All ! Oh, mother, how ? " "Alas, yes, dear, I fear so — every shilling. How, I can't explain to you, for I don't quite understand my self. There has been what is called a commercial panic. It is through no fault of dear father's. Ah, I wish he had told me he feared this ; but his wish to spare us kept him silent.

I think he had hopes things would not be so bad. The worst news came this morning." " Is there nothing left ? " I gasped. " Are we very poor ? " almost in a whisper. I had read about poverty ; it seemed a terrible word to me. " Very poor, my darling ; but I trust there will be enough for necessaries." " I heard the gardener tell Jane father said all the servants were to leave. That can't be true, mother ! " " Yes, we think it best it should be so. With such a large establishment of servants, I could do nothing in the way of reducing our expenses, which should be done at once. Thank God, we can pay every penny we owe." " But, mother," I said, fondly stroking the little white HELP OURSELVES. 8 hand I held between both of mine, " who will do every thing ? " " I am going to try, dear ; and my little daughters, I feel sure, will do their best to help me."

" Oh, yes ! " I cried. " But, mother, you never can work like a servant, you couldn't — you couldn't," and my tears fell fast at the very idea. " Rosie," said my mother, gravely, " do you know when you came in just now, I was thanking my Heavenly Father that the trouble He had sent was only a money trouble. He is so good, so merciful to me, how can I thank Him as I ought ? He might have taken father — He might have taken children — might have stricken me down, and He has spared me all the blessings I prize most ; and shall I murmur because He has left me poor in worldly riches ? We have, for all the years of your life, Rosie, enjoyed father's prosperity. Please God, we will be strong to share and lighten the burden he has to bear now. We have decided to try and keep Sea Point ; you and Helen will be glad of that.

It has been our happy home for so many years, it would be a hard trial to us all to leave it. We must try to be happy and contented, and never let father know we suffer from the change. Won't you do your best to help me, my darling ? We will ask our dear Saviour, who so well knew what poverty was, to help us to be strong." " Yes," I sobbed; " but oh, mother, you are not strong like other people." " Ah, yes, dear, I feel that"; I wish I was stronger ; but, Rosie, God knows what I need, and I can trust Him ; for has He not said, ' My strength is sufficient for you ' ? " " And Miss Rogers," I questioned, " must she go also ? " I fear in my secret heart I hoped mother would answer yes, for though I liked Miss Rogers very well, still she meant lessons, and I confess I was an idle girl. " We must make a change there too ; still you and Helen have to be educated, she cannot leave us altogether.

I mean to give Miss Rogers a fortnight's holi day ; she will be glad to go to her mother, who wants her to live at home ; then we shall be at the summer vacation, after which I hope to make an arrangement lor her to come to you part of each day. HOW WE IEARNED TO HELP OURSELVES. 10 " Now run away, dear ; you can tell Helen all I have told you. My head aches so badly, I must lie down for a little while." " You have had no lunch ! " I cried. " Come and rest on the sofa in the dining-room ; I will bring you some thing myself." I led mother downstairs, feeling like a woman in taking care of her. I brought wine and biscuits, almost forcing her to take a little. Then I covered her up with a shawl, and drew down the blinds. Poor mother ! she was quite worn out, and soon fell asleep from very weariness.

I watched her a little while, then stole softly from the room and ran out to my favourite seat in the garden, to think over this great trouble. OUR FIRST EFFORT. 11

Chapter II. Our First Effort

For one cause or another, the servants did not get away until the close of the second day ; and though Helen and I talked a great deal about being poor, we did not realize that any change had taken place. There was a pretty Gothic lodge close to the gates, in which our groom and his wife used to live. To our great delight we found he was to live there still, though he had already found another situation. He was to have the lodge rent free, and Mary, his wife, was to come every morning to light the fires and clean boots ; she was also to do our washing. The first morning after the servants left, not being called and helped to dress, as usual, it was late when Helen and I came downstairs. Our breakfast was ready in the parlour, which, with the rest of the house, seemed silent and empty. We ran out into the garden, delighted to be free, then in through the back door into the kitchen, where we found mother, in her white morning dress, a large coarse towel pinned round her, peeling potatoes.

This sight gave me an unpleasant shock. " Oh, mother, are you up so early ? " I cried. " I have been downstairs since seven, you sleepy little girls ! " and in a voice of consternation, " Oh ! Helen, what untidy hair ! " "I can't get it nice, mother," said poor little Helen, her lip trembling in an ominous way, though she kept back the tears that silled her large soft blue eyes, bravely. "Well, darling, never mind now, eat your breakfast. If Rosie can't act as your lady's-maid, you must come to me every morning until you learn to do it yourself. You know, Helen," she went on, smiling, "we have all a great deal to learn ; just now I am learning to cook your dinners. Do you think you could bring me out the breakfast things when you have finished ? " OUR FIRST EFFORT. 13 " Of course I can ; and wash them and put them all away," said my little sister, all smiles again, pleased to be of use.

And she did, slowly and carefully, as unlike me as possible. From that day this became one of her duties, and most faithfully it was performed, never shirked, or for gotten, as, alas ! many of mine often were. That afternoon we took our first lesson in laying the dinner-table. Mother would have everything as nice as usual, and we three sat down just as we had done when we had six servants to attend upon us. Father was to dine in town for the future, but his tea was ready when he returned, nothing wanting on the table, nothing to be brought in at the last moment. In these particulars mother never relaxed, though in after days father's tea was often the only regular meal got ready in the day. Mother had made us dress for tea as we had been in the habit of doing for the late dinner ; and though she stood by and told us what to do, she did not help us to dress.

She wore a very plain dark dress herself, but it was fashionably made, and she looked in my eyes as beautiful as if she had done nothing all day. Father looked at us all critically, when he came home. " Are you quite done up ? " he asked, sadly. "Not at all," said mother, brightly. "We are only beginners yet, you know, but I think we promise well." The happy look that came into father's face was reward enough for us all ; but Helen and I were very tired, and made no demur about going to bed that night. The next morning we both felt so fatigued, that mother would not allow us to rise until it was near our dinner hour. Dear mother, I could see, was weary and done up, but she made no complaint when I questioned her ; she would only admit she had a bad night, — she would get used to working in time.

When she called us in to dinner, great was our sur prise to find it laid in the kitchen, which now wore the appearance of a lovely little breakfast or morning-room. The lattice window, which looked into the garden OUR FLRST EFFORT. 15 stood open, fresh white muslin curtains waved to and fro in the soft warm June air. The dresser which ran nearly across one side of the room looked, I thought, quite handsome, filled with the best dinner service ; the long table underneath was covered with a light, pretty oilcloth, and in the centre of it stood a lovely white vase of pink and blush roses, whose sweet perfume filled the whole place. A square of new carpet, which mother had taken from one of the spare bedrooms, covered the middle of the floor, leaving a border of white and blue tiles visible. The stove and steels certainly did Mary credit, the rest was mother's work.

Why have you done all this, mother ? " asked Helen. " I must be here a great deal now, and wished to make my room look as little like a kitchen as possible, little one," answered mother, " and if we dine and break fast here, it will save me lifting all those heavy trays in and out of the other room. We will always honour father with his tea in the dining-room." What a nice little dinner we had that day, and how prettily served. It did not take us long to find out, what we had never known before, that mother was a first-rate cook. After dinner she sent us out to play. This must be a day of rest for us, we had done too much work yesterday ; to-morrow we should help her again. " Come and see the little calf," suggested Helen ; " the cows will be in the field now," (Helen was rather shy of the cows).

" Then we can unchain Nero, and have a good romp on the lawn." I was quite ready for a game of romps with old Nero, who was the best of good dogs ; so taking Helen's hand, we ran across the shrubbery that skirted one side of the house, then out into a pretty green lane which ended in our stable-yard. Nero barked a welcome to us as we entered. " We will come to you in a moment, old fellow," I cried; " but we must see the calf first," so we ran on. The house where the calf was kept was at the end of the long yard. We opened the door very cautiously, for fear he OUR FIRST EFFORT. 17 might make a rush out. But no calf was there; the house was empty, only a little straw scattered about. " Where is he gone ? " cried Helen. " I don't know," said I, in a sober voice. " Tom may have taken him to the field with the cows, or he may be sold," said Helen; "father said he was not going to keep him."

" Helen, I must just peep into the stable," I cried, a horrid misgiving stealing over me. " Oh, no ! Oh, Rosie, don't ; you know mother will be so vexed. Ah ! " in a tone of relief, "here's Tom." I paused with my hand on the latch of the stable door, and waited for the man to come nearer. " Are the horses here, Tom ? " I asked, in a voice tremulous with excitement. IIOW WE LEARNED TO HELP OURSELVES. 18

Chapter III. My First Attempts As

A COOK, 1'MlSS ROSE," said Tom, "you were never going into the stable by yourself? " " No, Tom, I was not going in, I only wanted just to look in. Are they there ? " " Yes, miss," he answered, quickly throwing open the door as he spoke. " There they are, all right." The man looked in my face with a kind pity I did not then understand, in his eyes. Yes, there stood our three horses, and I gave a long sigh of relief. " I think you are to have a ride to-morrow, miss," said Tom, kindly. Had he been touched by my sigh, I wondered ? "And mother, Tom, — is she going to ride to-morrow?' " I don't know — I suppose so, miss ; master said the horses must go out to-morrow." With a feeling of relief I can hardly explain, I walked MY FIRST ATTEMPTS AS A COOK: 19 away to unchain Nero, who was wild with impatience all this time.

Of all the many pleasures of my past life, I think there was none I so thoroughly enjoyed, as the possession of the beautiful gentle mare my uncle had given me four years ago. Mother was a splendid horse woman, a bold and fearless rider. She had taken great pains to teach me to ride well, and if I was not as skilful, I was certainly as fearless as herself. We had two carriages, but unless for some one staying in the house 'they were very seldom used. Mother did not care for driving, so if she did not walk, we rode nearly every day. Oh, what delightful rides those were ! Sometimes father accompanied us, but not often ; he was always taken up with business, and I think did not care very much for that kind of exercise. But mother and I used to explore the country for miles round. I don't think she ever tired, I know I never did ; apart from the pleasure I had in the rides, it was so delightful to have her all to myself.

What pleasant talks we used to have. I can't remember that I ever had a thought or feeling which I kept from her. All my scrapes and lesson troubles— and they were not a few — I brought fearlessly to her, sure indeed of serious grave reproof, but just as certain ofthe most tender sympathy. To know that we grieved her was always our greatest punishment, and I so often grieved her by my wild impetuous temper. We walked out of the yard, both full of sober thoughts, Nero gambolling by our side. " I should like to look into the field," said Helen, when we were out of the lane. "Will you come with me just as far as the gate ? I fear the cows and calf are sold." " Come alon then," I answered ; " not that I care much if they are gone ; but, Helen, I did get an awful fright about the horses. When I saw the calf was not in his house, it just flashed into my mind they might not be in the stable ; that's the reason I wanted to peep in.

I'm a little fool," I went on, " for of course father would not sell mother's horse, and Zara is my very own, you know — Uncle John gave her to me." "No, I suppose not," said Helen, but not in the MY FIRST ATTEMPTS AS A COOK. 21 confident tone in which I had just spoken. " Shall we ask mother about them ? " "No, don't ; if the cows are sold she will be so sorry for them, besides she would have told us herself." The next day Tom came early to ask what hour the horses would be required. Mother came to the door to speak to him. " Twelve o'clock will suit best, Tom," she said. " You had better ride Selem, Miss Rose will have Zara." " Are you not going yourself, ma'am ? " Tom asked in a disappointed tone. " Do, ma'am ; the day is so fine, it will do you good to go out." " No, I think not, Tom. Have Zara round in good time ; Miss Rose will be ready for you."

" Mother, why won't you come ? " I cried, the moment she had closed the door on Tom. " Now all my pleasure is gone," in a tone of great discontent. " Don't say that, dear, I know you will enjoy your ride. I could not leave Helen alone, and I have so many things to do to-day. Besides, my little Helen is going for a ride herself ; I have ordered a donkey for her." " You dear mother ! " said Helen, kissing her ; " and are you coming with me all by yourself? " " Yes, won't that be nice ? But now we must get our work done. By the time you have finished the drawing room, you had better get dressed, Rosie ; you must not keep Tom." I did enjoy my ride that day, and every fine day during the next fortnight, though mother never would come with me, — why, I could not understand. About this time we began to get on better at home.

Mother certainly did not look so tired, and we grew used to working, and running about. Every day had its allotted work ; I may say every hour was so divided that we now had plenty of time for everything we wanted to do. Mother rose early, and could always be finished and dressed for the day by one o'clock. The house never was in nicer order. Then we read and worked and practised together. Certainly poverty did not hurt us children, for we were if possible happier, because we en joyed the delightful privilege of being always with mother. MY FLRST ATTEMPTS AS A COOK. -■3 We learned so many new things. I could cook several dishes, and even father declared my pastry delicious. What charming surprises we used to make for his tea, and how proud we felt when he praised us. You must not think we learned to do these things all at once.

No, indeed ! we made the funniest blunders. Once I put a large spoonful of salt instead of sugar into my pudding ; another day I forgot to roast the meat, and did not discover my mistake until I found I had only a dish of potatoes to carry into the parlour ; I spoiled many a dish of fish ; but at last I conquered even this difficulty. I was always in too great a hurry, and did not take time to think how the work in hand ought to be done ; but mother was very patient with me, making me try again and again, until at last I would succeed. We were never forced to do anything, but if we once began there was no giving up. Whether it was a piece of work to be done, or music to be learned, a dish to be cooked, or a room to be swept it must be finished and done as well as possible. This was all very trying to my temper, but mother was firm ; we knew, and had nOW WE LEARNED TO HELP OURSELVES. always known, that if she said a thing, it must be done.

I am now going to tell you of one of my bad days, when my temper brought me into sore trouble ; but I think I must keep this for a new chapter. SAYING GOOD-BYE TO AN OLD FRIEND. 25

Chapter IV. Saying Good-bye To An Old Friend

ONE day, just as we had finished dinner and were pre paring for our walk, Tom came to the back-door and asked to speak to mother ; he spoke quickly, in a low voice. We did not hear what he said. Mother got her hat, and called to us to come with her. " I am going to say good-bye to an old friend," she said to me, as we all walked together down the lane to the yard. My late rides had quite reassured me about the horses, and it was not until I saw an old gentleman whom I did not know, and a strange well-dressed groom standing near the stable door, that the reason why we were there dawned upon me. Mother bowed slightly as the old gentleman raised his hat, and without speaking passed with Tom into the stable. I followed her, trembling in every limb with suppressed passion. I felt then as if a terrible wrong was being done me, and it was some moments before I found voice to speak.

" You haven't sold the horses ? " I almost shrieked at length. " Ah, yes, Rosie," said mother, sadly, as she stroked the glossy neck of poor Selem, who gave a low whinny, as if he well understood this was to be their parting. In less than a second I was beside the old gentleman, grasping him fiercely by the arm. " You haven't bought my horse — you shan't have her ! " I cried. " She is mine, all my own. Uncle gave her to me ; no one has a right to touch her — no one shall." I stopped for want of breath to say more, still holding his arm in my rude clasp. " Young lady," said the old man, looking down upon me in great astonishment, " I bought three horses from your father this morning, and paid a long price for them, I can tell you. Don't you think you had better settle this matter with him ?

" SAYING GOOD-BYE TO AN OLD FRIEND. 27 "No, I don't," I screamed; "I'll settle it with you. My horse is mine, and you can't buy her ; she is not father's to sell." " Rosie," said my mother, in a sharp stern tone, " how dare you speak so ? " But I was blind and mad with rage ; I did not look at her, I did not heed even the voice I loved best in the world. " It is a shame of father," I went on, with rapid utterance, " he has taken everything from us. He has made servants of us, and now he wants to rob me of the horse my uncle gave me." Mother took no notice of this dutiful speech ; she walked close up to the old gentleman, and spoke in a very low, pained voice. " I hope you will excuse my daughter, sir, she does not know what she is saying. For the first time in my life, I am ashamed of one of my children."