Home; a religious book for the family

Front matter

UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.

HOME:

A

Preface

It is a favorable sign of our times to see so much attention now concentrated upon Home, its laws, and its general constitution, as a great medicating power in society. Both in England and America — the only two nations in the world where the Divine Institution has full scope for development — the works now published and the efforts put forth upon this subject are full of promise for the future, as well as of present joy to a Christian philanthropist.

Nor are these efforts either too soon employed or too wide in their range. Dreaming speculators would supersede that Institution, which we owe exclusively to the Bible, and abolish all its venerable sanctities. An erring philanthropy would supplement it, as if God's method of governing our families were not sufficiently wise. One man would transform the Homes of a nation into a series of parallelograms, and there cure our social ills as if by some charm. Others, with a similar object, prefer the circle. A third party would transmute a nation into one vast workshop, and elaborate there a remedy for whatever is found or fancied to be wrong. Others still would with-

8 PREFACE.

*lraw the young from the plastic power which God has placed in the hands of fathers and of mothers, and commit them to hospitals, asylums, and similar retreats, where the social nature of youth would be mutilated, or some of its deepest feelings overlaid and extirpated. To all these, priestcraft adds its distempering influence wherever it can, and causes alienation or divergence where there should be unison the most complete.

But against all such attempts, he who believes in the Divine Wisdom, and honors the great Father of all, will emphatically protest. Home influence, home maxims, home example, home piety, and home endearments, should first be made what they ought to be, and then upheld in ail their pre-eminence as vital forces in the souls of men. Where they are either abolished or neglected, we are conspiring against the highest interests of society, and all human substitutes for Home, except where a literal home is impossible, are counterfeits and corruptions. Man was made for the family, and the family for man, as surely as the eye and light are correlatives ; and he alone escapes the shoals of folly here who recognizes and honors the radical law by which God would regulate our abodes,

Farther, the philanthropy of our age has become proverbial. It takes one class after another under its generous protection. By a "Song of the Shirt" it agitates alike the metropolis and the hamlet. In Prison and Penitentiary, in Ragged Schools and Ragged Churches, among shoeblacks, sweeps, gipsies, and beggars, benevolence is at

PREFACE. 9

work upon all the phases of misery. The crowned and the coroneted unite with the poor but pious visitant to his fellow-poor, in thus soothing sorrow, and trying to roll back the flowing tide of wretchedness.

And all these things are a joy. Yet that should not blind us to the fact, that much of that benevolence has not begun its work at the beginning. We can never clear our streets of youthful depredators, if ill-conditioned homes be constantly pouring forth new criminals, just as we can never lave a flowing fountain dry. The fountain-head must be medicated, ere the cure be radical — and Home is that fountain-head.

In studying this subject, conviction has deepened from hour to hour as to the solemn importance of a mother's duties. Hers is really the influence which moulds the world. Xot warriors and their armies ; not masters and their schools ; not printing-presses and their products ; not even ministers and their pulpits — but Christian mothers by then love, their lessons, their prayers, their example, their tears. The land in which such mothers are rife has a defence which no standing army can impart — the land where such mothers are rare is either hastening to moral ruin, or is already ruined, and the wealth of the world could not purchase immunity from that result. It is a law of God ; and never till mothers understand their mission, and in love to man's soul, or pity for his misery, seek grace to fulfil it, will the gloom which hangs over the future disappear. Their influence is to a soul what the 1* .

10 PREFACE.

dew is to flowers when they spread their bosom to the sun, and one of our country's mightiest blessings is the multitude of her prayerful mothers.

An attempt is here made to exhibit, in some of their multiform relations, the laws which should preside in a Christian Home. In the First Part, we glance at the component elements of a full Household ; and in the Second, we present some of the leading laws which should preside over all that is done. Human examples are copiously introduced, alike for warning and for guidance; but the Word of God is the supreme, the only standard. With that standard ever in view, were this Volume, or a better, read chapter by chapter in our Homes, the Spirit of all Grace might bless His own truth, to render them holier, happier, and, more commonly than they are, a vestibule to the house not made with hands, the Home of many mansions in the skies.

PUBLISHERS NOTICE.

The following work, by a distinguished author and divine, will, we think, be acceptable to the American public, not simply because it is upon the subject, oi " Home," but because it is a work of rare merit on this subject. Xotwithstandiiig so much has been written, and well written, on this interesting theme, this treatise will be seen to have excellencies enough of its own to secure for it an unquestioned place in the family.

The book is not made up of a series of pretty, good, common-place, sensible remarks on a trite subject, nor is it a mere compilation, with the aid of the scissors, from other authors, but it is the work of a profound, original thinker, who shows so much scope, judgment, and taste, in the treatment of the various branches of the subject, as to be alike instructive and interesting to heads of families, in the most educated, as well as the humbler classes of society. The writer is learned without being dull, and elevated without being unintelligible. The style is at once concise, chaste, and pleasing, equally free from cant

10 PREFACE.

dew is to flowers when they spread their bosorn to the sun, and one of our country's mightiest blessings is the multitude of her prayerful mothers.

An attempt is here made to exhibit, hi some of their multiform relations, the laws which should preside in a Christian Home. In the First Part, we glance at the component elements of a full Household ; and hi the Second, we present some of the leading laws which should preside over all that is done. Human examples are copiously introduced, alike for warning and for guidance; but the Word of God is the supreme, the only standard. With that standard ever in view, were this Volume, or a better, read chapter by chapter in our Homes, the Spirit of all Grace might bless His own truth, to render them holier, happier, and, more commonly than they are, a vestibule to the house not made with hands, the Home of many mansions in the skies.

PUBLISHER'S NOTICE.

The following work, by a distinguished author and divine, will, we think, be acceptable to the American public, not simply because it is upon the subject, oi " Home," but because it is a work of rare merit on this subject. Notwithstanding so much has been written, and well written, on this interesting theme, this treatise will be seen to have excellencies enough of its own to secure for it an unquestioned place in the family.

The book is not made up of a series of pretty, good, common-place, sensible remarks on a trite subject, nor is it a mere compilation, with the aid of the scissors, from other authors, but it is the work of a profound, original thinker, who shows so much scope, judgment, and taste, in the treatment of the various branches of the subject, as to be alike instructive and interesting to heads of families, in the most educated, as well as the humbler classes of society. The writer is learned without being dull, and elevated without being unintelligible. The style is at once concise, chaste, and pleasing, equally free from cant

12 publisher's notice.

and bombast on the one hand, and from sameness and puerility on the other.

The plan of illustrating the several chapters by pertinent and striking examples, will be found an interesting feature of the work, to which attention is invited; not so much, however, to the fact of the examples, as to the discrimination and large reading shown in their selection.

The book is one, unlike most on this subject, that will bear reading a second time. Indeed, new truths, or new relations of the subject, are here presented in an attractive form, while old and familiar truths have new freshness, life, and power.

Clergymen, who are usually so familiar with the ground here gone over, we are sure will be surprised and gratified at the ability, good taste, and efficiency with which the various details of the subject are here presented. They will, too, see the permanent influence for good of such an elevated and elevating book in the family ; especially in these days, when there is so much reading that is positively injurious, and so much, also, that is called religious reading, that is so little elevating or improving to the character.

CONTENTS,

Part I. The Members Of Home

Chap. Page,

I. A Model Home 17

II The Constitution of Home 28

III. Names for Home 34

IV. Scriptural Views of Home 42

V. Marriage 54

VI. The Father at Home 69

VII. The Mother at Home 87

VIII. Helpmates 105

IX. Infancy and Childhood 118

X. Sons 136

XL Daughters 148

XII. Masters 159

XIII. Servants 170

XIV. The Nurse and the Nursery 184

XV. "The Stranger within thy Gates" 193

Part II. The Laws And Maxims Oe Home

Chap. Page.

I. The Religion of Home 203

II. The Education of Home 219

III. The Authority of Home 240 ti CONTEXTS.

CLap. Pa^e.

IY. The Example of Homo . . . . 249

Y. The Standard of Home . 259

YI The Responsibilities of Home 268

YII. The Rewards and Punishments of Home 276

YIH. Amusements for Home 287

IX. Companionships for Home 301

X. Books for Home 309

XI. Sabbath at Home 319

XH. The Homes of the Rich and the Poor 341

XIII. The Widow's Home 350

XIY. The Homes of the Single 358

XY. A Happv Home 364

XYL An Unhappy Home 372

XYTL The Trials of Home 380

XYIII. The Economy of Home 386

XIX. Maxims for Home 393

XX. Leaving Home 405

XXI. Heaven a Home. 416

PART I.

THE MEMBERS OF HOME.

HOME.

PART I -THE MEMBERS OF HOME.

CHAPTEE I.

A MODEL HOME.

* I will sing of mercy and judgment : unto thee, O Lord, will I sing. I will behave myself wisely in a perfect way. O when wilt thou come unto me? I will walk within my house with a perfect heart. I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes : I hate the work of them that turn aside ; it shall not cleave to me. A froward heart shall depart from me : I will not know a wicked person. Whoso privily slandereth his neighbor, him will I cut off: him that hath an high look and a proud heart will not I suffer. Mine eyes shall be upon the faithful of the land, that they may dwell with me : he that walketh in a perfect way, he shall serve me. He that worketh deceit shall not dwell within my house ; he that telleth lies shall not tarry in my sight. I will early destroy all the wicked of the land, that I may cut off all wicked doers from the city of the Lord. 1 ' — Psalm Ci.

No prophet's power is needed to predict that the more closely the constitution of Home is studied, the more manifest will the proofs of Divine wisdom there appear. In the bosom of every family there lie folded up the elements or the germs of an influence, which, if properly developed, would produce abundant fruit unto holiness ; but, on the other hand, if these germs be neglected, all that might be morally lovely is soon blighted and disfigured.

Xow, in studying a Home, and trying to develop its principles into a holy life, the Word of God is our

THE MEMBERS OF HOME.

only guide and model. Let us, then, at the outset, examine it as the framework into which all besides must be woven.

It was a maxim of Matthew Henry, that wherever we have a house, God should have a Church ; and Howard the philanthropist announced the same truth, when he said — " Wherever I have a home, God shall have an altar." But one more favored than either of the two, has expounded that idea in the hundred and first of his Psalms. In some respects, it must describe a Model Home, for it tells what was law and usage in the abode of "a man after God's own heart." It was David's purpose or his habit to recognize all God's dealings with him, and whether they brought sorrow or joy, he found in them all some materials for praise; he could " sing in the ways of the Lord." His lot, no doubt, had been a checkered one. False friends at home, and enemies abroad ; his own heart and his own household ; his princes and his subjects ; his sons and his daughters had all, at times, occasioned grief to David. There might be judgments in some of these things, but there was also mercy ; and as he knew that all things work together for good to them that love God, the king employed that harp which had soothed the dark spirit of Saul to extract gladness also from the dark dispensations of his lot. He was determined that' neither the laughter of prosperity nor the tears of affliction should unfit him for sacred songs, for he felt that family mercies and family griefs equally call us to family religion.

IsTor did David merely acquiesce either in the awards of judgment or the donations of mercy — he

A XODEL HOME.

learned wisdom from them all, and " behaved himself wisely in a perfect way." Wisely, for his God was his guide — and a perfect way, for the law of the Lord is perfect, and it directed David's steps. He knew that though the believer, amid all his aspirations, can never reach perfection here, neither can he ever cease to aim at it ; and thus guided, or thus pressed upward, David could exclaim, " Blessed are they that keep his testimonies . . . they walk in his ways.' 5 They are not the victims of make-believes : they do not substitute man for God : they do not deify passion, and the world is neither their model nor their

joy- But more than this. David's spirit yearned for

communion with its God. He could not bear a cloud, nay, not a shadow between the Holy One and his soul. He panted for God, the living God, as the hart pants for the water brooks ; and one reason for that ardent longing was, that David might " walk within his house with a perfect heart." It is God's presence that sweetens every thing there. No root of bitterness is then allowed to spring up. Iniquity is put away from such an abode. Man's opinions and man's practices find their proper level. A heart right with God presides. "When joy and gladness come, they are mellowed by the fear of the Lord ; and when crosses are sent, the Almighty arm is leant upon the more. The dwellings of the righteous thus become the abodes of a holy joy or of a chastened grief, and the house which will soon crumble into dust is a vestibule to the house eternal in the heavens. The believer, in the most secret recess of his home, as well as in the glare

THE MEMBERS OF HOME.

of day, thus " walks circumspectly, not as a fool, but as wise."

Or further : this man of God was to " set no wicked thing before his eyes." He knew that God and Mammon, that Christ and Belial, that the spirit of Holiness and the spirit of the world, could not harmoniously dwell in the same abode. First holiness and then happiness ; first a pure home and then a peaceful one, was David's aim. None knew better than he the misery which cleaves to sin. He had had reason to speak of " bones broken," of light quenched, and of hope turned into despair, by guilt in his own case ; and, warned by the experience of the past, he was now to live upon his guard. " No wicked thing" was to stand before him. Antagonisms could not be harmonies there. " The men who turn aside," whether as apostates from the truth, or as wanderers from the narrow way, David was determined to shun. He was not to live on terms of brotherhood with them, for that would have been to become the enemy of God ; and, however he might pity them, or deplore their ways, he would not become a partaker of sin by smiling on the sinner. His companions must be the excellent of the earth, or he would sit alone upon the housetop.

Further, therefore, in contemplating the state of his Home, and planning for its welfare, David resolved not even to "know a wicked person." His own conduct, and the misery which flowed from it to his heart and his home — the doings of Absalom and Ahithophel, as well as of not a few in his household, had shown him too clearly what anguish cleaves to guilt, It was

A MODEL HOME.

not merely its burning shame, or its harrowing days and sleepless nights, when conscience had regained the ascendant — it was the dishonor done to God ? that roused all this believer to holy resolution. "A froward heart/ 5 then, as the origin of evil, and " a wicked person," as its propagator, were to be repudiated by David. He would neither w T alk with the ungodly, nor stand with the sinner, nor sit with the scorner. His house was to be no asylum for the godless or the froward. As fire and water are contrasts, so is the nature of this man of God opposed to ungodliness, He felt that an unholy soul is like a house haunted by the worst kind of evil spirits, and, to escape from sorrow, he set his face against iniquity.

But David was a Ruler as well as a Householder,, He had a kingdom as well as a home, and he further determined not to foster any iniquity in his empire. " The slanderer was to be cut off;" " a high look and a proud heart" David would not suffer. Slander is prompted by hatred, and hatred is the germ of murder. A proud heart, if it had the power, would dethrone the Supreme, and put the proud one in his place, and the king of Israel would not tolerate such rebellion against God most high. ISTay, with him the High and Holy One was paramount ; he resolved to see that God's will was done on earth as it is done in heaven, and he practised what his son taught, but often forgot to do — he " feared God and kept his commandments, for that is the whole duty of man."

But, next : while thus shunning all that could defile, David's soul embraced "the faithful of the land." " His eyes were to be upon them ;" that is, he regard-

THE MEMBERS OF HOME.

ed them with complacency as we look upon a beautiful object. He searched them out and made them the men of his right hand, his bosom friends and allies.

Then, for servants, David would choose none but " him that walketh in a perfect way." Deceit he would not tolerate; rebellion against the King of kings was incompatible with integrity toward an earthly superior ; and the firm determination of David, therefore, was : " He that worketh deceit shall not dwell within my house : he that telleth lies shall not tarry in my sight." Seven times each day did he praise his God. In the night seasons he sought communion with Him, and all that would have been marred had the king chosen the ungodly for his associates, or even for his servants. The moral discomfort of dwelling side by side with falsehood made it impossible for him to endure it. Such moral degradation chafed his soul, for he could not both smile upon the false, and live in the smile of Him who is holy and true. He felt the presence of the ungodly to be contagious and deadening. To countenance them is to encourage and harden them in guilt — to trust them is only to afford opportunity for further crime. As firmly, therefore, as language could express it, David records the resolution not to harbor the deceitful, not to tolerate in his home, nay, in his sight, " him that telleth lies," and how happy would our homes become were such maxims there supreme !

Such, then, were the purposes, and such the principles of David regarding his Home; these things signalized it far more than gilded domes, or pillars of

A MODEL HOME.

cedar could do. Truth, in all its beautiful manifestations, was to be patronized on the one hand, and practised on the other. " The ungodly shall not dwell in my house" was the explicit decree of the king. A proud look and a lying tongue are an abomination to God, and they were the same to his servant — he pitied them, and put them far away.

Now starting from this divine model, it is easy to mark what would result were it faithfully copied.

How pleasant the task of ruling a home, were the truth of God enthroned as the guide of all, and nothing but that truth tolerated there !

How sweet the intercourse between parent and child, or between master and servant, were the soul of each taught to make God's truth his sovereign standard !

How would the pride of power among superiors, or the sorrows of servitude among inferiors, alike disappear; and how would all this serve "to guard our nest against the wily snake !"

How surely would the families which call upon the name of the Lord increase in the land, were men to make God's mind theirs as David did! The dwellings of Jacob would then be loved even as the gates of Zion — that is, the believer's house would become a house of God. " The Church in the house," as in the case of Cornelius the centurion, of Aquila and Priscilla, of Nymphas and- Philemon,* would be the meeting-place between God and souls, and joy as serene as that of summer sunset would be diffused where confusion and many evil works too often prevail. Household joys and fireside memories would

* Acts x. 2 ; Rom. xvi. 5 ; 1 Cor. xvi. 19 ; Col. iv. 15, and Philemon 2.

THE MEMBEBS OF HOME.

exert a deeper influence upon life, and the last promise of the Old Testament would be all fulfilled—" The hearts of the fathers would "be turned to the children, and the hearts of the children to the fathers," while the dread alternative, " lest I come and smite the earth with a curse," would be averted from men's homes.

But the case of David, in regard to his home, is more instructive still. Never man knew better than he, that

" It is not they who idly dwell In cloister gray, or hermit cell, In prayer- and vigil, night and day, Wearing all their time away, Lord of heaven ! that serve thee well."

Nay, David was a monarch. His empire was one of the widest then in the world, or fast becoming so. His cares, therefore, were manifold. Armies had to be led, and battles fought. Materials for a temple to Jehovah had to be collected. Allies had to be honored, and enemies subdued. Rebellion had to be crushed, and conspiracy checked. Laws had to be passed, and their obedience watched over. Hostile princes demanded the monarch's watchful eye; in brief, crowds of disturbing influences beset him both by night and day. And yet, ruling over millions as he did, sustaining in his single person the responsibility of first magistrate and first captain, this wonderful man had time to spare for the concerns, nay, even for the details of his home. He knew it to be the nursery either of all that is good and true, or of all that is godless and false. Even on his throne, therefore, did

A MODEL HOME.

David find leisure to announce the principles which should regulate a well-ordered family. He prescribed a panacea for social ills, and did what w^ould tend to the subversion of evil were his maxims firmly obeyed.

X or was all this a mere theory with David — a fancy sketch — a visionary scene, beautiful as propounded, but neglected in practice, Nay, amid some of his most attractive or most exciting public duties, he was careful to M return to bless his household." Even on his dying bed, when his thoughts clung to the well-ordered covenant and its Eternal Head, he could not but glance once again at his home. The thought of disorder there added one pang more to the dying monarch's sorrow, and the complaint uttered with some of his last breaths was, that his house was not right with God.* Like another Hebrew captain, amid the cares of a vast migration, David had determined that he and his house should serve the Lord. Neither the cares of state, nor the disquietudes of war, nor the harassments of a thousand duties were allowed to interfere with that object ; and the king of Israel hence becomes both a model and a rebuke. A model — for should not the principles which guided him, much more guide us who have none of his cares to plead in defence of neglect % And a rebuke — for does not the practice of David, do not his purposes and his vows shame those who allow themselves to be seduced from the right government of home by cares, which become sins when they interfere with a duty so solemn, so binding, and so blessed ?

But is not David's standard somewhat too high ? Is

THE MEMBERS OF HOME.

it possible for us to do as lie did ? It is so possible, that God has made it a universal duty, and to neglect it is to court sorrow for our homes. Let love to God and man become a presiding principle, and all will be as easy as it is binding. Just let the soul feel like the dying legislator,* when he panted out the words — " Jesus Christ — love — the same thing," and all will be plain. Constrained by that love, all that is needful will be attempted, and much of it achieved. No parent who loves his children — no householder who feels responsible to God for the spiritual wellbeing of his home, will then deem even the standard of David too high ; and to be guided by it is to be " glad with the spirit of the peace divine."

Now it is in the hope that the principles which guided him may guide many more, that we here attempt to delineate a Christian Home — its component parts, its joys, its sorrows, its maxims, and its aims. Around that sacred name there gather some of the deepest convictions, the most endearing associations, and most sunny influences which control the mind of man.

" In every clime the magnet of man's soul, Touch'd by remembrance, vibrates to that pole."

Even when the King Eternal would depict his deepest love and tenderness, the language employed is often linked with home. " Like as a father pitieth his children, the Lord pitieth them that fear him ;" " As one whom his mother comforteth, so will I comfort you," and a hundred other texts, indicate the spirit of God's religion ; and if more be needed, we

* Sir James Mackintosh.

A MODEL HOME.

find enough in the words — " They shall look upon me whom they have pierced, and they shall mourn for him as one mourneth for his only son, and shall be in bitterness for him as one that mourneth and is in bitterness for his firstborn.* In other words, the profoundest of all emotions can find an adequate expression only when represented by the anguish of domestic bereavement, or the tenderness of domestic ties ; and as the Word of God thus gives such prominence to home, we should learn to go and do likewise. Let its spirit, its principles, and maxims, be in unison with the mind of God, and it becomes a fountain of felicity forever. But let the world rule there ; let the God of all the families of the earth be neglected or disowned ; then parents with their children, and masters with their servants, are only preparing to feed the worm which never dies. It is to deepen the felicities of home that these chapters are sent forth ; and they go full of the conviction, that none but parents who are taught by the Spirit of God can rule a household in His fear.