An offering of sympathy to the afflicted ...

Front matter

OFFERING OF SYMPATHY

E6P£Cf ALLT

B*I5G X COLLECTION FROM MANUSCRIPTS AND LET- TERS NOT BEFORE PUBLISHED

Introduction

In offering this little book for the consolation of the afflicted, the compiler wishes to contribute something to the supply of a want, that has been much felt among us. The children of sorrow are at all times a numerous class of mankind. It pleases God that they should always be with us; and we ourselves must in our turn become a part. Notwithstanding the many valuable treatises on other subjects of religion, both the experience of ministers, in their offices of consolation, and the personal trials of all christians sufficiently attest the need there yet exists of works, which may meet the various conditions of sorrow, and yield the instruction and comforts they may require.

It will at once be perceived, how largely the writer has been indebted to the contributions of others. These form the greatest and most valuable part of the work. And vi

INTRODUCTION.

were he at liberty to explain the sources, whence some passages, particularly of the 6 Correspondence,' were derived, or the nature and variety of the grief, for the relief of which others of these pieces were expressly written, he doubts not, that independently of their intrinsic value, they would command the lively interest of the reader. He can only express his grateful acknowledgments to each and to all of those friends, who have so effectually aided his design, either by their own productions,* or from those private stores, which sympathy in their bereavements had enabled them to gather ; and from which, of the kindness ever found in the bosom of sanctified affliction, they were willing to comfort others with the same comforts, with which they themselves had been comforted of God.

As may be inferred from the variety of the topics here treated, these pages are designed, and it is hoped they may not be found unsuited, for the consolation of all sorrow. Yet there will be perceived a particular reference to that grief, which is suf-

* Of the pieces, forming the body of the work, it may be proper to add, that two have once before appeared in print : viz. the lines to 4 William,' by his father ; and the * Spirit's Song of Coniolation.'

INTRODUCTION.

vii fered by parents, under the loss of children. Of the trials of domestic life, appointed of our heavenly Father, none are of more frequent occurrence, and none, perhaps, which cause a more poignant sorrow, than does this. 4 1 have lost my children, and am desolate, 5 is the natural language of bereaved paternal affection. When the infant, that had lately entered upon existence, or the lovely child, whose powers were just ! unfolding,

1 Sweet to the world and grateful to the skies,'

! in the fullness of health, in the sweetness of innocence, and the freshness of hope, is at a moment taken from us, who shall utter the sorrow, especially of the maternal heart ? Yet, heavy as it is, it must be borne for the most part in silence. The stranger knows j not of it. The acquaintance cannot inter- ] meddle with it ; and even in the confidence of tender friendship, it may not be wise often to intrude it. It is to be endured, therefore, rather than to be uttered, except to Him, whose ear is always open ; whose pitying eye is upon his children, and who counts their tears.

From the frequency, moreover, and somerf times the wide extent of such calamities, no

Vlll

INTRODUCTION.

less than from the private nature of the sorrow they occasion, they can seldom be made the direct topics of consolation from the pulpit. The reasons are obvious ; and they are sufficient. Such subjects would be in danger of engrossing a disproportionate share of the public instruction ; and it were unreasonable to call upon the sympathies of a promiscuous assembly for that, which of necessity, could be felt only by a few. Hence, the greater need of books of consolation, which may meet the private grief ; which may go with us, as a chosen friend, into the secret chamber ; may cheer the heavy hours of solitude, to which even those most richly favoured of christian friendship, will, at such periods, be left; and like the unfailing word, whose 'entrance giveth light,' and is itself the exhaustless source of comfort, may remain to cheer and to instruct, long after the offerings, and with them the excitements of sympathy, have ceased ; and when even our nearest friends may be imagining, that the grief, they were at first eager and assiduous to console, has passed away.

Of the compilations of this class, which have already been furnished, few appear al-

INTRODUCTION. ix

together adapted to their purpose. The office of consolation is, in truth, one of difficulty; and though always welcomed from the kind and good, and its simplest expressions, if only uttered in sincerity, will not fail of their intention; yet, for the most acceptable performance of it, something more is needed than mere zeal, or good feeling. A respectful regard for the afflicted; a certain reverence of sorrow, forbidding the intrusion of what is doubtful, or might be the occasion of pain, is essential to him, who would impart comfort. The friends of Job, though too ready to reproach him, gave one evidence, at least, of a genuine sympathy, when they sat down with him for a season in silence, * and spake not a word, knowing, that his grief was great. 9 Now in many of the treatises, usually referred to on this subject, we perceive a lamentable deficiency in that spirit, which in the more familiar expressions of condolence, would prescribe a like deference. In some of them we find a coarseness, in others a quaintness of language, which are offensive ; and not seldom are points of doubtful disputation officiously obtruded as essential to an acceptable faith, or to the right use of adversity ; while the most simple and sustaining views

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INTRODUCTION.

of God's paternal providence, of his merciful designs, and some of the choicest consolations, which spring from the religion of Christ, are as strangely overlooked.

With the belief, that works of this description are jet needed among us, and with a desire to meet, in some measure, a want, which the course of professional duty had shown to be urgent, the writer presents this little volume to the bereaved and afflicted. Possibly it may add something to a confidence, essential to the efficacy of the sympathy, it expresses ; at least, it may obtain indulgence for those portions of the book, which alone will need it, if he add, that it was suggested by a severe domestic calamity, by which a very lovely child, in full health, and promise, was suddenly taken away. He will be happy, if a private grief shall thus have ministered to the consolation of others ; if a little child, who had become the object, perhaps of a too fond dependance, shall by the grief of her early departure, have taught him more effectually how to sympathize with the sorrowful.

ADVERTISEMENT TO SECOND EDITION.

The compiler has been gratified to learn, that this little book has afforded consolation to many in their affliction, and particularly to that class of mourners, for whose benefit it was originally designed. In this second edition the plan has been somewhat extended ; and with some corrections and improvements of the former, will be found an original article on the 6 uses of affliction,' and several additional selections in the appendix adapted to the wants of the sorrowful of all descriptions.

Boston, May 1st, 1833.

Index

PAGE

Dedication iii

Preface v

Advertisement to second edition viii

Duty of preparation for adversity.

Resignation to the Divine Will, (two parts.)

Sufferings and deaths of children, consistent with the Divine Goodness.

E. S. Gannett. 21

Consolations under the deaths of children.

A. Lamson 31

Re-union of the virtuous in a state of happiness after death.

Christ's legacy to his disciples.

G. Ripley 48

Fragments.

Letter from ***, to a sister after a severe bereavement.

c xiv

INDEX.

PAGE

Letter from a father to his daughter after

the death of a lovely boy.

From Rev. William Emerson to esteemed parishioners, after repeated bereavements of their children 64

Letters from near friends to a breaved

friend and mother 63

Reflections on visiting the grave of a child.

To William, by his father.

The christian's solace, under the loss of virtuous friends.

G. Ripley 89

Jesus Christ the true source of consolation.

A. Young 97

The improvement to be derived from examples of sudden death,

W. E. Channing 104

The christian's victory over death.

J. A. Walker 116

The occasions and remedy of excessive grief.

The contemplation of nature, a source of consolation.

The duty of gratitude amidst sorrow.

INDEX. XV

PAGE

The influence of the dead on the living.

A. Young 150

The efficacy of religious consolation.

W. H. Furness 160

Man's will conformed to God's will.

M. I. Motte 165

A letter to a friend, under deep affliction.

J. Allen 172

The dangers and temptations of adversity.

Uses of affliction.

J. Brazer /. 189

The spirit's song of consolation.

Appendix

Introduction.

Memoirs of John Evelyn, Esquire, recording the deaths of his son and daughter 208

Letter of condolence to J. Evelyn.

Bishop Taylor 215

A hymn to a child.

T. K. Hervey 220

Letter of Sir William Temple to Lady Essex ; 222 xvi

APPENDIX.

PAGE

A christian mother, on the death of a darling child.

R. Wardlaw 224

Extract of a discourse by Rev. W. B. O. Peabody. 227

Letter of Rev. Dr Balfour, of Glasgow, on the death of his only son 233

Extract from a sermon of Rev. Dr Barnes, after the funeral of his only daughter 238

Speech of the Rev. Samuel Danforth, at

the grave of three of his children 241

Extracts from the life and character of

James Hay Beattie, by his father 244

' The springs of comfort opened in the gospel/ by J. Thornton 249

Examples of suffering : 251

A hymn : i Sorrowing, not without hope/

by Charles Wesley 255

A letter on the death of a favourite

daughter 256

To H , on the death of a young child 260

Extract from Rev. R. Morehead's discourse on religious consolation 262

To a dying infant 267

IButg of preparation for gftbersftg.

Forasmuch as Christ has suffered for us, — arm yourselves likewise with the same mind. — St Peter.

It is the province of religion to prepare us for the vicissitudes of life. It is the peculiar province of the religion of Jesus Christ to inculcate such truths, to suggest such motives, to inspire such hopes, as shall prepare us to meet all the appointments of God — both what he ordains, and what he permits — with a confiding temper. For this, as well as for other great purposes, it holds up to our view and imitation the example of Jesus Christ, in the faithfulness of his obedience and the cheerfulness of his submission to the will of his Father. And one of his apostles, in anticipating the sufferings to which his first followers, and, we may add, his disciples in every age were to be called, exhorts, that they arm themselves with the same mind ; that they put on the same holy courage, with which their divine master met the trials to which he was appointed. St Paul also, with a fine allusion to the christian state as a 2

I warfare, exhorts, that they put on the whole armour of God ; that they place themselves, as it were, in the attitude of men, who expected, and would prepare themselves to meet calamity ; standing perfect and complete in all the will of God.

These precepts, though addressed to christians of an earlier age, lose nothing of their application to us, who, with them, are pilgrims in an uncertain world, and must expect vicissitude. And it is obviously the suggestion of wisdom and piety to enquire, how we may prepare ourselves for such changes, and with what temper they should be sustained.

1. Preparation for sorrow implies, as we may first remark, a reasonable expectation of it. An expectation founded on just views, such as reason, observation, experience, and the word of God enforce, of the uncertainty of our condition here ; of the frailty of our possessions, and of our lives; of the designs of God concerning us in this world, and of the influence of adversity to prepare us for a better. He, who considers his feeble frame ; the diseases and accidents to which he is liable ; the narrow term, within the bounds of which the longest life is limited ;

the uncertainties to which the securest possessions are exposed ; who looks around the community in which he lives, and marks the ravages that a few years can make upon the comforts, treasures, and friendships, even of the most prosperous ; who sees one generation passing away, and the places that knew his friends knowing them no more ; the domestic abode changing its inhabitants; families, once numerous and opulent, flourishing in peace and honour, utterly gone, or reduced in a few individuals that survive, to a comfortless dependance ; their splendid mansions, once the abode of pleasure, the seat of generous hospitality, and the refuge of the needy, laid in melancholy ruins, or transformed into resorts of business, or as resting places of the traveller ; when he visits the house of God, and with a few annual revolutions observes what new appearances are presented, and looks in vain for faces he had long known and welcomed there — when, I say, he considers all this, he will think it reasonable to expect change. He will not flatter himself that he is to be exempted ; nor vainly imagine that his mountain will stand, while all things else are moving. He will perceive, that the principles of change are inherent in the very nature and condition of his being. The whole history of the community in which he lives, all that he is called to observe or suffer, will conspire with the clear monitions of God's word to teach him that preparation for sorrow is the part of wisdom ; that however bright may be his prospects ; however large, and, to the earthly eye, secure his possessions ; however sacred and endearing the relations by which he is united, he must not hope for exemption. Nay, that in proportion to the variety and extent of his comforts, to the number of the friends, on whom his heart relies, is his exposure to change.

2. This duty of preparation for the loss of our blessings demands from us also a faithful improvement of them, while they are continued. The thought of their uncertain stay, and that at any moment they may be withdrawn, will mingle itself with our uses of them, and will moderate also our expectations concerning them. We shall not fail to enjoy them, for this is demanded from our gratitude. This is the clear dictate of duty ; and it is no part of the christian, who believes in God, and believes also in Christ, trusts in a perfect Providence, and has a hope full of immortality, to go 4 sorrowing all his days.' But he will improve them as one, who remembers that this is not the scene of enjoyment or of rest ; that it is in the world to come, not that in which he lives, that he must look for the fullest gratifications of his affections, and for his highest pleasures.

Who of us, but may have suffered some pangs of regret, when a gift has been taken, from us, that we have prized it so little, or so negligently improved it 1 It is one of the most common evidences of our wayward dispositions, to think little of the good we possess, and much of that we have lost. Our blessings rise in our estimation, as they are departing from us ; and when once they are gone, memory and fancy recall, with a perverse fidelity, all that there was in them for our gratitude and pleasure. We value highly the opportunities of usefulness, or the means of happiness, which we can no longer command. We think tenderly of the scenes, from which we are removing ; and especially, if we are to quit them, as we think, forever, how fondly and sadly do we number the days of comfort and delight, we have spent in them. The most indifferent objects of inanimate nature array themselves to our busy, our diseased imaginations in unwonted beauties. And we can then understand what 2* was meant by the captive Israelites, when mourning in a strange and distant country, over the desolations of their temple, ' Thy servants take pleasure in its stones; and favour the dust thereof.'

Particularly, of the friendships and endeared connexions of life, when absence interrupts, or death is commissioned to sever — how tender, how sacred, the recollections! We dwell with mournful veneration on the lips, that are soon to be silenced in the grave. We summon all that love and gratitude can suggest, to heighten our esteem of the friend we had enjoyed, but can enjoy no longer.

Now it is the part of wisdom ; it is essen tial to our preparation for the day of calamity, to be faithful to our blessings, while yet they are with us. It is wise to protect ourselves from unavailing sorrows, and the reproach of undervalued or neglected privileges. Christian, hath God imparted to thee of the fulness of his bounty ? Hath he intrusted thee with wealth, and made thee responsible, by placing at thy disposal the resources of happiness 1 Then must thou act as his steward, and employ thy treasure and opportunity to his glory ; then must there be with thee the spirit of moderation, and the heavenly mind, to control and sanctify thy use of things temporal, * lest thy table be a snare, and that which God gave for thy welfare, become a trap.'

Are you blest, my brother, in the friends of your heart ? Are there yet with you those, and perhaps not a few, whom your soul loveth ? Are you walking in the light, and are still gladdened by the presence of a venerated parent, in the wisdom of whose counsel, in the purity and integrity of whose life, in whose tried and faithful affection, you can securely trust 1 Is it yet with you as in the days of your youth, when the secret of God was upon your tabernacle? And the wife of your bosom, and the children of your hopes — are they about you 7 Then may you rejoice — yea, and you should rejoice. Only remember, that at the word of God, these choicest of your temporal blessings may be withdrawn. And so live with your friends as heirs of the grace of life, that when they are gone, you may call up their memories without distress ; and find them hereafter with the treasure laid up in heaven.

3. Another most important preparation for the calamities which may be appointed, is in the faithful discharge of duty, and in the answer of a good conscience. 4 It is better,' says an apostle, ' that ye suffer in s well doing than for evil doing.' In the

strength of an approving conscience, we can meet with composure the chastisements of God ; and, in the light of an approving conscience, we can see the mercy, that is mingled with judgment. But wretched indeed is that man, who is compelled to endure, at once, the rebukes of heaven, and the upbraidings of a heart not right with God. The spirit of a man, we are told, will sustain his infirmity. The natural vigour and courage of his soul, sustained by religious faith, may avail him under the ordinary trials of his lot. ' But if,' as observes a wise interpreter of that text, 4 within him the disease of sin be rankling; if that which should support serves but to torment him, to what quarter can he look for relief? To what medicine shall he apply, when that which might have cured his wounds is itself diseased and wounded V

Besides, let it not be forgotten, that it is one effect of adversity to awaken the conscience ; to give tenderness and susceptibility to the moral feelings. The palliatives, we may administer in the day of prosperity, may prove successful. They may soothe us for a season. They may silence the clamours of self-reproach. It is possible, that amidst the engagements of business, or the allurements of pleasure, the festive scenes of youth, or the more sober passions and engrossing cares of advancing life, the monitor within may never be heard. But let God speak the word, and commission his ministers of justice ; let the sinner be stripped of the riches, in which he had trusted ; let pain and disease rack his frame, and thus teach him that he is mortal, and shall die ; let death enter his dwelling, and bear from him one, and perhaps another, in whom he had trusted, and convince him by his own personal sufferings of the vanity of his best possessions ; and then, if amidst all or any of these visitations from heaven, conscience is inflicting also its secret torments — miserable indeed is that man.

If then, we would fortify ourselves against the day of trouble, and secure, when we shall most need them, the strength and solace of religion, we must keep to ourselves the answer of a good conscience ; and be able amidst all care and grief, to say, 4 our rejoicing is this : that in simplicity and sincerity we have lived in the world.' 4 Behold, now, my witness is in heaven, and my record with the Most High.'

4. A just estimate, also, of the objects of this world, and of those especially, which are usually regarded as essential to happiness, will assist us to meet its trials. The conviction, too, of our ignorance of what is best for us, and a filial readiness to commit to the 4 only wise God,' all our lot, will fortify our spirits. Knowing, as the apostle teaches, that the things that are seen, are temporal, we shall lift our eyes and our hearts to the things eternal. In the faith and hopes of a true disciple, we shall look for strength amidst weakness, and for the solace of our griefs, to that better country, where nothing is transient ; even to the city that hath foundations, whose builder and whose maker is God.

5. And, lastly, we may effectually arm ourselves against every evil that can assail us here, by an unqualified trust in God ; by the conviction that all which he ordains is wise and kind ; and that nothing is permitted, or can take place under his control, that shall not work for good, to them that love him. For all the ways of God are mercy and truth, to them that fear him. Light is sown for the righteous, and gladness for the upright in heart. To the faithful children of the Most High, who endure and suffer well, there is given by Christ Jesus the assurance of faith, that what they know not now, they shall know hereafter ; that this God, of whom the Son has taught them, shall be their guide even unto death. Nor will he leave them there. His rod and staff wilt be with them through the dark valley ; and through the ages of eternity, he will be their salvation and joy. F. P.

It is the Lord. Let him do what seemeth him good.

This is the language of resignation. In these words of the prophet, we may mark the temper with which every child of God must prepare himself to meet the appointments of his heavenly Father. To ordain, to bestow, and to chasten, is the prerogative of God. To obey, to receive, to submit, is the duty of man. The sovereign arbiter of our lot, the God, who formed and fashioned us, holds an undeniable claim upon our blessings and hopes. Nor is it more of the glory of his bounty to give, than it is of the faithfulness of his judgments to take away. This is a lesson, which sooner or later, we must learn ; and never shall we have found the true source of comfort, nor peace to our souls, amidst the disquietudes of life, til] we have acquired this spirit of unreserved submission ; till with a filial temper we can look upon ourselves, our friends, our best possessions, and most cherished hopes, and then look upward to the God of heaven, whose bounty gave them all, and say, 'Lord, here are we: — Let him do with us as it seemeth good unto him.'

Resignation is submission, without murmur, to the will of God ; the yielding of our blessings at his call. It is not indifference or insensibility, but acquiescence to what we know and feel to be an evil, simply because it is his holy pleasure. It is therefore a sentiment, at once, of the understanding and of the heart ; of the mind, as it comprehends, of the heart, as it loves, and desires to devote itself to God. It is a temper, essential to the character of children ; and to their comfort also under the most common trials of life. We may find place for its exercise, even while in the possession of much, that to the worldly eye, passes for prosperity. For amidst the fairest and the brightest scenes of life, many disappointments, many troubles may arise, to demand our submission. Under trials of this class, as well as all those afflictions which are inseparable from our condition here, the very terms on which we hold existence, many topics of consolation are readily suggested. We can remember the gracious design of such affliction ; the uncertainty of all earthly good ; the blessings that are yet remaining, and the mercy, therefore, that is mingled with the judgment. But there are cases of peculiar and aggravated grief. And when sorrow cometh in like a flood ; when Jehovah, in some awful Providence, is passing before us as in thick clouds of the sky, and his waves and billows are rolling over us ; when by a desolating stroke, he spoils us forever of the fondest object of earthly dependance, the soul of the submissive sufferer can find rest in God alone. It forsakes those inferior objects, on which, under a less calamity, it might have reposed. It overlooks even those subordinate truths which might have been sufficient for a less poignant grief ; and humbling itself before the majesty of heaven, it implores refuge from him alone. 6 My soul, wait thou only upon God — my expectation is from Him.'

Nor is this sentiment of complete submission, after the calamity is appointed, in the 3 smallest degree incompatible with a previous earnestness of entreaty, that it maybe averted. Before the divine pleasure concerning us, or our friends, is determined, we are permitted to express the desires of our souls. We are encouraged, nay, blessed be his name for this privilege of prayer — we are commanded to pray for what seemeth good to us, provided it is good also to him- While the child was yet alive, said David, I fasted and prayed ; for I said, who can tell, whether God will be gracious to me, that the child may live. And the Son of God, that pattern of all virtue, before he expressed the deep submission of his soul, had thrice earnestly prayed, 4 O my Father, if it be possible let this cup pass from me.' But when he knew assuredly, that the cup was appointed, silent acquiescence took the place of prayer. 6 The cup, which my Father hath given me — shall I not drink it V Thus also should it ever be with us. When fear of sorrow presses upon the heart ; when, in near or distant view, the tempest of adversity seems gathering around us ; especially, at that sad hour, when the king of terrors is approaching to separate those, who knew but one heart and one hope — then, amidst the tumult and perplexity of grief, we may pray to God. We may entreat with the importunity of prayer, that the cup may pass. But as soon as a sovereign God has signified his pleasure, and death has fulfilled the decree, and borne beyond the reach of supplication or tears, the object of our love — then comes the costly sacrifice of faith, the demanded homage of our submission. Then must we be still, and know that it is God. Then must we say with him, who hath taught us of the Father, 4 Not my will, but thine be done.'

It becomes us to make this the prevailing temper of our minds under all adversity, and even in our darkest hours, in the loss of what of earthly good was most precious to our souls, we must lift our filial eye to heaven, and, though it be amidst tears, that nature cannot, and religion requires not, to restrain, we must say, 4 The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.'

v F. P.

3&esfflttatfoti to tje 2Btbfne Will