Book of Etiquette

Volume I

BOOK OF ETIQUETTE

© Brown Bros.

ON HER WEDDING DAY

The greatest charm of the bride's costume lies in its simplicity

COPYRIGHT, 1921, BY

NELSON DOUBLEDAY, INC.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, INCLUDING THAT OF TRANSLATION

INTO FOREIGN LANGUAGES, INCLUDING THE SCANDINAVIAN

PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES

AT

THE COUNTRY LIFE PRESS, GARDEN CITY, N. Y.

PREFACE

Success without culture is like old-fashioned strawberry short cake without the whipped cream. It has no flavor.

There are certain little courteous observances, certain social formalities that bespeak the true lady, the true gentleman. Some of us call it good form. Some of us call it culture. Some of us call it etiquette. But we all admit that it makes the world a better place to live in.

In Italy, young men and women are considered ben educato, not when they can read and write, but when they know the established forms of convention—when they can show by a correct dignity and ease of manner that they are perfect in their knowledge of the rules of good society. And, after all, don't you yourself judge people by what they do, and say, and wear? Don't you read in their manner and appearance the secret of their inner worth? Isn't character and disposition revealed in the outer personality?

Perhaps you have heard the story of the "gentleman" who prided himself on being perfect in the art of etiquette. On one occasion, he passed a lake and heard a drowning man call for help. Quickly he threw off his coat and was about to plunge into the water, when he suddenly re- that he had never been introduced to the struggling victim. Putting on his coat again, he proceeded on his way quite self-satisfied.

This is an instance where common-sense would have been the better part of etiquette. Too rigid an observance of the laws of good society makes them nothing short of an absurdity. The purpose of correct manners is not to enable us to strut about in society and command the admiring glances of the people around us—as the peacock, in its vanity, parades before onlookers in a proud dignity that is quite obviously assumed. The true service of etiquette is so to strengthen and simplify the social life that we are able to do what is absolutely correct and right without even stopping to think about it.

That, then, is the purpose of THE BOOK OF ETIQUETTE—to give to the reader so clear and definite an understanding of the social life that he will be able to have at all times, under all conditions, that unaffected grace and charm of manner that the French like to call savoir faire. It has been written, not for the exceedingly ill-bred or for the highly polished, but for those who find a certain sense of satisfaction in doing what is correct—sincere men and women who, in the performance of their business and social duties, find that there is a constant need for cordial and gracious relationship with those around them.

If the following chapters awaken in the reader the desire for closer companionship with the vast world of human nature, of which we are all a part; if it takes from his nature all that is coarse, awkward and unrefined, substituting instead of gallantry of spirit and a gentleness of breeding; if it makes him a more loving and a more lovable person—then THE BOOK OF ETIQUETTE will have served its purpose.

Incidentally, the author is indebted to Mr. L. E. Smith, without whose coöperation this book would never have been written.

Lillian Eichler.

CONTENTS

PART I

What is Etiquette?—Laws of Society—Control of the Impulses—Regard for the Rights of Others—The Danger of Intolerance—Why it Pays to Be Agreeable—The Simplest Culture.

The Origin of Manners—The Manners of To-day—Good Society in America—The True Lady and Gentleman—The Secret of Social Success—What Manners Will Do for You—Etiquette's Reward.

Of Special Importance—The Proposal—The Engagement Ring—Announcing the Engagement—The Most Usual Method—Announcing an Engagement in the Newspapers—Engagement Gifts—Bridal Showers—Length of the Engagement—Responsibility for the Wedding—Families and Friends.

The Wedding Invitation—Size and Material—Kinds of Envelopes—Addressing the Envelopes—Invitations to Church Wedding—Invitation to Home Wedding—Wedding in a Friend's Home—When Cards are Enclosed—Invitations to Second Marriages—Invitation to Wedding Anniversary—Informal Wedding Invitation—Acknowledging the Formal Wedding Invitations—Whom to Invite—Sending the Invitations—Recalling the Wedding Invitation—Breaking an Engagement—Returning Gifts—When Death Intervenes.

The Church Wedding—Attendants—The Bridesmaids—Rehearsals—Regarding the Ushers—The Wedding Day—Arriving at the Church—Wedding Music—The Wedding Procession—The Ceremony—Leaving the Altar—Rice, etc—The Wedding Reception—The Wedding Breakfast—The Wedding Present—Acknowledging Wedding Presents—The Home Wedding—The Second Wedding—Some Important Conventions—Seeking Advice—Wedding Anniversaries—The Silver Wedding—The Reception—Tin and Wooden Weddings—The Golden Wedding—The Golden Wedding a Glorious Achievement.

Origin of the Trousseau—The Trousseau of To-day—About the Linens—For the Bride—The Wedding Dress—The Bride's Veil—Wedding Flowers—Dress of the Maid of Honor—Marrying in Traveling Dress.

Funeral Customs—The Funeral of To-day—When Death Enters the Family—Taking Charge—Announcing the Death—Some Necessary Preparations—The Ladies of the Family—The Pall-Bearers—Duties of Pall-Bearers—The Church Funeral—Order of Precedence—The House Funeral—A Point of Importance—Removing Signs of Grief—Seclusion During Mourning—Dress at Funerals—Interment and Cremation—Mourning Dress—Mourning Dress for Men—Mourning Stationery.

Announcing the Birth of the Child—Responding to the Announcement—Godparents—Invitations to a Christening—A Church Christening—The House Christening—After the Baptism—Gifts.

PART II

Purpose of the Introductions—Creating Conversation—When to Introduce—Importance of Care—Special Introductions—When the Name Isn't Heard—The Correct Introduction—Group Introductions—The Chance Introduction—Incomplete Introductions—Indirect Introductions—The Acknowledgment—Forms of Acknowledgment—Future Recognition of Introduction—Introducing at Dinner—Introducing at the Dance—Introducing at Receptions—Speaking without Introduction—Introducing Children—Cordiality in Introductions.

The Letter of Introduction—Presenting the Letter—Acknowledging a Letter of Introduc- tion—Model Letters of Introduction—The Card of Introduction—Business Introductions.

The Beginning of Social Calls—When Calls are Made—The Proper Length of a Call—The Day at Home—Dress for Calls—Paying the First Call—Calls of Obligation—About Returning Calls—The Call of Condolence—The Call of Congratulations and Inquiry—The Social Calls of Men—The Invalid's Call—Asking a New Acquaintance to Call—The Woman's Business Call—Receiving Calls—Duties of the Hostess—Receiving the Chance Caller—When the Host is at Home—Taking Leave of the Hostess—The Evening Call—When Gentlemen Receive Callers—Making a Chance Call—Informal Calls.

Your Card a Representative of You—General Rules Regarding Cards—Size of Cards for Women—Size and Material of Cards for Men—Titles on Cards for Women—Cards for Widows—The Young Lady's Card—Indicating the Day at Home—The Married Couple's Card—Using Jr. and Sr.—Titles on Cards for Men—Professional Cards for Men—Cards for Mourning—When the Woman Goes a-Calling—When More than One Card is Left—Some More Points About Calls and Cards—The Chance Call—Simple Card-Leaving—Should a Stranger Leave Cards?—Cards and Business Calls—When a Man Leaves Cards—The Man's Chance Call—About Leaving and Posting Cards—Leaving Cards of Inquiry—Acknowledging Cards of Inquiry and Condolence—Announcement Cards—When Traveling—P. P. C. Cards.

Some General Rules—Invitation to a Formal Dance—Accepting the Invitation—For the Informal Dance—The Dinner Dance—The Debut Dance—Invitations for the Subscription Dance—Acknowledging Subscription Dance Invitations—Invitation to Public Ball—Requesting an Invitation—The Dinner Invitation—In Honor of Celebrated Guests—The Acknowledgments—For the Informal Dinner—When the Dinner is Not at Home—The Daughter as Hostess—Inviting a Stop-Cap—To Break a Dinner Engagement—Invitations for Luncheons—Acknowledging the Luncheon Invitation—The Informal Invitation—Reception Invitations—Reception in Honor of a Special Guest—Invitations to Garden Parties—Acknowledging the Garden Party Invitation—House or Week-End Parties—The "Bread-and-Butter" Letter—Invitations to the Theater and Opera—Invitations to Musicales and Private Theatricals—Children's Party Invitations—Invitations to a Christening—A Word of Special Caution.

To-day and Yesterday—The Letter You Write—The Business Letter—Function of the Social Letter—The Etiquette of Stationery—Letter and Note Paper—Crests and Monograms—Use of the Typewriter—Regarding the Salutation—Closing the Letter—Addressing the Envelope—Letter of Con- dolence—Acknowledging a Letter of Condolence—Etiquette of the Friendly Letter—The Child's Letter—Letters to Persons of Title.

The Home—Appearance of the House—Dress—Dress for Children—Children and Development—Know Your Children!—Imitation—The Child's Speech—At the Table—Playmates—Children's Parties—Planning Surprises—Receiving the Young Guests—About the Birthday Party—When the Young Guests Leave—Children's Entertainments Away from Home—Children and Dancing—A Word to Parents—Amusements—Let the Child be Natural—The Young Girl—The Girl's Manner—The Chaperon—The Young Country Miss—The Girl and Her Mother—For the Shy and Self-Conscious—Forget About Yourself—Why the Shy are Awkward—Self-Confidence Versus Conceit—Country Hospitality—Importance of Simplicity—The Hostess—The Guest—For Country Folks—The Endless Round of Hospitality—When to Invite—The Guests and Their Duties—Addressing Titled People.

LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS

Part I

PART I

"The power of manners is incessant—an element as unconcealable as fire. The nobility cannot in any country be disguised, and no more in a republic or a democracy than in a kingdom. There are certain manners which are learned in good society, of that force that, if a person have them, he or she must be considered, and is everywhere welcome, though without beauty, or wealth, or genius."

—From Emerson's Essays.

Introduction to Etiquette

CHAPTER I

INTRODUCTION TO ETIQUETTE

WHAT IS ETIQUETTE?

At a meeting of army officers during the Civil War, one of them began to relate a questionable story, remarking, as if to excuse his lack of good taste, that "there were no ladies present." General Grant, who was acting as chairman of the meeting, remarked, "No, but there are gentlemen"—and he refused to allow the officer to continue the story.

What is a gentleman? The question is an old one. It cannot be ancestry, for often the son of most noble and honored parentage is merely a coarse compound of clay and money, offered to society as a gentleman. It cannot be dress—for surely Beau Brummell was not what the world loves to call a gentleman, despite his stiffiy starched cravats and brightly polished boots. It cannot be money, for then many a common thief, made wealthy by his ill-gotten gains, would be entitled to the name of gentleman.

No, it is something that goes deeper than ancestry or dress or wealth—something that is nobler and finer than any, or all, of these. Perhaps it can be best expressed by this beautiful example of what true etiquette can mean:

Henry Ward Beecher, on a very cold day, stopped to buy a newspaper from a ragged youngster who stood shivering on a corner. "Poor little fellow," he said, "aren't you cold standing here?" The boy looked up with a smile and said, "I was, sir—before you passed."

The word etiquette itself does not mean very much. It comes from the same origin as the word "ticket" and originally meant the rules of court ceremony printed on tickets that were given to each person presented at court. But through generations the ideal of perfected culture surged, until to-day we have a code of manners that is the pride and inspiration of refined living.

Laws of Society

Etiquette, after all, is not the finished work, but merely a tool that opens the portals to a broader life, to a greater social happiness. Through its influence we are brought into close companionship with the really worth-while minds of our day. By faithful constancy to its rules we gradually mold our characters until, in our outward dignity and charm, the world reads and understands our ideals.

There is in every human nature the desire for social happiness—which is, frankly, in other words, the desire so to impress by one's manner that one will be welcome and respected wherever one chances to be. And it is only by adhering to the fundamental laws of good society that this social happiness can ever be attained.

In observing the established etiquette of modern society it is necessary to pay particular attention to one's appearance, manner, and speech. It must be remembered that the world is a harsh judge and is perfectly willing to condemn us by outward appearances. In the street-car, in the ball-room, at the theater—every day people are reading the story of our characters and ideals.

Society has its own definite code of manners that must be observed before one can enter its portals. There are certain rules that must be followed before one can enter its envied circle. There are conventionalities that must be observed in requesting a lady to dance, in acknowledging an introduction, in using the knife and fork at the dinner table. There are certain prevailing modes in dressing for the theater and reception. To know and adhere to these laws is to be admitted to the highest society and enjoy the company of the most brilliant minds.

Etiquette is an art—the art of doing and saying the correct thing at the correct time—the art of being able to hold oneself always in hand, no matter how exacting the circumstance. And like music or painting or writing, the more you study it, the more you apply yourself to its principles, the more perfectly your own character is molded.

Control of the Impulses

The cultured man is never angry, never impatient, never demonstrative. His actions and speech are tempered with a dispassionate calmness and tranquillity that the French admiringly call sang froid. He knows how to control his emotions so effectively that no one can read, in his self-possessed expression, whether he is angry or pleased, discouraged or eager.

Perhaps the most striking and admirable thing about a man of breeding is his carefully disciplined impulses. He may at times lose control of himself, but he is never petulant, never incoherent. He may be greatly enthusiastic about some unexpected happening, but he never becomes excited, never loses control of his reasoning faculties. He never gives the appearance of being in a hurry, no matter how swift his actions may be—there is always about him the suggestion of leisure and poise.

Swearing is essentially vulgar. It was Dr. Crane, the famous essayist and philosopher, who said in one of his delightful talks, "The superior man is gentle. It is only the man with a defective vocabulary that swears. All noise is waste. The silent sun is mightier than the whirlwind. The genuine lady speaks low. The most striking characteristic of the superior ones is their quiet, their poise. They have about them a sense of the stars." Strong feeling, anger, have no place in the social life.

We are all uneasy at times. We all have our embarrassing moments. But the well-bred person knows how to conceal his emotions, and impulses, so well that no one but he himself knows that he is uneasy or embarrassed. It is not only exceedingly unpleasant, but it is also very poor form to show by our gestures and frowns and speech that we are annoyed by some circumstance that is entirely beyond our control.

Impulsiveness is often the cause of serious breaches of etiquette—breaches that are, socially speaking, the ruin of many a rising young man, of many an otherwise charming young woman. The gentleman never shows by hasty word or angry glance that he is displeased with some service. The lady never shows, either in her speech or manner, that she is excited with some unexpected happening, or disappointed because something did not happen the way she planned it. It is only by studying the rules of etiquette and knowing absolutely what is right to do and say under all conditions that one acquires this splendid self-possession and composure of manner.

REGARD FOR THE RIGHTS OF OTHERS

William De Witt Hyde, in his book, "Practical Ethics," says, "Politeness is proper respect for human personality. Rudeness results from thinking exclusively about ourselves and caring nothing for the feelings of anybody else. The sincere desire to bring the greatest pleasure and least pain to everyone we meet will go a long way towards making our manners more polite and courteous."

The man or woman who is truly cultured, truly well-bred, tries to make everyone happy and at ease. It is only the exceedingly vulgar person who finds pleasure in hurting the feelings of the people with whom he comes into contact. It makes no difference how wealthy or how poor a person is, how ignorant or educated he happens to be—as a fellow-being he is entitled to a hearty sympathy and respect. Both servility and arrogance are ungentlemanly. Gentleness, simplicity and a sincere regard for the rights of one's companions are the distinguishing marks of a fine character.

THE DANGER OF INTOLERANCE

There is no room for intolerance in the social world. To be honored, respected, one must have a certain friendliness of spirit. The gentleman, the lady treats everyone, from the lowliest beggar to the most distinguished personage with consideration. It is only the man who is unpretentious, who is always eager to please, who is as courteous and considerate in manner to his inferiors as to his equals, that fully deserves the name of gentleman.

The author recently chanced to witness an amusing incident which might be of value to repeat here. It shows forcibly how important the little things are, and how they reveal to the gaze of the world the true story of our actual worth:

An elderly man, who showed quite obviously by his lordly and self-satisfied manner that he was accustomed to travel about in his own car, was on one occasion forced to ride home in the subway. It was rush hour, and thousands of tired men and women were in a hurry to get home. The man impatiently waited his turn on a long line at the ticket office, constantly grumbling and making it disagreeable for those about him. When he finally did reach the window, he offered a ten dollar bill in payment for one five-cent ticket and deliberately remained at the window counting and recounting his change while the people behind him anxiously awaited their turn. When at last he did move away, he had a half smile, half frown of smug and malicious satisfaction on his face which, interpreted to the people he had kept waiting, said that he now felt repaid for having had to travel in the same train with them.

This man, in spite of his self-satisfied manner and well-tailored suit, was very far from being a gentleman. The shabby young man behind him, who also offered a bill in payment for his ticket, but stepped quickly to one side to count his change, and smiled cheerfully at the man behind him, was infinitely more of a gentleman than the one who maliciously, and with evident keen enjoyment, kept the long line waiting.

The true worth of a gentleman is revealed, not in his fashionable clothes or haughty demeanor, but in his re- gard for the rights of ethers. It is the little kindnesses that count—and the instinctive recognition of the rights of others. As England's inimitable J. M. Barrie has so aptly remarked, "Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves."

WHY IT PAYS TO BE AGREEABLE

Why should we know the laws of etiquette? Why should we know the way to do and say things? Why should we be agreeable? These are questions that will undoubtedly arise in the mind of the young man or woman who is eager to cultivate and refine his or her manner and speech.

The answer is: to make one's own life happier—to bring into it a new sunshine, a new joy of living that was not even dreamed of when the mind and spirit were shrouded in the gloom of discourtesy, coarseness and vulgarity.

For how can the boor be happy? With his gloomy face, sour disposition, complaining habits and inherent lack of good taste and culture, he sees only the shadows of life. People are repulsed by him, never attracted. Brilliant men and women, people of refinement and taste, will have nothing to do with him. He lives his own life—his ill-bred, complaining, gloomy, companionless life—an outcast from that better society of which we all long to be a part.

Culture and cheer go hand-in-hand. The cultured man or woman is always cheerful, always finding something good and beautiful in all mankind and nature. Cheerfulness itself means poise—a wholesome, happy, undaunted poise that makes life well-balanced and worth the living.

The person of low, vulgar tastes and desires is seldom contented, seldom happy. He finds everywhere evil, ugliness, selfishness, and a tendency for the world generally to degrade itself to the lower levels of coarseness. He finds it because he looks for it. And he looks for it because it already exists in his mind.

And yet, he may be educated; he may be a recognized power in the financial world; he may even possess enviable talents. But if he lacks that glorious open-hearted generosity, that sincere sympathy and simple understanding with all mankind, that helpful, healthful, ever-inspiring agreeableness of mind and spirit—the world will have none of him.

The man who feels constantly grieved and injured at some injustice, real or imaginary, is sacrificing some of the best things life has to offer. He does not know what it means to be greeted with a smile of pleasure and a warm handclasp. He does not know what it means to be taken whole-heartedly into one's confidence, to be relied upon, to be appealed to. He does not know what it means, in his hours of darkest adversity, to receive the genuine sympathy and encouragement of a friend.

But with culture, with development of mind and spirit, with the desire to adhere truly to society's laws and regard as inviolable the rights of others, there comes a new understanding of human relationship. Where once everything seemed narrow and selfish, one now sees love and beauty and helpfulness. Instead of harsh words and unkind glances, there are words of cheer and encouragement, smiles of friendliness and understanding. The world that once seemed coarse, shallow and unpolished, seems now strangely cordial and polite.

THE SIMPLEST CULTURE

Yes, it pays to be agreeable. We are all like huge magnets, and we tend to attract those things which we ourselves send out. If we are coarse and unrefined, we attract to our company those people who are also coarse and unrefined. If we are disagreeable and unmindful of the rights of others, they in turn will be disagreeable to us, and unmindful of our rights. And similarly, if we are kind and agreeable, we are bound to meet and attract people of the same kind.

There is a pretty little story of a woman and a child, in which the simple friendliness of a little girl opened the door for a woman whose life had been embittered by much hardship and disappointment. She was strolling one day through a mountain farm-house. She did not know where she was going, and she did not care. She just wanted to forget, forget.

She stopped near a well and gazed angrily about her, wondering how there could be so much peace and quiet in a world that held nothing but turmoil and heartache for her. She was an attractive woman, and her smart clothes and haughty bearing were a disappointing contrast to her scowling face and angry eyes.

Suddenly she glanced down. A tiny girl was watching her intently—a little girl who had lived all her seven short years in the untutored expanse of the mountains. The woman was annoyed, and she did not hesitate to show it.

"What are you looking at; what do you want?" she demanded irritably.

Instead of returning the frown, the child smiled and stepped a little closer. "I was just thinking how pretty your face would be if it smiled instead of frowned," she answered.

The woman's face relaxed. The bitter look in the eyes vanished and was replaced by a bright new light. The scowl became a grateful smile, and with an impulsive sob of pure joy, she knelt down and hugged the little girl who had been the first in a long time to speak gently to her, the first in a long time to return her frowns with sincere smiles of friendliness. And when she finally left the little child, and returned to the exacting conventionalities of the town, she was a nobler, better and finer woman.

The simple heart of a child who knew no other creed or law than the sincere love of all mankind triumphed over the bitterness of a woman who had known years of education and worldliness.

Culture is of the heart and spirit rather than of the outward appearance. But it is by what we do and say that we prove that it truly exists within us.

Etiquette's Reward

CHAPTER II

ETIQUETTE'S REWARD

THE ORIGIN OF MANNERS

Why do we observe certain set rules of convention? Why do we greet people in a certain ordained way—by nodding or by lifting the hat? Why do we make introductions and send invitations and cultivate our manners and speech? To find the answer we must trace civilization back to its very source.

One of the first necessities of the savage was to devise some means of showing savages of other tribes that he did not mean to fight—that he wanted to live with them peaceably. At first it was difficult to do this; primeval man was always suspicious, always watchful. He had to be, for his life depended upon it. But slowly certain peaceful observances and signs were established, and the savages began to understand them as greetings of peace and good-will. The salutation and greeting of to-day is a direct result of this early necessity.

This peace-greeting, as we shall call it, was the first semblance of order, the first token of good fellowship that appeared out of the primeval chaos of warfare and destruction. A certain greeting, and things were on a peaceful basis. But let that greeting be forgotten, and the savage's life was the forfeit.

Man developed, and with him developed civilization. From that first "peace greeting" there came certain set salutations, certain forms of homage that bound men together in mutual protection and friendliness. Then slowly, out of this first beam of manners, this first bit of restraint from the savagery of primeval man, there were created certain ceremonies. Some were weird dances to the spirit of the Sun; others were animal or human sacricies to some God of Fear; still others were strange ceremonies for the departed spirit of the dead. But they were ceremonies—and as such they presaged the ceremonies upon which all etiquette, all good manners, are based to-day.

We find that the history of manners keeps pace with the history and evolution of man. And we find that manners, or ceremonies, or respect for fellowmen—or whatever you want to call it—was the first tie that bound men together. It is the foundation upon which all civilization is built.

THE MANNERS OF TO-DAY

Certain sensible rules of etiquette have come down to us from one generation to another. To-day only those that have stood the test of time are respected and observed. They have been silently adopted by the common consent of the best circles in America and Europe; and only those who follow them faithfully can hope to be successful in business and in social life.

There are some people who say that etiquette, that manners, are petty shams that polish the surface with the gilt edge of hypocrisy. We all know that a few people believe this. Who of us has not heard the uncultured boor boast that he is not restricted by any "sissy manners"? Who of us has not heard the successful business man decline an invitation to a reception because he "had no time for such nonsense"? To a great many people manners mean nothing but nonsense; but you will find that they are almost invariably people who never win social or business distinction.

The rules of etiquette as we observe them nowadays are not, as some people suppose, the dictates of fashions. They are certain forms of address, certain conduct of speech and manner, that have been brought down to us through centuries of developing culture. And we observe them to-day because they make contact in social life easier and more agreeable; they make life more beautiful and impressive.

You do not have to observe the laws of good conduct if you do not wish to. Certainly not. You may do just as you please, say just what you please, and wear just what you please. But of course you must not complain when you find the doors of good society closed against you, when you find that people of good manners and correct social conduct avoid you and bar you from their activities. Good manners is the only key that will open the door to social success—and men and women often find that it fits the door to business success as well.

GOOD SOCIETY IN AMERICA

Everyone loves to mingle with cultured, well-bred people; with brilliant and celebrated individuals. Everyone loves to attend elaborate social functions where the gay gowns of beautiful women are only less charming and impressive than their faultless manners. But it is not everyone who can be admitted to these inner portals of good society.

It is a well-known truth that manners rather than wealth decide social rank. A man may be fabulously wealthy, but if he does not know how to act, how to dress and speak, he will not be respected. American society has rules of its own, and those who are not willing to learn these laws are shunned, banished. Etiquette is the wall which divides the cultured from the uncultured, which keeps the ill-bred out of the circles where they would be awkward and uncomfortable, and where they would undoubtedly cause mortification to others.

On the other hand, to know these rules of good conduct is to be admitted to the highest circles of society. To know that one is correct banishes at once all uncertainty, all embarrassment. And one mingles with perfectly-mannered people, calm in the assurance that one knows just what is correct, and that no matter what happens one can do or say nothing to reflect on one's breeding.

THE TRUE LADY AND GENTLEMAN

It is not enough to be wealthy. It is not enough to be widely famed. But if one is well-mannered, if one knows how to conduct oneself with poise, grace and self-confidence, one will win respect and honor no matter where one chances to be.

There are very few men indeed who do not value good manners. They may ridicule them, they may despise them—but deep down in their hearts they know that good manners have a certain charm, a certain power, that wealth and fame together do not possess. They know that right in their own business spheres there are men who owe their success and position to the appearance that they make, to the manner in which they conduct themselves. And they know that there are beautiful women who are coldly repellent; while some plain women win the hearts of everyone with whom they come in contact, merely by the charm of their manners.