For Good or Evil

Front matter

BY GILBERTA M. F. LYON, Author oj " The Better Part." IN TWO VOLUMES. Vol. II. LONDON GAY AND BIRD 5, CHANDOS STREET, STRAND, W.C. 1893 [All rights reserved.] \n CONTENTS. CHAPTER TAGE I. Always ready to Forgive and Forget . i II. For Your Own Sake and Hers . . 22 III. She is Not Worthy of such Love . 43 IV. Saved 64 V. Forgiven 84 VI. "Hope is such a Sweet Word". . 104 VII. A Wedding Gift 124 VIII. "My Heart is Not My Own" . . 143 IX. "Have You Loved Me Long?" . . 162 X. "Let Me be Your Wife" . .

Chapter I. Always Ready To Forgive And Forget

Meanwhile, what had Pansy Bruce been doing all these months ? She had been very brave until Darwin had left ; then the poor girl began to realize how lonely her life would be. Then her uncle and aunt died, so she had not much time for thinking about her own troubles. Then Zelia came, and for the next few days she had plenty to occupy her, as her mother felt the death of her sister very much. Pansy had to devote herself more than ever VOL. II. : B to Mrs. Bruce. No one wondered why the sad look came into Pansy's eyes, or why the sweet face was paler. It was all put down to her having so much to do in looking after her mother ; but if any one had seen her at night when she was alone in her room, they would not have wondered. She would sit at her window for hours, with her list less hands lying idle upon her lap — her beautiful, sad eyes looking at nothing.

Then she would burst into tears, and weep as if her heart were breaking, and pray on her knees by her bedside for God to help her and make her happy once more — that she might be happy if it were only for a few months before she died. Prayed to have strength to keep her secret to herself and not tell it to her mother, so that she might not worry about her child. Prayed for the man she loved, that he might get well and be sheltered from all harm in this world. And lastly she prayed that some day he would love her and know how she loved him. Then she would get into bed and go to sleep, tired out, but more peaceful. No one could have guessed anything the next morning. She would come downstairs as fresh as a summer rose, a little pale, but with a sweet smile on the calm, beautiful face. She had always a cheerful welcome for her mother, and a bright word for every one she met.

Pansy Bruce was a brave, true, and good girl. After a time Mrs. Bruce caught a bad cold. It affected her chest, and left her delicate for some time. It was then that Pansy received Zelia's first letter from Baden-Baden. She asked her mother what she thought of going abroad for a few months. " Mother dear, you do not seem to shake off your cold. How would you like to go to Baden ? Lady Missenden and Zelia are there," she said one morning. " Very much, darling, when I feel better. At present I think I am best at home." It happened that it was best, as she caught a fresh cold, and had to keep to her bed for some weeks, and so Zelia's letter was forgotten. A little later Mrs. Bruce heard of Sir George Ansty being in Baden. Not having heard from Zelia since that first letter, she felt something must be wrong ; so Mrs. Bruce wrote to Ansty to know if Zelia was still there with Lady Missenden.

In time she got his answer, as we know, and soon after came a letter from Zelia Langton, saying she was engaged to Lord Lynmouth, and was simply waiting for her consent. Mrs. Bruce was terribly upset by it ; she was still far from strong. She called Pansy, who was singing some of her favourite songs in her sad, sweet voice. " Come here, my child," said Mrs. Bruce. " What is it, mother ? Ah ! I see a letter from Zelia. I knew she would write soon," she said, in her dreamy way. " Yes, darling, it is from her, but not good news. I fancy you said that you had written to her." " Yes, ten days ago, before you heard from Sir George. I sent it to Lady Missen den's town address. But tell me what she says. Let me read her letter. May I, mother dear ? " " Of course, my child ; here it is." She watched her daughter's face while she read.

She soon got to the end of the short, cold letter. " Mother ! " she said, " Zelia is not herself. She was under some bad influence when she wrote this letter." "Why, Pansy, whatever do you mean ? " asked Mrs. Bruce. " I mean, she is not happy ; she has one of her old reckless fits on ; she is tired of being dependent on Lady Missenden. Lord Lyn mouth is rich, and has won her, for her beauty perhaps. She has accepted him for his wealth ; she has never given herself time to think, but has hardened herself, and will keep like that until she is married. Then, — oh, my poor, dear Zelia, what will your awaking be?" Pansy's eyes filled with tears. "But I am not going to give my consent ; so she cannot be married. Do not worry like that," said her mother. " It is no use saying ' don't worry.' Why, you cannot know her as well as I do.

Oh ! forgive me, mother — I did not mean to be rude ; forgive me." She went on her knees and kissed her mother, then said, " Mother, she is a wild, wilful girl, but such a loving, sweet child if only treated in the right way. If that old lady and that man taunt her about being too cowardly to run away with him if you refuse your consent, she will never stop to think — off she will go. Poor child ! what will happen ? How can I save her ? Help me, mother darling ; I love her so dearly, my own sweet Zelia." " Pansy, I am much better now : what do you think of our starting off to Germany?" " Do you really mean this, mother ? How shall I ever thank you ? But are you sure you are equal to such a long journey ?" " Yes, quite, my darling. I will write to Zelia to-morrow, and tell her I cannot give my consent.

It is very odd that Lord Lynmouth has never written to me himself. By the bye, Sir George says Mr. Darwin is in the same hotel. We shall be quite a party of old friends," said Mrs Bruce. Pansy turned away, and pretended to be reading Zelia's letter ; so her mother could not see the trembling of her lips or the colour leave her face. How could she bear it ? And yet she knew some day she would have to meet him again when he returned to Darwin Hall. But what mattered her own feelings ? O Was she not going to save Zelia ? She had borne it all well for a whole year ; she must still be brave, for her mother's sake and for her love for Zelia. Besides, in a way her heart told her she would like to see the man she loved again. It would be very sweet to see him once more. She might suffer a fresh pang of heart ache, if that could be possible.

Was it not worth it ? Had not her life been a long dreary blank since he left ? Was she not as brave as she used to be ? She thought so. But she was not. Sorrow and suffering in silence had made her a weaker woman in many ways. She turned to her mother as soon as she got her feelings under command. " It is very good of you to go to Baden, dear mother," she said. " Well, dear, Zelia has no one really to look after her but me ; so I think it is my duty to go," answered Mrs. Bruce. Pansy had not very much time for thought during the next few days. What with saying good-bye to her friends and pets, the time soon passed. Then came the journey. They arrived at Baden early in the morning. Sir George Ansty sent to know if he could speak to Mrs. Bruce early, as he was leaving Baden that afternoon. She was rather glad to see him before Ze lia.

Sir George soon came to her room. He was glad to see them again, and thankful. He knew now that Zelia would be looked after. " How do you do, Mrs. Bruce ? I am so glad to see you and Miss Bruce again. Why, it must be a year since last we met." " Yes, Sir George, it is. I have come here simply to see my niece. Oh ! what has happened to her ? " asked Mrs. Bruce. " Nothing as yet," answered Ansty gravely ; " but you are only just in time." He then told her all he knew, and how Zelia had cut him and treated Darwin rudely. " Sir George, I have written to Zelia, and have refused my consent. She knows of it by this time." " How odd, Mrs. Bruce ! Lord Lynmouth left Baden last evening. I have no idea where he has gone." Pansy could not keep silent any longer, so she said, " Is my cousin much altered ?

Have you any idea why she should cut you ? Are you a friend of Lord Lynmouth's ? " " I know him ; at least, I knew him once. He has also cut me," he said. " I shall soon see Zelia," said Pansy. " I will get her to tell me all. She cannot change towards me." Sir George thought to himself the same. How could any one change towards this sweet girl ? He saw Pansy was changed. She looked very sad now — not the light-hearted girl she was a year ago. But the sadness made her more beautiful : she looked gentle and sweet now. Mrs. Bruce asked how Mr. Darwin was. " Much better, poor chap, but he has to be very careful. He looks fearfully delicate and weak still, but that one must expect : he has been ill so long." Sir George could not help looking at Pansy Bruce as he said this. Yes, he was right — the soft pink colour crept up her face in a lovely blush like it used to do at Graven hurst Towers ; this beautiful girl loved Dar win.

How sorry he felt for her ! " I hope, Mrs. Bruce, you will see as much as you can of Darwin : it does him good. He can't walk very much, and he says driv ing still hurts his back ; so he is often very lonely, and I have to run over to England for a week or ten days." " I shall be very glad, Sir George; but I hope my niece will leave Lady Missenden soon, and return to the Towers with me," replied Mrs. Bruce. " I hope soon we shall all meet in Devon shire again, like olden times, Miss Bruce. Good-bye. I fear I must go, as I have to see Darwin before I leave." As he left them, Pansy sighed. Would those happy old times ever return ? Never again ; always the same dull, aching pain for her. Presently Zelia Langton came into the room. Pansy felt as if she had been given a blow. She came in, her head erect, a de fiant look in her flashing, dark eyes, a smile on her scornful mouth.

Pansy had never seen her like it, even in the olden days. " Why, aunty ! what a surprise to see you here ! I only got your letter two days ago ! " she said, in a hard voice. She never turned to her cousin. It was more than Pansy could bear. " Zelia, my darling ! are you not glad to see me ? " she said, putting her warm, loving arms round her cousin. " Yes, of course, Pansy. Welcome to Baden ! I cannot stay long, Aunt Fanny — I have to go to Lady Missenden." " Zelia, tell me, dear, what Lord Lyn mouth said to my letter," asked her aunt. "Your letter! Oh! laughed, as I did, and we parted like good children yesterday, as you wished." " Never to see him again, I hope, dear," said Mrs. Bruce. " Oh, I cannot answer for that — London is but a small place, you know. Surely if I tell you we are parted, that is enough !

You cannot doubt my word," said Zelia. A hard smile curved her scornful lips. " No, dear ; I know mother did not. You are a truthful girl, — I can answer for that. Kiss me, darling ! " Pansy was so pleased to meet her cousin again, that she did not notice when she kissed Zelia, that Zelia did not kiss her. Soon Zelia left to go to Lady Missenden, but promised to meet Pansy in the garden a little later. " Mother, whatever has happened to Zelia ? " asked Pansy, in a hushed voice. " I do not know, darling ; she is under some very bad influence. I can do nothing, but I leave her to you. If any one can win that child back from harm's way, you can ; and, darling, do it, for the sake of olden times." Mrs. Bruce put her arms round her daughter's neck, and kissed her. Pansy burst into tears. It was all so very different to what she had expected.

She had been thinking Zelia would run and clasp her arms round her, and tell her all her troubles ; but now the meeting was over, and she had not seemed even glad to see her. After a short time Pansy Bruce went out into the garden, and Zelia joined her. She seemed in the same mood, so Pansy said, " Zelia, why are you changed ? " " I am not," was the curt answer. " Then you are not happy ! " " Yes, I am." "Zelia!" " Yes." " Did you love Lord Lynmouth very much ? " said Pansy softly. " I thought you understood I do not believe in love." " You used to say so, then afterwards you once confessed you did." " Did I ? I must have been very silly." "No, you were not, darling." " I was, for I hate love." And Zelia laughed in a heartless manner. " Have you forgotten that evening when you came down for a few days to the Towers — that night when you made me con fess my love to you ?

Have you forgotten ? Tell me, dearest," persisted Pansy. " No, I have not. Did you think I had ? " " Yes." Pansy could not say another word ; her sweet lips quivered. " You must think I have a very bad memory," said Zelia. " Then why are you so changed ? " asked Pansy. " I am not. You simply asked me if I loved Lord Lynmouth. Have we not parted ? " vol. 11. c " You may love, even though you are parted." " We are parted. I can't say more, can I ?" " You are parted, I think, because mother will not give her consent — is it not so ? " Zelia was getting very uncomfortable. How she loved Pansy ! She could put her off as long as she did not look at her ; but if she looked straight into those beautiful eyes, she would have to confess every thing. Then that would mean an end to her glorious future.

No, she would not look at her; she must hide her feelings one day more. Pansy took one of her hands. She felt her tremble — she knew she was not her true self. " My darling, tell me what is the matter. What has come between us ? " " Nothing." " Then who has come between us ? " " No one." " Do you love me still, or has your love for Lord Lynmouth killed your love for me ? " " Why should it ? " Zelia asked, " No reason, I should think ; but there seems something between us," sighed Pansy. "You see, I do not love Lord Lynmouth." " Then you did not mind mother's letter. I am so glad," smiled Pansy. " I said I do not love him." " Well, then, you mean you are not sad because mother refused her consent ? " " You are dense, Pansy," said Zelia. "Must I repeat, I do not love him? But I will continue — I love wealth."

" Zelia ! Zelia ! " cried her cousin ; " do you mean to say you were going to marry Lord Lynmouth for his money ? No, no ; you cannot mean it. Say you don't. Oh ! my darling — say I did not hear aright." Pansy turned very white, her eyes filled with tears. " I mean it — I would marry him for his money," repeated Zelia, in a hard, cold voice. " You cannot mean it, you cannot," said Pansy, in a dull, weary tone. " Don't believe me then; I don't care." " What are you going to do now ? " " Why should I tell you ? " " Zelia, you must be mad, or you would never talk like this," said Pansy, in the same dreary voice. " I am not mad," said Zelia. " Then if you be not, tell me you have said all this only to frighten me." " But I have not." " Then your love for me must be gone." " Think so, if you like."

" No, I will not, for I cannot believe it." " Perhaps your love for me is gone," said Zelia, with a bitter laugh. "No, Zelia, it is the same as ever; and when you want a friend, come to me or send for me — my arms will always be ready to receive you, and my heart to love you. If ever you do pray, pray to God to bring back your true self. Try and drive away your present self ; but remember, Pansy is always ready to forgive and forget — her love has been, is, and always will be, the same." The girl left Zelia with these words.

Chapter II. For Your Own Sake And Hers

Sir George Ansty went straight from Mrs. Bruce's room to Darwin's. He felt happier now that Zelia had her aunt near. He felt perhaps now he might have a chance of finding out why Zelia had cut him. He felt quite sure it was all through Lord Lynmouth, but how was he to find that out ? Could Darwin ? He would have a talk with him about it before he left Baden that day. He found Nigel lying down, reading an English paper. " Well, Nigel, I have seen Mrs. and Miss Bruce — had a long talk. They are coming to see you when I am gone," he said. " Are they ? Well, I shall be glad to see them ; they were awfully kind to me in Devonshire." " Look here, Darwin, I want to ask you something, also to tell you something." " Well, which is to come first — the news or the question ? The news, I hope," said Nigel, in a weary tone.

" Darwin, you are not so well to-day. I wish I was not going away," said Ansty, in his kind voice. " I am better. Tell me what you wanted to say, George." " I hardly know how to begin ; but this is what I want you to do for me while I am away. Try and find out from the Bruces why Zelia Langton has behaved so oddly to us both — more so to me even than to you." " Do you feel it so much, poor old chap ? I did not like to ask," Darwin said quietly. " You see, Nigel, I may as well tell you everything — I know you are safe. I love that wilful girl, and I mean her to be my wife, if possible, some day. When in Devon shire, I often used to feel sure I could win her love, and I meant to have asked her when I got to Baden ; then the very first time I saw her she cut me. What could I do ? Nothing. Then came Lord Lyn mouth, and somehow he has got a won derful power over her ; she cannot get away from it.

You can see that she is not happy. That hard look is only put on to hide her real feelings; but Pansy Bruce will alter all that now she has come." " George, I will do all I can to help you. Hope on, old fellow. I feel sure you will be happy one day, as you deserve to be. It will not be my fault if you are not. I wish I were as good as you ; then, maybe, I should not fret at my present life. Oh ! to be strong for one whole week — that is all I want." He suddenly stopped ; he had quite for gotten Ansty knew nothing of the mad journey he was going in a few days' time. " What do you want to do now, Darwin ? " asked Sir George. " Nothing. Well, now you have told me all, and I have consented to help you, tell me the rest. You said you had some thing to ask me and something to tell me. Please go on."

" Very well," — there was a certain stern ness in the expression of Sir George's face as he said that, — " this is what I have to tell you : Pansy Bruce loves you." Nigel's face grew deathly pale ; Ansty was quite frightened. Nigel did not say a word, but he looked very hard at his cousin for some minutes. Presently he said, " George, be careful in what you say." " Yes, I am ; but I know this for certain. Nigel, shall I repeat it ?" " No ! for God's sake, no. ... I want to know how you feel so sure," he said, in dull, measured tones. " Miss Bruce was looking very sad all the time I was talking — she seemed such a lifeless sort of girl to what she used to be ; then when I mentioned your name, a light came to her eyes and a sweet pink rose-blush came over her face. No girl could look like that unless she loved the man whose name was then mentioned.

She looked so beautiful, so shy, but such a loving, sad-looking girl. Darwin, don't break that sweet, pure girl's heart." " Have mercy on me, Ansty ! " implored Darwin. Then he asked, " Would you call it honourable to ask a girl to marry you, if you were like me, in my wretched health ? Tell me." "In some cases, no, I would not ; but here, in this case, I say yes ! You love this girl, she loves you ; it would make her perfectly happy to marry you, to be your slave, to wait upon you for ever, — that would be happi ness to that noble girl. To go on as you are makes you perfectly wretched, keeps you from getting as well as you might do, for you fret and fret over your dull life, and it — well, it is slowly but surely breaking a good, noble, and beautiful woman's heart. Forgive my plain speaking ; think this well over, for your own sake and hers."

" Thank you for all you have said. 1 will try and think over all you have told me," said Darwin. " You forgive me, Nigel ? " asked Ansty. " Forgive you ! need you ask ? Have I any friend so true as you, old fellow ? You can say anything to me, and you know it." " Good-bye, Darwin ; take care of your self. I may be able to return in a week." " Good-bye, George, and thank you again and again." Sir George Ansty had only just time to catch his train, but he was glad he had had this long talk : he felt easier now it was over. Darwin lay still thinking for a long while after his cousin left him. What was the right thing to do ? He would never ask Pansy to be his wife ; how could he do it ? It would be wicked of him. Ansty must have made a mistake. He hoped so. All would be right as long as she did not find out that he loved her.

He had only one day more. To-morrow he must go to Strassburg, for he wanted first to find out if Lord Lynmouth was really there. He could not help feeling pretty sure he was safe in England. Lynmouth was not the sort of man to marry a poor girl like Zelia. He would be at the station to meet her. He would not have time to return to Baden and prevent her from starting ; besides, she would not stop for him. He felt the only way was to let her find all out for herself. No one would know her ; he could bring her safely back, and no one but her aunt and cousin would ever be the wiser. Old Lady Missenden evidently did not know the man's real character, for she was not a very wicked old woman. He felt sure she was certain Lord Lynmouth was at Strassburg. Darwin only had one fear, and that was, what if he had not strength to do it ?

Ought he to have told Ansty ? But no ; he would not like him, poor fellow, to do this. It would never have done to have told him. Darwin would have a night's rest at Strassburg ; so would feel pretty sure of himself. He must not take his servant, but he would soon be able to settle him : he was a faithful fellow, and would not ask many questions, if any. How Darwin wished the time had come to start ! How long it seemed to wait ! o * # # # # When Zelia was left alone in the garden by Pansy, she felt turned to stone. She slowly returned to the hotel, and went up to her room. She shut her door and went to the window, and sat down as a girl in a dream. She seemed unable to think for awhile ; then tears fell one by one down her cheeks — hot, scalding tears. Then she got up and flung herself on her bed and sobbed bitterly for some minutes.

What had she done ? What had she said ? Had she lost Pansy's love for ever ? Why was she so wicked ? All the time she was longing to put her arms round Pansy's neck and cry, "Save me, save me." But something seemed to turn her heart to stone. Should she ever forget Pansy's sad eyes and her sad voice ? She could hear that sweet voice ringing in her ears, saying, " Pansy is always ready to forgive and forget. Her love has been, is, and always will be, the same." Should she go to her now and confess all ? No, she could not — her pride would not let her. She was going to Lord Lynmouth in two days' time. She had promised. She dare not break that promise to him. It was best for Pansy to believe her to be a hard, wicked girl. Why should she ever know otherwise ? She was about as wretched as she could be.

She felt as if her heart were broken, for now, when too late, she knew that she hated Lord Lynmouth, and she knew it was wicked to wed without love. But all too late, too late ! What would she not give to be safe with Pansy at Gravenhurst Towers. She would never see that dear old house again, never. Worst of all, she should never see Aunt Fanny again or Pansy, for she felt sure that when Pansy knew she had really run away with Lord Lynmouth, she would never be able to love her again. How could she ? Why was she such a wicked girl ? How hard she had once tried to be good ! But she had then been with Pansy. It was not like she had been since she had been tempted. She knew she ought not to have been so easily led away, but she had been weak ; now pride would keep her to her word. She could not give up all now it was within her reach.