Cole's Funny Picture Book No. 1 (part 2 of 2)
Aaron, lofty, inspired Abel, vanity Abelard, noble Abiathar, sire of plenty Abijah, child of God Abijam, father of the sea Abimelech, king's father Abner, father of light Abraham, sire of many Abram, elevated father Absalom, father of peace Achilles, without lips Adam, red earth Adin, tender, delicate Adolphus, noble wolf Adrian, rich or wealthy Aeneas, praise Ahaz, visionary Alan, cheerful Alaric, noble ruler Alban, white Alberic, elf king, or all rich Albert, nobly, bright Aleuin, hall friend Aldebert, nobly bright Aldhelm, noble helmet Alexander, helper of men Alexis, helper Alfred, good counseller Algernon, with whiskers Alick, helper of men Allan (or Allen), cheerful Almeric, work ruler Alphonso, eager, willing Alphin, elf Amadas, husbandman Amasa, a burden Ambrose, immortal, divine Amos, a burden Andrew, manly, valiant Angus, excellent virtue Anselm, divine helmet Anstice, resurrection Anthony, inestimable Antony, inestimable Appolos, of Apollo Aquila, eagle Archibald, powerful, bold Aristides, son of the best Arkles, noble fame Arnold, strong as an eagle Artemus, gift of Diana Arth, high Arthur, high, noble Asa, physician or healer Ascelin, servant Asher, blessed, fortunate Ashur, black or blackness Athanasius, undying Athelstan, noble stone Athelwold, noble power Aubrey, ruler of spirits Audrey, noble threatener Augustin, venerable Augustus, majestic Aureilus, golden Austin, venerable Aymar, work ruler Bab, stranger Baldie, sacred prince Baldred, prince council Baldric, prince ruler Baldwin, bold friend Banquo, white Baptist, baptiser Barak, lightning Bardolf, bright helper Barnabas, son of consolation Barnard, bold as a bear Barry, looking bright Bartholomew, warlike son Barthram, bright raven Bartley, son of furrows Bartram, bright raven Barzillai, son of iron Basil, kingly Bat, son of furrows Beavis, beautiful Ben, son of the right hand Benedict, blessed Benjamin, same as Ben Bennet, blessed Benoni, son of sorrow Berenger, bear spear Beriah, son of evil Bernard, bold as a bear Bertram, bright raven Bertran, fair and pure Blase (or Blaze), babbler Bohemond, God's love Boniface, well-doer Botolph, ruling wolf Boyd, yellow Brithric, bright king Brockwell, champion Bruno, brown Brush, immortal Bryan, strong Cadoe, war Cadogan, war Cadwallader, a general Caesar, hairy Cain, possession Caleb, dog Calvin, bald Canute, hill Caradoc, beloved Carmichael, Michael's friend Caswallon, hating lord Cecil, blind Charinas, grace Charles, noble spirited Christian, of Christ Christopher, Christ bearer Chrysostom, gold mouth Clarence, illustrious Claude, lame Clement, merciful gentle Colbert, cool, bright Colborn, black bear Colin, dove Colomb, dove Conachar, strong help Coniah, appointed Conmor, strength great Connal, chief's courage Connor, slaughter hound Conrad, able speed Constant, firm, faithful Constantine, firm Cornelius, horn Cradock, beloved Crispin, curly-haired Cuthbert, noted splendour Cymbeline, lord of the sun Cyprian, of Cyprus Cyril, lordly Cyrus, the sun Dan, a judge Daniel, the judging God Darcy, dark Darius, king, preserver David, beloved, the darling Dennis, of Dionysos Derrick, people's wealth Dick, firm ruler Didymus, twin Diggory, the almost lost Dionysius, of Dionysos Dodd, of the people Dominic, Sunday child Donald, proud chief Dougal, black stranger Douglas, dark grey Dudley, people's ruler Duff, black Dugold, black stranger Duncan, brown chief Ebenezer, stone of help Edgar, protector of wealth Edmund, rich protection Edward, happy keeper Edwin, rich friend Egbert, formidably bright Eldred, fierce in battle Eli, a foster son Elias, God the Lord Elihu, He is my God Elijah, God the Lord Elisha, God the Saviour Elizur, God my rock Ellis, God the Lord Emanuel, God with us Emilius, work Enoch, dedicated Enos, mortal man Ephriam, very fruitful Erasmus, amiable, lovely Erastus, lovely, amiable Eric, era king, rich Ernest, serious Esaias, salvation of God Esau, covered with hair Esbert, bright for ever Esdras, rising of light Etheired, noble council Eugene, well-born Eusebius, pious Eustace, healthy, strong Evan, young warrior Everard, strong as a boar Ezekiel, strength of God Ezra, rising of light Farquhar, manly Feargus, man of strength Felim, ever good Felix, happy, prosperous Ferdinand, brave Fergus, man's strength Fernando, brave Festus, joyful Fingal, white stranger Flavian, yellow Francis, free, liberal Frank, free Franklin, free Frederic, peaceful ruler Frewen, free friend Fulbert, bright resolution Faulk, people's guard Gabriel, hero of God Gaius, rejoiced Gamaliel, gift of God Garratt, spear firm Gavin, hawk of battle Geoffrey, God's peace George, husbandman Gerald, spear power Germaine, German Gervas, war eagerness Gibbon, bright pledge Gideon, destroyer Gilbert, bright as gold Gilchrist, servant of Christ Giles, a kid Gillespie, bishop's servant Gillies, servant of Jesus Gisborn, pledge bearer Goddard, pious, virtuous Gedfrey, God's peace Godric, divine king Godwin, divine friend Greg, fierce Gregory, watchful Griffith, strong-faithed Grimbald, self-controlled Gustavus, a warrior Guy, a leader Hadassah, myrtle Halbert, bright stone Hamlyn, home Hanan, grace Hannibal, grace of Baal Harold, a champion Harry, home rule Harvey, bitter Haymon, home Heber, a companion Hector, a defender Henry, a rich lord Herbert, bright warrior Hercules, lordly fame Hereward, sword guardian Herman, a warrior Herodias, of a hero Herodotus, noble gift Hezekiah, strength of God Hilary, cheerful Hildebert, a nobleman Hildebrand, a warbrand Hiram, most noble Hodge, spear of fame Homer, a pledge Horace, worthy of love Horatio, worthy of love Hoshea, salvation Hubbard, mind bright Hubert, mind bright Hugh, mind Hugo, mind Humphrey, home peace Ian, grace of God Ignatius, fiery Immanuel, God with us Increase, more faith Ingram, Ing's raven Inigo, fiery Innocent, harmless Ira, watchful Isaac, laughter Issiah, salvation of God Israel, soldier of God Ivan, gift of God Ives, archer Izaak, laughter Jabez, sorrow Jacob, supplanter James, superior Japhet, extender Jarratt, spear firm Jason, healer Jasper, treasure master Jeffrey, good peace Jehu, the Lord is he Jenkin, Grace of God Jeremiah, exalted of God Jerome, holy name Jervis, spear war Jesse, wealth Joachim, God will judge Joab, son of God Job, persecuted Joel, strong-willed John, the Lord's grace Jonah (or Jonas), dove Jonathan, gift of God Jordan, descender Joscelin, just Joseph, addition Joshua, a Saviour Josiah, fire of God Judah, praised Julian, downy bearded Julius, downy bearded Justin, just Justus, just Kay, rejoicing Kenelm, a defender Kenneth, a leader Laban, white Lachlan, warlike Lambert, illustrious Lancelot, servant Laurence, laurel crowned Lawrence, laurel crowned Lazarus, God will help Leander, lion-hearted Lear, sea Leonard, lion-strong Leopold, bold for men Levi, adhesion Lewis, people's refuge Lionel, lion Llawellyn, lightning Lloyd, grey Lodowic, famed piety Lorenzo, laurel crowned Lot, lion Lothar, glorious warrior Lothario, great warrior Louis, famous holiness Lubin, love friend Lucian, light Ludovic, bold warrior Luke, light Luther, glorious warrior Maddox, beneficent Madoc, beneficent Magnus, great Malachi, angel of God Malcom, of Colbumia Manfred, mighty peace Manual, God with us Marcus, of Mars, a hammer Mark, warlike Marmaduke, sea leader Martin, great, martial Martyn, great, martial Matthew, gift of God Matthias, gift of God Maurice, dark coloured Maynard, great firmness Meredith, sea protector Merlin, sea hill Michael, who is like God Miles, crusher Moore, great Morgan, seaman Morris, sea warrior Moses, drawn from water Napoleon, forest king Narcissus, daffodil Nathan, a gift Nathanael, gift of God Nero, strength, fortitude Nicodemus, conqueror Nicholas, conquered Nicol, conquered Niel, brave, dark Niell, brave Nigel, black Noah, rest, comfort Noel, Christmas-born Norman, a Northman Obadiah, servant of God Octavius, the eighth-born Odo, rich Olave, ancestor's relic Oliver, olive tree Orlando, fame of the land Orson, dear Osbert, divinely bright Osborn, divine bear Oscar, bounding warrior Osfred, divine peace Oslaf, divine legacy Osmond, divine perfection Osric, divine rule Oswald, divine power Osyth, young warrior Palmerin, sign of victory Pancras, all-ruler Pascoe, Easter child Passion, suffering Patrick, noble Paul, little Payne, countryman Percival, holy cup-bearer Peregrine, stranger Peter, stone Phelim, good. Philadelphius, brotherly Phillip, lover of horses Phineas, mouth of brass Pius, pious Pierce (or Piers), stone Pilgrim, traveller Polycarp, much fruit Pompey, of Pompeii Quentin, fifth-born Ralph, help, counsel Ranald, judging power Randal, house wolf Raphael, healing of God Ravelin, council wolf Raymond, wise protector Raymund, quiet peace Rayner, judge warrior Redmond, counsel Redwald, council, power Reginald, judging power Renfred, peace, judgement Restyn, restored to Reuben, behold a son Reynard, firm judge Reynold, judging power Richard, stern king Robert, bright in fame Roderick, famous king Rodolph, wolf of fame Rodolphus, famous wolf Roger, spear of fame Roland, fame of the land Rollo, wolf of fame Rolph, wolf of fame Ronan, seal Ronald, judge power Roswald, horse power Rowland, fame of the land Roy, red Rufus, red-haired Rupert, bright fame Sampson, splendid sun Samuel, asked of God Saul, longed for Saunders, helper of men Sayer, conquering army Seabert, bright victory Seaforth, peace victory Seaward, defender Sebastian, venerable Seth, appointed Shawn, grace of God Sholto, sower Sibbald, conquering Sigismund, conquering Silas, living in a wood Sim, obedient Simeon, obedient Simon, obedient Solomon, peaceable Stephen, crown Swain, youth Swithun, strong friend Sylvanus, god of the wood Sylvester, a rustic Tancard, grateful guard Tancred, grateful speech Teague, poet Terence, tender Thaddaeus, praise Theobald, people's prince Theodore, divine gift Theodosius, genius of God Theodric, people's ruler Theodoric, people's ruler Theophilus, friend of God Thias, gift of God Thomas, a twin Thorold, Thor's power Thurstan, Thor's jewel Tibal, people's prince Tiernan, kingly Timothy, God-fearing Titus, safe Tobias, goodness of God Tom, a twin Tristram, grave, sad Tudor, divine gift Turgar, Thor's spear Tybalt, people's prince Ulfric, wolf ruler Ulick, mind, reward Ulysses, a hater Urban, of the town Uriah, light of God Uric, noble ruler Valentine, healthy, strong Victor, conqueror Vincent, conquering Virgil, flourishing Vivian, lively Vortigern, great king Vyvyan, living Waldemar, powerful fame Walstan, slaughter stone Walter, powerful warrior Warner, protector Warren, protecting friend Water, powerful warrior Wattles, powerful warrior Wawyn, hawk of battle Wayland, artful Wenceslaus, crown, glory Wilfred, resolute peace Wilfrith, resolute peace Willfroy, resolute peace William, protector Willibald, much power Wilmot, resolute mood Winifred, friend of peace Wulstan, comely Yestin, just Zachariah, man of God Zaccheus, pure, clean Zebulon, dwelling Zechariah, man of God Zedekiah, justice of God Zephaniah, secret of God Zerah, rising of light Zoroaster, gold star
LOOK AND SEE THE MEANING OF YOUR OWN NAME
[Page 120--Game Land]
Cole's Game Of Hats And Bonnets Or Husbands And Wives
One Hundred Little Ladies Showing the 24 various modes by which they came into Cole's Book Arcade
One hundred Little ladies, All clever, learned and trained, Half WALKED in-to Cole's Book Arcade, And fifty then remained.
Fifty Thoughtful little ladies, All lovers of book-lore, Ten RAN in-to Cole's Book Arcade, And there remained two-score.
Forty Pretty ladies, Racing but not flirty, Ten RACED in-to Cole's Book Arcade, An then there were but thirty.
Thirty Famous ladies, Swimming in the Plenty. Ten SWAM in-to Cole's Book Arcade, And then there were but twenty.
Twenty Wealthy ladies, Jumping in velveteen, One JUMPED in-to Cole's Book Arcade, And then there were nineteen.
Nineteen Noble ladies, Going out a-skating, One SKATED in-to Cole's Book Arcade, And then there were but eighteen.
Eighteen Royal ladies, All dancing with the Queen, On Danced in-to Cole's Book Arcade, And there were seventeen.
Seventeen Grand ladies, Driving a bullock team, One DROVE in-to Cole's Book Arcade, And then there were sixteen.
Sixteen Gentle ladies, All hopping on the green, One HOPPED in-to Cole's Book Arcade, And then there were fifteen.
Fifteen Modest ladies, All creeping out unseen, One CREPT in-to Cole's Book Arcade, And then there were fourteen.
Fourteen Handsome ladies, All floating down a stream, One FLOATED in-to Cole's Book Arcade, And then there were thirteen.
Thirteen Lovely ladies, All leaping out to delve, One LEAPED in-to Cole's Book Arcade, And then there were but twelve.
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Cole's Game Of Hats And Bonnets Or Husbands And Wives
Twelve fine Blooming ladies, Flitting out for leaven, One FLITTED in-to Cole's Book Arcade, And then there were eleven.
Eleven Frightened ladies, Dodging a lion when-- One DODGED in-to Cole's Book Arcade, And then there were but ten.
Ten most Charming ladies, All skipping in a line, One SKIPPED in-to Cole's Book Arcade, And then there were but nine.
Nine most Splendid ladies, All swinging on a gate, One SWUNG in-to Cole's Book Arcade, And then there were but eight.
Eight most Superb ladies, Flying under heaven, One FLEW in-to Cole's Book Arcade, And then there were but seven.
Seven English ladies, All tripping out for sticks, One TRIPPED in-to Cole's Book Arcade, And then there were but six.
Six fine Irish ladies, All going for a dive, One DIVED in-to Cole's Book Arcade, And then there were but five.
Five fine Scottish ladies, All sailing to explore, One SAILED in-to Cole's Book Arcade, And then there were but four.
Four fine Yellow ladies, All steaming on the sea, One STEAMED in-to Cole's Book Arcade, And then there were but three.
Three fine Jet-black ladies, All riding on a moo, One RODE in-to Cole's Book Arcade, And then there were but two.
Two most Comic ladies, Sliding about for fun, One SLID in-to Cole's Book Arcade, And then there was but one.
One most Frisky lady, The nicest, last, and best, She BOUNCED in-to Cole's Book Arcade, And read books with the rest.
[Page 122--Game Land]
Cole's Game Of Hats And Bonnets Or Husbands And Wives
PROCLAMATION BY AUTHORITY.
Be it known unto all of you that to find your own portrait and the fashion of your hat or bonnet, your Christian name and the Alphabet are used.
The Alphabet is divided into four parts for the second letter of each person's name as follows:--The letters A B C D E F belong to No. 1 portrait in each row, and in the case of the first of the letter A include such names as Abigail, Ada, Aaron, Abraham, Adolphus. The letters G H I J K L belong to the second portrait in each row, and in the case of the second portrait, of the letter A include such name as Agnes, Alice, Ahaz, Alfred. The letters M N O P Q R belong to the third portrait of each row, and in the case of the letter A include such names as Amy, Anna, Arabella, Amos, Andrew, Arthur. The letters S T U V W X Y Z belong to the fourth portrait in each row, and in the case of the letter A include such names as Athalia, Augusta, Asa, Augusta. The same rule is followed with each letter of the Alphabet: for instance, the first portrait in the row B belongs to such names as Barbara, Bessie, Bartholomew, Benjamin, and so on throughout the whole collection of portraits.
If a woman is looking for her future husband, she must find the number of her own portrait and then the corresponding number amongst the men's, and THAT IS TO BE HER HUSBAND: for instance, if her own portrait is No. 27, No. 27 amongst the men's is the portrait of her future darling. The same rule is to be followed by the men. If a man's portrait is No. 93, No. 93 amongst the ladies' IS TO BE HIS WIFE, his own future angel.
[Page 123--Game Land]
Cole's Game Of Hats And Bonnets Or Husbands And Wives
If the persons who consult this oracle are single, the sweetheart that falls to their lot will be their first husband or wife, and if they are married it will be their second husband or wife, and if they have been married twice, it will be their third one, and so on up to 144 times of being married; and after that no one will be allowed to consult this oracle, look at it, speak of it, or even think about it, such objectionable persons being entirely excluded from its benefits.
Persons who consult this oracle must accept the husband or wife that falls to their lot just the same as if they married them in the usual way, but if dissatisfied on account of ugliness, dress, or any other cause the consulter, by doing penance in the shape of a pilgrimage to a certain place in the exact centre of the world and paying a small sum, can obtain a DIVORCE.
The place to which the pilgrimage is to be made is Cole's Book Arcade, Bourke Street, Melbourne, Australia, where they must buy a book of some kind, and that act DIVORCES them at once.
Bashful persons need not mention their pilgrimage to the Book Arcade, when they purchase the book, unless they choose.
Anyone having obtained a DIVORCE will be allowed to choose out of 9 other portraits. If the number of the portrait that fell to their lot was 8, they can choose any other number ending with 8, as 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68, 78, 88 and 98, of if their first number was 65 they can choose from 5, 15, 25, 35, 45, 55, 75, 85, 95 and so on; whatever their number was, they may choose from the corresponding figures throughout the table.
If, after making a choice out of the 9 portraits, anyone is still dissatisfied, by making 10 pilgrimages to the Book Arcade, or by buying and giving away 10 copies of this Funny Picture Book, they can claim the indulgence of a GRAND DIVORCE and choose which they like out of the whole 104 portraits.
Given under our Royal hand and Seal at the Palace of the Book Arcade, this 21st day of November, 1890.--COLE, REX.
[Page 124--Riddles And Catches]
Riddles And Catches
Why are cowardly soldiers like butter? Because they run when exposed to fire.
Why is hot bread like a caterpillar? Because it's the grub that makes the butter fly.
Why are ripe potatoes in the ground like thieves? Because they ought to be taken up.
Why is an acquitted prisoner like a gun? Because he is taken up, charged, and then let off.
Why is a beggar like a barrister? Because he pleads for his daily bread.
Why are lawyers like scissors? Because they never cut each other, but only what is placed between them.
Why is a newspaper like an army? Because it has leaders, columns, and reviews.
Why is a prosy story-teller like a railway tunnel? Because he is a great bore.
Why is a dun like a woodcock? Because he bores with his bill.
Why is grass like a mouse? Because the cat'll (cattle) eat it.
Why is the sun like a good loaf? Because it's light when it rises.
Why is a plum-cake like the ocean? Because it contains many curra(e)nts.
Why are tears like potatoes? Because they spring from the eyes.
Why is Queen Victoria like a hat? Because they both have crowns.
What is the difference between a steep hill and a large pill? One is hard to get up, the other is hard to get down.
What is the difference between a pastry-cook and a billsticker? One puffs up paste, the other pastes up puffs.
What is the difference between an auction and seasickness? One is the sale of effects and the other is the effects of a sail.
Why is a photographic album like a drainer on a bar counter? Because it is often a receptacle for empty mugs.
Why is an interesting book like a toper's nose? Because it is read (red) to the end.
What relation is your uncle's brother to you, if he is not your uncle? Your father.
What is the best throw of the dice? To throw them away.
What tree clothes half the world?--Cotton. What tree gives milk? The cow tree. What tree is a city in Ireland?--Cork. What plant is a letter of the alphabet?--The Tea (T). What kind of bat flies without wings?--A brickbat.
Why is a dog biting his own tail like a good manager? Because he makes both ends meet.
Why is a dog's tail like the pith of a tree? Because it's the farthest from the bark.
Why does a dog's tail resemble happiness? Because, run after it as he will, he cannot catch it.
If the Devil lost his tail, where should he go to find a new one? To a gin palace, for bad spirits are retailed there.
What key is hardest to turn?--A donkey.
Why is a whirlpool like a donkey? Because it is an eddy.
What is it that smells most when you go into a chemist's shop? Your nose.
Why does a donkey prefer thistles to corn? Because he's an ass.
Why is a lollypop like a horse? Because the more you lick it, the faster it goes.
Why is a well-trained horse like a benevolent man? Because it stops at the sound of woe.
I went to a wood and got it, I sat down to look for it, and brought it home because I could not find it-- A thorn in my foot.
Why is a naughty boy like a postage stamp? Because he is licked and put in the corner to make him stick to his letters.
What is the difference between twice twenty-eight and twice eight and twenty. Twenty; because twice twenty eight is fifty-six, and twice eight and twenty is thirty-six.
What grows less tired the more it works? A carriage wheel.
What is that which increases the more you take from it? A hole.
Why is a tight boot like an oak-tree? Because it produces a-corn.
Who killed one-fourth of the people in the world? Cain, when he killed Abel, there being then only four people in it.
Why is a retired milkman like the whale that swallowed Jonah? Because he took the profit out of the water.
Where was Moses when the candle went out? In the dark.
Why is your ear like a band of music? Because it has a drum in it.
Why are book-keepers like chickens? Because they have to scratch for a living.
Why is coffee like an axe with a dull edge? Because it must be ground before it is used.
Why is a red herring like a mackintosh? Because it keeps one dry all day.
Where are balls and routs supplied gratis? On the field of battle.
Why is an omnibus like a medical student? Because it is crammed and allowed to pass.
When has a person got as many heads as there are days in the year? On the 31st of December.
What word is shorter for having a syllable added to it? Short.
If I shoot at three birds on a tree, and kill one, how many will remain? None; they will all fly away.
What should you keep after you have given it to another? Your word.
Which would travel fastest--a man with one sack of flour on his back, or a man with two sacks? The man with two sacks, as they would be lighter than one sack of flour.
Did you ever see a bun dance on a table? I often see abundance on the table.
What does your ship weigh before she sets sail? She weighs anchor.
What is an old woman like who is in the midst of a river? Like to be drowned.
What is the difference between a school-master and an engine driver? One trains the mind, and the other minds the train.
Who was the first man who went round the world? The man in the moon.
Important Notice
Wanted known to all of the name of Crooks, that Cole's Book Arcade contains 80,000 sorts of books. Wanted known to all not of the name of Crooks, that Cole's Book Arcade contains 80,000 sorts of books. Wanted known to all of the name of Blair that they can get almost any book they want there. Wanted known to all not of the name of Blair that they can get almost any book they want there. Wanted known to all of the name of Fitzgerald, Cole's was the first Book Arcade opened in the World. Wanted known to all not of the name of Fitzgerald, Cole's is still the only Book Arcade in the World. Wanted all intelligent persons of the name of Hall, to give Cole's Unique Book Arcade an early call. Wanted all intelligent persons not of the name of Hall, to give Cole's Unique Book Arcade a very early call.
[Page 125--Riddles And Catches]
Riddles About Babies And Ladies
Why is a new-born baby like a gale of wind? Because it begins with a squall.
When is a baby not a baby? When it is a little duck.
Why is an infant like a diamond? Because it is a dear little thing.
When is a soldier like a baby? When he is in arms.
When is butter like Irish children? When it is made into little Pats.
Why is a church-clock like a little boy often receiving a beating? Because it's hands move over it's face.
Why is a boy like a potato? Because they both wear jackets.
Why is the earth like a school black-board? Because the children of men multiply upon the face of it.
Why does a ladies' school, out for a walk, resemble the notes of a flute? Because it goes two, two, two, two (toot-oot-oot-oot).
What tree is a lady's name?--Olive.
When do young ladies eat a musical instrument? When they have a Piano-for-tea.
Why is a four-quart jug like a lady's side-saddle? Because it holds a gall-on.
Why is a vain young lady like a confirmed drunkard? Because neither of them is satisfied with a moderate use of the glass.
Why is a flirt like a hollow India-rubber ball? Because she is very empty and has a deal of bounce.
What is the difference between a soldier and a fashionable young lady? One faces the powder and the other powders the face.
Why does an engine resemble a young lady? Because it has a train behind, and puffs in the air (hair).
If a bear were to go into a linen-draper's shop, what would he want? He would want muzzlin'.
What is the difference between a bantam cock, and a dirty housemaid? One is a domestic foul and the other a foul domestic.
What were the first words Adam said to Eve? Nobody knows.
How is it proved that woman was created before man? Because Eve was the first maid (made).
What Christian name is spelt the same way backwards and forwards? Hannah.
What is the difference between a person late for the train and a school-mistress? One misses the train and the other trains the misses.
What Miss is always making blunders? Mistake.
What Miss plays more tricks than a schoolboy? Mischief.
What miss occasions a great many quarrels? Mismanagement.
What is that which ladies look for, and never wish to find? A hole in their stocking.
What is that which a man nearly always wears in his sleep, frequently takes off and never puts on again? His beard.
This nice looking man with a beard, Remarked, "It's just as I feared; Four larks and a hen, two owls and a wren, Have all built their nests in my beard."
What is that which has neither flesh nor bone, and yet has four fingers and a thumb? A glove.
Why are ladies' dresses about the waist like a meeting? Because there is a gathering there, and sometimes a good deal of bustle.
How does a well-fitting bonnet lose its identity? Because it "becomes" the lady who wears it.
What is the sweetest thing in bonnets this season? The ladies' faces.
Why is a kiss like a rumour? Because it goes from mouth to mouth.
What is the difference between an accepted and rejected lover? The one kisses his misses, and the other misses his kisses.
Why are pretty girls like fire-works? Because they soon go off.
Why are good resolutions like fainting ladies? Because they want carrying out.
Why are lovers like apples? Because they are often paired (pared).
Why is first love like a potato? Because it shoots from the eyes and becomes all the less by pairing (paring).
Which age do most girls wish to attain? Marri-age.
What kind of men do women like best? Husband-men.
What ties two people together, yet touches one? A wedding ring.
Why should a man never marry a woman named Ellen? Because by doing so he rings his own Nell (knell).
Why is the bridegroom more expensive than the bride? Because the bride is given away, while the bridegroom is usually sold.
Why are ladies like bells? Because you seldom know what metal they are made of till you ring them.
What money lasts longest when you get it? Matrimony.
Why is matrimony like a besieged city? Because those who are in it wish to be out, and those who are out wish to be in.
Why are some women like facts? Because they are stubborn things.
Why are rough seats like domineering wives? Because they wear the breeches.
Why are husband and wife ten, instead of one? Because the wife is number one and the husband goes for nought.
Why was the Archbishop of Canterbury like the late Prince Consort? Because he married the Queen.
Why is a nugget of gold found at Bendigo like the Prince of Wales? Because it is the produce of Victoria and like to become a sovereign.
Why are ladies great thieves? Because they steel their petticoats, bone their stays, and crib their babies.
In what month do ladies talk the least? In February; because it's the shortest.
What is the difference between ladies and clocks? One makes us remember time, and the other makes us forget it.
Why is an empty room like another full of married people? Because there is not a single person in it.
Popular Errors
The commonly received notion that a man may marry his first cousin, but must not marry his second is not true; but it is quite true that Cole's Book Arcade is in Bourke Street, Melbourne, about half-way between Swanston and Elizabeth Sts. The rumour that a Yankee Gentleman had invented a machine to take the noise out of thunder has turned out not to be true; but it is quite true that Cole's Book Arcade is open from nine in the morning to ten at night, every working day in the year. The fact that Cole's Book Arcade contains 80,000 sorts of books is not the cause of the sea being salt--of coca-nuts containing milk-- of the growth of big gooseberries, nor of the multitude of great big fibs told annually about a sea-serpent. It is not true that cats will suck the breath of children when they are asleep, but it is quite true that Cole's Book Arcade contains one interesting cat and 80,000 sorts of interesting books. N.B.--The likeness of Cole's Cat can be seen on page 153.
[Page 126--Riddles And Catches]
Riddles And Catches
Which is the greatest peer that England ever produced? Shakespeare.
What is the grandest verse in existence? The universe.
What is the greatest stand ever made for civilisation? The inkstand.
What is that which, although black itself, enlightens the world? Ink.
What is that which is full of knowledge, and yet knows nothing? A book-case.
What is that which you and every living man have seen, but can never see again? Yesterday.
What is that which no man ever did see, which never was, but always is to be? To-morrow.
What thing is that that is lower with a head than without one? A pillow.
What volume is sure to bring tears to your eyes? A volume of smoke.
What is that which has form without substance, and size without weight? A shadow.
Name me and you break me. Silence.
What is that which renders life inert, and yet restores it? Sleep.
Formed long ago, yet made today, Employed while others sleep, What few would like to give away, Nor any wish to keep. A bed.
What is that which flies high, flies low, wears shoes, and has no feet? Dust.
What is that of which the common sort is best? Sense.
What is that which we often return yet never borrow? Thanks.
Name that bird which, if you do not, you must die? Swallow.
What is that which you cannot hold for ten minutes although it is "as light as a feather?" Your breath.
What is that which never was seen, felt, nor heard, never was and never will be, and yet has a name? Nothing.
What is that which Adam never saw, never possessed, and yet gave two to each of his children? Parents.
What is that we wish for, and when we have obtained we never know we have it? Sleep.
When is it that a person ought not to keep his temper? When it is a bad one.
What is yours, and is used by others more than yourself? Your name.
Can a man's pocket be empty when he's got something in it? Yes: when he's got a big hole in it.
What is better than presence of mind in a railway accident? Absence of body.
Melbourne, Hotham, Collingwood, Prahran, Richmond, Emerald Hill, and Cole's Book Arcade, all begins with an A.
Why is a penny like a black cat at Cole's Book Arcade? Because it has a head and a tail.
Why is Cole's Book Arcade like a Crocodile? Because it can't jump over the moon.
Why is Cole's Book Arcade like a learned man? Because it is well stocked with literature.
What is that which goes every morning at eight o'clock from the Post Office to Cole's Book Arcade, and every evening at six o'clock from the Parliament House to Cole's Book Arcade, without moving? Bourke Street.
How many sides are there to Cole's Book Arcade? Four. 1st, the right side; 2nd, the left side; 3rd, the outside; and 4th, the inside, where the 80,000 sorts of books are.
What are the oldest tops in the world? Mountain tops.
Which is the oldest table in the world? The multiplication table.
What kind of ship has two mates and no captain? A courtship.
What is that which is lengthened by being cut at both ends? A ditch.
What is that which one can divide, but cannot see where it has been divided? Water.
What is that which gives a cold, cures a cold, and pays the doctor? A draft.
What is the worst kind of fare for a man to live on? Warfare.
What vice is it that the greatest criminals shun? Ad-vice.
What is that which is often found where it is not? Fault.
What is that which we often catch hold of, and yet never see? A passing remark.
What is that which is often brought to the table, often cut, but never eaten? A pack of cards.
What is that which is full of holes and yet holds water? A sponge.
What window in your house is like the sun? The skylight.
What word is it of five letters, of which two being removed one only one will remain? St-one.
What is that from which if the whole be taken some will remain? The word "wholesome".
What word contains all the vowels in their proper order? Facetious.
How would you express in one word having met a doctor of medicine? Metaphysician.
Why is a nobleman like a book? Because he has a title.
Why is the alphabet like the mail? Because it consists of letters.
Why is a book like a tree? Because it has many leaves.
Mechanical Advertisement
The idea of a machine to go by perpetual motion is perpetual nonsense. Multitudes of boys and men have wasted much valuable time in trying to find it, but they never can, as it is contrary to natural laws, and therefore impossible; but one certainty of the future is, that a million useful flying machines will flit hither and thither; and one certainty of the present is, that while Cole's Book Arcade contains 80,000 sorts of books, not a single person has yet been able to come to it for a supply in a flying machine.--Laggard inventors, think of this! N.B.--Cole once invented a flying machine, but it wouldn't work!
[Page 127--Riddles And Catches]
Riddles And Catches
If a man has twenty sick (six) sheep and one of them dies, how many will remain? Nineteen.
Can a leopard change his spots? Yes: when he is tired of one spot he can go to another.
Why does a piebald pony never pay a toll? Because his master pays it for him.
Where are you sure to find pity in the worst of misfortunes? In the dictionary.
Where did the witch of Endor live? At Endor.
What is most like a cat's tail? A kitten's tail.
What is that which no other animal but a cat possesses? Kittens.
What is the colour of a green-plot covered with snow? Green.
When is a man not a man? When he is a muff.
If a stone were thrown at you and fell into the water, what would it become? Wet.
What is the oldest tree in Australia? The Elder.
What trees bear the most fruit for the Market? The axle-trees.
Why is a clock not wound up, like a mile-stone? Because it stands still.
What is the easiest thing for a nigger to do? Keep dark.
How can you make a currant cake without currants? Put only one currant into it.
Which letters are never out of fashion? F A S H I O N.
Why is your nose like St. Paul's? Because it is flesh and blood.
Why do white sheep furnish more wool than the black ones? Because there are more of them.
What makes a pair of boots? Two.
What did Adam first plant in his garden? His foot.
How can a boy make his jacket last? By making his coat and waistcoat first.
She was plump and beautiful, and he was wildly fond of her; she hated him, yet woman-like, she strove to catch him. What was he? He was a flea.
What is the difference between six dozen dozen and half a dozen dozen? One is six gross and the other is six dozen.
What is that which a man can put into his right hand but never into his left? His left elbow.
What is that which a man with two eyes cannot see with one? T'other eye.
Spell and pronounce the word Pot, without saying Teapot?
Cautiously start a conversation about coins, and the ask, "Did you ever see any of those coins two of which make eighteen pence?" Of course they will say "no"; then show them a shilling and a sixpence, and you "have" them.
Would you rather an elephant killed you or a gorilla? Rather the elephant killed the gorilla.
When Shall We Three Meet Again?
One donkey has met another donkey and now there are two donkeys, as you see and you have to guess where the third donkey is: if you cannot guess it, some kind friend will tell you.
There was a donkey on one side of a river and some hay on the other side. The donkey wanted the hay, but he couldn't swim over the river, jump over it, nor cross the bridge. How could he manage it? Do you give up? Yes. Answer--That is what the other donkey did.
REPEAT THIS WITH A FRIEND 1. I went up one pair of stairs; 2. Just like me. 1. I went up two pair of stairs; 2. Just like me. 1. I went into a room; 2. Just like me. 1. I looked out of a window; 2. Just like me. 1. And there I saw a donkey; 2. Just like me.
"Around the rugged rocks the ragged rascals ran a truly rural race." Repeat this five times quickly without a mistake and see what it will come to?
A room with eight corners had a cat in each corner seven cats before each cat and a cat on every cat's tail. What was the total number of cats? Eight cats.
Speaking of persons who have educated themselves, I once knew a person who educated himself, and guess how the fellow spelt "Cat." You could not guess in a year? Answer.--"Kat," No. "Catt," No. "Katt," No. Give it up? Yes. "Cat."
Why is a cow's tail like a swan's bosom? Because it grows down.
When is a horse's head where it's tail should be? When his tail is towards the manger.
What should a clergyman preach about? About half-an-hour.
Although I've neither legs not feet, I'm only useful when I go; I have no tongue, but yet I tell What hundreds want to know.
A watch.
My sides are firmly laced about, Yet nothing have within; You'll find my head is straight indeed, 'Tis nothing else but skin.
A drum.
REPEAT THIS WITH A FRIEND 1. I am a gold lock; 2. I am a gold key. 1. I am a silver lock; 2. I am a silver key. 1. I am a brass lock; 2. I am a brass key. 1. I am a lead lock; 2. I am a lead key. 1. I am a monk lock; 2. I am a monk key.
MIND YOUR PUNCTUATION
King Charles 1. spoke half-an-hour after his head was cut off.
Every lady in this land Has twenty nails upon each hand Five and twenty hands and feet All this is true without deceit.
I saw a peacock with fiery tail I saw a blazing comet drop down hail I saw a cloud wrapped with ivy round I saw an oak creep upon the ground I saw a monkey swallow up a whale I saw the sea brimful of ale I saw an ale glass full fifteen feet deep I saw a well full of men's tears that weep I saw red eyes all of a flaming fire I saw a house bigger than the moon and higher I saw the sun at twelve o'clock at night I saw the man that saw this wondrous sight.
The Husband's Petition
Come hither my heart's darling, come sit upon my knee And listen while I whisper a boon I ask of thee. I felt a bitter craving--a dark and deep desire That glows beneath my bosom like coals of kindled fire. Nay, dearest, do not doubt me, though madly this I speak-- I feel thine arms about me, thy tresses on my cheek; I know the sweet devotion that links thy heart with mine-- I know my soul's emotion is doubly felt by thine.
And deem not that a shadow has fallen across my love; No, sweet, my love is shadowless as yonder heaven above. Oh, then, do not deny me my first and fond request, I pray thee, by the memory of all we cherish best-- By that great vow that made thee my darling and my bride; Thou wilt not fail nor falter, but bend thee to the task. Put buttons on my shirt love--that's all the boon I ask!
Literary Advertisement
To the inhabitants of the World! Will be published shortly by E. W. COLE, if he can see his way clear, a volume containing all that has ever been written, said, or thought by mankind. Price 1s. Also, a second volume, containing all that has NOT been written, said, or thought by mankind. Price 1s.
If the work can be successfully be brought out it will be a VERY, VERY, instructive one, and place E. W. COLE at the head of the literary world. To secure a copy of this valuable work Orders should be sent without delay, to COLE'S Book Arcade, Melbourne; or, to the Branch Establishments, at Sydney or Adelaide.
[Page 128--Ten Picture Puzzles]
Ten Picture Puzzles
He or She is Clever Who Discovers Nine of them,
[Page 129--Ten Picture Puzzles]
Ten Picture Puzzles
and Exceedingly Clever Who Finds Out the Whole Ten.
[Page 130--Picture Puzzle Land]
[Page 131--Picture Puzzle Land]
[Page 132--Picture Puzzle Land]
[Page 133--Picture Puzzle Land]
[Page 134--Picture Puzzle Land]
[Page 135--Picture Puzzle Land]
[Page 136--Picture Puzzle Land]
B one day drove a flock of geese, And met with Farmer A: Says Farmer A, "How much a piece For this flock did you pay?" Says B, "I paid for all I drive Just six pounds and a crown; And I'm going to sell them, all but five, At yonder market town; When fifteen pence a head I'll charge Above what they cost me, And thus obtain a sum as large As I gave for all you see."
How many geese did B buy? How much did he give for each? and What price did he ask? He bought 25 geese at 5s each, and meant to ask 6s 3d each.
Oft sought in the country, much prized in the town? Like a king, above all, I can boast of a crown; If not found in the palace, I grace the chateau; Both the peer and the peasant my usefulness know. When I've not seen six months I am said to be old; Though exalted by nobles, I'm bought and I'm sold. Though ne'er in a sermon, I take part in all chat; Yet I'm ne'er found in this, but I'm always in that. I'm seen in most colours, am brown, black, or white, But am rarely found red and, when good, I am light; In demand with both sexes, selected with care, I'm prized by most men and add grace to the fair. Of no use to my owner when kept in his sight, I attend him by day, and oft serve him by night; As his slave I am passive; yet, strange it may sound, To keep me in order, I'm frequently bound. My fetters are silken; I'm useless at home, Though a constant companion whenever you roam; And, though no enchantment within me doth dwell, Pray tell me my name--for in that lies a spell!
A Hat.
'Twas born in anguish, 'twas cradled by care, And has lived ever since in the depths of despair. It dwells in the valley, it glides on the wave, It is laid with our ashes when cold in the grave. In darkness it brightens, in sunshine it dies, As far from the smile of enjoyment it flies. In the rainbow it sits, in the stars it has birth, And with angels descending it visits the earth. With Adam it dwelt, and so to Paradise came, But eve knew it not, though it shared in her shame. It mingles in battle, yet still it loves peace. It joins in the banquet, the dance, and the chase From the dream of our childhood it ne'er can depart And it lies, like a gem, in the core of the heart. The traveller bears it o'er desert along; The nightingale loves it, though strange to her song. On the point of an arrow it cleaves through the air Yet the pinions of birds cannot follow it there. The bosom disowns it, yet bright through our tears, When shed in affection, it ever appears. The cataract fearfully hurries it on, But, search it through billows and tempest--'tis gone. From the joys of our mortal existence 'tis driven; Yet finds an unchanging asylum in heaven. With the harp of the minstrel it ever shall dwell And it comes to my lips as I utter "Farewell".
The Letter A.
Though grief gives me birth, I'm a stranger to care. I scorn the dull earth, and float in the air. No lover claims me, though I revel in bliss. I taste of each lip, and melt in each kiss. I'm an egotist's pride, though in silence I reign; And, through free from sorrow, I'm always in pain. Though in laughter ne'er seen, in mirth I delight; In blindness I grope, though perfect in sight. In foolishness, Wisdom, and wit I've a place; Though dwelling in virtue I live in disgrace. Though frost knows me not, with winter I blend; And always to ice I'm a capital friend. I'm never in heat, though I live in the fire. Though never in want, I'm in every desire. I am I--, but the end of my paper I spy; So I'll wind up my stave and wish you good-by.
The Letter I.
[Page 137--Picture Puzzle Land]
[Page 138--Picture Puzzle Land]
[Page 139--Picture Puzzle Land]
Australian Picture Puzzle
[Cole]'s [Book] [Arcade], [Coals] [Book] [Arcade]. It is [Inn] [Melbourne] town, of [Awl] the [Book] [Arcades] [Inn] this [Land] it has the m[Hostel(?)] renown, It was the [Fir]st, first [Book] [Arcade] t[Hat] [Inn] the [World] was found; It's [Still] the f[Eye][Nest] [Book] [Arcade] [Inn] [Awl] the [World] around. A lovely [Rainbow] s[Eye]gn ap[Ear]s above the [Book] [Arcade], And 'tis the very g[Ran]dest s[Eye]gn wa[Sever] yet dis[Play]ed. A [Mill]ion, yes! a [Mill]ion [Books] are [House]d with[Inn] its w[Awl]s Which [Can] [Bee] [Sea]n, looked at or [Bough]t by anyone t[Hat] c[Awls] The [Book] [U] wish, the [Book] [U] w[Ant] is [Awl]most sure to [Bee] Found [Sum]where [Inn] the [Book] [Arcade] if [U] will c[Awl] & [C].
[Page 140--Picture Puzzle Land]
[Page 141--Picture Puzzle Land]
[Page 142--Picture Puzzle Land]
[Page 143--Picture Puzzle Land]
[Page 144--Shadows On The Wall]
This game is a kind of Magic Lantern Exhibition. It is very Interesting, always pleases the children, and is very easily learnt, and for amusing poor, sick children it is invaluable.
[Page 145--The Deaf And Dumb Alphabet]
The Alphabet of HAND-SIGNS is a great blessing to deaf and dumb persons, enabling them to converse almost as efficiently as others can by the organs of speech. It is also extensively used throughout the world as a useful accomplishment by those who are not deaf and dumb, and besides it has this recommendation:--It is the most easily learnt language in the world.
[Page 146--Language Of Flowers]
Language Of Flowers
The language of flowers in pre-eminently the language of refined and modest Courtship; millions have conveyed a message by presenting a flower which they dare not have uttered in their mother tongue.
In some countries this "LANGUAGE OF LOVE" is extremely common in the words of the poet:
"In Eastern lands, amid fragrant bowers, They tell the tale of Affection in Flowers."
Abatina, Fickleness Abecedary, Volubility Acacia, Friendship Acacia, Rose, Elegance Acacia, Yellow, Secret Love Acanthus, The Fine Arts Acalia, Temperance Achillea Millefolia, War Achimenes, Such worth is rare Aconite, Misanthropy Adonis, Flos, Sad memories Agnus Castos, Coldness Agrimony, Thankfulness Almond (common), Indiscreet Almond (flowering), Hope Almond, Laurel, Perfidy Allspice, Compassion Aloe, Affliction Amaranth (Globe), Immortal Amaranth (Cockscomb), Foppery Amaryllis, Splendid Beauty Ambrosia, Love returned American Elm, Patriotism American Linden, Matrimony Amethyst, Admiration Andromeda, Self-sacrifice Anemone (Garden) Forsaken Angelica, Inspiration Angrec, Royalty Apricot Blossom, Doubt Apple, Temptation Apple Blossom, Preference Apple, Thorn, Deceitful Character Arbor Vitae, Live for me Arum (Wake Robin), Zeal Ash, Mountain, Prudence Ash Tree, Grandeur Aspen Tree, Lamentation Asphodel, My Regrets Follow Auricula, Painting Auricula (Scarlet) Avarice Austurtium, Splendour Azalea, Temperance Bachelor's Buttons, Celibacy Balm, Sympathy Balm (Gentle), Pleasantry Balm of Gilead, Cure Balsam, Yellow, Impatience Barberry, Sharpness of temper Basil, Hatred Bay Berry, Instruction Bay Leaf, I change but in death Bay Tree, Glory Bay Wreath, Reward of merit Bearded Crepis, Protection Beech Tree, Prosperity Bee Orchis, Industry Bee Ophrys, Error Begonia, Deformity Belladonna, Silence. Hush! Bell Flower (White) Gratitude Betony, Surprise Bilberry, Treachery Bindweed, Great Insinuation Bindweed, Small, Humility Birch, Meekness Bittersweet, Truth Blackthorn, Difficulty Bladder Nut Tree, Amusement Bluebell, Sorrowful Regret Bonus Henricus, Goodness Borage, Bluntness Box Tree, Stoicism Bramble, Lowliness Broom, Neatness Buckbean, Calm repose Buglos, Falsehood Bulrush, Indiscretion Bundle of Reeds, Music Burdock, Touch me not Bur, You weary me Buttercup, Childishness Butterfly Orchis, Gaiety Butterfly Weed, Let me go Cabbage, Profit. Gain Cacalia, Adulation Cactus, Warmth Calycanthus, Benevolence Camellia, Red, Excellence Camellia, White, Loveliness Camomile, Energy in adversity Carnation, Striped, Refusal Carnation, Deep Red, Poor me Cardamine, Paternal error Candytuft, Indifference Canary Grass, Perseverance Campanula, Aspiring Carnation, Yellow, Disdain Cardinal Flower, Distinction Catchfly, Selene, False love Catchfly, Red, Youthful love Catchfly, White, Betrayed Cattleya, Mature charms Cedar, Strength Cedar of Lebanon, Incorruptible Cedar Leaf, I live for thee Celandine, Joys to come Centaury, Bluebottle, Felicity Champignon, Suspicion Cherry Tree, Good education Chestnut Tree, Do me justice Chinese Primrose, Lasting love Chickweed, Rendezvous Chicory, Frugality China Aster, Afterthought China Aster, Double, I agree China Aster, Single, I will think if it Chrysanthemum, Red, I love Chrysanthemum, White, Truth Chrysanthemum, Yellow, Slighted Love Cineraria, Always delightful Cinquefoil, Maternal Affection Circaea, Spell Cictus, Popular favour Citron, Ill-natured beauty Clematis, Mental beauty Clematis, Evergreen, Poverty Clianthus, Worldliness Clotbur, Rudeness Clover, Four-leaved, Be mine Clover, Red, Industry Clover, White, Think of me Cloves, Dignity Cobaea, Gossip Columbine, Folly Columbine, Red, Fearful Convolvulus, Bonds Convolvulus, Blue, Repose Convolvulus, Pink, Hopeless Coreopsis, Always Cheerful Coriander, Hidden worth Corn, Riches Corn Bottle, Delicacy Corn Cockle, Gentility Cornel Tree, Duration Coronella, Success to you Cosmelia, Charm of a blush Cowslip, Winning grace Crab (Blossom), Ill-nature Cranberry, Cure headache Cress, Stability Crocus, Cheerfulness Crocus, Saffron, Mirth Crown Imperial, Power Crowsbill, Envy Crowfoot, Ingratitude Cuckoo Plant, Ardour Cudweed, Remembrance Cuscuta, Meanness Cyclamen, Diffidence Cypress, Death Daffodil, Yellow, Regard Dahlia, Instability Daisy, Innocence Daisy, Michaelmas, Farewell Daisy, Variegated, Beauty Daisy, Wild, Will think of it Dandelion, Love's oracle Daphne, Glory Dew Plant, A serenade Dianthus, Make haste Dipteracanthus, Fortitude Diplademia, You are too bold Dittany, Pink, Birth Dittany, White, Passion Dock, Patience Dodder of Thyme, Baseness Dogsbane, Falsehood Dogwood, Durability Dragon Plant, Snare Dragonwort, Horror Dried Flax, Usefulness Ebony, Blackness Echites, Be Warned in Time Elder, Zeal Elm, Dignity Endive, Frugality Escholzia, Do Not Refuse Me Eupatorium, Delay Evergreen Thorn, Solace Fern, Flowering, Magic Fern, Sincerity Fever Root, Delay Fig, Argument Fig Marigold, Idleness Fig Tree, Prolific Filbert, Reconciliation Fir, Time Fir, Birch, Elevation Flax, I Feel Your Kindness Fleur-de-lis, I burn Fleur-de-Luce, Fire Fly Orchis, Error Flytrap, Deceit Fools Parsley, Silliness Forget-me-not, Forget-me-not Foxglove, Insincerity Foxtail, Grass, Sporting Frog Ophrys, Disgust Fumitory, Spleen Fuchsia, Scarlet, Taste Furze, Love for all Seasons Garden Chervil, Sincerity Gardenia, Refinement Geranium, Dark, Melancholy Geranium, Horse-show Leaf, Stupidity Geranium, Ivy, Bridal Favour Geranium, Lemon, Unexpected Meeting Geranium, Nutmeg, Expected Meeting Geranium, Oak-leaved, True Friendship Geranium, Variegated, Ingenuity Geranium, Rose-scented, Preference Geranium, Scarlet, Comforting, Kindness Geranium, Silver-leaved, Recall Geranium, Wild, Steadfast Piety Gladioli, Ready Armed Glory Flower, Glorious Beauty Goat's Rue, Reason Golden Rod, Encouragement Goosefoot, Goodness Gooseberry, Anticipation Gourd, Extent, Bulk Grape, Wild, Rural Felicity Grass, Utility Hand Flower Tree, Warning Harebell, Submission Hawkweed, Quicksightedness Hawthorn, Hope Hazel, Reconciliation Heart's-ease, Thought Heath, Solitude Helenium, Tears Heliotrope, I Turn to Thee Hellebore, Scandal Hemlock, You will be my death Hemp, Fate Henbane, Imperfection Hepatica, Confidence Hibiscus, Delicate Beauty Holly, Foresight Holy Herb, Enchantment Hollyhock, Fecundity Honesty, Honesty Honey Flower, Love, Sweet Honeysuckle, Affection Hop, Injustice Horehound, Fire Hornbeam, Ornament Horse, Chestnut, Luxury Hortensia, You are Cold Houseleek, Vivacity Houstonia, Content Humble Plant, Despondency Hyacinth, Sport, Game, Play Hyacinth, Purple, Adversity Hyacinth, Blue, Constancy Hydrangea, A Boaster Hyssop, Cleanliness Iceland Moss, Health Ice Plant, You Freeze Me Imbricata, Uprightness Imperial Montague, Power Indian Cress, Warlike Trophy Indian Jasmine, Attachment Iris, Common, Message Iris, German, Flame Ivy, Marriage Jacob's Ladder, Come Down Jasmine, White, Amiability Jasmine, Cape, Too Happy Jasmine, Carolina, Separation Jasmine, Spanish, Sensuality Jasmine, Yellow, Grace Judas Tree, Betrayal Juniper, Succour Justicia, Perfection Kennedia, Mental Beauty Kingcups, Desire of Riches Laburnum, Pensive Beauty Lady's Slipper, Win Me Lagerstroemia, Eloquence Lantana, Rigour Larch, Audacity Larkspur, Lightness, Levity Larkspur, Double, Happiness Larkspur, Pink, Fickleness Larkspur, Purple, Haughtiness Laurel, Glory Laurel, Common, Perfidy Laurel, Ground, Perseverance Laurel, Mountain, Ambition Lavender, Distrust Leaves, Dead, Sadness Lemon, Zest Lemon Blossom, Fidelity Lettuce, Cold-heartedness Lichen, Dejection Lilac, Field, Humility Lilac, White, Innocence Lily, Day, Coquetry Lily, Imperial, Majesty Lily, White, Purity Lily, Yellow, Falsehood Linden, Conjugal Love Lint, I feel my obligations Liverwort, Confidence Lobelia, Malevolence Locust, True, Elegance London, Pride, Frivolity Lote Tree, Concord Lotus, Eloquence Lotus Flower, Estranged Love Lotus Leaf, Recantation Love in a Mist, Perplexity Love Lies Bleeding, Desertion Lucurn, Life Lupine, Voraciousness Madder, Calumny Magnolia, Love of Nature Maiden Hair, Secrecy Mallow, Wildness Mallow, Marsh, Beneficence Marrow, Syrian, Persuasion Manchineal Tree, Duplicity Mandrake, Rarity Maple, Reserve Marianthus, Hope for Better Marigold, Grief, Chagrin Marigold, French, Jealousy Marigold and Cyprus, Despair Marjoram, Blushes Marvel of Peru, Timidity Meadow Lychnis, Wit Meadowsweet, Uselessness Mercury, Goodness Mesembryanthemum, Idleness Mezereon, I Desire to Please Mignonette, You are Good Milfoil, War Milkwort, Hermitage Mint, Virtue Mistletoe, I Surmount Mock Orange, Counterfeit Monkshood, Deadly Foe Near Moonwort, Forgetfulness Morning Glory, Affectation Moschatel, Weakness Moss, Maternal Love Mosses, Ennui Motherwort, Concealed Love Moving Plant, Agitation Mulberry, White, Wisdom Mushroom, I Can't Trust You Musk Plant, Weakness Myrobalan, Privation Myrrh, Gladness Myrtle, Love Narcissus, Egotism Nasturtium, Patriotism Nemophila, Success Nettle, Stinging, You Spiteful Nettle Burning Slander Nettle Tree, Conceit Night Convolvulus, Night Nightshade, Dark Thoughts Oak (Live), Liberty Oak Leaves (Dead) Bravery Oats, Harmony Oleander, Beware Olive, Peace Orange Blossoms, Purity Orange Flowers, Chastity Orange Tree, Generosity Orchis, Common, a Beauty Osier, Frankness Osmunda, Dreams Ox-eye, Patience Palm, Victory Pansy, I think of you Parsley, Festivity, Feasting Passion Flower, Superstition Pea, Common, Respect Pea, Everlasting, A meeting Peach, Matchess Charms Peach Blossom, Your Captive Pear, Affection Pear Tree, Comfort Pennyroyal, Flee away Peony, Shame, Bashfulness Peppermint, Warm Feeling Periwinkle, Early Friendship Persicaria, Restoration Peruvian Heliotrope, Devotion Petunia, Keep your Promise Pheasant's Eye, Remembrance Phlox, Unanimity Pigeon Berry, Indifference Pimpernel, Change Pine, Black, Pity Pine-apple, You are perfect Pine, Pitch, Philosophy Pink, Boldness Pink, Indian, Always lovely Pink, Indian, S. Aversion Pink, Mountain, Aspiring Pink, Red, Single, Pure Love Pink, Variegated, Refusal Pink, White, Ingeniousness Pink, Yellow, Disdain Plantain, What Man's Footstep Plane Tree, Genius Plum, Indian, Privation Plum Tree, Fidelity Plum, Wild, Independence Polyanthus, Pride of Riches Polyanthus, Crimson, Mystery Pomegranate, Foolishness Pomegranate, Flower, Elegance Poor Robin, Compensation Poplar, Black, Courage Poplar, White, Time Poppy, Red, Consolation Poppy, Scarlet, Fantastic Folly Poppy, White, Sleep--My Bane Potato, Benevolence Prickly Pear, Satire Pride of China, Dissension Primrose, Early Youth Primrose, Evening, Inconstance Primrose, Red, Unpatronized Privet, Prohibition Purple Clover, Provident Pyrus Japonica, Fairies' Fire Quaking Grass, Agitation Quamoclit, Busybody Queen's Rocket, Fashion Quince, Temptation Ragged Robin, Wit Ranunculus, Are Charming Ranunculus, Wild, Ingratitude Raspberry, Remorse Ray-Grass, Vice Reed, Complaisance Reed, Split, Indiscretion Rhododendron, Danger Rhubarb, Advice Rocket, Rivalry Rose, Love Rose, Australian, All that is Lovely Rose, Bridal, Happy Love Rose, Burgundy, Unconscious Beauty Rose, Cabbage, Ambassador of Love Rose, Campion, Deserve my Love Rose, Carolina, Love is dangerous Rose, China, Beauty Unfading Rose, Daily, I Aspire to thy Smile Rose, Damask, Beautiful Complexion Rose, Deep Red, Bashful Modesty Rose, Dog, Pleasure and Pain Rose, Guelder, Age Rose, Hundred-Leaved, Pride, Dignity Rose, Japan, Beauty only Rose, Maiden Blush, Show me Love Rose, Multiflora, Grace Rose, Moss, Superior Merit Rose, Mundi, Variety, Uncertain Rose, Musk, Capricious Beauty Rose, Musk, Cluster, Charming Rose, Thornless, Happy Union Rose, Unique, Call me not beautiful Rose, White, I am Worthy of You Rose, White, Withered, Infidelity Rose, Xmas, Relieve my anxiety Rose, Yellow, Jealousy Rose, York and Lancaster, War Rose, White & Red together, Unity Roses, Crown of, Reward of Rosebud, Red, Pure & Lovely Rosebud, White, Girlhood Rosebud, Moss, Confession of love Rosemary, You ever Revive Rudbeckia, Justice Rue, Scorn, Despite Rush, Docility Rye-grass, Changeable Saffron, Shun Excess Sage, Domestic Virtue Sainfoin, Agitation St. John's Wort, Animosity Salvia, Blue, Wisdom Salvia, Red, Energy Saxifrage, Mossy, Affection Scabious, Unfortunate Love Scabious, Sweet, Widowhood Scarlet Lychnis, Brilliant Eye Shinus, Religious Enthusiasm Sensitive Plant, Sensitiveness Senvy, Indifference Shamrock, Light-heartedness Snakesfoot, Horror Snapdragon, "No." Snowball, Bound Snowdrop, Hope Sorrel, Wild, Wit Ill-timed Sorrel, Wood, Joy Sothernwood, Jest, Bantering Spearmint, Warm, Sentiment Speedwell, Female Fidelity Speedwell, Spiked, Semblance Spider, Ophrys, Adroitness Spiderwort, Esteem, not Love Star of Bethehem, Guidance Starwort, Afterthought Stock, Lasting Beauty Stock, Ten-week, Promptness Stonecrop, Peace Straw, Broken, Quarrel Straw, Whole, Union Strawberry Blossom Perfect Strawberry Tree, Esteem, not Love Sultan, Lilac, I Forgive You Sultan, White, Sweetness Sultan, Yellow, Contempt Sumach, Venice, Intellectual Sunflower, Dwarf, Adoration Sunflower, Tall, Haughtiness Swallow-wort, Cure Heartache Sweet Basil, Good Wishes Sweetbrier, I wound, but love Sweet Flag, Yellow, Fitness Sweet Pea, Delicate Pleasures Sweet Sultan, Felicity Sweet William, Gallantry Sycamore, Curiosity Syringa, Memory Tamarisk, Crime Tansy, I war against you Teasel, Misanthropy Thistle, Common, Austerity Thistle, Fuller's, Misanthropy Thistle, Scotch, Retaliation Thorns, Branch of, Severity Thrift, Mutual Sensibility Throatwort, Neglected Beauty Thyme, Activity Toothwort, Secret Love Traveller's Joy, Safety Tree of Life, Old Age Trefoil, Revenge Tremella Nestoc, Resistance Trillium Pictum, Modest Beauty Truffle Surprise Trumpet, Flower, Fame Tuberose, Dangerous Pleasure Tulip, Red, Declaration of Love Tulip, Tree, Fame Tulip, Variegated, Beautiful Love Tulip, Yellow, Hopeless Love Turnip, Charity Valerian, I Wish to Please Valerian, Greek, Rupture Venus's Car, Fly with Me Venus's Looking Glass, Flattery Venus's Trap, Artifice Verbena, Pink, Family Union Verbena, Purple, I Weep for You Verbena, Scarlet, Unite Against Evil Verbena, Sweet-scented, Sensibility Verbena, White, Pray for Me Vernal Grass, Poor but Happy Veronica, Fidelity Veronica, Speciosa, I Dare Not Vetch, Shyness Vine, Intoxication Violet, Blue, Faithfulness Violet, Dame, Watchfulness Violet, Purple, Ever in My Mind Violet, White, Modesty Violet, Yellow, rural happiness Virginia Creeper, I cling to you Virgin's Bower Filial Love Viscaria oculata, dance with me Volkamenia, may you be happy Walnut, Intellect Wall-flower, Fidelity Water Lily, Purity of Heart Water Melon, Bulkiness Wax Plant, Susceptibility Wheat Stalks, Riches Whin, Anger Whortleberry, Treason Willow, creeping, Love forsaken Willow, Water, Freedom Willow, Weeping, Mourning Willow Herb, Pretension Woodbine, Fraternal Love Wormwood, Absence Xanthium, Pertinacity Yew, Sorrow
Flowers smell the sweetest and look the loveliest of all earthly things, and most men and woman throughout the World dearly love them, and hope to dwell beyond the grave where "Everlasting Spring abides, and NEVER WITHERING FLOWERS".
[Page 147--Kindness To Animals]
Kindness To Animals
Power of Kindness to Animals
Thousands of pathetic tales could be told of the sufferings of poor dumb animals and the sympathy of some kind human souls for them. The following one is from the Secretary of a Humane Society:--
The wife of a small country farmer wrote to me: "I can't bear sending the cattle to market. I always keep out of the way, for every animal on the place knows me, and they look at me so sadly, and, knowing what they're going to, I feel sometimes that I'd rather give the whole thing up, than go on rearing them to be knocked about and killed.
"I went to the market once myself to see a young beast being sold, but I'll never go again. I had fed it with my own hands every day, till it was like a child. I went to the market-town by train, and the young bullock was driven by road. I walked a little way out to meet it, and at last met it coming tramping along, and the drover told me he had had the greatest difficulty to get it along the last few miles; it had become so tired. You see it had not had much exercise, as when you are fattening things, it does not do to let them run about too much, or they'll 'run all the meat off their bones' again, as the saying is.
"When I went to Smithfield, I was ready to faint as I saw the men shouting and swearing, and slashing away with thick sticks. The poor things were so confused and knocked about that they didn't know what to do, and I went up to the man who seemed to be in charge of the pens that our auctioneer was going to sell from, and asked him if he would be kind to my poor bullock when it came. He only cursed it an laughed a mocking laugh, and said, 'Oh, yes, ---- it, I'll be gentle with it. You wait, missis, and see! Do you think I'm here to coddle any ---- beasts? If you do, you're ---- well mistaken.'
"I couldn't bear to see what would happen. I couldn't stand it, so I went away, and then the men (dealers) simply stood and talked, and haggled with the farmers; and the drovers shouted and yelled, and hooted, and knocked the things about, and hit them on the nose and over the eyes, and poked and prodded them with sharp pointed sticks; and the dogs yapped and barked, and I never heard a single word of pity, or saw a sign of pity for the poor, tired, bruised, panting, and terrified creatures.
"It was a terribly hot day, and I wandered about the town all the afternoon, able to think of little else than of my poor bullock, and of what had become of it, when, as I was going to the station to my train, I met three or four cattle coming driven along. Suddenly one of them caught sight of me, and in spite of all the men could do came rushing up towards me. It was my poor bullock; but, oh, so terribly altered. I should hardly have known it.
"It seemed beside itself with joy to see me, and stood by me lowing so pitifully, as much as to say, 'Oh, I'm so glad I've found you! I know I'm safe now, and you won't let these awful men carry me off again'.
"At last they managed to get it to move on by flogging it savagely, and, heart-sick and conscience-smitten, I went to the station; and when I got the money that it was sold for it seemed to me like 'the price of blood.' But what can I do?
"I suppose the proper thing is to get hardened and to think nothing about it, like other people; but it is so dreadful that I can never go to market to see another of my poor beasts sold."
Kind Miss Cobbe
Miss Frances Power Cobbe gave herself, heart and soul, to the defence of the animals, not because she loved them more than human beings but because she could not bear to see the men acting so wickedly towards them, nor to hear the groans of the helpless victims.
In the account of her life, written by herself, she says: "It is not the four legs nor the silky or shaggy coat of a dog which should prevent us from discerning his inner nature of thought and love; limited thought, it is true, but an unlimited love. That he is dumb, is to me only another claim (as it would be in a human child) on my consideration... Another dog, whom I sent away at one year old to live in the country, was returned to me eight years afterwards old and diseased. The poor beast knew me again after a few moments' eager examination, and uttered an actual scream of joy when I called her by name, exhibiting every token of tender affection for me ever afterwards."
In her books entitled "Dogs whom I Have Met," she says: "The dog who really loves his master delights in mere propinquity, likes to lie down on the floor resting against his feet, better than on a cushion a yard away, and after a warm interchange of caresses for two or three minutes asks no more, and subsides into perfect contentment. That a short tender touch of the dog's tongue to hand or face corresponds exactly, as an expression of his feelings, to our kisses of affection, there can be no sort of doubt. All dogs kiss the people they love."
Tennyson, when on a visit to Miss Cobbe, bade her go bravely on as she had begun, and "fight the good fight," by which he meant the warfare against cruelty in which she was engaged. After his death it was sad to hear the wail of three dogs, a collie, a Scotch terrier, and a Russian wolf-hound, constant companions and friends of the poet. Thousands of dogs have pined, and died of grief, for their loved masters.
At a Bull Fight
The following is a pathetic narrative entitled "El Moro."
A Cadiz letter says: "Notice had been posted on all the public places that on a certain day the bull called 'El Moro' would be introduced into the arena, and that, when he should have been goaded to the utmost fury, a young girl would appear and reduce the animal to quiet subjection. The people of Cadiz had heard of 'El Moro' as the most magnificent bull ever brought into the city, and it soon became known that the girl just advertised was a peasant girl of Espara, who had petted the bull, and fed it and cared for it during the years of it's growth. On the appointed day the vast amphitheatre was filled with an anxious, eager crowd. Several bulls had been killed and dragged away, and then the flourish of trumpets announced the coming of the hero of the day. With a deep, terrific roar, 'El Moro' entered upon the scene. He was truly magnificent; a bovine monarch, black and glossy, with eyes of fire, dilating nostrils, and wicked-looking horns. The picadores attacked him warily, hurling their banderillos (small, dart-like javelins ornamented with ribbons, and intended to jade and infuriate). The bull had killed three horses offhand, and had received eight banderillos in his neck and shoulders, when, upon a given signal, the picadores and matadores suddenly withdrew leaving the infuriated beast alone in his wild paroxysm of wrath. Presently a soft musical note, like the piping of a lark, was heard, and directly afterwards a girl of not more than fifteen years of age, an the tasteful garb of an Andalusian peasant, and with a pretty face, sprang lightly into the arena, approaching the bull fearlessly, at the same time calling his name--'Moro! Moro! Va voy!' At the first sound of the sweet voice the animal ceased his fury, and turned towards the place whence it came, and, when he saw the girl, he plainly manifested pleasure. She came to his head, and put forth her hand, which he licked with his tongue. Then she sang a low, sweet song, at the same time caressing the animal by patting him on the forehead, and, while she sang, the suffering monarch kneeled at her feet. Then she stooped and gently removed the cruel banderillos, after which, with her arms around 'El Moro's' neck, she led him towards the gate of the torril."
[Page 148--Funny Australian Natives]
Funny Australian Natives
Kangaroo
The Kangaroo is the largest native animal in Australia. He is about 5 feet high when he sits up, he has a head somewhat like a rabbit's, his hands or fore feet are small but his hind feet are large, and he has a very thick tail. He can kick and tear with his sharp hind claws in a very dangerous manner. He frequently kills dogs with his claws, but, when he is chased by dogs, if he is near water he makes for it and often drowns the dogs if they come into the water after him. He leaps or hops about 15 feet at a time and goes very fast. The mother carries her young in a pouch, as seen in the picture, and when the baby kangaroos are frightened they run at once into their mother's pouch for safety, like any other babies running to their mother.
Australian Native Cat
It is a wild Cat, generally brown or black with many large and small white spots on it. It lives on small animals, including birds and their eggs, and is a great pest to farmers, killing their poultry.
Emu
The Emu lives upon vegetable food such as fruits, roots, and grass. It has a great curiosity and is easily tamed. It is very inoffensive except when violently attacked; then it kicks like a horse. It is said that its kick will break a man's leg. Its flesh is eaten by the natives and is said to look and taste like beef. It can run very fast. It lays from 6 to 12 dark green coloured eggs and its young are pretty little striped things as in the above picture. It is, next to the Ostrich, the largest bird in the world, being 5 or 6 feet high, its colour is a mixture of grey and brown, and its voice has a low booming sound. It is generally coupled with the Kangaroo in the Australian Arms.
Platypus
The Platypus is sometimes called the Water Mole. It is, perhaps, the most wonderful animal in the world in its combination, being part bird, part beast, part fish. It has a bill like a duck; five toes with claws and webbed feet; it is covered with thick glossy fur like a seal; it has cheek pouches like a monkey to keep it's food in; it lays two eggs, its voice resembles that of a young puppy, and the young platypuses play like puppies; it lives in rivers and makes burrows often 20 or 30 feet long; it feeds upon water insects, shell fish, etc.
[Page 149--Funny Australian Natives]
Funny Australian Natives
Native Bear
The Australian Native Bear is a dear little harmless fellow, and is easily tamed. He lives in the gum trees, feeds upon gum leaves, and loves his mother who carries him on her back and is very fond of him. He has a thick fluffy coat, big bushy ears, and no tail. He cries like a child if he misses his mother. The cry very pathetically if they are wounded, which they frequently are in the bush, by cruel wicked boys and men who think it is sport to shoot at the poor harmless creatures.
Bower Bird
The Australian Bower Bird is an extensive builder; it not only builds its nest in a tree but it builds a palace on the ground in the shape of a bower hut, furnishes it with nick-nacks such as shells, bones, pieces of mineral, metals, bright parrots' feathers and other trifles. What the English magpie would steal and hide away the Bower Bird openly decorates his pavilion with. Often several birds collect together and play like children, running in, out, and around their wonderful bower-palace as shown in our picture.
Lyre Bird
The Australian Lyre Bird is a most beautiful creature, said to be a variety of the Bird of Paradise. It runs very quickly, and springs very high, and calls very loudly. It lays but one egg a year and, consequently, only has one baby per annum. It is a great mimic. Mr. Metcalfe in his "Australian Zoology", describing it, says: "It is a consummate mimic and ventriloquist. It imitates to perfection the notes of all other birds, the united voices of a flock of parrakeets, the barking of dogs, the sawing of timber and the clink of the woodman's axe. This it has earned for itself the title of the Australian Mocking Bird."
Our Seven Funny Australian Natives
The Kangaroo says, whenever I jump, I always come down with a great big thump.
The Emu can give a nasty kick; Which is worse than getting a hit with a brick.
I'm but a funny wild, little, spotted Native Cat, With claws and tail like a squirrel and a nose like a rat.
Common people call me simply Mr. PLATYPUS, Learned people call me Mr. OR-NI-THO-RINK-KUS.
I'm bit a little Native Bear, and am so happy and bright, I sleep and dream in a tree by day, and climb about at night.
The clever Bower Bird builds his nest up a tree, And his beautiful palace down on the lea.
Here we see a pretty bird, of its voice you will never tire, But tho' it mocks the sounds it hears the bird is still a Lyre.
(By a Company of Three Particularly Poor Poets.)
[Page 150--Pussy Land]
Cat Stories
Puss in the Well
Ding dong dell, pussy's in the well! Who put her in?--little Tommy Lin. Who pulled her out?--dog with long snout. What a naughty boy was that To drown poor pussy cat, Who never did any harm But kill'd the mice in his father's barn.
The Singing Cat
A cat came fiddling out of a barn, With a pair of bagpipes under her arm; She could sing nothing but fiddle cum fee, The mouse has married the bumble-bee. Pipe cat--dance, mouse, We'll have a wedding at our good house.
Puss in London
Pussy-cat, pussy-cat, where have you been? I've been to London to visit the Queen. Pussy-cat, pussy-cat, what did you there? I frighten'd a little mouse under the chair.
Pussy-Cat and Mousey
Pussy-Cat lives in the servant's hall, She can set up her back and purr; The little mice live in a crack in the wall, But they hardly dare venture to stir; For whenever they think of taking the air, Or filling their little maws, The Pussy-cat says, "Come out if you dare; I will catch you all with my claws." Scramble, scramble, scramble, went all the little Mice, For they smelt the Cheshire cheese, The Pussy-Cat said, "It smells very nice, Now do come out, if you please." "Squeak," said the little Mouse; "squeak, squeak, squeak," Said all the little ones too; "We never creep out when cats are about, Because we're afraid of you." So the cunning old Cat lay down on a mat By the fire in the servants' hall: "If the little Mice peep, they'll think I'm asleep;" So she rolled herself up like a ball. "Squeak," said the little Mouse, "we'll creep out And eat some Cheshire cheese, That silly old Cat is asleep on the mat, And we may sup at our ease." Nibble, nibble, nibble went all the little mice, And they licked their little paws; Then the cunning old Cat sprang up from the mat, And caught them all with her claws.
Puss in the Pantry
Hie, hie, says Anthony, puss in the pantry Gnawing, gnawing a mutton, mutton-bone; See now she tumbles it, see now she mumbles it, See how she tosses the mutton, mutton-bone,
Dick killed Puss
Do look at the cat! why, what is she at? She's catching a rat that's hid in Dick's hat. Dick ran for a bat to knock him down flat, But, crossing the mat the foolish young brat Tripped up and fell flat, He half killed the cat Instead of the rat, Hal cried out that that Was just tit for tat.
Puss and the Monkey
Says Mr. Monkey, giving a wink; "It would be exceedingly funny, I think, To catch the cat, and give her a drink, Out of a great big bottle of ink."
So, suiting the action to word, He caught up Puss, but she demurred; And made such a noise you never heard, And said it 'twas worse than eating a bird.
The Puss she didn't like ink at all! She didn't like bottles great or small; Ink to her was worse than gall, And so she did nothing but spit, mew, and squall. And that's all!
Sing Sing
Sing, sing, what shall I sing? The cat has ate the pudding-string! Do, do, what shall I do? The cat has bit it quite in two.
Good Puss
Poor Puss, dear, lovely pretty puss, Content at home to stay; Thy pleasure's shown in gambol tricks And loves to skip and play.
Grateful for every sup of milk, And for every bit of meat; Gives lively proof of gratitude By singing while you eat.
See, how she cleans her sleeky skin! A soil would prove a flow; She licks her neck, her sides and back, And don't forget her paw.
Mary's Puss Drowned
Mary had a little cat, With long snow-white hair. Such a merry little cat, Jumping everywhere.
When Mary went to take a walk, Pussy ran to meet her, Rubbed its head against her frock And said, 'Purr, purr,' to greet her.
Once, when Mary was at school, Some cruel bad boys found it, And in a pond beside the road, Oh, sad to tell, they drowned it!
Poor Mary's face was wet with tears, When she found Pussy lying:-- I would not be a cruel boy, To set poor Mary crying.
My Pussy
I love little Pussy, her coat is so warm; And if I don't hurt her, she'll do me no harm, So I'll not pull her tail, nor drive her away, But Pussy and I very gently will play. She'll sit by my side, and I'll give her some food; And Pussy will love me, because I am good. Oh! here is Miss Pussy, she's drinking her milk; Her coat is as soft and as glossy as silk. She sips the milk up with her little lap-lap; Then, wiping her whiskers, lies down for a nap. My kitty is gentle, she loves me right well; How funny her play is I'm sure I can't tell. Now under the sofa, now under the table. She runs and plays bopeep as well as she's able. Oh! dearly I love her! you never did see Two happier playmates than kitty and me.
[Page 151--Pussy Land]
Dame Trot
Dame Trot once went to a neighbouring fair. And what do you think she bought herself there? A pussy! the prettiest ever was seen; No cat was so gentle, so clever and clean.
Each dear little paw was as black as a sloe, The rest of her fur was white as the snow, Her eyes were bright green, and her sweet little face Was pretty and meek, full of innocent grace.
Dame Trot hurried home with this beautiful cat; Went upstairs to take off her cloak and her hat; And when she came down she was astonished to see That Pussy was busy preparing the tea.
"Oh, what a strange cat!" thought poor little Dame Trot, "She'll break my best china and upset the pot." But no harm befell them: the velvety paws Were quite sure; the Dame for alarm had no cause.
Next morning when little Dame Trot came downstairs, To attend as usual, to household affairs, She found that the kitchen was swept up as clean As if Puss a regular servant had been.
The tea stood to draw, and the toast was done brown; The Dame very pleased to her breakfast sat down; While Puss by her side on an armchair sat up, And lapped her warm milk from a nice china cup.
Now Spot, the old house-dog, looked on in amaze, He'd never been used to such queer cattish ways, Put Puss mewed so sweetly, and moved with such grace, That Spot at last liked her, and licked her white face.
Poor little Dame Trot had no money to spare, And only too often her cupboard was bare; Then kind Mrs Pussy would catch a nice fish, And serve it for dinner upon a clean dish.
The rats and the mice, who wished Pussy to please, Were now never seen at the butter and cheese; The Dame daily found that their numbers grew thinner, For Puss ate a mouse every day for her dinner.
If Puss had a weakness, I need but confess 'Twas a girl of the period's fancy for dress, Her greatest desire a high chignon and hat, And a very short dress a la mode for a cat.
So one day when Dame Trot had gone out to dine, Puss dressed herself up, as she thought, very fine, And coaxed kind old Spot, who looked at her with pride, To play pony for her, and give her a ride.
Now Spot, who to welcome his mistress desired, And to "company manners" had never aspired, Jumped up to fawn on her--and down came the cat, And crushed, in her tumble, her feather and hat.
"Oh, puss!" said Dame Trot, "what a very sad mess! You'd best have remained in your natural dress; The graces which Nature so kindly bestows Are more often hid than improved by fine clothes.
Mistress Puss and Doggy
A little dog said, and he looked very wise, "I think, Mistress Pus, You make a great fuss With your back and your great green eyes And you, Madam Duck, You waddle and cluck, Till it gives one the fidgets to hear you; You'd better run off To the old pig's trough, Where none but the pigs, ma'am, are near you."
The duck was good-natured, and she ran away; But old pussy-cat With her back up sat, And said she intended to stay; And she showed him her paws, With her sharp, long claws, So the dog was afraid to come near, For Puss if she pleases, When a little dog teases Can give him a box on the ear.
Don't Hurt Puss
I like little pussy, her coat is so warm, And if I don't hurt her she'll do me no harm; So I'll not pull her tail, nor drive her away, But Pussy and I very gently will play.
Head In The Milk Jug
Ho! Master, Mistress, Mary, run, Your Tabby is in grief; This broken jug caught hold of me As though I were a thief.
Cat Up The Plum Tree
Diddledy, diddledy, dumpty, The cat ran up the plum tree I lay you a crown I'll fetch her down; So diddledy, diddledy, dumpty.
Pussy-Cat Mole
Pussy Cat Mole Jumped over a coal, And in her best petticoat burnt a great hole Poor Pussy is weeping, she'll have no more milk Until her best petticoat's mended with silk.
The Three Little Kittens
Three little kittens they lost their mittens, And they began to cry, "Oh! mammy dear, we sadly fear, Our mittens we have lost." "What! lost your mittens, You naughty kittens, Then you shall have no pie." Miew, miew miew, miew.
The three little kittens had need of mittens: The winter was now nigh. "Oh! mammy dear, we fear, we fear, Our mittens we shall need." "Go, seek your mittens, You silly kittens; There's a tempest in the sky." Miew, miew, miew, miew.
The three little kittens, in seeking their mittens, Upset the table high. "Oh! mammy dear, we doubt and fear, The house is tumbling down," "You foolish kittens, Go find your mittens, And do not make things fly." Miew, miew, miew, miew.
The three little kittens they found their mittens, And they began to cry, "Oh! mammy dear, see here, see here, Our mittens we have found." "What! found your mittens, You little kittens; Then you shall have some pie." Purr, purr, purr, purr.
The three little kittens put on their mittens, And soon ate up the pie; "Oh! mammy dear, we greatly fear, Our mittens we have soiled." "What! soiled your mittens, You naughty kittens!" Then they began to sigh. Miew, miew, miew, miew.
The three little kittens they washed their mittens, And hung them up to dry. "Oh! mammy dear, look here, look here, Our mittens we have washed," "What! washed your mittens, You darling kittens!-- But I smell a rat close by! Hush! Hush!" Miew, miew.
The three little kittens put off their mittens, A hunting match to try. "Oh! mammy dear, his hole is here: Our mittens down we fling." Both cat and kittens Flung down their mittens; When--whisk!--the rat ran by. Miew, miew, miew, miew.
The Dunce of a Kitten
Come, Pussy, will you learn to read? I've got a pretty book: Nay, turn this way, you must indeed, Fie, there's a sulky look!
Here's a pretty picture, see An apple with a great A; How stupid you will ever be If you do nought but play!
Come, A B C, an easy task, What anyone can do, I will do anything you ask, For dearly I love you.
No, no, your lesson is not done, You have not learnt it half; You'll grow a downright simpleton, And make the people laugh.
[Page 152--Pussy Land]
Old Daddy Hubbard and His Cat
Old Daddy Hubbard Went to the cupboard, To get poor Puss some meat; But when he got there, I do declare, There was nothing but two pig's feet.
Daddy went to the fish shop To get Puss a sprat, And when he came back, She was watching a rat.
Daddy went to the carpenter's To get Puss a house, And when he came back She was catching a mouse.
Daddy went to the miller's To get Puss some meal, And when he came back She was skinning an eel.
Daddy went to a meadow To get milk from a cow, And when he came back, Puss cried: "Me-ow, Me-ow."
Daddy went to the crockery shop To get Puss a dish, And when he came back She had caught Ma's goldfish.
Daddy went to the dairy To get Puss some curd, And when he came back She'd ate Ma's pet bird.
Daddy went to the brewer's To get Puss some beer, And when he came back She's a flea in her ear.
Daddy went for some water, To give Puss some souse, And when he came back Puss was top of the house.
Daddy went to the ironmonger's To get Puss a saw, And when he came back She had scalded her paw.
Daddy went to the photographer's To get Puss some pictures, And when he came back, She had burnt off her whiskers.
Daddy went to the garden To get Puss a snail, And when he came back She'd a bottle-brush tail.
Daddy went to the grocer's To get Puss some tea, And when he came back She had run up a tree.
Daddy went to the draper's To buy Puss some mittens, And when he came back She was licking her kittens.
Daddy went to the stable To get Puss a donkey, And when he got back She was teaching the monkey.
Daddy went to the confectioner's To buy Puss a lollie, And when he came back She was nursing the dolly.
Daddy went to get clothes To make Puss a lady, And when he came back She was kissing the baby.
Daddy took Cole's balloon And got Puss a cloud, But Puss when she saw it Laughed right out loud.
Daddy went to the store To get Puss a herring, And when he came back She kept loving and purring
Daddy went to the furrier's To get Puss a muff, And when he came back She was taking some snuff.
Daddy went to the baker's To get Puss a bun, And when he came back She was beating a drum.
Daddy went to the dressmaker's To buy Puss a frock, And when he came back She was winding the clock.
Daddy went to the jeweller's To get Puss a brooch, And when he came back She'd caught a cockroach.
Daddy went to Cole's Book Arcade Some cheap music to buy, And when he came back Puss had made a mud pie.
Daddy went to Cole's Book Arcade To buy Puss some pens, And when he came back She was feeding some hens.
Daddy went to Cole's Book Arcade To buy Puss a slate, And when he came back She opened the gate.
Daddy went to Cole's Book Arcade To buy Puss some ink, And when he came back She gave him a wink.
Daddy went to Cole's Book Arcade For an exercise book, And when he came back Puss gave a wise look.
Daddy went to Cole's Book Arcade To buy Puss a purse, And when he came back She was singing a verse.
Daddy went to Cole's Book Arcade And Oh me! Oh my! And when he came back Puss had swallowed a fly.
Daddy went to Cole's Book Arcade Some paper to buy, And when he came back Puss thought she would die.
Daddy went to the doctor's To get Puss a pill, And when he came back She still looked very ill.
Daddy went to the auction sale To buy Puss a bed, And when he came back Puss Shammed to be dead.
This was a very wise, knowing Puss; she could read and write, and liked books very, very much, and didn't want to die and be buried, and leave all the mice, and milk, and sausages, and nice books; so she made haste and got better, and when
Daddy went to the cemetery To dig her a grave, Puss rushed off at once Into Cole's Book Arcade.
And that is the present residence of Miss Puss.
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The Story of a Little Mouse: Or, Our Happy Family.
Once there was a little mouse, Who came to live in our house; She came because she was terribly frighten'd To stay outside as it thunder'd and lighten'd.
When she came in 'twas nearly dark, And Ponto he began to bark; But she ran round at a rapid rate, Then darted in behind the grate.
Ponto smelt, and sniff'd, and bark'd and scratch'd, But Mousey was safe and couldn't be catch'd; So Ponto, when tired laid down to sleep, And Mousey quite quiet determined to keep.
Mousey stayed there a month, as she thought it was better, And Ponto could smell her, but never could get her, But every morning when Ponto went out, Miss Mousey crept forth, and for crumbs looked about.
Now one day as Ponto came into the house, Thinks he, I'll be KIND to that poor little mouse; "So come out Miss Mousey," our Ponto he said, "And if anyone hurts you I'll bite off his head."
So the poor little mouse came out of the grate, And ate with our Ponto out of his plate, And always when Ponto laid down on the mat, Beside him Miss Mousey in her little chair sat.
But one rainy night as Miss Mousey sat still, A thing called a bat, came over the hill; But Ponto says to him, "You are not wanted here," And sent the bat off with a flea in his ear.
The very same night as they lay on the mat, What should come rushing in but a great big rat; Up jumped Mr. Ponto and gave a loud bark, And that rat scampered off out into the dark.
They had just got rid of the bat and the rat, And what should come in but a GREAT TOM CAT; Came jumping, springing, and bounding along, And frightened Miss Mousey more than a gong.
He raced after mousey, around, in and out, Through the house and the yard, and all round about; To the East, to the West, to the North, to the South, And at last caught her up in his great big mouth.
He squeezed her back hard and frighten'd her so, She scarcely could say, "O, please let me go!" But Tom spoke and said, "Mouse is very good meat, And as I feel hungry, why, it's you I shall eat."
Tom let her go once, but caught her afresh, Although Mousey made a most desperate dash; And again Mousey pleaded, "Oh, please let me go"; But Tom only answered, "Decidedly No!"
But as luck should now have it, our Ponto came in, And asked Mr. Puss, "What's this horrible din?" Says Puss to our Ponto, "I've caught this sly thief, And now I intend to bring her to grief."
Says Ponto to Puss, "The mouse is my friend, And if you would hurt her, why I must defend That nice little, kind little, good little mouse, As long as she ever remains in this house."
Says Pussy to Ponto, "I pray you don't fret; I'll love and I'll cherish your poor little pet; She shall sleep on the mat, and we'll find her in food, Because she is nice and because she is good."
So the nice little mouse, the dog and the cat, all three ate together, and slept on the mat; They sung, danc'd and romp'd with joy and merry laughter, And as the old take says, "Lived happy ever after."
[Page 154--Pussy Land]
History of Mr. Tom Puss And The Rats
Mrs. Puss stayed at home, minded and played with young Master John Puss, Miss Mary Puss, and Baby Puss, while Mr. Puss went out to get them something to eat. He went into a barn, tied a piece of cheese to the tip of his tail, and put it through a hole in a door, thinking that he would catch a rat that way. Some very knowing rats on the other side of the door got a piece of string, tied it to his tail, pulled all together, and made Mr. Puss me-ow very loud, and he found that instead of his catching a rat, the rats had caught him. Mrs. Puss, finding that Mr. Puss did not come home, put little John Puss and Mary Puss to bed without any supper, and then sang little deaf Baby Puss off to sleep by means of the ear trumpet. The rats ate their supper off Mr. Puss's tail, and then let him go. You see what a fine long tail he had when he put it through the hole to catch rats in that foolish manner; and look at his short tail now, in the corner of the page.
Wasn't He A Foolish Puss!!!
[Page 155--More Pussy Land]
Puss In Boots
Once upon a time there was a miller who had three sons. When he was dying he left each of them a legacy. To his eldest son he left his mill; to his second his ass; and to his youngest his cat. The poor boy was very sad when he found that he had nothing belonging to him but a cat; but, to his great surprise, puss jumped on the table and said in a friendly manner: "Do not be sad, my dear master, only buy me a pair of boots and a bag and I'll provide for you and myself." So the miller's son, who had a shilling or two in his pocket, bought a smart little pair of boots and a bag, and gave them to puss, who put some bran and sow-thistles into his bag, opened the mouth of it, and lay down in a rabbit warren. A foolish young rabbit jumped into it; puss drew the string and soon killed it. He went immediately to the palace with it. He found the king and queen sitting on the throne, and, bowing low, he laid the rabbit at the king's feet, saying: "Please, your majesty, my master, the Marquis de Carabas, has sent you a rabbit from his warren, as a mark of respect." "I am much obliged to the Marquis," said the king, and he ordered the rabbit to be taken to the cook, and a piece of money to be given to the cat.
During two or three months the cat continued to carry game every now and then to the king, which was supposed to be the produce of his master's sport. One day when he happened to hear the king was going to take a drive on the banks of the river, in company with his daughter, who was the most beautiful princess in the world, puss desired the master to go and bathe in the river at the spot that he should point out, and leave the rest to him. The Marquis of Carabas did as his cat advised him. Just as he was bathing the king came past, when the cat bawled out as loud as he could--"Help! help! or the Marquis of Carabas will be drowned!" On hearing this, the king looked out of the carriage window, and recognising the cat, ordered his bodyguards to fly to the assistance of my Lord Marquis of Carabas. As the poor Marquis was being fished out of the river, the cat informed his majesty that, while his master was bathing, some robbers had stolen his clothes. The king immediately ordered the gentlemen of his wardrobe to fetch one of his most sumptuous dresses. No sooner had this been done and the Marquis suitably attired, then he looked to such advantage that the king took him to be a very fine gentleman; while the princess was so struck with his appearance, that at once she became head and ears in love with him.
The king insisted that the Marquis should get into the carriage. The cat, highly delighted at the turn thinks were taking, now ran on before, and having reached a meadow where there were some peasants, he thus accosted them; "I say, good folks, if you do not tell the king that this field belongs to the Marquis of Carabas, you shall all be chopped as fine as mince-meat." The king did not fail to inquire of the peasants to whom the meadow belonged? "To the Marquis of Carabas, please your majesty," said they in a breath.
And the cat kept running on before the carriage, and repeating the same instructions to all the labourers he met with, so that the king was astonished at the vast possessions of the Marquis of Carabas.
At length the cat reached a magnificent castle belonging to a giant who was immensely rich. The cat having inquired what sort of person the giant might be, and what he was able to do, sent in a message to request leave to speak with him.
The giant received him civilly. "I have been told," said the cat, "that you have the power of transforming yourself into all sorts of animals." "So I have," replied the giant, "and to prove the truth of what I say you shall see me become a lion." When the cat beheld a lion standing before him, and saw the monster quietly light his pipe, he was seized with such a panic that he clambered up to the roof. After a time, the cat perceiving that the giant had returned to his natural shape, came down again.
"And do you possess the power of assuming the shape of the smallest animals likewise?" "You shall see;" and the giant immediately assumed the shape of a mouse, when the cat pounced upon him and ate him up.
By this time the king had reached the gates of the Giant's magnificent castle, and expressed a wish to enter so splendid a building. The cat ran out to meet the king, saying--"Your majesty is welcome to the Marquis of Carabas's castle."
The king was so delighted with the Marquis of Carabas, that he accepted him as a son-in-law, and that very same day he was married to the princess.
The cat became a great lord, and ever after hunted mice only for his own amusement.
Monkey And The Cats
Two hungry cats having stolen some cheese, could not agree between themselves how to divide their booty; therefore they went to the law, and a cunning monkey was to decide their case.
"Let us see," said the judge (with as arch a look as could be); "ay, ay, this slice truly outweighs the other;" and with this he bit off a large piece, on order, as he told them, to make a fair balance.
The other scale had now become too heavy, which gave this upright judge a pretence to make free with a second mouthful.
"Hold, hold!" cried the two cats; give each of us our share of what is left and we will be content.
"If you are content," said the monkey, "justice is not; the law, my friends, must have it's course."
Upon this he nibbled first one piece and then the other, till the poor cats, seeing their cheese in a fair way to be all eaten up, most humbly begged him not to put himself to any further trouble, to give them what still remained.
"Ha! ha! ha! not so fast, I beseech you, good ladies," said the monkey; "we owe justice to ourselves as well as to you: and what remains is due to me as the lawyer." Upon this he crammed the whole into his mouth at once, and very gravely broke up the court.
This fable teaches us that it is better to put up with a trifling loss, than to run the risk of losing all we have by going to the law.
Dick Whittington And His Cat
There was once a Lord Mayor of London, whose name was Sir Richard Whittington. He rose to that office from being a poor orphan, living in a distant village. Dick was a sharp boy, and was always picking up knowledge from some of the villagers. Dick heard of the great City of London; he often heard it said that the streets were paved all over with gold.
One day seeing a waggon and team of horses on the road to London; he took courage and asked the waggoner to let him walk by his side. Having gained permission, they set off together. When Dick got to London, he was very eager to see the fine streets paved all over with gold, but the poor boy saw nothing but dirt instead of gold, so he crouched down at the door of one Mr. Fitzwarren, a great merchant. Here he was soon found by an ill-tempered cook, who ordered him to go about his business. But just at this moment Mr. Fitzwarren himself came home, and finding that the poor boy was willing to work, he took him into his house, and said that he should be kept to do what dirty work he was able for the cook. The cook was always scolding him from morning till night, and was very cruel to him. Poor Dick had another hardship. His bed was places in a garret where there were great numbers of rats and mice, which ran over his face, and made a great noise. Dick at last bought a cat which was famous for being an excellent mouser.
Soon after this, the merchant, who had a ship ready to sail, asked his servants if they would send any goods abroad. All the servants mentioned something they were willing to venture but poor Whittington, who said he had nothing but a cat which was his companion.
"Fetch thy cat, boy," said Mr. Fitzwarren, "and let her go." Dick hesitated for some time; at last he brought poor Puss, and delivered her to the captain with tears in his eyes. The cook continued to be so cruel to him that the unhappy fellow determined to leave his place. He accordingly packed up his few things, and travelled as far as Holloway, and there sat down on a stone. While he was there musing, Bow-bells began to ring; and it seemed to him that their sound said:
"Turn again, Whittington, Lord Mayor of London."
So back went Dick, and got into the house before the cook came down stairs.
The ship with Dick's cat on board happened to be driven by contrary winds on a part of the coast of Barbary, inhabited by Moors, who showed great eagerness to purchase the things with which the ship was laden. The captain seeing this, took patterns of the choicest articles he had to the King of the Moors. While he was showing them to him, dinner was brought in, and at once lots of rats and mice came in and ate up all the dainties. The captain was astonished when the King told him that this often happened. The captain rushed off at once to the ship, and brought Puss to the palace. The second dinner had been brought in, and, as usual, in came the rats and mice; Pussy at the sight of them sprang out of the captain's arms and killed lots of them, and the rest ran off to their holes. The King was greatly pleased with the wonderful Puss, and gave two sackfuls of gold for the cat, and the captain at once sailed for London. When Mr. Fitzwarren heard the news, he ordered Dick Whittington to be called, and showed him all the riches which the captain had brought in exchange for his cat. Dick was now a rich man, and soon after married the merchant's daughter, at the very church whose bells seemed to call him back to London. He grew richer and richer, became Sheriff, and at length Lord Mayor of London.
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[Page 157--More Pussy Land]
The White Kitten
My little white kitten's Asleep on my knee; As white as snow Or the lily is she; She wakes up with a purr When I stroke her soft fur; Was there ever another White kitten like her?
My little white kitten Now wants to go out And frolic, with no one To watch her about: "Little kitten," I say, "Just an hour you may stay; And be careful in choosing Your places to play."
But night has come down, And I hear a loud "mew"; I open the door, and my Kitten comes through; My white kitten! ah me! Oh! can it be she-- This sad looking beggar-like Cat that I see?
What ugly grey marks On her side and her back! Her nose, once as pink As a rosebud, is black! Oh! I very well know, Though she does not say so, She has been where white kittens Ought never to go.
If little good children Would wish to do right, If little white kittens Would keep themselves white, It is needful that they In their houses should stay, Or be careful in choosing Their places to play.
Kitty
Pretty little Kitty Sat upon a stile, Sang a little ditty To herself for a while, Watching how the sparrows-- Seeking grain to eat-- Dart about like arrows In among the wheat.
Pretty little Kitty Liked the birds to see! Though it was a pity They were wild and free. So she stopped her singing-- Left the stile forlorn; And went gaily springing In among the corn.
Pretty little Kitty Fond of country things, Cares not for the city Where no birdie sings.
[Page 158--More Pussy Land]
Naughty Pussy
"Oh, for shame, Baby Cat, Mother's pet Her cupboard at.
"With a spoon Eating Jam Quite ashamed Of you I am.
"If she comes And catches you You'll be punished Rightly too.
"She will send you Straight to bed, With for supper Plain dry bread."
Little Pussy
I love little Pussy, Her coat is so warm; And if I don't tease her, She'll do me no harm.
I'll not pull her tail, Nor drive her away, But Pussy and I Very gently will play.
She'll be gentle with me, If I'm gentle with her, And if I speak kindly, I know she will purr.
She shall sit by my side, And I'll give her some food And Pussy will love me Because I am good.
It's true, if I tease her, Her claws she will show; But Pussy knows well That I never do so.
Puss and the Crab
"I wonder," says puss, "If a thing like that Would presume to bite A respectable cat?
'Tis the queerest thing That ever I saw; I'll hit it a slap With my strong forepaw.
No! No! On the whole I had better not; But what curious claws The creature has got!
I'll just step up And quietly ask it How it got out Of that market-basket.
I'll play with the animal, Just to see If it wants to do Any harm to me.
No! I thank I had better Get out of its way, And I surely am safer Not even to play.
For I'll get into trouble, And horribly wail, If that thing with the claws Takes a grip on my tail."
Rev. A. Taylor
Little Pussies
Three little pussies, All in a row, Ranged on the table, Two down below.
Five little pussies Dressed all in silk, Waiting for sugar, Waiting for milk.
Dear little pussies, If you would thrive, Breakfast at nine o'clock, Take tea at five.
[Page 159--More Pussy Land]
Puss in the Corner
You are a naughty pussy-cat; I think it right to mention that For all who see your picture here-- 'Twas you who broke my bunny dear.
An hour ago, as you can tell, I left him here, alive and well; And now he's dead, and, what is more You've broke his leg, I'm pretty sure.
For you, my puss, I'll never care, No--never, never, never--there! And you are in disgrace, you know, And in the corner you must go.
What, crying? Then I must cry too, And I can't bear to punish you; Perhaps you've only stunned his head.
And though I'm sure you broke his leg, It may be mended with a peg; And though he's very, very funny, My bunny's not a real bunny; And I'll forgive and tell you that You are my precious pussy-cat.
Robert Mack
Tabby
Tabby was a kitten, Tabby was a thief. Tabby tried to steal the cream, And so she came to grief.
Jumping on the table (Nobody was nigh), On the pretty cream-jug Tabby cast her eye:
Wondered what was in it; Thought she'd like to see; Crept a little nearer, Slyly as could be.
Cream was very low down; Jug was very high; "Must have some," said Tabby. "Even if I die!"
Then into the cream-jug Popped her naughty nose; Just what happened after, Only Tabby knows.
This is how we found her, Naughty little cat! Did she get a whipping, Think you, after that?
Tabby was a kitten, Tabby was a thief, Tabby tried to steal the cream, And so she came to grief.
Old Puss
Don't hurt the poor old cat, There can be no fun in that; And it would be cruel too-- She never tried to injure you.
She, for years, has kept the house Free from thievish rat and mouse; Puss has always faithful been, And has kept herself so clean.
True, she now is getting old, Though she once was strong and bold; At her prey she cannot leap, And, if caught, can scarcely keep.
Poor old puss! 'Twould be a shame Thee for uselessness to blame; When though canst not active be-- Useless through infirmity.
In the Park
I'm a rich little kitten: I live at my ease,
I keep my own carriage, I go where I please;
My turn-out is stylish, I nothing neglect,
And often I notice That all recollect
That a rich little kitten Deserves much respect.
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The Dead Kitten
Don't talk to me of parties, Nan; I really cannot go; When folks are in affliction They don't go out, you know. I have a new brown sash, too; It seems a pity--eh? That such a dreadful trial Should have come just yesterday!
The play-house blinds are all pulled down As dark as it can be; It looks so very solemn And so proper, don't you see? And I have a piece of crape Pinned on my dolly's hat, Tom says it is ridiculous For only just a cat.
But boys are all so horrid! They always, every one, Delight in teasing little girls And kitties, "just for fun." The way he used to pull her tail-- It makes me angry now-- And scat her up the cherry tree, To make the darling "meow!"
I've had her all the summer. One day, away last spring, I heard a frightful barking, And I saw the little thing In the corner of a fence; 'T would have made you laugh outright To see how every hair stood out, And how she tried to fight.
I shooed the dog away, And she jumped upon my arm; The pretty creature knew I wouldn't do her any harm; I hugged her close, and carried her To mamma, and she said She should be my own wee kitty, If I'd see that she was fed.
A cunning little dot she was, With silky, soft, grey fur; She'd lie for hours on my lap, And I could hear her purr; And then she'd frolic after When I pulled a string about, Or try to catch her tail, Or roll a marble in and out.
Such comfort she has been to me I'm sure no one could tell, Unless some other little girl Who loves her pussy well. I've heard about a Maltese cross; But my dear little kit Was always sweet and amiable, And never cross a bit!
But oh, last week I missed her! I hunted all around; My darling little pussy-cat Was nowhere to be found. I knelt and whispered softly, When nobody could see: "Take care of little kitty, please, And bring her back to me."
I found her lying yesterday Behind the lower shed; I thought my heart was broken When I found that she was dead. Tom promised me another one; But even he can see No other kitty ever will be Just the same to me.
I can't go to your party, Nannie, Maccaroons, you say? And ice-cream? I know I ought to try and not give way; And I feel it would be doing wrong To disappoint you so. Well, if I'm equal to it By to-morrow, I may go!
Sydney Dayre
The Monkey and the Nuts
A monkey, being fond of nuts, Thought he would have some roasted; But how was he to get them done, Not liking to be toasted? A poor young cat was passing by, And innocently watches; The wicked monkey saw her stop, And at his victim snatches.
"Dear pussy, you are just the one That I've been looking out for; How beautiful you look to-day, But tell me what you pout for! Upon my word I long have had For you a fond affection; Now you shall stay and dine with me, Or take some slight refection."
"Twas no use for poor puss to speak, Or offer to deny him, The monkey had her in his grasp, And she could not deny him. So he began to laugh and chat, And show a few grimaces; Oh! if you had but seen, like me, The contrast of their faces.
He put some nuts into her paw, And he the fire approaches, As if a salamander she. Or made of young cockroaches. The poor cat now began to squall, Her face the fire attacking; And sadly too, her paw was burnt, The while the nuts were cracking.
The monkey having feasted well Began to snarl and grumble, That he should be so taken in With nuts he scarce could mumble. "Dear me," he said, "how they are burnt," And at poor pussy looking, "I cannot think how I could bear Such miserable cooking.
And what a fuss you make about A little bit of warning; I've often done the thing myself-- There's nothing so alarming. Now take this for yourself," he said, "And next time be less squalling:" Then gave the cat a hearty cuff, Which sent the poor thing sprawling.
"Now let me give you this advice, For I am one of letters: Leave off your rude, obstreperous way, When you are with your betters. And think yourself well off," he said, "That I had mercy on you; For many would have sent you home Without a dress upon you."
Mrs. W. Taylor
[Page 161--More Pussy Land]
My Own Puss
I wish you could just see my cat: She's a darling, there's no doubt of that: So soft, and so sleek, and so fat.
Her eyes are a beautiful green, The brightest that ever were seen: Of cats she is truly the queen.
She loves to lie stretched in the sun But as soon as my lessons are done, She is ready for frolic and fun.
My kitty has two sets of claws, Tucked away in those velvety paws: She can use them, too, when there is cause.
I cannot thin what I should do, If, my pussy, I ever lost you: We're so happy together, we two!
I call her my bundle of fur: Hark! now she's beginning to purr: Kit loves me, and oh, I love her!
The Frolicsome Kitten
Dear kitten, do lie still, I say, How much I want you to be quiet, Instead of scampering away, And always making such a riot.
There, only see! you've torn my frock, And poor mamma must put a patch in; I'll give you a right earnest knock, To cure you of this trick of scratching.
Nay, do not scold your little cat, She does not know what 'tis you're saying; And every time you give a pat, She thinks you mean it all for playing.
But if your pussy understood The lesson that you want to teach her, And did not choose to be so good, She'd be, indeed, a naughty creature.
Putting Kitty to Bed
Kitty, Kitty, go to sleep, Shut your eyes, and don't you peep. Sing with me your little song, We will not make it very long.
Hurry Kitty for to see Mamma soon will come for me, And I must see you safe in bed All covered up except your head.
And while I rock you in my chair, You must purr your little prayer, Altho' you say it soft an low, 'Twill all be just the same you know.
Mamma makes me bend my knee, But Kitty dear, you can't, you see, For you're too little yet to try-- See! I'm so big, and tall, and high.
And then you can't say any words, No more than chicks, or little birds. But I've heard the Bible tell That even birds are cared for well.
M. E. S.
[Page 162--Doggy Land]
Old Mother Hubbard and Her Dog
Old Mother Hubbard Went to the cupboard To get her poor Dog a bone; But when she got there The cupboard was bare, And so the poor Dog had none.
She went to the baker's To buy him some bread, And when she came back The poor Dog looked dead.
She went to the joiner's To buy him a coffin, But when she came back The poor Dog was laughing.
She took a clean dish To get him some tripe, But when she came back He was smoking a pipe.
She went to the ale-house To get him some beer, But when she came back The Dog sat on a chair.
She went to the hatter's To buy him a hat, But when she came back He was feeding the cat.
She went to the barber's To buy him a wig, But when she came back He was dancing a jig.
She went to the fruiterer's To buy him some fruit, But when she came back He was playing the flute.
She went to the tailor's, To buy him a coat, But when she came back He was riding a goat.
She went to the seamstress To buy him some linen, But when she came back The Dog was a-spinning.
She went to the hosier's To buy him some hose, But when she came back He was dressed in his clothes.
She went to the cobbler's To buy him some shoes, But when she came back He was reading the news.
She went to the hotel To get him some ale, But when she came back, He was wagging his tail.
She went to the tavern For white wine and red, But when she came back The Dog stood on his head.
The dame made a curtsey, The Dog made a bow; The dame said "Your servant," The Dog said "Bow-wow."
This wonderful Dog Was Dame Hubbard's delight; He could sing, he could dance, He could read, he could write.
She went to Cole's Book Arcade To buy him a book, And when she came back He at once took a look.
She went to Cole's Book Arcade To buy him book two, And when she came back He was tying his shoe.
She went to Cole's Book Arcade To buy him book three, And when she came back He getting his tea.
She went to Cole's Book Arcade To buy him book four, And when she came back He sat at the door.
She went to Cole's Book Arcade To buy him book five, And when she came back He was out for a drive.
She went to Cole's Book Arcade To buy him book six And when she came back He was picking up sticks.
She went to Cole's Book Arcade To buy him book seven, And when she came back He was brewing some leaven.
She went to Cole's Book Arcade To buy him book eight, And when she came back He was baking a cake.
She went to Cole's Book Arcade To buy him book nine, And when she came back He said it was fine.
She went to Cole's Book Arcade To buy him book ten, And when she came back He took it an then
She went to Cole's Book Arcade To buy him book eleven, And when she came back He had gone up to heaven.
To Parents And Schoolmasters
I have been blamed for printing and distributing "Mother Hubbard." My answer is:--"Old Mother Hubbard" has done more towards the education of young children than perhaps any piece of reading in existence. Amongst the hundreds of millions of English speaking people in all parts of the earth, there are very few but can repeat a part or the whole of "Mother Hubbard," and I have seen it somewhat asserted that it is to be found in almost every home in the civilised world. Its rude style of poetry tells nothing against it. The child knows nothing of correct metre: as long as there is a jingling rhyme it is satisfied. The dog is the domestic animal in millions of families, and in numberless cases is actually a more loved companion then brothers and sisters. A simple rhyme, therefore, about this attached, playful, and constant companion is sure to fascinate the young, and it has fascinated more than a thousand millions of the little dears. I firmly believe that it would produce grand results if a pretty illustrated edition of the principal nursery rhymes were made a text-book in infant schools. You may try, and try, and try again, to drive an ordinary dry school-book lesson into the infant mind, and make very little progress--it is up-hill work. But take an illustrated edition of a nursery rhyme, say the "Death of Cock Robin," or "Mother Hubbard," and call the little one to you, begin to teach it--how eagerly, how intently does it begin to learn now! What animation in its little eyes! What music in its little, joyous, interested voice! It learns this lesson ten times as fast as the other one, and gives you ten times the pleasure in teaching it, and this kind of teaching gradually and insensibly leads the child into a love of learning: it interests and sets the young inquiring mind at work. We all know how much easier it is to do a work we are interested in than a work we are not. It is just so with the child, and for that reason I would commence to teach the infant mind with that which pleased it best, and so gradually create a love for reading. For years I have allowed numbers of little children, of their own accord, to stand and read nursery rhymes to themselves, and to teach other youths to read interesting and instructive fiction, gratis, in the Book Arcade; and I hold that, by its enticingly creating a love for reading, which will lead to something higher, time is one of the best and most effective schools in the country.
--E. W. Cole
[Page 163--Doggy Land]
Tom Tinker's Dog
Bow, wow, wow, whose dog art tho? I'm Tom Tinker's dog, and I'll bite you.
Puppy
There was an Old Man of Leghorn, The smallest as ever was born; But quickly snapt up he Was once by a puppy, Who devoured that Old Man of Leghorn.
Doggy
The cat sat asleep by the side of the fire, The mistress snored loud as a pig; Jack took up his fiddle by doggy's desire, And struck up a bit of a jig.
Hark, the Dogs bark
Hark, hark, the dogs do bark, Beggars are coming to town; Some in jags, some in rags, And some in velvet gown.
Poor Dog Bright
Poor dog Bright Ran off with all his might, Because the cat was after him: Poor dog Bright.
Dog Blue Bell
I had a little dog, and his name was Blue Bell, I gave him some work, and he did it very well; I sent him up stairs to pick up a pin, He stepped into the coal-scuttle up to the chin; I sent him to the garden to pick some sage, He tumbled down and fell in a rage; I sent him to the cellar to draw a pot of beer, He came up again and said there was none there.
Little Dog Buff
I had a little Dog, and they called him buff, I sent him to the shop for a hap'orth of snuff; But he lost the bag and spilled the snuff. So take that cuff, and that's enough.
Dog Burnt his Tail
Ding, dong, darrow, The cat and the sparrow; The little dog has burnt his tail, And he shall be hang'd to-morrow.
Thievish dog Fan
Thievish dog Fan, to yell aloud began, She burnt her mouth through stealing tripe: Thievish dog Fan.
The Quarrelsome Dogs
Old Tray and rough Growler are having a fight, So let us get out of their way; They snarl, and they growl, and they bite, Oh dear, what a terrible fray!
Good Little Dog
I will not hurt my little dog, But stroke and pat his head; I like to see him wag his tail, I like to see him fed.
Poor little thing, how very good, And very useful too. For don't you know that he will mind What he is bid to do?
Then I will never hurt my dog, Nor ever give him pain; But treat him kindly every day, And he'll love me again.
Puss And Rover
Our Pussy she is white, Our Rover he is black, And yet he licks Pussy's face While she stands on his back.
Our Pussy she is little, Our Rover he is big, And yet he likes the Pussy Much better than the pig.
Our Pussy she is young, And Rover he is old, And yet he likes the Pussy More than tons of gold.
Our Pussy she is good, And so is Rover too, So Pussy says, "Ta, ta." "Good-bye," And Rover says "Adieu."
Don't Tease Dogs
Foolish Edward runs away, From the large dog with the bone; If we do not tease or chide, Dogs will leave us quite alone.
No Breakfast for Growler
No, naughty Growler, get away, You shall not have a bit; Now when I speak, how dare you stay? I can't spare any, Sir, I say, And so you need not sit.
Poor Growler! do not make him go, But recollect, before, That he has never served you so, For you have given him many a blow, That patiently he bore.
Poor growler! if he could but speak, He'd tell (as well as he might) How he would bear with many a freak, And wag his tail, and look so meek, And neither bark nor bite.
Upon his back he lets you ride, All round and round the yard; And now, while sitting by your side, To have a bit of bread denied, Is really very hard.
And all your little tricks he'll bear, And never seem to mind; And yet you say you cannot spare One bit of breakfast for his share, Although he is so kind.
Good Dog Tray
Good Dog Tray Watched Tommy t'other day, In the garden fast asleep: Good Dog Tray.
Poor Old Tray
See, here is poor old Tray; Good dog to run so fast, To meet my sister May and me, Now school is o'er at last.
Oh! how I love you, Tray, You are so kind to me; You run beside me in my walks, You sit by me at tea.
'Tis true that I give you bits Of cake and bread and meat; But I'm sure you'd love as well If you had nought to eat.
For faithful, true, and kind Is our old darling Tray; He guards our dwelling all the night, And plays with us by day.
Doggy minds the House
"Come hither, little puppy dog, I'll give you a nice new collar, If you will learn to read your book And be a clever scholar."
"No, no!" replied the puppy dog, "I've other fish to fry, "For I must learn to guard your house, And bark when thieves come nigh."
[Page 164--Goat Land]
O'Grady's Goat
O'Grady lived in shanty row, The neighbours often said They wished that Tim would move away Or that his goat was dead. He kept the neighbourhood in fear, And the children always vexed; They couldn't tell jist whin or where The goat would pop up nexht.
Ould Missis Casey stood wan day The dirty clothes to rub Upon the washboard, when she dived Head foremost o'er the tub; She lit upon her back an' yelled, As she was lying flat: "Go git your goon an' kill the bashte." O'Grady's goat did that.
Pat Doolan's woife hung out the wash, Upon the line to dry. She wint to take it in at night, But stopped to have a cry. The sleeves av two red flannel shirts, Tat once was worn by Pat, Were chewed off almost to the neck. O'Grady's goat doon that.
They had a party at McCune's, And they were having foon, Whin suddinly there was a crash An' ivrybody roon. The iseter soup fell on the floor An' nearly drowned the cat; The stove was knocked to smithereens. O'Grady's goat doon that.
O'Hoolerhan brought home a keg Ave dannymite wan day To blow a cistern in his yard An' hid the stuff away. But suddinly an airthquake coom, O'Hoolerhan, house an' hat, And ivrything in sight wint up, O'Grady's goat doon that.
Will S. Hays
The Goat and the Swing
A little story with a moral For the young folks who are prone to quarrel. Old folks are wise, and do not need it, Of course they, therefore, will not read it.
A vicious goat, one day, had found His way into forbidden ground When coming to the garden-swing, He spied a most prodigious thing,-- A ram, a monster, to his mind, With head before and head behind!
Its shape was odd--no hoofs were seen, But, without legs, it stood between Two uprights, lofty posts of oak, With forehead ready for a stroke.
Though but a harmless ornament Carved of the seat, it seemed intent On barring the intruder's way; While he, advancing, seemed to say, "Who is this surly fellow here, Two heads, no tail--it's mighty queer! A most insulting countenance!"
With stamp of foot and angry glance He curbed he threatening neck and stood Before the passive thing of wood. "You winked as I was going by! You did not? What! tell me I lie? Take that!" And at the swing he sprung.
A sounding thump! It backward swung, And set in motion by the blow, Swayed menacingly to and fro. "Ha! you will fight! A quarrelsome chap, I knew you were! You'll get a rap! I'll crack your skull!" A headlong jump; Another and a louder bump!
The swing, as with kindling wrath, Came rushing back along the path. The goat, astonished, shook his head, Winked hard, turned round, grew mad, and said, "Villain! I'll teach you who I am!" (Or seemed to say,)--"you rascal ram, To pick a fight with me, when I So quietly am passing by! Your head or mine!" A thundering stroke-- The cracking horns met crashing oak!
Then came a dull and muffled sound, And something rolled along the ground, Got up, looked sad--appeared to say, "Your head's too hard!"--and limped away Quite humbly, in a rumpled coat-- A dustier and a wiser goat!
J. T. Throwbridge
[Page 165--Monkey Land]
The Adventures of Meddlesome "Jacko"
These pictures we hope Will our little folks please, And also to each one This moral convey: "Be contented and happy, Whatever your lot, And don't try, as some do, To have your own way."
Master Jacko, you see, Had a very snug home, With plenty to eat That was wholesome and good; But still he did not, We are sorry to say, Behave in a way That a pet monkey should.
For one day he said, "Come, I don't like at all The life that I lead, And I cannot see why I should not live just As my own master does; This chain is not strong, Can I break it? I'll try."
After some little time Jacko snapped it in two; Said he to himself, "Well, now where shall I go? To the larder, I think; For my appetite's good, And I'm sure to find Something to eat there, I know."
He entered, and as he Was looking about A lobster just brought From the shop seized his tail, And pinched him, and nipped him, Until our young friend Jumped about, and set up A most piteous wail.
Next he went to the kitchen, And there he espied A bottle of something-- "Ha, ha, I must taste!" But he found it was curry, Which burnt his poor throat, So he let drop the bottle, And he ran off in haste.
To the dining-room the He repaired, and he said, "Into master's tea-pot The hot water I'll pour;" But he upset the kettle, And scalded himself, And loudly screamed out As he rolled on the floor.
Quoth Jacko, "the house Doesn't suit me at all, I had better go back To the garden again, And gather some peaches, Or grapes, or some plums, And try to forget All my trouble and pain."
In the corner the rogue Saw a bee-hive--"Why, here Must be honey! Delicious!" Said he; "Just the thing!" So he put in his hand, But he brought out the bees, And they punished poor Jacko With many a sting.
Pinched, scalded, and stung, To his home he returned. Reasoned he, "My past folly I shall not regret; For I'm sure the misfortunes I've gone through to-day Have taught me a lesson I ne'er shall forget."
A Fruitless Sorrow
A little monkey, Dusky, ugly, sad, Sat hopeless, curled Within his narrow cage; Dark was the stifling room, No joy he had; The sick air rang With tones of pain and rage.
From many a prisoned Creature held for sale, Stolen from the happy Freedom of its life: Dull drooping birds, That uttered shriek and wail, And beast and reptile Full of woe and strife.
Into the place A cheerful presence came, And kind eyes lighted On the monkey small; Straightway the weary World was not the same Such fortune did The little thing befall.
Safe in a basket Fastened, he was sent Across the city, Trembling and afraid. But once he saw his new home, What sweet content Was his, while petted And caressed, he played.
A week of bliss, Alas! that it should end! He had forgotten Darkness, pain, and all; But there were monkeys Finer than our friend, His master's eyes On such a one must fall!
So fate had ordered, And the frisky sprite, Dun-coloured, grey, And streaked with cinnamon, Born in far bright Brazil, Was bought at sight, And all the first Poor pet's fortune won.
They brought into The bright and cheerful room The basket small In which he had been borne To such a happy life. He saw his doom At once, the misery Of his lot forlorn.
The moment that The basket met his sight, He dropped his head, And hid his sorrowing eyes Against his arm, Nor looked to left nor right, As any thinking Human creature wise.
They took him back Into his noisome den, His tiny face Concealed as if he wept, So helpless to resist. Heroic men Might such despairing Patient calm have kept.
Poor little thing! And if he lingers yet, Or death has ended Life so hard to bear I know not; But I never can forget His brief rejoicing And his mute despair.
[Page 166--Gee Gee Land]
The Horse
The horse, the brave. The gallant Horse-- Fit theme for the minstrel's song! He hath good claim To praise and fame; As the fleet, the kind, the strong.
Behold him free In his native strength, Looking fit for the sun-god's car; With a skin as sleek As a maiden's cheek, And an eye like a Polar star.
Who wonders not Such limbs can deign To brook the fettering firth; As we see him fly The ringing plain, And paw the crumbling earth?
His nostrils are wide With snorting pride, His fiery veins expand; And yet he'll be led With s silken thread, Or soothed by and infant's hand.
He owns the lion's Spirit and might, But the voice he has learnt to love Needs only be heard, And he'll turn to the word, As gentle as a dove.
The Arab is wise Who learns to prize His barb before all gold; But us his barb More fair than ours, More generous, fast or bold?
A song for the steed, The gallant steed-- Oh! grant him a leaf of bay; For we owe much more To his strength and speed, Than man can ever repay.
Whatever his place-- The yoke, the chase, The war-field, road, or course, One of Creation's Brightest and best Is the Horse, the noble Horse!
Eliza Cook
The Wonderful Horse
I've a tale to relate. Such a wonderful tale That really I fear My description must fail; 'Tis about a fine horse Who had powers so amazing. He lived without eating, Or drinking, or grazing; In fact this fine horse Was so "awfully" clever. That left to himself He'd have lived on forever.
He stood in a room, With his nose in the air, And his wide staring eyes Looking no one knows where. His tail undisturbed By the sting of a fly One foot slightly raised As if kicking he'd try, This wonderful horse Never slept or yet dozed, At least if he did so, His eyes never closed.
"Come, gee up, old Dobbin. Look sharp, don't you see I want to be there And get back before tea?" But this obstinate horse Never offered to prance, Or made an attempt At the slightest advance; Harry slashed him so hard. That he slashed off one ear, Then his mane tumbled off, And poor Dobbin looked queer.
With spur, and with whip, And with terrible blows, He soon was deprived Of one eye, and his nose, While his slightly-raised foot Found a place on the floor. The tail once so handsome Was handsome no more, And Harry, the tears Raining down as he stood, Cried, "Bother the horse, It is nothing but wood!"
The Pony
Oh, Brownie, our pony, A gallant young steed, Will carry us gaily O'er hill, dale, and mead.
So sure is his foot, And so steady his eye. That even our baby To mount him might try.
We haste to his stable To see him each day, And feed him with oats And the sweetest of hay.
We pat his rough coat, And we deck him with flowers, Oh, never was seen Such a pony as ours.
The Horse
No one deserves to have a horse Who takes delight to beat him: The wise will choose a better course, And very kindly treat him.
If ever it should be my lot-- To have, for use or pleasure, One who could safely walk or trot The horse would be a treasure.
He soon would learn my voice to know And I would gladly lead him; And should he to the stable go, I'd keep him clean and feed him.
I'd teach my horse a steady pace. Because, if he should stumble Upon a rough or stony place, We might both have a tumble.
Should he grow aged, I would still My poor old servant cherish; I could not see him weak or ill, And leave my horse to perish.
For should he get too weak to be My servant any longer, I'll send him out to grass quite free, And get another stronger.
Good Dobbin
Oh! thank you, good Dobbin, You've been a long track, And have carried papa All the way on your back; You shall have some nice oats, Faithful Dobbin, indeed, For you've brought papa home To his darling with speed.
The howling wind blew, And the pelting rain beat, And the thick mud has covered His legs and his feet, But yet on he galloped In spite of the rain, And has brought papa home, To his darling again.
The sun it was setting A long while ago, And papa could not see The road where he should go, But Dobbin kept on Through the desolate wild, And has brought papa home Again safe to his child.
Now go to the stable, The night is so raw, Go, Dobbin, and rest Your old bones on the straw: Don't stand any longer Out here in the rain, For you've brought papa home To his darling again.
A Horse's Petition to his Master
Up the hill, whip me not; Down the hill, hurry me not; In the stable, forget me not; Of hay and corn, rob me not; With sponge and brush, neglect me not; Of soft, dry bed, deprive me not; If sick or cold, chill me not; With bit and reins, oh! jerk me not; And when you are angry, strike me not.
[Page 167--Gee Gee Land]
Work-Horses in a Park on Sunday
'Tis Sabbath-day, the poor man walks Blithe from his cottage door, And to his parting young ones talks As they skip on before.
The father is a man of joy, From his week's toil released; And jocund is each little boy To see his father pleased.
But, looking to a field at hand, Where the grass grows rich and high, A no less merry Sabbath band Of horses met my eye.
Poor skinny beasts, that go all week With loads of earth and stones, Bearing, with aspect dull and meek, Hard work, and cudgel'd bones.
But now let loose to roam athwart The farmer's clover-lea With whisking tails, and jump and snort, They speak a clumsy glee.
Lolling across each other's necks, Some look like brother's dear; Other's are full of flings and kicks-- Antics uncouth and queer.
Superannuated Horse to His Master, who has Sentenced him to Die
And hast thou sealed my doom, sweet master, say? And wilt thou kill thy servant old and poor? A little longer let me live, I pray; A little longer hobble round the door.
For much it glads me to behold this place-- And house me in this hospitable shed; It glads me more to see mu master's face, And linger on the spot where I was bred.
For oh! to think of what we have enjoyed, In my life's prime, e'er I was old and poor! Then from the jocund morn to eve employed, My gracious master on my back I bore.
Thrice ten years have danced on down along, Since first to thee these way-born limbs I gave; Sweet smiling years! When both of was were young-- The kindest master and the happiest slave.
Ah! years sweet smiling, now for ever flown, Ten years, thrice fold, alas! are as a day. Yet as together we are aged grown, Together let us wear that age away.
And hast thou fixed my doom, sweet master, say? And wilt thou kill thy servant old and poor? A little longer let me live, I pray, A little longer hobble round thy door.
But oh! Kind Nature, take thy victim's life! And thou a servant feeble, old, and poor; So shalt thou save me from the uplifted knife, And gently stretch me at my master's door.
The Arab and His Horse
Come, my beauty; come, my dessert darling! On my shoulder lay thy glossy head! Fear not, though the barley sack be empty, Here's half of Hassan's scanty bread.
Thou shalt have thy share of dates, my beauty! And thou knowest my water skin is free; Drink and be welcome, for the wells are distant, And my strength and safety lie in thee.
Bend thy forehead, now, to take my kisses! Lift in love thy dark and splendid eye; Thou art glad when Hassan mounts the saddle-- Thou art proud he owns thee; so am I.
Let the Sultan bring his broadest horses, Prancing with their diamond-studded reins; They, my darling, shall not match thy fleetness, When they course with thee the desert plains.
We have seen Damascus, O my beauty! And the splendour of the pachas there; What's their pomp and riches? Why, I would not Take them for a handful of they hair.
The Cab Horse
Pity the sorrows of a poor cab horse, Whose jaded limbs have many a mile to go. Whose weary days are drawing to a close, And but in death will he a rest e'er know.
When the cold winds of dreary winter rage, And snow and hail come down in blinding sheet, And people refuge see 'neath roof or arch, The cab-horse stands unsheltered in the street.
Though worn and weary with useful life, In patient service to his master--man; No fair retirement waits his failing years, He yet must do the utmost work he can.
His legs are stiff, his shoulders rubbed and sore, His knees are broken and his sight is dim, But no physician comes his wounds to heal, The lash is all the cure that's given him.
Ye kindly hearts that spare the whip, and stroke, Just now and then, with kindly hand, his mane; Or pat his sides, or give a pleasant word, Your tender-heartedness is not in vain.
He has not many friends to plead his cause; He has not speech his own wrongs to outpour. Pity the sorrows of a poor cab-horse; Give him relief, and Heaven will bless your store.
[Page 168--Gee Gee Land]
Farmer John
Home from his journey Farmer John Arrived this morning safe and sound, His black coat off, and his old clothes on: "Now I'm myself," says Farmer John. And he thinks, "I'll look around!" Up leaps the dog: "Get down, you pup, Are you so glad you would eat me up?" The old cow lows at the gate to greet him. The horses prick up their ears, to meet him. Well, well, old Bay! Ha, ha, old Grey! Do you get good food when I'm away?"
"You haven't a rib!" says Farmer John: "The cattle are looking round and sleek; The colt is going to be a roan, And a beauty too, how he has grown! We'll wean the calf, next week." Says Farmer John, when I've been off, To call you again about the trough, And watch you, and pet you, while you drink, Is a greater comfort than you can think." And he pats old Bay, And he slaps old Grey; "Ah, this is the comfort of going away."
"For after all," says Farmer John, "The best of the journey is getting home! "I've seen great sights, but would I give This spot, and the peaceful life I live, For all their Paris and Rome? These hills for the City's stifled air, And big hotels, all bustle and glare, Lands all horses, and roads all stones, That deafen your ears and batter your bones, Would you, old Bay? Would you, old Grey? That's what one gets by going away."
"I've found out this," says Farmer John, "That happiness is not bought and sold And clutched in a life of waste and hurry, In nights of pleasure and days of worry, And wealth isn't all in gold, Mortgage and stocks, and ten per cent., But in simple ways of sweet content. Few wants pure hopes, and noble ends, Some land to till and a few good friends, Like you, old Bay, And you, old Grey, That's what I've learned by going away.
And a happy man is Farmer John, Oh! a rich and happy man is he; He sees the peas and pumpkins growing, The corn in tassel, and buckwheat blowing; And fruit on vine and tree. The large kind oxen look their thanks, As he rubs their foreheads and strokes their flanks, The doves light round him, and strut and coo; Says Farmer John: "I'll take you too, And you, old Bay, And you, old Grey, The next time I travel so far away."
The Horse
A horse, long us'd to bit and bridle, But always much disposed to idle, Had often wished that he was able To steal unnotic'd from the stable.
He panted from his utmost soul, To be at nobody's control; Go his own pace, slower or faster. In short, do nothing--like his master.
But yet he ne'er had got at large, If Jack (who had him in his charge) Had not, as many have before, Forgot to shut the stable door.
Dobbin, with expectation swelling, Now rose to quit he present dwelling, But first peep'd out with cautious fear, T' examine if the coast was clear.
At length he ventured from his station, And with extreme self-approbation, As if delivered from a load, He gallop'd to the public road.
And here he stood awhile debating, (Till he was almost tired of waiting) Which way he'd please to bend his course, Now there was nobody to force.
At last, unchecked by bit or rein, He saunter'd down a pleasant lane, And neigh'd forth many a jocund song In triumph, as he pass'd along.
But when dark nights began t'appear, In vain he sought some shelter near, And well he knew he could not bear To sleep out in the open air.
The grass felt damp and raw, Much colder than his master's straw, Yet on it he was forc'd to stretch, A poor, cold, melancholy wretch.
The night was dark, the country hilly, Poor Dobbin felt extremely chilly; Perhaps a feeling like remorse Just now might sting this truant horse.
As soon as day began to dawn, Dobbin, with long and weary yawn, Arose from this his sleepless night, But in low spirits and bad plight.
"If this" (thought he) "is all I get, A bed unwholesome, cold and wet, And thus forlorn about to roam, I think I'd better be at home."
'Twas long ere Dobbin could decide Betwixt his wishes and his pride, Whether to live in all this danger, Or go back sneaking to the manger.
At last his struggling pride gave way, To thought of savoury oats and hay To hungry stomach, was a reason Unanswerable at this season.
So off he set, with look profound, Right glad that he was homeward bound; And, trotting fast as he was able, Soon gain'd once more his master's stable.
Now Dobbin, after his disaster, Never again forsook his master, Convinc'd he'd better let him mount. Than travel on his own account.
Jane Taylor
[Page 169--Donkey Land]
The Cottager's Donkey
No wonder the Cottager Looks with Pride On the well-fed donkey That stands at his side; For he works, and he lives As hard as he, And a creature more useful There cannot be.
He knows the Cottager's Wife and child, And he loves to play With that dog so wild; And though sometimes So staid and still, He can roll in the meadow With right good will.
He knows the road To the market well, Where garden vegetables He goes to sell: And though it is hilly, And far, and rough, He thinks--for a donkey, It's well enough.
So he trudges along, And little he cares How hard he works, Or how ill he fares! Content when his home Appears in sight, If his kindly master Smiles at night.
S. V. Dodds
The Donkey
Poor Donkey! I'll give him A handful of grass; I'm sure he's an honest, Though stupid, old ass. He trots to the market To carry the sack, And lets me ride all the Way home on his back; And only just stops By the ditch for a minute, To see if there's any Fresh grass for him in it.
'Tis true, now and then He has got a bad trick Of standing stock-still, And just trying to kick: But then, poor old fellow! You know he can't tell That standing stock-still Is not using me well; For it never comes into His head, I dare say, To do his work first, And then afterwards play.
No, no, my good donkey! I'll give you some grass, For you know no better, Because you're an ass; But what little donkeys Some children must look, Who stand, very like you, Stock-still at their book, And waste every moment Of time as it passes-- A great deal more stupid And silly than asses!
The Ride
Up and down on Neddy's back, Taking turns they go, Part the time with trot so fast, Part with pace so slow.
Little sisters side by side, Sharing each the fun and ride. Neddy thinks, "it can't hurt me, But gives the children fun, you see." And so he lends himself that they May happy be this pleasant day.
Old Jack, the Donkey
Old Jack was as sleek And well looking an ass As ever on common Munched thistle or grass; And--though 'twas not gaudy, That jacket of brown-- Was the pet of the young And the pride of the town.
And indeed he might well Look so comely and trim, When his young master, Joe, Was so gentle to him; For never did child More affection beget Than was felt by young Joe For his four-footed pet.
Joe groomed him and fed him, And, each market day, Would talk to his darling The whole of the way; And Jack before dawn Would be pushing the door, As though he would say, "Up Joe; slumber no more."
One day Jack was wandering Along the roadside, When an urchin the donkey Maliciously eyed; And aiming too surely At Jack a sharp stone, It struck the poor beast Just below the shin bone.
Joe soothed and caressed him And coaxed him until They came to a stream By the side of the hill; And with cool water He washed the swoll'n limb, And after this fashion Kept talking to him:--
"Poor Jack did they pelt him-- The cowards, so sly! I wish I'd been there, With my stick, standing by: It doesn't bleed now-- 'Twill be well in a trice; There, let me just wash it-- Now isn't that nice?"
And Jack nestled down With his soft velvet nose, And close as he could, Under Joe's ragged clothes; And he looked at his master, As though he would say-- "I'm sure I can never Your kindness repay."
S. W. P.
The Donkey's Song
"Please, Mr Donkey, Sing a song," A black-bird said, one day. The don-key o-pened wide his mouth, The black-bird flew a-way.
The Ass
The Ass, when treated well by man, To pleas him will do all he can; But if his master uses him ill, He will not work, but stand stock-still,
To market he will carry peas, And coals, or any thing you please; He is not over-nice with meat, For thorns and thistles he will eat.
He drinks no water but what's clean; His nose he puts not in the stream; His feet he does not like to wet, But out of dirty roads will get.
Poor Donkey's Epitaph
Down in this ditch poor donkey lies, Who jogg'd with many a load; And till the day death clos'd his eyes, Brows'd up and down this road.
No shelter had he for his head, Whatever winds might blow; A neighb'ring commons was his bed, Tho' drest in sheets of snow.
In this green ditch he often stray'd To nip the dainty grass; And friendly invitations bray'd To some more hungry ass.
Each market-day he jogg'd along Beneath the gard'ner's load, And snor'd out many a donkey's song To friends upon the road.
A tuft of grass, a thistle green, Or cabbage-leaf so sweet, Were all the dainties, he was seen For twenty years to eat.
And as for sport, the sober soul Was such a steady Jack, He only now and then would roll, Heels upward, on his back.
But all his sport, and dainties too, And labours now are o'er. Last night so bleak a tempest blew, He could withstand no more.
He felt his feeble limbs grow cold, His blood was freezing slow, And presently you might behold Him dead upon the snow.
Poor donkey! travellers passing by, Thy cold remains shall view; And 'twould be well if all who die To duty were as true.
Anne Taylor
[Page 170--Moo Moo Land]
The Cow and The Ass
Beside a green meadow A stream us'd to flow, So clear one might see The white pebbles below; To this cooling brook The warm cattle would stray, To stand in the shade, On a hot summer's day.
A cow, quite oppress'd With the heat of the sun, Came here to refresh As she often had done, And standing quite still, Leaning over the stream, Was musing, perhaps; Or perhaps she might dream.
But soon a brown ass, Of respectable look Came trotting up also, To taste of the brook, And to nibble a few Of the daisies and grass. "How d'ye do?" said the cow: "How d'ye do?" said the ass.
"Take a seat," cried the cow, Gently waving her hand. "By no means, dear madam," Said he, "while you stand." Then stooping to drink, With a complaisant bow, "Ma'am, your health." said the ass; "Thank you, sir," said the cow.
When a few of these compliments More had been pass'd, They laid themselves down On the herbage at last; And waited politely (As gentlemen must), The ass held his tongue, That the cow might speak first.
Then, with a deep sigh, She directly began, "Don't you think, Mr. Ass, We are injured by man? 'Tis a subject that lies With a weight on my mind: We certainly are much Oppress'd by mankind.
"Now what is the reason (I see none at all) That I always must go When Suke pleases to call? Whatever I'm doing ('Tis certainly hard), I'm forc'd to leave off To be milked in the yard.
"I've no will of my own, But must do as they please, And give them my milk To make butter and cheese; I've often a great mind To kick down the pail, Or give Suke a box On the ears with my tail."
"But ma'am," said the ass, "Not presuming to teach-- O dear, I beg pardon-- Pray finish your speech; I thought you had finish'd, Indeed," said the swain, "Go on, and I'll not Interrupt you again."
"Why, sir, I was only Just going to observe, I'm resolved that these tyrants No longer I'll serve; But leave them for ever To do as they please, And look somewhere else For their butter and cheese."
Ass waited a moment, To see if she'd done, And then, "Not presuming To teach," he begun. "With submission, dear madam, To your better wit, I own I am not quite Convinced by it yet.
"That you're of great service To them is quite true, But surely they are Of some service to you. 'Tis their pleasant meadow In which you regale; They feed you in winter, When grass and weeds fail.
"And then a warm cover They always provide, Dear madam, to shelter Your delicate hide, For my own part, I know I receive much from man, And for him, in return, I do all I can."
The cow, upon this, Cast her eyes on the grass, Not pleas'd at thus being Reproved by an ass, Yet, thought she, "I'm determined I'll benefit by't, For I really believe That the fellow is right."
Jane Taylor
The Cow
Come, children, listen to me now, And you will hear about the cow; You'll find her useful, alive or dead, Whether she's black, or white, or red.
When milkmaids milk her morn and night She gives them milk so fresh and white, And this we, little children, think Is very nice for us to drink.
The curdled milk they press and squeeze, And so they make it into cheese; The cream they skim and shake in churns, And then it soon to butter turns.
And when she's dead, her flesh is good, For beef is a very wholesome food, But though 'twill make us brave and strong, To eat too much, you know, is wrong.
Her skin, with lime and bark together, The tanner tans, and makes into leather, And without that, what should we do For soles of every boot and shoe?
The shoemaker cuts it with his knife And bound the tops are by his wife; And so they nail them to the last, And then they stitch them tight and fast.
The hair that grows upon her back Is taken, whether white or black, And mix'd with plaster, short or long, Which makes it very firm and strong.
And, last of all, if cut with care, Her horns make combs to comb our hair; And so we learn--thanks to our teachers-- That cows are very useful creatures.
[Page 171--Moo Moo Land]
The Cowboy's Song
"Mooly cow, mooly cow, Home from the wood They sent me to fetch you As fast as I could. The sun has gone down-- It is time to go home, Mooly cow, mooly cow, Why don't you come? Your udders are full, And the milkmaid is there, And the children are all waiting, Their suppers to share. I have let the long bars down-- Why don't you pass thro'" The mooly cow only said, "Moo-o-o!"
"Mooly cow, mooly cow, Have you not been Regaling all day Where the pastures are green? No doubt it was pleasant, Dear Mooly, to see The clear running brook And the wide-spreading tree, The clover to crop, And the streamlet to wade, To drink the cool water And lie in the shade; But now it is night-- They are waiting for you." The mooly cow only said, "Moo-o-o!"
"Mooly cow, mooly cow, Where do you go When all the green pastures Are covered in with snow? You can go to the barn, And we feed you with hay, And the maid goes to milk You there, every day; She pats you, she loves you, She strokes your sleek hide, She speaks to you kindly, And sits by your side: Then come along home, Pretty Mooly cow, do." The mooly cow only said, "Moo-o-o!"
"Mooly cow, mooly cow, Whisking your tail The milkmaid is waiting, I say, with her pail; She tucks up her petticoats, Tidy and neat, And places the three-legged Stool for her seat. What can you be staring at, Mooly? You know That we ought to have gone Home an hour ago. How dark it is growing! O, what shall I do?" The mooly cow only said, "Moo-o-o!"
That Calf
To the yard, by the barn, Came the farmer one morn, And calling the cattle, he said, While they trembled with fright: "Now which of you, last night, Shut the barn door while I was abed?" Each one of them all shook his head.
Now the little calf Spot, She was down in the lot, And the way the rest talked was a shame; For no one, night before, Saw her shut up the door; But they said that she did, all the same, For they always made her take the blame.
Said the horse (dapple gray), "I was not up that way Last night, as I recollect;" And the bull, passing by, Tossed his horns very high, And said, "Let who may be here object, I say this, that calf I suspect.
Then out spoke the cow, "It is terrible now, To accuse honest folks of such tricks." Said the cock in the tree, "I'm sure 'twasn't me;" And the sheep all cried, "Bah! (there were six) Now that calf's got herself in a fix."
"Why, of course we all knew 'Twas the wrong thing to do," Said the chickens. "Of course," said the cat. "I suppose," cried the mule, Some folks think me a fool, But I'm not quite as simple as that; The poor calf never knows what she's at."
Just that moment, the calf, Who was always the laugh And the jest of the yard, came in sight. "Did you shut my barn door?" Asked the farmer once more, "I did, sir, I closed it last night," Said the calf; "and I thought that was right."
Then each one shook his head, "She will catch it," they cried, "Serves her right for her meddlesome ways." Said the farmer, "Come here, Little bossy, my dear, You have done what I cannot repay, And your fortune is made from to-day.
"For a wonder, last night, I forgot the door quite, And if you had not shut it so neat, All my colts had slipped in, And gone right to the bin, And got what they ought not to eat, They'd have founded themselves on wheat."
The each hoof of them All began to loudly to bawl, The very mule smiled, the cock crew; "Little Spotty, my dear, You're a favourite here," They cried, "we all said it was you, We were so glad to give you your due." And the calf answered knowingly, "Boo!"
Phoebe Cary
[Page 172--Baa Baa Land]
The Lost Lamb
Storm upon the mountain, Rainy torrents beating, And the little snow-white lamb, Bleating, ever bleating! Storm upon the mountain, Night upon its throne, And the little snow-white lamb, Left alone, alone!
Down the glen the shepherd Drives his flock afar; Through the murky mist and cloud, Shines no beacon star. Fast he hurries onward, Never hears the moan Of the pretty snow-white lamb, Left alone, alone!
Up the glen he races, Breasts the bitter wind, Scours across the plain, and leaves Wood and wold behind;-- Storm upon the mountain, Night upon its throne-- There he finds the little lamb, Left alone, alone!
Struggling, panting, sobbing, Kneeling on the ground, Round the pretty creature's neck Both his arms were wound; Soon, within his bosom, All its bleatings done, Home he bears the little lamb, Left alone, alone!
Oh! the happy faces, By the shepherd's fire! High without the tempest roars, But the laugh rings higher, Young and old together Make that joy their own-- In their midst the little lamb, Left alone, alone!
T. Westwood
The Pet Lamb
The dew was falling fast, The stars began to blink; I heard a voice; it said, "Drink, pretty creature, drink!" And looking o'er the hedge Before me I espied A snow-white mountain lamb, With a maiden by its side.
Nor sheep nor kine were near; The lamb was all alone, And by a slender cord Was tethered to a stone; With one knee on the grass Did the little maiden kneel, While to this mountain lamb. She gave its evening meal.
"What ails thee, young one; what? Why pull so at thy cord? Is it not well with thee? Well both for bed and board? Thy plot of grass is soft, And green as grass can be; Rest, little young one, rest; What is't that aileth thee?
"What is it thou would'st seek? What is wanting to thy heart? Thy limbs, are they not strong? And beautiful thou art. This grass is tender grass; These flowers they have no peers; And that green corn all day long Is rustling in they ears!
"Rest little young one, rest; Hast thou forgot the day Why my father found the first In places far away; Many flocks were on the hills, But thou wert owned by none, And thy mother from thy side For evermore was gone.
"He took thee in his arms, And in pity brought thee home; Oh! blessed day for thee! Then whither would'st thou roam? A faithful nurse thou hast; The dam that did the yean Upon the mountain top No kinder could have been.
"Thou know'st that thrice a day I have brought thee in this can Fresh water from the brook, As clear as ever ran. And twice, too, in the day, When the ground is wet with dew, I bring thee draughts of milk-- Warm milk it is, and new.
"Here, then, thou need'st not dread The raven in the sky; Night and day thou'rt safe; Our cottage is hard by. Why bleat so after me? Why pull so at thy chain? Sleep, and at break of day, I will come to thee again."
Wordsworth
A Visit to the Lambs
Mother, let's go and see the lambs; This warm and sunny day I think must make them very glad, And full of fun and play.
Ah, there they are. You pretty things! Now, don't you run away; I'm come on purpose, that I am, To see you this fine day.
What pretty little heads you've got, And such good-natured eyes! And ruff of wool all round your necks-- How nicely curl'd it lies!
Come here, my little lambkin, come, And lick my hand--now do! How silly to be so afraid! Indeed I won't hurt you.
Just put your hand upon its back, Mother, how nice and warm! There, pretty lamb, you see I don't Intend to do you harm.
Easy Poetry
[Page 173--Baa Baa Land]
The Pet Lamb
Once on a time, a shepherd lived Within a cottage small; The grey thatched roof was shaded by An elm-tree dark and tall; While all around, stretched far away, A wild and lonesome moor, Except a little daisied field Before the trellised door.
Now, it was on a cold March day, When on the moorland wide The shepherd found a trembling lamb By its mother's side; And so pitiful it bleated, As with the cold it shook, He wrapped it up beneath his coat, And home the poor lamb took.
He placed it by the warm fireside, And then his children fed This little lamb, whose mother died, With milk and sweet brown bread, Until it ran about the floor, Or at the door would stand; And grew so tame, it ate its food From out the children's hand.
It followed them where'er they went, Came ever at their call, And dearly was this pretty lamb Beloved by them all. And often on a market-day, When cotters crossed the moor, They stopped to praise the snow-white lamb, Beside the cottage door;
They patted it upon its head, And stroked it with the hand, And vowed it was the prettiest lamb They'd seen in all the land.
Now, this kind shepherd was as ill, As ill as he could be, And kept his bed for many a week, And nothing earned he; And when he had got well again, He to his wife did say, "The doctor wants his money, and I haven't it to pay.
"What shall we do, what can we do? The doctor made me well, There's only one thing can be done, We must the pet lamb sell; We've nearly eaten all the bread, And how can we get more, Unless you call the butcher in When he rides by the door?"
"Oh, do not sell my white pet lamb," Then little Mary said, "And every night I'll go up stairs Without my tea to bed; Oh! do not sell my sweet pet lamb; And if you let it live, The best half of my bread and milk I will unto it give."
The doctor at that very time Entered the cottage door, As, with her arms around her lamb, She sat upon the floor. "For if the butcher buys my lamb, He'll take away its life, And make its pretty white throat bleed With his sharp cruel knife;
"And never in the morning light Again it will me meet, Nor come again to lick my hand, Look up upon me and bleat." "Why do you weep, my pretty girl?" The doctor then did say. "Because I love my little lamb, Which must be sold to-day;
It lies beside my bed at night, And, oh, it is so still, It never made a bit of noise When father was so ill. "Oh do not let them sell my lamb, And then I'll go to bed, And never ask for aught to eat
But a small piece of bread." "I'll buy the lamb and give it you," The kind, good doctor said, "And with the money that I pay Your father can buy bread. "As for the bill, that can remain Until another year." He paid the money down, and said, "The lamb is yours, my dear:
You have a kind and gentle heart, And God, who made us all, He loveth well those who are kind To creatures great and small; "And while I live, my little girl, Your lamb shall not be sold, But play with you upon the moor, And sleep within the fold."
And so the white pet lamb was saved, And played upon the moor, And after little Mary ran About the cottage-floor. It fed upon cowslips tall, And ate the grass so sweet, And on the little garden-walk Pattered its pretty feet;
And with its head upon her lap The little lamb would lay Asleep beneath the elm-tree's shade, Upon the summer's day, While she twined the flowers around its neck, And called it her, "Sweet May."
Thomas Miller
[Page 174--Piggy Land]
The Pig, He is a Gentleman
The pig, he is a gentleman, And never goes to work; He eats the very best of food Without knife or fork.
The pig, he is a gentleman, And drinks the best of milk; His clothes are good, and thick, and strong And wear as well as silk.
The pig he, is a gentleman, And covers up his head, And looks at you with one eye, And grunts beneath his bed.
He eats, and drinks, and sleeps all day Just like his lady mother, His father, uncle, and his aunt, His sister, and his brother.
E. W. Cole
The Pigs
"Do look at those pigs, as they lie in the straw," Little Richard said to papa; "They keep eating longer than ever I saw, What nasty fat gluttons they are!"
"I see they are feasting," his father replied, "They ear a great deal, I allow; But let us remember, before we deride, 'Tis the nature, my dear, of a sow.
"But when a great boy, such as you my dear Dick, Does nothing but eat all the day, And keeps sucking good things till he makes himself sick, What a glutton, indeed, we may say.
"When plumcake and sugar for ever he picks, And sweetmeats, and comfits, and figs; Pray let him get rid of his own nasty tricks, And then he may laugh at the pigs."
J. T.
Five Little Pigs
Five lit-tle fingers And five lit-tle pigs, Of each I've a story to tell; Look at their faces And fun-ny curl-ed tails, And hear what each one be-fell.
Ring-tail, that stead-y And good lit-tle pig, To mark-et set off at a trot; And brought him his bas-ket Quite full of nice things, Con-tent-ed and pleas-ed with his lot.
Young Smil-er, the next, Was a stay at home pig, Lik-ed his pipe, and to sit at his ease; He fell fast a-sleep, Burned his nose with his pipe, And a-woke with a ve-ry loud sneeze.
Num-ber three was young Long-snout Who ate up the beef. He was both greed-y and fat; He made him-self ill By eat-ing too much, And then he was sor-ry for that.
And poor lit-tle Grun-ter-- You know he had none-- A pig-gy so hun-gry and sad! He si-lent-ly wiped The salt tears from his eyes, I think it was real-ly too bad.
Young Squeak-er cried, "Wee, wee, wee," All the way home, A pig-gy so fret-ful was he; He got a good whip-ping, Was sent off to bed, And de-served it, I think you must see.
Oh, these five lit-tle pigs, How they've made child-ren laugh In ages and ages now past! And they'll be quite as fun-ny, In years yet to come, While small toes and small fing-ers last.
The Self-willed Pig
It happened one day, As the other pigs tell, In the course of their walk They drew near to a well, So wide and so deep, With so smooth a wall round, That a pig tumbling in Was sure to be drowned.
But a perverse little brother, Foolish as ever, Still boasting himself Very cunning and clever, Now made up his mind That, whatever befell, He would run on before And jump over the well.
Then away he ran fast To one side of the well, Climbed up on the wall, Slipped, and headlong he fell; And now from the bottom His pitiful shout Was, "Oh mother! I'm in; Pray do help me out!"
She ran to the side When she heard his complaint, And she then saw him struggling, Weakly and faint, Yet no help could she give! But, "My children," cried she, "How often I've feared A sad end his would be!"
"Oh, mother, dear mother;" The drowning pig cried, "I see all this comes Of my folly and pride!" He could not speak more, But he sank down and died, Whilst his mother and brothers Wept round the well-side!
[Page 175--Piggy Land]
Three Naughty Pigs
Three naughty pigs, All in one pen, Drank up the milk Left by the men, Then all the three Fast as they could, Dug their way out To find something good.
Out in the garden A maiden fair Had set some flowers Of beauty rare.
Out in the garden A merry boy Had planted seeds, With childish joy,
One naughty pig Ran to the bed; Soon lay the flowers Drooping and dead.
To naughty pigs Dug up the seeds, And left, for the boy, Not even weeds.
Three naughty pigs, Back in the pen, Never could do Such digging again.
For, in their noses, Something would hurt Whenever they tried To dig in the dirt.
Little Biddy
Little Biddy O'Toole, on her three-legged stool, Was 'atin' her praties so hot; Whin up stepped the pig, Wid his appetite big, And Biddy got down like a shot.
The Spectre Pig
It was the stalwart butcher man That knit his swarthy brow, And said the gentle pig must die, And sealed it with a vow.
And oh! it was the gentle pig Lay stretched upon the ground, And ah! it was the cruel knife His little heart that found.
They took him then those wicked men, They trailed him all along; They put a stick between his lips, And through his heels a thong.
And round and round an oaken beam A hempen cord they flung, And like a mighty pendulum All solemnly he swung.
Now say thy prayers, thou sinful man And think what thou hast done, And read thy catechism well, Thou sanguinary one.
For if its sprite should walk by night It better were for thee, That thou were mouldering in the ground, Or bleaching in the sea.
It was the savage butcher then That made a mock of sin, And swore a very wicked oath, He did not care a pin.
It was the butcher's youngest son, His voice was broke with sighs, And with his pocket handkerchief He wiped his little eyes.
All young and ignorant was he, But innocent and mild, And, in his soft simplicity, Out spoke the tender child--
"Oh! father, father, list to me; The pig is deadly sick, And men have hung him by his heels, And fed him with a stick."
It was the naughty butcher then That laughed as he would die, Yet did he soothe the sorrowing child And bid him not to cry.
"Oh! Nathan, Nathan, what's a pig, That thou shouldst weep and wail? Come bear thee like a butcher's child, And thou shalt have his tail."
It was the butcher's daughter then, So slender and so fair, That sobbed as if her heart would break And tore her yellow hair.
And thus she spoke in thrilling tone-- Fell fast the tear-drops big: "Ah! woe to me! Alas! alas! The pig! the pig! the pig!"
Then did her wicked father's lips Make merry wit her woe, And call her many a naughty name, Because she whimpered so.
Ye need not weep, ye gentle ones, In vain your tears are shed, Ye cannot wash the crimson hand, Ye cannot sooth the dead.
The bright sun folded on his breast, His robes of rosey flame, And softly over all the west The shades of evening came.
He slept, and troops of murdered pigs Were busy in his dreams; Loud rang their wild, unearthly shrieks, Wide yawned their mortal seams.
The clock struck twelve; the dead hath heard; He opened both his eyes, And sullenly he shook his tail To lash the feeding flies.
One quiver of the hempen cord-- One struggle and one bound-- With stiffened limb and leaded eye, The pig was on the ground.
And straight towards the sleeper's house His fearful way he wended; And hooting owl, and hovering bat, On midnight wing attended.
Back flew the bolt, uprose the latch, And open swung the door, And little mincing feet were heard Pat, pat, along the floor.
Two hoofs upon the sanded floor, And two upon the bed; And they are breathing side by side, The living and the dead.
"Now wake, now wake, thou butcher man! What makes your cheeks so pale? Take hold! take hold! thou dost not fear To clasp a spectre's tail?"
Untwisted every winding coil; The shuddering wretch took hold, Till like an icicle it seemed, So tapering and so cold.
"Thou com'st with me, thou butcher man!" He strives to loose his grasp, But, faster than the clinging vine, Those twining spirals clasp.
And open, open, swung the door, And fleeter than the wind, The shadowy spectre swept before, The butcher trailed behind.
Fast fled the darkness of the night, And morn rose faint and dim; They called full loud, they knocked full long They did not waken him.
Straight, straight towards that oaken beam, A trampled pathway ran; A ghastly shape was swinging there-- It was the butcher man.
O. W. Holmes
[Page 176--Piggy Land]
Little Dame Crump
Little Dame Crump, With her little hair broom, One morning was sweeping Her little bedroom, When, casting he little Grey eyes on the ground, In a sly little corner A penny she found.
"Dear me!" cried the Dame, While she started with surprise, "How lucky I am To find such a prize! To market I'll go, And a pig I will buy, And little John Grubbins Shall make him a sty."
So she washed her face clean, And put on her gown, And locked up the house, And set off for town. Then to market she went, And a purchase she made Of a little white pig, And a penny she paid.
Having purchased the pig, She was puzzled to know How they both should get home; So fearing least piggie Should play her a trick, She drove him along With a little crab stick.
Piggie ran till they came To the foot of a hill, Where a little bridge stood O'er the stream of a mill; Piggie grunted and squeaked, But not further would go: Oh, fie! Piggie, fie! To serve little Dame so.
She went to the mill, And she borrowed a sack To put the pig in, And take him on her back: Piggie squeaked to get out, But the little Dame said, "If you won't go of yourself, You then must be made."
At last when the end Of her journey had come, She was awfully glad She had got the pig home: She carried him straight To his nice little sty, And gave him some hay And some straw, nice and dry.
With a handful of peas Then Piggie she fed, And put on her night-cap, And got into bed: Having first said her prayers, And put out the light; And being quite tired, We'll wish her good night.
The Chinese Pig
Old Madam Grumph, the pig, had got A pig-sty of her own; She is a most un-com-mon pig, And likes to live alone.
A red-tiled roofing covers in The one half of her sty; And, half sur-round-ed by a wall, Is open to the sky.
There stands the trough, they keep it fill'd With pig-wash and with parings; And all the other pigs declare Dame Grumph has dainty fairings.
They like to see what she's about, And poke their noses through A great hole in the pig-sty door, From whence they get a view.
The pigs, that run about the yard, Are very lean and tall, With long hind legs--but Madam Grumph Is round as any ball.
One autumn day, when she awoke ('Twas very cold and raw), She found a litter of young pigs Half buried in the straw.
"Humph," said the dame, "now let me see How many have I got." She counted, "Six and four are ten,-- Two dead ones in the lot.
"Eight--That's a nice round family; A black one and two white; The rest are spotted like myself, With prick ears--that's all right.
"What's to be done with those dead things, They'd better be thrown out," Said she, and packed the litter round The others with her snout.
"What's that, old Grumphy?" said a pig, Whose snout peeped through the door; "There's something moving in the straw I never saw before."
"I wish you'd mind your own affairs," Said she, and stepp'd between The young pigs and the pig-sty door, Not wishing to be seen.
"I hope you slept well," said the pig, "The wind was very high; You are most comfortably lodged-- A most con-ve-ni-ent sty."
"I thought I told you once before To mind your own affairs," Said she, and bristling up her back, She bit the lean pig's ears.
"Squeak," said the bitten pig, "sque-e-ak, Old Grumphy's biting hard;" And all the lean pigs scamp-ed'd up From all sides of the yard.
They grumbled and they grunted loud, The squeak'd in every key; At last another pig peep'd through, To see what he could see.
Dame Grumph was standing by her pigs, And looking very proud, And all the little piggy-wigs Were squeaking very loud.
"These lovely creatures," said old Grumph, "These lovely pigs are mine; There're fat and pink like human babes, Most pro-mi-sing young swine."
"Indeed," ex-claim'd the peeping pig, "I never should have thought, They were so very promising." Old Grumphy gave a snort.
"They're of a most dis-tin-guished race; My mother and her brother Were both im-por-ted from Pekin,-- My pigs are like my mother.
"They never shall as-so-ci-ate With long-legged pigs like you." Said she, ad-dress-ing the lean pig, Whose snout was peeping through.
"Begging your pardon, ma'am I really think," said he, "The dif-fer-ence is not so great As it appears to be.
"If you and I were bacon, ma'am The dif-fer-ence between An Irish and a Chinese pig Would hardly then be seen.
"Give me your comfortable sty, And some of your nice food, Our little fa-mi-lies might prove In-dif-fer-ent-ly good."
Aunt Effie's Rhymes
[Page 177--Piggy Land]
The Old Woman and Her Pig
Once an old woman was sweeping her house, and found a crooked sixpence, and went to market to buy a pig. As she was coming home she came to a stile, and the pig would not get over it: so she went a little farther and met a dog, and said to the dog:--
"Dog, dog, bite pig; Piggy won't get over the stile, And I shan't get home to-night." But the dog would not.
She went a little farther and met a stick, and said:
"Stick, stick, beat dog; dog won't bite pig, Piggy won't get over the stile, And I shan't get home to-night." But the stick would not.
She went a little farther and met a fire, and said:
"Fire, fire, burn stick; stick won't beat dog, Dog won't bite pig, Piggy won't get over the stile, And I shan't get home to-night." But the fire would not.
She went a little farther and met some water, and said:
"Water, water, quench fire, Fire won't burn stick, Stick won't beat dog, dog won't bite pig, Piggy won't get over the stile, And I shan't get home to-night." But the water would not.
She went a little farther and met an ox, and said:
"Ox, ox, drink water, Water won't quench fire, fire won't burn stick, Stick won't beat dog, dog won't bite pig, Piggy won't get over the stile, And I shan't get home to-night." But the ox would not.
She went a little farther and met a butcher, and said:
"Butcher, butcher, kill ox, Ox won't drink water, Water won't quench fire, fire won't burn stick, Stick won't beat dog, dog won't bite pig, Piggy won't get over the stile, And I shan't get home to-night." But the butcher would not.
She went a little farther and met a rope, and said:
"Rope, rope, hang butcher. Butcher won't kill ox, ox won't drink water, Water won't quench fire, fire won't burn stick, Stick won't beat dog, dog won't bite pig, Piggy won't get over the stile, And I shan't get home to-night." But the butcher would not.
She went a little farther and met a rat, and said:
"Rat, rat, gnaw rope; Rope won't hang butcher, Butcher won't kill ox, ox won't drink water, Water won't quench fire, fire won't burn stick, Stick won't beat dog, dog won't bite pig, Piggy won't get over the stile, And I shan't get home to-night." But the rat would not.
She went a little farther and met a cat, and said:
"Cat, cat, kill rat; rat won't gnaw rope, Rope won't hang butcher, Butcher won't kill ox, ox won't drink water, Water won't quench fire, fire won't burn stick, Stick won't beat dog, dog won't bite pig, Piggy won't get over the stile, And I shan't get home to-night."
But the cat said to her, "If you will go to yonder cow, and fetch me a saucer of milk, I will kill the rat." So away went the old woman to the cow, and said:
"Cow, cow, give me some milk, cat won't kill rat, Rat won't gnaw rope, rope won't hang butcher, Butcher won't kill ox, ox won't drink water, Water won't quench fire, fire won't burn stick, Stick won't beat dog, dog won't bite pig, Piggy won't get over the stile, And I shan't get home to-night."
But the cow said to her, "If you will go to yonder haymakers and fetch me a wisp of hay, I'll give you the milk."
So away the old woman went to the haymakers and said:
"Haymakers, give me a wisp of hay; Cow won't give me milk, cat won't kill rat, Rat won't gnaw rope, rope won't hang butcher, Butcher won't kill ox, ox won't drink water, Water won't quench fire, fire won't burn stick, Stick won't beat dog, dog won't bite pig, Piggy won't get over the stile, And I shan't get home to-night."
But the haymakers said to her, "If you will go and fetch us a bucket of water, we'll give you the hay." So away the old woman went; but she found the bucket was full of holes. So she covered the bottom with pebbles, and then filled the bucket with water, and away she went back with it to the haymakers; and they gave her a wisp of hay.
As soon as the cow had eaten the hay, she gave the old woman the milk; and away she went with it in a saucer to the cat. As soon as the cat had drank the milk, the cat began to kill the rat, the rat began to gnaw the rope, the rope began to hang the butcher, the butcher began to kill the ox, the ox began to drink the water, the water began to quench the fire, the fire began to burn the stick, the stick began to beat the dog, the dog began to bite to pig, the pig in a great fright jumped over the stile, and so the old woman got home that night in time to boil some apple dumplings for her husband's supper.
The Flying Pig
Dickery, dickery dare, The pig flew up in the air, But Patrick Brown soon brought him down, Dickery, dickery, dare.
The Story of the Three Little Pigs
Once there was an old pig, who had three little pigs, and sent them out to seek their fortune. The first one went and built a house with straw, and soon after a wolf came and knocked at the door and said, "Little pig, let me come in." But the little pig said, "No, no by the hair of my chin." The wolf then said, "I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house in." So he huffed, and he puffed, and blew the house in, and ate up the little pig.
The next little pig built a house with sticks, and the old wolf came along and called out, "Little pig, let me come in." And the little pig answered, "No, no, by the hair of my chin." "Then," says the wolf, "I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house in." So he huffed and he puffed, and blew the house down, and ate up the little pig also.
The third little pig built a house with bricks. Just after along came the old wolf, and said, "Little pig, let me come in." The little pig said, "No, no, by the hair of my chin." "Then I'll huff and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down." Well, he huffed and he puffed, and he huffed and he puffed, and he puffed and he huffed; but he could not get the house down.
When he found he could not, with all his huffing and puffing, blow the house down, he said "Little pig, I know where there is a nice field of turnips." "Where?" said the little pig. "Oh, in Mr. Smith's home field, and if you will be ready to-morrow morning I will call for you, and we will go together, and get some for dinner."
"Very well," said the little pig, "I will be ready. What time do you mean to go?" "Oh, at six o'clock." Well, the little pig got up at five, and got the turnips before the wolf came, which he did about six, and said, "Little pig, are you ready?" The little pig said, "Ready; I've been and come back again and got a nice potful for dinner."
The wolf felt very angry at this, but thought that he would be up to the little pig somehow or other, so he said, "Little pig, I know where there is a nice apple tree." "Where?" said the little pig. "Down at Merry Garden," replied the wolf, "and if you will not deceive me I will come for you at five o'clock to-morrow, and we will go together and get some apples."
Well, the pig bustled up the next morning at four o'clock, and went off for the apples, hoping to get back before the wolf came; but he had further to go, and had to climb the tree, so that just as he was coming down from it he saw the wolf coming, which, as you may suppose, frightened him very much. When the wolf came up he said, "Little pig, what; are you here before me? Are they nice apples?"
"Yes, very," said the little pig, "I will throw you down one." And he threw it so far that, while the wolf was gone to pick it up, the little pig jumped down and ran home. The next day the wolf came again, and said "Little pig, there is a fair at Shanklin this afternoon, will you go?" Oh, yes," said the pig, "I will go: what time shall you be ready?" "At three," said the wolf.
So the little pig went off before the time as usual, got to the fair, and bought a butter-churn, which he was going home with, when he saw the wolf coming. Then he could not tell what to do. So he got into the churn to hide, and by doing so turned it around, and it rolled down the hill with the pig in it, which frightened the wolf so much that he ran home without going to the fair. He went to the little pig's house and told him how frightened he had been by a great round thing which came down the hill past him.
Then the little pig said "Ha! I frightened you, then. I had been to the fair and bought a butter-churn, and when I saw you I got into it and rolled down the hill." Then the wolf was very angry indeed, and declared he would eat up the little pig, and that he would get down the chimney after him.
When the little pig saw what he was about, he hung onto the pot full of water, and made up a blazing fire, and just as the wolf was coming down, took off the cover, and in fell the wolf; so the little pig put on the cover again in an instant, boiled him up, and ate him for supper, and lived happy ever afterwards.
[Page 178--Rabbit Land]
The Wild Rabbits
Among the sand-hills, Near by the sea, Wild young rabbits Were seen by me.
They live in burrows With winding-ways, And there they shelter On rainy days.
The mother rabbits Make cosy nests, With hairy linings From their breasts.
The tender young ones Are nursed and fed, And safely hidden In this warm bed.
And when they are older, They all come out Upon the sand-hills And frisk about.
They play and nibble The long, dry grass, But scamper away Whenever you pass.
Disobedient Bunny
A pert little rabbit, Once lived in a hole, And just did whatever he pleased; His ways were so funny, His antics so droll, That his parents were terribly teased.
"Now, dear," said his mother, "You'd best stay at home, And try to be patient and good." But No! he was fully Determined to roam Through the green and beautiful wood.
So what did he do? On a fine summer day, When mother was not to be seen, He took to his heels, And scampered away Right over the meadow so green.
He shook his long ears, And he whisked up his tail, His eyes dancing with glee, As onward he ran Through a beautiful vale, And oh! how delighted was he!
'Twas not very long Till he found a haystack, Where of course there was shelter and food. Said he to himself, "Now, I'll never go back To my stupid old home in the wood.
"I'll dig myself a nice den For myself in the hay; How warm it will be and how nice! Why in my old burrow Full many a day I've often felt colder than ice!"
So bunny soon dug him A nice little hole, And made it as round as an O; And really he looked So exceedingly droll, You'd have laughed had you seen him, I know.
But evening drew on, It was lonely and dark, So Bunny lay down in his den; Said he to himself, "I'll get up with the lark, And won't I be ravenous then!
"For really this hay, Though it does for a nest, Is somewhat too dry for my food; At home there is clover, The thing I love best, And lettuce and carrots so good.
"I wish I had some At this moment! but then I'm out on my travels just now, And I greatly prefer To reside in this den, Than at home where there's often a row!
"Ah, well! I feel sleepy, I'd best go to bed-- But what is that noise that I hear? There seems to be someone Right over my head, I hope that no wild beasts are near!"
Meanwhile an old fox With a great bushy tail Was prowling about and around, But poor little Bunny Was hidden so well That never a bit was he found!
When morning had come, And the fox disappeared, Then Bunny came forth to the light, Said he to himself, "It was just as I feared, A fox has been here through the night.
"I think I had better Go scampering home To the dear little home in the wood, And never, oh never Again will I roam, Or leave my dear mother so good."
Away then he ran, Without once looking back, Till he saw the dear home he loved best. And mother came hopping Along the hard track To welcome him home to the nest.
And, oh! such a breakfast Before him there lay, Such clover and grass from the wood; And always I've heard, From that terrible day, That Bunny is patient and good.
B. R. McKean
The Pet Rabbit
I have a little Bunny With his coat as soft as down, And nearly all of him is white Except one bit of brown. The first thing in the morning, When I get out of bed, I wonder if my bunny's still Safe in his shed.
And then the next thing that I do, I daresay you have guessed; It's at once to go and see him, When I am washed and dressed. And every day I see him, I like him more and more, And each day he is bigger Than he was the day before.
I feed him in the morning With bran and bits of bread. And every night I take some straw To make his little bed. What with carrots in the morning And turnip-tops for tea, If a bunny can be happy, I'm sure he ought to be.
Then when it's nearly bed-time I go down to his shed, And say "Good-night, you bunny!" Before I go to bed, I think there's only one thing That would make me happy quite, If I could take my bunny dear With me to bed at night.
Robert Mack
[Page 179--Hare Land]
The Little Hare
Beyond the palings of the park A Hare had made her form, Beneath a drooping fern, that made A shelter snug and warm.
She slept until the daylight came, And all thinks were awake, And then the Hare, with noiseless steps, Crept softly from the brake.
She stroked her whiskers with her paws, Looked timidly around With open eyes and ears erect That caught the smallest sound.
The Field-Mouse rustled in the grass, The Squirrel in the trees, But Puss was not at all afraid Of common sounds like these.
She frisked and gambolled with delight, And cropped a leaf or two Of clover and of tender grass, That glistened in the dew.
What was it, then, that made her start, And run away so fast? She heard the distant sound of hounds, She heard the huntsman's blast.
Tally-ho!-hoy tally-ho! The hounds are in full cry; Ehew! ehew--in scarlet coats The men are sweeping by.
So off she set with a spring and a bound, Over the meadows and open ground, Faster than hunter and faster than hound And on--and on--till she lost the sound, And away went the little Hare.
Aunt Effie
Peter and the Hare
Thoughtless little Peter, With his little gun, Went out by the woodside For a little fun; Saw a happy little hare, Who on clover fed-- With his little gun took aim And shot him in the head.
Thoughtful little Peter, Sad for what he'd done, Sat down on a stump, and there By it laid his gun; Wished that he could bring to life That little hare so still; "Never more," said he, "will I A harmless creature kill."
Epitaph on a Hare
Here lies whom hound did ne'er pursue, Nor swifter greyhound follow, Whose foot ne'er tainted morning dew Nor ear heard huntsman's halloo.
Old Tiney, surliest of his kind, Who, nursed with tender care, And to domestic bounds confined, Was still a wild Jack-hare.
Though duly from my hand he took His pittance every night, He did it with a jealous look, And when he could he would bite.
On twigs of hawthorn he regaled, On pippin's russet peel; And when his juicy salads fail'd, Sliced carrot pleased him well.
A Turkey carpet was his lawn, Whereon he loved to bound, To skip and gambol like a fawn, And swing himself around.
His frisking was at evening hours For then he'd lost his fear! But most before approaching showers, Or when a storm drew near.
Eight years and five round-rolling moons He thus saw steal away, Dozing out all his idle noons And every night at play.
I kept him for his humour's sake, For he would oft beguile My heart of thoughts that made it ache, And force me to a smile.
But now, beneath this walnut shade, He finds his long last home, And waits, in snug concealment laid Till gentler puss shall come.
He, still more aged, feels the shocks From which no care can save; And partner once of Tiney's box, Must soon partake his grave.
William Cowper
Punch's Appeal for the Hunted Hare
All on the bare and bleak hillside, One night this merry Christmastide, A shivering hunted hare did hide; Poor Pussy!
Though we had hunted puss all day, The wind had blown her scent away, And balked the dogs, so there she lay, Poor Pussy!
There to the earth she humbly crept, There brooding o'er her lot she wept, There, on her empty stomach she slept. Poor Pussy!
And there, while frozen fell the dew, She dreamt an ugly dream or two, As starved, wet folk are apt to do, Did Pussy!
Loud hungry hounds of subtle ken, And thundering steeds, and hard-eyed men, Are fast on Pussy's trail again, Poor Pussy!
Onwards she strains, on, as they tear Foremost amongst the foremost there, Are ruthless women's faces fair; Poor Pussy!
One moment's check, to left, to right, In vain she spends her little might, Some yokel's eyes have marked her flight, Poor Pussy!
What use her fine small wits to rack! Closer, and faster on her track Hurries the hydra-headed pack, Lost Pussy!
"For pity's sake, kind huntsman, stop! Call off the dogs before I drop, And kill me with your heavy crop." Shrieks Pussy!
With shuddering start and stifled scream, She wakes!--She finds it all a dream; How kind the cold, cold earth doth seem To Pussy!
[Page 180--Rat Land]
The Pied Piper of Hamelin --or-- The Vanished Children
Hamelin Town's in Brunswick By famous Hanover city; The river Weser, deep and wide, Washes its wall on the southern side. A pleasanter spot you never spied; But, when begins my ditty, Almost five hundred years ago, To see the townsfolk suffer so From vermin was a pity.
Rats! They fought the dogs and killed the cats, And bit the babies in the cradles, And ate the cheeses out of the vats, And licked the soup from the cook's own ladles, Split open the kegs of salted sprats, Made nests inside men's Sunday hats, And even spoiled the women's chats, By drowning their speaking, With shrieking and squeaking In fifty different sharps and flats.
At last the people in a body To the Town Hall came flocking: "'Tis clear," cried they, "our Mayor's a noddy; And as for our Corporation--shocking To think we buy gowns lined with ermine For dolts that can't or won't determine What's best to rid us of our vermin!
The mayor and Town Councillors were greatly perplexed what to do, when there entered a strange-looking piper, and offered to charm away all the rats for a thousand guilders. The council joyfully agreed to this, and at once:--
Into the street the Piper swept, Smiling first a little smile, As if he knew what magic slept In his quiet pipe the while: Then, like a musical adept, To blow the pipe his lips he wrinkled, And green and blue his sharp eyes twinkled Like a candle flame where salt is sprinkled; And ere three shrill notes the pipe uttered, You heard as if an army muttered; And the muttering grew to a grumbling; And out of the houses the rats came tumbling.
Great rats, small rats, lean rats, brawny rats, Brown rats, black rats, grey rats, tawny rats, Grave old plodders, gay young friskers, Fathers, mothers, uncles, cousins, Cocking tails and pricking whiskers, Families by tens and dozens, Brothers, sisters, husbands wives-- Followed the Piper for their lives. From street to street he piped advancing, Until they came to river Weser Wherein all plunged and perished --Save one.
You should have heard the Hamelin people Ringing the bells till they rocked the steeple. "Go," cried the Mayor, "and get long poles! Poke out the nests and block up the holes! Consult with carpenters and builders, And leave in our town not even a trace Of the rats!"--when suddenly up the face Of the Piper perked in the market-place, With a "First, if you please, my thousand guilders!"
The mayor and Councillors abused the Piper, refused to pay him the thousand guilders, and offered him fifty and a drink, he refused to take less than they had offered, and said:
"Folks who put me in a passion May find me pipe to another fashion," "How?" cried the Mayor, "d'ye think I'll brook Being worse treated than a crook? Insulted by a lazy ribald With idle pipe and vesture piebald? You threaten us, fellow? Do your worst, Blow your pipe there till you burst!" Once more he stept into the street: And to his lips again Laid his long pipe of smooth straight cane; And ere he blew three notes (such sweet Soft notes as yet musicians cunning Never gave the enraptured air), There was a rustling, that seemed like a bustling Of merry crowds pustling, at pitching and hustling, Small feet were pattering, wooden shoes clattering, Little hands clapping, and little tongues chattering, And like fowls in a farmyard when barley is scattering, Out came the children running, All the little boys and girls, With rosy cheeks and flaxen curls, And sparkling eyes and teeth like pearls, Tripping and skipping, ran merrily after The wonderful music with shouting laughter.
The Mayor was dumb, and the Council stood As if they were carved into blocks of wood, Unable to move a step, or cry To the children merrily skipping by-- And could only follow with the eye That joyous crowd at the Piper's back. But how the Mayor was on the rack, And the wretched Council's bosoms beat, As the Piper turned from the High street To where the Weser rolled its waters Right in the way of their sons and daughters! However he turned from South to West, And to Koppelberg Hill his steps addressed, And after him the children pressed; Great was the joy in every breast.
"He never can cross that mighty top! He's forced to let the piping drop, And we shall see out children stop!" When lo! as they reached the mountain's side, A wondrous portal opened wide, As if a cavern was suddenly hollowed And the Piper advanced and the children followed. And when all were in to the very last, The door in the mountain-side shut fast, Did I say all? No! one was lame, And could not dance the whole of the way!
And in after years, if you would blame His sadness, he was used to say-- "It's dull in our town since my playmates left; I can't forget that I'm bereft Of all they pleasant sights they see, Which the Piper also promised me; For he led us, he said, to a joyous land, Joining the town and just at hand, Where waters gushed and fruit trees grew, And flowers put forth a fairer hue.
[Page 181--Rat Land]
And everything was strange and new; The sparrows were brighter than peacocks here, And their dogs outran our fellow deer, And honey-bees had lost their stings; And horses were born with eagles' wings, And just as I became assured My lame foot would be speedily cured, The music stopped, and I stood still, And found myself outside the Hill, Left alone against my will, To go now limping as before, And never hear of that country more!" Alas, alas for Hamelin! There came into many a burgher's pate A text which says, that Heaven's Gate Opens to the Rich at as easy rate As the needle's eye takes a camel in!
The mayor sent East, West, North and South, To offer the Piper by word of mouth, Wherever it was men's lot to find him, Silver and gold to his heart's content, If he'd only return the way he went, And bring the children all behind him. But at length they saw 'twas a lost endeavour, For Piper and dancers were gone for ever.
Browning
The Wicked Bishop Hatto
The summer and autumn had been so wet That in winter the corn was growing yet; 'Twas a piteous sight to see all around The grain lie rotting on the ground.
Every day the starving poor Crowded around Bishop Hatto's door, For all the neighbourhood could tell His granaries were furnished well.
At last Bishop Hatto appointed a day To quiet the poor without delay: He bade them to his great Barn repair And they should have food for the winter there.
Rejoiced such tidings good to hear, The poor folk flocked from far and near; So the great Barn was full as it could hold Of women and children, and young and old.
Then when he saw it could hold no more, Bishop Hatto he made fast the door; And while for mercy with shrieks they call, He set fire to the Barn and burnt them all,
"A rare and excellent bonfire!" quoth he, "And the country is greatly obliged to me, For ridding it in these times forlorn Of Rats that only consume the corn."
So then to his palace returned he, And he sat down to supper merrily, And he slept that night like an innocent man;-- But Bishop Hatto never slept again.
In the morning as he entered the hall, Where his picture hung against the wall, A sweat like death all over him came, For the Rats had eaten it out of the frame.
As he looked, there came a man from his farm, He had a countenance white with alarm;-- "I opened your granaries this morn, And the Rats had eaten all the corn."
Another came running presently, And he was pale as pale could be;-- "Fly! my Lord Bishop, without delay, Ten thousand rats are coming this way."
"I'll go to my tower on the Rhine," quoth he, "'Tis the safest place in Germany; The walls are high and the shores are steep, And the stream is long and the water deep."
Bishop Hatto fearfully hastened away, And he crossed the Rhine without delay, And reached his tower, and barred with care All the windows, doors, and loopholes there.
He laid him down, and closed his eyes. But soon a scream made him arise: He started, and saw two eyes of flame On his pillow, from whence the screaming came.
He listened, and looked--it was only the cat; But the Bishop grew more fearful for that, For she sat screaming, mad with fear, At the army of rats that were drawing near.
For they have swum over the river so deep, And they have climed the shores so steep, And up the tower their way is bent, To do the work for which they were sent.
They are not to be told by the dozen or score-- By the thousands they come, and by myriads, and more; Such numbers have never been heard of before, Such a judgement had never been witnessed of yore.
Down on his knees the Bishop fell, And faster and faster his beads did tell, As louder and louder, drawing near, The gnawing by their teeth he could hear.
And in at the windows, and in at the door, And through the walls helter-skelter they pour, And down from the ceiling, and up from the floor, From the right and the left, from behind and before, From within and without, from above and below; And all at once to the Bishop they go.
They have whetted their teeth against the stones, And now they pick the Bishop's bones; They gnawed the flesh from every limb, For they were sent to do judgement on him.
R. Southey
What became of them!
He was a rat, and she was a rat, And down in one hole they did dwell, And both were as black as a witch's cat, And they loved one another well.
He had a tail, and she had a tail, Both long and curling and fine, And each said, "Yours is the finest tail In the world, excepting mine."
He smelt the cheese, and she smelt the cheese, And they both pronounced it good; And both remarked it would greatly add To the charms of their daily food.
So he ventured out, and she ventured out, And I saw them go with pain; But what befel them I never can tell, For they never came back again.
[Page 182--Mousey Land]
The Gingerbread Cat
A baby-girl, on Christmas night Had filled her little apron white With all a happy child could take Of Christmas toys and Christmas cake;
But on the stairway she let fall The chiefest treasure of them all-- A little cat of gingerbread All frosted white from tail to head.
Now in the moonlit midnight time, When merry mice do run and climb, A plump gray mouse come down the stair And saw the Christmas cake-cat there.
She stood still in her cruel fright And gazed upon the monster white Who seemed to feel as great surprise, And stared with both his raisin eyes.
Poor mousie dared not, could not stir! Her little brain was in a whirr! Five minutes--ten--but not a paw Had puss put forth! "I never saw
A cat like this!" the poor mouse said. A brave bold thought came in her head-- Her wee heart beating pit-a-pat, She moved her own paw--touched the cat--
Then sprang upon it with a squeal And made a most delicious meal "Ho! ho!" she cried, "Sugar! spice! And everything that's good and nice--
That's what cats are made of, The cats that we're afraid of!" Then up the stairs she madly pranced, And o'er the attic floor she danced
And then she stood upon her head And to her 'stonished friends she said, "O, joy to every mouse and rat, For I have eaten up the cat!"
The Mice
The mice are in their holes, And there they hide by day; But when 'tis still at night, They all come out to play.
They climb up on the shelves, And taste of all they please; They drink the milk and cream, And eat the bread and cheese.
But if they hear the cat, At once they stop their fun; In fright they seek their holes As fast as they can run.
Three Mice
Three Mice went into A hole to spin, Puss came by, Puss peeped in; What are you doing, My little old men? We're weaving coats For gentlemen. Shall I come and help you To wind up your threads? Oh, no, Mrs. Pussy, You'd bite off our heads!
Says Pussy, "You are So wondrous wise I love your whiskers And round black eyes; Your house is the prettiest House I see. And I think there is room For you and me." The mice were so pleased That they opened the door, And Pussy soon laid them All dead on the floor.
"Run Mousey, Run!"
I am sitting by the fireside, Reading, and very still, There comes a little sharp-eyed mouse, And run about he will.
He flies along the mantelpiece He darts beneath the fender; It's just as well that Jane's not here, Or into fits he'd send her.
And now he's nibbling at some cake She left upon the table. He seems to think I'm somebody To hurt a mouse unable.
Run, mousey, run! I hear the cat, She's scratching at the door, Once she comes in, you'll have no chance Beneath her savage claw.
Run, mousey, run! I hear Jane's foot, She's coming up to bed, If puss but makes a spring at you, Poor mousey, you'll be dead!
A Mouse Caught in a Cage
I'm only a poor little mouse, ma'am! I live in the wall of your house, ma'am! With a fragment of cheese, and a very few peas, I was having a little carouse, ma'am!
No mischief at all I intend, ma'am! I hope you will act as my friend, ma'am! If my life you should take, many hearts it would break, And the trouble would be without end, ma'am!
My wife lives in there in the crack, ma'am! She's waiting foe me to come back, ma'am! She hoped I might find a bit of rind, Or the children their dinner will lack, ma'am!
I never was given to strife, ma'am! (Don't look at that terrible knife, ma'am!) The noise overhead that disturbs you in bed, 'T is the rats, I will venture my life, ma'am!
In your eyes I see mercy I'm sure, ma'am! Oh, there's no need to open the door, ma'am! I'll slip through the crack, and I'll never come back, Oh I'll never come back any more, ma'am!
The Foolish Mouse
In a crack, near the cupboard, With dainties provided, A certain young mouse With her mother resided; So securely they lived, In that snug, quiet spot, Any mouse in the land Might have envied their lot.
But one day the young mouse, Which was given to roam, Having made an excursion Some way from her home, On a sudden returned, With such joy in her eyes, That her grey, sedate parent Expressed some surprise,
"Oh mother," said she, "The good folks of this house I'm convinced, have not any Ill-will to a mouse; And those tales can't be true You always are telling, For they've been at such pains To construct us a dwelling.
"The floor is of wood, And the walls are of wires Exactly the size that One's comfort requires; And I'm sure that we there Shall have nothing to fear, If ten cats, with kittens, At once should appear.
"And then they have made Such nice holes in the wall, One could slip in and out, With no trouble at all; But forcing one through Such rough crannies as these, Always gives one's poor ribs A most terrible squeeze.
"But the best of all is, They've provided, as well, A large piece of cheese, Of most exquisite smell; 'Twas so nice, I had put In my head to go through, When I thought it my duty To come and fetch you."
"Ah, child," said the mother, "Believe, I entreat, Both the cage and the cheese Are a terrible cheat; Do not think all that trouble They took for our good, They would catch us and kill us All there if they could.
"Thus they've caught and killed scores, And I never could learn, That a mouse who once entered Did ever return." Let young people mind What the old people say. And, when danger is near them, Keep out of the way.
[Page 183--Mousey Land]
A Clever and Good Mother Mouse
One Summer day the sun shone bright, Mid sweet flowers roved the bee, And I wandered in a garden old Beside the deep blue sea.
But close at hand, a shady path, Beneath some beech trees wound, And there. that sultry summer day, A pleasant seat I found.
Suddenly, just beside my chair, A little sound I heard; A scratch upon the gravel path, As of a mouse or bird.
I turned my head; there, on the path, What strange sight did I see! A little mouse, and in her mouth Another still more wee.
Softly she crept across the path, And then, her journey done, In a hole beneath the green grass verge She laid her little one.
And back and forth from side to side, I watched her carry five Sweet little mice, her own dear brood, Long tailed, and all alive.
She never wearied in her work, Yet oh! so small was she! And thus, that bright, hot summer day She moved her nursery.
Dear mother mouse! My verse has told Your patient loving deed; Methinks our boys and girls may learn Some lessons as they read.
Francis E. Cooke
The True History of a Poor Little Mouse
A poor little mouse Had once made him a nest, And he fancied, the warmest, And safest, and best, That a poor little mouse could enjoy; So snug and convenient, So out of the way. This poor little mouse And his family lay, They fear'd neither pussy nor boy.
It was in a store That was seldom in use, Where shavings and papers Were scattered in loose, That this poor little mouse made his hole, But alas! Master Johnny Had seen him one day, As in a great fright He had scampered away, With a piece of plum pudding he stole.
As soon as young Johnny (Who, wicked and bad, No pitiful thoughts For dumb animals had) Descried the poor fellow's retreat, He crept to the shavings And set them alight, And, before the poor mouse Could run off in its fright, It was smother'd to death in the heat!
Poor mouse! how it squeak'd I can't bear to relate, Nor how its poor little Ones hopp'd in the grate, And died, one by one, in the flame! I should not much wonder To hear, that, some night, This wicked boy's bed-curtains Catching alight, He suffered exactly the same.
Ann Taylor
The Mouse's Call
A little mouse crept out one day, When all was still about; To dollie's house he took his way, The lady being out.
He skipped about with bead-bright eyes From table down to chair; He thought the house was just the size For him to settle there.
He found some jelly cake so nice, This naughty little mouse; He nibbled first, then in a trice 'Twas gone from dollie's house.
He curl'd himself upon the floor, To have a little nap, When suddenly upon the floor There came a fearful rap.
The mouse who had not left a crumb, With fear began to shake, For dollie's mistress back had come To get her piece of cake.
She opened wide the little house, Her doll lay on her arm, And when she spied the trembling mouse She cried out with alarm.
She tumbled back upon the ground, Her dear doll falling too, While the mouse went rushing round, Not knowing what to do.
At last he tumbled down the stair, Then to his hole he flew; And which did most the other scare They never, never knew.
[Page 184--Froggy Land]
The Foolish Frog
In a tank at the foot of the hill Lived Mr. and Mrs. Frog, At the head of the sparkling rill, By the side of a queachy bog; And they had children ten-- All froggies as yellow as gold, Who loved to play on the fen, But they often were over-bold.
Now it fell out one bright day, As it never had done before, When Father Frog was away A stickleback sailed to the door. "Oh! Mrs. Frog," said he, "Your sister is very ill; And much she wants to see You down at the water mill."
Then Mother frog showed her grief In such tears as you never saw; And, having no handkerchief, She wiped her eyes with a paw. Said she, "Now, froggies dear, You must not go to the fen: There is no danger here, And I'll soon come back again!"
But the naughty little froggies, Disobeyed their mother and went.
Then a duck, which had lazily swum For hours in a reedy pool, Seeing the shadows come, And feeling the air grow cool. With a "Quack, quack, quack," came out She meant, "It is time to sup!" So finding the froggies about, She gobbled them quickly up.
So Mr. and Mrs. Frog, By the peeping stars made bold, Came back by the queachy bog, To their froggies all yellow as gold. They never saw them again-- Alas! that it should be so. They were told not to go to the fen; But the did not obey, you know.
"Early Days"
Marriage of Mr. Froggie
There was a Frog Lived in a bog-- A Frog of high degree-- A stylish youth, And yet, forsooth, A bachelor was he.
He had not wed Because, he said, He'd ne'er in all his life Seen in the bog A pollywog He cared to make his wife.
But one fine day, When drest up gay, He passed a pretty house, And there beside The window spied A most attractive mouse.
He raised his hat, And gazing at Miss Mouse, in suit of gray, He made a bow, Likewise a vow To marry her straightway.
When he was drest In scarlet vest, And coat of velvet sheen With frills of lace, And sword in place, His like was nowhere seen.
His smile was bland, His style so grand, He said with pride, "I know Miss Mouse so fair, Can find nowhere So suitable a beau!
"If she'll agree To live with me, And be my faithful wife, Oh, she shall dine On dishes fine, And lead an easy life."
When he went by, Miss Mouse so shy, Would hide her blushing face; But truth to tell Could see quite well Through curtains of thin lace.
And from her nook, Ah! many a look She gave, with heart a-stir; And oft did she Confess that he Was just the beau for her.
At last so blue Poor froggie grew, He went up to the house And rang the bell, In haste to tell His love for Mistress Mouse.
He passed the door, And on the floor He knelt and kissed her hand, "Wilt marry me?" He asked, while she Her burning blushes fanned.
She answered "Yes," As you may guess, To Mister Frog's delight; His arm he placed Around her waist, And joy was at its height.
The wedding-day Was set straightway, The town was all agog; And gifts, not few, Were sent unto Miss Mouse and Mister Frog.
And never yet Was banquet set, In country or in town, With fare more rich Than that to which The wedding guests sat down.
And, after all, There was the ball, For which the band was hired, And frogs and mice Were up in a trice, And danced till their toes were tired.
Frogs at School
Twenty froggies went to school, Down beside a rushy pool; Twenty little coats of green, Twenty vests all white and clean, "We must be in time," said they; "First we study, then we play; That is how we keep the rule When we froggies go to school."
Master Bullfrog, grave and stern, Called the classes in their turn; Taught them how to nobly strive, Likewise how to leap and dive; From his seat upon the log Showed them how to say, "Ker-chog!" Also, how to dodge a blow From the sticks which bad boys throw.
Twenty froggies grew up fast; Bullfrogs they became at last; Not one dunce among the lot, Not one lesson they forgot. Polished in a high degree, As each froggie ought to be, Now they sit on other logs, Teaching other little frogs.
[Page 185--Froggy Land]
Mouse that Lost her Tail
Once upon a time a Cat and Mouse were playing together, when, quite by accident, the cat bit off the Mouse's tail.
It was very strange that the Cat did not bite off the Mouse's head. But this Mouse was a good Mouse, and never stole any cheese; and so the Cat only bit off her tail. Mousey was very much vexed to see that her tail was gone, so she said to Pussy--
"Oh, dear Pussy! do give me my tail again." "No, that I will not," said Pussy, "till you get me some milk for my breakfast." "Oh, the Cow will give me some," said the Mouse.
So she frisked and jumped, and then she ran Till she came to the Cow, and thus began:--
"Please, Cow, give me some milk. I want to give Pussy milk, and Pussy will give me my own tail again." "So I will, Mousey, if you will get me some hay for my breakfast." said the Cow. "Oh, the Farmer will give me some," said the Mouse.
So she frisked and jumped, and then she ran Till she came to the Farmer, and thus began:--
"Please, Mr. Farmer, give me some hay; I want to give the Cow hay. The Cow will give me some milk; I will give Pussy milk; and Pussy will give me my own tail again." "So I will, Mousey, if you get me some bread for my breakfast," said the Farmer. "Oh, the Baker will give me some," said the Mouse.
So she frisked and jumped, and then she ran Till she came to the Baker, and thus began:--
"Please, Mr. Baker, give me some bread; I want to give the Farmer bread. The Farmer will give me some hay; I will give the Cow hay, the Cow will give me some milk; I will give Pussy milk; and Pussy will give me my own tail again." "So I will, Mousey, if you get me some meat for my breakfast," said the baker. "Oh, the Butcher will give me some," said the Mouse.
So she frisked and jumped, and then she ran Till she came to the Butcher, and thus began:--
"Please, Mr. Butcher, give me some meat. I want to give the Baker meat. The Baker will give me some bread; I will give the Farmer bread. The Farmer will give me some hay; I will give the Cow hay, the Cow will give me some milk; I will give Pussy milk; and Pussy will give me my own tail again." "So I will, Mousey, if you will eat up the crumbs that have fallen at my breakfast," said the Butcher. "Oh, that I will," said the Mouse, and she soon cleared the floor of every crumb.
Then the Butcher gave the Mouse some meat, and the Mouse gave the Baker the meat, and the Baker gave the Mouse some bread, and the Mouse gave the Farmer the bread, and the Farmer gave the Mouse some hay, and the Mouse gave the Cow the hay, and the Cow gave the Mouse some milk, and the Mouse gave Pussy the milk, and then Pussy gave poor little Mousey her own tail again.
So she frisked and jumped, and away she ran And cried out to Pussy, "Catch me if you can!"
Mouse Gruel
There was an Old Person of Ewell, Who chiefly subsisted on gruel, But to make it taste nice, he inserted some mice, Which refreshed that Old Person of Ewell.
Wise Mice
Some little mice sat in a barn to spin, Pussy came by and she popped her head in. "Shall I come in and cut your threads off?" "Oh, no, kind sir, you will bite our heads off!"
Mouse Ran up the Clock
Hickory, diccory dock, The mouse ran up the clock, The clock struck one, the mouse ran down, Hickory, diccory, dock.
A Frog he would a-Wooing Go
A Frog he would a-wooing go, Whether his mother would have it or no; So off he set with his nice new hat, And on the road he met a rat.
"Pray, Mr. Rat, will you go with me, Kind Mrs. Mousey for to see!" When they came to the door of Mousey's hall, They gave a loud knock, and gave a loud call.
"Pray, Mrs. Mouse, are you within?" "Oh, yes, kind sirs, I'm sitting to spin." "Pray, Mrs. Mouse, Will you give us some beer? For Froggy and I are fond of good cheer."
"Pray, Mr. Frog, will you give us a song-- But let it be something that's not very long!" "Indeed, Mrs. Mouse," replied the Frog, "A cold has made me as hoarse as a dog."
"Since you have a cold, Mr. Frog," Mousey said, "I'll sing you a song that I have just made." But while they were all a merry-making, A cat and her kittens came tumbling in.
The cat she seized the rat by the crown; The kittens they pulled the little mouse down. This put Mr. Frog in a terrible fright: He took up his hat, and wished them good-night. But as Froggy was crossing over a brook, A lily-white duck came and gobbled him up, So there was an end of one, two, and three. The Rat, the Mouse, and the little Frog-ee.
Man that Caught a Mouse
The Little priest of Felton, The little priest of Felton, He killed a mouse within his house, And ne'er a one to help him.
Three Blind Mice
Three blind mice! three blind mice! See how they run! see how they run! They all ran after the farmer's wife, They cut off their tails with a carving knife; Did you ever see such a thing in your life As three blind mice?
The Three Unfortunate Mice
Three little dogs were basking in the cinders; Three little cats were playing in the windows; Three little mice hopped out of a hole, And a piece of cheese they stole; The three little cats jumped down in a trice, And cracked the bones of the three little mice.
The Foolish Mouse
In a crack near the cupboard, with dainties provided, A certain young mouse with her mother resided; So securely they lived in that snug, quiet spot, Any mouse in the land might have envied their lot.
But one day the young mouse, which was given to roam, Having made an excursion some way from her home, On a sudden returned, with such joy in her eyes, That her grey, sedate parent expressed some surprise.
"O mother," said she, "The good folks of this house, I'm convinced, have not any ill-will to a mouse; And those tales can't be true you always are telling, For they've been at such pains to construct us a dwelling.
"The floor is of wood, and the walls are of wires, Exactly the size that one's comfort requires; And I'm sure that we there shall have nothing to fear, If ten cats, with kittens, at once should appear.
"And then they have made such nice holes in the wall, One could slip in and out, with no trouble at all; But forcing one through such rough crannies as these, Always gives one's poor ribs a most terrible squeeze.
"But the best of all is, they've provided, as well, A large piece of cheese, of most exquisite smell; 'T was so nice, I had put in my head to go through, When I thought it my duty to come and fetch you."
"Ah, child," said the mother, "believe, I entreat, Both the cage and the cheese are a terrible cheat; Do not think all that trouble they took for our good, They would catch us and kill us there if they could.
"Thus they've caught and killed scores, and I never could learn, That a mouse who once entered did ever return." Let young people mind what the old people say, And, when danger is near them keep out of the way.
[Page 186--Mixed Animal Land]
The Fox and the Cat
The fox and the cat as they travelled one day, With moral discourses cut shorter on the way: "'Tis great," says the fox, "to make justice our guide!" "How godlike is mercy!" Grimalkin replied.
Whilst thus they proceeded, a wolf from the wood, Impatient of hunger, and thirsting for blood, Rushed forth--as he saw the dull shepherd asleep-- And seized for his supper an innocent sheep.
"In vain, wretched victim, for mercy you bleat; When mutton's at hand," says the wolf, "I must eat." Grimalkin's astonished--the fox stood aghast, To see the fell beast at his bloody repast.
"What a wretch!" says the cat--"'tis the vilest of brutes; Does he feed upon flesh when there's herbage and roots?" Cries the fox, "While our oaks give us acorns so good, What a tyrant is this to spill innocent blood!"
Well, onward they marched, and they moralised still. Till they came where some poultry picked chaff by a mill. Sly Reynard surveyed the them with gluttonous eyes, And made, spite of morals, a pullet his prize! A mouse, too, that chanced from her covert to stray, The greedy Grimalkin secured as her prey!
A spider that sat in her web on the wall, Perceived the poor victims, and pitied their fall; She cried, "Of such murders how guiltless am I!" So ran to regale on a new-taken fly!
Sour Grapes
A fox was trotting one day, And just above his head He spied a vine of luscious grapes, Rich, ripe, and purple-red.
Eager he tried to snatch the fruit, But, ah! it was too high; Poor Reynard had to give it up, And, heaving a deep sigh,
He curl'd his nose and said, "Dear me! I would not waste an hour Upon such mean and common fruit-- I'm sure those grapes are sour!"
'Tis thus we often wish thro' life, When seeking wealth and pow'r And when we fall, say, like the fox, We're "sure the grapes are sour!"
The Fox and the Mask
A fox walked round a toyman's shop (How he came there, pray do not ask), But soon he made a sudden stop, To look and wonder at a mask.
The mask was beautiful and fair, A perfect mask as e'er was made; At which a lady meant to wear At the ensuing masquerade.
He turned it round with much surprise, To find it prove so light and thin; "How strange!" astonished Reynard cries, "Here's mouth and nose, and eyes and chin.
"And cheeks and lips, extremely pretty; And yet, one thing there still remains To make it perfect--what a pity, So fine a head should have no brains!"
Thus, to some boy or maiden pretty; Who to get learning takes no pains, May we exclaim, "Ah! what a pity, So fine a head should have no brains!"
The Fox and Crow
In a dairy a crow, Having ventured to go, Some food for her young ones to seek, Flew up in the trees With a fine piece of cheese, Which she joyfuly held in her beak.
A fox who lived by, To the tree saw her fly, And to share in the prize he made a vow, For, having just dined, He for cheese felt inclined, So he went and sat under the bough.
She was cunning he knew, But so was he, too, And with flattery adapted his plan; For he knew if she'd speak, It must fall from his beak, So, bowing politely, began:
"'Tis a very fine day," (Not a word did she say), "The wind, I believe, ma'am, is south: A fine harvest for peas;" He then looked at the cheese, But the crow did not open her mouth.
Sly Reynard, not tired, He plumage admired: "How charming! how brilliant its hue! The voice must be fine Of a bird so divine, Ah, let me hear it, pray do.
Believe me I long To hear a sweet song;" The silly crow foolishly tries; She scarce gave one squall, When the cheese she let fall, And the fox ran away with the prize.
Jane Taylor
The Blind Men and the Elephant (A Hindoo Fable)
It was six men of Indostan To learning much inclined, Who went to see an elephant, (Though all of them were blind), That each by observation Might satisfy his mind.
The FIRST approached the Elephant, And happening to fall Against his broad and sturdy side, At once began to bawl: "God bless me!--but the Elephant Is very like a wall!"
The SECOND feeling of the tusk, Cried: "Ho! what have we here So very round and smooth and sharp! To me 'tis mighty clear This wonder of an Elephant Is very like a spear!"
The THIRD approached the animal, And happening to take The squirming trunk within his hands, This boldly up and spake: "I see," quoth he, "The Elephant Is very like a snake!"
The FOURTH reached out his eager hand, And felt about the knee, "What most this wondrous beast is like Is mighty plain," quoth he; "'Tis clear enough the Elephant Is very like a tree!"
The FIFTH, who chanced to touch the ear, Said: "E'n the blindest man Can tell what this resembles most, Deny the fact who can, This marvel of an Elephant Is very like a fan."
The SIXTH no sooner had begun About the beast to grope, Than, seizing on the swinging tail That fell within his scope, "I see," quoth he, "the Elephant Is very like a rope!"
And so these men of Indostan Disputed loud and long, Each in his own opinion Exceeding stiff and strong, Though each was partly in the right, And all were in the wrong.
[Page 187--Mixed Animal Land]
An Address to a Mouse
Sly little, cowering, timorous beastie! Oh what a panic's in thy breastie! You need not start away so hasty, With bickering speed: I should be loth to run and chase thee I should indeed!
I'm truly sorry man's dominion Hath broken Nature's social union, And justifies that ill opinion Which makes thee startle At me, thy poor earth-born companion, And fellow mortal.
Sometimes, I doubt not, thou dost thieve; What then? poor beastie, thou must live; A little barley in the shieve Is small request; And all thou tak'st, I do believe, Will ne'er be missed.
R. Burns
Song of the Toad
I am an honest toad, Living here by the road; Beneath a stone I dwell, In a snug little cell.
When the rain patters down, I let it wet my crown; And now and then I sip A drop with my lip.
And now a catch a fly, And now I wink my eye, And now I take a hop, And now and then I stop.
And this is all I do, And yet they sat it's true That the toad's face is sad, And his bite is very bad.
Oh! naughty folks they be Who tell such tales of me! For I'm an honest toad Just living by the road, Hip, hip, hop.
Mosquito Song
In a summer's night I take my flight To where the maidens repose; And while they are slumbering sweet and sound, I bite them on the nose; The warm red blood that tints their cheeks, To me is precious dear, For 'tis my delight to buzz and bite In the season of the year.
When I get my fill, I wipe my bill, And sound my tiny horn; And off I fly to mountain high Ere breaks the golden morn; But at eve I sally forth again To tickle the sleeper's ear; For 'tis my delight to buzz and bite In the season of the year.
On the chamber wall about I crawl, Till landlord goes to bed; Then my bugle I blow, and down I go To light upon his head. Oh, I love to see the fellow slap, And regret to hear him swear; For 'tis my delight to buzz and bite In the season of the year.
The Nightingale and Glow-worm
A Nightingale, that all day long Had cheered the village with his song, Nor yet at eve his note suspended, Nor yet when eventide was ended, Began to feel--as well he might-- The keen demands of appetite; When looking eagerly around, He spied, far off, upon the ground, A something shining in the dark, And knew the glow-worm by his spark; So; stooping down, from hawthorn top, He thought to put him in his crop The worm, aware of his intent, Harangued him this, quite eloquent-- "Did you admire my lamp," quoth he, "As much as I your minstrelsy? You would abhor to do me wrong, As much as I to spoil your song; For 'twas the self-same power divine Taught you to sing, and me to shine: That you with music, I with light, Might beautify and cheer the night." The songster heard his short oration, And, warbling out his approbation, Released him as my story tells, And found a supper somewhere else.
Cowper
The Glow-worm
Beneath this hedge, or near the stream, A worm is known to stray, That shows by night a lucid stream That disappears by day.
Disputes have been, and still prevail, From whence his rays proceed; Some give the honor to his tail, And others to his head;
But this is sure--the hand of might That kindles up the skies, Gives him a modicum of light, Proportion'd to his size.
Perhaps indulgent Nature meant, By such a lamp bestow'd, To bid the traveller as he went, Be careful where he trod.
Cowper
Happiness of the Grasshopper
Happy insect! what can be In happiness compared with thee! Fed with nourishment divine, The dewy morning's gentle wine; Nature waits upon thee still, And thy verdant cup does fill. All the fields which thou dost see, All the plants belong to thee: All that summer hours produce, Fertile made with easy juice; The country hinds with gladness hear, Prophet of the ripened year!
Cowley
The Whale
Warm and buoyant, in his oily mail, Gambols on seas of ice th' unwieldily whale; Wide waving fins round boating islands urge His bulk gigantic through the troubled surge; With hideous yawn, the flying shoals he seeks, Or clasps with fringe of horn his massy cheeks; Lifts o'er the tossing wave his nostril bare, And spouts the watery columns into air; The silvery arches catch the setting beams, And transient rainbows tremble o'er the streams.
Darwin
The wasp and the Bee
A wasp met a bee that was just buzzing by, And he said "Little Cousin, can you tell me why You are loved so much better by people than I.
"My back shines as bright, and as yellow as gold And my shape is most elegant too to behold, And yet nobody likes me for that, I am told," Bz.
"Ah! Cousin," the bee said, "'tis all very true, But if I were half as much mischief to do, Then I'm sure they would love me no better than you. Bz.
"You have a fine shape and a delicate wing, And they say you are handsome; but then there's one thing They never can put up with; and that is your sting. Bz.
"My coat is quite homely and plain, as you see, But yet no one is angry or scolding at me, Just because I'm a harmless and busy bee." Bz.
From this little story let people beware, For if, like the cross wasp, ill-natured they are, They will never be loved, though they're ever so fair.
My Pets
I bring my little doggies milk; I bring my rabbits hay; I feed and tend, and love them well-- Such helpless things are they! See! now in soft and cozy bed They roll about and play; They've milk and bones, and all they want-- Such happy pets are they!
[Page 188--Squirrel Land]
The Squirrel
I'm a merry, merry squirrel, All day I leap and whirl Through my home in the old beech-tree If you chase me I will run In the shade and in the sun; But you never, never can catch me For round a bough I'll creep, Playing hide and seek so sly; Or through the leaves bo-peep, With my little shining eye.
Up and down I run and frisk, With my bushy tail to whisk All who mope in the old beech-trees. How droll to see the owl As I make him wink and growl, While his sleepy, sleepy head I tease! And I waken up the bat, Who flies off with a scream, For he thinks that I'm the cat Pouncing on him, in his dream.
Through all the summer long I never want a song From birds in the old beech-trees I have singers all the night, And with the morning bright Come my busy, humming, fat, brown bees. When I've nothing else to do With the nursing birds I sit; And we laugh at the cuckoo A-coo-cooing to her tit!
When winter comes with snow An its cruel tempests blow All my leaves from the old beech-trees, Then beside the wren and mouse I furnish up a house, Where, like a prince, I live at ease. What care I for hail or sleet, With my cozy cap and coat; And my tail about my feet, Or wrapped about my throat?
Norman Macleod
Ducks and Ducklings
One little white duck, One little grey, Six little black ducks Running out to play; One white lady-duck, Motherly and trim, Eight little baby ducks Bound for a swim.
One little white duck Running from the water, One very fat duck-- Pretty little daughter-- One little grey duck Holding up its wings. One little bobbing duck Making water rings.
One little black duck Standing on a stone, One little grey duck Swimming all alone, One little grey duck Holding down it's head. One sleepy little duck, It has gone to bed!
One little what duck Running to its mother, Look among the water-reeds, May be there's another. One hungry little duck Going out to dine, Two dainty little ducks, Snowy-white and fine.
Merry little brown eyes O'er the picture linger, Point all the ducks out, Chubby little finger; Make the picture musical, Merry little shout; Now where's that other duck? What is he about?
I thank that other duck Is the nicest duck of all, He hasn't any feathers, And his mouth is sweet and small; He runs with a light step And jumps upon my knee, And though he cannot swim He is very dear to me.
One white lady-duck, Motherly and trim, Eight little baby ducks Bound for a swim; One sleepy little duck Taking quite a nap, One precious little duck Here on mother's lap.
A. L.
The Squirrel
The pretty red squirrel Lives up in a tree, A little blithe creature As ever can be; He dwells in the boughs Where the stock-dove broods, Far in the shades Of the green summer woods;
His food is the young Juicy cones of the pine, And the milky beech-nut Is his bread and his wine. In the joy of his nature He frisks with a bound To the topmost twigs, And then down to the ground.
Then up again like A winged thing, And from tree to tree With a vaulting spring; Then he sits up aloft, And looks ragged and queer, As if he would say: "Ay, follow me here!"
And then he grows pettish, And stamps his foot; And then with a chatter, He cracks his nut; And thus he lives All the long summer through, Without either a care Or a thought of rue.
The Mountain and the Squirrel
The mountain and the squirrel Had a quarrel, And the former called the latter "Little Prig;" Bun replied, "You are doubtless very big, But all sorts of things and weather Must be taken together To make up a year, And a sphere. And I think it no disgrace To occupy my place. If I'm not so large as you, You are not so small as I. And not half so spry; I'll not deny you make A very pretty squirrel track. Talents differ; all is well and wisely put; If I cannot carry forests on my back, Neither can you crack an nut!"
R. W. Emerson
[Page 189--Wonderful Bird Nests]
Wonderful Birds' Nests
[Page 190--Cole's Poems On Books]
What Books Do For Mankind
1.
Books should be found in every house, To form and feed the mind; They are the best of luxuries To happify mankind.
2.
For all good books throughout the world Are man's most precious treasure; They make him wise, and bring him His best, his choicest pleasure.
3.
Books make his time pass happily, Relieve his weary hours; Amuse, compose, instruct his mind; Enlarge his mental powers.
4.
Books teach the boys and girls of earth In quite ten million schools; Books make the difference between Earth's learned and its fools.
5.
Books teach earth's teeming artisans The proper way to take, To find, to plan, to build, to mix, And every product make.
6.
Books teach schoolmasters, clergymen, Of every rank and grade; And doctors, lawyers, judges, too-- Books are their tools of trade.
-----
128.
Books thus, by print, and pictures, bring The whole world into view, And show what all men think about, And everything they do.
129.
Books give to man the history Of each and every land; Books show him human actions past, The bad, the good, the grand.
130.
Books show him human arts and laws Of every time and place; Books show the learnings and the faiths Of all the human race.
131.
Books give the best and greatest thoughts Of all the good and wise; Books treasure human knowledge up, And thus it never dies.
132.
Books show men all that men have done, Have thought, have sung, have said, Books show the deeds and wisdom of The living and the dead.
133.
Books show that mankind's leading faiths, In morals are the same; That in their main essentials They differ but in name.
134.
Books show that virtue, goodness, love, Exist in every land; That some with kindly sympathies Are found on every strand.
135.
Books show the joys, griefs, hopes and fears, Of every race and clan; Books show, by unity of thought, The brotherhood of man.
136.
Books thus will cause the flag of peace Through earth to be unfurled-- Produce "the parliament of man," And federate the world.
137.
Books give the reader vast delight, The bookless never know; Books give him pleasure, day and night, Wherever he may go.
138.
Books show narcotics, toxicants, Of each and every kind; Insidious destroyers all, Of body and of mind.
139.
Books, like strong drink, will drowns man's cares But do not waste his wealth; Books leave him better, drink the worse, In character and health.
140.
Books teach and please him when a child, In youth and in his prime; Books give him soothing pleasure when His health and strength decline.
141.
Books teach, from their beginning, of Higher beings than man; That One Almighty Goodness was Before the world began.
142.
Books give us hope beyond the grave, Of an immortal life; Books teach that right, and truth, and love, Shall banish every strife.
143.
Books therefore are, of all we own, The choicest things on earth; Books have, of all our worldly goods, The most intrinsic worth.
144.
Books are the greatest blessing brought, The grandest thing we sell; Books bring more joy, Books do more good, Than mortal tongue can tell.
[Page 191--Comic Advertiser]
Cole's Comic Advertiser (Or Fun Doctor's Assistant)
Laughter as a Medicine.
"The physician tells us of the physical benefits of laughing. There is not the remotest corner or little inlet of the minute blood-vessels of the human body that does not feel some wavelet from the convulsion occasioned by good hearty laughter. The life principle, or the central man, is shaken to the innermost depths, sending new tided of life and strength to the surface, thus materially tending to insure good health to persons who indulge therein. The blood moves more rapidly, and conveys a different impression to all the organs of the body, as it visits them on that particular mystic journey when the man is laughing, from what it does at other times. For this reason every good, hearty laugh in which a person indulges lengthens his life, conveying as it does a new and distinct stimulus to the vital forces."
"Fun is worth more than physic, and whoever invents or discovers a new supply deserves the name of public benefactor."
Man Made to Laugh, not to Morn.
Man warnt made tew mourn, man waz made tew laff. He iz the onla creeter or thing that God made tew laff out loud. It iz true he knows how to mourn, do duz animills know how, the birds kan tell their sorrows, and the flowers kan hang their pretty heds. Man was made tew smile, tew laff, to haw! tew throw up his hat, and sing halleluger. Man was made tew praze God, and he can't dew it by mourning. Awl the mourning there iz in this wurld was introduced bi man; man warnt made tew mourn any more than he was made to crawl. Tharfore i sa tew awl men and women, stop crying and go tew laffing, you will last longer, and git fatter, and stand just as good a chanse tew git tew heaven with a smile on your countenance as yu will with yure face leaking at every pore.--Josh Billings
Josh Billing's Prayer.
"From a wife who don't luv us, from fluky mutton, and tite butes, and from folks who won't laff, good Lord deliver us."
[Page 192--Comic Advertiser]
Testimonials to the astonishing Curing Power of Cole's Fun Doctor.
Most Astonishing Cure of the Age
Dear Sir--Many years ago it was my misfortune to be jilted in love by a cruel-hearted woman. I pined away, and fell into a bad state of health, and was advised by my friends to take some physic. I never took a single dose except somebody told me that it was exactly what I wanted to make me well--but it all did me no good. I only got worse until I came across the right thing, which I will presently describe. I find, in looking over my paid bills, the following are the kinds and quantities of physic I have used during my illness:-- Holloway's Pills, 227 boxes; Cockle's Pills, 121 boxes, Beecham's Pills, 80 boxes; Parr's Life Pills, 76 boxes, Blue Pills, 849 boxes. One friend advised me to give up Pills and take some good old-fashioned physic. I took of Jalap, 37 pounds; Caster Oil; 180 bottles, Salts and Senna, 800 doses; Rhubarb and Magnesia, 300 doses; Brimstone and Treacle, 800 doses--but this did me no good. Another friend advised me to take some world-fames patent medicines, so I took of Eno's Fruit Salt 190 bottles, Warner's Safe Cure, 200 bottles; Townsend's Sarsaparilla, 120 bottles; Hop Bitters, 180 bottles; Dandelion Ale, two hogsheads. I took Hayter's Nerve Tonic, Hayter's Blood purifier, Hayter's Invigorator, and Hayter's Pick-Me-Up, of each 100 bottles; and Wolfe's Schnapps, 630 bottles-- but I felt no better. Another friend came along, and said for my complaint it was no use taking medicines internally, and I must use the "Rub On Remedies," so I rubbed on Holloway's Ointment, 241 boxes; Davis's Pain Killer, 70 bottles; Moulton's Pain Paint, 60 bottles; St. Jacob's oil, Weston's Wizard Oil, and Croton Oil, of each 100 bottles: and of Eucalyptus Oil, 900 quart bottles--but I felt no better. Another friend advised the Herb Cure, so I took strong decoctions of Chamomile, Pennyroyal, Peppermint, Rue, Tansy, Quassia, Horehound, Wormwood, Aconite, Belladonna, Hemlock, Nux Vomica, Lungwort, Liverwort, Moonwort, Sneezewort, and Snakeweed--altogether I took about 1700 quarts of these horrid decoctions--but I felt no better. Another friend told me my stomach was out of order, and required cleansing, so I took of Ipecacuanha Wine 139 quarts--but this did not cure me. Another friend said all diseases come from insects, and I had insects in me, and must take special medicine for them, so I took of Keating's insecticide 730 packets--but got no better. Another friend advised me to try Homoeopathy. I took 111 tubes of pilules and 80 bottles of tinctures--but they did me no good. Another friend advised me to try the water cure. I took cold baths, warm baths, tepid baths, and Turkish baths in hundreds, and drank about twenty hogsheads of mineral waters--but it did me no good. Another friend advised the Acid Cure, so I took Acetic Acid, Muriatic Acid, Nitric Acid, Sulphuric Acid, Oxalic Acid, and Prussic Acid, of each about twenty quarts--but got no better. Another friend advised Soothing Medicines, so I took over 400 of Steedman's Soothing powders, and 130 bottles of Mother Winslow's Soothing Syrup--but I was still irritable and nervous. My last course of medicine consisted of Steel Drops, Balm of Gilead, Turpentine, Chloroform, Cod Liver Oil, Assafoetida, Spanish Flies, and Cayenne Pepper--about fifteen pounds of each--but it all did me no good. I simply got worse and worse, and was reduced to a mere shadow of skin and bone, but, as luck would have it, another friend came along--a true friend this time--and suggested Cole's FUN DOCTOR. I got it, and was well and stout in a Week, at a cost of 1s 6d.
Sworn at Temple Court, and Signed in Everlasting Gratitude, Government House, Melbourne JOHN SMITH
[Page 193--Comic Advertiser]
A man on a train was heard to groan so frightfully that the passengers took pity on him, and one of them gave him a drink out of a whisky flask. "Do you feel better?" asked the giver. "I do," said he who had groaned. "What ailed you anyway?" "Ailed me?" "Yes; what made you groan so?" "Groan! Great Land o'Goshen! I was singing!" The generous man will never quite cease to regret the loss of that drink of whisky.
Cole's Book Arcade. Cole's Book Arcade, it is in Melbourne town, Of all the book stores in this land, it has the most renown.
TUNE: All the Tunes there are mixed.
[Page 194--Comic Advertiser]
Going To Cole's Book Arcade, Melbourne
All the way from Persia on this bicycle.
Why are these two nice children like thousands of knowledge-loving individuals? Because they frequently visit Cole's Book Arcade.
Guess where this young gentleman is going? To Cole's book arcade. Right. You're a Witch.
[Page 195--Comic Advertiser]
[Page 196--Wonderful Sea Serpent]
The Sea-Serpent as a Carrier
The world-renowned sea-serpent has been specially chartered to bring a fresh supply of books every week from England to Cole's Book Arcade, Melbourne; and also to show upon the coils of his body 2000 rainbows, being so many copies of that establishment. The sea-serpent, upon being communicated with, demanded a heavy price for his services, but Mr. Cole agreed to his terms, as he considered that 2000 of his rainbow signs travelling round the world on the sides of the famous sea-serpent would be a good advertisement for the Book Arcade.
True History of the Great Sea Serpent
John Smith, the sea-serpent, was born in a swamp near Sydney, about 5000 years ago. He was hatched by a female Bunyip from an immense three cornered egg, which is supposed to have fallen out of the moon, and he is the only sea-serpent that ever existed. He never had relations, and is the only being in the world of whom the verse is true. He never had a father. He never had a mother. He never had a sister. He never had a brother. He also never had a wife. He is of a very shy disposition, and many fascinating mermaids have made love to him, and practiced all their well-known wiles upon him--but in vain: he is a bachelor still. Like some other animals mentioned in history, he thinks and talks like a man. He is exceedingly intelligent, and seems to have as much sense as 20,000 ordinary men or 21,000 women. He can sing with a voice of tremendous compass, from the sweet piping of a nightingale down to far below the deepest tones of the largest organ, or the noise made by discharges of artillery. Sometimes when he sings it shakes the ground for miles around, and if at sea causes a storm. His favourite songs are "A Life on the Ocean Wave," "What are the Wild Waves Saying," "Down by the Deep Sad Sea," and such like. He plays all the musical instruments in the world. His whistle can be heard a distance of 100 miles, his shout 50 miles, and his whisper 10 miles. Of course, in an active life of 5000 years, a life almost as long as some Hindoo patriarchs, he has seen and heard, and done, many astonishing things. He relates that he once rescued a travelling menagerie at sea, he swallowed the whole lot of animals, and the woman in charge of them, let them roam about inside of him and enjoy themselves, and then landed them safely on dry land at the end of 48 hours. He says that he was in Arabia, and saw that remarkable occurrence of the moon coming down and going into Mahomet's sleeves, and there and then he objected to the whole proceeding. The sea-serpent is 15 miles long and 50 feet in diameter, his skin is of a horny nature, but harder than steel, and about 5 feet thick. He travels at the rate of 200 miles per hour, and can carry 120 times as much as the "Great Eastern." If he was coming up to the Queen's Wharf, Melbourne, when his head was at the wharf, his body would reach right down the River Yarra out in the Bay past Williamstown, and the Traffic would have to be stopped in the river whilst he was unloading. The sea-serpent is rather a large eater. Since he reached full growth, namely, for the last 4000 years, he has swallowed a whole whale every morning for breakfast except once. The reason of his going without his breakfast that once is explained in the following manner:--
The reader will remember the account of Jonah and the Whale in the Talmud. It states that when Jonah was in the whale's belly, it went out of the Mediterranean right around Africa into the Red Sea, and that Jonah looked out through the eyes of the whale and saw the place where the children of Israel crossed the Red Sea. The sea-serpent states that he can corroborate this piece of history, as he happened to be after that very whale for breakfast when he saw Jonah looking out through its eyes. He says he did not swallow that whale, as he had found that the whales which he had previously swallowed with prophets inside of them did not agree with him, and consequently he had to go that morning without his breakfast, the first time in 4000 years. Those who want any further information about the famous sea-serpent can acquire it at Cole's Book Arcade, Melbourne, or come and interview and question the sea-serpent himself when he arrives.
P.S.--Some people don't believe in the existence of the sea-serpent, but if he did not exist how could we have got his likeness and his history? That's a question for the unbelievers to answer.
[Page 197--Funny and Foolish Dress Land]
A Servant Girl dressed in four absurdities of fashion--a Tight Corset, Tight High-heeled Boots, a Bustle Improver, and Fifteen-button Gloves.
She appears very conceited, but with her tight-lacing must feel very uncomfortable and unwell, and wall sensible people must feel that she is very silly, and with her absurd boots her feet must pain her almost as much as the Chinese woman's shown above [right] pained her when first compressed.
European Woman with her Waist Fashionably Tightened to 15 inches. Chinese Woman with her Feet Fashionably Compressed to 3 inches. Long-Nailed Fashion of an Annamese Noble, and a Marquesian Chief. Chinese Ladies' Fashionable Pinched Feet and Shoes, shewing also deplorable foolishness in China.
Old English Fashions, showing our ancestors were as foolish as we are.
Costume of an Ancient Greek Youth, very easy, elegant and suitable for a Lady's Reform Dress. This is a much more sensible dress than the one opposite it [servant girl] and the two below it--look at them.
Crinoline, 1859. The Dog has got through all right, but how will the lady manage.
Crinoline, 1859. Coach licensed to carry four. The coachman and the horse are both wondering how it can be done.
[Page 198--Funny and Foolish Dress Land]
[Page 199--Funny, Foolish, and Useful Fashions]
A British Lady and the Chinese Ambassador's Wife and Daughter at the Queen's First Drawing Room, Buckingham Palace, 1893.
The Chinese ladies are dressed more rationally, but the have such fashionably small feet that they have to lean against the table to enable them to stand with safety. The European lady and the Asiatic ladies are each alike martyrs to foolish fashion, one with the waist and the other with the feet.
"Mother, do put on a shawl, please, before you go down." "Why, Sonnie?" "Oh, because some one's is sure to see you if you go down like that!"
[Page 200--Useful Fashions]
[Page 201--Funny, Foolish, and Useful Fashions]
Ashamed to show his face. A few frivolous fops and other foolish men still wear corsets.
[Page 202--Boy Smoking]
Boy's First Smoke. Enjoying the Tobacco Poison.
Shortly Afterwards. Suffering from the Tobacco Poison.
Twin Brothers.
Brother who Smoked, thereby destroying his Vital Organs, his Good Looks, and Stunting his Body. Brother who Didn't Smoke, and therefore grew Good-Looking, Big, Healthy and Strong.
Multitudes of Employers, both in England and America, will not employ Boy Smokers, and publicly announce the same.
[From the "Social Gazette," also from the "Australian War Cry."]
The following statements show some of the large establishments that are closed against cigarette smokers in America:--
"Swift & Co. (Packing House, Chicago), and other Chicago business houses, employing hundreds of boys, have issued this announcement, or similar ones--So impressed with the danger of Cigarette using that we do not employ a Cigarette user. Marshall Field, the Mammoth Universal Provider, gave similar notice.
[Page 203--Smoking Land]
Montgomery, Ward and Co., the universal providers, say, "We will not employ cigarette users."
"Morgan and Wright Tyre company, large employers, announce, "No cigarettes can be smoked by our employees."
"At John Wanamakers.--The application blank to be filled out by boys applying for a position reads: 'Do you use tobacco or cigarettes?' A negative answer is expected, and is favourable to their acceptance as employes."
"Heath and Milligan, Chicago, bar cigarette users."
"Carson, Pirie and Scott, Chicago, bar cigarette smokers as employes."
Ayer's Sarsparilla Company, Lovell, employs hundreds of boys. --"March 1, 1902--Believing that the smoking of cigarettes is injurious to both mind and body, thereby unfitting young men for their best work--therefore after this date we will not employ any young man under twenty-one years of age who smokes cigarettes."
"I've got a boy for you, sir." Glad of it; who is he?" asked the master workman of a large establishment. The man told the boy's name and where he lived. "Don't want him," said the master workman, "he has got a bad mark." "A bad mark, sir; what?" "I meet him every day with a cigar in his mouth; I don't want smokers!"
"The Lehigh Valley Railroad bars cigarette smokers."
"The Chicago, Rock Island, and Pacific Railroad bars cigarette smoking."
"The New York, New Haven, and Hartford Railroad bars employes who smoke cigarettes."
"The Central Railroad, Georgia, forbids cigarette smoking."
"The Union Pacific Railroad forbids cigarette smoking."
The following is a public notice: "The Western Union Telegraph Company will discharge from their messenger service boys who persist in smoking cigarettes."
A Telephone Company.--Order: "You are directed to serve notice that the use of cigarettes after August 1 will be prohibited; and you are further instructed to, in the future, refuse to employ anyone who is addicted to the habit."--Leland Hume, Assistant General Manager of the Cumberland Telephone and Telegraph Company.
"In the United States Weather Bureau.--'Chief of United States Weather Bureau, Willis M. Moore, has placed the ban on cigarettes in this department of Government service'."
Smoking Does Some Good, but More Evil
Smoking soothes and comforts millions of the worried and the weary, and brings much pleasure to the habitual smoker, but it always more or less injures the health of the smoker and sometimes kills him. The vast majority of the medical fraternity condemn smoking, especially by the young.
Smoking injures multitudes of boys in many respects. Smoking often leads to boys into bad company. Smoking often makes them precocious, undutiful, impudent and callous. Smoking often ruins the health. Smoking generally stunts their growth. Smoking generally sallows their complexion. Smoking often leads them to lying. Smoking often leads them to stealing. Smoking often leads them to drinking. Smoking degenerates the boy physically, mentally, and morally. Smokers cannot excel in athletic sports, such as boating, cricket, cycling. Smokers are always at the bottom of the class in school and college, and backward at all kinds of study. Excessive smoking causes mental and physical laziness in boys and men.
The following organs, fluids, functions, etc., of the body, especially of the young, are frequently more or less affected by the use of tobacco:--The blood, the heart, the nerves, the brain, the liver, the lungs, the stomach, the throat, the saliva, the taste, the voice, the eyes, the ears, the nose, the mouth, the tongue, the palate, the pancreas, the lips, the teeth, the bones, the skin.
Medical men and observing experts affirm many diseases are caused or accelerated by the use of tobacco, among which are the following:-- Heart disease, consumption, cancer, ulceration, asthma, bronchitis, neuralgia, paralysis, palsy, apoplexy, indigestion, dysentery, diarrhoea, constipation, sleeplessness, melancholia, delirium tremens, insanity.
Smoking frequently leads to prolonged suffering. Smoking often destroys the appetite. Smoking sometimes weakens the will power. Smoking sometimes leads to loss of memory. Smoking often leads to despondency. Smoking sometimes leads to suicide. Smoking frequently leads to loss--loss by bad health and waste of valuable time--direct loss in money required for other purposes, and immense loss through reckless, thoughtless, or unfortunate smokers being the cause of partial or total destruction by fire of buildings, ships, factories, homesteads, crops, stores, and property of many kinds; also loss of life and property by explosions in mines, explosive factories, powder magazines, explosive stores, etc.
Tobacco using is an unclean habit, and offensive habit, an enslaving habit, often it is an intensely selfish habit. Tobacco fumes, especially in small and poorly-ventilated houses or rooms, injure or destroy the health of multitudes of wives, and injure the health of multitudes of infants and children. Tobacco using injures the unborn child by giving it a puny body and an imperfect start in life. Tobacco using is fast degenerating the race.
A third of the recruits for the Army are disqualified through smoking.
The following Governments have passes laws against juvenile smoking: Germany, Switzerland, Norway, Japan, Canada, Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, Prince Edward Island, British Columbia, the North West Territories, Cape Colony, New South Wales, Victoria, South Australia, Tasmania, and about 48 of the States and Territories out of 53; and so terrible and deplorable an effect has juvenile smoking upon the race that most other Governments are considering the advisability of passing laws against it.
The insidious influence of cigarette smoking by boys is shown in these examples of handwriting, taken from a London Country Council health report. The first was written by a boy when he was a victim of the habit; the second is the same boy's writing when he had given it up, ten months later.
[Page 204--Narcotics and Intoxicants]
Narcotics and Intoxicants
In most parts of the word man has found out some way of stimulating, soothing, or deadening his animal system by means of plants or drugs. Hundreds of these stimulating, intoxicating, soothing, and stupefying substances have been discovered and used in various countries, chief amongst which may be mentioned--
Opium, Tobacco, Indian Hemp, Betel Nut, and Alcohol; and others are used in a less degree, such as Coca, Kola Nut, Thorn Apple, Cocculus Indicus, Intoxicating Toadstool, Deadly Nightshade, Henbane, Rhododendron, Azalea, Emetic Holly, Bearded Darnel, etc. The first five among those human pleasers and human destroyers are--
1. Alcohol, now drank in the shape of spirits, wine, beer, or some other form probably by 500,000,000 persons. 2. Opium, smoked, inhaled, drank or swallowed by probably 100,000,000. 3. Tobacco, now smoked, chewed, and snuffed by probably 300,000,000 4. Haschish, made from Indian Hemp, now smoked, chewed, or swallowed by probably 150,000,000. 5. Betel Nut, chewed probably by 50,000,000.
These five narcotising and intoxicating poisons are used, more or less, by half the people in the world, giving some considerable pleasure at times, but destroying, more or less, the health of all who use them, and gradually stunting the form and otherwise undermining the well-being of the entire human race.
Chemistry also produces many things which are taken in the same way and for the same purpose, such as Laudanum, Morphia, Cocaine, Chloral, Chloroform, Ether, &c., and many so-called patent medicines. These all tend to form habits which soothe and please for a time, but they all damage or destroy in the end.
The great bulk of easy-going, unreflecting people have no idea what an amount of mischief and misery the habit of using these things inflict upon poor humanity.
Books show narcotics, toxicants, Of each and every kind; Insidious destroyers all, Of body and of mind.
These four pages show at a glance the effects of the three most fascinating and seductive Drugs in the world--Tobacco, Opium, and Alcohol, and which physically, mentally, and morally injure or ruin the greatest number of mankind.
First Shoeblack--What yer doin', Bill? Second Shoeblack--Learnin' to Smoke.
The Drink Craving
Probably the best use a man can make of his leisure time is to read good books and to follow their advice, and the worst use he can make of it is to indulge in intoxicating liquor, and to go where that will lead or take him.
It is said that "Dipsomania," "Alcoholism," or the "Craving-for-Drink" disease can be cured in most persons by certain remedies an proper management, and the time has come now when the lovers of human progress everywhere feel that this fearful curse must be grappled with, and, if possible, stamped out like the smallpox, or any other terrible disease. One writer sums up the evils of drinking as follows:--
"It injures the health. It shortens life. It originates hereditary disease. It ruins the character of thousands. It destroys the peace of families and of individuals. It causes husbands and wives to neglect each other, their children, and their homes. It makes wives widows, and children orphans. It bereaves parents of their children. It reduces families to penury. It hinders the amelioration of the poorer classes of society. It makes time hard and trade bad. It is a cause of quarrels, robberies, and murders. It is a cause of suicide. It fills our prisons. It fills our poorhouses. It fills our hospitals. It fills our madhouses."
Books, like strong drink, will drown a man's cares But do not waste his wealth, Books leave him better, drink the worse, In character and health.
[Page 205--Pipes of the World]
Pipes of the World Showing one of Cole's "Similarities of Mankind"
[Page 206--The Supreme Being]
GOD
Go to the top of a mountain so that you can see 50 miles in all directions; you then observe a space 100 miles in diameter. Now the world contains 25,000 such areas as that. Our world is amazingly vast, but our sun is a million times as large; yet we see rolling in space thousands as large as our own, which probably have accompanying worlds. And again, beyond this the telescope and astral-photography reveal to us that to the right, and to the left, before and behind, above and below, and to every point of the heavens, and at immense distances, millions and millions again of enormous stellar bodies exist, roll, revolve and travel through space. Multitudes of these suns and worlds around us in every direction are at such immense distances that a person travelling with the speed of light, namely, 200,000 miles, or 8 times round our earth, in a second, world take 1000,000 years to reach them. Nor can we imagine an end to this stupendous universe, or an end to space, for is we try to do so the question immediately occurs, what is still outside and beyond that? And so on to incomprehensible and overwhelming infinitude. And these many millions of suns and worlds and systems and all their parts are clearly working together, like the most exquisitely designed clockwork. Look at the marvellous mechanism of the human brain, the human eye, the human hand, the human heart, and in fact the whole human structure and composition; they all prove the truth of the affirmation that man is "fearfully and wonderfully made." Nay further, examine carefully every object in existence, however stupendously large or, as shown by the microscope, infinitesimally small, and they each and all appear equally perfect for their purpose. Can we see all this, and think on it, and not imagine a Designer and Controller of infinite attributes? It always appeared to me that there must be in this vast, illimitable, and beautiful universe, myriads of beings, superior to our weak mortal selves, and at the head of all and over all, an immortal Being of infinite perfections, which thinking men in all countries and ages have called GOD. And shall not we, immortal souls, increase in knowledge and wisdom, and as the ages roll on, more and more perceive and understand this mighty universe and its Author? I firmly believe we shall, and that as yet we are only beginning to live and think and understand and appreciate.
The Supreme Being was believed in, praised and worshipped by all the ancient peoples, and is now believed in, praised and worshipped by the vast majority of the people of the world--it is true under different names, but still it is the same idea--a Being without beginning and without end--Infinite in Wisdom--Infinite in Goodness --Infinite in Power--Infinite in Action and, at all times, everywhere and present.
E. W. Cole
The Ancients' Idea of God
God extends from eternity to eternity.--Aristotle.
Nothing is more ancient than God, for He was never created; nothing more beautiful than the world, it is the work of that same God.-- Thales.
Nature herself has imprinted on the minds of all the idea of a God; for what nation or race of men is there that has not, even without being taught, some idea of a God.--Cicero.
There is one God; Him the Christians, Him the Jews, Him all the Gentile people worship.--Emperor Adrian.
Amid so much war, contest, and variety of opinion, you will find one consenting conviction in every land that there is one God, the King and Father of all.--Maximus Tyrius.
If we suppose a God, to Him there can be nothing mean and nothing great. The most trivial things must be equal under His regard as the most august. All-powerful, omniscient, and omnipresent, He must encompass all things, and pervade all things. Ignorant of nothing, forgetting nothing, despising nothing, He must direct the operations of the universe with perfect skill, and sustain every part in consummate order.--Plato.
What land or what see will man find without God? Into what part of the earth wilt thou descend and hide thyself, O unhappy wretch! where thou canst escape from God?--Plutarch.
Thine, O Lord, is the greatness, and the power, and the glory, and the victory, and the majesty; for all that is in the heaven and in the earth, is Thine; Thine is the kingdom, O Lord, and Thou art exalted as head above all.--David.
He is God, the Great, the Mighty, the Tremendous, the Merciful, the Gracious, the Benign, the Wise, the Faithful, the Just, and the Virtuous; Omniscience, Omnipresence, Omnipotence, are His alone, whose Being knew no beginning, and can know no end.--The Mishna Torah.
The Name of God in 48 Languages
"Aeolian and Doric--Ilos. Arabic--Allah. Armorian--Teuti. Assyrian --Eleah. Celtic and Gallic--Diu. Chaldaic--Eilah. Chinese--Prussa. Coromandel--Brama. Cretan--Thios. Danish and Swedish--Gut. Dutch-- Godt. English and Old Saxon--God. Finch--Jumala. Flemish--Goed. French--Dieu. German and Swiss--Gott. Greek--Theos. Hebrew-- Elohim, Eloha. Hindostanee--Rain. Irish--Dia. Italian--Dio. Japanese--Goezur. Lapp--Jubinal. Latin--Deus. Low Breton--Done. Low Latin--Diex. Madagascar--Zannar. Malay--Alla. Modern Egyptian --Teun. Norwegian--Gud. Olalu Tongue--Deu. Old Egyptian--Teut. Old German--Diet. Pannonian--Istu. Persian--Siie. Peruvian-- Puchecammae. Pollaacca--Bung. Portuguese--Deos. Provencal--Diou. Runic--As. Slav--Buch. Spanish--Dios. Syriac and Turkish--Alah. Tartar--Magatal. Teutonic--Goth. Zemblain--Fetiza."
The Moderns' Idea of God
Father of ALL! in every age, In every clime adored, By saint, by savage and by sage, Jehovah, Jove, or Lord.--Pope.
The Supreme Being whom we call God, is a necessary, self-existent, eternal, immense, omnipotent, omniscient, and best Being; and therefore also a Being who is and ought to be esteemed most sacred of holy.--N. Grew.
What an immense workman is God! in miniature as well as in the great. With the one hand, perhaps, He is making a ring of one hundred thousand miles in diameter, to revolve round a planet like Saturn, and with the other as forming a tooth in the ray of a feather of a humming-bird, or a point in the claw of the foot of a microscopic insect. When he works in miniature, everything is gilded, polished, and perfect, but whatever is made by human art, as a needle, etc., when viewed by a microscope, appears rough, and coarse, and bungling.--Bishop Law.
Nothing is easier than to say the word--universe, and yet it would take us millions of millions of years to bestow one hasty glance upon the surface of that small portion of it which lies within the range of our glasses. But what are all the suns, comets, earths, moons, atmospheres, seas, rivers, mountains, valleys, plains, woods, cattle, wild beasts, fish, fowl, grasses, plants, shrubs, minerals, and metals, compared with the meaning of the one name--God!--Pulsford.
The whole evolution of times and ages, from everlasting to everlasting, is, collectedly an presentifickly represented to God at once, as if all things and actions were at this very instant really present and existent before Him.--Sir T. More.
Who taught the bird to build her nest, Of wool and hay and moss? Who taught her how to weave it best, And lay the twigs across? Who taught the busy bee to fly Among the sweetest flowers-- And lay her store of honey by, To eat in winter hours? Who taught the little ants the way Their narrow holes to bore, And through the pleasant summer's day To gather up their store?
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There's not a tint that paints the rose, Or decks the lily fair, Or marks the humblest flower that grows But God has placed it there. There's not of grass a simple blade, Or leaf of lowliest mien, Where heav'nly skill is not displayed, And heav'nly goodness seen. There's not a star whose twinkling light Illumes the distant earth, And cheers the solemn gleam of night, But mercy gave it birth. There's not a cloud whose dews distil Upon the parching clod, And clothe with verdure vale and hill, That is not sent by God. There's not a place on earth's vast round, In ocean deep, or air, Where skill and wisdom are not found, For God is everywhere. Around, beneath, below, above, Wherever space extends, There Heaven displays its boundless love, And power with mercy blends.--Wallace.
Eternal Goodness
I dimly guess from blessings known, Of greater out of sight, And, with the chastised Psalmist, own His judgements, too, are right.
I know not what the future hath Of marvel or surprise, Assured alone that life and death His mercy underlies.
I know not where His islands lift I only know I cannot drift Their fronded palms in air; Beyond His love and care.
[Page--Back Cover]
Northern Portion Of COLE'S BOOK ARCADE, Melbourne, Australia.
More than Two Million Books to choose from
Every sightseer in the City of Melbourne should visit COLE'S BOOK ARCADE. It is entirely an Australian institution, being the first of its kind opened anywhere, and at the present time unequalled in any city of the world. It is 3 stories high, 600 feet deep, and an average width of 45 feet, with frontages to Bourke and Collins Sts., the two main arteries of Melbourne; its public walkways are half a mile long, its galleries are supported on brass pillars, while hundreds of rainbows (the trade mark) decorate the interior and exterior of the establishment. There are 100 mirrors tastefully placed throughout the building. The present Arcade was opened on Cup Day, 1883, and has been visited every day (except Sundays), year in, year out, by an average of 5000 people, so that during the first 35 years of its existence, more than 50 million visits were paid to it.
Can get almost any Book you want
There are several miles of shelving and 3,000 cedar drawers. The plan of book-drawers greatly facilitates the minute classification so that one can find with ease any book wanted on any subject. There are two Retail Departments of Books, one in Bourke Street, and one in Collins Street, and a large Wholesale one of three stories between the two. The Second-hand Book Department is 150 feet by 40. There are many other departments including New and Second-hand Music, Stationary, Fancy Goods, Artist's Materials, Toys, Art, Glass, and China-ware, Tea Salon, Circulating Library, Printing Works, etc. Free music recitals are given every afternoon and evening. Intellectual, well-behaved people collect and friends meet and feel happy in the Palace of Intellect.
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