Some thoughts on life's battle: from Judaism to Christianity

Preface

I trust every reader of these pages will accept them in a spirit of loving kindness. They are addressed especially to Christians by a Christian who desires to see a better feeling established between them and the race from which he springs. They are not published as a literary effort, but for the purpose of glorifying God and advancing the spiritual kingdom of our Lord and Saviour Christ Jesus ; by awakening the Christian world to a sense of its duty to the Jewish race, and in the further hope of bringing to the knowledge of the sinstricken and sorrow-laden the peace and joy to be found by accepting the burden-bearer, our Lord and Saviour.

The thoughts are a faithful record of my spiritual life as Jew and Christian.

I have come forward in the greatest of all causes, viz., in the hope of being a peace-maker between those who are worshiping God under the old and those who are worshiping him under the new dispensation. Some may think my method is ill-advised, but I have written with all boldness from a consciousness of right-wishing.

I ask the prayers and sympathy of every right-minded worshiper of God, Jew or Christian, for the success of my effort, and in committing these pages to the guidance of the Holy Spirit, I say : Heavenly Father, Thy will not mine be done. Yours fraternally,

The Author.

TO

A Most Loving and Self-sacrificing

These Pages are Dedicated

by HER

3£ttectioriate £ajo«.

COPYRIGHTED, 1888, BY m. levy.

Should any profit result from the sale of this work, it will be devoted exclusively to charitable purposes.

FROM JUDAISM TO CHRISTIANITY.

Chapter I

Remember not the sins of my youth, nor my transgressions : according to thy mercy remember thou me for thy goodness' sake, Lord.— Psalm xxv, 7.

With feelings of unbounded thankfulness to Almighty God for His abundant mercy and loving kindness to me, I sit down to write a brief narrative of my conversion from Judaism to Christianity, and thereby testify to my faith in the power and might, honor and glory of His only begotten son, our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Having in former times endeavored to serve Him under the law, when my sins being always before me prevented me gaining peace of mind, I am now enabled to appreciate in its supremest extent what peace and joy there is in serving Him under grace. Oh, for words to portray the happiness that enters into one's life when he realizes that Christ Jesus died on the cross as a propitiation for sinful mankind ! What joy in the knowledge that whosoever will may wash away his sins in the blood of the Lamb, and " thereby worship God in the beauty of holiness"! All who accept Christ in sincerity and in truth will testify that His spiritual kingdom is one "flowing with milk and honey,"

FEOM JUDAISM TO CHRISTIANITY.

CHAPTER I.

Remember not the sins of my youth, nor my transgressions : according to thy mercy remember thou me for thy goodness* sake. Lord.— Psalm xxv, 7.

With feelings of unbounded thankfulness to Almighty God for His abundant mercy and loving kindness to me, I sit down to write a brief narrative of my conversion from Judaism to Christianity, and thereby testify to my faith in the power and might, honor and glory of His only begotten son, our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Having in former times endeavored to serve Him under the law, when my sins being always before me prevented me gaining peace of mind, I am now enabled to appreciate in its supremest extent what peace and joy there is in serving Him under grace. Oh, for words to portray the happiness that enters into one's life when he realizes that Christ Jesus died on the cross as a propitiation for sinful mankind ! What joy in the knowledge that whosoever will may wash away his sins in the blood of the Lamb, and "thereby worship God in the beauty of holiness"! All who accept Christ in sincerity and in truth will testify that His spiritual kingdom is one "flowing with milk and honey,"

and that "all its ways are ways of pleasantness, and all its paths are peace."

About the year of our Lord eighteen hundred and eighty, being under a deep conviction of sin, and feeling under condemnation in the sight of God, I determined I would endeavor by His help to lead a pure and holy life. I belonged to the Jewish faith, and as a first step connected myself with the North London Synagogue, situated in the vicinity of my home, in one of the suburbs of London, England. From the first I did not find the peace and joy I had expected in my new life. That something was required to bring my nature into communion with my Heavenly Father was evident, otherwise I would not have been conscious of this failure to realize peace of mind. It was not occasioned by any lack of effort on my part to do my duty. I was a constant attendant at the synagogue, and in many ways connected myself with charitable work. The feeling of disappointment not only applied to myself but also to many whom I had always looked up to as being strictly religious men, but whom I found on a more intimate acquaintanceship to be guilty of acts I had thought impossible in those professing religious feeling.

The service as conducted in the synagogue I attended was almost exclusively in Hebrew, only one lecture or sermon each month being delivered in English. In common with most of the younger generation of Jews I was not a good Hebrew scholar, and came to the conclusion that if a greater part of ihe service was read in the vernacular the congregation would be enabled to learn more of God's revealed Word. Acting in accordance with this thought, at the annual meeting of the members of the congregation I moved a resolution that we should have the lectures in English more frequently. This resolution was passed unanimously by the meeting, but much to my surprise and disappointment it was not carried into effect during the following year. Having a very strong opinion on the subject, at the approach of the next general meeting I issued the following circular :

To the Congregation of the North London Synagogue:

Gentlemen: At our last general meeting I moved the following resolution : " That not less than two lectures be delivered each month." This was unanimously carried, but no effect has been given to the wishes of the congregation embodied in their vote on that occasion, and I beg respectfully to inform you I intend moving a similar resolution at our next general meeting. I shall hold a very strong opinion as to the desirability of having these lectures more frequently, and wish to test the present opinion of the congregation on the subject. I ask you, as a personal favor, to read the arguments I used on the last occasion, and earnestly solicit your support and vote.

Yours faithfully,

Mark Levy.

" Without doubt religious lectures refine and elevate the moral tone of our characters, and are calculated to develop all those better thoughts and feelings that lie latent within us, and which are an inherent part of our nature. They substitute a better for a poorer class of thought, and thereby tend to make our life happier and worthier. They teach us charitableness in its noblest form, by prompting us to give in thankfulness for the many benefits we enjoy, rather than from those meaner and narrower impulses which have for their object a selfish reason or a motive. They teach us to be tolerant of the faults and follies of others, because they prove that even the greatest among us are not entirely free from temptation and guile. In sorrow and misfortune they bid us hope when we should otherwise despair, by showing that those circumstances we often deplore as our direst calamities sometimes prove to be our greatest blessings.

11 If we agree as to the beneficent influence that these lectures have on our characters, then to every reasoning mind will be obvious the necessity of having them frequently. To those who have always led a strictly religious life this may not appear so conclusive, but they are required for those who have not done this, but are exploring, as it were, new and unknown regions, and, having struck on the correct path, require a guide or a landmark to keep them from deviating from the beaten track; and then, to be of lasting good, these landmarks should be placed at such regular and frequent intervals that there would be no fear of losing sight of one before another appears in view. And I maintain that the most efficacious way of facilitating this much-to-be-desired result is by having these lectures more frequently. They are to the Prayer-book and the Bible what a key is to an. ordinary school-book, because they explain and clear from mystery many of those circumstances relating to our observances and traditions, on the subject of which we should otherwise remain in ignorance, from the simple fact that the loss of too much time is involved in personal reference and research * This would not apply so directly to those greater events in our history, which, from the very immensity of their importance, leave an indelible impression on our minds, and which few of us fail to commemorate by religious observance, but to those lesser links in the chain of events, which, though not in themselves of vital importance, are in their aggregation the great strength and basis of our religious belief, and the commemoration of which by most of us are gradually falling into desuetude. Therefore the necessity is greater now than at any previous period in our history of keeping before the minds of the younger members of the congregation, in a manner that is intelligible to them, the truths of our religion, and the necessity is even greater of supporting these truths by conclusive evidence. In times gone by, when we were mostly congregated within a restricted radius and our habitations were contiguous to our schools and synagogues, it naturally followed that the influence that was inculcated by examples from our earliest infancy was sufficiently powerful to instill into our minds, for our religious observances, that reverence, without which in the past ' they would never have weathered the storms of time.' Now, to a great extent, this is altered. "With an increase of general prosperity, and with a greater scope for indulgence in social intercourse with our

• I would explain there is no command in the Bible for many of the Jewish observances.

neighbors of different religious beliefs, we have witnessed a lessening in that regard for our own religious education that every true Jew can not but deplore. One simple fact will illustrate this assertion. Formerly nearly every Jew would have been able to repeat from memory any prayer. Now, this is not so. Formerly, being unable to do so would have been quoted as a personal shame. Now, it is more general than otherwise, and does not occasion so much uneasiness as being unable to answer a difficult mathematical question. In my opinion the influence of these lectures, which appeal more forcibly to our understanding and intelligence than. do the constant reiteration of our prayers, will gradually lessen and finally eradicate that indifference into which the youth of the present generation are drifting with respect to the minor observances that our religion imposes on us.

"The true aim of religious ceremony is to define and make clear to our understanding the duty and obligation w T e owe to the Almighty and to one another. Therefore, unless our services appeal to our intelligence they accomplish no permanent good. And .this, I assert, they do not do. They have only a negative influence. But if, by the aid of these lectures, we render them intelligible, then, without a willful stifling of conscientious scruples, they can not fail to prompt us to strive for the attainment of those best qualities of mind and heart, the possession of which can alone bring true happiness.

"Our services in their primary objects are analogous with those of the Christian churches, and if they should think it necessary, even with the great advantage they possess, by being enabled to say their prayers in the vernacular to further enhance their intelligibility by the aid of these lectures, how much greater must the necessity be in our own case, when our prayers, as we are obliged to say them, are unintelligible to more than a moiety of the congregation. Without their aid our services entirely fail to impress us with their true meaning and object, but by their aid we are enabled to interpret our religion in conformity with its widest and truest principles.

"I do not wish to be understood or accused of hypocrisy; I am simply expressing the opinion of one who has not always led a religious life; nor do I now profess to perform every religious observance, but from this very fact I am enabled to appreciate the immensity of good these lectures will accomplish. And I would also ask you to view this question from a worldly stand-point. Let the dominant feeling be whether or not they will conduce to the eventual benefit, welfare, and happiness of your children. They keep before their minds in an intelligible form right as opposed to wrong. They will train them to a strict integrity, an unfailing charity, a wide tolerance, and an unbounded sympathy for sorrow and suffering; and to develop or call from dormancy these virtues, our prayers, as we say them, have not the power.

" It is with a certain amount of diffidence that I have come forward on what may be considered a personal idea and wish, but I feel assured in construing my motives that that tolerance which is always tendered to a young member of a community who comes forward in what he conceives to be the welfare of the general body, would be extended to me, even should my opinion prove erroneous, and it would also be sufficient to dispel any illusion that might exist in the minds of those gentlemen who form the executive as to a desire to arrogate to myself, in suggesting an innovation of this description, that position which they might think belongs exclusively to themselves."

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One of our ministers had died a few months before this was written — not the one who had delivered the lectures — and it became necessary that another should be chosen to fill his place. Our congregation was made up of two parties, German and English. Several ministers had appeared before us, and the selection had narrowed itself down to two, one a German, who had just arrived in England, and another, also a German, but who had resided in England from babyhood, in fact he was virtually an Englishman. The choice of the English party naturally rested on the latter. The German party selected the former. As no unanimous decision could be arrived at it was decided to have an election. Committees were formed for the purpose of furthering the candidature of the selected ministers, and I was appointed the

Honorary Secretary of the committee of the English party, and the meetings in connection with the election were held at my mother's house. However, before the day fixed for the election arrived, a minister connected with the most important synagogue in London died, and our candidate received a call to fill this position, and, acting in accordance with our advice, he accepted it.

In connection with the election much ill feeling had been displayed, and as the Secretary of the English party I was made the center of much ill-natured criticism, especially in connection with the circular I had just issued in reference to revision of the ritual. I would mention, nearly every executive officer of the synagogue was connected with the German party.

Smarting under the injustice, and feeling convinced, after a struggle of over two years' duration, that I should never find happiness in the Jewish religion, I determined to seek this elsewhere, and decided to sever my connection with my old faith, and thereupon addressed the following circular to the congregation :

11 Petherton Road, N., May 1, 1883.

To the Members of the North London Synagogue:

Gentlemen: At our last general meeting I moved a resolution that not less than two lectures be delivered each month. This was unanimously carried, but no ^attention has been given to the wishes of the congregation. I had a very strong opinion on the subject, and believe also that the preponderance of opinion on the question was in accord with my own; and having knowledge that our minister was not unwilling to carry our wishes into effect, the question naturally suggested itself to my mind, Why is it that a potent influence for good is not utilized to its fullest extent? Acting in accord with these ideas, I sent out a circular stating I intended again coming forward in the matter.

I would ask you to believe I acted from purely conscientious

14 SOME THOUGHTS OX LIFE'S BATTLE.

motives, and assumed that within God's house at least all personal feeling, all antagonism, every motive that had its inception in personal dislike or friendly bias would be put aside, and that religious questions would be discussed in conformity with the precepts of religious teaching; that is, I thought every one would express his opinion according to his conscience and convictions, credit others with doing likewise, and show the greatest tolerance for the opinions of those who differed from himself.

I came forward uninfluenced by any wish to interfere with or force my opinion on those gentlemen, who were perhaps, from their age and from the length of service spent in the interest of the congregation, better qualified than myself to guide and influence those who take but a transitory interest in religious affairs. I did not lose sight of this fact for one moment, but bearing in mind that the resolution was unanimously adopted last year, that our minister was not unwilling to carry it into effect, and having some doubts as to the present wishes of the congregation in the matter, I was justified and acted in perfect accord with the dictates of common sense, in endeavoring to influence the minds of the congregation before again bringing the subject on for discussion ; therefore I am not, as was said in your committee-room by one of your committee-men, a mad-man for having suggested this innovation. None can correctly say what is the atmosphere surrounding the inner lives of their fellow men. None knows what reason, what motive, or what accident of circumstances prompts another to each separate action of his career; but, be it joy or be it sorrow that influenced me, I always endeavored to be as I appeared to be, and I wished all to be as I wished to be, viz., a true Jew, with the respect and esteem of my fellow-men. If this be significant of madness, I am willing to admit I am mad. If that gentleman had kept before his mind this thought, Express your opinion accordingly to your conscience and convection and give others credit for doing likewise, then I think he would have shown a greater tolerance than he has displayed for the opinion of one who differed from himself and who utilized the only means possible for expressing his ideas, and then he would have disdained to make remarks that could not fail to be hurtful even though they redounded to his own discredit.

Instead of the exercise of this mutual tolerance, what feeling do we- find existent among us? A disposition to credit those who take an interest in religious matters with every motive but that which is good and honorable. I for one can thoroughly understand that two men can have an opinion on the same subject opposed to each other, and still both be acting according to their conscience and their convictions.

I had come to the conclusion that those men I had always looked up to as conscientious, religious men did not possess those qualities I thought they should have, and I conceived that the influence of these lectures on the minds of the younger generation would call from dormancy qualities that are conspicuous by their absence in the older generation. I had come to the conclusion that there existed less tolerance, less real charity, and far less sympathy for sorrow and suffering among those who profess religious feeling than among those who do not make any such profession, but I was willing to be convinced of my error if error it be.

It is now three weeks since the circular was issued. Since then I have come in contact with many members of the congregation, and how correct my conclusions are has been forcibly impressed on my mind. Instead of mutual tolerance I have heard none but the most unworthy motives assigned to those who have taken part in the canvass for the election of our minister.

There are those among the congregation with whom I have spent many happy hours. Some well know I have always endeavored to act in accordance with my conscience and convictions. They now prompt me to inform you I intend to renounce Judaism and embrace Christianity. There are many things in the religion I fail to understand, and the feelings that animate the majority of those who profess to be religious are not such as I conceive religion should develop, and all will agree that that which is a source of sorrow should be struck out of one's life. ,

Immediately on the appearance of this circular I received many visits and letters of sympathy from friends and strangers. I had issued it in a moment of irritation, and while smarting under a sense of unjust treatment, but without the slightest knowledge of the truths of the Christian religion.

Under the benign influence of sympathy and expressions of kindness on all sides, and after a visit to the chief Babbi, I was convinced I had acted thoughtlessly, and thereupon, at his request, I sent out another circular to the congregation, stating I would never renounce the Jewish religion.* I would mention I had been on one of the committees of the Jewish Board of Guardians for some time. This board is one of the noblest and best organized charitable institutions in the world, and most of the best and noblest of the English Jews are connected with it. Immediately on sending out the circular, announcing my intention to renounce Judaism, I sent a letter to the chairman of the committee, resigning my position. In response I received a most kindly-worded letter, acknowledging valuable services, and asking me, as a personal favor, to withdraw my resignation.

While I could not fail to be gratified at the expressions of sympathy that were showered on me, still the painful experiences I had gone through left me in a state of mind gloomy in the extreme. I had made a sincere effort to do my duty in the sight of God and man, and the result was a miserable failure. I was disappointed alike in myself and others. For a few weeks I continued attending the synagogue, but finally gave up doing so altogether.

I will not dwell on the experiences of the next few months, but I will simply say I endeavored to drown my sorrow by indulging in every species of excitement, and it appeared as if I was to reap a fitting reward, inasmuch as during this period I was overtaken by many disappointments and misfortunes through causes over which I had no control.

At last in my sorrow and despair I commenced attending

*As a Christian I have the consolation of knowing I have not done this— one being the fulfillment of the other.

church, and from the very first the service had a most soothing influence on my mind, especially the singing, and I could say then as now :

I go into the house of God,

And hear the sweet hymn swelling high, And heart and soul in glad accord . Unite to say no sin is nigh.

If it was for the purpose of hearing the singing that I first continued attending, I soon found that the prayers and sermons were appealing to my heart and conscience with the full force of truth, and after much hesitation I commenced reading the New Testament. Its sublime teachings impressed me most powerfully, and many questions I had been asking myself all my life I found answered therein. The verses that struck me most forcibly were those of St. Paul, Rom. vii, 19- 25 : " For the good that I would I do not : but the evil which I would not that I do. Now if I do that I would not, it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me. I find then a law, that, when I would do good evil is present with me. For I delight in the law of God after the inward man. But I See another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. O wretched man that I am ! who shall deliver me from the body of this death ? I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord."

I had been continually asking myself, why should man be held responsible for sin, considering he is born in sin ? In the present day the Jews make no sin-offering to God as a propitiation for their transgressions. It is true they fast one day in the year as an atonement, but the feeling with me was one of continued suspense during the greater part of the year.

It was therefore like a revelation to me to read in Rom. v, 18-21 : ' w Therefore as by the offense of one judgment came upon all men to condemnation ; even so by the righteousness of one the free gift came upon all men unto justification of life. For as by one man's disobedience many were made sinners, so by the obedience of one shall many be made righteous. Moreover the law entered, that the offense might abound. But where sin abounded, grace did much more abound : that as sin hath reigned unto death, even so might grace reign through righteousness unto eternal life by Jesus Christ our Lord,"

Finding my nature was in perfect sympathy with the teachings of the Christian religion, and also finding I experienced a peace and joy during the services in the churches never before known, I finally determined, despite my promise to the chief Rabbi, to embrace the Christian religion, but taking this promise into consideration, and wishing to spare the feelings of my relatives, I decided to leave England before making a public proclamation of my faith, and with this thought uppermost in my mind I started for Australia.

Chapter II

Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness : for they shall be filled.— Matt, v, 6.

After an affectionate parting with my old friends and relatives—and it is a source of supreme satisfaction to me at the present time to know I still possess their love and confidence — I started on my voyage for the new world, where I expected, on my arrival, to start a new life in a new religion. The day was gloomy in the extreme, and appeared to be in perfect sympathy with the condition of my mind. I was leaving a mother and sisters bowed down with sorrow at the thought that I might never return, and their grief was aggravated by the knowledge that it was my intention to renounce the religion of my father ; and I could not fail to realize what a source of anxiety I had been to them for some considerable time, and through it all they had displayed the most considerate loving kindness, and had endeavored by every means that affection could suggest to assuage my sorrow; but all their efforts had been in vain, and I was convinced they would continue to be so. The intense mental struggle I had undergone had made its influence felt on my bodily health, and I will sum up my condition at that time by saying I do not think there could possibly have been in any part of the globe a more miserably despondent being than myself.

It is my intention to refer only to those events of the voyage that had an influence on my thoughts as far as concerns my religious life. For the first few days I was too unwell to take note of what was transpiring, but the following lines, written about a week after leaving home, will convey a true impression of my thoughts. They are taken from my journal, as are all the thoughts in verse that will appear herein :

MEMORIES.

As I watched the wild surging waves, all crested with foam,

From the ship that was bearing me far, far from my home,

And listened to the ceaseless flit and flap of the sail,

Shook into rapid motion by the fast rising gale,

And then gazed across the boundless stretch of the ocean,

While feeling distress from its quick, billowy motion,

My restless mind slowly wandered back over the past,

And sadness tinged ev'ry thought, for had I not cast

Over the lives of the loved ones left far, far behind