Revelations of St. Bridget, on the life and passion of Our Lord, and the life of His Blessed Mother

Front matter

REVELATIONS OF ST. BRIDGET,

ON THE

LIFE AND PASSION OF OUR LORD

Preface

Preface

To many of his saints, who meditated so devoutly and so affectionately on his life and passion, our Blessed Lord has been pleased to exhibit them more clearly. Where supported by the recognized sanctity of the individual, and the absence of delusion, the Church has permitted their circulation as useful and edifying, and many have in all ages had a certain weight with the faithful. It is not easy to explain what that weight is, except by saying that the use and influence of these revelations is purely devotional.

Among the revelations of canonized saints and other holy personages, none have exercised a wider influence, or been more frequently cited, than those of St. Bridget; and to make accessible to the English reader, writings of which he has heard from childhood, we have selected from the old Latin folio such as bear on the Life and Passion of our Lord, and the Life of his Blessed Mother, in the hope that it may increase the reader's love for both.

"Nothing is more famous in the life of St. Bridget," says the learned Alban Butler, "than the many revelations with which she was favored by God, chiefly concerning the sufferings of our Blessed Saviour, and revolutions which were to happen in certain kingdoms. It is certain that God, who communicates himself to his servants in many ways, with infinite condescension, and distributes his gifts with infinite wisdom, treated this great saint and certain others with special marks of his goodness, conversing frequently with them in a most familiar manner, as the devout Blosius observes. Sometimes he spoke to them in visions, at other times he discovered to them hidden things by supernatural illustrations of their understanding, or by representations raised in their imaginations so clearly, that they could not be mistaken in them; but to distinguish the operations of the Holy Ghost, and the illusions of the enemy, requires great prudence, and attention to the just criteria or rules for the discernment of spirits. Nor can any private revelations ever be of the same weight and certainty with those that are public, which were made to the prophets, to be by them promulgated to the Church, and confirmed to men by the sanction of miracles and the authority of the Church.

The learned divine, John de Torrecremata, afterwards cardinal, by the order of the council of Basil examined the book of St. Bridget’s revelations, and approved it as profitable for the instruction of the faithful; which approbation was admitted by the council as competent and sufficient. It, however, amounts to no more than a declaration that the doctrine contained in that book is conformable to the orthodox faith, and the revelations piously credible upon an historical probability. The learned Cardinal Lambertini, afterwards Pope Benedict XIV., writes upon this subject as follows: “The approbation of such revelations is no more than a permission, that, after a mature examination, they may be published for the profit of the faithful. Though an as- sent of Catholic faith be not due to them, they deserve a human assent according to the rules of prudence, by which they are probable and piously credible, as the revelations of Blessed Hildegardis, St. Bridget, and St. Catharine of Sienna.”

The revelations of St. Bridget, as taken down by her confessors, were printed as early as 1492, and many subsequent editions have appeared. The following translations are made from the Antwerp edition of 1611, and are probably the first in English of any part of her revelations, although the Angelical Discourse, or Office of our Lady, was printed at London, by Caxton, the first English printer.

Chapter I. Prayer of Praise and Thanksgiving, on the Life and Passion of Our Lord.

Revelations of St. Bridget.

CHAPTER I.

PRAYER OF PRAISE AND THANKSGIVING, ON THE LIFE AND PASSION OF OUR LORD.

Blessed art thou, my Lord, my God, and most beloved lover of my soul, who art one God in three persons. Glory and praise be to thee, O my Lord Jesus Christ, who wast sent by thy Father into the body of a Virgin, yet ever remainest with thy Father in heaven, the Father with his divinity remaining inseparably with thee in thy humanity in the world.

Honor and glory be to thee, O my Lord Jesus Christ, who, conceived of the Holy Ghost in the Virgin’s womb, didst corporally increase, and humbly dwell therein, to the time of thy birth, and, after thy joyful nativity, didst deign to be handled by thy mother’s most pure hands, be wrapped in swaddling-clothes, and laid in a manger.

Blessed art thou, my Lord Jesus Christ, who didst wish thy immaculate flesh to be circumcised, and thy name called Jesus, and also to be offered in the temple by thy Mother.

Blessed art thou, my Lord Jesus Christ, who caused thyself to be baptized in the Jordan, by thy servant John.

Blessed be thou, my Lord Jesus Christ, who didst preach with thy blessed lips the words of life to men ; and didst work many miracles personally before them.

Blessed be thou, my Lord Jesus Christ, who, fulfilling the Scriptures of the prophets, didst reasonably show thyself to the world to be true God.

Benediction and glory be to thee, my Lord Jesus Christ, who didst wonderfully fast for forty days in the desert, and didst permit thyself to be tempted by thy enemy the devil, whom thou didst drive off by a single word, when so it pleased thee.

Blessed be thou, my Lord Jesus Christ, who didst foretell thy death before the time, and in the last supper didst wonderfully consecrate thy precious body of material bread, and also charitably gave it to thy Apostles, in memory of thy most worthy passion, and by washing their feet with thy sacred and precious hands, didst humbly show thy very great humility.

Honor be to thee, my Lord Jesus Christ, who through the fear of thy passion and death, didst send forth blood from thy body, and nevertheless didst perfect our redemption as thou didst wish to do, and thus didst more manifestly show the charity which thou didst bear the human race.

Glory be to thee, my Lord Jesus Christ, who, sold by thy disciple, and bought by the Jews, was seized for us, and who didst cast thy enemies to the ground by a single word, and didst afterwards, of thy free will, give thyself up a captive to their unclean, rapacious hands.

Blessed be thou, my Lord Jesus Christ, who wast led to Caiphas, and who, though judge of all, didst humbly permit thyself to be given up to the judgment of Pilate.

Blessed be thou, my Lord Jesus Christ, who wast sent by Pilate the judge, to Herod, and didst suffer thyself to be derided and despised by him, and didst consent to be sent back. again to Pilate as judge.

Glory be to thee, my Lord Jesus Christ, for the derision which thou didst undergo, when, clothed in purple, thou didst stand, crowned with most acute thorns; and, because thou didst most patiently bear to be spit upon, in thy glorious face, thy eyes bound, and to be most violently beaten on the cheeks and neck, by the malignant hands of the wicked.

Peace be to thee, my Lord Jesus Christ, who didst most patiently suffer thyself to be bound to a pillar, inhumanly scourged, led, streaming with blood, to Pilate’s tribunal, and to be seen like an innocent lamb.

Blessed be thou, my Lord Jesus Christ, who didst most patiently submit to hear, with thy blessed ears, insults and lies vomited against thee, and the voices of the people asking that a guilty robber should be absolved, and thou, innocent, condemned.

Honor be to thee, my Lord Jesus Christ, who, with thy whole glorious body bathed in blood, was condemned to die on the cross, and didst painfully bear thy cross on thy sacred shoulders, and wast furiously led to the place of thy passion, and despoiled of thy garments, and didst thus wish to be fastened to the cross.

Immense glory be to thee, my Lord Jesus Christ, who didst humbly bear for us, that the Jews should extend thy venerable hands and feet with a robe, and cruelly fasten thee to the wood of the cross with iron nails, and should call thee a betrayer; and writing a title of confusion above thee, should in manifold ways deride thee with their horrid words.

Eternal praise and thanksgiving be to thee, my Lord Jesus Christ, who didst so meekly endure such cruel pains for us; for when thy blessed body lost all its strength on the cross, thy blessed eyes were darkened, thy beautiful face, from loss of blood, was all overspread with pallor, thy blessed tongue was parched and dried up, and thy mouth was moistened by a most bitter draught. Thy hair and beard were filled with blood, from the wounds of thy most sacred head. The bones of thy hands and feet, and of all thy precious body, were rent from their places, not without great and intense grief to thee, the veins and nerves of all thy blessed body were cruelly broken. And thus thou wast inhumanly scourged and wounded with grievous wounds, that thy most innocent skin and flesh were intolerably torn. And thus afflicted and tortured, thou didst hang on the cross, O my most sweet Jesus, and in excessive pain, didst patiently and humbly await the hour of death.

Perpetual honor be to thee, my Lord Jesus Christ, who, in such agony, didst humbly look with benign eyes of charity on thy most worthy Mother, who never sinned, nor consented to even the slightest sin, and consoling her, didst faithfully commit her to the guardianship of thy disciple.

Eternal benediction be to thee, my Lord Jesus Christ, for each hour in which thou didst endure the most intense bitterness and agony on the cross, for us sinners. For the acute pain of thy wounds keenly penetrated thy happy soul, and cruelly pierced thy most sacred heart, till thy heart breaking, thou didst happily give up the ghost, and bowing down thy head, didst humbly commend thyself into the hands of God, thy Father, and then thy dead body remained all cold.

Blessed be thou, my Lord Jesus Christ, who, for our salvation, didst permit thy side and heart to be pierced with a lance, and didst send forth copiously from the same side thy precious blood and water to redeem us; and didst not wish thy most sacred body to be taken down from the cross, till permission was given by the judge.

Glory be to thee, my Lord Jesus Christ, because thou didst wish thy blessed body to be taken down from the cross by thy friends, and to be laid in the arms of thy most afflicted mother, and didst permit it to be wrapped by her in winding-sheets, and laid in the sepulchre, and there to be guarded by soldiers.

Eternal honor be to thee, my Lord Jesus Christ, who didst rise from the dead on the third day, and didst manifest thyself alive to such as thou didst wish; and after forty days, didst ascend in the sight of many to heaven, and didst there honorably place thy friends whom thou hadst delivered from limbo.

Eternal praise and jubilee be to thee, my Lord Jesus Christ, who didst send down thy Holy Spirit into the hearts of thy disciples, and didst augment in their spirits immense divine love.

Blessed be thou, and pleased and glorious forever, my Lord Jesus, who sittest on the throne in thy kingdom of heaven, in the glory of thy divinity, living corporally with all thy most holy members, which thou didst assume of the flesh of a Virgin. And thus thou wilt come on the day of judgment to judge the souls of all, living and dead. Who livest and reignest with the Father and Holy Ghost, for ever and ever. Amen.

Chapter 2. Prayer of Praise and Thanksgiving, on the Life of the Blessed Virgin

CHAPTER II.

PRAYER OF PRAISE AND THANKSGIVING, ON THE LIFE OF THE BLESSED VIRGIN.

Blessed and venerated be thou, my Lady Virgin Mary, most holy Mother of God, whose noblest creature thou art, and who was never so closely loved as by thee, O glorious Lady.

Glory be to thee, my Lady Virgin Mary, Mother of God, who by the same angel, by whom Christ was announced to thee, was announced to thy father and mother, and wast conceived and born in their most holy union.

Blessed be thou, my Lady Virgin Mary, who in thy most holy infancy, immediately after being weaned, wast borne by thy parents to God’s temple, and committed, with other virgins, to the care of the devout high priest.

Praise be to thee, my Lady Virgin Mary, who when thou didst attain an age to know that God, thy Creator, existed, didst immediately begin to love him intensely, above all things, and didst then most discreetly order thy day and night, in different offices and exercises to the honor of God; and didst so curtail the food and sleep of thy glorious body as to be apt to serve God.

Infinite glory be to thee, my Lady Virgin Mary, who didst humbly vow thy virginity to God, and, therefore, didst not care who espoused thee, because thou didst know, that he to whom thou didst first pledge thy faith, was more powerful and better than all.

Blessed be thou, my Lady Virgin Mary, who wast alone inflamed with the ardor of divine love, contemplating with all thy mind, and with all the elevated virtue of thy powers, the most high God, to whom with ardent love thou hadst offered thy virginity, when the angel of God was sent to thee, and saluting thee, announced to thee the will of God. To whom, thou replying, didst most humbly declare thyself the handmaid of God; and the Holy Ghost wonderfully filled thee with all virtue. God the Father sent thee his coeternal and coequal Son, who, coming in thee, then assumed to himself a human body of thy flesh and blood. And so, in that blessed hour, the Son of God became in thee thy son, living with all his members, yet not losing his divine Majesty.

Blessed be thou, my Lady Virgin Mary, who didst constantly feel the body of Christ, created of thy blessed body, grow and move in thy womb till the time of his glorious nativity. Whom thou before all others didst touch with thy sacred hands, wrap up in clothes, and, according to the oracle of the prophet, didst lay in a manger, and didst maternally nurture him with the sacred milk of thy blessed breasts, in great joy of exultation.

Glory be to thee, O my Lady Virgin Mary, who, inhabiting a contemptible house, — a stable, — didst see powerful kings come from afar, to thy Son, humbly offering royal gifts with great reverence to thy Son. Whom afterwards thou didst present with thy precious hands in the Temple, and didst diligently lay up in thy blessed heart all things seen and heard in his infancy.

Blessed be thou, my Lady Virgin Mary, who didst fly to Egypt with thy most holy Son, whom thou didst afterwards bring with joy to Nazareth, and behold him, thy Son, as he increased bodily, humble and obedient to thee and Joseph.

Blessed be thou, my Lady Virgin Mary, who didst behold thy Son preaching, working miracles, and choosing his Apostles, who, enlightened by his example, miracles, and doc- trine, were made witnesses of the truth, announcing to all nations that thy Jesus was truly the Son of God, that it was he who had accomplished in himself the oracles of the prophets, when he had patiently endured a most atrocious death for the human race.

Blessed be thou, my Lady Virgin Mary, who didst long beforehand know that thy Son was to be arrested, and didst afterwards, with thy blessed eyes, mournfully see him bound and scourged, crowned with thorns, and fastened naked to the cross, and many despising . him and calling him a seducer.

Honor be to thee, my Lady Virgin Mary, who didst painfully hear with thy blessed ears thy Son speaking to thee in pain from the cross,, and crying to the Father in the agony of death, and commending his soul to his Father’s hands.

Praise be to thee, my Lady Virgin Mary, who in bitter grief didst behold thy Son hanging on the cross, livid and stained with his own blood from the top of his head to the sole of his feet, and thus cruelly die. And didst most bitterly see his feet and hands, together with his glorious side, transpierced, and his whole skin torn without any mercy.

Blessed be thou, my Lady Virgin Mary, who with tearful eyes didst behold thy Son taken down, wrapped in winding-sheets, laid in the sepulchre, and there guarded by soldiers.

Blessed be thou, my Lady Virgin Mary, who didst depart from the sepulchre of thy Son, with intense grief of thy deeply wounded heart, and wast borne, all full of grief, to John’s house by thy friends, and didst there immediately feel a relief of thy great grief, because thou didst most certainly foreknow that he would quickly rise again.

Rejoice, my most worthy Lady Virgin Mary, that the very moment thy Son rose from the dead, he wished this to be known to thee, his most blessed Mother, because he at once appeared in person to thee, then showed to others that he was risen from the dead, who underwent death in his living body.

Rejoice, then, my most worthy Lady Virgin Mary, who, death being conquered, and the agent of death supplanted and the way of heaven laid open, didst see thy Son rising triumphant with the crown of victory; and on the fortieth day after his resurrection, didst behold him honorably ascend in the sight of many, to his heavenly kingdom, attended like a king by angels.

Exult, my most worthy Lady Virgin Mary, that thou didst deserve to see how thy Son, after his ascension, sent down on his Apostles and disciples the Holy Ghost, wherewith he had already filled thee entirely; and increasing in them the fervor of charity and uprightness of Catholic faith, wonderfully enlightened their hearts.

Rejoice, especially, my Lady Virgin Mary, and let the whole earth rejoice with thy joy, that thy Son permitted thee to remain many years in this world after his ascension, to console his friends and strengthen them in faith, to help the needy, and sagely counsel the Apostles.

And then, by thy most prudent words, most virtuous behavior, and holy deeds, he converted to the Catholic faith innumerable Jews and Pagan infidels, and wonderfully enlightened them to confess thee to be his Virgin Mother, and himself thy Son, and God with a real humanity.

Blessed be thou, my Lady Virgin Mary, who from thy ardent charity and maternal love didst unceasingly, hour by hour, desire to go to thy beloved Son, now sitting in heaven; and thou living in this world, by sighing for heavenly things, didst humbly conform thyself to the divine will, whereby, as divine justice dictated, thou didst unspeakably increase thy eternal glory.

Eternal honor and glory be to thee, my Lady Virgin Mary, who, when it pleased God to take thee from the exile of this world, and to honor thy soul eternally in his kingdom, vouchsafed to announce it to thee by his angel, and who wished thy venerable body, when dead, to be interred by the Apostles, with all reverence, in the sepulchre.

Rejoice, O my Lady Virgin Mary, that in thy calm death thy soul was embraced by the power of God, who paternally guarding it, protected it from all adversity. And then God the Father subjected all that is created to thy power; and the Son of God most honorably placed thee, his most worthy mother, on a most exalted throne beside him; and the Holy Ghost wonderfully exalted thee to his glorious kingdom, a Virgin espoused to himself.

Rejoice eternally, my Lady Virgin Mary, that for some days after thy death, thy body lay buried in the tomb, until, by the power of God, it was again honorably united to thy soul.

Exult, O mother of God, glorious Lady Virgin Mary, that thou didst deserve to see thy soul quickened after death, assumed with thy soul with angelic honors to heaven, and didst see thy glorious Son, God with humanity, and with exulting joy behold him to be the most just judge of all men, and the rewarder of good works.

Rejoice also, my Lady Virgin Mary, that the sacred flesh of thy body knew that it existed Virgin Mother in heaven, and saw itself immaculate from all mortal and venial stain; nay, knew that thou hadst done all virtuous deeds so in love that it behooved God to honor thee with the highest honor. Then also didst thou understand, that whoso loves God more ardently in this world, will be placed nearer to himself by God, in heaven. And as it was manifest to all the court of heaven that no one, of angels or of men, loved God with as much charity as thou, therefore it was just and worthy that God himself should honorably place thee, soul and body, on the highest seat of glory.

Blessed be thou, O my Lady Virgin Mary, that every faithful creature praises the Trinity for thee, because thou art his most worthy creature; who, dost most promptly obtain pardon for wretched souls, and art the most faithful advocate and pleader for all sinners.

Praised then be God, supreme Emperor and Lord, who created thee to so great honor, that thou shouldst become perennially Empress and Lady in the kingdom of heaven, to reign with him eternally through ages of ages. Amen.

Chapter 3. The Immaculate Conception

CHAPTER III.

THE IMMACULATE CONCEPTION.

The Blessed Virgin speaks.

And it is a truth that I was conceived without original sin, and not in sin; because, as my Son and I never sinned, so no marriage was more holy than that from which I was born. — Lib. vi., c. 49.

A golden hour was my conception, for then began the principle of the salvation of all, and darkness hastened to light. God wished to do in his work something singular and hidden from the world, as he did in the dry rod blooming. But know that my conception was not known to all, because God wished that as the natural law and the voluntary election of good and bad preceded the written law, and the written law followed, restraining all inordinate notions, so it pleased God, that his Mends should piously doubt of my conception, and that each should show his zeal till the truth became clear in its preordained time. — Lib. vi., c. 55.

Chapter 4. Birth of the Blessed Virgin

CHAPTER IV.

BIRTH OF THE BLESSED VIRGIN.

When I was born, it was not unknown to the demons, but speaking by a certain similitude, they thus thought: "So a certain virgin is born, what shall we do? For it is evident that something wonderful is to take place in her. If we throw around her all the nets of our malice, she will burst them like tow. If we examine all her heart, it is defended by a strong garrison. There is no spot in her for a spear to touch. Therefore, we may fear lest her purity be our torture. Her grace will crush all our strength; her constancy prostrate us beneath her feet.” But the friends of God, who were in long expectation, said by divine inspiration: “ Why grieve we more? We should rather rejoice, for the light is born that is to dispel our darkness, and our desire shall be accomplished.” And the angels of God rejoiced, although their joy was always in the vision of God, saying: “ Something desirable is born on earth, and especially beloved by God, whereby true peace will be restored to heaven and earth, and our losses shall be made up.” Indeed, daughter, I assure thee, that my birth was the opening of true joy; for then came forth the rod from which that flower proceeded, whom kings and prophets desired. And when I had attained an age to know something of my Creator, then I turned to him with unspeakable love, and desired him with my whole heart. I was also preserved by wonderful grace, so that not even in my tender years did I consent to sin, because the love of God and my parents’ care, good education, the preservation of good, and fervor of knowing God preserved with me. — Lib. vi., c. 56.

I am she, who from eternity have been in the love of God, and from my infancy the Holy Ghost was perfectly with me. And you may take an example from a nut, which, when it grows exteriorly, increases in the interior, so that the shell is always full, and there is no space to receive aught else. So I, from my childhood, was full of the Holy Ghost, and according to the increase of my body and age, the Holy Ghost filled me so copiously as to leave no room for the entrance of any sin. Hence I never committed a mortal or venial sin, for I was so ardent in the love of God, that nothing was pleasing to me except the perfect will of God; for the fire of divine love was enkindled in my soul, and God, blessed above all who created me by his power, and filled me with the virtue of the Holy Ghost, had an ardent love for me. — Lib. iii., c. 8.

Chapter 5. Early Life of the Blessed Virgin

CHAPTER V.

EARLY LIFE OF THE BLESSED VIRGIN.

As soon as I understood that there was a God, I was always solicitous and fearful for my salvation and observance. And when I heard more fully that God was, too, my Creator, and judge of all my actions, I loved him intensely, and every hour feared and pondered lest I should offend him in word or deed. Then when I heard that he had given a law to his people, and his commandments, and wrought so many wonders with them, I firmly resolved in my mind to love naught but him, and all worldly things became most bitter to me. Hearing after this that this same God was to redeem the world and be born of a virgin, I was filled with such love for her, that I

thought of naught but God, wished naught but him. I withdrew as much as possible from the converse and presence of kindred and friends. All that I could have I gave to the poor, reserving to myself only scanty food and clothing. Nothing pleased me but God. Ever did I long in my heart to live to the time of his birth, if perchance I might be worthy to be the unworthy handmaid of the mother of God. I also vowed in my heart to observe virginity if it was pleasing to him, and to possess nothing in the world. But if God willed otherwise, that his will, not mine, be done; because I believed him omnipotent, and desirous of naught but my good, so that I committed my will absolutely to him.

As the time approached, when by rule, virgins were presented in the Temple of the Lord, I went up among them in submission to my parents, thinking that nothing was impossible to God. And as he knew that I desired nothing, wished nothing but himself, he could, if it pleased him, preserve me in my virginity, if not, his will be done. After hearing all the instructions in the Temple, I returned home, inflamed with still greater love of God, enkindled daily by new fervor and desire of love. I accordingly retired apart from all more than usual, and I was alone night and day fearing most intensely lest tongue should speak or ear hear aught against my God, or eyes see aught delightful. Even in my silence was I timid and most anxious, lest I should be silent when I ought rather to speak. When I was thus troubled in heart alone by myself, and committed all my hope to God, at once it came into my mind to think of God’s great power, how the angels and all things created serve him, and what his glory, which is ineffable and interminable. For I saw the sun, but not as it shines in heaven; I saw light, but not such light as shines in the world. I perceived an odor, not like that of plants or any thing of the kind, but most sweet and almost ineffable with which I was all filled, and exulted for joy. Then immediately I heard a voice, but from no human lips. And on hearing it I feared considerably, thinking with myself whether it was an illusion, and forthwith an angel of God appeared before me, like a most beautiful man, but not clothed in flesh, who said to me: Hail, Mary, &c. When I heard this, I wondered what this meant, or why he uttered such a salutation; for I knew myself, and deemed myself unworthy of this or of any good. But it is not impossible to God to do whatsoever he willeth. Then the angel said again: What is born in thee is holy, and shall be called the Son of God; and as it shall please him, so shall it be done. Still I deemed myself unworthy, and asked the angel not why or when, but how it should be done, that I, unworthy, should be the mother of God, not knowing man. And the angel answered me as I said: Nothing is impossible to God, but whatsoever he willeth shall come to pass, &c. Hearing the words of the angel, I felt a most fervent desire to be the mother of God, and my soul spoke in love: Here I am, let thy will be done in me. At this word my Son was instantly conceived in my womb, with unspeakable exultation of my soul and my whole body. And when I had him in my womb, I bore him without pain, without any weight or feeling of inconvenience. In all things I humbled myself, knowing that he was almighty whom I bore. And when I brought him forth, I brought him forth without pain and sin, as I conceived him, with such exultation of soul and body, that for exultation my feet did not feel the ground they stood upon. And as he entered all my members with the joy of my whole soul, so with the joy of my whole body, my soul exulting with ineffable joy, he came forth, my virginity untouched. And when I beheld him and considered his beauty, my soul in joy distilled, as it were, dew, knowing myself unworthy of such a Son. But when I considered the places of the nails in his hands and feet, which according to the prophets, I heard were to be crucified, then my eyes filled with tears and my heart was breaking with sadness. And when my Son gazed into my streaming eyes, he was sorrowful unto death. But when I considered the power of his deity, I was again consoled, knowing that he so willed it, and that so it was expedient, and I conformed my will to his will, and thus my joy was tempered by pain.