Family religion

Front matter

OR THE

S

DOMESTIC RELATIONS

Chapter II

The duties and responsibilities belonging to the family constitution 43

Sect. L— Responsibilities and duties common to all the Members

of the Family 43

Sect. II. — Responsibilities and duties of Husbands and Wives 61

Sect. III. — Responsibilities and duties of Parents 46

Sect. IV. — Responsibilities and duties of Children 81

Sect. V. — Responsibilities and duties of Masters and Servants 96

C HAPTER III.

The best means to secure the ends designed by the family constitution Ill

Sect. I. — Family government 112

Sect. II. — Physical education 121

Sect. III. — Mental education 125

Sect. IV. — Religious education 129

Sect. V. — Infant Baptism 134

Sect. VI.— The Sabbath and the Sanctuary 135

Sect. VII. — Family worship 138

Sect. VIII.— Means for the religious improvement of Servants 145

m

CONTENTS.

Chapter IV. Page

The relation op the family to the church 152

Sect. I. — The family a means for enlarging the Church 155

Sect. II. — The family an aid to the pastor's labours 157

^Sect. III. — The family a nursery of active Church members 158

Sect. IV. — The family an aid to the devotional services of the

Church 160

Sect. V. — The family prepares officers for the Church 164

CHAPTER V. The value, difficulties, and aids to family religion 168

Sect. I. — The Value of religion in the family 170

Sect. II. — The Difficulties of family religion 181

Sect. III. — The Aids to family religion 185

Chapter VI

The pleas for neglect and delinquencies in family duties .

Introduction

The Bible alone gives us an authentic account of the origin of our race, its earliest form of social organization, and the institution of the first means for its moral culture. " God created man in his own image ; in the image of God created he him ; male and female created he them." Gen. i. 27. 4 'And the Lord caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept ; and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof. And the rib which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh : She shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man." Gen. ii. 21-23. " He which made them at the beginning made them male and female, and said, For this cause, shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife ; and they twain shall be one flesh.

INTRODUCTION.

Wherefore they are no more twain but one flesh." — Matt. xix. 4-6.

Such was the foundation of the Family constitution. It was the first social organization, the germ and the pattern of all others. Adam and Eve constituted a family, jand were thus constituted by God. As yet, there could be no civil government, no municipal laws, no magistrates and governors, and no provision for the exercise of any political power, for there were no subjects. Nor could there as yet exist an organized church, involving the idea of a ministry, the administration of sacraments, and the existence and operation of a government. Nor could there be any artificial educational institutions such as schools, academies, or other systems of instruction. Our first parents found within the limits of the family constitution, the essential means for securing to themselves and to their children, the benefits and advantages of government, school, and church.

Any other theory of the family constitution will prove to be a mere figment of infidel speculation. In the subsequent history of man, given in the Scriptures, we discover evident traces of just such a family constitution as has now been presented. With the increase of population other forms of social organization arose, but they preserved the characteristic features of this. The patriarchal system, which we find exemplified in the histo-

INTRODUCTION.

ries of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, is but an extension of the family. The "heads of the house of their fathers," (Josh. xxii. 14,) is an expression, which denotes the transition from an organization, of which the living family ancestor was the first in authority, to the more artificial arrangement, by which the government^' of a tribe or family connection was delegated to some other member. The frequent and familiar use of "house," for family, is another illustration of the position ; and the municipal government, established by Moses, recognizes the principle of a family constitution, in the name and ofiice of the " elders," whom he appointed rulers of the people.

So also an investigation of the most ancient and reliable uninspired histories of man, evinces the existence of the family constitution, as precedent to all other forms of social organization. It did not arise from any conventional compact. It was not the artificial arrangement of man, first living in herds, like the lower animals, and forming promiscuous and transient social relations, and thi*s gradually emerging into the order and permanent constitution of a well ordered household ; but " from the beginning" the union of "one man and one woman," was established by God and ordained to be the foundation of an organization, which should be the unit and element and support of all others, for man's right gov-

INTRODUCTION.

ernment and culture. Indeed we may trace among the lower animals themselves, some evident indications of an arrangement somewhat similar. During the minority of their young, the parents instinctively unite in meeting the calls of that dependence which their offspring as instinctively feel towards them. A common speciality of nature, form, and habits pertains to the various classes .of animals, and our use of the "w or d family for designating such classes is a recognition of the facts, which illustrate our position. And not only so, but even in the vegetable world, there prevails a similar distinction designated by the same term. That such a mode of existence of the lower animals arises from the instincts of their nature, which prompts the dependent feeling of the offspring, and the protecting care of the parent, by no means sets aside our claims to the fact, as a teaching of analogy on our proposition ; for these instincts are of God's ordering. What the Deist ascribes to the law of nature, we ascribe to the law of the God of nature ; for there are no laws of nature, except those laws of God, by which he governs the natural world. What, therefore, we are taught in his word to believe to be the foundation of the family constitution, we might be led by the right exercise of reason, on the facts set before us, in the past and present state and order of nature, to conclude to be such.

INTRODUCTION.

When God had created man and established the family, "He blessed the seventh day and sanctified it." Gen. ii. 3. Moses perhaps alludes to this institution of the Sabbath in the use of the word " Remember," with which he introduces the fourth commandment. Ex. xx. 8-12. For, in the opinion of the best interpreters of Scripture, there are intimations to be found, in the patriarchal history, (cf. Gen. viii. 6-14; xxix. 27,) that the Sabbath was observed by the worshippers of God, and from Ex. xvi. 5, 22-29, it is very clear that its observance was required previous to the giving of the law at Sinai. We thus feel justified in understanding, by the terms used by Moses in the account of the institution of the Sabbath, that it was originally designed to subserve other purposes than that of a bodily rest. It was an institution for man's moral culture. Coeval with the family constitution, it was God's appointed means, by which the religious culture of the family should be promoted. It was a day selected and set apart from all others, as sacred to the worship of God, in which man, released from the laborious, though innocent employments of other days, might cultivate his spiritual nature and become perfect in holiness.

We do not know what would have been the methods of God's providence to the human race had Adam persevered in a state of innocence. It has been generally 2

14 INTRODUCTION.

supposed that, as just suggested, he would have become " perfect in holiness," and would have transmitted his holy nature to his posterity. Thus the multiplication of the race would have been that of holy beings. Inasmuch as Adam's son, born after the fall, was born in the image of his sinful father, (Gen. v. 3. Rom. v. 12-19,) such a supposition is not without reason. As Adam was created in the image of God, (Gen. i. 26,) an image consisting, doubtless, in " knowledge, righteousness, and holiness," (Eph. iv. 24. Col. iii. 10. L. Cat. Q. 17,) his descendants would all have thus reflected the holy image of the common Author of their being, at once illustrating his perfections and showing forth his glory. Thus by the combined agency of these two most ancient institutions, the family and the Sabbath, the world would have been peopled with a race of holy beings, who probably, by some suitable method, would have been transferred to some more permanent abode.

Whatever confidence may be reposed in these suggestions, which, however plausible, are neither articles of faith, nor essential to our spiritual edification, it must be conceded, that for the purposes of promoting man's continuance in primitive purity and happiness, the right observance of the Sabbath and the religious principles and practices of parents of families, fully imbued with the spirit of piety, would have proved very efficient. The

INTRODUCTION. 15

use of means for sanctification would not be inconsistent with the Divine purpose towards man, any more than under the present dispensation. The peculiar means of grace connected with the gospel remedy, would not, of course, have been needed, and yet that " holy resting" of the Sabbath which is essential to an increase of holiness now, might have been equally demanded by the exigencies of sinless beings.

These are the only institutions of Eden, of which we have any account, which have survived the ruins of the fall. Though sadly impaired in all their elements of benefit to man, by that depravity of his nature, which often impedes the operation of God's most benevolent designs, and converts even blessings into curses, they still remain to us, in our fallen estate, at once the monuments of God's wise care for our welfare, and the valuable means for promoting our restoration to the purity and bliss of Eden. However much man has lost of the Divine image, in which he was created, these works of the Divine wisdom still remain "very good;" and even man's apostasy has not been permitted entirely to deprive him of their important aid to his moral improvement.

Of the aid which the family constitution is adapted to provide, it is our purpose to speak, in the following chapters. Following substantially the order of discussion prescribed by the benevolent gentleman who has

INTRODUCTORY.

called for this little work, we shall consider the nature, design, and importance of the family constitution ; the duties and responsibilities belonging to it, as they pertain to the several members of a family, and are taught in the holy Scriptures; the best means to secure the ends, which appear, from a view of its nature, to have been designed by it ; the relation which the family, according to its Scriptural constitution, bears to the church ; the value, difficulties, and aids to family religion ; and the pleas for neglect and delinquencies in family duties, offered by those who are indifferent or indisposed to their performance.

FAMILY RELIGION.

Chapter I. The Nature, Design, And Importance Of The Family Constitution

Sect. L The nature of the family constitution.

According to the Scriptural account of the foundation of the family constitution, it consists, in its simplest form, in the marriage union of one man and one woman. Other members of the family are children, the fruits of such a union, and servants, transiently or permanently connected with this social organization. In a less accurate sense, other persons, temporarily inmates of the family residence, may also be included. An imperfect family organization is sometimes effected, when unmarried brothers or sisters, or both brothers and sisters are associated according to the principles, as to a common residence or common means of support, or both, which regulate the structure of ordinary families, so far as they are applicable to their peculiar condition. The death of either husband or wife does not necessarily destroy the organization of the household, though, of course, its efficiency is impaired, for the duties of both partners then devolve on the 2 * ( 17 )

FAMILY RELIGION.

survivor ; and as they are, in many respects, duties of very different nature, the whole cannot be as well performed by one as by both.

1. As the prime element of the family constitution is marriage, it is pertinent to our present purpose to offer a few suggestions touching the principles which should govern the formation of this relation.

(1.) Our Directory for Worship teaches, that " marriage is to be between one man and one woman only." Chap, xi. 3. Such was the law of its institution, " from the beginning," and such was, especially, reenacted by our Saviour. The union thus formed is obligatory till the death of one of the parties, unless there be a violation of the marriage vow by either, or that wilful and protracted desertion which implies the existence of such violation. Matt. xix. 4-9.

All theories and practices of men contrary to this fundamental law of marriage, whether by legalized polygamy, or concubinage, or by divorces for any other cause than that just stated, or some contingency manifestly implying its exsitence, or by any other avowed or unavowed evasions of the obligations of the married state, have arisen from the perverted judgments of men's minds or the depraved lusts of their hearts, and have resulted in evil, and "only evil and that continually," except when such results have been modified by the kind providence of God. Whatever views may be entertained of the violations of this law by the patriarchs and others to whose piety the Scriptures bear witness, it is a significant fact, that along with most of the prominent instances of such violation, of which a record has been given, there

FAMILY RELIGION.

is also presented on account of some sad result, clearlytraceable to such violation. The ill treatment of Hagar, the feuds and artifices of Jacob's family, the sufferings of Hannah, the domestic misfortunes of David, and the alienation of Solomon's heart from the service of God, seem to have been recorded as beacons. We need not discuss the various theories by which divines have undertaken to account for the facts to which we have alluded. God might, in the exercise of his sovereign authority, for wise reasons, suspend the law. Thus, in view of the disastrous wars which destroyed so many males, he may have been pleased thus to provide for a proper increase of population; or he may have permitted relations to remain undisturbed, though their formation was a sin, because greater evils might have resulted from their disruption. Or, what is more probable, in view of the record of evil results, such violations of the law were regarded by God as sinful, of which, however, his true servants may have been guilty, and for which they must have repented. That they might not have appeared to those perpetrating them so exceedingly sinful as they do to us, is easily explained by bearing in mind the state of morals among surrounding people, and the influence produced by the customs of others, on the sentiments of pious men. Our Saviour ascribes the toleration of divorce, as practised among the Jews, to the " hardness of their hearts." The record on which they based the custom of divorce, for trivial causes, was a permission not a command, Deut. xxiv. 1-4, and as the law required a formal separation, it was a testimony to the sanctity of the marriage relation.

FAMILY KELIGION.

But of the scripturalness of the law of marriage as we have given it, there can now be no doubt, on the minds of any, who receive God's word as the end of controversy.

(2.) As this important union is distinguished by such restrictions, and when formed, attended with momentous consequences to the parties, their friends, and especially the family to which it may give rise, it should be the result of a decided and mutual attachment of the persons, by whom it is formed. We do not mean to aver, that the want of such an attachment, at the time of marriage, so vitiates the relation, that the important and interesting results contemplated by it, are perpetually forfeited. For such attachment may afterwards arise ; but should it never exist, or should one of the parties fail to entertain a true conjugal affection, there can be no such family constitution as the Scriptures propose. Such as arises from a union under these circumstances, is vitiated in a most essential element of success, in respect to the ends to be secured.

Without adopting the nauseating sentimentalism on this subject, which forms so much of the staple of tales and novels ; we must on the other hand, express the conviction, that no persons can safely contract this union, unless affected by a decided and warm attachment for each other, based on a mutual respect and esteem, the results of a proper acquaintance, and the only satisfactory foundation of a true and lasting confidence. Such an affection by no means excludes that passion which draws the sexes together, but regulates its influence and subordinates its exercise to the higher motives, which should

FAMILY RELIGION.

prevail in the selection of a husband or wife. Under its sole influence that personal attachment, which should be as perpetual as the marriage relation, and ever increasing, becomes a fitful caprice; violent it may be, but transient, and liable at any moment, to be superseded by the "expulsive power of anew affection" for some other object. Hence "love at first sight," and a precipitate marriage, often involve one or both of the parties in the miserable destiny of those who spend years of fruitless regrets, or by violations of the marriage vow, bring on themselves, their children, and their friends irreparable disgrace. Such marriages may, indeed, lead to favourable results, because the impressions of an hour may be confirmed by more intimate acquaintance ; but, ordinarily, no rightly constituted family springs from such inconsiderate unions. Nor can such a family constitution as the Scriptures contemplate be expected to result from marriages of convenience or pecuniary interest, whether contracted by the parties themselves, or by others having a real or supposed right to control their choice. Whether increase of wealth, or enhancement of social position, or any similar reason induces the marriage, unless affection should afterwards intervene, most deplorable evils must result. The obliged party, whether male or female, will either become the abject vassal of the other, or mutual recriminations and perpetually growing estrangements will distinguish an intercourse, which should be that of affection and confidence, and infect in their sad consequences the entire family constitution, which may take its rise in the ill-fated union. Among the causes of ill-assorted unions, the want of a

FAMILY RELIGION.

true Christian faith, on the part of either husband or wife, has been sometimes assigned, and the words of Paul, "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers," (2 Cor. vi. 14,) have been quoted to sustain this opinion. It is at least doubtful, whether the apostle had this relation especially in view. Supposing such to have been the fact, then it must be borne in mind, that the "unbeliever" among the Corinthians, was one who openly and profanely rejected Christ. By us, it is used in the wide sense, so as to denote any non-professor, and it may be questioned, whether the prohibition, admitting that it refers to marriage, would be correctly interpreted, so as to make the marriage with any other than a professing Christian, scripturally unlawful. Many such " unbelievers" though, alas! truly "out of Christ," are persons of good morals and pious education, and are respectful hearers of the word, who may be "won by the conversation," or pious conduct, of a Christian compan- - ion. Still great caution need be used in selecting a partner for life, from among those who are not the professed people of God : and certainly a selection of such as are notoriously profane, drunken, or debauched in any way by sinful lusts, must materially mar the family constitution, if not utterly destroy those agencies for good, with which it has been provided.

The space allotted to this discussion of the true doctrine of marriage, should not be regarded as disproportioned to the intrinsic importance of the subject. Indeed there are reasons for regretting that we cannot enter more fully on the discussion. For there are ominous indications that very loose views are increasingly preva-

FAMILY RELIGION.

lent in many parts of our country ; and there is a strong tendency manifested, to set aside the ordinance of God for the commandments and traditions of men. The increased facility with which divorces may be obtained, on very trivial grounds ; the frequent violations of the marriage vow in the influential stations of society ; the notoriously glaring and publicly advocated violation of God's law, by a whole community, in one of our Territories ; and the licentiousness, which, open or concealed, marks the character of many schemes of professed improvement ; all together call on all who love the welfare of our country, to lift up a warning voice, and rally around this divinely inspired and fundamental law of the family constitution.

2. We have seen (p. 10) that the family, as originally constituted, offered to its members the advantages of a school, a government, and a church. Notwithstanding the sad change in man's relations to God, by his fall from an estate of holiness into that of sin and misery, a proper family constitution is still, essentially, an organization for government, and secular and religious instruction.

(1.) In the law prescribing the relation of Eve to Adam after the fall, she was placed under his authority. " He shall rule over thee." Gen. iii. 16. Such was evidently the normal relation of the wife in all those families, of which a history is given in the Old Testament, and such is the purport of apostolic teaching, when inculcating the duties of wives. Col. iii. 18. 1 Peter iii. 1. By the terms of the fourth and fifth commandments, children and servants are recognized as subject to the father and master, (L. Cat. Q. 124;) and in the fourth, even " the stranger,"

FAMILY RELIGION.

within the family precincts, is placed in a similiar subordination. These teachings of the Old Testament are also confirmed by those of the New. Here then is an organized government, the authority of which is vested in the husband, father, and master. The subjection of the wife is not, indeed, of the same sort as that of the children and servants. She is the partner of her husband as well as his subject, identified with him in a common interest and in their common relations to others. Thus our Saviour teaches; "they are no more twain but one flesh," Matt, xix. 5, and Paul says " men ought to love their wives as their own bodies : he that loveth his wife, loveth himself." Eph. v. 28. The children are required to obey their parents, (Eph. vi. 1,) the mother, as well as the father ; and the obedience to masters required of servants (vi. 5.) implies the obligation to render it to mistresses. Still it is a significant fact that in the very connection in which Paul teaches the identification of husband and wife, he explicitly asserts that the " husband is the head of the wife," that wives " should be subject to their husbands in every thing." Eph. v. 23, 24.

The government of the family is then a monarchy. But though a monarchy, it is not necessarily a tyranny. Eor the law which prescribes the subjection, modifies it very materially, by two limiting enactments. Husbands are required to love and cherish their wives, deal tenderly with their children, (Eph. vi. 4,) and justly with their servants, (Col. iv. 1,) and the obedience exacted of the subjects of this government is to be rendered " in the Lord," i. e., in a Christian manner or on Christian principles ; and

FAMILY RELIGION.

of course the family ruler must exact that obedience in the same manner.

Cases may occur, in which this supreme power necessarily devolves on the wife ; as when the husband, by reason of bodily or mental infirmity, is manifestly incapable of its exercise ; and, of course, when he may have been removed by death. There are also, in our sinful world, but too many instances of its abuse. The head of the family sometimes becomes its oppressor, so that wife, children, and servants are made the victims of ruthless acts of passion and caprice. In view of such cases, there are those who are disposed to ascribe the lamentable evils which are suffered to the institution itself. But it has been found impossible to construct a substitute. Even when human laws have undertaken to remedy some of the lesser evils flowing from badly governed households, they have, but too often, occasioned greater than they relieved. The evils of which we complain are due to sin, not to the institution itself. If to remove them, it be abolished, we shall find that we have also destroyed an agency for good. It is better to content ourselves with the structure which G-od has raised, even though its beauty be marred by sin, than by its destruction to bring on ourselves even greater calamities, to which our necessarily imperfect substitutes must be equally or more liable, and to which they will offer but little compensatory benefit.

It deserves our remark, however, that the family constitution is no less a government when that government is badly administered. Of the responsibility which that

fact imposes on those who rule, and the results involved 3

FAMILY RELIGION.

as to those who are ruled, we shall have occasion to speak elsewhere.

(2.) As an organization for instruction, both secular and religious, we find in the family constitution, teachers and pupils, subjects, opportunities, and methods of instruction. It is a school in the widest sense, and in this aspect of its nature alone, is suggestive of many interesting considerations. As in the government, so in the instruction of the family, the husband and father is the head. To him the wife (1 Cor. xiv. 35. 1 Tim. ii. 11, 12) must look for needed religious information, and to him specially, the Scriptures address admonitions to the duty of instructing as well as governing the children. Still the wife is his associate as well as pupil. Thus both parents are teachers, and whatever be their character and that of their instructions, must be efficient. On the minds and hearts of their pupils, for the most part their children, they may make the earliest and most durable impressions. Their teaching may not be of a very high intellectual character ; and yet even in this respect, their moral qualifications, arising from the instincts of parental affection and their relation to the child, together with the opportunities they enjoy of giving early and repeated lessons, confer on them great advantages for a successful communication of knowledge, and a beneficial mental training, to the extent of their own abilities. And then by their example, daily admonitions, and advice, they are capable of exciting their children to greater activity and eagerness for mental improvement. There are many mental habits of great importance to the successful efforts of a student, in which

FAMILY RELIGION.

parents, of even moderate intellectual attainment, are the most efficient trainers. As already intimated, we must also bear in mind, that the process of instruction begins at the earliest possible period. The mother's chamber is the best infant-school room. The parent has access to the mind and heart, before the faculties of the one have been injured by injudicious modes of culture, and the affections of the other have become set on that which is evil and alienated from that which is good. In early life, children are more susceptible of instruction in things than words. They are naturally inquisitive, credulous, and confiding. But they are volatile, and incapable of protracted mental effort of any kind, and especially, of processes of reasoning. Then is the period for imparting the knowledge of important facts, and for making impressions of useful truths ; and for such a work, no one is so suitable as the parent, who can listen with unwearied patience to the prattling questioner, with a tender regard for the child's best interests will aim to fill the opening mind with unmixed truth, and, by a variety in the matter and modes of teaching, will adapt it even to the fickle temper of childhood. It is especially in regard to moral training that this fireside teaching evinces its superiority to any other. The daily and almost hourly opportunities of the parent for inculcating love of truth, the practice of self-denial, and the exercise of forbearance, gentleness, and kindred virtues, and of correcting tendencies to evil, checking the ebullitions of temper, and curbing propensities to the indulgence of malice, envy, and similar vices, afford an advantage for such culture, no where else to be found, even could as