The unique ... hints ... for evangelical ministers, churches, and Christians

Front matter

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J LIBRARY OF CONGRESS. J

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Chap. I. The Ministry of Rev. Hezekiah Blue

ville, 1

Chap. II. Rev. Paul H. Clarendon, . . 13 Chap. III. An Anti-Slavery Dialogue, . . 21 Chap. IV. Rev. Theophilus Merton, . . 30 Chap. V. A Burlesque Letter, . . .38 Chap. VI. Henry Greedy, .... 46 Chap. VII. A Colloquy in Deacon Stephen

Martin's Store, 55

Chap. VIII. Mr. Pompoloni, ... 66

Chap. IX. Rev. Yates Yerrington, . . 74 Chap. X. Colonel Richard Forrester, . . 82 Chap. XI. Temperance Interview, . . 97 Chap. XII. The Contrast — Ugly Deacon Brake ;

Good Deacon Drake, .... 104 Chap. XIH Rev. James Jenkinson Jenkins, . 110

IV CONTENTS.

Chap. XIV. Cheating by Churches, as Churches, .. , 117

Chap. XV. Rev. Christopher Fickle, . . 125

Chap. XVI. Extracts from the Diary of Rev.

Barzillai Barmley, 133

Chap. XVIL Letter from Rev. Tobias Sincere

to Rev. Asa Agar, upon Evangelism, . 145

Chap. XVIII. Horse-Shed Conversation, . 159

Chap. XIX. Obadiah Keedle, ... 166

Chap. XX. Certain Members of Certain Churches, 181

Chap. XXI. Conversation between Rev. Mark

Colewood and Rev. Ezekiel J. Melrose, 199

Chap. XXII. Rev. Thomas Thompson Tomp-

kinson, 217

Conclusion, 230

Preface

"Of making many books there is no end.' 7 Thus spake king Solomon, and if he had lived in this day, he probably would have seen no reason to alter this opinion. Has not this age somewhere been called a book-making age ? Every one, however, who makes a book, whether from his own brain, or from other men's productions, has some motive or motives for doing so. The writer of this volume was actuated by certain motives in preparing it, which were entirely satisfactory to his own mind ; but he does not apprehend that it will particularly subserve the cause of truth to make known to the public what these motives

A*

VI PREFACE.

were. Therefore the readers of the Unique may ascribe to the author such motives as their good sense may dictate. If they give him the credit of good motives, he will be glad ; if bad, he will be sorry ; but yet not sorry that he wrote the book.

If you say to a poet that a certain thing, in any of his productions, is improper, or inaccurate, or offends good taste, or find any kind of fault — he answers, "Oh, that is allowed by poetic license." Poetic license is a curious sort of a character. He throws the mantle of charity over many things that, otherwise, would suffer by exposure.

The author of this work thinks that he ought to be indulged with a sort of poetic license ; and that the fault-finders should all remember that the book is unique — a book of its own kind — unlike other books — and therefore great and charitable allowance should be made. He cannot see why he should not escape on the ground of an unique license, as well as the

PREFACE. Vll

poet on the ground of a poetic license. However, as some may be unwilling to grant him any such license, he would say, that should any fastidious readers object to the language used by any of the characters that figure in this book, they must remember that it is unreasonable to make the author responsible for the language of every church member. He does not keep a school to teach them, and he did not deem it his duty to correct them. They must talk in their own way. Should any say, No man ever reasoned as foolishly as some in this book are said to have done, the writer would not contradict such, but, gently begging their pardon, would take the liberty to remark that they are mistaken. He knows of facts that would perfectly satisfy any ingenuous minded man, that some church members reasoned, or, more properly, talked, even more foolishly than any of the talkers in this book.

Possibly, some may object to the representations herein contained, and say they do

Vlll PREFACE.

notfairly describe evangelical ministers, churches and Christians.* Two things the writer would request the objector to keep in kind remembrance. First, that he nowhere intimates that these representations are applicable to all cases. Second, that if the objector does not know of cases to which they are applicable, others may. The objector is not competent to decide this point, unless he is acquainted w T ith all the evangelical ministers, churches and Christians in the United States. It may be a very easy thing for him to say, the picture is overdrawn, but it would be a very difficult matter to prove it. It may be objected to the contents of the Unique, that they expose too many things in the religious world. Gentle objector, remember, worldly men know all these things, and complain that religious people try to cover them up. They certainly

*It is possible for a man to be a Christian, and maintain a course not strictly evangelical.

PREFACE.

IX will think none the worse of Christians, if they speak and write about the evils in the church, and by so doing, try to bring about a more evident consistency between the Christian profession and practice.

It may be said that in some of the narratives, matters are introduced that do not strictly belong there. That is true ; but in all such instances there was a special object in view, and it would make too long a story for the writer to explain, in each instance, what that object was. Having said thus much, he leaves his readers to find whatever fault they please.

Should any persons suppose they are represented by any of the characters herein drawn, the author can only say, they know much better than he does, how nearly these characters correspond with their own, and if they find coats that fit them, he would on no account whatever, take the responsibility of saying they must not wear them. Rather will it be his prayer, that in wearing them they may find

X PREFACE.

much comfort; that they may warm them, as well as cover them ; and prove useful and wellfitting garments. He does not say that he had any persons in view, but should any think so, he would by no means interfere with their freedom of opinion.

No doubt there will be a difference of opinion in reference to the Unique. While some may think it was called for, and came just in the nick of time, others may think it was uncalled for, and had better been burned than published. Probably some cautious, prudent brethren will wisely shrug the shoulders, and still more wisely shake the head, and say, I am rather afraid of its influence ; and others, perhaps, will say, I think it will prove useful. At any rate, I am willing it should be read, and then leave it to a higher power to take care of its influence.

" Some said, John, print it, others said, not so. Some said, it might do good, others said, no. n

PREFACE. XI

Many ministers, churches, and private Christians can take useful hints from this book, if they choose ; and if they do not choose to do so, the responsibility will lie at their own door. Should any individuals take a hint from it, that should exert a good practical influence upon their lives, the writer will be perfectly satisfied with that, and will cheerfully let them think of him and his book in any manner that will be most comfortable to themselves.

People often speak, when discussing the merits of any publication, as if this world were all in all. We should remember that there is another world, of much more importance to us than this. The writer has tried to keep this fact in view.

Had he written merely to please, he would have taken a different subject ; or, at least, he would have omitted much that this volume contains.

THE UNiaUE

CHAPTER L

THE MINISTRY OF REV, HEZEKIAH BLUEVILLE.

" A man he was to all the country dear."

On a mild and balmy day towards the close of the summer of 18 — , just as the sun was beginning to peep over the mountains, arid scatter by his genial rays the mists that had shrouded the valley of A • - , two young men with quickened pace were hurrying along the somewhat winding and romantic road of that valley, and rapidly lessening the distance between them and the pleasant village of B ,

nothing of which could as yet be discerned, but the spire of its neat and pretty church.

Something in their looks, as the bland 1 zephyrs of the mom threw back their flurried and flowing locks, denoted a sorrowful earnestness, which, with the celerity of their movements, plainly evinced that they had some object before them of more than ordinary interest. Not a word was spoken. In silence they hastened onward, and the stillness of the vale, save when broken now and then by the clear, sweet carol of some morning songster, seemed so pensively in accordance with the feelings of the brothers, for brothers they were, that both were reluctant to invade it by the sounds of the human voice. In this way they reached the village, and then they spoke not ; not even to those who were going forth to the labors of the day ; but quickly passing nearly the whole length of its beautiful green, on both sides of which stately trees were gently waving their rich and luxuriant foliage, they for a moment stopped. Then opening the gate of a small front yard tastily adorned with flowers of every hue, giving off their sweetest fragrance to the morning air, they noiselessly trod its little walk. With trembling hand the latch of the door was raised, and then half smothered notes of mourning fell upon their ears. The

REV. MR. BLUEVILLE S MINISTRY. 3

tones of a sister's voice were heard, but alas, how changed ! How different from those blithe and joyous tones with which she had invariably greeted them on previous visits to their home.

Vainly endeavoring to subdue her grief, how mournfully did she cry, "Oh James, Oh Henry, dear father has gone ; he is dead ! he is dead ! !"

We will not detain the reader at the house of mourning. We will not dwell upon the anguish of the brothers, the sister, the mother, » the whole family. Suffice it to say, he whom they now mourned was a man of God, a minister of the gospel, a father in Israel. As he had lived, so he died, trusting in Christ alone for salvation; and when "heart and flesh failed him," his Redeemer did not desert him, but by "his rod and his staff comforted him" as he passed "through the valley of the shadow of death."

Rev. Hezekiah Blueville was settled in

A , in 17 — — ; and if he had remained on

earth but one month more, he would have been the pastor of the church in that village forty-seven years. Being but twenty-four years of age when ordained as the spiritual guide of his people, he gave them the vigor of his youth, the strength of his ripened manhood, and the experience of his age. He ardently loved his flock, and desired no greater blessing than to "spend and be spent" in doing good among them. Cheerfully did he labor "in season and out of season," to benefit the precious, deathless souls committed to his charge ; and many and earnest were his prayers that these labors might not be in vain. His prayers icere heard ; these labors were not in vain ; God signally blessed them, and honored him as the instrument of leading his own people in the " right way" and of turning many sinners to righteousness, who doubtless will shine as gems in his brilliant crown forever.

If the pastor loved his people, among whom he thus was blessed, it may of a truth be said that the people sincerely loved their pastor. Although the greater portion of those who composed the church and congregation at the time of his ordination had entered the world beyond the tomb, there were a little remnant of his own age, and still a few more who were nearly as far advanced in life as himself, re*

REV. MR. BLUEV1LLE S MINISTRY. O

maining at the day of his death. These cherished feelings of the highest regard and truest affection for their devoted pastor ; and those that were younger, even down to the children, loved and reverenced this holy servant of the Lord.

As a preacher, he was plain, earnest and impressive, always delivering sermons that interested, and which, at the same time, clearly disclosed the fact that his object was not so much to gain the applause of the people, as it w T as to do them good, and thereby secure the approbation of his God.

Perhaps scarcely any minister would come nearer Cowper's familiar description of a good preacher.

" Simple, grave, sincere, In doctrine uncomipt, in language plain, And plain in manner ; decent, solemn, chaste, And natural in gesture ; much impressed Himself, as conscious of his awful charge, And anxious mainly that the flock he feeds May feel it too ; affectionate in look, And tender in address, as well becomes A messenger of grace to guilty men." 1*

Probably the only thing in his preaching that might be objectionable to some of our own time was, that a large portion of his sermons were of a doctrinal character ; not dry doctrinal discussions ; but doctrine so judiciously blended with precept and practical teaching, that it seldom failed to instruct and edify his hearers, whether such would be its effect upon some of the present clay, or not.

As he was very methodical in all his arrangements, and kept a diary, an account of his preaching, baptisms, marriages, funerals, expenditures, &c, we are able to give some details, which will show, to some extent at least, the labors and usefulness of this venerable Christian minister.

He preached in his own meeting-house 4073 times.

In school-houses in his own parish 2304 "

In private houses in his own parish 1211 "

In other towns, on all occasions 1097 "

8685 He baptized among his own people and in other places during his ministry, 1503 individuals. He married 1347 couples, $nd attended 1918 funerals. The church numbered 91 when he was settled, and 279 when he died,

REV. MR. BLUEVILLE S MINISTRY. 7

Any one considering further the prayer and conference and church meetings he must have attended, ministers' meetings, associational and other meetings abroad, ordinations, installations, dedications, &c, in which he must have participated, pastoral visitation, parochial calls, time occupied in study, and the cares and duties necessarily attendant upon a large family — any one, we say, considering all these things, will see that his long life must have been diligently occupied in the sphere in which Providence had placed him. It is proper here to remark, that there were eleven seasons of special out-pourings of the Spirit under his labors, — eleven glorious revivals, when great numbers were converted to God, and when, consequently, his cares and anxieties were greatly increased.

The salary that this useful minister of Jesus received, was at first $300 a year; and it was increased from time to time by the choice of his people, till it amounted to $500. It averaged during the 47 years, $425, which amounted to $19,975

Marriage fees, 2,428

$22,403

This $22,403, with money presented, and small sums obtained for occasional services in other places, which in all might have amounted to $1000 more, with discreet and commendable economy comfortably maintained his family, and enabled him to bring up his children in a manner alike honorable to his good sense and piety. In this connexion, however, we should add that his kind people presented him with clothing, fuel, vegetables, hay, and other useful articles, to the value of, as near as he could judge, $75 or $S0 a year. Being affectionately attached to him and his, they took delight in bringing their free-w T ill offerings to his house.

Such were his resources ; and with a generous heart, his hand was ever open to supply the wants of the needy and the suffering : he was also a liberal donor to the different benevolent societies of his day. He educated two of his sons, who as scholars ranked high in the university. One of them is now a minister of the gospel in a neighboring state, and the other is an eminent physician, with a large and successful practice, in one of our Atlantic cities. The two sons referred to at the commence-

REV. MR. BLUEVILLE S MINISTRY. 9

ment of this narrative, were pursuing their studies in an academy, preparatory for college, at the time of their father's decease.

As he never felt that he needed more salary than his people of their own accord cheerfully paid him, he never asked for more; and although he had repeated calls from other churches, where larger sums were offered, he promptly declined them all. Once receiving a call from a city church, which tendered him what in those days seemed an exorbitant salary, and in which many inducements were mentioned for him to leave the country, and take the oversight of the large church in the city, some of his members expressed strong fears that he would accept the invitation. However, they had not as yet learned what was his spirit and character ; and he settled the matter on the following Sabbath to their entire satisfaction. After mentioning the call, and the various reasons urged therein for his acceptance of the same, he said, " Brethren, 1 shall not leave you as long as you will keep me ; for here I wish to live, here I wish to die, and here I wish to be buried." Many were so much affected that they could not refrain from tears of joy ; being so suddenly and so agreeably relieved from their burden of anxiety, by this affectionate and decisive declaration. Though beloved before, this seemed to endear him still more to his people.

Neither greater emoluments, nor a field more inviting to a minister desiring popularity, could shake his resolution to remain with his first and only charge. In some of the places to which he was strongly solicited, his talents undoubtedly would have gained him more renown, but he was satisfied with the honor that he did receive, and neither sought nor cared for greater.

" Remote from towns he ran his godly race, ■ e'er ha place."

Nor e'er had changed nor wished to change his

One of our oldest colleges conferred upon him the degree of D. D., but he meekly declined it, deeming it unadvisable to make distinctions among ministering brethren, and saying, "that after all the palliating reasons urged in defence, it was nothing more nor less than being called Rabbi, which the Saviour commands his ministers never to be called."

REV. MR. BLUEVILLE 3 S MINISTRY. 11

But his race is run. He has fought the good fight, and has finished his work on the earth. Vigorous and active, though upwards of threescore and ten, "his eye not being dim, nor his natural force abated," he was suddenly cut down in the midst of his usefulness. After faithfully preaching the precious truths of the gospel on a Sabbath morning from the words, u For me to live is Christ, and to die is gain," and expatiating upon the Christian's blissful inheritance with unusual fervor and animation, little realizing how soon he should be a partaker of that inheritance, he was violently seized with an alarming disorder ; and as the sun of the succeeding day was serenely going down beneath the western horizon, he sweetly fell asleep in Jesus, and w T as borne to his home in heaven. The grass has now grown over his grave. The marble erected by his congregation (for they would erect it, and all were so desirous of doing something towards it that no one was allowed to pay but a trifle) points out his grave from the others. And be it remembered he went down to that "grave in a full age, like as a shock of corn cometh in in his season"— honored by all— and his memory deeply enshrined in the hearts of his people.

Oh who does not wish, when we contemplate such ministers and churches, that ministers and people now would love each other more — would live together and labor together till death dissolves the union — instead of the exciting, turbulent, ever-shifting scenes that in this day are so painfully frequent in Zion.

&£\\ PAUL H. CLARENDON. 13

Chapter II

REV. PAUL H. CLARENDON.

tiev. Mr. Clarendon was settled in a large manufacturing town of New England, in 1835$ over the Orthodox Corigregationalist church, which at that time numbered 237 members. He was pleased with his people, and they were apparently satisfied with their minister. The congregation, which had considerably dwindled at the time of Mr. Clarendon's settlement, in consequence, to some extent doubtless, of the church being destitute of a pastor for nearly a year, began to increase under his ministrations, and has continued on the increase up to the present time ; and now their commodious house of worship is filled with attentive hearers. He has also been blessed with two delightful revivals, and has had the satisfaction of adding more than 100 to the church.

The salary Mr. Clarendon at first received, 2

14 THE UNiaUE.

was $650 a year, which was considered by the majority of the church quite a liberal amount ; although they were a wealthy people, and several of them lived at the rate of $2000 a year. They knew, however, that their minister could not possibly live more than decently on this salary. By contriving, he could go along so as to obtain food and clothing for his family, and keep out of debt ; and that was all he could do. There were several theological books that he felt were needed upon the shelves of his library, but he could not purchase them, as his income would not allow it.

Some of his church members were so deeply impressed with the belief that the Lord would not keep him humble unless they kept him poor, that they were very anxious that his salary should be reduced. Accordingly one of them, Ira Jenifer, moved in a church meeting not very fully attended, in the year 1838, "that the salary of our pastor be reduced to $600." This man, whose family was not as large as his minister's, and who spent his $1300 a year, and yet thought he lived quite economically, said, "I am really afraid our

REV. PAUL H. CLARENDON.

minister is getting too rich. I think he might live on less money with comfort ; and if he cannot, it is because he is too extravagant." This " consistent jewel" of a brother considered it very proper that he should keep two fine, high spirited horses, and several kinds of riding vehicles which he used but little ; but he thought it was highly improper for Mr. Clarendon to keep one poor old horse and chaise, to visit his parishioners who lived in the outskirts of the town; "for," said he in this meeting, "I see no reason for this unnecessary expense, as our minister is a strong, healthy man, and is able to walk for all purposes of visiting." He also said, "I never thought it well to give ministers large salaries. The fact is, human nature is human nature ,* and they cannot bear it. The more money they have, the less faithful they are.f Now Mr. Dangley,

# As no one will probably dispute this sage remark, those who may desire a particular explication of Ira Jenifer's views, must go to him, as the writer does not feel competent to explain for him.

f If this rule is correct, and works both ways, then it follows that the less money a minister has, the in the city of , has §2000, and preaches

twice a week; our minister has $650, and preaches three times a week; and if he had but $400, I suppose he would preach four times a week; therefore I go for reducing the salary of our pastor."

Another brother of very limited views said, "I work hard all the week, and receive for my labor only about $200 a year ; and I don't see why our minister, who works only on Sunday, should be paid such a great salary."

Another one said, " It has been a source of vexation to me that we have to pay so much to ministers. When I look at our church, and see how many of us have to labor for our bread, and how many hours each day those of us work who are in the factories, I must say it makes me feel unpleasantly to be compelled to pay such a heavy salary." This man received $400 a year, as an overseer in the factory, and paid five dollars a year towards the salary ; while some of the females who worked

more faithful be will be ; consequently the only way to make a minister wholly consecrated to his work, is to deprive him entirely of money.

REV. PAUL H. CLARENDON.

in his room, and received about three dollars a week, paid $10, $15, and even $20 towards it. Another said, " I think the salary is small enough. Many ministers less worthy than our devoted pastor receive much more. I would with all my heart vote to raise the salary $50 more, and pay my part towards it; but brethren, I feel that I should act a mean and contemptible part, if I should vote to reduce it $50." This man was a day laborer, and paid $8 towards the salary. He studied his Bible much, and said "that taught him not to c muzzle the mouth of the ox when he treadeth out the corn.' "

Said another, "I believe our minister is a man of God, and labors for the good of souls ; and I have never thought that we paid him any too much for his labors. I cannot conscientiously vote for a reduction of the salary."

However, the motion was carried by a small majority, and a record made of it upon the books of the church.

The next day Mrs. Clarendon said to her husband, "I think it was too bad in the church passing that vote last night. If T were you, I would resign at once ; I would not stay with such a church ; that I wouldn't." Mr. Clarendon meekly replied, for he was a very pious and humble man, "My dear, I think we had better take no notice of it at all ; we can get along you know, for as good Oliver Heywood used to say,

'When cruise and barrel both are dry, We still will trust in God most high.' "

Mrs. Clarendon was really a good woman, and gave abundant evidence that she loved the Saviour ; but she had considerable of that which some call spirit, and others call spunk ; and she tartly answered, "get along! — no, I don't know that we can get along. I'm sure we have had to set our wits at work to economize in every possible way, to get along on what we have had ; and now it is cut short $50, I don't see how we shall get along at all. Besides, you know I told you the other day we must have a girl this summer, for sister and I cannot do all the work any longer. I am most dead now, and it won't lake long to finish me if I've got to work at this rate."

"I guess," answered her imperturbably

REV. PAUL H. CLARENDON. 19

mild husband, "the Lord will take care of us. I do not feel much concerned about it."

" Concerned /" retorted Mrs. C, with considerable feeling, "I never saw any one like you — concerned! why, you wouldn't be concerned at anything. I don't believe you would be concerned if the house was on fire." "Oh yes I should, rny dear," replied Mr. C, with undisturbed equanimity. "I should at any rate feel concerned to get you and the children out, and also my library ; for poor as it is, I cannot afford to lose it." "Well, at any rate," said Mrs. C, "if I were you I would not stay here. I wouldn't be treated so shamefully. I wish you had more spirit^ and would let the people know you were not going to be abused in this manner. Other ministers wouldn't bear it, and why must you ?"

Mr. Clarendon in this case did not follow the advice of his wife, although he often did in other cases. He kept along in his course just as he had done, working for his Master without saying a word about salary ; and the sequel will show that he lost nothing, but rather gained in temporal things, by this vote of the church. Several of the more able brethren in pecuniary matters felt so aggrieved, that they made up a purse for him among themselves, of $135, and presented it to him in about three weeks after the above mentioned vote was carried. It seemed also providential, that within a few weeks of this time, a gentleman came on from New York, to take unto himself his affianced wife, a daughter of one of the church members, to whom he had been betrothed some two years or more. This gentleman was a wealthy merchant ; and being quite flush of money just then, Mr. Clarendon received as his marriage fee a $50 bill.