Memoir of Mary Whitall

Chapter I. 1803-1821

THE most beautiful of all my memories of the past, and the one I should most wish to place before my children, is that of my beloved grandmother, Mary Whitall. Her waving auburn hair under her snowy cap, the soft, pink color in her cheeks, her loving, sympathetic glance, and bright, sweet smile, form a picture which is precious to my heart, and which must be dear to all who came within the sphere of her influence. Her presence was an inspiration to all that is true and gracious in womanhood, and I would that the example of her pure and lovely life might have its effect upon her great-grandchildren, as well as upon my own generation.

MEMOIR OF MARY WHITALL.

Our grandmother's birth-place was the farm of Park Plain, near Woodbury, N. J. This had been purchased by her great-great-grandfather, John Tatum, in 1689, and enclosed within its limits the remains of a large deer park, from which it received its name. The family at one time lost possession of it, but it was repurchased by her grandfather, who also bore the name of John. He was a man of marked honesty and uprightness, and a valued minister among Friends. His first wife, Sarah Ward, our grandmother's grandmother, was a woman of dignity of character and valuable religious experience. She died in 1778, at the age of forty-five, and her husband has left on record a quaintly-written tribute to her worth. He says, she had a ''love of the truth when she was young and in the bloom of life," and that it "abated not as she grew in years." * * * "She had a sensible feeling, as she sat in meetings, as to the state of them, and especially of the ministry ;" * * * "a lively sense from whence it flowed, and sometimes dropped hints and remarks that were instructive to some in that station."

Although this John Tatum began life a poor boy, by his industry and ability he accumulated what was, at that time, considered a large fortune which, at his death in 1821, was divided among his six children. To his eldest son, John, who was born in 1767, he gave the farm of Park Plain. This son inherited his father's high principle and integrity of character. It was said of him by a noted lawyer in his section of the country, that " no man south of the Assanpink river was better known or more highly respected than John Tatum." On 1 2th month, 16th, 1794, he was married to Hannah Rogers, daughter of William and Grace Rogers, influential Friends and elders of Evesham meeting, N. J. Hannah Rogers Tatum was a woman of religious experience and unselfish life, who early taught her children to love the Lord, and walk in His ways. She had two sisters, Grace Wills and Ann Scattergood, and it was said of them that " three such sisters as Grace Wills, Hannah Tatum and Ann Scattergood, would ne'er be seen again." She was the mother of nine children, four of whom died in infancy. Our grandmother,.

MEMOIR OF MARY WHITALL.

born 3d month, 28th, 1803, was the sixth child and only surviving daughter. Two older and two younger brothers grew up with " our Molly," as they fondly called her, in the old homestead.

Our grandmother always spoke of her birth-place with much affection, and her early letters reveal the enjoyment she found in the simple, rural life passed there. The farm contained three hundred and thirty-three acres. In one part of it, the ditch and fence of the old deer park, from which it was named, were still visible. Around the house, stiff lombardy poplars and large sycamore and weeping-willow trees cast a pleasant shade, while numerous bushes of sweet roses added to its attractions. Behind the house was a large garden with fruits and vegetables, and old-fashioned perennial flowers.

The house was of brick. The date of its erection, 1753, with the initials of the original owners, M. and M. W., was put in black bricks in one gable. In the large old-fashioned parlor, with rooms opening from it on all sides, the family gathered in the evenings, in front of the open fireplace, or sat around the candlestand with their books and work. The rooms up stairs were mostly small, each having its open fireplace. One of these had tiles across the top, and little closets in odd places, which were a never-failing source of wonder and interest in after years to the various children that came to enjoy the bounteous hospitality of Park Plain. Our grandmothers room faced the south, and from its windows she could see across the creek that bounded one side of Park Plain, to another piece of property beyond, owned by her father. This place was diversified by hill and dale, and covered with forest trees, and frequent mention is made in her letters of the beauty of this landscape, as she saw it varied by the warm growth of summer, the tints of autumn, or the winter snows.

The first reminiscence we have of our grandmother is from an aged friend, who told of a visit to Park Plain, and of the little Mary who came " bouncing in " with rosy cheeks and flying curls, a bright picture of health and spirits. This precious little daughter was carefully trained as a Friend's child. She was dressed in plain colors, and obliged to wear a bonnet made in conformity to the style of older Friends. The following story about her youthful rebellion against this bonnet was always heard by her grandchildren with mischievous delight and wonder, to think that their perfect " Grandma" ever did anything wrong. One day, when quite a little girl, she was crossing the bridge over Woodbury creek on her way to school, when her dislike to her bonnet grew so strong that she took it off and kicked it ^before her. The deed weighed heavily on her conscience, and, as she was returning home in the dusk of evening, she was startled, upon reaching the middle of the bridge, to see a dark shadow at a little distance up the creek. This, to her excited imagination, assumed the appearance of a figure coming toward her, with finger uplifted, in solemn warning. Filled with terror at what she felt a deserved rebuke, she ran home as fast as her trembling limbs could carry her, resolved, henceforth, to wear her bonnet in full submission. As she grew older, and could better

MEMOIR OF MARY WHITALL. J

understand the reasons for her plain dress, her childish objections to it passed away, and she quietly settled down to the simplicity in which she was educated, and never afterward departed from the style of dress peculiar to Friends. I remember, when a child, looking at her pretty complexion, and asking her if she never wore pink ribbons when she was young, and the smile in her eyes as she shook her head conveyed at the same time a sweet toleration and a gentle rebuke.

At an early age she was sent to Westtown boarding school. Here were formed several warm friendships with girls of her own age, which lasted throughout their lives. Among these were Catherine Wistar, afterward Catherine Evans, and Lydia Lippincott, afterward Lydia L. Scull, who were especially beloved. With these friends she kept up a correspondence until all were married and living in Philadelphia, when letters were exchanged for loving visits and helpful ministrations. In her early letters to them is 'often shown the liveliness and keen appreciation of fun which, in after years, lent an added charm to her intercourse with her grandchildren, and gave a spicy brightness to her correspondence. In one gay schoolgirl letter, written when she was about fourteen, she exclaims :

"Oh, Lid, I wish I was with you a few minutes to see some of your pranks, and to be the head-fellow at introducing some new scheme for mischief The people used to say we would feel sorry for cutting up so, after we got home ; but I have not felt the least sorry yet."

Lively and buoyant as were her spirits, it was not by such moods that her friends chiefly remembered her. Her loveliness of character was noticed by all. In speaking of their boarding-school life, one of her friends used frequently to mention, that when her schoolmates indulged in their favorite amusement of forming ideal characters from the different characteristics of their acquaintances, they always selected " Mary Tatum's disposition." Although gifted by nature with much that was sweet and attractive, it was not to natural grace alone that her loveliness could be attributed. She was trained in the "nurture and admonition of the Lord," and as she grew toward womanhood took with loving submission the place of a follower of her dear Redeemer. From her earliest years a strong sense of duty controlled all her actions, and throughout her life she was an exemplification of her favorite saying, " He who gathers the flowers of pleasure in the field of duty, may gather them all the day long." The right thing always seemed the pleasant thing to her.

Her tender, sympathetic heart, and her bright, helpful spirit, strong with hope and courage, made her an invaluable friend, and her letters show that these traits, so prominent in her later years, displayed themselves in her girlhood to those about her. She invariably sought the highest that was within her reach. The loneliness and homely pursuits of country life never dulled her intellectual tastes, nor narrowed her interests. Although she had the gift of winning hearts, she never descended in order to please, and her influence, as in later life, was carefully exerted to elevate all those with whom she had intercourse. The favorite text that her grandchildren so often heard from her lips must have early become the rule of her life ; for which of us can hear the words, "Whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report, if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things," without a vision of the sweet face of her later years, on which was written the record of a lifetime of pure and lovely thoughts. One of her marked characteristics was an unwillingness to speak against others, and this text was often quoted as a gentle rebuke when her children or grandchildren were tempted to transgress in this respect. Humility was also a striking feature of her character, and her earliest correspondence shows how weak and faulty she felt herself to be, and how ready she was to admire and appreciate others.

Her school life at Westtown was full of enjoyment to her ; but the affectionate letters frequently received from Park Plain show how much her parents missed their only daughter. These letters breathe an earnest desire for her spiritual welfare and intellectual improvement, and reveal the strong interest her parents felt in all her youthful friendships. They urged her to be kind and attentive to all her companions, especially toward the new pupils, but to be very careful in selecting her intimate friends. Her younger brother, Joseph, who was at Westtown at the same time with her, was frequently commended to her sisterly care. Often the letters closed with a fond message from " little Brother William" to "Sister Mary." Boxes of apples, cherries, and many other good things from the farm were frequently sent her, and also various pieces of sewing and fancy work, for she was expected to be industrious during her absence, and make presents for her aunts and brothers, as well as a shirt for her father. The following extract is from a letter from their mother, dated 2, 23, 1817 :

" I feel sometimes as if I wanted much to see you both and converse with you, but as that can't be, I endeavor to suppress it, desiring that you may be good children, kind and affectionate to one another, and to those who have the care of you, being always ready to render any acts of kindness that may be in your power. Strive rightly to improve the present opportunity in that way which will produce comfort and satisfaction at the moment, and be a lasting advantage in the future. This will also add much to our comfort, and make up for the privation we sustain in your absence.

"It is pleasant to understand, dear Mary, that Catherine Wistar is among thy most intimate friends, believing, with thee, that she has a sweet, innocent mind. Tell her we accept her kind remembrance of us, also that of the other girls thou mentioned, and offer my affectionate love to all of them.

"Thy little brother, William, came in just now, and said : ' Give my love to Brother Joseph and Sister Mary,' and gave me two kisses for you. I must conclude in affectionate love to thyself and dear Joseph, in which father joins me.

" Thy affectionate mother,

"Hannah Tatum."

When her parents, in their anxiety to have her with them again, were considering the advisability of removing her from school, the following note was received from Hannah Whitall, whose husband, Joseph Whitall, was, at that time, Superintendent of Westtown :

" With respect to your dear children, it is cause of comfort to my mind that I can give a good account of

MEMOIR OF MARY WHIT ALL. I 3

them. Dear Mary in particular, is, I trust, increasing in stability, and, her teachers think, very attentive to her studies and improving cleverly. On consulting with the one whose care she is most under, I find she thinks that a few months over her year would be likely to be of considerable advantage to her, so that if thou canst spare her a little longer, and it continues to be her desire to stay, I think we can encourage it."

Consent was obtained to her remaining a short time longer, and on 6th month, 23d, 1 81 7, her father wrote to her as follows :

" It is pleasant to us to find thou art so far willing to abide our judgment about leaving school, but why not stay one month without staying three ? Be very industrious and circumspect ; be careful respecting thy intimates ; choose well, and then be steadfast in thy friendship ; but in order that this may be the case, an acquaintance and previous knowledge will be necessary. Don't have many intimates, but endeavor to be wise in thy choice ; herein is much importance. Is it not time for thee to be among the best scholars in school — best and most forward in thy learning? I want thee very much to be a thoughtful, prudent, good child, and it would not hurt my feelings if it could be said e'er thou dost leave the school that thou wert the best scholar in it. Catherine Wistar must help thee. Assist each other in everything that is good, that is truly lovely. Tell thy affectionate father all about these things. Be mindful of thy brother."

On her return from Westtown, our grandmother entered with good will into the busy, domestic life of her home. Her parents entertained a great deal of company. An extract from one of her mother s letters, written to her while at Westtown, and containing a description of the quarterly meeting held at Woodbury, gives some idea of the hospitality which they constantly exercised :

" Thy father being very unwell on fourth day, we had but three to dine with us on that day, and eight to lodge. Thy father was better on fifth day, and went to meeting, which held very late. We had a pretty large company to dine with us. Ten lodged with us on fifth day night. We had some to lodge with us on sixth day night, but were not crowded at any time."

Friends from a distance, traveling from one meeting to another, often remained for a time at Park Plain. In this way they were privileged to entertain many of superior education and abilities, who had traveled much, and who were distinguished for their piety and usefulness. Such visitors as these were keenly appreciated, and could not fail to have a refining and cultivating effect on the eager young minds at Park Plain. There were many other visitors from Philadelphia and the adjacent towns, and much intercourse was had with the best social circle in Woodbury. Among their neighbors was the family of John S. Whitall, whose son, John M. Whitall, afterward married our grandmother. His two sisters, Hannah and Sarah, early became her friends. Their noble characters, sweet natures, and fine intellectual gifts, are still remembered by those who had the privilege of being educated in the successful school which they afterward established in Philadelphia.

In order to secure a time of leisure, our grandmother would rise early to perform her many duties, and find opportunity for intellectual improvement and quiet reflection. She would also frequently sit up long after the others had retired, reading, or writing to her friends. She and her brothers were delighted readers of whatever books they could obtain. The latter coming home at night, weary and hungry, would eat very lightly at supper, in order to keep their minds clear for reading and study. In her letters, written at this period to her young friends, our grandmother often gives interested criticisms of the books she has been reading, or quotes from some of her favorite poems. She speaks, in a letter to a young cousin, of one of her brothers reading to her the history of England, while she " plied the needle." Dr. Johnson's life and writings, the works of Addison, and other classics of that period were familiar to her. She was well acquainted with the favorite poetical writers of the time. Cowper's Task, Thompson's Seasons, the works of Young, Burns, Kirke, White, and many others, were read with great pleasure, and often quoted in later life. Her early letters show that her mind was eager for improvement, and full of enthusiasm for all that was good and beautiful. All through them can be traced the refinement and elevation of thought which marked her more mature years. I remember well frequently to have heard from

MEMOIR OF MARY WHITALL. \J

her lips the sentiment, that no one should write "one line which, dying, he could wish to blot." It is certainly true of all her letters, that in them there is nothing that she need ever have regretted ; and to read them is to have a lesson in purity of heart and true and conscientious living, as well as to be charmed with their spirit of warm affection, and natural sweetness and gaiety.

In 1 8 19, a shadow fell on the happy home at Park Plain. The mother's health began to fail, and in the latter part of the year she died. This was at first an almost overwhelming blow to our grandmother. She was not yet seventeen, and upon her devolved the responsibility of filling her mother's place in the busy household. She bravely endeavored to do this, and, while quietly enduring the burden of her grief, made every effort to cheer her father, and to exercise a loving influence over her brothers. Their common sorrow drew her father and herself more closely together. The former had, for many years, been frequently absent from home accompanying, at different times, Richard Jordan, Joseph Whitall, Samuel

Bettle, and other ministers in their religious visits to different meetings. The following letter, written to his wife, four or five years before her death, gives an account of one of these journeys before the days of railroads. He was accompanying Richard Jordan to New York to attend the Yearly Meeting :

"New York: 5th month, 29th, 1815.

" My Dear H. : — Believing it will be acceptable to hear how we have fared, since leaving home, can inform, that finding Richard Jordan ready to get into the wagon, we proceeded to Burlington, where we arrived about twelve. We set out again about three, but missing our way, were, I apprehend, at least one hour later in getting into B. Clarke's than we should have been. They were, however, not gone to bed, and received and entertained us in that way, that rendered our stay agreeable and refreshing. Fifth day we dined at Brunswick. Considerable of the road from Princeton to Brunswick was exceedingly unpleasant, on account of many deep miry places, not to be avoided. We arrived at Rahway seasonably — had good road thither. It having been their monthly meeting day, we found many Friends there, amongst whom were M. and H. Collins. We lodged at Joseph ShotweH's, where I lodged twenty-five or six years ago. They are rich, have no children — do not appear to have grown old as fast as myself. His wife is a first cousin of E. Miller, and, in many respects, a counterpart of her, — therefore thou wilt conclude justly, that we were kindly and heartily entertained. Sixth day, morning, we left Rahway, in company with M. and H. Collins for New York, finding a pleasant country and good road. We arrived at New York about twelve o'clock, and got our trunks, etc., on a wheelbarrow, and proceeded for Willet Hicks', who lives more than a mile from the feny. We met Stephen Grellet, who sent Richard Jordan to his house to rest, and kindly conducted us to Willet's. We were there received in that way that has enabled us all to feel like being at home, in as great a degree as could be expected in a land of strangers. I went to see T. Hawkshurst seventh day morning. He lives close to the meeting-house — his house was full of Friends, and he so much engaged in kind acts on their behalf, that I did very little more than speak with him, but I intend going there again. Seventh day, I dined with Willet's son-in-law, Doctor Cheesman — drank tea at Robert Bownes' with Richard Jordan. Yesterday went with A. Clapp to a brother of his in town. Willet does not give his Friends dinner, because he and his family do not go home themselves, but I feel pretty comfortable in that respect, being acquainted with a few who do not live very far from the meeting-house. But the town is (or a great part of it) so irregular, that I never expect to be so acquainted with it as to be able to find the way much about it.

" My health has rather improved, but the pain and soreness of my chest continue, attended with more cough than has been usual. This, and many, many other considerations are sufficient to humble me, and I hope I often feel humble, but I fear, very much fear, not enough so.

" Thou, my dear, as likewise the children, have not been long at a time out of my remembrance. May infinite goodness be near, bless and preserve you, and render you all comfortable, is the almost continual desire of thy

"J.T.Jr.

" I do not feel able to give any directions about the business — the boys will order it as they think best, with thy advice. ******

" I did not produce my minute — the kindness and good will of my friends in giving me one does me good, notwithstanding.

"I rise about my usual time — have much time in the morning by myself to read and contemplate or walk, but our breakfast time is now drawing near. Give my affectionate love to my dear father; also, father Clements, who manifested, a tender solicitude for me. Indeed, I feel quite an unusual portion of love for all my home friends, and I hope all others. " Adieu, dear H."

After his wife's death, the absence of our greatgrandfather from home, when on these missions, was especially felt. On one of these occasions, our grandmother thus writes to her friend, Lydia Lippincott, who was also motherless :

"We feel a great vacuum, when father is absent which nothing can fill. Having been deprived of one parent, 'tis natural we should cling more closely to the one we are still blessed with. I have great cause to love my father. He possesses qualities which are particularly useful to a motherless daughter. Under that head, thy Mary's name must now be enrolled. But, Lydia, is it not a comforting reflection, that we have mothers in heaven, who, perhaps, are our guardian angels, watching over us for good ? "

She strove cheerfully to bear her heavy sorrow, although other trials, which surrounded her at this time, made her doubly feel the great loss she had sustained. In her letters to her intimate friends, she sometimes poured out the grief that threatened to overwhelm her.

She thus writes to Catherine Wistar :

"Woodbury, 3d month, 15th, 1820.

" I have resumed my pen to inform thee howacceptable thy letter was, and to indulge my melancholy feelings — yes, melancholy indeed, and with cause.

" * * * Tis consoling to know there is a land prepared for us, where the storms and tempests of this world are not known, where all sorrow and affliction are excluded, where we may have communion with angels, and sit at the right hand of Jesus ; and as this is a situation so desirable, let us redouble our exertions to obtain it. Why not forsake all the transient and unsubstantial allurements of this world for a seat in that blessed kingdom, and to secure as our friend Him who reigns therein. I have been reperusing with a great deal of pleasure, and I hope some instruction, the life of Lady Guion. Hast thou read it, and dost thou not think she was an example of Christian resignation ? The patience and meekness with which she bore the manifold trials and persecutions, which were meted to her, are, indeed, instructive. It appeared to be her pleasure humbly to obey the Divine will, although it was to walk in an unbeaten path, and to lead a life which the world would call wretched. But to her it was glorious, as it ended in receiving for her crosses a crown, and for her self-denial and resignation, the beautiful robes of righteousness. * * *

" * * * Do, my dear C, write soon, and often, to thy sorrowing friend, and should thou attend the Yearly Meeting, I beg and entreat thee to stop, and tarry a night with me. I cannot tell thee with what joy I should clasp thee to my aching heart. That this pleasure may be granted me is sincerely the wish of

" Thy constant Mary."

To the same :

" I have again taken up my pen — a pen that is

destined to communicate the sorrowful — to assure

thee how much I was obliged by thy letter, as well as

to gratify my inclination by writing to one who, I

think, is not unmindful of my woes. It really seems

as if the floods of affliction would overwhelm me, and

I should sit down in despondency. I sometimes feel

as if I were in the midst of a sea, where the waves

were continually roaring, thinking that with the next

I should sink. But there is an invisible Arm that will

support when there is no other resting place to be found,

and to Him who sees and knows all things, who judges

and inflicts aright, we must submit. I feel it a duty to

be resigned, although the task be hard. I know that

' He portions with paternal care,

How e'er unjustly we complain — Gives each his necessary share Of joy and sorrow, grief and pain,'

and I hope I may profit by my many griefs, and try not to live to please this world or myself, but to please Him whose searching eye can read our hearts. I was much pleased with thy plan of reading. It has been my practice for about three months to read a chapter in my Bible every evening after retiring to my chamber. I began at the New Testament, and, after getting through that, shall begin at Genesis. I have been exceedingly interested in the character of the apostle Paul. How much there is in his epistles, as well as elsewhere in the book, that is full of instruction. In his conversion, his appearance before Felix and King Agrippa, his dangerous voyage to Italy, his shipwreck on the island, and as a faithful laborer in the Lord's vineyard, he manifests a bright example of Christian piety.

" A few days since, feeling oppressed with grief, and stripped of every comfort, I sought the Bible for relief, and the first words that arrested my attention on opening it were these : ' Be comforted, for I will be with you.' My despairing heart was strengthened — He will not leave his children if they seek His presence."

To her friend, Lydia Lippincott, she writes :

"Thou hast been the object of my frequent thoughts ; thy form has presented itself when I have been sinking under a weight of woe, and have felt almost friendless, and I have said in my heart : ' Wert thou here thou would soothe and comfort my sorrowing lot' "

To her cousin, William Scattergood, she writes :

" 1st month, 23d, 1820.

" Never have I needed secret, silent sympathy more than of late, and often have I felt like exclaiming, with Young : ' Ye that e'er lost an angel, pity me.' I hope I may cherish her memory, and not forget that ' He mourns the dead, who lives as they desire.' I have yet many blessings to be thankful for, and ought not to repine at the will of unerring Wisdom. His aid, if rightly sought for, will undoubtedly be found. He has promised to give rest to the weary laden, and comfort those that mourn."