The Pastor in his Closet

Front matter

THE

OR, A HELP TO THE

DEVOTIONS OF THE CLERGY.

General Devotion

GENERAL DEVOTION.

O Lord God, I am alone with Thee in my chamber; I have shut the doors of my chamber and entered into my closet, that I might pray unto Thee in secret, for Thou hearest and lovest the secret prayer. No man seeth or heareth me; no man knoweth that I have come to pray; this is my “solitary place;” it will not be known that I have now sought Thee in prayer till the last day, when all hidden things shall be brought to light.

When I pray in Thy house of prayer, when I pray with my household, I am seen to pray; but here I pour out my soul, I lift up my soul, I seek Thy face, I bow myself to the ground before Thee, I hold communion with Thee, God Most High, through Thy Son's name, and “Thou Lord only knowest it.”

O gracious Father, I do desire to be alone; when I am occupied before men, I know not the power of the opinions of men over me; I know not how much I do to be seen of men, or out of regard to men; I know not mine own self; I am not sure of myself; whatsoever I do in secret seems to be more entirely sincere, and done in singleness of heart to Thy glory. When I kneel down here in this my secret place, I can but be seeking Thee; I can but desire Thy favour towards me.

Awful it is to be with Thee, God, with my own solitary soul, with myself such as I am, with my single spirit, a most sinful creature, approaching Thee alone. Awful it is to feel Thy presence, to consider it, to believe in it, to know that I am alone with Thee, I a most sinful man, Thou the great God of heaven and earth. I might well desire to hide myself from Thy light, as did Adam, when he had sinned, among the trees of the garden. I might well desire to be joined by devout men in my prayers, to be mixed and incorporated with them, to escape standing alone before Thee and feeling my own solitariness, oneness, singleness of my own individual personal life. I might well desire to cast myself among a multitude, that I might be, as it were, a part of a multitude. But yet it is good for me to be alone, to feel that I am one, single, separate, responsible soul, who must in my own self live eternally.

Grant, God, that I may draw nigh to Thee in such sort as to be heard for Jesus Christ’s sake. Give me a sense of the Majesty of Thy Presence, Thou whom I now seek, Thou whom I now confess. Thou whom I now adore in faith and worship with my flesh and with my spirit, Thou who art my God, God most glorious, Holy, Holy, Holy, Lord God Almighty, God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Ghost, blessed for evermore!

Though I cannot understand Thee, nor conceive Thee in Thine own nature, nor worthily praise Thee, though my thoughts concerning Thee fall infinitely short of Thee, though I scarce know what my words mean when I call Thee “God,” yet have mercy on me, and accept me, who am but “a worm and no man,” a mere speck in Thy creation, as a grain of sand upon the sea shore, “hardly to be accounted of” in Thy sight, sinful in flesh and spirit, “dust and ashes,” like “grass,” in sin conceived, and shapen in wickedness, unable to think or do anything that is good, beating upon my breast for the wickednesses that have gone over my head, the sins and offences of my youth and of my riper years, “a sore burden too heavy for me to bear.”

O God the Father, visit me though I be nothing, and a miserable worm, and unclean in Thine eyes, a sinner, “of sinners the chief,” “less than the least of all saints.” Thou hast created me; I am a work of Thy hands, a vessel which Thou hast formed. When Thou didst will it, I was created; and when I was created. Thou madest me to be immortal. I am a living soul which Thou hast made; I am Thine; I know that Thou hast respect unto man, though he is “like a thing of nought,” and dost greatly regard the son of man.

God the Son, Holy Jesus, Thou hast shewn what love Thou hast for the sons of men, for Thou didst become man Thyself, and knowest us by Thine own Manhood, and art “touched with a feeling of our infirmities,” and hast had experience of our suffering estate, and hast been “tempted like as we are, yet without sin,” and hast loved us, and given Thyself for us, and hast “carried our sorrows,” and didst humble Thyself to death, even to the worst death of men, the death of the Cross.

God the Holy Ghost, the Comforter, the Sanctifier, the Spirit of truth, the Guide unto truth. Thy love towards man has been made known, for Thou dwellest among men, and enterest into the hearts of men, and fillest believers with Thyself, and makest our mortal bodies to be the temples and tabernacles of Thy Presence, sanctuaries where Thou dost dwell. Thou art with the Church, even unto the end of the world.

Therefore I am emboldened to draw near unto Thee, O God, Holy, Blessed, Glorious Trinity. I want to be Thine, not in part only, but altogether, to be Thine of a truth, to be saved from sin and from everlasting death, to serve Thee with all my heart all my days.

And whereunto hast Thou called me? To what office in Thy Church? Thou hast chosen me to be an Evangelist, a Priest, a preacher unto Thy people, a shepherd of Thy flock, a watcher of souls, an ambassador, a steward of Thy mysteries, and an ensample to the flock over which Thou hast made me overseer.

O what great duties are laid on me through this mine office! How great a charge, how difficult a work and how awful, how great a weight of holy honours and responsibilities! What a work is this to do among men! to teach—guide—feed—watch—nourish souls immortal! Who is sufficient for these things? Who can fulfil so great duties? Is it not enough to keep guard over myself? Must I, who need to be fed, feed others? Must I, who need to be ministered unto, be myself ministering? Must I, who can learn so much of so many, be numbered among the teachers of men? Must I, who am full of sin, preach against sin? Must I walk first, who am last in many things? Must I lead souls to the throne of grace, when so many souls do outstrip me in the spiritual life through their greater zeal?

Lord help me; I cry unto Thee for help; I have no sufficiency as of myself, nothing to trust in but Thee only and Thy grace. I might well wish to unload me of this charge, and to occupy myself about my own soul only, when I consider my sinfulness, weakness, infirmities, fallings off, fallings short, negligences and other sins. I might well wish for a private place in the Church, where I might receive instruction, and hear counsel, and have help of spiritual men, and have pastors over me.

Yet Thou hast called me, Lord, to this work; Thou hast chosen me out of my brethren; I believe that I was inwardly moved by the Holy Ghost to the Order and Ministry of the Priesthood; I had the outward call of the Church; the holy hands of the Bishop and Presbytery were laid on me.

Thus was I set apart for this office; I cannot now go back; “a necessity is laid on me, woe unto me if I preach not the Gospel.” I am Thine, Christ, Thine for this great work, Thine for Thy people’s sake, Thine that I may be servant of all, and by all means save some. Having put my hand to the plough, may I never look back!

But as Thou hast called me. Lord Jesus, so help me according to my need. Without Thee I can do nothing; with Thee I can do all things; without Thee I am nothing, with Thee I am strong, and endued with much strength. If Thou guidest me, I can guide others; if Thou teachest me, I can teach; if Thou art my Shepherd, I can watch the sheep of Thy pasture. From Thee must I learn to know all my wants, and to obtain the supply of the wants known. Send to me the Holy Ghost the Comforter, to strengthen me with all gifts of grace necessary for my work, that I may have zeal with prudence, fervour with patience, love with boldness, earnestness with humility, aptness to teach, meekness in teaching, contempt of the world, and obedience to the law of the Cross. I look up to Thee for all things; I cast myself upon Thee; I cry aloud for help; “Help me, and that right early;” help me that I may be “an able minister of the New Testament, not of the letter, but of the spirit.”

That I may truly serve Thee with a tender conscience, teach me, Christ, to set before my soul what Thou requirest at my hands, to approve myself before Thee as “a workman that needeth not to be ashamed.” I must give Thee all my self, all my soul, all my strength, all my faculties, all my understanding, all my thoughts, all my time, all my affections, all my powers of mind and body, that in all ways, and in all things, and at all times, I may preach the Gospel. My work is to preach the Gospel, in season, out of season, directly, indirectly, publicly, privately, at home, abroad, in sermons, in conversation, in the church, by the way-side, in schools, in sick-rooms. I must preach Thee to the young, to the middle-aged, to the old, to the sickly, to the strong, to those who are without faith that they may believe, to those who have faith that faith may be increased, to the careless that they may have care, to the lukewarm that they may glow with love, to the afflicted that they may seek their consolation in Thee.

I must preach Thee in a right spirit, earnestly, lovingly, with sincerity, weighing each man’s state, “making a difference,” on “some having compassion,” coming to others “with the rod,” watching occasions, especially times of sickness or other affliction.

I must preach Thee also by my life and conversation, by my own personal holiness. I am set as an ensample to the flock. O Christ, what a work of personal holiness must I seek to fulfil in myself through the power of the Holy Ghost! of all the souls committed to me, of all this multitude of souls, mine should be the most pure, unworldly, unselfish, mortified, gentle, spiritual. Even so; I must preach Thee through my own life and be myself a sermon unto my flock. My flock should feel that I am not a man of this world; while I invite them to heaven, I should be seen walking heaven- ward myself; I should have experience of the way; I should be nearer Thee than any; not behind any, but before all, a pattern of true devotion, godly ardour, unworldliness, charity in speech and action. If I am a lover of pleasure, or a seeker of great men, or greedy of filthy lucre, or ambitious and fond of advancement, or self-indulgent, or careless, I must needs most grievously offend my flock.

For personal holiness, for personal holiness I do pray. Lord Jesus. if I should cause any single soul to err, if any fault in my example should weaken Thy blessed Gospel preached by me, or make my ministry of none effect to any single soul! if I err, it is not my own soul only that I harm; I can neither hurt myself by myself, nor save myself by myself, for I have the charge of souls. What if any, even the weakest of the brethren, should be lost through any offence or fault of me, O Lord! Save me from the blood of all men by Thine own blood, “My Lord and my God.”

That I faint not under so great a charge, teach me, Jesu, to remember the exceeding great reward which Thou offerest to the stewards of Thy mysteries, who shall be found faithful at Thy coming. Remind me of those holy texts wherein Thou dost speak of the recompense of reward. “Take heed,” hast Thine Apostle said unto Timothy, “unto thyself and unto the doctrine; continue in them, for in doing this, thou shalt both save thyself, and them that hear thee.” Thou hast said through St. James, “If any of you do err from the truth, and one convert him, let him know, that he which converteth the sinner from the error of his way, shall save a soul from death, and shall hide a multitude of sins.” Thou hast said through Thy prophet Daniel, “They that be wise shall shine as the brightness of the firmament, and they that turn many to righteousness as the stars for ever and ever.” Even our endeavours to save, though unblest to others, bring a blessing unto ourselves. “If thou warn the wicked of his way, to turn from it, if he do not turn from his way, he shall die in his iniquity; but thou hast delivered thy soul.”

Most gracious and most encouraging words of love! May they serve to stir up the gift that is in me. O if I should gain this prize, if I should ever tread the courts of the kingdom of heaven, if I should save any souls from death, and present them before Thee with great joy, what account shall I make of all my labours, self-denials, watchings, sacrifices of ease and worldly tastes? surely “the loss of all things” is “as dung,” if I can but gain Thee and behold Thee for ever. Lead me forth, O Lord; I desire this prize; help me to contend for it, and to attain it; send Thy Holy Ghost to comfort and to strengthen me. I am Thine; I would be Thine in this life and for ever; keep me under the shadow of thy wings; draw up my soul towards Thee; increase my faith, my hope, my charity; knit my heart unto Thee, and make me a faithful shepherd of Thy sheep, that I may at last see Thy glory, and partake of it with all angels and saints, through Thine own most precious blood.

Sunday

SUNDAY.

This is the day which the Lord hath made, I will rejoice and be glad in it. It has been consecrated by the glorious resurrection of the ever-blessed Son of God our Saviour, who made all things new.

All days are Thine, Lord, and on all days shouldest Thou be served; but this is Thine in an especial manner, and with an especial service shouldest Thou be now worshipped. This is the soul’s day, to be filled with prayer and praise. Now should our prayers and praises be the most and heartiest, that the spirit of prayer may descend through all the spaces of the week, that we may abound with thanksgiving, that the well of our souls being now filled with the Spirit, the whole week may be watered therefrom.

But if this, O God, is the day of prayer to all Thy sons in the Gospel, what should it be to the ministers of Thy Word and Sacraments, who ought at all times to be men of prayer, the foremost in praying?

I desire, therefore, good Lord, to prepare myself for this day’s worship, that I may truly worship Thee, that my soul may have an appetite for this feast. I do rejoice in the gift of the Lord’s day; I do confess my own needs and the needs of this people for such a season of prayer; but yet, Lord, I fear lest I should lose some portion of the richness of the feast through my own strayings of soul, or my coldness. Look now upon me that Satan may not overcome me, that I may begin worthily in a true spirit, that I may keep worthy thoughts, and offer pure worship, such as may be acceptable to Thee out of Thy great mercy. In all public offices of religion keep my soul pure, disentangled from the world, undistracted, and intent on Thee.

As I have many things to do, to pray—to read Thy Holy Word—to preach accordingly—to offer up supplications for the sick, and thanksgivings for those to whom Thou hast shewed mercy—to baptize— to receive the blessed Sacrament of Thy Body and Blood—to administer it—to lay in the grave those of our brethren whom it hath pleased Thee to take from us unto Thyself,—help me, Holy Jesus, in all these acts of devotion, that the spirit of devotion may be sustained throughout, that all my ministrations may be done with a single mind, and may be blest unto myself and unto those to whom I minister.

Outward reverence at all times, Lord, is easy; but inward reverence, inward attentiveness and solemnity of spirit it is hard always to keep. I may not wound my flock by outward carelessness, indifference, haste, negligence, or any other visible fault; but how much may I lose them, if I do not inwardly worship Thee and heartily pray for them, if my spirit is backward and remiss, or hurrying to many unprofitable thoughts, or thinking of the opinions of men!

It is right that I should outwardly honour Thee, for there cannot be inward worship beneath outward irreverence; but what are things outward if I lack devotion within! No man knoweth from outward appearance how much my thoughts wander in my prayers, but Thou knowest mine infirmities; “my faults are not hid from Thee,” and “my secret sins are in the light of Thy countenance.” I fear being formal in my worship; I am often formal; I want perseverance in prayer, collectedness, abstraction, true fervent elevation of soul. As the shepherd I ought to go before the sheep and lead them unto Thee, but I doubt not many of the sheep do outrun me in fervent praying and in the heartiness of their praise.

O Lord, I could for hours pray Thee to give me the true spirit of prayer; I am so dull, so easily carried back to the world; so often dwelling upon worldly affairs, so grovelling in my thoughts; and when men think me devout, then oftentimes I most need that very thing which I am supposed to have.

Assist me, heavenly Father, for Thy dear Son’s sake, especially in the more solemn parts of my ministrations. Assist me, most merciful Saviour, especially when I administer Thy blessed Sacraments, those mysteries whereby we are new-born, or renewed in the spirit of our minds.

When I administer Holy Baptism may I do it with a devout will, with faith, with sincere prayers. Though my unworthiness or absence of mind hinders not the reception of grace, yet it were a thing most sinful, most hurtful to my own soul, if, while the Holy Ghost was descending, I was wandering afar off; if, while He were present, I were absent in spirit. Let me consider how many thoughtless god-parents in these times speak solemn words lightly, and so may I be moved to pray as though none beside myself were praying; make me to look upon all children dedicated to Thee as mine for Thy sake. If the prayers of their kindred be lacking at that time, make up what is lacking by the fervency of mine.

May I delight to bring little children unto Thee for Thy blessing. I know that sometimes I desire to escape labour or to lessen it, and that sometimes I shrink from any lengthening of Divine service; but grant, good Lord, that I may ever rejoice in beholding a fresh soul added to Thy Church. What better prayer can I now offer Thee in secret than that which at Holy Baptism I offer Thee publicly.

“Grant that whosoever is dedicated to Thee by our Office and Ministry, may also be endued with heavenly virtues, and everlastingly rewarded; through Thy mercy, O blessed Lord God, who dost live and govern all things, world without end.”

And also when I administer the unspeakable mystery of Thy Supper, then, blessed Jesus, strengthen me with great gifts of the Holy Spirit; grant that my soul may be fitly prepared and dressed for that celestial feast, and that I may have truly repented of my sins, and may have purposed to lead a more spiritual life before I draw near to that mysterious banquet of love.

When I stand at Thine Altar, grant that I may have the profoundest sense of Thy Presence; take me, as it were, out of the world; shut the gate of my heart against it; lift up my spirit; let the house of prayer be unto me as a heavenly place; let the very rails of the altar remind me of my especial separation from the world; may I feel myself to be on holy ground; I cannot draw nearer unto Thee on the earth, may I feel Thy nearness. Till me with a sense of my own sins and Thy great love, of my own unworthiness and Thy mercy; for who can tell the love wherewith Thou hast loved us; I altogether sink to the earth when I think of Thy wonderful condescension towards us and the awfulness of our sins, that could in no other way be atoned for except by the spilling of Thine own blood.

I have sometimes, yea, many times rejoiced with unspeakable joy, when I have been suffered to partake of Thy Body and Blood in the Sacrament of Thy Supper, and to minister it to the more mature members of my flock; my soul has been filled with sensible consolations; I have experienced overflowings of love and great peace. But must I not confess that at times when I have been called to minister at Thine Altar, if it had not been my office to serve thereat, I might have abstained from the Feast! must I not confess that I have at times come coldly, with little heart; that I have ministered coldly, and not with a full soul; that I have said those great words, “Take and eat this,” and “Drink this,” without deeply considering that I was distributing a heavenly and life-giving meal! I have passed on from one communicant to another, without that devotion of spirit that was meet.

Grant, Lord, that henceforth I may always weigh those words, and speak them from my innermost soul, and be warmed with a most holy love for each single soul that receives the mystical elements from my hands. Grant that my intent may go with my ministrations, though, should my intent be wanting, I believe that they may still be blessed to my flock.

In these and all other acts of Divine service this day be present with me, most gracious Lord, that I may perform them holily, with a holy purpose. When I perform the rite of Holy Matrimony, or of the Churching of Women, or the most moving Service for the Burial of the Dead, preserve in me an attentive and earnest spirit. In all the order of Common Prayer, in all Litanies, and supplications, and confessions of faith, in all psalms and spiritual songs, fill me with the Spirit, lead me by the Spirit, to the throne of grace.

When I preach, may I preach faithfully accord to Thy Holy Word, delivering Thy Gospel “with meekness of wisdom.” May I preach not only true words, but in a true spirit. May I seek not to please men's ears, nor to raise admiration of myself, but to turn their hearts and draw them unto Thee. May I preach holily, knowing that plain words from a holy and spiritual mind are more apt to minister grace to the hearers than most eloquent words that come not from a devout heart. If men should listen eagerly to my own fallible words, may I never be puffed up; may I strive against a self-seeking and vain-glorious mind; may I kneel down and meditate upon the multitude of my sins. Easily might my soul be lost through the sweetness and deceivableness of human praise. Or if through lack of eloquence, a gift now over-esteemed to the neglect of prayer, my flock come but ill to the house of prayer, may I by true seriousness seek to edify the more devout and stable souls. It is not a multitude of listeners that bespeaks the growth of piety. May I myself think more of prayer, that I may lead others to esteem it more.

Grant also, Lord, that I may spend all little intervals between the parts of Divine service in inward prayer. When I enter the vestry, may I use it as my oratory, my place of secret prayer, of preparation for common worship. May I waste not the time, but spend it either in praying, or meditating, or reading Thy Holy Word, that I may enter upon mine office with a prepared and collected mind. While I robe myself with the decent vestments appointed by the Church, may I offer up short ejaculations, praying for inward purity, that, as one of Thy Priests, I may “be clothed with righteousness;” may the white robe be unto me as a sign of the innocency of life required of me. When I pass from the vestry to the appointed place of prayer, or from the place of prayer to the altar, or from the altar to the place of preaching, may I lift up my soul secretly as I walk, and offer up secret prayers for the gift of the Holy Ghost, for power to pray, for grace, for the Divine blessing both upon myself and the congregation assembled in Thine house.

But not only at the time of public prayer and in the house of prayer give me a devout will, but in all other parts of the day and in all other acts help me, most blessed Lord, that whether I walk through the fields, or sit at home, or read, or meditate, or teach in schools, I may preserve a holy and thankful mind, and use the whole day holily, and consecrate all its portions.

Now, Heavenly Father, give me now Thy blessing; direct my goings in Thy way; direct the thoughts of my heart throughout this day and always, for Jesus Christ’s sake. Amen.

Monday

MONDAY.

I must now go forth to my work and to my labour until the evening, even to Thy work, O Lord; to watch the sheep of Thy pasture. I feasted yesterday; Thou didst feed my soul, and I was filled; Thou didst refresh my soul, and I was refreshed with “a multitude of peace;” I prayed much; I continued in prayer; I meditated on heavenly things; I heard holy words; I nursed holy thoughts; I read holy books. My heart burned within me; I was drawn towards Thee with great desire, and I seemed to enjoy clearer perceptions of Thee and of Thy truth; I offered myself unto Thee with fulness of heart; I bowed myself down, and on my knees offered myself to Thee, soul and body, a living sacrifice, to be Thine for ever, to serve before Thee all the days of my short life. I dedicated myself anew, and, as it were, fastened myself afresh to Thy Cross.

Lo, then, I am Thine! and now must I enter afresh upon Thy service. Yesterday was the day of dedication, of prayer, of resolves, of devout thoughts. To-day I must be exercised in those things that I resolved upon through Thy Spirit; to-day is the day of action. Prayers, devout thoughts, raptures, resolves, holy exultations of heart, what are these, if in action I fail? What are these, if they are not the forerunners of holy living, if my faith fails in trial, and I turn back in the day of battle?

O Lord, as I now enter upon the work of faith, the labours of mine office, give me more strength of heart; go forth with me when I go forth into the world; renew my zeal of yesterday; add a fresh gift of grace to the grace then given; make me to go forth in Thy name. May I remember my vows of yesterday, and keep them this day and ever. Let not the world dazzle me, nor corrupt me, nor turn me aside, nor fill me with vain dreams; keep me from the world and separate me from it, for by my office am I already separated. I go forth with Thy Cross laid on me; I am indeed a soldier of the Cross. May I have grace to make this a day of unworldly labour and self-denial.

I do greatly fear and distrust myself. Preserve me, holy Jesu, from my own particular faults,—from indolence, from worldliness however secret, from love of self, from love of men’s opinions, from pride, from love of advancement, from cowardice in rebuking sinners, or from harshness in rebuke.

I know that I oftentimes yield to sloth; I am often indolent, a waster of time, an ill husbandman of time; I abide at home when I should be labouring among my people; I linger and hesitate to go forth, or I leave off too soon and do my work but partially, or I shrink from those who most need exhortation, from the most sinful and hardened of my people; I please myself with the conversation of the devout; I choose rather to sit with the righteous, than to go among sinners; I have often distaste for my toils; I want heart for them and patience; I often go to them unwillingly and end gladly; or when I have done little I think I have done enough. Indolence doth much possess me, and backwardness; I had rather read holy books than work holy works; I had rather sit meditating upon holy things than perform holy labours. I am often seeking excuses for easing my neck from the yoke.