The Co-Respondent

Chapter I

Without taking an active part in this little comedy, or even putting in an appearance among the dramatis personæ, my paternal uncle, old John Cracklethorpe, of Lincoln's Inn, a Chancery barrister of great repute and still greater substance — was, practically, the head and front of my offending, as you will presently see. But for my Uncle John and his unconscionable ways, this story would never have been written, and I should not have offered vain burnt offerings at the hymeneal altar, and heard the unhallowed Avails of the Divorce Court re-echo my own bitter plaints. The torments of a man obliged to flee to that accursed haven of refuge from the stings of connubial outrage and discontent do not require dwelling upon, and though my sufferings Avere mostly of a vicarious nature, or to be more explicit, were endured on my behalf in the sacred cause of friendship, I could not conscientiously avoid having a feeling of deep sympathy for myself.

As for the Queen's Proctor, I hope to keep out of his sight for the rest of my days. VOL. I. B Noav, my Uncle John, of whom I speak without malice —since a feeling of gratitude precludes my use of freer language — was a bachelor; and, apart from his business life, somewhat of a recluse ; having a strange antipathy to all womankind, which was quite outside of my powers of comprehension, though it is all clear enough to me now. Still, it was believed that my cousin, Kate Forester — daughter of his dead sister — was held in something akin to kindly regard by the old misogynist, and although I occupied a fairly prominent place in his good opinion, and expected something more or less substantial in a testamentary way from him, I always looked upon Kate as an heiress in right of Uncle John's manifest predilection for her.

As for jealousy in this matter, I had none Avhatever. Kate and I were both left orphans at an earlier date than either of us could remember, and we greAV up together like brother and sister, and scarcely recognized the cousinly relation. Then, too, Kate, at the period when this story begins, was engaged to my dearest friend, Harry Vance, and I was glad, for his sake, that Kate had such brilliant prospects ; for I had received something tangible both from my father and mother, and thought little of money ; though — to be strictly honest — I felt no real repugnance to receiving whatever my uncle found it to be consistent with his greater affection for Kate, to leave me. For such knowledge of these matters as I then possessed, hoAvever, I must admit that I was wholly indebted to the, perhaps, unguarded disclosures of Mr. Simeon Jell, a friend of Uncle John's and our own family solicitor — than whom no more worthy man ever signed articles (or cheques, and in this capacity I have a deep respect for him), and he is quite welcome to see this in print, as I know he is wholly incapable of denying it.

Noav, as I have said, my Uncle John's chambers were in Lincoln's Inn, and the residential portions of the same — as the auctioneers are pleased to say — Avere worth almost anybody's while to see. Between the somewhat grimy offices on the first floor, and their congeners in the Inn, or, indeed, in all the Inns of Court, there Avas as much in common as the wigs and gowns of their respective occupants — lawyers' offices everywhere bearing a strong family resemblance to each other; — but when you ascended the old oaken staircase with its massive newel posts and twisted railings, and obtained admission to John Crackle thorpe's private apartments, a great astonishment lay in wait for you. If you knew your Paris well, you Avould have fancied you were having a disordered dream of the Hotel Cluny ; for disorder was the keynote — if such an expression be permissible — of what accosted your view, and that was this : A suite of lofty rooms, crammed from floor to ceiling with priceless works of art.

Now, I am no virtuoso, and claim to possess but a surface knowledge of these things, but this I can assure you, that my Uncle John had a very keen perception of the beautiful in art, and the authorities of the South Ken- B sington Museum, having catalogued these very same treasures, and been glad to do it too, will fully bear me out in this assertion. For such chambers are rarely to be seen in London. Though festooned with cobwebs and browned Avith dust, and piled higgledy-piggledy, one upon the other to the very cornice, there were rare masterpieces there in bronze, and ebenisterie and fictile ware. Superb Boule cabinets, now making a dirty acquaintance with verdigris, stood aloft upon Florentine tables that might have been filched from the Ufizzi by the great Corsican, while rare old Flemish tapestry, thrown about in haphazard fashion, gave forth glimpses of nimbused saints and angels' pinions, in faded avooI, worth a guinea an ounce.

In short, when I say that superb specimens of Sevres and Saxe, Capo-di- Monti and Savona ware were strewn, as it were, " all over" the floor, while priceless Memlings, Ruysdaels, Ostades, Guardis, Greutzes, and what not, stood tilted against the wall, their brown canvas backs with ravelled thrums mostly showing, you can understand that my Uncle John Avas somewhat eccentric in his methods. However gingerly you might essay to tread about his rooms, there was always present at your elbow the imminent risk of destroying a hundred pounds' worth of china, and if on a foggy day your foot chanced to burst through an Old Master, you could but feel sorry, while deploring Uncle John's wholly primitive opinions of gas as a medium of throwing light upon the merits of his Old Masters, and guiding incautious footsteps Avhile in their august society.

For of gas he would have none, or even the smell of it within his pictorial preserves, believing mostly in ancient methods of illumination, it would appear, from his addiction to the use of a form of talloAv candle, primordial in conception and quite antediluvian in build. And this ghastly thing, in dozens, he would thrust into candelabra chiselled by the great Cellini, with Olympian divinities grouped lovingly — as was their wont — below. And, as the grease guttered down among the huddled goddesses, and even grew greenly arsenical — as often befalls brazen deities — my uncle took no further heed of it beyond saying that the Trustees of the South Kensington Museum Avould remedy all defects Avorth the doing. Now, as a matter of fact, but one room in this really imposing suite of apartments was ever open to the inspection of even the most intimate friend (the casual visitor never by any chance set foot of his therein), and this room Avas an ante-room — chronically " sporting its oak" — as I repeat, and it sheltered a mystery, concealed in turn behind a tapestry bossed and embroidered in silver thread and gold, that no one had ever solved.

Yet there, as in a shrine, lay the key to my Uncle John's eccentric ways, as I afterwards came to know. It Avas into this room that it had been my purpose now to introduce you, but upon second thought, I will permit Simeon Jell to relate, further on, what occurred there upon a certain fateful evening in June a few years ago. Jell will be surprised no doubt to see not only that, but many other sayings and doings of his in type. I trust, hoAvever, that he will be placated by my printed opinion of him and his capacity for writing large cheques under painful circumstances — even if he does feel it to be meet and expedient to cross the road, when next he sees the Queen's Proctor walking down the Strand.

Chapter II

Now, had I known what had occurred in my uncle's chambers on that eventful evening, I should have felt ex tremely uncomfortable, I can assure you, as, on the after noon of June 9th, I sculled lazily down from Sunbury lock in company with the best and dearest little girl in the world ; my own, my incomparable Dora, to whom I had then been engaged for nearly a year. It was the prettiest picture in the world to see Dora, as we skirted Tagg's Island, sitting Avith a great pretence of steering properly when the roar of Moulsey Weir filled her little pink ears, every curve of her body in sharpest outline, her saucy blue eyes alert, her hair blown out in its golden flossiness from under the jaunty sailor's hat, the red lips parted and a flush of excitement upon her cheeks. "There, Jack," said she, as we rounded the swirling current and glided into still water.

" Are you proud of me, Jack?" and she flashed a look of contentment full into my eyes. " Dora mia," I said, unshipping the oars, " your seaman ship certainly justifies your hat-ribbons ; should my Uncle John leave me s. bit, you shall be the skipper of our new yacht. Hi ! be careful, or you'll upset the boat, and there is a fellow looking, too." I was sorry to miss the kiss she meant to give me in spite of all consequences, still, I con soled myself with the thought that the maze in the Palace gardens was not far distant, and there was plenty of time before dinner for reprisals. Now Harry Vance had promised me on this instant day of June that, the gods and his Editor disposing, he and my Cousin Kate would join us at that pleasant hostelry, the " Mitre," at three, and there dine with decorous jollity as four true lovers should be well capable of doing, and I knew my own capacity in that respect.

However, I said nothing of this to Dora as yet ; so, sending the boat back to Sunbury, we walked across the bridge, and at the door of the " Mitre " I bade her stroll slowly on, while I went in "to see a man." Her lips curled beautifully at this, and I could hear the indignant pit-pat of her little boots on the gravel, as I entered and ordered a dinner for four, and made a copious, and, I trust judicious selection from the wine list. This done I re joined Dora, Avhose sweet lips curled no longer. Rather she was looking in open-mouthed Avonder at that terribly uncanny-looking heraldic beast at the Park entrance. "What is it, Jack?" she said, "I never saw an animal with a horn like that at the Zoo." " No, probably not," I answered, " he's one of the Queen's Unicorns, dear." " Is he ? well, I am glad he is chained, as I shouldn't like him to jump off" his pedestal and run after me, though you would protect me, wouldn't you, Jack ?

" I said I would shield her, if necessary, from a thousand uni corns, and then entering the palace gates, we wandered hand in hand through the gardens and came to an unanimous opinion that the old drop curtain at the Lyceum Theatre was a delusion and a snare, and the scene, as thereon de picted of this same spot, never, by any possibility, could have been enacted in English weather. And then we at tempted to count the number of baby bunches of grapes on the famous old vine, and I made bets of gloves against kisses on it, until Dora said so much arithmetic made her head ache, though, in strict confidence, her size was number six all the same, and the number of buttons only eight for preference. Whereupon, I smiled a Ma chiavelian smile, and led her with deadly intent into the deepest depths of the maze, and there insisted upon in stant payment of her bets.

Dora did not dispute my claim very much, but did give a shrill scream of alarm when she perceived a benevolent park-keeper with an ex tended arm, aloft on a platform, a pleased and suave spectator of our little dalliance. The guileless man was simply pointing out the way to us ; but Dora, looking through downcast eye-lashes, thought his was the finger of scorn, and was greatly vexed ; so, having enough of the maze under these wholly unexpected conditions, we retraced our steps to the open and leisurely surveyed the palace. " The great Cardinal Wolsey built it, dear," I submitted with an air of superior wisdom. " I know. He used to swim out into the ocean on blad ders, didn't he, Jack ? " " Where did you pick up that choice bit of knowledge, Dora ? " "In Shakespeare, of course; upon my word, Jack, I am not telling a fib, I read it myself."

" Why, you silly," said I, " it was little boys, little, tiny, wanton boys, that did that sort of stupid thing." " For shame, Jack, to contradict poor me, a great strong fellow like you, too." The snow of her pure forehead was furroAved an in stant in the semblance of a frown, then her red lips parted and her white teeth showed deliciously. " Well, it would be great fun to see a real Cardinal swimming on a bladder, all the same, wouldn't it, Jack? "No doubt about that," said I, and straightway whisked the inconsequent little minx into the state apartments of the palace, where I pointed out the notable array of the Merry Monarch's Beauties, whereupon she became in quisitive, and perplexed me sore for answers to her questions, until, divining the truth, she pulled me away by the sleeve and said, — "Yes, Jack, I believe you, they were beauties."

Now this made me think and ponder, for Dora was only eighteen, and my uppermost thought was this, "These girls know more than we male bipeds suspect ; intuitions, no doubt, planted in their adorable little heads for reasons best known to their Creator." With this philosophical reflection I led her into the King's closet and showed her a lovely presentment, in pastel, of La Belle Etoile, la Marquise de Pompadour. Dora was in raptures at once. " Oh ! how sweet ! how lovely ! what an innocent face ! It is angelic ! quite. Who is it, Jack ? One of the old Christian martyrs ? " " No, dear," I said, " she wasn't much of a Christian martyr ; and, upon my word, I am surprised that such a little prude as you should fall down and kiss the feet of the Pompadour." " The Pompadour ! the Pompadour ! " I saw the flush in her face and knew that she only wanted to gain time to parry what she thought I might have ready for her.

"Oh, Jack! I remember. She who invented those lovely gowns : a sister of Queen Anne, wasn't she ? " m I frowned and said, — " Try again." " Then it was — don't glare at me so, I can't remember everything in a moment. Oh ! that — that — no, Jack," and she stole another look at the picture, " it isn't, really, is it?" " Why, you shameless thing 1 of course it is ; and yet you just humped up those nice shoulders of yours at sight of the Duchess of Portsmouth, and the rest of the merry, kirtled crew. But, look here, SAveetheart, you are that, aren't you ? " You ought to have seen Dora's eyes as she turned them up to me in answer to that question. " Well, when I went into the ' Mitre ' to see a man, and you were so jolly cross about it, I ordered, Dora, such a nice dinner for two." " Oh, Jack ! forgive me.

Do you know I don't really care for these pictures at all, dear ? " " Nor do I, but I am as hungry as the " " Sh ! so am I, and I believe you were going to say some thing then, Jack. This is the nearest way out. Dear old considerate boy, what did you order for dinner ? Had they any asparagus, Jack? " "Heaps of it." And by the way she clasped my arm, I could not possibly doubt her deep and abiding affection for me. The waiter stood at attention as we entered the " Mitre." " This way, sir, this way, madam " (at which Dora glanced up at me, smiled knowingly and pinched my arm), " dinner was ordered, sir, at three sharp, I think you said, sir," here he looked at his watch. " Just tAventy minutes yet, sir, and for four persons, sir." " Quite right, for four." Dora's look of blank astonishment was very comical to see.

" Very well, sir," and the waiter had got as far as the door when he returned. " Might your name be Cracklethorpe, sir ? " " It not only might be," I replied, " but it is Crackle thorpe." " I beg pardon, sir ; one moment : there is a telegram for you, sir." In another instant I had broken open the brown en velope, — " Listen to this, Dora," I said. " ' Waterloo Station. " ' Kate and I will be with you at three. Don't let the soup get cold. Kate says champagne will be quite good enough for her. — Harry. " Bravo ! now, dear, you understand why I ordered dinner for four." " It will be very nice," and Dora hesitated ; " it will be awfully jolly ; but we two, John, Avould have been just as happy and contented together, eh, John ? " Everybody called me Jack, and I knew what it meant when she called me John.

No term of endearment could go further than that with her, so I pressed her hand tenderly and kissed her without demur, and she became radiant again, and said Avhat a little silly she was, to be sure. Then I bolted away to the station, and soon came back with Harry Vance and my Cousin Kate, both of whom were in the highest spirits. Now, Kate was as unlike my Dora as any two girls possibly could be — in looks I mean — for in goodness there was nothing to choose between them. As I have told you, I had known Kate ever since I could remember anything ; and, except that she had a lofty spirit, and a temper of her own, if righteously aroused, as every well-constituted girl should have, and was gifted with a saucy tongue, that was merely saucy and never venomous, I don't think there was fleck or flaw in her moral composition.

In person, however, as I have said, she was the antithesis of Dora, and what Dora is like you can fairly picture to yourself by this time. Now, Kate was tall and slim and lithe, with a somewhat imposing carriage, a noble head well poised on shapely shoulders, a great mass of jet black hair, eyes that you could almost see in the dark, a clear pale, complexion, no colour visible except in the somewhat full lips, rather a large mouth with splendid teeth that were a revelation when she laughed. In repose she had, not a stern expression exactly, but a distinctly cold look not unsuggestive of hauteur, but when she laughed her whole face laughed, especially her eyes, and even her pale cheeks broke into dimpled smiles. And above all, her laugh was contagious, for it had a true and hearty ring as well as a merry, and one instinctively felt that here was a girl to be trusted as well as admired.

I will tell you all about Harry Vance later on. Suffice it for the present to say that he was the best -looking as well as the best-natured son of Anak that Fleet Street had known for many a long day. Six feet two, broad shoulders, straight as an arrow, distinguished in form and feature above most men, he was something for a loving woman to be truly proud of, and my Cousin Kate was that proud and loving woman ; and as they walked arm-in-arm from the station, I thought I had never seen a handsomer couple. For a moment I secretly wished that I were better favoured in order that Dora and I might be the better matched ; but I quickly reflected that, in being a foil to her delicate beauty, and thus enhancing it, I was, after all, doing myself a very friendly turn indeed. If there ever was a more joyous dinner in this world, I am sure none of us could ever be brought to believe it.

Even the Avaiter, a sardonic man with a bald head, seemed to enter into the spirit of the occasion, and shed an approv ing smile upon us with the soup. Kate overflowed with animal spirits, her black eyes flashing love signals into Harry's great grey orbs, and her nimble wit sparkling for the benefit of us all. For my part, I was hungry ; and listened until the champagne came ; and as for Dora, I heard her purring by my side, like a veritable little puss as she was, with contentment. No, there never was such a dinner — at least in my ex perience — but, of course you will smile at that, and think smugly of some of your own felicities, but that I can cheer fully overlook, and understand. This only will I say and abide by most strenuously ; that of all true lovers in the county of Middlesex, we four were the elect on that June afternoon.

It was well there was no mocking Thersites at our elbow, for alas ! the repast was not unlike the last gloriouslygruesome supper of the Girondins with the guillotine await ing us behind the curtains had we but known it. After the first bottle of champagne I suggested that we should all go to Ascot on the morrow Avhich was Cup day, whereupon Kate seized my arm, — "Jack," said she, " I have done such a dreadful thing." " I am not surprised, but does Harry know ? " I replied Avith uplifted finger. " Stupid ! Harry knows everything — at least — ahem ! several things. Put down that finger ; I hate to be admonished by a finger. Now, will you listen to the story of my indiscretion ? " I nodded. "That's better. Well, Cousin Jack Cracklethorpe, an it please your cousinship, I have this day made a bet — and — upon a horse.

Goodness gracious, Jack, what will Aunt Rebecca say when she hears of it ? By-the-bye, Harry, if I do win that monkey, I must tell Aunt Rebecca I bought it of some poor marooned and distressed Ancient Mariner, eh ! " Here Kate showed all her beautiful teeth. "Take my advice, don't have any more." The waiter had the neck of a champagne bottle hovering over Kate's glass. " For shame, Jack. Certainly, waiter," and then I fancied I heard that waiter chuckle as he saw the bubbles rise in Kate's glass. "Well," I said, "when you begin to talk about monkeys, Kate, really I—" " It's a true bill, Jack ; let her unfold her little narrative," said Harry, "it is full of interest, I assure you." " Harry, you deserve New Year's honours," and Kate smiled her gratitude. " Now, Jack and Dora, listen and be shocked.

Coming doAvn in the 'bus this morning I heard a man say, ' I've a monkey on " Houndsdich " for the Cup.' ' Pooh,' said another, ' put all you've got on "Melody," and you'll never get a straighter tip than that.' 'That,' I said, 'means betting on a horse. I wonder what it's like. It can't be wicked if I Avere to bet with Harry.' Sh ! don't laugh, Harry, mind the waiter." I turned and saw the back of the Avaiter by the sideboard, and noticed that his shoulders and shirt-collar Avere wob bling up and down as though he had a small convulsion. However, Kate went on, — "So, when I met Harry, I said, 'Oh, Harry, I'll bet you something "Melody" wins to-day.' 'All right,' says Harry, though I could see he was shocked. I think if I were to say to Harry, ' I want to join a circus, and jump through hoops and things,' he would say, ' All right Kate, if you think you can do it.' Oh ! you dear good-natured old boy," and she gave him an im pulsive little pat on the ear that made him blush like a school-boy, while the waiter chirruped and nodded a smiling approval.

Kate, however, only saw Harry's blushes and went on, — "So, hoAvever, without knowing it — on our way to VOL. I. C Waterloo — we found ourselves in the Seven Dials and there, in front of a shop, I saw such a lovely white oavI, in a cage. We had been talking about gloves and things, but I said, ' No ; you men bet monkeys, so just wait a bit,' and Avhen I saw the owl I stopped short, didn't I, Harry ? " " Yes, dear, very short." " And said, ' Harry, I've got it, I'll bet you that big white owl against a monkey that " Melody " wins to-day.' You ought to have seen Harry then. He rubbed his chin, and looked at his boots, and said, ' Ha ! hum ! a monkey, eh ! I don't see how I could manage a monkey if I lost.' ' A monkey, sir ! ' said a man standing at the door. ' Nothing easier, sir, if you want to oblige the lady ; step inside, sir. Walk in, miss, and I'll show you a monkey as is a 'treasure, and no mistake.' So in we went, and the man led us to a cage, and said, ' Hi, Betsy Ann, sit up, old girl.' And, sure enough, there was the sweetest little monkey in the Avorld, with blinking eyes, and such a funny little mouth grinning at Harry as much as to say, ' I wonder what on earth you eat to make you as big as that.' " " Oh, yes," interposed Harry, " and didn't she squeak like a rip saw, and grab me by the arm and try to steal one of my sleeve-links, the little beggar ?

I don't know, Jack, what on earth I am going to do with Betsy Ann, if I do win the bet. However, it is Kate's whim, the bet is on, and both the little beasts have been put aside for us until to morrow." We were all laughing heartily at this, when the waiter, who had left the room for a moment, returned with an evening paper. "Excuse the liberty, sir," he said to me, "but I couldn't help hearing the lady's remark about 'Melody,' sir, and I thought, sir, as she might like to see the result, sir." " Oh, thanks, so much," said Kate, seizing the paper, " Where, O ! where is it ? " " There," said Harry, pointing down the column ; " ' Melody ' has won, and 1 must purchase Betsy Ann." Kate was clapping her hands, while I glanced at the paper in turn. " Why, look here," I said, " the betting was twenty to one on the course against ' Melody.' You owe Kate twenty monkeys." ' ' The deuce I do," said Harry aghast.

" What will you do with twenty monkeys, Kate? " " I might give half of them to Aunt Rebecca," she replied demurely. We all knew what a prim and starched old maid Aunt Rebecca was, and it made us smile to imagine her the possessor of ten monkeys. At that instant, by some chance, I saw a paragraph in the paper that caused my heart to leap to my throat. " Good heavens ! Kate," I exclaimed, " look at this ! " One glance was sufficient. She gave a little scream and dropped her knife and fork. Harry was alarmed. c " What is it, dear ? " he asked, and for answer she handed him the paper. He read aloud, — " ' Sudden death of a well-known barrister. Found dead in his chambers. Mr. John Cracklethorpe ! ' Why, this is your uncle, of course." Dora drew a long breath and looked at me, and then there was no word spoken while the waiter filled the glasses, wondering very much what this abrupt silence could mean.

At last, with deplorable taste, I turned to Kate, and, with uplifted glass, said, — " Congratulations, sweet coz. You doubtless are a rich woman now." " For shame, Jack ! " and her black eyes flamed. " It is not decent in you to talk that way." Still, I saw that she was trembling with excitement, and could not raise her glass to her lips without betray ing it. Then, somehow, our merriment seemed to flicker away. We drank our coffee in comparative silence. The Avaiter looked on sympathetically, and accepted payment with an expression of regret, though a douceur of five shillings brought a broad smile of thankfulness to his face, and there was much obvious sincerity in his spoken wish that his might be the pleasure of seeing us soon again. We thought much — conjectured much — but said little on our way to town.