A Desk Book on the Etiquette of Social Stationery

Front matter

A DESK BOOK ON THE ETIQUETTE OF SOCIAL STATIONERY BY JEAN WILDE CLARK

EATON, CRANE AND PIKE COMPANY NEW YORK PITTSFIELD, MASS.

Copyright 1910 by Eaton, Crane and Pike Company

Etiquette of Stationery

ETIQUETTE OF STATIONERY

WOMAN is known by the stationery she uses. Paper talks. We read between the lines, along the margin, and across the envelope, the story of good or bad taste which speaks in tone, texture and design.

It's the paper on the desk, not the desk, or the handwrought paper weight, which gives side lights to character and marks the fair scribe as genuine, distinctive, charming or the reverse.

The absent button and the misconnected belt line talk loudly of their owner, but the rustle of her note paper is still more potent.

A woman's stationery opens up a new field to the student of human nature.

One reads the ultra person in the bright blue correspondent, and the careless disregard to daintiness in the page of poorest texture which takes the writing like a blotting pad. Again the modish woman, tasteful and with well-bred charm, trips across the surface of a fabric-finished page toned to softest pearl or ivory, while she of strength and enterprise speaks quickly from the heavy masculine sheet and envelope.

Fashions in stationery rise and fall, differ and turn as do the curves of milady's hat brim. The seasons are marked by many changes in texture, shape and size, often within the realm of good taste, but the fads and fancies of the moment, which run to exaggerated tone and design, are shunned by the woman of refinement.

This little book aims at the best in stationery. Within its pages one may cull many authentic informants, who quote of social usage and the gentle art of etiquette.

The paper on the desk is our first consideration. Three sizes—Lucile, Stockton and Winthrop —are at milady's disposal for social correspondence; for men, the Gladstone, Curzon and Signet sizes. All these and other sizes are shown on the diagrams in the pocket inside of back cover.

The smaller of the three sheets (Lucile) claims notes of a few lines only, congratulations, regrets, and condolences.

The second size (Stockton) is for all social notes, the informal invitations, or the hasty line which requires little space.

The third or letter size (Winthrop) is, as implied, for general correspondence, for the good talking letter to one's dearest friend, and because of its manifold uses should be kept on hand in double quantity.

A high authority states:

"There is one fashion which has never changed the most perfect of all styles good, plain, thick, white note paper, folded square and put in a square envelope."

On the other hand, we have the word of an equally eminent stationer, who declares that "The people will have what they want."

Many women of excellent taste select one style of stationery, and regardless of existing modes hold to it for years. This is distinctive, but a glance at the charming varieties of the stationer's art tempts one to endless modifications, and the trial of one's own ingenuity in motif, monogram and inscription.

The newest papers show a fabric finish such as Crane's Linen Lawn. Two others, popular for a slightly rough surface, are Crane's Fine Chain Laid and Crane's Distaff Linen.

The color of these papers is that white which is known as Dresden White.

These papers are smooth to the pen and firm, without any gloss, and they are to be had in two thicknesses.

Notwithstanding the fact that the fabric-finished papers are more popular and therefore more fashionable, many people prefer the smooth-surface papers, from which there is an equally good choice. Among them might be mentioned Crane's Kid Finish, Crane's Early English and Crane's Satin Finish. Crane's Bond is best liked by those who prefer paper of a light weight and is especially popular for foreign correspondence on account of its strength and excellent character.

Envelopes vary in size and shape and follow no strict rule. A new design is large and almost square, and there are matching sizes for the smaller sheets.

The oblong envelope is, however, considered more generally correct, although a square one in medium size is always in good taste.

The thin-lining envelope of contrasting or darker tone is a late fancy. This idea originated for foreign mail and the transparent envelope, but has been taken up generally by stationers with extremely pleasing results.

Many of these linings are quite distinct from the envelope proper, closing separately with a narrow fold. The contents are thus doubly secure, and the writing concealed.

Violet is a favorite tone for the lining envelopes, combining well with the palest shades of gray or champagne. Two tones of blue are also good, and a russet lining with an ecru paper is most attractive.

In decoration, one may also choose from many modish forms. For instance, the tiny Italian border of color, just lining the edge of sheet and fold of envelope, is most attractive. Daybreak Pink or Baltique Blue with a small monogram in self-tone is in pleasing taste, the monogram appearing again on the envelope if not obtrusive.

Quarter-inch borders of a darker shade than the paper are set a half-inch inside the edge. The pastel colors are extremely dainty treated in this way.

All these variations from the simple unglazed white note sheet in its square-cut envelope are, although quite correct, entirely a matter of individual taste and but hints for the interested. There is no better or higher form, however, than the kid-finished paper, unruled, unglazed, of firmest texture and showing but a tiny crest or unobtrusive monogram.

Monograms

MONOGRAMS

ONOGRAMS play a most important part in the ethics of stationery.

Motifs, emblems and symbols once used so universally for distinction of class and individual, have in the evolution of time and race dwindled into general disuse. These are not the days of emblazoned walls and iron-wrought hangings. The armored knight who bore his color and his crest aloft for recognition is a shadowed memory put away with the fashion of king since the year '76.

Still, we Americans enjoy a touch of distinction which, lost to us through democracy, becomes the cult of individualism, the seal of ownership, the mark of belonging. This fondness takes form in name marking in the cipher motif and the graceful monogram.

A striking monogram, combining the first letters of the full name or the first and last

name is an enviable possession. A woman finds many schemes for its use in the marking of her underwear, table linen, etc., but its touch upon her stationery holds the greatest charm and gains her the credentials of the gently bred.

One cannot urge too strongly the necessity for originality and unusualness in monogram conceits. The stereotyped designs of twisted letters, which are cheaply procurable at the stationery counters, do not lend that mark of personality which is distinctive.

Often one hits upon a clever trick of letter twining with a little pencil practice, and finds the work most interesting as well.

A favorite flower form turned to develop a unique device is at once a personal insignia, and with the monogram stands for what may be called the "democratic crest."

The designer well versed in this work combines the letters so that each stands out clearly

and is easily deciphered at a glance. Curling lines and waves which mean nothing, but only deceive the eyes, are never found in the best examples.

The simpler conception shows the better workmanship, and too strong coloring or high gilding is in doubtful taste.

Among the present modes one notices the long monogram in rather common use. This is set at the upper left corner of note and letter paper, and may be embossed in three tones of one color, or in single gold or silver. Again, the drop letter monogram occupies about the same space, and is most attractive in three tones.

A square effect, the letters in color on a block of gold, or the lines of the device turned to form a square, are among the best designs.

The place of stamping is optional and depends largely on individual taste, but the full line of paper should show the same marking, a

smaller die being often cut for the first size sheets or place cards.

Center or side stamping is a matter of taste, the center being perhaps the most used. If the envelope is marked, the monogram should match the paper exactly in tone and placing.

A striking example is a note paper of heavy white with narrowest coral border. The small monogram in gold and coral is set at the extreme left of paper heading and envelope fold.

Setting the monogram on the fourth page is, although rather extreme, still used by the best stationers.

A new idea is to set the monogram across the center of the fourth page. The paper is then

turned and the writing continued the length of the open sheet. The note is not folded in the ordinary way, but from side to side of the closed sheet, and the envelope is of necessity long and narrow.

A copy of one's signature, or better still, the first letters of the name, forms a pretty conceit for a page heading, but should only be used for personal correspondence.

The hostess at her country house sends the informal invitation for a week's end on the second size note sheet, which bears a tiny line of directions along the upper left margin and the name of her house or the township at the right, thus:

| | Telephone—922 Express—Dayton Station Telegraph—Dayton R. R. Station—Dayton, Conn. Post Office—View Point, Conn. | | | The MANOR View Point, Connecticut

This helps many a guest along a strange way and saves the busy hostess the writing of minute directions. Letter paper, showing the house

address at upper right or center, is very good

form. It may be used by any member of the household, or a guest, but the hostess chooses her monogramed sheets for her personal letters.

Pictured papers are a foreign importation and are not in favored use in America; still a tiny view of one's country house or a sketch which bears out the name, as "Red Oaks," is permissible and entirely a matter of taste. The design must be small and set at the center of the sheet. It is carried out either as a watercolor sketch, or stamped in single tone of gold, green, dull red or blue.

The raised water stamping or embossed effect is simply attractive. The best taste for men's stationery is the unadorned plain square folded sheet of white paper; still this unobtrusive white stamping for crest or tiny monogram is quite permissible.

Tablets of good size and quality are sometimes monogramed in the upper left corner, the single sheet folding once and again into an

oblong envelope. This idea may be used by a business woman, while the single note sheet, with a small square envelope, is also a novelty for the few lines.

Monogramed place cards are a pleasing innovation and almost a necessity to the woman who entertains. A heavy gilt-edged card is used with the monogram in gold at the left. The guest's name is written on the card.

Again, the hostess may use the color scheme

of her table in the marking of her place cards, or substitute them for tallies by attaching a tiny pencil in the color of the monogram. A plain white card monogramed in Christmas red or green with a written word of greeting, makes a pretty, new accompaniment to a gift, and carries a decided touch of personality. The use of these cards at any season for a thought to a friend cannot fail to be appreciated.

The best papers of the season, such as Cranes's Linen Lawn in shades of Daybreak Pink, Willow Green and Orchid, show matching correspondence cards, which exactly fit the envelope and like the paper are bordered with a narrow darker line. These take charmingly to monograming and are a convenience for the note of a few lines. The marking may be in the darker shade or in silver—silver stamping having a decided vogue this season.

Book-marks are a novelty and lend themselves most readily to all forms of monogram and personal insignia. Their mission is to protect one's property, and they are pasted on the inner cover of one's books to designate ownership. Here fancy may run riot in the conception of designs which carry the touch of individuality.

The Letter on the Desk

THE LETTER ON THE DESK

NE MAY acquire the art of letter-writing. Few possess it. A glance down the page of a fair example of our correspondence finds it studded with personal "I's" and filled with household groans.

The letter which is a joyous thing, bringing with it a subtle touch of the sender, and conveying the sense of a personal chat, is the one we seek at the postman's ring. Many clever, fluent talkers become incoherent at the touch of ink. They cannot put themselves on paper and the non-expressive, disappointing type of letter is the result.

The rigid rules of school-day letter-writing one must needs unlearn in the world's classroom. We have no space for shaded pothooks in the characterized hand which we soon assume after our copy-book graduation. One's chirography may be clear, unique and distinctive, but it is what we write, not how we write, that counts.

The good letter is first well spelled and readable, without doubts of ending g's and uncrossed t's. It is direct and clear, void of rambling sentences which require dissecting at the page end, and lastly, it is a personal pen picture—bringing the sender quickly to the mind's eye, and drawing the cords of friendship close.

Remember that friends, even the best of them, although interested in you and yours, care little to read four well-filled pages of domestic news. The departing cook, the teething baby and the food one's husband cannot eat, are not all-absorbing topics to the recipient, and unless of a serious nature, should be left out, or touched on only in a humorous way. It's an interesting little study in possibilities to put down the serious version (to oneself) of a household problem, and then convert the same situation into jest form. It creates that touch of buoyancy which can show a laugh for a tear, and excites the broad smile of amusement. It may be just the needed change in the point of view which helps the other woman through a weary day. Try it and see how quickly such a letter is answered.

And speaking of answering, how many of us really do it? We catch up a sheet of paper, cover it with our own absorbing doings, add a hurried line of health inquiry and send it out. Yes, it is worth just about the price of the two-cent stamp, attached with a crooked slant into the envelope corner.

Read over the letter to be answered before you begin to write. It is a notable help and lends many a clue to an interesting line. Bits of news from the doings of mutual friends may be introduced, and the mention or criticism of new books is often an appreciated word to the friend who may not be able to keep in touch with the world's latest accomplishments.

Forms of address are governed by a few well-made laws. In America, My dear is considered more formal than Dear, the opposite being the case abroad. Good breeding directs following the custom of the country in which one resides. The delightfully talkative letter to one's friend and equal may not be headed at all, but assume the charming tone of a continued conversation, as: I am thinking, dear, how much I want to see you.

A slight acquaintance is addressed as My dear Mr. Willis, and titles should not be abbreviated to Prof. or Dr.; My dear Doctor is the proper form, while Doc. is the height of vulgarity.

Dear Miss, omitting the name, is equally bad form, but Dear Madam may be used in addressing a woman in the most formal terms.

The President is addressed formally as Sir. The envelope reads:

The President

Executive Mansion

Washington, D. C.

The Vice-President is addressed as Sir, or

Mr. Vice-President,

Sir:

A Senator, Congressman, Mayor or Judge has the prefix Honorable, as

Hon. James F. Smith

A letter is addressed

The Honorable James F. Smith Dear Sir:

A Governor is addressed as Excellency and Sir. A Bishop in the United States is Most Reverend Sir.

In addressing a Protestant Minister one uses Dear Mr. Irving, and the envelope reads

The Rev. John F. Irving

The letters D.D. are added if Mr. Irving is a doctor of divinity. The envelope may also be addressed to

Reverend Dr. John F. Irving

No form of speech is so incorrectly used as

the third person. It is only needed in the most formal correspondence, or in the answering of an invitation, but when used in the opening sentence, it must continue to the end, and remain unsigned.

Occasionally we meet such blunders as:

Mrs. John Brown returns the coat purchased yesterday from Smith & Co. I do not like the color.

The note should be couched in the first person throughout, and bear Mrs. Brown's signature, or should read:

Mrs. John Brown returns the coat purchased yesterday from Smith & Co., the color being unsatisfactory.

In the lower left corner Mrs. Brown's address is written, if it does not appear on the paper heading.

The telephone, telegraph and cable have done much to obliterate correspondence. We shorten our lines in these hurried times to note size, although no suspicion of haste must show in the wording.

Under no consideration is a type-written letter permissible in social usage.

A business letter, however, may be typed and bears the subscription of name and address thus:

Mrs. C. F. Fowler 288 Madison Avenue New York

Dear Madam:

Such a letter closes with Yours very truly, and is signed, not typed, with the signature of the sender, or the name of the business firm.

Many married women use their title incorrectly. A woman does not use initials, or the superscription Mrs. in social correspondence; she signs herself:

Dorothy Hudson Black

If the letter is of a business nature, or the person to whom she writes may not know her husband's name, she adds her married title in brackets beneath, thus:

Dorothy Hudson Black (Mrs. Charles S. Black)

An unmarried woman writes (Miss) in parentheses when addressing a stranger to distinguish her from a widow. Writing the title of Mrs. is not permissible on a woman's checks, letters or notes, or in fact at all, except when registering at a hotel, or of necessity on a card, should she happen to be without one of her own, or when writing to a servant.

The wife of a doctor is simply Mrs. Charles Brown, and has no claim to title unless she has gained it individually.

Professional women use their titles as do men. A practicing woman physician is addressed professionally as:

Dr. Mary T. Jones

A divorced woman is addressed as Mrs., not Miss, even when she has resumed her maiden name. Should she retain her husband's name, she adds her own surname with her Christian name, thus:

Eleanor Stewart Smith (Mrs. Eleanor Stewart Smith)

One uses Cordially yours, or Yours very sincerely, in closing letters and notes. It is extremely bad form to omit the word yours in either social or business letter endings. Yours very truly is the approved business form.

Taste and judgment must govern the order of pages. Beginning on the first, turning to the last, and then finishing across the third and second is practical, as the first is turned on the blotter, while the fourth is in progress.

Notes are usually begun on the first and ended on the fourth page, but a formal note or invitation should cover but the first page, and not lengthen to a second.

A note of extreme intimacy may be written inside the sheet from second to third pages.

The letter must be folded evenly to fit the envelope. Using a mismatched envelope is unpardonable, and is classed with the ruled paper and the half sheet.

If extra space is needed to finish the letter, an entire new sheet must be used, even when only a few words are inscribed.

A letter whose margin and heading space is filled in with parting scrawls has a decidedly ill-bred appearance, and needs a chart of directions as well.

An even margin allowed at the left of the page is attractively neat, but often forgotten.

Addressed or monogramed paper is somewhat marred if dated at the head of the page. The date is therefore added after the signature, at the lower left corner and is more elegant if not abbreviated.

An address should be written: 236 Fifth Avenue.

Dates and numbers may be shown in figures, on business letters, but quantities are fully written.

Special Letters

SPECIAL LETTERS

T IS extremely bad form to ask for a letter of introduction in the social world. Such letters should be the spontaneous prompting of a friend, unbidden. If you can make two people acquainted who are equally well known to you, who are sure to enjoy each other or who may gain mutual benefit from each other, it is charmingly courteous to offer the introductory note.

Eccentricities, failings or personalities should not be touched upon, and only the kindly phrase be used which may pave the way for the stranger, or open a social door. The friend who bears the note should know under what terms she is introduced, and it is a pretty courtesy to read the contents, or ask to have it read. The letter of introduction may follow this form, and can hardly be too cordial in tone:

Dear Florence:

This will introduce to you Miss Louise Smith of Philadelphia, whose praises I have so often sung. Miss Smith will be in your charming city for a few weeks, and I am so fond of you both that it delights me to have you meet.

With loving thoughts for you and all the family circle,

Betty

The envelope is addressed to the person to whom the introduction is made, not the bearer, and is, of course, unsealed, as is any message sent by friendly hand.

The bearer has two ways of delivery. She may either leave the letter in person with her visiting card, but without a request to see the person addressed, or she may enclose it in a second envelope with her card, showing temporary address, and send it by mail or messenger.

The recipient of the introductory letter should lose no time in calling on the new friend or acknowledging the letter, and should show her some attention socially, if possible. The French proverb has it, "The friends of our friends are our friends." A man receiving an introductory letter puts the visitor up at his club and shows him some courtesy after a prompt call.

A line of introduction on one's visiting card is often used by busy people, and is quite correct. It savors of haste, however, and is therefore in more general use along business than social lines.

The introductory card is presented in person and reads:

It is an act of courtesy if one has enioyed a friend's hospitality for one or more days, to write immediately a short note of appreciation. Such a line may touch upon one's safe home arrival, any little incident of the journey, and express the pleasure derived from the visit.

An invitation, no matter how informal, must be answered within a week and with certainty. Any delay, or doubtful expression that you think you can come, or will come if in town, is the height of ill breeding. Your hostess wishes to know exactly how many guests to expect, and your answer must be a positive one. The wording of acceptance or regret follows exactly that of the invitation and is addressed to the person who invites you. Invitations to informal affairs—small dinner, luncheon, or a week's end—may be written on note sheets and couched in the first person. The wording should cover only the matter in hand, be free from stiff, stock phrases, and pleasingly cordial in tone.

For the house party the hostess may begin her note of invitation:

Dear Miss Brown:

I am asking a few people out for the week's end.

She may mention some especial guest or friend to be met, and add a kindly word on the sports or festivities to be enjoyed, that her guest may know what dress is expected. An enclosed time table is a happy thought, and the exact time of arrival and departure may be stated.

Informal notes are written for the theatre party. The guests should include an equal number of people, and if a man invites, the chaperon's name is mentioned in the invitation. The theatre party is followed by a supper, which is of course stated in the note, or it may succeed an informal dinner.

Invitation wording must be followed exactly and the fact kept in mind that husband and wife are one in social ways.

A dinner invitation must include the name of both host and hostess, no matter how informal, and the eldest daughter, if hostess in her father's house, includes his name when issuing a dinner invitation.

The home dinner is by far the highest form of courtesy. The invitation wording may be in the third person, thus:

Mr. and Mrs. James Brown would be happy to see Mr. and Mrs. Franklin Smith at dinner on Thursday, the fifth of January, at seven o'clock. Sixty-four Madison Avenue.

Less formal is the personal note in the first person: Will you and Mr. Brown give us the pleasure of your company? etc.

In answering, the wording should be: It gives much pleasure, not It will give.

A young girl does not invite men in her own name, but she may write informal notes on her own paper, saying that her mother or chaperon desires her to extend the invitation.

A small dance needs but a written line on the hostess' monogramed paper, but its wording includes her husband's name, thus:

My Dear Miss Blank:

Will you give us the pleasure of your company at a small informal dance on May 5th?

Trusting that we may see you, Most cordially yours, Mary Hudson Smith

Regrets or acceptance must under no circumstances be written on one's card, but take the form of a short note following the invitation wording.

The etiquette of card invitations is found in a later chapter.

The congratulatory note should be genuinely joyous, but is more often an obligatory burden.

A birthday letter to an aged friend should have no hint of the advance of years, but rather the "touch of the spirit of youth." Kindly, friendly interest must prompt the letter of congratulation, and its true ring cannot fail to be appreciated.

Heartiest congratulations written on one's card, is sufficient to accompany gifts of flowers for the young mother, or a wedding anniversary remembrance. One offers the best of good wishes to a bride, but never congratulations—these are for the bridegroom only. A letter of congratulation to the bridegroom, if an intimate friend, is a pleasing attention. Such a letter includes well wishes for the bride.

Congratulatory telegrams are addressed to the newly wedded pair on the day of the wedding, and should be received as soon after the ceremony as possible.

Letters of condolence are by far the most difficult form of written etiquette. One shrinks from touching another's grief, and yet there is no other way of sympathetic expression. Even between closest friends the presence of death seems to draw a wordless veil and leaves one dumb and inarticulate, but this would not exist if we could realize how much the sorrowing one needs and wants our sympathy. A word coming at such a time, if but from the merest acquaintance, brings an unquestionable relief and help, for it bears the comforting touch of a human hand.

Still, a note of condolence is most difficult at times to compose, and if one cannot find satisfactory wording, the simple line Sympathy on one's visiting card is sufficient.

The written word should be short, but genuine. I am thinking of you and sending you my heartfelt sympathy has a touch of personal warmth.

The letter or card is sent or left in person, but without the request to see any member of the family.

One should give such sympathetic expressions immediate attention, and not neglect them until the funeral is over.

Notes of condolence are never written on black-bordered paper, unless the person who writes is also in mourning.

An engagement is usually announced by a tea given by the girl's mother or near relative. Engraved announcement cards are not issued, except by families of Jewish or German extraction.

A luncheon given by a friend of the engaged girl, the news coming as a surprise, is a charming form of announcement. The invitations are simple notes written in the first person.

A "shower" for the bride-elect may shortly follow the luncheon. The invitations are sent by the girl at whose house the shower is to be, and read:

Dear Miss Brown:

I am giving a linen shower for Miss Smith on Friday at four o'clock. Will you not come, and, if possible, send your remembrance to me in the morning, as I am planning a surprise?

Trusting I may see you on Friday,

Very cordially yours,

Frances White

The Formal Invitation

THE FORMAL INVITATION

ALL FORMAL invitations, which include the evening reception, dinner, or dance, are engraved. The names of both host and hostess appear on invitations for weddings, dinners or evening receptions and the cards should be sent at least two weeks in advance. Invitations for afternoon affairs, teas, At Homes, garden parties, etc., are issued in the hostess' name alone.