Memoirs of the life of Miss Caroline Elizabeth Smelt,...

Front matter

Class Book

C T£*r 5

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Part Second

From her entrance upon her sixteenth year, to the commencement of her last illness, including a period of one year and eight months.

Having traced the footsteps of this young female through the periods of infancy and childhood, we have now come to that part of her short life which was most eventful. She had now arrived at the commencement of her sixteenth year, when she was about to be ushered into society as a young lady. Her principles were pure, her manners dignified, and extremely modest. She was unaffected, intelligent, and inoffensive ; graceful, meek, and affectionate. Her mother saw much to gratify her fond heart, but her mind was not free from maternal anxiety. The eternal welfare of this beloved daughter lay near her heart.

Mrs. Smelt had long ere this time cherished a hope that her beloved Caroline was a child of grace ; but she now feared that she might be drawn into various temptations, be allured by worldly amusements, contract a fondness for gay society, and thereby lose her religious impressions. She regretted the want of a regular ministry. The ill health of Dr. Thompson, who was their pastor at that time, subjected his congregation to many privations. Therefore, the only resource of her mother's miad, in her then trying circumstances, appeared to be a steady application to a throne of grace in her child's behalf, together with the use of such methods and admonitions as might appear most proper to counteract the influence of (he world. She was soon surprised to see her daughter show no fondness for parties of pleasure, and to hear her express great wonder, that rational beings could be so delighted with them. She several times observed to her mother, that she did not think it profitable or right, in serious people, to countenance so much jolly and extravagance m what were termed social parties; and as to her own feelings, she could truly say they afforded her neither pleasure nor improvement ; that she enjoyed the society of a few friends around her father's fireside, or the perusal of a good book, more than she did any gay amusement.

Notwithstanding these were her sentiments, she was often allured to participate in fashionable follies, and for eight months previous to her acquaintance with the Rev. Mr. J. she had been much engaged in worldly amusements.

There are, no doubt, many who will ever regard it as a token of the goodness of Divine Providence, that this ambassador of Christ was directed to visit Augusta at this time. His visit was short, but loug enough to afford a number of persons an opportunity of becoming acquainted with him, of hearing him preach several times, and of laying the foundation of a friendship which, it is hoped, will continue through eternity. He left them in July, 1816, intending to visit the Western country, and uncertain whether he would return to Augusta. Mrs. Smelt requested an interest in his prayers, but particularly, that he would remember her beloved Caroline at a throne of grace ; and she yet feels a pleasing confidence that he did not forget her request.

Shortly after this, the Presbyterian church of Augusta being then destitute of a pastor, Caroline retired to the country to spend the residue of the summer about twelve miles from town. There, in the society of her sister-cousin, Cornelia Waiker, she promised herself much satisfaction. She had enjoyed this retreat but a

MISS CAKOLINE ELIZABETH SMELT, 37

few days when she was attacked with a slight indisposition, but which continued until the month of October. During this indisposition both her parents were frequently with her. Her mother observed, with deep concern, the decline of her Caroline's health ; but neither she nor Dr. Smelt could discover any symptoms to justify any apprehension of immediate danger. She was not confined, nor did she complain of any thing but want of appetite, and consequent debility. Her parents knew her attachment to study, and advised her to exercise more in the open air; to put away, for the present, her books, globes, maps, &c. and to substitute walking, riding, and swinging, until her strength should be restored. She complied with their wishes, and in a few weeks appeared considerably improved in health, but not entirely well.

Her aunt Walker, who was daily with her, hacl taken up an idea that Caroline's mind or heart was not at ease. She mentioned this to Mrs. Smelt, who could not think so, as the beloved of her bosom had never concealed any thing from her knowledge which had interested herself in the smallest degree. Mrs. Walker then said to Mrs. Smelt, with apparent concern, " Sister, I will give you my reasons for thinking you may be mistaken." Mrs. Smelt, feeling well assured that her sister was influenced by the

c 3 purest motives of affection to them both, desired her to do so* She then stated, that Caroline's conduct towards her beloved cousin Cornelia was much changed ; and that, although she was still kind and obliging, yet she was not as fond of her society as formerly; would frequently appear to avoid her, and walk alone, rather than have her company ; that she was in the habit of retiring to her room and remaining there alone for two or three hours at a time ; that Cornelia had noticed it, and more than once had said to her cousin, that she could not account, for such a change in her deportment ; to which Caroline had replied, with her usual sweetuess of temper, that she was conscious of no diminution of affection for her, but that she felt it good to be alone sometimes. Mrs. Walker further added, that when Mrs. Smelt was not there, Caroline was often unusually pensive; but when she (Mrs. Smelt) was present, there was a great difference observable ; that but a few days before, she (Mrs. W.) had entered Caroline's room and found her writing ; that on approaching the table where she sat, Caroline suddenly gathered up her papers, and holding them in her hand, observed with a smile, " Aunt Walker, you have given me a little surprise." Mrs. W. then asked her to let her see what she had been writing, and to whom ; but with this request she did not comply, and said

MISS CAROLINE ELIZABETH SMELT. 3D

she had merely been scribbling a little for her own amusement. Mrs. Walker further mentioned to her sister, that the roll which Caroline held in her hand was as large as a quire of paper, but she saw only the outside of it.

After receiving this information, without any alarm, Mrs. Smelt had an opportunity of seeing the roll. She found it in a very secret place, and its contents afforded her sincere satisfaction* It was nothing more or less than a diary, or breathings after divine grace. In the presence of Mrs. Walker she read it, and they both concluded not to let. Caroline know that they had seen it, but to return it to its proper place, and let her continue it without interruption. But it was never seen by either of them afterwards. During Caroline's last illness, her mother informed her of these particulars, and inquired after the manuscript ; to whom she replied, that she had destroyed it, not supposing that her youthful effusions could be interesting to any one.

She returned home from the country late in October, her health being considerably improved, yet still rather feeble. The church which she had usually attended was still destitute of a pastor. She was soon surrounded by her gay young friends and an extensive acquaintance; but she seemed resolved not to be allured into what she then considered to be criminal amuse* ments, and took a decided stand against them. Within a few weeks after her return, the Rev- Mr. J. again visited Augusta, and was prevailed on to tarry there six or eight months. Caroline now regularly attended on his ministry, and appeared to grow in the knowledge and love of evangelical truth. Doctor Smelt's family were frequently favoured with the social visits of their pastor, and a pleasing hope was once more entertained by Mrs. Smelt, that her Caroline would soon make a profession of her faith in Christ. She could seldom prevail on her daughter to converse freely about herself. Whenever this subject was touched upon, which lay nearest to her heart, tears would begin to flow without one word accompanying them.

In the course of the winter, Miss Caroline engaged in a Scripture-class, composed of young ladies, for the improvement of their knowledge of the Holy Scriptures. This institution was projected and patronised by Mr. J. and was of incalculable advantage to Miss Caroline. During the winter she resisted every invitation and solicitation to attend the dancing assemblies, except one ; and but once did she attend the theatre. On her return from the ball she informed her mother, that she had made a solemn resolution never to attend another. This she carefully kept, and never did attend another ball, though she frequently engaged in private parties, but seldom, if ever, with her own consent.

About this time Mrs. Smelt felt unusually exercised about the eternal welfare of her daughter, and frequently retired with her to hold secret prayer. She felt oppressed with apprehensions for the life of her child, and to many of her friends expressed a fear that she should lose her soon. To one she said, " I fear that the worm is already at the root of my gourd : I feel an awful presentiment that my Caroline will descend to an early tomb." To another she said, " O that my child were but right in the sight of the Lord, I should then feel more comfortable, and less reluctant to part with her. ,, To a pious friend she frequently mentioned her apprehensions, and intreated him to lay her case before the Lord. She saw that Caroline was serious, that she had very correct views of religion ; was remarkably tender, and read the Scriptures. She had also good reason to believe that she was attentive to secret devotion. She listened attentively to pious instructions, while the tears would flow down her cheeks ; but she never could draw her out in conversation, so as to obtain a knowledge of her views as it respected herself, nor could any of her pious friends succeed any better.

She was asked several times by her mother, why she observed so much reserve on this allimportant subject, and could be so communicative on any other ? She once replied, " My dear mamma, I have no confidence in myself; I hope to do that which is right when I shall have more experience. I desire to belong to the little flock, but I am too unstable." On another occasion, she said to her mother, " I was very much impressed under the discourse of Mr. J. last Sabbath, and thought that he was preaching to me exclusively. I felt very solemn, and made a number of good resolutions, and hoped I should be enabled to keep them. I thought that I would, and determined to begin that day. But alas ! I had scarcely left the church when I was surrounded by a number of my gay young friends, several of whom walked home with me, and introduced a great deal of small light chat; and before I reached home, I found all the solemnity occasioned by the sermon so nearly effaced, that scarcely an impression was left. I feel very guilty as it is, but if I were a professing Christian, what dishonour should I bring on the church V

The winter and spring passed away without any very remarkable occurrence. One circumstance, however, seems worthy of notice, as it was referred to afterwards. Some time late in that winter, Mr. J. accompanied by a minister of the Gospel who was a stranger, came to Doctor Smelt's house, in order to spend the evening with the family. In the course of the conversation, Mrs. Smelt mentioned some of the difficulties which she had experienced when she was about to be made a subject of the new birth. Caroline had often heard of those difficulties before, and always discovered much sensibility on such occasions ; but this evening she appeared unusually impressed, insomuch, that she took no part in the conversation afterwards. Mr. J. observing that she was dejected, approached her seat, and with affectionate solicitude said to her, " Miss Caroline, you must not be discouraged at what your mamma has stated; the Lord, I hope, will draw you by the cords of love. Very few experience as severe exercises of miud as she did." He then put into her hand a small religious tract, which she read before she retired to rest, and which appeared to comfort her, though she said nothing. Doctor Smelt being on a visit to a sick lady in the country, and Caroline intending that night to sleep with her mother, the latter considered it a good opportunity to converse freely with her daughter on the necessity of obtaining a saving interest in Christ. Caroline wept ; they went to prayer; she sobbed aloud, but still said nothing. After retiring to bed neither of them could sleep until a very late hour.

From this period Mrs. Smelt discovered a great change in her child. She was often pensive ; attached herself more closely to her mother than before, and appeared more disgusted with the world than ever; more anxious for religious instruction, and more zealous in the performance of every duty.

Her birth-day arrived ; she was sixteen years old. Mr. J. called in on that day to visit the family. Before leaving the house he engaged in prayer, and particularly in behalf of Miss Caroline. She was much agitated, but still observed her usual taciturnity. Twelve months afterwards, precisely at the same hour of the day, he was engaged in preaching her funeral sermon !

A few months before this, Doctor Smelt and his family had changed their residence, in order that their dwelling-house might undergo some repairs. Miss Caroline began to express her anxiety to return to the house in which she was born. She said she was attached to every part of it, but particularly to one room ; she longed to occupy that. Hearing her frequently express a desire to see the house finished, that they might return to it, her mother one day said to her, " What has become of your patience, my child 1 The work cannot go on faster than it does/' She replied, " O mamma, I wish to take possession of my own little room, it is so sweetly adapted to study and contemplation ; and then I shall be on the same story with you and papa,

, and we can so conveniently visit each others' apartments ; for I want always to be near you/' In a short time she was gratified, and took possession of this favourite apartment. Her health was better than usual; indeed her parents considered her perfectly well, and all things appeared to go on prosperously for a few weeks.

It was now the month of July, the sickly season approaching fast, and Mr. J. their pastor, about to set out for the North, to visit his relations and recruit his own health. These unitedjcon-

j siderations contributed to depress the mind of Mrs. Smelt. She was still impressed with a presen-

I timent, that some great trouble awaited her in a short time ; and she could not banish the apprehension from her mind, that the loss of her only living child, would be that trouble. The prospect of such an event was so distressing, that she mentioned her uneasiness to several friends, and to Mr. J. in particular, and became more than ever engaged for the eternal welfare of her daughter. Mr. J. called to take leave of the family before his departure. After he left the house, Mrs. Smelt retired, and left Caroline in the room by herself. On her mother's return, she was found sitting in the same spot where she had been left, still holding a book in her hand which she had just received as a parting gift from her pastor. She appeared much dejected. Her mother seated herself by her, and entered into a detail of the advantages that might result from their acquaintance with Mr. J. if they followed his counsels, and improved them as they ought. Caroline then expressed her deep regret that the church would again be shut up; and wished that Mr. J. could have been prevailed on to stay the year out, for she was very sure he could not be more wanted any where else.

While the Presbyterian house of worship was shut up, Mrs. Smelt and her daughter determined to attend the Methodist chapel, the worthy pastor of that congregation being a man of exalted piety. For several Sabbaths they attended the Sunday-school, which afforded Caroline the highest satisfaction. She resolved to make application for instructing a female class, but on the 13th of August her mother was taken sick, and she cever afterwards had an opportunity.

When Mrs. Smelt was taken ill, the first symptoms gave reasons to Relieve that she would have a severe attack. The fever which had appealed in the city was xaghig with great violence. She had been much exposed to it, and for four or five days and nights previous to her attack she had been sitting up and attending to an orphan child, who died that evening, in the fourteenth year of her age. Finding herself unwell, and the child dying, she returned home, stated the little sufferer's situation to her daughter, but did not mention her own symptoms* Caroline expressed a desire to see the dying orphan, as she had never seen any person die* Apprehensive that she might take the fever, or be greatly alarmed, her mother hesitated. At length she committed her to the care of a merciful God, and with uncommon fervour, implored that He would sanctify this visit to the chamber of death, to the heart of her beloved daughter. The result evinced that her prayers were heard and answered.

Caroline went: the distance was only to the next door. She staid some time ; returned, and reported the little girl to be in convulsive agonies. She could not stay to see the end; such sufferings she had never before witnessed. She was bulbed in tears, and overwhelmed with sorrow. Her fears were immediately excited on her mother's account, because she saw that she was ill. She afterwards informed her mother, that she had never tasted the bitterness of sorrow until that night ; that her soul was in deep anguish, and her heart near bursting. On this occasion, her appearance was peculiarly interesting. She requested permission to sit up with her mother, that she might administer to her comfort through the night ; but out of tenderness towards her, this request was denied her. Mrs. Smelt did not think it necessary ; and the Doctor (her father) considered that it would be a very improper exposure of her own health, and insisted on her going to bed. After using various arguments in order to gain her point, but without effect, she retired, but not to sleep.

About an hour afterwards she entered her mother's room, holding a candle in her hand, trembling and pale. Her mother was alarmed. Caroline addressed her father thus : " My dear papa, I have complied with your wishes in retiring to my room ; but sleep, I cannot. I felt reluctant to disturb you or disobey your kind commands — but, O papa! I cannot rest while my blessed* mamma is suffering. I thought just now I heard her groan, and feared she was getting worse. I could no longer keep from her. How should my conscience acquit me before God, were I to omit a single duty to such a mother V She then approached her mother and inquired affectionately how she was : Mrs. Smelt replied, that she felt much better, and that she had been mistaken as to the groan— begged her to be composed, and try to get some sleep. Caroline replied that that was impossible, with her feelings — that all she desired was, to sit by her mother's bed-side, and be ready to perform any little office she might require through the night — and intreated her papa not to ask her to return to her room again.

Her parents found she was too much agitated for them to insist any longer, and she was desired to lie down by her mother's side. It was not thought that she slept any; for frequently through the night her hand was found gently resting on the cheek of her mamma, in order to discover if the fever was abating. About day-light, her parents assured her that her mother was much better, and clear of fever ; and both united in requesting her to retire to her own bed, and endeavour to get a little sleep before breakfast. In conformity to their wishes she retired, and about an hour afterwards came down stairs quite composed, and with a smile on her countenance. Her mother from that time was convalescent, and Caroline shewed the most devoted attentiou to her, and the most affectionate solicitude for her recovery. She appeared desirous to do every thing for her, herself — to administer medicine — give her nourishment — adjust her pillows, &c. — nor would she willingly leave her. Mrs, Smelt, although her symptoms were favourable, yet felt great depression of spirits : Caroline perceived it, and tried every way to comfort her. She would say, " My dear mamma, you wilt get well: I feel a happy assurance that you will recover" To this Mrs. Smelt replied, you may be mistaken, and you are one of my greatest causes of distress." " Why so, my dear mamma T said Caroline. " Because," said Mrs. Smelt, " I have never discharged my duty as a responsible mother, in the way in which I ought to have done it ; and I fear that, at the bar of God, I shall be found awfully delinquent — I have not been as much engaged for your-eternal welfare as for the perishing things of time. And now, should I be removed, how soon may you forget the feeble instructions I have given you? whereas, had I been more zealously engaged in pointing out to you the way that leads to eternal happiness, I might have hoped that the Lord would not only acquit me, but take you under his special care in this life, and in his own good time receive you to himself."

Caroline then burst into tears — drew near to her mother, and with great feeling said, * My dear mamma, you will stand acquitted. What could you have done, that you have not done, to bring me to Christ? If I have been inflexible; that is not your fault, I am truly distressed to think I should occasion you one uneasy moment. I desire to comfort you. O ! tell me not that you feel any condemnation on my account — indeed you are clear of my blood; and I hope you will live to see me all you so ardently desire. I am not so graceless, perhaps, as you may suppose. The Lord has been striving with me for many years, and I hnve not been entirely thoughtless. No, indeed ; for I have long wished for an interest in the great atonement. I have long desired to become one of the little flock ; but I feared I was too inexperienced, too ignorant, too unstable, and too unworthy, to make a public profession of my faith in Christ.

mamma ! 1 have long wished to tell you what was passing in my heart ; but I feared to excite hopes in your affectionate breast which might never be realized, and the greater condemnation would be my portion. But I have now come to a decided stand. It may give you some comfort to hear some of my last exercises.

1 feel as if I could no longer keep them a secret from you. I ought to have told you them before, and you would have strengthened me. I felt this the other night, when I thought I should lose you ; and I then determined, that if the .Lord spared your life, you should know all.

O ! I see in the hour of sore distress, that all created comforts are but broken reeds — that if we have not God for our friend, * vain is the help of man.' This I realized in the night when you were taken sick. It was the first time I ever tasted the bitterness of real sorrow. I had been that afternoon and evening much exercised, at the dying bed of our little friend. I never had such feelings in all my life — I viewed with horror the change in her countenance — I saw her struggles — the sight was more than I could bear: I said, is this death? He is indeed the king of terrors. I was about to hasten home. I stopped a little longer — I thought I would summon fortitude to stay and see the end — a convulsion came on — I was exceedingly alarmed — I thought I must retire; but in an instant it occurred to me, that J too would have to die; and if every one who might be around my tlyiug couch, should act towards me as I was about to do towards her, not one would have firmness enough to see my end — and how should I feel, to be deserted at such an awful moment? I prayed for strength to enable me to stay and be useful, and that the whole scene might be sanctified to my soul. I felt more composed, and strove to do some acts of kindness to the poor little girl. I tried to fan her, and to wipe the cold drops from her face; but my nerves were too feeble, and my agitation too great to do any thing. I sat down and meditated on what was passing. I felt concerned for the soul of the child. She had entered on her fourteenth year — I thought her at an accountable age. She had been brought up in Christian principles; but, during her tedious illness had not uttered one pious expression, one holy desire, but had manifested great alarm at the idea of death — and until deprived of speech, had expressed strong hopes, or a firm belief, that she should recover. I felt deep regret, that this was the case with too many that were older than she. I then asked myself this question — had you been called to such a bed as this, would you have been ready or willing to go ? The answer was, No. I felt at that moment, as if Death were armed with ten thousand terrors. O! how fervently did I desire that the Lord would not call me till I was made fit for his acceptance. I wanted to feel that love that casteth out fear ; but I was tempest-tossed, and could realise nothing that was comfortable, I returned home melancholy and oppressed, and found you had retired to bed with a high fever. My heart was overwhelmed with apprehensions for your life and my own soul. I could not conceal my distress. Papa thought I would alarm you, and insisted on my going to bed. I was compelled to retire, but sleep, I could not. When I entered t my room I prostrated myself at

D 3 the footstool of mercy. O! how I entreated the Lord to spare your precious life — and to seal me his own for ever. I felt as if no power on earth could relieve me. Some such reflections as these, then passed through my mind. You see now what a vain bubble this world is — what a change have a few hours made in your feelings! and a few more may produce still greater. You may lose your mother, and what will become of you then? who will guide your erring footsteps? who will give you sweet counsel, who will sooth and comfort you in the hour of sickness, as she has done? with a bursting heart, I answered no one. My agitation increased violently— I could not lay my troubles before you. I was alone — and for the first time in my life, I felt deserted. The fear that I should lose you was uppermost. I saw that I deserved chastisement, and felt the frowns of Providence which I had deserved. At this moment I thought I heard you groan — I could no longer keep from you — I ran down stairs, and entreated papa to let me remain with you. He kindly consented ; and the residue of the night was spent in prayer to God and serious reflections; for I could not sleep. I sometimes thought I would give worlds, if I possessed them, to know that the Lord was my friend. I clearly saw that no power but his, could deliver me ; and that it was vain to expect relief from any other quarter. I felt as if the world would contain nothing that could afford me any consolation, if you were removed ; and particularly, I should never forgive myself for not having improved, as I ought, the many lessons of useful instruction you had given me."