The crucible

Front matter

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Preface

The volume now offered to the reader is the result of no transient thought or feeling. The subject of which it treats has for years enlisted the author's deepest anxiety. In commencing, however, to express his thoughts through the press, he contemplated only a brief article for some periodical ; but the subject so expanded under his hands, as to render it impossible to stop short of the present extended discussion.

Three classes of religious experience are here portrayed in separate form, in order to exhibit a more distinct image of each, and enable the reader, with less liability of mistake, to determine to which his own experience belongs. To do this fairly, he must

PREP AC E.

test his experience, not by statements taken apart from their connection, but as interpreted by the whole description. This remark is particularly applicable to the second part, the tone of feeling in which, though in appearance approaching very near to that of the third, of which it is the counterfeit, will yet be found to differ vitally from it. The self-distrusting and tenderhearted will, doubtless, feel afflicted by the perusal of this part, but will find their solace in the others. Though the discussion can be critically understood only by a comprehensive view of its three parts, yet, for practical purposes, either may be selected, to the omission of the others, according to the mental state of the reader. It is believed that each will be recognized as representing a distinct and actual experience. Whether they are rightly assigned, is submitted to the answer of all genuine Christian experience, and the Word of God. If the second part is not a faithful portraiture of closely, and, for the most part, successfully counterfeited conversions, — which are commonly admitted to exist, — it is hoped that others will be incited to draw more truthful pictures, suggested by

PREFACE.

wider observation and experience. It would be legitimate to expect that against this portion of the discussion the most common objection will be made, since in this direction error most prevails.

The convictions of the writer are the product of no theory, except such as he has been forced to adopt from the teachings of the Scriptures and the facts of religious experience. It may be added, too, that the more widely his observation has extended, the more thoroughly have the positions which have been submitted become established. He does not flatter himself that, upon a subject so various as that of religious experience, his views will, in all respects, meet the approval of his brethren. If he knowingly differs, it is only because love for the truth and for souls is stronger than desire for their approval. It is only asked that points of difference may be examined as seriously as they are submitted.

In addition to kind suggestions and encouragement from many of his brethren, the author desires to make special mention of his indebtedness to Rev. Edward N. Kirk, D. D., who, in repeated interviews, has favored

PREFACE.

the writer with the valuable results of his extended experience in this department of labor.

Though this work has been prepared under the pressure of deep and strong convictions, yet the author is not ignorant that the subject furnishes occasion for almost unlimited investigation. Nor does he claim to have arrived at such results as are still to be desired in this direction. If this humble endeavor shall be used by the Master to save men from self-deception, and advance the interests of genuine piety, or if it shall serve to incite others to a more just and adequate treatment of this too much neglected subject, it will subserve the end desired.

Section I. Why Unrecognized By The Subject

In Case or Unconscious Regeneration — Subtle nature of tbe exercises. Unobserved — Rapidity of the exercises. Naturalness. Intensity. Youthfulness of the subject. Unremembered — Importance of exercises not understood. Unidentified — Witness not given; hindered; misunderstood. Spiritual things misconceived. Want of instruction and encouragement.

IV CONTENTS.

Unacknowledged — Enlightenment, honesty, humility, self-distrust. Self-ward graces too strong for Christ-ward. Desire to be thorough. Condition sell-perpetuating. Fruitless awakenings. Opposition to religion. High standard, 27

Section II. Why Unrecognized By Others

No outward change. Conversion of children not credited. Too much required. Minuteness of exercises. Secret conversions. "Want of spiritual discernment. Regeneration not recognized by the subject. No fruits, .... 42

Chapter III. Results Of Unrecognized Regeneration

i dwarfed condition. False sentiments. Inappropriate treatment of the unconverted. Results op Unacknowledged Regeneration — Difficulty of relief — Conscience stifled — Converted and unconverted mother afflicted. Mingled Results — Unrecognized regeneration and " second conversion " — " Second conversion " compensatory — Eminent examples — Evidences of the unrecognized, 45

Chapter II. Causes Of Unrecognizable Regeneration

SECTION I.

Man's religious nature. Natural religion. Religious education. Imitation. Sympathy. Desire and expectancy. False Graces — Conviction of sin — Repentance — Sense of forgiveness — Burden — Removal of burden — Faith — Hope — Love — Happiness — Good works — Doubts, ..... 87

SECTION II. FALSE TREATMENT.

" Coming to Christ " without Conviction — Men not naturally convicted — Exhorting to believe in Christ — Belief not the test of conversion — Repentance the leading exhortation. Encouraging Inquirers — Too much encouraged — Easy to become Christians — Becoming Christians for happiness — Means of creating revivals — ''Rising for prayers," and the " anxious seats," . 125

Section IV. Satanic Influence. 1*

VI CONTENTS..

Chapter III. Results Oe Unrecognizable Regeneration

Profession no tendency to produce conversion. Church discipline none. Performing religious duties none. Obstacles. False understanding of Christian graces. False exercises. Difficulty of abandoning them. Pri3e. Disappointment. Unsafety. Wrong to abandon hope. Attitude of hope. Second effort false. False professor hopeless. With God all things possible, . . 144

Chapter IV. Remedy Of Unrecognizable Regeneration

Divine interposition. No treatment effectual. False professors need prayer; awaken sympathy. Duty to warn of their danger. Self-deception, how prevented. False experience arrested. Hopefulness discouraged. The work of the Spirit. Satan's device. A ray of hope, 157

PAKT III.

RECOGNIZED REGENERATION;

OR, FAITH AND HOPE.

POSSIBILITY AND MODE OF RECOGNIZING REGENERATION.

DIVISION FIRST.

PRELIMINARY DISCUSSION.

Section IV. Correspondence And Distinction Between The Old Man And The New

Two classes of religious beings in the world. Two forms of religion. Two sets of religious exercises. Two sets of morals, 182

DIVISION SECOND,

GENERAL PRINCIPLE APPLIED TO THE RECOGNITION OF REGENERATION BY THE SUBJECT.

CHAPTER I.

PRELIMINARY.

Regeneration not recognized by natural means. Not by obedience. Not by any process of reasoning, 194

Vni CONTENTS.

CHAPTER II.

SPIRITUAL CONSCIOUSNESS THE PRIMARY EVIDENCE.

Evidence of spiritual existence parallel to evidence of natural. Scripture proof, 202

Section II. Peculiarities Of The Regenerate Character

Conviction of Sin — Its Necessity — Men not rationally convicted — No conversion without conviction — Degrees of conviction. Causes of Natural Conviction — Fear of punishment — Deep and sore affliction — Sickness — Loss of property — Novel and extraordinary religious enterprises — Preaching in theatres and ball-rooms — Conversion of a dear friend — Desire to enter the marriage relation — Bible view — Absence of conviction in the recent " great awakening" — Financial depression — Popular influences, .... 243

Peculiarities of Genuine Conviction. — Progressive. Change from knowing to feeling. Commencement and progress imperceptible. Growing worse. Reluctance to profess conviction. Not enough convicted. Conviction general. Conceived as a burden. Growing hardness. Subsequent convictions not the same, 259

Repentance. — Its peculiarities. An exercise and a state. Not felt to be complete, 266

Sense of Forgiveness. — An undefined consciousness. Absence of reason. Circumstances under which it occurs. Connected with burden. Removal of burden spontaneous. Unexpected. Not understood. Not supposed to be forgiveness. Looking to Christ. Instrumental causes. Points to be given up not understood, 268

Love for God and Christ. — How determined. Spontaneous. Commencement imperceptible. Seems small. Smallness concealed. Gives no reasons, 279

Happiness. — Not so great as it should be. Not uniform. Seasons of darkness. True happiness spontaneous. Effect of temperament, 285

Enjoyment of Prayer. — Not so great as it should be. Not always alike. Prayer not always successful, 291

Doubts. — Their cause. Distinguished from seasons of darkness. Not easily removed. Not under the Christian's control, 294

Faith. — Analyzed. Origin spontaneous; imperceptible. Not freely spoken of. Attended with humility. Seems weak and small, 298

Humility. — Its peculiarities, 301

CONTENTS.

DIVISION THIRD

GENERAL PRINCIPLE APPLIED TO THE RECOGNITION OF REGENERATION BY OTHERS.

Chapter I

[ By their fruits ye shall know them." Christians certified according to responsibility. Subject neglected. Not certified by natural means. Evidence of others and themselves similar. Primary source; consciousness. Oneness of Christ's disciples. Bond of love. Spiritual response, how awakened. Objections. The feeling deceives. Sometimes lost. Should be cultivated. Mere feeling. Peculiarities of the responsive witness. Secondary source of evidence; a judgment; how formed. Faculty improved. How. Perception of character. Acquaintance with mankind. Qualifications. Variety of attainment, 304

Chapter II

Principles to guide. Temper of heart. One's views of himself. Naturally religious. Counterfeit work. Regenerate or unregenerate. Circumstances. Relation of experience. Spiritual judgment. Crisis of conversion. Sovereignty of Spirit, and natural laws. Suggestions. A spontaneous expression. Feelings not views. As they were, not as they are. Test-questions, . 326

Chapter III. Treatment Of Inquirers And Young Converts

First duty. End uniformly to be sought. Means for securing conviction. Watchfulness required. The most simple stage of inquiry. Inquiry awakened by selfish motives. By affliction. Persons suddenly " struck " under conviction. A promising case. Young converts not to be regarded as religious prodigies. Making a profession of religion, 339

Introduction

This work addresses itself to all serious persons, but particularly to those whose office requires them to guide and test the religious experience and hopes of others ; and even they who may not agree with all its positions, will find it worthy of their serious attention.

To facilitate the reader's progress, it may be observed that the discussion accords, in its scope and spirit, with Pres. Edwards's treatise on " The Affections," to which we may refer as a standard. The differences between them will be found in their immediate aims, sources, and modes of treatment. Starting from the common ground, that there is a real and a spurious conversion, they contemplate the subject from different points of view. Aiming, in common with Mr. Edwards, to prevent false conversions, to confirm true Christian hope, and to present definite tests of regeneration in others, the writer of this essay had also in view a class of persons to whom the other makes little or no reference ; that is the class he describes as having experienced

XII INTRODUCTION.

an unrecognized conversion, and to which, probably, Mr. Edwards himself belonged for many years, as also Mr. Brainard, whose memoir he wrote.

In bringing the matter of regeneration to a practical test, the two authors employ different methods : Mr. Edwards, to some extent, enters into the theological elements of the subject ; considering those portions of it which lie back of all consciousness and observation ; such as the agency of the Holy Spirit, and those unconscious changes in our nature which that agency produces. But this essay is distinguished by making consciousness the primary evidence of one's own regeneration ; the spiritual sense the primary medium of testing another's conversion ; and, auxiliary to both these, incidental peculiarities, which, however important, appear to have been overlooked by other experimental writers.

Comparing the two treatises by their effects, there will probably also be found a striking contrast. Edwards's essay is almost universally discouraging to young believers ; and the reason seems to be, that he presents tests rather of sanctification than of regeneration — of mature life, rather than of infantile existence. He wrote rather from his own eminent experience, than from that of Christians generally, — which, unhappily, presents but little corresponding to his attainments. So far as his work aims to promote holiness, this is well : but if

INTRODUCTION. XIII

regarded simply as designed to test the existence of piety, it is so far defective. Mr. Goodhue has aimed, on the contrary, to hunt out the feeble, halting, undeveloped life of piety, of which, for various reasons, so many examples do actually exist in the world; and also to exhibit, as fully as possible, the symptoms of an ordinary regenerate state, for the confirmation of the true believer. Some may, indeed, object to his carrying the regenerated person back to former and first experience; they would think it better to urge him to higher attainments. But, our author would reply, the fact is, you cannot get their past experience out of their way. It has become, by perversion, a hinderance to their progress ; for they are constantly laboring to go through the first stages, which they have already passed. They want to get as new what can never be new to them again. They are afraid to act as Christians, lest they should be hypocrites. They must know that their former exercises were Christian, in order that they may advance intelligently, confidently, and joyfully. And he considers it no small evil that such persons may do much injury unintentionally, by holding up some advanced stage of sanctification as a model for others in the stage of conversion. The cases are not unfrequent of persons directing inquirers, from their own experience, in a way which is painfully superficial and defective, however sincere. A person converted in early life, but not regarding himself as

XIV INTRODUCTION.

converted, once met a clergyman, who gave him this direction : " Go to work as if } T ou were a Christian." He took the advice, and soon was filled with heavenly peace. But the evil in the case was, that he regarded that as his conversion ; and from that time his counsel to inquirers of all grades was, to go to work as if they were Christians — a counsel which differed widely from that call to repentance which takes for granted we are not Christians. It is a great evil to confound the expansion of piety with its commencement — the fruit with the blossom.

Although this treatise is eminently practical, yet it involves principles of great importance, which have probably never yet received a due consideration. A part of the feebleness of the church consists in its having so much natural religion added to its fellowship — so much natural religion that has never been transmuted into spiritual religion. Perhaps on this account the book may meet opposition, and from none more strongly than from those whose zeal is for numbers rather than for godliness, and those who regulate the admission of members to the church by social feelings and considerations, or even by the exercise of a natural judgment, rather than by spiritual tests.

The discussion of this subject by the author is valuable, because, while lie concedes to unregenerate men as much religion as any of them claim to

INTRODUCTION. XV

possess, at the same time he clearly exhibits to them the fact that natural religion is not spiritual religion ; that it is not that piety which God's spirit has formed, or which he will acknowledge as fitting its possessor for heaven. And these views have an increasing importance, as revivals of religion increase, because there will be a growing tendency to bring into the church multitudes who have gone no farther than to have their natural religious sensibilities quickened. Indeed, the first impression produced, on hearing the third part of this work read, was that this is a timely discussion in reference to two classes — " the elders in Israel," and this community generally, in which natural religion is so extensively confounded with godliness, and where the instincts of our apostate nature are taken by so many for " fruits of the Spirit."

The subject of " second conversion," here brought to -view, is one demanding a thorough discussion ; and the author has fairly introduced that discussion.

No one will question the simplicity and loftiness of his aim. Like his great predecessor, he has sought to attract and charm the reader, not by ornaments and glowing periods, but by clearly presenting the mighty theme in its own colors.

For many years his soul has been burdened with what he considers a grand defect of the church —

XVI INTRODUCTION.

the inability of Christians to discern suppressed piety, and to discriminate between the true and the false.

And if any, on reading the first part, should fear that he is lax, lenient, and superficial, it may be suggested to them to suspend their judgment until the second part shall have been read. Indeed, a just opinion of the whole work cannot be formed until the third part has been read : it is the main portion of the discussion.

In requesting this Introduction by one more extensively known than himself, the author asks for no patronage to his person, or partiality to his book. He simply asks the servants of Christ to examine* his views ; and, in compliance with his wishes, I simply and cordially say, they are worthy of a serious examination.

And may our glorious Lord bless the author and the reader, and employ this essay to advance his kingdom.

EDWARD N. KIRK.

5 Staniford St., October, 1859.

PART I

UNRECOGNIZED REGENERATION;

FAITH WITHOUT HOPE

UNRECOGNIZED REGENERATION.

Chapter I. Aspects Of Unrecognized Regeneration

It is a well-known fact that there are many professing Christians who do not know when they were converted. 1 They have been led gradually to believe they are Christians, without reference to any change which they could call a new creation. Regeneration being an instantaneous work, it follows that they must have been in a regenerate state, in many instances, for a series of years, without its being so understood by themselves or others. An eminently pious deacon, who has been an honored member of a Baptist church for forty years, writes : " I remember at nine years of age being much troubled about my sins, but nothing definite as to any change in my feelings. Yet I do remember when I felt much better, more happy, enjoyed prayer more. I never made known my feelings, and never supposed I was a Christian. I became acquainted with wild and wicked boys, and my serious impressions by degrees wore off ; and, till about thirty years of age, their return was rare as angel visits. I lived through several

1 The term conversion is used for convenience, not in its strict, but popular sense. It is regeneration, strictly, we are about to discuss.

20 UNRECOGNIZED REGENERATION.

revivals of religion, and was very anxious, at times, to experience a change of heart which should be so manifest that I should never have occasion to doubt. But, after all, I was obliged to go back twenty-one years, gather up the little fragments of evidence, bring them before the church, and let them decide. Contrary to my expectation, they declared themselves satisfied to receive it as a Christian experience." This is not a solitary case. Such examples constitute a class of persons by no means small.

An interesting question now arises. If there is a class of Christians who have been in a regenerate state for a series of years without its being so regarded, is it not probable that, in every Christian community, there is a corresponding class still in this condition? If so, are there no means by which they can be known and relieved, and the condition prevented on the part of others ? It is believed that they may be known, and that a better understanding of the aspects of the condition, its causes, its results, and the proper remedy, would subserve the desired end.

"We shall call the state unrecognized regeneration. The subjects of it are persons whose religious character is a puzzle, and a source of constant perplexity. They have come to years of maturity under Christian influences ; they are often the children of pious parents; they may have been taught in the Sabbath School ; may be constant and seemingly interested attendants upon public worship ; but never assume a decided position in matters of religion. In times of revival, and by particular providences, they are awakened, but nothing more. By some they are said to be gospel-hardened. To their friends they are a wonder and an anxiety. To most, it is strange that they should be the subjects of so much pious influence — be brought so

EXAMPLE CITED. 21

near, but never enter, the kingdom of heaven. To a few, most intimate with them, but not venturing to express the opinion, they seem to be Christians in all but the name. Their apparent condition is that of being almost persuaded.

This is their outward history. Their inward history is unwritten. "Were it known, it would be found to be peculiar, exceedingly varied and distracted, and mostly of an unhappy nature. They are strangely sensitive to the providences and claims of God. They are penetrated with a lively sense of their personal sin and guilt, and great un worthiness. They sometimes pray, especially in affliction ; but, for the most part, prayer is neglected. At times they partially enjoy prayer; but oftener it is a burden; while its neglect is a source of pain. They have a high perception of the nature and value of true religion ; but never think they are Christians, though greatly desiring to be such. They can neither enjoy religion, nor abandon it. They are sensible that they are wicked, yet dare not ask or hope for forgiveness. Their ideal of the Christian character surpasses human attainment.

We cite, as an example, the case which first arrested the attention of the writer. It was that of a lady,' thirty years of age, of sound mind, and an honest regard for religious things. She stated that no Christian had conversed with her upon the subject of religion for fifteen years, yet she betrayed an apprehensiveness of spiritual things truly remarkable in an unconverted person under no special religious awakening. To the inquiry, whether she had at any time been made the subject of religious impressions, she replied that she had not. This seemed incomprehensible, that one should be so tender and perceptive spiritually, without having been awakened. It being urged that she

22 UNCONSCIOUS REGENERATION.

must have had religious exercises, she acknowledged that when young she became excited in a revival ; but added, that it amounted to nothing, and soon passed away. Yet her exercises proved to possess all the features of a genuine Christian experience. She had never formed the habit of prayer. When urged to commence it, and trust the promise of God, she reluctantly resolved to attempt it. Soon, without additional convictions, she became hopeful that she was a child of God ; and has since manifested a growing Christian character, yet not essentially unlike what she had possessed from her early youth.

This will suggest to every Christian minister many persons in respect to whom he is constantly anxious and perplexed, and a solution of whose religious condition would be truly grateful. The hypothesis submitted is that they are in a regenerated state, which is unrecognized by themselves and others.

The first of the several aspects of this condition we shall call unconscious regeneration. The declaration of many persons, that they do not know when they were converted, implies that at the time of conversion they were unconscious of any religious exercises. But this supposition is not warranted in the large majority of cases, if it is in any. We are not prepared to assume that such a change as that of the new birth is ever experienced without a consciousness of some religious exercises.

The example first adduced assumes this general form. The individual would doubtless say, that he never knew when he was converted. Yet the idea cannot be that at that time he was not conscious of any religious exercises. He says: "I found myself often in the fields, and other retired places, trying to pray. I remember being much troubled about my sins ; remember when I felt much bet-

UNOBSERVED REGENERATION. 23

ter, enjoyed prayer more." The meaning, therefore, of the statement is, that while he was conscious of religious exercises, he did not suppose he had become a Christian.

This is doubtless the true explanation of most, if not all, similar examples. In many cases we cannot obtain evidence that the persons were conscious of all the exercises commonly connected with conversion, though in almost all cases a consciousness of some of them is discoverable. To meet the case of Christians who believe they never had any conscious religious exercises in conversion, which we do not know to be impossible, we have introduced the supposed aspect of unconscious regeneration.

The second aspect is unobserved regeneration. The supposition here is, that the person, though not unconscious of religious exercises, yet takes no observation of them. Were his attention called to them, he would perceive that an important work was being wrought. They are like the evaporation of water, or the gradual infection of the atmosphere, of which, though not unconscious, we take no note.

This aspect differs from the former, in that the one is supposed to be a process which cannot be observed, while the other may, but is not. If any given cases are regarded as belonging to that class, the question would arise whether they should not be referred to this.

The third aspect is unremembered regeneration. To this class belong those instances in which the process was not an unconscious one, nor unobserved, but had passed, with many other mental phenomena, into oblivion. Instances of this kind differ from the last, in that the unobserved cannot be recovered to the mind, while the unremembered often can be. The former have left no trace behind, and are lost; the latter, having left their footsteps, can be

24 UNREMEMBERED REGENERATION.

retraced. The unobserved could once have been saved from perpetual oblivion ; many of the unremembered can be still. Frequent examples which might be supposed to belong to the first and second classes, if examined, would be found to take their place under this ; or some of the exercises of any given case may belong to one class, and some to another.

In this class of cases persons may be assisted by other Christians, in many instances, in reviving their exercises. In the second example cited, the individual declared it was so long since they occurred, that they had been forgotten ; but, upon being interrogated, she was able to recall the outlines of a Christian experience. One who is conversant with the phenomena attendant upon regeneration, the order and circumstances in which they commonly occur, will be able essentially to aid in the recovery of experiences which otherwise would never be restored. The recovery of one exercise leads to another, until most or all are recalled, — enough, at least, to prove that all existed.

The fourth aspect is unidentified regeneration. In this state the individual is not unconscious that a change has been wrought ; it is not unobserved, nor forgotten, but is unidentified as the change desired. The exercises constitute an important era in the history of the person, but he never supposes that from them he must date the beginning of his spiritual life.

Cases of this class are numerous, if we include those Christians who have always regarded the process of obtaining evidence that they were Christians as the process of regeneration, which are by no means identical or simultaneous, but are often widely separated. During the interval, of course, the persons must have been in a state of unidentified regeneration. Multitudes of intelligent Chris-

UNIDENTIFIED REGENERATION. 25

tians are of this number, regarding their conversion and their indulgence of hope as simultaneous, while they are separated by perhaps a space of years.

The fifth aspect is unacknowledged regeneration. This is that of unidentified regeneration, advanced a step nearer to recognition. The individual has had inward impressions and outward intimations that his exercises may have constituted a work of grace, but has cultivated the habit of refusing to acknowledge them as such. He sometimes wonders whether it may not be so; but, when interrogated, positively disclaims it. In this class there is even an unwillingness to accredit what evidence exists that they are regenerate persons. They express themselves confidently and positively. They know they have not been converted. They think it absurd to raise the question, and utterly useless to examine their exercises to ascertain whether they give evidence of a change. It seems to them as useless as it would be to raise the question whether they may not even now be saints in glory, and about as much an insult to their reason. This is the farthest extreme of unacknowledged regeneration, which exhibits many shades of variation. Its central idea is a decided unwillingness to acknowledge having been converted, or to entertain the thought.

The difference between this and former aspects is, that in this the persons have had some evidence that they are Christians, while in the former they have had no such apprehensions. In this, evidence is resisted ; in those, it is simply wanting. In both, the fact of regeneration is denied, but with more of vehemence in the latter case, in order to resist affirmative intimations and impressions. The more strongly such intimations are presented, the more vehement becomes the denial. All reasoning to-

26 UNACKNOWLEDGED REGENERATION.

wards a favorable conclusion from the nature of their exercises, is met with reasoning in the opposite direction ; all light thrown in upon their understandings is lost in clouds and darkness. Having been enlightened by the Spirit, they have spiritual weapons with which to contend against their own internal impressions, and the intimations of others. Their prevailing disposition is utterly to condemn themselves, to disown all their exercises, and deny the existence of any source of encouragement.

Abundant individual examples illustrating this aspect of unrecognized regeneration might be cited; but a single one, of an extreme nature, must suffice. A lady, thirty years of age, having previously been made a subject of grace without entertaining hope, upon being awakened anew by the sudden death of a friend, came to regard herself as being in a most reckless and lost condition ; as even given over to hardness of heart, and a reprobate mind. Her statements were of the most contradictory nature. She declared that she had no feeling; she could not shed a single tear; she had no interest for herself whatever; no sense of sin, or of her lost condition, and no desire to be a Christian. Yet her feeling was of that unutterable kind which finds no vent in tears. Her interest for herself was so intense, that, though in perfect health, she believed she was about to die, and in a few days be finally and forever lost. Her lost condition was so deeply realized, that she conceived herself to be in the very jaws of death and hell. Upon subsequently obtaining evidence of acceptance with God, she was obliged to refer her real conversion to a date fifteen years previous.