The Arraignment of Lewd, Idle, Froward, and Unconstant Women

Front matter

and vncontant Women: Or, the Vanitie of them; chue you whether.

With a Commendation of the Wie, Vertuous, and Honet Woman.

Pleaant for married men, profitable for young men, and hurtfull to none.

Chap. I

This firt Chapter heweth to what ve Women were made: it alo heweth, that mot of them degenerate from the ve they were framed vnto, by leading a proud, lazie, and idle life, to the great hinderance of their poore Husbands.

Moes decribeth a Woman thus: At the firt beginning (ayth he) a Woman was made to be a helper vnto Man; and o they are indeede, for he helpeth to pend & conume that which Man painefully getteth. Hee alo aith, That they were made of the Rib of a Man; and that, their froward nature heweth: for a Rib is a crooked thing, good for nothing ele; and Women are crooked by nature, for a mall occaion will caue them to be angry.

Againe, in a manner, hee was no ooner made, but traightway her minde was et vpon michiefe; for by her apiring minde, and wanton will, he quickly procured Mans fall: and therefore euer ince they are and haue beene a woe vnto Man, and follow the Line of their firt Leader.

For I pray you let vs conider the times pat with the time preent; firt, that of David and Salomon: if they had occaion o many hundred yeeres agoe to exclaime o bitterly againt Women; for the one of them ayd, That it was better to be a doore-keeper, and better dwel in a Den amongt Lyons, then to be in the houe with a froward and wicked Woman: And the other aid, That the clyming vp of a Sandy hill to an aged man, was nothing o weariome, as to be troubled with a froward Woman; And further he aid, That the malice of a Beat, is not like the malice of wicked Woman, nor that there is any thing more dangerous then a Woman in her fury.

The Lyon being bitten with hunger, the Beare being robbed of her young ones, the Viper being trod on, all thee are nothing o terrble as the fury of a Woman. A Bucke may be incloed in a Parke, a bridle rules a Hore, a Wolfe may be tyed, a Tyger may be tamed, but a froward Woman will neuer be tamed, no Spur will make her goe, nor no Bridle will hold her backe: for if a Woman hold an opinion, no man can draw her from it: tell her of her fault, he will not beleeue that he is in any fault: giue her good counell, but he will not take it: if you doe but looke after another Woman, then he will be iealous: the more thou lovet her, the more he will didaine thee: and if thou threaten her, then he will be angry: flatter her, and then he will be proud: and if thou forbeare her, it maketth her bold: and it thou chaten her, then he will turne to a Serpent: at a word, a Woman will neuer forget an iniury, nor giue thankes for a good turne. What wie man then will change gold for droffe, pleaure for paine, a quiet life for wrangling brawles, from the which maried men are neuer free?

Salomon aith, That Women are like vnto Wine, for that they will make men drunke with their deuices.

Againe, in their loue a woman is compared to a Pommis-tone: for which way oeuer you turne a Pommis-tone, it is full of holes; euen o are womens hearts: for if loue teale in at one hole, it teppeth out at another.

They are alo compared vnto a painted Ship, which eemeth faire outwardly, and yet is nothing but Ballace within her; or to the Idols in Spaine, which are brauely gilt outwardly, and yet nothing but Lead within then; or like vnto the Sea, which at ometimes is o calme, that a Cock-boat may afely endure her might; but anon againe with outrage he is o growne, that it ouerwhelmeth the tallet Ship that is.

A froward woman is compared to the Winde, and a till woman vnto the Sunne: for the Sunne & the Wind met a Traueller vpon the way, and they layd a Wager, which of them hould get his Cloake from him firt: then firt the Wind began boyterouly to blow; but the more the Wind did blow, the more the Traueller wrapped and gathered his Cloake about him: now when the Wind had done what he could, and was neuer the neerer, then began the Sunne gently to hine vpon him, and he threw off, not onely his Cloake, but alo his Hat and Ierkin. This Morall heweth, that a woman with high words can get nothing at the hands of her Husband, neither by froward meanes; but by gentle & faire means he may get his heart blood to doe her good.

As women are compared vnto many things, even o many and many more troubles commeth gallopping after the heeles of a woman, that young men beforehand doe not thinke of; for the World is nor made all of Oat-meale, nor all is not Gold that glitereth, nor the way to Heauen is not trewed with Ruhes, no more is the Cradle of eae in a Womans Lap. If thou wert a Seruant, or in Bondage before, yet when thou doet marry, thy toyle is neuer the neerer ended; for euen then, and not before, thou doet change thy golden time for a drop of Honey, which preently afterwards turneth to be as bitter as Wormewood.

Yet there are many young men which cudgell their wits, and beat their braines, and pend all their time in the loue of Women, and if they get a mile, or but a fauour at their Loues hand, they traightway are o rauihed with ioy, yea o much, that they thinke they haue gotten God by the hand, but within a while after they will finde that they haue but the Deuill by the foot. A man may generally peake of Women, that for the mot part thou halt finde them diembling in their deedes, and in all their actions ubtill and dangerous for men to deale withall; for their faces are lures, their beauties are baites, their lookes are nets, and their words charmes, and all to bring men to ruine.

There is an old aying goeth thus, That hee which hath a faire Wife, and a white Hore, hall neuer be without troubles; for a Woman that hath a faire face, it is euer matched with a cruell heart, and the heauenly lookes with hellih thoughts, their modet countenance with mercilee mindes, for Women can both mooth and ooth: they are o cunning in the art of flatterie, as if they had beene bound Prentice to the Trade: they haue Sirens Songs to allure thee, and Xerxes cunning to enchant thee: they beare two tongues in one mouth like Iudas, and two hearts in one bret like Magus, the one full of miles, and the other full of frownes, and all to deceiue the imple and plaine-meaning Man: they can with the Satyre, out of one mouth, blow both hot and cold.

And what of all this? Why nothing, but to tell thee, that a Woman is better lot then found, better foraken then taken. Saint Paul ayth, That they which marry, doe well; but he alo ayth, That they which marry not, doe better: and hee (no doubt) was well aduied what hee pake. Then, if thou be wie, keepe thy head out of the halter, and take heed before thou haue caue to cure thy hard pennyworth, or wih the Priet peechlee which knit the Knot.

The Philoophers which liued in the olde time, their opinions were o hard of Marriage, that they neuer delighted therein: for one of them being asked, why hee marryed not? hee anwered, that it was too oone: and afterwards, when hee was old, hee was asked the ame quetion, and he aid then, that it was too late. And further hee ayd, That a marryed man hath but two good dayes to be looked for, that is, the Marriage day, & the day of his Wiues death; for a Woman will feed thee with Honey, and poyon thee with Gall. Diogenes was o dogged, that he abhorred all Women; and Augutus wihed, that he had liued wifelee, and died childlee.

On a time one asked Socrates, Whether he were better to marry, or to liue ingle? and he made anwer; Which oeuer thou doet, it wil repent thee: for if thou marryet not, then thou wilt liue dicontented, and die without iue, and o perhaps a tranger hall poee thy goods: and if thou doet marry, thou halt haue continuall vexations; her Dowry will be often cat in thy dih, if he do bring Wealth with her. Againe, if he complaine, then her Kinsfolke will bend the browes, and her Mother wil peake her pleaure by thee: and if thou marryet onely for faire lookes, yet thou mayet hap to goe without thē when thou looket for them: and if thou marryet one that is fruitful in bearing of Children, then wil thy care be the more increaed; for little doth the Father know what hall be the end of his Children: and if he be barren, thou wilt loath her, and if honet, thou wilt feare her death; and if vnhonet, thou wilt be weary of thy life: for when thou hat her, thou mut upport her in all her bad actions; and that will be uch a perpetuall burthen vnto thee, that thou hadt euen as good draw water continually to fill a bottomelee Tub.

A Gentleman on a time aid to his friend, I can helpe you to a good marriage for your onne: his friend made him this anwer, My onne (aid he) hall tay till he haue more wit: the Gentleman replyed againe, aying, If you marry him not before he hath wit, he will neuer marry o long as he liueth, For a marryed man is like vnto one arreted; and I thinke that many a man would flye vp into Heauen, if this arret of Marriage kept them not backe.

It is aid of one named Domettæs, that he buried three Wiues, and yet neuer wet one Hand-kercher; no, nor hed o much as one teare: Alo Vlyes, he had a Dogge which loued him well; and when that Dogge dyed, hee wept bitterly, but hee never hed one teare when his Wife dyed. Wherefore, if thou marryet without repect, but onely for bare loue, then thou wilt afterwards with orrow ay, That there is more belongs to Houe-keeping, then foure bare Legges in a Bed. A man cannot liue with his hands in his boome, nor buy Meat in the Market for honety without Money: where there is nothing but bare Walls, it is a fit houe to breed Beggars into the World; yet there are many that thinke, when they are marryed, that they may liue by loue: but if wealth be wanting, hot loue will oone be cold, and your hot deires will be oon quenched with the moake of pouerty. To what end then hould we liue in loue, eeing it is a life more to be feared then death? for all thy Money wates in toyes, and is pent in banquetting, and all thy time in ighes and obs, to thinke vpon the trouble and charge which commonly commeth with a Wife: for commonly women are proud without profit, and that is a good Purgation for thy Pure; and when thy Pure is light, then will thy heart be heauy.

The pride of a woman is like the dropie: for as drinke increaeth the drought of the one, euen o Money inlargeth the pride of the other: thy Pure mut be alway open to feed her fancy, and o thy expences will be great, and yet perhaps thy getting mal: thy houe mut be tored with cotly tuffe, & yet perhaps thy eruants tarued for lacke of Meat: thou mut dicharge the Mercers Book, and pay the Haberdahers man, for her Hat mut continually be of the new fahion, & her Gowne of finer Wooll then the Sheepe beareth any: he mut likewie haue her Iewell-Box furnihed, epecially if he be beautifull; for then commonly Beauty & Pride goeth together: and a beautifull woman is for the mot part cotly, and no good Huwife; and if he be a good Huwife, then no Seruant will abide her fierce crueltie: and if hee be honet and chate, then commonly hee is iealous.

A Kings Crowne & a faire woman is deired of many: But he that getteth either of them, liueth in great trou and hazard of his life. He that getteth a faire Woman, is like vnto a Prioner loaden with fetters of gold: for thou halt not o oft kie the weet lips of thy beautifull Wife, as thou halt be driuen to fetch bitter ighs from thy orrowfull heart, in thinking of the charge which commeth by her: for if thou deny her of uch toyes as he tands not in need of, and yet is deirous of them, then hee will quickly hut thee out of the doores of her fauor, & deny thee her peron, and hew her elfe as it were at a Window, playing vpon thee, not with mall hot, but with a cruell Tongue; hee will ring thee uch a peale, that one would think the Deuil were come from Hell, aying, I might haue had thoe which would haue maintained me like a Woman, whereas now I goe like no-body; but I wil be maintained, if thou wert hanged: with uch like words he will vexe thee, blubbering forth abundance of diembling teares (for Women do teach their eyes to weepe:) for do but croe a Woman, although it be neuer o little, hee will traightway put finger in the eye, and cry: then preently many a foolih man will flatter her, and intreat her to be quiet; but that marres all, for the more hee is intreated, hee wil powre forth the more abundance of deceitfull teares, & therefore no more to be pittied, then to ee a Gooe go bare-foote; for they haue teares at command, o haue they words at will, and oathes at pleaure; for they make as much account of an oath, as a Marchant doth, which will forweare himelfe for the getting of a penny. I neuer yet knew Woman that would deny to weare in defence of her own honety, & alwayes tand highly vpon it, although hee be ahamed to weare it in Winter for catching of cold, nor in Summer for heat, fearing leat it may melt away.

Many will ay, this which I write is true, and yet they cannot beware of the Deuil, vntil they are plagued with his Dam: The little Lambe skips and leapes, till the Foxe come, but then hee quiuers and hakes; the Beare dances at the take, till the Dogges be vpon his backe; and ome men neuer feare their Mony, vntill they come into the hands of Theeues: euen o, ome will neuer be warned, and therefore are not to be pittied, if they be harmed. What are women, that make thee o greedily to gape after them? Indeede, ome their faces are fairer and beautifuller then others; ome againe tand highly vpon their fine foot and hand, or ele all women are alike: Ione is as good as my Lady, according to the Countrey mans Prouerbe, who gaue a great umme of Money to lye with a Lady; and going homewards, he made grieuous moane for his Money: and one being on the other ide the hedge, heard him ay, That his Ione at home was as good as the Lady. But whether this be true, or no, my elfe I doe not know; but you haue it as I heard it.

If thou marryet a woman of euill report, her dicredit will be a pot in thy brow: thou cant not goe in the treet with her without mocks, nor amongt thy neighbours without frumps; and commonly the fairet women are oonet enticed to yeeld vnto vanitie. He that hath a faire Wife and a Whettone, euery one will be whetting thereon: and a Catle is hard to keepe, when it is aaulted by many; and faire women are commonly catched at. He that marryeth a faire woman, euery one will wih his death to enioy her; and if thou be neuer o rich, and yet but a Clowne in condition, then will thy faire Wife haue her credit, to pleae her fancie; for a Diamond hath not his grace but in gold, no more hath a faire woman her full commendations, but in the ornament of her brauery; by which meanes there are diuers women, whoe beautie hath brought their husbands into great pouertie and dicredit, by their pride and whoredome. A faire woman commonly will goe like a Peacocke, and her Husband mut goe like a Wood-cocke.

That great Giant Pamphimapho, had Beares waiting vpon him like Dogges, and could make tame any wilde Beat; yet a wanton woman hee could neuer rule nor turne to his will.

Salomon was the wiet Prince that euer was; yet hee luted after o many women, that they made him quickly forake his God, which did alwayes guide his teps, o long as he liued godly.

And was not Dauid the bet beloued of God, and a mightie Prince? yet for the loue of women hee purchaed the dipleaure of his God.

Sampon was the tronget man that euer was, for euery lock of his head was the trength of another man; yet by a woman he was ouercome: he reuealed his trength to her, and payed his life for that folly.

Did not Iezabel for her wicked lut caue her Husbands bloud to be giuen to Dogges?

Iobs Wife gaue her Husband counell to blapheme God, and to cure him.

Agamemnons WiFe, for a mall iniurie that her Husband did her, hee firt committed adulterie, and afterwards conented to his death.

Alo the Wife of Hercules, he gaue her Husband a poyoned Shirt, which was no ooner on his back, but it did ticke o fat, that when he would haue plucked it off, it tore the fleh with it.

If thou wouldet auoyd thee euils, thou mut with Vlyes binde thy elfe to the Mat of the Ship, as he did, or ele it would haue cot him his life; for otherwie the Syrenian women would haue inticed him into the Sea, if he had not o done.

It is trange to ee the mad feates of women: for they will be now merry, then againe ad; now laugh, then weepe; now ick, then preently whole: all things which like not them, are naught; and if it be neuer o bad, if it like them, it is excellent. Againe, it is death for women to be denyed the thing which they demaund, and yet they will depie things giuen vnasked.

When a woman wanteth any thing, hee will flatter and peake faire; not much vnlike the flattering Butcher, who gently claweth the Oxe, when hee intendeth to knocke him on the head: but the thing being once obtayned, and their deires gayned, then they will begin to looke bigge, and anwere o tately, and peake o cornefully, chat one would imagine they would neuer eeke helpe, nor craue comfort at thy hand any more. But a woman is fitly compared to a Shippe, which being neuer o well rigged, yet one thing or other is to be amended: euen o, giue a woman all that hee can demand to day, yet hee will be out of reparations to morrow, and want one thing or other.

Women are called night-Crowes, for that commonly in the night they will make requet for uch toyes as commeth in their heads in the day. Women know their time to worke their craft; for in the night they will worke a man like Waxe, and draw him like as the Adamant doth the Iron: and hauing once brought him to the bent of their Bow, then hee makes requet for a Gowne of the new-fahion Stuffe, for a Petticote of the finet Stammell or for a Hat of the newet fahion. Her husband being ouercome by her flattering peech, partly hee yeeldeth to her requet, although it be a griefe to him, for that he can hardly pare it out of his tocke; yet for quietnee ake, hee doth promie what hee demandeth, partly becaue he would leepe quietly in his Bed. Againe, euery married man knoweth this, that a woman will neuer be quiet, if her minde be et vpon a thing, till hee haue it. Now, if thou driue her off with delayes, then her fore-head will be o full of frownes, as if hee threatned to make Clubs Trumpe, and thou neuer a black Card in thy hand: for except a woman haue what he will, ay what he lit, and go where the pleae, otherwie thy houe will be o full of moake, that thou cant not tand in it.

It is aid, That an old Dogge and an hungry Flea bite ore; but in my minde a froward woman biteth more orer: and if thou goe about to mater a woman, hoping to bring her to humilitie; there is no way to make her good with tripes, except thou beat her to death: for do what thou wilt, yet a froward woman in her franticke mood will pull, hale, weare, cratch, and teare all that tands in her way.

What wilt thou that I ay more, oh thou poore married man? If women doe not feele the raine, yet here is a howre comming, which will wet them to the skinnes. A woman which is faire in hew, is foule in condition; hee is like vnto a Glow-worme, which is bright in the hedge, and blacke in the hand: in the greenet Grae lyeth hid the greatet Serpents; painted Pots commonly hold deadly poyon; and in the clearet water the vgliet Toad; and the fairet woman hath ome filthinee in her. All is not Gold that glitereth: a miling countenance is no certaine tetimoniall of a merry heart, nor cotly garments of a rich Pure. Men doe not commend a Iudge for that he weareth a Scarlet Gowne, but for his iut dealing; no more are women to be eteemed of by the ornament of their brauerie, but for their good behauiour: yet there is no Riuer o cleare, but there is ome durt in the bottome. But many a man in this Land, we need not goe any further for examples, but here we may ee many fooles in euery place nared in womens Nets, after a little familiaritie and acquaintance with them: I thinke if they were numbred, the number would pae infinit, if it were poible, which for the loue of wantons haue lot their Voyages at Sea, to their great hinderances; and many other haue neuer regarded the farre ditance which they haue beene from their Countrey and Friends, vntill they had conumed their ubtance: and then being ahamed to returne home againe in uch bad ort, I meane by Weeping-Croe & Pennylee Bench; many of them rather chue to deerue New-gate, and o come to Tiburne; farre contrary to the expectation of their Friends and Parents, which had otherwie prouided for them, if they had had grace, or would haue been ruled.

Chap. II

The econd Chapter heweth the manner of uch Women as liue pon euill report: It alo heweth, that the beauty of Women hath beene the bane of many a man, for it hath ouercome valiant and trong men, eloquent and ubtile men; and in a word, it hath ouercome all men, as by examples following hall appeare.

Firt that of Salomon, vnto whom God gaue ingular wit and wiedomes; yet hee loued o many women, that hee quite forgot his God, which alwayes did guide his teps, o long as hee liued godly, and ruled iutly: but after he had glutted himelfe with women, then he could ay, Vanitie of vanities, all is but vanitie. He alo, in many places of his Booke of Prouerbs exclaimes mot bitterly againt lewd women, calling them all that naught is and alo diplayeth their properties. And yet I cannot let men goe blamelee, although women goe hamelee; but I will couch them both: for if there were not receiuers, then there would not be o many tealers; if there were not o many Knaues, there would not be o many Whores; for they both hold together, to boulter each others villany: for alwayes birds of a feather will flocke together, hand in hand, to boulter each others villany. Men I ay may liue without women, but women cannot liue without men: For Venus, whoe beauty was excellent faire, yet when hee needed a mans helpe, hee tooke Vulcan, a club-footed Smith. And therefore, if a womans face gliter, & her geture pierce the Marble wall; or if her Tongue be o mooth as Oyle, and o oft as Silke, and her words o weet as Honey; or if he were a very Ape for wit, or a bagge of Gold for wealth; or if her Peronage haue tolne away all that Nature can affoord, and he be deckt vp in gorgeous apparrell: then a thouand to one but hee will loue to walke where hee may get acquaintance; and acquaintance bringeth familiaritie, and familiaritie etteth all follies abroach; and twenty to one, that if a woman loue gadding, but that he will pawne her honety to pleae her fantaie.

Man mut be at all the cot, and yet liue by the loe; a man mut take all the paines, and women will pend all the gaines: A man mut watch and ward, fight and defend, till the Ground, labour in the Vineyard; and looke what he getteth in euen yeeres, a woman will pread it abroad with a Forke in one yeere, and yet little enough to erue his turne, but a great deale too little to get her good will: Nay, if thou giue her neuer o much, and yet if thy peronage pleae not her humour, then will I not giue a halfe-penny for her honetie at the yeeres end: For then her Bret will be the harbourer of an enuious heart, and her heart the tore-houe of poyoned hatred: her head will deuie villany, and her hands are readie to practie that which her heart deuieth.

Then who can but ay, that Women prung from the Deuill, whoe heads, hands, hearts, minds and oules are euill? for women are called the hooke of all euill, becaue men are taken by them, as Fih is taken by the hooke. For women haue a thouand wayes to entice thee, and ten thouand wayes to deceiue thee, and all uch fooles as are uitors vnto them: ome they keepe in hand with promies, and ome they feede with flattery, and ome they delay with dalliance, and ome they pleae with kies: they lay out the foldes of their haire, to entangle men into their loue; betwixt their breats is the valley of detruction, and in their beds is hell, orrow, and repentance. Eagles eat not men till they are dead, but Women deuoure them aliue: for a Woman will pick thy pocket, and empty thy pure, laugh in thy face, and cut thy throat: they are vngratefull; periured, full of fraud, flouting, and deceit, vncontant, wapih, toyih, light, ullen, proud, dicourteous, and cruel, and yet they were by God created, and by Nature formed, and therefore by pollicy and widome to be auoyded; for good things abued, are to be refued, or ele for a Moneths pleaure, he may hap to make thee goe tarke naked: he will giue thee rot-meat, but he will beat thee with the Spit: if thou hat Crownes in thy pure, he will be thy hearts gold, vntill he leaue thee not a whit of white money: they are like Summer birds, for they will abide no torme, but flocke about thee in the pride of thy glory, and fly from thee in the tormes of affliction: for they ayme more at thy wealth then at thy peron, and eteeme more thy money, then any mans vertuous qualities: for they eteeme of a man without money, as a Hore doth of a faire Stable without meat: they are like Eagles, which will alwayes flye where the carrion is.

She will play the hore-leach to uck away thy wealth, but in the winter of thy miery hee will fly away from thee: Not vnlike the Swallow, which in the summer harboureth her elfe vnder the eues of an houe, and againt winter flyeth away, leauing nothing but durt behind her.

Salomon aith, he that will uffer himelfe to be led away, or take delight in uch womens company, is like a foole which reioyceth when he is led to the tockes. Pro. 7.

Hoea, by marriage with a lewd woman, of light behauiour, was brought into Idolatry. Ho. 1. S. Paul accounteth fornicators o odious, that we ought not to eat meate with them; he alo heweth, that fornicators hall not inherit the kingdome of Heauen, 1. Corinth. the 9. and 11. vere.

And in the ame Chapter Saint Paul excommunicateth fornicators, but vpon amendment he receiueth them againe. Whoredome is punihed with death, Deutero. 22. 21. and Gene. 38. 24. Phineæs, a Priet, thrut two Adulterers, both the man and the woman, through the belly with a peare, Numbers 25.