Records of the Life of the Rev. John Murray

Front matter

RECORDS

OF THE

LIFE OF THE REV. JOHN MURRAY;

Chapter I.

LIFE

OF

REV. JOHN MURRAY.

CHAPTER I.

Containing an Account of the Authors Birth and Parentage, until the Decease of his Father.

How sweetly roll'd over the morning of life, How free from vexation, from sorrow and strife; Kind Nature presented rich scenes to my view, And every scene she presented was new. But soon was the morning of life clouded o'er, And its charming serenity lost; Too soon was I forc'd to abandon the shore. And on ocean's rude billows be tost.

YOUR earnest solicitations, my inestimable, my best friend, have, with me, the force of commands, and consequently I am irresistibly impelled to retrace for your gratification, as many of the incidents of early life, as live in my memory. Assured of your indulgence, I unhesitatingly commit to your candour, and to your discretion, the following sheets.

I am induced to regret, that my anecdotes of this charming season are not more multiplied. Were my recollection perfect, my enjoyments would be reiterated, but this would not be right, therefore it is not so; every season has its enjoyments, and the God of Nature has thought proper to keep them distinct, and appropriate.

I think, if I mistake not, I was ushered into this state of being on the 10th day of December, in the year of our Lord 1741, four years before the rebellion, in Scotland, of forty-five. I mention this circumstance, as it proved to me, in early life, a source of some vexation. The rebellion terminated in the destruction of many of the Scotch nobility of my name, and this same rebellion was long the subject of political con , which generally finished in the execration of the Scots, and, on account of my name, I was looked upon as a party concerned.

I drew my first breath in the island of Great Britain, in the town of Alton, in Hampshire. This town boasts a Church, a Presbyterian and a Quaker meeting-house; a celebrated free school, an extensive and very useful manufacture, and it is environed by a plantation of hops. Alton is seated on the River Wey, 18 miles east-north-east of Southampton, and 48 miles west-south-west of London.

Being the first born of my parents, it is not wonderful that my appearance gave much joy, nor that the little complaints, incident to infancy, gave great apprehension. It was in consequence of some little indisposition, that they solicited and obtained for me private baptism. My parents were both sincerely religious, though members of different sects. My father was an Episcopalian, my mother a Presbyterian, yet Religion never disturbed the harmony of the family. My mother believed, as most good women then believed, that husbands ought to have the direction, especially in concerns of such vast importance, as to involve the future well being of their children, and of course it was agreed, that I should receive from the hands of an Episcopalian minister, the rite of private baptism; and as this ordinance, in this private manner, is not administered, except the infant is supposed in danger of going out of the world in an unregenerate state, before it can be brought to the church, I take for granted I was, by my apprehensive parents, believed in imminent danger; yet, through succeeding years, I seemed almost exempt from the casualties of childhood. I am told that my parents, and grand parents, had much joy in me, that I never broke their rest nor disturbed their repose not even in weaning, that I was a healthy, good-humoured child, of a ruddy complexion, and that the equality of my disposition became proverbial. I found the use of my feet before I had completed my first year, but the gift of utterance was still postponed. I was hardly two years old, when I had a sister born; this sister was presented at the baptismal font, and, according to the custom in our Church, I was carried to be received, that is, all who are privately baptized, must, if they live, be publicly received in the congregation. The priest took me in his arms, and having prayed, according to the form made use of on such occasions, I articulated, with an audible voice, Amen. The congregation were astonished, and I have frequently heard my parents say, this was the first word I ever uttered, and that a long time elapsed, before I could distinctly articulate any other. Indulged, as I said, by bounteous nature, with much serenity of mind, every one was happy with me. I was fond of being abroad, and a servant was generally employed to gratify me. During these repeated rambles, I experienced some "hair breadth 'scapes," which, while they excited the wonder of my good parents, they failed not to record. From these frequent promenades, I derived that vigorous constitution, or at least its stability, which has prolonged my abode in this vale of tears, through many serious disorders, which have seemed to promise my emancipation. I do not remember the time when I did not behold the works of Nature with delight; such as the drapery of the heavens, and the flowers of the garden, and of the fields; and I perfectly recollect, before I was clothed in masculine habiliments, that I was delightedly occupied in opening the ground, throwing it into some form, and planting in regular order, little sprigs broken from the gooseberry, or currant bushes. My pleasures of this nature were, however, soon interrupted by going to school; this was my first affliction, yet, to imperious necessity, the sweet pliability of human nature soon conformed my mind: Nay, it was more than conformed; I derived even felicity, from the approbation of my school dame, from the pictures in my books, and especially from the acquaintance I formed with my school mates.

It does no appear to me that I was what the world calls naturally vicious. I was neither querulous, nor quarrelsome; I cannot trace in my mind a vestige of envy. I rejoiced in every advantage possessed by my little comrades, and my father was accustomed to exclaim, "Never, I believe, was such a boy; he absolutely delights as much in the new garments worn by the children of our neighbours, as in his own:" and indeed, as far as I can recollect during this sweet morning of life, my most complete satisfaction resulted from the gratification of others. I never enjoyed any thing alone, my earliest pleasures were social, and I was eager to reciprocate every good office. It is true I encountered difficulties, from the various dispositions of those with whom I associated, but, in my infant bosom, rancour or implacability found no place. Being however too fond of play, and ambitious of imitating my seniors, I had little time for reading; yet I learned, and at six years old could read a chapter in the Bible, not indeed very correctly, but I rarely paused at a word; however difficult, still I read on. My father I remember used sometimes to laugh out—a levity which, by the way, he seldom indulged—but he did sometimes laugh out, and say, "This boy sticks at nothing, he has a most astonishing invention; how it is he utters such sounds, and passes on with such rapidity, I cannot conceive:" but my blunders were more frequently marked by a staggering box on the ear, which necessitated me to stop, when I was obliged to recommence, and go over the whole again. This conduct originated, even at this early age, more fear than affection for my father. I was studious to avoid his presence, and I richly enjoyed his absence. To my brothers and sisters, who were multiplied with uncommon rapidity, I was warmly attached, and as our mother contributed all in her power to our gratification, our pleasures were not surpassed, by those of any little group, which came under our observation.

My parents were the religious children of religious parents, and grand parents; they were the more religious on that account; and, as the descendants of ancient noble families value themselves on their pedigree, stimulating their children from considerations of ancestry to act up to the illustrious examples which they exhibit and emblazon, uniformly insisting that they shall avoid mixing with the plebeian race; so, as soon as I appeared to pay attention to interesting tales, I was made acquainted with the characters of my grand parents.

My paternal grandfather, however, possessed only negative religion; that is, his affection for my grandmother obliged him to conform to her, in every thing; and he esteemed himself happy, in being blest with a wife, who, from principle and inclination, was both able and willing to take upon herself the care, and culture of her children. How long this grandfather lived, I am unable to say, but my grandmother was, with respect to her religious attachments, more fortunate in a second marriage. She was united to a Mr. Beattie, a man of considerable note, in every point of view. It was by this gentleman's name, I became acquainted with my grandmother; I remember, when very young, to have seen his picture, which gave me a very high idea of his person. It was his son, who was governour of the fortress, in the harbour of Cork. My grandmother soon lost this second husband, and never married again. She was, in the morning and meridian of her life, a celebrated beauty: the remains of a fine face were visible when I knew her, I never beheld a more beautiful old lady. Traces of affluence were conspicuous in her dwelling, her furniture, and apparel; she was an immediate descendant of an ancient and honourable family in France; her father's name was Barroux, one of the Noblesse, and a dweller in the town of Paimboeuf, on the river Loire, between the city of Nantes, and the mouth of said river. Mr. Barroux having buried his Lady, who left him two daughters, thought proper, as was then the custom of people of distinction, to educate his eldest daughter in England; this step banished her from her native country, and from her father: she never saw either more. Attaching herself to a family of Episcopalians, she became a zealous Protestant, which, together with her selecting a husband of the same persuasion, confirmed her an Exile for ever. The irritated feelings of her father admitted no appeal, his affections were totally alienated, he was a high spirited, obstinate man, and he swore in his wrath, he would wed the first woman he met, provided he could obtain her consent, and she were not absolutely disgusting. The first who presented happened to be his chambermaid, he made known to her his vow, was accepted with gratitude, and they were speedily married. Not many years after this event, the old gentleman died, leaving no issue by his second marriage, and, as he left no will, his daughter, who continued under the paternal roof, entered into possession of the whole estate; she, however, survived her father only three weeks, when my grandmother became the only legal heir to the property, both of her father, and her sister.

A large share of the personal estate was conveyed to England, by two priests; and the real estate was tendered to my grandmother, on condition that she would read her recantation, renounce the damnable doctrines of the Church of England, and receive the Host, as the real presence. My grandmother, and my father, after a conference, which continued but a few moments, cheerfully concurred in a relinquishment of the estate, and united in declaring, that, on terms so calculated to prostrate their integrity, they would not accept the whole kingdom of France. The clergymen returned to the Gallic shore, and the person left in the house, for the purpose of taking charge of the estate, until the heirs at law should recover their senses, continued in quiet possession of an inheritance, worth five hundred pounds sterling per annum. When the estate was thus, upon religious principles, surrendered, I was about five years of age; but having frequently heard my father circumstantially relate the transaction, as I advanced in life, my bosom often acknowledged a latent wish, that he had accepted an inheritance, to which his natural claim was indubitable, upon the terms offered by the ecclesiastics, which were, that my grandmother, and my father, should, in so many words, qualify themselves for the possession of their right, while, in their hearts, they continued to judge for themselves. But from a conduct so questionable, the guileless heart of my upright parent spontaneously revolted; and, for myself, while revolving years gave me to exult in his decision, the detection of so reprehensible a principle, in my own bosom, and at so early a period, originated much contrition. Yet, notwithstanding the very considerable sacrifice made by my father, his uniform efforts commanded all the necessaries, and many of the elegancies of life. His children multiplied; four sons and five daughters augmented his felicities, he received from nature a strong mind, his parents bestowed upon him a good education, and he was universally respected and beloved.

The parents of my mother were well known to me, her father's name was James Rolt, his ancestors were all English; he was in early life a bon-vivant, and even when he became the head of a family, his reprehensible pursuits were nothing diminished; the silent sufferings of his wedded companion were strongly expressed in her wan countenance, and broken health. The circumstances of his conversion from dissipation to a life of severe piety were rather remarkable; and were considered in his day as miraculous.

Of the piety of my paternal grandfather, or my maternal grandmother, I have little to say. I have never heard that they allowed themselves in any improper indigencies, and as they were the admirers of their devout companions, it is a fair conclusion, that they were at least negatively pious, and that if they did not lead, they cheerfully followed, in cultivating a pious disposition in the minds of their children; and, by consequence, Religion became the legitimate inheritance of my immediate parents. The conversion of my paternal grandmother, from the tenets in which she was educated, increased her zeal, while the inheritance, sacrificed from conscientious principles, gave her to consider herself more especially heir of an inheritance incorruptible, undefiled, and that fadeth not away; and conscious that she had fully concurred with my father, in depriving their children of a temporal treasure, they were sedulously anxious to inculcate a persuasion of the necessity of securing another.

It is wonderful, that while it was the great business, both of my father and my mother, to render their children feelingly solicitous to secure an interest in the Redeemer, that they might thus be entitled to a blessed and happy futurity, they were both of them very rigid Calvinists.

The doctrines, taught by that gloomy Reformer, they undeviatingly taught in their family: and hence my soul frequently experienced the extreme of agony. Naturally vivacious, to implant religion among my juvenile pleasures required the most vigorous and uniform effort. Religion was not a native of the soil, it was an exotic, which, when planted, could only be kept alive by the most persevering attention. Hence Religion became a subject of terror. I was not ten years old when I began to suffer; the discovery of my sufferings gave my fond father much pleasure, he cherished hope of me when he found me suffering from my fears, and much indeed was I tortured by the severe, unbending discipline of my father, and the terrifying apprehensions of what I had to expect from the God who created me. The second son of my parents was naturally of a pensive, gloomy disposition. He was more piously disposed, and less fond of amusement than myself, and hearing much of Cain as the eldest son of Adam, of Esau as the eldest son of Isaac, and of Abel, and Jacob, as the younger sons, my soul was frequently filled with terror, verily believing my brother was the elected, and myself the rejected of God. This appalling consideration, even at this early period, frequently devoted my days and nights to tears and lamentation. But stability dwelt not with me, and the pleasing expectations of my father were often blasted; my attachment to my playmates, and their childish gambols, revived, and when engaged in appropriate amusements, I often forgot the immediate terror of the rod, and of future misery; both of which, as often as I reflected, I painfully believed I should endure. My father took every method to confine me within his walls; it was with difficulty he prevailed upon himself to permit my attendance at school, yet this was necessary, and to school I must go; while that rigid and extreme vigilance, which was ever upon the alert, produced effects diametrically opposite to the end proposed. My appetite for pleasure increased, and I occasionally preferred the truant frolic, to the stated seasons of study, yea though I was certain severe castigation would be the consequence. Pious supplications were the accompaniments of the chastisements which were inflicted, so that I often passed from the terror of the rod, to the terrifying apprehensions of future and never-ending misery. Upon these terrific occasions, the most solemn resolutions were formed, and my vows were marked by floods of tears. I would no more offend either my father, or his God; I dared not to say my God, for I had heard my father declare, that for any individual, not the elect of God, to say of God, or to God, "Our Father," was nothing better than blasphemy; when most devout, I was prevented from deriving consolation from my pious breathings, by a persuasion that I was a reprobate, predestined to eter perdition. In fact, I believed that I had nothing to hope, but every thing to fear, both from my Creator, and my father: and these soul-appalling considerations, by enforcing a conclusion, that I was but making provision for alternate torture, threw a cloud over every innocent enjoyment.

About the time that I attained my eleventh year, my father removed to Ireland, and though I dreaded going with him any where, I was the only individual of the family whom he compelled to accompany him. Yet I was captivated by the charms of novelty. London filled me with amazement, and my fond, my apprehensive father, was in continual dread of losing me; while the severity he practised to detain me near him, by invigorating my desires to escape from his presence, increased the evil.

We quitted London in the middle of April, and reaching Bristol, tarried but a little while in that city. At Pill, five miles from Bristol, between my father and myself, a final separation was on the point of taking place. In the Bristol river the tide is extremely rapid, I stepped into a boat on the slip, and letting it loose, the force of the current almost instantly carried it off into the channel, and had it been ebb instead of flood tide, I must inevitably have gone out to sea, and most probably should never have been heard of more: but the flood tide carried me with great rapidity up the river, and the only fear I experienced was from the effects of my father's indignation. The poor gentleman, with a number of compassionate individuals, were engaged, until almost twelve o'clock, in searching the town, and the harbour, and had returned home relinquishing every hope of my restoration. In the midst of the stream I found a large flat-bottomed boat at anchor, to which, making fast the boat I was in, I consequently proceeded no farther. At midnight, I heard voices on the side of the river, when earnestly imploring their aid, and offering a liberal reward, they came in their boat, and conveying me on shore, conducted me to my lodgings; but no language can describe my dismay, as I drew near my father, who was immediately preparing to administer the deserved chastisement, when the benevolent hostess interposed, and in pity-moving accents exclaimed: "Oh, for God's sake, let the poor Blood alone; I warrant me has suffered enough already." My father was softened, perhaps he was not displeased to find a pretence for mildness; he gave me no correction for this offence; he even treated me with unusual kindness. We were detained in Pill three weeks, wishing for a favourable wind, three weeks more at Minehead, and three weeks at Milford Haven. Thus we were nine weeks in performing a passage, which is commonly made in forty-eight hours, and instead of my father's reaching Cork before the residue of his family, they were there almost at the moment of our arrival. In Cork we were at home; there dwelt the respected mother of my father, and in easy circumstances; many changes, however, had taken place in her family, although the remains of affluence were still visible. My father fixed his residence in the vicinity of this city, and a most pleasing residence it proved.

About this time the Methodists made their appearance, and my father was among the first who espoused their cause. His zeal for vital religion could hardly be surpassed, and it appeared to him that this innate, and holy operation, rejected by every other sect, had found refuge in the bosoms of these exemplary people. But though my father espoused the cause, he did not immediately become a Methodist: the Methodists were not Calvinists. Yet, if possible, he doubled his diligence, he kept his family more strict than ever; he was distinguished by the name of saint, and became the only person in his vicinity, whom the Methodists acknowledged as truly pious. With the religion of the Methodists I was greatly enamoured; they preached often, and in the streets; they had private societies of young people, and sweet singing, and a vast deal of it, and an amazing variety of tunes,—and all this was beyond expression charming. At this period the health of my father began to decline. Physicians concurred in opinion, that his complaints indicated a pulmonary affection. Again his efforts were renewed and invigorated, and, poor gentleman, his labours were abundantly multiplied. The ardent desire of his soul was to render every individual of his family actively religious, and religious in his own way; but as his children necessarily mingled more or less with the children in the neighbourhood, they caught words and habits which he disliked, and application was made to the rod, as a sovereign panacea.

In the course of my twelfth year, my father was overtaken by a very heavy calamity; his house, his houses, and indeed almost every thing he possessed, were laid in ashes. He had only a moment to snatch to his bosom a sleeping infant from its cradle, when a part of the house fell in; an instant longer and they would both have been wrapped in the surrounding flames, and a deep sense of this preserving mercy accompanied him to his grave. Thus every event of his life seemed to combine to render his devotions more and more fervent. It was happy for us that my respectable grandmother still lived, whose extricating hand was an ever ready resource.

It was my father's constant practice, so long as his health would permit, to quit his bed, winter as well as summer, at four o'clock in the morning; a large portion of this time, thus redeemed from sleep, was devoted to private prayers, and meditations. At six o'clock the family were summoned, and I, as the eldest son, was ordered into my closet, for the purpose of private devotion. My father, however, did not go with me, and I did not always pray; I was not always in a praying frame; but the deceit, which I was thus reduced to the necessity of practising, was an additional torture to my labouring mind. After the family were collected, it was my part to read a chapter in the bible; then followed a long and fervent prayer by my father; breakfast succeeded, when the children being sent to school, the business of the day commenced. In the course of the day, my father, as I believe, never omitted his private devotions, and, in the evening, the whole family were again collected, the children examined, our faults recorded, and I, as an example to the rest, especially chastised. My father rarely passed by an offence, without marking it by such punishment as his sense of duty awarded; and when my tearful mother interceded for me, he would respond to her entreaties in the language of Solomon, "if thou beat him with a rod, he shall not die;" the bible was again introduced, and the day was closed by prayer. Sunday was a day much to be dreaded in our family; we were all awakened at early dawn, private devotions attended, breakfast hastily dismissed, shutters closed, no light but from the back part of the house, no noise could bring any part of the family to the window, not a syllable was uttered upon secular affairs; every one who could read, children and domestics, had their allotted chapters. Family prayer succeeded, after which, Baxter's Saint's Everlasting Rest was assigned to me, my mother all the time in terror lest the children should be an interruption. At last the bell summoned us to Church, whither in solemn order we proceeded: I close to my father, who admonished me to look strait forward, and not let my eyes wander after vanity. At Church, I was fixed at his elbow, compelled to kneel when he kneeled, stand when he stood, to find the Psalm, Epistle, Gospel, and collects for the day, and any instance of inattention was vigilantly marked, and unrelentingly punished. When I returned from Church, I was ordered to my closet; and when I came forth, the chapter, from which the preacher had taken his text, was read, and I was then questioned respecting the sermon, a part of which I could generally repeat. Dinner, as breakfast, was taken in silent haste, after which we were not suffered to walk, even in the garden, but every one must either read, or hear reading, until the bell gave the signal for afternoon service, from which we returned to private devotion, to reading, to catechising, to examination, and long family prayer, which closed the most laborious day of the week. It was the custom for many of our visiting friends to unite with us in these evening exercises, to the no small gratification of my father; it is true, especially after he became an invalid, he was often extremely fatigued, but, upon these occasions, the more he suffered, the more he rejoiced, since his reward would be the greater, and indeed his sufferings, of every description, were to him a never-failing source of consolation. In fact, this devotional life became to him second nature, but it was not so to his family. For myself, I was alternately serious, and wild, but never very moderate in any thing. My father rejoiced in my devotional frames, and was encouraged to proceed, as occasion was given, in the good work of whipping, admonishing, and praying. I continued to repeat my pious resolutions, and, still more to bind my soul, I once vowed a vow unto the Lord,—kissing the book for the purpose of adding to its solemnity,—that I would no more visit the pleasure grounds, nor again associate with those boys, who had been my companions. Almost immediately after this transaction I attended a thundering preacher, who, taking for his text that command of our Saviour, which directs his disciples to "swear not at all," gave me to believe I had committed a most heinous transgression, in the oath that I had taken: nay, he went so far as to assure his hearers, that to say, "upon my word," was an oath, a very horrid oath, since it was tantamount to swearing by Jesus Christ, inasmuch as he was the word, who was made flesh for us, and dwelt among us. This sermon rendered me for a long season truly wretched, while I had no individual to whom I could confide my distresses. To my father I dared not even name my secret afflictions, and my mother, as far as the tenderness of her nature would permit, was in strict unison with her venerated husband. The depression of my spirits upon this occasion was great, and enduring; but for revolving months I continued what they called a good boy, I was attentive to my book, carefully following the directions which were given me, and, on my return from school, instead of squandering the hours of intermission with idle associates, I immediately retired to the garden, which constituted one of the first pleasures of my life; in fact, the cultivation of fruits, and flowers, has, in every period of my existence, continued to me a prime source of enjoyment. My paternal grandmother was the Lady Bountiful of the parish; having made it her study, she became an adept in the distillation of simples, she had a very large garden adjoining to my father's, and she cultivated an amazing variety of plants. As I was her favourite assistant, she gradually obtained my father's permission, that I should appropriate to her a large part of my time, and the hours which I consequently devoted to this venerable lady, in her garden, and in her habitation, were to me halcyon hours. It was my study to enrich her grounds with every choice herb, or flower, which met my gaze, and I was ever on the alert to collect plants of the most rare description. This was confessedly an innocent amusement; it would bear reflection, and was therefore delightful. Alas! alas! it was too replete with felicity to be continued. I was soon compelled to relinquish my pleasant occupation. My father found it necessary to remove from the neighbourhood of his mother, and her garden no more bloomed for me.